Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 7: Lolly Adefope

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

This week, there’s a table ready for talented comedian and actor Lolly Adefope. Comfort food is the order of the day, we learn about Ed’s teenage wine hobby and – FINALLY – a debate happens on: who has the best fries?Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations)Lolly Adefope has roles in two US TV shows coming out this year: ‘Miracle Workers’ on TBS starting 12 February and ‘Shrill’ on Hulu streaming 15 March. Follow Lolly on Twitter @lollyadefope.Ed Gamble is on tour in 2019. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour in 2019. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. I really wish you'd stop doing that. Well, you've got to get ready for it. Yeah, but I'm ready for it. I'm saying welcome to the Off Menu podcast. That's me, Ed Gamble saying that. And then you, James A. Casting, insist on cutting in. I'm joining in with you. Okay, well, let's try cutting in, is it? If you're ever in a choir and everyone's singing with you to go, stop cutting in. It's not your line. Yeah, if it's someone else's

solo and they start doing it, did you think that was your solo? Then always surprise at how nice of a voice you have. Thank you. But that would be weird if you cut in on Oliver Twist. Is that how you think you are? If someone podcasts you from Oliver Twist. If so, if imagine if you went to see Oliver Twist and he was doing where is love and then suddenly the person playing Fagan just bursts on and starts singing along. Very unusual. That would be, yes. Yes. I think you need to remind yourself if you're not Oliver Twist before you do this podcast. And I'm not Fagan. Thank you very much. You're right. I'm more of a Bill Sykes like character. I'm more of an awful dodger. Now that's agreed. We can crack on with the

Off Menu podcast. Explain what it is, James. We asked guests to name their favorite ever starter, main, dessert, side, and drink. Drink. Some of us roll with the punches when that happens to them. Well, mentioning it now is not rolling with the punches. Thank you for joining in with it, Bill. I had a nice time. Today we've got Loliadafope. Yeah, wonderful Loliadafope. Very funny. And she knows her food as well. Oh, she knows her food all right. She would describe herself as a foodie. But also, I think, I'm not going to give anything away. It's a good episode. Is there an ingredient that she must not mention? Otherwise she gets kicked out of the podcast. Every week we have a secret ingredient. If they mention it, they're

out on their ear. This week's secret ingredient is lemongrass. I hate lemongrass. I don't mind necessarily the flavor in parts, but I think there's been ingredients we've had in the past that also have the same effect. If you crunch down on a bit of lemongrass that happens to be in the dish still, it ruins the dish. Today, ruin it. And also, I don't like the flavor of it. I've had lemongrass tea before when I thought I was getting a nice lemon tea. Yeah. And it is not the same taste. No. I do not like it. It's too much. I don't really see the point. I haven't ever had it in a way that's nice. I've always never said this has got lemongrass in it, and the lemongrass flavor has improved the

dish. If Lolly says it, it's unforgivable. She's out. With a heavy heart, she's out. Have you got a little burp on the way there, Jim? A little burp, just then. We've just been for lunch. Spoiler warning. Yeah, we've been for lunch. Hey, who would know? We eat food as well. We talk about food or we eat food? We love food. If you're listening to the podcast and you haven't subscribed, what the bloody heck are you playing at? Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you get your podcast from. Review rate. Five stars, please. Nice reviews. Yeah. Always give five stars. That's what I give

my own drivers. That's what I should expect from you. Tell your friends. Here we are. This is the off-menu podcast with Lolly Adafope. Okay. All right. Hello, Lolly. Hiya. How are you doing, mate? Good. Thank you. How are you?

All right. Thanks for coming on the podcast. Thanks for having me. May I take your coat? Who are you? The waiter. I just appeared out of nowhere, didn't I? Right. Because I'm a genie.

I think I'll keep my coat. Thank you. Well, that is the most passive-aggressive entrance to the restaurant we've had so far. I've never seen anyone keep their coat. I've not even sat down yet. I don't give my coat often. I don't keep my coat on, but in a restaurant that's a bit fancier where they're like, can we take your coat away? I always say, no. It's a power play. Yeah, it's an absolute power play. On my behalf or on that one.

On yours? You're showing them, I know you've got this fancy restaurant, but I've got my coat. I'll keep my coat because I've brought my own knife and fork in my pocket. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, it's not a power play on their part, is it? That's very paranoid if you thought it was. No, no, no. I think it is a power play on their part.

Oh, do you? Yeah. They're like, just to show we own you now. Because also, if I stop you running out and not paying you bill. Is that what they do it? Yeah, I reckon so. But if you're not planning on doing that anyway, then unless you are, I would love it. Yeah, but it's always nice to have the option. I think it's a little bit of a power play on them because then sometimes you have to

fumble for your phone and be like, I can't live without my phone. Yeah, I need to get my, sorry, I need to get my phone. Sorry, my phone, I need my card as well. My ID in case I get it. And my insulin, but I suppose that's not a universal observation, is it? Use tissue tumbles out of your pocket if you're trying to get your phone. It goes on the floor and they see your little snot bag. Yeah. Just little chewing gum wrappers, receipts.

Yeah. And you need those for your freelance. Yeah, you do actually. Look at them during the meal. Exactly. They make me work at how much you can spend. Self-assessment. So you've never done a runner, James?

No, I'd love to. Lolly? I've never done a runner. Once when I was younger, my mum pretended that we were going to do one. Right. And I cried because I was so scared. Really? Yeah.

You're very well-behaved child. I was just like, I can't do this. Even your mother knew how to play you. Yeah. That's very sweet that you cried because you couldn't countenance breaking the law and doing a runner. Yeah. And very funny that your mum pretended that you were going to do a runner.

Where was it? I'm not sure. I think it was a Chinese restaurant. I think our local Chinese restaurant. How old were you? Maybe eight. Great. Yeah.

I cried at eight because we couldn't get a daughter. Yeah. I think I was just, in my head I was like, I'm going to be the one who trips and falls. Yeah. That was what it was. And then your head, your mum was going to just leave you behind. Absolutely. She was like, she's falling.

Just keep going. Go, go, go. Every man for himself. Yeah. You hadn't won any drills or anything like that? No, exactly. I've been practised. I've never done a runner, but once, I think it must have been about 15 or 16, like big

group of us went to Pizza Express, like maybe 15 teenagers. Wow. And we all, we thought it would be really, really funny. We all left one by one until there was only one person left. And then that person paid. He had to pay. Wow. Who was that?

Daniel O'Prey. So sorry. But what if they don't have the money in their account? I wouldn't have that money in my account. I think it was pretty rich. Okay, fine. Once at Pizza Express, me, Nish, and Romesh went for Erson pizzas. Yeah.

