Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 84: Jayde Adams

Episode Date: November 18, 2020

Get the Renniés out, West Country comedian and host of Channel 4 food show ‘Crazy Delicious’ Jayde Adams has a table booked this week. #jaydebangamashWatch Jayde Adams’s special ‘Serious Black Jumper’ on Amazon Prime.Watch ‘Crazy Delicious’ on All 4.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Put a skewer into this podcast, and it's coming out clean. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast with me, Ed Gamble. And who's that over there? Why? It's James Acaster. James Acaster here, just admiring the skewer coming out the podcast clean. I mean, we're many, many episodes deep into doing Off Menu now. And the fact that you still managed to come up with fresh takes on the intro, I've got nothing but respect for it. Oh, thank you very much, man. I'd say I'm at a hit rate of about one in eight being good

at the moment. But that one I'm pretty proud of. Yeah, great stuff with the skewer coming out clean. Well, this is a food podcast, hence my food-based intro. And what do we ask people, James? We ask a different guest every single week, their favourite ever starter, main course, side dish and drink. And this week, our guest is... Jade Adams. Jade Adams. The wonderful Jade Adams, wonderful comedian. She runs a musical as well. She runs a musical where comedians go and perform songs from musicals. I've done it many times.

James, you've not, have you? I was a dancer in one of them. So, you know you haven't done it? No, I'm petrified of singing in public. So, when a group of comics did sell Block Tango, I was a dancer who was essentially the boyfriend they were all singing about. And so, I got beaten up by five different comedians. Still fun. A lot of fun. It's a really fun show. And when gigs are back up and running, I'm sure they're going to run some musicals. And I would highly recommend you go to that.

And a musical is also a podcast where you discuss your favourite musicals. I've done that as well. So, go and check that out. But look, Jade's brilliant. We're very excited to have her here in the Dream Restaurant. She also does a food show with Heston Blumenthal. So, that's very exciting as well. We're sure we'll discuss that. But if Jade mentions a secret ingredient, which we will say now, she will be kicked out of the restaurant. And Jade's secret ingredient is hundreds of thousands. Hundreds and thousands.

We don't need them. I've never liked them. Boring. Boring. I mean, what are they? What are they? Why are they? Multi-colour little sugar. I like sugar. And the thousands are boring to me. Yeah. They're like the ends of a shoelace. They are actually. Yeah. Absolutely spot on there. They're like the little ends of a shoelace.

And I don't want them on my dessert. No, thank you, sir. I don't want them on the top. And then it just makes me think of all the better things that could have been on top of that dessert. So, if Jade says hundreds of thousands, we will have no recourse, but to kick her out of the Dream Restaurant. And so, help me God, we'll do it. And this is one of our Zoom episodes, or what do we call them? Home cooking. Yeah. Home cooked episodes. So, episode, no, I don't know what happened there, Ned.

I went to introduce the episode. I've never done that before. And it felt, I didn't know what to do. So, you just said the word episode. Yeah, I went. So, episode. Episode. So, without this idea, without further ado, let's hear the off-menu menu of Jade Adams. Welcome, Jade Adams to the Dream Restaurant.

Oh, she's waiting for the explosion. I absolutely love it. Normally, people come in and say, thanks for having me or something. And Jade just knew what was coming. Oh, there we go. Welcome, Jade Adams to the Dream Restaurant. But expecting you for some time. I'm here, finally. I'm so pleased. Good to see you. Thank you very much. Good to see you both as well.

It's lovely to be all hanging out here in the Dream Restaurant, Jade. A comedian, a food programmer as well. You're on a natural food program. You've met Heston Blumenthal. So, hang out with him. This is what we like. These are the qualifications needed to pick an excellent dream menu. Very, very excited to have you. I'm also a huge foodie as well, like massive. Like, I go to all of the nicest.

I try and go to lots of nice restaurants around the world. That's how I spend my money. Nice. Excellent. This is what we like to hear. And we like to hear people saying they're a foodie without going, oh, I'm a foodie, but does that make me sound like a wanker or anything? No, it doesn't. You're a foodie. No, food's everything. It's our rather brain, our stomach.

That's what Heston taught me, is all our feelings are in our stomachs. Like, it's important to eat. And it's rubbish when people make you feel bad about it. I love food. Heston told you that your brain was your stomach? You've got another stomach. Another brain, sorry. And your stomach reacts to it. It's very sensitive.

And that's why when you're in a bad mood, food tastes bad. Or like, you know, there's like a sort of emotional reaction to food that, you know, like it's a really sensitive instrument, your stomach. And if you don't feed it well, or if you don't actually feed your brain well either, it all just messes up. And if you've got any sort of, I mean, if you had Heston on, he'd explain it way better than I am right now. No, I much prefer your explanation,

that Heston Blumenthal thinks you have another brain in your stomach. That's what I picked up on it. Yeah, he did a couple of tests on me, actually. He did this, so we were drinking wine, and he wanted to show me that negative influence outside of your ingesting, whatever it is you're eating, can affect the taste. So he got a glass of wine, and he made me think of something negative in my head, the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

And he made me drink the wine, and it tasted not very nice. And then he made me think about something I really loved, and I drank the wine again, and it tasted much better. And I did a couple of other tests, and sort of showed me like, how much your emotions can trick your brain into feeling bad, or shit, or not enjoy the food that you're eating, and all of that. It was incredible. I spent a month, I didn't just meet Heston Blumenthal, I spent a month with him.

Every night, we try to tell you my favorite thing about the whole experience. Every night, we were in a hotel up the road, we all sit in the same hotel, watching the kitchen panic. Every night was one of the most incredible things I've ever watched. What were they trying to impress him with everything they were doing? Because I'd imagine if you're giving Heston Blumenthal steak and chips, you panic that you should be sort of putting a bird's beak on it or something. Well, you'd hope that they were triple-cut chips, which I think that,

I don't think I would have had the same service that we all got together, I'll be honest. They came out, everything was presented on a huge tray, but over the months, they sort of totally relaxed with it. And he's really cool, he goes in, he speaks to them all. They love having him in the kitchen, and chefs really appreciate each other when they meet and stuff. Like, you have these archetypes of these chefs on the TV programs that are really rude and unapproachable.

But actually, what I've seen is they all respect each other quite a lot. If food tastes bad, when you're feeling bad, answer me this, Heston. Why, when I'm feeling depressed, does ice cream taste amazing? Still a sparkling water, Jade Adams. Sparkling. Straight away. Sparkling always, I love it. I'm also like, I'm absolutely addicted to Coca-Cola, like I love it.

So sparkling water is the way that I sort of get that, you know, that sort of buzzy hit of the carbonation in it. I just love that sort of feeling that you get when you drink some at Fizzy, when you're thirsty, love it. But Babs and I had it the other day at a fancy restaurant in the Peak District, and both of us got heartburned, so things are changing. Right. Now, you're getting a heartburn off sparkling water.

