Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 94: Todd Barry

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

There’s a table ready for New York-based stand-up and ‘Flight of the Conchords’ star Todd Barry this week. And he’s invited a bunch of rappers to the dream restaurant. (This episode was recorded in January 2020 – before the pandemic.)Watch Todd Barry’s Netflix special ‘Spicy Honey’ and Amazon Prime special ‘The Crowd Work Tour’.Follow Todd on Twitter and Instagram: @toddbarryRecorded by Ben Williams and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please. Hello, Ed. Hello, James. Ed, I've got some good news for you, man. I know you're a big fan of my comedy, and you always say that I'm your favourite comedian, and I've got some good news for you. You're a comedian. Are you a comedian? Well, you don't know this? How do you not know this? I don't know. I didn't know. I just thought we sat down and we chatted about food. You are so ignorant, man. I can't believe you don't know what we do on this podcast. This is absolutely abysmal stuff. I don't even know what a podcast is.

How do you not know what a podcast is? This is our bread and butter. A bubba-booey. Oh, man, bubba-booey. Listen, man, this is important. Okay. In 2019, I recorded what is still my most recent stand-up show, Cold Lasagna Hate Myself, 1999. I filmed it live in Hackney. I've been touring it for so long. I'm so proud of it. It's the most proud I've ever been of anything that I've made. We filmed it, and we're now... You're going to say that while I'm here? Huh? You didn't even know this is a podcast. It's the most proud of anything you've ever made. Listen, I think it's no secret to anyone that I have no respect for this podcast. Only reason I do it is so I can promote my comedy, and it's worth a treat. Here we are, bubba-booey.

You can watch Cold Lasagna Hate Myself, 1999. Go to jamesacasters.com. You can go on Vimeo on Demand, and then it's now available. Cold Lasagna Hate Myself, 1999 is a two-hour-long show available for £8. A bonus show that we filmed earlier the same year, a little bit of trivia, the same day that my bake-off went out on TV, so I didn't watch it live, and I didn't know while I was on stage that it was all blowing up, but we filmed a bonus show called Make A New Tomorrow, 40-minute-long show, completely different material to Cold Lasagna Hate Myself, 1999. That is on those two same platforms as well for £4, or you can buy Cold Lasagna Hate Myself, 1999 with Make A New Tomorrow for £10, the full bundle available at jamesacaster.com

and Vimeo on Demand. I'm so proud of it, bubba-booey. Welcome to the creamiest, sweetest podcast on the internet. It's the coconut yoghurt of the airwaves. It's the off-menu podcast. Hello, Ed. I've run out of these completely now. I can't even bother to think of any. You were texting at the beginning. Come on, come on, James. Sorry. Hi, it's off-menu time. It's off-menu time, baby. This is a food podcast where we ask our special guest what, James? We ask him the favourite ever, start a main course dessert, side dish and drink, and this week's guest is Todd Barry. Had you didn't join in with Todd Barry? Yeah, because I was enjoying watching you do it. Oh, come on, man.

And I was just really laughing at the energy you're giving it compared to Todd's sort of general energy. Sure. I mean, but I felt like, you know, I got called out for texting at the start, so I'm like, come on, give it all you got, James. Give it all the energy, and you really throw yourself into Todd Barry, and Ed will come in and harmonise with you. I was also calling myself out for not coming up with a good intro to the podcast as well, and I said that thing about being the coconut yoghurt of the airwaves, which was not good enough. Yeah, just because you ate a coconut yoghurt the other day, and you've been thinking about it. I've done a bagel-flavoured intro. I've done a coconut yoghurt-flavoured intro because it was really good, the coconut yoghurt. You look

like you really enjoyed it, had cashews in it, cashews, and like loads of like, was it coconut that's like sliced on top of it or whatever? It's replaced with broken coconut in New York, which says it's healthy food, but if that's healthy, I'll be going there every day. Yeah, it looked very good. I had the poke bowl there, and that was delicious. It was. Loads of tuna. Little food update there, but we must get on with the business of off menu. Now, here's the thing, Ed. Even though I love Todd Barry, he's a very, very funny comedian. He's done little acting roles as well. You may have seen him in, He's Very Funny in Flight the Concords. He was also had a very small part in The Wrestler. Yes, he did. Everyone always enjoys that cameo, but he's one of the

greatest comics and such a good deadpan and funny comedian. However, I will. I know if so, but I don't need a coconut. Oh, why not? It's delicious. I'll kick him out the restaurant if he mentions the secret ingredient, ingredient that we don't like. Sugar, candy, mice. Candy, mice, hate them. Hey, anything. Hey, any sweet in the shape of a mouse? They're always disgusting. Right? Yeah. Those sugar ones rank. Yes. The little white chocolate ones you get at Cinema Book and Mix. Don't like them. Horrible. They don't take that. They don't taste of chocolate. Yeah, absolutely hate. I don't know who's going. I would really, if I worked in the cinema and I saw people going up to the pick and mix, I saw someone take a big scoop of the white chocolate

mice. I think what are you doing? What are you playing? What is the point of even getting the pick and mix if that's what you're spending it on? Now, I suspect that Todd's not going to pick that, but if he does, he's out. It's just solid like sugar with not much flavour to it whatsoever in the shape of a mouse, which is a bad shape for it. Why? Why? Because like it's just too, it's like curved in the, in stupid place. It's like, it's not like a nice ball of sugar or a nice rectangle, a nice solid shape. It's a weird shape of just like weird, oh no, this bit sticks out with the ears and then a little pointy nose and then this big round bit for the butt and then there's like string coming out the end of his tail. Jelly worms. Now that's a good shape for a sweep.

Oh, I love a jelly worm. Love that. The candy mice can absolutely fuck off. So Todd, please don't say candy mice. We're looking forward to meeting you. So without further ado, here is the off menu of Todd Barry. Welcome Todd Barry to the dream restaurants. Okay. Oh, wow. You do your own sound effects. That's great. Welcome Todd Barry. This is a big get for you guys. Huge get. Would you like a amuse-bouche to start? I don't even know what is an amuse-bouche. It's like a little bonus dish that you weren't expecting that you didn't. Oh, yeah. When they're like, bam, they... Oh, you mean like when they said this is from the chef? Yeah. You didn't choose

it. You didn't want it, but the chef gives this to you anyway. I know. That happens when you're a little famous. Yeah. When in your career, did you notice you were getting the amuse-bouche? Oh, the amuse-bouche's were coming at me. I don't know. It's just an occasional thing, especially if I write in the reservation, I'm famous. You reserved the table for Todd Barry, I'm famous. Yeah. When they say what's the name, you go, it's famous Todd Barry. Oh, yeah. Just put a picture. I go, you tell me the name. What's the amuse-bouche, James? A bag of potato chips. Oh, really? All right. Yeah. How'd you feel about that? I love potato chips. Well, there you go. I had two bags last night of... I think they were... They might have been from

your land. Oh, okay. I forgot the brand, but they were the cheesy onion and... The cheesy onion. Walkers? They might have been walkers. Walkers. I should have saved the bag, had I known. I don't want to borrow the guy who said, here, take two bags of chips. That's sort of an amuse-bouche for me. Oh, yeah, yeah. So he... You've already had it. It's the second day in a row that I've got the same amuse-bouche. Now, is this ever happened on your show? It's never happened. It's never happened before. This is a first. This is a first. But yeah, potato chips are good. Is it quite exotic to get a UK potato chip in New York? They're pretty easy to find. Yeah. Could you tell the difference?