And Romesh's pizza just didn't arrive. They gave us our pizzas for free and Romesh still didn't get a pizza. It was the best day ever. Yeah. Me and Nish were really happy. And we wanted to go and do a gig together. And me and Nish kept saying how great it was that we got our pizzas for free. Romesh, obviously the perfect person for that to happen to.

Really, really angry about it. Yeah. What were they thinking? Like, okay, we've got to make it up to them. Well, the only way to make that up is to get Romesh a pizza. Sure. Yeah. But by that point, it was took, because we had to go.

Right. So eventually it was like, we've got to go now. And they were like, well, okay, well, your pizzas are under us. Well, this is brilliant. You're not happy. Lolly, are you a food person? Do you like food? I love food.

Yes. And I think I would say that I have quite good taste in food. Big swing at the top. But then when I was thinking of my favorite meals, they were very basic. But that's understandable because you look for something that comforts you and reminds you of nice, safe times. Exactly. That's not necessarily fancy Dan food, is it?

Well, exactly. Yeah. I go to lots of nice restaurants, but that's more for the event of it, I think. For the event. Yeah. Getting dressed up. Just to be seen. Just to be seen, you know, yeah.

Sit in the front window. Exactly. And there's Lolly at another fancy restaurant. Yeah. Alone. Yeah. And she's so dressed up. All the way around the scene.

Colletrigger coat. All the belongings in her arms. Looking at her receipts in the front window of that fancy restaurant. Can I start you off with some water? What would you like? Would you like still or sparkling? I would like still, please. Justifying yourself.

I ran here. Yeah. Because I was running late. Yeah. And I'm parched. And I need a refresher, not a fancy drink, which is sparkling water. That was filled with fancy. Fancy down again?

We're back to fancy down. Yeah. Fancy downs. So sparkling isn't refreshing for you? It's not refreshing, no. It's delicious. And I've come to that quite recently, maybe in the last five years. When would you have some sparkling?

If I hadn't run there, I would start off with some sparkling. Depends if you run or not. Yeah. If I'm relaxed and I've sat down in a nice restaurant, I'll have some sparkling. But when I need to quench my thirst, it's always still. Yeah. I feel like I've got a scummy mouth. I'll have some sparkling water.

It feels like it. Like a dentist. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fizzes it right out. Yeah. I don't think fizz does that. If anything, I feel like that's the opposite when I have something fizzy.

No. It feels like it's abrasive against the teeth. It depends on whether you squig it around, I suppose. If it's all clogging in scummy mouth. Yeah. And it just like fizzes through. Yeah, it's the, yeah. Fizzes through the.

It's the fizz. Yeah. Yeah, it's the fizz. It's like a dishwasher advert where you see. Exactly. That's exactly how it feels. That's perfect. Like jet spraying your mouth.

Jet spraying your mouth. Yeah. Getting through a lasagna dish. Exactly. That's what it feels like. Ah. How often do you have a scummy mouth, James? Oh, probably every day.

Yeah. I had a scummy mouth this morning. Did you? Because I fell asleep with my mouth open. Yeah. Join the club. Yeah. Because I think I'm getting a cold, so I sort of fell asleep.

Yeah. Sleep like that. And then when you wake up, you've got various scummy mouth. I always do. I have my mouth open quite a lot. And actually, I don't know if your profile, your Twitter profile still says mouth breather. It says phony now. But it used to say mouth breather.

It used to say mouth breather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've realized that I breathe a lot through my mouth. And every time I realize I'm doing it, I think of Lolly had a phobe. Thank you. And her profile, because it's the first place I saw the term. And that's at least once a day, surely. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I think about Lolly quite a lot. Yeah. I'm a little mouth breather, just like Lolly said. Yeah. I didn't say little, but yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You are a little mouth breather, James.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we've, and I hope you don't mind me saying this. Hmm. I think we've both got quite nasal voices. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you're not the first to say that. I don't worry about that. Do I have a nasal voice? It's not. It's not nasal. It's not not nasal, is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What an awful listening experience this must be.

Yes. You should change the subject of this podcast. Yeah, to everybody listening to this. And I think I found out from a doctor that there's a tube that links to your ears and throat and nose and mouth or maybe not one tube, but there's a tube and mine is damaged or like you're born with it and it's a bit wrong. Oh. That's why I get like nose issues and.

Your tubes are all wrong. Yeah. Your tubes. Maybe you've got that as well. I might have some tubing issues. Yeah. I'm not going to rule it out, but that's okay. I had a lot of ear issues as a child.

Oh, really? That's connected. Yeah. Have you ever had your ears, the wax taken out by? Yep. No, I tried. I really want to do it. No, I tried to do the Chinese.

Chinese believe me. Bad ones like I did. Oh, yeah. It was a bad year for James. Oh, what happened to you? I checked myself the day before. Right. Okay.

And so I was still feeling bad. Yeah. Food poisoning. Went to the hospital because my ears were absolutely killing me. This is in America. Oh, wow. My ears were killing me so much. It really, really hurt.

Separately from the picture. Yeah, separate. Oh, wow. But like, I was like, why is this all happening to me at once? Went to the hospital. They looked at my ears. They said, there's a hella waxy, which I don't think is a medical term. No.

And then everyone in the LA hospital was like super attractive. It was like it was proper ER. Like it was actual, like the TV show. And I was the little scummy ear infection boy. I've always waxed in his ears. He would shat himself. Tell you what, next time, James, bit of fizzy water down there. That'll sort you out.

Yeah. And rather than say myself the embarrassment, because I just went in and this really beautiful woman, syringe in my ears while she was talking. A doctor or not? Yeah, I don't know. Just go up. No, it's a lay. She was an actor.

I didn't check her credentials. She just syringe in my ears and flush in the mouth while chatting to really attractive hunky male doctors about a party at Brad's in the weekend. Wow. Literally talking about that. And I didn't take my trousers off. Took my top off and let them put the gown on me. I didn't take my trousers off and all the water cascaded out on my ears, down my back

and just soaked my butt so it was wet. Oh, no. And then when I was leaving, I just looked, I had a really wet butt. And everyone could see, also, if you've shat yourself, the shame doesn't leave your eyes for about 48 hours. So I still looked in my eyes. I had shat myself. And then it looked like I had physically as well on my trousers.

Wet trousers, yeah. It was the worst. And I went home and watched Orange is the New Black. But many days, I didn't leave the flat. And then when I did leave the flat, some teenagers shouted Ron Weasley out at me. Wow. And you don't even look like Ron. You look like one of the prophets.

Thank you very much. Worse. That's worse. You look like a Weasley. Just not the main one. It's so much worse that I look like one of those. Oh, no, it's so much worse. Now, Lolly.

