Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Laura Smyth

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

This week’s dream diner is stand-up, Live at the Apollo star and Radio 4 regular, Laura Smyth! And James remembers his shopping list… If you’re listening on Apple Podcasts you can now watch this episode too. Laura Smyth is on tour across the UK and Ireland with ‘Born Aggy’, including a date at London’s Eventim Apollo. For dates and tickets go to laurasmyth.com Listen to Laura’s podcast ‘Shouldn’t Laugh But…’ here or whenever you get your podcasts. Follow Laura on Instagram and TikTok @thatlaurasmythWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the marzipan of conversation, crafting into the imitation fruits of humour, and presenting in a wonderful box with some tissue paper around it. Mazepan fruits. Imagine that. That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Eggasset. We own a dream restaurant every single week. We invite a guest, asking their favour ever start, a main course dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is Laura Smith. Laura Smith, a wonderful comedian, James. Fantastic comic. So funny. Laura and I do Glassonbury every year together. Yes. It's a fallow year this year, so we won't be doing Glastonbury. So therefore, Laura's on the podcast. Yes.

But get my annual dose of Laura Smith. James can't afford to let his friendships go fallow, along with the Glastonbury schedule. That's right. I'm very excited that Laura's coming on. You miss Glasson, don't you? You put a long drop in your garden because you miss it so much. Yeah, I do.

And I do a big poo in there. and then I go and I sit in, well, I get my phone and I play my favourite bands, but I make sure that I put my phone as far away from me as possible, like several blocks away. And then I watch from a really far back in my garden. I don't really have a garden, but it's fun to actually fantasise about having a long job in my garden, actually. I feel quite fancy now.

Laura is fantastic, and she's on tour with her show, Born Aggie. That's in the autumn, and she's doing the event. to Apollo, James. Well worth a visit. Get this, though, right? We like Laura, but we'll kick her out the dream restaurant if she picks the secret ingredient, the ingredient we deemed to be unacceptable. And this week, get this, the secret ingredient is...

Eggie bread. Aggy. Born eggy. Eggie bread. Born eggy. So eggy sounds like agi, so we've done eggy bread. Eggie bread. Pretty good. Enjoy. Enjoy this episode. It's the off-meny menu, of Laura Smith. Welcome, Laura, to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you, thank you for having me.

Welcome, Laura Smith to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Yeah, indeed. Thanks for having me. Most welcome, of course. Thanks for coming. It's very exciting to have you here. Thank you.

I feel like you and I only really see each other at Glastonbury each year. We do. This is great. I am a huge, huge fan of your comedy, but I have to say, when you are Mr. Nish Kumar, a DJing, it's a next-level fandom. Thank you.

It might be something to do with my altered state at Glass & Free. But you've never quite noticed me, but I'm usually at the front where I go, guys, you know me, as you mix Missy Elliott and Natalie and Brulia, and I can still have flashbacks of your mixes. I love it. I love it. And I said to Nish, I said, it's like when the geeks in the common room get the eawks cord. He went, no, it's not like that.

It is that. I love seeing these guys DJ. It's not enough to make me go to Glasgow. Lastonbury. Why? No, no, no. This guy hates it. This guy.

Download, download, girl. Download's great. It's the right size. It's the right bands. It's the right paving. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm just not interested.

Glastonbury's too big, and I'm not interested in any of the bands, I'd say. Maybe three, but that's not enough for a weekend, is it? And I don't want to get into an altered state, Laura. You don't want to get into an order to say, but there's something else about Glastonbury when you play it as a comedian. You could quite happily have your whole weekend just tucked up behind with Charlotte the Booker and her crew of hippie legends making you tea.

And there's that vibe of like, oh, I suppose better go and watch Roger Stewart then. Oh, go into town. I sometimes think if my whole glassomery was just talking nonsense with other comedians and watching Basil Brush and Acaster and Kumar DJing, I'd go home happy. Yeah, Basil Brush sang Purple Rain last year. What do you think about that?

Yeah. But you'd like to have seen that? Don't get that at download, my friend. I'm going to go now. Yeah, you go. There you go. My work here is done. I'm all right.

I'll just have a water. It is funny watching these two DJ because James is so focused on the music. He's got his head down looking at the laptop and Nish is out front dancing. And you're like, what is Nish's job here? Oh, he's, you know, there's a lot of times last year at last week,

I accidentally early on spilt a drink over my, all of my stuff. Yeah. And I was really reliant on Nish to jump in there. and take care of it. So he's heard in his keep. He had the blue roll. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's a dancer and cleaner, basically. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of stuff. It's like watching our cocktails, I told you're a fan, but when you're watching it, it's like, oh, uh, again, and you're like,

I want to, I need to know where the line of art office is here because they're feeling this. Yeah. They aren't run the emcee in this way. We are. It's all real. It's all real. It's the most, most real I've ever been.

But I think James mainly DJs, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, in the same way, Y, barbecue. So you've got something to get on with you, you don't need to speak to people. Sure. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for saying this. I host a lot of parties. Yeah. Because then I'm in the kid. Yeah. I'm just bringing more. Busy. I'm busy.

Yeah, yeah. It's a social awkwardness. Yeah, yeah. It totally is. Stay busy. You don't need to speak to your guests. And then by the time it's finished and everyone's like, oh, we'll all have a chat now. No, I've got to do the washing up now.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Sorry, I'd love to. I love the way I went, oh, oh, my God. James Acaster might be socially awkward. I'm bringing all the tea today. What a revelation. What are your signatures at parties when you're cooking in the kitchen?

When you're making volavons, you said, and stuff like, what you've got going on? That was a smooth link. Yeah, that's really nice. We're into food. Yeah. Oh, I love, I love anything which is just like, you know, if there's loads of people over, like,

give you a good few, like, roast chickens or things that they can take, like a slow roasted, lamb. Do you follow that, Malise Cooks? No. On Instagram, mate. She's the queen of the slow-roasted lamb. The reverse sear meat. You know, anything that you want to get into. I just,

I'm an over-provider on from a big family, do you know what I mean? Slow-roasted lamb is the absolute hack for entertaining, I think. Oh, yeah. Get it in at like one in the afternoon if they're coming over in the evening. The house smells of that lamb for hours. Yeah, yeah.

A lamb-smelling house is good. Yeah. I think I want a candle. I want to light a lamb-fat candle. I think that would really... So my house always smells of lamb. I'd be so relaxed. That really alienate the misses. And you're just like dogs.

If you're living in like a Wattle and Daub house, I think you can do that then. No, people don't talk about Wattle and Dorb enough. No, you get taught... I don't know. I got taught about it in school. I remember, like, yeah, like in primary school, they were like saying about, I don't know, maybe medieval times or something. Yeah, pretty much.

And people would build their houses out of Wattel and Dorp. And I thought, that's going to be a... It's like hay and mud basically, right? Yeah. I thought it was going to be something I'd have to remember forever, and it would be very important. But I've not only ever encountered what a Lordorpe. I learned about it at the Wild and Downland Museum.

I don't know if you ever went there. Is that the festival you go to? No. It's like a medieval village, you know, like when they build a medieval village and kids walk around, they go, look at how shit people used to live. I love it. I guess they're still like, I dream of one.

I love of a waterland door puff. Save me from the sinking sand. Oh, man. Are you a foodie? Do you consider yourself much of a foodie? I am. Do you know what? I was thinking of a bit of a gag the other day

because this is leading to Glastonbury, right? I was doing a roast dinner the other day, right? And I realised all my hobbs were being used. And I thought, oh, I've got to get the cauliflower on for cauliflower cheese. And then I had this, like, ding, memory of my husband's best mate, Jim, telling me about how he does a cauliflower cheese, vegetarian. He roasts the cauliflower first, so to get all the moisture out. Because sometimes you want the cauliflower leaves him, but then he can make it watery.