They're way better. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. They're so much better. You guys don't know. Americans don't know about potato chips. They're pretty good, but we have our Doritos, which are... Sure. It's not a contest. Yeah. Well, they're very different than Doritos. Yeah. Your Doritos fan? I don't eat them often, but I do like when I'm at a party and someone's going all out and they put Doritos out and they're like, oh, I guess I got to eat Doritos. Yeah. But I'm not buying a lot of Doritos anymore. Right. No, I know what you mean. And they come in big bags and there's too much dust on them. And if you get through a big bag of Doritos, you're ending up with a lot of dust on your front. On the front. What do you mean on the front? On the front of your body. Oh, okay. Well,

if you're eating Doritos, you're probably not. I mean, I guess at a party, but normally it's usually you're on the couch. On your back. Yeah. Yeah. It's falling around in the dust like a chinchilla. Yeah. You know, coating yourself and then deep frying yourself. Yeah. Top three Doritos flavors? Well, wow, you guys... Straight in. Man, you guys don't hold back. You don't ease into it. You just go right into it. You go for the jugular. Well, now I think it's gotten to a little silly with them because they used to be like cool ranch nacho cheese and then the taco flavor, which was a little not my favorite. And then I don't even know. They're like, you know, now there's like Thai flash or Thai burst or something like it says they're all pretty. I mean, they all seem

to have, they're all a little bit samey, but they're, it's not like a Dorito or like, oh, this is disgusting. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. It's really nice. You get a lot of free Doritos now. I do. I mean, I do get free stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was the best free thing you've ever got from famous. Well, I do this thing. That's kind of obnoxious, but I do it on Twitter called free stuff for Todd. It's a hashtag where I just basically say, can you send me something? I've gotten a couch. I got a really nice litter box. I got a great vacuum. I've gotten lots of kombucha. You do have a cat we should probably mention. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to mention, but yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Free toilet. It's just for spite. It's just for spiteful.

Like, yeah, you send me a free litter. I don't even have a cat. I got one. I just throw it out. But I've gotten some, yeah, I've gotten some chips of some sort. That's basically the reason we do this podcast is to get a lot of free stuff. Free food. Yeah. Oh man. Yes, we do. What do you guys get? Am I allowed to ask you questions? Yeah. Absolutely. You can ask us questions. We, uh, we get a lot of free, free snacks. My fridge is currently, sorry, refrigerator. Oh, you know about that joke of mine? Yep. I know about that joke. As soon as I said it, I thought I'm in massive trouble. Wow. That's very flattering that, you know, that terrible joke of mine. It's a great bit. It's a great bit. Uh, my refrigerator, Todd, I don't see people

saying fridge. Okay. I don't like veggies either then. People say veggies. So why don't you like fridge? It just, uh, I don't know. It's weird. It's like, I have a lot of sound issues, like misophony I have. Are you familiar? No. It's when you can't listen to people eat without punching the walls and crying and rage. Uh, so I have that, but I also, you know, even like when people have their little phone out and they think they have to ping, like they think that's the unobtrusive sound and that one makes me like in a coffee shop and how'd you feel about them? There's not many of these people around, but there's some of them, the people who leave the key sounds on the phone so you can hear them typing. Oh, typing. I was just at a coffee shop

before I got here where the, uh, I can see the owner was typing away like, she must have typed like a hundred words a minute. I was like, I was almost going to move, but then I was like, I don't know. That's a weird reason to move. Sorry, you're typing too fast. Like, I need a new type. But, uh, what was your question? Oh, the key sound. Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, it's just weird. Like if you're at a coffee shop, you could put it on vibrate. You're going to notice if you get a message. Yeah. Oh, I'm really angry. There's a bit in uncut gems, which is the whole film is like stressful. Yeah. And when he's, uh, he's, he's hiding, he wants to surprise someone and he's texting them in the, he's in the closet. He's texting them and he's left the

clicky-clack sound on the thing. And it's just another stressful bit of the film where you're like, just, if you're going to surprise them, turn the sound off, I'm going to hear you with a cupboard. I've sometimes wanted to tell people like, Hey, do you need, do you want me to help you turn that off? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the first thing you should do when you get a phone and switch those sounds off. Sure. Turn that shit off. My stuff's off right now, man. Yeah. I think if there's ever anyone on like a bus or something that's playing music out of their phone, the best thing to do back is just to get your phone out and play music at the same volume. Just play a completely different song. I saw a guy who reminds me of, he did this prank where he would sit next to people

who were at the airport on the phone and he would just be pretend he was on the other end. So he was like, Hey, Mary, what time should we meet? Oh, we should meet at six o'clock. And he would sit next to these people. And he's responding. It was pretty funny. What I used to do as a teenager, Todd, and this is probably a more obnoxious prank, is sit opposite someone on the tube subway. Yeah, I know the two. Four stars on the, in the London Times, twice, two, four star reviews. Go ahead. And if they were reading a book and you were with someone, you'd have a conversation with your friend and then try and get the title of the book into your conversation. It just sort of gently confused everyone. Oh, oh, that, that's funny.

Yeah, they just be such a weird, yeah, that's, I like that man. So we always start off with still sparkling water. Oh, you know, I think generally I would go for still, but sparkling is nice also. But also like there's that whole thing of like a one of my pain for them, my pain for this, because there are restaurants, I don't know how it is where you are, but there are places where it's, we make our own sparkling water and it's complimentary. And not that I'm cheap, but I'm not always going to pay for sparkling water. But if it's on offer for free, you've got to think about it. Yeah, let me have it. Let me have a little of both. Yeah, you want a bit of both? A half and half? Yeah. What, what one do you want on the top?

Oh, and I want it layered like a real fancy drink. Yeah, we can put half and half in there. Let's do, let's just do still water. Just do some still water. Okay. Tap or fancy bottle? Well, you know, if I'm on a date, fancy bottle. But if it's just me and you guys, let's go still. Unless you have your off menu corporate card, then let's go. How cold do you like it? Oh, that's a great question. Yeah. I like a nice cold water. Yeah. I mean, that whole like on, I guess when you're going on stage, I think it might be better to have room temperature water for your throat. I don't know, but let's

go cold. Nice and cold. Yeah, even ice. I'll take some ice, squeeze a lime. Put some ice in there. Do you want crushed ice or the cubed ice? Um, wow. We go pretty deep, man. Yeah, man. I thought my podcast was shallow. This is, this is, this is unbelievable. No, I love this kind of shit. Um, it's better than talking about comedy, right? Oh my God. Crushed or cubed? I mean, there's some bars where you can get like, they, they have like eight different types of ice cubes and that's a good, like really, there's a certain type of crushing of ice that's really good. But, uh, let's go crushed. Yeah, we'll crush it up. Yeah, it's kind of, but, or that's another peeve of mine, people who chew ice. Oh my God. I'm one of

those people. All right, come on, man. Come on. You chew fucking. I can't wait to get through the water. So I can crunch on the ice. That's the main reason I get it. Let him have it. You can lay into it if you want. No, I was like, they would have to have actually happen in front of me. Then I'm, yeah, I'm not going to do it now because we know about your issue with sounds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I respect. Thank you. I mean, that is that sort of person. Yeah, it's a little weird, like you, you don't even seem to be like, and I'm not going to try not to be that sort of. No, I love it. I'm good. You're owning it. Every time I do it, I'm going to think of you. You're defiant about your chewing of ice. Why do you love it? I just really like it. I like it. It's just tactile.

