Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Graham Norton

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

We’re back in National Treasure territory, as king of the chat show Graham Norton turns interviewee in the Dream Restaurant. But don’t give him a blue cheese olive.Graham Norton hosts ‘The Neighbourhood’ which starts Friday 24 April, 9pm on ITV1 and ITVX. The series debuts with a three-night launch across Friday, Saturday and Sunday. For the remaining four weeks, The Neighbourhood continues in its regular slot every Thursday and Friday night.Graham’s podcast ‘Wanging On’ is available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube. Follow Graham on Instagram @grahnortWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Thu 23 Apr.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the podcast that you're currently listening to. Huge news, guys. My brand new stand-up tour, Fresh Hell, is on sale now. Tickets are available at edgamble.com.com. Look at the full dates. I'm going all over the UK and a bit of Ireland. Come and see me in my brand new show, Fresh Hell, Edgambled.combele.com.com. Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the dough of conversation, forming it into the balls of humour,

baking it in the oven of chat and covering it in the garlic butter of friendship, James Doe-Balls. That is it, Gamble. My name is James A-Castard. Together we only drink mess around every single week. We invite in a guest and ask us in a favour ever start a main course of a side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is

Graham Norton. The King. National Trej. International Trege. International Trege. Absolutely love Graham Norton. I mean, you know, Grown up watching him to stand up. Yes.

Poppe him in Father Ted. Father Ted. Obviously, his iconic chat show. What's that? How are you speaking? Father Ted. Yeah. Love Graham Norton.

Yeah, he's amazing. I'm a bit intimidated. It's talking to someone who's so good at interviewing. Yeah. And we're interviewing him. I would not eat a bit. I would normally, but I just think he's so friendly, isn't he? Hopefully.

Yeah. He brings, hopefully he doesn't tear us apart for our interviewing skills, James. Actually, it'd be a privilege. Yeah. If he tore us apart. Yeah. I love it. We deserve it.

We deserve it. It's been a long time coming. I'm sure there are people listening to this podcast for many years because they love the guests and like, when is someone going to pick these guys up on their interview? Yeah. And it might finally happen. It might finally get your wish.

Yeah. We love Graham Norton, but we will kick him out at the dream restaurant if he picks an ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable, the secret ingredient. And this week, the secret ingredient is Golden Graham's. Golden Graham's. His name's Graham. And he's golden.

Yeah, he's the golden boy. The golden boy. of television. Yes. It'd be funny if we kick Graham Norton out. It'd be really funny. It'd be really funny. It says,

hey, I know it's my name, but I would like Golden Graham's. Get out. Yeah, get out, mate. Because that's not something he has on his show. That's a format of point he's not used to. As far as I'm aware, they don't have anything in place

on his chat show where a guest could be kicked out if they say something. Was that red chair, tip backwards and... Yeah, that's true. And dunk him into some flames? I've just realized we've ripped off Graham Norton.

We're just doing a linguistic red chair. We've ripped it off. Yeah. And we're chatting to people. And we're chatting to people, which he owns. Yeah. Well, you know, fair enough. We weren't to know when we started it out.

It's gone well now. It's too late to turn back now. Yeah. So if Graham does get kicked out, he won't have a chance to talk about his brand new show for ITV. The Neighborhood. The Neighborhood. It's a brand new reality competition format.

Different families, different groups of people move to a neighborhood. and it's like an elimination thing. I think, I mean, we're going to find out more about it from Graham, but it seems very interesting. I've not heard about anything like that. It starts on the 24th of April, and it's on at 9pm on ITV1. I think that's the take-home.

That's the takeaway. And ITVX. Oh, yeah, of course. Let's not forget ITVX. And what about its podcast? Wanging on! Wanging on with Maria McElaine, his friend Marie McElaine.

They do a show together called Wanging On. It's a podcast. We do that. He's ripped us off. Yeah, and they've been friends. for 30 years. Yeah, so they've got something to say to each other, I'm sure. Which we're like, you know, I guess we've ripped that off in a way.

Yeah, we're heading there. By being friends. Yes, who we are friends? Friends for 18 years, maybe 17? Maybe. I don't know how, I don't know exactly what year our friendship started. It's weird if we knew that. Yeah.

We're gone. We're officially, this is it. It's weird to do that at the beginning, isn't it? Yeah. You're like, remember this moment. Starting now. If you do that. Yeah.

Like starting now. Yeah. Benito? Can we be friends? Yeah? All right, starting now. Not yet. We're not starting, yeah. This is the off-menu menu, menu of Graham Norton. Welcome, Graham to the dream restaurant. Thank you very much. Welcome, Graham Norton to the dream restaurant.

Oh, high energy. For some time. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Very high energy, but you're very high energy on your show. I am, kind of, yeah. Your high energy when you need to be, and then you can sit back, And you switch up the energy. I think people think I'm very busy. They'd be amazed how much time I sit staring at walls,

picking my nose in a low energy way. It's very exciting for it. I think, like, I mean, we're not, we've never claimed to be the best in the biz when it comes to interview in any way. We would never do that. But every now and again, we get to interview people who themselves interview people.

Which is weird, right? It is. It's a bit meta that, you know, yeah. Pop will eat itself. Yeah, it's like if we stick to food, a chef cooking for a chef. Yes. But this is like two trainee chefs cooking for the master.

I don't know about that. But it's very nice to me to say, but I've been digging a long time. But I still, you know, but the thing that keeps you interested, I think, in this thing, whatever this dynamic is, is that you never quite know what you're going to get. You never, you know, you could be all prepared. You can see them on other shows. You can listen to them on podcasts. But once they're in the chair opposite, you.

you, it's still kind of an unknown quantity. Do you remember who's surprised you the most that you've interviewed? Loads of people have surprised me. Back in the day, when I was really clueless, like some of the big Hollywood actors, you kind of think, oh, they're going to be so boring and serious. And then, you know, Dustin Coffin came on. He was like a clown.

Yeah. He just told Dick Jokes, and he was just brilliant. Was that back in the day with the Channel 4 show, when you were doing all of... That was like, in our house, we had to watch that, because it was when Big Brother was on and you were doing the monologues at the top about Big Brother.

Yeah. And he came on and did a sketch where he was pretending to be someone from Big Brother, right? He dressed up as various characters for Big Brother. And it was either season one or season two of Big Brother when it was, you know, people were blowing everyone's minds. And for those kids to get out of that house, yeah.

I find out that Dustin Hoffman had been playing them. And I remember the specific one because it was such a big, I was like, it blew me away when it was the, I think he was called Johnny. He was a fireman from County Durham. And he came out. I remember this moment very well. And he came out and he came on your show.

And you showed him a video of Dustin Hoffman pretending to be him in the diary room. It's like, what does that do to your brain? It is. I mean, when you think back to, you know, Big Brother then, I mean, it was so huge. Yeah. I remember once it was during that time. And rarely you rarely know kind of when you're having a moment. that you could look back on.

You know what I mean? Normally it's over by the time that happens. But I remember we were having dinner after doing the show and we were in the OXO Tower and it was a beautiful night and we were sat on that little terrace looking out over London

and London studios were right next door and it really felt like we were at the heart of everything that was going on. It was like it was exciting at the time. That's nice. Well, I think we have a new show that is going to do that. The neighbourhood.