Also, for a interview, you explained to us who Babs is, the listener. Listeners don't know who Babs is. Babs is my best friend, and we travel the world together on adventures. Yes. And our introduction to Babs was just out of nowhere. While you were setting up your Zoom, Babs just walked in front of the camera, not aware it was on, completely panicked and ran away again. In her sportswear, because we've just done a hit workout.

Yeah. And for the listener, the context is it's about 27 degrees at the moment, and Jade and Babs have just done a hit workout, which is absolutely insane. Yeah. Also, for the listener, because of how hot it is, Ed, do you want to reveal when you put a T-shirt on today? When Jade arrived on the Zoom. So you put a T-shirt on the Zoom.

Until then, Ed was sitting there, topless. But I just waited around a bit. I did angle the camera up so you couldn't see my titties. So you could just see my face, and then I popped a T-shirt on when Jade arrived, because it's too hot. We should have all just done it without a T-shirt on. We can angle the angle. Imagine that.

We could just tell your listeners that we are naked. Yeah, to be fair. Would it get more downloads if they think we're naked while we're recording it? I think it would. Sex sells. You get to imagine it. In fact, if you ever listen to a podcast, you think this is born, I don't like it, just tell yourself that they're all naked.

You and Babs had some sparks in water recently. Was that what you were saying before we diverted it? Yeah. So Babs is my best friend. We go around the world having adventures together and doing crazy stuff, and this wasn't exactly crazy. We were having dinner on one of our adventures, and we both got heartburn and had to get the Rene after some sparkling water.

I don't know if Rene has featured a lot on this podcast. No. It hasn't, Jade. And I've never heard it pronounced Rene before, because I'm fairly sure that's a character from Al-O-L-O. Rene. Rene, mate. You can't gormundize Rene's.

How long have you been hanging out with Heston that you're going, ah, Rene. Rene. Rene. Get the Rene's, Heston. Good Rene. That's perfectly the Rene. Of course, Heston has found a way of making Rene's into gas.

Yeah, yeah. But please keep calling it Rene. Yes, please do keep calling them that. So we were on the Rene's after the sparkling water, and then we both looked at each other and went, oh, we're in our 30s. Are you big on the Rene's? Like, do you always have a pack on your person?

I have always got a stash in my bag, because, you know, I really love, like, Prosecco, and, well, Champagne as well. I love bubbles. Carbonated anything is, or fermented anything is my bag. But, you know, sometimes the old indigestion can't handle it so much. So the Rene's have to come out.

And I am never going to be able to say Rene again without laughing. I rarely have a Rene, but my fiance gets quite bad indigestion and heartburn. So there's Rene's stashed around the whole house, like huge bags of them wherever you go. So in whatever room you're in, if there's ever an attack of heartburn, you can grab a Rene in our house.

Natural alternative, fresh mint tea does the same thing, just to let you know. Oh, yeah? Yeah, peppermint, peppermint. Takes ages though, right? Well, if you, like, get a nice concentrated amount of mint leaves, and then pour a bit of hot water on it, and down that you'll be fine.

And I eat some mint leaves as well when I want to eat, because you just need to resettle your bit where the food goes down. Gullet. That bit. I'm pointing at my chest on the podcast, but that bit. Your galette. My galette.

Jay, that's a quick question, completely unrelated. What is the smallest unit of British currency? A penne. That was all I wanted to know. Pop it up, it's all bread. Bread. Now, with the sparkling water, you said it with an assuredness and a confidence.

And the bread, you said it with a sort of grim determination where you're like, it is bread. No matter how much I kid myself, it's bread. So it was bread. I mean, I'd like to say it was poppydums, but the only poppydums that I believe the most more rich poppydum I've ever had are Walker's Sensation, Lime, and Coriander poppydums,

which are the most incredible thing I've ever put in my mouth, and are the reason why I'm doing hip workouts in 32-degree heat. But I love a poppydum, I will have a poppydum, but when you get bread, you get butter. And that butter, like the other day, I was in a restaurant and I had chicken butter with chicken skin on top of it. What restaurant's this?

This was in the Peak District, and it was called Lovedge by Lee Smith. It's just, actually, it was the opening night. I've never been able to do, I've never done that before, but it was his opening night at the restaurant, and the night we were there, especially. Oh, great. It's the opening night, so the chef's probably a bit nervous.

How do you think he felt when he saw some of his first customers take a sip of sparkling water and then whip out a packet of reddies? Oh, great. I'm about to send them chicken butter. Oh, no. I think if they've got to have reddies for sparkling water, what's going to, they're going to shit their pants if I give them chicken butter?

Get the Pibla out of there. Oh, no. I think if they've got to have reddies for sparkling water, what's going to, they're going to shit their pants if I give them chicken butter? Get the Pibla out of there. I can't believe this. Oh, no.

Chicken butter sounds absolutely incredible. Oh, that's amazing. We went to this other place in Denmark called Amas, and we had like, so everything that they, they try and be ethical and sustainable with everything they're cooking. And at the back, they have an allotment where all their stuff is grown, and they tried to not waste us.

So we had this like potato skin dip that was incredible. Obviously, they've done it from the chips that they cook in the restaurant, but the potato skin dip was amazing. And it had, on top of it, hops from the local beer factory that they'd used, which it was, that was actually with a thin bread. It wasn't a popperdome, but it was thin and crispy.

Would you like the chicken butter with your, with your bread in the dream restaurant? That specific chicken butter, or are there any other butters that stick out in the memory? I like a green butter, so like a south of Verde butter is great as well. Love the chicken butter. Anything with meat in it, I mean,

we'll get on to that in the mains, but, yeah, a nice green. There was also Babs's vegetarian, and she had a sun-dried tomato butter. That was lovely, but it has to be salted. I think the unsalted butter thing, I mean, don't at me, but I think it's, I think it's disgusting, frankly. Well, I do agree with you.

Unsalted butter, the only time you should really be using it is if you're baking something sweet. So quite often we'll have unsalted butter in the fridge if we've been baking something, and that's all the butter we've got. So what I'll have to do is spread it on bread and then get the salt out, salt that bad boy up, and then grab a rennet.

But then also, a salted butter really complements a sweet dish because you have a nice balance of a little, you always should put salt in your sweet food. Like just a tiny bit to sort of, anything that's too sweet isn't good to eat, but like a little bit of salt with it, you know, like balancing those flavor combinations.

Lovely. So I just want to be clear on what the bread and butter combo is that we're going for, and that I'm bringing out to you. So the bread, specifically, do you want that really thin bread that you mentioned, or do you want a different... I want a hot just out of the oven. Like the thing we had at Lea Smith's,

Lovage at Lea Smith's the other day, it tore open and then steam came out of it, and it was hot inside, but it was a dark brown color, like a real wheaty, thick bread with some oats on it, lovely. So you want the Lovage bread with the Lovage butter. That Lovage bread and Lovage butter, yeah. I mean, he's going to be really glad that I'm saying this.

He didn't know this was going to happen, but yeah, I'll be honest with you, that's the bread and butter I've had ever had anywhere. Also, and this isn't related, but another question. What's the name of that comedian? He started Comic Relief, and he was married to Dawn French. What was his name?

