Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 5: Aisling Bea

Episode Date: January 2, 2019

Not only does Aisling Bea order her dream meal, the comedian and actor treats the restaurant to Hollywood anecdotes and introduces us to rappers Yung Coconut, Big Gulp and Tiny Bites.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations)Watch Aisling’s stand-up on Netflix in ‘The Comedy Line-Up’ and follow her on Twitter @WeeMissBea.Ed Gamble is on tour in 2019. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour in 2019. See his website for full details. And see him in ‘Hypothetical’ on Dave, coming soon.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. And may I be the first to say, Happy New Year. Happy New Year, everybody. 2019. It's 2019. Well, we're obviously not recording this in 2019. So I wonder what the world will be like in 2019. Oh, in the future. And everyone's hovering around with no legs. Just cut off at the waist and hovering around. Or dripping blood everywhere. Nose of space blood. Dripping silver blood all over the floor. But they'll still need to wait in the future. No butt. No butt. That's the problem. Yeah. They've got no butts,

James. They've got no butts. They're hovering around. So we've got mounds, though, and the food goes in the mouth and straight out the bottom of the body, I guess. Anyway, welcome to the show. First thing you need to know is James was an hour and a half late because he slept through his alarm. We'll talk about that with our guest. Oh, yes. You look like you're about to protest that until you realize I just gave pure facts. It did happen, yes. It did happen. It did happen. Which is why this intro feels slightly rushed because we've got to go somewhere else. Yeah, we now got to go and film an episode of our other YouTube food show. And I'm going to eat some puddings and describe them to Ed. Yes, we're looking

forward to that. But of course, now this is the main priority, of course, is off menu, the off menu podcast. Today with our wonderful guest, Ashlyn B. What a wonderful guest. It was so great. So many great foods. I won't give any spoilers, but I had a lovely time. So did I. I think it was a particularly funny episode, actually. Yes. Oh, and very importantly, every single episode, we say that there's an ingredient that if the guest mentions we kick them out of the restaurant, and I can reveal that today the ingredient is cloves. Cloves. I hate cloves, James. Disgusting. They're disgusting. I don't like the flavor they impart, and sometimes they'll just be in the meal and you'll crunch down on one

by accident. Worst day in my life when I did that. Yeah. I did that when I was a little kid bit into a clove, and I was so miserable, ruined the whole meal, like a perfume bomb going off in your mouth. Yeah, it's horrible. Absolutely disgusting. So if Ashlyn went, I mean, I'm finding it difficult to foresee a situation where Ashlyn might bring up cloves, but if she does, she's out on her ass. She is out on her ass. Thank you very much. But we'll, we'll come back and have a little chat to you after the episode. But for now, this is Ashlyn B. Hello. Hello. Good morning, guys. Or should I say to James, good afternoon. Oh, it was

late to the restaurant today. Right, so. No, late is, you just didn't turn up and then turned up at a different time. Yeah. That's late is what I was, which is, I was a cheeky 20 minutes late. Yes. And I texted you and was wondering why you didn't text me back. I thought, God, he must be so angry with you. James is one hour late. One hour, 20 minutes late. So I just explained what happened. We were meeting Ashlyn at 10am, bright and early to record this, this episode. I shouldn't turn up 15 minutes late, which I think is acceptable. That's an acceptable 20 if I'm honest. Okay. But I think that's acceptable for a guest. Also, you know, you come from New York today, Saturday, but still it took

ages. Swimming is long. Yeah. No, I know you live far away, James. Yep. You live, you know, in a bit of London that's slightly more difficult to get from. Sure. But you slept through your alarm, didn't you? Yeah, slept right through the alarm. Yeah. Woke up just naturally. How lovely for you. And I thought to myself, Oh no, this feels a bit too natural the way I'm waking up. But I'll look at my alarm. I've done this before and I've woken up before my alarm. So maybe that's what's happening to you. Oh, you don't want to have that day's steel sleep from you. Yeah, be cheated out of an extra cheeky five. No, thank you. Look to my watch. Oh, I was going to be there 20 minutes ago, and I'm still in

bed. I had to ring up. I felt so bad the whole journey. Not been good. Not been fun. Not a good day so far for you. I'm on the back foot guys. Listeners, I am on the back foot. Do you still feel like you're waking up right now? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. You've become less of a friend and more of a showbiz friend that I smile at because of what happened today. Oh, no. Yeah, I'm like, no, it's fine, James. It's honestly, it's not like my time is worth anything. I just thank God that it was actually me here today who was willing to just sit here and do a little bit of work, go on with their own stuff. Hey, my taxes ordered a jacket. Don't worry about it. Well, you told me you were doing work, but I mean,

you ordered a jacket. Yeah, I mean, wear that on stage. Yeah. Oh, listen, if you look at my receipts for my taxes, everything I've worn on stage. Not technically allowed to do that. But anyway, that's a different discussion. Yeah, it's a different discussion. Imagine if it had been one of our other guests, one of our more sort of angry. Oh, I'm sorry. What are you trying to say, Ed? Richard Osmond would have flipped this table over. He would have been so angry that you were late, but luckily, Ashlyn was nice. Yeah, some people were angry. I feel like you're backpedaling there from what you really wanted to say. And we had a high status person on. That's honestly where I was going with it. You know

what, between the two of you, I'm having a terrible time. I can believe it. Anyway, welcome to the fucking restaurant. Thanks, million lads. Great to be here. So this is, this is a service is terrible. I can tell you that much already. The waiter is very late. Yeah, putting the weight into waiter. So we should probably explain what's going on here. You get to order your dream meal. Start a main side drink dessert. James, you're the waiter. Would you like to appear officially? Yeah, I'm a genie as well. Just so you know, I'm a genie waiter because this is a dream restaurant. We can have whatever you want. You can have any food that you've had in your

whole life from any specific place, any specific time. I can get it for you. Welcome to the restaurant. I'm a genie. And you're waiter for the evening. I want to rub you the right way, James. Here's a question I had because I've been thinking about this a lot. I've been very excited about doing this podcast. I've been salivating thinking about it. And it does the does the meal have to make sense as a whole? That is up to you. If you feel comfortable with making the weirdest meal of all time, that's fine. I remember the first time I went to New York City and I went to a deli and I couldn't, I'd never seen a deli before. And it's already such a New York story, isn't

it? You can really hear the honking of the angry horns from the men who I won't have sex with. Thank you. That's James honking his horn there in the background. And I went into a deli and I was like, you can put anything you want into the box for just the weight of it. There's no, and I remember putting like, and I was like, I'll take this for my dinner later. Like such a rookie error. And I put like sushi and mash and sweet and sour chicken because I have meat at the time, like all my favorite things. And I, you've never seen anything like that box when I got at home. That's summer's night from my handbag. And I was like, oh, there's a reason Japan, China and Ireland don't have a fusion restaurant.

They probably still talk about you in that deli. The Irish lady came in and had sushi and mash, potato mash. Are you crazy? My granddad was actually quite open-minded about food and he would eat anything as long as it came with mash. So we'd order Chinese and he'd get mash. Like mash was like the fork. The very basics of a dinner was mash. Yeah, you have that to stick to the plate. It's like the cement. So you'd have rice and mash. And every Chinese restaurant in Ireland as well. God love them. They all have to do chips, curry chips, which is an Indian sauce over an Irish product in a Chinese restaurant. God bless us, everyone. Modern day. So this, you're Pascatarian? Yes. Yes. So I eat fish.

