Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Greg James

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

Radio 1 DJ Greg James is this week’s dream guest in the Dream Restaurant. And James calls in to the radio…Greg James’s book ‘All the Best for the Future: Growing Up Without Growing Old’ is out now. Buy it here.See Greg James on his book tour. For dates and tickets go here.Follow Greg on on Instagram @greg_james and TikTok @gregjamesWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Thu 2 Oct.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu podcast. And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about all our relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Tackax. Yes, all our relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food. parcel delivery schemes as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing. And we feel like, you know, it's the off-manue podcast. We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time. And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James. Absolutely. So if people would like to donate, please go to all our relations.com.com. UK or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram. Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza. Thank you so much. And enjoy the episode.

The Hulu original series, Murdoch, Death and the Family, dives into secrets, deception, murder, and the fall of a powerful dynasty. Inspired by shocking actual events and drawing from the hit podcast, this series brings the drama to the screen like never before, Starring Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark. Watch the Hulu original series, Murdoch, Death in the Family, streaming October 15th on Disney Plus. Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the Mars. ice cream out of the freezer of humor, leaving it on the kitchen side of friendship,

unwrapping it, tucking in for a lovely podcast ice cream bar, James. The perfect way to enjoy, we're not advertising them. That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together, we own a dream restaurant. And every single week, we invite a guest and ask them their favourite ever start and make a course of dessert, side dish and drink, I believe. I believe it's not in that order.

No. And this week, our guest is Greg James. Greg James, of course, the host of the Radio One breakfast show, James. Yeah. A consummate broadcaster, a wonderful man, handsome as you like. And definitely destined to be a national treasure. Oh, he's well on his way to the national treasured states. You know, a young man, but you can already tell,

he's going to go down in history as one of our most cherished broadcasters. Absolutely. Very much looking forward to speaking to Greg about his dream menu. I'm a big fan of Greg's. He's also got a book out, James. He adds, all the best for the future, it's called. Growing up, without growing old. Yes, it looks great.

It looks absolutely fantastic. Stories from Greg's life. Yes. And he's going on a book tour. I believe he's on the book tour currently. And if you live in Glasgow or Leeds, you still have a chance to go. But you've got to be, to see the Glasgow show. If you're listening to this on the day it comes out, it is tonight.

So if there are any tickets remaining, you should go. But if he says a secret ingredient on which we have pre-agreed, he's out of here. Sorry. And today, the secret ingredient for Greg James is Run a duck. Run a duck. Because of the Longboy saga, Longboy was a duck that Greg was obsessed with. A lot of people were.

Loved Longboy. Loved Longboy, the duck, who was at York University. He used to live on the grounds of York University. It went missing, presumed dead. Then I ate runner duck on Great British menu. And Greg decided I'd eaten Longboy and there was a huge scandal. That might come up on the podcast. Might come up.

If we talk about it. Yeah. We don't chuck him out. But if he chooses Run a Duck, it's on the menu. Which would be hypocritical beyond belief. It'd be insane. Yeah. If Greg ate Renner Duck and wasn't just thinking about Longboy the whole time and feeling bad.

You might as well be eating Longboy. Yes, exactly. So he might say it, he might not. I'm just saying hopefully he doesn't say it, but it'd be funny to kick Greg out. Especially for that, deserved. Yeah. It would be deserved. Yeah.

It would be against that. This is the off menu menu of Greg James. Welcome, Greg, to the Dream Restaurant. Thanks so much. Welcome, Greg James, to the Dream Restaurant. We'll be able to spend you for some time. Well, it's very difficult to get a table. Yes.

It's a real pleasure to be here. Just to pull some strings to get a table? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just drop the name. Yeah. Drop the name. Your own name. No.

No, no, no, no, no. But I walked in to this room, and I said to James, to people go, Oh, guys, it's different in real life. It's nice in there. And he went, no. No. No.

Greg, you said, you must get this a lot, but it's crazy to see this for the first time. I was like, Greg, no one's ever said that. Why not? Well, he's ungrateful bastards. Yeah, I know. I guess because I'm looking at the audio setup. Oh, yeah, of course. Because you're a camera.

You're an audio nerd. I'm an audio guy. Because you spend pretty much every day of your life in a radio studio. That is true, yeah. When you go into other studios, you must be like, this is different. I think I've done. radio for longer than I haven't. Wow. But I guess you have it with comedy, right? Because when did you start doing sort of when I was 23? So yeah, I'm not, I'm not there yet. I've been doing 17 years.

Yeah, I'm not there on it. Thank you. Yeah, great. Thank you, great. Yeah, I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there. We're about growing old, you could say. Hey, that's good. That's good. That's the, the subtitle of your book. It's the subtitle. I wasn't going to get all the best for the future in there early on. Yeah, you can't say that as the first thing you say to someone. Anyway, all the best for the future, great. Thank you. Well, all the best for the for the future to you both. You've done a book. I have. It's called All the Best for the Future.

Do you know who came up with the title? Go on. Paul and Barry chuckle. I'm reading a little blurb and I did know that and I think it's probably the funniest starting point for a book that I've ever read. Please tell the story. Well, I don't know what your chuckle brothers

sort of cultural touch points are. Were you into them? Did you rush home and watch Chuckle Vision? Constantly love them, think about them to this day. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that's set us all, a certain generation, set us all on a path of going,

oh, maybe you could just mess around forever. Yeah. And just do that sort of job. And do a different job every day and get fired from it for slacking. Well, not specifically the narrative of the show. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. But the, not the actual stories in the show.

Gregs talk about the actual people. I'm not talking about their personas. I'm talking about the real people. Because you know that that boss was an actor. Yeah. And do you know who the boss was? I don't know. They're half brother.

So there were two people who were always the boss. Oh, yeah, yeah. Mr. No Slacking and I think I can't remember what the other catchphrase was there. Mr. No Slacken. They were the half-brothers are the Chuckle Brothers. They were both their half-brothers. Yes. And the catchphrase was?

No. No slacking. And they were the half-chuckle brothers. Yeah. It's like a show of his family. I think the Half-Chuckle. Yeah. Nearly there.

Yeah. He nearly got it. Titter. Yeah. The Titter brothers. A show is a spin-off show that's called the half-chuckle brothers. Yeah. the two half brothers

knocking around so him and Barry when I was 10 I went to go and see the chocolate brothers with my nan at Weymouth Pavilion amazing

great venue yeah have you done stand up there once yeah it's a great venue Benelton was in the main room oh really

good luck to him one day all the best for the future all your best for the future and your quest of the main room at Waymouth Pavilion but it's

it was a signing they did a signing afterwards and they would give you a photograph and he wrote to Gregory all the best for the future, which I was so excited about, because I was there in my shell suit,

you know, with all their other kids, being like, oh my God, it's the guys off the telly, this is the best guys. And when we walked away, and my nan was like, let's have a look at that, and she'd see that and go, why did they write all the best for the future? That's just a strange thing to say to a kid. But it is quite strange, but I like, I like that they wrote that. And I've always remembered it. And I just thought, that's quite a good starting point for the book. So I start as a 10, 10 year old me. And I sort of imagine what my future life could be like. So it's a load of essays about growing up and falling in love and sort of gripes about the world and a reminder, hopefully, to stay true to your

10-year-old self. Because it's probably the stuff you love when you're 10 is probably the stuff you've kind of like now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To a certain extent. To a certain extent. Chucker brothers. Yeah, yeah. I'll watch it. I'll watch it after when I get home after this. I mean, look, you know, definitely have made a living off of coming on this podcast and talking about ice cream and how much love ice cream. There you go. That was my me as a 10-year-old, it's not changed at all. If anything, it's got even more intense. Yeah, you still love wrestling.

Still love wrestling, yeah, exactly. I'm regressing, basically. I think that's fine. I think you can regress as you get older, but you've just got... Maybe it's even more important because you've got so much boring stuff to sort out as well. As long as you keep doing the boring stuff as well. You do have to do both. You've got to do the taxes and watch Chuckle Brothers.

Yeah, otherwise your life sort of falls apart. Yeah. And then you're just sat home watching Chuckle Brothers. Then you're a genuine Chuckle brother. Because, like, within the script of the show, I don't think those guys were doing their taxes. no way that feels like that sort of after hours sort of a grown up version

of it where they didn't it's like an HMRC infomercial yeah it's like it's January 30th it's 5 to midnight and then just pushing the HMRC form

from one to the other going to me to you and then they would get investigated at some point yeah and sit down with them and go okay listen you've had a series of jobs

each lasting less than a day from what we can see yeah don't explain this one at the marble factory and how were you paid? It is cash in hand isn't it? Right, it's got to be cash in hand

It's repeatedly one of two bosses Can you explain that? And they're your brothers Multiple jobs You have about 365 jobs a year Two bosses Who are in all these businesses We were investigating them as well

You better believe that we are Don't look at him Answer the question Put the ladder down Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, clean the windows in a minute. Yeah, this is serious, okay? Stop saying, oh, no, yeah.

Be careful with that bucket of slime, okay. Well, you're telling that story. As someone, you must now sign autographs for people. I do. During this book, you're going to be signing books, going to book signings. Yeah. All the best, fair enough. All the best for the future.

Yeah. Not as it weird thing to say to a kid, I'd say if you're doing loads of signings, I would just write all the best. It's a long thing to write. I wouldn't want to double my word count there. Yeah. All the best for the future, which maybe shows that they really did care. Well, I guess so.

I mean, I interviewed Paul. There's a chapter about Paul at the end of the book. It's quite a sweet moment where I'd see him again for the first time in 30 years. And I said, why did you do this for all the kids? And he went, no. I don't know why I'd even say that. And I went, well, what do you think? He went, well, he must have said something.

He blamed me. And I said, well, maybe I said, maybe I want to be, like, be on telly one day. Yeah. So I think that's maybe what it was. Because he said he would normally just do to me to you. Of course. So I don't know. I think it might be a one of one.

I think it's unique. This is incredible. Yeah. It might be. I mean, anyone reached out since the... No. Could just be you. All the best for the future.

I think it's it. Yeah. I think it might be. Well, look, this is, this is it. If there is somebody who's also got on all the best for the future. Yeah. Chuck Brothers' autograph, yeah. Are you going to be signing it, that?