Oh, this is a lot. old dog is learning some new tricks. Yes, there is a new show called the neighborhood. Yeah, who knows, maybe it will be coming back. It's a, yeah, it's a big ITV format show. They're taking a really big swing on this thing. It's huge. It's absolutely massive.

It wasn't Durham. It was somewhere else. Derbyshire is where we went. And they took over, it's kind of a holiday village, and they took over the whole thing. And it's these real pre-existing households. So some of them are kind of families. Some of them are like blended modern families.

Some of them are housemates, like uni friends. And six of them come in and they compete for a quarter of a million. Wow. Which what's interesting is like for the minute they get there, you're only six households away from a quarter of a million. You know, it's not like you're 22 people away from the prize. It's very close. So it's competitive straight away?

Well, it's an odd thing. It's kind of half competitive and then half lovely. Because they all get on. It's probably not selling the show if I say it's wholesome. But it genuinely felt wholesome because the sun is out. Like we're doing these, the way they vote each other out is quite good. They do these thing called the removals, where each household puts a for sale sign outside the house they want to leave.

and we're doing them and the sun is setting and they're literally a duck with her ducklings walking across the set it was about like a heron flying overhead I think people want a bit of wholesome sometimes though right

especially I think there's always like a reflective thing of how the world is versus what the TV you want is and it's always the opposite I think I mean I think this you watch it and one there's a psych kind of Truman show the art department has an amazing job of kind of it is it's all really

It's all there, but it's kind of heightened. And even when you were on set, you'd kind of see flowers. And you'd kind of, are those real? Is that fake? And you'd have to touch them. And, you know, you'd see people watering fake flowers. Yeah. So there's that element.

But then, you know, I don't think this was meant to be a part of the show. But what's kind of lovely is some of these households in real life would either never meet or certainly would not spend time. getting to know each other. And that I found really kind of cheery and optimistic and lovely. Yeah. That the households did not behave in a way that I, you know, cynically thought they would. Yes.

They didn't turn on the people they thought they would. Do you live in the neighbourhood as well? I'm there most of the time. You don't have like a house right on the top of the hill or something. I did have a little cottage at the top of the hill. But because there was nothing to do. I did kind of just hang out there because I had my own little house by the lake and it had a big bank of monitors where I could have kind of watch everything that was going on.

Because these poor people are being filmed 24-7. Now that I'm doing the voiceover and watching it, I'm seeing all this stuff that I didn't know had happened. Yeah. Great. That's good. Behind all the wholesomeness, there's a big house by the lake where someone's watching on loads of monitors 24-7.

That is like, yeah, that's good. But it was interesting, though, the people who came in with that mindset thinking, right, this is all a TV show and a game, and they came in with like a game plan, they didn't do very well. It was the people who just came in and jogged long and got on with people. They made it kind of further in the show. Sold. Sold.

Yeah. Let's get into your dream menu. We always start with still a... Well, we should do a bit more... Oh, sorry, yes. James, we should do a bit more wanging on. Oh, God, this old dog learning is... it's going to get me.

See, I thought we're going to get mid of the bit of me fucking up. But now we've got to keep it in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough. I'm a pro at making you look shit. People want to hear it all. Authentic voices.

Your podcast wanging on. Yes. I'm so sorry I've joined. I mean, mind you, I kind of thought we must be the last possible podcast. No. No.

People are still still climbing on. on board, the podcast train, destination nowhere. But, yeah, it basically, it's a thing. I did it on Radio 2 with my friend Maria. It's problems. You know, people write in. So we did it for 10 years on Radio 2.

Then I went to Virger for three years. Then I quit that. People said, oh, you should do a podcast. And we think, you don't mean that. And, but anyway, we did. And it turns out people do quite like it. Yeah. They do like them.

Yeah. So, yeah, no, that is, yeah. And I've, yeah. Yeah, I listen to way more podcasts than I used to. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys listen to podcasts? No.

I listen to a few. James doesn't listen to any of them. He'll never listen to this back. He'll never... No. Do you just live in silence? I like the music all the time. That you play or is on a radio?

No, that's like, that I've bought online. I'm buying it online. I'm downloading. I'm doing that and then listening to it quite obsessively listen to music. But then like, oh, well, every now and again, maybe every five years, I'll discover a podcast. I'll like.

That recommends some music. Normally, yeah. Normally it's a limited series. It's not one that runs and runs. Like, I did Dead Eyes. But that's because it's like, that is 30 episodes or whatever. What was Dead Eyes?

Sounds good. Dead Eyes was by an improviser and actor who was cast in the first, in Band of Brothers. I have heard that. Yeah, yeah. And then they got fired. Yeah.

You've got to consume a lot of contact. It's fantastic. It's fantastic. And at the end of it, I felt properly like I would feel at the end of a TV show when it's finished or something like, you know, satisfied but also a little bit sad and it's over. Yeah, that's a lovely feeling. Yeah, yeah. That's a nice feeling. Don't never get that with us. No. Well, I fucking hope so. I hope one day I'll feel the relief and sadness and it's over. Well, still a spark in water, I guess. Back to the format.

Yeah. Sadly, I do have a preference. Also, can I just say, I'm totally invested in this. I'm playing the game. I listen to this podcast. I enjoy this podcast. But I don't want anyone listening to this to this to think that I think my choices are interesting. Okay.

Sure. You know, I worked in restaurants for years and those customers who kind of do all the kind of... If you and me, what would you have? Like their dinner is interesting to anyone else, far from them. Yeah. So I'm playing a game. I'm in.

You're in. But I just don't want anyone to think I'm that. No, and we want truth from you, Graham. You don't need to suddenly start picking wild things. No, no. I'm making choices. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say you don't need to worry because it's a podcast we're asking.

But you did, because you know, you probably had this when you've interviewed people. And then afterwards someone says to you, I heard such and such on your show the other day, I love the sound of their own voice. And you're like, there's interviewing him. I remember I wrote an autobiography and one of the reviews said it was all about him.

The book, Graham Nolens. That's right. Yes, it was. Yeah, that's what that is correct. We love it when someone loves the sound of their own voice on our podcast. Please talk. I love the sound of my own voice.

I don't. You don't believe your choices. I don't believe my food choices are interesting. They're just your genuine. choices, which is good. So it's still a sparkling water. I'm going sparkling. Oh, boring. You're still in home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm out. I'm in a restaurant. It's so sparkling. But surely you can't, when you do, like when you're interviewing people, you can't have sparking water on the table, can you? I don't have any water on the table. You don't have any water on the table.

You don't have any water on the table for your shows. The guests can have it. I don't have any water. What the hell? You have a little wine, right? Yeah, but big wine. Big wine. People think it's so big. People think it's so big. People think. think it is water. Yeah. Because it's got ice in it and it's in a huge glass. I assumed you would have some water nearby,

something like that. No, just wine. Don't whine. Respect. How are you pacing yourself through that wine during the record? Honestly, I really do just sip it. Yeah.

It came about because years ago when I started doing stand-up or just doing like solo shows and stuff, like friends would go, oh, you seemed nervous. Right. And I could feel it in myself. I could feel that I was nervous.

And then I was doing a terrible gig for the Australian Tourist Commission. That's an immediate note. Immediate no brain of a book in it. No, honestly, I was so early. I was so green. It was because somebody I knew worked there. So, you know, one of those things. They should never have booked me.

