Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Michelle Wolf

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

Emmy-nominated stand-up and Netflix star Michelle Wolf has a table booked in the Dream Restaurant this week. She shoulder not done that.Michelle Wolf is touring England in from 11th June. For dates and tickets go to punchup.live/michellewolfFollow Michelle on Instagram and TikTok @michelleisawolfWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Thu 21 May.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the dirty martini of conversation, stuffing the blue cheese of chat into the big fat olives of humour, and dropping those bad boys into the dirty martini. Sorry everyone listening. Now it's a filthy martini. We're doing these visually now, so I'm trying to give it a bit more pizzazz at the top. Yeah, yeah, we're trying to give it as much. That is Ed Gamble.

My name is James Daycast. So together we own a dream restaurant. Every single week, we inviting a guest. and I was in their favourite ever start, a main course dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, I guest is Michelle Wolf. Michelle Wolf. What a comedian Michelle Wolf is, James. Such a phenomenal comic.

I remember the first time Michelle Wolf did Edinburgh, and everyone was talking about her. That was the first time I got introduced to Michelle's comedy. She took the City by Storm. Yeah, and has only gone on to better and better things since everyone loves Michelle Wolf. And she's about to do her show, the best job in the world, around the UK, June July, and you can get tickets from Punchup. Live forward slash Michelle Wolf.

Very excited to see Michelle, hear her dream menu. Yes. But of course, if Michelle does choose a secret ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable, we'll be forced to kick Michelle Wolf out of the dream restaurant. Now you've picked this one, James. Yes. This week, the secret ingredient is Wolf Cola.

Which is something from... It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which Michelle was not in. No, but Michelle's surname is Wolf. Wolf. Yes, and I do get the connection. So when I think about Wolf, this is what I think of, is Wolf Cola. which is the cola.

I don't think it actually exists. It's a fake brand of cola. It's for humor. It's for humor. Invented by Danny DeVito's character. But even in the world of always sunny, it doesn't exist. Yes. Like Frank has invented it when he's pretending to be Dr. Mantis Toboggan.

And he says that he has, you know, has, he can sell him Wolf Cola. Yes. So like. So if Michelle picks that. I'll have to explain that. Yeah. Well, she'll know about it, I guess. Well, yeah, she's not going to pick it.

She's not going to say Wolf Cola. Yeah. What's that from? Yeah, yeah. She'll know it. So I'll say, you should have known better. You're out of here. Get out of here, Michelle.

But hopefully that won't happen. I'm pretty sure. I think we can be pretty positive. It's not going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm going on tour as well. Yeah.

It must be said, 2027. Fresh hell. Ed Gamble.combeau.com.com. Very exciting, Ed. Looking forward to seeing that show. Thanks, man. Me too. I'm looking forward to chatting to Michelle Wolfe. This is the off-menu menu of Michelle Wolfe.

Welcome Michelle to the dream restaurant. Thank you. Welcome Michelle Wolfe to the dream restaurant, but it's spending you for some time. Thanks, I'm sorry, my reactions are, I really, I feel like I don't even know where I am. I've literally been with both of my children for like two straight weeks with no help, and then I traveled, and the flat is a mess, and it's just, I forgot to, I, brought the one baby to the studio and I didn't bring diapers or wipes, like the essentials that you need for, I remember the baby and that's it. Yeah. And then you guys were very nice and you offered me cake and that's the first thing I've eaten all day to day.

It's what time is it? Two? One? It's quarter past two. Yeah. That's the first thing I've eaten. I'm running on coffee and hope. This is how we like our guests. It's slightly on edge. Yeah. We want you to, on the version. of just going fully insane. To the point where you guys just welcomed me, and I was very much like, what's happening? Yeah. It was like you properly were in another dimension

all of a sudden, like you've been zapped into this dimension. Yeah, like having an adult conversation. Yeah. And it was Ed's birthday cake, which I think is, like, having cake is the first thing you've eaten all day and it's gone two o'clock. It's one thing, but it being birthday cake

is even, like, that's even worse. And I had a part of a birthday cake that you haven't even had yet. I agreedly started your cake. Well, you know, you checked before. I did, but you could just be polite, you know? No, I'm not polite around food. If I thought I want to start that, I would say to you, absolutely not.

Keep your hands off that. Yeah, good. This is mine to start. Yes, he's not polite. No, not a polite guy. Good, okay. Not a food. Yeah. Thank you, James.

With other things, he's a gentleman. Yeah. Food, just knock it out of your hands. Yeah, absolutely. Don't like sharing. Yeah. Don't want any of that. Really? Not a food sharer.

Well, I feel like I've had to become a food sharer because I'd say, what, 90% of restaurants are now small plates sharing concepts. Yeah. So I have to be a sharer. Right. But I'd rather get two of the same small plate and have one to myself. Right. Okay. Yeah.

Well, I'm the exact opposite. If I never had to order a full meal, this was a very stressful thing for me to pick out my menu. Yeah. Because I'm not, I love a, I love a bits. I love to have, let's just order a bunch of stuff and more. all have some of it. Yes. I think I don't get asked out to dinner a lot because I don't, I'm like, let's just

all share. Who, who's having their own meal? I don't want, give me a little bit of everything. Yeah. If I, I, if my, my real dream meal is past hors d'oeuvres, just standing around having pleasant conversation with two or three people that I could walk away from. Yeah. So your dream meal, you want to be standing.

Standing with small bites of food being handed to me at intervals that I have no control over. Michelle, we've done hundreds of episodes at this podcast. No one has ever said they want to be stood up for their dream meal. Yeah, the first one. Well, there we go. I guess that's why you have the best job in the world. Yes, the best job.

Could you love stand it up? Well done. What a segue. That is, I mean... It's amazing, isn't it? Top-notch segue to my new hour of stand-up that I will be. touring here in England. I'm supposed to say just England because I'm not going to other parts of the UK yet. Okay. And best job in the world, my new hour, slightly unhinged, because I

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm holding it together barely. Yeah. But it's together. Yeah. And that's the important thing. Yeah. Well, you and I were doing back-to-back work in progress shows in London last year. And I would arrive all week. I'd arrive and I'd hear like the last few, like 10 minutes of your show every time raising the roof. Well, thank you. And that was work in progress. So this is going to be... And I'm presuming you're sort of raising the roof throughout the whole hour. James's insinuation there was the last 10 minutes. It's not an insinuation. That's all I heard. Well, I mean, I was about to say that I would hope the last 10 minutes are good. It's the middle part. That's always the if, you know, like start strong.