When you're doing these books, I think I'm going to have to. You have to. I think there's so many when you're signing books. Can you just write C cover? Well, some of them, you get a greeting on the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you have to do quite a few pre-signed ones. Yeah, just when they send you the pages.

First five, you're just like, thanks for buying that book. Love you. All the best for the future. Seventh onwards is just G-Kiss. Yeah. Yeah. You get, but I do mean them all. I mean it.

You mean every single one? Men every single one. G-Kiss. You mean that? G-Kiss. Who was it? You got in trouble recently for the sign book was literally just they put a dot in him. It was just like, just a dot.

Yeah, it was like they got, obviously they had to do thousands and then they're literally just doing like a dash or a dot. Right. Yeah. There's something nice about it because it's been handled by the star, though, isn't it? Even that book, even that was a dot from Bob Dylan, it's been handled by it. Yeah. I mean, Dylan's that level where I mean, I mean, Dylan's that level where,

I would accept it if it was just a dot. You're not accepting a dot from me. And you shouldn't. Yeah, I will do with a... Bob Dylan, I don't know if it was him. But the way he does his songs now is basically a dot version of the songs. It is.

I took my dad to see Bob Dylan at the Albert Hall. Yeah. My dad's got quite bad sight. Which was good because Bob Dylan was basically standing in the dark. My dad was going, what's he doing now? Even I don't know.

I couldn't tell you. I'm not sure. And so he sort of shuffles around like it's, you're just watching them jamming. Yeah. He doesn't even say hello. Yeah. It doesn't even address the crowd, which I really respect because it's, you know, a lot of it is, you know, hey guys, everyone's together. Sure.

Get your hands in the air. But Bob's like, I actually would rather you all just fucked up. Yeah, yeah. And just leave, leave us to it, really. But thanks for your 250 quid. Yeah. Bob Dylan, I'm not buying that from him if he came out and when guys were all together. It's amazing.

How are you feeling lunch? It's like, yeah. Come on. It's not Chris Martin. Get your wristbands up. Yeah, yeah. Let's go. I haven't buy it from him.

Really? When Chris Martin's doing all that, I'm like, pull the other one. You don't give a shit. Do you not think? Yeah, I'm like, shut up. Is the truth somewhere between Bob and Chris? Yeah. I think, you know, they do appreciate being there, but also they're at work.

Yeah. And actually, why they really got into the industry is because their love of playing music. So they'd rather just get on with that. not shout out to everyone of, look around you, and how amazing this is, then we're all here. Yeah, Chris Martin. Absolutely. If he ever comes on this podcast, I'll say it.

You say it to his face. Yeah. I'll say it to his face. Well, there's a thing where, where you do a stadium show, you get to that level, and it's basically the same show every night. Yeah. And there's a bit in the Taylor Swift show where she cries,

but it looked like, I wonder if she cried every night. Almost certainly. That's the things like on the auto queue, this is a bit, like, turn the waterworks on, because this is the bit. I saw it at Glastonary with Dolly Parton. I was watching it from the side of stage and she was, she has like a teleprompter

with her like anecdotes and stuff. Oh yeah, anecdotes and amazing. Yeah. But she makes it sound real. It's great. There's a clip of Brian Wilson. Obviously, yeah, fair enough in his later days he was just having it all on the teleprompter or two thing.

And there's a bit on one of the live like recordings and he's clearly reading it. And he goes between songs, goes, woo, and then dead serious and then, woo! He just, it's written on the thing to say woo. And he does it for the whole time it's on the screen, and then he pauses and waits seriously, and then does it again. Like a little karaoke ball on that, each word.

Yeah, yeah, the words are being coloured in as it goes along. And he's like, right, cool, and now I'm doing God only knows. Yeah. But by that point, I guess it sort of does become karaoke. Yeah. But those legendary artists, they all just doing karaoke now. versions. Yeah, exactly.

It sounds like a MIDI file. Yeah. I bet Taylor Swift does do that cry every night at the same time and I bet everyone who's part of her crew and working on that show

absolutely hates her for it for that one bit. They might like one of the Taylor Swift. A lot of the things you said in the last 10 minutes are saying more about you than they are about.

Listen, if I was part of that crew, every time she cried every night I would turn to someone and go fucking sociopath. Look at this absolute sociopath we're working for. She's crying fake

every night self-do-it, to all these people. I remember earlier on when she just told you to get her a coffee? Remember that shit? Right. But you're imagining you working on a Taylor Swift Stadium show. Yeah, and I'll be annoyed because I'll be like... But you're not passing the vetting process.

Yeah, you're not getting through. You're not getting that job because you're not getting through. You're not getting that job. Got loads of experience and life performance. More likely to get a job on the Taylor's for Stadium show is the Chuckel Brothers. Excuse me. Do not let them hang those lights up. Yeah.

They are killing crowd members. That's it. They wouldn't have approved of it. It'd be me and the Chuckles side of stage going, here we go. Here come the waterworks. There they are. Got going with a mark. Right on cue.

Go on Barry. Cleared it up. Oh, he slipped on him again. Paul go and get him. I'll go and get him. Oh, Paul slipped over. There we go. He's pulled him over.

Okay, I'm going in. I'll try and keep my opinions to myself when I'm out there. If we go to go out the way, you're sociopath, I've got to pick up the chuckles again. Still a sparkling water, Greg, James. It's still. Yeah. And it is tap. Okay.

It is tap. I feel like I'm a chugger. I'm a water. I'm very well hydrated, I feel. Yeah. Are you a chugger with all drinks? Because I'm a golper. James will tell you that.

Big golfs. Big golfs. I'm quite a golper, yeah, but it's the water thing. I don't know what it is, but during the show I get through a lot. I've got sort of an army issue of flagon that I take with me. To the front line, which is the radio and breakfast show. Fending off all the pop hits, crying pop stars. But it's tap for me, and it's a lot of it.

And that's it. But I do think there's, and I did want to discuss this with you, actually, quite seriously. I do feel like there is a shame when they say Still or Sparkling and you say actually, because you all go actually tap is fine. But tap's always fine. But they make you feel like a third-class citizen. They make you feel pathetic. They make you feel pathetic.

They make you feel like you're saying, oh, I don't deserve the other things. Yeah. Tap for me, please. Yeah, I really like it when they include it in the options. But when they don't, and they make you say it. Yeah. They should include it in the options. They should.

That's the best option. I think the worst case scenario is them coming up, looking at you and going, tap. Yeah, that is bad. Yeah. Yeah. Still sparkling or probably tap. Probably tap for you, isn't it? You're a tap guy. Yeah, just out of your hands.

But it's, I had, I don't want to show off, but I had Turkish eggs before I came here. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. And they did the still or sparkling. I was like, this is a good warm up. Yeah. I was about to go and do.

So I felt ready. No one's ever done, got method before. It was a really good warm up in this guy. Because also he said, I said to him, a tap's fine. And he replied, and this has never happened before. He replied with, even our tap water is filtered, so there's a one pound surcharge. Wow. I've never heard of that before.

No. I think that's absolute bullshit. And I went, oh, and then before I could answer, he went, it goes to charity. Oh, yeah. They got you. He's got you. Well, I didn't want to pry anymore.

I should have asked. That sounds like he rifted that on the spot. He could tell you have a problem. They said, it goes to charity. And he's gone back in the kitchen and gone, I've just told that guy out there that the water money goes to charity. What? Why did you do that for you?

What do we do? Do we donate it to charity? No, of course we're not going to fucking donate to charity. It's for us. We're a Turkish egg business. We're doing fucking app. in me. A turkey check

business. We can't afford to give money to charity. But he, yeah. He was done in London for Christ's

He was ready with it. He was ready with it goes charity. He's obviously had that church a lot where people have been awkward about the £1 surcharge

for the tap water. Prove it. Yeah, prove it. Show me the papers. Yeah. It's the paper trail. Get the Chakra Brothers tax guys back in.

The same people on the same people who audited the Chuckle brothers. Otherwise, I'm not going to believe it. First time I ever interacted with you was in a restaurant, but you don't remember it? I do remember it. And we're going to say it after three.

One, two, three, Joe and the Juice? No. Yeah, it was? No. Yeah, it was? No. Where was it? No, Joe and the Juice was way later. Okay. Wow. Give me a year. When was it? I'd call Joe and the Juice a restaurant. I would say...

It's my favorite restaurant. What year was it? I would say it was 2013. Really? Yeah. Was it a comedy thing? Yeah. Was Kearns there? Yeah. Cahill? Yeah.

This checks out You can't say this checks out When you've offered all of the details Also, Greg, I'm going to tell you this This is something that I have bought up to you since And you didn't remember And now you've forgotten it again Which I'm loving

Yeah But I'm a nice guy Yeah, you're a nice guy And a lot of stuff is going on in your life Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang me then, when was it? I'd love to At number 2013 Oh, okay

At the city cafe I believe Was the one opposite the truck Don't look at me I wasn't there. What's one opposite the Tron? Yeah, City Cafe. Do you not remember? You were there.

You're there with Keirnz and Cahill. I'm sat on the table with Joel Domit and David Trent. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah. And this was David Trent's idea and it's still one of my favorite things ever. He said, Kearns is with Craig James.

We didn't know that you went to uni together at the time and all this. We didn't know that you knew each other. What the fuck? And Trent went, let's send them over a bowl of rice. I remember that. So we said to... remember that. The waitress,

can you please send a bowl of rice to that table? And we were grateful. It turned up. You all looked confused and then you looked over at us and the three of us just raised our glasses to you.

Yeah, lovely. That was it. Really sexy. Did it taught you. Yeah, it's such a power move, isn't it that?

That's all we did. It's a good move. A bowl of rice. Just a bowl of rice. Well, thanks for the rice. So now I went on your radio show a couple of years later. Yeah.

That had been our only interactions. So I thought, obviously Greg remembers it. Did you bring that up on the radio? I didn't just bring it up. I bought with me a box of Uncle Ben's rice. How do you not remember this? Slammed it down on the desk, and you were like,

okay, what's that? Yeah. I knew he's a weird guy, but... I thought I bought you some rice, and you were like, okay. Do you want to tell me what? This is live on the radio. Do you want to tell me why? I had to tell that.

