Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Kunal Nayyar

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

Kunal Nayyar – star of ‘The Big Bang Theory’ and new movie ‘Christmas Karma’ – has a table booked this week. But is he drinking water or vodka? Kunal Nayyar stars in ‘Christmas Karma’ which is in cinemas now. Follow Kunal on Instagram @kunalkarmanayyar Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Thu 20 NovOff Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive, and Felipe Franco.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh no, it's James Acaster from the off-menu podcast, the podcast that you are listening to. And I have some news. I am going on tour around America, North America, from the 20th of January, starting in Toronto, and then finishing once again in Canada, in Vancouver on the 15th of February. And in between, I'm going all over the place, I'm going to Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, D.C., Nashville, Austin, Texas, New Orleans, Atlanta, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles, San Francisco. You don't even need to edit that, like, to be smooth, Benito. They know I'm scrolling through my phone.

That's what the cool kids do these days. James Acaster.com for tickets. I'm pretty happy with that. Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the porridge of conversation, adding the jam of humour, and drizzling over a little cold milk of friendship, James. People put cold milk on porridge, right? That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Haycastle. You never want to chat about those.

You always just want to get any. into the episode, don't you? Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and we ask them their favourite ever start a main course, dessert, side dish and drink

not in that order. And this week, our guest is Kunal Neh Canal of course is a fantastic actor James known for his role in the huge Big Bang theory

but also now known for his role in Christmas Karma which is out now A new Christmas movie James, we love a Christmas movie here on the off-meny podcast. It's a twist.

It's a twist on Christmas Carol it's a Twistmas Oh my God People got to start saying that Yeah Twistmas Twistmas When people do a twist on a Christmas Classic

It's a Twistmas That is good man Sounds a bit how Like if someone was doing An impression of you They might say Christmas Absolutely Yeah yeah

I like Twistmas Yeah yeah I love I love Twismus man Yeah yeah yeah It's exactly what they would do Yeah You little punks Are listening

Yeah Craig But we're going to be a talk about Christmas karma and learn more about that Danny dies in that as a cabby Is he? Friend of the pod. Oh, amazing. Any other friends of the pod in there? Yeah, well, one friend of the pod

in whose episode never went out because we weren't able to put it out. Oh, yeah. And so people can guess that. People can listen to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. People can go and watch Christmas Karma and guess whose episode.

It wasn't, by the way, the reason we didn't go out was not because of anything dodgy. It's because what it was promoting wasn't then happening. Yes. Yes. So they will come back on.

They will come back on. We would love to have them back on. It was a great episode that we could have put out because we talked so much about something that didn't happen in the end. And hopefully that doesn't happen with this one otherwise you won't be hearing it. Oh man, imagine if it's like...

If there's a ripple effect. Yeah, but come on. What are they going to do? Cancel Twismus. Yeah, you can't cancel Twismusmas. And not in a... Huh? I'd imagine they're trying to cancel Twismusmas now.

Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. You can't even call it Twismusmas anymore. Every year. Every goddamn year. Can't say Merry Christmas anymore. Yeah. Me and James are Twismus Adventurers now. Yeah, we're Twismus Adventurers. Hell Sent Nick.

Very excited to have Canal on the podcast. But if he says the secret ingredient, an ingredient we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out even though it's Christmas. Yes, it's Christmas. And the secret ingredient this week is bang, bang, bang cauliflower. Benito's suggestion because of the word bang. Big Bang theory.

Yeah. The word bang. Yeah. Bang-bang cauliflower. You can also get bang-bang-bang cucumber. I guess we'd keep that in the back pocket for if we get another Big Bang Theory. You can get Bang-Bang Chicken. Bang-Bang, of course. A few things, bang-bang.

Do you want to know my Big Bang Theory? Yes. It's my favourite side dish. Sorry. My Big Bang-Bang Theory, best thing at Wagabamba. That's your theory, is that it's your favourite thing? Yeah. No, no, that it's the best.

Is my theory. Your theory is that it's the best. Yeah, yeah. Wow. That's my big bang bang theory. Has any scientists ever got into a lab and go, I've got a theory that something's the best? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. Okay. No examples. No, no, no. There's so many examples that there's no point giving one. That scientists have said, I've got a theory that's the best. This is the best. Yeah, yeah.

We'll have to get Brian Cox back on the podcast and ask him this. He's not coming back on, man. Professor Brian Cox would come back on. We learnt a lot, and he learnt a lot from us as well. I think he'll admit it was a two-way street. We got on his nerves so much. And that's what happens when we both act like that. Which is why often I need to be a go-between.

But when we both go in double-footed, don't get up the gas-s nerves. With Canal, I need you in my corner for the whole thing. Well, let's see what you do first. Just promise. Yeah, okay. And don't forget, this is on YouTube tomorrow if you want to see everyone's faces.

Yeah, yeah, if we'll see all of our faces and our bodies. Me and James love that it's a video now. We never complain about how we look. No, we never complained about how we look. We weren't texting this morning saying that we looked like a body dragged out of a lake and a scarecrow made by a child. Yes.

And you can work out who's who. Yeah, you can work out who's her. This is the off-menu menu menu of Canal Nea. Welcome Canal to the Dream Restaurant. Welcome, Canalnau, to the Dream Restaurant. We'll bet you're spending you for some time. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for honoring my reservation.

Yes, good. Have you ever been to a restaurant and they've not honoured your reservation? No, because usually my assistant calls. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we love it. That's terrible. I'm joking. No, we love the Hollywood honesty.

I'm actually generally joking. That was just, that was a joke. I said, right. Best hat we've had on the podcast so far. I'm in many episodes in now. Only had? No, we've had some hats, but they've all been pretty embarrassing. Really?

Compared to yours, yeah. Okay, good. Well, I'm honoured. Again, there's a lot of honouring going on. Yeah, this is fantastic. Rarely has someone been so honoured to be in the dream restaurant. That's true, actually. Normally annoyed, jet lagged, forced.

I've been to a sixth day of the press tour Where everyone loves to see us on a press tour We're like the cool guys Oh yeah, that's why I'm here You probably heard that That's where I'm here, really I cancelled everything I even cancelled Graham Norton just to be here

Yeah Yeah Graham Norton's, you know, dead in the dirt No one wants to be on that show anymore It's all about off menu Where you get to be the only guest You don't have to sit on the sofa With some rag tag motley crew

Yeah, exactly Yeah Well you have to learn Who loads of British people are To sit on the sofa And you have to always do accents. Yeah, exactly. They love that, don't they?

They do accent super cuts online. All the people who did accents on the show. Something like that. Yeah, I think that they like Americans doing British accents. They love that, yeah. We should do that, Benito. We should do a super cut of people doing accents on the podcast. But it's only you who does them.

Huh? Oh, so this is a self-promoting activity of you being good at accents. Yeah, I'm very good at accents. And the super cut would be all my accents, I guess. It would be pretty good. This is one big casting tape for James, basically. Thank you for joining us. Thank you so much.

I'm going to promote James' accent. A podcasting, man. Canal, I wanted you to come on this so you can just tell me how to get out of podcasting and get into Hollywood, please, man. What we're talking about, let's get into your new film, Christmas Karma. Yes. Very excited about it. I love a Christmas film.

I mean, you must as well have said yes to this. Yes. Do you have favourites in the past? Is Love actually a Christmas film? It is a Christmas film. I think so. I mean, there's a... Definitely.

