Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 91: Joel Kim Booster

Episode Date: February 17, 2021

LA-based comedian and writer Joel Kim Booster has brought his blender to the dream restaurant this week. Is there something about Joels and food? Plus, James gets INCREDIBLY offensive. (This episode was recorded pre-pandemic.)Listen to Joel Kim Booster’s podcast ‘Urgent Care with Joel Kim Booster and Mitra Jouhari’ wherever you get your podcastsFollow Joel Kim Booster on Twitter and Instagram @ihatejoelkimRecorded by Ben Williams and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, the podcast that's not sweet, not salty, but it's a mix up box. Like popcorn. Like popcorn. Hello, Ed Gamble. Hello, Jose Caster. How are you?

Very well. Thank you. I'm looking forward to this week's episode of Off Menu. We've got a guest coming into our dream restaurant, haven't we? And we're going to ask them their favorite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink. Keep going. And today's guest is Joel Kim Booster. Very good. What an announcement for Joel Kim Booster. I love his name. Yeah, it's a good name. It's a good name. And he's a great guy, very funny comedian.

He's going to be a wonderful guest. I'm going to be interested to hear his food choices because he's in shape, man. This guy is in shape. But last time we had an in shape guest, Joel Domet. Another Joel. It went quite badly. So fingers crossed, this is not going to go badly. And fingers crossed that Joel doesn't say the secret ingredient, which means he will be removed from the restaurant. And the secret ingredient this week is Popped Quinoa.

Popped Quinoa, James. Now, I think this was your suggestion. Was it? Yes. I've never had it. Right. Well, if Joel says it, he's fucking out. Yeah. Yeah. I guess he's out. I mean, it sounds quite nice. Yeah. I mean, I'm not averse to it. I quite like quinoa, but I guess it's like quinoa when it's been like, it's all crispy. And it's like sort of very dry sand. Maybe I'm

not into that. Yeah. Yeah. Just to get behind the concept of it, I'm going to say I don't like it. Also, we're here in Los Angeles. This is one of our LA episodes and all of them around here in quinoa. So we're trying to catch him. Yeah, we're trying to catch him if we can. So, Joel Quinoa is going to do his off menu now. Don't say Popped Quinoa. Please, Joel. We'd like to keep you in the restaurant. Okay. Here's the off menu menu. Oh, Joel Quinoa.

Joel Quinoa. Welcome, Joel Kimboos. Oh, wow. We're just, we're going to go right into it. We're here, man. Look, we're here. We're in the dream restaurant. See, I, it's a very American thing to, as a guest on a podcast, to sit and watch you to chat for roughly five to 15 minutes silently, not being able to add anything to the conversation and then to be introduced. That's how we do it here. I have been on podcast where that's happened and it's a really awkward start to a podcast I find where, especially if they're talking about their guests, they've got coming up

and you want to be like, I can talk for myself. You could have done this before I got here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome, Joel Kimboos to the dream restaurant. Yeah, there he is. I've been expecting you for some time. James is a genie waiter. Oh, right.

I have to burst out the lamp. That's why I wasn't saying anything immediately when you guys were chatting because I was like, oh, hang back. He was very much in an American podcast situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, burst out of the lamp. Can you hear in the lamp? We never established that. I can hear you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I always hear everything you say.

Yeah. Some of it's not very kind, Ed. No, no, I thought that lamp was a soundproof, but. Yeah, no, you say a lot of mean things about me. But yeah, no, I'm a genie. I can get you any food from anywhere you like. Great. And anytime in your life.

That's amazing. Yeah, so don't worry about that. I don't know if you were worrying about that. I wasn't, but yeah, I'm really excited. I've been thinking hard about these questions. You have. I have to warn you, though, that like this is going to be the like the shittiest episode of this.

I don't know, man. Well, I just in terms of like the food, because like I was really thinking about like growing up in the Midwest of America has like ruined my palate in such a way. And I famously now over the last couple of years, I don't like enjoy food anymore. Like I don't really like eat it to enjoy it. I do a lot of like it's it's very utilitarian. My view on food now is very utilitarian. Like I blend a lot of chicken just to get it in my body quickly.

Because I'm very like I have a certain amount of calories I need to hit in a day. And like I have so much time. And so I'll just throw two chicken breasts in a blender with some water, blend it up, and then I can eat two chicken breasts in like 90 seconds. It's amazing. When you said this is going to be the shittiest episode, I was like, no way. And then you blended the chicken breast. I was like, he's right.

This guy doesn't even eat food. There's a I post sometimes I'll post a video of of it on Instagram. And I'll I'll just shed like a hundred followers. Of course, yeah, is so upset. Look, it's like you've moved into an old people's home early. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's actually where I got the idea from. Oh, yeah, of course.

No, because my grandma was in hospice care for so long. We're blending her food. And I was like, well, that sounds actually quite smart. All these old people are rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, how good they were looking, not in the hospice. Hospice is really sexy. Yeah. OK, so we've sort of we've got an idea of this. Even season the chicken breast, is it just like sometimes I'll like

if I get it from like a restaurant, it'll come seasoned. But sometimes I'll just throw two chicken breasts in a microwave for a couple of minutes until it's cooked and then throw it in the blender and then blend. It's microwave microwave chicken breast. Yeah, I just needed to be cooked and then throw it in the blender. And then sometimes if I'm low on like the amount of calories I need to get, I will put olive oil in the water mixture with the chicken.

And that, I guess, is sort of seasoning it in a way. I'm not seasoning it, but it adds a little bit of flavor. How many calories do you need to hit a day? I need to eat roughly around like 3,000 calories a day. I have never to be like it can't just be anything. Like I could get it's also I'm also like tracking how much like protein and carbs and fat is well. And that's where that's why the chicken becomes important

because I could just eat McDonald's twice. Yeah, I can hit that if I needed to. But I've never been in a situation where I'm like, I've got to try and hit my calories. I've never been under. I'm almost always under because I don't like to eat. Yeah, I don't enjoy it. I like to go out to a restaurant with friends.

I like the social aspect of eating. Like that's one of my things. But like I if I'm like at home and I'm like, fuck, I have to eat. And then I'm just like annoyed that I have to do it. OK, so you don't know to exercise? Yeah, a fair amount. Is that why you have to hit? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's for you. Yeah, to make sure. Because like if I just were left to my own devices, I would be a very, very skinny person, which is like, I'm sure people are some people are listening to this and being like, that sounds great. I wish I had that problem. But that's not great for me. It's also it's also a problem.