You're like, oh, okay. And now again, you forgot again. And now you're like, Joe and the Juice. Joe and the Juice, when I just simply said hello to you on my way out, and that was it. Yeah, but I mean, more than you said the time. The rice time. Yeah, sure.

At least you spoke to me this time, and it just communicated through rice. But you're only to meet. Actually, Jeremy the juice, we haven't really gone over that since, because I got the impression that you were actually in more of a proper meeting or something than I had anticipated and I'd interrupted it on the way out. But I remember being happy to see you and I said that nice to hang out soon. Didn't. No.

I knew that. I knew that wasn't going to. You didn't mean. You didn't mean that. I meant that. I didn't feel that you meant. I remember leaving thinking, what a professor. nice man.

Well, especially is... That's me. You said we should hang out soon, but you're saying you thought that's the first time you met James.

So that's a mad thing to say. No, but he had been on my show. He had been on my show before the Joe and the Juicing, I think. Yes, I had. Yeah. And then they'd be the confusing rice

thing on the show. Yeah. And then I'd come up to Joe and get it out of here. I'm so nice to meet you. Let's hang out. I should have bought some rice. Yeah.

I've really fucked it. I've considered doing it again. Considered having like an even bigger thing of rice in. this time when you came in. It was a huge trade. Kearns is responsible for my first ever shout-out on off-menu. Yes. We don't remember that, obviously.

Well, at first ever as well, so you must have had more. Well, I think it was the first ever. It's the first one I've heard. Yeah. And it was to do with being sucked off by a mechanical gorilla. Yeah, I remember that. And I just thought, that's about right. And then Kearns, they're sitting there going, he's big time, he's not going there.

Was it Margalese's restaurant? Marguletia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I am being sucked off by a mechanical gorilla. Yeah. Yeah. I think just because I've seen you

in a city cafe with him, but it's our first point of reference to someone that John would go to dinner with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And because it's a funny pairing, because obviously you've known each other for years, but for everyone who just knows the two of you separately,

it doesn't really make sense that we would hang out. John was on some of my first Radio One shows. We got him on to do stuff. Wow. It was like agony encore type of stuff. Amazing. Yeah.

We used to do loads stuff on student radio together as well. we would get him to go and do live cinema reviews, but in the film. So that was really, it's a good, I think it's a good piece. It's a good idea, yeah, I should bring that back. I do it with John. Yeah, with John. Are they kissing now?

Yeah. It's a big kiss. I'd love it. I think enough of our listeners could bully Radio 1 into bringing that back. Yeah, we could do that. You're okay with us, running Radio 1? I'm seven years into a breakfast show. We're low on ideas.

We're low. I'm doing the rice thing on Monday. You better be. Pop-loms or bread! Pop-lums or bread, Greg James! Pop-Loms or bread! I've thought about this a lot, obviously, it's Pop-A-Doms. Lovely.

Great. And for specific reasons, actually. And I think that Pop-A-Doms, the Pop-A-Dom section of a curry night is the most, is the happiest that you can be at dinner. If you're going out. Because I think there's so much, it's such a lovely moment where you're like, we're so early on into this meal.

It's all potential. Yeah, but we're getting kind of the best bit now. Yeah. This is going to be a brilliant night. We've got plans later, whatever it is. We've got nothing else to do. It's going to sit here. But the start is, it's like having, it's like the greatest hits first in a show, isn't it?

Yeah. It's like, it's that you're having, you've got, and this great performance of it as well is really nice. Because you've got the carousel of the dips and you've got the, I just think that's a nice, nice thing to do with your friends. So it's Bobbinoms for me. It's why it's even part of our format. Yeah. Because of... But you feel that, don't you?

I feel that with popadogs. I don't feel it so much of bread when it comes out. No, bread's... Even though I've always picked bread on this whenever I've done my own menu. But like, it was that thing I remember having a curry in York and being like, this should be part of the podcast, this feeling. It feels so good. It's an amazing feeling.

Yeah. And it's also... Ben's face absolutely livid that I've told that boring story. Also, but I don't... Every time it's boring and goes nowhere. He's sitting there. Are you telling me you're in York? and you thought this should be part of the podcast.

But you did it episode one? Yes. And you definitely made it up on the spot. And at no point had you planned to... I didn't plan to shout it. Yeah. No. But I knew it was part of the thing.

We'd talked about it. No, you didn't tell me. We talked about it in the cafe immediately before. Oh, yeah. But I had a curry in York the same week. And I was so happy when the Pop-a-Doms came out that I was like, we've got to have this as part of the podcast. Because I was like, it's three days until we do this podcast.

I haven't really thought it through. Yeah. I think we should put this in there part of the dream meal. And it's still there. And when Greg was describing that then, I was back in that curry house in York. We rarely talk about the feeling. It's about the feeling. It's the feeling.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm more, when I go out for dinner, I'm more interested in the feeling than the food. Okay. I think so. I mean, the food has to be decent, but I'm more interested in the whole, the atmosphere. Yeah. And Popper Dom sets a great atmosphere. Yeah, I agree with that.

Sharing immediately this chat, immediately there's someone disagreeing about how you're chopping them, how you're smashing them. What dips you're putting on? Which order? Yeah. And also, are you doing it? dipping into the dip bit, or are you spooning onto your own little plate? That's often an argument. May I say you've got a spoon?

A lot of people don't. Yeah, well, those people are fucking gross. Yeah. Kearns doesn't. Well, you dip straight in? Yeah. And I bet he's biting a popadom and then dipping in the bit, the bit side into the communal dip. But there's friends, we'll all have these people in our lives.

Grossos. You love them, but you do want to do some damage to them when they do, they break off a bit. Yeah. Dip, dip, scoop. So they're doing a mango, they're doing a, like a, whatever, the yogurt rater, righter. Yeah. And then they're scooping a bit of lime. So they're getting one dip into the other dip into the other bit.

Yeah, it's awful. It's carnage. Jonathan Edwards, hopskip jump. It's the triple jump. It's horrible. It's horrible to watch. It's not called hopskip jump, man. Hopskipping jump.

Olympic gold medal hop skipping jumper, thank you. Donaldson, hopskip jump. Please commentate In LA The next Olympics It's the hops Do you remember watching that When you were a kid

When he broke the record Yeah, I do, yeah Insane, insane television Well, you're dipping I was dipping at the same time Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah No one would care about that now

No But at the time the world stood still Yeah, it's funny that isn't it But I think people would care about that Not in the same way But if there was a British man Who broke the hopskip jump record Yeah

Everyone would, the world would stand still. Yeah, but later on, people would start chatting about it. Like, at the time, it would be viral. It would go viral. It was all that was going on in the world. That was it. Edwards had done it and he'd done it because he prayed to Jesus and stuff, I think. I remember my childhood being quite Linford-Christie-based.

Yeah. It was quite, it was a very, very famous part of our childhood. He was absolutely huge. Gunnall, people so. What a great era. Yeah. But Linford, I remember, was about his running, but then a lot of it was about his package.

in the paper's Linford's lunchbox That's it was What? Yeah What? That's what you could have called this podcast

Yeah We should have called it We could do it as a spin-off Get Linford Chrissy to host it Yeah Call it Linford's lunch And just be like What was in your pat lunch at school

Dream Pat lunch Yeah Yeah That'd be good Linford's lunchbox Yeah Get done all this Your host

She can be the genie You don't Reference The Rock And never ever reference that Yeah Not on the end You're like

Thank you Linford Also have big Chicago Yeah, never That can never come up No What an era Amazing era for athletics Why are we talking about athletics

I don't know I'm talking about athletics A hop skip jump with the dips With the popadum dips Yes because quite naturally What you're talking about with the dips What you're talking about with the dips? What's your go to dips

What are your favourites? Rankum for me, Greg Well I do think you need them all Yeah I think they all serve a really important purpose And you can't have one without the other really do it like the top time.

But the Limes, well, chart show. Yeah. I have done the chart show before. I actually hated doing the chart show, so it lasted about a year. You used to call it the fart show. You hated it so much. Yeah, damn right I did.

Yeah, that show then. The official farts company. Saying number one was mango chutney, didn't you? Ruined the whole thing. Now, there was a moment when I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore, when Ed Sheeran managed to hack the chart because they changed the rules or something. So the nine out of the top ten were just,

songs from his album. Oh my God. And we just had this meeting and we're like, this doesn't work as a chart anymore. This is just like someone's hacked it. And then from that they changed the, anyway, it's too boring.

No, that's not boring. I'm glad you're calling him out. We've had him on this podcast and... I'm not calling him out. I'm not James Acaster calling out Taylor Swift. Sounds like you are. Sounds like to me like you're calling out Ed Schood. Well, we did, we actually did a helpline

during that chart show, which is maybe why the bosses said maybe move off. Your heart's not in this anymore. if we got a helpline for people saying it's too many Ed Shearings and actually it's making people feel quite sad and the chart show is supposed to be uplifting there's a natural conclusion to it

and it's supposed to be exciting to find out who was number one. Yeah, it's basically we just reordered his album in chart form everyone's favourite Ed Shearin song this week is this one? Yeah, exactly. Is it because the streaming? Was it because of streaming? Yeah, it hadn't changed the rules. Right. It left themselves wide open. Yeah. And

Shearin is always going to take advantage of that when he sees an opening and he sees that someone's let their guard down he's straight in there sorry I just saw this the other day about Ed Shearine hasn't he said he's going to record

an album that could not be released after he's dead Yes he has done an apostumous yeah Wow I hope it's like like it gets released It's just him going

I'm playing with my winkle My little dinkle do play him in my winkle truly truly love it Yes I do And it's just a cappella And in him singing And it's clearly in the bath.

Into his phone. And he stated, my dying wishes that this is played as the coffins coming down. And he gets released and he hacks the charts again. Still number one. He's number one everywhere. I'm back on the chart show. That's in the will. It's one song.

In it number two is him going, ooh. I'm dead. Oh, my dear God. And I play with my winkle. And I'm looking at the animals in the zoo. Every song is playing. with his winkle.