So I texted him, I'm going, a bit of a random one. I said, you were telling me about how you roast your cauliflower before a cauliflower cheese. And then he went right deep into it. And he was like, yeah, you need some cumin, you know, a bit of salt, pepper, garlic powder, olive oil, really slow roast, get all the moisture out. And then you want a really strong rue with the strongest extra mature cheddar you can. And then, you know, put that on and then panc cheese and pancone on top. And then, you know, you get full-on-warmie, no-wateriness. It's amazing and all that.

And I said, oh, thanks, man. And I was thinking, you know how everyone on a Zen pic talks about? I want to stop the food noise. I was like, I need that food noise. When I ain't got a hob. I need to remember. And he went, I had you remember that. I told you that in Glastonbury, 2017, we were off-hound nuts.

And I was like, that's the food noise I need, man. I love, I love it. I love food. I wish I didn't as much. I wish I didn't. I don't know people that don't love it. No, because it's so joyous. It's joyous.

I wouldn't trade loving food for the world. I think it's perfect. It's hard. It's hard to love it. Said it before, we're going to have to keep eating. So I'd like to love it, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to not like not like, oh, here we go.

I've got to do this three times today. Yeah. I want to talk more about this cauliflower cheese, though, because that sounds absolutely amazing. It sounds great. I love roasted cauliflower is like up there for me. Yeah. I absolutely love it.

So you're roasting the cauliflower, you're making the rooose separately, and then mixing it in. Yeah, I did it. I did it the other day. And he says cumin seeds, but I knew my kids would be like, me, like cumin seeds.

So I did a little bit of, salt, pepper, olive oil, and just let it really slow roast with the leaves and stalk and everything. And then the cumin seeds, the salt, you have to salt and pepper, and cumin,

cumin, I did cumin powder, yeah. I did cumine powder, not granules like the powder, which you have to keep in an actual plastic jar because that's a puffs up. Yeah.

Right. So, anyway, so then that is really good. And then when I made a really thick rue with extra mature cheddar, and so when it coated that and then the topping and breadcrumbs, it avoids, because cauliflower cheese can just be like a bit plenary almost if you get it. It can just be a bit disappointed. That is how you do it. Yeah, that sounds so good. Because you got the char on the cauliflower from the rice thing.

Yeah. I've only just started, like, filming all this, right? Oh, I went boss. And so, like, I'm really noticing now, like, when you're just, describing the food and I was thinking this sounds delicious and I got really aware of what my face was doing because it's like it's just filming me and I'm as they're like

it's like normal I can get away with that too in those bits but now but it's like pap in us all the time so we're sorry to I'm up on about this when you've mixed the roux and you put the pancoil on the side how long are you then putting that in the oven because the cauliflower's all cooked already yeah well it's cooked anyway it's just slow to where it's crispy on the top

yeah yeah because they're It's just you've got... I mean, it's an overused word, but it's the best. I mean, it's a mummy. It's a mummy. It's what we're saying. That's not an overuse word. That's the most he's ever grilled a guest.

You're not grilling it. That would be crazy. You'd just burn them... As soon as I said it, I thought, I've left myself wide open. You'd burn the breadcrumbs. Yeah, yeah. Come on, mate. You're a memory of a cast, though.

Well, I shouldn't laugh, but... It's your podcast. Do you film that one? We do film that one. We do film it. It's the way now, in it? Pain in the ass, isn't it? Awful.

You can get your short form content. Does Benito make you do that? Yeah, probably. Before we started doing videos, you know, some places started calling audio podcasts, legacy podcasts. How awful is that? Yeah.

When I started doing podcasts, I was the, you know, at the forefront. Yeah, yeah. You were in the trenches. You felt this bad boy. I was the young guy out there making waves. And suddenly I'm legacy. Yeah.

So depressing. Do you know what that's called? What? A retronym. A retronym. Is when, so when you didn't need the word analog until you got this sort of a digital clock. So it's when something is renamed on account of what comes after it.

Retronymn, there's to be an English teacher. There you go. Love that. Yeah, yeah. I do love that. You try and think of more. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Things become legacy when there's a new media. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. because he's a word in itself, but you only need the word and the...

The description until something else has happened. I love that. I'm going to use that way. I really do. I love that. It's one, in it. What can you tell the listeners about your... I should have laughed, but... Oh, yeah, yeah, I went on... Shouldn't laugh, but...

is with one of my absolute besties that just makes me laugh, which is a good way to do it. And it's just we try and find little niche corners of the internet that make us laugh. And, you know, I mean, let's face it, it's just every other... It's our every other podcast where... It's just being silly and talking nonsense.

An excuse to have a chat with you. An excuse to have a chat. So it's just us too. And we find it really funny. And she just does make me laugh. We just make each other laugh. So it's that kind of arrogance of like, oh my God,

we're so funny. We should regard this. Not for us. For them. They're missing out on these boys, though. So you're mad. So, yeah, it is so funny. And what makes me laugh is that we'd never run out of things to say.

So, you know, we're finding the woman gets her hands bitten off by a shark doing a selfie in Turks and cake off. We like all that. We like finding things like that. We like the Louvre Haight, then find out our good looking the compilts are. Fit robbers. We're well into fit robbers.

We like people. Hot convicts? That was obviously, that was before you guys started doing the podcast. That was what is going to be called, hot convict. Yeah, hot convicts, yeah. And we like people stealing,

do you see the woman stealing Langustine outside a restaurant? No. Crime of Opportunity. She just did. But then we found out. she took loads more. So we're like,

oh no, she's a cereal. Tea leaf. It's the problem with some of these funny news stories is then you look into the background of it, it gets quite sad.

Oh, I know. You know, sometimes we pick things and we're like, oh no, no, no, a few people's a video.

This is Ed's favorite stuff on the internet. He likes top five Karens. Oh, yeah, top five Karens, I love. Tell me more. We've been accused

being called Karens. Oh, really? Literally, always said, we were talking about the fact that Brooklyn Beckham is estranged from the Beckham's, we went,

I said, really he's just Mega Markle de Minnie. You've got to do your own brand. You've got to get away from the royal family. Someone went, why are they bringing hair into it? What pair of old carons? We were like, old. They got you.

Carrans? Yeah, I'll take it. No, I get a lot of top five Karen's videos on my like YouTube shorts. I don't have TikTok. I'm on YouTube shorts. It means I get everything on TikTok about six months later. Maybe you're a bit too rock and wrong.

Yeah, maybe, yeah. This is the thing he speaks the most seriously about is top five cameras. Go on camera. So just be a comprehensive. video of like the top five carons according to the person who's put the video together it's not always the same who's your top caron i like innocent karma carins oh obviously they're not all fall over in their big fat leggings yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they'll be like bashing on someone's window saying you can't park outside my house even though it's free parking

on the street and then they're like yeah and then yeah their leggings all you know trip over their They're threatened to get their husband, and the person from them, they're just laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're tripped up for their leggings. Or they get hit by bike or something. Instant karma. Instant karma. Which I don't think is what karma means necessarily.

I think it's quite a sort of like spiritual concept, right? You know, karma. When people started talking about karma, they weren't just like, Karen's going to trip over her leggings. No, that was definitely not the original. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's, yeah, he's no better, Dalai Lama. Dalai Lama, he's not a good guy.

That was, that's put me off oysters. I forgot that. So weird, hey. Oh, I forgot. That's what I mean. Yeah, fucking off. I forgot he did that shit. Yeah.

I was mainly thinking about the time he said that women should cheer up and wear makeup. Do you remember that? Yeah, he did say that. I'm with him on that. There we go. We've got the Dalai in. And I'm back. You're off on tour as well.

Oh, I am. That's nice. Thanks for mentioning that. Born Aggie. Born Aggie. Which is great, great type. I love the term Aggie. I don't use it enough. Oh, I tell you what, some words, they're just great, isn't they?