Just the other I had to eat chicken breast in a blender. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what you have to do. Yeah. And when Joel says he does a bit of a moderate amount of exercise, I've giggled with Joel once in Montreal, and he was doing sit ups before he went on. That is not true. That is true. That is not true. That is true. When what show is the Catherine Ryan TV game in Montreal?

Well, I was, I think, wearing like a crop top or something. I was making that up to your face. That seemed like something I would do. But I was also so ashamed. Hearing it back, hearing it. You were ashamed on the night. Seeing myself reflected. Yeah. Now, James, we've never met before. No, we've never met because both of you have what I would describe

as one of the six face types that exists in the UK. There are only six templates for white men in the UK. You both have two of them. Yeah, I think you and your producer, Ben, have roughly the same template. I hope not. Do you have names for all the templates? No, I don't. But you just one of those. It's like porn, you know, when you see it, you know, like there's even less

in Australia, though, there's only like four over there because, you know, sure, in breeding. Yeah. But how many are there in America? There's tons. We're a melting pot. There's too much. No, white guy faces. Oh, white guy faces. There's probably like 10 or 12. Oh, wow. I think there's there's more for sure.

OK. You guys are small islands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Is there names for our different faces? I mean, I'm wondering what kind of a face template we have. I know you've already asked it, but like I'm just saying, like for Ed, specifically insecure now that that's happened. Sorry, I'm sorry to do that to you right off the bat. But after we get off the podcast, I'll show you at least like three people

who look like Ed to me. Yeah. Yeah. I get that a lot. Sure. I used to have a joke about looking like when you design your own character on a computer game before you've added anything. Default template. Default face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my one's the same, but you change the head to blonde. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. The same as you.

No, we don't look the same. No, no, no, no, no. I don't say. But I would say. Apparently, yeah. Ben and then that also that guy from 1917. Yeah, I'll take that. I've got no, James. I'll have people like George McKay. Yeah, James isn't on Twitter anymore. But obviously we do a podcast together.

So I'd say 50 percent of my social media interactions are people asking me questions for me to ask to James. And I've had a lot of tweets saying, can you tell James he looks like the guy from 19. Wow. Great. See. See. Complement. I like George McKay a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I like him. Happy with that. Yeah. Great.

Good. I like him. Good guy. You look and you look like the guy from Nicholas Holt. Yes, I've had that before. You get that a lot. I look like the guy from Nicholas Holt. Yeah. The guy from Nicholas Holt. Yeah. I just was surprised I remembered his name. That's very good. Yeah. He's one of the six. One of the main six.

We always start with still sparkling water on the podcast. You're already drinking still water. Yeah. So still tap. Give it to me. Yeah. No matter where I am in the world. Whip some chicken. The first place I ever got. First question I ask when I go to any new country is, can I drink the water here?

Can I drink the tap water? Even some cities. Especially in America, it can change depending on where you go. So that's very important. Now, I just drink the water, tap water wherever I am without checking. Is that bad? Probably. I mean, some places in America,

it could be Dicey, certainly. Well, we were drinking it in New York and people were very evangelical about this. Yeah. The tap water in New York is great. I like the tap water here, too. Right. Okay. Where's the worst tap water, apart from the places that are in the news

that famously have terrible tap water? Oh, I mean, those are the places. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just wouldn't. Sometimes it comes out like looking like milk and that worries me a little bit, but New York's tap water is like that, too. But then you wait a little bit and it settles.

They settle. But people are like, that's good. I mean, it's minerals. Oh, I know what it means. It's like Guinness. But where are the minerals coming from? Yeah. Yeah. And where do they go?

Yeah. Where does the milk color go when you know that settle? I don't appreciate it, but yeah. I always ask at hotels because they always charge like $9 for a bottle of water that's sitting in the room. Yeah. And I'm like, can I just use the stuff that's in the room?

Yeah. Well, yeah. Sometimes they just want you to buy that $9 bottle of water. Yeah, they've got you. What about the UK? What about London? I remember drinking the water in London. Different areas of London are different.

You've got hard water areas, soft water areas. OK. Well, I was in zone three. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I thought the water was fine. That's good. Zone three water is good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Zone three.

Oh, we can get you tap. That's no problem. Great. Yeah, man. No problem whatsoever. And I mean, I guess for someone who doesn't like food or eat and tap water is like the dream for you. Yeah. But I will say that like, and we can get into it later on in the meal,

but my like the drink that I do enjoy, like drinking is like the kind of drink specifically is like pretty important to me. Still. OK. Yeah. But then by the sound of things, all your meals are drinks. Yeah. That's a good portion of them. So to be fair, even though you're chicken drink, sometimes I'll get a full plate from a restaurant chicken

and then mashed potatoes and then some sort of salad. And I'll just put it all in. No, you won't. Yeah. Joel. Why? It's all going to the same place. Again, it's like going to the same place. It's about speed and efficiency. Joel, technically, all of us are going to the same place.

I either create, you know. It doesn't mean we might as well walk around covered in worms, you know, let them eat your face. We just don't have enough time. I mean, that's the thing. Like, I just don't have enough time to sit there and like eat. I would rather like be moving on to the next thing. Right.

Unless there's, especially if I'm alone. This is only if I'm alone. If I'm with other people, I don't do it. No one's ever full on witnessed me. You've not invited people over for a meal or something and then just blend of the salad. No, that's not that dark yet. Not that dark yet.

The glasses, just pour them all a glass of salad and chicken and mashed potatoes. It's all the same in the end, guys. It's all going to the same place. I mean, technically, it's going to the same place. You're talking about your stomach, but really that's not your final destination. I mean, how is it not soup?

I guess is my question. Isn't that just soup? One time I got a bowl of tomato soup, mashed potatoes and chicken and I blended it all up together and it just tasted like tomato soup with chicken and mashed potatoes. Right, okay, yeah, yeah. So it's like a magical drink.

Yeah, it was just soup. It was just a big soup. Does the texture not gross you out? No. Texture doesn't really is not one of the things gross me out. Smell is the only, I guess, thing that will gross me out, but I'm not one of those people who's like,

oh, I don't like the texture of tapioca, so I can't eat it. Right, okay. Or cottage cheese or something. Yeah, because it's all blended in the end anyway. Yeah, cottage cheese. We have cottage cheese. I love cottage cheese. Oh yeah, oh yeah, blend's easy.

