Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - John Early

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

It’s the last episode of series 15, and who better to round off the series than US comedy superstar and actor – star of ‘Search Party’, ‘30 Rock’ and new film ‘Eternity’ – John Early. See you soon for some Christmas specials… John Early stars in ‘Eternity’ which is in UK cinemas on 5 December.Follow John on Instagram @bejohnceWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Thu 27 NovOff Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive, and Felipe Franco.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh no, it's James Acaster from the off-menu podcast, the podcast that you are listening to, and I have some news. I am going on tour around America, North America, from the 20th of January, starting in Toronto, and then finishing once again in Canada, in Vancouver on the 15th of February. And in between, I'm going all over the place, I'm going to Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, D.C., Nashville, Austin, Texas, New Orleans, Atlanta, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles, San Francisco. You don't even need to edit that, like, to be smooth, Benito. They know I'm scrolling through my phone.

That's what the cool kids do these days. James Acaster.com for tickets. I'm pretty happy with that. Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the raw tuna of conversation, adding the citrus juice of friendship, little cubes of grapefruit of humour and slices of fresh chili of chatting about food. It's a saviche, James That's delicious That sounded really nice

Yeah, I had a saviche The other day That's why I did it Yeah, really delicious Food description Yeah, I want to eat that straight away Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Well, that's what I want

I want to make people listen to this And think I want to eat this podcast Yeah That's a gamble My name is James Acast Together with our own A Dream Restaurant In every single week

We invite in a guest Askin a favourite ever start A main course dessert, Saidershan drink, not in that order And this week Our guest is John Early John Early, a wonderful comedian and actor, James.

So funny. We're both big fans of John, so we're going to have to really rein that in here. I don't think we should rain it in. No, no, no. Well, you never rein it in if you're a fan boy. No, that's what I'd say. I can't. It's nice to be able to just let loose.

Because you're like a repository of information when it comes to things people have done and things that you remember that they've done, and especially if you're a fan boy of them. Whereas I just know that I like someone, but I've forgotten why. Yeah, yeah. It's always how it works. Yeah, that is how I feel with our relationship. Yes.

I feel you know you've like, but you've forgotten one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. John is in search party, though, remember that. I don't like the search party a lot. Which is fantastic. And John is in Eternity. Yes. A new film.

And Elizabeth Folson's in it, Miles Tellers in it, Callum Turner's in it. I mean, it sounds great, James. A24. It's a 824 rom-com. Not too shabby. Not too shabby at all. Pretty exciting.

It's set in an afterlife. souls have one week to decide where to spend eternity. Where would you spend? Oh, we know where you would, hell. Hell. You love hell. Because the devil's got the best tunes. Devil's got the best tunes, baby, and the best food, I reckon.

Yeah, yeah, probably. Devils on horseback? You like those? Yeah, yeah. You're not getting them in heaven. No. It'd be spicy, everything in hell would be spicy, right? Everyone would be spicy, very bland in heaven, I'd imagine.

Well, there may be some sweets. Well, ambrosia. It'd be all ambrosia. Oh, it'd send me to heaven, man. Yeah, yeah, you'd love that. Then I'm repenting right now. Yeah, yeah. Get me up there.

We love John early, but if John says the secret ingredient, which we have deemed to be unacceptable, we will have to kick John out of the restaurant. We don't want to do that. We don't want to do it. But we'll stick to the rules. And this week, the secret ingredient is oat milk. Oat milk.

Apparently, John was in a short film called oat milk, which I have not seen. Yeah, we're not across the short film oat milk, but a quick Google revealed that John was in the short film called oat milk. Which was very helpful. Thank you for being in that. John, because thank you, John, came up with a secret ingredient very quickly. And that means we can, uh, I mean, I, I, I personally couldn't believe we hadn't added

as a secret ingredient before. But we like oat milk. We do like oat milk, but then we've had things that just like people in general don't like. Yeah. I guess we, you know, for whatever reason we ever, I'll tell you who wouldn't like oat milk. Go on. Edwin coffee. Edwin coffee does not like, do you fucking milks, all these fucking milks these days. He's back. You ever tried milky or no? it would say, oh, it's got no

tits. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was like for. Yeah, yeah. That's what I was like for. It's got no tits. Oh, it's got no tits. Flat chested. Fucking old flat chested.

But the butt. Yeah, you like the oats. Yeah. That old got that butonga-dong-a-tong. Love it. Edwin coffee's got to have his own spinoff pod. That's what I'm going to start a petition for that. Yeah.

I would listen every week. Yeah. It's cool. in the bean. Oh, brilliant. Absolutely brilliant with Edwin Coffee. We will, if we did a Patreon, we release one episode a month of flicking the bean with Edwin Coffee.

Here's the thing that I don't think you realize, the Patreon would just like, whatever limit you put, so many people. No, they wouldn't. Would want to see that Edwin Coffee episode. You have no idea. If you did it as a, like, people could pay and you would make an episode. Yeah. Like, within five minutes, no, less than five minutes,

you would have met your goal and gone through the roof and have to do, like, so many episodes of the Owen Coffee episode. Can we see if you can buy sunglasses, but you're in the shape of coffee beans? Of course you can. Yeah. It must be able to. I loved when we did it live, when you had the chain with a coffee cup on it as a big, like, medallion you were wearing.

You have no idea how huge that podcast would be. Among our fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Among the fans of this podcast. No guests, because he's one of the, of those American comics he just has, he's no guests on the pod, I don't think, because he's one of American comics. He doesn't need one. He's like Bill Burr. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he just sit around and just do his own, anyway, we should get into this. Sorry, yeah, John Early. John Early's great,

yeah. Yeah. It's the last step of the series, James. And it's going to be on YouTube, James. It will be on YouTube. Listen, watch, do both. That would be lovely. Yeah. Benito's Pet Project is the YouTube channel, so it's his YouTube channel. It's his YouTube channel. Yeah. It's the same YouTube account that he used to do all his unboxing videos on. Oh, I'd love to see a Benito unboxing video. When he was seven, he started a YouTube video. With magic kits. Yeah. Unboxed him magic

kits. This is the Paul Daniels coin disappearing trick. I'm really looking forward to doing this. I'm the great Benito. Let's hope I can make a coin disappear and avoid to make quite few coins disappear by buying it. And that'll be on the Patreon as well. Yeah. So go and check out.

He was a little boy. The great unboxito? Yeah, exactly. This is the off-menu menu menu of John Alley. Welcome to the Dream Restaurant, John. Don't you have to clap in front of the camera? Welcome John Alley to the Dream Restaurant, but it's been to you for some time. Ben just did his clap and...

Behind the camera. I've asked this to get it before doesn't he need to clap in front of the camera to sink the sound of the picture but he insists he can just clap from behind the camera I don't know whether I think it's just a personal thing he likes to do so he's like we've started the podcast

yeah yeah and he always says I'm just going to do my clap and then he's like he looks at the guest like they know that's his catchphrase even though it obviously isn't on the podcast so you know the guest wouldn't know but we know yes so to us we are like that's his pop that's his catchphrase

his podcast catchphrase We've all got a podcast catchphrase Yes What are y'all's? Mine is that Popatoms of bread I do And I do

That'll be later on But that's a surprise John That's a surprise Okay Okay And welcome to the Dream Restaurant We're expecting you for some time Like I said a minute ago

Yeah yeah That's it really Yeah I'm more freewheeling I don't really have catchphrase That's cool You got a hole from the beginning that you do in the intro Oh yeah

That's not relevant for the guest You record that later We record that later How long is the intro? About an hour Usually. We do about 90 minutes of ads. Okay, okay.

Yeah, yeah. For like... If y'all need me to read any ads, let me know. Yeah, sure. That would be great, because we don't like that that bit. Yeah, yeah. Even though that's the bit that actually we make money for, of course. We're sort of the Rogan of the UK, so we do like a lot of ads for grills and erectile dysfunction medicine.

Shooting deer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dead deer. We do ads for dead deer. And we do adverts for the Joe Rogan podcast. Yeah. But he doesn't ask us to do that. No, I know. We do that for the love.

Yeah. We pay to do that. What we would like to advertise really more than anything, though, is the film maternity is what we would like. You don't want to advertise that? I'm not, that's not what I'm here for. Oh, okay. Would you like to advertise one of your other projects for the past?

Yes. Yeah. Is there something, the genuine question? You wish people, like, more people knew about that you've done in the past that you would love them to discover, as well as the film maternity, which we are going to talk about. um i think i mean there's something so obvious it's not coming to mind it's got it will it would be some well we've really thrown you ily don't you really have i mean i i i think probably i made i made this thing with kate burlant called 555 in like the 80s yeah yeah it's it you

know it was on like a it was behind a paywall on you know it was the first time they were like we're to make original content and it was last time we tanked the operation nice and so yeah so no one's seen it are you pretty proud of that though you brought down a whole yeah the two of you were very funny on very important people oh thank you thanks as the zombies yeah that was good if if people haven't seen that i i don't i'm not going to just describe it they should just go and watch that as well yeah yeah anything the two of you do together let's just promote that thanks Also, the film, the film other people. Do you want to put, let's promote that?