And it came from, I did my first tour, living my best life. And then I'd not been well. I'm cancer survivor. And I bumped into a mate. And she had this mad brain, how much you nearly died. And then she was talking about that, like, that we're both on the mend.

And she said, and she had her 50th birthday, and she danced till sunrise. And she said, and this, Laura, this is how we're going to live our life. Fighting and dancing. Fighting and dancing.

I thought, that's not in my tour. Fighting and dancing. Because it sounds like a night out in East London. And I thought, oh, wicked fighting and dancing. Anyway, did a work in progress in South End. And this woman on the front row,

Deborah, said, oh, I like, my dog's, more than my kids. And then these two women next to her went, they were her daughters. And then she was gold all night.

And then I went, I said, it's just because I'm Aggie. I said it, my life's good, career good, husband good, kids, good. So still Aggie,

she went, oh, my, she goes, I was born Aggie. And I went, oh, that's a tour. And it's just born Aggie because I think sometimes,

you know, you do all the work, didn't you know, you do all the, I've got a cranial osteopath. I do restorative yoga. I've got a hypnotherapist. I still want to fucking,

end someone on the Lizzy line and I think I'm just going to embrace it. Yeah, I think you have to. I don't think there's any amount of spiritual practice that can overcome your natural instinct to be, Agi. Yeah. It gets things done. Those ones are the work.

Like, it's really hard to be on the tube or something and not at some point get incredibly angry. Yeah. Internally. Not me. Not me. Huh? I don't.

Literally, you had to get the tube yesterday for the first time in ages. you were texting me and Ben and saying you were in hell. Yes. It's because the Victoria line decided to stop all the time, and I'm not talking about the normal stops. Don't get me. The normal stops, I'm fine with.

I can live with that. I would prefer it if it just went from the stop I was at to the stop I wanted to go to. Yeah, cool. Can't just be a car. That's what I say when I get on. Be a car. I think there should be a system where whoever is like an auction,

a blind auction, you put in how much money you're willing to pay, and the person who bids the most goes straight to the stop. So the richest person? Well, no, it's who's willing to put the money out. So the richest person on the train. Yeah, it goes to money. That whole lady with her freedom pass,

you're getting fuck all, Nan. So that's how you figure shit. Yeah, that's how much. Do you know that he's had the world worth? Yeah, yeah. But not on the tube. Yeah, good news. My favourite Hank Simpson's quite in all the time is like,

oh, one, everyone wants. preferential treatment. But no, it kept stopping in between the stops. Yeah. And I was getting really, I was getting really aggy. Agi. Really agi. I was like getting really hyped up about it.

And then looking around and obviously these people are all doing this journey every morning they're commuting to work because it's quite early. And they're completely relaxed because they're so used to it. They're like reading their book. They're having a great time. No, they're not having a great time. They are broken. Yeah.

They are detached. There's a lot of like, yeah, disassociation. But I'm looking around being like we need to, there needs to be. revolution. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or the bid system. Yeah.

Or the bid system. Yes, the bid system. Is there a certain type of etiquette on public transport that when it's not followed, your blood boils and you really get in. Well, you know what it's going to be. It's the, I think that money that Mr. Mr. Privilege is paying should be to give out free air pods to everyone. Because I do not want to hear your short form context.

reals very loud. Yeah. Oh, anyone that talks on, just don't talk. Don't talk. I mean, if you're on like a big train, big train, not a little train, you're like a grown-up train. If you're on with like, oh, this is Karen's,

but you know when you're, if you get on a train and people, like if you're returning from a gig in the morning and from some shit old in the nowhere, I don't know, I like everywhere I gig, right, obviously. But then they're going into town, they're going back to London, and they've got the long, flowy dresses on, the genium jackets and some decided trains, trainers and they're all on the Prosecco.

Why are you talking? I don't care. You're not funny. I hate you. Also, I would, I would ban alcohol on trains because I think it just makes people talk really loudly. They turn it into a picnic and I'm not happy about it.

Yes, but you know why? It's because you might gig in bright and jump on the train back to London, wherever. And you're stone cold sober because you're just run from your bragging. And everyone is off there. And you're like, you see it and you go, it's the ugliest when you're sober. Yeah.

Yes, or drink, you drink. Oh, I drink. Yeah, I get pissed before every drink. Yeah, yeah, that's also an option, I suppose. Problem solved. Problem solved. We always start with still a sparkling water. Do you have a preference?

Oh, yeah, still. Yeah, still. Or that tap water, just keep it. To me, that is why I spend money on that? Yeah. Is there, like, if you're having tap water, where's the best tap water in the country? Probably like, yeah, Yorkshire Dells.

You know, when you go, oh, my husband's from North Yorkshire, and you go up to Yorkshire and then you wash your hair and you're like, what are these? Bubbles, what's going on? Because I'm a hard water, girlie all my life. And you can't believe how nice it is. So, yeah. And once I was in, actually, I might change to Scotland for my cousin married a Scottish girl.

And we were in the Berks of Abbafeldy, which Robert Burns wrote about. And I drunk water from a real spring. That's well nice. Yeah, that's mad, isn't it, when you can do that. You can have that. I love that. I love the springs from the books. I'll have a fair deal.

I'll probably get people writing and going, there isn't a spring there. You just have a few thousand puddle, you did. But no, yeah, unreal. You've drunk out of a puddle. If it turns out you got tricked out of a puddle, that would be what a twist at the episode. Well, there are real springs in your...

In Yorkshire, yeah, I think I literally put my... We were walking in Yorkshire, and I put my water bottle under like a waterfall thing. Yeah. And drank the water. It was amazing. You did? Yeah.

You don't think I'd do that? No, I don't think you would do that. Why not? Ed Gamble. I think you would go, that's disgusting, never what. I was younger then. I was younger then. I was less neurotic.

Yeah. But the... I wasn't crusted over by life. I am like, because I was born and raised in East London, I am like a dog at a window when I'm in the countryside. Yeah, yeah. My husband jokes for me that they goes, because I don't know what a like village county, all that nonsense is. But they go, he says there's only two places in the UK for Laura, London and not London. He has this joke where you're like,

it's all right, calm down, yeah, we get it. You're not London. Yeah, yeah. Like, I can't love it. And like, there's a lot of Robin Hood, Prince of Fee's film there. So, you know, the scenes of those waterfalls is magic, isn't it? That's funny when you know that something's filmed there as well. When you get told such and such was filmed here.

Yeah. And, like, for some reason, it does change how you kind of, like, interact with it. Yeah. When you know that Robin Hood was filmed here. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, Kostner must have been walking around it. Kossner walked on this ground.

Yeah. Yeah. and they'll probably put a piss up a tree. Yeah. Between the spring. Yeah. Yeah. That's why the cafe can sell their sausage rolls.

Yeah. Curse you, Kevin. Well, that sounds great. And you just want it straight out the spring. Yeah. So we start within the dream restaurant, you've got that spring there in Scotland. And you're going to lap out of that.

Yes, that sounds wicked. Pop it on bread. Poplar bread. Laura Smith. Poplar bread. I feel like another answer I'm going to give is going to contradict this. but I'll get to it.

I'm going to go popadoms, right? Yeah. Because popadoms for me firmly in the category of things that just do not have calories. You know what I mean? They're so lads. Do you know what I mean? So then I can eat 29.

There is not a limit to the number of popodoms. I will smash. I love it all. I love Tyabs in Whitechapel, you know? And it's just like endless madness. And I'm just like, I love it. I love it. Yeah. So you want unlimited?

Unlimited. Oh, unlimited popodoms. I think if you, you know, when people are like, Oh yeah, unlimited, crunchy, crunchy, crunchy, I want everything on it all at once and if that was going to be another question, I've listened to the pod. But yeah, I love them.

