Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Menus To Be Buried With with Ed Gamble, James Acaster and Brett Goldstein

Episode Date: March 14, 2021

Look out, it’s only a crossover episode! Peddy Bambles and The Genie team up with Bradley Goldstein for this Acast Red Nose Day Mashup podcast, all in aid of Comic Relief. This is Off Menu meets Films To Be Buried With. AKA: Menus To Be Buried With.Donations have the power to help people living incredibly tough lives. If you can, please, head to comicrelief.com/podcastmashup and give now. Or give £5 by texting ‘COMIC’ to 70205.To donate £5 text the word COMIC to 70205. Texts cost your donation amount plus your standard network message charge and 100% of your donation will go to Comic Relief, a registered charity. You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill-payer’s permission. For full terms and conditions visit comicrelief.com/podcastmashupRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions. Theme music remix by Buddy Peace.Original Off Menu artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Listen and subscribe to Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein on Acast.Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? So, first, you sprinkle the sugar of chat and brew-lay it with the torch of fun. Welcome to a very special episode of the Off Menu podcast in a way, James. Very lovely intro, Ed Gamble. It is a very special episode of the Off Menu podcast, but there's also a special episode of films to be buried with. With Brett Goldstein, another hit podcast, may I say. Yes. It's a fantastic podcast. It's one of my favorite podcasts out there. I think I've probably listened to every episode apart from

a couple that I couldn't make it through. You and me both, buddy. I know you don't listen to any podcasts, James. But hopefully, this is an episode that you're going to love all the way through. It's a very fun mash-up episode. We are doing this for the brilliant comic relief. If anyone else came and asked us to do this mash-up, we'd say absolutely not. No way. Too much effort. Don't want to have to think about this. But for comic relief, me and you, James, and the wonderful Brett Goldstein, we'll do anything, won't we? Yep. A cast of bringing your favorite podcasters together for a series of special podcast mash-ups in support of Red Nose Day, baby. Yeah. We all need a bit of a laugh right now.

Hopefully, we can provide that. And this Red Nose Day, your laugh can help create serious change across the country and around the world. Funny as power. Get involved this Red Nose Day and help people living incredibly tough lives. So if you can, please give now at comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mash-up. I'd do it now before you listen to the episode because we're all friends. It's going to be a laugh. Things might get messy. Just give the money now and we'll apologize later. Yeah. Because afterwards, you're going to be so delirious from having laughed so much, you won't be able to donate any money to anything. So do it now while you still got your mind assembled. So go to comicrelief.com forward slash

podcast mash-up now. Donate the money. Then listen to the episode. So I think the idea is going to be because Brett has a series of questions in his podcast. We have a series of questions in our podcast, but we're going to do the questions that Brett has in his. He has things like first film you saw, what's the funniest film you saw, but we're going to twist it and we're going to talk about foods from our lives, James. Yeah. Same questions, but about food. Will they translate? This isn't our menu. We should also stress this is not our off menu menu. Yeah. Don't think this is our off menu menu. It's not. No way. We're being asked earliest food memory and stuff like that. That's not our off menu menu. So don't make this part of the off menu

canon. So without further ado, this is the very first and probably last episode of menus to be buried menus to be buried with comment relief.com forward slash podcast mash up to donate. Hello and welcome to menus to be buried with. It is I Brett Goldstein and I'm joined today by an Uber fan. The biggest fan of my podcast has ever been and I've sworn I'd give him a chance to be on it once. He keeps telling me he has been on it. I find it difficult to remember, but please welcome to this very special comic relief special edition of films to be buried with where we won't be talking about films. We'll be talking about food, which is something I genuinely couldn't give a shit about. Please welcome to the show. The amazing Mr. Petty Pambles. Oh, thanks,

Brett. Thank you. Oh, no. Welcome, Petty Pambles to the graveyard. We've been expecting you for some time. Oh, man. This guy always interrupts everything I do. This now seems like a ventriloquist act, doesn't it? Take your top off, Bradley. Oh, hang on. This is my inner voice. It's become a genie. I'm the genie of the graveyard. Brett Goldstein, take your top off. Please also welcome to the show. The genie. I'm the genie of the graveyard and listen, Brett. Yeah. The people want you to take your top off. That is what happens. Your Roy Kent. Yeah. Your Roy Kent with your beautiful hairy chest. Yeah. And every single scene you have your top off. And that's what people know you for. It's your brand and we need that in the episode.

I tell you what, you really realise how high concept both our podcasts are when you try and mash them together, right? And James has to pretend to be a genie of a graveyard and that we're both dead and we get buried with food. Is that what's happening? Oh, wait. I'd forgotten to tell you that. You're both dead. What? You're both dead. Yeah. You're dead. You're dead. The genie's dead finally. Thank God. And Petty Pambles, I'm sorry, before you had the chance to get on the podcast, you died. Oh, no. You're both dead. Oh, man. How did you die, though? Genies can't die. You think that, but once the three wishes have used up, dead. That's the tragedy of the genie. They never, do you not know that about genies, the legends of genies? They get freed.

You get three wishes. Once you've done the three wishes, genie's dead. Like a wasp that's used at Stinger. Dead. That's true. Do you not remember Aladdin when he does the three wishes at the end and then he dies, he explodes and he's dead? Do you remember? I don't remember that. I must have buried that in my head because it must have been very traumatic for me watching that as a young genie. Yeah. That's why the live action one's particularly sort of shocking because Will Smith is so beloved. And he goes, oh, one more wish, please. And they go, you remember Will Smith keeps going, seriously, do you need a third? And that is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just one more. You said three and he goes, yeah, I know I said it, but do you need the third? And he goes, yeah, yeah. And

he says, oh, I wish for some peanut butter. And Will Smith is like, are you kidding me? That was what? And then he dies. The perfect riff for this particular episode. Brett managed to get films and end it with a food reference with the peanut butter there. Yeah. Oh, wow. Very good. Not many people could have done that. Thank you very much. The top stays on though, I notice. I notice he's keeping the top off. The thing is, I take it off. It's obviously quite threatening. You keep saying take it off, take it off like this is the masked singer or something. But this is an audio podcast. So the only people I'd be taking it off for is you at the end, which again, I'm not against doing. Man, that would be such a rubbish version of the masked singer if you could see exactly who they

were. But at the end, they had to take their tops off if they got voted out. And then they do it just for Joel Domet. No one else gets to see it, but they just go in a room with Joel and take their top off. And Joel comes out and goes, it was good, good, good stuff. Well, yeah, Joel would take his top off and the winner of the final would be anyone who had a better body than Joel, as judged by Joel. So no one. Joel would make that decision. Joel would win every single series of the masked singer would be won by Joel and he wins it every time. And it's just him in a room with a person going, take it off, take mine off. So here we are. We're here for our favourite TV show, Comic Relief. It's my favourite night of the year. I like it more than Christmas,

