Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Kiell Smith-Bynoe (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

Next from our run of live shows at London’s Royal Albert Hall is ‘Taskmaster’ and ‘Ghosts’ star, Kiell Smith-Bynoe! The first time Kiell guested on Off Menu it was one of the only times Ed and James drank on the podcast, and Kiell’s not letting that tradition slip… Kiell is on tour with his improv show Kool Story Bro. For dates and tickets go to www.koolstorybro.co.ukFollow Kiell on Instagram @klayzeflaymz Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Recorded by Matt Mountford-Lister for Storm Productions Group live at the Royal Albert Hall.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast. Bonus. It's a bonus live episode, James. The Royal Albert Hall. The Royal Albert Hall, 14th of March, evening show. Evening show. We'd already done a matinee, but you wouldn't know it with the amount of energy that we bring to this episode. Plucky boys, wide-eyed and bushy-tail.

And our guest is Kyle Smith Bino. Obviously returning, Kyle Smith-Biner. This is a tasting menu. We gave him the menu of another previous fan-favorite guest. Yes. talked him through those choices. But this one got away from us, James. It went off in many different directions.

It did. There might be some stuff we refer to that happened in the first half, although there's a lot happening in the second half that might equally make no sense. I mean, it's worth telling you as a listener that Kyle does come on, dress as a chef.

Yes. And, yeah, you should know that. Chef White's... He comes dressed as one of his famous characters. Yes, it's a character. And also, we make reference to singing a song at the end of the show. We did sing, we did karaoke at the end of the show.

We can't put that on the episode for multiple reasons, song rights and also quality. It was, I'd say, one of the worst closings to a show the Royal Alba Hall has ever seen. Yeah, this show was really fun and went really well. The ending was neither of those things. And you are not missing out. No, don't worry about missing out.

Yeah, it was bad. It was a really, in terms of like shows that I've done in my life, and I include stand-up in this. I'd say it's the most kind of like, the show was brilliant, and then the end was one of the worst things I've ever done. It should have been good.

Yeah, it should have been good. It was a good idea, but we didn't quite pull it off. So don't worry, it's not on here, but you didn't miss it. You didn't miss anything. You didn't miss anything. I mean, what else to tell you, I guess? Just to have fun, enjoy yourself, relax.

Yeah. Listen to it. Kick back. I guess. Kick back, enjoy. Keep back and enjoy. This is the off many. tasting menu of Kyle Smith Bino.

Kyle Smith bonus. We're very excited because now we are going to do a tasting menu of the off menu podcast. Kick us off. Kick us off, Ed Gamble like only you care. Welcome to the off menu podcast. Taking the chocolate of conversation.

Putting it delicately into the mouth of humor. And only it was the cat shit of podcasting. This is a tasting menu episode where we invite back an old fan favourite guest and give them another menu from another fan favourite guest and we are very excited that tonight's guest is Kyle Smith Bidal

Welcome back to the stage He didn't tell us he was doing this Hello So striking, such a handsome chef This hat is tight Well let's pop you down in a chair, show we chef Kael Welcome

Where did you get the outfit from now? I asked my friend if I could borrow it eight years ago, and he said yes, and it's been in a bag on the back of my door for exactly eight years. Then I took it to get pressed, and they said it can't be done. It's been creased for so long. So paid double, got it pressed.

They said they can't do the hat. They haven't got enough time. I guess what did you imagine they asked to borrow? Yes, that's the question. Right, sure. When I was, whatever eight years ago was, I created a character called Miles White, who was going to be a TV chef,

and I was like, wouldn't it be fun to do a character that will live and die, and then you never think about it again? So I was going to play, I was going to do a character for one year, and I was going to do videos and stuff, and then he was going to die,

and then that would have been the end of it. Never did it. Can you, how far did you get with the character? Can you tell us anything about Miles White? Yeah, there was quite a lot of character development. He was Australian. He was, he didn't know he was black. That was his thing.

I spent quite a lot of time looking up wigs, and I found a really good Richard Branson wig that I was going to get for the character, and I was going to cast his wife and children. The children would have been white, that would have been fine, Yeah. So we're full family

for when he dies. So when he dies, there's a whole family and wife and kids that he's leaving behind. So it's quite sad at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you give us a quick blast of the voice? We need to start the podcast officially, but just before we do,

I'd love to hear a little bit from Miles White. And this won't be the last we hear from him tonight, either. There's no way we're not teeing you up for this at multiple occasions. Yeah, I guess it's got to be quite a lot of... Oh, shit, it's burned. Oh, so he's a bad chef? He was forgetful. It's a really important character detail of Miles White.

Very forgetful, chef. Yeah, it was quite forgetful. Does Miles White not aware that he's black, or is Miles White forgot that he's black? It's just never mentioned, but his wife would be Caucasian. and as a result so with the children and he would never reference

the fact that his children couldn't possibly be his but he'd probably go hang on a second you can't be my kids and then he'd forget the day after right yeah yeah yeah why don't you do this

oh maybe I'll bring it back yeah I think you should do I think you've got the outfit it looks good on you yeah thank you it's really cool and you should be Miles White and like start it and everyone here would know you know the full where it's heading

that he's going to die. I've honestly never spoken about it before so doing it in front of this many people is insane when you put the outfit on you must have thought it might come up yeah I thought I could distract you with other stuff but I guess not James speaking of characters

you of course play a genie in this podcast so I've got to do my pop of entrance Kyle now Kyle obviously James is a genie he's going to be coming out of the lamp. A lot of people are confused now because they're thinking,

where's James gone? Apart from the people sat over here. Right. Because they can see him. They can see him, yeah, yeah. If you could possibly rub the lamp for us to get James out of the lamp,

that would be great. And then the podcast started. And then the podcast started when you've got the genie out of the lamp. That would be great, thank you. Rub it as the character? Miles White. Who's saying that?

How would Miles White rub the lamp? Can I say that I've had loz to drink. We saw Kyle when he arrived. We did a sound check this afternoon and then we had a bit of a chat in the dressing room and I'd say about ten minutes before the first half started

Kyle went, yeah, well I guess I'll just see you on stage. We're like, I don't need to just see us on stage. We thought maybe he's got some work to do. Turns out he's been drinking tequila and apple juice. I will have to go to the toilet at some point during this report. Well, the quicker you're up the lamp, the less weas you have to do, yeah. Doing squats back here, man. Come on.

Any part in particular? Well, there's a funny way and there's a less funny way. We'll be expecting you in a tough time. Thank you. Welcome, Jeannie. Nice to welcome Miles White. I can't be Miles White now because I have the wig. Oh, it's all about the wig, is it? Yeah, it is mainly in the hair.

But you never bought the wig? I never bought the wig, but I googled it loads. Look, we're going to give you another guest's menu tonight, so it's not going to be your dream. It's going to be another guest stream. Yeah, I was sort of worried about that. Why? Because I don't like a lot of stuff.