Lene Henry. Yeah, thank you. Now, James, I'm beginning to realize why you've gone quiet for like five minutes at a time while me and Jade are talking about the meal. It's obvious if you're desperately trying to think of more things that rhyme with any. Yeah, well, some people might interpret it as that.

I'm just being a gracious host, but I guess the payoff for it was worth it for me. That sounds incredible. I had a shout out to some butter I had the other night, a restaurant in Bethnal Green called Datera, the bread course. It doesn't come before the meal. It's a tasting menu and like three dishes in, the bread arrives,

and if you get the wine pairing, it comes with a drink, and it's like this amazing little baked loaf, and then some grilled bone marrow, and then three different types of butter. So there's like a pink peppercorn one, there's a sea salt one, and there was, what was the other one? It was a green one, I think.

Ed sent me a photo of him. Yeah, and it's paired with a glass of stout. What? It was so good. Oh my God, that sounds incredible. That restaurant is fantastic. We've been back there twice in the same menu cycle, so some of the dishes we recognized,

and they were like, welcome back. You probably recognized this from the last time you've been here. I'm like, yeah, fine. That's what my lucky Chinese takeaway says to me. I'm from Paris. Welcome back. You're at my door. You should be saying welcome back.

I've definitely told this story before. Going into Casamavita at Brixton, and the lady knew my order before I'd said it, and I just thought, oh man. I like that though. That's what I want. I want to hear a lot, and I always order the same thing.

This is embarrassing. Supertorter? Yes. They give me the supertorter. I love it. The thing is, is that they actually are doing it because they like the idea that they kind of know you a bit, but actually what they don't do is remind us of our loneliness

and that we actually remind us of our inability to be creative, and whilst we're feeling lonely, it's a scene in Sex and the City where Miranda orders chicken and broccoli, and the woman on the phone goes, yes, I know chicken and broccoli. You always have it. And then she goes down into the restaurant to see her,

to face her demon, and the woman does it to everyone else in the queue, and then it makes Miranda feel fine that she's just a bit, the woman's just a bit annoying. Anyway, episode of Sex and the City. I would like many more synopsis throughout this whole episode. I'll try.

Any Sex and the City episodes me and Ed haven't seen? All of them? Yeah, a lot of them actually. I've only seen the movie Sex and the City 2. That's all I've seen. Why did you start there? Yeah, it's weird to start there. It was for another podcast.

It was for a podcast called The Worst Idea of All Time, where for a year, every single Monday, these two guys watched Sex and the City 2 and then reviewed it on their podcast. Every week for a year, they kept on watching it. It's sort of annoying if you're a guy watching that, but it's an annoying... I wouldn't ever recommend a straight guy to watch that show,

because it's quite damning often, but the reason I really liked it was the character of Samantha. I've never seen a woman on television like that before. Which one was she? She's the one they call Sex Crazy, but she's just super confident and she knew who she was. And out of all of the other characters, she's the one who doesn't fuck up throughout the whole series.

Like, she's always just who she is. And there's a couple of times Carrie's judgmental with her and she brings her up on it and stuff, and she always loves and is there for her friends. I loved it for her. Oh, yeah? Now, we don't have to leave this in if you don't want, Jade, but we've just talked about how you've done your hit workout

and now you've just lit up a cigarette. Yeah, of course I have. Fucking the most badass thing I've ever seen in my life. And I think Babs even lit it for... I think Babs moulded for you, and then handed it to you off camera and lit it for you while you were talking to me. Let me just tell Babs they saw that whole exchange,

and now they're talking about it. And in between these courses, by the way, I'm going out for a cigarette as well. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, you know, it's the dream restaurant, so we don't actually have to abide by any British laws. So if you want to smoke inside, you can. No, but we're going outside to an amazing Zen garden.

We're not smoking in the restaurant. I don't like... You know, I'm smoking indoors here, but normally I don't really smoke indoors. Rich Wilson's going to hear this, and I'm going to be in so much trouble. And for the listener, Rich Wilson is your landlord. My landlord.

My landlord. He's my landlord. We should get onto your starter, really. Oh, is there nothing in between the starter and the bread course? Oh, no. I'm so sad. If you want to throw something in, go for it. Just a little canapé would be nice there, you know?

Something that they've just whizzed up in the kitchen, something like, you know, maybe with a little fish egg in there or something like that, I don't know. All right, you can have a fish egg in between. A little caviar, a little caviar and nipple in between. Yeah, you're lovely. A starter. So this is where it gets controversial,

because I've spoken about some fancy restaurants that I've eaten in. I've spoken about canapes and posh chicken butter. But when it comes to my starter, from me, it has to be a deluxe prawn cocktail. Yes! With the LED finger slap at the end. I can be specific about it,

because there is a specification about it. It's not your standard local pub prawn cocktail. I'm talking about, for Christmas one year, I did the biggest prawn cocktail ever. It was so big that we couldn't eat the roast dinner afterwards. We couldn't have turkey until the evening, because it was so big. I live in Essex, in Leonsea, it's a little fishing town.

And you can get fresh off of the, out of the water, shellfish down here. And I had, and I ordered basically eight different varieties of prawns. And then that's how I made it. There was tempura in there as well. And yeah, it was just like, it was a huge prawn medley. But I like love prawns so much. And that's where I would have them in the courses at the beginning.

With some great coslettis. And a lovely Mary Rose sauce, great. Loads of lemon. So, does deluxe just mean massive? Huge! Just checking. I find the idea of prawn tempura in prawn cocktail is a great idea. Is that something that you came up with,

or did you get the idea from somewhere else? No, I think, I mean, I haven't had it anywhere else, but I've done it here at the house. I love, I just, it needs that crunch that isn't just the lettuce at the bottom. It needs something on top. And I think a couple of really big, juicy king prawns with the tails. Oh, and another controversial thing is,

I love eating the tails. Or I either, if it's not too hard, if it's not like a crevette or something like that, I'll eat the skin of the prawns. I love it. It's like in crisps. Yeah, I'm going to say that. When you originally said deluxe prawn cocktail,

I was like, ever enough? Not really in the mood for that personally. Great. It's Jay's menu. When you said there were tempura prawns, I was like, I want to eat that now, actually. There's also, on top of it, there's an avocado sort of mix with chili in it,

and coriander in it on top. So there's not just prawns. There's like, you know, you normally have a little topping, don't you? It's got maybe, maybe you have some tomatoes in there, some something sweet with the tempura on top. And then some like huge massive prawns hanging off the side of the ornate glass.

Here's why I'm laughing. It's because as Jade was describing the prawns hanging off of the glass, what you originally went to do in order to paint that image on our heads was an impression of a prawn hanging off the side of a glass. But it looked like you were doing it. You dipped your head forwards.

It was like, oh, Jade's being the prawn. And I know exactly what you were doing before you said what you were doing. That's exactly what happened. I was like, hang on, you're in a podcast. Don't act things out. Where does that tradition come from with prawn cocktail that all the little prawns have to be dangling over the edge

like they're clinging on for dear life? Yeah. I don't know. Possibly. No, no, no, that's too niche. There's a great scene in Mrs. Doubtfire, the movie, where Mrs. Doubtfire makes a meal for his ex-wife. So Mrs. Doubtfire makes a meal for the family.