I love Popper Dom's. I love bits. Little bits. I love bits. I love little bits. Just bits. When my oldest, she's like, but she invented the word chops

because she just, anything snacks or crunchy or anything was just a little two-year-old like chubs. So we still use it in the family. Can I bring anything? You're like, I'll just get some, yeah, just beer and chips. so I'll stop for some beer and chubs. And it just means everything, the crunch, the popadom, anything.

Because Brazilians do that, don't they? Like, my friend, Brazilians love texture contrast, don't they? So anything's like, well, I'll crunch this onto them. They're putting everything to make sure there's that going on. Texture is so important. And I think beer and chips is perfect. Perfect. I can't have a beer without chips.

No, you can't have a beer without chips. Wow. Yeah. Beer and chips in front of the telly. Hello. What's your favourite chips with beer? Bombay mix or Oh no

Bombay mix We haven't really had that come up Very much on the pod The Bombay mix It's a sort of family I'm a family legend about it My mum was doing a sort of counselling therapy course and all this

And she said you know what we had to do We had to list things we're grateful for And my sister Sarah Who's almost like I know she'd never have her Like if you even go Hey you're doing you're happy She'd go oh don't start all that

What are you going on? So we always thought Oh that's nice Let's this grateful for things she went, Sarah Webb. Do you know what? I'm so grateful

they don't label the calories on Bombay Mix. And it's like, yeah, it's bottom. That was the first thing. The only thing. So you're Bombay Mix family.

Yeah. You're all addicted to the Bombay Mix. But there's all sorts of variations on Bombay Mix, isn't there? Like all different sort of charts going on. I love it.

What are your favour though? I remember, my dad used to really be into it. And the little crunchy noodles. The little sticks. Probably my highlights personally in the bomb bag. Because you can get them just the crunchy noodles, can't you? Oh, you can go straight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that would be, but I do, I don't love bad ones. Like, I love coated nuts. They call them like, like, beer nuts. And they're like that crunchy, spicy coat on a nut. Yeah. I mean, for me, beer and nuts is like, that's my go-to. That's the ultimate chubs.

Roastered the salted nuts is the, is the ultimate chips. But yeah, those coated ones are pretty good as well. The coated ones are. I tell you what I can fuck off, chips-wise. It's when you buy some nuts, and you're like, I've bought some nuts. Then you look and you've bought like a mixed nuts thing.

And those big, weird pieces of corn. Yeah, they, yeah. I hate them. Leave off. You know what I mean? Like a cord. The giant, crunchy corn. I think I might like those.

You like, we'll come over. I've got loads of them. I've bought, like, packets of just those before. Yeah, grays do then. They are, I get it. No, but they are disappointing. You put one in, you're looking forward to a cashew or an almond or something. And it's a big bit of corn, like a baby's tooth, is horrible.

Oh, yeah. I spent, and that's admin for me because I have to tip them out on the table and then sort them all out. Do you know, you're funny, you mention it admin, because I'm such a greedy, like, a person. I didn't know what else I was going to finish up with, like, read out of a fat can. I'm such a greedy fat can. I kind of like admin sometimes, like pistachios. I sometimes think that admin is the only thing stopping me

like just like, you know what I mean? But have you seen the they now sell pistachios without the shells on? That's decadence. It's awful. It's so dangerous. Dangerous. Because then I'm done.

I'm like chugging them. Yeah. So you do need the shells there. That is that barrier in the way of eating the whole bag because I'm like, my thumbs hurt. Yeah, yeah. I can't be ass having any more of these. It's a workout.

If you want to stop eating pistachios, you want to watch my dad eating a bag of those on a Saturday afternoon watching football focus he just watches. He eats a bag of pistachios in his bare feet and his bottom of his feet are absolutely rank man and they look

like the pistachios. Oh. So just makes you like... He's got green feet? Yeah it's like it's like it's like you know the skin of a pistachio that like the red but the different shades of just everything overlapping and you know it's like

it's crazy feet man just dry Hide up horrible feet. How old your dads? He's in his 60s. He's about to turn 70 actually. Yeah, that's it. You've done some miles in them feet, in you?

Yeah, those feet are rank manner. They'll make you never, ever want pistachos again once you see the combination of that, him eating them with those bare feet out, watching football focus. That is almost enough to put me off, but I'm going to go again. The thing about the shelled pistachios,

that takes away the joy of when you are eating pistachios. You know, when you get one, that's nutshelled. Yeah, yeah. I mean, is this what flow state is? Is this what they're talking about? Do you think like,

that's a vibe, but then you come crashing back down to earth when you get one you can't open. Yeah, it's awful. So it's a journey. Yeah. That's Zen.

That is life. And look, I used to, and this probably, you know, this probably is even more like life. When I was younger. Let's see how much like like,

when I was younger, if I got one of those ones you couldn't open, I really tried hard to open. Oh, I'll be it. Crunching it with my mouth, smashing it, taking my shoe off, bash it with the soul.

Try and get it open. Now, just throw it away. I mean, you need, you need Acastasini's feet on the case. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. That's probably why they're like that. Yeah. But that's why they look like that. He's opening pistaches with his feet, like a big chimp.

He's been smashing them all. Like people stomping grapes and making white. Yeah. He's just stomped a big old fat of pistaches in his bare feet, cutting them up.

All the shells just jack it in, just cutting up the salt going in it and he sits there. Screaming. his head of. He's a hero, I guess. I guess he's quite an inspiration, actually. If you're listening, Dad, he doesn't listen,

listeners. Which is why you just said all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. Have fun telling him, mum. Have fun relying it to him later on today. Try to try to explain this to him in a way that he understands. Your dream starter. Prawns in garlic butter.

Let's keep it simple, man. Yeah, lovely. Big prawns? Big, yeah, big old, you know, de-veined, chard, and then in the sort of super garlicy butter. Yeah. Maybe a couple of tomatoes that have wilted down. You know, like, I've really gone down in there.

And this is why I say this might contradict the Papa Domphi, because then you're going to get bread with that. Oh, okay, nice, because you need the bread with that. You need the bread with that. And I love, like, you know, I'm a good cook, and I love hosting. I love, if I take my kids out, I always go to an Italian restaurant. If it's a birthday or a celebration, there's something about them real old-school Italian. Italian restaurants that really make you feel like you're going out.

Yeah. You know, they've not changed the menu in years. The tiramisus, not change, you know. The candles in one of those bottles of wine with a straw around the bottom. I don't want modernity. And they really look after the kids and it feels like you've gone out. I want to be garlicy up to the eyeballs. And so that garlic prawns is just a joy.

And if that's on a starter anywhere, I'm getting that. And then the bread gets involved. And I mean, before I even started the prawns, the bread is in there. doing its thing for me to get to. Because do you know the word Tunkunken? No. No. Well, learning so many words.

Yeah. Is this another one of your family's words? No, it is in a way because it's a Hungarian phrase. So my brother is married to a Hungarian woman and they live in Budapest. And I mean, she's an absolute, you know, health freak, like bone broth kind of amazing goddess. But when it comes to bread and Tunkin, so Tunkin is just the dunkin Tunkin is just the dunkin Tunkin. You know, I think one of the German.

So it's a big thing. Like, it's the stage of the meal. In Hungary, is it called Tuncan donuts? Oh, no, no. I don't know. I don't think they'd have such thing. There's shades of communism still there. But the, um...

Oh, yeah, sorry. Come. Get me here. It's just a piece of bloke in all. But it's such a stage of the meal that almost as important, like, almost get that out of the way. So on Christmas Eve, they're all over. But it's like, I did garlic fruit. prawns and muscles and stuff.

And then it's just, the bread is the main stage, actually. That's where in it. Yeah. You know, if I was watching someone not dip bread in some garlic prawns or butter or, you know, wine sauce, I'd be like, I'm like, passes that here. I'd have no shame. I'll do it on a first date. Yeah.