You eat fish? I hate them. But I have an invention. Introduce me to Poki. Oh, Poki in, you introduce me to it? When we were in Hollywood together, Ed, don't worry about it. Wow. This is just so many great stories about America. Yeah. One time we went to see the... I think that's America, don't you? You love it. I do love America. Love being out there. In fact, we've all been out in America together. We've all been out in America. Chasing our little dreams. I brought James to the world of leggings. I've got a picture of that somewhere. Oh, yeah. It's a big shop that sells all different types of leggings. From all across the world. And my legs looked like the mannequin's legs. Oh, the mannequin's legs at the time because

they were so skinny and white. Yeah. It's the same colour as your basic mannequin. Yes. I went to the world of leggings and said, James, I can show you those. So yes, we introduced Poki I love. Poki is basically tuna, ahi tuna. And I say tuna because that's what they say in America. Tuna. Tuna. Tuna. Tuna. So it's ahi tuna with some rice, some like scallions, which you call them, green onions. And there you go. Some mash. And I'm only a bit of mash if you wouldn't mind. I'm not an animal. It's a side of mash, a little corner of mash. Just a little side passing bucket like they do vinaigrette. I'll have, can I have mash over mine? Mash on the side, please. Mash on the side. I remember my friend Steph about

two Christmases ago. She's American and she wasn't going back to America. So we're like, do you want to come back to Ireland for Christmas with us? And she's like, oh my God, I have to say you guys are so funny in the amount of potatoes you have in one meal. Don't be ridiculous Steph. I was like, we had like obviously gratin, but that's not really potato, gratin, tofu and rice. It's like cheese, not on potato. Then like roast potatoes for texture and mash for texture. And then a jacket potato aside. But that's not, I wouldn't call that excessive Steph, but it'd be like four in one meal. First of all, I'm going to get you some water. Would you like still or sparkling?

Still always please James. I like a water that runs deep. Oh yeah? Mm hmm. Also, I just don't like sparkling water. Maybe it's because I'm so humble. Yeah, I think I'm very down to earth. Tap, would you say, you'd say tap, wouldn't you? I'd say tap water. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I get all my staff to bring me tap water all the time. Oh, my chef loves bringing it to me. And it just keeps me grounded. Yeah. Now I do, you know, the one thing I got like when I, from panel shows, got a bit of cash. My favorite thing in the world that I bought. And I was like, God, actually, you've made it big. Now it was on my sink in my main, in my kitchen. The main kitchen? Oh, this is what I think it is. In my main kitchen. And which

kitchen have you been in? Probably the sort of country? Yeah, the kitchen behind the kitchen. Yeah, that was the Miller bands. Yes. And I got a Brita filter insert into my tap, which means in London, I can get on tap filtered water. So we don't have to put it in a jug. That is good, actually. I thought you were going to say that you have one of those boiling hot taps. That'll be my next if I down the road. A quokka, I believe. It was too much. It was like 600 quid to get one. Can we get a sponsorship from quokka taps, please? Quokka? We'd all like one in stores. This podcast has been brought to you by quokka taps. Quokka for hot tea fast. There you go. That was great. So good. That's

a perfect podcast. Hot tea fast is a really good, is that their slogan anyway? No, I just made it up. That's so good. Oh my God. That's proper good. Yeah. Well, it brings me to the boil. Do lots of different ones. That'd be great. The laugh was pretty creepy, but apart from that, creepy, yeah, that's my main laugh. And then you laugh like, no, you wish. That's not creepy. It's very open. Now, we should... Pop it on the top of your head, Ashley. Interesting. With the meal I'm about to choose, I don't really want to pop it on. I would love some sourdough. Oh, yes. And loads of real butter. I don't want olive oil. I want

real Kerrygold Irish butter. And I will slather it on and potentially ruin the dinner because I love bread so much. Tell me about Kerrygold Irish butter. I don't know what that is. Kerrygold Irish butter, brought to you by Aisling B. Kerrygold Irish butter is a delicious butter that we're brought up eating in Ireland. Do you know Kerrygold? No. It comes in the paper, the gold paper. Put yourself together. You'd know it if you saw it. Yeah, it's a golden paper, like a Willy Wonka bar, but for like, savory people. I think I'd remember that, Ed. I think I'd remember a Willy Wonka... It's all over the place. In Ireland, they eat it like a Willy Wonka chocolate bar as well. They unwrap it. Wow. If you want to

paradise, and if you get the right one, you get a trip to the Butter Factory. So, yeah, I love Kerrygold butter. I buy it wherever I go. And it's like way more expensive than even probably nicer butter in areas like in New York, or I even bought in Malaysia once when I was at Malaysia. And like, but just some part of me goes, I love my country when I buy it. It tastes nostalgic, does it? It tastes of your childhood? No, I mean, it tastes maybe. I think it's more buying. It makes me feel like a connection to, like I'm doing like... It's good butter. The best butter I've ever had is in France though, the little logs that have chunks of salt. On the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chunks of salt. I had that. I think I've spoken about this on

the podcast before, but I once had butter, caramelised butter that had basically pork scratchings in it. Jesus. Caramelised though, because I'm not a fan, and I'll say it here now, lads. Sweet and savoury. I don't like salted caramel. Just, I like things to be separate. Right, okay. And I don't like the idea of caramelised butter. I just, who are you? Are you a baby or an adult? Don't try and be both of them, you know? I want to be both. Big was one of my favourite films as a kid. That's so creepy. I talked about this on Friend of the podcast, Brett Goldstein's other podcast recently. Can't move for doing podcasts at the moment, guys. I think we should decide who's the friend of the podcast. I'm not sure about... Oh, okay. You just called him

Brett, then. Brett Goldstein. Oh, Brett Goldstein. I guess he is a friend of the podcast. So, a friend at Saradoe, Brett Goldstein, and we were talking about big and how. It doesn't stand up like it's creepy. Sure, it is very creepy. Oh, definitely. Even as a kid, when I liked the film, I did think, not addressing the thing at the end, because there's that point when he turns back into a little boy and he turns on a wazer and she doesn't break down crying and then drive a car for a cliff. She should immediately be sick, right? Yeah, she should be sick. She should be like, if the end of big should be, he wazered and then she goes, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I hope you all enjoyed listening to that on your

headphones at home. So, starter. Now, when I was thinking of a starter, I couldn't think of one isolated one that I'd ever had, but I know one thing I always try and order that always makes me feel no, no, no, no, no. And it's, it's, it's a, how do you call it, like battered calamari, like squid in breadcrumbs. Yes. And I get that whether it's at a Thai restaurant, or it's at an Italian place, or I just, there's something about the rubberiness of a squid with the breadcrumbiness of crunchy, crunchy, crunchy bread and just a big bowl of them with a dip. And there's no end and salt and there never seems to be an end to them. And again, it can be a bit like a dinner in itself, but also like, I don't eat meat for environmental reasons

more than anything, and also for cruelty. Like it's not like I don't believe people shouldn't eat animals, but I believe that the farming industry is so cruel. And in the same way, we have degrees of murder for humans, because you don't just go, all murders the same. You're like, how cruel were they when they murdered them? How cruel were they? I feel like we do, I feel like we should have the same thing with animals. Like how cruel are you that you kept them alive? Side note. That's good. I might, can I steal that opinion? Cause I'm really looking for a way to eat what I want whilst also seeming like a really good guy. Yeah. How cruel he did it. Like if it was like walking down the street, if the car was walking down the street at night,

your bash on his head, it didn't know and it was gone. Yeah. Eat away. Okay. If you sat it down in a chair, strapped it to something and like started, I don't know, doing some of your stand-up to it. I would find that cruel. Very cool. Yeah. So yes. So there's something about calamari that I feel is so brain dead. When I look at it, I'm like, I want to eat you. One time I was watching. I'm sure. Yeah. You know, Blue Planet. Yeah. I, in a sort of meta way, my favourite thing was watching Blue Planet in the bath, in the dark with some candles on, which I realise sounds a bit more erotic than the man with the three men. Whatever you're into is fine. I was fully clothed. Don't worry. That's weird. And there I was in my track seat in the bath. And I always remember hearing

about Jerry Seinfeld, like how wealthy he was. Right. And this is before I started stand-up, that he had Evian in his shower. That was just always a little fat in his shower in the Hamptons. He had Evian. That can't be true. I don't know. I don't know if it is, but considering where I am now and where he is, I'm like, yeah, I suppose I'm doing that much better than me. So yes. So where was I? Oh, I saw I'd be in the bath in my track suit watching Blue Planet and it would be on. I'd be watching all the little linguines and crabs. That's not the names of them. Linguines are the type of pasta. Yeah. I've not seen that episode of Blue Planet. Oh, I think they were filming one day when someone dropped their pasta into the tank.