You know, there's something to do in it. Can you get that tactile sensation from the food you ordered? Yeah, true. But if the food's not arrived, I'm practicing my chewing before lunch. I feel like you're, I'm going to lose this battle. So I've got a very strong jaw because of it. Yeah, look at his jaw. That's all ice chewing, Todd. That's good. You do have a great jaw. Pop it on his whole bread. Pop it on his whole bread, Todd. What are... Pop it on his whole bread. Pop it on his whole bread. What is that? Pop it on his whole bread. Is that like biscuits or bread or rolls or bread? Pop it on his whole bread. What do I do? Are they like popovers? No, in an Indian restaurant. Oh, the non bread. No, the big crispy things that bring at the beginning. So they're

like huge crisps. Basically, this question is, you know, when they bring the bread before a meal, you know, there's loads of other things that you could get bought before the meal at that point. Right. Papa Doms, for example. Yeah. But what do you want at this stage? I mean, it's a weird, because now you're, you're putting us in an Indian restaurant. You're making it sound like every restaurant you go to has Papa Doms. Yeah. And it's really only one type of restaurant that does that as far as I know. Maybe a few. It's a very confusing format point that we've had. Papa Doms or what now? Or bread. Oh, let's go Papa Doms. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You're not a bread guy? Oh, now I like, you gave me, I chose. I didn't say no bread. Yes, Papa Doms. But bread is wonderful

also. Yeah. Nice warm bread. You're convincing yourself around the bread. Dip it a little bit with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Fuck. Am I allowed to curse? Yeah. All right. You can curse on bread. That's what we want. Especially bread cursing. Yeah. Yeah. So I go Papa Dom. Thank you. Do you ever bite your own bread? I feel like when I was a kid, I made my own pretzels once. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You feel like you did? That sounds like something you'd remember. Well, I'm an old man. Yeah. I know I did. You made your own pretzels? Just off your own back? I remember there was, I'm just trying to think of, there was a show called Zoom. I don't know if you had that, but you could send away for a Zoom card and they're like, here's how to make your own

pretzels right away for a Zoom card. You probably sent them a self-addressed envelope with stamp on. And I remember it took three months to get that thing sent to me. And I imagine I made them. I can't remember specific. So you remember sending off for the thing? I remember getting it and it's like, wow, I just, I can't believe they remembered at this point to send this. How many requests are they getting? But what is Zoom? Zoom was like a kid's show. So it's just like, we're going to Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom. That's all I remember about it. And then there was the, the zip code that they said, oh, Boston Mass, like if you're at 02134. Yeah. It's amazing that you remember the zip code of a kid's show. You don't remember whether you made pretzels or not. That's just,

I think that's, that's actually not as odd as you think it is. I think that's pretty, some people remember numbers better than they remember. Especially if it's in a song. Yeah, exactly. If I wrote a song about the time I made pretzels, that question would have been answered by them. It'd be quite difficult. I mean, the pattern of the shape of the pretzel is quite hard to nail. Yeah. But I think I may have made bread once at some point in my life, maybe with my mom or something, but basically I'm not a bread maker. I'm not a baker. Not a baker. No, I don't cook almost ever. Big pretzels or small pretzels? Oh man. What would you like? I think. It's the devils in the details. I think I will crush pretzels. I like a bag of like small pretzels,

knocking those back. But every now and again, crunchy ones. Crunchy ones. Yeah. And then there's like the big soft ones with the big chunks. I think a big soft one with mustard is, is the ultimate pretzel. Oh, lovely. Yeah, you've never done the mustard? Never done that. Oh my God, that's a. I don't think I have. Oh, you gotta do that. They've got salt on them, right? I like that. Pretzels? Yeah, they have. Yeah. You do a food podcast and you're not sure whether pretzels have salt on them. Hey, look, we've come from another country, Todd. But we've come from most land where they don't put salt on the pretzels. We had to explain poppadobs. You did. All right, we're eating. You could have pretzels at this stage instead of poppadobs or bread if you'd like. You

can hack it. I mean, this is, uh, this is already a pretty heavy meal and I haven't ordered anything yet. But, uh, so poppadobs to keep it light. Yeah, let's poppadobs because pretzels, I fly a lot, so I eat plenty of pretzels. Okay. You'll always say yes to the pretzels on the flight? Yeah. I mean, I try to, I mean, I try not, I guess I do. Yeah. But I mean, like the other day, I flew and they gave me like a brownie and a piece and a cookie and like, come on, man. I would never say give me a brownie and a cookie right now, but you're going to put it in my face and I'm like trying to do all the like, don't, don't have it, don't have it, don't have it. Willpower. It's like, I don't know what chain it is, but the chain of hotels who give you a warm

cookie. Oh, that's double tree. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's, and it's a highly caloric cookie. Yeah. And I've eaten that before I get to the room. It's so depressing eating a cookie in the elevator like an army. You ever asked for a second one at the double tree? I'm trying to think if I have, I, I hope not. But I have. Yeah. Yeah. You guys stay a lot of double trees, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I stayed at a double tree once, gave it a cookie on the way in, and then at night I'd gone to my room, I'd got room service. I'd had a savory meal, whatever it was, and then really wanted another cookie and just did it. I just went all the way down to reception. It was like one in the morning. Did you check out and then rebook in? I should have

done. Have you ever checked in and they forget to give you the cookie? I've had that happen. Oh, yeah. You're like, isn't this the cookie hotel? Yeah. There's a reason. There's one thing people talk about when this hotel trip, and not all amazing it is, which it's fine, but it's, uh, it's that cookie. That cookie is, uh, and it's so warm. It's like 300 calories, I think at least. Right. Like I look, they actually have the calorie count on it. Yeah. I also wonder if like the, if the employees get annoyed, which is like eight hours a day of people gushing over stupid cookies. Where do they keep it in reception? Do they have like a warm? They do have like a warmer. Yeah. It's a warm drawer that they keep. Yeah. Do you reckon they ever keep other stuff in there?

Guy like reheats a slice of pizza or something. Yeah. It's got like his socks in there. So it feels nice for the final hour of his shift. He can put his warm socks on. I think that that could happen. Yeah. Maybe as a guest, you could say like, you know, could you put this in the water? That would be a funny prank, wouldn't it? If you're into pram, not really into pranks, but that would be a funny one. We're just like, Hey, I just, I got this, uh, this croissant earlier. I only ate half of it and, uh, I don't know. It's a little warm. I would have the whole thing. Just slam it in there and call comeback in an hour. That's a good idea. I just stole your joke and did it right back at you.

So we come to your, your starter now. Oh, God. This is, all right. This was really hard. This whole thing, this whole ex, this homework you gave me was really hard. Cause I fancy myself a picky eater, but then when he comes down to narrowing it down, you're like, Oh, there's tons of shit I like. Yes. Um, I'm going to, I mean, I, but you fancy yourself as a picky. I mean, I don't, I don't write yourself. No, no, I'm not like you with the ice joint, but I feel like I am picky, but I'm definitely way less picky than other people are. Yeah. This is for whatever that means. Who's the pickiest person you know? I'm not going to name names, but I know people on, or like, no, no, no, no, I don't drop. I don't know. Comedians who you know.

Let's go give you a clue. He was, he played bass for the Beatles. I'm good friends with Paul McCartney. Um, the, uh, I think, I don't know if this is cheat because I honestly wouldn't never order this as a starter, but like Italian restaurants here, I may be all over. They, the list pasta is like a, it's not even the main course. It'll be like the sort of a starter. Yes. And it's always seems crazy to have that. Have a big bowl of bozzin. All right. Now let's eat. Dinner time. Just that little bowl of pasta, but I chose a pasta for my starter. Uh, a Cacio e Pepe. Oh, yes. Oh my God. Oh, you've, oh, you've hit gold straight away. Oh my God. Oh, good, good. I'm not familiar with this. That is the best. The way that both of you

reacted to that. It's a pasta with just basically just cheese and black pepper. Right. Okay. Oh, God. It's phenomenal. It's, yeah. I like simple foods and that's just, that's, it's all you need. Oh my God. What kind of pasta is it? It's sort of a spaghetti, I think, but I think they can make a bucatini. Maybe. I mean, I imagine they could do it with any pasta. It'll hold up to any pasta. Oh, well, you could put, you could put that on anything. And then I might ask for a side of chili flakes, which I don't know if that's fun. Is that fair? I think you're allowed to do that. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I think it's very bold. Like you say, I wouldn't start with it. I wouldn't either, but in the, for the sake of this show, I didn't want to be like too boring. The bowl of