There's a lot of sort of chat around what's a Christmas film and what's not. I think anything that people regularly watch around Christmas every year, I think has to be considered a Christmas film. Diehard? Yeah, I think so. I even get the debate around that. It's clearly a Christmas film. I think so, too.

I think so do. I mean, to be honest, love actually probably is always. Absolutely. Oh, that's super Christmassy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. My generation's Christmas movie. Yeah, I did a panel show with the, and I'm sorry if you're listening because I can't remember

the actor's name, but the kid, the little kid in Love Actually is now, I can't believe this happened, an adult. Yes, exactly. And it's like... It's awful when that happened. Evolution. Weird.

And he's bit of a ton of stuff. To be fair, he still looks really young, that guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he does look pretty young still. Even when he's got facial hair and some of his roles, you're like, well, the kid from Love Actually, wearing a fake beard.

Tell us a bit about Christmas karma, though, because it's not Love Actually. No, no, it's based on Dickens' classic Christmas Carol, but you have a South Asian Scrooge Although his name is not Scrooge His name is Sood and he's a businessman And he's miserable And it's the classic literally

The classic story But you have Eva Longoria Billy Porter and Boy George As the Ghost of Christmas Present Wow Past and future And then you have It's a musical

Written by Gary Barlow And Nathan Sahani and Shazni Lewis And it's got Bangra It's got hip hop It's got Gary Barlow ballads it's got dancing and singing and also a lot of pain and you realize why Scrooge is Scrooge

where his pain comes from so there's also stories about immigration and losing family and so it's really everything and it's Gurinduchadda who did Bennett like Beckham she's an incredible director and I hope everyone goes and watches it because there's nothing like it ever made

in my opinion yeah just you reeling off those names I never thought I'd hear those names in the same sentence And Pixie Lott is in it, and she sings beautifully, and Leo Suter sings beautifully. So there's some great, great actors. And the music is phenomenal. It's like, it's a great film.

I know, I know I'm plugging it, but I'm not, it's, I would go and watch this film. And it is rare that we have people on who genuinely seem like they enjoy what they're doing. No, come on, don't lie. Ourselves included. Really? Did you have to sing in this film? No, I didn't have to. Was there a discussion about that?

Not really. Not really. It's just that Scrooge is, you know, everything's happening around him, and so he doesn't really do much singing. Also, it's Scrooge, right? The vibe is he's not, I wouldn't expect to see him. Yeah, I mean, someone I was doing this, you know, I'm just talking about this. It's great being grumpy, though. I'll tell you, because being a grump on set, everyone just leaves you alone. And it's, and you don't have to apologize. My biggest, like, my biggest nightmare is being rude to someone and being unaware of it, you know? So I'm constantly apologizing. But the greatest thing is for one entire summer, I could be on set and be a grump and come home and be a grump, and no one said anything about it.

You went method for script. It's liberating. It's so liberating. I could be an ass to everyone, and it just didn't matter. Sorry, I'm still in character. Yeah, I'm still in character. Bring me my sushi now. You must have hated the days where you were filming where, like, he's had his revelation.

I know, he's super happy. But, you know, it's interesting about the film, and we talked about this with Grinder when we were actually trying to mold the character. that even what I never understood about Scrooge or understood by the Christmas Carol was that he's like, yes, and then he's like, ah, he's like this. And I don't think that that's the truth. The way we really played this, there's still this like visceral anger and his joy.

Like, it's like a primal yell! You know, it's like this! Like, he can't, he doesn't know how to really channel that joy. It still comes out as like, just passionate screaming. Which I think is more true to someone who's had a revelation as opposed to someone who hasn't. Yeah, it's not going to be a sudden flip. No, yeah, you don't go from this to like, hey, man, how's your day going.

It's a good point, actually. I think sometimes like Christmas stories, they're really heartwarming, but can give us unrealistic, like, expectations for our life. Yes, of course. So we suddenly got to go and everything's perfect and happy. Yeah. So that's nice to, like, yeah, like give a more realistic version of that. Yeah.

But it was fun. It was really, I mean, we started during spring, which is still cold for, you know, us people. But we had to pretend like it was Christmas, which was interesting, you know, which always happens. We have to do that sometimes with a panel shows. We end up filming them early in the year, the Christmas special. And it's like March, and they're doing that. And the big one was when, I think it was eight out of ten cats did their Christmas special for 2020. But they did it in February before everything kicked off.

And they didn't think that there was going to be a global pandemic. You don't think that's going to be a pandemic room. No, I guess they didn't think that. But very early to do it. Yeah, now I'm constantly worried. Yeah, now everything I do, including. including this, so we should probably say there might be a pandemic on right now. Oh, God, that's terrible.

So how are you dealing with a pandemic? Just to cover us off, we'll take it out in the edit if there's not a pandemic. We're enjoying lockdown? We can be a grump in that. Yeah, so I sit on my patio all day and think about my good fortune. Scrooge famously thought that one of the ghosts could be a bit of undigested beef or something. Is that going to be on your menu today? No, it's not.

I grew up in India, so we didn't actually eat beef growing up. I'll be it last as soon as I said it. But now I love steaks, it doesn't matter. But I still can't. I mean, I'm the annoying customer at a restaurant that always orders beef well done. Wow. Yeah, I know. I thought I liked you.

I know, I'm sorry. We didn't grow up eating it, and then it's just, I don't know. I don't get that. You know, for me, it's like everything we grew up eating in New Delhi had to be, like, cooked because we didn't have great sort of. infrastructure for coal storage and we just didn't know especially with vegetables and everything in terms of water

and bacteria so everything was cooked right so it's it's just just bear with me I have to have it well done we'll pair with you absolutely that's what you want and you've given a fantastic reason that we absolutely can't take the piss out no you can't actually make fun of it that was so coherently logical

and if you do anything it'll be construed as racism 100% oh this is great Do that for everything. All of your choices now. Build a fortress of racism around it. In New Delhi, we used to do this. And then we'll just have to go, yep.

Good on you. That sounds like a delicious dish. Were you born in Hammersmith? I was, yeah, I was born here. I moved to Delhi when I was three years old. But I lived in Hounslow. When I was three, which of course. You went in Hammersmith?

Yes. And then... Really? Same hospital? Probably. I think I have to check with my parents. which hospital I was born in. I'm just going to say it's the same one.

Yeah, okay. That's cool. That's our claim to fame. Yeah, yeah. That's my claim to fame. Hospital buddies. Yeah. Well, we always start with still our sparkly mortar.

Oh, this is going to annoy you, but it's a mixture of both. 50-50. I love it. I love it. Do you? Because I learned it from a friend, and I made a lot of fun of him. And then I started doing it as a joke, but then it's stuck. Yeah.

So now I'm just like... You need to make fun of him. Oh, God. Can you imagine me at a restaurant? Can it be half and half and half. half and then I'll take my steak well done and leave me alone this guy's so weird

yeah it's so strange it's not be old scrooge what's it's half and half and it's half something that you do in New Delhi no no there's no sparkling water in New Delhi right because why would you put yeah why would you put bubbles into water it makes no sense what's wrong with it I thought we had

I thought we had a reason to think that that was really racist and now finally I was looking for my I'm looking for my inn and now What about you? Do you order sparkling water? Yeah, now more and more in the rest of my Lord of Sparling water. I think it's a flex to just say a bottle of each. That is a huge flex.