I'd just love it if you were doing 50 minutes of pure silence. And every time James arrived, that was the exact moment that the roof came off. I just have someone run in from the theatre and be like, James is going to. Act happy. Start talking. Have you done UK tours before or England tours before? I've only ever done, I've done like London, Manchester. Like the standard American comes over and does.

places. He's done the fringe before. I've done the fringe. And yeah, this is my first time going to other places. And when I put it on tour, people were also like, are you going to come farther north? Because I'm not traveling that far. But the reason is, is because I'm basing myself in London. And I have a toddler and a five-month-old.

And I'm only traveling to places I can go up and back. Yeah. Yes. In one, you know, one go. So I will, as soon as they get older, I promise I will go. I promise I will go away from them for as long as I can't, really. I will travel. I will stay in a hotel by myself and it'll be a dream.

Well, Michelle, Randy, went somewhere else while she was told him to a far away looking your eyes. I can't even imagine, oh man, they sleep with me. It's really, this is a vacation. They're both in the bed. They're both in the bed with you. They're both in the bed with me. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

And one, I nurse the one, and then the toddlers over there just desperately trying to play with my belly button. I don't know what it is. Just like, and it doesn't, I don't know, you might think, you might think, oh, that's nothing. But it's really weird and invasive. Yeah. And it's just all the time, you know? Yeah, now I think about it. I mean, I very rarely think about my belly button.

Right. So if someone's constantly like prodding away at the belly button, you're very aware you have a belly button then, and I can imagine that's quite uncomfortable. Yeah, and just like really digging in there, you know? You got an in-y? Yeah, I've got an in-y. I'm almost regretfully at this point I have an in-y

because if I had an Audi, I feel like it might feel a bit better, but the in-y is just a little, tiny little finger. I've been talking about this on stage. I don't think I've seen an out-y for maybe 25 years. I think if you have an Audi, you had a... you had someone who was pretending to be a doctor, deliver you. And that's how they cut the umbilical cord,

and it was just a... They were in a rush. Yeah, it was just, it wasn't a... It wasn't... Yeah, they just were like, mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, because they can make out...

You talk about inies and outies, and you forget that it's just... It's not just how you were born. Yeah. Some dock slip it away and going, that's what, there you go. But have you seen an outie? I don't hear about outies anymore.

At school, like, I heard about, you know, I was obsessed with like, who's got an in a new who's got an outy, right? I feel like we're in an episode of Severance. But, yeah, I haven't seen an outy. Yeah, did we imagine, if we just imagine? Maybe we just imagined. It's like the Mandela effect. Yeah, I feel like it was something we talked about in the school yard all the time.

Yeah. And I don't know if anyone had one. Yeah, it was like Jets v. Sharks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What I got. You got check your own. I think mine's flush. You're a row. I'm a robot, mate.

I'm a robot. It's my on and up button. Yeah, yeah. A little button there. Are you a foodie? Are you much of a foodie? I am and I'm not at the same time. Like, I like, I'm from the middle of Pennsylvania.

But then my brother became a chef. And so, like, I didn't have real green beans. Like, we had canned, like, tinned green beans until, I don't know. I don't think I had, like, a fresh green bean until I was in my 20s. So growing up I was very much just like This is what we eat And then my brother became a chef And now it's like oh

Look how many types of cheeses there are You know? And I don't know And so I've been to some really nice restaurants And had some very very excellent food And then also I I don't know I love like stuff that's not really food

You know It's just a bunch of chemicals Talk us through some of these things. What are your favorite and not foods to eat? Oh my gosh. The brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

They're absolutely delicious. I love a cheese curl with the, you know, the puffy ones, not like the Cheetos. Right, yeah, yeah. Covered in like sort of dust. Yeah, like luminous sort of cheese dust. In America recently, and I was very excited at the cinema that you could get a mixture of toffee pop, like caramel popcorn and cheese popcorn. Very excited about that.

And it tasted nice, but then I looked at my hand. I have to have it, it just completely orange. Yeah. And I don't know if I got the smell out for like two days. That's a smell that's not going anywhere. No, it's not. Because it's not, it's a chemically made product. First of all, what movie did you see?

I was watching the new, I was watching the Bone Temple. What is the Bone Temple? The new 28 days later. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Also, I saw your clip on Seth Myers, and that was, you said one of the funniest things I've heard in a very long time, which was the, um, uh, he made a dog come. Yeah, yeah, that was. Yes. So, so funny.

And also, I used to work with Seth. I used to write on a show. I didn't, he was my boss. I made it sound like we were partners. And the amount I know he thought it was funny, but also was probably like, I can't. I can't. I can't run with this.

Come. We can't. I can't riff off the back of this. Yeah. He's like, he doesn't know how to. I don't feel like, like, I remember one time I wrote a joke for him that said something about, I don't even think it said, I think it referred to periods and he like dropped the paper on the ground. Like it was, it's just, he gets really like, you know.

And so, um, watching you say made a dog come. And then his reaction and then hearing, uh, Mike Shoemaker laugh in the, the background, who's the producer, I was just like, this is the best, this is the best clip I've seen on the internet in years. And now you know, his hand stunk of cheese when that was happening. My hand stunk of cheese. Next time I go on, I'm doing a period joke. 100%. You just see yourself, I heard you just got your period. Straight away. My favorite bit was the incredibly specific reference to Americans loving Dishu. That was before it started going well.

It was a tough gig until I was said about me. making the dog come. That isn't a very American thing. Because I don't know, it got to like American TikTok or something like that. But this is what I thought. Yeah. I thought every time our American friends or people from the industry come over, they're always like, please, can we go to DeShoe?

The only reason I know is because my brother and his girlfriend came over, and they were like, well, we got to go to DeSum. Yeah. And I'd never heard of it. You're getting your own one now in America. Oh, wow. So it was one opening in New York and stuff like that. So, like, you know, it won't be as much of a very much.

novelty anymore. No. We'll be able to queue. We won't need to queue to our own deschumes anymore because you guys won't be queuing up around the block. I feel like it'll not do well in America. Yeah. I feel like the people will be like Indian. Yeah, it could have that. It's not as popular cuisine. Well, there's a Jim Karner in New York now and an Ambassador's Clubhouse. Yeah, which, and I went to Ambassador's Clubhouse for my birthday last night. Amazing restaurant. And they've just opened in New York. And it's apparently going well. But to be fair, the person told me that was the manager of Ambassadors Club. I feel like he wouldn't be like, by the way.

It's not doing well. Not good. We used a lot of money. Everyone on it. And while I have you, let me talk about what's having with Jim Connard. DeSummer opening apparently. Good luck, DeSum. Quickly on the popcorn.

Shout out Garrett's popcorn. Big shout out. Yeah. Oh, boy. That stuff. Because the first time I had that, you're probably the same as you. Yeah. When you went on Conan to do the stand-up.

No. No. I thought you were saying, Amy and Nish bought me some back from Dubai airport. No. No. They used to give you a big tin of Garrett's popcorn. Yeah. Like, have that popcorn. And I was like, yeah, it was popcorn, right?