pasta for me is the end of the evening. Yeah. Yeah. That's, and then even, even if it's the end, you feel like, um, what did I just fucking do? There are some places that give you like, what seems like a small amount of pasta, like they'll put a big bowl in this little dump of pasta and you're like, you're like, fuck this bullshit portion. Then like 20 minutes after you're like, oh my God, I, that's way more than I even needed. That's the stuff. Peppers, there's, so yeah, black pepper and it's normally like pecorino. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I've made it, I've made it before. It's actually quite, quite easy to make, I think. The two ingredient. Don't forget, no, see, you've forgotten the spaghetti. Oh, the spaghetti, I

know. So the, you would have screwed that up massively. I would have, yeah, I would have just made the sauce. I forgot a crucial element to this. But you use some of the pasta water. Yeah. Is that what, that's, because I wondered if there was like an oil or it's just, I think you use a bit of oil maybe sometimes, but then it seems to be the, just the water that you put the pasta into. Have you ever had a pasta limone? Am I allowed to bring up other pastas? Oh yeah, too. All right. Follow in that area. Have you ever had a pasta limone? No, not. It's kind of exactly what it sounds like. Yeah. Pasta with lemon. Oh yes. Another great pasta I had was at a restaurant a few blocks away from here. It was their special and it was pasta with butter,

sea salt and mint. Oh, that's it. That's it. I was, because normally I don't, when they read the specials, I'm like, I don't want the specials, but they read this when I was like, oh my God. Yeah. Let's close this menu up. But that was phenomenal. But pasta's so bad for you, right? Yeah. I mean, you can feel it while you're eating it. You can feel how bad it is for you. It's so delicious. It's good. Pasta with garlic and oil. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Those simple ones where it's just like, yeah, garlic and oil ones. Oh my God. I had a really hot one which was like, just like oil and chili. Oh, that's good. I've had that too. That was very nice. Where'd you have that? Somewhere back home. Back in the... Have you eaten here anywhere? That's good. Yeah,

we've had some good meals so far, but we haven't had good pasta yet. Oh. So any recommendations? Well, it's actually a place just a block away that's really good. What's it called? It's called Lavagna, L-A-V-A-G-N-A. Am I allowed to reveal what neighborhood we're in? Yeah, of course. It's not going to be, it's not live. Someone comes down here. Some comedy lunatics going to come get us. That's on fifth and B. That's really good. They have a rigatoni with like turkey sausage in it. Oh, wow. Oh, it's good. But there's a bunch of good pasta places. I like when you're remembering foods that you really like, you really get a hushed tone to your voice. I do. That's very good. Yeah, that's the DJ in me. Is there a particular place you'd like this starter from? Is there

a place you've had the best one you've ever had? Oh, God. Wow. I'm trying to think where I've been. Well, there's a good restaurant. There's a place called Via Corota in the West Village that has a really good Cacio Pepe. Lovely. Let's get it from there. I didn't know what I didn't know we could order. I thought I was at a restaurant. I didn't know that. Oh, no, no, no, no. This is like, this is me at home. I'm a genie. Yeah. It's a fantasy. Yeah. Yeah. I could get stuff from any place, any time in your life. Right. Okay. Shut down. Uber Eats. Uber Eats. I don't, I've only used Uber Eats once. Are you supposed to like have them come up to your door or I have a door, man. Yeah. I think they do. The delivery we've got in as well. Yeah,

they're supposed to deliver it to your door. Yeah. Or to your door, man. I think that's your first line of defense. It's my protector. Uber Eats is weird because you feel like it should be like an Uber, so it's almost like you should get in the car and go with them to the restaurant and pick it up. Yeah, I still kind of figure out how it works. Is it just a regular Uber driver who stops? I think it is. Or they have some people on bikes as well doing Uber Eats. I usually use Seamless, which I don't know if you have that. It's like Grubhub. It's a, this is one called Caviar. Why am I plugging these deliveries? Unless they want to give me a code. Free stuff for Todd. So yeah, that would, let's make that my starter. Lovely. Lovely. Great choice. I mean,

so you're pretty full already? I'm very full. Yeah. I mean, this is, you know, but it's dream restaurant. It's a dream restaurant. So let's say I have a dream appetite. Yeah. Okay. Your main. Yeah. Oh my main. This one might blow your mind a little bit, but at that same time, it might not. It was a lot of choices. You don't want to hear the ones I rejected. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I can't, I will say there, I just had to pick one. So I picked one. So I'm gonna say that I don't even think, you know, these are all on a par with each other. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. Should we have the, let's have the reject. I thought of a, I thought of Kung Pao chicken. I thought of, like a, what else do I think? I mean, I guess a pizza.

A pizza with jalapenos and pepperoni. Nice. Although I'm trying to lay back on the meat. So let's just say jalapenos. Okay. And let's add some pepperoni. Let's put the pepperoni back on that. I just made you take off. Yeah. But you know, then there's burgers are good. I don't know if you've ever had a burger before. Yeah, sure. Remind me what. Describe one to the listeners who haven't, don't know what it is. Fried chicken. There's chicken fingers. All American sort of classic stuff. But also, well, I mean, I, I use my Italian. I played the Italian card with my starter. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Very smart of me. Yeah. Do you want to know what I picked as my main course? Yes, please. This is gonna be a Japanese curry. Oh, yes. Have you had that?

I don't think I have. Oh, God. You must have had like a cat's curry or something. Oh, yes, I have. I guess I've had it loads. Yeah. Yeah. Delicious. So I mean, I've been eating a lot of that lately, and it's, uh, some people don't even know about it. I've talked to people who know about food, and I go, you haven't had Japanese? I don't even know what you're talking about. Like, how do I know this? It's quite like a fruity sauce, right? Like a thick. I wouldn't say it's fruity. Now, it's not fruity. Not at, not at any place I would go to. Okay. But I mean, there's somewhere you, I like it where you can go to a place and there's a spice level, you know, like how, there's one place I go to on the Lower East Side where like it's a spice level one to

10. And what do you go for? I, I go for four. Okay. But it's funny, I went to a place that I'd never been to a few months ago where I ordered at three and the guy basically said, no. He's not, he goes, no. I was like, all right, I guess we're doing two and uh, oh, when you're right, you're right. He was right. Yeah. Cause I was the two. I was like, oh my God, I can't imagine. So the two was too much. Two was, two was plenty of heat. And it went up to 10. That I don't, that may have gone up to five, but the one that I go to sometimes is, yeah, it goes up to 10, but I go to like four or five. Cause you don't want to ruin the meal for yourself. I mean, I like to fancy myself, sorry to use that again, as someone who likes spicy food, but there's such a

range of spices. It's not just, I made a mistake last night by eating a raw chili that I think was just decoration on the plate. Where'd you eat? We were at a Thai restaurant called Waylor. It was, what's near where we're staying. So it was like 20 minutes walk from where we're staying. Where are you staying, my old task? East village. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. That's a nice place. Yeah, yeah. There's a good restaurant called Vix there that has a catcho pepper. Yeah. Yeah. That's on Great Jones street. That's one of my, eat catcho pepper for the rest. But they have others, they have other greats. They also have this thing. This, I almost thought about this as my starter. Am I allowed to backtrack? Absolutely. Yeah, I'm acting like there's some rigid rules to this

fucking food podcast. Like Pulp Fiction. But they have like these, I forgot what they call it, like crispy onions. They're almost like an onion ring, but they're not the ring. They're just like the, I don't know, we call it the piece of onion, but they're fried in this sauce. Oh my God. Is it like a blue, a blooming onion? I guess it is, but it's probably, I would say an elevated blooming onion, but it probably, I've never had a blooming onion, but now that you, that, I mean, that is not something that's come over to the UK. Really? I've only ever had it in America and it blew my mind. And as I was eating, I thought this is the thing that's going to kill me one day. Do you guys have burritos over there? Yeah. Cause the last time I was in UK, I was like, man, like a