And then are you mixing it yourself? Yes, then I'll mix it myself or if they do it, then I'll ask them to mix it. But I think a bottle of each sounds great. It's an extra four quid, but it sounds cool. If you're trying to impress someone, you know. When you're mixing it, which do you pour in first? Are you pouring in both? Sparkling or always sparkling.

Yeah, got to be. You don't top it off with sparkling. I can't imagine. Otherwise, it's too bubbly forward. Yeah. That'd be crazy. put the still in first, then sparkling it. So when you're ordering this, do they know what you're going to do?

Or are you ordering... No. And when you actually do it... It's confusing if they're English isn't great. Yeah. And then you're mixing it together. Yeah, then I'm just mixing it together. This guy's a mad scientist.

Yeah, exactly. I do like this answer, because the amount of times we've asked still or sparkling water, there's only two answers, really. Yes. So we have to muster enthusiasm for either of those things. But this answer's giving you some life. This is something new. This is great.

I mean, you have no idea how happy we are to here. Yeah, exactly. I can tell from you. We've been annoyed for years that we've even included this question. By the way, it's a great question. We're asking people to reinvent it for us every time. Also, you've actually done that. It's not something that you, I think it's a British thing, like a European thing,

sparkling water and still water. In America, it's not so... Not to piss off the entire country, but I don't think that it's... I believe there 20 years now. I don't think sparkling water is as big as it is in Europe. That's interesting. Yeah, I'm trying to think of, maybe not. No.

I mean, ice water is like the thing, right? They'll bring over the ice water. Well, the craziest thing I remember about when I moved to the States in 99, when I was 18 for college, the amount of water, the students would be carrying these jugs of water everywhere. And I was like, what is this? Like, why are people drinking so much water? Because growing up, when you were thirsty, you drink water. Yeah. I mean, that's how you, you know.

But then if you say that in America, the answer you get all the time that makes you want to pull my eyes out. is, well, if you're thirsty, it means you're already dehydrated. And if you want to hear a story about this, if it makes the podcast or not, but I'll tell you a true story. Please. So I get this like some special, this lady comes and she's like this, like, she's draining some lymphatic, whatever. And she tells me, look, you're very severely dehydrated and you need to drink two

liters of water a day. Man, you know, keep hearing this in America. I'm just going to do it. So I started drinking like two liters of water a day. and I'm in I'm peeing a lot you know every hour whatever whatever secondly I begin to feel a bit uncomfortable I'm feeling a bit depleted and I'm feeling like oh my God I have to pee but I can't pee anymore and I'm feeling uncomfortable I call my doctor and I don't know what's going on

he said what's changed in your life I said I've been drinking two liters of water a day for the last 48 hours he says where are you I said I'm home he's like okay can you can you drive I'm just a bit tired he's like you're coming to the hospital right now what takes me to the hospital puts me in apparently I had drunk so much water that I had gotten rid of every nutrient in my body. Not only that,

I also had like a 0.000 0.001 like brain swelling. Because I had so much fluid in my system that my brain had to swell. So they had to keep in the hospital for eight hours and give me like six

IVs. That's what I'm saying. And all because I was tired of hearing for 15 years that if you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated. And then that was the final straw, this masseuse. So that's a very long story to tell you. Just be normal, man.

When you're thirsty, drink water. Just be normal. That's wild. Isn't that crazy? And that's a true story. No, I'm not saying don't drink water if you need it. I mean, because I'm not a doctor, but just I just didn't understand. Just don't chug water all day suddenly after not

you know, only taking water when you're thirsty. Isn't that crazy? But I love that you led up to the story with, I don't know if this will make the podcast. or not. Your brain's swelled up. That's making the pot. Yeah. We haven't had anyone with a brain club. That's a clip. I've never seen you sort of weak in the spot guys' set for it. It's like mind-blowing. I'm going back

to hibernation after that. But that was great. And that makes so much sense because you know there's people who walk around with the big, massive jugs of water. Yes, yes, yes. Whenever I speak to those people, it does seem like their brain swollen a bit. Yes, exactly. Oh, yeah, yeah. They got swollen brains. I got a hydrate.

Yeah, I got a hijate. I don't have a hijack. It's a brain swelling Put that in the accent clip Can that can that go in the accent? I don't think that should make the podcast That could hurt someone's feelings Oh, well, no, these people don't have feelings And they don't listen, exactly

Pop out of bread! Pop out of bread! Pop out of bread! Obviously, Paparam. I mean, that's, I mean, you can't even, that's not a question that would work. We got Cindy Vee coming in this afternoon And? And she told me off last time

because she said you say, Popatoms are bread to people and you said to say pap out of bread to people and then I said to her I'm going to do that next time and that was over a year ago and then I've never done it and because she's in next

I'm going to do it in this one and it just so happens that you grew up in New Delhi so I look like I'm being ultra cool no second yeah exactly barbord you got it

yeah and you said that's not even a that's not even a choice really not for me yeah yeah I mean if a restaurant is offering barbord I'm going to eat barbord and what kind do you want because there's a lot of different kinds right

Oh, that's such a good question. That's a really good question. Have you ever had the white, airy ones with all the bubbles? The really big... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that were one of the ones that Jamie Oliver bought in a big thing. But, like, yeah, the ones that are quite... Thick and airy.

Just bubbles. Yes, exactly. Yeah, that's the one I love. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, really good. You don't get him in many places here. No, you don't. Which is a shame, because there is really, they're really tasty.

The one bread that you don't get much of in restaurants outside of India is rumali roti. And I'm done you this because next time you're a Indian restaurant, you should just go to one if they have rumali roti. Rumal means handkerchief. And rumali roti is a bread, like an Indian bread, like none, cooked in the toulur, but it's like a handkerchief thin. Wow. And they fold it up.

And it's the greatest bread. Indian bread you'll ever have in your life. So if there is a restaurant, I'm trying to think who does it in London, but I'll send you guys an email and you should go. Rumali. Romali, roti means bread. Yeah.

Romali. So we should, if we go to an Indian restaurant, ask for Rumali, don't accidentally just ask for Rumali because they'll just bring us a handkerchief. Yes. Well, if you, Rumali, yeah. If you go see Romali, then it'll be like,

here's a, why do all... So when you go to a restaurant in London, a lot of people are wearing navy blue pants and navy blue jacket. Right? That's standard... That's not an observation. That's not funny. That's just normal. That's funny to us.

Yeah, it's funny to us that's something you've noticed. Yeah, when people notice them about the UK, you don't live here, it's funny because we don't notice that. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm saying everyone, like, if you're in the city and you go to lunch. But they give you white napkins. And white napkins give white linen on blue suits. So I never understood why more restaurants don't have black napkins. Have you ever thought about it? I've never thought about it, but I'm 100% on board of it immediately.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I would much rather that now. The white napkins. Give you white linen on blue pants. Yeah. But then if you get something on your napkin, people can see how messy you are or mucky pup you are.

That's true. So what's the word you said? Mucky pup. A mucky pup. A mucky pup. Mucky pup. Yeah. Oh, like you're a mucky, like you're...

A little doggy. A little... A little baby dog. A little baby... That's been rolling around in the muckie. Oh, a pup that is rolling around in muck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a mucky pup. That's not, is that like a real...