So, yeah, so it's the, it's the, it's the prawns, but it's also the power of the Tunkan that is very, very important. You've got to embrace the power of the Tunkan. Oh, we went to, we went to do a, we went to a vineyard on late Ballaton in Buda, in, well, not but if it's hungry, it's just outside of a place. But honestly, the food that they give there, like it's all just like for the dipping, like the bacon and the meats and the oil.

It's like, oh, mate. Have you been to, and I've talked about this bread a lot, it's just moved actually, a restaurant called Kudu that was in Peckham. No. And it's just moved to Marilabine, I think. Oh, man. Go on. If you're in, I can't believe you're about to tell this because, like,

this is Ultimate Duncan, isn't it? Yeah, this is this is, this is. Just, yeah, go. I'm too excited for you to say it. The bread, when you order the bread, it's like a brioche. They're baking it, they're baking it fresh. It's incredible. It's not overly sweet either. It's just perfect bread.

But then they bring with it and you can choose between the two or you can get both. Just a little pan, yeah, little cast iron pans of just one is melted butter and so much of it with bacon and something else in there, some herb. And the other one is like, it got little shrimp in it and it's like melted. shrimp butter. Yes. And it's just so much butter. It's all about the tunkin. You had chicken butter?

Yeah. Oh, fucking chicken butter. Chicken butter. I've not had chicken butter. Oh, mate. I don't think so. It's just basically the reddish fat and chicken skin. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Mate, if I had a tail, I would wag it, that is fucking. Yeah, yeah. Just what I mean about, I wish I weren't a foodie. Yeah, but then where are you going to get that joy from? There's something so specific. Oh, yeah, you know what, like your husband? No, but. It's not the same thing, is it?

It's not the same thing. Like the feeling I got when you said chicken butter is very different to the feeling I get when I think about my wife. They're two different things. They're two different layers of joy. Not what I was saying, darling. She doesn't listen to this.

Oh, yeah. James' mum, can you pass on to my wife? Tell me. Tell me how to spell Kudu. K-U-D-U-D-U. I didn't even expect that. That is brilliant. Alright, so then Kudu in Marilabone and I just can't for the bar.

Yeah, I think they are still doing that. I think it's one of their signature. I think we went there for a hundredth episode. Yeah, we went there to celebrate. We went there for the three of us. Oh, lovely. Ben hated being around us. He loved the meal.

Yeah. But he was really not happy that he had to spend the evening with us. Yeah, yeah. I was smashed before we got there. Ed was smashed. I was very much having a mediate because, like, Benito was just so annoyed he was having to hang out with us for the evening. He doesn't like.

We're like us as people, but we are. By God, can they podcast? Yeah. Your dream main course. Oh, right. I've thought a lot about this because I love a lot of food, right? And I love Caribbean. I love that there's a lot of food.

But I actually want a whole soy roast chicken on just wild rice. Lovely. Soil roast. You know, like a soy roast chicken that you'd see hanging in Chinatown where it's poached with the ginger, the spring onion and spices, then coated. For a second, I'll eat. you meant like a fake chicken. No.

Can you imagine me a vegetarian or someone telling you that vegetarian? You got no skin in the game. I don't care about your opinion on nothing now. Ben. Oh, bless you. There he is. No, but I like vegetables, but sort. Do you do the fake stuff?

He loves the corn roast. He loves it. He just raises eyebrows twice when you said he said, I love a corn roast. Yeah. He said literally no skin in the game. I've been translating because he'll edit himself out of the one. I have got a sister who's a vegetarian and she says, I miss the crap meat.

Like I miss hot thug or crap meat. I have seen her eat the chicken off of KFC, like the skin off of KFC if she's drunk enough. Yeah, well, that's fine, isn't it? It's not part of the chicken, is it? Yeah. Like, I can eat my skin if you want, I won't have any problems, not.

I think, yeah, so that's, yeah, so it's a soy, you know, when it's a Vietnamese in Dawson that does it really well, any place in China, time when it does it really well. Like, I like that simple food. And I think the reason, I'm really thought about this. I'm really, really, really thought about it.

I, you know the film Blues Brothers when they go in and he says, I want two fried, whole fried chickens? I remember being really young, thinking, whoa! Same with the film, Amalie. You're like, oh, like, they're full a whole chicken. And I think it's because they were the youngest of a lot of kids. So there was a phrase by Nanu Say was like, there's plenty for everyone, but you've got to be quick.

Because there was a little bit of like elbows at dawn, like you ate for seconds. Do you know what I mean? It's like, you know, you could get some. So I think that's not, and it's not that there's not. was scarce it is. There was plenty for it. It's like

everyone's an eater. So I think that idea of like a hell rose chicken for little me. Laura Smith's going to get a hot rose chicken.

This has slightly been tainted. Have you watched the beast in me? No. Oh, brilliant. Watch it. But what's the actor

in it? Matthew is the Welsh actor who plays an absolute psychopath I don't know who you mean. Yeah, Rhys? Yeah, Matthew, Bish.

Yeah. Welsh Shane. He, I don't think I'm giving too much. He's a psycho guy. He eats a whole roast chicken while he's very scary attack dogs and it's the most

intimidating thing so he kind of, in the same way, watching your dad eat pistachios might put me off. It almost tainted it. But yeah, so it is that whole soy roast chicken

like the ones that are hanging the windows. Yeah. Do you want from the window? I've always thought I don't want the window meat. Oh no, you don't want a window meat.

I don't want a chicken that everyone's been looking at. Do you know what I mean? I just, a lot of made me laugh saying, don't want the window, me,

yeah. I know, and I get it. Yeah. I don't want one that's been out there, you know. Yeah,

I don't want the one like, it looks nice, it's a good way of getting me in. Yeah, but I don't want the one from the window.

No, they look like they've been there a while, it's got a glossy sheen, like the old school cake shop in the ice street. Yeah. But I don't,

I'm not a duck fan, you see. I think that's an overrated thing, but they're good, yeah. There you go. controversial. Yeah.

It's a bit controversial, actually. Krispy duck pancakes, you don't like them? Maui. Real, real big, that is taking a big percentage of a Chinese order when you're at home. Squeeze ain't worth the juice sometimes. Sure. Sure. If I can quote.

Yeah. It's taken up a lot of like real estate in the bags. Yeah. We get the takeaway home. So much of it is all the. And it's expensive as well. That's what I'm exactly. I've got three kids.

You're going, what? half, you ain't going half duck, are you? No, no. You didn't get half duck. You ain't got it. And then, yeah. So, yeah, I'm not bothered about that. I'm not bothered.

I'm not bothered. Fancy duck. I had a picture of a little bowtie. Yeah, but a soy roast chicken. Yeah. With a sort of maybe morning glory side, if that was going to be the next question, you know, like the proper good, nice Chinese vegetables

just simply done, load of garlic. Yeah, sesame oil. Yeah, sesame oil. So good. Yeah, sesame milk is really nice. Yeah. Although I've got a whole bottle of sesame mule at home we just never use it.

I bought it for a stir fry because Jamie Oliver said to use it in the book. He said, get sesame oil for this. So I did it. The book. The book is in the book. The book. The good book.

The Bible. By Jamie Oliver. And did the stir fry. And then it was very nice, but I've never done it again since. And that, Cessamil is just there. and every now and again actually this has just reminded me

this is such a useful podcast I need to buy olive oil I've forgotten the other day I had to grill an opusine but using vegetable oil oh god because I'd already done all the prep

yeah cut the obergene in half done all that scored it went to get my olive oil the bottle's there it's empty and I do it my first instinct was to be like oh I start to think my girlfriend's done that

and then I remember doing it it's always going to be the first instinct yeah first instinct blame mothers blame someone who never does anything wrong to be fair to it yeah and then remember it was me and when I did it I just went

I can't be fucked to rinse that yeah I'll sort of out I just I'll leave it there and when my girlfriend's cooking something next she'll have to deal with it yeah but who was cooking something next yeah I was cooking something next yeah I feel like Devina McCallin

begin again. Oh yeah. I'm like, oh wow. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. You're a bad guy. So who roasted an opusciene in vegetable oil? Yeah, yeah.