God, cause you love it. Papa Dom's all bread. What? What was the first one? Papa Dom's all bread. What the fuck is a Papa Dom? Papa Dom's all bread. Papa Dom's and don't worry, Joel,

we've been in America for a while and it's normally gets this reaction. Papa Dom's are like a crispy Indian snack. Yes, okay, I have had those. Indian chips, got it. Indian chips, yeah. Also you can have anything that you'd normally have at the bread course in any kind of restaurant you can have.

It doesn't have to be even Papa Dom's. No, no, no, I love a mixed basket of bread. Okay. And then this isn't gonna be a continuing theme cause you guys don't have like Greek diners in the UK like we have here, which is like a grand tradition of like a 25 page menu that has way too much shit on it. And some of which they'll have never cooked,

but like that's like, I love like a mixed, there's like weird different kinds of rolls, some of which you'll never touch like rye rolls and then those little like unrappable butters. Right, yeah, yeah. That's the shit. Yeah. How, what temperature do you want the unrappable butters at?

I mean, room is ideal or somewhere like hotter than room, I guess, sometimes we'll put them in the basket with the bread if the bread is fresh, but not most of the time it's not. So does it really help? But I'll eat a hard stick of butter. I'll just stick it on top of the bread and then bite down with the butter and the bread.

So let me get it straight. So normally you're blending up the food. So when it comes to a spread, you're going, I'm gonna have that hard. You don't want anything in the state it's supposed to be in. Ideally it would be spreadable, but if it's not spreadable,

which it often isn't cause they're keeping it in the fridge, which is good, you know, you like that. I'll eat it like a little like, you know, sandwich almost. Butter sandwich. Yeah, little butter sandwich. Yeah, butter sandwich, yeah. Okay. So do you want the bread from the Greek diner,

the bread basket food, the Greek diner? That's definitely what I want. Yeah, I don't think a Greek diner, it's not Greek food necessarily, it's just run by. No, no, no, it's definitely, it's just usually like owned by a Greek person, traditionally speaking. And then like, there is like one page

maybe dedicated to Greek food. This changes, like there are other people who own these types of diners of other sort of ethnicities and backgrounds and like that style will get one page maybe, but it is truly like a 22 page and you know, and it's usually they're open 24 hours. Usually there's like a few hallmarks

that they will always have, like all of them have huge breakfast sessions, everyone will have like every kind of burger, every kind of like chicken, and then stuff that like you should never order from these places like lobster and like, seafood in general is usually pretty bad. And then like the same kind of appetizers will appear.

Right, okay. I suppose on a 20 page menu, don't go for the seafood because the chances of anyone ordering it are low and they're not gonna have fresh stuff in it every day. No, never, never, never. It's never, you never see market price on one of these menus.

Yes. It's just like, there is no market, that's just whatever they have in the bag. So a little assorted bread basket. Yeah, that's what we start with. Now, normally I wouldn't rush so quickly to the actual start, but you're intrigued, right?

Well, of course I'm intrigued. I'm trying to figure out what Joel's gonna... By the way, previously in terms of other guests who've talked about food in a very sort of functional way, the only other guest who's talked about it in the same way as you have is Joel Dommett. So basically it's... Oh wow, Joel's.

It's Joel's who want sort of smoothies and shakes. They do a lot of exercise. Yeah, yeah, exercising Joel's turns out to be sort of a runny thing. But no, you'll see, because when I go, when I'm out with friends, like my favorite thing, like post-show, post anything, is to go to one of these diners very late at night,

especially, oh, if I'm like out and I'm not gonna have sex with somebody, then I'm definitely going to like one of these diners. There's a bunch of them in L.A. Roll back there. If I'm out and I'm not gonna have sex with somebody. Yeah. Now, at what point during the evening,

do you know that you're out and you're not gonna have sex with somebody? It depends on what kind of, what the situation is, but like it's all leading up to sort of like the hour before either one of those things happened. You know what is, like if you have no prospects, about like 30 minutes, an hour before the bar closes, then I'm gathering a group to go.

And you're like, no, I'm not having sex with anyone here. Sometimes it's later too. And sometimes it's like at a warehouse party where it's like by five AM, you have decided that it's not gonna happen. So then you have to like get some street meat and really cave and just like allow yourself to eat. Street meat is, you mean food,

that's not a euphemism for like a last resort. Yeah. I thought there's no proper prospects. So I'm off to get some street meat. That's actually great. We should try and get that off the ground. I 100% not even as a joke for that is what I'm saying. Okay, I'm just gonna have to accept that horrible term.

They're talking about people as street meat now. No, no, no. It's like literal like people with like carts of either like making you tacos or burritos or, and they're usually not permitted correctly, but you try, you know, throw caution to the wind. I've never gotten sick from eating street meat. I have.

Oh, wow. Yeah, big time. We've discussed that already on the podcast. I don't wanna go over it again, but it was bad. The alley street meat vendors are very trustworthy. I would trust any of them with my lives. So what is your starter? This is gonna be interesting.

Like literally when I gather groups to go to one of these diners, I don't even say like let's go to ex diner. I go, do you guys wanna get some cheese sticks? Why? Mozzarella sticks, breaded, fried, you done. Marinara sauce. That is like what I will eat on like almost every weekend.

Yeah. I'll find. Always eating cheese sticks. And usually like two to three orders. Always, always. Which is how many cheese sticks? It depends on the quality of the restaurant. A good restaurant, you're gonna get at least six to eight

cheese sticks in one order, but sometimes it's lower. So hold on. You said how many orders you get? Two to three. Two to three. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not just for me. Just like for the table.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. For the table. Okay, for the table. That's fine. At least so that everyone's getting two to three. Yes, that's a good amount of cheese sticks each.

How long have you been into cheese sticks for? Wow. Most of my life. You know what? This is weird is that I had a real block as a kid. Like it's one of those weird kid things where I did not like melted cheese. I didn't like melted cheese unless it was white,

which sounds bad as I'm saying it. But no, if it was yellow cheese that was melted, I would not eat it. If it was white cheese melted, there was a chance I would eat it. Okay. That's interesting. So that's carried over.

That is good. That while now I'll eat, I'll eat some yellow cheese melted. But actually, I actually think, I'm thinking about it now. And the idea of yellow cheese melted still does gross me out. Yeah.