Yeah, that's a phrase. That's a real phrase. That's a real phrase you made up for the podcast. No, no, no, no, that is a phrase mucky pup. Mucky pup. Yeah. In what context can I use it so that I'm not in trouble? It sounds cool.

If you spill something on yourself, go, oh, I'm such a mucky pup. See, it sounds nice in your accent. If I say, oh, I'm such a mucky pup. It sounds a bit weird. I think that sounds nicer. I'm a mucky pup. I like it. Sounds kind of sexual.

I'm a mucky pup. Well, that is also, like, be careful in the context you use it. If you're heading down to, like, a Pride parade, that's also like a subsection. Is it? The Pups. I don't know this. Yeah, the guys who dress in the dog masks. What? Oh, good on them.

Yeah. It's like a set. I think there's a whole separate parade in London Pride for the Pupps. Is there? The Pup Parade. Yeah. And they can get mucky, I suppose. They can't. Yeah. This is definitely off topic. It's off topic, for sure.

But, yeah, the white napkin, people can see quite how messy you are. what a mucky pop you are and a black napkin they can't see they can't see no one can see well that's just I just had to get it off

my chest I agree with you that it should maybe each restaurant should just have a range of napkins and they can bring them out and match them to your

your trousers yeah so whatever you're wearing whatever suit you're wearing or dress or whatever they can like put the napkin on until they get one that matches

and then go there you go you can I would be on board for that that's nice that would be really nice they would be like a napkin sommelier Yeah.

It feels, that's just around the corner, surely. That's definitely going to happen. That's right up there with Mucky Bup. Yeah. Next garage band. Mucky Pup could be the name of the napkin restaurant where you get the napkin sommelier. Mucky Pupp.

You know who I would love to be a napkin sommelier? Billy Porter. Billy Porter. By the way, also in Christmas karma and a great actor. Yeah, fantastic actor. I've shared a screen with Billy Porter, of course. Well, you haven't really. Yeah.

I acted to a tennis ball and then Billy Porter. added to a different tennis ball and then they put it together. That's great. I'm going to go home and watch that scene. Yeah, Cinderella. You should, I mean, once you watch that scene, you don't want to watch the whole film. Okay, that's great.

Yeah, yeah, it'd be impossible not to watch the whole film. Just send me the timestamp where it is. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You got it. It's a great thing. Your dream starter. Should I make my menu entirely Indian? I mean, is that okay?

If that's your dream menu, if that's what... It's going to have to be grills. Like, it's going to have to be Tenduri chicken. chicken ticker Kakori Kabab which is a kebab that melts in your mouth And so it's going to be all protein grills I'm going to say Kakori kebub chicken tunduri chicken

Malay ticker all of the tickers right there The Kakuri kebam did you say? Kakori kebub What means that? That's made out of lamb usually And it's like it's I don't explain it's like it's like a sea kabab but it like melts in your mouth

It just melts. It's very and it's time consuming to make And the people who make it well is just delicious Is it because of the fat content that it just melts in your mouth? No, I just think the way the gender is the meat. Yeah. That sounds incredible.

I want everything to melt in my mouth, man. Do you? Yeah, everything. Name something. Well, I'm sure there's foods that you don't want them out on your mouth. Well, about like a salad. You wouldn't want a salad to melt on your mouth.

Yes, please. I'm not chewing salad, man. Really? Let's let it melt in my mouth. Do you like salads? No, why? Do you like... When you go to a restaurant, do you order a salad?

Depends what's in the salad, but yeah. Like what? I love a Caesar salad. I'd say that it's up there in my... See, I've already turned you into a... No, I like a Caesar salad. It's the only... Or like a good chop.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, chop salad, all of that stuff. I like salads with like a bit of, you know, a bit of heft to them. Maybe with just, you know, some sweet potato in there, some grains. Mm. It's tasty, but also you're like, I'm doing some great stuff from my body here. Yes, I do agree. But don't need it every day because it'll make your brain swell.

Yes. Oh, my God. Jesus. What a story, huh? Anything healthy makes your brain swell? I didn't know that. Before the podcast, we were talking about the taste profile of beetroot and how, to me, it tastes like nothing.

But then people backstage were saying it tastes like the earth. And then someone said very astutely that if you put vinegar on it, it takes on the flavour of vinegar because it's quite soluble. So I have nothing else to say about that. That's like an actor. Yeah, exactly. It's very soluble. You try and make yourself just like as part of the, just like the earth.

as possible. Yes, like water. And then if people, but then you add stuff and then you take on the flavour of that. Yeah. You should be an acting teacher. You add the grump and then you go, now I'm taking on the flavour of the grump

and now I'm going to be screwed. Can you imagine if James is an acting teacher? You turn up on day one and he's like, you're a beetroot. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, forget everything you know about being a human. You're a beetroot.

That'll be great. That's good acting tech. I'm sure there are acting teachers with similar, mad things, aren't there? I'm sure. I mean, I've had my share of them. But that's the first time I've ever heard food in a context of acting training. Well, if you come across it now in the future, you've got to call the people out in it that they're ripping me off. That's true. I will. I'll say, oh, okay, I've heard that before, but not from you.

Yeah, but not from you. From someone who played John the Mouse in Cinderella. Yes, across Billy Porter. Yeah, yeah. It was a tennis ball. Who was the tennis ball? Yeah. That's good acting. Yeah. Has anyone ever played a tennis ball in this?

a film? Imagine playing a CGI tennis ball. Because then the tennis ball they would have for the actors to act would actually be quite helpful. It's actually more realistic. Yeah, they're like, this is great. Against the actor. This is perfect. I'm just looking directly in the camera thinking, is this really happening? Welcome to our world. Your dream main course. Staying on the same cultural trope that I'm on I would say butter chicken Dalmakini which is black doll

and buttered gnaan I love this I'm in heaven here Is there somewhere where you've had The best versions of these is it a restaurant Someone you know who cooked it at home Yes In New Delhi There is a restaurant growing up called

Motie Mehal And they are under actually litigation right now all the brothers are fighting about who actually invented butter chicken. Oh, that makes it more exciting, isn't it? Yeah, so I'd say that. And I'll say, like, you know, you can't go wrong here with the Jim Kana, with Coteer. There's so many good Indian restaurants. In my opinion, outside of New Delhi, London has the best Indian restaurants in the world.

Yes. Wow. 100%. Not even a question. Thank you. Not even a question. You're welcome. We work really hard on those restaurants.

Yes, exactly. Thank you for saying that good. No, I mean, the thing I don't understand. is when people say, well, you know, the food in England is none. The restaurants in London are phenomenal. Phenomenal. I think what people, people get mixed up quite often, or they talk at cross-purposes where they're like, British food is awful.

Yes. And then you want to go, yeah, but the restaurants in London are amazing, but very rarely are they restaurants that do British food. They're just good examples of other nations' foods. What's a dish, what's a British dish that you find not awful? Like a Sunday or like, yeah, good, very good examples of British dishes. But that works for anything, right? So an amazing Sunday roast, an amazing, like, Shepard's Pie fry up.