And then eating the cheese and caramel mix one, incredible. And then I bought some at Chicago airport when I was in America and just ate on the plane. Incredible. Yeah, Garris is the one. Yeah. They, I only know them from Chicago's airport. I'm sure you can get them other places, but I just know them from the airport. Do you guys do the Christmas tins of popcorn?

No. Okay, so in America, we have these tins of popcorn that you can get at like any store. It's like into three sections. And then one side is caramel, one size cheese. And then they have, it's cut into like three, like the biggest side, because there's like two small sides. a big side and that's butter. And no one wants the butter,

but it's the biggest section. And you, that's the only way, they're not selling the tin with just the two. They know what they do. Yeah, they know, they were like, this is the cheapest one to make. We'll put the most of that in there.

And then, you know, some parents are going to be like, you can't, you got to finish this tin until we can get a new one. So there's a bunch of kids just shoveling in popcorn. They don't like it. I'll bet there be some big sputty. out there buying two tins of popcorn, throwing away the butter, and putting cheese and

the other one mixed in there. Probably. That's probably what the adults that grew up having to eat the butter are doing now. Yeah, yeah. Now that they have any sort of disposable income. They used to dream of that when they were kids. Yeah. Yeah. I used to talk about, tip the butter away.

Imagine if I get, that's flush enough to tip the butter. My brother used to make, I have two older brothers, and we had that creamsicle ice cream, which is like vanilla and orange sherbert. and he used to make my brother eat the vanilla because he only liked the orange sherbert part. And my mom wouldn't let him, she wouldn't buy new ice cream until the old ice cream was gone. And so my poor middle brother just eating vanilla ice cream all the time

where my older brother's getting all the good orange sherbet. Yeah. What have they both become now? Well, the older one's a chef. The sherbert loving one's a chef and the other one works in insurance. Yeah. Yeah.

If he'd had the orange. the orange Sherbert side, he might be a chef as well. He might be a chef or, you know, I don't know. Could be living a wild and crazy life instead. Yeah, it could be a captain on a boat somewhere. Instead, he's, you know, insured. Vanilla insurance, man. Yeah, you eat vanilla all the time.

You can work to work the insurance. That makes perfect sense. He goes, I need stability. I need to be available when people need me to eat the things that they don't want. Need consistency every day. Yeah. We always start with still a spark with water. Michelle, do you have a preference?

Well, I like sparkling better. But because ever since I've had these children, I'm so thirsty all the time. So now I drink still water. Yeah. But someday in the future, I'll go back to sparkling. I'm breastfeeding at the moment, so I need as much liquid as possible. And so I just have, I need still. Do they advise drinking, against drinking sparkling water when you're breastfeeding?

No, it's just, I find it harder to drink. Yeah. You know, like I can't take big gulps and I'm always very thirsty. I love sparkling water and I feel like it makes me fuller, especially if I'm starting a meal and I'm like, okay, don't eat all the bread, don't eat all the bread. And just have some sparkling water to fill the void. It's liquid bread.

Yeah, it's everyone's favorite liquid bread. But yeah, now I'm relegated to still. I'll finish this whole thing. For your dream, though. Because you stood up. In my dream. You standing up. Yeah, of course.

Talking to, we need to say who you'd be talking to while the hors d'oeuvres are going around, but we're aware that you want to be able to leave the conversation. conversation as soon as you. I mean, preferably, it's only like one or two of my very good friends. You know, or like someone I love to chat with and not someone I don't really know and have to make small talk with. Who your top two friends? My top two friends.

Oh, can I name four? Yeah, sure. Because we're all on one group chat together. Rank them. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. I'll do it this way.

We're going to have Kelly, Elaine, Naki, Stacey. Great. But that's unranked. That's unranked. How do you know that all four? Those are just four of my best friends. and I met them through comedians. None of them do comedy, but one's married to a comedian,

and then the others are just comedy-adjacent, and we're all friends. And it's lovely because they understand comedy, but they're not like, you know. I think that says a lot about comedians that your best friends, you met them through comedians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But who are these lovely women

that are, unfortunately, attached to these comedians. deal with us now both as a spouse and a friend. Can we each have one guess each at who the comedian is that they're married to? Sure, yeah. Just guess a comedian, I guess. Just guess at any comedian? Yeah.

I don't have to think of American comedians. Yeah. It doesn't have to be American. Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy's wife. Is it Eddie Murphy's wife? Is he married right now? I think he's married right now, right?

I don't know. It was a big swing anyway, I'll be honest. Um, no, it's not. I've never, I've never met him or his wife. But I'm sure his wife would be added to the text group if you did meet her. I'm sure she's lovely. I mean, listen, we are a tight-knit group and I just, I don't know if she'd fit in. And there's nothing against her. It's more about the friend dynamic we already have. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. It takes a lot to crack those dynamics sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I will, I also say that it's, um, uh...

Also, then when you're talking to Eddie Murphy's wife, there is always the suspicion that it might be Eddie Murphy dressed up. Yeah, yeah, you never know. Anyone from his family? Yeah, yeah, it could be him. That's a really good point. And now I can't be friends with her. Yeah, exactly. Because it'll be in the back of my head the whole time.

Unless it's Hercules, he's not played by Eddie Murphy. Hercules, the little kid. Oh, I thought you meant the Greek god? No, the little kid. In the clubs, there's a kid who's called Hercules, and he's not played by Eddie Murphy. That's just a little kid. And he shows off his muscles, and the mom's like, show us your mother. muscles and goes,

Oh, Achilles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like that, while he's eating at the table. And the clapping is like this, right?

Yeah, yeah, it's like that. And he's doing it, he's doing this. While he's eating. A lot of our podcast is remembering things that happened in the clubs. Yeah, that's all the podcast is.

I'm going to go ahead and guess Kyle Canaan's wife. Oh, I never met her. Is he married? I don't think so. I don't think he is either. Love Kyle, though. Just had to go for someone.

Yeah, you didn't have to go for someone. This is a game you invented. Well, I don't know. But even if you've invented it, you still have to follow the rules. Who remembers who invented what? Come on. And you would like spark them while you're standing up? Yes, I would like sparkling water.

Preferably with ice and a lemon. It's actually this coffee shop I go to that I get a coffee and they give me a carafe of sparkling water and this glass with like just two gorgeous ice cubes. Great. And then you just pour the sparkling water over that, and it's just an effervescent joy. Do you want the water from that coffee shop? Yes, yeah.

Can we do the water specifically from that coffee shop? Do you want to name the shop? Give it a shout out. It's the saga coffee shop. I think, I don't know if it's, it's called saga. I don't know if they also say coffee shop. But it's in Barcelona, and it's just lovely. What makes an ice cube gorgeous for you?