They tried to style it out. I was like, here is the pale linguine. He doesn't have much brain cells. And as there was a bit on a squid, like a funny squid, and I know I should have been going, oh, wow, isn't the planet amazing? But instead I was like, I batter you each in with some aioli, dip your little or chop up your arms and just like battery it, crispy, make it crispy and just stick in some aioli. I find it was also saying that. Here we are. This next little fella is delicious with aioli. I'm going to batter you. Can I tell you another hashtag celeb fact? I was in a recording studio recording an audio book and I was told that next door was David Attenborough doing the next series

of, and I was allowed to go in and watch, quick fact, he does six hours in a row without a toilet break. What? He sits there and he sounds, I'm like, it is hard to do readings for that long. Your voice and everything. I'm constantly, even now, sipping this green juice from smartcoffeecrush.com. Hopefully that's what I'm trying to do. And he was doing page after page without a toilet break, which I found fascinating. It's like a camel. Has he seen so many camels in his life? He's become one. He's known how to put a nappy in his back. Yeah, which is what a camel is. Humps or nappy in their backs. I like to call them back nappies.

Yeah, that's what you picked up off him, right? Yeah, back nappies. A different kind of calamari. There's often, there's different types of, because you can get the salt and pepper squid. Salt and pepper's here. Yeah, there's different things on calamari, there's chilli, you can get chilli on it. Can't do chilli now. I've slowly built up my tolerance to be able to, like, say, eat something more than, I say, a korma and an Indian restaurant. But I come from a family, like, where my mother was like, oh, actually, what's in that soup? It's very spicy. And I was like, it's tomato and basil soup. I think it might be pepper. So we, we, I've like a low tolerance for spice. So chilli, I can't do chilli squid.

You can't do chilli squid. For example, yeah. That's off the table. When people bring like, I got hot sauce in my bag, swag. Like Beyonce said, I'd be like, I got some little yogurt in my bag. Just in case I get to, you know, just a cool down case. Yeah, so can't do chilli. So no chilli. So no chilli. Jeannie. Salt and pepper squid. Beyonce or Monty. You would like that kind of stuff. And you've been to, I like the calamari in chain restaurant, Basaba. Have you been there? Oh yes, yes, yes. Basaba Itai. I would say that calamari is so good that it's,

got some special little box on the menu. It says it's saying it's their signature. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a signature like Zed Frisoro. Yeah, yeah, calamari for Basaba. It's the scene of a crime. They just leave one ring. Yeah. Do you know actually, if there's any vegans out there, I mean, my two Hollywood friends here will know this, you know, cafe gratitude in LA. Have you ever been? I've never been because the whole idea of it makes my anus crawl up into my neck. Yes. And that's how you eat when you're there. So cafe gratitude is this notorious, not notorious,

famous vegan restaurant in Hollywood in Los Angeles. And most British people go there and go, come on mate, like Ed Gamblewood. And it's basically a vegan restaurant where every time the server comes over, she goes, hey, can I get you anything? Still water? I always say tap. Thank you. And she's like, also today, our gratitude question is, so you can think about it while you order. What brings you joy? And every day, the question is different. I can already see your two British faces. No, thank you. Not in the mood for it. It gets worse.

Not at all. The menu items are named, what are they called? Yeah, like gratitude bowl, hope, like burrito. But you have to order it by saying like, I feel gratitude or I feel happiness. Well, I would like, yeah, I would like the happiness. Yeah, yeah, please. I would like the happiness. The happiness of a burrito bowl. Yeah, but I have to say, the food is, if you're like looking for an alternative, the food is delicious because it has to be. And one, like say they've a cake made out of avocado and you're like, this is bullshit. Actually, it's really lovely, like a key lime pie made

out of avocado. And one of the things I had as an alternative to calamari was it's called young coconut. And every time I said it, you know that song because we young dumb, young, young dumb and broke. I'm not sure if you know that song. And I forgot it. Every time, every time I heard it, it's like young dumb broke high school kids. Anyways, that's a song. All my team followers will know it. We're listening in. And every time I had to say young coconut, I wanted to say young, young, young, young coconut. I bet they would have let you do that. Yeah. Oh, they would have absolutely. But like that brings you joy. Sing, sing from your heart.

Sing from your heart. Young coconut does sound like a rapper with a tattoo on his face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big up young coconut. Yeah. Why UNG coconut? Oh, young. Or if he was a bit of a, you know, a philosopher, he could be called J-U-N-G. Wow, we're all over the place. I don't know. I don't know who my audience is, to be honest. I would find it very difficult not to say something rude when they ask you what brings me joy, even though I'm not a could I have a wank please, Carol? I'm not particularly blue. You're not particularly blue. But in that situation where everyone's being so honest, I would find it very difficult not to want to ruin it.

Yeah, I've never thought of you as not blue, but you're definitely not blue, James. Yeah, not very blue. You don't, yeah, you don't, you might curse a bit, sure. Yeah, sure. Not an angel. The genie from Aladdin's blue, though. Oh, that's true. Very good. Oh, he's very blue, yeah. And that's a very clean joke. Yeah, they were hard on me. Yeah, exactly. Very family friendly. It is the worst thing in the world is when you think you're doing family friendly material for

like, there's this gig, which I'll talk about later, actually, in St Patrick's Day, which is one, like, family friendly. And I was like going through my cell, it's going up, up, up, and until you're on stage, I didn't realize nearly everything I have ends with like, Middick or fingering. And I didn't know until the end, so I had to sort of style out. But of course, as we all know, I got an enjoyable evening out of it. Well, you don't realize sometimes your stuff. I remember chatting to you before you went into a gig that your family were going to be at, and you had to do your fingering routine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were talking to me quite seriously about it. My mother, my aunt, her friend from work, Barbara, who's Polish. Yeah, lovely. Yeah. And she actually, she came out and goes, no, it was actually very, I got to what you meant about it. I understood. And I was like, oh, thanks, Barbara. She wasn't looking at me in the eye, though. So yeah, so, so in this place, they did young coconut, which is a calamari substitute,

and it was so delicious. Right. I thought I was eating because coconut skin inside when deep-fat fried is that kind of squashy white calamari stuff. And it was so tasty. And it made me think maybe we should leave those little fishies in the pond and just eat those sweet coconuts. And what, do you remember the question that I gave you to think about? Oh, I'll be honest. I've been a couple of times, guys.

I'm a white girl who's into crystals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't my first trip or my last. What if you remember any of your answers? Oh, I think I definitely would have answered with a joke. I never, like, totally buy into it. I respect the right to do it. And I enjoy the vibe, but I wouldn't maybe totally answer it. Because I'm like, well, I don't think we should stretch for happiness. I think hopefulness and just an acceptance of who we are is probably better.