So it's all about the white cheese? Mozzarella melted, Parmesan. Like the Italian, the traditional, I think it's, I grew up eating like a lot of it, like cheap Italian food. And I think like the idea of, I associate white melted cheese with that. You don't see a lot of like cheddar cheese on pastas.

No, no, no. Nor should you. But you see a lot of cheddar cheese and a lot of like poor people, Midwestern casserole dishes. And I think like that's what I associate that with. Like shepherd's pie. There's in the US anyways,

is commonly topped with like some sort of like yellow cheese. And I also think of like American cheese melted. I'm not into. No, that's a bit plasticky. Yeah. Well, I actually think it like weirdly, like if it's not told to me that that's what it is, I'll eat it.

And I'll probably like the taste like on a McDonald's cheeseburger. I eat those all the time and that's American cheese. And I don't think about it. But if I like see it like put on something, like eggs or something like that, which happens a lot.

I'll just be like, no. American cheese on eggs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a big, that's a big thing here. Is it? You didn't tell me this. Well, why is it my responsibility to tell you that? Why would he tell you that?

It's been the dad on this trip. He's been keeping track of everything. Let us know what's what. Yeah. Can't believe some things he's not been telling me. We had mozzarella sticks last night. But get this, we had them here, but James and Benito went out and got takeout

from Fat Sal's. Okay. So they were in a sandwich. Oh. And see, that's too much. Yeah. Well, I didn't think you were gonna like it. As soon as I had to set that up,

I was like, Joel's not gonna like this. I look at that. Sometimes I'll get really stoned and look at Fat Sal's menu. And it all like in theory, it all like, I'm like, yes, lots of stuff on a sandwich, lots of shit on a sandwich.

That sounds great. And then I look at it and I'm like, they always take it like one or two ingredients too far. Sure. I think that's the genius of it. Like I also agree it's too much, but I said that out loud as I was eating last night,

but here's how I said it. I went, oh, that is too much. Yeah. He was enjoying himself. Oh, it was so good. You had the one, the cheese stick on. What else was on the sandwich? Well, I think the key is that you have

to get one that's not like the textures and don't clash too much. So I always like to get the big buffer, like the fat buffalo, right? You always like to get. I always get the fat buffalo. Whenever I'm in LA, I'll go to fat sales, I'll get the fat buffalo.

And that's like buffalo chicken and mozzarella sticks and the fries. And all of that together isn't too, each bite, you're getting a good consistent like range of all those different things. That was tasty. Yeah. I like that.

That actually I think I could do. That I think I could do. Buffalo chicken fries, mozzarella sticks, and that's it, and then bread. That was pretty much it. Some blue cheese in there. That's fair. Yeah.

I think that's all fine actually. I could eat that one. The other one we got was the fat Anthony, which is like ham, salami, marinara sauce, mozzarella sticks, fries. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken.

Chicken tenders. That was mad. That was insane. Because half of it, if you bit the top half of it, it was the chicken one. If you bit the bottom half, it was this sloppy kind of like ham affair.

It's a completely different sandwich. Could have, should have called it a sloppy ham affair. That sounds great. But they had another one on the menu that was tempted by, because it looked like the most disgusting one. And I think if you're going all in,

you've got to do it. Called the fat hot chick, which was a problematic name. And it was like Nashville hot chicken and flaming hot Cheetos. See, no, that's where I draw the line. I do not like Cheetos. I do not like, no, it just doesn't,

that doesn't, I don't like that artificial cheese dust anywhere near my body. And that's orange. That's not white. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. I can't do it.

Cheese puffs, oh, I can taste it in my mouth right now. I don't like it. Yeah, yeah, I could say on your face, you're really not enjoying imagining those. So I think you're already surprising us with this menu, because you very much went into it saying, I blend chicken breasts.

Yeah, that's when I'm by myself. Yeah, but then when you're with people, you're having mozzarella sticks, which is, that is not even pretending to be healthy. No, no, no, no. It's fried cheese. Yeah. Yeah, you got some fried cheese.

I want your dip. Marinara. I got your marinara. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I love mozzarella. One time they brought out cocktail sauce on accident, because it does look very similar.

Okay. And you know what? It worked. It worked. You were fine with it. I was fine with it. It was a red sauce. Yeah, yeah.

Marinara, dumped it in ketchup sometimes too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's fine. It's like bar food, really, isn't it? It's like, yeah. I will say the close second to this was the jalapeno popper, which is, and it has to be cream cheese.

Again, sometimes they'll try and sneak cheddar cheese in there. I remember the first time I had a jalapeno popper. When I was a child. From, I used to... How old were you? Fat little boy. Maybe eight? Blown into my mind how old he is.

When he's had certain things. We used to go to a restaurant called The Brasserie. Can't believe that a jalapeno popper is eight. And they had a starter plate to share, but I used to get that as my main course. Yeah, yeah. Because I love classes. Classics.

Yeah. It was called the Pickers' Basket, and it had fried chicken and jalapeno poppers, and chicken satay skewers, and... Pickers' Basket. It was in heaven. Satay skewers. Pickers' Basket.

It was a little picker boy. Yeah. Sounds great. That sounds like an amazing... James loves imagining me as a fat little boy, eating massive meals, and all the other children eating from the kids menu. Oh, so just eat it with a pallet of an adult as well.

Trying things that most people don't try until they're in their 20s. Not like a jalapeno popper, please. Jalapeno popper is something... That is not an adult... Sorry. ...pallet thing. In England.

In England it's not really a thing. I'm actually surprised that you had those in England at all. Yeah, yeah. Well, the browser is ahead of its time. One's worth a common, baby. My son will have the Pickers' Basket. Ha ha ha ha ha! He's a picker.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. To myself, please, the Pickers' Basket. Thank you, mother! Absolutely, you love it. But yeah, lots of other sticks. Yeah, that's a solid opening to the mirror. Cold choice.

Here's what I don't know before we move on, though. You say that you say to the group, do you want to get cheese sticks, which I think is a pretty bold move. Yeah. What's the most amount of people you've managed to come out with you for cheese sticks before? Two UberXLs, so like 12.

Oh, wow. Somewhere around there. Maybe more, because we... Yeah, I think like 12 to 15 usually we can get. In that moment when you're in the Uber, you're thinking, oh man, like 12 to 15 people are coming for cheese sticks because it was my idea. Are you feeling pressure at that point?