I love that film. No way, oh my God. You still in touch with a little kid? Oh, no. That little kid was funny, man. He was good. He was good. I really felt in love with Jesse Plymonds.

Yeah. Doing that movie. That was the first time I ever felt like the kind of transference. Yeah. In the psychoanalysis sense. Oh, yeah, yeah. We were like playing best friends. Yeah.

And then I was like, we left and I was like, he's my best friend. friend. It took like a month to like shed that. Do you think he was feeling that as well? No. No. He wasn't trying to get He was so sweet, but I don't think he was, I was like, he had done like 400 movies at that point, so he was used to whatever that is. Yeah. Yeah, do you find yourself watching him now and stuff and being like, why is that person his best friend? Yeah. Literally, yes. Yeah, I'm jealous. Yeah, I could have kidnapped him a stone with him if he'd ask me. Is that when you cut your hair? You

shaved your hair off because you were like, I want to be in Bagonia? Yeah, yeah, too improusing. Jesse! Room before! Eternity looks fantastic, though. Thank you. We are going to make you talk about it, John. Okay.

I love the premise of it. Yeah. So, someone dies. Yes. I'm gay. What? In the film? Yes.

That's the premise. Yes. We've got the PRS. The first to be both in the... I'm gay in the film and in real life. That never happens. And that's never happened. That's never happened.

I mean, in other people. Oh, yeah. Okay. But there are other people, I mean, Jesse Plemans and Zach Woods, to my knowledge, are not going to play. Oh, no, you're right. And play a couple. I'd say, do you know what, I'm not going to keep on talking about other people. What do I want to keep on talking about that film? But a very convincing couple. I really believe they're in love in that film. Yes, I agree. Good actors.

Yeah, James is amazed by acting is something you need to know. It's nuts. They're not a couple, but I believe that they were a couple. But it's nuts. Like, it is crazy. Most films, when I'm watching, there's a couple in it. Yeah. I don't believe they're really in love with each other.

I know. Those two in that film, I was like, they're in love with each other. Yeah. Fully. They're going to be together forever. Wait, can I say something about other people? Yeah. I had to say the title of the movie in the movie, which is the hardest thing you can do as an actor. Yeah.

Because you're like, there's no way you're not aware. Like, so I had to say, maybe now you are other people to other people. And it's like, you're like, you're, like, you're, you're in. saying it and you're like, this is going in the trailer. Yeah. And it's like absolutely impossible to not be like, it was so hard. There should be a rule where if the

actor has to say the name of the movie in the movie they get to look right down the camera and say. That would have helped me. But I was just like trying to play it so cool. It was like, it was bad. It was bad. Imagine that just been the working title as well. And they changed it. And then you were like, oh no.

Everyone's going to wonder why I say that line weird. Yeah. What a John really afraid how many says the other people. I know. The first time I remember seeing that happen in a movie was the film Executive Decision. Do you remember that film? No, what is that?

It's Stephen Segal, I believe. And they have to, there's terrorists on a plane, and they have to fly a jet underneath the plane and make, like, a tunnel so they can get into the plane. And that is the executive decision they have to make. That's amazing. We need to make an executive decision. I was like, that's the title of the film.

How did they make the tunnel? Was it... I can't really remember, but they pulled it off. Yeah, it went well. The executive decision was the correct decision. Jurassic Park, I remember them saying it. Oh, yeah. Say the name's the film.

Yeah. Where are you? Yeah, yeah. I say it a lot. We still not talked about it to anything. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, eternity. Elizabeth Olson.

Elizabeth Olson. Goes to the afterlife. Goes to the afterlife. Choosing between Callum Turner and Miles Teller. This is a life partner and someone that was our first love who died in the Korean War. And that's not a spoiler. And I play a little angel with a clipboard. Amazing.

I wasn't called an angel. No one was like you're playing an angel, but technically it's the afterlife. I'm up there. Yeah. An angel. But yeah, I have a little clipboard and I'm helping people go to their eternities. I don't think I'm good at promoting this. movie. I love this. I love this movie.

High premise, you know, kind of has like a, they don't make them like that anymore, you know, like this anymore. Kind of like a Peggy Sue got married, defending your life kind of high concept rom-com. Yeah. If Ed and I and Benito turned up in heaven and you were the little angel with a clipboard, where would you send us? Well, that's the thing you have to choose.

I'm there to help you choose. I'm sorry. So, yeah, it's very, I mean, it's very similar to this podcast, which gets us right to our next topic. Let's put an ad in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll start with still a sparkling water, John. Do you have a preference? Sparkling. Sparkling water.

Yeah. Why? Yeah, your eyes really lit up there when you said sparkling. That's probably. I think that actually it is a stupid choice because it would make me. full. Do people always say that? No, not always, but people have said it. Okay, okay.

So you can join an elite group. But it's so refreshing and exciting. I'm still, I'm 22, and I still get excited about sparkling water. I do think it's special. It really is an exciting.

That's why it blows my mind when people have it at home all the time. I know. I'll go to a restaurant and be like, all sparkling, please. It's a nice way to kick off the meal. But there's people getting up in the morning and drinking it. Well, that's crazy. And that's new. Don't you think? Don't you think sparkling water is like, it's been around forever?

But don't you think it's like, do you have LaCroix here? We don't, but we're aware of it. We're aware of it. It's just a popular, I'm going to look right down the barrel for these moments when I'm addressing. So it's a popular kind of cheap brand of sparkling water. And we're back.

And it's like flavored, flavored seltzer, right? Yes, yes. But everyone drinks it all the time. Everyone drinks it. And just suddenly, it was like, I don't know, just everyone started having sparkling water in their homes. But how do they do it? How do they get the bubbles in there? Literally.

What's your best guess? Yeah. I don't know. I can't even guess. They put a tube in the water. Is there someone on the other end of the chief? I guess. It's human.

It's human bubbles. Blow them in. Yeah, who would you want that to be? If it could be anyone in the world to blow the bubbles into your spunk than water, for your dream? Who's still alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice.

I guess you could have a choice, right? They could sell different brands for different people who've done the bubbles. Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, like the cheaper ones could just be something like old guy, and he's on the can. Yeah. An old guy on the can. An old guy, he's on the can.

They're on the can. Not the can, like the toilet. Do you want to say that? That's what I thought you were saying. Yeah, yeah. I thought an old man on the toilet. That's the really cheap version. If we weren't talking to an American guest, I would think...

I meant on the can. Yeah, on the can. But Cooza was said it to John. We don't know, but I thought, oh, Ed is like adapting to your lingo. Yeah. And he wants to put an old man on the toilet, blowing bubbles in his drink. Well, maybe it's called, the water's called, on the can. And on the can is a picture of an old man on the can.

And he blows, he's blown the bubbles in. With his mouth. With his mouth, crucially. Not old man's butt. Did you hear that? Yeah, was that you? Did you get it up? I honestly thought that was a motorbike outside.

I'm also, like, this morning, I don't know if I've got, I've either got, this is, it's either trapped wind or my appendix have burst. Because my stomach is, it's fucked. I think you would be in extreme pain if you're appendix. I'm tough, though. I'm pretty tough. Yeah. You're a tough guy. Pretty tough guy.

Yeah. So we'll say by the end of the podcast, which it is. Yes. Oh, yeah. We'll know. Yeah, we'll know. That's going to be huge. What a clip we're going to get out of that if it's a pendentice first.

Yeah. And I could announce it. You tell me in the night of it. Yeah, I'll tell you. But that, it does feel related to our... Yeah. The bubbles. I'm still choosing it.

Yeah. Bubbles. I'm sorry. You're still choosing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're still going on that.

Despite the fact that it would make me full. Do you want like a flavored, a flavored sparkling water? No. No, just the plain. Just the plane. We've talked about it before, but the flavor's never enough for me in those waters. No. It's always the memory of a fruit.

It's not. And it always, like, no matter how real it tastes fake. Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah. Because I'm like, well, where is it? Yeah. Like, it's clear.

Yeah. So I'm like, that's fake. Any flavor I'm getting has to be artificial if I'm not seeing any evidence of it in the water. Like bits. You want bits of the fruit. Yeah. Yes. Have you seen those cans of lemon, like, seltzer you can get in Japan, where you open the can up fully at the top, you like peel the lid off and there is a whole slice of lemon. No, that's genius. That's pretty cool, right?

That's so cool. Sometimes Ed makes stuff up to the guests, and it's not... We're trying to stop him from doing it. I've not made that up. They're like lemon showers. They're like booze drinks. You open up the top and there's like an actual slice of lemon in there. It's booze. It's booze, baby. Do you, are they preserving the lemon? Or is it a fresh slice?

It's like a fresh slice of lemon, so I don't know how it's hanging out in there for so long. That's crazy. It's pretty cool. How's it even getting in there? Well, they put it in there, man. It's not growing up. How do they get it in there? What do you mean? How big is the...