But that answer doesn't go down so well. That would be great if you said that. No, I was expecting kites and rainbows. So we've got calamari. Yes, for starters, please. With a dip. I only, you said. I think so. Yeah, I think that's a good choice. I do think so. Yeah, yeah.

It's a really good dip, actually. Yeah, it's a good solid dip. I wouldn't have it on a date, you know, garlic. Sure, it's not date food. No, it's more pals. Yeah. You know, but you don't want to be like... It's a pal dip. So how is everything?

You know, because that's the thing about something garlicy, isn't it? You have to have a level of comfort with the people you're with. Big deal, I mean, I remember my parents having discussions about then having a friend's round for a meal when they were cooking a curry. I remember witnessing a huge chat about how much garlic was going in the curry beforehand, because like, they're going out afterwards as well, having a big night. Then we're like, I can't just feed everyone a garlicky curry and then I'll go out.

And you feel it if you go out the house like that. Memory of my childhood, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think that's as... And you'd maybe have a wedge of lemon on the side to squeeze over it. Oh, I will, Dad. I'm so sorry. I forgot that. Did you squeeze that over? Oh, I would, I would.

Mark of being an adult. Here's an interesting thing if you want another celebrity fact, because, you know, I'm absolutely being totes Hollywood. Yeah, yeah. Arriving 20 minutes late. Yeah, which you still get to apologize to me for. So I'm working on this Netflix show at the moment with Paul Rudd. And I don't think he'll mind me telling this because I think it's mad.

Paul doesn't like sauces. What? That is very odd. What a weird Hollywood... No ketchup, no mustard. No, yeah. We've gone for food and we're eating together lunches and stuff. He doesn't know vinaigrettes, no mustard, no ketchupette.

I'm talking about a man who'll order chips or fries, as we call them. So you just eat them dry? Dry. Chicken, dry. Everything, dry. No sauces. Big bowl of sand, please. Whatever came in us. Like, does he not order dishes that already come in sauce? He orders things.

Well, he'd order things and can I get no sauce over that? Or like, does it come with mustard or anything? Or he'd have a burger, no ketchup or mustard. Right. The nearest thing to a sauce would be melted cheese. What brings you, Joey Paul Rudd? Absolutely nothing, dryness. I was, I was like, Paul, it's the dinner of a psychopath

that you could put up with that much dryness. Yeah, yeah. I remember one time again when I meet a friend I had which is a popular choice of wedding, a hog roast. And I turned up, I turned up to the afters and they'd made hog roast sandwiches in flowery baps with no butter. Oh, gosh.

And I nearly choked to death. It was like, it was so dry it managed to suck the moisture from inside me and the air from my neck. I was like, did it have crackling in it as well? Yeah, yeah. All the driest things with no... Stuffing?

Because how much it even works? No, actually. A lot of the time. Yeah, bread on bread, action. Oh, God. Bread squared. Well, I hope they're divorced. When we have Paul Rudd on the podcast,

we'll be prepared for that. Yeah, exactly. Expect a dry podcast. When it looks on there, we'll deliberately bait him. We'll ask him if he wants sauce with everything. Yeah. You have to have a sauce. Does that extend to desserts?

Would he not have it on an ice cream set? Interesting question. He doesn't really eat sweets. Right, I mean, this guy. He's on the Ant-Man list. Who is this guy? Absolutely. Piece of work.

So yeah, he doesn't... Actually, though I did bring him a load because his parents are English and so I got him a load of like crunchies because they're the things he makes us eat. So dry. So, crunchies. Yeah.

Really dry honeycomb. Yeah. So yeah, so that's the thing you remember from his childhood. Beanos and crunchies. So eccentric. So eccentric man. He's married to Phoebe, to be fair.

So he's going to be... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the two of them must be like, yeah. Yeah. So, main, main course. The big daddy. The big daddy. Now, this isn't...

I don't know if I'd order this on death row because death row is a very different kettle of fish. Yeah. What are you looking for on death row? Your best possible meal or comfort at the time? Yeah. They come to you on death row, don't they? And they go,

what would you like to eat? Also, what brings you joy? Yeah. Yes, you're right. Before you go. What brings you joy? Is someone believing my innocence? Just someone believing me.

Okay, be right back with your KFC. So, yes, this... I basically had, like I was talking about earlier, this St. Patrick's Day gig on the 17th of March, about five years ago, maybe four years ago, and it's in the middle of Trafalgar Square, 4 p.m. Now, my birthday, I'm not sure if you guys remember this from other years gone by,

my birthday is the 16th of March, which is the day before St. Patrick's Day. And earlier, since I were probably five, I've had a birthday party, and they've got increasingly kind of like, birthday party, yeah, since then. And I go out and I get so excited to see my friends, but also so nervous that no one will turn up,

that I don't eat all day and mama has a drink. And people hand me, especially if there's any sort of house party quality to them, which there was five years ago, I think I had it in like a warehouse I rented out, that everyone brought their own booze. And my friend had gotten me a St. Patrick's Day cup and kept on pouring cava into it,

which I do believe I'm allergic to. I mean, I'm not. I just drink too much. It just straight away. So I was knocking back cava all night, and the next morning, myself and my sister had to go and clean up the warehouse before I went into the St. Patrick's Day cake.

So I'm still drunk, cleaned up this warehouse. And the night before, a friend of mine, who's an actor, his name is Arthur Darville, on his way, do you know Arthur? Was he in? Is he in Doctor Who? Yes, he is in Doctor Who, yes. I'm thinking Broadchurch.

He might have been in that too. Was he in Broadchurch as the vicar? He might have. Well, he was a year ahead of me at drama school, like before I started. And we've got a good friend, Hugh Skinner, who's also a lovely man. He's in things like Mama Me and stuff.

God, I'm name-dropping all over the place. Yeah, he was the vicar in Broadchurch. Great, but he just got him up on the laptop. He is the vicar in Broadchurch, yes. So the two of those thought it'd be funny en route to my birthday to buy a bag of frozen prawns and give them to me as a present. And to be fair, it was.

And they would go around popping these frozen prawns into people's drinks like ice cubes. Now, absolutely hilarious. I love a laugh as much as the next day. You ask anyone in town, does that seem like a laugh? They'll go, oh, actually, of course. But the next day when I was still a bit drunk and had to clean up an old warehouse in East London

with the old prawns, which are now into probably hour 13, on the heated ground, it was so disgusting that I started vomiting then. So your main is old frozen prawns? Old frozen prawns. I'm trying to see how this is going. So you're the best man you've ever had. So I basically vomited at the warehouse,

then went home and vomited at my own house because the drink was wearing off. That's the trailer for this episode, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Then I had to get on the bus to go into Trafalgar Square to do this gig in the afternoon. I had to get off the bus twice to vomit at the side of the house. Oh, my God.

And you know those, like, nothing left? Like, ha, ha, ha. Sweating like a pig in my Irish jersey because of St Patrick's Day. Everyone wearing green. I get into Trafalgar Square, which is just full of Italian people wearing Irish jerseys and also getting hammered.

And I get backstage and I'm like, ha, ha, ha. And I go on stage and go, what if I vomit on stage? And thankfully I didn't, but I died in my arse because I was doing what I thought was family-friendly material at four o'clock in the afternoon in a giant tent in the middle of Trafalgar Square with a load of drunk Irish people in there

and children, so many children up the front thinking it was hilarious. And I was like, and then, of course, when you get to this sexy bit, respectfully drive everyone home. Like, there was just no way of getting around any of my material. And I was so sick and pasty and pale.