Well, this is something I've realized as I've gotten older, is that, you know how they say, like, it's the little things, I think it's just because you don't have other things to be happy about, you know? So you're like, this ice cube made me really happy. And that's how I feel a lot about my life at the moment. I love like, you know, like something that looks like it's like really maintained the shape of whatever it was frozen in. You know, like I love those cube ones that you can just pop out in the freezer, like the bigger cube ones that are like it maybe inch by inch or something. And then And the ones there, though, they're like a cylinder with a hole in the middle. Oh, wow, no.

Yeah. Like panay pasta? A thicker. Like, I don't know. I don't like that. This is a bad. But yeah, just a little, a phallic, a tiny penis. Cut that about the video episode, Benito.

People are going to run hog wild with that. Blur out. Be really bad if I started being like, just to, you know. Just anyway, please don't. Please don't draw a penis into my hand. Don't give them the idea and still do the thing. Yeah, keep doing the mind. Guys, don't put any penises in my hand.

That's all. Don't put anything else in this disguise. I'm a mother. I'm asking you nicely. Pop it arms or bread. Put arms on bread, Michelle Wolf. Pop it arms on bread. Bread.

We've already heard that you have to sort of prevent yourself from eating all the bread at the start of the meal, so we know you're a bread fan. Yes. Is there any particular bread that you want on this dream meal? I really like, you know, when there's like a, I don't know, they probably don't, this is probably a very American thing. Sometimes they do like a selection of breads, different types of breads, and sometimes they'll have like a little piece of ficccia that has like a little bit of sauce on it.

I love that little bite. That little bite of... A sauce on the focaccia. Yeah, yeah. We love to add unnecessary things in America. We'll just throw it on there. But it looks like someone had facacha, and then it was left over,

and they put some sauce on it, and they cut it up into squares. To moisten it up a bit. Yeah, yeah. It would be like, this isn't a day old. And then, yeah, and then, yeah, I love that. It's always the bit in those bread selections. It's always the one you want

most, that there's the least of, I think. Yes. Because they'll like pad it out with all the boring bread. Like the popcorn. It's like the popcorn. Yeah. It's like they're, but they're making it. Why are you making the stuff that people don't want?

Like you must know, you must get the basket back at the end of the meal and be like, ah, they still don't like this weird grainy one. Maybe that's why they're, maybe that weird grainy one then goes into the next basket. So essentially, they're just retaining grainy bread all night until the barreny bread, until the basket is mainly grain. Do you think restaurants do that? They're just plopping the bread from someone's basket. Some of them must be.

Some of them must be. And I sort of hope they are in a weird way rather than just chucking a load of bread at the end of the night. But then you don't know what people have might have interfered with that bread. Someone might have been eating a bunch of cheese puff. Yeah, exactly. Old stinky out might have been in. Picked it up to get the one they want and put it back in.

I don't want to eat that. Yeah. Do you know what bread I also like? So I just thought of it. is that a lot of times on, this is so sad that this is a bread I like, a lot of times on airplanes, they'll offer you a bread, and it's like the pretzel roll. Yeah.

I love a pretzel roll. This is someone who's traveled a lot for work. Yeah, yeah. Just that's your dream bit where you sit down and you get the bread. I get a warm, reheated pretzel roll. Would you like that? Would you like the airplane pretzel roll with the FACHA with the sauce? Yes, yeah.

I'll take both of those. Do you think it tastes the same? the same as it does on the plane? Or you hear loads of stuff about they add so much extra salt to stuff on planes. I feel like if I got it, I feel like if I got it on ground, I'd probably be like, what is this? This is three years old? This is airbrush. Yeah, this is, yeah.

But on the plane, it's great. But I think they just warmed it up too, you know? Yeah. It's like if it wasn't touched by heat, it would probably be. I'd be awful. Yeah. You know, like a rock, a tiny rock. A pretzel rock.

The way you're describing that for Catcher, the other day, I went to a restaurant called Perilla in Stoke Newington. Shout out. And they bought out at the top these little bites. And it was called yesterday's bread, soaked in mall's marinae. You know, how's it spell? Mariniere. Mariniere. That was a punt.

You know when you get a big pot of mussels and all this sauce, the creamy sauce. So they'd got these bits of bread and they'd soaked them in that. Delicious. It's amazing, Michelle. That sounds like a great way to use yesterday's bread too. It was so good. And it was like, had like a parmesan and like parsley kind of crumb on the top, I think it was.

It was incredibly. It was so good. And because you were saying about the day old for ketchup and it's nice and moist and some sort of, it was exactly that kind of vibe. I feel like now this is my, I haven't even heard it. And it's tried it. And it sounds like it. It's my favorite bread.

It does sound exactly what you'd like what you described. Yeah, it sounds delicious. And I knew that bread was good because I got a photo sent to me immediately. Straight away. This is what I know. Here's a nightmare. He was in America. I sent him the photo, but it went green on the text.

So we didn't get it. So I had to go on a WhatsApp to send him the photo. Yeah. And I do that instead of we're on a text group with a bunch of other friends. And his phone was messing the whole thing up. Oh, you were green for however long you were in America. No, because there was a, I mean, this is so boring, but there was an issue with an e-sim.

I was on an e-sim, and then it was using a different number. But I saw it out and then immediately received three pictures of bread from James at different platforms. But yeah, I had to send it at the bread pick quite a few times to make sure he saw it. It's very important to me. Yeah, I'm glad that that's a good friend. You know, you're like, he needs to see this and I'm going to try every avenue.

Did you send it to him on Instagram? Yeah, yeah, emailed it, Easter. Pigeon. I got a pigeon arrived at my window three days later. So good that bread. You did say, or you said sourdough, and I will say, unpopular opinion, don't like it. Some sourdough too sour. Sure.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't want it sour. Yeah. I wanted. Well, the reason I accidentally said sourdough is because they also did, later on in the meal, they bought out a sourdough course. But it was good. I think you'd like it.

Okay. It was sourdough that had seaweed in it. Okay. I think I would like that. And it was very good with this really nice butter. But I know what you mean. sometimes like, if it's not done, if it's just done just because it's like, oh, everyone likes sourdough. So we're just going to, that's an easy, like, one just to send it.

We'll just make some sourdough, send it out, who cares? They'll like it no matter what. But, like, yeah, you can get a pretty bad one and get pulled. Also, it's just everywhere, right? It's just always the default bread now. When did that happen, you know? It shouldn't be the default bread. It should be like, ooh, sourdough, that's interesting.

Yeah, just a nice rustic bread is lovely. Yeah. And then, yeah, it may be a sourdough. But I've also recently had smoked butter, which was very, very nice. Yes. Yeah, I really like that. Yeah, a good smoked butter. Yeah.

