Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 98: Mary Lynn Rajskub

Episode Date: April 7, 2021

Comic and actor Mary Lynn Rajskub – aka Chloe from ‘24’ and Gail the Snail from ‘It’s Always Sunny…’ – joins us in LA for this week’s meal. And James absolutely stinks. (This episode was recorded in February 2020, pre-pandemic.)Watch Mary Lynn’s new special ‘Mary Lynn Rajskub: Live from the Pandemic’ on VimeoFollow Mary Lynn on Twitter and Instagram: @MaryLynnRajskubRecorded by and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Hey, James. I've got big news for you, man. Hit me with the big news. We are doing another live-streamed Off Menu Redemption Dinner Party. It's called the Off Menu Redemption Dinner Party Second Helpings. Do you remember the first one? The first one we had so many guests on who had all made massive mistakes in the past on Off Menu, and they wanted sweet redemption for their awful choices. Some of them changed their orders. Some of them kept their orders the same, and they had to justify it. One thing's for sure, it was a rip-roaring success.

It truly was. What a great time was had by all. And hopefully, we can have good times again on Sunday, April 11th, Off Menu Redemption Dinner Party Second Helpings. It's going to be great. Please, Benito, can I have some more? Here's the details that you need to know. Tickets cost £8. They're available from DICE.FM, or OffMenuPodcast.co.uk, and it starts at 7.30pm. It's going to be such a good evening, Sunday, April 11th. Please, Benito, can I have some more? Don't forget that when you listen to this podcast, for about a day or so, your wee will smell weird. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, the asparagus of the listening world.

Thank you, Ed Gamble. My name's James Acaster. I'm your friend and colleague. Yes, you are. Thank you for reminding me every single day. This is the Off Menu podcast, where we ask a special guest there. Favorite ever starter, main course dessert, side dish, and drink, and this week's guest is Mary Lynn Rice Cub. Mary Lynn Rice Cub, a brilliant comedian, brilliant actor. She's in loads of fantastic shows. She's in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. She's in 24. She's in Goddamn 24. She's Chloe. Chloe in 24. Come on, guys. Very exciting. Very exciting, and I'm looking forward to hearing.

But in LA, that's how we're interviewing Mary Lynn, Ed. Yeah, I know. Not just knocking around in London, you know. No, I know that. Because we're in Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah, I know. We're walking around. There's loads of actors around here, not just Mary Lynn Rice Cub. Is everyone walking around? Have you met any actors, Ed? No, but we went to a vegan restaurant this morning, and we saw Moby. We saw Moby in the vegan restaurant. It was very, very funny to see Moby in a vegan restaurant, just sitting there, being just totally, oh, of course. It's in his contract to be Moby

that he has to be in this restaurant. So it's going to be exciting to hear what Mary Lynn Rice Cub wants to eat. But if she says a very specific ingredient that we have pre-established, she will be removed from the restaurant. And the special secret ingredient this week is James. Maple syrup. Maple syrup. This is going to cause controversy. There's going to be a lot of haters, a lot of people getting angry at us. But look, we just have to be honest, and this is actually one that we both dislike. Yeah, both don't like it. Tastes weird.

I have it in little bits, maybe, but I do not get why people are so obsessed with it. The Great Benito absolutely loves it. He's really crying about the fact that we made it the secret ingredient this week. But I just, I could do without it. I'd rather, if I sit down and have some pancakes and put maple syrup on, I'm like, Joe, what? I'd rather that was chocolate sauce, toffee sauce, something like that on my pancake. Just butter. Butter, not maple syrup. It's just too sickly, even for a pudding head like me. Yeah, I don't know how the Great Benito's packing away so much. He's crying about the

fact we picked the ingredient, but he's crying tears of maple syrup. Yeah, yeah, little maple syrup tears. He's just absolutely full of it. I hope Marilyn and Rice Cub's not full of it, because otherwise she'll be chucked out. In fact, we should chuck out the Great Benito. Yeah, see you later, Benito. For liking maple syrup so much. And then he needs to come back and record the podcast and edit the podcast and book the guests.

So, for now, this is the off-menu menu of Marilyn and Rice Cub. Welcome, Marilyn, to the Dream Restaurant. A little cough there, choking already in the Dream Restaurant. That's a bad sign. No, that's a good sign. You know that's good eating. Welcome, Marilyn and Rice Cub, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. That's how that sound happens? It was so much more mysterious in my head than it is. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is. I have a wet sock. That's true. I'm sitting here with a wet sock right now. Why? I didn't tell you before we started recording. Yeah, you've been holding it in. I've been begging for any information about you, and you guys have just been looking at me. Like, as if I've interrupted your day. That's how

I felt when I got here. I'm like, sorry for interrupting, guys. No. And now the wet sock thing, like, what the hell is going on? Just to let the listener know, Marilyn's arrived and really had a go as for not going out enough. And then, when the Great Benito said he might go to Disneyland, Marilyn said, what the hell are you thinking? She called him a motherfucker. You know what? That wasn't private. That's not meant to be broadcasted. Great. My career

is over. So, explain your wet sock, please, James. There's washers and dryers down the hall, and I went and used the washer, and then it was a guy fixing it when I arrived, and he said, I'm just fixing it. That's done now. I'll work a tree. That's good to go. And then he said, let me just watch you put some clothes in it first, and I was like, fair enough. Yeah, I'm sure he said, let me just watch you put some clothes in it. Go on. So he watched me load it up, and then press it and it started. He went, great. That's

working, and he left. And then I went and it was supposed to have been done, and it was like, it stopped at 10 minutes to go, but short of the spin, and just said, re-select. So I did another one, and it just basically flooded it even more, and then the whole, my clothes are just absolutely drenched, and I've had to take them out and put them in the dryer, but in doing so, just flooded the whole laundry room, and my socks are soaking wet now, and I'm sitting here. That was like a minute before you arrived, and then I had to run back in here, and then talk to you about Benito going to Disneyland, and then start the podcast, but I feel like you should know that I've got wet socks while this is

going on. I do feel better, because I didn't get to do what I wanted this morning, and hearing what's going on with you makes me feel a lot better about my life. What did you want to do this morning? I just want to sit there for a long time, longer than you would think. I want two hours to just roll into the day. Would you look at anything while you're sitting there, or would you just sit there just looking? A fiddle around. It's not just a full on stare. I'm not trying to say it just to be

weird, but in all honesty, I just want to walk around. I just have my own time of it. Don't rush me. Don't try to talk to me. Don't make me drive anywhere. I want to drive to 7-Eleven to get a little coffee and come back. That's the only coffee I've had today. It's not a good cup of coffee. Well, I've made you a coffee there. It's really good. Thank you. Hold on. Why do you say you didn't get to do what you wanted to do this morning? Do you

mean because of us? I mean, I stopped short of saying that. Because all the things you described that you wanted to do are the opposite of doing a podcast. Oh, always. Always. But that's the ... No, never want to do a podcast. But even when I want to do something, I don't want to do it. Do you have that? Totally.