No. It's just been in like, this is great. I can't believe I've got all these people. No, I think everyone is usually pretty on board by that point. And are these all people who haven't managed to have sex? Yeah. Yeah.

Some people were never planning on having sex with people. Is it not just like a really sexually frustrated meal? Everyone's just like chewing on the cheese sticks, going, man, I want to have sex right now. No, I mean, there's like... I mean, and the thing is, it's like after the meal, some people could still presumably have sex. It is not about like...

It's just about like the way I want to eat, like I would not want to be naked with anyone else after that. After a few months or other. No, that's fair. I think that's fair. Like six to eight cheese sticks I can house. And then that's it. I'm done for the rest of the weekend.

You're keeping your clothes on for a while. Yeah. Yeah, you're showering. I'm lactose too. So it's like not a good idea. I'm killing myself slowly eating these cheese sticks. You really draw a line on the evening there. Yeah.

Although mozzarella cheese is supposed to be the easiest one for people who are lactose to like digest. Oh, great. Yeah. It's a nice little hot tip there for the, or the lactase listed. Lactase, is that a term? I don't think so.

But you just made it. You just made it. Lactase sounds like someone who, yeah. Who's lactating? Or lactase is like someone who was going to have sex with you. And then they go, oh, no, I'm going to eat these cheese sticks. Actually, it's like, oh, lactase. Yeah.

Such a lactase. Oh, we're probably going to bang. And you're eating these cheese sticks. Oh, man. Not for you. I'm so glad. I'm so mad we rewarded that with a laugh. Oh, that's how most of my friends feel.

Most of my relation, oh, we shouldn't keep on laughing. Stop encouraging them. Encourage them. Reward this kind of behavior. Your main course. OK. My main course, this goes back. And this is like specifically my mom's,

not any sort of restaurants. And we, again, were poor and grew up in the Midwest. So this is like something that I will order a lot elsewhere and have been continually disappointed, no matter if it's like a good restaurant, any level of restaurant is I want. And this is the meal that they would make. I would request for my birthday every year growing up

was spaghetti, angel hair pasta from a box, the green box. I don't remember what the brand is. Green box, prego, regular, just tomato marinara sauce. My mom would make it with Italian sausage that she would cook on the stove first and then add the prego too. And then just the driest powdered Parmesan cheese on top from Kraft.

And that's it. That's it. That powdered Parmesan that tastes nothing like Parmesan from the block, the dust, basically. The stuff that you don't even have to refrigerate, which seems wrong when it comes to cheese. Yeah, that's the stuff that I grew up. When I first saw a brick of Parmesan cheese,

I said, what the fuck is this? This is not. That's where the dust comes from? And I'm sure if I tasted it now, I'd be like, this is bland as hell and crazy. But I love Italian food and that's one of my favorite types of restaurants to go to. But sometimes I'll go and I'll be like,

what is this homemade pasta? And it's like a watery sauce that I'm sure is better. But not to me. No, no, you want it to remind you of home growing up. Was it the first pasta dish you ever had? Oh, yeah, for sure. The angel hair, I cannot tell you how important the angel hair is because if it was like regular fat spaghetti,

I'd be so fat, I'd be so fucking mad. You'd be too fierce. Too thick, too thick. Still can't eat the stuff, can't look at the stuff. No, you can't eat fat spaghetti. It has to be skinny. And you know what? As I'm saying it, I think people are going to be upset.

I think people are going to make certain judgments about my personality based on that. But no, I only want to eat the fucking skinny spaghetti. Keep that fat spaghetti away from it. Yeah, I think that's a good attitude to take. You never know what people are going to take offense to on this podcast. They might hear you say you don't want fat spaghetti

and they're going to go after you online and you're just going to double down on it and just be like, thank you. So this is very much linked to the memory of when, because this was like a treat. It would be on your birthday. Well, this is like, yeah, I mean, it was a birthday meal, but it was like something inexplicably

that they wouldn't make a lot. I think maybe, I don't know what was labor intensive about it, because I've now since realized that it's actually like a very cheap meal. It was like a meal that I would make for myself when I was out of college and very, very poor and couldn't afford food. We're just constantly be eating that.

And I think they were nervous about, but they made us, like there was a long time when my dad was laid off and we ate shit on a shingle once a week. And I was like, it can't be that much cheaper than spaghetti and sauce. But, and yet we never really had it that much. It's amazing, isn't it, when, as a kid, if you're told something's a treat and it's exciting,

of course you just go, yeah, it is. Well, thank you so much. And that really sticks with you. It also, I think, is the first meal I can remember being taught how to make, which at the time felt like incredible. I was like, I'm making food. But in hindsight, it's like, okay,

you're boiling a pot of water, and then you're putting noodles in that and then setting a timer and stirring. And then you're dumping a can of sauce into a stove. Like the most labor-intensive part is browning meat of your own. Yeah, but I guess as a kid, that's quite ambitious. Yeah, but compared to the cooking you're doing now.

Yeah, which is still pretty good. I don't think I've cooked a meal for myself yet, other than that this year. I will say, I had a children's cookbook. I was just remembering this recently. You guys have the Peanuts, you know the Peanuts, right? Oh yeah, that's right. Charlie Brown.

Yeah, Snoopy. Oh my God, you're wearing it right now. Okay, yeah. There you go. I had a character, Woodstock t-shirt. I had a children's cookbook that was Peanuts themed. And in one of them, one of the recipes was steak tartare. Wow, what?

I know, for kids. Steak tartare for kids and the Peanuts cookbook. And it was just brown beef, basically. I don't know, it was crazy. It was crazy that there was any sort of tartare in the children's cookbook. And I was like, and even at the time I was like, cause I fantasized eating raw food so often.

Right. Cause you weren't allowed, you know? Yeah. Like you all remember the first time you ever ate butter off the table, right? Sure, sure, yeah, eating butter. I remember it specifically the first time. I remember the first time.

I remember the first time nobody was watching. Talk us through it. And I said, I'm gonna fucking take the spoon and I'm gonna dip this shit in there cause this looks like fucking ice cream to me. And it tastes good in small amounts on other things. Certainly, it would taste good just by itself. No, terrible.