But anyway, I was a surprise. So I was supposed to be like a pretend guest at the thing. So I had to stand with my glass of Australian wine. And I was sipping it. And because you're in that kind of adrenaline heightened thing, I could feel the wine, like going through. I could feel it in me. And just those couple of sips just took the edge off.

And so after that, I went, right, I'm going to do this. if I'm going to monitor it, if it goes into suddenly, oh, you need two glasses of wine before you go on, then I'll knock it on the head. But for now, it's doing a job. And, you know, I don't really get nervous anymore, but so now it's just habit. But that's where it came from. It was just that it was almost like science that I could dose myself with a little bit of wine and just take the edge off. How did the gig for the Australian tourist competition?

Really good. Wow. Yeah. Killed. Killed. They talked about it still. You've heard of Australia, I've been. Oh, yeah.

Good point. I've been. I've been a tourist. See? There's a reason for that. So you want sparked in water, or do you want a humongous glass of wine? I will have a humongous glass of wine, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I might start with something else, though, like drinks-wise. Sure. So that isn't even in your choices, is it? No. Yeah, but we let people hack it. Oh, do, okay. We've let people, like, have different drinks throughout the meal.

An aperit. Oh, okay. Oh, well, I would have, then I'd start with, ideally, but you can't ask for this, because no one knows how to make it, no one knows how to make it, is a dirty wet martini. A dirty wet martini? Yeah, because all martinis are dry now. Yes, so you want like half of vermouth?

A little bit of removed it. Well done, I'm going to your restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the guy. You don't want to come to my end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know my martini's a bit. Yeah, I would have just looked at you and gone, they're all wet. That would have not, that would have not gone well.

So, yeah, he knows and stuff. Ginovica? Dirty, so far. Oh, yeah, you can't dirty the gin. Well, can you dirty gin? You can give it a go. It wouldn't, I don't think it tastes very much. I'm just not mad.

I like gin, you know, but not as a martini. Yeah. Too much gin. How many olives? I don't care. I don't ask as it comes. So long as there's a bit of, you know, the brine in there. Yeah, you need the brine.

Have you experienced the blue cheese olive martini? Oh, fuck off. That's so rank. I love it. Really? Yeah, big time. Oh. No, it's just, no, it's working way too hard.

It's doing way too much. You shouldn't have cheese in your drink. Yeah. And you can see the cheat, it's sort of, there's a scum on the top. It's a cheese scum. Only if you leave it in there. I ordered it once. I was like, I've heard so much, mainly for mad asking this question on the podcast,

about these blue cheese olive martinis. So the only time I've ever been offered it said yes, they arrive. I'd say within five seconds I'd eat in all the olives. Yeah. So I did nothing. So I was just like, oh, these are good. And had all the blue cheese stuffed olives. So then we just sat there like, oh, I guess that doesn't really.

With a martini. Yeah, I've got a martini now. I've had that. Yeah, I should have. I had to take that off you. I was just in Chicago and I went to a steakhouse. I was alone and started with a martini. I'd say it was a pint and a half of martini with blue cheese olives.

Best night in my life. America, they, like, here, you order a martini. And like, those little kind of dolls house glasses arrived. Yeah. with America. Oh, lovely, huge. Huge, big, you know. De Devantese could be in your glass.

I love it. Popadab's or bread. Popathe's or bread. Graham Norton, Popatheb's or bread. I'm going bread. Probably shouted over it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did know you're going to talk.

That's the rules. Because I've listened to a lot of this podcast, but I haven't listened to all of it. How is Popatoms a choice? Well, we say it's the sort of thing that would come at the start of a meal. In an Indian restaurant? Yes.

I'm trying to back James up here, but he did it on the first episode without our And now we have to do it. Basically, I think the day before the first episode or something like that, I've been to a curry house. They've brought the Papadoms out. I thought, I fucking love Papadams. I love them so much.

I want to get it into our podcast somehow. They're so good. And I was like, do you know what? I actually think I prefer it when they bring out Popatoms to when you go to a restaurant and they bring bread out at the beginning. So I'm going to do that tomorrow. No, no. I like Papadoms.

It just never crossed my mind in, in a non-Indian restaurant to kind of go, well, no, you're right. Where are the popatoms? Yeah, you are correct. But this restaurant is kind of like, yeah, you're bread. Any particular type of bread?

Oh, now, now you're giving me the bread choices. I mean, I go, I mean, to be honest, I could do without the bread. Uh-huh. I don't care about the bread. Do you replace it with a drink? I'll take it. Well, I mean, it's still enjoying my martini. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll have another one if you're offering up, since you're here. Yeah. If it took a long time, if it took a long time, I will often then order my drink when they bring the first one. Yeah, yeah. Because you kind of think, I'll need that. Yeah, yeah.

I'll need that lag. See, normally, with our Irish guests, there's a little bit of pressure on this course to hit some certain points. Oh, soda bread. Hit soda bread, hit certain type of butter. Oh, Kerry Gold. Yeah, those things come up.

People are quite delighted when those things are not Graham Norton. No, I could care less. I occasionally would have a bit of toast or something. Yeah. But I rarely eat bread. Like it wouldn't cross my mind to buy bread in a shop. Sure.

I rarely buy bread. I love bread, but that's why I don't buy bread. Oh, because you eat it? Yeah, because I eat it. I eat it all. And the other day, I did buy a Gale's loaf. And then I was like, I can't touch that again. So I put it on the draining board because I wouldn't look at it.

What? So they do get wet? So when I go into the kitchen, I'm just like looking around the kitchen. I'm not going, oh, I want some bread and go straight to the draining board. Sorry, you put it on the training board so that you wouldn't look at it. What are you talking about? It says a lot about how many dishes you do. What do you don't make?

Someone in your house does not do drying up. I'll put this somewhere. I'm never going to see it. I don't go near the draining board. I go to the training board. You could have hit it in the oven. If I put it in the dishwasher, I'd see it every day. Put it at the train board. I'd put it in weird places, so it's not a go-to.

I'm not putting it on the side where the rest of the food goes, you know? I'll tell you where you should put it, where in our house, if it goes, everyone forgets about it and doesn't see it. The bread bin. Yeah. That's where... We've got a bread bin, but we absolutely have had to stop using it.

Because every time we put bread in there, then it's out of sight, we completely forget about it. Next time, you know, a few weeks later, buy a loaf of bread, have some toast. Got to put it in the bread bin. Big mouldy loaf in there staring back. Oh, yeah. We have bread.

We have to have bread. If you don't want bread, Graham, you don't have to have bread. Well, then I'm not having it. This is your dream meal. Take it back. Take it back. Yeah. Put your tongs down. Yeah. So as a restaurant, we're nervous now because we're excited to have Graham Norton.

And then we go back to the kitchen and go, Graham didn't want the bread. He didn't want it. And now the chef's worried. No, I don't think waiters ever care if you turn down the bread. I think the key thing to remember is waiters don't care at all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So long as you pay, that's all they care about. Okay.

Yeah. Some waiters only start to care or show they care at that point. Yeah. when it's time to pay. The whole meal, just looking at you like you're a piece of shit, you're trying to get them to like you, they're not interested, then they come along and hand you the card machine,

and then as you're about to pay, they go, anything fun plan tonight? What are you up to tonight? Oh, that sounds good. I like that. That sounds like my kind of evening. You're cool.