Can, it's like the same size as the can. If you think about a can... A wedge of lemon is bigger than the hole in the top of a can. No, no, wait. This is... It's not a wedge. Yeah, it's not a wedge. It's a slice. It's a cross-section.

Yeah. It's a slice. And then the can is not a hot, there's not a hole in the can. You literally take the whole, you peel the whole lid off like it's a can of tuna. And then why don't they put a wedge in there? If it's like a can of tuna. I don't know, man. You've got to take this up.

But as I regularly say to you, you've got to take this up with the Japanese. As always, they're sick of hearing from me. Every single week. Yeah. Popatoms or bread! Popatoms or bread! And there's the catchphrase. That's the...

Popadums or bread. The Indian kind of cracker. Yes. Has this come up? That one clearly. But is it someone disagreed with you at one point? In your early child? Never.

Okay, okay. This is a question that I thought was just normal when we started the podcast. And you know you're in comedy, you kind of end up learning the hard way that you're weird. And you don't know going in. You're just like, oh, this will be a pretty normal thing. Oh, yeah. No, I think I'm like a totally mainstream, like for the masses. Yeah.

Comedian. And then everyone describes me as weird. Yeah. Can I say it's worse the other way around? When you start doing comedy and find out, you're really normal. Sorry, Mac. That's all right. Yeah.

You know, that's why this works. He's not really normal as a person. Yeah, yeah. A lot of demons. If anyone's listening, James just physically taps me on the head when he gestured to my demons. Do you have pure audio listeners? We do. A lot of pure audio listeners.

That warms my heart. Yeah. And we have done for a long time. So this, I mean, really, this is the new thing for us. Right, right. We hate it. It's awful. Did you used to be less put together?

Yeah, I'd say so. This is nuts what I'm wearing. Yeah, James is wearing a jacket. This is bat shit. Yeah. I don't know why I've, well, I do know what I've done it. I've been really getting into this jacket lately. I love it.

But also in the morning, I just, you know, this is, Chris is quite early this record. Oh! And when I got up, I was like, I haven't even thought about what I'm going to wear for the podcast. So I grabbed this, ironed it, and then I ironed this

because it was absolutely, it was like, yeah, it was mad. I had to iron it, looked in the mirror, I go, this isn't enough. Also, it's freezing outside. Yeah. I'm overthinking it all, and I've got like, you know, five minutes to get out the door. So I chucked this on, and then I realized that if this top button's undone, it looks like absolute horseshit. So I had to

quickly do that up. And then I'm like, leaving the I was going, who is this? I'm like, he's going to, Ed's going to comment on. I know Ed's got a comment. I did comment. What did I say? Neat boy. Yeah, very nice. I think he looks very nice. I agree. Very smart. Yeah. And he's dressed up for you. And also, I feel like you could host a like major panel to like launch a new product. Whoa. A good product for people. Not like something that is contributing to all the band stuff in the world. No, no, no. I feel like a can with a wedge of lemon in it. You could be like the guy. The wedge guy. Yeah. Forget the Life, Wedgkin.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, James made an early joke about your name. That's okay. I couldn't help it. I know you've had it your whole life and we're really sorry. But I don't care. It's more that people like this is happening right now, they give me the opportunity to be annoyed or they're like, I know, I'm sorry.

And sometimes I'll take advantage of that and go, yeah. And they'll be like, have you gotten that on your whole life? I'm like, yeah. But I'm like, I don't care about what I'm sorry. saying right now. I don't think it really, it's never really bugged me. Well, we've had a lot, we've had a lot of fun with it on the WhatsApp group for the podcast. Really? Really. Because this is a 9 a.m. record, of course. Yeah, it is early. So it's early for us. Yeah. So it's funny. Yeah. And on the other way here, you know, Ed was running late.

So he said, I'm going to be John late. That is funny, man. That's really good. Yeah. And we're like, what if John's late? Then are we going to have fun with him about that? Yeah. That's big. I was John on time. Yeah. That was funny. Yeah. It's all pretty funny stuff, John. What do you think about it?

It's really funny. But Popatoms are bread though? Wait, are? Popat om's or bread. Oh, that's the catchphrase? Yeah. I thought you were saying... Popatoms are bread.

Yeah. I was in a statement. Yes, exactly. That's not the words that our American guests usually have a problem with. Usually they're like, what did you say? What was that first word? Yeah, yeah. But I've now discovering that even the world...

But all in my accent doesn't translate. Excuse me. That was not related. I swear to God. That was related. No, no. There was some buildup. Claudia O'Dorty, who I've already brought up, you privately,

she taught me about popin'ums. Am I saying that right? Yeah. Yeah. She's probably why. And she got me popadums for my birthday. Actually, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

She gave me a package of popinums that you put in the microwave and they popin'am. Because she taught you about them. Yeah. Was she like, these are like £100 each, and this is the gift for you. Oh, wait, are you saying they're so cheap? Oh, my God, that's so funny. It's a bad gift. I think they were like, I don't think they were expensive, but I think they were like

specialty or they were like, you know, authentic. Yeah. Isn't that a sweet gift? That's not very nice. And they have the kind of, it comes with like a childlike wonder of, seeing them transform in the microwave. Yeah. Like it feels like a toy you would get.

Or like those little sponges that you put in the water and they expand. Yeah. Yeah. Those are so cool. Which wait one of those sponges? No. Although I've heard there is a, you know, pre-Ozambic. There was, there still is a pill that you can take that.

It's like a plant-based sponge that expands in your stomach. You like, it's like in a little capsule. Yeah. Me acting out. Yeah. Eating it is so weird. That was good. And you looked at it right in the eye,

yeah, you like the capsule. It's like, wow. I thought there was a capsule there. That was so weird. So you take, you pop, you take the capsule and then it, it's like a plant-based sponge expands in your stomach,

and then you're less hungry. Yeah, you would be. Yeah. And then what happens to the sponge? Well, it's plant-based and it eventually... Oh, it erodes. It breaks down.

Yeah, you don't have to shit the whole sponge out. No, no. But what if it's... plant base and the plant is a plant from the little shop of Horvus then you won't stop eating it. I know. Well, that's the risk. Yeah. It's let's go to shout Phoebe Seymour. Yeah. You're constantly having to feed it people.

Oh my God. And you're going to have the opposite problem. Yeah. People don't think of these. Do you want the do you want the popadums that? Oh, sorry, sorry. Claudia got you. Yeah. Bread. Sorry, sorry. I have to say like, and I think Claudia knows this that like I was

so excited by the kind of microwave transformation, the novelty of that. But I don't really respond to like that kind of crackery thing across cultures. You don't like the crunch. It doesn't really do much for me. I like the multiple textures of bread where you're getting the crunch of the crust and then the soft interior. No, I can't talk about for that one. Yeah, yeah. Straight down the barrel.

And what kind of bread? What kind of bread would you like? Sourdough. Right? You looked so vulnerable. I got scared. I got scared. Yeah.

What did you think we were going to do if you said the wrong bread? I don't know. I just, I've actually never, that's what's cool about this podcast. I've never thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sourdough.

Make people think about stuff they haven't thought about people. Is there a. Is there a place that you've had the best sourdough or you buy sourdough from? Where do you live in the States? I'm realizing that every question is going to stop me in my track. I would say, because we've done a lot of episodes of this podcast, but I would say your responses are the most...

The most that I felt, yeah, this made sense. Of course, like, why are we asking this shit? No, no, no. No, no, I don't think you're responding like why you're asking. me this, but like, it is, when you look at us like that, I think, yeah, it's like, we're, we're the weird one thing. No, no, you're not. When we said, what sort of bread do you want, and you've looked down and then looked

up at us, and then, is there anywhere good from sourdough, and then you've looked down again and looked up at us, so vulnerable and so scared. It's like you've used it as an acting trick. I think in future projects, you can just imagine someone said, what bread do you like, and then look down and then just like, yeah. Yeah, totally and locked in the moment. There's really good sourdough. You know, honestly, I would love homemade, but not me.

But, like, someone insert a friend. Claudia? She doesn't make bread. No, but there's really good. Okay, there's a little grocery stores in L.A. Grocery stores. In Los Angeles, I have a great little bread. Sourdough bread.

Hey, if Claudia opened a bakery, she'd cook Claudia O'Dow a tea. Oh, that's good. That's genius. Yeah, it's genius. Wow. That's genius. Your dream starter, John. Okay.

So there is a thing that I make. That shocks everyone. I got it from a restaurant that does not make it anymore. It's a christini. So you cut thin slices of an Italian country bread. And this actually contradicts exactly what I was saying. Then you dry it out, so it is cracker. then you put like a slab a pad of cold butter on it like a rectangle of butter and then you put a manchovy

you put an anchovy that's been marinated in calabrian chili a spicy anchovy yeah a spicy anchovy a manchovy and then you put thinly sliced shallot y'all don't call them shallots do you shillotte oh oh oh oh Same word. Same word, different pronunciation. Okay. And then parsley, I'm almost done. Parsley on top of that. Lemon juice on top of that. And then Parmesan on top of that.