Salted as well. I love a salted butter. If I've been to France enough times that I love their salted butter, but then sometimes, like, if you order, like, the breakfast in the morning, they bring you the unsalted butter, and I'm, like, trying to add salt to it to make it salted. Yeah. And I always end up too much salt. Anyway, this isn't a very exciting story at all, but I love salted butter. Salted butter. Now don't see the point of unsalted butter.

I know people use it in baking and stuff. Yeah, keep it to baking. But why are you bringing me a pat of unsalted butter? No one wants that. What are we doing? Even if you have it on like a, adding jam or something, a salted butter. Mmm, delicious. So good.

Salt goes well with sweet. It's perfect. Does any other food come in patz? Butter is the only food I can think of that comes in a pat. I mean, I get, I think so. I mean, even paté? Yeah, you can't even get a pat of patte. Yeah, you couldn't.

I mean, they should sell it. Yeah. Start this. You should have, you could have patte merch. Yeah. Where you... We keep saying we've got to have like some sort of like, you know, off-menu branded food that we can get on the shelves in the supermarket.

Yeah. Maybe pattee hats. Yeah, patte. Little pats of patte. Are you guys fans of patte? Yeah, I like patte. I like a good patte. I like a good patte.

I like a... Best thing to have you is your marriage is something you feel so, so about. James's face on all the pats with a little speech bubble saying, I can take it or leave it. It is fine. This is fine. Yeah. If it's there, I'll have it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But a pat doesn't mean it has to be small, right? So surely a slice of patte, you could call a pat of patte. Really? I don't know. I feel like pat is a very specific size. I don't know what cows you guys have met. Cow pat. They ain't doing little shits, are they not? That's the only other time you hear Pat.

But I feel like that's a distinctly different version of Pat. They both come out of cows. Yeah. Well, I mean, but this is a pat too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and there's... That's true. I guess, like...

Because words can have different meanings. Well, they have different meanings, yeah. I just realized that. You can pat someone with your hand. Yeah. Pat Sharp. Yeah. You won't know Pat Sharp.

I'm getting it's a person, though, right? But he's not this big, though. Yeah. He's not tiny there. Never met him. Yeah. Never met him. I don't know what 90s celebrities.

They're pretty small. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. I'm willing to admit that, yeah, you don't get a pat-of-pate. If someone bought you a massive plate of butter and they said, there's your pat of butter. You go, hold on it.

What's his finger's a cow pat? What do you want from us? You didn't specify what kind of pat you want. Yeah, yeah. You get a butter-shaped man. You're like, this is a pat of butter. Yeah, yeah. Cover your hand in butter.

Just slap them on the back. There's your butter. That's what you asked for. This is why I don't run a restaurant. I think you'd be good to run a restaurant. Too pernickety about language, though? Yeah, too pinnickety. Yeah.

But a great word. Yeah, that is a great word, isn't it? Yeah, pernicketes. Yeah, pinnicketes. It's a great name for a restaurant. Yeah. Panicotis pat-a-pate. Oh, wow.

Good luck all doing that. Yeah, now we've gotten into a nursery ride. Yeah, yeah. Your dream starter? My dream starter is, okay, at Nobu, they have. have this spinach dry miso salad that I love. I could eat it every single day. I don't know what makes a dry miso, but I love this salad. It's just a huge plate of spinach and whatever this dry miso dressing is. It's good to have a guest on who has a favorite Nobu dish, isn't it?

Am I stupid? No. No, this is perfect. We had Robert De Niro on this podcast. Oh, yes. And spent a long... Co-owner of... Co-owner of Nobu. Spent a long time trying to get any dishes out of him, really. And none? No, he just said...

Do you think he's maybe never eaten there? No, he has, but he just kept saying they bring me whatever's good. But he tried that with every course we asked him for. He went, I just have whatever's good, and we had to be like, we're going to have to nail you down on something here, Bob. We knew we were going to bring Nobu up at some point. So we obviously brought Nobu up because he, you know,

he's a part owner of it or whatever. And he was like, I'd just have whatever's good. Yeah. And what we were... wanted from him is what you've just said. A specific no-bud dish. Yeah, yeah. So it's nice to finally get it.

Yeah. Well, yeah. Jeez, Bob. So, yeah, this dry, because I can't imagine what dry miso is. Are they, because it's wet. Every miso I've seen has been either in soup form or a wet sort of paste. Yeah. I don't know if it's like a, you know, like a bullion cube of miso or something.

I don't know. They're dehydrating it or something. and putting it in there. But it's really good. He should try it if he hasn't. Because I feel like that's something they wouldn't bring out. They wouldn't be like, this is good today. Yes.

You know? They wouldn't be like, the spinach is particularly, you know. I'd imagine they're just absolutely shitting themselves in the kitchen. He just said whatever's good. What is good? I've completely undermined all my confidence. What did we give him last time? I wonder if there's like a running like menu of what is in.

Like a chart. Yeah. The bob chart. Yeah. He had this last time. Do you not give it to him again. Michelle will shout a diss out. Just send that head out.

It's good. It's officially good this week. So it's just spinach and this mizo dresser. Was there ever stuff in there? Yeah, you can add like a tuna tatakier to it, which is... I would do that. Yeah, very, very good. That makes it more of a...

Not a meal, but like a heartier thing. But it's a large portion of spinach as well. And it's... It makes me feel good because it's spinach. You feel like you're getting... some nutrients from it. Yeah. I'm sure that there's got to be stuff in the dressing that makes it, you know, particularly unhealthy for you.

Well, that's what it's delicious. Yeah. Yeah, it wouldn't be delicious. If it was like spinach with a little bit of like lime or, you know, like, it'd be like, this is spinach. Yeah. Yeah, every time. I had a salad today.

On the way here, I was like, make sure you get a healthy lunch. I was walking past the salad place I hadn't been to before. So I'm going to get that now in advance and I've got a healthy lunch in the back. I got it. As soon as I had my first mouth full of thought, this is delicious. And I was like, and then my next thought was shit. Yeah, that's bad for you. Yeah.

Shit. Yeah. That's not a... This is a really good, delicious salad. It's got a dressing on that I didn't ask for. Right. And now you're just eating a sandwich that's in a salad form. Yes.