Chipotle, if they open here, that place would be a gold mine. We've got Chipotle now, but here's the thing that's funny about that is that I only knew about Chipotle from your stand-up. Really? So when they, when we got Chipotle, that's a coincidence. All I could do when I saw the Chipotle's was hear it in your voice in my head. Cause I only, only a person I'd ever heard say it in my life was you in a stand-up special. That's my, I mean, my, my stand-up skews a little American, sorry. Oh yeah. There's so many of your routine, but I didn't understand the container store. Oh yeah. I mean, that one you could figure out though. Yeah. That's pretty simple. Yeah. I followed that one. Wow. You're, you know, you're, I didn't realize what a rabbit fan you are. I've got one

special. One? Yeah. Okay. That's one down four to go. Yeah. That's good that you heard Todd say Chipotle because you definitely would have called it Chipotle. Would have called it Chipotle or would have got the next one. Yeah, I mean, yeah. And everyone else on there was saying Chipotle and I was like, is that cheap? So did they open up in, in the UK? Yeah. There's a few round London now. So next time you're there, you can get, when do they close at like seven o'clock or something? Is that a complaint you've got about London? Yeah, I know. Is that a hack complaint? No, it's all. You can make, I think it's, it's just, it's just a little weird over there then that like everything shuts early. Yeah. That's just for a, for a hard drink in town like that. Yeah. You think

well, it's cause everyone drinks so hard that they're all done by 11. But then you have that weird rule of if you're staying at a hotel, you can like basically drink all night. But the person who has the room is the one who has to pay. Yeah. So that person, I think I've been fucked on that one. And in some places people just start handing your money like, yeah, okay. I feel like it feels really bad because the person's working at the bar, but also at reception. So they just come around from reception and get you more drinks. But having said that, you know, I do like London a lot in case you were worried. So the Japanese curry. Yeah. And I don't know which kind of hat I would like for my dream meal. Cause there's a place a few blocks away from here that does a beef curry

that's really good. And I get five out of five on that one. And it's just, it's also a very small place where there's not even a bathroom. So you sort of have to, so that's a real risk. Well, it's the thing where you're like, I have to go, all right, I'm at this common club on 4th street. I'm going to pee. And then I'm going to go to this place on 7th street. And then you get the five out of five curry. Yeah. And then what are you going home or back to the comedy club? Well, it depends on that. I could, I'm going to say, I probably went home unless it's between shows. So would you eat a big meal before a show? It depends on what you mean by a show. But from before a set, a set, I can probably pretty much do that. Yeah. But if I'm like

headlining and people paid $1,000 to see me, I would, I try, I mean, I sometimes that always is a precarious thing. Cause you're like, they're like, you guys want dinner? Like, yeah, this is a Thai restaurant here. Yeah. And then you're like, I'll just get pad thai and I'll eat half of it. And then you just like, I'm not fucking eating half. But I also, I often forget how my hunger, you know, I've never been on stage going, Oh, I ate too much. I can't do a show. But I psychologically, I think it's good to be slightly just full. I think that'd be a good angle for you. If you want to try that, what's any point being like the full comedian. Yeah. I think you'd be pretty funny if you were full on stage.

Have you seen Tabari's full of that? That'd be funny. I could do like a cat scan or something right before he's on stage. Like, you see my stomach is full. All right, let's do this now. I like it. I'm always looking for a gimmick. Yeah. Talk about being, being full on stage. Ask the audience members how full they are. You have to be the fullest one in the room though. Yeah. Do they serve food at a lot of comedy venues? Not as much. I mean, here it's a thing where like, during the show, people are getting delivered. Yeah. Not as much about some, some place. Yeah. Like the big weekend clubs, they'll serve, they'll serve food. Like a comedy store or junglers. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. All the glee clubs,

they're big sort of the foodie ones. Yeah. But this is a bit of a hat comparison. A lot of people make this, make this point. But the drink minimum. Yeah. It's not a thing in the UK. That's not a thing they would ever, because everyone's all right. Yeah. That's kind of unnecessary. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The food is a good idea because it's soaking up. Do you guys do a maximum there? Because there are clubs that do a maximum here. Right. Yeah. Do they also do a minimum? So you got to get, it's like, well, yeah, two to three basically. I think, but I don't know if it's two items. So food probably counts. I don't know. You know, I don't go there as a consumer. I just as an artist. So yeah, you think you maybe have this beef curry, this Japanese beef.

It's weird because I watched this documentary Forks Over Knives. Did you see that? No. It's on Netflix. It's about the sort of the advantages of a plant-based diet. So yesterday I had curry, and I had vegetable curry. And the vegetables that had, I always ask, because there's a lot of vegetables I don't like, and it was mushrooms, potatoes, pumpkin. I think that was it. And I said, I'll do that. No mushrooms. Extra hot. You're not a mushroom guy. I don't, I can eat mushrooms if they're sort of hidden in like a spring roll or something. But I once sorted a veggie burger in Chicago, and they showed up and it was just a whole Portobello mushroom on a bonley. Yeah, like a fucking veggie burger. That's a Portobello mushroom on a bonn. Get this.

What's your bottom three vegetables? Tomatoes are vegetable fruit. I still have a fruit. Are they technically a fruit? I thought they were officially declared a vegetable, even though they seem like a fruit. Oh, really? I could have just made that up. I've not been keeping up with the news. But they disgust me. Yeah. Choking. I really thought you're about to be sick there, Todd. Yeah, that would be great. If you said they disgust me and then just puked. No, like raw tomato. Yeah. Not a fan. Oh, God. I can't even, like, I have an anxiety attack when I order like a salad and I go, please no tomatoes. Yeah. Because you know, 80% of the time, they didn't hear you or they just start on autopilot and you just see that salad approach and you

just see all that red on top. Oh, fucking disgusting. What do you like about them? They're just they're just this texture thing. It's a smell thing. Yeah. But at the same time, you know, tomato sauce, if it's smooth and pulverized and ketchup, you know. Yeah. Is it seeds in the middle maybe? Yeah, it's seeds. It's the, it's a smell and it's just, oh, I don't like eggplant really. Oh, although if it's fried and a super thin crisps, probably cucumber, I don't love except if it's pickled. So a lot of these you do like if they've been transformed in some way. Yeah. Yeah. If they're transformed to where they don't taste the way they're supposed to taste. Yeah. They put ice cream on top of all of these things. Did I give you the three? I think I did. I just want to play by the

book. Yeah. I feel like more so than ever, like this episode feels like, like you're trying to get into a country and we're questioning you. Yeah. Yeah. What's your top three least favorite vegetables? You guys are like the weirdest immigration guys ever. Yeah. Food based immigration. Although this room, this is the first time we've been in the studio. It does have the sort of vibe of a side room of an airport. Yeah. Yeah. This is a very, this was a big interrogation. I didn't know that you could have a backyard in this neighborhood with like a secret law recording studio. So your side dish. Yeah. This was I really struggled with this one because I didn't necessarily try to make everything cohesive. So I don't know that I would order the stream dish

the way. Should I make it cohesive? No, you don't have to. Not at all. Because otherwise then everything's going to be from one restaurant. Sure. I'll just quick question with the main. When you order that, does that come with rice? Yes. So that comes with rice. Yeah. Is that going to be part of the main dish or part of the main course? That's part of the main course. That's fine. You don't need to consider rice as a side. Okay. Well, I wasn't going to. Okay. I just want to let you know. Your key sticks are the rules. Yeah. It would be awful if you made a transgression at this point. I mean, you want me to tell you the rejected ones? Nice. I have up till maybe two hours ago, I had baked sweet potato as my side. Up until two hours ago. Maybe a few hours ago.