Yes. Pop it on to a bread. Oh, my God. You made bonita jump and he knew it was coming. Pop it on to a bread. And when you say pop it on to a bread. Yeah. You mean which would I like to start with?

Yes, which would you like on the table? Why are you waiting for your food? What if I'm not in an Indian restaurant? This is a magical restaurant. Oh. This is my restaurant. I'm a genie. I see.

I'm a waiter. And what kind of bread is it? It's whatever bread you want it to be. Wow. It's whatever popcorn you want it to be. So you've had from certain places that were the best? I'm going to pick bread. Yeah.

Because I think popcorn will trick my mouth into thinking that curry is coming. Yes. That is a good answer. Yeah, I'm going to add that answer. And that, let's just know, curry's not coming. Yeah, curry's not coming. Lolly's not ordering curry today. No, no, no.

So I'm going to go with bread and I'd like the butter to be slightly melted. Yeah, soft butter. Yeah, really soft butter. Maybe a bit of salt as well. Yeah, yeah. What can you do with that? Great. Any type of bread in particular?

Just nice bread. Oh, I tell the chef. Not sourdough. Oh, not sourdough. Not sourdough. No, that's controversial. Sourdough's two ubiquitous now, I think. Right, okay.

Yeah. And I don't think you want to start with sourdough. What do you think the next big bread's going to be? Good question. Very good question. Sourdough, isn't it? Because? Gingerbread.

Gingerbread. Gingerbread. And they're going to... Restaurants are going to start giving out gingerbread. Yeah, it's underrated. Gingerbread. It is. Gingerbread, man.

Perhaps the only place you can get it. Yeah. Have I said about the way they say gingerbread if you're watching Bake Off with your friends? No. The way they say it or the way to say it? The way to say it if you're watching it. If you're watching it and they're making gingerbread on Bake Off, it's just fun to go, Gingerbread while you're watching it.

This feels really fun. So you're watching it with your friends? Yeah, I was watching it with... It was in Edinburgh. Yeah. I mean, Stuart Laws, David Tread, Picnish was there. The most matter of fact, we were all going, Gingerbread!

Why were you doing that? Because I did it and I found it... So it feels really good when you do it. Yeah. It doesn't feel really good when you hear it. Right, yeah. I think we're experiencing that now. Yeah, yeah.

I might give it... Can I give it a go? Gingerbread! You feel good? How was it? I think I messed up the... No, it sounded pretty good to me. It was fun, actually.

It is fun to do it. I don't want to do it. Okay, fair enough. Because you're able to discover that you love it. Yeah. But everyone, when everyone did it, they loved it. So, we've got nice bread coming up with some salt on the butter. Soft butter.

Soft butter, yeah. So now, we can come to the starter. Yes. And I would like to order anything from a Chinese starter menu. Anything. Anything. Anything from a Chinese starter menu. Yeah, because one of my most indecisive moments is when I'm trying to pick a Chinese starter

because I want all of it. Interesting. So, what I'm sure what we could do is a selection platter of starters. Yeah, yeah. But then sometimes the selection platter doesn't have the stuff that you want. But what is the stuff that you want, then? Well, I want... Because then we can narrow it down.

I want spring rolls. Yeah. Prawn toast. Chicken satay skewers. Chicken satay skewers. I would not bother with them myself. Pardon? Yeah.

Just say it. Well, you just have the chicken satay meal. Or you just wouldn't have it at all. The chicken satay, I probably wouldn't have... No, I would... I do like chicken satay, but with noodles and stuff. Yeah, I would like... Right, as a meal.

I get that from Redbox Noodle. I don't like Redbox. Here we go. It was a real... Everyone was obsessed with it. Yeah. So, this... For listeners who aren't OFA with the specific takeaway culture of Edinburgh, Scotland,

there's a noodle place called Redbox Noodles, which people are very obsessed with because... Because it's cheap. It's cheap and it's quick. Yeah. And you can eat it quickly and then go and do a show. Yeah, and you decide your noodles first, and then you decide what meat you have in the sauce,

what... You build as you go. But I think that the fact that you can build as you go means that you're often going to get something not good. Okay. And I want a chef to say, this is what goes with this. Okay.

And then you cook it. I think it all goes with each other, I think that's... Well, I spoke to noodle connoisseur Phil Wang about Redbox, and he doesn't think it's great. Well, we can't really argue about that. So, you've got prawn toast, spring rolls. Spring rolls. Chicken satay skewers.

Yeah. If you go to my favourite restaurant, Park Shin-Wa. Where's that? That's in Mayfair. Posh Chinese. Posh, very posh. Park Shin-Wa. Grace Dent actually gave a very bad review.

Bitchy. Yeah. But it's my favourite restaurant. And they have a band. And they play like jazz. And it feels very cool. Chinese jazz? Just jazz.

Just jazz? Okay. Maybe a Chinese jazz. I like jazz. It's often sung in English. I'm not quite sure. And yeah, they have venison puffs. Oh.

Which are absolutely incredible. This sounds like the real starter. Yeah. Well, yeah. But then I also want all of the rest. Now, this is going to get far to sort of London posh Chinese specific. But I'll tell you where else there's a lovely venison puff.

Pakistan. Oh, no. Yautcha. Oh, love it. Yeah. Yautcha. Yautcha. Where's Yautcha?

Sort of, it's like calling every single Chinese restaurant in London. Yeah. Because my family always go to Chinese restaurants when it's birthday. Yeah. Yeah. There was a period of time when we were like, I think we've done them all. We couldn't find any more. We finished Chinese London.

Yeah. We had to start going to like Fulham and stuff. We were like, no, we don't do this anymore. It's where in London? It's too far. Where in London did you stop? Sutton. Sutton.

So then you branched out from there. Yeah. We used to go to Heanes Sutton, which is our local. We used to go there all the time. Is that the one where your mum threatened to do a run-up run? I think so, yeah. And then you cried. So you couldn't go there anymore because you'd embarrassed yourself?

And then my mum and the rest of my family got sick of Heanes. And I was like, I'm happy to stick with Heanes for the rest of my life. But they were like, no, we have to branch out. Then we started branching out. I mean, it went to Hackassan quite a lot. Yeah. And HKK, which is the sister restaurant of Hackassan. That's a real jump in terms of, I mean, I've not been to Heanes in Sutton.

Well, exactly. And I know what you're going to say. But it feels like a real sort of swank jump. It's not that much of a jump. It seems pretty potty. In my opinion. Yeah. I just think it's delicious.

Yeah. I think maybe there was something in between Heanes and Hackassan, probably. Yeah. Because you can't go straight from Heanes to Hackassan. Yeah. You can't go from Heanes to Hackassan. That's the tag line. Love the old song.