And then you realize that's what happened. Every time I went to... Could have just had a sandwich, you know? Every time I went to sweet green in the States, that happened to me. Yeah. You pick all of the ingredients and you're like, I'm being such a healthy boy today. Protein, nutrients, iron. And then like, what drives you?

dressing, do you want? I want that one. Do you want it light, medium or heavy? Heavy. You would say heavy? Oh, yeah, yeah. Half a bottle goes in there. Mix it up. It's like eating soup. Also, it's a massive bottle that has about four nozzles on it. Yeah. In sweet green. Yeah. They like going like that. It's like, that's four bottles in one that you've gaffotaped together. And you're putting them all on my own salad. Sweet green is a, it's really a dangerous place because they're like, do you want to add anything else? Yeah. And it's all just right there. And you think like, well, that'll be good on it. Yeah, yeah. I do that all the time. I don't think about the

the structure of the salad or like the, you know, the flavor profile. And then I end up adding something and I'm like, now I've got like a Mexican-Asian salad and no one's happy. And it's not a, it's really... You've upset two communities. Yeah, yeah. And everyone's just, the whole salad is fighting. I used to work at, one summer I worked at a subway sandwich shop and the amount of mayonnaise

you put on those sandwiches is like, it's so much mayonnaise. And then people would be like, more mayonnaise. And you're like making it and they're like, they're like, no more than that. And it was just like, I put on so much mayonnaise

onto some of these salads. And there's a, I'm from Hershey, Pennsylvania and there's amusement park in Hershey called, um, it's called Hershey Park. And,

sorry. If you can believe it. Yeah. If you can believe that that's the name. Some of the names of these places are crazy. You'll never find it. Yeah. And,

um, there's like a, there was a subway sandwich shop in the park that I worked at, but it was right by the water rides. So we're, like, loading mayonnaise onto these shops, why people that are, like, drenched in, like, overly chlorinated amusement park water. Yeah, stinky things are water. They're just, like, more mayonnaise.

Sopping wet. Just, like, t-shirts sticking to them, like, dripping, asking for mayonnaise. Dream job. Yeah, you got a free sandwich. Best job in the world. Yeah, best job in the world. That's what the show is about.

Exactly. You worked there. Fuck it up. I think James has got some questions about working in Subway. I heard your brain start pinging. I was excited. It's the first person we've had who's worked at Subway. Oh, yeah.

It's actually really fun. Yeah? Yeah, because it's just, it's so gratified. They ask for a sandwich and make the sandwich. You get used to the smell? You, when you're in there, you're like, oh, I, what smell? And then you leave and you're like, this smell. The smell that's now in my car.

You know, you have to change. Is it true they pipe the smell out onto the street? That wasn't true in our little stand in the park. I think we were competing with too much chlorine anyway. But I don't know if that's true everywhere. They might. You can't speak for the corporation. I can't speak for the corporation.

I've heard they pump it out onto the street, so you're like, ooh, subway. Not so franchises, so maybe some do and some don't. That's true. you know. I accused to, I just thought it was common knowledge that M&M well did that. But the guy who I said it to worked there flipped his lid. Really?

Really? He was like, we do not do that. That is false. And everyone's going around saying that. We do not pump the smell into lesser square. Do not tell people that. Imagine being a company man for M&Ms. Yeah.

That sounds like they definitely pump the smell. Yeah. Yeah, that's too. You're pumping. Yeah. Well, okay. So in Hershey, where Hershey Park is.

They used to have the chocolate factory there and it would smell like chocolate. But then they move the factory to Mexico but the town still smells like chocolate. So they're pumping it in from somewhere. That's suspicious, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. From through the sewers?

Do you reckon that when they had the Hershey factory, they were like dumping like oil drums of chocolate that they did into the city? And there's all the turtles under there and stuff. This is going to be a great sequel to Aaron Brockovich. Yeah. Instead of everyone just has obesity. Yeah.

Aaron Chokovic. Erin Chokovic. Good, Ed. Good one, Ed. Yeah. Yeah. That was the best, what do we call that? A pun?

Pun. Wordplay. Great humor. General great humor. Buy Ed. Buy Ed. Gambl. That's why I say after all my joke.

Yeah. My tour shows a so long. Buy me. Ed Gamble. Yeah. Another great joke. Definitely buy me. I don't go like this.

Straight to the camera. Straight into the camera. Your dream main course. My dream main course. Okay, so this took me a really long time to think of, and I almost went with just, I almost gave up, because I couldn't figure it out, and I was just going to go turkey and cheese sandwich,

because I just couldn't think of what my, I love so many foods. And this one, it's my dream main course, even though I cannot pronounce it correctly. Fantastic. It's the caccio I pepe. Is that, am I saying it? Yeah, I mean, I understood what you meant, so it feels like you were circling around the pronunciation.

I don't know if I say it right. What do you say? Kachio Pepe. That sounds better than what I said. But I don't know if that's right. Well, it's Caccio a pepe, right? Catchio. Caccio.

I've, like, I've, like, missed out a syllable. Yeah, you say Caccio Pepe. But I knew what you meant. I feel like if I start with the C and end with Pepe. Yeah, you're fine. They'll get it. I don't know. There's a lot of ways that can go wrong.

I wouldn't follow that exact rule. Catch-cha. Pepe, Pepe. Just say Pepe quickly. Everyone knows what you mean. I pepe. It's got to be my favorite pasta dish as well. I love it. I went to, I took a little day trip to Rome for my 40th birthday this year, and I had it three times in one day.

Oh, don't. We've just glossing over that you've also had a 40th birthday. this year, the same year Ed Gamble's had a 40th birthday? Was last night. Yesterday, yesterday was my 40s. Oh, wow. Wow. Looks like I'm the young buck of the part. No, James is 42.

Oh. No, I'm not. 41. I don't know when this is coming out. 41, you cunt, you know, Pepe. That's the best one, yeah. Sometimes you're two years ahead of me and sometimes you're only one. Yeah, and sometimes I'm only a pun ahead of him, and I'll give it to him.

You're old now, man. You're the old man of the person. pod. But you're older than me. This is, I don't know my the rules. Happy to be 40 anyway. I love 40. 40's good. I'm, yeah? I can't wait. I want to just get older and older, which is luckily how it works. So you're going to stick to the linear rules of time?

Yes, yes. I would really like to because anytime any show goes into a space time continuum, I get very confused. I tried to follow along with Loki and it was just. Sure. Every time we go to a different, I'm like, what? What timeline are we on now? It really, it really, it's hard for me. I like time loops, though. I love a time loop film.

Oh, yeah. I love that as an idea. Same day over and over. Oh, yeah. I was thinking the other day, they got to start, like, someone's got to open, you know, sometimes they open, like, little parks or whatever where you can go and it's like Victorian times. And everyone's dressed in Victorian times.

They should open a place that is a time loop and you can stay there for the whole week. And every day, the whole town goes around. in a loop and you can choose a different thing to do each day or maybe just one thing until you get it right and you complete it and just like go there. What would be getting it right? I guess like there were certain like little storylines, missions, yeah, stuff that you can do that would result in like, you know,

different outcomes and different ways of winning. Well there's some immersive theatre things that are a bit like that. There was a show in New York for a long time called Sleep No More that was like the same, all the actors and all of the dancers and stuff in the show It was in a massive warehouse. Yeah. Did the same thing maybe three times within the course of the show. And you could go anywhere you wanted.