I can still actually wouldn't eat butter for a long time after that, on anything. A mouthful of it. Yeah, and I can still like actually remember the taste of it very clearly in my mouth. It's one of the only like taste memories that I have like very clearly in my, I was like eight or nine maybe.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe younger, I don't know. Yeah. That I can remember that. And I can remember the taste of my mom smoked all the time when I was growing up and she would use old cans of like Coke or Pepsi as ash tray. Yeah.

And I remember. I don't know why this is heading this, oh. And I remember like picking up my can of Coke, drinking it and realizing that it was a can that was my mom had accidentally ashed into. Oh God. Like a full like cigarette worth of ash in that can. And I can remember the taste of that

mixed with the Coke so clearly. It is, oh God, it was so gross. And yet I still smoked for years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm starting to understand why you don't like food much. I mean, I thought like these just destroyed my palate. Awful memories of a child of mouthfuls of butter and fag-ash drink.

Oh, cigarette ash, sorry. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. That was insane to hear. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it bad?

It's so bad. In America, it means something so different. And you say that, it's like, I'm sorry. The fuck did you just say? That was insane to hear. That was so weird. I'll be leaving the restaurant early, thank you. Goodbye guys.

That is, okay. It's like, I just feel like I've said like the worst one. No, I mean. Like, obviously you know what that means back home, but like when you're in a country that doesn't mean that. Yeah. Oh my God. And then you suddenly realize what you've said.

I feel awful. Oh, I'm gonna enjoy watching you spiral for the rest of the episode. It's really great. I'm just smiling, but even then, I'm sorry. Oh God. Great. So your side dish,

so that we just move on from that awful thing I just said. What's your side? Not a great accoutrement to spaghetti, I have to say, with Italian sausage, but it is like the thing that I will order, like if I'm at the diner, I'm back at the diner, and they say, you know, I've ordered the main, usually it comes with a side,

it's always gonna be curly fries. I felt very, I felt very like certain that this need, the side needed to be potato-based, because our country is so potato forward. And I knew it was gonna be a fry. I vacillated, I thought might be hash browns for a second, because I do love a hash brown. But if I'm going potato,

and there's a lot of debate about this in our country, torn our country apart, what kind of fry is best? And I am pretty sure for me that it's a curly fry. I love curly fries. I completely agree with you. I think it's the best fries, I don't know why it isn't available at every menu. If normal fries are available,

curly fries should also be on the menu. Because I can take or leave a normal fry, I'd say. I'd regularly just say leave the fry off. I'll have, you know, I'll just have the burger or whatever. But curly fries, I'm going to town on that. I feel like often your fries in your country are very fat. Yeah, yeah, we have fat fries. We have fat fries.

Again, we come back to this. You're really hammering this point home here, Joe. People are going to think I am a monster. Doesn't like fat. No, I just don't like the steak fries. Yeah, or chips, we'd call them chips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like, it's just too much.

And they're so often not cooked properly, and you'll get either the cold or the hard center in a lot of them. But I'd say with a chip that's been cooked properly, triple fried, thick chip, when it's like fluff in the middle and crispy. Who has the time, exactly? Chefs.

I mean, broadly. I get paid for it, but I should have the time. If I went to a restaurant and a chef brought out like a blended chicken breast, he was like, sorry, I'm in a real rush today. Who has the time to cook these days? But I agree, a fry is better, a crispy fry is better. But the curly fry, often not crispy,

often quite soggy because of the shape of them, but so delicious. Yeah, good seasonings, great. And then oftentimes you'll get the surprise, at least if you're going to a fast food restaurant, this happens less frequently at the diner, but you'll get a regular fry in there. Which is, and then you feel,

and then you feel the rest of your day is made. Because you walk around and you're like, I cheated the system. I ordered the curly fries, but I still got a couple of regular fries in there too. You never get it the other way around. No, never, why is that? You'll never get regular fries

and there's a little curly snake tip. I think because the curly fry is obscure the regular fry. Like the couple of regular fries. Yeah, if you had that before with the curly fry with a normal fry straight down the middle of the spiral. What? So it's just like, it's hidden. Like an electromagnet.

But then you bag up the regular fries and you're like, wait a minute, that doesn't belong in there. Get that guy out of there. Refuse to curl. And it sort of looks like a sort of potato pub when it's by itself in something else, doesn't it? Yeah, I'm just constantly reliving that awful thing I said.

So. I haven't listened to anything you guys have been saying. I'm just going over and over and over again in my head about how awful it sounded. And it's happened to me when I was in Chicago doing a gig and there was someone, she was heckling her. Swearing from. I was like, where you from?

Okay. He's heard about your bigotry before. Yeah, he's heard about what an awful human being I am. There's someone was, she was heckling the gig and saying that I was doing some material about Brexit. She was saying, I'm so sick of hearing about this and shouting out. Why is she talking about no one is talking about it?

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think, I think by the sound of things, she watches a lot of British comedy. Right, okay. And then went to see a British comedian and got annoyed about British stuff. So like, anyway, everyone was kind of like booing her and telling her to shut up.

And I kind of wanted them to not boo her. Cause even when that's happening, I feel bad that they're ganging up. So I was like, I said, I don't, don't worry. You don't have to boo her. She's, look, she's just going to keep talking. She'll hang herself eventually anyway. Now the term somewhat all hang themselves

is like a British term, I believe, that basically you give some of the throat and they'll eventually those talk themselves into looking bad and they'll hang themselves. It's a British term that people aren't very familiar with in America. When I said it in Chicago, the whole room went quiet and she was, and she was like horrified at me.

This is much worse than the people, than the entire room yelling at me. And I was like, and I took a moment and I went, oh. I don't think this is, You don't have this saying here? And then they're like, you, okay, everyone calm down. We'll go outside for a, oh no.

I would say most of our country is aware that fag is also slang for cigarette in your country. And I think less are probably aware that like, hang the X is like, is something that's like commonly said, but also like, not that offensive. Like in context of what you were dealing with, like I'm actually mad at the people for not getting it.

Well, it's kind of like I'll say like, oh, one day she's going to kill herself, which is like, not great. But not also not your style. And also if you had said, actually, I think if you had said straight up, don't worry, she'll kill herself someday, a glorious laughter.

I think the rest of the room would have actually loved it. I think the visceralness of the image of her actually hanging herself, you giving like the actual painting, the picture was actually alarming to them. But we had a full back. Black Mirror has the hang the DJ episode. We all know that that is a euphemism for that.