Maybe it was last night that I definitely changed it in my little document here. Yeah. But I also had green salad. But then I was like, am I going for like last meal, like before I'm executed or sensible? Yeah. I don't know. It's a dream. You know, it's the dream meal. Yeah. Then I'm just going to go with fries, man. Yeah. Yeah. Is that the most popular one? I think it has been the most popular one. Yeah. That's for a reason, I think. I think people always feel, also, that look you had in your eye when you said it, everyone always has that look. Yeah. Very confident. I've made the right decision. I guess I could have split the difference and done sweet potato fries. You could have. Have you ever had those? Yes, I have. I don't like them as much as fries, but I tell you what,

here in New York at Extra Fancy. Have you been to Extra Fancy? Extra Fancy. The restaurant in Williamsburg? Yeah. Yeah. It's in Brooklyn. Yeah. And they've got these sweet potato fries that is dump seafood chowder on top of, and that's great. Yeah. No. Uh-oh. Maybe that. I'm sure it's a good thing that might not be for me. Let's put it that way. Yeah. It's not. You seem to be into very clear sort of flavors, good ingredients. Yeah. A lot of chowder on some sweet potato fries. So I was fries, I guess. Yeah. We could mix them up together. Oh, you want, that's cheating now. If you want. If you want a half and half, a half and half sweet potato, normal potato, portion of fries to go with your half and half water. We could do it. Now let's just go fries.

So right now I have pasta, curry with rice and fries. This is definitely your last meal. This is not a, yeah, this is a fuck, this is a fuck it meal. And do you like them like very thin and crispy? I like, I don't like, I like very crunchy. I don't necessarily love what they call steak fries here. Right. Which are big fat fries, which I certainly can eat a pound of those without thinking twice, but they're not, I like them well, I like almost all foods well done. Right. Like a pizza well done. If I eat red meat, I like it. What's that? You get a rare pizza? No, but sometimes that's funny. You're medium. I like pizza medium. That's funny. But, you know, I like food that's slightly almost burnt. Yeah. Okay. That adds

flavor with some things. Yeah. But vegetables. I can't abide by well done steak, Todd. I'm sorry. Are you rare? Yes. Do you eat a lot of steak? Yeah. You know, I've been known. Yeah. Yeah. I like a rare steak. Yeah. But I'm also aware while I'm eating it that it's really impacting on the sort of. That's why he crunches all that ice. He's getting his teeth ready for a big old for the blue steak. Yeah. Absolutely. But I know what you mean about burnt stuff. Some stuff takes way better if you've just got a little bit of char on. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. I like a burnt quality. Also desserts and stuff. I like burnt caramel flavors. Yeah. Burnt caramel is good. Sea salt caramel. It's, it's become a new, that's the latest thing. Yeah. Maybe as of eight years ago.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember when that came in? How did you feel? Oh, man. It's weird that the way these foods sometimes you're like, like catch your peppy to go back. I don't think I knew about that 12 years ago, but it's must have been around for 500 years. Yeah. How does it like, they just invented catch your pe, kale. That's like, that was just invented like eight years ago. Nice Brussels sprouts as well. Right. That the Brussels sprouts though. I remember the first time I had Brussels sprouts where I was like, Oh, okay. Cause I just always heard, they're always like this sort of touchstone of like the worst vegetable ever. And then I was at a Thanksgiving dinner and there was a friend of a friend was a chef and he actually made them. And I remember he came around and poured

a little vinegar on them. I was like, Oh my God, Brussels sprouts. But now I'm sick of them. Yeah. Now I don't, they're just like, cause every place has them and they're like this, the flash fried ones. Those are good. But also cauliflower is good, but it's also that too, like a little goes a long way. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I know you didn't bring up cauliflower. But then cauliflower is the one out of that. The crisper, the better with cauliflower. I like, I prefer most vegetables raw. Really? Yeah. Which goes against your normal ethos. Yeah. Of well done. Wow. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Complicated guides. I am. I'm really hanging. Yeah. I've got Jekyll and Hyde. I'm just, I'm fascinating dude. Like, well, I mean, but I guess you don't, yeah, I get it right. But I don't like

boiled, wilt, like steam, steam broccoli, I guess is all right. But I prefer all nutrients have gone. Yeah. And would you like some of your fries burnt to a crisp? Oh, yeah. I'd like them all well done. Yeah. But like, but like black fries, not necessarily black, but teetering on the edge of just really dancing on that line. So touch and go. So when they come out of the kitchen, the chef will be looking at them going, I don't know if we should send these out. This is what he asked for. I don't feel good about this. So we're a couple of bricks gallivanting around New York. What fast food chain does the best fries? Oh, best fries. Oh, man. That's a good, there's a fast food frame, but they're not in New York. Never mind them.

Oh, it could be somewhere that's not in New York. There's one called Steak and Shake. That's one of my favorite fast food. If you drove through the heartland, it's sort of like a sit down fast food place, but you eat and it's open all night. And I just always, I always tip like 80% there because it's like two people eat for $6. So I tip 1,000%. But there's not a lot of bad fries out there. I'm trying to think, but I mean, I think more of a restaurant type. I mean, there's a French fry restaurant here. Yes. Is that? Yeah, it's called Palms Friets. It's sort of in the West Village. There might be other locations. That's all fries. Belgium's fries. Yeah, belt with many dipping sauces, as you would imagine. Oh, lovely. But they double fry them,

I think. So those are quite good. It felt like there was a real, a while ago, a real arms race for how often you can fry a fry how many times because there was like single normal fries and then they double fried. And then people are doing triple now. I just, I just, where did I eat in San Francisco, I think, and I, these fries were so good. I was like, how do you make these fries? Because they didn't look well done, but they were super crunch. And the guy explained, and I forgot, but it was basically a triple. Triple fry. They triple fried them. Yeah. Shook them around a bit. Yeah. Gotta shake them around a bit. Yeah, shake, get that oil off them. Yeah. Yeah. Little salt, some ketchup, maybe some mustard. I like mustard on fries. What's your opinion of people who put

mayonnaise on fries? See, that's the thing at this, this, this Palm Freak place. I think that's sort of like their default sauce. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could do it, but I don't, I don't get anything out of that. Yeah. So I'm not like gagging, but I'm also like, not going to ask for mayonnaise. So if you were, you know, they're seen at the start of Pulp Fiction. Yeah. Burger King. Yeah. Yeah. If you were in the back of that car with them for some reason, you're like the third person who's been sent on this job. And they're talking and they were saying, oh, you know what they do in Amsterdam? They drench fries in mayonnaise. And then Samuel Jackson always goes, oh, gross. Are you kidding me? And then like, John Chaval was like, yeah, I've seen them do it. They drown it

in that shit. What's your reaction in the back? I'd probably just say something like, uh, yeah, I know that doesn't sound good. I wonder if you could order them without the mayonnaise. That's, that would be my fix. I'm a fixer. I try to fix things. And then you'd say, thank you so much for the opportunity for being in this film. Can you put, or I would say, can you put the mayonnaise on the side just as a little like pretending I'm going to dive into their culture, but that I'm throwing that shit out. Oops. I didn't eat any of the mayonnaise he gave me. Sorry. Can I have more ketchup and vinegar on fries? Oh my God. Yeah. That feels, that feels quite British, the vinegar. Um, yeah. I mean, you can have that.