actually, Comic Relief, because it combines comedy and relief. And I like both of those things very, very, very much. And it's nice to be able to contribute in some way to that. You two, we're here to talk about food, because you have a podcast called Off Menu. Yes, yes. And you know what? I'm a huge fan of that podcast. And it really works, despite the fact that I have almost no interest in food. Yeah, this is great. This is the crazy thing, Brett. You I've never met anyone with less interest in food than you. You just don't care, do you? Joel Domit? Joel Domit, maybe. But at least he's, I think he's thinking about food like, I've got to consume this food, so I can go and do my CrossFit. I think you just walk around. You do, you told me you do an exercise

class with some mums every day. And then that's all you do. And that's it. I go back to bed. Here's the food I like, coleslaw. I fucking love coleslaw. I love it. I love it. Oh my God. And I'll tell you, I'll tell you a little secret about Ted Lasso. Sometimes they say to me, what do you want for lunch? And I say, a shit ton of coleslaw. No, Brett, you're kidding me. That's all he eats. That's why in some of those shots, when Brett's walking around with his top off, you can see in his chest hair is just some mayonnaise. Bit of carrot. What's that? What's that in his chest throw there? A cabbage I got off his nipple. What's that in there for? Is he savagely in a bucket of coleslaw before filming this scene?

Has he had an aggressive amount of coleslaw before this? Anyway, look, you two have died. How did you die? I'm dead again. Just to let everyone know, I have, me and James have both done Brett's podcast twice. We've died and then been brought back from the dead. And now we're going to die again. Yeah. Oh no. How did you die this time? Well, I'm a genie this time. So I guess, according to you, I've given someone free wishes and then got and then died. Yeah. What was the last wish you gave to someone and what was it? The last wish that someone gave was they said, I'd like to win the Master Singer and that person was Joel Domet. And I sorted it out for him so that he would win every single series because

the new rules are that they take their top off and if they haven't got as good a body as Joel, they lose and Joel wins. So that was the last dream that I made come true. That was worth dying for. Well, yeah, it was actually. I got an email asking me to do an audition for Ted Lasso. And I was got so nervous that when I was in the audition room, a vein in my brain exploded. Yes. And I died. And that wasn't part of the script. No. And it was still the best audition I've ever done. Yeah. I remember Jason saying to me, that was an amazing improv that he did with his forehead. And I said, no, he's actually died. Did you not notice when the ambulance people came and took his body away? Yeah, great

improv. He was like, that was real commitment to the bit. I auditioned for Ted Lasso. And I had to audition. It was one of the scenes that Brett had written. And it was very confusing. So many references to Nick Muhammad. And I was just basically me commentating on an orgy that was taking place in the changing room and using everyone's off camera names. It was very weird. Yeah. The scene I had to do one of Brett's scenes as well. And it involved me. I think the phrase was burrowing inside Giles from Buffy's pants. Yes. Oh, yes. He calls him Giles from Buffy all the time in the script. I forgot that. He always says, and then Giles from Buffy gets his tight buns out. I know you keep texting me going. It's weird. I've watched the season and none of the

scenes you made me audition for seem to have made the final cut. And just to let you know, that's just how it works. We shot them all, obviously, but it was to do with time, running time and stuff like that. Yeah. Because you said Jason Sudeikis was going to be there, but I knew it was you with a piece of paper that said Jason Sudeikis on it. Yes. Yeah. But it was me. I was there for Jason was on the zoom that you couldn't see when he was so grateful that you did it. He said those guys were amazing and we should use them, but the running time is how we can use those scenes. But I've kept them, obviously. What do you think happens when you die and you're into food? In Ratatouille, Gusto is a ghost and he helps a rat find his inspiration and become a chef. So

I think in the food world, you become a ghost and then you help an animal that isn't a human become a chef. So that's yes. If we're going, if we're doing the film food crossover, I would say that I've become a ghost and now I'm trying to help probably a gerbil or another kind of rodent chinchilla maybe become a chef in a high-end restaurant. Similar to the film Ratatouille, do you think the chinchilla is a secret thing? Yes. Yeah. The chinchilla is, he lives under the jumper of a young pot washer and pulls his nipples to move all of his limbs and basically just becomes the best pot washer in the world. But if I go to that restaurant, I don't know the chinchillas. No. If I see the chinchilla, I'm not impressed. No, you'd be furious, but everyone's

like, you've got to go to this restaurant. It's the cleanest dishes, cleanest plates I've ever eaten off of. It's so hygienic, it's so great. And then obviously there'd be a bit in the film where they discovered the chinchillas doing it all and they're like, this is the opposite of good hygiene. We're shutting this down. And then the chinchilla would end up with its own kind of like company at the end, I imagine. What's the name of the company? Good question. I think that maybe they would specialise in like chilled foods and it'd be called like, you know. Chinchilla. Really good. But what do you think happens after you die and you care about food? They probably think I'll get some organs out of him to donate them to other people and then

realise they're useless because I've spent my life eating fat. Because you are a human foie gras. Yeah, because I am like a force-fed goose of a human being, yes. But he's done it to himself. There's awful photos of Ed on the internet. Yeah, blurry photos from inside in my house where I've just hammered a funnel down my own neck and I'm just pouring fat and baking fat into it and stuff. Well, good news. You're both right. That's exactly what happens. But so what we're doing, the three of us are having a meeting at chinchillas and it's quite cold because he only sells chilled food. But we're hanging out. We put warm coats on.

And the people at chinchilla, which is also a sort of heaven in a way, they won't know about your life that you just left, but they want to know about it through the medium of meals you've eaten. And what they want to know first is petty pambles and the genie. What's the first meal you remember eating? It's very well. Look, let's not beat around the bush. I can't remember it, but likelihood is first meal I ate was my mum's tiddy milk. Nice. But I can't remember that, which is a blessed relief for both me and my mum, that we can look each other in the eye and I don't remember that. But I remember incidentally.

She remembers it. Yeah, but it'd be weird if I did. Sure. But you say it's a blessed relief for you both, but maybe for mums, it is always weird forever. You can't remember it. It's fine for you, but maybe for mums, they always look at us and go, Oh, God. Oh, no. Yeah. I can't believe we did that. I guess it would be weird if you said it was the first at best meal. Yeah. Oh, I should say that's my answer for all the questions. Hey, I never had it. I never had my mum never did it to me. So. Really? Oh, suddenly, everything's explained. Everything is put into place. Absolutely everything makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. But the thing is, you're such a healthy looking man, Brett. I feel like if you ever wanted

to hop on board the anti breastfeeding movement, you'd be the poster boy for that. Yeah. You'd be like, I didn't have tiddy milk and look at me. She just used to pump protein shakes into my mouth. Yeah. Little baby Roy Kent. Very hairy chest, little baby. Yeah. Give me some Go on, Ed. What's the first meal you had? I remember, I remember this. We were on holiday in Grenada. I was a small boy. The table was delivered, a bowl of green stuff. It was Kalaloo, which I believe is spinach soup. This is your first meal, you remember? Yeah. This is one of them. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I was like maybe four or five. Okay. And I said, I'm not having that. You come on. I'm a kid. I'm not going to the spinach soup. You kidding me?