That's the tag line. Love the old song. Heanes to Hackassan. The little book you've released or the Chinese restaurant you've been to. Good idea for a book. Yeah. I mean, I didn't know that you were such a Chinese restaurant nut. Yeah.

Yeah. Just for some reason it's just become the birthday thing to do is to go to a nice fancy Chinese restaurant. It's a good birthday. Good birthday meal, I'd say. Yeah. Do you have a venison puff? Oh, you must.

Describe it. Venison encased in puff pastry. And how's the venison done? Is it just like a little chunk of venison? A little cube? I think it's like sort of like when it like it's been sort of cut into strips and then put it with a sauce. Yeah, it's saucy.

Isn't it? Yeah, it's saucy. Yeah. It's saucy. It's like. It's almost like a little steak bake. Exactly. A little steak bake with venison.

Yeah. Yeah. And the pastry, I'm not speaking for the one that Yautra here is a little sweet, a little bit sweet. Yeah. It's really good. The Yautra one is sweet. The Yautra one is a little bit sweet.

And the Pocchin one is sweet. Yeah. Pocchin was sweet as well. It's a gorgeous little. So that's on the starter, please. That's on the starter, yeah. But the prawn crackers, the prawn toast, sorry. The prawn crackers, of course.

The prawn crackers need to be on there. Yeah. The prawn toast and the rest of the stuff. I think she had prawn crackers as one of the options with this. Yeah. At the beginning with the red popcorn on the prawn crackers. Yeah, you should. Yeah.

That's a lot more to shout, isn't it? Shout that every time. For your main. Yes. Madam. I struggled to narrow it down. You can have anything off the main on an Indian restaurant. What were some contenders?

What were some ones that you threw away? So one of them was a quarter pounder with chips. Amazing. Because from the Donald's restaurant. Yeah. Which Karni West tweeted something that I'd said maybe two days before, which is the Donald's is the greatest restaurant in the world. Right.

Because it is. Wow. Yeah, but I think you and Karni fought that for different reasons. The owner of Haines just killed himself. I think you would think that maybe as a genuine you were eating it and thought these are the best food in the world. And you thought taste wise is the best. And Karni would have thought it's the best because he admires how they just crushed everybody.

Right, right, right. True, yeah. The corporate side of it. Yeah, yeah. Like this is genius. But I also think he likes to eat it as well. Do you reckon? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, but I'm looking what he respects the best. Yeah, he respects the artistry. He probably watched that film that Michael Keaton did. The founder. Yeah. And watched that and thought that is inspiring. Right, yeah. The branding.

But I do think it's the best. How often do you eat in McDonald's? It used to be a lot more often now, maybe once a month. Once a month. And do you eat in? Never. Never eat in. Never.

Because I used to live in a lot of flats where I didn't have a living room. So I became, like, my brain became obsessed with the idea of eating food in bed. Right. Getting home from a night out, going straight to my room and eating my food in bed. And so now that's what I do. Yeah. Well, not anymore because I've got to live in a room now, but for a while that's what I did.

McDonald's was the go-to bed food. I just don't really like eating it in fast food places. I think it's a little bit depressing. McDonald's is a very depressing restaurant to eat in a restaurant. If you go in the day, it's pretty quite fun. Been done up a bit now. Yeah. It feels a bit more like just the way the tables are all laid out.

Everything that's quite clean and nice and spacious. Yeah. It is nicer. Yeah. And because they've got the order your own screens as well. I don't like those. Yeah, that's stressful. Because everyone can see what I'm ordering.

It's a huge screen. Everyone can see how long you're taking to the side. Yeah. And they can all see your options. I don't like that. I don't like that. It's quite a private thing for you, is it, the McDonald's order? It's feel judged.

Yeah. I feel like everyone's looking over. And what are you picking? Well, if it's anything like your Nando's order, you deserve to be judged. Yeah. Everyone would absolutely hate me for what I order McDonald's. Let's hear it.

Fill it a fish? No. So here's the thing. Here's the qualifier. No. But I was brought up to think that McDonald's was the devil. Right. So my dad was like really hated McDonald's.

Okay. And so like I would see it as the most unhealthy thing in the world. And I shouldn't be going in there. Yeah. I'd be very naughty if I do. Right. I'd be very naughty if I don't like it. No, because he's ruined it for me.

Okay. Sure. So I'll go in. And so what I get is the, I get one of the wraps. Wow. But I get one of the, I get whatever the like lowest calorie wrap is. Wow. It tends to be a chicken one.

Grilled chicken. Yeah. Grilled chicken wrap with a diet coke and a bag of carrots. Mate, how dare you? Why go to McDonald's then? Just get out. Stop appropriating McDonald's culture. I only go in there when it's a certain time of night.

And I know where it's open. I can't do it. And there you go. Oh yeah. We all know what we like. We were a bit pissed. We want a bag of carrots. I'm not pissed when I'm doing this.

Yeah. This is when like coming home from a gig, sober, haven't eaten, really hungry. I'm at Brixton normally. Yeah. That's my way home. And I'll be like, McDonald's is open. I'm going to get a bag of carrots and not feel guilty about myself. Wow.

I know. It's bad. I know. I don't want to be on the screens. And then everyone can see on the screens what I'm more than that. I'm more than a bag of carrots. I don't want to have it. A little alarm goes off when someone orders a bag of carrots post 10 p.m.

Yeah. There's a Christian in, dweeep. Yeah. But you've rejected that. I rejected that. Yeah. And then another option was something that me and my boyfriend made once and we thought this is the best meal ever made, which is a jacket, sweet potato with fried plantain,

chorizo and halloumi. Wow. I mean, that does sound good. Yeah. I wouldn't think to put plantain in sweet potato. Exactly. Starch on starch. Starch on starch.

Yeah. But I sort of think of plantain as a fruit. Yes. But it's a starchy fruit, isn't it? Yeah. I think it has a similar taste profile to a sweet potato, isn't it? It's a sweeter, savoury thing. Yeah.

I think it depends on how you cook it as well. Yeah. Some people cook it so that it's still quite hard. Yeah. Okay. When you do. Yeah. But I make it really, wait till it's really ripe.

Mm-hmm. And then it soaks up the oil a lot more. So it's a lot more unhealthy, but it's like slightly wetter and juicier. That does sound really good. Yeah. Like banana, when you have like banana with pancakes, that kind of texture. Yeah. That is like the ultimate hipster brunch.

Yeah. Apart from your plantain in there. Exactly. But that is like, true it. So, halloumi, sweet potato. Yeah. The big players. Avocado, top it off nicely.

Yeah. He had avocado, I didn't have avocado. There you go. So he went full. Yeah. He went all in. Did he eat it off a chopping board? Yeah.