Now you're thinking like, okay, yeah, simple Italian ingredients. The combination of all these things texturally and on a flavor level is shocking. And that's my time. It sounds delicious to go. Absolutely delicious.

It's so good. And I was on board with the things. six slab of butter. I was like, this is going in a direction I like, I nearly shout it, take me to church. It sounds amazing. People really, like, when they see you assemble it, they're always like, okay, with the butter. Shut up.

It just trusts me. It's like, it's so good. And it's really sweet laying the anchovy on its little butter bed. Yeah. Because it is one fish. Yeah. You know, it's a filet.

It's, you really feel that. Yeah. It's crazy. different anchovies look when they're like in the tin to how they looked initially. I don't know what they looked like initially. Well, if you had like fresher anchovies where they're more like just like white fish. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, so I guess they look a bit more like just like small fish.

Yeah. But when they're all like brown and lying there. I know. They've really changed those. They're quite, I mean, they're gross. Like they are, it's taking me a while to get over the kind of like of anchovies. But now I'm fully like, I'll be using them left or right. after, right? Anyway. You only need one per thing, right, because they're punchy.

Yeah, yeah. But you've got to make sure it's a big one that can lay across the bed. Yeah, yeah, the butter. And you're tugging in with a parsley blanket. The first time I've ever heard about anchovies was just on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Oh, right. They were like, they were like, it's gross. They hated them. Yeah. And I was like, okay, so I guess they're disgusted in then. Right. I'd never had one before. And it wasn't really something I came across for years. Yeah. And then when I did happen, I was like, I don't know what the big fuss was about, Michael Angelo getting,

turning his nose up at this. Yeah. This is quite nice. And he was a party dude. Famously. It meant to be. Meant to be the party dude. And he was like, I don't like anchovies. But he put weird stuff on it. Yeah, it's so fussy for like a partyer. Yeah. I think it's so... He lives in his fucking sewer. His best friend's a rap.

Really? Yeah. Wow. I didn't know. I didn't watch that stuff. No. I didn't watch that stuff. I'm sorry y'all What did you watch when you were a little kid Girl stuff No I watched a lot of I watched a lot

I mean I was really left alone with the TV You know and I watched a lot of I Love Lucy Ah a lot Was she big here? I don't think so Not that like hair Not as big hair Have you never watched it?

I don't think I've ever watched it You guys You guys It's still the funniest shit on earth Yeah It is so she is so funny. I follow everything

Lucille Ball on Instagram. I was like cackling to myself the other day. Still. Yeah. Well, that's more... I mean, I don't think about Teenage Mutantin Ninja Turtles that much, so that's clearly she's got more longevity than... Clearly. In Donatello and the rest of the lads. Yeah.

Wait, but really quickly, anchovies. Don't you think it's so crazy that they were like processing each individual anchovy? I mean, I'm sure they're not like by hand. They probably have a way to do Maybe an old man on the can is doing that. Well, they're taking the skeleton out, right?

Or, you occasionally feel like there's bones in there, right? But those soft jars that are so soft. Yeah. How the hell are they doing that, y'all? With the soft bones. Yeah. But they must be taking the little spine out and stuff. That's crazy.

That is so small. Yeah, yeah. Some of those fish can get expensive. They're like those tinned fish. I know. You can buy like really crazy expensive stuff. I know. That's really a sign that we're on the way out.

Don't you think? Yeah, that tin fish has become so expensive. Yeah, yeah. We know, I mean, every day. How many times a day would you say you think to yourself, even over the smallest things, we're fucked? I mean, I think it's so kind of ambient now. I mean, but do you remember when you first started? Like, like, 2000, maybe 13.

remember me like, and I was like, well, this feeling will go away and then I didn't and now we're used to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're used to it now. Yeah, yeah. And now we watch films about dying and going in the afterlife to comfort ourselves. Yeah, yeah. In theaters, this Thanksgiving. Which y'all don't even celebrate. It's too close to Christmas. What are you guys doing? No, yeah, you guys. Tell me about it. I have to go to Nashville where I'm from. Yeah. Twice. Like, in a month's time, which I love, I can't wait to see my family.

Yeah. But like, that's a lot, that's two big old trips. Yeah, that's crazy. And then 900 months between that

where I'm not going. Yeah. That's crazy. By the way, I have to say, I feel like I'm in such good hands. Yeah, you don't need to worry. You don't need to worry. It's crazy. That's a great starter.

I'm excited to hear what the main thing. And I really actually want to applaud the simplicity of the premise. Yeah, thank you. And that you're not apologizing for the premise. Here's the one thing I hate about podcasts with premises. Should we apologize for the premise? No, no. Oh, my God.

I'm sorry. So passive aggressive. And yeah, I love that you're not apologizing. You don't apologize? Does anyone else with any shame work? No, but I feel like people do have shame over their prem eye. Yes. And they don't get to it and they go, well, we'll just talk about your life.

For, you know, like, for like an hour and we can just get to the premise. I'm like, no, I don't want to talk about, you know, I want to have a game. Yeah, yeah. We talk around the premise, sure. That's a beauty of it. It's already coming up so naturally. But the framework's always there. Yeah.

I think, like you were saying with the, we're fucked feeling, for me, Now, the shame is just ambient with the podcast. Like, when I started, I was like, oh, man, we're fucking podcasters. This is not the, this is not the plan. I've always loved it. Good. You should love it. I love it.

I'm proud. It's pathetic. I wish I was in eternity. No. Interviewing people about better stuff that they're doing what we're doing, this fucking shit. You wish you were in the premise of the movie or you wish you were in the movie? I wish I was you. No.

I wish so hard. Oh, my God. Thank you. It's embarrassing. I'd forgotten about it until you brought up the... I'm sorry. He's always said he wishes with you. Yeah, I bet.

I saw you once on the streets of New York. You walked past me. I didn't dare say hello. Is that true? Yeah. Why didn't you say hi? So it was a year ago. Exactly a year ago, pretty much.

Oh, my God. You walked past me with your friend. Honestly, that was... Really? You were on your phone laughing at something on your phone while your friend was talking, but you weren't listening to your friend. And I was like, that is John Early. But I wasn't showing my friend.

No, it made me laugh. It was a, you know, it was a glimpse. So obviously, I didn't see any of it in context. I imagined that probably the second before, the second after, I looked over. You had showed your friend. Was the friend, what gender was my friend? Male? Okay.

Careful, by the way. To my eyes. Might not have been. God, isn't it so devastating that, like, the one time I was observed, I was on my phone. Yeah, but I was like, that's what I want if I'm seeing John Early, walking around New York. Now, how does this, how does this feel? Because I don't know how to interpret this. That he's decided that's what I want from John Early.

It's me on my phone. I want you to be on your phone, ignoring his friend. On your phone, ignoring your friend and loving being on your phone. No. Like, no, kind of like, you know, everyone's so sad. No, like, you know, everyone's so. scrolling like zombies but you were like this is the best thing ever

I love my phone and it doesn't matter I hate my phone I hate my phone yeah yeah but it looked like he's so happy he's just leaning into I have to say that was a very happy time here I don't know November of last year in New York

yeah I didn't have time to say it though if you looked up and you were gone but I was yeah damn but I was like well one day we can bring that up on a podcast wow that's beautiful i you have to say hi next time i mean but now that this has happened no i have to yeah yeah yeah yeah get up here james

i take my home yeah yeah phone goes in the summer michalangelo catches it um oh main course main course sorry chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken but a roast chicken yeah just a perfect roast chicken. The thing, the version that I've made with Claudia for years is the Thomas Keller roast chicken, which is the method is you just pat it hardcore dry with paper towels, rain salt and pepper down on it. So you're like a salt pepper crust. You're not putting oil on it. Oh, wow. Okay. Because what happens is, I don't know, I don't understand the science, but basically that, you put that in the oven, whatever, high heat an hour. And that, and that creates a crazy, crazy crispiness.

Oh, wow. And so juicy inside. And it's just salt and pepper. I hated something juicy. But it's true, but I was just like, it's what you felt gross. I want it as crispy as possible on the outside and juicy as possible on the inside.

It's like, it's perfect. So it would be a roast, just a beautiful, simple roast chicken. With some stuff. And this is actually what I was struggling with on the car on the way here, the sauces. Yeah, and I was like,

Because the point of it is the simplicity of, like, a roast chicken. But I do think I would want, like, a classic aioli on the side to dip it in. And maybe, like, a jimmy churry, you know. That sounds very good. I think, yeah. In fact, there's just salt and pepper as well. Oh, heaven. How do you feel when you're packing the chicken down?

I hate that. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? It sucks. Because I've done that. I've patted a chicken in my time. I used to work on the door of a nightclub. And a lot of chickens would turn up and try and get him down. Yeah, yeah.

And they'd be suspicious because it'd be like, when we get patted down, we would go into the oven. I'm like, no, I just need to check and see if you got any coffee. It is hot in there, though. Yeah, it is hot in there. You guys are going to get crispy. Juicy on the inside. Yeah, like, I'll do that with steak as well.