Yeah. And my mum said spinach is what Popeye eats to make him strong. I ate that whole goddamn bowl of Kalaloo. Yes. And look at you now. Brittle glue diabetes. So weak. So weak. That's lovely, that. She was, she wasn't wrong. That is what made Popeye strong. He had an old song about it. He was quite, he was a real like propaganda machine for the young spinach. But here's what I think about that, though, is he must have been slightly strong beforehand, because he often just squeezes the can of spinach and it pops open. He needs to be fucking strong to do that start with. Yeah, you're already strong. He's got good genes from the off. He's left that bit out, hasn't he? Yeah. He's gone, I'm quick to the finish because I eat my

spinach and I've got a sort of good genes. Yeah. Popeye the sailor man. Plus PS, I was already strong. The genie, what about you? What's the first meal you remember eating? This is going to sound like I'm just saying it because of the film and stuff. But I genuinely think it was a ratatouille type dish that it was courgettes and this like tomato resource. And I remember we had it quite a lot at home. My mum would make it a lot and maybe there would be some pasta involved. And that I just remember having that loads as a kid growing up. And I don't remember having it past a certain age. I think like maybe it was just in my primary school and it stopped being cooked after a while, stopped being part of the repertoire. But I remember... Why do you think

it stopped? I think my mum's always been a good chef, but I think she's got better and better over the years and more adventurous. And that started to be something like, nah, that's child's play. I'm doing better stuff now. And that was one of the simple dishes early on when she had three little kids running around who were maniacs and was like, right, doing this quick for them, get that done. I remember that and skin on chips that they were a little fryer. And again, that was a brief time in my life when we had a fryer at home. But yeah, my mum would do skin on chips and would have them with the ratatouille. And I'd eat that. But we didn't call it ratatouille. It wasn't really called anything. Well, not to us. We weren't asking.

As a kid, you don't really go, what do you call this dish, mother? I would. Yeah, Edward. Edward would have said that. But your mum doesn't go, we're having stew tonight. She doesn't say she must have given it a tail. We're having the thing I'm going to stop cooking soon. So make the most of it because it's never coming back. We're having the tomato-y thing with courgetteson. Not ratatouille, but you know what I mean. She wouldn't have said that, would she? No, no, she wouldn't have said that. She wasn't me declaring it to anyone. All we cared about, and this won't surprise Ed, as A-casses were asking all the time, was what's for dessert? What's for pudding?

And because we were highly motivated by pudding, it would always just be told, it's a surprise and you have to eat your main course first. And so we'd shovel that down. What was the surprise that there wasn't dessert? Well, sometimes it was something great. Sometimes it was ice cream. We were over the moon, but often it was natural yoghurt with some raisins and we absolutely went berserk. We were like, are you kidding me, mum? That's a cruel surprise. That is very cruel. Yeah, surprise. I like that now. I'd love to be offered natural yoghurt with raisins now. Do you deserve it? Well, good job you're dead. Be a waste of a living now. Poppadobs or brett? It's a crossover episode. Poppadobs or brett?

Oh, I love it. Oh, no, I had one ready for you. Fuck. This is a crossover episode and I'm asking you both. Poppadobs or brett? Oh, brett for me all the time. If I went for a curry and they said, do you want us to bring out the normal poppadobs or shall we bring your friend brett goldstein out here and you can have a chat with him? I'd say bring me brett goldstein, please. Yes, that's really sweet. I'd take poppadobs over myself, but popcorn or Ed? Popcorn or Ed? You've gone to the cinema and you're on your own and you get to the counter and the man says popcorn or Ed? Popcorn or Ed? Do you want popcorn or do you want your friend Ed Gamble to come and join you at the cinema? That's so easy. I would easily choose Ed Gamble. Not only because I like

watching films of Ed, but also I'm not that much of a fan of popcorn anyway. So it's not even, let me get this straight. I would probably choose Ed Gamble over some Ben and Jerry's before going to the cinema. That's big stuff. Wow. But popcorn is not a, I don't care about popcorn. Me and James went to the cinema to see Mother together. Oh, here we go. You regret bigging him up now. I know it's about to come. No, I think we were good. We're a good pair at the cinema. Here we go. Here we go. Apparently, I'm a thick piece of shit. No, I just think we came out of the film and I was throwing out some theories there as to what the film might be about and what might be some of the subtext of the film.

And I was going, maybe it's about mother nature. Maybe it's the story of Christianity. Maybe it's all of these things. And it turns out James just hadn't thought about any of that and just thought it was a weird story. I'd liked it, but I'd taken it all completely literally. And we came out and I said, well, it was stressful. I'll give it that. That was a stressful film. And then Ed was like, I think it's the story of Genesis, isn't it? It's the book of Genesis and it's Mother Nature and God. And I was like, you've blown my mind. I want to see that film again now under that lens. I'm so glad I didn't choose popcorn. Yeah. And he was like, are you serious? Are you serious? You didn't even think about any of that stuff? I was like, no, I just watched the film and there

were two people in our house and people kept coming to the house. And then since then, Brett, I've watched films and I've really thought about what they're about because my friend Ed Gamble taught me it's not just what's going on on screen. Sometimes it all represents other stuff. You know, I've told this on a podcast, but you know, Loli had a fight, babe. We all love her. My favourite thing with her in films is I'd said to her, you should see Mother. She went to see Mother. She texted me. She said, Bradley, that is the worst film I've ever seen. I replied, is it? She half an hour wrote back, just talked about it. I think it's the best film I've ever seen. To donate £5, text the word comic to 70205. Text cost your donation amount

plus your standard network message charge. And 100% of your donation will go to Comic Relief, a registered charity. You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill payers permission. For full terms and conditions, visit comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup. What is the meal that made you cry the most? Have you ever cried at a meal? Man, you're obsessed with making people cry. This guy. He loves it. I have cried at a meal before. Great. Yeah, go on. No, it's nice. This is a nice story. Okay. Okay, good. I was in Japan. Oh, I know what this is going to be. Here we go. No, it's not.