Yeah, I like vinegar on there. Very good. But on the crispy french fries. So I don't think I've ever had them on the like thin, crispy french fries. I probably haven't put vinegar on them. I'll put them on big, fat, chip shop chips. Floppy chips. And put it all in them, but like, maybe not on the kind of like crispy thin ones, but you can do it. Why would, why would you, that's an interesting. Yeah. Well, I guess you even thought of that. It's interesting. I guess I'll say it as the softer fries to soak up all the vinegar, like a big plump turkey. For listeners, James is acting like one of the big cheese and wriggling around like a big soft fry. Exactly like a fry. Yeah. Yeah. But the crispy ones, I think the vinegar would just kind of sit on top of

it or make it soggy. No, you just sprinkle a little vinegar. Yeah. I think, uh, or a mist, you could get a mist like a spray. Just I guess that's, I mean, that'd be, we can do that for yourself. This is the dream restaurant. Put some vinegar in a mist. No, you know what? Just give me the bottle, shake a little on there. Okay. Like a whisper of, uh, a whisper of vinegar. Yeah. So I mean, I don't think not enough to soggy them up or anything. The mirror's suggestion of vinegar. Yeah. Just, uh, yeah. Vinegar adjacent. So you and John Travolta and Samuel Jackson have got out the car and you've gone up to that guy's apartment and you're all three of them. You're trying to intimidate those guys in their apartment, remember? And I don't remember the

movie. Samuel Jackson eats that guy's burger and he's like, that is a tasty burger. Doesn't he? He says that. Would you be there going, can I have some fries? Oh, would you be there going, you guys got any fries as well to intimidate them? Would you eat all their fries? Oh, why, why am I doing this now? Uh, just to make your mark on the movie. I think there's these guys, there's these guys who have a briefcase that they owe to Marshal as Wallace and they haven't given it to him yet. And, uh, Samuel Jackson, John Travolta turned up to make sure that they give him the briefcase because they've been late doing it. Samuel Jackson wants to really send a message that you don't mess with Marshal as Wallace. And so he eats this guy's burger

and drinks his sprite and then he shoots his friend in the stomach and then shoots this guy. And, but I probably wouldn't do that. The build up to it. I got, I got gigs to do. Eating this guy's big kahuna burger. So I'm wondering if you're one of the, if, if this is the version of the film where Todd Barry's casting it as well, and you're with those two and you've gone up there, you've got to do something to intimidate them as well. So while he's eating the burger, are you eating the fries going, these are nice fries. Yeah. I mean, I guess I'm going to play along with this. I would maybe grab like a larger, more fries than I would normally, like just grab like seven, put my fingers all over them. Yeah. I was once in Camden Market with

some friends when we were at 14 or 15 and a proper punk, like an old school punk, big pink Mohawk, my friend had some McDonald's fries and the punk just walked past and took all the fries out of, out of my friend's fry packet with one hand and walked off eating them and just without even looking, just flipped in the bird behind. It was the punkest thing I've ever seen, Todd. I'm not in for violence, but if that guy just got tackled and pummeled a little bit. Yeah. Just a little bit. Just like one. Yeah. Because that's a shitty thing to do. It was pretty cool as well. Yeah, you like that? Yeah, it was pretty cool. That's what punk's all about, right? Yeah. Yeah, I heard it and thought it was pretty cool. I don't seem like being friends with that guy.

No. No, you're, I can't see you being fined. I'd like to see it. I'd be very surprised if like after this you wore a towel and just, there's a guy with a pink Mohawk waiting for you. Yeah, we do that same move. Go to nearest McDonald's. So you'll drink. Oh man, this is another one where I am I allowed to give the things I was thinking about? Absolutely. I mean, I don't drink a lot of alcohol, but so I probably wouldn't have had, I drink some alcohol, but I don't, I don't know if like I would have a wine with dinner. Yeah. But maybe this is going to sound boring. Well, one thing I thought of was a ginger beer, like a non-alcoholic ginger beer, because that's kind of delicious. Then I kind of,

the one I settled on, I don't think you guys do this and where you're from is iced tea. Yes, we, we're familiar with iced tea. Are you? We do have iced tea, but not to the extent that you do iced tea over here. Yeah. Are we talking like sweet tea? I've seen people have sweet tea. Sweet tea is, which is crazy. It's unbelievably sweet. Sometimes you can do a half and a half. Yeah. You just give me, I'll give you both of those. I mean, sweet tea is delicious, but it's also like I, you feel guilty as you're drinking it. Sure. But with this meal, but with a bunch of lemon, oh yeah, maybe I'd have carbs anyway. I'm about to have like a moderately sweet iced tea. I don't know how boring that's, I sound like the most boring guy in the

world, but iced tea, I mean, eight beers, I'll have eight beers. What flavor would you like the iced tea? What flavor? Yeah. Is that like, is it like lemon or peach or something? Oh, you know, I once got a pedicure in Dallas and you know what, Todd, I was not expecting that. No, but I remember that it was, I was staying at a fancy hotel and I was working with someone else and they had a, they gave us a hundred dollar credit at this fancy hotel. So I said, I'm going to fucking go get a pedicure. And I just remember the nice woman giving me, talking to me, giving my pedicure. She goes, you want some peach iced tea? I was like, yes, I do. It was fucking delicious. But the peaches I don't eat, that's the weird part. Yeah, it peaches, but you have it in the ice.

Peach iced tea, it was, it was phenomenal. Would you like the pedicure peach iced tea? Yeah, we can give you that at this dream meal, the pedicure. I think, I don't know if I'd want the peach flavor overpowering those spicy fries I just ordered. So I'm going to say a regular, like a black tea, whatever standard Southern style, half unsweetened, half sweet with a few lemons, maybe even a lime. Maybe even put a lime in there with the lemons. I just, that just, I just made a game time decision about that. So now I'm imagining you as a character in Killer Mockingbird or something. Oh really? Sitting on a porch drinking your iced tea. Having a pedicure. Eating Japanese curry. That classic, that classic chapter. That'd be good.

What about, where do you stand on an Arnold Palmer? Oh, those are good. Think about Arnold Palmer's though. It's like, I can drink one in like two seconds. It just goes down. So it's great, but then you just feel like, oh, do I get another one? Then you're like, that's all that sugar. Because is that, is that lemonade and iced tea? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Very sweet. Yeah. I like them. It's really, they're really good. Yeah. Yeah. But you are like, they go down very easily. Yeah. I mean, depending on the hot, the heat, the temperature of the, the weather. The temperature of the weather. Not the temperature of the iced tea. How often do you drink iced tea? You know, it's interesting. Wait, I just realized it's not interesting.

I remember doing an interview about food and I was like, it was years ago about like, well, I love going to a coffee shop. I love iced tea. And then I was, I don't order iced tea. I order coffee 99% of the time. I go, oh, iced tea is good. Instead of a second coffee, like in the morning, you have a coffee in the afternoon. I don't know. The second cup is fine, but it does not even nearly is inside, but a nice iced fucking tea. Oh my God. Do you think iced tea drinks iced tea? I have a nice tea story if you want. Yeah. I did his podcast. Right. I got my, I had a publicist at the time. She's like, iced tea wants you on his podcast. And I was like, really? Okay. And so then I, I booked it and I took a bus to his house and went inside his house and he's very

nice. But I could tell he was like, what's your last name again? I was like, okay. I know he had like a 25 year old comedy nerd, I think, booking it. So he's like, he's asking for all his favorites. But he was really nice. But I remember he, he, this is an ice, it's kind of surreal. Like, I'm taking a bus to iced tea's actual house and cocoa is there. And but he, he asked me if I want someone to drink and he gave me a glass of ice water. And I was like, only shit, iced tea just gave me ice water. It's one of the most surreal experiences in my career of show business. Crushed ice? No, he had cubes, I believe. What was iced tea's podcast? It was a lot about hip hop and rap. And I, you know, he had guests on who would just kind of meander in. Oh, right. Okay.