Like, you really have to pat it down to get it all off. But steak is fundamentally less gross than chicken. Really? Do you think? I mean, don't you, I mean, it's just like because of the fear. I don't know if you guys have this here But like in America There's there's like real fear of

Salmanilla So there's just like You're like immediately in the air When you're born into America Is like you're just like You don't trust raw chicken Uh huh yeah There is a smell

Yeah To raw chicken that's not pleasant And then like the paper towels Are like kind of pink Yeah because of all the chicken juices Yeah I don't love that But, you know, it's a small price to pay for gorgeous roast chicken. Yeah.

All right, that's a break. I had a great roast chicken just this weekend at the Clarence in Stoke Newington. There it is. In where now? Stoke Newington. Stoke Newington in London. I went to a place called the Clarence. Hadn't been there before.

Fancy? Just a pub, like a fancy pub, but not totally, not like crazy fancy. got there pretty late they're about to stop doing food John late he did it this sucks and they were like

oh we got this the rose chicken left so I wasn't going to order the rose chicken oh yeah so are they like famous for their roast chicken I don't know why I don't think so but like they should be because I was like I'm really glad that that was the only thing that was like so I wouldn't have ordered it

and it was so good I couldn't stop eating it and it was for two Was there gravy? I was there with a friend. It was like these beans and mushrooms and a bit of truffle in like a sauce, and then the roast chicken was on top of that. So I was kind of getting the different pieces of roast chicken, cutting them up, then running it through that sauce.

Oh, my God. And eating it. It was very good. The hunger has hit. Yeah. I love the way James describes the most normal way to eat something. Running it through. And then I'm eating and getting a bit of the root. Not the whole thing, just cutting a little.

bit off. And then I'm putting it in the sauce. I'm combining the two. And that's how I'd recommend doing it. Some people won't know. They won't. I know. Some people will think they have to eat the sauce separately. Yeah. Or like I ate the whole chicken. Like in one go. Like a king. Like a king. I didn't do that. Yeah. So you just want people to know how I ate it properly. It does sound delicious though. It doesn't make that.

A wedge of lemon. Sorry. Yes. I just remembered. That's another thing. It was a wedge of lemon with the chicken. that you can squirt on it. Squirt on it. The words. You're not putting it in the ass? No.

I once did a roast chicken at home and put the lemon in the chicken's butt, and my nephews were obsessed with it. That's cute. They couldn't believe it had happened. Yeah. That's one of those things that I always was kind of like, this is fake. Like when people put stuff in the butt of the chicken. Yeah.

Of the chicken. I'm always like, I'm always like, really? That's infusing. Yeah, yeah. It's real. It's real. It's actually real. You want to put loads of garlic up there as well.

Yeah. Or half an onion. Done that before as well. It all works. Or the lemon, get a whole lemon, pierce the lemon. Do you do that one? And then just, and then put the whole... Satisfying putting the whole lemon up there.

Yeah. I love how Ed just says things that we all do and, like, describes it in detail on the podcast. No, no. Have you done the whole lemon with the spike the whole lemon? Put it up there? Have you done that one? I've never done it.

There you go. And then you've ever done it. Not very common I've ever done it Do you want Claudia there for this rose chicken? Yeah, she's really good at it It's not, she's like very much woven into this meal Yeah

We're not eating her I want to be clear Crystal clear But no, she's so good at making roast chicken She knows how to trust it, you know Tie it up Is that what trust means? I think so

I think so, yeah according to you. We're a prime minister here called Truss. Really? Yeah, not for very long. She killed the queen and left, but it was a very small amount of time. She,

basically, she came in as Prime Minister, fuck the economy, the Queen died, and then she left. Wow. But she met the Queen when she became Prime Minister,

and then, like, literally, like, days later, the Queen died, so everyone was like, Liz Truss has killed the Queen. It was not a successful ship, I would say. No, not great for,

Where is she now? She sort of pops up now and again. She didn't know. She was, because she was doing something where I was like, I can't believe you've got the nerve to still show your face in public and speak like you know about stuff. Yeah. She was really running her mouth off on something.

And I was like, but it wasn't, you know, it was pretty just the usual conservative bullshit. Yeah. I was like, how are you still a thing? It was amazing. They basically completely destroyed the economy with this plan. And then she went, well, I'm going to go on local radio and talk about it, did like a sort of tour of local radio stations in one day, I'm thinking it'll be easy

soft sell, and they all destroyed her. Oh, no. There's a compilation of her talking to local radio stations getting absolutely roasted like a chicken. You should have her on the pod. We try. We keep trying to get her on the pod. She keeps saying no. We'd love to get trust on the pod. Trust if you're listening. Yeah. Answer your emails, buddy. So you're going with the trust chicken rather than, how do you feel about Spatchcock chicken? Well, I love it. Yeah. And I'm going to leave it at that. But what I

like about spatchcocking is that it's usually done for you. I mean, you know, you can ask a butcher, can you do it? And there's something really nice. It's like remembering that you can ask a butcher to do the hard thing is like one of the great joys in life.

And you feel like a Dickensian person going to a butcher. I know, I know. Would you mind Spatchcocking that for me? But it has to be about me when you ask the butcher to do the hard thing. You can't be like, I need you to go and break up with my partner. Right, right, right. I don't know how to tell them. I'd like just to send a butcher to that.

And could you help me with the wordal? That sort of stuff. Exactly. You can't ask a butcher to help you with a wordle. That's cute. I don't think they would complain, actually. You could say to the butcher. Yeah.

Well, come on, I'm stuck here. I've got one more guess. Yeah. But they always guess beefy. Always guess beefy. Yeah. Is it beefy? No, I told you it's not beefy.

It doesn't even add up. Look at the letters I've got right so far. How many of them fit into beefy? It's not meaty either. I know you're going to say meaty. You could at Werdle? No. Your dream size.

Okay, okay. Sliced tomato. Okay. Really simple. I'm from the South. It's very, like, nostalgic for me. Yeah. It's like really, really nice, ripe tomato giant. Yes.

Cut into thick slices, salt, pepper, olive oil, walk away. You're not eating it? No. None of this. It is so good. I love tomato. Yeah. And like, people who don't haven't had a good one because, like, the difference between a rubbish one,

than everyday rubbish one. And a proper good one is... It's crazy. It's huge. It's so good. I know. I don't think I had good tomatoes for like... I know, until I was an adult.

Me too, really. Yeah. I mean, that's actually... I guess that's not true. I did, in like, you can, in the South, you know, in the summer, get really, really good tomatoes. But, like, yeah, growing up, it was, like, pink... Like, tomatoes in my mind were, like, the pink tomatoes

on, like, McDonald's hamburgers, you know? just like really watery and yeah yeah like kind of dead yeah and just like they just taste like mealy or something but yeah a proper ass like heirloom tomato we've just just salt and oil just salt pepper pepper oil yeah and walk away i mean i'm sure you also probably should do some sort of acid like a olive oil is that isn't it no am i wrong no you shouldn't be It's a food podcast, man. It's sweetie, fat. Olive oil's fat.

What are you talking about olive oil's acid? Sorry. Fucking crazy. Stop the podcast. I'm thinking about, yeah. It's not al-samic vinegar. Is that? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. But that's not olive oil. Yeah, I got confused in my head with the two of them. They're often together. They're often paired together. Yeah, like me and Ed. Yeah. Oh, double-lacked.

I guess you're the acid. Consider it not just got burned. Can we go back to the chicken very quickly? Yes, please. Which bit of the... What's your first go-to on the chicken? What bit? Thigh.

Yeah. I was really sorry, I just wanted to answer from the heart. Thigh. Yeah. Good. I'm happy with that answer, thank you. Thank you. Are you white or dark meat? I'm going to actually flip it around on you all. I'm leg all the way, so, yeah, I guess dark meat with...

Right. So... So thigh and drumstick, basically. But I actually have to say, in terms of... of a roast chicken, like a whole chicken, I'm more drumstick. Okay. Because there is something less appealing about a thigh when it's attached to the drumstick. Sure.

But I love, like, when you get chicken parts in isolation from the butcher, I like a thigh. Yes. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like when you've like ripped it off the carcass, you're like, see, I love that. You love that. Yeah. It's medieval.

Yeah, yeah. I want that. And also when it's a whole chicken. I make no distinction between the thigh and the drumstick, really. Leg, just a whole leg. And everyone knows in my house or wherever I'm going, legs for me. Yeah, that's sweet. Oh, really? Everyone knows that?

Yeah, big time. Do you not know that? I guess I would assume that. Yeah. I would assume he's going to go for. I have the leg and I have the onion out of the ass. I bet. Of course.

Those are the two. Eat a looking apple? Yeah, yeah, I can suck it out. Don't even use my hands. Oh, my God. What bit of chicken are you? I like the chicken bread. But that's because...

Is that for real? Yeah, but that's because... Yeah, I know it's boring. It's because I don't like bones and I don't like eating stuff and dealing with the bones. I don't like it, so I just... Yeah, I understand.

If I'm... I know it's the wrong answer, but it's what I go for every time. That's good. We could share a chicken. That's true. We could share a chicken. Yeah.