Uh-huh. Well, you know, he likes what he liked. But I feel like a lot of my responses will be that's bullshit, man. Yeah. Although, sorry, before we start quickly, I just have a few things that I wanted to chat to you guys about. Please.

If it's about how this was a chef character, we know that already. Right. Just to be clear, you've already told us about Miles White. Oh, how? Yeah. I know that you cannot forget. No, it's just a couple of things.

I haven't seen you boys in a while. No, it's been a while. I've been a while. I've wrote it down. Okay. What's your problem with Pizza Hut? With Pizza Hut? Yeah. I think I've been quite complimentary about Pizza Hut over the years

because I like the sort of golden, almost fried taste of the base of the pizzas. I'm a big fan of that. What have we said about Pizza Hut in the past that's upset you? So I did this podcast in 2022. Yeah. It came out in 2020. Yeah, sorry about that.

Every week. Oh, it'll be me. It'll be me this time. And then off that, I got offered... Offered? Is that the right word? Okay. Depends what the next word is. I got offered the part of a

pasta puppet in Dormillo adverts. That's a dream role. So me and John Kearns play Pasta Puppet. What? Hang on, when did this happen? This, uh, like, end of 2020, 23, maybe beginning... And you did it? Yeah.

Cairns has never mentioned this. No. You and Cairns are the Dolmeo puppets? Yeah. No, not the Italian ones. We can do it. You can do all the different accents we found out tonight. There were like new, new ones. And has anyone seen that advert? There's like one messy one and there's one like... Nobody... how can nobody have seen it? How much have you had to drink, Kyle?

It was, I'm like a messy spaghetti pasta puppet And then John Coens is like a, what's the... Penny? So, oh, you're literally made of pasta. You're not Dalmeo family members who just love pasta. No, that's, you can't do that. Oh, so that's what they were trying to correct. Yeah.

So we can't do that Italian family anymore. Yeah. They're stereotypes. So we want you two to be talking pasta. Talking pasta, yeah. And he's got a bow that's made out of, what's the bow one? Far filet.

Yes, please. And he's got a bow, and he's like, sort of straight lace, and he's like, oh, no, you can't do that, and then I'm like, oh, yeah, do what you want. And it's exactly like that. And that was off-off-menu. That was, we got that because of off-menu.

Really? That's what they told me. And then I said... Hang on. It feels like if they want to cast two people to play puppets from off-menu. We already know. We already know what pasta shapes would be.

Someone asked us last night. Oh, what's the answer? And they made me the one that's all the frilly one. Yeah, fusily. Because he's all twisty. You're quick with us. You're not quick with us pastur shapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll do a food podcast man. I've learnt the pasta shapes. Right. And I know how to say jam on. And I'd be Oroquietti because they're the little ears and I've got little ears. Little ears. Yeah, that's Oroquietti is the ones that are like,

they look like little shells, but it literally means small ears because they look like little ears. What's he talking about? I don't always know, but he's a great guy, he's very supportive. My favourite past the shape, because of my metal head, is a strontzapretti,

which is a strangled priest, that means. That's fucking sick, isn't it? That is cool. It's demonic. Yeah, it's pretty demonic, but that's cool if you're a metal head. I like a campanelli. Oh, yeah.

What's that one? No idea. I go to Vapiano's, I say I want the Campanelli. Please. Don Mio's staying away from that character, I imagine. But we've got that because of... Sorry, how does this relate to pizza, her? Just so you're aware, if you're not aware of this,

to this date, Kyle holds the record for the longest episode we've ever recorded. And I'm beginning to get that muscle memory back. I think I remember why. So you can't want to text your babysitters now. That was true. And then that got beaten. And I texted Ed about it because I was fucking... Livid.

Ross Noble. Oh yeah. Overtook me. But I still have some records on this podcast. I believe I'm still the only person to shower a place negatively. That's been left in the edit, sure. And still the only one to drink on the podcast?

Yeah, yeah. Speaking of, shall we... Hang on. I didn't even see that when I was behind the lamp. Where's that coming? What the fuck? Do you see that? You must have seen it from your seat.

No, I'm genuinely surprised because also, did you bring this with you or did they buy it? I brought it. I brought it from home. Is that true? Yeah. This is good shit, man.

I love Eagle Rare. Yeah, yeah. That's one of my favourite bourbons. I got this. What did you ask me? What's the question? You were telling us something. You were telling us a story

about Don Mia. You got the booze out and then you said, what was the question? I did a play in 2016. Okay, this doesn't feel relevant, but carry on. And I didn't really know anything about drinks, like, properly. I would just drink like...

You poured in that one already. You keep making ones bigger and then leveling them all out. That's ridiculous, Kyle. Yeah, they feel level to me. And the director was a whiskey guy, and he was like, you've got to get it, you're wearing. So I got this in 2016. Wow, nice.

And it was already aged 10 years. And now it's 20. I've already got into bourbon recently. Tell me if you think this is a cool thing to do. I don't know if we have any ice or anything. Oh, don't worry about it. It's have any. Cheers, lad.

Oh, cheers. Thank you for coming. Thank you. Cheers, everybody. I've started watching bourbon YouTubers who are mainly men from the deep south of America and they do one hour long videos where they go to different liquor stores

and film what's on the shelves. Yeah. And I will watch those every night. Send me the link. I will. That is nice, isn't it? That's really nice. It's really lovely.

That is nice. So, Peter's Hart. You... I then... Can I say you're not the only guest to drink on the podcast now? You're the only guest to do an evening record, if that helps. Right. You're the only one to have done an evening record, but Finn Wolfhard had a Guinness.

Right little kid? Yeah. Is he even allowed to drink? How old is he? He's 23 now. but he's probably 21 when he had to get us. He was 14. It was a Stranger Things Series 1, we interviewed him.

He went straight to the upside down as soon as he said that guest. Well, I messaged you when I said, we got this job because of off-menu, so I'd want to celebrate and I want to take you guys to pizza. Oh, yeah. And Ed immediately said, no fucking way. And he said he doesn't want it. He doesn't want to go to pizza.

So now, three years later, I'm asking you, what's the problem with pizza? I think maybe I was taking back that your immediate go-to for a celebration and a thank you for getting you, I'd imagine, a very highly paid advertising job, was to take me to the cheapest restaurant in Britain. It would have been nice to receive the invite. I know it seems like he's the boss, not his work for the podcast, but... this was before I had your number oh okay and you didn't know anyone you could ask via but since I've had your number

look at all the fun we've had you accidentally set my picture as your profile picture remember that yeah I did I was trying Kyle text to me saying how's it going I was like who is this they sent a photo of him like on the beach with a cocktail so I'm going to save that as Kyle's

contact picture and accidentally saved it as my contact picture You old fucking man. It's so old. And I had to tell Kyle. Oh no, how about my bits? Seth's a car going, I've done this by mistakes.