It's not crazy. I think it's a fairly normal ... No, I think it is. I just don't want to do anything. Sitting there, I do a lot of petting of the pets. Oh, good. I'm glad the pets are involved. Sit on the floor, walk around some more. But you know, people need things from me. I have a child. Who just kept talking about your pets before we started recording. It's a dream.

Your cat's butthole fell out. It really did. That was one of the pre-chats we had. Just looking around for that little tiny butthole. Yeah. Because it was a designer cat, I was telling you. A designer cat. Yeah, no, it cost a few thousand dollars.

Right, okay. But then the butthole fell out. Yeah, that shouldn't happen. Send it back. Thank you. That's what I'm saying. That's why I was like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah. And then my husband was like, oh, let me go in. He did some research. He comes out. He's like, okay, it turns out that's the thing that happens sometimes.

And most likely we'll go back in. That doesn't help. Did you guys just like fingers crossed? Push it back in. Oh my gosh. That was the next fact. He goes, it also says that you might have an urge to push it in with your finger and not to do that. And apparently you had that urge because you went to, I was like, I don't feel like want

to do that at all. And this information is not helping us at all. I wouldn't call it an urge necessarily. Well, I would. Right. We got wet socks and the guy who wants to push the butthole. Cat fingering. Yeah.

It's a better term. I'm happy to be wet socks. Yeah. That's a nasty term. Cat fingering. Don't need that. Normally we'd ask if you're a foodie, if you love food, but I don't think you're going to tolerate that question.

Yep. Yep. Cause you'd rather just sit there. Right. No, I will look. I'm a bundle of conflict, you know, I'm an incredibly interesting person. I do like food. I think it's a wonderful pleasure of life.

Yeah. It could be an addiction if you wanted to. It could be a comfort. Yeah. I like to snack. I try not to have processed snacks up in the house, but I like it when they're there, you know, you go from a chip to a, which factors into the doing nothing and walking around. Just like an endless pace to different stations in the house.

Just grazing. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. I was doing that before you came. So I was stress eating some of the socks situation. Were the socks on your feet when you were? Yeah.

They're still on my feet right now. Oh, really damp. I'm sitting here. I've also got my foot deliberately in a patch of sunlight, hoping it's going to dry. And those were your only pair of socks? Yeah. What's happening? They're special socks.

I've got these. I've got some thermal socks that I had in New York. I'm not going to put them on here. Oh, you guys are doing a whole extravaganza. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're in New York and then we're in LA. What do you think of that?

Different weather all the way. Yeah. You're very cosmopolitan. Does it make you think worse? Because, you know, you were pretty gobsmacked that we've come here to do this. Yeah. Is it even more ridiculous that we've also been to New York? I think it's wonderful, guys.

I believe in you. You can just be honest with us. You're very successful. You're all very handsome. Thank you. And you're good boys. We are good boys. You're taking New York by storm and now Beverly Hills.

Watch out. Handsome little Benito there. When he goes to Disneyland, who of the Disney characters do you think might fall in love with him for being so handsome? Who's the lady duck salad? Daisy. Daisy. Do you say salad?

No, it would be cute. You guys would be a cute couple. Daisy duck. Donald would be livid. Daisy duck. That would be adorable. Not in his head. He seems pretty pleased with that result.

Have any of you guys been to Disneyland? Now I want to go. Oh, yeah. I want to be your Uber. Yeah. Yeah. Your driver's there? I've been to Disneyland.

I met Marie from the Arista Cats, but her butthole had fallen. Oh, no. Oh, no. I had to push her back in. Oh, I bet you did. Didn't have to. See, you're in the push. You didn't have to.

You're into it. You're into it. You had an urge and you didn't have to. And this guy loves his wet socks. He likes to have something. He's like, I'm special. My socks. That's not true.

And you're all like, I want everyone to know I like to push buttholes. Push buttholes. Finally. So we'll start the meal with still a spark in water. I'm going to go sparkling. I think bubbles feels fancy. It feels like you're doing something. Totally.

I think I would normally go still anyway, but I get that point of view that if you're out, you may as well go out. Go for it. Get some bubbles. Yeah. But what if you're just like, if you're sitting down and doing nothing, does the spark in water make you feel better or worse about that situation? That's the thing about doing nothing in your own home.

You can, sometimes I'm like, hey, drink some tap water with no ice from your hands. Like a little kid lapping it up. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a punishment. I tell myself, get down on the floor, drink it out of the bowl with the pets. Your cat must be looking at you. That's what I think of you today.

Yeah. You bitch. Yeah. You know good. Sometimes at home, oftentimes I'll pop open a can of Perrier. Yeah. I'll put some lemon in there because I deserve it. Yeah.

Like restaurant standards drinks at home. Yeah. Sometimes if I'm on the go in my own house, drink, just drink it into the can, you know? Yeah. Carry the can around. Yeah. And this meal, like to just combine everything and just like pour kind of Perrier into a little cap dish and lap it up.

You can do that. You know what? Don't insult me. I'm in the restaurant. You serve me with your water. This is me at home when I go out. Whatever you're most comfortable with. I see what you're saying.

But that begs the question. When you go out, do you want to do something different or do you want to be comforted? Yeah. I think I'm going with the route of I want to be fancy when I'm out. Yeah. And I want to be served. I want to be in the glass then. Okay.

You don't need to lap out your hands. Thank you. No problem. You know, it was pretty funny when you did it. It felt good. Yeah. Yeah. You seemed to like it.

I kind of did. I saw you kind of like, there's a lot of glee in your eyes when you've done it. First I pictured it out of the sink and then, you know, I was like, let's heighten it. Yeah. Am I right? Yeah. Let's exaggerate and heighten it. Yeah.

Pop it up and sort of bread. Pop it up and sort of bread. Marilyn Russell. Pop it up and sort of bread. So angry. Bread, please. What type of bread? Again, I like the hard bread that I'm not going to have at home that only comes in a restaurant

that's crusty on the outside and soft on the inside. If you want to throw one of those, I think this is trying too hard for a restaurant. If you put the parmesan, that crisp thing. Yeah. That can be amazing. You know, it's like a flat. Oh yeah. It sits next to a bread stick sometimes.