But when I came off stage, it's like it was over. Yeah. It had finally been over. And I told, I was there with Ardlow Hanlon, Barry Murphy. You're right, Barry Murphy. Barry Murphy and Daryl Breen. And because we were all doing this Irish gig,

Team Ireland in London. And I was like, God, guys, it was my birthday last night. I really didn't think it, but I think I can finally eat again. And they were like, have you ever been to burger and lobster in Soho? Oh, yes. And I hadn't been able to eat. I hadn't eaten the whole day beforehand.

I'd vomited up every possible liquid and solid and mush in my tummy. There was nothing left. It was just a pure, virgin belly, ready to have food at this stage and cleansed of everything. And I was like, I've never eaten a lobster before. And they were like, you've never eaten a lobster before? I'm like, oh, Ireland.

No wonder the economy crashed. And so we all went to burger and lobster. And no offense to Dara, Ardlow and Barry. Three great Irish men, but I didn't fancy any of them. And they didn't fancy me. And to go to a restaurant when you're that empty of food and be given a bib and a little stick to get the buttery fish out of the lobster tail

and not to fancy anyone. So not to worry about the butter on your face and to sit there in a bib after vomiting for 13 hours straight. I honestly was so close to Nirvana. I like, Ardlow was teaching me how to like get in, get the little stick into its dead arms and pull out the, you know, and again, sorry to all the Blue Planet fans. But I was like yanking out the little bit of lobsters.

You get this little kind of stick. Took one home to have in the bath in the dark. Oh yeah, you took it in the bath. Dipped it in all the buttery, buttery bath. But it was really bad. I could lob a glowed of Kerrygold into my bath from a skin. I'm just base myself like a lobster.

But I remember genuinely thinking, and I knew, you know, when you know, you're not going to vomit anymore. It's the best feeling in the world. You're like, oh, my whole life is now ahead of me. Because I've been so physically sad and unpredictable for so many hours. And I just remember that has been one of the best.

And again, it came inside of chips. It was St. Patrick's Day. The birthday party had gone well. I cleaned up all the old prawns in the warehouse and just to have that lovely buttery lobster. But Lobster is kind of a place that fends some outside of London when they come to London. And I tell them about burger and lobster.

They get absolutely furious because it's exactly what they thought London was. Yeah. It's that for those people who don't know, you basically can order a burger or a lobster and it's 20 quid. I think it's gone up now. It's now gone up even more than 20 quid.

But it's originally 20 quid. Yeah, that was the selling point of it, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It's 20 quid. And so that's like, I mean, people here. Because everyone in London is going, oh, my God, that's such a good deal.

Yeah, 20 quid. And then you tell anyone else, they're like, come on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They started adding things to the menu, which I didn't think was necessarily a good idea because I thought the whole USP of it was that it was two or three things actually.

Oh, I hate when places do that. I love the lobster. There's a place beside my house in New York called Just Salad and then it has pictures of toasts and soups and desserts. And I'm like, then just think about it in advance. What part of your business plan when you came up with this title, did you not think like a don't?

It drives me nuts, which they also do. We've got a very odd shop next to us where we live, which is it used to be a corner shop with a post office hatch at the back. Great. Love it. Then the corner shop shut down, but the post office hatch was still in the back for a while.

So it was an empty room with a post office hatch at the back and you'd have to walk through like a deserted shop. Then it was taken over by some posh people. And it's now called Ehlers. And it's a florist, a coffee shop, and a wine selling place. But the post office hatch is still in the back. So you've got these really posh people running around going, hey, one flower, that's £25, please,

with the grumpiest Indian man sat in the back. Oh, no, they're not interacting with each other. Like he's just trying to get with the post office. Do you know, though, I have to say, I feel like I know the demographic of that shop. Yeah. You know, like someone who goes in for a coffee and they're picking up flowers that evening

because they're having people around. Yeah. And they're going to get a lovely bottle of wine. It's like, but flowers would be nice as well. It'd be so nice to be with some flowers. And then, do you know what? I do have to send off my tax forms. Yeah.

Yeah. Like I can see the people who go into that place. Yeah, that's the sort of area. I've got to shop, but just do everything. Yeah. Do you know, that's the one thing about America are their bloody pharmacies. They, it's like, they should have Willy Wonka outside going,

if you want to view paradise, look around. You can get anything. Oh, the CVS in America is just incredible. Frying pan, tuna tuna, nail file, cleanser, morning after pill without any questions. It's, it's just a joy. You try and get on you one of those things

in the UK with that interrogation. I can't take my morning after pill unless it's mashed up into some tuna. I went to one of them. I had a Froyo. A Froyo. Yeah. As a Froyo stands there, I also did like sorbets and stuff

and you can, and little samples. So you could just get a shot of, I'll, every time I went there, I'd get a shot of the apple sorbet. It's real, real sour and nice. And just walk around sucking on that. Do you think you could ever be friends with someone who didn't love a sample?

Do you like who? Although I've known people who have liked samples too much. I'm going to say it. Oh, I know those people. You always know they'd make terrible lovers because you're like, there's a point at which you're taking the piss by how much you're taking from me

and how, how much you're not buying. Put it that way. You're putting no money into this and I just keep giving you things for free. Do you act, do you? I always act though when I'm taking the sample. So I'll be like, and then I'll like, I'll like pick up the front of me like,

oh yeah, I'm just going, they don't care. They don't care. I'm just going to go round once more. I'm going to come back and get some of this. I think once where, so I was with my girlfriend at the time. I mean, went into a shop that she regularly went to and she would always get a sample. And summers probably.

You see, I am much bluer. I'm much bluer than you guys. Let's have a quick sample of this. It truly is the blue planet. Okay. That's as much as that could be. Oh, I feel like a blue planet callback got buried under stuff there.

Oh, really good. Oh, blue planet. Really good. Yeah, yeah. Pop that up, Benita. Oh, but also it got buried under a lovely joke from Ashling where she did an example of someone taking a sample of a vibrator.

Just doing some of the vibrator. That's enough. That'll do me. Yeah. Thank you. I'll go back around. I'll come back to you though. There's so much, so much good stuff going on at once.

Yeah. But yeah, she went in there and got a cookie sample, a little sample of a little cookie. She always had the sample of cookie which went in that shop. So we went in there together. I bought something to do with that. Then we went somewhere else and I was like,

oh, I should buy, I should have got a bottle of wine from that place where we'll go back there. So we went back and I'm buying the wine at the thing and I could hear her having an argument in the background. And I'm looking over and we come out and she's like, they wouldn't give me another sample in that place. So I was like, all right,

this is one sample per person. I was telling them, it's for you. I was like, it wasn't for me though. She's like, yeah, but I didn't know that. And so she's had a whole argument about how she was getting a cookie sample for me and then he's got to come and get it. But he's buying the wine, I'm getting it for him.

I know your friend who that is and I have to say we love tiny bites of things. It's the one thing that connects us as friends and our favorite thing to do, we've gone to a few weddings together. We just love tiny bites. It's not even the freeness of it, it's the tiny bites. Tiny bites sounds like that's another friend of yours.

And we just love tiny bites. Hi, yo, what's up, it's me, Young Coconut. I'm so happy to collaborate with Tiny Bites. Young Coconut featuring Tiny Bites. Because we're young, young, young, young Coconut. But our favorite thing to do... And he's really short with all these very tall models around him. But we love tiny bites.

Just crunching on their ankles. Maybe that would be like one tiny bite to check out. Crunching, crunching. But we do and we always, we've gone to a few weddings together and our favorite thing is we're always like, okay, spread out and we try to see where the waiters are coming out of. So we can like grab because we want to assemble everything.

So we always stand near a door and the two of us will sort of go, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I love they're always so nice when they did the poem, but we're sort of slowly moving towards the corner. Hi, sorry. Yeah, could I actually get one of those? And we love just little... Little bites.