And the tip, you just do the tip on the table. Then you look at the screen. Add a tip. Yeah. I mean, when I did it, The thing that I think, like, I never worked in very good restaurants. So when waitress come up now at the beginning of a meal and go, you know, is everything okay with your food?

Like, I would never have done that. Yeah. Because I knew the answer. Well, like, in places, there's some places where coming up and checking of everything all right is built into the routine of how you work there, right? Oh, yeah, no. It's the, you have to. But in Nando's, it's very obvious because they have to come and take the cockerel away from the table. Yeah.

So in Nando's, there's a little... I know this. I've never been... So there's a little wooden cockcrawl at your table when you sit down. I might go now. It's not life size, it's time. Yeah, it is. It's very small.

It's within the table number. And they come over when you've started eating the food. They go, is everything all right? And you go, yeah, and before you finish saying, yeah, they're taking the wooden cockerel away and fucked off. What's that about? Well, I think it's just, it's so they know that they've asked. So you look at the tables and you go.

Too late to complain now. The cock's gone. Yeah. Let's get into your menu proper, your dream starter. Now, starters I found difficult because starters are normally the nicest bit of the meal. Correct, great. Thank you. Well, no, not correct, but I like you, so we'll carry on. It's a fantasy, isn't it? It's a dream thing. So there's a place in New York, and these sound like they're not good, but they're delicious.

And they do these lettuce cups, right? And it's a little, you know, like the lettuce. This is like a little burrito thing. Yeah. And inside, it's really, I think it's just kind of avocado chopped up with some herbs and seeds and stuff. Like, it does sound awful. But it's genuinely the most delicious thing. Is there a dressing in there or something, isn't it?

Yeah, there was something in there. A bit of soy or, you know, rice, wine or something like that, I don't know what's in there. But it's delicious. Whereabouts is this restaurant? It's a place called ABCV. Okay. It's Jean-George. And, and, oh, I think you can get them here now.

I think he opened a restaurant in some new hotel, because I can't remember any of it. But, yeah, so that recommendation's got you. Google it, kids. But these lettuce cops are just delicious. Really, really, really good. I love that so far you've had two martinis and then some lettuce and started. You're going to be all over the place, great. They're very filling them.

Send back the bread. getting your most out of the martinis two olives and some letters you spend a lot of time in America as well you're back and forth quite a bit quite regularly yeah I mean

less so now sure that's why you're starting new civilizations in the UK and making a TV show yeah yeah so I must say yeah I go a lot less now

but so but I miss it you know it's kind of heartbreaking because I do but you know especially in New York I love New York. Yeah. Yeah, that's my favorite place to go a lot of the time in America is New York.

You find, especially for food. You find just great stuff everywhere. Yeah, it's amazing. It really is. And you know, and you kind of think, oh, is London catching up? And it ways London is catching up. You know, there's amazing food in London. But somehow it seems more accessible in New York or just easier to find in New York.

It does, and it feels so fancy and authentic. Do you know what I mean? I go to New York, first time I went to New York, I was looking around and even play that were probably terrible, I was looking at them going, I bet that's amazing. Yeah. Because we're in New York. And also, the other thing is, like, here, if you hear about a great restaurant, you go, oh, that sounds fabulous.

Where, oh, that will take me an hour and 45 minutes to get to. I'll need to eat again by the time I get home. So, yeah, whereas, you know, New York is, you're there. Pop in a cab. Yeah. Yeah, do it. Yeah, go on. Have you had meals of big selection?

in New York, the big Hollywood celebs. Dish the Goss, great. Dish the Goss. Have I eaten with fame? Oh, do you know, I have. I have. I have. I did an animated film,

animated voice. Soul. Brilliant in soul. Yes. Thank you very much. Well, Seoul, Tina Faye, was the lead. Jamie Fox also. But Jamie Fox wasn't there,

but Pete Doctor, is that his name? He was director. And he had a dinner. You're very good at this. He loves films, this guy. Okay. He had a dinner.

And so it was me, the co-writer and co-director who worked with him, and Tina, husband, Jeff, and Amy Poehler came because she's in Inside Out, which he also does. Another doctor joint. Another doctor joint, you ought to be. This is my rap name. And it felt kind of, you know, you felt like a competition winner. You know, I felt like I bid for this.

charity auction. Yeah. But here I am. That's what I felt like did a film and I was like, Ghostbusters, I was like exactly the... Frozen Empire. Ghostbusters Frozen Empire.

Yeah, I wasn't in... The original Ghostbusters. The original Ghostbusters. Could have been, we don't know. Yeah, yeah. But exactly the phrase I used was a competition winner. I think when you were like a comedian and then you suddenly end up there

with a bunch of people who have, their whole life has been aiming towards doing exactly that. Yeah. And you're, and you just like accidentally sidestepped into it. It does feel very competition winning. In the best way.

Oh, no, it's lovely. And also, they talk to you as if you've a right to be there, which is so kind of them. Do you know what I mean? They take you type of them at the time as well. They take you kind of seriously. This is so kind of you, by the way. Yeah.

Thank you for doing it. You know my name. You actually smashed that film, man. You're great. Oh, that's great. You smashed it out of the park. Wow. The energy.

in that character. It's very, you know, it's very important, like, brilliant character. Oh, thank you. I, I'll say,

I really enjoy doing it because they did direct me, which was, you know, because I trained as an actor, but, you know, anyway, that ended badly.

And, uh, did it? Did it? Did it? Well, hello. Father Ted, hello. Father Ted,

soul. Yeah. That's a pretty good TV, yeah. I mean, there's been some lean years in between. Yeah, what are you been doing

with yourself? A lot of rap. 30 years of regional rep. Dinner theatre. Yeah, dinner theatre, that kind of. Fulty towers, the dinner show. Oh, yeah, you're very good in that. That's still going, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, it is. Somebody must go to it. Yeah. I mean, they're not doing it for no one. It would be fun, though, if you did, like, imagine if, like, for a little while you just did Manwell in that. And people went to that, and they go, is that quite a lot? Is that great in character?

Yeah. So deep. Yeah. Have we talked about this before, that what if you find out you just love the food? at Fulte Towers, the dinner experience. Well, there's the Mamma Mia dinner experience. What if that's your favourite food, though, and you're like, I've got it.

But you hate the shirt. Yeah, it tastes delicious. You're having to go. That is some sort of definition of hell. Yeah, you know, have to cut up with that. Or you get, or you get somebody offers you, like, free food for life, but you've got to be a Fulte Towers

The Dining Experience, Black Card. Don't tell him when you got this. Have they taken it, they've stopped the Nando's one, haven't they? I don't know. Well, I think originally it was this thing where they didn't want people to confirm that they existed. So it was this whole thing that you can't say that you've got one. So now I'm not sure.

Now I think, had they really stopped them? Or is this like... Or they're even more exclusive now. They've gone, we've got to go, let's create a fake rumor that it's stopped. Yeah. I don't know who to trust. Gone so far underground now. Yeah, I feel like it has...

Well, also, it's in their discretion. You don't need a card. If the manager knows you and thinks you're amazing, they'll just comp your meal, won't they? Yeah, I mean, hands up, I had a black card for a bit. Did I use it very often? Absolutely not. Because when are you really going into a branch, Anando's very rarely, and also guilt. Yeah.