Oh God. Anyway, people from Chicago are stupid. Yeah, yeah. I'm so sad now. Curly fries is such a, has anyone ever picked? No, and I'm very glad Curly Fries has made an appearance. This is like, I'm a song hero and I'm glad to hear it. Favorite drink?

I had, it has to be something carbonated, usually a Diet Coke now. And it doesn't, like, it's so bad for you and it's so shitty. And I wish I weren't addicted to it. But like, I have to order. And in my culture, it's customary to drink five to six full refills of a large glass pint of Coke

before your meal even arrives. Because they just have no choice but to refill it. And the idea of a fountain drink is like so, like, I don't know, has colonized my brains in such a young age that like, I, oftentimes will be like, I don't need this. I don't want this. I shouldn't have it.

But if it's given to me, I will drink three or four refills. Because it's free. Sure, it's free. Three refills are like the absolute drink. Does it blow your mind if you're in another country that doesn't have three refills? When they bring out the pint, and then they set down a can of Diet Coke next to it,

I have never felt so angry in my entire life. All over Europe, this has happened. All over the place. And then you have to sit and your meal has not come yet and you have to sit with this, with one can of Coke. And not drink it. Because if you want to drink it with the meal, it's outrageous that this happens.

And then they set the little straw right on top of the can too. Can't even open the can. But I think the fountain Diet Coke tastes way worse than the stuff on the can. No, you're wrong. You're wrong. Actually, here's what I'll say. Maybe some like actual fountains,

like in a fast food restaurant or a restaurant, but if you give me a bar, like the gut that comes out of the gun, always better, always, always better. And I don't know what it is. I don't know what brand. I like it. I find the bubbles are less intense from the fountain.

I actually like that. I don't like like super, out of a can. Too spicy for you. They feel harsh. It feels spicy. It feels harsh for those bubbles. I feel like they feel sharp, I don't like them. They're solid.

The softest mouth in England. Yeah. I weren't speaking like a real boy king of a European country right now, who just like can't do. Mother. The bubbles. The bubbles are too spicy.

It's like drinking pins. Ow, I said, ow. I would say my preference would go, fountain can, the twist. No, fountain can, glass bottle. With the proper cap on it. No, fountain glass bottle can, and then twist, plastic bottle.

Yeah, yeah, twist, plastic bottle, at this bottom every time. No way. I would switch the plastic bottle and the can around. Really? How do you like that? That's outrageous. They don't, plastic bottles don't chill down

to the same temperature. As cans and glass bottles. Yeah, but I'll take the softer bubbles over the spiky bubbles. I'm still keeping the glass bottle above the plastic bottle, but the can is bottom. Can is bottom. Can's bottom for me.

Here's a question for you about Diet Coke. Have you, when's the last time you drank regular Coke? Have you just been Diet Coke for ages? I had to drink one, I was forced to drink one in Philadelphia this past weekend, actually. And it was the first time in a long time, maybe like over a year, I've done that. And it now tastes like, I can't do it.

I couldn't finish the can. Sure. Because it was like, I was like, this is so sweet. Yeah. And it's just too, yeah. And does Diet Coke just taste like how you remember normal Coke? Yeah, although I will say, I've been drinking more Coke.

I try to switch up Coke Zero and Diet Coke as much as possible because the fake sugars are killing us. Yeah. I'm convinced, convinced. Also, people say that Coke Zero and Diet Coke aren't different. They are different. They are very different.

Especially when you get it from the fountain. When you go on it and you, I noticed, the main thing is that with Diet Coke, the bubbles take longer to settle. The froth takes longer to settle. The Diet Coke, it kind of levels out pretty quick. You can pour, you can fill your glass quicker. I don't, I actually, it's so hard

because I don't believe that this is true. And yet it's too boring to ever have like a Mythbusters episode about it. So like, we'll never know. No one will ever take the time to prove this is false or real. But I just know. It is true.

It's not true. I'd recommend that because at Nando's in the UK, you have to go and get your own fountain drinks. And someone might ask for a Coke Zero and someone else might ask for a Diet Coke and you take both glasses and they fill up at different speeds. Yeah.

And personally, Joel, personally, like you say about you just want to be on the go. You just want to be doing stuff right. You want to be quick. Personally, the most agonizing and pointless way in my life, which feels depressing, is waiting for the froth to go down on a soft drink so I can do the fountain again.

I hate this going shh and having to wait around for it to settle. So I'll get a Diet Coke every time because the Coke Zero, it's frothing up and it's so slow. I will say on my flight back here yesterday, I witnessed a flight attendant do something so insane to try and mitigate that time.

She got two cups. She opened the can of Coke, the Diet Coke that I had ordered. She started pouring in one and then started pouring in the other and then combined them as one of the fizzes like subside. It was so crazy. I was like, you didn't save any time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just wasted a cup. You just wasted a cup. It was so, I was like, what are they teaching you? I tell you what would be the slowest fountain at Nando's, though, the liquid chicken fountain. Yeah, that would be. I miss Nando's, I used to eat there all the time.

We stole so many bottles of that sauce. Yeah, it's a good sauce. I brought it back to our flat and we'll just keep it. It goes good on everything. I used to eat it on pasta a lot, actually. Yeah, I bet that would work totally. It works good on everything. We can throw someone your angel hair pasta if you want.

We can do that, we can do that at the restaurant. I will say the other thing I like to do sometimes is at the movie theaters here now, they have these big red Coke fountains that there's like hundreds of different flavors. Freestyle, the Coke freestyle. Yeah, I love those. You don't need a lot of them.

Nobody needs Sprite, like a vanilla, but it's there. But what I'll do is I'll fill it up three quarters of the way with diet Coke and then one quarter of the way with regular cherry Coke. And you just need a splash. You just need a splash. Like it's liquor. Yeah, and it's so good.

It's so good you wouldn't even know there's any diet in it. Or that it's mostly diet. Yeah, it's a good little hack for everyone. And could I just do diet cherry Coke? Yeah, that's an option, but it's not the same. So is that your dream drink? Yeah, I guess that's the dream drink right there. Three quarters diet Coke and then one quarter cherry Coke.

Regular cherry Coke. Consider it done. Your dessert, the final course. I mean, I'm not sure where this is gonna go. Yeah, James is always nervous that someone's not gonna pick a very indulgent, sweet dessert. And the thing is, you've really kept us on our toes today. You came in with the health thing

and then we went straight to mozzarella sticks. So we wanna hear your dessert. And this, by the way, it should be a dessert when there's absolutely no chance of you having sex with anyone. Yeah, you aren't having sex, not even touching yourself. That's how good this dessert's gonna be.