Little bites. Because there's something about not having to nail yourself down to one choice. You don't have to just like go, even with this, I'm like, oh, I have to choose one thing. Yeah. Tiny bites. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you can have so many.

I'm just thinking about him, sorry. Just little tiny bites. I'm quite excited for your meal so far because if I was to like, I've always had a thing in my head of my dream banquet because I can't choose. I can't choose just one meal like this. I always think about a table full of all the food I like.

Tiny bites. Tiny bites, yeah, for example. And this is the closest, yours is the closest so far to things that I would have. So I would have the Thai calamari from the Saba at my banquet and it also had the lobster roll from burger and lobster at my banquet. There are two things that are already in my head before we started today. Can you imagine tiny bites of lobster roll?

Just little tiny bites of it. Well, actually. I can't get beyond tiny bites being a little rat. So that's why I go vacant every time you say tiny bites. So here's a bit of a dilemma. Your main from burger and lobster comes with fries as standard. And now we've got to pick another side. Yes.

Duh, duh, duh, double potato, double potato. It's tiny bites. Because this is what I was asking. Does the meal have to make sense? It's up to you. But it's up to you. No one's judging you on this. It sounds like the two of you are judging me on this.

Oh, you do double potato if you are. I will be choosing a big creamy bowl of mash. Even, and you're not having sushi? No, we're not sushi underneath. I have a joke and it's not really relevant. Totally relevant because that would be a Japanese-Irish mix. But I have a joke which is, and it's, I remember, I think I did it at a gig before and you came out and booed me afterwards.

You were in seeing. I booed you? Yeah, I think you did. It was at the Union Chapel and I thought I'd try it out. I feel like it might have been you and I said, I'm going to go on and try this joke, but it's terrible. I think I do, right? Yeah.

And then you came out afterwards and were like, boo, Ashling! Very funny at the time. But here's my big joke. And my ex-boyfriend was Irish-Chinese. His name was Pat Noodle. Yeah, that's why I booed it. That's what it got on the day as well, yeah. I just thought, I wasn't sure if it was a room itself or yeah, yeah.

I think a silence is worse than a boo. Yeah, I thought it was going to be like a routine about food. Because like we always booed Josh when he comes. Sorry, I was just slobbering. Slobbering with my smoothie. I should just have a big gulp of a green juice. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, there you go.

Just on the white bit of the jumper there. I'm up to now. That was not a tiny bite you took of that. It was a big gulp. Yeah, I was doing it. Big gulp is tiny bites. Yeah, yeah, he's in his crew. Big gulp is the big guy who stands behind you.

Big gulp is the DJ. Big gulp gets paid despite really only shouting his name over every track. But it's enough to keep him going like by a small semi-detached. Like he's happy with what he does. He doesn't like, so a tiny bite comes in and goes, yo, yo, I'm tiny bites. It's canapes, canapes. It's tiny bites, it's tiny bites.

Sorry, tiny bites also exclusively raps about small dishes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nibbles, nibbles. And then in the background, like, we've got a big gulp. Yeah, yeah. Big gulp in the background constantly. It's like DJ Khaled. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

So you've got a big... Or Jazzy Jeff. Big over creamy bowl of mash. Big over creamy bowl of mash. Is it from anywhere in the picture? Is it my own hand? Do you make good mash? I do make good mash, lads.

What's your secret? Secret is... Kerrygold, I'm guessing. Kerrygold, without a doubt. First of all. Big lob of butter. You want to get... And this is actually going into a lot of details.

So let me check this. I'm sorry for interrupting here. No. You have Kerrygold on the... You're having Kerrygold on the sourdough bread, on the lobster. Oh, yeah. And I had it in the mash, yeah.

Just checking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm all about that branding, about that branding. Yeah. And so, bring back my Kerrygold, because there's not much of it left, but there's enough for mash out of a bar. And you want to be specific about your spuds, guys.

And that's not me asking you to check yourselves for testicular cancer. I mean... But we'll also do. But also do, please. Check your spuds, boys. That brings me joy. Yeah, that brings me joy.

Check on my spuds. Okay, thanks. I'll just take your order. And so, I... Queens spuds are available in Ireland, but ironically, not available in England. And they are a very flowery, flowery spud. And just when you mash them up,

they've got a dryness to them. They're not waxing. A king Edward would do it. No, no, no. That's a flowery spud. No, no, no. Little bites, might say. Yeah.

Drying tiny bites, rather. Little bites is his brother, like mini-snoop, or whatever he's called. And... Yeah, that's right. Mini-snoop. Mini-snoop. What is his name?

Little dog. He's a somewhat, isn't he? Yeah. There is a, like... Little bow-wow. Little bow-wow. Yippee-yo, yippee-yay. You'll wear my dog's hat.

Yeah, that's who it is. So, flowery queen potatoes, not a waxy Edward. Please and... That's my nickname. And as you come on to stage, you go waxy Edward on, and then as you leave,

you go waxy Edward on. That sounds delicious. Yeah. And so, mash them up. Kerrygold milk. Yes. Secret. Salt.

Pepper's here. You just reminded me. I used to work in the kitchen. Yeah. And Ed doesn't know this about me, so he'd absolutely love this. Oh, God. I don't know his name.

The Mash King. Oh, I love it. I was so good at making the mash. And I would get called the Mash King in the kitchen. But I'd completely forgotten about it until we started, until you said milk. As soon as you said milk, I remembered. How are you supposed to put the milk in?

It's like in... It's like one of the born films where suddenly you're remembering. It's something I remember the whole time. But you're like, Oh, the Mash King. I was the Mash King. I was the Mash King.

Or in any episode of CSI, we're like, we just can't crack this case. It's like it's a joke. And then someone go, a joke. Joke. One minute, I'll be back in an hour. Just tell us where you're going. We've all the time down in the lift

where you have the time to tell us. So that's good. So you've got the Mash King right here. The Mash King's right here. The Mash King approved. Do you know what I only worry about that, James? I used to be in inverted commas really good at cleaning the house

and the fridge in my house. And mommy would say, Oh, Ashing, you're so good at cleaning the fridge. And now I know it always like, I was like, me, good. Okay, I'll keep doing it. I feel like that was maybe the shit job. And they were like, James, aren't you so good?

We're going to call you the Mash King. And you're like, oh, all right. I'd say it was not the people who were in charge were called to be the Mash King. It was the people who... So basically the people who worked on washing up and stuff. The Mash Subjects. Who would then eat leftover food?

Because that's what you do when you work and wash it up in the kitchen. Well, they were complaining. So I remember I'd come back from the shift and they go, Oh, someone else was working the last shift, James. It was not the same. The Mash was not as good because the Mash King didn't make it.

It was so, that's like, I put... I think I put cream instead. Interesting. So cream, butter, salt and pepper, really mashed it good. And I did take a lot of pride in it, actually. You know what you could also throw in there, James? Some parsley. I think they would sprinkle it on the top

when they sent it out in a dish, but maybe mixed into it. How precocious a young child I was, my grandmother made me some mashed potatoes. My grandmother was maybe some mashed potatoes. And she was a very healthy lady, always looking after her health. And I said, what have you put in these mashed potatoes?

And she said, oh, margarine. My mum remembers this thing. And I said, Gary Rhodes uses double cream. Could it be more on brand? What, a little dick? It's one of the things the only one from your house. Like, my friend's mother sent me home to my own house for my dinner ones

because she's like, I can't have Ashley anywhere because I only liked what I liked from my house. One of them was consomme soup. And it sounded so French. And that's just like, like old bones. It's like broth, isn't it? It's like stock, basically. But I was, I just knew that's what I liked.