Is he at the zoo in that one? In that one, he's at the zoo and he's haunted the zoo, but he's playing with his winkle. Is it all recorded at London Zoo? Yeah, I mean, track he, he's basically just gone around with his phone. Yeah. And wherever he is, he's improvising songs, but he keeps on... He's not good at improv, he's mainly...

He always comes back to his winkle. He keeps on getting trapped in that. So, yeah, he just be like, In the lift, I'm going to the top floor, when I'm there, I'm going to play with my winkle. But he's regressing with that. My nephew's three. Yeah.

And he announces when he thinks it's penis time. Brilliant. Yeah. And you have to be really careful around that because you don't want to shame. Yeah, of course. And he's like, is it penis time now? And he goes, oh. What do you mean by that?

Like, he just sort of pulls on it. Yeah. When ever I think of you, I think of your penis. Thank you. I think of you naked. Why? You wrote a very lovely article about your partner. Oh, yeah.

And during it, you said, just for some levity, he said, and sometimes just to cheer them up, you helicopter your penis around when you're naked in the bedroom. Yeah. And it's just a visual that really stuck in my head. I'm sorry about that. And every time today, I've probably thought about it in your presence 10 times as I saw you. I'm so sorry.

And now I will. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for reading the piece, though. Yeah, it's lovely. I'm thinking about the piece. Very nicely written. That's my main takeaway from it, if I'm honest. But it was a lovely, really well-written.

Yeah, is it when Bella is feeling really sad. Yeah. Yeah. But it is funny, though. Yeah. I mean, like, my nephew knows that that's sort of funny. Yeah. Like, he's sort of twang in it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny to twang it. Yeah. But a nice thing to check. But it is penis time. Is it penis time? Yes, it is penis time.

In fact, we were leaving the house recently to go out to the playground. And he went, okay, great. I'm going to go and get my penis. So he's like he'd learn this thing He's like, I'm going to go and get it I'm going to go and get my penis So maybe you never really grow out of that Yeah, as a boy

Have you ever told him it's not penis time? Yeah, yeah, well his mom is very like, yeah Very on that Does she have it in her head of when it is penis time And when it isn't in terms of times of the day Or is it mainly to do with setting? It's not an alarm that goes on Yeah

I'm assuming if he's asking that regularly At least nine times out of ten It's not penis time Yeah, yeah, yeah Penis time was the rejected title for a Linford's lunchbox. I feel like it should, it's not penis time more than it is penis time. That's the general rule of life, I think.

Yeah, I think so. And the earlier that people with penises learn that, the best. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know we didn't write the dip. There's no time. Now we've got on to. Oh, okay.

All right. Just quickly, for, in a four this week, writer. Yes. At number three is probably the oniony bit, the mixed in it. At number two, it's probably mango. Yeah. But two and three can be interchange and number one, it's lime pickle.

Lovely, lovely. I love that. I'll co-sign that top four. Yeah. You like that? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll say that's mine. I put chutney at the bottom and I put onion second. Chutney at the bottom? Lime pickle first for me.

Onion second is mad, you're absolute granddad. I love... Getting the old folks, I'm going to eat your onion. Onion second. The onion with the writer and a bit of lime pickle on it together. Beautiful. You get the crunch of the onion, the tang. Well, again, I'd correct me from wrong, Craig,

but I don't believe when you did the chart show. you could combine three of the singles. No, that's true. And put that as number one. Yeah, it's true. No, that's true. Well, maybe it's a feature. Maybe it's writer feet DJ Onion.

Oh, yeah, that's right. That is that way of doing it. You're right. And at number one, it's writer featuring DJ Onion. Yeah. The Hulu original series, Murdoch, death in the family, dives into secrets, deception, murder, and the fall of a powerful dynasty. Inspired by shocking actual events and drawing from the hit podcast,

this series brings the drama to the screen like never before, starring Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark. Watch the Hulu original series, Murdoch, Death in the Family, streaming October 15th on Disney Plus. Dream starter. My dream starter, I've sort of, I think I might have hacked it a little bit here. Okay. Because it is bread-based

And it's not going to make any sense In terms of the overall meal That's fine But the genie Will grant me whatever I want Absolutely And doesn't judge Nope

Okay Well up in 90 Yeah we know Taylor Swift Yeah Sorry It's marmite It's marmite cheese

On a crumpet There we go Okay Yeah I'm in heaven right now And I just And I've thought about it And you can be really

You can be really lofty With this sort of stuff And I've heard people on this podcast Do really intricate Smart stuff But actually when push comes to shove, I think my favorite food might be Marmite. Yeah. And so it would be mad not to put it on my dream menu in my dream restaurant.

Yeah. Absolutely. And I think a crumpet is sort of underrated. Yeah. I agree. Like every time I have a crumpet, I think why am I not eating this three times a day? I think that's what I think, but I think bread, I think big bread, the big bread corporation, relies on that attitude. Yeah.

It does because the crumpets there going, guys, I'm way better than bread. They soak up so much more stuff. Yeah. I've got poor. Pause. Yeah. This is like, bread doesn't really have that. You might have a hole.

Yeah. But butter tastes nicer. Yeah. On a crumpet. Absolutely. And butter's already everyone's favourite. It is. Life actually would not be worth living with that butter.

Yeah. So it has to be proper, salted. Ideally French, if it's around. Proper, heavy, great cow butter. Great cow. Great cow. And then it's lashings of that. It's marmite on there.

And then you grill the cheese. You're grilling the cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, there's something, when I'm thinking of marmite cheese crumpet, there's something I quite like about hot crumpet, butter on, melts, marmite on, and then cold cheddar. The combination of the temperature, it melts a little bit, it gets a little bit, I mean, hesitate you to use the word sweaty, but I think that's what I mean.

Just the combination of the, and maybe like a cheddar that's got those crunchy bits in as well. Yeah. You've got texture, you've got temperature. Yeah. But grilled, delicious. I want to say yes and, but it's actually no thanks. You don't want it? That's fine. It has to be grilled and melted in.

And actually to the point where you burnt it just enough that the marmite starts to harden. That's the real bit. Yeah. And I could just, if I could eat that every day, I would. But I'd die. How thick or thin is this marmite? Oh, it's thin.

It's thick, sorry. It's thick. I don't know why it's up to thin. I panicked. Yeah. It's thick. You went with the complete opposite of what you meant. Yeah.

In opposite world, it's thin. but in this world are we in opposite world or real world? Real world now. It's thick then. Opposite world it's thin but in real world is thick and it is oozing.

I don't think you can have enough Mama, I can spoon it in. I agree with you do people look at you in absolute disgust when you put Mama on stuff and I also respect people that don't like it

because it is it's an acquired taste Mama, it's for the connoisseur and if you don't get it that's fine it's more for me I want it to sort of sort of hurt the roof of my mouth definitely

Yeah. You need that, like, you can get the marmite sweats. Yeah. Yeah, you can and I've had it. And, um, just makes you feel alive, doesn't it? Mm-hmm. Marmite and cheese as well, those combined, very sweaty. But really delicious. Actually, do you know what? I don't want too many people to like Marmite. Because I converted my wife into a Marmite fan when we met. She was like, what's this disgusting stuff? And now there's never any in the house, because she is so on it. Oh, wow. So into it. I regret that. Private Marmite's I know you said, like, you respect people who don't like it. I respect their right not to like it and they don't like it. I don't respect people who make a big deal out of not liking it

and think it's an interesting thing for them to say. Yeah, it's not. That annoys me, especially when they say stuff like, I heard something not even that long ago, I'll say within this calendar year, say quite loudly to their mates, like, well, the thing is with Marmite, I go, if you fucking say, you either love it or you hate it. Oh, don't.

Just go home. Like, why'd you left the house? Yeah. And they said it as if it was like a really original thing. And everyone's like, obviously, no one responded to him around the table like it was interesting. They'd all heard it a billion times. You're like, how is your personality based off of taglines? Also, that you can't, you shouldn't be using, I watched that film.

It's a bit marmite, isn't it? Yeah. You shouldn't be using that now. What, brilliant. Do you mean it's brilliant? Exactly, because, you know, one man's marmite is another man's dog shit and whatever the prince is. That's a new one. There's a new one for you.

People should start saying that. They should say that in the adverts. They should say that in the adverts. Change, love it or hate it to one man's marmite is another man's dog shit. That would get them a lot of attention. Yeah. And I don't think it would put off people who like Marmite. Yeah.

And the people who don't like it, never going to like it anyway. Yeah. Get people talking. Yeah. Marmite's supposed to be edgy, aren't you? Yeah. Come on. Go on, guys.

Marmite in a bacon sandwich. Ever had it? I haven't had it. That's got me. I haven't had it, but... I haven't been got that much on this pod for a while. Haven't had it, but would have it. But the only reason I'm reluctant,

because you can imagine tastes, can't you? Yep, the wandering the brain. Yeah, yeah. But I'm imagining, for me, it might be double salt. It is double salt. But I don't know if in a good way. In a good way. With butter in there as well, with slightly toasted bread.

Spoken like a true diabetic. Yeah. It is phenomenal. Yeah, okay. So, you're butter and any other sauce? No, I think I've tried it. I've tried putting other... Mezo.

You put it loads of miso on there? And soy sauce? No, it doesn't need any other sauce. I mean, I guess you could put like a ketchup in there or a sort of sweet chutney or something that might take the edge off the salt. That's interesting. But for me, it's double salt.

Is it regularly you having that? Not regularly. If I have a bacon sandwich at home, which isn't regular, I'll pop my own in. That's what you do. Yeah. For years, I had bacon and peanut butter sandwiches. I was eating those.

Like Elvis. Like Elvis. I'm just imagining the flavour. Yeah. I think that works. Yeah, yeah. Would this be a good new segment for your radio show? Imagine the flavor.

And people phone in. Yeah, yeah. Tell you something they've eaten and then you go, I'm just imagining the flavor. Okay. Hello, line one. Who have we got? Hello, my, my name's Keith. Huh?

Hey, Keith. When you do your characters. Hey, my name is Keith. Hey, Keith, what are you up to today? I'm from Bristol. What do you do for a living, Keith? I'm a, I'm a Brookie. And what's in your lunchbox?

Not that one. You have that. Oh, be careful, Greg. You don't want to get taken off the air. In my lunchbox today, Greg, is... Where's he from? Where's he from? Bristol.