Because you feel ridiculous. Why am I getting a few? You can afford it. It's just quite cheap. Also, I'm finally at a point in my life where I could afford it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And now it's funny. And now you're telling me I don't know for me.

It's disgusting. It should be that Anandos is just kind of. a random, like a golden ticket thing. That's a really good idea. And people just get the, you could go along, everything for your meal, yeah, take the cock away, put a black card there. Man, I hope I win a black card.

No, not you. Not you. You have one, you can afford your meals. But winning it was good. Did it expire? Yeah, there are a year. Oh, okay, just in case your career tanks. Yeah, exactly, just against you get cancelled. Oh, no, he doesn't go anywhere anymore.

Your dream main course, Graham. Well, now, because you're obviously a big fan of main courses. I'm let... It's all a fish. Oh, no, I'm a starter and main course. He's all dessert. Oh, you're all dessert? Bread, Popadams and dessert.

Yeah, you're happy. If I could survive on that and not die within a year, that would be what I'll eat in all the time. Yeah, I think you could. You could. It wouldn't be a nice life, would it? I'm not sure your gut health would be great, but you'd live. Oh, well, that's... That's giving me something to think about.

I don't know I'd live. I would say Pop-a-Dom is probably your breakfast go to. Yeah, yeah. Pop-in-a-downs of breakfast and then dessert for dinner. During main course, then. Okay, I'm going with salmon. I'm going to have just a darn of salmon. A what? A darn.

A darn. It's a new, well, I don't know if it's a new word. Do you remember, you used to get salmon steak? Yeah, you never see a salmon steak anymore. I'm not seeing that. Tuna steaks. I'm familiar with swordfish. Mind you, there's something bad about swordfish in there.

Is there? Yeah, probably, even with tuna, I think it's just like, yeah. Like, people shouldn't be. Oh, is it sustainability? Yeah, I think there's stuff. Well, also, there's a mercury poisoning in tuna as well. Right, okay. So salmon, uh, darn, a darn is that funny little, you know, it's just a, a long bit.

Yeah, a slice of it. It's got some skin on one side. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. Like a fillet. Is it a fillet? Yeah. I've never heard of darn. Have you never heard of a Irish thing?

Yeah. It must be. I don't know. I mean, I never see it on a menu, but I see it in a supermarket. Darns a salmon. A supermarket in Ireland. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That darn salmon. That could be your next animated feature, that darn salmon. That darn salmon. Darns salmon. Swimming up the street. Yeah. Desperate to spawn. I'm surprised they haven't made that. Yeah.

You'd think, because that... Like, finally Nemo did so well. Yeah. So, yeah. Salmon swimming upstream to achieve a goal. And you could meet bears along the way. Yeah. You could meet Daniel Boone.

All sorts. A fisherman, like a fisherman bad guy. Yes. Yeah. Oh yeah. Some industrial people, people are trying to farm salmon. Yeah, yeah. You could meet all the zombie farmed salmon.

Oh, yeah. We're living in a big thing. Yeah. God, what are we doing here? This rights itself. Graeme's done a lot of that. No, no, no, no. You had the bad fisherman.

We're fine. I love the idea of sitting in a writing room, letting everyone else do the work and go, this writes itself. This is incredible. Good job, guys. It writes itself. Keep on writing.

What do you want with your salmon? How do you want it done? Just like pan-fri. I don't really care. Okay. Yeah, I'll eat it. Pan-fried, say. Pan-fried.

Oh, sometimes it comes with a kind of little, one of those yellow sauces. Uh-huh. Like a holland-hays or Bernie. Yeah. Something A's. Do you have an A's preference? What's the one with Tarragon in it?

That's Burn A's, I think. Or is it Holland-Aze? I think it's Bernays. I hear the sound of typing. Yeah, I believe it's Bernays. I'm putting everything on Bernays. But then what's the one? Because two of them have green things in them.

Right. There's Holland Ais is nothing in it. No green. Just yellow. Then there's two green ones. One is Tarragon and one is. Is it coriander or something? Bernays is Tarragon.

There is another one. Five points per gamble. Thank you. Yeah, well done. No, I've made it up. Yeah, like Darn of Salmon. Yeah. It's my fantasy meeting.

You're in vernacular. I've got some knitted salmon. We believe in all of it. No, Irish people will leave comments saying Darnon exists. Yes. Good. Yeah. So, a darn of salmon with Bernays, are we going with?

Yeah, Bernays. The yellow one with the green things in it. And I'm not to go to sides yet, though. That's a whole different. Yeah, we'll go into that. Okay, yeah, yeah. That's a, please don't, don't tread on the format, Graham.

I respect the format. The format is king. When we asked you how you wanted it, you said you didn't care. I had flashbacks to when we, we had Robert De Niro on the pod, and he just said he'll just have whatever's good for every course. Does that surprise you, having interviewed him? No, it does not. We loved having him on, and it was amazing to be in the presence of Robert De Niro,

but he was not invested in the format. No, I think what I would say about, Robert De Niro is he's a very benign presence. Yes. Like, his silence isn't an indicator of him hating the experience. That's what I... No? Apart from when Tom Hiddleston did an impression of him on your show.

Yes. Even that. Even that, he kind of went... Because Tom Hiddleston did an impression of him in... It was him and Al Pacino. Yeah. Whatever movie they did. He'd.

Yeah. And I remember after he finished, Robert De Niro went, oh, that's actually one of my favorite scenes. And I went, is it still? Yes. Because I think Hildsen had maybe, it was the same episode, literally just done a very good impression of you. Yeah, no, I mean, I think those clips of Tom Hintelson doing impressions do the rounds.

I think it was all from one episode. Yeah. I think he's only done impressions on the show once. But he did a lot of them. So they have done the rounds. I think the one of you is so good that he clearly got a bit of wind in his side. and maybe didn't judge

where he should go next as well as he could have because he absolutely nailed an impression of yours like that is fucking good and then he goes into a De Niro in front of Dario look, it's a pausing thing to do it is, yeah, yeah

and you know and it, you know, Robert Deereo wasn't talking so we needed to hear that voice yeah, yeah, good on him But was he nice on here? He was nice. He was nice.

Oh, he's lovely. He's a lovely man, isn't it? We'd be delighted that we had to do it on the pod. And to be honest, I think we were doubly delighted that he just said he'll have whatever's good. Yeah. Your dream side dish. Now, see, you talked about soda bread and Kerry Gold earlier. I am going full potato.

Yeah. Really, I've ordered this because it comes with mash. Great. Fantastic. So really, the mash is the main and the summer side. Often, I will order whatever comes. with them. Yeah, yeah.

Whatever is... I'll often order a main course based on what's with it. Yeah. Because those are the things. Just, you know, it's delicious. It's very hard to make bad mash. I'm sure you can.

You really can. Yeah, some people can. Yeah, you really can. In a restaurant. Oh, in a restaurant, no, probably not. Home mash is bad stuff. Oh, yes, but you can't get... If you don't cook your potatoes properly or something.

Yeah. Or the way you mash it, if you're, you know, overmashing it. it can go gluey. Oh, yes. That's why in restaurants now, they use the big racer, don't they, a lot of the time? Yes, they do. And that stops it becoming gluey, and then you can just sort of mix in all of the butter.