It was like open world. And there were little things to solve and do. Or you could watch different things at different times. And you could try the same one over and over until you get it right? You could do. Like Groundhog Day? Yeah. You could do.

It was more of a sort of theatrical experience than... I wanted to do Groundhog Day. Some desperate way to get life right. This is my reaction to sleep no more every single time. been, I, like, I've heard of it. Yeah. And I just generally agree because I don't have any idea what it actually is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'm just like, yeah. It's a theatrical experience.

It's always done it. Yeah. Whatever it is. People bring it up and he'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't sleep no more. Yeah, yeah. He's done everything. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone brings up stuff and he's like, yeah, I saw that. I did that. I've, I've, I've, I went to sleep no more. Well, well, we were, I was at least no more. Yeah. Oh, lovely. He hasn't got too. It's his belly button's absolutely unmolested. Just completely, he's having a great life. No one's been in there for years.

He's actually just going places to see if anyone would be like, is this where, will you touch my belly back? Yeah, I got kicked out. I tried with all the different actors at different times in the show, just lifted up my t-shirt. Have a touch. Get in there. It is great, but it started very late.

I think it started at 11 p.m. and went on until about 3 in the morning. And they separate you from who you go. Ben's shaking his head. I'll say this, that sounds like a nightmare to me. That sounds like a genuine. And you have to wear masks. Yeah, I hate masks. I'm out.

I don't like, I'm not a mask person. Yeah. I don't like it. COVID. Those masks are fine. Let's not get into a whole thing. People are going to be like, no, I see anyone with a mask now. I see a little old lady with a mask.

I'm like, what are you doing? That's scary. I mean, obviously everyone in COVID hated the people who wore the mask. with their nose sticking out the top. I hate those people even more when I see them now. Yeah. In the modern day, in 2026, I go on the tube and someone's wearing a face mask,

but they've got their nose sticking out. I'm like, what are you doing? On so many levels. I thought we'd sorted this out. Yeah. That you don't have your nose sticking out. This got covered years ago. Right.

How the hell are you still doing this? Because I thought it was, I just assumed the people with their nose out were the people who didn't want to wear a mask. Yeah. And they were making a point. Right. Yeah, yeah.

But that seems like someone who's electively wearing a mask, but wearing it wrong. Yeah. Do you ever just go up and go, it's like this? Yeah, you want to. I want to so much. Go like, what do you think that's doing? As you breathe out your nose into this carriage. But what if you did that and then realized that their mouth was so low on their chin?

And that's why they have to do it. Is it for both? Yeah. Their mouth is like there, yeah. Right at the bottom of their chin. It's for low mouth. You know? Get your hands off me. This was for everyone's good.

Yeah, that would be bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to worry about these people. They've got little. You've really put your foot in your mouth.

Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm just trying to think of wordplay as well. But you're not signing any of it off with that was a joke by Michelle Wolf. Oh, you're right. I should be, yeah. I'm going to sign up. That was by me.

Heck him. Should have done that when you wrote for Seth Myers. Yes. So he would have to be like, and that's why I love periods. By me, Michelle Wool. You'd get credit every time. Yes, yeah. I think that was a problem.

I should have thought of that. Was that that category of like jokes Seth can't say or something? Yeah, jokes Seth can't tell. Did you make it into that? No, that was after I left. But I did come back one time and I did some jokes, Seth can't tell. Yeah. I did some of the ones, which I think I got.

One joke about, I did get a period joke in there about, it used to do this thing, new slogans, where we'd make up slogans for things that don't have slogans. And we did tampons for whales or something like that called tampoons. That's worth. Yeah, that's worth. Sign it off. But that's the one I did on, I don't, the joke Seth can't tell. Something about tampoos.

Did he drop the paper on that? that one. No, he just looked at me like, you finally got it out? Are you happy now? Are you happy now? Have you made it at home, the caccio-pepe? No, I haven't ever attempted it. Oh, so, it's great. It's easy. It's easy, yeah, yeah. You're basically frying up pepper and then emulsively using pasta water in the pan and like emulsifying the cheese into it and then put the pasta in. What kind of cheese is it? Farmergian. Peckarino, I want to say. Do you know who else chose it? Who? And you can decide if you want to do, because it's a bowl of pasta if you want to do a lady

in the tramp with this guy. Yes, who is it? Todd Barry. Todd Barry would be the worst person to do a lady in the trance with in the history of the world. Let me tell you a very fun Todd Barry story.

He's going to hate that I'm telling this story. So we were at the comedy cellar in New York and talking about flying because we're all comedians and we're all like, it's probably like a Wednesday and we're all flying on Thursday.

And Todd comes up in the conversation And he goes, he goes, I don't mind a middle seat. And then I think for the next three hours, and I'm not even exaggerating, we made fun of him for saying that a middle seat's not that bad. You fly all the time and you've got to have points and you've got to be some sort of Delta or United something. And he's like the middle, the middle seat. I mean, you got, it's your whole, most of your life is flying and you can't have a window or an aisle. I mean, we went into him. To this day, I still talk to him about middle seats.

Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, Todd Barry, I mean, I guess I could do a lady in tramp with him because I'd have the window. Very rare to see a side-by-side lady in the tramp. Yeah. You can't really do one. You'd have to have the person in the corner of him up. Yeah, face-in-forward. And then just bump cheeks.

I feel like Todd would hate a lady-in-the-tramp moment. He's a germaphobe. It hates it. Yeah, he would be like, you have your own bowl of pasta, and I'll have my own bowl of pasta, and we'll eat it in separate rooms, and that is his dream lady in the tramp scenario. If you pushed a meatball across the plate with your nose to Todd Barry,

he'd go, I'm not eating that. Yeah. He might murder me. He might just be like, that's enough. You've had enough of you. You made fun of me for the middle seat for three hours, and now you're trying to get me to eat a meatball with your nose. I just bumped into Todd Barry in New York, actually.

in the hotel bar of where I was staying and we'd been having a drink and then I turned around, we got up to leave and Todd was sat there waiting for a friend and genuinely thinking about it I think he was in the middle seat. Great. I think he was in the middle seat

and it was a completely empty table his friend hadn't arrived yet. Just a middle seat. He's in the middle seat. Maybe he likes the comfort. Maybe it's like, he's like, I'm surrounded. But I love Tom Barry. Oh, he's amazing.

I love Todd Barry. But yeah, I don't think he, I think he'd stay so far away from a lady in the tramp situation. It wouldn't happen. You would also, I assume, not like a lady in the tramp situation. Because that's very much sharing. That is the ultimate share, isn't it? And I couldn't, I think I like the idea of the romance,

maybe of a lady in the tramp situation, but I'd be too competitive with gay. I'd just suck the pastor up straight away. Yeah. We did one once. We did do one once for a photo shoot. Who was who? I'd like to think I was the lady.