And I just felt like they would be talking about rap. And I'd be like, I don't want to chime in. But I feel like I'm not saying anything. But I remember one point is like, I get you, I get you. But he was nice. So now what you want really, because now that iced tea's giving you some ice cubes, you need ice cube to give you an iced tea. Oh my God. That's, that's false. That's, that would be just complete this. Because I bet, I bet no one's had that. No one's had both experiences. Yeah, I mean, I've actually been able to get both. See, now you make me feel inadequate because I was all excited. I was pretty satisfied with the ice water from iced tea. But where does vanilla ice stand in all this? Oh, yeah, I got a vanilla ice story as well. Excellent. There's not much of a

story, but I was on a plane sitting in coach going to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. And this guy gets on. I was like, sits in coach a few rows behind me and just sits down, puts his hat over his head and falls asleep. I was like, Oh, is that a fucking guy? I think that's vanilla ice. So then I look at my phone and like, he was just in town. I was like, Holy shit, I'm gonna fly with. So then we ended up, we landed Fort Lauderdale and we ended up washing our hands next to each other in the adventure. And he, I just remembered that he washes his hands like he's about to do surgery. I was like, all right, good for you. Cause I'm kind of a hand wash. I was like, all right, yeah, scrub those hands, man. But I thought it was cool if he was a coach and he'd just fly

by himself and I didn't chat him up. I think someone, I think I saw someone ask for a picture, but I left him alone. You left, you left, well, I used to mind the hand washing. I was just like, Oh, this is a good story right here. I mean, maybe it isn't, but it's a life experience. I think it's good that you shared that moment with him. Yeah. Yeah, that was that. I think that, that made it, took it to the next level. Now, if I ever meet ice, no vanilla ice, excuse me, I'll be very comfortable shaking his hand cause I know he's clean. Yeah, very clean. But maybe that's why maybe he met a fan and he just hates his fans. So that's why he's washing. Oh, that could be it. Yeah, that could be it. I do that kind of right when I get off stage,

or after I do like a meet and greet situation. Yeah, sanitizing the first, where's the first sink? Are you a bit of a germaphobe? I am. I mean, I'm, there's a bit of mine. I'm sure you love about how I'm a lazy germaphobe, but because I don't really clean my floors, but I wash my hands 800 times debt. I'm familiar with that bit actually. Thank you for doing it live. Your dessert. First, I was going to go with like, wow, I would really maybe feel after eating all this food, which is probably a wouldn't want dessert, but I've made me a, hey, how about a lemon sorbet? Oh yeah. Like a light. And then I just just went with something equally exciting. You ready for this? Yeah. I almost thought of tiramisu also. Yeah. Which is unbelievable.

So delicious. Very good. But also at the end of that meal. Yeah, I mean, that's basically the last carb on the list. But I just said, how about a nice piece of vanilla cake with vanilla icing? Oh, yeah. It's like sort of birthday cake. Yeah. Sort of like a birthday cake. But imagine if you've got a vanilla cake with vanilla icing given to you by, I didn't even make that connection. Exciting stuff. Who knew that we went from a vanilla ice anecdote into some vanilla icing, iced vanilla. How do you feel about coffee after it? Like, then you guys won't call it. It always seems like a weird ritual. I would have coffee after a meal, depending if it's the purpose of that craving coffee. If you're going, oh, okay. If you're going

to go tear up, you need to stay up to 1030 or whatever to have fun at London. I like a peppermint tea after a meal, maybe. In my head, it helps with the digestion. You ever have a nice peppermint tea? No. Is that a real thing? Yeah. I bet you could figure out the recipe. They also, if you're having like a hibiscus tea, oh my God. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. I'm not a tea guy. I've never been into tea. I don't know why. I'm just straight coffee. Really? I thought coffee just, they thought they just started serving coffee in London. Well, that's why I'm into it. You know, I'm ahead of the trend. There's good coffee shots, on fire. Yeah, it's a great coffee. That's what I call caffeine that I've been to.

Yes, caffeine with a K. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like that one. Yeah, yeah. They must be thrilled for the shout-out I just gave. There's another place which does really good coffee, but I'm always annoyed by its name. It's called the Department of Social Affairs. Oh, why would you be annoyed by that name? It's not like it's pretentious, right? Oh my God. I can't call it that. Yeah, that's what it's called. Okay. Good coffee, though. Shout-out. Well, on a visual order back to you now, Todd. All right. You would like still water, cold crushed ice, poppadoms, starter, catchy pepper. Yeah. With chili flakes on the side, from beer, Carota. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Main Japanese curry with rice. Yeah. Are we going with beef or the veg? We know.

Oh, let's go. Let's go katsu chicken on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't even get a shout-out on the last one. I know. Another game time decision. Yeah, yeah. Extra hot. Extra hot. Extra spice, yeah. Five out of five. Side, fries. Yeah. From? Oh, God. Oh, God. Who has good fries? I don't know. Can I not know? Yeah, you can not know. Just the best, the finest fries. Send me your, I'll trust you. Look, Google it. Yelp it up. Google it. But well done for ice. Well done for ice. Yeah, crispy. Drink. Ice tea. Yeah. It says here half and half lemons and lime. Half, not half and half the milk, the half sweet, half sweet, half not unsweetened. Half, half sweet tea, half unsweetened tea. Yeah, this is it. There's loads of lemons in there and a lime.

Yeah, sure. Why not? Does a vanilla ice in iced vanilla cake serve to you by vanilla ice. Yeah. It is bare hands because you know you can trust it. Not even a plate. Yeah. Just the cake directly onto his hand. You eat it off his hand? Like a horse. Yeah. He keeps a flat palm for you. I would let, yeah, let him serve me the cake. Yeah, perfect. That's the perfect. And iced tea will serve you the ice. Yeah. I mean, I didn't know we were getting into that. Yeah. I think it's fine. And then ice cube serves you the ice, the ice water at the beginning. Sure. Yeah. More wrappers than we've ever had in there. I know. This is it. M.C. Pop-A-Dom gives you the pop-a-dom. D.J. Fry's. Yeah, D.J. Fry's comes in. Always nice to see D.J. Fry's popping up.

Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. Thanks. This was fun. Thank you, Todd. I guess that's it. Yeah. Bye. Todd Barry there. Whoa. Great menu. Great menu. Great guy. Great guy. Great menu. And did not say candy mice. Thank you very much for not saying candy mice, Todd. He said he had a lovely vanilla cake with some vanilla ice in it. Yes, he did. Very delicious. There are no wrappers called candy mice. No, there aren't, as far as I'm aware. Although, good wrapper name. It is quite a good wrapper name. I'd call myself Candy Mouse. Candy Mouse, yeah. Candy with a K? No, no, no. I think, you know, it's not enough.

Too many wrappers change the seeds to the Ks. I'd be Candy Mouse. S of Mouse is a dollar sign. Yep. Absolutely. The S of Mouse is a dollar sign. Thank you for that. And the A is the euro sign. Yeah. Just to keep it currency. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Really stick it to the leaf. And the Y of candy is yen. Great. Well, now I'm trying to think of another. And the C of candy is sent. Very good. And the D of candy is dong. But I don't know what the sign for dong is. Okay. But it could be. Yeah. Anyway, this is the sort of riff we normally have off air. I enjoyed it on air that time. There's a point I thought it's going to do the whole thing. Yeah, I thought I could do too,

but I ran out of currencies that I know. So thank you very much for coming into the Dream Restaurant. Todd, that was a wonderful menu. If you enjoy the sound of Todd, you probably know Todd's work already, but he does have a Netflix special available now. His new Netflix special is called Spicy Honey. Yeah, get on there. Watch it. I think he's got some other specials on there as well. I don't know if the crowd work. I think that's on there. You can watch Todd do crowd work. If it's not on there, you can probably find it somewhere else on the internet. Yes, he's also got a book out called Thank You for Coming to Hattiesburg. So check that out as well. He's a very prolific and very funny man. Excellent stuff. What we got going

on, James? Oh, not much. Just really just doing this, hanging out with you and Benito. Yeah. See you next week. Hi, I'm Gina Martin, a campaigner and writer. And I'm Stevie Martin. I'm a comedian and writer and also we're sisters. We are sisters and we're doing our new podcast, Mike Delete Later. It's a podcast about social media, about going back, looking at your embarrassing ones, things you like, things you don't like, and we're talking to all different types of people. So many different types of people we've got writers, we've got comedians. Maybe we'll get a politician. Maybe a dog. Maybe I'll talk to a plant, deal with it. Who knows? It's like a little snapshot into people's

social media lives. Yeah, and hopefully it will make you think more about how you use social media and how you feel about it. So do subscribe on all of the platforms that you usually get your podcasts on and visit at Mike Delete Later pod on Instagram because we're going to be putting up really fun videos and the things that you didn't see in the podcast episode. Ooh, exciting. Thanks, dudes. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationships never been the same since. And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed, but we're here sneaking in to your podcast

experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North because look, we're two Northerners, sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off and that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's not all the news. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy. Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.