And there is prawns hanging off of the little plate that they have. And I remember seeing that and thinking how delicious that was. And I was thinking it was that. But then I was like, no, they're not hanging off enough. And then I was like, oh, my God, that's a really niche reference to a bit of food in a movie that no one will probably remember. Also, you thought that maybe that started it all?

Was the scene in Mrs. Doubtfire? Was that started the whole craze of for hanging off of things? You thought people saw that and thought, hang on, that's not a bad idea. They started hanging the prawns off the edge like Robin Williams dressing up as a Scottish nanny. A nanny, I think you're fine. The bit of food I remember in Mrs. Doubtfire

is when he throws a lime at Pierce Brosnan's head. Yeah, he does, doesn't he? I was thinking, is it an orange that he throws? I think it's a lime. Is they ran by the swimming pool and the lime hits his wet head. Can I bring up a little bit of actually prawn-based beef about the end of that movie? That sounds good.

Basically, at the end of that movie, there is a scene. They find out that Pierce Brosnan's character is allergic to pepper, so they said, don't put pepper on. So then Robin Williams, on the other meal that he's having, gets really pissed with all the whiskies they're having, goes into the kitchen and puts pepper on prawns. Then the prawns go over to Pierce Brosnan and he eats them and he starts choking on them like they went down his windpipe.

Like he doesn't have an allergic reaction to them, which is what happens when you have pepper. He just chokes and then Mrs. Doubtfire runs over and gives him the homelick manoeuvre and saves his life. But that's not an allergy to pepper. That's choking. Yeah, I'm going to say there is no defence. I'm trying to think of an excuse.

Because also, when he does the homelick, doesn't he, his face comes off, right? Yeah, peels down, yeah. So they were just trying to think of a way that Robin Williams' face could peel off and he could be busted. Yeah, they were like, oh, that I do. Then Pierce Brosnan seems to be fine at the end. They shake hands and do a real awkward bloke thing

where they can't express their emotions at that moment. It's fine. Like, it's not fine. You have an allergy to pepper. You've just technically been poisoned to Pierce Brosnan. I'd say there's a Mrs. Doubtfire too that we're not seeing where she's in prison. But then she hind-licked all the pepper out of it.

Is that what they're trying to make us believe? It came out, it was fine after that. I hadn't got into his bloodstream at all. It's too soon, like a five-second rule. Is there pepper on your prawn cocktail or are you hoping Pierce Brosnan might come over? No, I'd like a little bit of spice. Maybe a little bit of cayenne pepper.

Not too much though, just a little, like a little buzz. Like, I wasn't massively into chili growing up. We didn't really have it on any food when I was, and so I've had to really train myself to like a bit of heat. And now I'm really into it, but not too much because I think it ruins it. But yeah, like a little hint, something you want to, you want to balance lots of flavours,

you want a bit of citrus in there, you want your salt, you want a bit of sweet, you want a bit of, you know, and you want pepper in there as well. I think that's the, there's like a rule about food where you have to have salt, salt, sugar, fat, heat, or something, there's a programme on Netflix about it. That was, it's called, and the only reason I'm correct you on this

is because you've made me wish there was a never episode called sugar because it's called salt, fat, acid, heat. But I wish there was a sugar episode. Now you've said sugar, I'm like, ah, I'd love to see. Think of all the other shows you've got available on Netflix, James. You've got Sugar Rush, you've got Zumbos Just Desserts. I've watched all those, Ed. I've watched them all, and now I need more.

You've got Crazy Delicious. Crazy Delicious, available on Netflix. I'd love to see her do a series called Sugar, Sugar, Sugar, Sugar. The main course. Main course is, it's difficult because it's not, it's not difficult because there's too much option. The reason is, is because I, it's always meat from here. I'm not a, I will, I happily vegetarian food.

I've eaten some great vegan restaurants and my best mates. Well, sometimes vegan, mostly vegetarian, has prawns in Mexico. Don't tell anyone. Oh, babs. Yeah. So I love meat and I have like a sort of a top, my top meat and bottom meat. And I was, the reason I've gone for prawns at the beginning is because what I would normally do if there wasn't a sort of,

if I had steak tartare to start with, which is another favorite dish of mine, I would have gone for a lobster thermometer for my main course. So that would have been that way around. But because I've already done prawns, I'm going to go to my, I'd say that I've actually cried at this meat before. I used to live with a chef in Clapton and she was testing out her menu for her brand new restaurant and she tested it out on me. And it was the most incredible time of my life.

I'd come home and she'd make me my favorite dish and I'd, so she, she bought home, I came home and there was slow cooked pork in front of me. And I, and, and, and a little jug of gravy and that was, and the bone just pulled out of it. And there was a little jug of gravy and I cried. I was so emotional about it. I love pork so much. I think it's just the most incredible meat.

You barely have to do anything to it. It's all about what temperature you cook it, cook it. It's so, it has all of its own juices and salt and the gravy that comes off of it's amazing. So for my main course, I'm going to say a pork roast dinner with cauliflower and broccoli cheese, incredible roast potatoes, which I'm really mastering at the moment. Um, uh, barely cooked carrots. They're like hot, but they're still really crispy and they've got like a honey on them.

Paxo, definitely Paxo. I love Paxo. Little balls of Paxo. And then the most incredible pork stew juice that you've ever made turned into a gravy. And, and, and, and, and, and a dofin wa, a gratin dofin wa as well. And like, and then heartburn and then Yorkshire puddings on top of that, like a huge crispy Yorkshire pudding. Oh, ruined it in the end.

I know, I'm sorry. And then pulls away and it looks like it's like almost like a croissant. It's so good. Yes. Why don't you just put a croissant on there then? I'm sorry. There's a long running thing, Jade. I don't like Yorkshire puddings.

I think they're boring. I think you described a lovely roast dinner there, and then you may as well have just plonked an actual hat on the top of it. A lovely description of a Yorkshire put in there, like that's like a croissant. It's delicious. You know what else? Like a croissant, croissant.

Two types of potato on there. Neither of them the type I thought you'd go for. Well, a gratin dofin wa and a roast potato. There's nothing. I mean, I mean, they're delicious. I just thought that maybe Jade Adams might want a different type of potato on there. I like restaurant worthy mash.

I'm not into mash made at home. I've got a right. I know. Do you have the equipment to make a mash at home? I have. Oh, fuck off. Huh? I just took me ages.

I've walked into this. I'm just asking you if you were able to make mash at home, and how good is the utensil? Are you satisfied with the utensil that you have that you can make mash with? Are you happy with it? Is it good enough? I had to get another one.

Someone should explain, right? You two are an absolute pair of fucks. Listen, Jade, do you want to explain to the listener what's being referenced? So last year, was it last year? Who knows? Two years ago. I, two years ago.