I feel my home mash is often a bit gluey. Yeah. And it's because I got really bored of trying to wash the small, like the mashes, the small mashes. So I've just got one of those. You know, remember you used to have that game where you had to, you know, not make the electric noise. Yeah. I've got a masher that looks like that. So it's just like one squiggle.

It's just one squiggle. Yeah, you ain't mashing anything with that, really. Yeah, so, yeah. But washing up's really easy. Yeah. So swings around about. Yeah, you're laughing when it comes to the washing up. Yeah, yeah, I really...

I don't wash anything up because it's full of bread on the draining board, so... Oh, yeah. You can't wash everything up, yeah. Yeah, yeah. When we were talking about your show earlier, here's one of my favorite parts about watching your show, is we get to see massive Hollywood stars sitting on a sofa with one of our friends. Yeah.

and my favourite two moments of that Joe, the exact two. Well, I know Ruffalo and Josh Weddickon. Ruffalo calling Josh Weddickham a paedophile. How was that broadcast? How was that ever okay? But it was funny. Yeah, really funny.

Absolutely great. We bring it up at least once a year to Josh. Remember when the Hulk called you a pino? Really good. Just absolutely goes for him two-footed out of no. way. That's definitely to deserve it. And I feel like that wasn't the only thing.

Like, he really, he went for him for the whole show. It was like, it was, it was like a kind of a roast. Yeah. I wonder, did Ruffalo mistake, did they think they'd had an encounter before? Maybe. Well, I think it's just something about Josh. It was just like, it was just like, it seems like he's weak. I can go after him.

Yeah. Renner's there as well. Renner's a bit Larry. Jeremy Renner's there. I think, I think Ruffalo's is showing off to Renner. You're probably. Right. You know, it must be a tough guy.

Lads. And the other one, and we used to watch this quite a lot every night and again. We'd watch it, like, Nish would put this on to watch it with people. Yeah. It brings him so much joy. Is Greg Davis telling his school story while Ryan Goslin laughs. Yeah. Like, uncontrollably for the whole thing.

And it's June Brown there as well. Is that that one? She's been on with Greg, definitely. Oh, right. Has she? Yeah, I think so. Or maybe that's just... June Brown was on a day.

Lady Gaga. That I do know. It's one of the other like real motley crew lineups. It was very motley crew. And that one, I think Greg doing that story for Ryan is amazing.

And there's another one where Lee Mack tells a story and John Cleese who I think it's quite hard to make him laugh. And he really, really, really laughs.

It's a really funny story. The Black one. Yeah. It's a very good It's a very good story. And I do believe it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think it's true.

Yeah. Yeah. And if it's not true, then it's like, I like the fact that he's a greatly magic. Yeah. He's absolutely taken us in. Was there any other sort of questions over the thing of getting everyone out at the same time when the show started? Did anyone say maybe we shouldn't do that? I'm sure people resisted it.

Yeah. I'm sure people resisted it, like publicists and things. So I don't quite know how we got around it. we just stuck to our guns, I think. It just worked so well straight away. Yeah. I mean, you're out there for quite a long time. Like, you haven't done the show, but you've done the show.

No, no. I thought you'd done the show. No, I've not done the show. No, I know you've not done the show. But you have done the show. No, I have not done the show. But this is weird. So I've only met you very briefly once before.

Oh, here we go. So I did a show, this was probably about 10 years ago. I did a show called Almost Royal for BBC America. Was that you? That was me. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. You have done the show.

So I have technically done the show, but we did it in the day before anyone else came in. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then it was spliced into the American broadcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You pranked Graham? No, no, no, Graham was in on it. Yeah.

Graham was in on it. Was there an audience? No, there wasn't an audience. No, there was no. It was literally on the day, and I remember it was like a very chaotic day for everyone. So I think everyone was annoyed that we were doing it that day because I think a guest had cancelled. So there was like this mad rush of trying to sort things out. That's hilarious.

That was you. Yeah, that was me. That was me and Amy Hoggart. So we had people, we also had people pretending to be William and Kate. That was... You're now getting... You're now thinking that was Ed. No, no.

No, because I was saying it to you. I was thinking, he wouldn't have cast you as William. Yeah. And then we also did one with Nicholas Gallatin. Oh, yeah. For a movie he did with Anne Hathaway. Oh, yes. And the end, he's on the show.

Oh, right. And it's fake. But we did do it in front of an audience. and you could see the audience thinking, oh, but this is indistinguable from the thing we just watched. It's as if Graham didn't mean any of it. Well, I think we let too much lighten on the magic for the audience. They were like, yeah, it's all bullshit.

Yeah, no, that was a very, that was a mad experience for us to come in and, like, pretend like we were on the show. That's so funny. But then it actually went into the American broadcast of the show because it's BBC America. Oh, cool, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you are out there for quite a long time. You're out there for about like an hour and a half. Yeah, yeah.

But, you know, but then there's music, and often the music is twice. So, you know, you're not talking for an hour and a half. Yeah. But for those Americans who are used to coming out and doing their eight-minute segment or an 11-minute segment, you know, they're like, really? I'm still here. And again, you were saying about being briefed. You know, you feel like people are fully briefed. And then, sorry, I thought.

Do I go now? No. No. You stay. Quite a long time. Your dream drink, Graham. Oh, well, I've been drinking it. So we've had a couple of martinis, but do you have another dream drink that you'd like to have? I'll have some white wine.

Lovely. I'll have some New Zealand, Slovenia Blanc is my white wine of choice. Fantastic. Yeah. How long has that been the case for? Quite a long time now. Like when I got to London first in the 80s, that was when the Australian Chardonnay was king.

And then, isn't it weird? how we just all decided we didn't like them anymore. And, like, on mass. Yeah. It's like, it's like, remember, like, it was like when gin became really popular. Yeah, they have. We'd all been drinking vodka and then we were told, no, gin. You're drinking gin now.

Oh, yeah, I like gin. There's a thousand gin distilleries everywhere. Yeah, I like gin now. And it's, it's weird how marketing can change what's going on in your mouth. Totally. And it's all marketing as well, isn't it? Well, it is weird. Like, you know, I didn't like this.

that. Or I did like that. Now you've told me my taste buds were very wrong all along and I shouldn't like it anymore. Do you think that will ever happen to New Zealand's sovereign and Blanc? I mean, it's been going for a long time. That whole New Zealand told me a blank thing. But it could do, you know, fashions change. And it's weird now how things are happening. There's a, have you come across the jalapeno white wine? No. No. Oh, apparently, what do I know, it started on TikTok people putting halipinos

into their white wine. And I had some last night and it is a very weird experience. Because it's not hot, hot, it doesn't burn, but there's a definite kind of a zing at the end.

The aftertaste is very, yeah, you know something hot's been in there. Yeah, because a few days ago, I had a jalapino martini. And that was nice. And like you say, it wasn't, I thought, is this going to be a mistake?

It's going to be really hot and spicy. But it's actually just like, just a nice different flavor to having a martini. It was quite good. Did they have a little kind of a little buzz at the end? Yeah, there was a little something. Yeah. I imagine that good work in a white wine.