Let him tell a nice story, Jean. Me and my new fiance, as in she was newly my fiance, as in I've not got a new fiance now. Not the newest. Not the newest. No, current and new at the time. Right. Went to an amazing restaurant in Tokyo called Inua and I was just very happy. So I had a little cry. He just got engaged and he was in this amazing place abroad and they were eating a lovely meal and he cried because he was so happy. And I just had a little cry, Brett. But just a few tears, you know, you can't do it. You can't do it too openly. It looks like he's crying right now.

Yeah. Are you crying or laughing, Brett? I'm crying. I can't handle that. Can't handle that level of sincere emotion. Also, I was shitfaced. Oh, God. Wine pairings, am I right? What did your newest fiance say when she saw you crying at this restaurant? She was also overtaken by emotion, but in a way, facially, she suggested that she was also disgusted with me. And then I went right back to being incredibly boring about the food, Brett. And then everything was back to normal. Listen, well done. You're very, I forget that you occasionally have glimmers of being very emotionally open and I really should get you on the podcast one day. What about you? What about you, the genius? Have you ever...

What's the meal that made you cry the most? I don't think I've ever cried at a meal, if I'm honest. No, I don't think you've ever cried. I cry. Come on. I've cried. Give me some credit. You've had a go. I've seen it. You've had, like, a robot try and like... Yeah. Yeah. Like in the face. Stabbing it with water. You cry like you're having a difficult shit. Yeah. Sometimes I cry during a difficult shit. So no food. No food has made you cry. I don't think so. I've eaten food that I've loved. I don't think I've ever eaten food that's maybe so happy that I want to cry. I've cried so much I want to eat some food. Sure. Now we're talking. That's different. Have a good cry and then,

like, I read to eat some food, you know. I've told the story many a times of when I stayed at one night during a particularly bad year in my life. Got absolutely smashed on my own, started crying, and then ate some cold lasagna out of the fridge and it was delicious. That's probably my... Yo, the closest we're going to get to crying and eating food is that night in my life. It's been a very lucrative meal that couple of times. Yeah. I really did well out of that. No one told me at the time this is going to go better for you than you think it is, James. What's a meal that's meant to be bad? People are like, I don't like that meal. I really look down on that meal, but you two love that meal. No matter what.

It's bad, isn't it? When you take questions that are meant for films to be about films, are you trying to apply them to the world of food? He's like, well, food and films really aren't very similar. But this works better than if we did it the other way around in the last breath. What's your favourite dessert meal, right? The dessert film. Yeah. Sorry, dessert film. I can't even say it properly. A food that everyone says they hate, but I really like. Oh, I know that, Fred. Go on then. You like brains. Wow. He loves brains when he goes to an Indian restaurant. He loves to eat the brains. No, if anything's on a menu, a nice restaurant that seems a bit odd, or I've not had it before, of course I'm going to order it. Brains. Brains. Whose brains is it?

You're eating. I don't know whose brain it is, actually. You should check. I do feel like you should ask before you eat and consume their intelligence. Whose brain am I taking on? Oh, you're worried it'd be like a film where you eat their brain and then you take on them. You eat their memories. Yeah. Yeah. If you had to eat someone's brain, who's like an actor or a director or in the film industry, whose brain would you eat? Instead of being, say, Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease 2, instead of eating Michelle Pfeiffer's brains, ID Maxwell Caulfield's brains, so I could experience being with Michelle Pfeiffer rather than being Michelle Pfeiffer. I see. But also, I'm getting to be in Grease 2 and ride a motorbike and sing songs.

I think we could ask a million people that question and no one would say that answer. No, definitely not. Apart from Brett. I actually wrote down steamed broccoli for that answer, but I prefer the brains chat. What about you, Gina? Whose brains would you like to eat? I would like to eat a really clever person's brains in case you then get really clever off the back of it. Obviously, in a film... Head sprite. You want head sprite. If I was to think about characters in films, I would like to eat Bradley Cooper's character in the film Limitless when he's taken the pill. I would like to then eat his brains and see how clever I would feel. That's one of the few things in films that I like. If someone was like, you

can make something from a film reel and try it, I would like to have the Limitless pill. I get that, but he doesn't use it properly. You wouldn't want his brain, because the first thing he does when he takes the Limitless pill is fuck his landlord. He's friendly. You've got to be brainy for stuff like that. You've got to be real clever. Not many people you've met have fucked their landlord, because they're not smart enough to do it. Only very smart people have done it. Which real-life person's brain would you like to eat, Gina? I guess I would like to eat Brian Cox's brain. I'd order Brian Cox's brain,

and then I wouldn't know if I was going to get the science guy or the actor, and then I'd eat it, and then I'd see how I turned down at the end. If I was like, oh, space is dead, good. I love space. Space is so cool. Then I was like, oh, I'm the science guy. If I was like, now fuck off. That was pretty good. I mean, your Brian Cox, your Brian Cox, the first one, was so bad that I wasn't holding out much hope for the fuck off, but great. You're really good. Really good. Yeah. Watched all of that recently as well, so I know. Me too. I watched all of it recently. Watched all of it. He ends EpiSingleSenders with now fuck off. I love it.

What's the meal? You loved it years ago. Could be your mother's meal. Could be anything for years ago. Just going to cross something out. The meal you loved years ago, but it does not hold up for you anymore, Ed Campbell's. As James knows, I was a very, very precocious child when it came to food anyway. I think very quickly, my parents realized that to not give me any of the stuff that you're supposed to give kids that kids genuinely like because I wasn't into it. I think the food I'd started eating from quite a young age is still the sort of food I like now. Once I went to a wedding when I was a kid, there was a separate table for the kid's food. I didn't want any of it, and they were all eating like nuggets and stuff, carrot sticks, that sort of thing.

And I was like, dad, I'm not having that. There's no way I'm not touching the kids table stuff. Who do you think I am? It's bland. It's flavorless. I'm not going to sit with those jumps and eat that. I want to sit with you and I want to eat what the adults are having. And he was like, okay, I'll go and check. And they were like, well, we sort of budgeted for a certain amount of adults and a certain amount of kids. So is it okay for you? My dad was like, it's so much easier if you just give him some of the adults food. And there was a bit of an argument over it in nearly ruin the day. But that's what I like to call the first time I tasted poached salmon. But Eddie, you say you don't like poached salmon anymore.