He did. Yeah. He ate off a pipe. A little side of pumice. Yeah. Dip it in. That does sound delicious. I'm going to try that.

Mm-hmm. I'm going to try that as well. That's not really good. That's gone. And what I've decided to pick is a meal that I used to have. When I graduated from university, they moved back in with my parents. But at that point, it was sort of going out more. Because I'd obviously had a taste for going out uni.

So I'd go out, come home, be really hungover. And the next day, I would eat a big bowl of Nigerian food that my mum had made. And I felt quite guilty about doing it because I was just sort of like this, like, lay about. I didn't do anything. I was just like, I'm hungry now. So I would have either Jollof rice with fried plantain, or pounded yam with a stew that my mum would make. What was the stew?

Yeah. Sort of a tomato-based stew with pieces of lamb and things. Or something else, which is called a goosey, which is like a soupy thing. Which I should know how to make. But with Nigerian parents, they don't write down recipes ever. It's just all in the head. Yeah. And so when I'm like, how do I make this?

I'm like, well, you know how to make it. You just... You make it. So you get the pound and you make it. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, well, how much of this do I put in? She's like, you'll know how much do I put in. You will know.

Yeah. Just cut to you. Me covered in rice. Yeah. So I don't think I've had Nigerian food before. Oh, I'll cook you Nigerian food. Thank you. You're welcome.

Take a strip. Because you know how to make it. Because I know how to make it. Yeah, you know how to make it. I'll try. Just make it from scratch. What sort of spice level are we talking? What sort of taste are we talking?

Well, in general, very spicy. Mm-hmm. But I don't really like things to be extremely spicy. Right. But whenever I'm eating things with people who are white people, I feel like I have to eat things that are a lot spicier than what I want to eat. See, that's interesting. So I think that's the other way around to like someone like Nish who...

Or you go to an Indian restaurant and they see white people and they're like, we're going to really take the spice out of this. Yeah. But because I like things that are, I think, really spicy. Mm-hmm. But you would think that you'd be like, okay, we'll have to take some spice out of this for these absolute soft mouth whites. And then Ed orders the brains and then they know they've got a proper guy on their hands.

Ed always orders the brains. I do order the brains. Ed orders brains all the time in an Indian restaurant and me and Nish just stare at him. Open mouth. Without looking at the menu. What? Because the brains is the... Yeah, just go.

Take the menu away. I'm going to be wanting the brains. Sir, we don't have brains. I shall take my coat and leave. You love the brains. I love the brains. I think that white... Not generalized, but white people in general want to prove themselves more.

I think that's it, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. And I'm sort of like, well, I can't now say that I don't want spice because then I look like I'm not a real Nigerian. So I have to eat spicy food. It's a matter of pride. Yeah, yeah.

And when I was younger, I would always find things too spicy. And so I'm trying to sort of get over that now. So like, what's your... What's the spiciest thing you would actually enjoy? Hard to say. Something that my mum would make, which I think would probably be... For the average person, it would be like a seven out of ten. You're going to put some chilies next to it on a menu?

Out of how many chilies? You know, on a menu, sometimes I put some chilies next to the... It's normally out of three chilies. Yeah, out of three chilies. It'd be two chilies. Two chilies, nice. Okay, yeah. Two chilies is fine.

I think I'd go two chilies. I'd probably never go three chilies. Well, I have done it in the past. It's ruined my life. But like, yeah. Two. Yeah. Yeah.

How big is this bowl, by the way? It's a very good question because I think it's actually a bowl that's not meant for eating out of. Perfect. I think... Because the bowls that are made for eating are too small. They're sort of cereal bowls. This is a big, shallow bowl.

Right, okay. Like a fruit bowl. Yeah. Like a fruit bowl. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because like, whenever I'm trying to think of what to eat, I try to think like, okay,

do I want a knife and fork in my hand and I want to be, you know, cutting up and eating? Or do I want my hands around something to be putting in my mouth? Or do I want, effectively, a spoon that I'm just shoveling? Yeah. And when I'm hungover, I want a spoon. You want to shuffle and mix things up? Yeah. And then I mash it all around.

Yeah. And then I want to just shovel it in. Yeah. Like a thing? Ladle. Yeah. A ladle. Ladle it in.

So your main course is a fruit bowl full of Nigerian food and a ladle. Thank you. Yeah. Does everyone else still think about see your ladle when people mention a ladle? No. What's that? See your ladle. It's just a phrase.

Oh, it's a phrase. I'm sorry. There's certain friends jokes that people have, definitely they'll have different ones, I think, that stick with them. I don't have any. You don't have any friends jokes? No, no, no. See your ladle is mine.

Yeah. Phoebe says about another character. It's another character who's funny. Yeah. She's like, oh, you know what he would say if he asked for a ladle. He would say, see your ladle. She's saying it's a good thing to do that. She was just saying about how great that guy was.

Oh, right. It's just a funny, really, I think the joke is more of a character based joke. Sure. It's kind of like, you know. Well, like friends, basically series three onwards. Yeah. There's character and the character of the guy is not, you know, who they all like because he's so funny.

And the fact that they all think that's a really funny joke was not a funny joke. Yes. It's a, I like that one writers do that when they figure out a way of making a joke that isn't funny, funny by just assigning it to the right character. Yeah. And you actually have to write that hard. You can just go. It's lazy.

That's a shit joke. Yeah. We're signposting it. James A. Castile will never forget it. I just think about going commandos sticks in my mind is a friends thing. Yeah. You know, when they talk about going commando, because at the time I'd never heard that phrase.

I didn't know what they meant. So for quite a while, I thought, you know, they do the lunging motion. Yeah. I thought that's what they meant by going commando was just sort of lunging forward. And I didn't understand why. Makes more sense. Yeah. And why is it called going commando?

Because you wear no pants and commanders don't wear pants. Do they not? I guess if you're out in the, I guess it comes from being like out in the field and like fighting and like running out of pants. You're in a bit of a rush to go to war. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Makes you think.

What do you remember from Friends, Lolly? I didn't really used to watch Friends much. Okay. I think the first episode I watched was the last ever episode of Friends. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Cause sports it.

Yeah. It wasn't really on my radar. All the friends are watching backwards. Yeah. I worked out everything that happened from that one episode. You know, I watched it from time to time, but I think it's been ruined now because we're all quite woke. Sure.

And I can't really enjoy it. I think when it was on, it wasn't really on my radar because I was kind of like, this doesn't feel like it's my kind of show. It's quite loud. I haven't watched it. You know, we went back on Netflix and everyone was saying, oh my God, you watch Friends now and all this. So it's didn't.