Yeah. How many... What's the next? No, but I do hope for you through some exposure therapy. Yeah. Oh, well, there you move. Good, good.

Okay. But it's just not my go-to is like, I see, I see. I just want the one with no fuss. Yeah, yeah. I wish it was, yeah. But it's not like a, you're not like grossed out or are you. It would be okay if you are. I'm not grossed out by it.

I'm just like, this is a load of fuss. Yeah, yeah. I've got to wash some part of myself after this. Yeah. I don't want to. Yeah, that's true. I wish they remove the skeleton like they do with the anchovic. I know, and it would be easier.

Yeah. So much easier. Just get a floppy chicken and put that in the other. Yeah, yeah. My niece is like, she's seven, but like for a few years now, she has this, like, amazing, like, primal thing in her where she just, like, will eat a full, like, a turkey leg. She will get the meat off of a turkey leg or a chicken leg.

You know, the most, she's just, no one's taught her, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she gets more off the bone than, like, any of us do. Amazing. She's just like, and then it's, like, completely. completely clean. Like a piranha. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. What was like, I was trying to remember what the animal was. That's great. I'd be so proud of my eyes. I am. Yeah. That is like, that's who, you would like to adopt a child like that. Yeah.

Or have a child. Huh? Or have one. Yeah, if I have a child, I'd like them to eat all the chicken off. Yeah, but if you have a child, you don't know what the child's going to turn out like, but I think you would go to the adoption place and go. Oh. Oh, yeah. Here's my non-negotiables.

I'm going to throw a chicken leg into this room of children. And the first one to strip it to the bone is coming home with me. Yeah, yeah. I've never been to Nashville. I'm going for the first time next year. Are you doing a show? I am, yeah. I'm very excited. Where? Off the top of my head, I don't know. I've left my phone in the other room.

Benito's Googling it, though. Back in the day, Benito used to get mistaken for you. Well, that makes a lot of sense to me. Yeah. By the way, when you opened the door, I was... like, brother. Wait, at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center? T-PAC.

That T-PAC is where you would go, like, on school field trips. Like, we're going to T-Pack! Yeah, and you would see, like, the miracle worker, the play about Helen Keller. Wow, so that's going to be. You're going to have a lot of school trips. Helen Keller is the person who did that chicken. What? The chicken you said was Helen Keller, wasn't it?

No, that was Thomas Keller Oh my God Thomas Keller, yeah Ellen Keller didn't do the chicken man That would be so funny if I just started saying that If I really believed it Yeah, yeah

So I want to get school field trips coming to see me Yeah Well, is James K Polk at T-pack It is sold out I didn't know it was sold out That's great news I'll post so it really sells out Yeah yeah thank you John

What if it's sold out with one school Oh my fucking school These Skolkin's coming to see me. Well, that's huge, by the way. Congrats. That's a gorgeous theater. I'm excited about that. I've been to Nashville, too.

I've been already. Did you do a show? No, no, I was filming something many years ago. What was it? It was a pilot for a show called Almost Royal, actually, which you were talking about shutting down Vimeo's paywall. We started and ended the BBC America Original Comedy Commission Department. It's good show.

Pretty good. Pretty good. Did it make a tear? Oh, my God. Two seasons and then... In Nashville? No, we did one... We just did the pilot in Nashville.

That's so weird. Which was in the first season and then traveled around for the rest of it. Did you have hot chicken? We didn't actually have hot chicken. Damn. It is... I love it. Yeah. I mean, so do...

So does everyone. What's the famous place where it does, like, all the different levels of spice? Probably Hattiebees or princes or something. Princes is one I have. Yeah, yeah. Nando's. I had Nando's. the first time, actually, in Vancouver, where I was shooting Eternity.

And I called Claudia, and I was like, I had the most amazing, like, like, peri, pre chicken, like, with amazing sauces. It was kind of like, like, I was like, it's like a chain. And I was like, Nando. She was like, yeah. I didn't realize it's, like, absolutely huge. Huge here. Yeah, yeah.

Everywhere. Yeah. But not America. No, not in America. And there was some in Australia, where Claudia's from. Yeah. But they're bad. Why?

We do it right here. I don't know how we've nailed it because it's not like English cuisine but we seem to have nailed Nandoes and then we go to Australia and go, oh great, they've got Nandoes here and then we leave very upset. Oh, no.

It's not the same. It's our fault for not trying any things though. We shouldn't go to Australia and go, oh great, the chain we like in England. Yeah. No? I'm just learning there's not any in America and I'm going to cancel this tour.

Yeah. Oh, no. You can go to Prince's Hot Chicken? It's not Nando's, isn't? Maybe I'll send my family to your share. But it's sold out. Yeah, but I'll... When is it?

I'll have tickets for myself that I can give it to people. What if your family come, but they don't show up on time, James, what you... I'm going to go... Imagine if they're, like, walking in. I said, look at a minute. Oh, everybody! Look who's here! The not-so-earleys.

Dream drink. I'm not done with my sides. Apologies. I thought we'd walk to bike. No, we were... Oh, no, that's just from the toilet itself. Yeah, but you're walking to another side. Yeah, you're exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're walking to duck fat potatoes. Oh, yeah. You know the kind that you parboiled them and then you scuff them up. Yeah. Yeah. And then you put duck, like tuck fat in a sheet pan, get it so hot in the oven, put those potatoes on that pan. So they're like sizzling.

And they just, there's, it's crazy. The way duck fat is like kind of sweet. It's like caramel or something. It's so crazy. Anyway, that's on period. And you know what else? I'll put on the duck fat potatoes. Chicken salt. Yeah. Yeah. I still don't really know what chicken salt is. I don't either. No. But it is special. Yeah. I think there's MSG in it. Mm, gotta be. Yeah. Absolutely got to be. Yeah. They are very, very, very nice. I've only had it on fries. Yeah. But it's so nice. It's so nice. Nice. And so, yeah, tomatoes, potatoes. I would also do, like, maybe just a really simple arugula salad. Nice.

Lemon, olive oil, salt, pepper. But, like, really big arugula is the less, like, from the farm. Not the tiny ones you get at the grocery store. How big are the big ones from the farm? Because I think I've only seen the tiny one. I feel like this. When they're, like, when it's truly rustling. Yeah.

Wow. It's like the shape of arugula, but it's a little more like... It's more, like, free. It's less like... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a delicious side, especially with a roast chicken.

That's so good. I know. I'm so excited. Who did the scuff first on the potatoes? It's genius. It's genius. No, I know. And it is, like, it is something that has entered my mind because of weird, like, food obsession.

Like, like, on Instagram. Yeah. Like, that is, like, trendy or something, the scuffing. The scuff. I mean, everyone does the scuff now. You've got to do the scuff to get the crisp. I mean, the first place, heard about the scuff. We've talked about this before. It was Michael Kane.

Really? Of course. He did it, he did an interview in a newspaper where he said, this is how I do my roast potatoes, and he did the scuff, and this was years ago. Wow. It's Michael Kane's scuff. That's crazy. And I'm sure someone else did it first, but he knew. We've got to get Kane on this pod man and ask him about the scuff. I know. Ask him where he heard about the scuff, you know.

I bet he'd love that. If you ever do a film with him, you can bring up that the scuff. I think y'all are more likely to do a film with him than me. No way. Are you crazy? We're podcasters. But you're British. He's in those of American films. That's true.

He loves it. Yeah. He doesn't do any English films anymore. I don't know how I did an English film now. And he only does films where he can hit the last shots of the day. We talked to Nick Frost about this, didn't we? My stomach, by this entire time. You don't have to do a global pass.

No, we're going to turn it up. Yeah. It does make sense. So the more we talk about the food is like, Yeah, yeah. I'm Michael Kane. Nick Frost. Yeah, sorry, Michael Kane makes them order his shots in the day to be like far away

and then getting closer and closer in so he can put his normal trousers on and then put his normal clothes on. So, yeah, and then the last shot of the day is the close-up, so he's fully in his own clothes so he can just go home. That's great. I forgot that. That is so funny. It's brilliant.

Well, you should do that, John. I know. I know. I start doing it. For just the power. What's the next film? here we get it's called here we go I'm kidding

I don't have do I have one no when you do when you do when you do an H sound I thought you were going to say you were in the Harry Potter series I was going to really really going to laugh no it really makes me laugh that there are

actors who know they're in it and they haven't been announced yet I just it makes me laugh all the time just thinking about all the actors who have been cast in it already They know they're definitely in it It hasn't been announced

And they're just sitting around every day Going, oh shit Oh my God That's gonna, oh my God Okay, let's see how this one goes down Because they're announcing this person today Let's see if people embrace Oh, I was worried about this

I was worried about this I shouldn't have said this I'm fucking Voldemort I'm Voldemort, that's a huge part A huge part They're not letting anyone get away with this I just want to get away with it I hope when we announce my one

and everyone knows that I'm in it I hope that everyone just responds like they did in the old days to Harry Potter and I'll just think it's exciting is that too much to ask? I thought it'd be exciting. And then if I'm asked about it in the press, why I did it,

I'll just go, I didn't know there was. Yeah. I've never heard of any. Yeah. I'll say I didn't know there's any controversy or I say that we don't agree. Yeah, I don't have a phone. We don't agree, but I can still work with her.