People are texting me about it. And then Kyle just texted back going, keep as is, question mark. I think I've got to. So I did for quite a while. It was a shoe like that. I liked it. I don't know why I changed it back.

Oh, sorry, there's a few other things. I'll get through this quick, quickly. So, yeah, sorry. I would love to write that wrong and go to pizza out with you in the future. Great. Yeah.

James, you come in? Yeah, I love it. Fantastic. And we've got witnesses, so it has to happen. Yeah. We've spoken about the longest episode thing. Crispy Cream Chat.

We'd avoid that. Jan 3. What does Jan 3 mean? Jan 3? Yeah. You're asking me what something that you've written down means? Big time.

Jan 3? January 3rd, I'd imagine. It's got to be January 3rd. It's got to be January 3rd. Not just a third woman you've met called Jan. Ed and I and two other people. That's not how you say. Here we go.

Can't wait to hear about something else I wasn't invited to. I just remember what it was and you are about to hear about that, yeah. No, you were invited, I think. Unavailable again. I'll get to that. The dinner that we went for...

Yes, on Jan 3. On Jan 3. Yeah. Meet you, Phil Wang, Alex Horne. Sounds fun Sounds good fun night out We had a great time And we said

We should do this more often Yes That was Jan 3 2025 That was the last time we did that You're very much the only one Trying to keep that WhatsApp group going I'm really trying

Yeah yeah quite hard You're not getting anything out of horn Now and again I reply Yeah And Wang's dead to the world on that group So how do we James how do we revive that All right, it's up to me to get that gang going again.

I think so. The guy didn't even make the draft the first time. You want me to get Ed, Wang, and Horn, who doesn't reply to anything unless it's a response to me saying that I will do something for him as a favour. I can't help you here, brother. Okay. We should definitely do that again, though.

That was nice. Well, that's what I've been saying in the group. Yeah. What I would say is the thing, you like to eat very late. True. Because we got a booking for 9pm for a table on Jan 3 and everyone else was like, I'm fucking hell, 9pm, it's the only table we could get.

And you genuinely said that's a bit early for me. I just like to chase the night, boys. Well, I'm sorry that everyone on the Jan 3 group is ghosting you. Maybe I had Charlotte Richard to the group, she'd talk to them for you. Yeah. Hey, quickly, look, we haven't got much time. Last thing on this.

20 minutes in, haven't revealed who the guest is yet. Whose menu you're going to have? 20 minutes in. A third of the way through normally, is this? When are either of you going to do my fucking improv show? You've asked me to do that show four or five times now. The answer's been no every time. When are you going to take the fucking hit?

I absolutely don't want to do that show. Come on, James, it's good. Well, look, I will do it if you do it as Miles White all night. If you're in character as Miles White for the whole lead, then I'll do your improv show. That could not work. Well, bad luck. No, go on, what about next Saturday?

Next Saturday? Yeah, hang on. Yeah, I'll check my diary. Hang on. Kyle, I'm doing it next Saturday. Don't fucking try and oust me right now. Genuinely is. Tickets still available.

No, it's sold out. Well, that's, look, that's the end of my stuff. That was my list. Now, what's this podcast about? We'll give you the menu of another guest, of a past guest. Is there anyone in particular that you're hoping for, whose menu you think you might enjoy?

Bridget Christie. Oh, that would be nice, wouldn't it? Yeah. Well, it's Bob Mortimer. Lovely, bidger. We never know what photo Benito has chosen, but it's another absolute purler. That is fantastic.

What a cute little cat. Yeah. And the kitten on his shoulder. Yeah. Bob Mortimer, how do you feel about that? You're excited about him in Bob Mortimer's menu? Yeah, I really like him. I've never met him.

I think he's hilarious. I don't know what he eats. We should invite him to the next Jan 3 meet him. Oh shit, yeah. Yeah. Well, it depends. Let's see how this goes. Now, for your water course, when you came on in 2022, but didn't get released for 2023,

you had still water. Bob Mortimer has chose phrase dream water course. Don't. Also still. Yes. So that's got to feel good. We're off to a good start where you and Bob are both having still water together. We've got something in common.

Yeah. You could have a... Well, what would you chat to Bob about over the water course? Don't you hate sparkling? Yeah, that's what all the still guys chat about, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. They really slag off sparkling. I think there's fucking shape.

Any good? Another accent. You've got another character on your head and see. Who would be your character from the northeast of England? We can try and get a new character for you now. Alan. Is his surname Shira by any chance? Yeah, I see what's happened in my subconscious.

You chose Hardo Bread. Yes. Remember that? Yeah. And I bet he's done exactly the same. Bob Mortimer's dream bread is lukewarm crusts with olive oil and butter Lukewarm crusts

Yeah, yeah Just the crusts It's exactly what it sounds like Yeah Crusts of what? Okay I'm gonna go ahead and say bread Yeah but what like

What? White bread, toast Well I mean I guess Because he's not specified We could do lukewarm hardo bread crusts Yes please With what? Butter and with olive oil and butter.

Yeah, good choices, man. You like this already. Yeah, I'm into this. Just get the crust. Luke warm. I'm guessing what Bob would have liked is like just like normal sliced bread from the shop, like white bread,

like that kind of standard and then just the crusts. Because I don't think he wants the middle of the bread. He wants the crust, he only wants the crusty bits to dip, and lukewarm to dip in. What does Luke warm mean? Good question.

Okay, let's get into this. Like, room temp? No, that's room temp. Right, sure. But what... How far is Luke Warm off room temp? I think Luke Warm is definitely warmer. Yeah.

But not warm. It's not warm. It's not hot. It's not hot. I think Luke Warm is subjective. Okay. Hmm. I don't think it is. I think...

What's... I say any temperature descriptor is subjective, right? Because some people will have a very hot cup of tea and they'll be like, that's perfect and someone else will say that's hot, that's too hot. Science. It is the opposite of science, is what I'm saying. It's purely subjective.

How warm you think things are religion. Luke warm would also be a great new character for you, I think. Luke warm. Where's Luke warm from? What do you sound like? lukewarm that sounds like a superhero yeah but like not

shit one yeah not not the A team is it's not like your first choice he's not like any of the fire superheroes you can blast fire at their hands he just sort of gently gently warms people

yeah he's not he's not getting that call up from Dr X X yeah he just makes Dr Doom feel quite cozy wait what's that guy's name Professor X yeah who's Dr. X?

Doctor X is just a GP. I think... Is Dr. X the baddie from the action men figures? Thank you. Oh, wow. You know, remember on the adverts where would he, like, shoot an X out of his chest or something? I do remember that.