I think that's true. I can tell you exactly what it was. It was January 2018. Wow. Why so specific the date? I know where I was. I was in Amsterdam at my friend's house, and I spent the whole day on my phone laughing,

and it was the happiest I'd ever been on social media. To the point, Jade, where recently, and this episode, I don't know if this other podcast that I did will be out by now or whatever, but I basically did a podcast that was all about social media. They asked me what was the best experience you've ever had on social media, and I just told the whole Jade Banger Mash story.

We need to explain it. Go. So basically, I ordered a mashed potato, a mash, a mash-er off of Amazon, and it said it was one of those ones that folds up so it goes flat in your drawer. So I ordered this mashed potato mash-er, and the minute it came to the house,

I was being bombarded for reviews for it, and I hadn't used it yet. And then the next day, I was, they kept on asking me every day, will I review this potato mash-er? And I hadn't, bloody, used it at that point, and I was just irritated that it, you know, like I was being handed in my, in my internet.

So I just put it up on the internet about Amazon, like, stop asking me about my potato mash-er. I've not used it yet. And then you two and several other people all started trying to make me to review this bloody mashed potato thing, and then everyone else got involved, and then a hashtag happens,

which is linked to something you did to Phil Wang that was really similar. And then I have a gig with Ed Gamble, and I turn up to this gig, it's one of the Go8 bit gig, I turn up to this gig, and you've had a bloody t-shirt made with Jade Banger Mash on it. Hashtag Jade Banger Mash,

which comes from hashtag Wang Banger Car. Yeah, because obviously, because from hashtag Wang Banger Car, when Phil Wang once made a joke about fancy in a car, and so a load of us said that he wanted to bang a car. And we did a hashtag Wang Banger Car, and then when we were winding you up about the mash-er, you said to us,

Christ, how long does this kind of stuff go on for? Someone said, quite a long time, just ask out Phil Wang, and then I said, hashtag Jade Banger Mash. That didn't go away for a while. Oh, I love it, absolutely love it. So not mash, not mash on the roast dinner then, because you don't have a good enough mash-er.

Well, I do now. I've gone through three different things to mash my potatoes. That first thing, it broke the minute I used it, because it wasn't strong enough for the force that has to go behind it to get your potatoes mashed. So the whole thing just kept breaking, and I was furious, because not only had I been asked to review this piece of shit equipment,

you two had done this old campaign on Twitter, so I was absolutely furious. And then I ordered something, which is where it blends it with a plastic rotation thing. It's called mash-er, and it's all right, it's fine. Jade Banger Mash-er. And then I got a riser. Jade Banger Riser.

Jade Banger Riser. And you're happier with the riser now. Yeah, it's much better, and I also strain it through a sieve as well. Great. Don't. No, I wouldn't even dream of it. What I like is that I assumed

Jade's going to have her guard up going into this episode. She knows we're going to bring up Jade Banger Mash. I'd forgotten about it as well. Me too. Both of you had. When I brought it up, I was looking at both of your faces and like, they both forgotten.

And then I was like, have I imagined it? Did it ever happen? Maybe Jade never banged a mash. I thought these guys, they won't bring that up on their professional podcast. I really thought it. They're not going to do that. That's absolute gold for us.

Yeah, I thought to myself, look, if it gets to the side dishes, she doesn't mention potatoes, I'll bring it up. As soon as she went, I'm going to have a roast, and you started breaking it down, I was like, this couldn't have gone better.

Here we go. Here we go. The Dauphin Wild Potatoes and the Roast Potatoes is how I like my potatoes. I'm not massively into mash. So extra fury on the amount of times I've been added on this, on the internet.

They're still doing it. It happened. I've got it. I can see it. And every now and again, it pops up again. Yeah. And now you've put it on here.

Jade, I mean, honestly, bad luck, because the hashtag JadeBaggingMash is going to trend globally now. Sorry. Thanks. Do you remember when Witch got involved? Witch.com. Oh my God, Witch got involved.

What I liked about Witch.com getting involved was that you were extra harsh on them over time. You were absolutely furious at them for being involved. They got bloody witches here. Fuck off. I hated them.

If you're worried that this will last for a long time, by the way, Jade, you should be, because we interviewed Christian and Guru Murthy two years ago and told people to send him pictures of curly fries because he'd never had one and people are still doing it. He never even seen one.

He'd never seen one. So now I'd say at least once a week still, I see a picture of a curly fry sent to Christian and Guru Murthy saying, what about this one? Send picture. Try to Christian, Guru Murthy, send. Perfect.

I think my favourite bit of Jade Bang and Mash, the one that would make me laugh the most, was every time, because sometimes you'd reply to people really long rants about it, but it was every time you replied just saying, fuck off. Really made me laugh.

It's how I really feel and it's how I actually want to... Do you know what? As much as I really enjoyed it as well, because it's the only time I've ever been able to really be myself on social media. Because normally, I want to say fuck off to so much stuff on there,

even from people I'm friends with. I'm like, I'll fucking shut up. I want to say it, but I can. And I just had this entire day where I was just able to legitimately tell people to fuck off. I loved it. Now, Jade, to move you away from the Mash,

earlier, before you listed the things on the roast dinner, you said you have a top meat and you have a bottom meat. Yeah. I'm going to need you to explain what you mean by that. I'm going to imagine you saying you've got a chart of meat. Yeah, so you're like roast dinner meats. Like the type of meat you have on a roast dinner.

I've got like a list. Take us through it. So my least favorite meat on a roast dinner, well, up until recently, it used to be roast chicken. Like I find it really boring on a roast dinner. I'm also not a huge fan of chicken breast. I think it's like dry.

It's really hard to like put moisture into it when you're cooking. However, I did a Heston chicken the other day. Granted, it took me 72 hours to make it. Yep, too long. Way too long. But it actually was the first time I'd had really great chicken.

And you couldn't even... Because he has this thing which is like smell is lost flavor. So he likes to try and keep all the smell in. And it did. The flap didn't smell like chicken when we were cooking it. It just kept all of the flavors in. So there's a YouTube video, I'll send it to you so you can tell people where it is.

Take 72, you have to put the chicken in a brine solution to begin with for 24 hours. And then when you cook it, you cook it for an hour and a half at 90 degrees, which is quite low, but an hour and a half. And then at the last minute, you whack the oven up, take it out, let it rest for a minute, whack the oven up for about 20 minutes on its highest setting,

crisp up the outside, and it is utterly perfect. But it's not my favorite. The next step from the bottom is lamb. I find lamb a little bit, just a bit bloody and a bit like... I'm not massively into that. And then beef is a really great one. But I also, if I'm going to have beef, I like it as a steak with chips and mushrooms and stuff.

I don't really want to have it in a roast dinner. First is pork. And then all the way at the bottom are all the fancy ones, like when people have bloody pheasant and goose and stuff like that. Yeah, they're trying to make a point, those people. It's way too middle class. That's what people recognize as a roast dinner. And normally, I'm looking forward to this Christmas, actually,

because when I do my turkey, I'm going to do the chicken thing that he did with that, what I did the other day, and see if it makes my turkey a Christmas better. Or just do what you did last time and make a prawn cocktail that's so big. You don't even need to cook a turkey. Exactly. It's a good technique. Ultimate cheat code.