Yes. I love those. They're really unbelievably delicious, but sometimes you're like, hey, take it easy. Bread is enough at the restaurant. Like what are you hiding that you have to like show off with the parmesan? Is the bread not good enough that you have to put that parmesan crisp? But then when I eat it, I'm like, this is incredible. Those are incredible.

But it seems like it's going too far. I always think I might try and make those at home. Right. Because you just put little piles of parmesan on like a baking sheet and then put them in the oven and they melt down into a crisp format. Mm-hmm. You can buy them at Whole Foods in the pubs. And if I do that, I've normally eaten them within the hour of buying them.

I shouldn't do it because they're straight away. You're like chain smoking them. Yeah, exactly. Just straight down. As soon as I get back while I'm unpacking the shopping, it's like my snack to eat while I'm unpacking the rest of the shopping. Yes. We can get you those if you like.

Instead of bread, we can just get you a whole basket of those parmesan crisps. I am going to miss the bread a little bit though if we do that. We can combine them. Very indulgent. Yeah, okay. A combo would be great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Because if they are your favorites, then that's what we want for you. Thank you. That's okay. I do enjoy dipping the bread into the olive oil and balsamic. Yeah. If you just got olive oil, that's great. No, we can get you both. Okay.

Anything you want. You can get you the finest balsamic. What about I was just in the south in Atlanta working on a movie. It's not a big deal guys. It's kind of a big deal that I'm here in your, your hovel. Dream restaurant, please. Not a hovel. Oh yeah, I forgot we were in the dream restaurant.

But that's also my own mentality. Sometimes a hovel is my dream restaurant. So the dream restaurant is where you make it. So if you are imagining a hovel right now. What if I'm in the dark just lapping water out of that bowl, but that's my dream. It honestly sounds like you've been in prison so far. That might be your dream. Yeah.

But you're like, they're drinking water out of a dish and living in a little hovel. This has happened at like three restaurants. So I'm going to go ahead and say it's the norm. Bread basket with a biscuit, cornbread and some other kind of bread. Like some kind of jalapeno ridiculously good. Yeah. Not enough people pick cornbread on this podcast. Cornbread is so good.

It's so good. It's so delicious and you so rarely find it in the UK. Yeah. And it's so delicious. It's just like having a little, it's almost like having a secret dessert at the beginning of the day. Really. Like a honey butter or something like that. Oh, so delicious.

There was a band when I was a teenager. I can't remember what they were called now actually, but they were like a metal band. And one of the one of the corn. No, but one of the members was called cornbread. That was his name. And that was the first I'd heard of. I heard about that guy before I heard about actual cornbread. Right.

I always think of when people say cornbread is this guy with bleached blonde, spiky hair who has shades and plays a guitar and even do cheesy grins all the time. I feel like I should know who that is. Yeah, I feel like she knows that. I take cornbread for granted in the US. Yeah. Like it's just like, yeah, cornbread, whatever. Yeah.

I didn't have it growing up, but then once it was there, I was like, yeah, it's always been there. Sure. It's cornbread. But you don't even really have it. No, we don't really have it. No. You're not going to come across it. And then you'd have to go to like maybe like a barbecue restaurant or something like a

very, a very consciously American restaurant. Yes. And those are normally not great anywhere because they, they like, you know, they go all out with the theme and it's a bit cringe worthy. Now, when you were yelling the bread choice at me, you said, Papa Don, isn't that the crunchy one? That's a crunchy crisp. Okay.

Yeah. And that's something I did not know what that was until I moved to LA. Right. Oh, okay. Because I grew up south of Detroit in Michigan. Right. We didn't have avocado. We really didn't have fish.

Like fish was a real freaky thing. Really? If someone was going to eat fish, yeah. Michigan. There wasn't a fish in there. No. There was a fast food restaurant called Long John Silver's. That's where you would get your like deep fried fish and chips, but it was still such

a bizarre, you know, like what? Oh, you're going to Long John Silver's. Yeah. So exotic would be the pirate themed fast food seafood restaurant would be so weird. Because it's right next to Pizza Hut, which also has the Pac-Man. So it's like, and then McDonald's on the other side. So, you know, the Long John Silver's was like the very wild exotic third choice. The servers that Long John Silver's like dresses pirates was that part of it?

You know what? I see where your mind is going. And I don't need to know that. The butthole pushing in. You want the ladies in the, oh, we're wenches. Okay. I was just wondering how thin it was. We got to get this guy to Disneyland so he can pick up some ladies.

It would be the totally wrong place. No, I was just wondering. So he can get some ass. Take him to Disneyland. I don't want to go to Disneyland for any ass. Thank you, Mary Lynn. You can smooch Daisy Duck. I'm not going to Disneyland for any ass.

Donald Duck's middle name is Fontleroy. Did you know that? That's what I'd found out this morning, genuinely. As fiance texted it to him. Why? That's where the relationship is. I love that. She does like Donald Duck.

She's very close. I wanted that for my marriage, which is now ending. Oh yeah. We never had a... Best in peace. Thank you. Kind of exciting because I don't really talk about my supper. I talk about it in live shows all the time.

Sure. I say like crazy shit. But as far as like being recorded for the old... So it's an exclusive. The only person that's an exclusive, the only person that's talked about it is TMZ. Can you believe that? That's how big of a... TMZ.

International superstar I am, guys. TMZ made me clickable for a day. I saw the TMZ bus tour the other day. Have you seen that going around LA? It's like on a bus. Sure. Did it go past your house? Did it go past your house?

How dare you? Yeah, I waved to them. I called them in. Yeah, yeah. Come here, please. Yeah. Don't push that in. No, I'm highly concealed where I am.

I push it in. Oh. Hey guys. What is on the TMZ? I'm free now. Push it in. What is on the TMZ bus tour? What did you say?

But... Yeah. You nearly said TMZ, but tour. And we all heard you. What do they show you on that bus tour, though? I don't really understand what it is. It's like a gossip, news gossip website. What does TMZ stand for?

Well, Star Maps tour would be you would get a map and it would show you celebs' houses. But I mean, this was 20 years ago when I moved here when it was like there was no internet. So TMZ would have to like take it up a notch. For a TV show, I did like a bike tour. Okay, you were on a TV show. We get it. And we went to the toilet where George Michael got caught. Did you really?

Yeah. I kind of would like to see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. There's no plaque in there or anything, but... I think Ed knew that you would like to see that. That's why he bought it up. I feel ashamed that I want to see it because it also breaks my heart as much as I want to see it.

But it also delights me, you know? Some sort of like, why wouldn't that happen? And who cares? Like, why does it have to be such a big thing? In the Dream Restaurant, we can make those the toilets if you like for you. There could be a hovel and then the toilets where George Michael got caught. Was it like a rest stop? It's like a public restroom, yeah.