And then people go, yeah, Joe, what, fair enough. Has she been on the party? Yeah, sure. Yeah, we don't agree with her, but we'll happen to give her this platform. We've all got different opinions, you know. Yeah, yeah. We'll pay her to come on the pod. We know where that money's going.

If you made a note to take that out? Don't take it out. No, no, you better, you better. Sometimes he makes the little notes. That's a clip. That better be a clip. That is a clip. You can put that you can, he's really, he's longing for clickbait these days

because he's trying to get his YouTube channel off the ground. It's ours, James. It's his. It's our podcast, man. You can't give a shit about this. He's not his YouTube channel. It's his, it's his little project. His little project.

His project, the YouTube thing. It's all of ours. It's mine, too, if you think about it. Congratulations, John. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to the big time. Thank you, guys.

Your dream drink. I definitely think I would want Coca-Cola. Like an ice-cold Coke. And I also think, and okay, this is actually something I struggled with on the way here and y'all can help me with this is like I do want sparkling water I do want coke but I also want champagne yes and that's insane to have that that's triple sparkling drink that's so fizzy it's crazy

you can be on the ceiling like Charlie Bucket Charlie in the chocolate factory oh oh and I played Charlie yeah yeah in third grade I played Charlie did you yeah in my third grade play was it at T-pack No I was in my school But there was like one girl from my school

Who actually played Helen Keller at Deepak That's why I said that Yeah And I was so jealous Yeah You want to play Helen Keller Yeah I bet you'd have been good at it

Thank you And you get to do like crazy Have you ever seen The Miracle worker? No No I've seen clips of it Famous like fight scenes with Annie Sullivan The teacher was trying to like tame her

Yeah, that's the play And that's not me Okay But yeah It's like It's wild There's like crazy fight choreography in it Like physical fighting

Yeah Oh wow Of nothing She really resisted On color for a while there Yeah But you gotta see the play To find out

Yeah yeah Check it out But you play You play Charlie Bucket That's exciting That's exciting part to play It will I have to say

No Okay Because it's just like It was too Like sincere Or something It wasn't funny

Right. You want to be Wonka, really, don't you? You want to be Wonka. I wanted to be Wonka. I wanted to be anyone else, honestly. I wanted to be Violet Beauregard. Oh, of course. Or Verrucassault. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to, I wanted to have something to do. I didn't want to be like, da-da-da-da. Yeah. And I was really kind of paralyzed. I didn't know what to do. Who was playing Wonka? My best friend at the time, Jay.

Still friends? No. That ended. That ended it. Yeah. Yeah. All the other kids are more fun to play. Yeah. Augustus Gloop, Mike TV, by the Beauregard, Baruch Assault. You can really get into those characters. Yeah. This is an easy thing to say, but when we were at school, when we were school age,

Gloop, personally, I would have been Gloop. This guy's got Mike TV written all over him. Oh, my God. I agree. I agree. Were you bigger? Yeah, yeah. Really?

And I would have really lent into Gloop. Oh, I want to see pictures. Yeah. I can find some. Beautiful then, beautiful now. Yeah. Beautiful baby boy. I bet. I bet y'all were so sweet.

But we didn't do that. We did a production of Oliver. And I played Charlotte the Undertaker's Daughter. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to an all-boys school and I was, you know, I was like, hey. Yeah. I'll play that part.

Guess. Now, Ben hates guessing games on this podcast. So you've got three guesses. Who played The Artful Dodger in that same production is a famous person. It's a musician. You have three guesses. Okay, okay, okay. A musician who's British

I literally can't think of anyone A British musician Well you know male You know male You know male Because he's all boy school Will you give me a subtle hint

That just helped me along a little bit They've been Mumford and son That guy Yeah yeah yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah That's crazy

Yeah Wow Yeah Marks Do you know him Now? Yeah I went school with him Yeah I saw him the other day actually but we don't really see a lot of each other.

On purpose? Or you ran? No, we ran into each other at, you know, celebrity party. Picking Pockets. We're picking pockets, as usual. Yeah. It's funny that people do that, like, schools do that show, and then, like, you have the what's her face, you know, like, as long as he needs me.

Yeah, Nancy. And she's, like, abused, right? Yeah, and she's killed. She's killed at the end. Oh, my God. Bill Sykes kills her at the end, and then the police shoot Bill Sykes. It's awful. Wow.

And also, like, it was a posh school. right? So it's like loads of kids dressed up as workhouse children, singing a food glorious food. That's really funny. And they really, like, none of us had an idea of what they were actually singing about. Yeah, yeah, of course. You never know. Very well, very well-fed boys. Yeah. And now look at you. And now look at me. Food podcast. Food podcasts. It all links back. And also the, we talked about this on the podcast before, so you can cut this, Ben, but I just want John to know. All of the adult roles were played by the teachers. That's so funny. That's crazy. Give those to the kids. Yeah, the best roles.

That's crazy. Like, I guess we'll do it. My math teacher played Bill Sykes. That's insane. Mr. Hassan. I'll say keep it in, Ben, because it is funny every time. I agree. Keep it in.

Or else there's going to be this weird. Yeah. Yeah, is that stupid. You got to keep it in. The headmaster was Fagan. That's insane. I don't think I did know that. I don't think that's come up before.

The headmaster being fagin. That is. Nancy was played by the head dinner lady. Is that true? Yes, that's true. That's crazy. That one, I support that. Yeah, yeah.

Can you imagine being one of the teachers and being in it? And I'm just like thinking about getting ready for the show. And knowing that you're supposed, like, it's for the kids. Like, and you're not supposed to be excited, but actually secretly being so excited to be on stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So embarrassing. Talking about it at home to your partner. It's whatever.

Yeah. I'm trying to learn the life. That's just one kid playing the Undertaker's daughter. And he just doesn't, every time I'd. deliver my lines, you just freeze us up. I smashed it, man. I bet you were so great. Yeah, yeah.

So, I think you should have all three of those bubbly drink. Okay, thank you. It's kind of weird, but... I don't think it's weird. Okay. This is your dream. Thank you, thank you. Ice cold champagne.

Yeah. A particular champagne? I don't really know anything about champagne, but, you know, crisp, dry. Yeah. Ice cold. Yeah. And real pain for your sham friends? And I don't know.

I don't know if champagne is... Wait, sorry. What is... My favorite thing is when James does a little joke and no one picks up on it. And you so quickly moved on. A real pain for my sham friends. Do you want champagne for your real friends and real pain for your sham friends? Such a shit joke, man.

It's not a joke. It's a saying. I think it started as a joke, though. That's really a saying. I think the saying is supposed to be like, ooh. Well, it's a saying that I just know it as a saying that people say. They say, champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. I'm asking you if you would like real pain for your sham friends. Jay, if you're listening.

Would you like real pain for your sham friends? So the choice is you're choosing between giving your real friends, you're falling asleep. You're choosing between a reward, a gift for your real friends, or hurting people. No, you do both. I'm saying, are you going to give people like, Claudia, champagne because she's your real friend. People like Jay, Willie Wonka. Real pain.

Real pain because he's your sham friend. Just like, physical pain. Yeah, it's real, yeah, it can be, however you interpret it, I guess, physical pain or emotional pain. I'm giving, I'm giving champagne to my real friends. Yeah. And, yeah. And real pain to your sham friends.

No, I'm making a choice. I'm just giving champagne. You've offered a choice, James. I'm saying I'll give like champagne to Ed, my real friend. Yeah, sweet. And real painter Benito. Yeah. Like it gets put for an industrial fresher or something.

Oh, no. What sort of glass do you want the champagne in? A real glass? Not a flute. Not a flute, no. I just don't, I'm not at a wedding. You know, that being said, I don't know the alternative. One of the more bowl-like ones?

Yeah, maybe just like, actually, yes, just like a wine glass. I hate all the different glasses. Like, why can't we just have it all in a tumbler in just a normal glass? Like, that is, I love drinking out of a normal glass. Okay. I have to laugh because there's a huge reason, actually. You know, for something like champagne, you have to have the stem so that your hand isn't warming it up. And I can't believe I have to tell you that.

You're the one with the food podcast. He thinks olive oil is acid, if you remember. Well, if I'm drinking my tub of olive oil. Well, I can't warm that up. Also, the shapes of wine glasses are important. I didn't know that. Because some of them have like a wide base, a wide base to aerate, and you can get some movement in there,

but also then a sort of narrow top sometimes to funnel the sort of aroma and stuff upwards towards the nose. And keep it within the glass as well. No one's ever done that. Can you believe they can make... This is similar to like anchovy stuff. Can you believe they can make glass so thin? It's mad, isn't it?

It's crazy. We take all that shit for granted. When it is really thin, though, like super, super thin. Yeah. All night, I'm resisting biting it. That's so funny. All night, I don't think about that. Of course.