Is in my... Originally Bristol. Yeah. Originally, born and bread. Greg, in my lunchbox today is Doritos and burger sauce. Let me just check the flavor on that. one. Imagine it, please. I'm imagining it now.

Keith, I don't think that works. Next. Good day to you. All the best for the future. I think it works. That's good. That's good. I have done worse.

Yeah. Definitely worse features. Hey, Greg, all the best for the feature. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Ed. Yeah? That's really nice. Yeah.

Woo. Dream main course, Greg. My dream main course, Greg. main course is? For the listener, every time Greg has to choose something, he closes his eyes fully. I hate it. And you squeeze them shut. Yeah. Every time you've got to name

your next course, anything, you go completely eyes shut. It's because it's sort of top of the roller coaster. Yeah. And then you're down and you can't take it back. Yeah. Yeah. And it's out there. There's so many options. But I've gone for Fetuccini Alfredo.

Lovely. It is lovely, but it is quite basic. I realize that. That is one of the different. is I hear about a lot, but I don't actually know what it is. Well, it's very, it's nothing. It's like, it's just, it's cheese and pasta. Right.

I think it's what, correct me if I'm wrong, Michael Scott eats before the fun run. Right. Right. It's been made famous by sort of American stuff. So it's quite American Italian dish. Yeah. But I went, me and Bella, my wife, went to Rome for my birthday last year,

and we stumbled across. Happy birthday, good. Well, that was ages ago, but thanks. Less than a year ago. Closer to the next one. So can I use that for then? Yeah. Generally, happy birthday.

For the next one, for that one. Okay. What are you doing for this next one? Well, I want to go back to Rome. Okay. Mainly for this bowl of pasta. Yeah. So it changed my life and I don't stop thinking about it,

which is why it has to be in the dream restaurant. And it's the restaurant, it's called Alfredo's. And we stumbled across it and we just looked at it and went, oh, it looks kind of, well, it looks quite weird. We'd sort of read something about it as an option. We're like, oh, let's go there tonight. And we went in and this huge. sort of canteen style, Italian, it just looked like, for me, I love the Sopranos, I love Godfather,

all that sort of Italian-y, mafia-y stuff, I'm just into. Yeah. And I all my, imagine you in that world, no, exactly, that's why I like it. But that's what my dream restaurant is. But the dream restaurant, Bada Bins, the dream restaurant for me is that I walk in and I get treated like Tony Soprano. Yeah. And I've got a special table and I get the double kiss on the cheek.

Is your dream restaurant in Bada Bings? Probably not in Bada Bins, but we go there after. I think we go there after. Bellar goes home and then I go to Bada Bings afterwards. You and Ed Shear and he's recorded something in the corner. I'm in Badabang playing with my walls. Oh, here comes security.

Oh, fellas, let me explain. I'm in the Halleck. I'm in a parlour of a fish. Oh, an idea just popped into my head. I'm playing with my wickers. on the rubbish, looking around. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wore me once, I know.

The police are here. It's Greg's birthday. It's asked me to turn up. Sorry, Greg, no, no, no, no. You went to Alfredo's. Well, yeah, so Alfredo's is that sort of place. On the wall, there are loads of famous people, but, like, top-end famous people,

Sophia Loren, Marlon Monroe. You've got proper old, all the crooners, you've got ex-presidents, and they've been there. And they all have been there. Yeah. But this place has been going since, like, an iteration of it has been going since the late 1800s. Originally, Alfredo was the guy. And it was passed on to his son and then his son. So now it's like the third or fourth iteration. It's been there since the 50s since post-war. And it's been, like, it's an institution. And that is where they invented, he invented Petitini Alfredo. That's mad. It's not the most adventurous dish, but it's sort of become legendary in popular culture, I guess. And I was having the actual one in the place. And I was sort of,

I was a sucker for being, I was being a tourist about it, and I loved it. And they came over and said, do you want it with Gold Leaf? I mean, yeah. You did it. I did it. It's extra 10 euro. It was, I was fleeced. And adds to nothing.

Not really. Flavor wise. But they come over and they do, they assemble it in front of you. They bring out, it's like a chariot of a fetchini Alfredo, and they mix in the butter in front of your eyes. It's good. It's already got butter, cream, pecorino, parmesan. And they put another load of butter. butter in it and they toss it in front of your eyes.

Right. And you're just like, this is. So that's all it is just like, it's cream and cheese basically in butter. Yeah, that's it. But it's unbelievable. Yeah. And I, a cheese based life is a great life. Correct.

And that's how I like to live it. Yeah. And there's a guy playing the piano in the background, just sort of doing covers. It was really nice. It was Christmas time. People started getting up and doing Christmas songs. I went up and did a song because I had a bottle of wine. You went and did a song.

Yeah, Bella sort of said, go and do a song. I know you want to. No, I don't want to. I don't want to. White Christmas. Wow, White Christmas. It's the best. That goes with the pasta.

Yeah. It goes with the pasta. It does. I was so, so, like, heavy when I was seeing it. It was like burping through white Christmas. I imagine you got like an undone bow tie on. Yeah, yeah. I've always bring one.

But everyone clapped and said it was the best thing ever because you're the boss. You're the mafia boss. They did actually clap though. Yeah. And the waiters came over. No, no, no. I know we're having a laugh, but they did actually clap back. No, I'm not having a laugh.

They clapped. Yeah. Yeah, they did, they didn't clap. They're still clapping, probably. They're probably still talking about that guy that came in. Sounds delicious. Did Bella have the same thing? She did, yeah, but she didn't go for the gold leaf.

Oh, right, fair enough. Because she's weak. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it was just, it's one of those dishes that I just, I think about all the time, just when I'm feeling sad. But also, like, you're saying you're being a tourist about it, but really, as a tourist, you do sometimes know when you've been done. Yeah.

And you've been, you've fallen into a tourist trick. And if you genuinely think about this dish all the time, It must have been pretty amazing To the point where I want to go back just for that Yeah And Bella's like, you can't go back just for the dish I went well There's other stuff in Rome

But it's nice to have something guaranteed That you know you're going to love There's other stuff But I think this is the best bit about it Yeah I want to go to Spanish steves, colosseum Nah Betisini Alfredo

Thank you The main thing I learned in Rome Was what arena means And it means Sand, sand, sand Sands Because when they go to the Coliseum San San San San San San Sands

The Sands Oh, the sands. Yeah. Yeah. Sands. Are you say? Sands. What word are you saying?

Yeah. Like sand on the beach. Oh, sand. Okay. Plural. Sands. I don't know. I think sand, I think sand is the plural of sand.

Yeah, but they would say Sands, the Sands. We're going to the Sands. Why do you keep saying? When they were going to the Coliseum, because there's a floor of it was sand. Oh, sandy, right. So they would say we're going to the sands. Yeah. And then that was Arinas.

Aridass. I hate Rome now I also don't think you learned this I did on the guided on the guided tour You don't seem sure that you've learned something Yeah On the guided tour they said it

Yeah And then last week I was in Valencia And there was a hotel nearby Called Las Arinas or whatever And I was like That means the sands Yeah Because I retained that

And you were with your partner And she went Yeah I know I was there as well Yeah she was It was weird telling her that She was like I definitely go back to Rome

Just to do this and have the Alfredo. Go to the guided tour again and when they're about to say that fact, just shout it over them. The sands. I mean it's the sands. It makes the sands.

Crazy though, the Coliseum. What a life. It is, but it's, we actually went there this year. I've been to Rome a couple of times but we hadn't done that bit and I thought, well, I've done the pasta. Yeah.

Let's go and do the other basic thing. Yeah. And what I found amazing was the smoking area at the Coliseum. Uh-huh. I don't remember this. There's like a little, there's a sad little,

smoking bit down the bottom bit of the Coliseum but famously no roof and why are you why are you putting

everyone it just feels pathetic and it's sort of in a what probably was like a jail bit

or a gale yeah and they used to keep the tigers and stuff yeah but now they keep the smokers

there yeah and so they're all just sitting there sort of behind bars almost yeah and you've got to

watch everyone else just going around the top bit then they release one every now and again to kill a Christian

yeah oh you've been yeah I've got another bit of my main. Can I ask the genie? Also, I wouldn't mind hearing on some of these the Honourable Munchants, the things that you potentially were going to pick because you were struggling to pick the main.

Well, that's why I've gone for... You're trying to hack it. I'm trying to hack it a bit. Let's hear it. Okay, my side, but also part of the... You decide, Jeannie. I've got two things that I really want on the menu. Okay.

And I don't know where they go. Okay. First one is pizza for the table. Interesting. Look, you are absolutely preaching to the converted here because James loves for the table. I love for the table. This is Mr. For the Table. If he was in Chuckle Brothers, that would be his name.

Hello, Mr. For the Table. I'll be glad to be called that. Yeah. Are you doing pizza for the table? I'll let you do pizza for the table because I think that's a nice thought, but I am going to have to hear who else is at the table. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, it's sort of just me. Then no.

And you? Me and you split. He's working. I'm working. I want there to be at least three. There's people. There's fun people. Bella's there.

Yeah, just before you forget. Yeah, Bella's there. I've just got good, good mates. Fun time. Kearns? Kerns is there. Cahill? There you go.

I accept it. Fun people are there. Bella, Cairns and Cahill. It's fun people. I'll accept that. Yeah. It's like John's eating. What did he order at the Pat Stag?

Heart and Lungs. He's still vomiting about it now. Yeah, yeah. I'll go for the awful, Prane. Heart and lungs. Yeah, so they're all there. How about that? Yeah.

Piece of the table. What's on the pizza? Well, I'm having a bit of a moment with, this might also be quite basic because you're quite forward thinking with you. You know, you've tried it all, haven't you, too? No, you like that. You have.

You've been there. You've been around the block. It's pepperoni, but with honey. The hot honey. Hot honey. I've not tried this. It sounds lovely. Yeah, it's hot.

Yeah, I just think it's really great. I'm sort of against it in principle and then whenever I have it, I'm like, it does work actually. It's spicy honey. Yeah, like chili honey with pepperoni and just really gooey. Ideally, it's buffalo mozzarella, king of mozzarella, I guess. But actually, a classic pizza for the table might just be a margarita with basil and buffalo mozzarella as a sort of pallet cleanser. So your main thing here is just that you want pizza for the table, not. But there's a specific pizza you want to get on your dream menu.