No, I do like poached salmon a lot. I rarely have a poached salmon. But I think what I was saying was that most I actually it's probably the other way around for me. I probably enjoy like kids food more now, like chicken nuggets. I quite like now, but probably as a child, I saw it as a sign of immaturity to have that sort of thing. What is what is a meal that you used to laugh? You don't love it anymore? Two answers for this. I don't know which one to go with. It's not a meal. But when I was a kid, all my pocket money went on penny sweets from the shop. And I loved, you know, just hard boiled sweets, chewy sweets, the more sugar on them, the better, the fizzy ones, all that kind of stuff. Now I still have a very big sweet tooth, but I prefer chocolate

and cake and stuff and sweets too much for me. I can't handle sweets. And it makes me feel it makes me feel like my teeth are dissolving just thinking about I mean, that's probably the biggest one because it used to be my whole life revolved around sweets. And that's all I ever wanted. And now it's like, no, thank you. I think it's going to erode my entire jaw. Also, another answer is that when I was 17, maybe 18, I went through a stage of every single day having a peanut butter and bacon sandwich. And I would eat that every me and my friend, Graham, both got into peanut butter and bacon sandwiches. We've done 100 episodes of a food podcast. Never heard that before. Have you? Peanut butter and bacon. I want to try it.

We watched a TV series called Ed, which is about a lawyer who also owns a bowl in Ali called the Stucky Bowl. And in one of the episodes, I don't think he owns it. I don't think he owns it. I think that's just where his office is. Yes. I think it's actually unboked, Michael Ian Black. Yes. And in one of the episodes, you don't see him eat it, but he mentions that he's recently had a peanut butter and bacon sandwich and that the bacon fat mixes with the peanut butter and it's really delicious. And me and my friend, Graham, were like, let's have that today because we got the ingredients. So we made it and it was great. And we ate it all the time until we told one of our friends about it. And she said, do you have any idea how unhealthy that is to you? And we were

like, no. Sounds good. And she was like, you shouldn't be eating that every single day. And then we stopped eating it. Well, that's what killed Elvis. Peanut butter and bacon sandwiches. I think he had peanut butter, bacon and banana sandwiches. Yeah. Sometimes put some ice cream in there as well, like an absolute king. That sounds fucking great. I say I don't like food, but that's got me interested in it. And now I'm like, tell me more about this food. Food sounds great. Also, get the bacon just right. I like it crispy. I don't like all flabby, fatty bacon. Get it nice and crispy. We had crunchy peanut butter, but you can do it with a smooth but actually really good with crunchy peanut butter.

Brett's writing down the recipe. Brown bread. I'm literally writing it down. I'm so excited. What I will say is I've, what I have discovered again, I'm lying about not caring about food because I do absolutely love peanut, marmite peanut butter, peanut butter, marmite. I love it. And then the other day I went to the shop and they've got marmite hummus. I thought I'll try it. I fucking love it. Turns out marmite goes with everything. Yeah. Amazing. Mate, if you had the marmite cashews, oh yeah. Marmite cheese. Yeah. Marmite chocolate brownies. I can't see anything it won't work with. To donate £5, text the word comic to 70205. Text cost your donation amount plus your standard network message charge and 100% of your donation will go to Comic Relief,

a registered charity. You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill payers permission. For full terms and conditions, visit comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup. Now for both of you, I think you can have a sincere answer for this. You might not. It's up to you, of course. But the question is, what's the meal that means the most to you? Not necessarily the food, but because of what happened at that meal that will always be a very special meal to you. The genie, why don't you go first this time? Well, so Milton Jones was like one of the first comics that I supported. I supported Joseph along with Milton Jones on tours. I was starting out in comedy and it was comedy finally becoming my job and everything was very exciting. And then to that

Milton Jones tour, then Josie's tour, then Milton's tour, back to back. At the end of it, we got taken for a meal at one of Heston's restaurants, but it's Heston's like pub one. It's like he's got some more pub, a gastropub kind of thing was outside of London. I can't remember what it's called now. The Heinz Hedge, the Great Benito says, and we went there and the meal was fine, but it was more that while having the meal at the end of the tour, I remember thinking, oh, I'm a comedian now. This tour is over and I'm going to, after this, I'm going to, I don't have to go back and work at the school. I can carry on doing gigs. It was very nice, very small, the kind of small fancy foods and stuff. But you know, I think we can all relate the three of us to that moment when you

go, oh, I don't have to. This is my job. And I remember having that meal and realizing that that meal, that this was my job. That's lovely. I feel like, did Milton Jones do something like night you or something? Was there a ceremony that was like, now you are a comedian? Did he put like a red nose on you or like what happened? Yeah, he gave me a Hawaiian shirt and some wax on my hair and he said, this is what comedians do. Go out into the world and do one line. Support in Milton. The main thing you get from people all the time was people coming up to you after the show, you go out and fans want his autograph. And as the support act, you stand into one side and they kind of, while they're waiting for him, they want to chat to you about him.

And they'd always go, is he like that off stage as well? Is he always like it? Go, are you kidding me? Be absolutely insufferable. They say that and one of them, this is before I really knew, I did know Ed quite a little bit then, but we weren't hanging out all the time. But Ed was supporting Greg Davis around the same time and came out of a gig in Oxford and this guy came up to me and went, I'll tell you who the best support act is that I've ever seen after I've just done a gig. Ed Gamble. You seen Ed Gamble? And I was like, yeah, yeah. He's like, right, get a load of this. And then he performed Ed's full routine about having a circumcision to me. And I had to stand there and listen to this guy. But this guy got half a

member in the whole routine and going, oh, then he gets his foreskin cut off, cut off his foreskin. And he hasn't got a foreskin anymore. And then he wakes up and he looks at the nurse and he's like, he goes, oh, I came in for an eye operation. And he's like, and then I pissed myself laughing and my missus was next to me and she was pissing herself laughing. And Greg Davis were good. But like, we keep talking about that foreskin routine. That guy, he doesn't have a foreskin anymore. I went, I'll do a podcast with that guy. Yeah, that's essential. That's a lovely answer, Virginia. Thank you. What about you, petty pambles? What's the meal that means the most to you? I ate my own foreskin.

I've heard this routine from somewhere. I just want to quickly say that when I used to tour with Greg Davis and I never stood to one side when he was having photos, people would always ask me to take the photos for them. And I'd always cut his head off in the photo. You couldn't do one day on that tour and I stood in for you. My God, Greg is such a nice man. He has photos with the whole audience and you're there for hours afterwards. I don't blame your friend for tagging yourself and doing stuff like that. But the problem is they'd check the photo and then realize the head had been cut off and then I'd have to take it again. So we were there for double the time. A meal, I remember. The time me and James and Lloyd Langford and John Robbins

went to New York featured some of the great meals. Yeah, yeah. Some of the great meals. And if you'll remember, Brett, it was all over then splashed all over the news. We got stranded there because of a blizzard. I did a hit show about it. We got stranded there and we were in a restaurant called the Dutch. It was really snowing outside. And that's when we got the text saying our flight had been canceled, not just postponed to a different date, canceled. And we were sat there having this amazing meal and we realized that we did a minute of panic of what we're going to do, how we're going to get home. And then we looked around and we're like we're in a fantastic restaurant. And then it was the most freeing feeling in the world.