What makes a Sunday roast phenomenal? I'm curious, actually. Is it the quality of the meat? Yeah, the meat's definitely got to be, like, not too dry, loads of flavour to it. Yeah. I mean, you know, the potatoes are crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. The gravy, the gravy's got to be super high quality and not, like, not sludgy. Just all of, if all of the individual components,

are very well cooked and very high quality. It's a fantastic meal. So you're seeing a posh Sunday roast. Is the best Sunday roast? Not even posh, just high quality. It doesn't need to be posh. It can all be like just a bit like hearty and ready to go. But it's just, it's so easy to get wrong

because there's so many components, I think. Like, yeah. And like, you know, the seasoning of everything when you're roasting it. So the quality of a Sunday. Yeah, yeah. Actually pay attention to it. Is there one that is like the quality Sunday roast in London? The thing is everyone would just say.

It's, everyone would say, you've got to go home to your mum. Go to Ed's my mum in this case. Go to Ed's house for the Sunday roast. You're saying my mum's roast? No, your roast. My roast? Ed makes it. You make it.

I've made a roast before. I don't know if it's quality. I can't. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, it's just subjective. Yeah. The potatoes, I can't do them as well as my mum does the potatoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But everyone's mum does but the best roast potatoes. Not my mum. That's terrible. She will hear this. She listens to every episode of this. Yeah. Just up your game. What's wrong with your mum's potatoes?

What's right with them? Just put the effort in. She knows. She's listening to this. She knows. You know what you did. There's a pub, an Indian pub called the Tamil Prince. That's all the rage right now.

And they do an Indian Sunday roast. I've still not been. I just see it on Instagram all the time and I haven't been yet. Yeah. And I would absolutely love that. Because the Sunday race is like not my, it's like Christmas time. it feels like I wouldn't have it every week

it's very heavy meal but I think the Indian Sunday rice at the Tamil Prince would be like I would love yum you know what I would watch is the film of all the brothers fighting over who invented butter chicken yeah I mean I think there's a couple of scripts floating around

that has to be yeah it's still in litigation it's going to the Supreme Court yeah that's when you know you've got it must be hard if you're like going to court against people you've got a whole trial going on or whatever it is and then you hear while you're going through this process

that some people are buying the film rights to this, you must get in your head about it when you're going into court. This is going to be in a film one day. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's like the House of Guinness. Right, yeah, yeah. This could be the House of Butter Chicken. Yeah. House of Butter Chicken, man. I would watch that.

Yeah. Would you be in that? Yeah, of course. Yeah. I would be the butter chicken. No, I would not be the butter chicken. I would be the head of the butter chicken household. Yeah, yeah. You can't play the butter chicken and people acting against the... tennis ball. Yeah. Maybe.

Could you imagine. You could. That would be a good, I. Can I don't want to speak too soon, but that was pretty great. That's pretty good. That was pretty great doing a little butter chicken. Multi-facinated actor. Yeah.

Oh, God. My team's watching this and saying, God, what are you doing? They're watching this and they are getting right on the phone. Do you want us to send you that video? You can send that video. Use that for my next casting team for the next Pixar butter chicken, animated movie Ben, we can add like a dish of butter chicken

around canal's head, can't we? For when he pops up and then we're sent him to a casting director? You know that they're not talking to anyone, right? There's no one sitting there. It's just no one there. What a twist that would be that he's never been here. We could be in it.

Yeah, we could be in it, yeah, sure. Like, what role would we play, though? The rice. Yeah, yeah. White boys play the rice. That's what I was thinking. Absolutely, we would play the rice. I would love it if there was a twist

and Benito's never been on the pod. He's never existed. It would be funny if he's never actually been here. And like we've made such a big deal over him. That's hilarious. We've said about how he doesn't speak. And then it turns out he was never here. That's amazing.

And that's a movie. And that's a movie. Dreamside dish. Now this is a, well, not controversial, but going away from the Indian, it's got to be French phrase. Love it. It's got to be French fries.

It's got to be, but I like, I don't like them. I like the long, thin, soggy ones. Yeah. Like, you know, when you order McDonald's and you get them and I'm always looking for the long, thin, soggy one. Why do you like that one? A lot of people. I don't know.

That is controversial, I think. Yeah, I know. I like it like that. I'm not a big, crisp. They have to be thin, no matter. I'm not a chunky chips guy. They've got to be super thin and super long and not overtly crispy for me. Wow.

So what do you not like about the crispy ones? Is the flavor different for you? That's a really good question. I haven't really thought about it. Because I do like crisps. I like crunchy things. Yeah. But I don't know why.

I just like the long, I'm just trying to eat hard. Soggy chip. What do you call them? French fries. Yeah. That's good. If you're sharing a bunch of French fries with people,

they're going to let you have that one. Not a lot of people like the long soggy one. Yes, that's true. That's my favorite side dish. That would be my favorite side dish. I like this as well because you're, are you then dipping the fries in the butter chicken? Oh, that's good.

I didn't think about that. Not really. No? No? Oh. Like, I don't like ketchup. One thing about me is, I don't like ketchup. Yeah.

There's something about ketchup that just gives me the ick. I use it gives me the ick. I told my niece I was going to use it because she said that once and I was like, what does that mean? And she said, it makes you not feel like nice about something. And I used it. You used it. And it seemed like it was coming out of my mouth like naturally, right?

That seemed completely natural. That didn't seem like you were putting it in there. Until straight afterwards when you went. I know, I know, I know. I know. I know, sorry. But then you cut that part out. Yeah. Is this what you're like when you're doing, like, shooting the scene?

You do it and you go, that came out my mouth for like it was natural. You all heard that, right? Yes, yes, after every dick. I'm like a beat. Yeah, yeah. Guys, I did it. That sounded just like scrooge. Yeah, exactly.

You all heard it. It's saying natural. Have you ever had a moment like that when you've like been filming something or just doing any sort of acting where like in the moment or afterwards you were, you literally think, oh my God, that was. That was good stuff. really, like, outdid myself there. Yeah. It's rare. Yeah. But they have, of course, you know, because, as you know, we like to torture ourselves so much about the work that we do.

But for me, I've had a few moments. And then I'm watching the TV show or the movie. And I'm like, they didn't use that tick. Oh, my God. You know what I mean? Yeah. The interesting thing, as you know about acting is, because we're seeing everything just through our own entire sort of identity perception,

is that we think that when we watch the movie, the camera is not going to cut to some. someone else while we're talking. We think the cameras were going to be us while we're talking. Yeah. And then of course you have to cut away for reaction. You have to cut away to piece away the story. But you're like, oh my God, I remember saying that line and just my eyes and feeling everything.

And then they cut away to the other person. So I'm saying the lines off camera so you can get their reaction. What about me? I know. I know. It's really, it's really. So yes, I've had those moments, but not all of them have ever, when I'm watching them, felt like the way it felt when I was doing it. Has there ever been a film that, uh,

anyone knows of, where it is all just filming one actor. Yeah. And everything else is off. Son of Saul. Oh, really? Yes, about a man in a concentration camps. And the whole film is just, I think, a on his face. Wow.

And it's very intense film. Yeah. And, yeah, that's the only one I know of. It's one take as well. As far as, it's my memory of it. What if you need to burp during that? Yeah, yeah. And it's just trained on your face

the whole time. Just your cut. Yeah, but then start again? Oh, there's so many tricks. What if you're burping an hour and 20 minutes into that? What if you get hiccups? What if you get the hiccups, man? I hate getting the hiccups.

If I get the hiccups, they last forever. Yeah? No, seriously, I get chronic hiccups. I don't get that much, but if I get them, they last forever. That's a nightmare. Yeah. And they hurt as well after a while, I bet. No.