When you're younger, you are sort of, you're taught that it's either pasta or pizza. But that's bollocks. Yeah. When you're grown up, you can kind of do anything you like. And I'm having Alfredo and I'm having a pizza. Yeah. I think, because they go together, it feels like that's a main, right? Yeah, especially if one of them's for the table.

And the pizza is sort of the one that the teenage mutant hero turtles might have had. you're like big that big floppy kind of lovely Americany pizza gooey and there's like like dripping off the end you've got to get it in the mouth

quickly otherwise it'll flop down I guess that's like formative pizza memory yeah I think home alone I guess yeah which is like delicious cheese pizza just for me that sort of thing

that that pizza so it's that but not the pizza at the beginning of home alone that Buzz crams into his mouth which is a cheese pizza again because it's Kevin's pizza yeah

but the way that Buzz puts it all these it's one of the most and then Buzz gets hit and spuse it all all up. I hate Buzz.

Yeah. I know you're supposed to, but I really hated him. I struggle with him because apparently I look like him. You used to. Fuck, you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want pizza for the table? I believe there was another hack coming up.

Well, it was a, yeah, it's because I'm, I've closed my eyes again because I'm worried about this, because this is, this is it. This is like definitive. I can't go back on this. But I also want a secret steak. And a secret steak is a steak that I have away from my wife, who is, I'm sort of, I'm sort of vegetarian by marriage. You've married into vegetarian.

I have married into vegetarianism. And I like the vast majority of it. Yeah. Actually, the truth is I do chicken and fish. But red meat, I don't really do. Yeah. But I do go and have secret steak. Bella's not going to listen to this, by the way.

Really? I'm safe. Nah. What? It's a good podcast. It's a great podcast. But she's not, I don't think, you know, she's not going to listen to me. She doesn't listen to your book promo.

No. No, exactly. I haven't even forgotten about that book. Do you listen to her book promo? Yeah. Yeah, well, there you go. But she's not like that. She's actually, you know, she's cool.

She is really cool, actually. Yeah, she is cool, yeah. But she's also a vegetarian, which has its problems for me. Because I do like, every now and then, I do like a steak, so I'll go out for a secret steak with my cousin. I like this with your cousin. You're going to love that. Yeah.

I love this with your cousin. Yeah. So we go, in fact, we've booked one in for a couple of weeks. Where do you go for your secret's sake? Well, we like Hawksmore. Yeah. We do like Hawksmore. We do.

We like Hawksmore, actually. Yes, no, we do. Yeah, me and Derek, like, Oxmoor. My cousin's called Guy. Does he call you cousin Greg? Yeah, well, I am his cousin Greg. And actually, Succession was a fucking nightmare for Greg's. Succession is an absolute...

Because all the dickheads are Greg's in every show. Yeah. In Joe Lice's last stand-up tour, the estate agent character, which sets the whole premise up, it's called Greg. Yeah. And I had to interview him for it with this thing for his... his DVD thing

and the first question was well fuck you could have chosen any other dickhead name and you chose Greg but it is a bad name it's a good punchline name

well when I think about it doesn't suit you great I take that I don't want to be it it's crazy that you're called Greg yeah stupid as I'm thinking about it now

why am I I think I look at you and I just think James was your surname James would work I think if you're called James Greg so I'd be like okay

it was a James Greg it works for five live that must get confusing Do you ever get emails or we're meant for each other? I don't read the emails, but he is sort of like the evil, my evil twin, I guess. Maybe I'm the evil twin, I don't know. Yeah, he's like dark timeline Greg James. Nice man, though.

Well, he appears to be a nice man. But yeah, so I'm cousin Greg, and I go out with cousin guy for a secret steak. But what I do like is that Italian, you know, the thinly sliced one with, he put rosemary and salt on it. Is it like a tagliata? Tagliata, yeah. I like that one. So that would be good. So it would be a secret steak.

Maybe I'd have to go out, out the back to eat it, if better's there. Yeah, yeah, I'll stash it somewhere in the restaurant for you. Yeah, please. So you can go ahead and get it. Yeah. Have you got to a walk around, actually? I just can stretch the place. Help yourself to the table pizza and I'll be back in a sec.

Over by the plant pot. Yeah, like Mrs. Doubtfire. You're like running between tables. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's me. Yeah. Have you ever had Fiorentina steak? What's on that?

So it's like a, I think it's often like a T-bone, but they basically like really scorch the outside. They really go for it, and it's quite rare in the middle. And that's a, that's a lovely steak. That sounds nice. There's a restaurant in Chelsea called La Familia, which is like being there for decades, which is a good vibe. Do they go for two kisses, that sort of place?

They could do. I mean, I'd imagine if you, if you lent in, they'd have obliged you. No, I want the same guy in first. I think the dream is that I want them to, I want people to fear me as they don't. But in the dream restaurant, they look at me with fear and they're like, respect, but they know that I could and have killed. And you can destroy their business. I'm going to be completely honest with you, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

There's been many, many times, we have done over 300 episodes of this podcast where guests have said, and I want to utilize the genius magic by doing this. And I've always been like, yep, of course I'm a genius, I can do that. that is the first one you being feared by people that I have thought I don't think that's possible

I don't think I'm going to be able to make this happen and remember he said don't take this the wrong way so you're not allowed to yeah so like I don't think even using my genie powers I can make a situation

where you walk into the restaurant and the guests fear you enough that they want to suck up to you and be nice to you and the proprietor I can't even with magic

I don't know how I'm meant to do that Okay how about this How about you've, within the dream restaurant world You've started a new feature on the show On your radio show Where you absolutely destroy restaurants And it becomes incredibly influential And it genuinely has restaurants shut down

Which you could do in real life You know you're giving me fire in my belly for this Yeah You got fire in your belly Yeah Because I would say you're useless fucking genie That's what I would say Do you fear me now?

Yeah I mean the cameras We're filming us. I was delighted that you said that. Yeah. No one's ever said that before. I was like, yes. Well, he did it. He said, he said useless fucking genie. He wouldn't even criticize Taylor Swift for crying earlier.

Now I've got him. You're worse. He's cracked. I am worse. Craig might have to interview Taylor Swift. He can't be agreeing with you. Almost certainly. Yeah. Yeah. Almost certainly.

For the record. I know this goes on the record. Yeah. I think she's great. Yeah. He's recorded. I don't hope so. You also didn't improvise any Ed Shearing songs earlier either.

You just let us do that. No, I didn't either. It was you talking about Ed Shear and Winkle for five minutes straight. I don't think I mentioned his Winkle at any point. The Hulu original series, Murdoch, Death and the Family, dives into secrets, deception, murder, and the fall of a powerful dynasty. Inspired by shocking actual events and drawing from the hit podcast, this series brings the drama to the screen like never before,

starring Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark. Watch the Hulu original series, Murdoch, Death in the Family, streaming October 15th on Disney Plus. Your dream drink! My dream drink, it's just a big bottle of red wine. Yeah, it has to be with this meal, I think. Washing it all down, just make until I'm sick. Oh, nice.

It's Barolo. It's your brunellos, it's your Borolos, it's your Monteportchianos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all that stuff. Oh, yeah. It's your big, big, beefy Italians. Yeah. That's it. Do you have a specific one that you liked?

Do you remember the best bottle of wine you've had? Yeah, there's, like, just a, whatever the most, if you're being fancy, the most expensive brunello, you can find in a shop is always just unbelievable. Yeah. And just like, this is, I have to drink this every day now. This is my stuff, but you can't. And then you wake up the next. morning ago. I can't have to drink that. It's way too heavy. Yeah. I wish so hard that I liked wine. Hmm. You like wine a bit? I like it a bit, but not enough to talk about it as

regularly as we do on this shit. No. I should have picked something else. Every time it comes up, you know, you got to pick your favourite. Yeah. And I'm glad that you did. But as soon as you said it, I thought, oh, fuck this. What's to leave? You're having a secret steak. Fuck this. Fucking guy. Secret steak, pasta, pizza for the table. There's tomatoes and the cheese and everything, it all just goes it goes really well but also really badly. I mean you're going to be really feeling that tomorrow. It's real

Gaviscon territory. Yeah, it really is, yeah. So it almost like have it before dinner and then one after. Gaviscon. Yeah, yeah. Swig before. Yeah. Tablet halfway through. Swig at the end. Secret one in the room? Do you want me to put a secret one? Secret Gaviscon.

So Bella doesn't see? Yeah. At the back. You've married into a non-gabascone marriage, haven't you? Yeah, famously. No, definitely not. She's big Gaviscon, isn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she is.

I think a big difference between your 20s and 30s is there's a lot more Gaviscon in the house. It's kind of the main. Yeah, we're a Rennie's household. You're a Rennie's guy? Yeah, I'm very rarely a Rennie's guy, but my wife is a big Rennie's guy. Yeah, Bella's more Rennie than Gaviscon.

Yeah. She is more Rennie, actually. I've come to think of it. I'm more Gaviscon, max strength. We're neither, but great levels of discomfort all the time. Yeah, I mean. I don't want to paint with broad brushstrokes, but white lady's stomachs be popping.

You know, there's a lot going on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair to say, maybe that's why Taylor Swift cries every night. Fair enough. Is there no wine that you're into, really? Like, what's the... It's got to be something. Well, this is the worst thing.

Through doing this podcast and being friends of Ed, every night and again, being treated to a really nice, fancy wine. And yeah, yeah, I have one of those. go, oh, this is incredible. And then I just come about, oh, the only wine I like is extortionate, like, absolutely mad, expensive wine that is literally the best that absolutely everyone who drank it would love it, because it's that good.