I'd do that. It tastes very nice. Yeah. So like I've got to get that olive oil on the way home today. I never have to buy olive oil. Never have to buy it. You in a deal? You in a brand deal?

No, not a brand deal. Well, yeah, with my mum, with my mum. Well, because every time she goes on holiday, she brings back, because it's normally a bit like grease or just anywhere. Like, anywhere seems to make good olive oil. the Mediterranean. Grease makes great olive. She'll bring back

like a huge tin of it for me. That's lovely. And then, I don't know if you're doing, you're in the house. I'm decanting it into a squeeze bottle by olive oil because it makes you feel like a chef.

Look at you. Does it now? So you squeeze it like, yeah, you just like, it gives you, shoot it out there. Then you have more sort of control

over how much you're using as well when you're putting it in the pound or whatever. And if you're drizzling it on stuff, then just to finish it off. I actually bought it that time you came over and I made pizzas in the pizza oven. Great day. And then you drizzle it,

a bit of olive oil over the top, just gives it that little bite at the end. Have you thought of flavouring it as well? You could decant into another one with like garlic and chili and all that? Yeah, but then where does it end, Laura? I don't know. I'll never leave the house.

Do you know what I've done recently? Go on. I've had to ferment my own Chili's garlic and ginger because I go, because you know chili oil so nice, like with the proper, whatever, it's got the Rayu sort of madness. I mean, that is so caloric, it's wild. So I buy the fermented stuff, but that's about $8,9 a pot, like a little one,

and I'll go through it, you know, that's one sandwich. But then, so then I've had to do it, I've done it myself because I'm like, I've got to go straight to the sauce here. That's brilliant. So you're fermenting, you've got all these jars and you're like fermenting on. No, I've gone high risk, high risk, high reward. I've done a kilo, kill on a jar. Amazing.

Yeah, yeah. Because if I, if I balls it up, I've really bulls it up. So there's, there is literally a kilo of chilies, ginger and garlic together with a salt brine. And I'm just watching it. Do you have to burp? I'm burping it. What? I'm burping it.

Burping it. Because it bubbles, it could pop. So you open it every day. That's all it is. Yeah. Burp it. You open it every day. Oh, nice.

Sigh it, close it. So I'm only four or five days in, but. That's exciting. Oh, thrilling. I'm buzzing for you. That's great. I can't wait to think that. Yeah.

What are you going to use it all for? Anything. That's the thing. Once you've tasted fermented chili, that fermented chili, I can't remember the brand, but that's going on everything, I'm not, I can't think,

I couldn't name something that I wouldn't put that on. You couldn't. Don't even try it. I'm not even going to try it. What I'm doing is I'm thinking about all the things I would put it on. Oh.

And it's everything. Everything. Yeah. Everything. Cheese Toasty, are you mad? Scramble Deges? Are you insane?

Coach Simon, yes. You know, we're going. I buy, well, actually, I've tried to stop buying it now because I just go through it'll eat at like a yogurt.

Yeah. The Lougan Mar, crispy chili oil. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's the best thing in the world. Oh, mate. And that will go on anything. And I saw the other day on Instagram,

someone putting it on ice cream. I was like, I'm trying that. Yeah, that's happening. Yeah. Yeah. But it's the classic crispy chili oil that I like. The one with peanuts is fine, but it just doesn't, it's not as crispy.

Yeah. But have you looked at the calorie count? I hate to be this guy. No, no. Why would I do that? I know, I know. I'm going to live in my life here. Yeah, yeah.

Let me live. I've already been on the Victoria Lound today. Yeah, it is oil. And when you're eating it like with a spoon, you do things. Probably shouldn't be doing this. I'm going 1500 calories a jar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we know that.

My wife put a jar of it in my stocking last year for Christmas. That's nice. Pretty good. Did it make you hobble when you walked? I'm so sorry. So your dream side? Is it the morning glory? Yeah, I had it once in China.

The point of speaking about China's out, because you know we gig in town, and you're sort of there or not. I feel like I'm there more than I've ever been in my life. sometimes you have the most amazing thing you can't remember where you had here or what you did so yeah it would be just I once had the most perfect wedding glory

so it's that one specifically yeah it was just so good so good so you can't remember the place no not helpful my go-to in Chinatown now is Cafe TPPT TPT is legendary love it so much the hot pots go in and get the Obegin and Pork hot pot

so hot in warming and like it's just like yeah I could get every now and again I'll think about it and then I was like I have to have that soon because it's like

and I'll just be for days being like when we go to Chinatown and have that hot pot because it's like you know goblin market or something like yeah I've got to go like there's sometimes

you hit on a hot pot and you're like that's what I need when they're like when they're there home handpool noodles when you're going that's what you're checking

out in China who's making their own noodles who's making their own dimsum have you been to Heidi Lau yeah which is on like Piccadilly Circus

because basically on the Lenn S the square. It's mad. It's mad, but we go to the one, because my kids love it, that's another birthday celebration. We go to the one at 02. Oh, right, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love it. I mean, it looks, like, you go in, it's open to like three in the morning, I think, as well. Oh, is him? Yeah, certainly the one in Central is. And they give you, like, while you're waiting, you can get your nails done, I think, while you're waiting.

Have you had a birthday there? No. Because I'll take, like, when they come and sing with the radio, it is proper, like, what is going on here? If it was American, like they do this big song, they sing it in candies, then in English. Amazing.

They're giving freebies. You go with kids. They're getting all toys and freebies. It's all the fun of the fair. We're ordering more. It's hot pot. It goes mental. The hot pot's amazing, though.

I'm just, I go to absolute town on that. Making the little sauce up at the sauce station. And then the guy come over and do the noodle dance while he's stretching it. But then you want more noodles and he comes back over. And now we just go, you don't have to do the dance again, man. We've seen the dance. Yeah. At least I have thank you.

I'd want it every time. Every single time when I'm getting the receipt, everything. Yeah. Dream drink. Do you know what? I've listened to this and not, you know, like, to me I love a wine, right? I do love a wine. To me, if it's a dream restaurant, dream drink,

give me the most expensive wine and the, give me the most expensive red on the menu. I want a few hundred quid, $1,500. I would love to know what a 2,000-powerful red wine tastes like. I want to know what that tastes like. Because when I have gone really boogey with wine, you're like, I didn't know red wine could be creamy, that positively creamy, you know, and it's so good.

So I would want the most expensive wine you could possibly give me, and I don't even know what that is. But I think that's great, because very few people will come in and say that on this podcast and just bring me the most expensive thing on the menu. But I love it But what I want to do is we'll give you that But also do you want a drink That you definitely know you like

Because what if we bring the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu It tastes like shit, it's so old Because it doesn't mean it's good if it's like I think it does Yeah, I think it does I mean when people go Oh I wish we could get wine reviews Next to choices on

I'll tell you what the review is You know that ascending scale of cash money That one Because even at home You know you start going like I'll do a five six seven pound, then you like 10 pound, like, you know, like, I'd say I'm now in the 30 pound brooket. I want a 30 pound bottle of you know what I mean? And then I'm like, like, and then I'm

like, oh, I wonder what, 60, pound? It's getting better. Let's not get silly. I think once you start getting up to those prices, like thousands of pounds, what you're paying for is the age, which I guess would have an impact on the taste, but then you're paying for the place where it's made and the name of the place, which doesn't necessarily make it better. It's a dream restaurant. I hate paying no. Yeah, I know, but I'm saying that it doesn't necessarily make the wine better. Well, do you know what? A friend of ours, Boggle, he's Mrs Alex. Alex.