No? Hard man. He's a hard man. He's a hard man, yeah. I'm not a hard man I'm saying that my hiccups don't hurt Do your hiccups hurt? Yeah, if they're like big hiccups, yeah, they kill.

No, no enough? No. Where do they hurt? They kill. Chest? It kills. Throat? They kill me, man.

It kills, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. What do you have to say to people? I've got like others kills. Yeah, yeah, it's absolutely killed. Do you have comments on the off, on the podcast? Someone should comment about this. Does anyone else hurt?

No, there's never hurt. Yeah, everyone else, all the comments will be like, I agree with Ed, they really kill. Really? Well, I have to believe him. I'm not on social media, so Ed just tells me the comments. So Ed's like, yeah, everyone agreed on me again this week. I'm going to go off of this drops and I'm going to go, yeah, yeah. All the comments will be saying, Ed's right, these two are a couple of hard men.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a hard man? Like a tough guy. Yeah, tough guy. That's a good deal about my fuchsia, fuchsia sweater. Your dream drink. Vespa Martini

Woo Lovely Classy Talk us through the Vesper Martini Three parts gin

One part vodka Lilley or cookie whichever you prefer Shaken freezing cold Lembitrist

Beautiful Freezing cold is important Cold is like Yeah I don't like a room temp martini or anything You really

Also at the Dover in London which is now a really nice martini bar Halfway through your drink They give you a new ice cold glass

And pour it back in And it's delicious. Now, the thing, the problem with the best martini is that one is great, two is like, and three is finished. Yeah. So you have to have like one and a half to feel great. Yeah. Two, you're not feeling great. I mean, you're feeling great, but the next day you're not feeling great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very, very strong. So please drink them responsibly. Yeah, the old side car sometimes with a... Well, here in London, the way the martinis are half the size. In the U.S., the martinis are in that, like, fishbowl kind of thing and a sidecar. So, and here they come in the very beautiful, small, elegant glasses. But I never understood, like, how British people, British people can drink so much beer, like, pints.

Like, I have friends who can drink five, six, seven pints and feel great. If I had two beers, I'd be hiccuping. Yeah, yeah, sure. I think it's because you guys just grew up drinking it. It doesn't make you feel anything. I can't do it anymore. They all feel awful, but we're just used to always feeling awful in Britain. So it's like, they just don't, so you notice, like, oh, I feel awful.

all of a sudden because you're not in a constant state of like just hating yourself whereas here everyone is just we're all used to the base level is we feel bad and when we feel normal

we're like God I'm so happy today yeah and then you suddenly feel guilty for it yeah and then you start questioning I better have nine pints yeah have nine pints and get back to feeling yeah it's awful again that kills me it's hilarious

Well, I used to drink a lot of pints, but now I don't... I just get full straight away. I just feel so full. But are you with me on the Vesper Martini? It's a great drink. Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, martini's in general is like one of my favorite drinks. What is...

Do people drink your gin more or vodka? I go for the vodka ones more, but Vespa would be my preference as well. With a twist or dirty? Well, Vespa you can't do. Do Vesper you have to do with a twist? Either with a twist or I like filthy martini. Like, absolutely got my nuts. Yeah?

Yeah. I don't like savoury in my drink. Like a bloody merry to me is just gazpacho with vodka. But that sounds good. You want to hear a good gazpacho story? Yeah. It's not a great story. You don't drink too late.

No, this is a brain head into a tomato. I started doing this as a joke and I don't, no one in my family thinks it's funny. But I do love gazpacho. Like, I really love gazpacho. When the sun's out, I order gazpacho. And I always do this trick. But the gazpacho comes and take a sip and I spit it out. And I say, this is cold.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send it back. Yeah, yeah. I was like, what? And I'm like, gotcha. And they're like, usually they think it's kind of funny. Yeah. That's a good thing. But then sometimes, you know an actor, you've got to be careful with that with your powers there. Yeah. Because they could burst in the taste because you've acted it so well. Yeah, usually I wouldn't, I wouldn't do it at a place that I didn't know the server or something. I wouldn't like, you know, heard someone's feelings who felt sensitive that day.

Yeah, and what if they rush back to the kitchen? Yeah, no, I have to, you have to time it out perfectly. Before they knew it was a joke. Yeah. And the next thing you know, that's your rep. That's your rep. I know. Oh, my God. I would never happen. I don't think I could be rude to someone like that, but that would be terrible. Who did that happen?

Didn't... Yeah, that happens to people. No, I don't want to get... I would never be mean to us. I think it's good to have, like, jokes that you do in every restaurant. Yeah. You think? Yeah, it's a little routine.

Well, I mean, the classic is when, like, a big, massive plate of stuff arrives that's clearly for sharing. What's everyone else having? Yeah, funny. That's a good one. That's good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And they, maybe when they pour water or whatever for you, and like you pretend it's vodka. That's funny. What's that one? What do you mean? Just a glass of vodka. That's a,

I'm drinking. Yeah, you have a water. I don't know this one. And not while they're pouring it, but like, you know, people are saying,

well, why you're not drinking and then like, oh, yeah, yeah, this is vodka. And then you put it, put it in the water and go,

this is a glass of vodka. That's like something a six-year-old would do. I still don't understand. I'm sorry. Sorry for your mature jokes that you. joke that you're going to eat the whole plate of food. You're looking for more in the joke than actually exists, I think. So they're pouring water and you're saying, this is vodka.

Yeah, yeah. That's it. That's a funny joke. When everyone else is drinking alcohol and they go, oh, you're not drinking. And then you go, yeah, yeah, this is vodka, a glass of vodka. Yeah. That's a joke. People do that.

People do that joke. Yeah. Can I haven't made it up. No, no, I believe you. I'm still just trying to understand it. I've never seen someone do that joke. But imagine if you had, like, imagine a glass of, of water, like this, I've got here.

Yeah. If that was all vodka, that would be mad. Yeah, of course. That's funny. Yeah. So if you're, if you're suggested as someone, if they're like, oh, you're not drinking. And then you're like, yeah, yeah. And this is a glass of vodka right here.

Then they're like, whoa, you went from not drinking to drink in a whole glass of vodka and having a problem with alcohol. That's funny. How would that go down if you were at dinner, do you think? First of all, you would take 30 minutes to explain. Yeah. I'm not trying to be rude I'm saying that that's not the best joke I've heard

I'm sorry not the best restaurant joke I've heard that's good restaurant next time you're in a restaurant you try it okay because maybe it's because it's outside of the usual setting that it's not landing but like in the yes if everyone's ordering a drink

and I already have a glass of water and then someone says you're not drinking and you say oh well this is vodka come on okay that's good that's good stuff the way that you did it just then I think it's good stuff I'll try it

and then I'll say you guys There's some comments on the... This is vodka I'm drinking. Imagine if you drank that much vodka, like one guy who poured that, you'd have a problem. I just liked it when I've cleaned my plate. Traged problem. When the weight comes back over, I say, oh, I didn't like that.

Yeah, that's classical. And I'd say, I'd drink all my vodka. If I had an empty glass, I'd go, that was vodka, but I just drank there to the way. And they go, no, it's not. It's water. I've been topping it out the whole time. I'd be like, yes.

And I'd say, yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. I'm sorry I brought up the gazpacho, that there was way out of that. But going back to my original thing, I mean, like, Bloody Mary is just gazpacho with vodka.