I'm not watching it again. Yeah. I enjoyed it when I was a kid and I'm just going to leave it at that. Yeah. I used to like, when I was a kid teenager, I used to get, every Friday I used to go and get, and you know, they had the videotapes with like four episodes on. Yeah. I used to go and rent one.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why that's funny. Really made me laugh at any. Yeah. Me and my friend Jack. Rent a new friend's video every week. Right.

Very sweet. Is this part of Nigerian food? Has it got a name? Would you always refer to it as something? Was it just waiting there for you? And was it always the same things in it? Or was it different stuff? Different things.

A pound of jam in stew would be one thing or a pound of jam with a goosey is one thing. Or Jollof rice would be a different thing. So you wouldn't have them together? No. Well, I actually probably would because I love to shuffle. Mix of love and something. Yeah. But that's not the norm to have rice and jam.

And was this stuff already made and left over? In general, yeah. Or was it made for you? Sometimes it was made for me and I felt bad. But my mum would be like, are you hungry? And then I'd say yes. I think it sort of reminds me of when I graduated and then moved back home again. It was just like going out and then mum would cook some dinner and eat her dinner at a normal

time. Yeah. And then back and there'd be like a cold thing waiting to walk in the microwave at like half past midnight or something. Yeah. When I was pissed. And sometimes I would say, okay, no, don't make it for me. I want pound of jam.

And then I would start to make it and I would be doing such a bad job that she would come in and be like, okay, I'll. Yeah. I really want Nigerian food. Yeah. It made me want pound of jam. Yeah. Oh, you'll love it.

You'll absolutely love it. pound of jam in Soho. And what side dish would you like? Fries. Fries. Fries. Always. Fries from McDonald's.

No, McDonald's Fries. Why not? They've always been. Oh. Here. They're like the fries. No. Really?

Well, I just think if you're going fast food fries. They're what? Yeah. They're the best fries. Burger King. No. They're for fries. But they give you such a small, tiny little packet.

Yeah, but they're better. Crispy. Or you can get bigger portions. I always feel like Burger King and KFC fries are not what they're about. KFC fries are rubbish. Burger King fries. It can't be. There's something on them.

You're going up. There's something on them that I love them. They're really crispy as well. Five Guys Fries are nice as well. I love Five Guys Fries. They are great. They are so crispy. Yeah.

They're amazing on them. They've been phrased them as at the counter. They give you an option. Oh yeah. I like to get that on it. Honest Burger Fries are great. The roast burgers are so good. Yeah.

They're fantastic. No, I'm not into them. Really? I really like Honest Burger. Why not? Do you like Honest Burger? I really like it. I know all two.

Let's not kill any potential sponsors. What burgers do you like? I like Five Guys. I like Shake Shack. Have you ever had Patty and Bun? Yes. That's the best burger I've ever had. That was over-hyped to me by the man across the table.

I've been there once and he told me, oh, I love Patty and Bun so much. Oh, Patty and Bun so good. And I went there and I ordered one and I was like, well, this is disappointing. Wow. I never went back again. I'm sorry. Yeah. I was really excited for it.

I've been waiting for my Patty and Bun burger. I was sitting there like, I can't wait. Ed said these were so delicious. Oh, they are. Do you know how many expectations are you screwing with you there, mate? Yeah. Well, who's fault's that? You're for hyping it up.

All right. Well, look. Singing little Patty and Bun songs at me. Don't remember singing any Patty and Bun songs. Oh, maybe it was me in my head. I was excited about it. Yeah. I think you've got to realize that quite often what's happening in your head is different

to what's happening in the actual world, James. You do tend to add songs to most things. And that's lovely. Yes. And thank you for singing that too. So McDonald's fries. I think so. They are the original best.

Yeah. I think if I was in a restaurant and I didn't know that the fries on McDonald's fries, I'd be like, wow, these are amazing. Right. Okay. Interesting. And I much prefer them to the standard chip, which you would get in a fancy restaurant. Yeah.

I don't like it. I don't necessarily like a thick chip. No, me neither. I think I'd always put a fire over it. You know, when people are like, oh, really good chip is crispy on the outside and fluffy in the middle. No. No.

That's a roast potato. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. That is a roast potato. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

I don't like it. Even with a roast potato, I prefer the smaller ones that are mainly crispy. Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. I like a chip shop chip. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Not made of stone. Fish and chip chips. Yeah. I have that covered in salt and vinegar. Lots of vinegar. I mean, I probably said this on the podcast, but we used to do that in school. We used to go to the fish and chip shop at lunch and get the chips.

Soak it in so much vinegar and then we would put our heads over it and huff it really big until we like spluttered. I think you have said that on the podcast before, but it bears repeating. Yeah. Keep it in beneath you. Which sauce are you going to have with chips? I'm the waiter. And I'd like to get to know you better.

I can't believe I've been replaced. Well, I mean, do you have an answer for this as well? I do. That's the most important thing. I've been through phases. I think now I would still just go for ketchup again. Right. But like in school, we went for a phase where we all had mayonnaise for a while.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, I'm mayonnaise. That's the one, yeah. I'm mayonnaise. Absolutely. Or garlic mayo if you can get it. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we can in this restaurant. Yeah, garlic mayo. You're a garlic mayo? Yeah. Perfect. I came to Mayo quite late. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I was like, I remember at the end of every night out, we would go to the shop, get some

chips, and loads of garlic mayo. Yeah, yeah. But like, we over did it. Sure. There were heady days in Kettering growing up, and we all over did the garlic mayo. So now you're just back to ketchup? No, I'm back to carrots, really. Do you have a sauce for the carrots?

No. No. Oh, God. I'm allergic to carrots. Really? Yeah. I can't have lots of different raw vegetables. If they're raw or unpeeled, I can't have them.

So let's play a roulette. Let's go for it. And some fruit as well. Would you like a courgette, Lolly? If it's peeled and cooked, yes, please. But not if it's raw? No. I've never seen a peeled, cooked courgette.

You normally have it with a peel on, right? I would normally have it in some sort of stew, and then I would peel it, cut it up. Yeah, fair enough. Parsnip. Parsnip, unless it's peeled and cooked, no. Well, who's eating a raw parsnip? Some people might. No, absolutely not.

Hmm. Okay. Don't say, hmm, like that's up for debate. No one's eating a raw parsnip, mate. Just choosing to let you have your beliefs. It's not belief. It's a fact. That's science, mate.

I'm not going to... Listeners now. It's not each other. It's a freak, because I... Yeah, and you are. If you're out there and you eat a raw parsnip, you've got something wrong with you, mate. Oh, right. That's loss of listeners.

Good. Would you like some celeriac? I don't know what that is. Celery? I've never eaten one. No, it's not celeriac. Celeriac's like a... Isn't it like a mash?