I'm not against that. I, for me, personally, I'm not drinking white wine thinking, if only this tasted of jalapeno. I don't quite get it. But I had it last time with my husband, and he loved it. He thought it was really nice.

Oh, there you go. That means, there's going to be halipinos in the house all the time now. He's regularly eating jalapinos thinking, if only this tasted like white wine. Yeah. So it works for him. That's why you're the perfect match. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's this New Zealand white wine is your dream drink. You've already got the martinis coming throughout the meal when you want them. Yeah, yeah. I'll only do two. Two. Two martinis, I think, is enough, right? Yeah. We've had some bad nights on martinis, where we've gone over the two.

Well, you get giddy, don't you? Yeah. And you think I can't drink these. And it turns out you can't. Yeah, they're clear. They must be all right. Yeah. And also because you feel okay after two.

Yeah. You kind of think, wow, yeah, it's okay. Yeah. I could cut wood at a sore milk. I'm fine. But, yeah, after three, you're using a hand. It's when you, it's, if you have two or three, and then you've not gone to the toilet in wherever you are yet,

And then you stand up and your legs go and you're like, oh, I should have thought about this. This has gone badly wrong. Yeah. I may be leaving my bike here. Yeah. We've talked about trying to get into Dukes quite a lot on this podcast to have their Martinez, but they only let you have one and all this.

Two. Do they only let you have one? Two, I think it's two. Yeah, we've never been. Yeah. How come? Well, we aspire to, but it's never really worked out. You've had a few guests say, oh, I'll go with you.

No, obviously they never. I'm sure you would have been let down by a couple of. They never actually followed through. Can I just say, this is me now committing to never going to Dukes again, I'd leave it that way. Yeah. I feel like the dream, the dream of what's going on in there, really it's a bit like just a provincial hotel.

It's just some overstuffed sofas and some tourists. But it's a good martini. It's a perfectly nice of martini. But I feel like they're riding high on when you couldn't get a good martini. Right, okay. I think now you get a good martini at most places. Well, shout out to the connor, which is my favorite martini. Well, now you've just pulled in your pants and shat all over.

Poor old dukes. We're over here with some brocade curtains. Yeah, yeah. We did a live show recently, and there were two gentlemen in the audience wearing suits, and Ed completely went for them. It was like, you two suit motherfuckers. Why are you wearing suits for? James went for them.

I ain't go for them. You started on my mind. Well, the problem is one of them said that they don't normally. They tried to go to Jukes for a martini. So they're like, we don't normally wear suits. And one of the guys went, I'm, you know, I'm a creative. And then James found out he worked for Apple, and then that was the whole show absolutely over.

We're still food-based. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should have. That would have been a nicer direction to lead into it. What do you mean we should have done? I stood back and watched you absolutely decimate a whole man's life. And also, bless them. They were obviously proper fans.

Yeah, he's making it out of the Albert Hall. All I said was. You said if he as a kid met himself now and found out what he did, he would spit on him, is what you said. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. I'm sure he found that funny. It might love it.

You imagine him telling friends after him. And then James said this thing to me. James said. So funny. And I was wearing a suit. We didn't get into the place we wanted to go to. He believes that when I was a child, I was creative in two drawings. But if that younger self met me now, it spit on it.

You tell me it wasn't a creative. Funny comedy show, Graham. Yeah, it was funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we didn't get into jokes. Your dream dessert? See, we, yeah, we could never hang out because you're just eating pop-atoms and dessert. Like, why?

I'm not that fun. I mean, if I'm on a plane, I'll have dessert. Interesting. Well, just because I paid for it and we might crash. So... So when you're on a plane, you're on a plane, you're on a plane. that Leon... I'm having it all.

I'm having it all. But you're always thinking we might crush. Yes. I mean, well, you know, you're kind of think, well, I'll regret... If we're plummeting from the sky, I'll regret not having the tiramisu. If you started plummeting...

I would lunge for the dessert trolley. But if it was in front of you, would you eat the syrimasoo as you were plummeting? I mean, I'd try. Yeah. I'd go... Yeah. I mean, you would, wouldn't you?

It's... Better to die with a mouthful of chermisu the knot. The old phrase. Yeah. I think you'll be... Pop that in a detail. There'll be people doing

much worse things. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You'll be eating the Tiramisu, but... And also, I'll probably finish my Tierra Su by the time we craft. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Actually, I probably would go to Tirmusu. If I'm doing dessert. But from a plane? The plane, too, in a... I prefer not to plummet through the skies and die in a fiery ball. Yeah, well, people around you are whacking it.

What? Whoa! Ed! Ed, no need to go there. What the hell? Yeah, apologies. We've got a national treasure on the podcast. And also, I think it's very hard to focus your mind. If you're coming to your death.

You'd have to be turned on by death by death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, what a way to discover that's your cake. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I found it. Finally, I found my thing. My life makes sense. Okay.

Okay, so we're going Tim and Missou. I'm a bit disappointed that it's not from an airplane, because I would look quite like it if you had like an airplane kind of... Oh, I see! So it could be just a catering company could deliver it to the rest of. Yeah, you don't have to be... Die at the end, but I could give you an airplane to them a suit. Honestly, if the whole meal came from airplane, I'd be happy.

Yeah. I'd love airplane food. What cabin are we talking? Now I do throw money at the problem from up front. But you get the little cutlery wherever you are, and that's the pleasure. is the tiny little, I mean, I don't know, like, if you got flying nights, but if you fly nice, I would think there's a napkin, and in there, there seems to be an inordinate amount of knives and hooks.

I mean, so many of them. I'm pretty sure I just ordered one. I don't know why all this cutleries in here. Everywhere, it goes everywhere. I feel like whoever wraps those things has never eaten. Yeah. They don't know what country is. How many hands the humans have?

Yeah. What are they for? I don't know. I don't know. You have some. I love the, I think about all the time the, if you fly on virgin, the salt and pepper pots that are like little planes. Yeah, they're adorable. I love those.

Really? Yeah. I've never seen these. Have you not? Have you flown on virgin before? I think so. Yeah. Salt and pepper pots are little twins.

Because I know. Oh, maybe I'm thinking in the past. Everyone stole them, I think. Yeah. But no, I think they're made of plastic. I think you can steal them. Oh, because before they used to be nice. Right.

like metal, and everyone saw those. They just wiped the whole carline off. So people who have got those are pretty pleased themselves. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, oh yeah. They're putting them out on the dining room table. Yeah, yeah. Yes, I have flown up a fan.

My friend stole an easy jet jacket once. How? We were flying back from somewhere. And in the overhead bin, there was obviously like a jacket, you know, a crew member. That is proper kleptum. Yeah, and literally. just took the jacket and then wore it to the pub the next night. It was pretty cool, actually.

Was it? We were like 16 or something. It was cool. It was pretty cool to wear an Easy Jet jacket to the Weather spoons. God. I remember doing another corporate, some travel awards, something. And they were talking about it. And EasyJet donate their old uniforms to Africa,

which seems like a mat, because they're nylon. I mean, like, you seem's cruel to make me walk around in orange nylon. But I've got to go to that village. I think you'll know when you're there. Is this it? Yes, it is. This is it. I'd love to get lost in that village and ask someone for directions.