And what I probably liked was salt. And I'd like ask for consomme. And then I didn't know what the word vanilla was. So I just knew I liked Hazelbrook Farm ice cream. And so when I go around my friends, I said, she'd like you want some soup. I was like, is it consomme? She'd like you want some ice cream.

Is it Hazelbrook Farm? What I didn't know was the word vanilla. But like, I just wanted nothing to be different to the way it was in my house. Oh, that's great. What drink would you like? I'd imagine a big cup of melted Kerrygold. Yeah, yeah.

Please. Do you know that there's this coffee they have? And it's like bulletproof coffee. Yes, I'm aware of this. So one of, for bodybuilders, Kerrygold has become the like go-to because it's a really pure- It's grass-fed, right?

Yeah, grass-fed beef and all that kind of stuff. So like bodybuilders are putting Kerrygold into their coffee at the moment. And yeah, they've melted in there for like extra good fats. Amazing. And then it like, what the point is that the coffee slowly releases energy

rather than makes you go whining. Right, okay. Which there is some science to. But with the drink, it's interesting because I love a cup of green tea. I drink tea, I'd say I have eight or nine cups a day. Wow. Yeah, all of them.

And what annoys everyone in my life is that I drink half the cup. Make a whole one. Drink half because they're distracted. So you have four cups of tea a day. Maybe, maybe. Sometimes maybe two. I sip and I'm like, eh, lovely.

So I do love a cup of tea and if I was in death row, I'd love a cup of tea. But I'm actually going to have to google this on my phone. I went to a cocktail bar in New York City recently and had the nicest cocktail. It was so bloody delicious and alcoholic. It felt adult-y, but I like it free. Cocktails do make you feel grown.

Some cocktails make you feel grown. Yeah, they have to taste like that. I think I got into cocktails through the really sweet ones, whisky sours and stuff, that you can't even taste the alcohol in it. But now I have to have ones that where you could taste it. I'm a vodka martini man through and through.

Really? Love it. Yeah? Do you actually love it? To kick off a meal. I absolutely love a vodka martini. Oh, it's like rockets. I can't remember what it's called.

So I'm sorry to the actual establishment. But it's in Highgate or somewhere or Tough North Park or Archway. And it was a vegetarian place and they did this martini. It was a Vespa martini. Yeah. But they used like it was kept in...

They grew their own rosemary in the garden and then they would put that in and they would leave it there for ages. It's like maybe weeks, maybe months before they gave it to you. And it is... That's the best martini I've ever had. Actually, one of the best I even wanted so badly now.

I remember you telling me about that place. It's Tough North Park. Yeah, Tough North Park. Do you definitely... Because what happens at me is as like clear eating or when you're trying to be healthy, they recommend you have like Vodka soda lime as a drink. So that's a go-to drink.

But I'm not sure if I enjoy it or I just like train myself to go, it's not that bad. Do you definitely like that one as a... No, I really do actually like it. You do actually like it. Because you probably have to be careful what drinks you have with your old diabetes.

Your old diabetes. Yeah, alcohol is a bit annoying because it... Yeah, I don't want to have it in a few weeks. It spikes but then also drops it quite soon after. So... I'm trying to find the name of this place. Are you looking for a photo of the cocktail? Basically, do you know what it is?

It's more the name of the place is a phrase and I keep on forgetting it because it's kind of like Pass the Parcel or Passing Ships in New York City. And it's a bit... It had a speakeasy vibe to it and it was really nice. Anyways, wherever this place is, had this cocktail called something like Love Me Good

and it was Vermouth and Cherry Le Cure, a cherry in it. But it still managed to not be too cherry-ish and maybe a whisky as well. And it was rye in it. And oh my God, it tasted dessert-y and whisky-ish and I love, love whisky. And it just kind of covered my tongue in yumminess and I just felt so adult drinking it.

And it's speakeasy in New York. I felt like an adult. You're a mad man. Mad man, yeah, yeah, exactly. Brown drink. It felt like a sort of... Yeah, like a brown drink. Brown drink in New York.

Oh God. That sounds... I just feel because I've been in New York having a brown drink. Feels great, actually. I'm getting quite excited about it. Sorry to be a bit blue and I know you guys aren't, but having a brown drink really feels like

terrible euphemism for something. So Patrick's day again. Having a brown drink. So, we don't want to overrun in this restaurant. You've only got the table for a certain amount of time. Sure. What a really nice way of saying, Ashlyn, hurry up.

No, no, no. A lot of this has been us. It's me getting distracted with Little Bites. I've had a lot of fun. Little Bites. Big up. It's putting tapas. Who's tapas?

No, no, that's one of the things that he would say. Oh, right. That Little Bites would say. And then he'd like tap an ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like to tapas. Can I pay?

Can I pay? For tapas. Oh, great. Yeah, all right. I like to tapas. Can I pay? I like to tapas. Can I pay?

Put nibbles into it. Or volevo. Looking at your nibbles. I like to tapas. Can I pay? So, you add the buffet. Oh, man. Right, guys.

See, like, I'm a timing and I'm becoming a rapper. Because I just rhymed. Can I pay with buffet? Okay, it's dessert time. It is dessert time. I'm picking a dessert that was more... When I was growing up, we had these lovely neighbors who lived next door

and one day they sold their house and were replaced by two English people. But we kept our minds open. Maybe they wouldn't be that bad. And so, Shirley and Tim moved in next door. Two English names. Never met a Tim before. But they didn't actually know any English people.

We genuinely, we just didn't know any English people. My mother knew a jockey called Bob Champion. Who was English and had come to our house before. But genuinely, we didn't sort of know what they'd be up to. I don't know, were they trying to steal things from us? We didn't know what their vibe would be. Was he good Bob Champion? Was he a champion?

No. No, he was. He actually was a champion jockey. There was a film made about him. So, he was the first celebrity we met because he survived cancer and then went back on to win a big race. I can't remember what it was.

Wow. Ah, Seabiscuit. Was it Seabiscuit the film? No, but that was my dessert. Yeah. Butter lobster on a biscuit. So, yeah, Bob Champion, I think my brain's... Tim and Shirley.

Tim and Shirley. Tim and Shirley invited us up for dinner at their house and we were like, oh, we're going for dinner. And I was like 11 or something like that on normal dinner. Didn't try and poison us or anything. We were delighted. And then they got to dessert. And I'd never had pecans or hazelnuts before,

which now is, guys, two of my favorite nuts. They're deregur for you. Oh, yeah. You know how I love those little bites. I would say just the original little bit. A roasted salted pecan is, I think my favorite snack in the world, carry on. Seabiscuit salted for me, pecan.

Pecan for me is a sweet thing. I don't, I don't... I told you the start, Ed. Yeah, like crossing the streams. Don't want to fall out. But she had made a cake, like a tart, rather, with a hazelnut mousse. But it's a hazelnut thrown into the mousse then, set it,

and put roasted pecans on top of it with some kind of glaze. And I just never had, like it was a dessert like off the telly. And I like, oh, no wonder you guys took over half the bloody world with look at you. And you'd be welcome to have our country back with... If this is what we are to expect, instead of a scone or apple tart, God, I feel so basic now.

And it was so, I remember just going, oh, a posher level of life, it presented to me. But you know what, it may have seemed nicer having a posher level of life up there, but then you guys went back down to the bottom of the ship and had a good old dance, didn't you? Ah, we did, we did. First to drown, though, once they, they didn't,

the upper glass didn't open the cages to let us into the lifeboats. True, but it had a nice belly full of tart. But all week down with a lovely little belly full of tart. And a head full of music. So yeah, that always strikes me, because when I thought of dessert, I'm not the biggest dessert person in the world.