Yeah. And it was in the Argos catalog. It was in the Argos catalog, yeah. Do you miss the Argos catalog? Real bad. Good. Yeah. Flicking through those pages like that. Are the listeners getting this?

straight to the bras, that's what I did. Learning a lot about... More fingers, I need more fingers. So you would go to, with two fingers, you'd go through the Argos catalogue and flip through it like that. Running through it. And then went straight to the bras. Straight to the bras.

I'll just go in the back index, page 172, bras. And they'd keep coming over and go, can we help you, sir? Now, a lot of people in this room will remember, so shout out before we reveal it. If you remember Bob Mortimer's starter, Shout it out now.

Yeah. Correct. It is. The Odian Cinema Hot Dog with ketchup and mustard. I'd say not only this is a fan favourite menu, but this course in particular is a fan favourite. Yeah. People really liked Bob choosing the Odine Cinema Hot Dog.

Now you look annoyed. I don't mind that, actually. I mean, not as a main, surely. This is a starter. I know it feels like we're at the main. But you have to remember you had a bunch of minutes at the beginning that you had to go through a bunch of...

Get your own schedule. I quite like that. Do you like a cinema hot dog if you're at the cinema? Yeah. But they're getting out of hand. How so? They've gone mad. There's too much stuff on them.

Halipinos, fucking bacon, cheesy bits. Yeah. The cheese sort of the horrible cheese sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of that shit. Crispy onions. I do like that.

That's always something, isn't it? Halapinos, all of that stuff. Do I say halipinos? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cheers. The OG, like, sausage in a bun. Yeah. Listen to me in the high-off catalogue again.

Swiggle it on the sausage, not the bread. And I'm saying that because my friend, Charlotte, she... Charlotte Ritchie. Not that one. Okay. Well, you've got to say... Not Charlotte Ritchie, I'm afraid, because everyone thinks that you hang out

with Charlotte Ritchie all the time. Sure. Because you own a house that is haunted. She, Charlotte, my friend, not Charlotte Ritchie, she made, she brought her kids round because I got a paddling pool in the garden the other day, not the other day when it was hot.

And she made... But you don't... But you don't have kids? I don't have kids, but I was like... I don't have kids, but she doesn't have a garden. Perfect. So... So you had a Paddenpool anyway?

I was like, well, it is hot. It's 34. When it's 34 in London, do something about it. Yeah. So I... But you already owned a Padden Pool? No, I went to Arvost. Hours that took to fill up. And in the meantime, she made some hot dogs for the kids.

And me. And when she put the ketchup on it, she did it all over. Like on the bread. as well. Oh, so she put the... Frankfurtter in first. She didn't put it on the bread

and then put the sausage in. Imagine that. That's fucked up, man. How did you even think of that? This is crazy comedy mind. He's a creative. I don't know where I get my ideas from. But you mean she put the Frankfurter in

and then her swoops were so wide that she was touching the outside. Yeah, but that sounds like it was an accident. Right. She was doing it. Delib. Right. How far onto the bread was she...

Never heard that abbreviated before. We're sitting with the inventor of Platy Jube. You can abbreviate it. Of course. The OG Plattie Jubes is here. He's going to say Delib. She... I was just thinking about going into that,

but we've done it. You did it in 2020. All over the bread. And sausage. And sausage. But you want it on the sausage. Yeah, of course. You just don't want it on the bread.

What's the issue with it being on the bread for you? Like, are you okay? I thought you'd lost your fucking voice. Stop chipping in every five seconds. I was her, sorry, apologies. Who's that? Oh, sorry, Kyle, we shouldn't let you know. There is an audience here.

There's an audience, we got to know him in the first half. Someone just got told off for no reason they didn't even do anything. Because this person keeps chipping in with stuff that literally, Edd asking you like, why don't you want it on the bread? And they're going, messy. You're talking to the only person in this room with a spare seat next to them. I'm aware that you know what it is because it's messy. But Kyle's up here because you'll probably give a more amusing answer than that.

Kyle, why don't you like the ketchup on the bread? Messy. Brilliant. The bard. No, but it is. Where do you hold it then? If the ketchup's on the bread, where are you going to? hold it? Well, it's not all the way, she's not wrapping it all the way around the bread. Like turning the hot dog over, making sure we got some on the bottom there, lovely.

Like a twister ice cream. You've got to... Oh, I would. Now you've made it sound nice. Pinching, you pinch the bottom, I guess. Pinch the bottom and then in. Yeah, what was it with ketchup and mustard? Yeah, but here's the thing with Bob's one. There's a caveat, yeah. So he goes with his son to the cinema.

who's a grown-up and they get these and they get the ketchup and mustard put on the hot dog side by side and then Bob for his son Why have you said side by side? Well the ketchup and the mustard is put on side by side Two lines?

Two lines, yeah. Disgusting. Or two swells but like side by side just like, not touching. Well which one is it, James? Two lines. Two lines. You think that's disgusting.

Two lines. And then Bob gets his finger. Two lines from nine to. Bob gets his finger. Don't worry because they will be touching. Bob gets his finger. finger and on his son's hot dog he goes like this and mixes them back

and forth in a wavy line and then he lifts up his finger that's covered in mustard and ketchup he says it's good to be alive son and then he licks it off his finger it's a sweet thing for a dad to do he mixes it for his thought that every time it's part of their tradition when they go to the cinema

I'd stop going I'd stop going Unenjoyable experience I can't really eat a hot dog in the cinema because especially with all that stuff on it because you look down when the lights come up at the end and you're just covered in jalapenos and crispy onions Yeah, too much stuff

Do you think there's a film that's inappropriate To eat a hot dog during If you saw... Babe 2, pig in the sea Um Yeah, probably loads Yeah Um, not one's coming to mind

Kyle's improv shows next Saturday at the Wolfie Starr's Sohitheatre. Main course, you had a confi duck leg. Ooh. With dofamized potatoes, honey roasted caress and parsnips, lovely. Gorgeous. But you're not getting that today. You're getting the dream main course of Bob Mortimer,

which is Chicken Bindaloo with free pop and arms and chips from the new Darwinium. Dewinium. Dewinium. I don't like onion food. Here we go. Kyle. This is why you book the Royal Albert Hall.

A chance to save yourself. A chance to save yourself. A chance to save yourself. Was that you speaking, or was it Miles White? I don't fucking like Indian food. I don't. Sorry, I can't get on board with it. I don't like the spices.

I don't like Indian, I don't like Mexican. Okay, let's clip that up. Clip that up. There's not one Indian or Mexican in here. Just getting mid of the term food now. We just go straight. All we need is a clip of you saying, I don't like Indian, I don't like Mexican,

there's not one of them in here! I just don't know what it is. It's not the spice level. Why have you sat forward? Because I want to make this clear before I can relax. It's not the spice level, it's the taste. I just don't enjoy it. I don't know what it is.