We were like, I guess we're just ordering another bottle of wine. We're getting dessert and who knows what we're going to do. We just have to enjoy this meal as much as possible. And that was, that's such a great feeling. We did have so many memorable meals on that holiday because every single, because also up until that point, we basically had our holiday double, but it was like five days and then another four days or something. Yes. And until then, because we were like, we've only got five days here, we had three special meals a day or had to make each one of them count as well. And the whole day was just planned around. We're eating there and then we'll walk to this part of New York and have lunch there. And then that we'll walk over to that part

and have dinner. So like pretty much three memorable meals a day. But I'll remember that one. Also, for me, that was quite a, one of those pressure meals, because like I had been to the Dutch before, but you guys hadn't, I don't think. And so it was my kind of suggestion that we do it, or it was like, I definitely put my name to it. This is my recommendation guys, and it has to be good. And we had a great meal. And then when that moment happened, when we got the wine, but we also decided to get all the desserts on the dessert menu, and they came over. And one of them was so good that I grabbed Ed's arm and said, fuck you, because it tasted so good. Did they have marmite in it?

It was like a mint chocolate layered ice cream cake thing. Yeah, it was good. We went there again at the end of the trip. We did. We went there again, because it was my birthday then. So it's like my birthday meal. Yeah. And me and John went, I can't remember what. Lloyd had a cold sore and he wasn't feeling well. You love cold sauce, don't you, Brett? Speaking of which, what is the meal that you thought was the sexiest? Petty Pambos, let's go with you, since the genious. It's a hard question, isn't it? It's a difficult question. What food is sexy?

To be honest, any time I eat a meal with my significant other. You're aroused. Yeah, to start with. And then any sense of arousal is immediately dampened after I eat as much food as possible and drink a bottle of wine. At which point, at which point, I feel like a big beach ball with a tiny little hook penis. There's nothing arousing or sexy about me. I feel horrible. Yeah, I'd say for the same reasons I've never really got to the end of a meal. I would really love to have sex and just try not to fart the whole time. That would be great. Holding in a fart, like my life depends on it. So the sexy stuff really has to come pre-meal, I'd say. But if you're talking about the food

itself, I don't know, pasta. Yeah, that would do. Do you need? The thing is, your mind works differently to us, Brett. We could say to you, why is this thing sexy? You would be able to tell us here's why this is sexy. I mean, obviously, desserts are up there with just eating a good dessert is up there with some of the best feelings. And I guess sex is also up there with some of the best feelings. So I'd say some of the best desserts I've had. What about the one where you grabbed Ed's arm and said, fuck you. Yeah, well, that's pretty sexual, actually. Yeah, that is pretty sexual. Fuck you. I'm eating a mint chocolate. Whatever happened.

Yeah, mint chocolate ice cream, stack cake. Yeah. I mean, that felt pretty sexual if it made me grab my friend's arm and say, fuck you. No, there's a subcategory, troubling boners, worrying wide on which meal did you find arousing and you weren't sure you should. Now, my answer is the meal that Ed just talked about where he felt like a planted beach ball with a hooked penis. That's my troubling boner. What about you two? Hold on a second. Is this a regular, you haven't, when I've been on your podcast, you've not asked this question. Is this a regular bit in your podcast, when you say, when did you have a boner and you were worried about what it said about you? Yeah, you did the first episode. This question

didn't arrive until Nathaniel Metcalf brought it to my attention. And then it's been ever since. And then you did a resurrection. So you've never answered that question. Why don't we do one crossover back and you answer the film you found arousing, but you weren't sure you should because you are actually the only person who hasn't answered that. And we don't yet know if you're a pedo or not. My genuine sexual awakening was watching a Hanna-Barbera cartoon where an egg becomes sexy. And I found the egg, the cartoon egg, who falls into a pot of boiling water and comes out of it, all sexy. I found that really arousing. James, this is your answer to both versions, meal and film. That's a sexy meal. You fancy an egg. The egg in the cartoon that came out of the pot all sexy.

How did it come out of sexy? What changed? Before it went in, it was quite a coy lady egg with a little like pink bow in her hair and stuff. And then she went in the water and came out like sandy D at the end of, you know, it's like a proper sandy D thing and came out like, you know. She had like a leather jacket and shit. Leather jacket, big eyelashes and just being really mean to the boy egg. It was like suddenly went from, they were kind of, you know, fancying each other a little bit, the two eggs. And then she fell in the pot and then it was like, whoa, this isn't fancying anymore. This is like something's going to happen. And I didn't know what it was at the time. I didn't understand any of that stuff. But I was like, this feels different.

And then the boy egg fell in the water and came out all mean. And I didn't like that. I was like, oh no. And so I knew I want to be the nice little boy egg. And you want the mean girl? With the mean girl. At the end of the egg film with the sexy eggs, she comes out of sandy D, he comes out mean, do they fly off in a car at the end? No, they don't fly off in a car. I think they, I mean, I kind of blocked the ending from my head. So maybe they just bang until they become a big plate of scrambled eggs. Also, why, why did you decide you wanted to be the nice egg? Because it sounds like the nice egg didn't get the, the, the fit egg.

It's like, I didn't decide it. My body just didn't respond the same way. The point in the cartoon where they're both nice, my body was doing nothing. The point in the cartoon where she's mean and he's nice, my body was like, I want to fuck that egg. And then the ending when they're both mean, I was like, You were like, no, no, no, don't, don't like this. You don't like to be equals with the egg that you're after. He likes to be subservient. You're a submissive.

Yeah. Yes. That's what it is. And that's why now he's still, he pays women to whip him with omelettes. Yes. I go in and I give them a whisk and I go, let's do this. Beat me. All right. What's the meal that is objectively the greatest meal of all time? Ped. Fried chicken. Yeah. Agreed. Every nation has a version of fried chicken, every food culture. I like shit fried chicken. I like amazing fried chicken.

Fried chicken is always there for you. Fried chicken is delicious. What an ad. I wish that was an ad because you were really good at them. The genie. Ice cream. Ice cream is always there for you. Ice cream is delicious. Shit ice cream is shit though. Sure. Is it? And I love it.

Because shit, you can get like icy like when it's too icy or it's been frozen wrong or crystallized or the flavor's not good enough. Whereas I think bad fried chicken has its own merits. Nah. Bad fried chicken offers feel like, oh, this is going to kill me. And it doesn't even taste nice. Whereas bad ice cream, I'm like, well, this will do until the good ice cream comes along. What's the one meal you could eat over and over again? Same as what I just said.