I'm a savoury gal. Y'all know how much I love butter. Butter all day, butter all night. My favourite butter dish, if you're asking, and I think you are, because I know we've got lots of time left. Yeah, they're talking about the finest round of butter dishes. My friend, my friend has a dish with a fat Buddha as a lid,

and it's a Buddha dish. That's very clever. Got that, got as much as my bad noodle joke. Oh, what is it? I thought that was a serious thing. It's a Buddha. It's a Buddha. It's a butter dish with Buddha on the top.

With a Buddha. So it looks like he's really fat over the butter. And it's a Buddha dish. You do so many accents that I thought you were doing another New York accent with the butter. I thought, Ashley's doing another. I'm treating James to another little trip into the imagination. She's going to it so casually as well.

Like, my favourite butter dish, as if that was a pretty standard question. So I'm still catching up with that. Do you know what, guys? I didn't realise that would be happening during the podcast. A review of everything I did today. So, a hazelnut and a pecan. Yeah, just the nuttiness of it that I know. Hazelnuts are, oh, they're such a tasty...

May I ask how you conducted yourself that evening? When should you eat in the tart? Because surely you wanted some more tarts, and you had to be smart about when you asked for it. I didn't really at the time, I think I was getting away with being 11. Also, like, when I was 11, I kind of had this personality. So, like, I wasn't... I've never been a shy person.

And I think I've been like... And I also... I like being around elderly people a lot. I'm like, where did you get this tart, surely? Jesus, love me, can I have another bit of it? So, yeah, I was able to, like, horse it into my face. That's loads and loads of water. Yeah, like, elderly. I can cut it with the whole family, or just you.

I can't actually remember. I think I was so brought into this swirl of wow. I just remember me sitting at their kitchen table eating. I don't remember anything else afterwards. I think they might have put... I don't remember. Wheat's fast, actually, and I've no memories. Never saw Tim and Shirley again.

Yeah, but I have that tattoo with numbers on my back. I don't know what happened. Mr. Jeannie Waiter. Yes. Would you like to take us through the order? Absolutely. Let me just get your order, right? Got to take an ages to order, haven't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We get to be the whole meal at once. Yeah, we're very social. You would like some still water and some sourdough bread with some Kerrygold butter. Thank you. You'd like calamari to start, salt and pepper preferably, with some aioli dip and...

Squeeze a lemon. Squeeze a lemon on top of it. You would like lobster from burger and lobster as your main course, which comes with fries anyway. It must be served with people I don't fancy in a bib. There has to be three people, three preferably Irish men who do not fancy. So I couldn't bring any of the three of you guys.

Thank you. Nice to be involved in that great bonito. I have a mash creamy made by your own hands. Made by my own hands. Kerrygold in there as well. Also lobster from burger and lobster if it could have Kerrygold butter, that'd be great. I love me good drink.

Love me good cocktail. Yeah, if it's cola bash, whatever it is now. And also Shirley and Tim's hazelnut and pecan tart. Yeah, yeah. For dessert. Another satisfied customer. Yeah, absolutely. How much is that going to cost me?

Nothing. It's on the house. Jesus Christ. It's on the house. Part of me being a genie means that I'm able to rob a bank to pay for it for you. Ashley, thank you so much for coming to the restaurant. You have been a wonderful guest

and I apologise for the lateness of the waiter. Oh my gosh. Yes, I apologise as well. I was stuck in my lamp. Thank you so much. Thank you Ashley. Thank you so much guys. I've enjoyed myself and I will count this as a date

and I'll tell you which one I'll be picking out of the three of you with an email. We'll let everyone know on the next episode. It won't be me. I'll be late for a date, won't I? Yeah. Put it this way, James. Not a spoiling thing, but it won't be you.

Thank you very much. Bye. And we'd like to do big shout out to Little Bites, Big Gulp, all the fans. Let's have another one. No, I think that was it. Young coconut. Oh, young coconut.

And of course, my boy, young coconut. Bloody good episode that, mate. What a great meal. I loved it so much. Well done. I think that's probably the closest to what you might have. Yeah, well, it was close to the Thai calamari from Basaba, the lobster roll from Burger and Lobster.

Those would be very close contenders for my favourite meal. And I saw when Ashley was talking about that pecan tart, I saw your eyes light up. I did like the sound of it, yeah. But I haven't tried Shirley and Tim's pecan tart. But it appeals to you that it was made by people called Shirley and Tim, is what I could say about that. Very much so.

Yeah, I like the fact it was made by Shirley and Tim. They sound like good, honest folks. Yeah, they do. So that was Ashley and Bea, a wonderful comedian, actor, all of those things. You can actually see Ashley stand up on Netflix. The comedy line-up. On the comedy line-up, it's like a 15-minute set,

I believe, like a 15-minute special. Which, by the way, is not enough. Once you watch Ashley for 15 minutes, you'll be trawling for clips of her on YouTube, trying to get so much more Ashley and Bea in your life. Let me tell you. Yummy, yummy, yummy. That's what you'd be saying.

Give me some more Ashley. One, one, one, one. Oh, yeah. That 15-minute special, which I think is enough, actually, generally. I think any longer than that personally for stand-up. I mean, what is it? It's two hours, 45 minutes shorter

than your Netflix content, isn't it, James? Yeah, well, you know. You take a lot longer to get going. Ashley's got more room, perhaps. Yeah, I bought it to pay for it. By the way, Ashley is still in the room and really laughing in the back. I'm sorry.

Yummy, yummy, yummy. Really? Yummy, yummy, yummy. You seem to like it, yeah. So, I mean, it's great fun talking about someone as if they're not here when they're sat in the room. Yep. Don't mind me.

Don't just ignore me. Stand in front of me. He's in the future. So, that's where you can check out Ashley's content. Personally, I'd like to say please come and see me on tour. I'm touring my show that's called Blizzard. I start in late Jan, kicking off a Norwich Playhouse for a couple of nights, and then I go all over the country

for the few months after that. Oh, that'll be a fantastic show. So, if you go to Ed Gamble. And once you've watched it, you will want it more. And you'll go on YouTube. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Or at Gamble. Ed Gamble.co.uk forward slash gigs is where you can check out the tour. I'm also on tour. It's called Cold as Anya, Hate Myself, 1999. And also, me and my friend Joshua Dickum have filmed a series for Dave called Hypothetical. It's a panel show where we pose against

hypothetical scenarios. And so, that is coming out, I believe, early Feb. I wonder what sort of legends appear on episodes of that. You are on it. Yep, Ed's on it. Ashley was away. Right.

She was not in the country. So, check out all of those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get yourselves onto iTunes or wherever you listen to your podcast. Subscribe to this podcast. Review it. Tell your friends.

Just... Instagram. Let us know. Instagram it, actually. Thank you, Ashlyn. Get us to know what you're... Picture of you listening to it and eating... That you would be.

Yeah, eating your favourite food, a picture of you eating your favourite food with hashtag off menu podcast. And I'll tell you what, I guarantee you this. I'll never respond. Follow us on Twitter as well. Off menu official. That's why you need to be looking.

Yep. Follow us. We'll be sending updates about who we've got coming up. We've got some wonderful guests coming up. I'll say we. Including... The great Benito is going to be doing that. Who have we got coming up?

Shall I just name some people and then hope that they... Lou Sanders coming up. Phil Wang. Tom Hardy. Worth a punt. Yeah, that's worth a punt, actually. Paul Rudd's coming on to do his dry meal.

Yeah, no sources. Yeah, that's a different podcast. So, keep listening, subscribe, all that sort of shit. Thank you very much. Bye-bye. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu,

where Spurz and my mum and Astro about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience

to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes.

It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy!

Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.