Oh, not attached to anything. No, no, no. It's on things. It was attached like plumbing and stuff. Those toilets. Yeah, plumbed in. Yeah. Very exact.

So we come to your starter now. Okay, you looked at me like, have you done your homework? Yeah, you're looking at me like, you're waiting for me to suggest something for you. Tell me what I like. Tell me what I like because I don't know. My fantasy restaurant is where you eat that appetizer that is too much. It's too decadent and it fills you up. Okay.

I mean, maybe like a homemade flatbread, like a miniature pizza, because it's like, we shouldn't be eating a pizza before the meal. But if it's like thin with the right kind of cheese and olive, you know, that's going to be great. I feel like I would eat an eggplant type of a thing that I wouldn't ever order as the main dish. It seems like it's causing you a lot of stress. Suddenly you've got very stressed out.

You're running your hands over your face, both hands. Beats and goat cheese. That's why I'm stressed. I don't want to say it, but I kind of want to eat it. But it seems stupid. Is this all on a pizza? No, they're like three separate. Okay.

So it's a choice between, so we're going to help you choose between these three. The flatbread pizza. Okay. So sometimes it's like fantasy. You can have whatever you want. Now I have to choose. You have to choose. You know what?

You have control issues. And I get it. It's about buttholes and pirates. And you're going to narrow down my choices. Just try to bar us whole. No, but you're right. Let's be specific. This is helping me.

You got to love one thing and be passionate about it. You know? You can't be like, oh, the beats or the... Yeah. You can't be having beats and the pizza unless you want to put the eggplant, the beats and the goat cheese on the pizza. No. You know what?

Don't do that to me. Don't make my thing disgusting. Don't make my indecision. You're trying to make me make a decision by making my indecision disgusting. Again, I see where you're into control, shaming and buttholes. Yeah. So Ed's coming off pretty badly in this episode. Mr. Christ.

How am I doing? How are you doing? Yeah. In comparison to Ed. Just a little sad. Just some wet socks. Sad old wet socks. Yeah.

I'll take that. Polite, though. Polite. Thank you very much. He's getting nasty. He's getting pretty nasty, isn't he? Yeah. I was pretty nasty there asking if you wanted to put beats on the pizza.

Yeah. I just pictured us in a relationship. Look, I'm trying to save you from something disgusting and I'm trying to help you make your choice. Do you want help or? It wouldn't work, Marilyn. We're done. It wouldn't work.

You're both at different points at the minute with the Ed's engaged to be married. Opposite. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. Good luck with that. Have fun. Have fun. You're family together.

Got any tips for him? You know what? I feel good about this. I like that the, what was it? Funtleroy? Funtleroy. Yeah. I like that you had that conversation.

Sure. I'm going to blindly use that as an example of your connection to each other. Even though I know none of the context of it. Sure. I'm going to say you're solid. She likes Donald Duck. Yeah. It's kind of weird.

He's going to Disneyland by himself. Once again, A. Castler comes out of this clean. We're going to need to make a decision on the starter, Marilyn. Okay. Why is he so mad at me? I'm sorry about that. I know that he's really pushing it. Even though I think it's lame, I think it's delicious.

I'm going to go with the beats and goat cheese and that's where I'm going to get my vinegar. I'm going to take it off the bread. I'm going to put it on and I'm going to have, I'm going to be civilized. I'm going to have a nice light appetizer. That's it. I think that's a really good decision. Thank you. And maybe they put, sometimes they put a little candy nut in there.

Oh yeah. Sprinkle it. That's good. A pecan or walnut in here. Yeah. A walnut. We'll go with the walnut because I want to get along with you. Okay.

No, no, no. Pecans. We've discussed it on the podcast before. A roasted salted pecan is my favorite nut. Yeah. He was eating a packet of them yesterday and walking around the Airbnb and he was saying bonito. I'll try that.

Tell me that's not the best nut in the world. Like that. Tell me that isn't the best nut in the world that you've ever tasted. And you said put these wet socks on and try it again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Everything's better with these. It is such a good nut. It almost shouldn't be a nut. Yeah. It's a cut above the rest of the nuts because it's way sweeter. And like the consistency isn't super hard. It's like it'll got a little bit of a, oh pecan. Like it's a little.

It's basically like a cheese. Yeah. Well. You don't have to let him lead you. You don't have to say yes. I know. You saw me starting to say yes. Yeah.

A pecan is not a cheese. Yeah. There I said it. Fair enough. I know that. I was just laying a trap. I'm not going to fall for it. He's actually on worse behavior than normal today.

Apologies. What is going on? I know. I don't know what it is. What are you doing there? Stretching it out. Thanks for asking. Stretching the thigh.

You've stretched. You've folded. You've got your ankle on your. You stretch this right here. On that leg. The IT. In a kind of L shape. And then you're pushing the knee down and shaking it.

Yeah. Well, looking right at me. I'm pushing in my butt hole too. Yeah. So you're stretching your leg out. Yeah. You're doing some stuff. You're drying your socks.

Yeah, I'm drying my socks. While you're talking. Yours is just harder to see. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. But I don't know how you saw that under the white tablecloth of this fancy restaurant that we're in.

Sure. Yeah. While I'm a genie, remember. Oh, right. I forgot. And now you're doing the upper leg. I'm going to say that. Even it out.

Yeah. Are you stretching because your main course requires some pre-stretching before you eat it? It's heavy. Yeah. I'm going to go straight up. Spaghetti bolognese. Is it our first bolognese?

Someone picked it as a starter. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but this is our first bolognese bolognese bolognese bolognese bolognese bolognese bolognese bolognese bolognese bolognese bolognese If you had a catalogue of everyone's meal. Oh, Joe Thomas did. Oh, yeah, he did. Good memory.

Joe Thomas. Yeah. Pretty good, eh? I got it. That is great. Well, he's a pig. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, he doesn't come across well, actually, on that pod. So that's fair enough. Is this something that you cook at home? No. No? I don't even eat it all the time. I'll eat it once a year. I wasn't accusing you of eating it all the time.

No, I don't make it. Sorry to accept that. That's a classic home cooked dish, spaghetti bolognese. Is it? Yeah, I think so. Where would you get the spaghetti bolognese from? Okay, if I make spaghetti at home, it's just jar of tomato sauce, ground beef, spaghetti. Spaghetti bolognese.

Yeah, but I'm talking about when you go to a restaurant and they make it with, like, what do they do? They do, like, bacon, and they put all the fat in there. Yeah, there's, like, some time and energy put into that. Sometimes chicken livers are in there. Okay. I don't need to know that. Not into that?