They tell me where the exits are. Yes, please. What's the best thing you've ever stolen, Graham? Ooh, good question. I mean, more the kid. I remember shoplifting a kind of I don't know what it was if it was a glove puppet or something

it was made of kind of fun fur and googly eyes and I was delighted with myself and then but I had to then reveal it you know at some point at home and my story of I found it did not fly

very long and so I was frog marched back to the shop and had to give it back oh that's embarrassing our friends Oh, humiliating. Our friend's daughter recently, like little kids, asked for a badge in a shop.

And he said, no, you can't have the badge. I'm not buying you the badge. And then the next day, she's walking around wearing the badge. And he went, where'd you get that badge from? She said, oh, my friend gave it to me. He said, what friend did she want? I don't remember. I thought you were going to say,

you bought it for me. You're losing your mind. But I love the not thinking two steps ahead and going, my friend, and then going, I don't remember what friend it was. I don't know their name. So good. Did you get to keep it?

No, he took it back to the shop, I think. You can't then let the kid keep it, I don't think. You've got to show them that stealing's wrong and it goes back to the shop, right? Are you so old-fashioned? Get with the problem. I mean, I had, like, my dad was really... I never would have stolen anything. But, like, he said to me once when I was going to go and buying...

Christmas presents for the first time. Make sure you buy, people don't buy anything for yourself. It's Christmas. So I went out, I was buying stuff for people. I'm about seven. I saw there was a no-asis single out who were an oasis tribute. No-asis, yeah. No-asis.

I really wanted it. So I bought it for myself. I had to snuck it in, made sure you couldn't see it. And then this sneaky fucker looked at the receipt, which was like in one of the banks. He knew what you were going to do. He calls me in, what's this? I was like, huh? I think he got me first with the whole.

Yeah, he did buy him for yourself, did you? Oh. No. Oh, you walked right in. Oh, my everyone was on. What are you talking about? It's goodness. What's this then?

And then, apparently, I don't remember this, but my reaction was, I just went, oh, what have I done? Like, really remorse from in front of him. Oh, what have I done? And I told him, I told him I would give anything to take it back. So dramatic.

So he went, all right, but if you wait, you just give it to me and you don't have it anymore. I handed it over. Did he bring it back to the shop or anything? No, it was, it's my birthday in January. Oh. I unrapped it. It was like, there you go. I was like, hmm.

Doesn't feel great. Doesn't feel like a treat. Yeah. But you think because you bought it. I bought this. Yeah. I've paid for this, man. Yeah.

You stopped me from listening to it for a month, that's all. Kind of over noasis now. Yeah. Yeah, they were a bit of a flash in the pan, noasis. I'm amazed they actually did a single. Yeah, yeah. I'm amazed they didn't try and capitalise on the reunion. On the reunion.

Oh, yeah. You'd think noisis would go. Still noasis. Yeah, yeah, we've got to do it. I'll have made you back to you now. See how you feel about it. Graham looks really worried about this, pal. Yeah.

No, I'm looking forward to it. Yeah. You want spark in water. and you're like a dirty wet martini at the same time. Poplarums or bread, another dirty wet martini. Starter. Avocado lettuce cups from ABCB in New York. Main course, a pan-fried darn of salmon with bernet sauce.

Side dish, mashed potato. Drink, New Zealand's Sauvignon Blanc and dessert, a tiramisu. Delicious. Yeah. That does sound very nice. And feels classic as well. It's not try hard. No, no, not at all.

And it feels like you'd eat it in like a classic. looking New York restaurant, apart from the dessert, which you'd eat on a plane. Yeah, obviously. No, I'll eat it in another restaurant. It can be on one of the little trays, though. Yes, yeah, yeah.

And if the waiter could go out back and change into a uniform, I'd be delighted. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. An easy-jit uniform? No. No, good, because he'd be taken that way from an African family.

Yeah. I want to try the lettuce cups for most. Yes, they sound delicious. Because I can't really imagine what they would be. Yo, like you were saying, like, there's so much better than they even sounds. And I've kind of cracked them. I can kind of make them now.

So what do you put in them to make them? It's toasted cumin seeds. Oh, nice. That's good. Because you know when you're eating something, you know what is that lovely taste? What is that lovely taste? And I finally figured out that that's what it is.

Yeah. It's been years of eating them. I love that you've left that until the end as a little reveal just right at the end. You didn't give us the secret when you were talking about it. You didn't ask. If people listen to the end of the podcast, there's always a secret gets revealed.

We didn't ask James. This is the thing. It's good to pick up little tips from Graham. We forgot to ask. We should ask the questions. We want the answer is so delicious. If we want to find out something, we'd be the question.

Because we never learn that if we want an answer to something, we forget to ask it. And there's two of us. Yeah. Well, that, I'd say, that is good. I think it's good doing this with two people. Yes. Because then it's never your fault.

Yeah. It's always Benito's fault. It's always Benito's fault. Yeah. It's never. It's no one's fault. Consistently. Well, this has been no one's fault. Graeme, thank you so much.

We can only apologise. No one's to blame. Next episode, by the way, we're going to start just getting all the guests in at the same time. So we're going to have three or four people on the sofa together. Good luck in this room. Massive whining. You may have to knock through. Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Graham.

It was a pleasure. Thank you very much. Thank you, Graham. Well, there we are, James. Graham Norton. What a joy it was to have him on the show. Such a pleasure to have Graham Norton on the show. There are some moments, I mean, we love all our guests. Yes. But there are some moments where you go, wow, what a, what another name to add to the old CV. You nearly said notch on the bedpost there, didn't you? Cram Norton is not a notch on the bedpost. A notch on the mic stand.

Let me be clear. A notch on the mic stand. I don't put a little notch. But that's a good night. That's a good phrase for us. notch on the bedpost is that because when they've slept with someone they put a notch on the bedpost or is it because the bed is hitting the wall?

I don't think it's that because that would suggest it hits the wall once. A few times to eventually make a notch. Depends how I personally I like to go one big enough to make a notch done. You fuss so hard that the bed hits it makes a notch and they orgasm all at once. No, I do.

You do. Come on. Sure. You can only control. It's over when I'm over. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's only so much as in your control, I guess.

You can't be held to account. No, and don't help me to account on that. No. Graham did not say Golden Graham's. Surprise, surprise. Yeah. No, that's not him. Oh, sorry.

We should get her on the pod? No longer with us. The neighbourhood starts Friday 24th of April, 9pm on ITV1 and ITVX, and the series debuts with a three-episode launch on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. So make sure you watch that. And listen to Wanging On. Listen to wanging on. Fantastic podcast.

It'd like to have Graham in the studio and I'm going on tour. I've got a new show called Fresh Hell touring from the end of January next year. Tickets on sale now at Edgamble.com.com. I'm currently on tour with my show James Aicaster. Yeah. And there are some shows that have tickets available. So please, Jamesecaster.com. I don't know my own website.

No. Well, I'm not going on it. Yeah. And why would I do that? But Jamesaecaster.com is actually where you should go for tickets. He got the dot com. He bagged the dot com, guys. Yeah, I'm pretty pleased with that, actually.

Yeah. Well, James, thank you for being my friend for another week. Thank you for being my friend, Ed. Who knows when we started? but you've got a new friendship now with Benito. Benito's starting now. So that's good, starting now. It's been about six minutes so far.

Yeah, it's going pretty well so far, I think, for the two of you. See you later, guys. See you later, guys.