Boggle. Yeah. All my husband's from Yorkshire, everyone's got a nickname. Nightmare trying to do wedding invites. Do you know why he's called Boggle? He almost saw it something my brother. But he's in my brother's band. He can barely talk, Bogel.

He's the funniest person you'd ever meet, and he sings. They do like Crosby Stills at Nash Harmon. He's the most beautiful singer. Yeah. Bring a tear to her eye. When he left, when he left to drive back to Northumberland on my wedding, I went, oh, I went, have a safe trip.

You went, I won't. But what's wrong with you? Anyway, legend. We've all got an nickname, but they're all called James. Yeah, yeah. So, here's Mrs. Alex. Her dad, farmer, French,

he passed away suddenly a few years ago, but what he used to do, and I don't know why, he bought an old sort of meat wagon police transport thing, where prisoners would be sort of transported, and he would drive to vineyards in France that were sort of too small, didn't have the sort of, you know,

like whatever, the license to, like export license, whatever, so they would be really niche. And he would fill up this van with wine. So even though he's passed away, you know, and not been here for a while, it's almost like a little bit of a lottery. We've been up there, staying at their place in,

well they're in yeah I'll put up north somewhere you know you know and they'll decant a lovely bottle of red and sometimes it is a potluck because you're going and it's like oh no no it's no good

the best wine I've ever drunk in my life is there and then we have a little Google and it is hundreds of pounds worth you know because it's been there years and it's just a joy that this gift is still giving and it's phenomenal and they know the one

so that was my first taste like oh this is what a few hundred pounds taste And it is unreal, but, you know, and so that's quite a fun thing. So I think that, yeah, that's... We'll just bring you an outstanding the expensive bottle of red wine. Yeah, I'd love to at curiosity.

Can you Google the most expensive bottle of wine in the world? Yeah, but you'll just get something that's been sold at an auction that's... That belong to be castles. It's like a patrus. I mean, like, something like a protruse or... Shatel Lafitte Rothschild or something. He's so over it already. He's absolutely over it.

He's like... The thing is how you know is it's just, it just ends up being like, you know, trainers or watches, you know. It's supply and demand. Like, burgundy prices have shot up in the last five years. It doesn't mean that it's any better than it was five years ago. Oh, look, he ain't changed. He's still an average guy. He's that guy.

I sometimes wonder about, you know, that kind of youth is wasted on the young. These wonderful things, imagine finding that. Imagine getting to the point where it's commonplace, you know, like, or, you know, sometimes you think the people that should really appreciate it. Like the people that would really appreciate it could never afford it sometimes. Do you know what I mean? And I hope, you know, because obviously I'm going to be like a podcast millionaire and all that, isn't it? So when I'm a podcast millionaire, I hope I always appreciate it.

I've started watching this guy on YouTube called Vegas Wine. He's a sommelier in Las Vegas. Nice. Amazing guy, like really so enthusiastic about wine, like genuinely passionate about it is his hobby. And he wears like meta glasses when he goes to work. So you just see him opening these like wildly expensive old bottles of wine It takes them ages to get the cork out So it's really fun

He talks about the wine But his customers are obviously the richest people in Las Vegas Yeah and it's Vegas They couldn't give a shit No, of course So he's like describing this wine to them being like This is from 1962 It's the best vintage for this

For this area for this great And he's like pouring it for them He's like wow look at that colour And they're like thank you Oh wow thank you so much They don't give a shit It's awful Then he pushes a Karen into the road.

Yeah. It's your favourite kind of YouTube. Have you ever been to Tillingham wines? Rings a bell, actually. Tillingham's great. Tillingham's great. I mean, they've got their own vineyard, but that was where we did a taste menu there and my husband's something for our anniversary.

It's really lovely, really off-grid. Yeah. And I loved it. It was like poetic. This girl, like, we had wine match of Rich Cawls and the way she was described it. And, you know, and there was some real sort of nice sort of curveballs in there. Like, like there was a really lovely white that had been.

sort of produce in the same way sherry's sort of produced like letting them almost become currently on the on the vine but then and it was just like oh I'd love it's something that I would love to be more educated on and I'd love to know more just so I could like patronise people

do you know what I mean yeah it's fine no but it is nice to know what and why and when you do take something you can really go oh wow you know I do like I like luxury I like it you know when you're like you know I went to the Versacee exhibition the other day and you are just like oh, it's breathtakingly brilliant in the clothes.

They are, when you're up close, I suppose you're like, this is, I love couture for that, you know, when you go, this is something, this is different gravy, you know, and so are we only closer on that Google in the wine or was it right? Well, this is what I'm talking about. This is not, what?

What's the matter? It probably tastes like shit, it doesn't matter. You let him say, what's the best one you've ever had, then Gamble? 558,000. What was that? That one. Yeah, Patrice said that. I love that one.

You love that one? I love a bit of thought of most. And at least you know it's been stored properly and it's like, you know, new from a shop. It's not just... Six and a half grand, thank you very much. Yeah. Just that curiosity. But in answer to your question, if I didn't like that, I would have a vodka martini with a twist.

Beautiful. That's my favourite, like, starting off drink. Well, we'll give you one of those when you arrive. We can put that at the top of the menu. What's it called? Aparatif. There you go. Aparathe.

Aparat. Your dream dessert. Well, I love an apagato with, like, something else chucked in. That's all. fun and games because sort of sorts you out. Bonito, make sure you're right on. Yeah. I'm not a super dessert person, but you know what I love?

I love a sheer delight, a steam jam sponge, custard and ice cream. Oh yeah. Custard and ice cream. You must respect that. Much, much, much respect that. I think if there was a family crest that, my maid named Taylor, it'd be both.

That's the motto, family, both. Both. Both. Would they have custard and ice cream on the crest, or would it just be, because both just applies to everything, right? Yeah, just both. Oh, everything.

Yeah. You said that earlier about the butter at Kudu before you heard what the butters were. Yeah. That's true. There's two different times. You can have both. Both, yeah.

I'd describe them yet. Not waiting. Good of them said one of them's got shit. Both. Yeah, yeah. Both. Yeah, I'm having both. Yeah, I don't want to choose.

But yeah, I am, I love a steam sponge pudding, man. Ah, yes, and most of the jammerly, I think. It's nostalgia as well, that sort of thing, isn't it? Yeah, I think that's because I'm not a dessert person, but I think actually when I was a dessert person, that's nostalgia of childhood. And, you know, my mum can do a steam sponge. I love an old school dessert, you know.

And I love steaming a sponge at home. Do you want the dream one to be made by your mum? Oh, no, no. She's in that weird. I'm in my 70s. I'll just eat tuna kind of vibe now. she's gone off. She'll,

she knows, she cooks for the dog now, you know what I mean? My mum's well off the ball. When she throws it down, she really throws it down, but you ain't getting

a steam sponge out of Jenny now. She's, she's busy. She's so busy doing fuck old. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, sure. Sure. Do you want to,

maybe your homemade one? Is that, is that, is yours? No, no. I, I,

I'd love to trust someone. Whoever's, yeah, no, I love things. I love elevated things. You know, like it's such a, joy when they get it right on

like the Great British menu, you know, when you really see someone elevate an old school thing and they get it right. There's nothing better in the world. Yeah. I want it this big. You know, I've ever seen Eddie and stuff on Great British menu and wish that you could eat it? Yeah, I wish I could see

like Andy Oliver and everything. I love her. She's the best. She's the best. I saw her once and like an M&S and I'm like, oh my God, I love you and you know she had that face like, not today. as in I'm not there. But she had a cookery show yonks ago with Nana Cherry. Do you remember? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there was this bit. And this is when I fell in love with Andy Oliver, I'm going to do these deep cuts, is when she went, they saw Nigel Slater. And they went, and they ran after him to tell him they love him. And then they were like,

and I was like, yeah. Like that level of fandom of Nigel Slater, of toast. Yeah, because they chose called, I thought, oh, I love Andy Oliver. Yeah, no, she's great. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I do.