I am, but I'm trying. What if I'm, like, oh, I'm vegan? And then I'm sitting here. The beef and the bacon's a shock. Yeah, but then you put it over the edge with the chicken livers. Like, I'm trying to act like I'm two steps out, and you just put me four steps in. I'm so sorry. Where's your favorite place to get spaghetti bolognese?

Ooh, you got me on that. You got me. Somewhere in the valley near my house in the strip mall. It's called Magiano's, guys. It's a famous chain restaurant. Okay. A chain restaurant in a strip mall? Yep.

That's your favorite place to get it? Yep. Are you going to 7-Eleven to get your coffee? I'm just standing behind that. I'm not going to feel bad because I don't have... You know, sometimes people have those conversations about restaurants they go to. I don't have those. No.

I don't have that kind of time. I don't have the space in my brain to log in and talk about what restaurants I've been to. I'm not going to do it. I'm going to go to 7-Eleven, and I'm going to go to Magiano's. When you say there's no space in your brain to log in and do that, what do you think is, like, taking up the space? What are you thinking about? Just more space.

What are you thinking about? I think you know that. What are you thinking about instead that's like... I'm trying not to think about stuff. Right. You're trying to clear your mind as much as possible. I want to be involved in a religion that doesn't let women in. Pardon me?

Like, the guy who sits under the tree in meditation, and he's like, I don't eat food. Yeah. Women are stupid. I'm involved. I want to be that guy. You want to be the man? Yeah, you're like...

You ask him something, like, tangible that happens in every day, and he's like, I don't know, man, I'm just all energy. I'm one with the earth. But why does he hate women, that guy? Well, he doesn't hate them. He just sees them as subservient. Right. And they just take care of everything while he sits under the tree

and is involved. So you want to be that guy? Yeah. Right. But where does that leave you as a woman? I no longer exist. But you're the man in this scenario? Correct.

So you would like to be a man who hates women? Okay. Not hates, but sees them as subservient. Yes. Do you want to just do this just for the main course or for the remainder of the meal? Yeah. You're so sweet.

You're giving me an out on this, too? You can just be the man who hates women under the tree for the main course. But also eats bolognese. Yeah, you need to eat the bolognese. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to be that guy for the main course. Okay, great.

And then wait till you see what I'm going to be for the next course. I want to get more of an idea of this man. So like, can you be the man now? And I'm approaching you under the tree. Okay. And what's his name first of all? Guru Dave. Guru Dave?

Hello Guru Dave. I've walked many miles to see you. I wondered if you could tell me I'm having such a lot of stress in my personal life at the minute. The washing machine broke and my socks are really wet. And I think I'm going to have to go and constantly top up the dryer. Yeah. Huh?

That's you. That's you. Stop. And then he takes his branch and whips you on the head. Thank you. And if you keep talking, you get an eye poke. And then you're half blind. Then see how much you care about your socks and your bitchin'.

Also, try going on a hunger strike for two days and then get back to me. You're eating bolognese, Guru Dave. About your problems. You can't eat. Don't pay attention to what I'm doing. Ah, ah, oh yeah, bolognese. Do I eat bolognese? Yeah.

You don't know. You don't know what I do. I can have a spaghetti hugging on your mouth right now. I can have a spaghetti coming out of my nose. That doesn't mean I'm eating it. I barf it up after this, guys. Oh, Guru Dave's got it. How long do you want this?

He's so evolved, but also has an eating disorder. How long do you want the strands of spaghetti to be? Great question. Are you going to answer it as Marilyn or Guru Dave? Well, Guru Dave won long string at a time. He goes in his nasal passage all the way down and then goes out because he wants everything to be connected. So he wants it hanging out of his nose and his butt at the same time.

I'm afraid so. I'm sorry, but that's what he wants. Is he going to floss his whole body? It's a body floss. It goes in his nose, not his mouth. And I'm sorry about that, but that's what it is. Oh, you don't need to apologize. This is Guru Dave.

Yeah. This is not you. It's Guru Dave. This is how he cleanses his inside. With a big, big long piece of spaghetti. One long piece of spaghetti, which he inserts in his nose and not his mouth. Yeah. And Marilyn, if I were eating it, I would cut it up into small forkfuls.

And guess what? I'm eating a fourth or a third, maybe. And you know what I'm drinking? A dry martini, vodka martini with olives. So hold on a second. Yeah. You're pushing your main course. No.

No. You're not going to finish it. No. Would you just like us to bring you a smaller portion then? No. I want to know there's so much, but I'm only eating. And throw the rest away. Throw the rest away.

Yeah. Okay. So even if we brought you. Even if we brought you. Which is much more reasonable than that disgusting Guru Dave. I mean, Guru Dave. Yeah, that was wonderful. What he's doing with the food is absolutely outrageous.

Yeah, it's horrible. It's closer to God though. Yeah. So what would Guru Dave think of your behavior? Eating the spaghetti like that and not finishing it? He would think that I'm a fool who's just subjected to this material world. Yeah. And I would say to him, I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes. Nobody needs to eat that much pasta. It's Magianos. They bring out an extra large family style bowl. They say that probably in the sponsor. Probably. Yeah. He's like five words too many for Guru Dave to listen to.

Yeah. He'd probably cut you off with that again. He would. Yeah. I don't, it's hard to understand Guru Dave. Because it's like, does he want you to try to control the situation or let it be? Does he want me to just not go to Magianos? Uh-huh.

He probably wants me to not eat. At all. Yeah. Hmm. He's very controlling though, isn't he? He's very, and he hates. That's the part I don't understand. It's like.

It's also very distracting to talk to him. Because when he talks and waves his head around, his nose spagetti flaps everywhere. Yeah. It's all splattered. Just in the breeze, to the vibration of his horns. Like Dr. Zoiburg. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah, he's like. Sounded like a mouth harp. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got one of those. Sitar. He can play sitar on his nose. Of course it does.

Every Guru cares. Pasta. Yeah. Oh, no. What have we done? You said. This martini you've got, is that your dream drink that we're going to ask you later? Or is this just with the spaghetti bolognese and your dream drink is something different?

No, this is my dream drink. But again, like the bolognese, I do not in real life get that. This is the drink I wish that I could handle the alcohol of. Oh, I know I'm saying dry, but I'm mean dirty. I want the olive juice. Dirty. Dirty. And I want like two to three olives.