Ice cream. And you? Lasagna. Lasagna. Lasagna, is it? Yeah. Love lasagna. Genuinely, lasagna. I could eat it all day every day, but it's not socially acceptable. I could get up, eat lasagna all day, go to bed, get up, eat lasagna again. My answer isn't really ice cream because I couldn't do that and I don't do that. Because like if I've had ice cream one day, I don't want it the next day because I don't want to

overdo it. So my grandma once made lasagna and I ate so many portions of it that night that I was sick off the top of a bunk bed. Onto what? Floor. Not onto the person below, sadly. Not onto the two. They need to put their head out to see how you were. Yeah.

Look, lasagna. Nan, come up here. He's been sitting on my face. Jeanie, what's the meal you could eat over and over again? Well, the one I've been eating the most, we're recording this during lockdown at the minute, and the one that I've been eating the most over the past year at home and I never get sick of it. And I've got to the point now where every time I eat it, I literally say out loud to my girlfriend how much I never get sick of it.

And I was like, I just, I look forward to it every time. I think it's great. So she's got to put up with that same speech every time we eat it. Is the chorizo and broccoli pasta that we do. Chop up the broccoli stems. Chop up the chorizo, garlic and chili. Have them in the pan. Get some nice pasta.

Put that in with it once it's boiled. And then chuck in capers and some grated parmesan. And every single time, it just tastes amazing. And I could eat that every day. Every time I have it, I'm just like, really, the main thing this last year has been making sure that we space out our chorizo and broccoli pasta meals because otherwise we know that we're just going to have it every day. That sounds really good.

I'm going to make that. And I tell you why I like that, James. It's because you've got chorizo, capers and parmesan in there, three huge strong flavors. That is getting, that's what I like in a meal. I want to feel like I'm being kicked in the face. They're great. And great way of using up your broccoli stems in a way that, you know, in a tasty dish, you use your broccoli for something else or the broccoli heads delicious.

But get those stems, chop them up, give the dish some crunch. It's so good. Normally, I don't like being negative, but it's about food, so I don't really care. What's the worst meal you ever ate for Genie? On Josie Long's tour that I mentioned earlier, we stopped at a B&B at one point. And when we got there, the ladies said to us, I know why you're here. And we were like, yeah, well, why, just stay over.

But she was like, you've heard about my award winning breakfast. It's my award winning fried breakfast. And she showed us when we were signing in at the desk, the certificate that she had framed on the wall for best fried breakfast and showed us to our rooms and said, so you'll all be wanting the fried breakfast tomorrow, I assume. And we hadn't thought about doing that. We were like, yeah, okay, yep, fine. And then we got up in the morning and she was like, oh, I was worried you weren't,

I was thinking, where are you? Well, they said, can't be missing breakfast. It's the fried breakfast time. I've got the fried breakfast ready. And then we all sat down and she brought up the fried breakfast and it was the worst meal I've ever had. It was absolutely disgusting. For the rest of the day, my stomach was like a lava lamp

because she'd used way too much oil. And I could just feel all the oil just swimming around in my stomach like a big old lava lamp. We all kept on commenting on how we felt sick for the rest of the day. It was not nice while we were eating it. It was even worse afterwards. And the effects of it just stayed with us for a full 24 hours. I was just feeling like we'd just downed a bottle of olive oil

and then went about our day. It was just so bad, especially because I've never had a meal hyped up to me so much by the chef before. But like a whole day you're leading up to it. So easily that. I'd love to see the certificate on the wall. I'd like to have seen sort of who had made it, who it was accredited to this award.

Who'd awarded it. Love to know so many questions. The real, I reckon there's a podcast in that mystery. Petty Pambles, what's the worst meal you ever had? I did a television show called Almost Royal where me and Amy Hargut traveled around America. Thank you. Pretending to be members of the Royal Family. And there were very long days on that show.

So meals very important, as I'm sure you understand Brett. Up very early in the morning. You've got to have your coleslaw at some point, yeah. You've got to have it sometimes. When are you going to get it in? Up very early in the morning, traveling around, exhausting, pretending to be in the Royal Family to real people. Concealing secrets is quite draining.

So lunch, incredibly important. It was always up to the fixer who was different every city. So they'd be taking us around the city and showing us the best places to eat and stuff and driving us around. And I think we were in San Antonio and she'd heard the fixer that there were some veggies and vegans on the crew. So she decided to take us to the only vegan restaurant she knew in the area.

You know, I'm not against that. I wasn't as on board with it then as I was now. And it was a cafe attached to a spiritual bookshop. It was a sort of bookshop that sells books about which crystals to get if you want to cure cancer. That like proper bullshit bookshop. Sorry, I forgot you love that stuff. And I was so hungry.

I was like blinded by hunger. I was quite angry as well. And the lady said, do you eat meat? I said, yes. She said, well, we obviously don't do meat here, but I recommend our bacon cheeseburger. It's like a riff on a bacon cheeseburger. I said, right, that sounds very nice.

I love those words. It was, I'll take you through it. Instead of a bun, which you would have thought you can have a bun in a vegan meal, they replaced the bun with two raw portobello mushrooms. The burger was a cooked portobello mushroom. The cheese was being spread and the bacon was dried coconut. I've never been, I've never been angrier.

And I don't think any of the scenes that we filmed after that lunch are in the edit. To donate £5 text the word comic to 70205. Text costs your donation amount plus your standard network message charge. And 100% of your donation will go to Comic Relief, a registered charity. You must be 16 or over

and please ask the bill payers permission. For full terms and conditions, visit comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup. What's the meal that made you laugh the most? You're both in comedy. What's the funniest meal you ever had at the genie? My family and I went to Bambury and we went to a little tea shop

and we were sat round the table and the little old lady, really old, daughter of the old lady, run the tea shop, it's her tea shop. And we all asked for tea and Bambury cakes. And she went and she brought them over and it was a round table and she gave us all our tea and she put out all the Bambury cakes. My brother was on the opposite side of the table to her

and she looked at him and she went, here's your Bambury cake. And she lent over and did a massive fart as she was handing it to him. And we couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the day, mainly because she said, here's your Bambury cake and then farted. It was because she had said, here's your Bambury cake.

If she'd just farted, it would have been funny. But she said, here's your Bambury cake. And while looking at him and handing him a Bambury cake, farted. So that was the best, it was the best, most funniest. My mom crying, laughing. Did she laugh, the woman? No, she just said, pardon me.

And then she went back into the kitchen. Even worse. And did you all laugh in her face? Yeah. Or held it right. We couldn't help it. We were like, us kids weren't old enough to not be able to. And my dad wasn't laughing,

but he was telling my mom to stop laughing. My mom had tears streaming down her face before the lady even left the table. She just couldn't hold it together because the timing of it all was just too perfect. Or he was the last one to get his Bambury cake. Here's your Bambury cake. Looked at him and farted.