And anything else, I'm like, this is going to be a trudge to get through this. I have the first sip and go, oh, no. Oh, no. So you've just got really expensive taste, basically. Got to get through all of this wine, and I wish I just ordered a juice or something. I wish I just said I got any apple juice or something like that Yeah This is going to be difficult

What about I'm sure there's like a There must be like an orange wine Let me try there Yeah orange wines If there is an orange wine on the main If all they've got is wine Because sometimes that's

When they go here's the wine list And I go right I'm going to find the cocktail page I'm like well that's not in here Jesus Christ Please no Please don't say it's just wine And they're like yeah

And then I'm immediately looking for the orange wine Right And just trying to find orange wines If that's not on there Then I'm really The other night, I went to a, and that was the scenario. And it looked like, it read as it was an orange wine, but whatever it was called, probably had the word orange in.

I was like, I have that. And they were like, okay, okay, they were a bit confused. They brought it back. And they were like, there you go. I took a sip. I was like, is that sherry? If I just ordered, they're like, yep, you've got a massive glass of sherry. And that was very difficult for me all night.

To be fair, a lot of natural wines and orange wine sometimes take on some of the taste properties of sherry i think this was massive yeah it was like a massive glass of sherry and i had to tap out and say to them i'm so sorry but i'm not i love sherry there's no way i can finish this sherry it's humongous a sherry i can do a little sherry i've not really it's just very my nan and it was very like but sherry's cool now but is it cool yeah sherry's cool yeah she was sort of she was a mad little welsh lady just just the only drink she had i mean if she did off menu which would be insane. She's dead and would never have wanted to do it anyway.

But if she'd... Come on. Well, she doesn't have a podcast. They can't... She would have wanted to do it. Why don't you just say... She'd be mad? Yeah. She's dead, so that would be mad. And also, it's mad because we wouldn't just have someone's nan on, right? Those are the two mad things. It doesn't have to be that she wouldn't have done it. How many people's nans have you had on? How many nans?

We must have had someone's down. Oh, as many as we've asked, I'd say. Yeah. How many have asked? Zero. Right. We wouldn't have asked your fucking nan. It's what we're saying to you. Well, she wouldn't. She wouldn't make it out like, she would turn this down. She would. She wouldn't do it anyway.

But her whole menu would be sherry. We would ask. I didn't really see her eat food. Yeah, yeah. And ordering anything else. It was just sherry. Yeah. She would just drink little, just a little glass of sherry.

But she would be like, oh, I does I have a little one? But it was like 15 little ones. Yeah, yeah. So it was the end of the, and it would always be, is it Bristol cream? Is that what? Yeah. So when Nan was coming over, it would be like, oh, my mom would say to me, go out and you better go and get some Bristol cream for Nan.

Maybe I should get into Sherry Runs in the family maybe That's what I should have had in the lunchbox earlier The guy from Bristol Should have had some cream in there Just cream Just cream What are you having for lunch Keith

Just some cream My lunchbox is for the cream I'd be fading Keith down Yeah yeah Just some cream Because I think he's about to say Something disgusting Yeah

Yeah yeah Faded down Just imagining that Yeah that's very nice Thank you Bye Keith Thanks a lot Yeah

Is there cheering Oh, I'm playing it. It's already, in particular, you remember having to fade down over the years. Oh, loads. That was a real close call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was going to be really bad.

Oh, there's loads. But most of them have, most of them have gone badly. But you can, you know, like, I guess it's like a heckler. Yeah. Hopefully you can sort of style it out a bit. Yeah, but we can't just do that. And they go quiet. That would be amazing.

But also, it's not being broadcast to, quite a few people and in the room like the dream there's quite a few people and I'm not saying like you're very both of you

is very successful fucking hell Craig even more so after this podcast this particular one this app yeah but what I mean is everyone in that room is sort of up for you

to deal with it whereas you've got a lot of people who are sort of casually listening on the way to school and the kids are on the way to school and you've got someone that when I was on the early breakfast show this was when I first started

a couple of years before I met you. Brilliant. Well, I met you rice. And... Rust to meet you. Wow. That is good. You're not fading that down.

I'm like, I want to hear... I want to hear more... Get it in the red. Rice to meet you. Ed's my favourite listener ever. It's peeking. Right. And I'd just go,

where's rice to meet you too, Ed? To meet your rice, you'd say. Yeah. Imagine Bruce Forsyth had like workshoped it. Yeah. And had gone... One day. I'm thinking of doing a catch-fell.

it's either nice to meet you or rice to meet you. And they've probably go nice. I think rice would be good. Rice to meet you, to meet you, rice. Especially if he met Anika Rice. Oh yeah.

I bet he did it. I bet he did it. Yeah. Oh, I bet he did it every time he went for a curry. Like if he went out for a curry with Tess Daily after Strictly, I bet he went rice to meet you,

meet you rice. To meet you rice. Yes, thank you, Bruce. Thank you, Bruce. When I've got my first agent in London, He took me out for a curry and it was quite a posh curry and they all had this really lovely white crisp, or the waiter's white crisp uniform. And my agent's like regular gag I realized since 10 in people is that he'd give the menu back and go, thank you, doctor. That was his thing because it had like a doctor's coat on it.

Yeah. Thank you doctor. Love that. I love little restaurant jokes. Bad restaurant jokes are my favorite sorts of jokes, I think. Yeah. Yeah. My dad's quite good at that. He did one...

Does he do, when you've cleared your plate, when the waiter comes over to take the plate, does he do... He didn't like us. Oh, great. That's a good one. That's good. My dad always... When we go out somewhere, the rule is that he will always order what Henry the 8th would have ordered. It's always the biggest, the heaviest thing.

Yeah. And he ordered pork belly, and the waitress came over once, and they went, pork belly? That's a bit rude. Yeah, that's wonderful. It's good, great. It's a good, great. It's good. Just works.

Love it. It does. It's great. That's what you want. Yeah. Just works. Yeah. By thread of sense.

Any time, like, you could do like the kind of joke, go, what did you call me? I love that. Yeah. I love what did you call me. No, I've never met her. I'm doing that at the minute quite a lot. I'm getting a lot of joy out of this. And I don't know if anyone else is, but C-Matt's new album and new song is called Euro Country.

Yeah. So on the radio, I'm going, Eurocountry. Yeah. What do you call me? I like that. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. It's fun just to say, come on the radio.

knows. She knows what she's doing. Absolutely 100%. Speaking of which, that's what I was about to talk about. At 4 o'clock in the morning, we used to do a thing where we'd take calls live to air. This was in 2008 era. A crazy decision, if I may say. It was crazy, but it was fun because it was four in the morning. Loads of fun people were listening and just, we just pick it up and just speak. And it was, we did maybe eight months of it. And it was really fun. You'd always get some, you'd get Keith calling up saying, I'm drinking cream or whatever. Yeah. But there was one guy just, I went, hello, line two. And he just went, can't.

Of course. My producer's this went, Oh, we had such a good run. It was so good. And that was it. It was banned, band, band, band. No cause live to air. That was it.

That was the end of it. And more recently, we did a feature called Cowboy Time. Was that like penis time? No, not like penis type. Put the penis away. It was at 10 to 10. So it's 10 to 10 to 10 to 10. It's a cowboy time is the thing.

Someone suggested it and we did it every day. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. You run out, as I said, seven years. Returnable features, I swear to do you. So we did it every day. It was really fun. We just call back a random number that was just had text in that day.

And nine times out of 10, brilliant. Everyone going, oh, I'm on. And they go, but one morning, this guy picked up the phone. And I went, Lewis, are you there? It was rustling. I was hovering over the fader going, yeah, what's he doing here? It was rustling. And then he'd obviously got a phone or something.

held it up to the other phone and he was just playing porn he was playing the porn noise that they got Linneka with. They got Linneka with. You know the Linneka one? That Linnika got got by port. There was a, someone strapped a phone

to the back of the sofa on F.A. Cup or something. And it was just going, ugh! Ah! And the guy called up radio one and did that to me. That's not as funny as the cunt guy.

No, it's not as funny. And a lot more effort. Yeah. And a lot more thinking you're going to be funny on the lead-up to it but actually not naturally a funny person whoever that person is

if you're listening you have not got funny bones but the cunk guy the cunt guy has definitely yeah really funny to say it like that yeah someone told me that it was then

used in a sort of training module of course and that's the dream isn't it it is the dream yeah and I bet the cunk guy doesn't tell that story to people

just another funny thing that he did and I bet the porn guy tells everyone I think it was the funniest thing he told me The porn guy Oh, you met him

DM'd be. He said, that was me, Greg. Thought he'd find it funny funny? No, no, it's my job. I find that funny. Of course not. I'm at work. The weird thing about that

is that he turned up at Radio One's big weekend. He got tickets to it and he was down, this little platform we were doing the show from and he was down saying, I'm the guy.

It's me. Yeah, exactly. Just raise a middle finger to him. Yeah. Got him. Can't see that on the radio. Got him. Got him.

Got him. Your dream dessert? My dream dessert is... Actually, I haven't featured eggs much in this today, but I'm quite egg-based. You shouted out Turkish eggs, though. Yeah, that was nice. Yeah, but I'm quite egg-based, and I do like a post-show egg, but I didn't think it was...

It wasn't enough for me, but flan is where I get my eggs in. And I don't know if you're aware of the proper French flan. The sort of wobbly. Almost like creme caramel consistency? Consistency-ish. But there's a very specific sort of French. I think it's called Flan Parisienne or something, which I imagine is a Parisian plan.

Yes. But it's very eggy. It's quite wobbly. Yeah. And it has to be quite cheap. It has to be from a supermarket. It has to be from your super ooze, your hyper-use, your Ila-Clerks, that sort of thing. And it feels like it's been made by a machine.

But it's absolutely delicious. And I just would eat that every day as well. This, I mean, this whole meal is, it's death, isn't it? This is death meal, really. Your arteries are going. Yeah. What are you doing? But I think the flan is the really important part of French culture.

And we don't have it here. You just don't, you cannot find it. You can't find the right stuff. And actually, my forementioned, Bella, who loves Rennies, also loves making, like trying to perfect the perfect flan. And it took her three years. Wow. But she's done it.

Just about did it, just about. Oh. Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about this, this flan stuff? No, really? I can imagine it. Like an egg custard-ish, but then turn left at egg custard. Yeah.

But avoid creme caramel. Right. That's exactly it. Yeah, I know. That looks like a cheesecake. It looks a bit like a basque cheesecake. It looks like a basque, but tastes nothing like a basque. It's much eggier, it's much more wobbly.