That is beautiful. I will say, I am not, nor have I ever been much of a dessert boy. I have been a staunch, give me an extra helping of whatever the main was, and then I'll do dessert. As my dessert, I just never liked sweets. I like gummy candy. That's like a big one if I'm gonna eat sugar.

That's usually, like, give me a sour patch kid, a nerd. You know, a gummy bear. But if I'm at the diner, there's one combo, especially late night, that I love, and that is give me a piece of just whatever the diner chocolate cake is. Chocolate sponge cake, chocolate icing, and a glass of coffee, a cup of coffee.

Yeah, oh, that sounds good. That combined with just cream. Yeah, but also, I just let you know, if you do wanna just have extra curly fries for the dessert, it's your dream meal, if you wanna have... No, no, no. I'm smiling as he says that. Little shit.

Here's the thing. He's sitting here, staying chocolate cake, you little shit. They're trying to stir it back down a curly. As I'm now, now that I'm an adult, and now that I have means, anytime they come up and they're like, you guys thinking about dessert,

I always say, yes, give me the menu, because I will always look at it. I say, no harm in looking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No harm. I famously say that. I famously started that.

Because you know that's really spread out. Yeah, yeah. No harm in looking at it. A lot of people are saying that now. And they're copying me when they say it, just so that they all know. No, I always like to look now, because I do like, I don't know,

there is something like weird. It's the one, it's like sort of the reverse thing, is like a restaurant like dessert is always gonna be better than anything else. I don't know, it just now, even though I don't really like sweet shit, I will like always look and get something, sometimes weird.

The only thing that I'm anti-still in terms of desserts is like ice cream flavors that are like soap flavors. Like don't like get out of here with your fucking lavender ice cream. Yeah, I agree with you. I'm not born with that. Yeah, I don't like lavender ice cream either actually.

No, it's so fucked up. I'm a sweet boy. It's so fucked up. Yeah. But they started doing this. Lavender, like rice. A honeycomb lavender ice cream you see a lot now. All over the place.

And it's disgusting. They've just done that because they can, right? Yeah. They're actually being nice. And it's really tastes like an old lady's hands. No one's saying, oh, I love lavender ice cream. You got any of that please. And I'm actually, I'm a little apprehensive

about the tea flavored ice cream that we've been getting a lot lately, but I will allow it in some cases. Yeah, yeah. But like there's, Jenny's here in LA had an Earl Grey ice cream for a while, and I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah, really, he wasn't happy with that.

I don't know, no. No, no, no, I don't want tea in my ice cream. And you too, freaks might, because of where you're from, but that's not here. That's not here. It's not a part of our culture. When you imagine Earl Grey as a person, who do you imagine in your head?

Who Earl Grey would be? Ian McKellen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely, 100% his ice cream. Good guy. Right, here's your menu and I'm gonna read it back to you. You want tap water to start off with. You want a bread basket from a Greek diner.

You want your mozzarella cheese sticks with marinara sauce. You want an angel hair pasta with pre-go tomato sauce, Italian sausage, and powdered parmesan. Side of curly fries. Your drink, you would like three quarters diet coke with one quarter cherry coke and dessert. Whatever the diner chocolate cake is with a cup of coffee.

Yeah. That's delicious. That's not, yeah, you really set yourself up at the start, and it's gonna be the worst you've ever had. Yeah, but I said when I go out to eat with friends, like I do it. Joel Domet for his drink had a strawberry protein shake. That's fucked up, though.

Yeah. Because he's not playing the game, because nobody orders a full course meal and then gets a strawberry protein shake as the drink. He would probably do that. Have you met Joel Domet? Mm-mm. They're steer clear.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Certainly, he eats all the time like he's having sex that night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bummer. Joel, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, and I can only apologize again for what James said earlier. Well, Joel just said bummer.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Is that? Yeah, in the UK. Yeah, that's the other way around. I think you'll find in the UK that it's a homophobic slur. Wait, really? Yeah.

That is not true. That is true. I'm reclaiming it, actually. I actually can say it. Oh, okay. That just family terms for me. Yeah, it's a proper playground homophobic slur. Yeah.

Wow, bummer. Yeah. That's crazy. So, bummer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly right. Yeah, I guess if you take off the hard E-R, it does sound more aggressive.

Well, what a cultural exchange we've had today. We've all learned something. Thanks so much for coming in, Joel. Thank you, Joel. There we have it, Joel Kimbooster. Wow. Quite the menu. So many cheese sticks.

So many cheese sticks, so little time, and I'll be honest, it went down a road, I was not expecting it to go down after the initial revelation of the blended chicken breast. The blended chicken breast, that is an off menu low. Yes, I'd say so. But I think you pulled it back round

because curly fries, first person to ever pick curly fries as a side dish. So, well done. Thank you, Joel. Thank you for bringing curly fries into the dream restaurant. They are a magical fry. And thank you as well, Joel,

for not saying popped quinoa. No, there was no danger with that. As soon as you said cheese sticks, I was like, we're fine. Yeah, we'll be all right. Popped quinoa, you can't put that in a blender. It'll fucking break the blades. Yeah, exactly.

The blades would all get mashed up. Yeah. Oh, that quinoa's so sharp. Oh, Joel. But thank you for coming in. If you enjoy Joel's menu and style, check out his podcast, which is called Urgent Care with Kim...

Urgent Care. Urgent Care with Joel Kimbooster and Mitra Juhari. Go and check that out. They give unqualified advice to people. It's very funny. Joel's stand-up is probably available somewhere as well. And check him out on Twitter. He's at, I Hate Joel Kim.

Excellent stuff. Also, we're on Twitter and Instagram at Off Menu Official. And we've got a website, offmenupodcast.co.uk. And there's a page of all the restaurants that ever mentioned on this podcast in there. And who knows, maybe there'll also be a link

to where you can buy a blender and make your own disgusting chicken slop. Thank you very much for listening. Goodbye. Goodbye. MUSIC Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best-ever episode

of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread, I'm not going to spoil in case. Get him on, James and Ed, but we're here, sneaking in to your podcast experience

to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North, because, look, we're two Northerners, sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes.

It's all kicking off, and that's a new podcast call. Northern News, we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it?

Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.