I don't know what herbs they got up in that bitch, but I just, I don't like it. Pardon me? Is it corianda? Charianda. Kail. Um... It could be the coriander maybe.

Thank you for you. Thank you. Could be. Is that the only thing that joins the two? No. What do you say? Kumin. Kumin?

Not been called that before. Um... Maybe. I don't know what it is, but I don't enjoy it. I do like spice. I like African spice. I like Caribbean. I like Chinese spice

um give me another one I don't know what was there was there was passion baby come up I like that I don't know if it's against me

but I like it no it's not against you not against you I think it's against you here we're on your side apart from the racism I'm allowed the yeah

I don't know what it is, but Indian and Mexican is a big no for me. So that's off the table for Jan 3, when we organise another meal for Jan 3? No Indian, no Mexican. I don't want to go to it. Okay. Just two huge cuisines. Yeah. So you're not going to enjoy eating a massive Vindaloo, chicken Vindaloo?

Not at all in any way. What about the Popatoms and the chips? I don't think I've ever had a Vindol. What is a Vindolu? It's a pretty spicy curry. Yeah. I don't know exactly what the ingredients are to it, but it's the one that people will always try and flex and be like,

I'm real tough, I'm gonna get a Vindaloo. Oh, there's a song about it, isn't it? Yeah, do you want to sing it? No. But what is the point of the... What is the song about... It's just promoting it? It's like a football...

It was a song commissioned by Big Vindaloo. It was a football song. It was Keith Allen, wasn't it? Yes. Was it? I thought it was Dennis Pennis. The guy did Dennis Pennis. You're saying Dennis Pennis? Do you remember Dennis Pennis?

You don't remember Dennis Pennis? Are you saying Dennis Pennis? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm saying that. This is honestly like watching a Christmas dinner. James is the grandchild and you're the granddad. The whiskeys come out at 11am. Are you doing? Penis.

Yeah, that was his character. Yeah, Dennis Penis. Oh, Paul Kay. Paul Kaye's character, Dennis Penis. But I think Paul Kay was in the video for it. Maybe there were a lot of people in the video for it. They were doing like a parody of The Verve, a bit of sweet symphony, walking down the street and stuff.

And then more and more people were joining. And I swear it started with Dennis Penis. but not as Dennis Penis as the real guy. What real guy? Paul Kay. Paul Kay, the actor who played Dennis Penis. He also played the therapist in the first series of Ricky Jervais' Afterlife. If that helps you, if that's more to your taste.

Redacted. No, it was Fat Les, who was played by Keith Allen. Oh, yes. Fat Les, not Dennis Penis. Right. Hmm, times have really changed So, okay, but the song was Just being like

What's the point of the song? It was a football song It was a release for the... It was it World Cup or Euros? World Cup, yeah. And how are those two things related? Can I say I genuinely know the backstory for how they wrote the song

But it's just going to be genuinely tedious But they wanted something that represented Britain To do, or England specifically for the English team to take them into the World Cup and they tried to write a song called Chicken Tika Masala because everyone loves chicken teeka masala but they worked out very quickly

that that didn't scam so they had to change it to Vindaloo Say again? Oh yeah so it's Vindaloo Vindaloo and we all like Vindaloo so that doesn't really work with chickadega masala chicken tiki masala

It's me and my dad and a bucket of Vindaloo that one It depends how musical you are I could have got it You could do it? I reckon, sir. So, yeah, go on.

If you had to write a song where a food was the main lyric to take England into the World Cup, what food would you choose? Great question. Thank you. Well, it would be bang as a match, weren't it? Oh, that's good, actually. Because what else is English? Told in old? Yeah.

What's told in the hall? What is it? Yeah. It's sausages and yorkshire pudding, and then they'd be. but gravy. Yeah. Proper English, that? Yeah.

Do you want to sing it for us now quickly? Um... That's a bit country. I don't know. Let me work something. I think if anything, that's too catchy, Kyle. If it was in 2018, they would have got Stormsy to do it.

Yeah. And it was taught in the hall. Told them there's too many holes in the road. There is. That's really good. The problem is, now I don't want to stop. Moss have been in too many holes in my clothes and in service, shoulder underfolds.

It's amazing that as a family, the Allens have released Vindaloo and then that song about the husband with the butt plugs in the bag, isn't it? What a body of work that family have. That song was also called Toad in the Hole. Really nice. Your dream side dish was creamed spinach.

Yeah. Would it still be? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I haven't found a dish that's beaten that, yeah. Oh, lovely. Maybe creamed corn. I'm sensing a theme here, Kyah. You like the creamed corn?

Yeah, I do, yeah. What makes it such a tight race between the spinach and the corn there? You don't really see cream corn on a menu very often. Sure. So I enjoy when I see a creamed spinach because it's close. I've tried to do cream corn at home. Bullshit. Yeah?

I have... James, I have fucked it up. What happened? How do you make cream corn? What's in there? Cream? Yep. If you dare.

Okay, yeah, no luck, yeah. Well, you can pull... You can do anything, really. You've not said corn yet, Kyle. The problem with the internet is... Everyone's making up like shit. So you can go on different websites. It's got different stuff.

And then if you go, oh, I'm just gonna like try and be adventurous. You can put anything in there and you can still call it cream corn. But you've just said you've never been able to successfully make cream corn. That's correct. Yeah. I'm not saying it's good what I've done.

Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, you can sort of just like have a go. And whatever you end up with, that's creamed corn, I get. Have you had the new Nando side, the chard corn, which is basically creamed corn? Yes, I have. Did you like it? Nope. Okay.

Yeah, me neither, man. I fucking love that stuff. Do you know when this country went down ill? So many. new characters tonight. When they got rid of Sweet Mash in Nando's, four people agree with me. Sweet, yes. That's why they got rid of it.

Yeah. What, no one else was into the sweet match? That's only eight people. I thought that was a bagger, and I thought when they stopped that, they've made a big mistake. Yeah. But I guess it's just me and you eight. Is Nandoes as good now?

No. No, it's not. As soon as they brought in that fucking QR code. Is this going to be a rant and saying the pandemic was fake? I just think it's part of the experience, isn't it? You go up there, they ask you what table you're at?

Yeah. It's part of the experience. Yeah, I do agree with that, actually. And now they're like, scan the thing. Yeah. You can still go up. What if I don't have the smart foot I do? Obviously, everyone does. But like...

But you can still go up, but they look at you like your fucking... mad. That's a character. Shocked Nando's worker. Nando's employee wasn't expecting them to come up. I'll workshop it, yeah, yeah. If you come to Kyle's improv show,

a lot of it is him saying, I'll workshop that. Well, the side dish will be giving you today. Bob Mortimer's dream side dish is shallow fried turban. Bob loves fishing as you... I know two of those words. Fried is when you cook something in a really hot pan. Right. I tried to do an egg in a pot the other day.