Because you think it's going to taste like sugar a little bit. It just seems so tempting. Not even the way it's going to taste. Just like... Texturally. It seems so close to breaking. Yeah. Yeah.

you have to smash some stuff up? Because that show went wild, right? That should go wild. I had my hair fall out. I had a rash over my body. I shit in my pants. I got to do such fun stuff, but I don't think I ever did that. Your dream dessert.

Here we are. The best one. Well, I might need y'all's help. Yeah. Happen. Because I feel like this is actually very British. Like bread. pudding.

Oh, yeah, great. Right? Is that really British? It feels British. Yeah. Like, because I was, it would almost be too on the nose to come in and say sticky Jaffe pudding. But it's actually texturally not what I want.

Yeah. I want bread pudding. Yeah. I want the little occasional moments of like crisp. Yeah, yeah. Crispy top. Yeah. The little crust.

It would be almost like caramelized sort of on the top as well. Yes. Because that's why I get confused because I want the caramelization. But I don't necessarily. But I don't necessarily want like butterscotch. I mean, I love butterscotch. I guess I'm struggling.

It's like I want the flavors of sticky toffee pudding but I want the kind of all the chunks of the bread pudding. Yeah. So maybe there's some sort of combination we could do. Because you get bread pudding in the States right? But you would call it bread pudding. Here we would call it bread and butter pudding I think. We do call it that. We call it bread pudding as well. There's two different things actually, isn't it?

Really? But I think bread and butter pudding is more common here. What is bread and butter pudding? It's pretty much the same. It's more like a custard sort of in it. Yeah. It feels more custody. Yes.

Might be some raisins in there. I love that. I love bread pudding with raisins in it. And then an ice cream. Yeah. Well, it depends. It's your dream. Thank you.

There's a place to hear that. As women, we often don't. You know, no, I would do ice cream. Really hot bread pudding, obviously, fresh out of the oven, ice cream you're putting it on, it's slightly melting. It's a place near me that does deep-fried bread and butter pudding with cold custard. What do you think about that?

Deep-fried? Like, as in, like, in a hot oil? They do, but it's not, like, crazy, like, it's... Are they putting some sort of crust around it, like a batter? No. Okay, well, that, okay, good. So it is, like, just a very crispy on the outside. I bet it's so good.

It is so good. Yeah. You look really horrified. You did look over five. I know, because you know why. It's because of when people do like deep fried Oreos or something. And there's like a batter around it. You're from the south.

I know. I know. I know. I know. You know, when I went, chicken fried steak. I saw that on menus a lot. It's so crazy. And then I saw something called chicken fried chicken, which didn't make sense to me at all. They're being cute.

They're being cute. Okay. Yeah. But they prepare the chicken like it's a steak and then fry it like it's chicken. Wait, how did, okay, so they're like doing a breast It's steak that's like pounded out like schnitzel It's like pounded out and then like battered and deep fried Yeah

But then I guess chicken fried chicken is like pounding out the chicken Like you're preparing it like it's chicken fried steak But then frying it like it's chicken. Isn't that just back around to being schnitzel again? I think it is. Yeah, it feels like it. Yeah. But they call it chicken fried chicken. You had that in America?

No, I just saw it on a menu. Oh, oh. And you never forgot it. Never forgot it. Think about it every day. That's crazy. Rent pudding. But a bit caramel-y.

Yeah. With some ice cream on it. Like, caramel, like, I don't like, I guess I don't know enough about it. It's like, you're achieving a caramel-y flavor, but not from pouring a caramel sauce on it. I guess it's like a sugar top, right? Yeah. That caramelizes, yeah. In the oven.

But, you know, this is your dream. Maybe put a tiny little jug of butterscots sauce on the side for you and then you can just... And you can just dip it. Dip an ad. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you want magazines in this. And well, now I'm confused.

I don't know, man. This is where we like to get guests to. A state of total confusion. Confusion, just tired. You've really been through it. You never want to eat food again. You will hate all these foods now. No, that's not true.

I could never. Do you think my meal is good? Well, let's see. I'm going to lead it back to you now. Stop! Stop it! You would like, sparkling water. Let me see.

No, that's magic. That's genie magic. You would like homemade sourdough. You would like your own homemade christini with butter, anchovy, chalot, parsley, lemon juice and parmesan. This is a trick. The Thomas Keller roast chicken with aioly and chimituri and a wedge of lemon. Side dish, a sliced tomato with salt, pepper and olive oil, duck fat potatoes with chicken salt. Is it really?

A ruder salad. Big from the bar I don't have a joke John's realised how it's been done I thought it was people and it would be good if it was Benito is a magician

he could have done that but he knows how to do that trip that is so funny man that's the most that is the most that is the most that anyone's ever been like I have to see that I can't

I can't not know how it happened No one's ever grabbed it No one's ever grabbed it No one's ever been like No stop talking I have to know how this is being done Have you ever been to the magic castle

You get kicked out in seconds I actually was like You are such a good performer Yeah And that you are remembering I've been mimized And you're like really committing to like staring

Looking down with your eyes I was really impressed That would be good Oh wow You all really got me This is crazy Do people know it's an iPad? No, they don't know

Oh, I'm sorry Are you... Oh no, I know the... I can know That's fine But I thought you made guests We love that you were so into it And so wowed by it

A lot of guests I just don't want to ruin it for your listeners Oh yeah Yeah, you're viewers really I've ruined it on other episodes before By going Oh, he's typed this in wrong He's still typing it now

Yeah, it's fine Also, when we do the show live That's how we do it It's set Yeah, and then James wants logged into the wrong thing and ended up playing a Lewis Capaldi video

so they know. Yeah, yeah, they know. Yeah. And you went ice cold Coca-Cola and... Did you give but potatoes, tomatoes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was what you were grabbing.

You were losing your mind during that bit, so you won't remember any of that. A really dry champagne as well. Yeah. And for dessert, like a sticky toffee, butterscotch-flavored bread and butter pudding with cold ice cream. With some raisins.

Yeah. Yeah. Feel good? I still feel a little confused about my own dessert, but, like, that's not, that's my fault. That's not y'all. I think it is a great menu. And you know what it says to me, quality and simplicity. Thank you.

I'm actually proud of the simplicity. Yeah. The anchovy thing. Wait, you guys? Oh my God. I literally skipped the most important thing. I'm just going to say it really fast. This is crazy.

The Martha Stewart mac and cheese. So I know you're thinking, bread pudding and mac and cheese what? Like this is so but the Martha Stewart mac and cheese

is unbelievable add it to the iPad yeah yeah and then because and so and whatever there's fresh grated nutmeg in it

you're using really quality cheeses for the bechamel and on top you do these croutons whatever I made it I used Japanese milk bread

for the croutons and it was out of this world and that is like literally to me the most important part of the whole meal and I can't believe I left it out. Wow. Well, no, that's good because we're ending on it. So this will be the memory that most people will have

is the Martha Stewart Macon Cheese. Yes. And you can look up the recipe. I really hope people watch this one. If you're listening, I hope you go and watch it. A lot of good questions. John's been doing a lot of good stuff down the camera. A lot of good facial stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much, John. Thank you, guys. It was so fun. Well, there we are, James. That was a lot of fun. Fantastic. Thank you so much, John. Thank you, John. That was so much fun. And I would say, if you've listened to this, go and watch it as well.

Yeah, watch it on YouTube, this episode. John is... It's so funny. Like, so many faces that were making me laugh. Yeah. Like, I just would laugh so much at John's facial expressions. Yeah, right down the camera as well. Real good stuff.

Yeah, really good. And John didn't say oat milk. So we can tell you that eternity will be in cinemas from December the 5th. Yes, it will be. Probably would have told you that anyway, but like, maybe we didn't have to kick John out the dream mess drum. Yeah, which was good. Yes.

Although he nearly kicked him out for grabbing my iPad. He grabbed the iPad at the end. I mean, hopefully go and watch that as well. That was amazing. He was so frustrated that you didn't know how it was done. It was like, I really did feel like a magician. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm blowing his mind.

And because you got a smart jacket on today. That's probably why he thought it was magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm dressed smarter than usual. Yeah. I was like, this must be, a magician. This guy's a dapper, a dapper trickster. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, dapper trickster. Don't forget to check out the Patreon for Flicking the Bean with Edwin Coffee and the Great Unboxito. Yeah, get on that. You can watch both of those. And that was the last episode of the series, James. It was. So, au revoir to series 14. Yes.

But be an an avenue to series, I guess, 15. Christmas specials first. which is coming up, and there are two incredible Christmas specials with guests that it blows my mind. Yeah, two great guests, and two great guests you never hear about together. Yeah, that's the only clue you're getting.

You would never hear about these people together. And they're not together because they're separate episodes. And they'll be best of as well, James. The only episodes you need to listen to every year. That's for you when you're cleaning your house. Yes. Thank you very much for listening to this series. We will see you at Christmas time.

Bye-bye. Goodbye. Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont. And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact. Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts. The effect it has on people is astounding. That is what we've heard, isn't it? Yeah.

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