He was like, so disrespectful. And as for you, here's your Bambury cake. Farted. Loved it. That's great. Petty Papples? Some of the meals where I've laughed the most, I don't really remember why I was laughing.

And they normally happened when we were writing the Greg Davis sitcom, Man Down. Big fan. Me, Mike Wozniak, Steve Morrison and Greg Davis. It was a great fun time. I helped them write series three and four. And obviously you're on that. The best two series.

Thank you, widely considered to be by me. You know that feeling where you're locked in a room with people writing for hours and hours every day. And you basically establish your own bizarre language between each other and in jokes and catch phrases. And then you go out into the real world and none of that changes. So you're just normal people sat in a real situation

but you just go talking absolute shit at each other. Like catch phrases. Like we'd called each other Buddy Builder for six months straight. Mike Wozniak still refers to me as Buddy Builder. And we had so many meals we were just crying with laughter and all escalated to the Christmas meal we had where we bullied Mike Wozniak for an hour and a half and then we all got in a cab to go back to Greg's flat

and we threw Mike's gloves out of the window. In the car. Out of the car. Out of the taxi window we threw one of his gloves out the window and then he was like please don't throw my other glove out of the window and then we threw his other glove out the window and then we called him double glove for the rest of the night and started singing double glove.

It's easy cause you're beautiful. Just witless bullying. He was probably walking around going ha. That was our other joke about Mike. One day he turned up to a writing session. He felt weird and he didn't know why. He wasn't hungover but he felt hungover and he kept just going I feel weird.

And then just out of nowhere we'll go ha and like thrust his hips to try and get rid of the weird feeling. It's just madness. Just when you just cook in the same room as people. What a horrible answer. What is the- You probably don't get that though now, do you Brett? Cause you're like writing over zoom

and it's like you're writing with people you have to seem semi-professional in front of, right? There's an element of zoom. No, but then it's still all happens. You know, that semi-professionalism comes away. I can't really see you, you know, ganging up on one of the other writers with everybody else and bullying them.

No, there's no bullying going on. There's no bullying and it's sort of one of the kind of, I don't know if you've seen this show but we're quite a big on not bullying on Ted Lasse. It'd be great if the secret behind Ted Lasse was they're fucking horrible. Horrible. That's the twist on Ted Lasse that they're not.

With that story cut out or bleep that. We've had a, I've had a wonderful time actually. I've really enjoyed finally getting to do a podcast with Petty Pambles and the surprise guest, the Genie. But when the Genie, when you granted Joel Domit's wish to be the winner of the Masked Singer, when the rules were changed to the winner of the Masked Singer, is the person that is told, take it off, take it off,

they take off their top. They have to stand next to Joel Domit with his top off and then Joel Domit decides if they've got a better body than him and they never win. When you granted that wish and then you immediately died and when you, Petty Pambles auditioned for Ted Lasse in front of me, Jason wasn't there but I was wearing a sticker that said, Jason said, I guess.

And you got so excited and nervous that the vein in your forehead, it did to be fair to say in the script, this character gets well angry and you will really go into it but then your brain exploded. And I, so I immediately, I started eating it obviously. You died in front of me. I thought I'll eat your brains. I had to add a coffin on me, I stuffed you in the coffin.

I see the genie dead over in Joel Domit's dressing room and I said to Joel Domit, he's not even gonna, he's just gonna ignore it. And he said, well, he's served his purpose. You know what Joel Domit's like? He said, he's served his purpose. Don't care that he's dead and he kicked, he bloody kicked the lamp.

And I said, Joel, come on man, your TV's nice guy. And he said, our nice guy's really nice guy off camera. And I said, I haven't seen your nose, you used to be so nice. And he started kicking the lamp, kicking the lamp, kicking it with his perfectly toned calves. And I said, stop it, Joel. And I grabbed the lamp and I stuffed it in the coffin with Ped Pambl's corpse, brainless corpse.

And I put him in the coffin. And the thing is, there's only enough room to slip two meals into the coffin with you both. For you to take to the other side and on the other side, in this weird heaven that you've, you're in, there's dinner every night. And one night it's your special dinner and one night it's your special dinner.

What dinner are you taking to share with people when it's your turn for dinner club in food heaven? Ped Pambl's. Rib eye steak, cooked, medium rare, crispy chips, roasted Brussels sprouts, halloumi, and a big bar of chocolate. Oh, that is a fucking good meal. Yeah. I'm going to that one.

Yeah. What about you, the genie? I'm taking the two eats on broccoli pasta and a massive bowl of ice cream. Okay. I'm going to Ed's one, but that does sound lovely. Thank you so much for doing this very special episode of menus to be buried with.

Menus to be buried with. Of films to be menued with, with Peddie Pambl's and the genie. I've been Bradley P. I've been Greg Holstein, and this has been Comic Relief. Please give all your money to it. You know what? If you've listened to this and you don't give money to Comic Relief, you're also a fucking lead now.

Ha! Well, there we are. That was a lot of fun, wasn't it, James? I loved it. Always loved the speak to Brett. And to speak to him about food was an absolute pleasure. Yeah, sure. His eyes didn't spark to life as much as it does

when we talked to him about films. You can tell for the whole thing, he was just pretending that we were talking about films in his head. Yeah. I would like to get Brett on off menu at some point, really, because he's making such a big play about not liking food and not understanding it and not being into it.

I feel like we should dig down into his dream meal. Yes. For too long now, we haven't had Brett on the podcast because the listeners have protested it and said that they don't want him as a guest. And I say, we stop listening to the listeners and we do what we want and we get Brett, Brett Goldstein on this podcast.

And I know it's an anger a lot of them. Yeah, it is. But you know, just calm down. Calm down. We're getting, we're getting Brad Goldstein on this podcast. Yeah, Brad Goldstein. But remember, this wasn't just for S's and G's. This was for the brilliant comic relief.

And remember that your donation is powerful and all the money that's raised on Red Nose Day from hopefully your donations and all the other brilliant stuff that happens on Red Nose Day, it can help people living incredibly tough lives. Take action against domestic abuse, tuck a mental health stigma, provide safety to families who need support

and help to give children the best start in life. Your donation will help people live incredibly tough lives both here in the UK and around the world. Even the smallest gift can help. Please, if you're able, give now at comicrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup. Thank you very much for listening to menus to be buried with. We have been Ed Gamble and James Acaster.

Thank you very much to Brett for interviewing us so professionally. We'll see you again sometime soon in the Dream Restaurant. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato. Our relationship's never been the same since and I am joined by...

Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed, but we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories

that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The news stories are funny. Quite a lot of them, crimes. It's all kicking off, and that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on.

Get Gladell's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog you've left it so late.