Yeah. It's got a cheap sort of layer of pastry at the bottom, which is kind of soft. Yeah, I'm with you. But the middle of it is just unbelievable. Vanilla flavour? Vanilla flavoured, eggy and very, very sugary. It sounds that much. Yeah. Well, I really think you'd love it.

Yeah, well, I love an egg custard. Yeah, me too. If it's like the ultimate high-end egg custard. I don't know if it's high-end. I think it's a relative of. It's more of it. You get a lot more of it. Like Guy and Greg, like related? Yeah. Like about that distance.

It's a cousin-custod cousin. Or Custod Cousin Cousin' Cousins? Yeah, we can't say that. Egg cousins also feels bad. Cussar cousins is like a sex thing. Is it? Cousin egg. Cousin egg.

That's a much nicer, isn't it? A much more wholesome. yeah yeah yeah anyway yeah so well that's ruined flan isn't it yeah but that's my uh that's my favorite that would be my favorite thing and i could eat a whole it comes in triangles yeah or a slab you can get a whole slab sort of like two or three foot like a log log it's like a log yeah a catapit a flan caterpillar flaterpillar flaterpillar we call it colin caterpillar because it's like no you want like a french name really i don't know any french names we're going with C. French for Colin.

Yeah, what is French for Colin? I bet it doesn't exist. You know how people say there's not a German word for Sluffy or that, just a joking blackadder. But like, French. It's probably not a French. Collin. Collin? Colleen.

Colleen is probably the best Benito. See, Greg, when we have like a professional radio host on, they know that they have to translate for Benito as well. Yes. Because we know, Benito's not going to put himself in the edit. So we have to say what he says, But you're the first guest who's, like, caught on to that without having to be told.

Right. And it's like, OK, Benito said it. I should repeat it to the microphone. Because he's not going to include himself in the edit. Well, look, you two know that I am a fan of you to in this podcast. But I have the most amount of respects in the world for people who produce audio. The producers are, oh, my God. I immediately meeting Benito.

I was like, this guy. This guy is amazing. He's a legend. Yeah, he is. Yeah. It's his project, really. We're just living in it. We haven't even brought up Longboy.

haven't even talked about Longboy. Oh my God. You know, and as it was going on, I was like, I'm loving this episode. It's going really well. And I'm not going to, I'm not going to halt the rhythm to talk about Longboy. Because we have to explain Longboy to our listeners. There's a Longboy chapter in

the book, actually. Fantastic. In fact, you feature. Have you got the book there? Can I read? Where is it? It's right behind you. Oh, wow. Ed's in the book. I'm in the book. You're in the book as well. Yes.

Hang on. In fact. For the listeners, Longboy was a duck. that Greg and all of his listeners were very obsessed with The world was Mainly Greg and his listeners And the duck passed away But then Arrema started

That Ed Gamble Had eaten Longboiled the duck On Great Bridge menu Because it was a runner duck On the menu It was a really delicious Yeah there was duck neck It was a really delicious

So you, that's when you were on the breakfast show I called in You called in to give a character witness of him Yeah Yeah And you said something like And he'd eat again He wants to eat

He wants to eat Pudsy. That's what I remember saying. Yeah, you see a, yeah, I was going to eat Pudsy. Yeah, yeah, he was going to eat Pudsy bear. That's amazing. I can't remember why. Yeah. It was around children and need time.

Well, because he was, yeah, because he was an innocent animal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I think I said I was going to eat Barney. And I was replying to a picture you put a Barnie on Instagram with a knife and fork emoji. So then what we, in my, in my memory, you photoshopped a salt and pepper shaker. Oh, yeah, yeah, I did, yeah. He played the villain so well. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, look, people don't. fear me, but they do fear Gamble. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely. I mean, I fear it now. Especially animals. But you featured in, we did this, maybe the best thing I'll ever do was that I did a state funeral

live on the breakfast show for the duck. And we did the Lord's Prayer and you were in it. Deliver us from Ed Gamble for Lines the Kingdom, your long neck the glory for ever and ever our friend as we forgive Hoy Sins, as we forgive those who hoistened against you. Oh, yeah, worth it.

Yeah. Worth it. Yeah. The whole journey of like speaking about him for years. For that. When you get that line, you go, there you go. There you go. The Ed Gamble reference is because there was a strong rumor that he ate long boy on an episode of the Great British menu. He has never denied this and, in fact, fanned the flames of it

by saying he'd like to eat pudsy from children in need and then my dog. And then I say, page 238, he's a fucking monster and isn't to be trusted. That said, I do really like his podcast off menu. And look, here we are. That's good. There we go. I'm not hearing a shout-out for me. Oh, yeah.

James didn't listen to a single word that you said there because he was waiting for his own. Furthermore. Great, here we go. He's making this up. I also like James Akeaster. Yes, the end. Good book.

Available now. Go out and buy it. Greg, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. James is going to read your menu back to you now. It really was a pleasure. Thank you. You like tap water and no shame should be attached to that. Thank you.

You want popadoms. You want marmite cheese on a crump. pit as your starter grilled cheese main course Fetuccini Alfredo from Alfredos in Rome side dish a secret steak

and you want pizza for the table with cousin Greg I'm sorry cousin Guy cousin Guy will be there who calls Greg cousin Greg yeah for the secret steak but around the table

is Bella Cahill and Cairns yeah drink a big bottle of Brunello and dessert Flan Parisian beautiful I'm happy

that's good That does sound nice, Greg. That is a Gaviscon meal. It's been sponsored by, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're book-ending it with some Gabby's. But, like, that's a very nice meal. I won't surprise anyone. The Flann is what I want the most there.

Greg, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. It's been wonderful to have you. Thanks for inviting me. I've loved it. Thank you very much, Greg, for coming on the pod. So lovely to see Greg James. Lovely to see him. Great menu.

Great. Chat. Yeah. Loved it. A little bit of Long Boy chat at the end, but he didn't put Runner Duck on the menu. He didn't have secret runner duck. He had secret steak, but not secret runner duck. Oh, what if? The runner duck was so secret. He didn't tell us about it. Oh, yeah. What a secret ingredient, but he kept it secret from us. He flipped it on us.

We've been got. His cousin Guy was like hidden where the coats all get hung up in the cloak room. The duck in his pocket. A little duck in his pocket. And Greg would go, I just go and check on my coat. and then we'll go just be fed. Yeah. Be fed a bit of runner down.

That would be typical of Greg James. Don't forget to go and get Greg's book all the best for the future. It sounds great. I mentioned. Yeah. So just, even if it's just for rereading

or listening if you're getting the audiobook. If you love reading my name written down, it's a great book to get. As is glutton. Oh, yeah. Because your name's written down in that. We can't, we can't be plugging my book in the bit

where we plug Greg's book. But yeah, you can get that as well. And he's on a book tour. If you are listening to this on the day it comes out, Wednesday, October the 1st, you can go and see him in Glasgow if indeed there are any tickets left and there's still another date in Leeds to come. I would say October 2nd,

tomorrow if he'll listen to this and the day comes out, he's going to be knocking around somewhere in between the two because very unlikely he'll be coming home to London. So if you want to catch him in the wild on his day off and chat to him, you know, somewhere in between Glasgow and Leeds, I'd say, he'll be breaking up the journey. We always like to do. We always like to give you listeners a little opportunity to interrupt our guests' privacy.

Yeah. Yeah. Disrupt their life on their day off. Didn't say Runa Duck, of course. Didn't say Runa Duck and we're glad. If you live in some European cities, I'm on tour in Europe. I'm coming all over the place. Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Lisbon, Rotterdam.

Or anywhere. Yes. Not Rome. Even though I'm annoyed now. I'm not doing a tour date in Rome because I could have gone to Alfredo's. Yeah, it would have been great. But as it is, going to Amsterdam and I think going to go to wrong gastro bar. Yes.

Yeah. Eat the most hyped up dish. Yeah. I've hyped it up too much off here. Yeah, but that's perfect because if it's delicious, I'll be so happy. If it's rubbish, I mean, it's love telling you it's bad. Yeah, and I imagine I'll learn that on this very podcast. You'll save it for, just drop it on me.

Yeah, I probably will actually. During an episode. Yeah. Devastate me. I'm also touring America next year. Ed Gamble.com.com.com. at UK for tickets for all of those. I'm going all over the place in America, James. So I need your

at least one must have dish. Fucking hell. Benito. One must have dish in every city because you've been to all of them. Well, they'll all be ice cream. When you go to Seattle, go to Molley Moons. I am doing Seattle, actually. Great. Go to Molly Moons and get the cobbler ice cream. Okay.

Benito's hovering over the stop record, but he seems to think that we've just devolved into a normal chat we would have off for the podcast, which he could be correct. He could be correct. Or he's about to sneeze again or fart or something. Yeah, he's about to sneeze and fart. And do a backflip.

But do everything at once. See you next week. See you next week. The Hulu original series, Murdoch, Death and the Family, dives into secrets, deception, murder and the fall of a powerful dynasty. Inspired by shocking actual events and drawing from the hit podcast, this series brings the drama to the screen like never before, starring Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark.

Watch the Hulu original series Murdoch, Death in the Family, streaming October 15th on Disney Plus. Oh, hi James. Have you heard the news? Oh, yeah, go on. You and I are modern boys because the off-menu podcast is now on YouTube. This is embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing, man? You love YouTube. I love watching clips on YouTube, sure. Now people can watch clips of Off-Menu on YouTube and full episodes, but it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all. It's really cool. We're on YouTube with the great and good. The coolest people in the world are on YouTube. Me, you, Logan Paul. Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession? At Off Menu Podcast That's what Benito's calling us now And we're on TikTok

This is embarrassing, man It's not embarrassing man We're cool We're like Olivia Rodrigo And Ed, people have been asking us badgering us, bothering us actually They want to watch the Stephen Graham Supercut From the Stephen Graham episodes

They can see all of his reactions To us everything that he did Of Benito has bent to their whims And he's going to put it on YouTube He's going to do it Follow us at Off Menu official on TikTok at Off Menu Podcasts on YouTube you can watch clips from the podcast

and on YouTube you can watch full video episodes people have been asking for it and you're finally getting it full video episodes so you can see every single nuance on our little faces is.