It's a really weird thing. You have it with mash, don't you? You could mash it up. You puree it quite a lot at the time. Yeah. Again, no one's having that raw. I used to have to cut them up when I lived in a kitchen. Live in a kitchen?

Yeah. So, I mean, but you're the only person that that makes sense for. Yeah, yeah. I bet he did live in a kitchen once. I did used to live in a kitchen. He really threw himself into cooking and he started to live in the kitchen. I'm a genie waiter. It makes sense that I live in a kitchen.

Eating raw parsnips, curled up in a little ball like a dog. A drink? Oh, yes. I would like a glass of red wine. Yes, please. Always. Oh, I was very happy with it.

And I really want to go wine tasting because I don't really know what I like. Me too. But I know I like primitivo. That's one that I like. And I used to really like Rioja, but I don't think I like it anymore. Okay. I think I just...

Maybe it's quite easy to drink, so I thought I liked it. Right. And I don't like Malbert. I don't like Malbert. I don't like Malbert. I don't like Malbert. I don't like Malbert.

Okay. This is all I know. Why do you not like Malbert? Taste not nice. Oh. Yeah. You quite to the palate. Quite to the palate, you have, loli.

No, actually, waiter, this taste is not nice. Please. Every primitivo I've had, I've been like that's nice. Yeah. But I don't know what it is about it. So I want to go on a course and find out.

I also want to go on a course because I don't mind Malbert, but I think it's because probably when I was like 14 or 15 it might be quite cool to know about wines. That's the first name I learned. When you were, how old? Sure. 14 or 15?

When you were 14 or 15, you thought it'd be quite cool to know about wines. Yeah. Okay, I'm the weirdo for living in the kitchen, am I? Yeah. Cause. That is maybe, maybe 16. 14, 15.

Maybe 16. Oh, it'd be quite nice to know about wines. You know. I think you've gotta be older than 15. Are you the little kid? Are you Manny of my, of a, of a, of a modern family? No. I thought it was so you are.

Look, we know posh. Yeah, I think Malbec was probably just one that I heard and thought, oh, that's so you can do your restaurant. When are you 14? Yeah, it does sound like it'd be nice. Yeah, you can go, oh, I'm a Malbec. Do you have a Malbec? I think it is a posh drink as well.

It's very popular as well now, I think it became, yeah. It became quite popular. I think 14, maybe slightly too, yeah. But I'm not like Manny from Modern Fab. You felt like Manny from Modern Fab is for me. I also want to go, maybe we should go wine tasting together. Love that, yeah. I would say so far, this is the meal

that Ed would most like to eat that we've had in the past. Delicious. You've agreed with a lot of these. And. And you've hated it. I would rather throw up and eat the sick. But Ed absolutely loves it. Yeah, I'm on board.

Right, so let's not screw this up, Lolly. I'm enjoying the meal so far. Yeah. It's quite tense getting to the dessert, because I'll please that, mate. The dessert is one of those novelty, big bars of Cadbury's chocolate cake rice. Because you don't see them anymore.

And I miss them. Sure, yeah. They were the happiest I was. I haven't thought about that. I haven't seen one of those in a very long time. Bloody. It was a massive. Bloody Manny's thing, that would be one.

And do you think that game where you have to try and cut it up with a knife and fork? Yeah. No. Oh. But if either part of your childhood. Yeah, I think we did it at school. Or it's not, yeah.

Like some people are just like, no idea about it. Yeah. And then people like us. Yeah. It's a very distinct mentally of having that game where we can see you roll a dice. You roll a dice and depending on the number, you have to put on certain things

to try and eat this massive bar of chocolate. So I think the lower the number is better. And then it's like, it's like knife and fork is the first one. Right. And you have to cut pieces and then you can eat the pieces that you cut off. Right.

But then if you're higher than you have to have knife and fork, you have to have gloves on while you're cutting. So you have to put the gloves on. And other people are like, oh, maybe it's like, you have to try and get six. Mine was just the six. Oh, roll a double. So the one we played was one die.

You rolled it. So six, to put the gloves on, put the scarf on. Oh yeah, put everything on. Put the hat on. Get the knife and fork and eat the chocolate. And you keep doing it until someone else is rolling a six because it's going, yeah, the dice going around the group. So until someone else is doing it,

you get to keep going for as long as you can. But it's really hard. Yeah. And you've got to put all the stuff on. So if someone gets the six straight away and you haven't even put your gloves on, you don't get any chocolate. Oh.

Yeah. It sounds stressful. It's really just the teacher or whoever's in charge, just their way of being like, look at how much kids love chocolate. Look at how desperate they are. Yeah, yeah. They're not even enjoying it.

They're just saying for it. They're just like, this is feverishly hacking away at it. Well, like just for winter with a knife and fork. And then if another kid rolls, they're like, no, they had to take it all off. I think at our school, we were too busy doing blind taste tests with Malbec and Barola. Yeah.

Rolling a dice. Oh God, I get to sample the wine. Oh, I've got to put a blindfold on and try and pick up Blackberry notes. Teacher, this is corked. I would like to have that. Disgraceful. Any particular chocolate bar

or is it the size that's the most important thing? It's the specific Cadbury's one. Yeah. Dairy milk. Dairy milk specifically. Okay, great. I love dairy milk. I love dairy milk.

Just a massive purple chocolate. It's like Willy Wonka. Yeah. It just felt like the coolest thing in the world. I've only come down to it as an adult. It's a hate set. What, dairy milk? Yeah, it's absolutely.

Really? It's just chocolate. I thought people were mugging me off. Every time I got a dairy milk, I was like, you know the amount of stuff we could be putting in this. Really? It could be biscuit in this and caramel.

You're still going like that. I'm a bit like that. What's your favorite chocolate bar? Hmm, a good question. Or what's your least favorite chocolate bar as well? Wine is fruit and nut. Yeah, I fuck fruit and nut. I like what fruit and nut.

People love it. I quite like it. Bounty and fruit and nut. Boo-hoo. Oh, I like bounty. Oh, wow. We don't get on. We don't get on.

I don't get on. No, it's perfect because in a selection box. Yeah. Yeah, lovely. Yeah, if you were hanging out with Ed. Yeah. Have fun fighting over stuff. Yeah.

There'd be loads of fruit and nut and bounty left. Yeah, me and you, I'm eating the carrots. I'm eating the fruit and nut. You curate your own. And then you get to eat all the fries of the dairy milk. It's pretty good. I don't know.

My least favorite's quite a tricky one. I'll probably put some, no, maybe I wouldn't put a dairy milk as my least favorite, but like. You can't. No, you can't. You can't. You absolutely can't.

I don't know. Well, actually, my favorite chocolate in the world is the peanut butter Whittakers from New Zealand. Right. My favorite chocolate. It's just, yeah, milk chocolate filled with peanut butter. Okay, lovely. It's like not too sweet.