I think all the meats... I grew up having all the roast meats not great. So when I think of all... Anyone could tell me any list of... Like could do their top to bottom roast meats. And I would think that makes sense, because now I've had all of them badly.

I would say that if anyone's had the bad versions of any of those, I wouldn't blame them for never wanting to go near them again. But then I feel like I've now had all of them good. And so even though I've had brilliant roast chicken, I'll accept that as the bottom one from most people. But then after that, lamb broke my heart how low down it was. Yeah. I haven't had it good though.

I would probably change if I had good lamb, but I haven't ever. I'd say... Now, this is going to upset you, Jade. Here's my chart incoming. Bottom is pork. Ah! What? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I only... What are you doing? You weren't ready for that. I just think the traditional roast pork is done... It's done too quickly. I think... Look, I love pulled pork. Like really low and slow, proper pork shoulder. Just like really fall apart.

The fat's all melted. Absolutely delicious. Low and slow and ready to go. Low, slow and ready to go. Lovely. Roasted pork, often done too quickly, dries it out. Bottoms pork. Then beef. Feel the same about beef. Very rarely get a nice bit of roast beef that's cooked to a proper temperature.

Then chicken, because I've had some fantastic chickens, and then lamb is easy, King of the Roastmates. Wow. I really haven't explored lamb as much as I should do. Because I... You know, you guys have eaten great food, you know. Do you like the lamb? Do you like leg of lamb, I'm guessing? Shoulder's my favourite cut. Oh, really?

Fatty. Yeah. All right. I'll make a lamb one day, I'll let you know. The thing is with pork is pork belly is the roast one. That's the one you have. Do you have a square of pork belly? Pork belly and... Okay, I wasn't... You know, I wasn't even considering pork belly in that situation.

It's almost like I think of that like a different meat. It was pork belly I was referring to. Oh, it is good actually. All right. I'll let you have that. The layers of meat and fat and meat and fat and meat and fat and crisp. I mean, oh, it's incredible. Okay. Here's a little one for you. We're making like a Frankenstein type animal

that would be the best roast dinner. So let's say it's got the belly of a pig and the shoulders of a lamb. Yeah. What else are we chucking in there from the cow? It's got a pig's head. Pig's head's great for like stock and stuff. So like pork is the best for stock or the hooves or its feet are pig. It's got a pig's head and a pig's belly.

It's got a pig's trotters. So far it's a pig with lamb's shoulders. A pig with all these shoulders. No, I'm going, I'm chicken thighs. I was going to say chicken thighs. Chicken thighs, yeah. Chicken thighs. It's got a half coming out of its shoulders like lobster claws.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. It's got to have lobster claws. Yeah, big lobster claws at the front. What other cow are we doing though? Oh, what bit of cow? No, like where's like the rib eye from?

I want the rib eye. Wherever that bit's from, I want that. Like a section, like it's a hearth sculpture. Like a cross section of a rib eye in the animal. It's like cut in between and then in between the pig's belly, you've got like the perfect rib eye. Tested there. I mean, it sounds like an absolute monster, doesn't it?

Someone draw it. Go on. Someone draw it. Don't worry. Someone will draw it. Someone will do a photoshop of it. We'll be getting set that for a long while. What noise would it make?

The first time you made a noise, someone would shoot it to put it out its misery. Oh, I've got, can I try it? Can I try and make the noise for you? Yes. All right, wait there. Wait there. I've got, I have to get an instrument, wait there.

Okay. In my head, it's going to make the noise of the bear in annihilation. Not seen it. Oh, Ed, I can't believe you've not seen annihilation. That's exactly your type of film. You would love it. I'm too busy watching Sugar Right. Right, you ready?

Yeah. Yes. This is what noise I think it would make, right? Okay. Ready? Okay. Jade had a horn there and she also screamed, but I couldn't really hear the horn,

so it was just, Jade thinks the noise that animal would make is her screaming. There you go. We can, in post, Bonito can edit those together so that the horn, we got the horn in isolation there. So make sure, Bonito, after all this, you play what it would sound like in, what it sounded like in Jade's mind.

Play the scream and the horn together, the horn louder. Ben's saying no, all going in like this. Ben, thank you, Bonito. Now, Jade, you've done the very tricksy thing there of describing your main course with loads of sides, knowing that we're going to ask you what side you want. Are you happy with those to be included as your sides,

or do you want to add an extra side? I'll add more, for sure. Go on. What's your dream side dish, then? So we've got cauliflower cheese and broccoli cheese, but that's got like five different cheeses in it, you know? It's got loads of cheese, different cheese, love cheese. Oh, and truffle, and truffle as well.

Truffle and cheese is incredible. Yeah. Always exciting to hear someone loves cheese and see how annoyed James gets at that. Slightly worried. People are allowed to like cheese, especially on cauliflower and broccoli, that's fine. Yeah, okay.

We're in an appropriate course. But people like and cheeses, like people like and Shawshank Redemption is a favourite movie, you know? Like, we know that movie's great. Yeah, yeah, but it'd be mad if someone said, you know, what's your favourite song? And someone said the Shawshank Redemption.

So that's what it's like when people say cheese for dessert. Oh, God. I mean, there are, I mean, we're getting to that. It's not, it's not for me, so don't worry, I'm not going to anger you coming up. Thank you, yeah. Although cheese, some cheese is truffle honey. Cheese and truffle honey.

So that's the thing. You can say what you like about, you're not going to anger him, but then you think, but cheese. I don't know where it's come from. It's a tiny little jar, very, very small jar of truffle honey is in my cupboard. I think someone gave it to me as part of a present. There doesn't mean other stuff,

but I just found it the other day and I'm trying to think of what I'm going to have it on. Cheese. Cheese, I guess. If you're not a massive fan of cheese, then what I'm about to say is not going to work really, but you want, you can get like a rock for it. Something strong with that truffle honey is incredible. A really fungily taste.

You want it to like sort of dance on your tongue with the truffle honey. Okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to get it today. And have it on like some, like if you're going to have it on like a car's water biscuit or something like that, something thin and crispy, but that's the only way I really like cheese.

That figs and walnuts on it as well. Like I love a cheese board and lots of things on it, but like they never do that in restaurants. It's always just like, oh, loads of cheese, but like what goes with it? Come on. Sure. So you've got all those sides as part of the main. What are you going to be adding to the side board? The only thing I wanted to add from the other ones

that I've already said, it's like a buttery cabbage. Something like some really salty buttery cabbage as well with it. That would be lovely. Which if you have leftover as the next day, you can have bubble and squeak with an egg on top, which is my thing. Yes. I think that, is that the first shout out

for bubble and squeak on the podcast potentially? Might be. Love bubble and squeak. Bubble and squeak is amazing. It's the best thing about roast dinners. It's the next day when you turn it into a, into like, well, it's like a potato cake, don't you? That's what it is.