Yes, but that, yeah, that does sound nice to me, but you don't like the savory. I don't like savory. I saw this apple twice the other day, and you will not like this if you don't like dirty martini. anchovy vermouth to put in martini. I would like it. Yeah.

Or like a Gibson with a pickled onion. I love it. Blue cheese stuffed olives. No way, dude. Oh, my God. Oyster. I've had an oyster martini before with a whole oyster in it. Yuck! I hated it. It doesn't like any of these things.

You're not going to land a one that's nice. You saw what? At the end of the martini, you just had the oyster as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the shells in it as well. It's got a shell and then a whole oyster on it. Yeah. Oh, my God. What if you drank that and said that was water? What? Like, you do the flip around. James, please. So what if you just had a, like, a seafood cocktail like that?

You'd say that was water, I just drank. Yeah. Love the glass of water. But what reaction do you expect from anyone, for that. Lovely glass of water. What do you want them to say to that? Well, they'd say that that was alcohol.

Yeah, and then what? That's that? Done. Yeah, well, a few people would get a kick out of it. No. Here's another restaurant joke. Are you any allergies? Only allergic to a good time.

Oh, that's nice. Only allergic to vodka. A pint of vodka. Yeah. That's what I would say. Right. Or if you're in a seafood restaurant and they say any allergies,

you go, yeah, seafood. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. Or a sushi restaurant. Do you have any allergies? Yes. Anything raw? Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Water's raw.

No, shut up. It's done. Shut up. The moment has passed. Your dream dessert. Oh, vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce all over it. Love it. More hot chocolate sauce than ice cream.

The hot chocolate sauce is a lovely touch. I love it. And also it has to be almost soup-like. I like it will be. super melty. I like it super melty. Like when I eat ice cream, I take it out of the fridge and leave it for like 30 minutes

and then I eat it, almost soup-like consistency. Yeah, I remember once having a house share with someone who did not like to eat ice cream like that and I couldn't get my head around it. They were like, I like it as solid as possible. Yeah, I don't understand. Just like a proper scraper off the top. Really? I don't understand that.

It's got to be super melty. Like obviously not soup like, but just melty enough, right? Yeah. I like it somewhere in between. I don't want, you know, too melty, but I can't be doing with rock hard chipping away at it. No. And I can see there's ice cream there, but I can only have tiny little shards of it. That's awful.

But I don't want nuts, almonds, nothing on it. Just literally vanilla ice cream and like hot chocolate sauce. Yeah. Chocolate fudge sauce or just hot chocolate sauce? Just hot chocolate sauce. Because if it's already melted, if you've already left it out of the freezer for a little bit, you're putting the hot sauce on top. It is basically completely melted this, isn't it?

Yeah, you're getting a little bit of the soft consistency, but it's pretty much soup-like. Also, I love Nutella. Oh, yeah. Nutella on white toast. Ooh, we can put a little bit of that on the side for dessert. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. You're not like a little triangle of toast with the Nutella, only.

How thick are you spreading the Nutella? Or, like, very, very, very. Give me a minute. Like, more Nutella than bread. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And it's got to be thin white bread. Yeah, yeah.

Thin white bread, huge scraping of Nutella. Just sort of gumming up your mouth a bit. Yes. Yeah. Sometimes I'll throw away the bread and just eat it with a spoon. Yeah, I think that's the way to do Nutella, to be honest. I mean, I've probably shouted the guy out before, but yeah, I watched a video on YouTube once for a guy just speedy

in a whole jar of Nutella. And he was really amped up by the end and pretty happy with... He ate the whole thing? Yeah, the whole jar. They speed up the footage, but he just does it all. Is it Eric the Electric? I don't know if his name is Eric the Electric. But at the end of it, he says to the camera,

I ate a whole jar of Nutella today. What have you done? And how do they make you feel? Well, I said, well, I've watched a video of a guy eating a jar and a teller. That's what I've done. Which is as much of an achievement, I think. Yeah, I got to the end of that video. And I didn't expect the sass at the end, but it was nice to watch him do it.

And I felt pretty good about myself afterwards because I was like, well, I didn't do that today. So I feel like I've had a healthier day than that guy, even though he's probably, he looked like he was in good shape. So I imagine the rest of his life is balancing out. Yeah, of course. So that he can take the hit on that. It's like Nathan, the hot dog guy. Yeah, yeah. It's ripped.

Who's that? He's like the hot dog eating king. Yeah, there's Matt Stoney. Maybe his name is not Nathan. No, I think Nathan's is the name of the competition, right? Yeah, there's the hot dog. There's the famous guy. There's a Japanese guy, I think, in an American guy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there's Matt Stoney who does very well at that sort of stuff. Competitive food eating. Randy Santel, of course. I watch a lot of this. Sorry, I did not know this was your... Eric's Electric is worth checking out. How do you know these people?

There's beard meets food. which is the U-N-U-K version. I'm familiar with Beard Eats food. Yeah. Beard Meets food. What? Beard Meets food. Yeah, yeah.

Well, he doesn't meet it, he eats it. Yeah, but the name of the channel on YouTube's Beard Meets Food. It's making sense. Someone should tell him, though. And it's M-E-A-T-S as well. Yeah, which is clever. What's he talking about? That's not clever.

It's not meat. Obviously, they made stuff that isn't even meat before. So you can't say something's not clever when you've just done a 15-minute joke about vodka being water. Good joke. And I made it last 15 minutes. And it's not over if I have a feeling. That's the concern.

You're completely correct. The classics never are. You've got the measure of him. The classics never all over. If you were eating a whole jar of Nutella, what do you think would kick in first? Genuine sickness or shame? Sickness, yeah.

Sickness before the gym. Shame, you'd have to just, you know, bury down. You'd have to be like, I'm just going for it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Imagine if you had to phone the same doctor who would treat you with the water going,

hey, I'm feeling. Yeah. What's changing in the last 40 hours? I've written a whole jar of Nutella, space. Where are you right now? Can you drive?

I don't know. Okay, come to the hospital. That's funny. That's funny. I would find that doctor and I'd say I've drank so much water that I'm ill and then I'd go,

guess what? It was vodka. That's the way to come full circle. Yeah. Yeah. And then he'd say, Can you drive? Yeah.

If I said, but he goes, hold on a second. Seriously, if you drank two liters of vodka. I go, you go, right, that's right, this is no laughing, Matt.

I'm not going to have to come and get you right now. That's actually, you shouldn't have done that for a joke. Wild. I don't read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Okay. You would like 50-50 for the still spark thin water, which is maybe even a first. Pop-up red, you said, you would like the white bubbly pop-up.

Starter, all of the teakers. Yes. Main course, butter chicken, black doll, buttered nan, from ooh, motimel. Um, side dish French fries, especially the long, thin, soggy ones. Drink a Vespa martini. Dessert, vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce, and on the side, we're going to give you

Nutella on White Toast. Yes. Feel good about that? Is that one of the best ones you've ever had? I would go crazy on that menu. I would love to eat that. Yeah. Right?

It'd be a good menu. Yeah, really good. Because I could have said, I don't know, steak tartar and caviar and roast chicken. These are all options open to you, but I think you've picked the best. This just felt like the right moment. Yeah, yeah. I would be dipping the fries in the butter chicken. I would be doing that.