And I don't, again, I don't know. I'm saying that for the bolognese, I want the plate to, I want to take what Maggiano's is giving me. I don't need the extra large martini glass to some restaurants. I want like a civilized small, but then you keep drinking them. You drink like three or four, but they're, they stay cold because they're not in a massive, you know, some, do you guys have this where you go to a Mexican restaurant and they're like, the bigger, you know, the margarita. I know the sort of thing you mean.

Yeah. Like don't do that. Like loads of people and there's loads of straws. Yeah. Or there's like a beer can in it. Yeah. And a sparkler and stuff. And I feel like some places do that.

Even with wine, I've seen like an extra large goblet like, don't do that. I'm trying to, there's not a shortage of alcohol. So you want a small, small martini glass. Yes. And three or four of them. Yes. Yeah. Are you going to finish the drink?

I'm going to finish all of them and I'm going to be living my best life. Now you say you wouldn't normally get that because you can't handle the alcohol. Correct. What would you normally have to get at Maggiana's? So I would get just, you know, house Cabernet. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

But this is your dream restaurant. So you can handle as much alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. If you want. I might drink martini and then have wine at dinner. Oh. I might be smoking while I'm eating.

Be great. We can bring you a cigarette if you want. Okay. We've never done that in the off menu restaurant before. No. Never. But someone a pack of cigarettes. Yeah.

And I'm dressed like Mad Men. I'm dressed like Marvellous Mrs. Maisel at that table. Like it's perfectly tailored, colorful, smoking, drinking and eating. But hold on a second. Yeah. You're dressed as Maisel but you're also Guru Dave. That's true. You're both of them.

Yeah. Okay. So you're dressed as the Marvellous Mrs. Maisel. Yeah. But you're Guru Dave. Yeah. Okay. Spaghetti hanging out of your nose.

Yes. So good. You do look very happy with that. Yeah. I don't think you're even doing a bit. I think you're genuinely happy about that. I am. Yeah.

Yeah. You saw me get real grounded. Yes. Yeah. You were like that. Let's write this one down. Let's save this for later. You certainly looked happier than five minutes ago when you reached the point of saying nose

pasta and then went, oh no, what did we do? Yeah. Where you were so deep in the improv and then really regretted all of it. In real life, if you drank that dirty martini, what would happen to you? What would she behave? Maybe I'd get into a fight. Yeah. A little slap fight with a woman in the bathroom.

Who I perceive that she knows she's more beautiful than me and she's more outgoing. Yeah. And she's like, I don't have a care in the world. They're like, I'm flirting with guys. And then she'd just be taking too long washing her hands. All right. And at first I'd run into her like, excuse me. Yeah.

Other people have to wash their hands and then it would just devolve into like a slap fighting. And I might accidentally push her head into the hand on dryer. The hand dryer. Yeah. This would be at Moussel Frank's Hollywood. I realized I just connected to where the martini is happening. So at Frank's in Hollywood. Frank's Hollywood.

Yeah. And you also get the orange ruffy there. Okay. If I'm not guru Dave. Yeah. And I'm a marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I might order the orange ruffy. Okay.

And let's say if I was friends with that woman. Yeah. And we'd be friends. We'd be friends instead of fighting her in the bathroom. Maybe we would both be splitting a side of fries. Okay. You know. And we'd be drinking our martinis together.

So that's really why I beat her up because I was like, why aren't we together hanging out? Like, why do you have to look down on me? So you're going to beat her up, then befriended and then split a side of fries? No. The befriending would happen and it would save me from having to beat her up. Right. Because we would have been getting along whilst drinking the martinis. And they would be like, should we get a side of fries?

Yeah. You know, like that. And then we'd be talking together and then she would validate me as a woman. She would make me feel like I'm okay. Not like I have to beat you up. Yeah. That's what I mean. Is she doing this because she knows that you're possibly going to beat her up?

So she's trying to kind of like talk away out. No, we're real friends. She's going to validate you so that you don't beat her up. Oh, maybe. You mean how this one is in relationship? Yeah. With always that double edge. Like, does he really mean it?

Yeah. I feel like that with head. Like, if you disagree with him, you might be in trouble. Yeah, he might. And maybe his lady's like that with you, which is like, oh, I like flirting with guys. I'm so confident. I think you're on to something. Oh, I better.

Maybe we're more alike than I realize. Yeah, I think so. You and Ed are actually very similar. That's why you've been clashing the whole time. Yeah. What's an orange ruffie? She wants to please me. It's a fish that's lightly breaded and fried in the pan.

I didn't think it was that. It's a delicate fish. Oh, I thought it was another drink. I thought it was a cocktail. Oh, gosh. I'm glad you asked. Yeah. Welcome to orange ruffie season in the US.

So the drink we're going with is the martinis at Frank's with a lady that you've not had a fight with, but made up with. You guys should go to Musso and Frank's. Musso and Frank. Yeah, it's an old Hollywood institution. That sounds good. You would eat there and then go to the Magic Castle. Are institutions that good?

This one is. Is it just that they get called institutions? So we all go there, but then we're like, there's food isn't as good. I agree with you, but this one actually does have good food. Maybe it's just the martinis talking. But I would say by and large, yeah, it's more. Our institutions are going to disappoint us, right? Sure.

They usually do. And here's the side of fries, your side dish choice that you're splitting with the woman that you didn't beat up. Yeah. They're skinny, crispy fries. Yeah, simple. You can't go wrong with that. You're never going to go wrong with that.

No, you won't go wrong with that. It's fine. I mean, what kind of asshole restaurant messes up fries? Sure. Like if you get a steak fry that's soggy, or you get fries that aren't hot or crisp. We've already established this is not an asshole restaurant. No. Yeah.

This is not an asshole pushing in restaurant, nor is it an asshole restaurant. There's nothing to do with assholes, this restaurant. Nothing. This is our dream restaurant. No. Mine. You guys seem to differ on that topic quite a lot. Could you ever envision yourself having like splitting a portion of fries with Ed?

I'd use a fork if that helps. Really? Are you dipping your fries in anything? Once again, it didn't help. Bad luck. That's nice that you use a fork. I feel that. Yeah, because I've just been pushing a cat's ass hole.

Oh, right. You really set me up for that one. Yeah. Then I don't have any problems. Okay, fine. That's what you do. Yeah. And the fact that you use a fork is the right thing to do, and it shows that you're a gentleman.

Thank you. Got some bad news for you? Okay. I'm wearing quite an old t-shirt, and I'm getting very warm and sweaty. And I feel like I'm going to absolutely stink soon. I'm sweating as well. I'm also sweating. I have no socks on.

I have no socks on. On the plane, on the way here from New York, I absolutely stank. I was wearing an old t-shirt, and I started sweating on the plane. What is going on with your packing? Absolutely stank. Like, so bad. Like, stank of just like... Did you kind of enjoy that you were putting on people?