Egg in a pot? Egg in a pot? For people at the back, he's not being sick. I know it looks like he's being sick, but he's not. I'd already made something in the pot. I wanted to have an egg as well, but I didn't want to dirty another pan. Yeah. So I thought I'd do an egg in a pot.

You're saying egg in a pot? Yeah. Fried egg. Fried egg in a pot? In a pot, yeah. I... Okay. You mean in like a saucepan?

You tried to fry an egg in a saucepan? No. Wait, what's a saucepan? What's that one? That one's a pan. You can't just mind holding something and saying that one's a pan. We don't know where the hob is. So you doing that gives us nothing.

It's not going to appear. This isn't hook. You can't... What's that one? What's that one? It's a dog on a leash, I think. I think I've decided. Right, there's a frying pan.

Yeah. Which is what? Describe that for us. What in your mind is a... That's... Shallow. Yes. Shallow and wide.

Yes. That's a frying pan. Yeah. But, uh, deep. Mm-hmm. And... Opposite wide? Narrow.

It's not narrow, though. It's narrow, yeah, yeah. I fucking... It's probably... You're trying to... Explain the difference between a frying pan and a saucepan to yourself. We all know this. I used to date a girl that was a Polish girl that didn't know the difference between this and that.

Let me tell you, you cannot teach it. Ain't no way. I was trying to do an egg in a pot. Where's that fucking whiskey gone? Yeah, I didn't want to use another... It's here, Kyle. It's here. I didn't want to use another thing that I had to wash up. So I...

I put the egg in a pot. And so the same pot that you would use to, like, boil an egg. I'm all right, I'm okay. A saucepan. A sauce... Sorry. I don't think that is a saucepan. Did it have a long handle?

Did it have a long handle? Okay. Don't ask me what I mean by long... Like, come on, Ed. Handle. the handle's the same size as the rest of us that. Sometimes pots just have the little handles on the side, don't they? I would call that a part.

A saucepan is something with a longer handle that you would then put on the hub. That's exactly right. Yeah. So how long was the handle? None. It was a saucepan. What did you cook to know?

What did you cook to noodles? Noodles. So you boiled the noodles? That's got to be a saucepan. That's a saucepan. fine it's a saucepan and then I wanted to put an egg on top of the noodles and salmon

and I put the egg in the bottom of the saucepan and tried to make a fried egg fucked it up real bad don't do it yeah I couldn't imagine

do you more questions you've taken the noodles out you drain the noodles you've taken them out or did you just crack the egg directly on top of them I thought I could fry eggs on top of it on top of noodles. Sorry, mate, you're already trying to fry an egg in a fucking saucepan.

At this point, if you said that's what you did, no one to go, what? Is that of character? I was just trying to, like, use less stuff. Sure. Was washing up is oppressive. Did you add any oil or butter to the saucepan before you put the egg in? A little bit oil.

Little bit of oil. That's enough. Yeah. And then I did that, and then I had a mare with the... What went wrong? I was using a saucepan. Yeah. But it should work because it's a hot surface

and you put oil in, then you put an egg in. It should fry. It should work. But my only issue with it would be getting the egg out in one piece. Yeah, yeah. Carnage. Carnage.

So that was the problem? Yeah, but maybe there is a way to do it. Yeah, you're still not telling me what went wrong, Kyle. I guess just like the whole experience. Okay, but what did the egg look like? Was it edible? Did you get it out?

in one piece. I ate it. Okay, but how... Imagine this guy trying to explain to someone the difference between this and that. Fucking hell. Can't even tell you what he did. Has anyone successfully

cooked fried an egg in a pot? Really? Well, what did you do? I'm gonna come right back to you. What? Well, don't go quiet now. Screaming your head off. What were you saying?

Yeah. This is an issue as well. Maybe the pot didn't have the non-stick qualities that you expect from a traditional frying pan. Got to get back to Argos. All right, I'll try that. So, yeah, anyway, that's Turbot. Do you like... Do you know Turbot?

I don't know Turbot, no. Fish, big is... I think known as maybe the king of the fish or the king of the sea. That's king fish. King of the fish is king fish, and we all know that. Fair point.

The kingfish who is the king of the fish? Yeah, yeah. It's very flat, wide fish. It's very expensive. It's highly prized. And when you cook it, you have to cook it in a big fish cage. And please don't ask me what that is. Imagine you say a fish cage to me.

Fish cage is not a new sort of weird character you can do that's like Nicholas Cage, but he's a fish. It's good, though. But it would be good. Okay, that was the fish part. He's sad because the cage door got closed. I'll workshop it. So your dream drink, Kyle.

Wait, hang on, so do I want this or not? Oh, you're a fish guy, you like fish? You're having that fish one way or not. You're having it. That's what we're serving you. We've already served you at Vindaloo. You've had to have that. Now you've got this turbot.

I don't think I've had a tasting menu before. No? I don't think so. Do you like the idea of it? Not really. Yeah. Because it's usually small bits, isn't it? Yeah?

No, I like big bits. These are pretty big. You've got a whole turbet here. Yeah. This is big bits, though. This is an unusual tasting menu because it is big bits. And how has it got...

It's not got fucking lemon in that all over it, is it? He hasn't put that it's got fucking lemon and that all over it. He just said that it's shallow fried. You don't have to put lemon on it. Do you not like lemon on fish? I don't like lemon on anything. Those who remember the podcast... we'll tell you James

Do you know what I went to Ed I'll tell you I went to a birthday recently Yeah And I was next to I was at the bar I was next to James Acaster

Oh yeah From off menu This guy And I ordered Tequila and Apple juice Tequila and Apple juice Which I spoke about I think quite a lot

On the podcast And James went Tequila and Apple juice What's that about And I thought Do you even fucking listen Not really I'll forget that anecdote in five minutes

I don't listen back to them and I love to our chat with you Also what you must remember is James is on the podcast as part of the Severance programme Right So it's clocking out I don't know what's going on In and out of it

I mean right now this makes sense But if you see me outside of here I'm not going to know who you are And don't bring up your chef character to me I've already forgotten his name. Miles White. Thank you. For your drink, you wanted a cherry old-fashioned,

cherry vanilla old-fashioned. Lovely, gorgeous. That restaurant doesn't exist anymore, where I've got that. Oh, really? What was it called? No idea. Yeah. It is now like a karaoke place or something like that. Right.