And maybe even in the dahl, just to see, but definitely in the butter chicken. I can't wait to have dahl again. That's how I feel right now. We can't wait to go and have dahl. It does make you want to go and have Indian food right now, doesn't it? Yeah. I had Indian food last night, and we haven't got a kitchen at the minute. So we ordered in, and I ordered some paraffa.

I was very excited about it. And then it arrived, and it was the only thing on the takeaway that was like, Oh, you've got to cook this. Oh, God, that's hilariously confused. I ate it raw. Yuck. I just did it. Calling your doctor.

I just ate it raw. What's James in last one of you know was Jim's? I've eaten raw, brother. I've lost my kitchen and I've eaten raw dough. You ate it raw? I had a mouthful of it, just a test if we could. And could it? Oh, I finished it.

No one else had any. No. Has anyone have a menu and you're like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we've had some... But what could be bad about it? No, like, give me an example. Not an example of the person, but what does a bad menu look like?

One guy for his dream drink ordered a protein shake. No. Yeah. As a joke? No. It's not a joke. That's what he ordered. No.

Were they, like, ripped, buff? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, he is. But, like, that was... He loved strawberry protein shakes. Is his favorite drink? His favorite drink in the world. Oh, interesting.

So there have been plenty of people who have ordered awful stuff. that we've had to, one guy ordered sloppy stuffing. We had to sit here and talk to him about that. That wasn't nice. That was Nick Mohamed, I'll shout him out. Yeah, yeah, hello Nick. Yeah, lovely guy, terrible tasting food. Yeah, that's terrible.

Terrible, faithful. But yeah, so it's not always we get a nice menu. So we're very, we're very happy. Yeah, very grateful that you've chosen a delicious menu. Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, can help. Thanks your time. Thank you. Really fun, really fun.

Thank you so much. I've learned a lot about your culture, too. Do the vodka joke. Let me know how it goes. Well, there we are, James. Lovely to meet Cannell. I love that menu. I think that's a delicious menu.

I would like to eat it. I did have Indian food the other night, but now, you know, it's rare I go all in on Indian food. Yeah? Maybe once every three months, I'm like, here we go. Here we go. I'm pretty regular. Because I always overdo it.

That's the problem. Yeah. I don't know when to stop ordering. Yeah, but I do want all the tickers. I'm desperate to get some dull, some doll mark me. Oh, I want to dip some french fries and some curry now. Yeah. That's what I want.

Some soggy ones? They would be by the time I'm finished with him. Oh, that sounds dirty. I mean, dipping him in the curry, you know? We always say this now after episodes, but we should have gone harder on him about those French fries, but... Yeah, well, I guess so, but, like, you know, the guy had been very open about, like, his medical history and stuff like that, and I appreciate that vulnerability. Yeah. So I don't want to go hard on someone after something.

I love that he was like, you might want to cut this out of the podcast. Yeah, no way. What are you talking about? We're leading with that. The brain swelling? That's the clip. That's the clip. That's the clip.

We know a clip when we see one these days. And you can watch them on YouTube because Benito loves it so much. The tabloids, they're going to be all over that. The tabs are going to be all over that. Yeah. They're going to love that. The global tabs are going to be all over that. It's going to be absolutely everywhere.

And then the podcast is going to get massive finally. Kadel did not say Bang Bang. cauliflower. Yes, did not say it. Thank you, Canal, for not saying that. My big bang-bang theory is that he wasn't going to say that. Oh, was that your Big Bang-Bang theory? Was that he wasn't going to say the secret ingredient? Yeah. That's more of a Big Bang Bang Theory. That, I think's fine. To predict

that, that's a prediction. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my Big Bang Theory. Not just as something's the best. Yeah. But also, that is my other big bang. You didn't bank me up on that episode. We were going to go into the United Front. And then you did not back you up sometimes, change. You did not back up to the vodka joke. But I didn't understand it. You say you never heard someone to do that joke

before. Yes. Maybe kids, maybe like little kids being like, I'm having a vodka. But adults do it. Oh, you're not drinking tonight? Yeah, I am. This is vodka. No, I've never heard that and you know I've never heard that. That's like a standard joke. Everyone does it. You made it up on the spot because you spent the whole episode

testing to see if Canalca put up with your bullshit and then when you worked out he could, you went in. And then I had to be there in the middle, like some puts, like just trying to make sure he was all right. You were throwing out phrases like mucky pup. You got come out of this, Mucky Pups are a real phrase.

He's interested. He was interested to learn about mucky pups. Did learn about it, I guess, but like still, you came across as an eccentric weirdo, and I was trying to hold you up throughout that episode. Right, well, let's not argue.

It's like sitting there's a Willy Wonka. It's the complete opposite. You are Willy Wonka. Pure imagination. I'm a body that's been drugged out of leg. I'm a scarecrow my bad childhood. Don't forget to go and see Christmas Carmer.

Yeah, don't forget to go and see it. It's in cinemas now, of course. It is in cinemas now. Also, I am on tour in the new year round America. Fucking hell. Yeah, I'll go to America in January and February. James Acaster.com for tickets. I'm very excited about it.

Hey, and if you live in America and you're like, wouldn't it be great to see the off-menu boys? Yeah. Sort of probably quite close together within a month. Yeah. I'm there in February. Literally, I believe the day I fly home, Ed flies to America the next day.

So with ships in the night, planes in the sky. Ed Gamble.combo, UK, for tickets for my show. I'm going to lots of different places in America. I'm doing loads of New York. I'm very excited that people in New York want to come and see me so I can just go to loads of restaurants the whole time. Yeah. And you can do your New York town.

You can do Edwin coffee the whole time you're there. Of course I can. Yes, he's back. Give me a fucking coffee. You just step in coffee. You know the Starbucks lady? Yeah. I fuck that lady.

Oh. Do you not remember that? part of his backstory. He fucked the Starbucks. Oh, he fucked the Starbucks lady on the... Yes. Yeah, yeah. On the...

Not a lady works in the Starbucks. Yeah, yeah. I thought that was bad. Yeah. But actually, yes, he fucked... The lady on the Starbucks logo. I think I'm I made, actually. Yeah, yeah.

It's something like that. It's something to do with the sea. Put it in a blowhole. No? You guys don't get me. Ah. Is that it? Are we finished the episode?

Thanks very much for listening. We will see you again next week. Thank you to Cannell for coming on. Bye! Bye. Hello, I'm Lucy Beaumont. And I'm Sam Campbell, as a matter of fact. Perfect Brains is one of the most enchanting podcasts.

The effect it has on people is astounding. That is what we've heard, isn't it? Yeah. This changes people's lives. If you had to sum it up, would you sum it up? An in-depth look at sumo wrestling and the scandals, because it used to be considered so honourable, like sumos, and they all live together, sumos.

No two podcasts are the same. Do you remember that one where I just messaged loads of Derricks? I don't think people know that. I emailed 100 Derricks. I don't think it was Derricks. I thought it was Brian. Sorry, Brian. Yeah, Lucy emailed every Brian on Facebook.

Our podcast is out every Friday. It's really easy to remember. It's like if you've got an office job, it's the first. first day you feel alive again. Lucy and Sam's Perfect Brains. One of the hottest podcasts. People are going crazy for this podcast. Yeah, please give it a listen. We're loaded up on buzz balls. We've got a luboo in both hands and we are ready to screech.