Yeah, it's just a mash-up, right? And then like a lashed duck egg on top, you know? I first heard about bubble and squeak because there was a story that got read to us in school, a book called bubble and squeak about a family who had two gerbils who were called bubble and squeak. Then later on in the day, the mum makes the dish bubble and squeak and the kids think she's cooked the gerbils and get upset. Sort of fucked up story as that.

It's a kids book. That was like the story we were led to. But like, none of us in our, you know, year four class or whatever knew what bubble and squeak was at that point. And so we're like, we don't understand what the, the gerbils are named bubble and squeak, which is pretty reasonable names for gerbils. Yeah.

And then suddenly the mum, for no reason, is saying that she's cooked them. I'm winding the kids up and the kids are upset. So you're very much seeing it through the eyes of the kids at this point. Yeah. Because it's like the mum has made a dish and decided to name it after the gerbils rather than the gerbils being named after the dish. Yeah.

So she's like, oh, this will wind them up. This will be funny. And then when she describes what the dish is, you're like, what? We come onto your dream drink. Oh, someone's at the door. Someone's at the door. Is Babs getting that? Babs will get that.

Babs is getting it. Babs will get that. I wonder what it is. I haven't ordered anything recently. Jade, when we ask you your favorite drink there, you smiled in a way that suggested you were thinking about every single drink on the planet. Yes. It was so hot.

I love drink. Have you narrowed it down? I've got one. I've got one we'd go for. So I would, I, you know, I'm imagining with all these mothers, I've already, I've got a wine pairing with each of these, these courses anyway. That's just standard at my restaurant.

You know, you just, you have something that's paired with it. When it comes to this specific drink, oh, it's a parcel for me. When it comes to... Can I open it? Light on the pod? Do you want me to? Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you, Babs. Great. Thanks, Babs. Absolutely. I said thanks, Babs. Special delivery. It's got like one of those little labels on it. That's a special delivery.

Oh, please be a masher. Absolutely. Imagine if we had done that, if we'd sent you a masher to be delivered during the podcast. What is it? Pants! For the listener, it's a pair of pants. Or no, two pairs of pants.

With crazy designs on them. Yeah, a whole bunch of them. Oh, no. Three pairs of pants. That one's the planets. That's got planets on it. Another pair. A big octopus.

Killer whales. Killer whales on those pants. Killer whales on those pair of pants. This is the first time anyone's ever had pants delivered live on the podcast. Oh, dragon scales, it looks like. Oh, dragon scales are like peacock sort of style. Yeah, multi-coloured. Jade, how many pairs of pants are in yours?

12 pairs of pants. You ordered 12 pairs of pants. Yeah. I mean, they're the best pants I've ever seen to be sure. Yeah. They're from my friend, a curious moon. She sent me a free pair and then I just ordered a load off her. I love them.

Thanks. I love that. I've just opened that on here. Just as I was getting to my drink of it as well. Great. Yeah. I've just really glad I've got new pants. It feels, what a great moment.

Honestly, I've done it recently as well. Bought some new pants. Job a lot of new pants throughout all my old ones. I feel like a new man. Do you wear them right down to, because like mine have bits, like there's holes and stuff. I wear them to that point. And the hole's always in the same place and I don't know why.

But. Where is it? If my assertions are correct, I'm farting out pure acid. Acid fart, it's great. Yeah. Imagine Ed farting like Thomas the Tank engine now. And the scream noise actually. Yeah.

That's more what I imagine Ed's fart sounds like. Yeah. My wind sounds like a woman screaming. Yeah. Oh, it is, everyone. No, no, no, nothing happened. No, no, I've just eaten too much pork. We've got to get onto this drink, because we've now opened a whole packet of pants.

It's my dream restaurant. You said anything can happen. Absolutely. Right. The drink, please. Jungle bird cocktail. I've been making it all of lockdown and it is an absolutely delicious cocktail. It's stunning.

My friend Hannah Landfair, who, well, she is widely known in cocktail circles in London, has been one of the best. I messaged her just before lockdown and said, what's your favorite cocktail? I'm going to make it. And it's a jungle bird. It's like a tiki cocktail. It's got rum.

It's got pineapple, campari for a bit of bitterness. It's got pineapple juice, which froths up when you whisk it. So pineapple juice reacts like an egg white does. So if you're vegan and you want to have that foamy stuff, if you have a cocktail that's shaken with pineapple in it, it will foam up. And it's got lime juice and it's served. So a cute little thing you can do is buy a pineapple and you can make the juice out of that as well.

It's nice when it's fresh. And if you pull out one of the leaves and then cut it down the middle and just hang it on the glass, that presentation and that drink is incredible. That does sound very nice. You've been making them at home? Yeah, all the way through lockdown. I had a chap called Paul Sweeney staying with me who is a comedian but also cuts our hair.

All of us, I think. Yes, all of us, yes. I'm seeing him later today. Are you? Excellent. One-clock haircut booked in. I've had my hair cut all of lockdown because Paul's been staying with us. Get your hair dresser in when you're pre-locked out.

I think many people had the foresight to do that. That was clever. Yeah, those cocktails, they're really delicious and they're really easy to make. Have a cocktail shaker that I just got online. It's called a Boston shaker. Just get a little kit. And there's certain measurements that you can put.

You can just Google Jungle Bird and try and find a nice looking cocktail. They'll give you all the measurements for it. But I just pour it in. I know what I like really. But there are measurements online. But it's such a great cocktail. It's fruity. It's bitter.

It's sweet. It's sour. It's full of ice. You have it in a nice glass. It looks amazing and then it tastes amazing. And it's a great palette cleanser as well at this juncture. How many are you drinking in one sitting? Because it sounds quite sweet.

It sounds like a lot going on in that. Yeah, I wouldn't have. I mean, we've had lots of them, but I wouldn't have say any more than about two or three of them. They're easy to put. I made a jug of them over at my friend Babs's house, if I may enough, when I went to see her. And we made a jug of it and it still tasted good.

But yeah, you want two or three, two or three of those. That's quite cool. I wouldn't stick with the same drink, though, more than maybe twice. So I like to sort of change. I love to have tasting menus because I love getting full up, but like having loads of different things. Like it's just so interesting to me to like,

rather than just have a big plate of something, I'd like, you know, little portions of that's why I was like, I want something in between the bread and the starter, like a little canopy or, you know, like I love that. But this is three quarters. How I feel every time I'm eating or drinking something, I worry that I'm never going to eat or drink that thing again and feel the same way about all food.

So I just have to eat as much of it as possible and as many different things in one sitting. Because what if you never get it again? Exactly. This is the last time I have a lobster thermidor or a pork belly or maybe this, you know, like there was the last time we were picked up as children. What if that happens with your favourite food?

Sorry? You know, like when you're younger, there's a last time that your parents ever picked you up. Oh man, I've never thought about this. I haven't either. That's really bummed me out. Also, James is confused because his parents still pick him up. I'm going to get picked up all the time. Can we come to your dessert?

So here's the question about dessert. The issue I have here is I could go with like fancy restaurant dessert here because I have a favourite of a fancy, like you know, like fancy, just like a nice dessert you'd get at a restaurant that I always enjoy having. However, I'm lying when I say that.