I do think... She can come to your dream meal if you want. Do you want her in there? Well, she did a lovely... What's the show she did on BBC where they went... I think she went to Morocco and went... You know, there's that this kind of high...

That I was interested in that. Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't think I'd like someone that I'd want to impress it at dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'd be like, oh, I've got custard everywhere. I'll leave off, do you know what I mean?

Sure, yeah. Maybe we could get you someone you don't want to impress or don't respect. I would be. You said don't want to impress, I'm going to say my husband, and then you went in with don't respect. Oh, no, I always just want to be of him. I love a rare chance that we get to have a dinner together.

And he is someone that really appreciate stuff. Like we said about loving food, I can't bear cynicism. I love people that appreciate things. And I love cooking for people that appreciate things. I'm like, oh, my God. You know, I love you going on a deep dive of what the cauliflower cheese is saying. Yeah. I like interested people.

I like appreciative people. my husband is such a fun person to cook for and do anything for because he's a joy do you know what I mean? And would he like this menu as much as you did? Yeah, yeah, he would. He might go for a steak or something but yeah, dessert. I mean, he's mum. I love his mum. His mum is the most phenomenal baker you've ever known in your life and she's very funny, Francis. And she says, and I say,

and anything she cooks like I actually goes, oh, it's easy. And that's my northern Irish accent. And I say, you always neglect to mention the 50 years you've been doing it as part of the recipe. You know, it's just in their bones. So I love that sort of cooking where people have just got it in their bones. How'd you meet this guy? Funny enough, I met him just before the apps.

I met him on Guardian Soulmates. Wow, we. Nice. Going way back about 13 years. And he was so lovely. Yeah. And we just hit it off straight away. It was just easy work.

He's just easy work. And he's lovely. Yeah, he's lovely. How did Guardian Soulmate? work again. Well, it used to be a proper lonely heart in the... I think it was in the guide, in one of the insects and everything. And then it just became... I don't know

if it ever became an app, but it was just like an online website and it was just like each other, like each other, then message each other and blah, blah, blah. On the understanding that you both read the Guardian so there won't be any political clashes on the first day. I think there's a bit of that, but I think everyone, everything has its own flavour, doesn't it?

Like, plenty of fish is a hook up or even back then or like, you know, grind a tinder. You know, I think people, But Guardian So moments for me, there wasn't a phase in the sort of mid to, what are we saying? I reckon, yeah, when did I meet in 2011, 2011, 2012, which I think. But like, probably around 2009 to 2011. There wasn't a marriage that didn't happen because of Guardian Soul was. Right.

When everyone's divorced now, but it was like, oh, I'm married. You know, it was like when people got to their mid-30s and went, oh, fuck, I need to do this. So, yeah, I think it was for people that were a little bit more kind of like, I mean this. sort of thing. But I did hate dating. And like I always say, I almost missed him because we just got along. So I'd be like still dating. I was talking to me.

We're going, no, at least I'm going to go and meet him. Do you know what I mean? It's funny. And it's just like, it's just easy. It feels too easy. And you're going, what was I doing all the other than it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All those other people were really nice people.

Why did I put him through that? Yeah. What did I put him through all that palava of trying to make it work? But you don't know. You know, do you? You don't know that your person should feel like home, shouldn't they? Just so telling you your personality, why did I put them through all that? Meaning yourself, why did I put them through me?

Yeah, all that is you. All that, all that, all that stuff I do. Come on, the way I am. Let's try and make our relationship work. Yeah, but you do try, don't you? Yeah, yeah. I still got to try. You do.

Not me. But you don't know until you find your person, do you? No, no, no, no. And it's at your peace and home and then still looking forward to seeing them, sort of thing. I'll read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Yes. You would like the burks of Aberfeldy's

Springwater. Oh yeah, that's... Unlimited popadoms of all the dips, prawns and garlic butter with bread. Which we would call him what again? Tunkern. Tunkin. Main stage of the meal. Whole soy roast chicken on rice for your main course. Side dish, morning glory and sesame oil

with garlic. Drink the most expensive bottle of red wine on the menu and also a vodka martini with a twist to start as an aperitif. Yes. Dessert. Steemed jam sponge with custard and ice cream, brackets, both. And you would like an avigato with a little g-k...

Yeah. ...in there as well. How's he written that? How's he written it? I had to do it from memory. Okay. So I remember the sound. He's not really...

He doesn't like us. Thank you for let me have the afigato as well. Of course. It was both, isn't it? It's all of them. Yeah. That's a fantastic. I don't have a god.

Is it? Yeah, I love that. I absolutely love that. Yeah. Well, I felt like, you know, I didn't want to say at the times. I didn't want to get in your head, but I really felt you connected with Laura. We're on the same page. On so many things.

We're on the same page. More than you have. Most of the time, Ed doesn't approve of a lot of our guests and, uh... Morons. I think they're morons. Yeah. I didn't want to put it like that. Yeah, yeah.

It doesn't. It doesn't respect Greg. I don't respect that guy. I don't want to do taskmaster. Yes. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Laura really respects Greg. Oh, that was spot on.

It was a delicious menu. Really respects Greg. Nothing is weird at all. I look forward to doing Taskmaster. Well, you don't need to do Taskmaster now because you've done the off menu podcast. Is that how it works? I don't know.

Tick, tick, goal. I'm done. I'm like, done. I'm happy. Goals met no other. That's nice. No other worlds. It's conquered.

That's nice. This is the only world. People need to come here. Thank you for coming to the dream restaurant, Laura. Thank you, Mr. Campbell. Thank you, Laura. Thank you, Lester. There we are, James.

A lovely episode with Laura Smith. Lovely to hear so many stories about Laura's family. She wasn't that eggy or Aggie? I thought she was extremely fun and pleasant. Yeah, she wasn't Aggie. She was Laura Smith, a fantastic comic. You can go and see her live now with her show, born Aggie. LauraSmith.com for tickets.

That's S-M-Y-T-H because I got her. It's so fun to say because I got her after that. Ed, I hope you're doing well. I'm right here. Huh? Oh, sorry, man. I thought I thought it was doing like a little shout out to you. James can't handle this being on video to the extent that he doesn't know if I'm here or in the camera.

I guess as to your future you watching. Yeah. I assume at some point you're just going to be sat in your home, an old man, in your old smoking jacket. Watching this. Yeah, just watching this. Yeah. Watching all your glory days, your salad day. and being like, oh, I'll say, I hope you're doing well,

and you'll be like, thank you, James, you're done, good James. And then I'll pat a jar, and it pans out, and it's your brain in a jar. Oh, it's my brain in the jar? Yeah, yeah. I thought it's going to be like an urn with my ashes. No, no, no, no, no, it's the future, man. Yeah, yeah, like Futurama. Yeah.

Hello, Laura, as well, if you're listening. Oh, hi, Laura. You didn't say Eggie bread, so thanks for that. Thanks for not saying Eggie bread, although it would have been fun because born Aggie and Eggie sound the same. Have a great tour. It's going to be so funny. Say hi to all the off-menu fans for us. Enjoy the event from Apollo. It's a big gig.

Enjoy the Apollo, huge gig. And I guess hello to Benito, if you're listening. Yeah. Watching. Oh, no. Then you see I've got another jar on the side, and it's Benito's Winky in a Jar. Yeah.

That's the one big jar. I'm on tour next year. That's 2027, depending on when you're watching this. My show, Fresh Hell, starts in January, 27. Ed Gamble. dot co.k for tickets. Great. My tour's finished.

Everyone leave me alone, I guess. Is that to us? Is that to us? I wish. Bye!