What should go to karaoke song? Insync girlfriend. I don't know that one. imagine I just thanked the whole song So when I was in I was about seven And I was in summer school So I grew up in Newham

Nah, don't lie I grew up in Newham And they used to Just before the summer holidays They would come out and give you come out They would come around and give you a magazine And you could choose which course you wanted to do during

the summer holidays so you could do football, you could do art, you could do whatever, blah, blah, I would always choose drama. I did a drama summer school thing at Gainesborough Primary School and irrelevant and I did this show where NSYNC girlfriend was the first song at the

start of the show. There are two raps in that song by Nelly and they split split that between two of the members of the cars, me and Peter Bakari, who recently played volleyball for Team G.B. in the Olympics. Irrelevant. Anyway, me and him were doing the two different raps in the song, and I was doing the first one. Now, I'd been practicing this for like three weeks before we did the show where our friends and family come and watch it. We're, oh, well done. This is what they've been doing for the whole of summer. and I've been practicing non-stop listening to the song getting those lyrics in my head

making sure that I'm ready for my big day big day comes song starts I sing the second verse I sing Peter's verse instead of mine that I've been practicing for three weeks straight halfway through Peter's verse

I realize I don't know Peter's verse I knew the first eight lines but that's it and then I tried to like do some sort of mash-up where I could fuse his into mine farted it and then obviously pardon me

they obviously shouting do the rap but I presume that's where this is going and then we and then yeah so then obviously Peter has to do his rap but I've already done it so then he just repeats what I've done why am I telling the story

the story. I'll assume you're going to go to karaoke song. Yeah, and sync girlfriend. Well, play the instrumental and I'll do the rest. You want to be careful because the people working on the show are very good and they will be able to do that. It might be at the end of the show, but they will get it ready

and we'll put the lyrics up on that screen. Well, does anybody know that song? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, if they play it, I'll do it. It'll be so easy. We'll put the lyrics up on the big screen. we're going to get the instrumental and then we can end the show by you doing

karaoke at the Royal Albert Hall. Yeah, a bit of fun in it. Bit of fun. Anyway, we're about to give you the dream drink of Bob Mortimer. Citrus IPA minus 20 degrees Celsius. It's going to be at minus 20. It's going to be at minus 20. Right.

Citrus IPA. I don't even like cold water. I like my water. room temp, not lukewarm. And citrus is a big no for me. Of course. As mentioned, as previously mentioned. I don't like lemon, I don't like lime.

I had a research call yesterday because I'm going on Saty Kitch next week. Be careful. Be careful, man. You do one tiny little thing wrong on that show and everyone complains. Yeah, you've got to be careful, man. They'll be on you.

Tell me more about this. Huh? I punched a polar bear And the viewers kicked off That went viral It did go viral A lot of people wrote about it Like it was a big deal

To be honest The way that you punched that polar bear Made me think that you've got At least a blue belt Yeah I punched it I punched it better than I thought I was capable of punching it Yeah yeah that was a proper bunch

Left hook A proper like Poof And it went up and it's proper spun round It was amazing Yeah And then he went over to the Christmas tree where it was clearly very expensive, fragile decorations.

And you watch a man try and stay within the character of anger, but also not want to fuck things up for people and go, yeah! Just shook it because I knew they'd get upset. It shows he's still human. He's still down to Earth. He's still human. I know what I'm doing.

I'm in control of it, which is not what the tabloid said. 232 complaints on the BBC. Really? 232. Does that mean that someone has written in? I don't think they physically have to write in letter. I think they can do it online or call. Some are hard-hearted, isn't it? Some might have phoned in, emailed. Some of them will be

old enough that they had written letters because that's their life. Yeah. But yeah, either way, imagine doing it. I don't think anything could offend me enough that I would write about it. I, pardon me? Oh yeah, try and beat James's record and get more complaints on Saturday Kitchen. Yeah. How do you think, how do you think you could do it? I've sort of I've got, the thing is I don't have the same fan base as you, James. And I've got tortoise. I think it was my fan base you were complaining.

I don't think I will do that, but thank you. But, um, why am I talking about that? Sally Kitch. I'm on, um, you're on Saturday Kitch? Yeah. And, and... The citrus IPA. Oh, I had a call yesterday. And they were asking me what my, uh, don'ts are.

Food hell. Food hell, sorry. They don't call it doze and don't. It was literally yesterday. And, um, yeah. Oh, I'm definitely watching this on Saturday. They asked me my food hell when I explained lemon and lime

and I got that same fucking response that I get when I say it to a bartender and she was like, lemon and lime, really? Yes, really. Even in a drink? Yes. Even in the drink. You don't like it?

That's what I just said. I don't like lemon and lime. So citrus IPA is held to me. Also, I don't know. like beers or lagers. That might be a problem then. I'm a spiritsman.

Yeah. Oh, we've gathered that. So you don't like things that are cold, citrusy or beer. So a citrus IPA at minus 20 degrees might be a bit of an issue for you. I like some things cold. I like a cold Coke in a bottle. Mm-hmm.

Woo! Yeah. I'll like you work for them. I work for bottles. I like, yeah. I like some things cold, but... So far, it's one thing you like cold. A cold coke in a bottle,

and then the other people who liked it, you marked them. I like this. This would be nice if it was cold, wouldn't it? I like this room temp. Oh, sorry. Yeah. I've split the room. Yeah, I...

So what's going to be my job on the improv show, do we think, next week? Your job? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll be chatting to the... Also, we don't announce the guests. You'll be... You'll be chatting to the audience, just getting some stories. But it's sold out.

It is sold out. But you don't want to announce the guest just in case people bring their tickets back. Is this what you're saying? We don't announce... Why don't we announce a guest? Again, not a question for me, Kyle. No, because we like it to be a surprise.

Yeah, yeah. We like people to come out and be like, oh, it's him. Which, I've heard some audible gasps. Matt Bainton, for example. Lily Allen, when she was against, people gasped at that. Fattlese's daughter?

Fat Les' daughter. David Harper in the audience, I bet he gasped. Not for the first time that day. I mean, what was a question? We were just talking about IPA and we got onto that somehow. Right, yeah, I'm a spiritsman.

Lagers, beers, that sort of stuff, not for me. I'm not even a wineman. Phil Wang's a wineman. Phil Wang's a wineman. I'm a wineman with Phil Wain. When we had that dinner, Chan 3, he

ordered a fancy wine, and he was like, oh, even if you don't like wine, you'll enjoy this. And I tasted it and I was like, that's drink. That's how you see all wine, it's just drink. That's just drink. Yeah.

It tastes like drink. We arrived at the dessert. Now, you had an M&S Black Forest Gatot on your birthday. For the dessert, it had to be your birthday. And you boys generally, got one in my dress room tonight. Yeah, we sent one into your dress room. And it was only your birthday, what,

eight or nine days ago, so. I think eight? Yeah, you think. I think so. I don't know what day is today. Do you tell everyone who you share her birthday with? You were telling us pretty excitedly backstage. Fifth of March, anyone? Fifth of March, what did you do for your birthday? Had chicken kids.

Nice. Made them or bought them? Where from? Eminest. You've got to get them from Eminess. Lovely. Happy birthday, mate. If you were closer, I'd give you some of this trick.