I'm just trying to keep this facade that I actually have a refined palette when in actual fact, if I wasn't massively over full, say like I had an ever-expanding stomach and I didn't get full up, the thing I would actually have, the thing I would actually have

is school dessert with mint custard. Oh, just school dessert? You know, like the sponge, the sponge with icing and 100,000s on top with mint custard. This is incredible. Jade. Jade, this is the first

in the dream restaurant. Now, first of all, what I would like to say is that sounds like the school pudding sounds nice. The mint custard is a bit of a, we didn't see that coming. Fine, but we don't need to talk about that. I don't know if you're aware of this, Jade.

Every episode we do, we have a secret ingredient that if the guest mentions it, they get kicked out the restaurant and don't get any dinner. It's never happened before. No one has ever said it. On the first episode we did,

Scroogeous Pip said it, but then agreed to not have it on the thing. But that was only because it was the first episode. We wanted people to know what the format was. It would have been confusing if we put it out and just we'd kick a guy out. And that's the whole podcast.

And so we said we'd never allow that again. This week, the secret ingredient is hundreds and thousands. Jade Adams, please leave the dream restaurant. Get out, Jade! You are not getting any dinner. You are not getting any dinner. No dinner.

You are out on your ass. And leave the page behind. Leave the pants. They stay here now. All the posts that was delivered to the restaurant stays in the dream restaurant. Pants are ours. Put the pork in the bin.

Pour that jungle bird in the sink. Yeah. No dinner for Jade. Oh, I can't believe it's happened. I never knew it would be hundreds and thousands that did it. Wait there! Wait there! She's going away again.

Oh, man, we've done it. We've actually kicked someone out. We've actually done it. And it was right at the end as well. It was a perfect time for it to happen. She got to say all the things she wanted and now we're going to put it all in the bin. Oh, my God.

I feel so alive. So excited about our menu. I've always wondered how we would feel when someone says it. And I always thought that we would feel awful. And I thought one day, when someone says the secret ingredient, I'm going to feel really bad about chucking them out.

And I felt so excited. Oh, what she got here? She's genuinely got a bag of hundreds and thousands in her house. That's a whole bag. That's a massive bag as well. No one has hundreds of thousands in their house. What the hell? She's currently eating them out of the bag.

Yep, she's eating them out of the bag. You can eat them on the bus on the way home from the dream restaurant because you are out of here, Jade. Yeah. Fuck your base. Hashtag Jade bag hundreds and thousands. Jade bag hundreds and thousands.

New hashtag. I can't believe I've been kicked out. What are the chances? What are the chances? I'd say hundreds of thousands. And so happy it's just when you've talked about everything you want and you're so excited about the whole menu

and now we get to say you don't get any of it. Well, I get hundreds of thousands because I got a mirror. Eating them. That's Jade Adams post-workout routine. A cigarette and a bag of hundreds and thousands. Well, Jade, normally at this point we say thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant but we don't need to be polite to you

because you picked hundreds of thousands. Oh, how does it feel, Jade? Do you know what? I feel fucking great because I'm the one person who got kicked out. So, yeah. That makes me punk. I'm like Liam Gallagher right now.

I love it. Yes, bitches. Come outside with me, guys. Fuck this podcast. Fuck them. I'm going to do a podcast about hundreds and thousands and you guys travel on your fucking dicks. Oh, thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant,

Jade. It's a shame that you couldn't get any dinner today. Oh, I feel so alive. Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take my James Acaster Best Show Short or Comedy Awards 2019 award that I have in my house because you haven't picked it up yet. I've got you've got that.

And I, isn't it? No, don't pick hundreds and thousands. Don't pick hundreds and thousands. No, don't pick up my award in hundreds and thousands, Jade. I've put hundreds and thousands all over your award. You're using it like a plight. I'm going to take a picture. Yeah, take a picture of it.

Absolutely love it. Come in my award with a secret ingredient. Well, I'm going to put that out there. That's the weirdest thing that's ever happened on this podcast. Also, not many guests have in their house an award that was meant for me. I've got two. And the bag of hundreds and thousands.

You've got two awards that I wasn't there for. You and Rich picked them up. I won there. Rich was. Rich picked it up. Well, Jade, normally we read the order back to you, but I'm not going to do that today. Oh, no, I am going to read the order back to her, actually.

Oh, OK. Quarter, nothing. Pop a dom's your bread. Fuck all. Starter in your dreams. The main course, zilch, side dish, as if dessert. You can cram it forever. None of this.

You're getting none of it in the bin. In the bin, in, in, in, the bin, bin. You're not getting any or you're not getting any. Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Jade. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you this time. Bucky base. Oh, I can't believe it. I can't believe it happened.

Finally happened and it felt better than I ever could have anticipated. It really felt good. I thought it would be awkward when we had to actually do it, but I loved it. I hope it happens every time from now on. Yeah, I hope it happens every time. I hope it happens during the water course. Yes.

We've got to start just making still water the secret ingredient. Yeah, it's great. Straight away. It was great and it was a great person for it to happen to as well. Jade is a good sport and also gets really angry. Yep, very fun to bully. So thank you, podcast gods, for allowing us to bully Jade and kick her out with nothing to eat.

Don't forget the hashtag Jade bang 100s and 1000s. Get in contact with her on Twitter about that. Also, you should watch her Amazon Prime special, Serious Blackjumper. That's available wherever you are. If you have Amazon Prime, it is a very, very funny show. So check that out. Also, the food show that we were talking about

with Hester Blumenthal is available on Netflix. It's called Crazy Delicious and the A Musical Podcast. She's got a lot going on that lady, apart from dinner, because she's on the bus with no dinner. No dinner, but plenty of pants. Actually, no, because we confiscated the pants. The pants were in the restaurant as well. No dinner, no pants.

We're on social media at Off Menu Official on Twitter and Instagram. And our website is offmenupodcast.co.uk. Go and check it out. Why not pop on to Apple Podcasts? Give us a review. Leave a five-star rating. That sort of thing.

Tell your friends about the podcast. Thank you very much for listening. We will see you again soon for hopefully another guest who has a secret ingredient. We get to kick them out on their arses. Thank you very much. We've got a taste for it. Goodbye.

Hi, I'm Gina Martin, a campaigner and writer. And I'm Stevie Martin. I'm a comedian and writer, and also we're sisters. We are sisters, and we're doing our new podcast, Mike Delete Later. It's a podcast about social media, about going back. We're going to get your embarrassing ones, things you like, things you don't like,

and we're talking to all of them types of people. So many different types of people. We've got writers. We've got comedians. Maybe we'll get a politician. Maybe we'll get a dog. Maybe I'll talk to a plant. Deal with it.

Who knows? It's like a little snapshot into people's social media lives. Yeah. And hopefully it will make you think more about how you use social media and how you feel about it. So do subscribe on all of the platforms that you usually get your podcasts on and visit at Mike Delete Later pod on Instagram

because we're going to be putting up really fun videos and the things that you didn't see in the podcast episode. Oh, exciting. Thanks, dudes. Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since.

And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case. Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking into your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News.

It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News

we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening.

There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.