It's actually quite a subtle peanut butter, a bit of salt to it. Yeah, I love it. It's really, really nice. Do you like a peanut butter Kit Kat chunky? No. I love them. I love them.

There you go. But again, it's the thing that I overdid, probably in the same year that I was eating all the garlic mayonnaise on the chicken. At the same time as well. I just did it, yeah. I just did it too much. So you would like a big old bar of dairy milk.

But is that your favorite chocolate bar? Probably not, but I think just the size sort of overtakes any other. Are you a big Toblerone person? I'm a white Toblerone person. Ooh. Love a white Toblerone. Some people get very angry about white chocolate

because it's just milk and sugar. There's no chocolate in it. Oh, really? Yeah, they get really annoyed. I know you talk about you. Not me. Some people get really angry. I like white chocolate.

Okay, good. Some people smash up their room and they think about it. My favorite chocolate bar is dark chocolate. We are not friends anymore. But you are. If there's, again, I come back to the selection box. Yeah, true.

You two are doing perfect. Yeah. I would actually, if I was to put a league table of dark white milk, I would go dark top, then white then milk. But how dark are you talking? Percentage-wise. You're talking 90.

No, I'm not talking 90. I've had 100% before. Have you? Horrible. That is bitter. It's a real undertaking. You sure you weren't just drinking some coffee? Yeah, it's like really drinking coffee

and it's so bitter that it's almost sweet again. Yeah, you can, if you take one square and really leave it in your mouth for a bit to melt and it takes on sweet notes. Remember when we used to do that at school? Yeah. Where were you when you had the 100% dark chocolate? Probably at home.

Just at home? It wasn't a special occasion just at home? Well, because we're not, this is type one diabetes boring shit, but it's lower sugar. The higher the percentage, the lower sugar. So I was sort of experimenting with... You took the cocoa nibs in your cupboard

and you were very excited about them. Yeah, cocoa nibs are very nice. They go on porridge nicely and they're 100% and they're bitter, but now I'll just have them. I'll have a bit of dairy milk in the home again. Lovely stuff. Lovely. Yeah.

Cut loose. Can we run for your order with you? Yes. Just to make sure. So, Lollipopay, you would like some still water to start. Yes, please. Some nice bread with some soft butter

and salt on it. Thank you. You would like a Chinese platter for your starter, but the venison puff is non-negotiable. Absolutely. Your main, you'd like pounded yam and stew. Yes. Or whatever...

Whatever, my mate. Whatever your mum left you in the fridge. Yes. Side, McDonald's fries with some garlic mayonnaise. Thank you. To drink, you would like some red wine, cream of tea, though, preferably. Yes.

Because it tastes good. Tastes nice, yeah. And then dessert, you would like a novelty, cabbages, chocolate, dairy milk bar, like you would get at Christmas. Because it tastes nice, yeah. Because it tastes... Also because it tastes like...

We didn't establish that. But if it tastes nice, it's very important. Well, that sounds like... I'll get the chef to whip you that straight up. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. I'm going to go home now to my kitchen when I live. I'm staying the night.

Thank you very much, Lolly. Thank you for having me. Thank you, Lolly. Take your coat, which you already have. Which you never gave me. Oh, that was Lolly Adafope. What a delicious meal. What a genuinely delicious meal.

I really want to eat Nigerian food now. It's one of your favourites. I'd say that episode is one of your favourites. Yes, I would have to try Nigerian food first. And I'm not sure it necessarily goes with McDonald's fries and mayonnaise. The mayonnaise would be the thing that I would think maybe. Yeah, but I'd like to check out all of the stuff

on Lolly's menu. I think that sounds absolutely delicious. And I'll tell you what, it wasn't on the menu. Go on. Lemon grass. Well done, Lolly. Congratulations. Congratulations on no lemon grass.

Now, if you like Lolly, if you like the sound of her, she's doing rather well in America. She goes to America to film television shows. She's got a couple coming up in 2019. I know that sound I've said. She's got a couple of television shows coming up. But that's quite an impressive achievement.

Yeah. She's in a show called Miracle Workers on TBS. Oh, I can't wait. Keep an eye out for that. And a show called Shrill on Hulu. So if you're a US-based listener and you'd like to check out more of Lolly's work, look out for those shows.

And I'm sure at some point they'll come over to the UK as well. They look great, those shows. But enough with all these defectors, people who go over the Atlantic. There's plenty of good comedy here, thank you. And a lot of it's being done by me and you, James. Yes.

Slash all of it. Slash all of it. My tour has started, I believe, end of January it started. So check it out. It's called Blizzard. Go on at gamble.co.uk forward slash gigs. And you can see where it might be coming near to you.

It's not January at the moment. It's a bit before January. There's a couple of places that really need to pick up the old ticket sales, actually. Oh, dear. I'm not saying, I'm just saying that Stafford needs to have a long, hard look at themselves. In more ways than one I've given there before.

Yeah, I know. Actually, it's probably coming up on my tour, but not slug it off. Yeah. When's your tour, James? I'm touring throughout, well, yeah, more or less throughout 2019. Tour officially starts in

end of May, early June. Goes right through to the end of the year at the UK tour. Ooh. But there is... Oh, dear. Hello. Oh, James just answering the phone there to our next guest. Hello.

Hello. I'm going to be on tour in the... Also, I will be at the Melbourne Comedy Festival and the New Zealand International Comedy Festival. Bear in mind what I've just said about people going overseas to do comedy. Oh, yes, sorry. Sorry. So, do you want to take that back?

God, I've booked the flights now. Right, we'll have a nice time. I'll be over there doing comedy, so please come and see my show there. Cold as Anya, hate myself, 1999. That's what the show's called. Man, I'm going to miss you. Yeah, I'll miss you too, man.

Please subscribe to this podcast, review it, give it nice reviews, give it nice ratings, check it out on whatever app you've got. And if you're into social media, God knows I am. Yeah. Yeah, you love it, don't you?

I don't love it. Okay. I'm in. So, the Twitter account for this podcast is at Off Menu Official. We're also on Instagram under the same name, at Off Menu Official. So, follow, like some tweets, retweet some stuff,

spread the word about the podcast. We're very happy with how it's going so far, but there's always more people out there who'll enjoy a little bit of food. Yeah, we're greedy. We're greedy for food and we're greedy for listeners. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Give us some more listeners.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Give us some more listeners. That's what I said. Yeah, I was just doubling down, making sure everyone knew that's the new catchphrase. Okay. Goodbye. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale.

You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case...

Get him on, James and Ed, but we're here sneaking into your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the north, because, look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time.

The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off, and that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News.

When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.