Just if you're wondering how rock and roll it is backstage at the off-menu live shows, what we spent about 45 minutes doing was going on Wikipedia and finding out which famous people share our birthdays. I remember that. You said... Well, mine... My top three are Drew Barrymore, John Hamm and Osama bin Laden. No one could beat that.

They're all go-getters. Yeah, that's unbeatable. Yeah, we can't beat that. I can't believe Osama Bilada's. He's so Pisces. Typical Pisces. Who shares your birthday, Kyle? Eva Mendes.

Very cool. The end. That's it. Just me and her. Well, listen, do you want it to be your birthday for this dessert as well? Because Bob's not specified. If it's got any lemon and lime in it, then no. There's no lemon and lime.

Really? No. The dream dessert we're going to be giving you, Bob Mortimer's, is Syrip sponge pudding with custard. I think it's like what you used to have at school. Oh, the one that's sort of brown. I mean, quite a lot of puddings are brown. Yeah. Name three. Oh, hold on, you got me now.

A chocolate Swiss roll, a sticky toffee pudding, and nut, you're right, there's nothing else. Yeah, I don't mind that. It's not my go-toe. I don't love, like, caramel, toffee, syrupy, fudge, those sides. Yeah. What I really like, oh my gosh. So I went to Malaga for my birthday.

Last week. Last week, yeah. In Malaga last week. Fifth of March. Whilst this guy was doing Kyivs, I was in Malaga having... Ah, fuck, I forgot what it's called. Hang on. So when you came up with the character of Miles White, who's quite forgetful, what was that?

Was there anything you based that on? you're inspired by? Yeah, where do you get your crazy ideas from, Kyle? I really don't know. It's just sort of pops out of me. Before, when we're about to come on. Just talk about to yourself for a sec whilst I find this. Ed and I were about to walk out here at the top with this half.

And Kyle was putting that little red neckerchief on, but with like just his normal clothes on. And I said to him, I hope you enjoy us making fun of that red neckerchief. And then ran out here. You must have been figuring in your head. You have no idea. What I'm going to be wearing. Almondrado

My girlfriend's in the audience I hope Make some noise I don't have two girlfriends This is awkward Oh no Good thing I've worked this Netter Jim

Have I said that correctly Girlfriend Is that he said that correctly Girlfriend I thought I was your fiancé Oh Almondrado. Anyone?

Well, whatever you said, your voice broke halfway through it. That was... I will read out to you. Almond crunch, vanilla ice cream wrapped in sponge cake, coated in Amaretto-to-toasted almonds with hot chocolate sauce. Yes, please. That sounds great. Now, 10 euros. I had that...

I had that on my birthday, upon my birthday last week, and I genuinely think it might be the best dessert I've ever had. Wow. It tops the Black Forest Gatto on my birthday. Wow. Because this was also on my birthday. So you would like to change your dream dessert? Exceptional.

So it's like chocolate wrapped? No, the chocolate was a sauce, but it was wrapped in like a pastry that was like almond-coated. Oh, wow. Amaretto-style. I love the sound of that. It sounds really good. We never had it shouted out on the podcast before.

This is the first. It was quite exciting. really like almedrado. Mm. Am I still getting that right? No, it's, but now, oh no! Oh, no.

Well, you're not having that anyway. You're having Syriottes sponge pudding with custard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, fine. I mean, I'm not crazy about that. No. But it's not in my food hell. Yes.

Yeah, okay, good. You've learned that term now. Yeah. Just a time. Go on saty kitchen and start calling it don'ts. What's in your, what's in your, food heaven for Saturday Kitchen. Can you give us a little preview of what you... Yeah, of course.

What I really enjoy is sort of like honey barbecue meat. So, ribs, brisket, short rib, that sort of stuff. I'd like that. Lobster mac and cheese, perhaps. I don't think this is in the Saturday kitchen

budget. Yeah, not after they have to fucking refurbish after you fucked it up. Merry Christmas. That's the sort of stuff that is in my heavens. So as we get to the end of the menu, what do you think of the meal that we've given you today? Bob Mortimer's.

And what does it make you think of Bob? I really enjoyed the hot dog element. Yeah. And I'm happy that that was... Bearing in mind that he's mixing the sword in his finger. And that's non-negotiable. His finger's non-negotiable. Yeah.

Is that happening in front of me, or that's happening in the kitchen? What would you rather? Well, obviously, I don't want to see him do that. But you're going to know he's done it, so you may as well see him do it, right? And he just has to look at you and say it's good to be a live son than look his finger. To be fair, I do want to meet him, so... Yeah, that's the only way you can meet him.

If he's the only way you can meet him... If he thinks my hot dog. I'm thinking your hot dog, yeah. It's good to be a live son. Pros and cons. Yeah. Yeah. All right, yeah.

Yeah, I'll take that. Great. So I'm happy with the starter. Happy with that. The Vindaloo you're not... The Vindaloo I'm not really on board with. Because you don't like Indians. Because I don't like Lillianna's dad.

A shallow fried turbot on the side. You weren't too keen on that either. Well, we didn't really talk about the fish. Sort of got stuck on the cooking utensils. It was more about the egg. Yeah, yeah. No, I'll try that. You'll try it.

Look, I'm not against trying stuff. As long as this stuff doesn't have things in that I don't like. Like the citrus IPA for example Which you don't want minus 20 degrees Exactly that yeah So overall I'd say you probably won't enjoy this meal I think it's half and half Yeah

50 50 Thank you for clearing that up That's You've been absolutely amazing Thank you so much for coming to the show Good night Thank you for coming along Goodbye

Good night Well there we are James Another Royal Aber Hall ticked off. There we go, Kyle Smithbiner there. Kael is on tour with his own show called Storybro, which is like an improv show, he's got a whole troop of people. And has a guest, it has a guest monologist, or guest question asker, I've done that. You've done that? I've turned it down repeatedly, and we'll continue to, because it's funny now. Yeah. And let me tell you, it is funny when you do it as

well. Yeah. Because Kyle wants it to be cool improv. Yeah. So if you really lay it on thick, and try and get them all to put their hands in the middle and say 3-2-1, let's improv. They don't like that. Kyle hates it. Yeah, I think... But the others really get on board with them. Yeah, they love it because it winds up, Kyle.

Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Well, definitely go and see that. Tickets at Cool Storybro. Dot, Co.com. It's Cool with a K, by the way. It's K-Sb. Kyle Smith, buy a no, Cool Story, Bro.

That's what's clever. I thought you meant Cool with a K as in Cook, the word cook. That's not a spelling works. Cool with a K would be... Cook. It would be a different words. Big O-O-K.

Kyle was a cook. Marcus White. Oh, thanks. Bye. Oh, yes. Goodbye, everyone.