Well, I was in between these two, and the great Benito got a whiff at one point, and it really did. Is that true? It was bad for him. He was very upset, but he got a whiff. And I feel like it's happening again now. Because you didn't have a shower before you left for your trip, and you didn't have a shower this morning.

Because you were trying to do your laundry. I've showered, but this is... Not this morning, you did it. It's an old t-shirt. Oh, it's a t-shirt. I think it contains old sweat that I'm now warming up, and... I reject the old sweat hypothesis that... Thank you.

Surely when you wash the t-shirt... God, we are on the same page. That's what I was thinking. The sweat, he's washed out. No, because I've worn this on stage many times, underneath a jacket, and just like heavily sweated into it to the point where... I mean, I guess it could have synthetic fibers to the point where it's holding onto the sweat for a long time.

Yeah. But I still am with you. You've washed it. I've washed it, but I honestly feel that this is beyond repair this t-shirt now, and it's like a t-shirt... Are you going to get rid of that today? I probably should do. What is it?

A restaurant? Yeah, Denix. Denix. Philadelphia. Oh. It's a good sandwich place. But yeah, right now, I feel like it's probably his last outing, because I think I'm by the end of this podcast, and we're going to stink to high heaven.

Should we all take our shirts off? I could see in your eyes that's where you wanted it to go. I am a newly single woman. Yeah, you are. I don't have a lot of time left in my life. Yeah? How many people? I'm not 20 anymore.

Be honest. How many people have you used that line on? Never. This is so exciting. No, this is like the new me. I'm trying it out. Good job, line. Have you chatted up any guys yet?

Oh, God, no. Never. We could do like a bit of, I mean, do you want to practice? That was the extent of it. I already did it. I already felt completely exposed. I could pretend to be the great Benito at Disneyland, and you could come up, and you could pretend to be you.

Does that make me Daisy Duck? If you want to be. I just kind of like Dave. I just go into sounds. No, I'm mortified at the idea of chatting someone up. Yeah. We've already got that line about why I don't have much time left in my life. Do you know where the haunted castle is?

Oh, hello. Oh, hey. Yeah, I was talking to you. Oh, yeah. I don't even know to say hello. I think I do know where the haunted castle. I'm a bit scared of it, though. My name's Benito.

I get very scared around ghosts. Oh, hey, Benito. Hello. What kind of name is that? Oh, it's a magician's name. Are you magical in other ways, Benito? Sounds like you know how to use your hands if you're a magician. Oh, I guess I mainly use my hands for podcasts in these days.

Oh, what's a podcast? Oh, I kept my friends, Ed and James, I really respect them. They're really great guys. I have to go, Benito. I admire them. They're my heroes. Oh, please. I'm going to take my vagina and walk away.

Oh, no. Please bring your vagina back. Oh, Benito. These egg hubs are moving on. I'm the great Benito. Are you just falling down a tunnel? Yeah. Benito, you really stacked that one.

Yeah. You absolutely blew it. Bad luck. Why did he start talking about how he respects his friends? Yeah. That was so pathetic, wasn't it? It was so pathetic. It's the last thing a lady wants to hear about.

That was the moment you checked out, right? It was when he said, I respect my friends so much. I guess we should ask you what your desire is. We've blitzed through everything else, really. It's all been like a whirlwind of characters in different locations. We've learned something about your personal life as well. Oh, too much. Separation that's going on in a minute.

At the minute. I've enjoyed hearing about that. I know. We haven't had that before. I know, right? On the podcast. Yeah, yeah. It's also like, why would I?

There's no need. This whole thing is designed around why do I feel the need to say personal stuff? Oh, yeah. That's why you've never said it before. It's mad. Yeah, it's. It's mad that you've bought it up. It's stupid.

It's what it is. Why get personal? Yeah. With you guys. Why? I've enjoyed it. But I've opened up as well. I've told you how much I stink right now.

Yeah. That's true. Yeah, yeah. My problems are a bit larger than just stinking. Like you can just take a bath. It's not the dismantling of a decade relationship. It's no different than having us. It's a decade.

It's been with his partner for a decade and now they're getting married. Opposite. I stink. You stink as well? I feel all right. I don't stink. Dessert. I changed my mind twice and now I think I'm going with the Italian, the Bolognese.

It's like a carryover because I wanted to say like chocolate lava and then I was like, I don't want to leave key lime pie by the wayside because that's a refreshing. Yeah. You know, I don't want people to discard it. That's a great dessert. But then I said effort. I'm going to go tiramisu because it's decadent. It's the greatest.

You're in Italy already for this. I'm in Italy. You may as well stick there. James was really worried there for a second. He thought you were just going to have Bolognese for dessert as well. Yeah. You guys know you saw him. Yeah.

Because he loves desserts and he hates when people pick savory things for desserts. Yeah. Does that happen? Yeah. Sometimes people have. You have to hold back from shoving their head into the hand drive. I don't hold back. I do it.

You do? Yeah. I scream at them on the podcast. I say, fuck you. Oh gosh. You're the best. Yeah. Thank you.

Thank you. Because I was worried there that you were going to not finish your Bolognese. Maybe you and I have really understand each other. Yeah. We both stink. I think you need to stop attaching yourself to just any man nearby at the moment. I think, you know, I understand. Yeah.

But like anytime any one of us shows you any sort of like, we agree with you. You're like, oh, maybe you. Maybe this is a lifetime together. Maybe this guy. Tiramisu is a very grown up dessert, I think. I think I only came around to tiramisu in the last few years. Really? Yeah.

I think about to say the last few years of my life, but that sounds like I'm going to die. Yeah. But no, in the last few years, I think I've got on board a tiramisu. Is it because you didn't know what it, you know, you don't understand it when you're younger. Yeah. You're just going to get ice cream or something.

Yeah. And the coffee element is just a bit, it's quite grown up, but it's quite complex. Is there booze in it as well? I think there's booze in it, right? Yeah. The ladyfingers are soaked in brandy? Rome? I don't know.

That sounds about right. I think that's the other thing I enjoy about it is that you can make it all different kinds of ways. Sometimes it's very soft and all the layers are just, and then sometimes you're like, ah, it's hardened up. Yeah. Firmer. Firmer, thank you.

That's a better word. Yeah. I like it when it's more homemade, a little bit of deep dish tiramisu. Who do you want to serve? And it's sort of sloppy, you know? Who do you want to make it for you? My, an Italian grandmother. Your Italian grandmother?

Yeah. Your nana? Or my hot, my nana, my hot Italian nephew. Pardon me? Huh? An Italian nephew. Well, that's not the full thing you said. You just changed it.

He's hot. That doesn't mean I'm going to get with him. It means he's an attractive man who can make a good tiramisu. Yeah. He's pretty hot. Is he? Yeah. Yeah.

He's subservient to me. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're related, but that doesn't mean I can't order him around. I'd say that he's hot. How old is he? He's 19.

Okay. He's going to, he's going to feed me tiramisu. Yeah. A hot teenage boy that you're related to. Turns out you're going to feed you. You were Guru Dave all along. Yeah. That's what it turns out.

Yeah. This is exactly what Guru Dave would do. Guru Dave is disgusting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guru Dave. Tiramisu made by your grandmother and then fed to you by your, by your nephew who is a teenager and you've already said it's hot. Yep.

Yep. Okay. I'm just going to sit with that. Yeah, yeah. Now that it came out of my mouth, I can't take it back. Yeah. I guess you can't. We all know now.

I mean, this isn't. Maybe I was thinking a nephew, someone's nephew. Would you like us to release this episode after like all the legal stuff in your life is done? Yeah, probably. We can't be used against you. That's probably a good idea. Yeah.

So I don't want this to be played. Yeah. It's kind of a problem. Listen to this. I'm going to represent myself. Got the hots for her nephew. Yeah. I hope this is going to really do you any favors.

I want just a nephew. Someone's nephew. Yeah. Yeah. Not your nephew. No. Someone's hot nephew. I mean, come on.

Yeah. Yeah. What you're saying. Yeah. Okay. He's someone's nephew, but he'll be mine. You know what I mean? I'll keep him close.

And he does things for me because he doesn't know any better. He doesn't know about the world. So he's just in the kitchen making tiramisu. Oh, he's making it now as well. Perpetually. Yeah. No, he's always been making it. So the non is not involved.

He's a nephew. I don't even know him. But he is yours. He's, yeah, he's in a shop in Italy. He's in a shop. He's like in a bakery. Right. He's making the tiramisu.

Someone's hot nephew in a bakery in Italy. That's better. Not related to you. This is good. Yeah. This is a nice scene. Yeah. And it's got like an industrial-sized mixer to get that cream really whipped up.

He's got a white apron on. Yeah. Okay. But, and be honest. It's a little hazy sunlight coming in the window. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? It's late in the day.

And I'm like, oh, you're making tiramisu this late in the day. And he's like, I never stop. Yep. I just. Extremely. Yep. Very industrious. Uh-huh.

He just loves making desserts. Yeah, that's it. That's all he wants to do. In the hazy sunlight. And even though, you said that he's not related to you. He's not your nephew now. No. Come on, you guys.

But be honest. While you're imagining him in your head, are you just imagining the face of your actual nephew? My nephews are very handsome. But no. I mean, come on. Let's not. Yeah.

I don't know why you're trying to get me arrested. No. God, no. I don't know why you brought up. It had to be her. You guys, this. I don't know why I brought that up. Yeah.

I know. I know this podcast is influences people. We cannot promote incest. Thank you. That's the word. Yep. That's the word. We're not promoting that.

It's not funny. No. It's not. It's not good. No. You know what there is good and bad in the world and that's not good. Bernito, can you Google Italian for incest, please? Because I bet it sounds nice.

that's come up is your website. How dare you? That's a bit weird. Well, that's come up. I'm going to read you your order back now. OK. I can't wait. You want sparked in water.

You want the bread basket from Atlanta with some Parmesan crisps in it and olive oil and balsamic on the side. This seems like a long time ago. Beats and goats chews with candied walnut that you were quite angry about being bullied into at the time. Spaghetti bolognese that you're going to eat

about a quarter of a third of. Drink a dirty martini, which you would never usually drink from Mercer and Frank's side dish of skinny crispy fries that you're splitting with a lady that you've had a fight in the bathroom. And dessert a tiramisu made by your hot Italian nephew.

Wow, that's great. That's a good menu. I also forgot to mention that you're during the Spag Bowl course, spaghetti bolognese course which you are a male guru. Oh, yeah. Swimming is subservient. But also Mrs. Marvellous, Mrs. Maisel.

You're Mrs. Maisel. Dressed as her. When the drinks happen is when I see the crossover to Mrs. Maisel. And smoking. And then you're smoking throughout as well. We're bringing you a pack of cigarettes as well. How do you feel about that? I feel great except for the

my nephew part. That's the only part I don't feel great. Yeah, well, you know, you've got to have something to regret. Yeah, might as well regret making your nephew the person who's making you tiramisu in the morning light. I just want someone to do stuff for me.

I think that's what it comes down to. Yeah, sure. He's just doing stuff for you. Don't make it nasty. James, come on. Why are you making it nasty? Get your wet socks off. Have your socks dried? Take your stinky shirt off.

I'm calling for these tricks. Take your socks off. Are those your California socks? By the way, they have a sunset on them. Yeah, they are, actually. This is adorable. He tried to get his socks done in time. I got them at the airport.

They're emergency socks. California socks. California, they've got palm trees on them and sunset. Mary Lynn, thank you very much for coming into the Dream Restaurant. Thank you. Well, there we have Mary Lynn

Rice Cub. That was weird. It was fun. It was a lot of fun. She didn't say a secret ingredient, which was maple syrup. We should have made the secret ingredient incest.

Yep. Kicked out at the last minute. I mean, I thought it went without saying that was kind of a secret ingredient in every single episode. So did I, mate, but apparently not. There you go. Check out Mary Lynn Rice Cub

on social media, etc. Go and watch all the stuff she's in. She is very prolific, very funny and very good. But thank you very much for coming in, Mary Lynn Rice Cub. That was... I don't even remember the menu, to be honest. I don't remember the menu. I remember emotions only. That's all I remember. How I felt throughout

and it was confused and delighted in equal measure. I think buttholes were the starter, but oh, that was not nice. I forgot about that. So Mary Lynn Rice Cub, thank you. If you like our stuff, keep hitting up the off menu social media

off menu official on Instagram and Twitter, and offmenupodcast.co.uk on the internet. It sounds like that message was just for Mary Lynn Rice Cub, the way you said it there. Mary Lynn Rice Cub, thank you. If you like our stuff, you can... Mary Lynn? Well, it is broadly for her and for anyone else.

Thank you very much for listening. We'll see you again sometime soon. Goodbye. Thank you. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Oh, this was in LA. Hello, it's me, Amy Glettel. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum

and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case... Get him on, James and Ed, but we're here sneaking in to your podcast

experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North, because, look, we're two Northerners, sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny.

Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glettel's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah,

get listening, there's probably a backlog you've left here so late!