I guess. I was the drum. I mean, we were pretty much just dressed like this. Yeah. But like, you know. We won't dress like dogs is what James is saying. Yeah, they're dressed like dogs. Yeah.

Won't dress like the characters. Yeah. We didn't know who was who. Yeah. And there was no sort of like stereotypical Italian way to playing the accordion behind us. Right, right. I assume for the podcast. It refused.

He refused to be involved in the photo shoot. We gave an accordion and a little mustache. You wouldn't do it. Even though he always does an Italian accent. He's always speaking the Italian accent. all the time. That waiter must be so, like, down about his life, don't you think? What, the actual Lady the Tramp?

Yeah, he's like, I'm playing accordion for some dogs snogging. Well, I don't know. People really love their dogs. Yeah, but they're not his dogs. He's working at the restaurant, and he's demoted to go, go over there and look after the dogs at that table. By the way, they're going to get off with each other. I'd rather do that than deal with humans. Yeah. That's a good point.

Than, like, going out there serving all the stupid customers in the actual restaurant, go, great, I'm on dog duty. I'm going in the alley to look after the... these snoring dogs. I'll tell you what, if I was walking along and I saw two dogs eating a massive plate of spaghetti and meatballs, I'd watch that for the whole thing. Yeah.

Yeah, that actually sounds, and also eating it, eating it that way, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just chomping it down. Yeah, quite thoughtfully to a really. Yeah, yeah. Really classy dogs at the end of the day. Dogs with lips. Now, if I saw two humans doing that in a restaurant, I would hope I was not their server.

Yeah, I'd flip the table. I would be like, you guys got to go. What do you think about this? Here we go. Yes. Yesterday, I bumped it to some friends, and one of them was telling a story to the other two, and they were a couple. And I'd say this couple,

every time I see them, they're being a bit to public display of affection, wherever I see them. While one of my friends is telling her friend a story, and they're looking and making eye contact with each other, this friend's boyfriend, while still maintaining eye contact with the person telling the story, kisses his girlfriend.

on the shoulder while they're talking. So they're looking at each other. And while she's telling the story, he kisses his girlfriend on the shoulder, and they're all still just making odd contact with each other like that. I thought it was appalling. I would say,

shoulder not do that. Sign it up. That's a joke by me, Michelle. Does it even make sense? It made sense in my head. I think it's one of the worst part of ever saying. It was bad, and I think you knew it was bad, which is why you only signed off as Michelle. You didn't give your surname.

Shoulder not do that. Shoulder not do that. That was by Michelle. So the whole time you're down, like you get to the kiss on the shoulder part. I'm like, shoulder should, should not do it. Shoulder should not. Shoulder not. In my head, in my head, it felt like it was going to be good.

Yeah. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I was like, I don't think it tracks. I'm still sort of trying to. I can sort of see what you're going for, but I'm still on the journey with it, I think. Sheldon not do that. Dream side dish. Okay, dream side dish.

So I don't know if this actually counts as a side dish, but I've had them both here and in Paris is you can get in the season really fresh strawberries, like the small ones. We don't really have those in America. We have like American strawberries are like, like white inside and have no flavor. Huge, a massive as well, right? Massive, massive.

And the seasonal strawberries, the summer strawberries, I've had them both here and in Paris that are just like, they're amazing. They're the tiny little red ones. I would love that as a side dish. And they taste like strawberry jam basically. Yeah, exactly. They're so good. They're just like, it's like a, you could,

I feel like I eat the stem even, you know? It's just like, I'm just shoveling them in my. Yeah. Just. Throwing them in my mouth. Yeah. I didn't even try that. That was just like a...

Throwing them in my mouth. Just go on now. Don't do it, internet. I can't wait for the super cut we're making this episode. So that'll be great. Just that. That'll be so fun. Yeah, I mean, and you don't even need anything on them?

No, yeah. Great. I love it as a side dish for the caccio-o-pepe as well. Are you going to be going back and forth between the two, do you think? A real problem with me is that I eat like a maniac. Like, I'm like a Hoover. Like I just, I'm like, you could set a dish in front of me. And by the time, if you turned around, by the time you turned back around, it would be gone.

Yeah. Me too. Yeah. I'm not a really, ooh, a bite and a bite and a little drink. That's not happening. I am gobbling it down at a velocity that is alarming. Yeah. Something that really makes me laugh is someone doing like an offensive impression of something that's so normal.

So it's being like, a bite and a bite, oh, a little drink. It's hard. I wave high. We've got to make our things seem normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it is hard. Oh, look, you know I'm a guzzler and a golper. Yeah, I'm the same.

Yeah. Especially with drinks. I'm gulping. Yeah. Someone else someone doesn't like a musician and they go, oh, that person is just like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not how they sound. Yeah, that would be annoying.

I agree, that would be annoying. That's the worst song I've ever heard. Yeah, sure. That's not what it sounds like. Oh, hello, my name. That's always an impression, offensive impression of someone as well. It always starts with, hello, my name is.

Yeah, yeah, straight into that. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean, I mean, I do like your impression of someone eating normally. Thank you. A little bit of this. A little drink. Yeah, yeah.

It's good. I eat so quickly and people comment on it who have just met me. Yeah. So that's like, that's always bad. You ate that fast and you have to be like, oh. I didn't even know. Yeah, I wasn't. It's just the thing.

You don't even. It's all going in bullet time for me. I didn't know. Like, I guess I have to redo this day. I'll eat slower. Yeah. Maybe I'll get it right next time. I, yeah, I'm a, I eat too fast to, to, and really even enjoy a meal.

I just, just. Inhaling. Yeah, I just inhaling. And, yeah. People always say to me is that, oh, is that because your family, you had, it's not. No. It's not a fact. Yeah, there's so many people are like, we are so many brothers and sisters.

We had to get there first. And I'm like. Which is not a story I even believe. Like, I don't, I don't believe that there's like some free for all for dinner. Yeah. That there's like eight kids and everyone's, the mom's, just like, have had it. You know, like, I, and there's like some, like,

and they swarm all over it and then there's nothing left. Like, it's not dogs, you know, like, everyone had like a, like, I'm sure that if you, if an older sibling took all the chicken, the mom would be like, don't do that. What about your, what about your siblings? This is for everybody. Yeah. Get back of the line, you know?

Like, I don't, I just, I don't believe the story. I don't know. Yeah. Even your brother, like, had half Sherbert and. gave you ever brother than vanilla. Yeah, he wasn't going to eat the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. He was just going to eat the parts he liked.

But I guess there's like, with everything, there's like the nice bits that some people like and the bad bits that some people don't like. So if there's like a race for like the best bit of chicken or whatever. But usually it's portioned out to everyone. Sure. People aren't really just going, there you go. Go nuts.

Well, I think there must be families like that, yeah. They just put the main pot in the middle of the table. They just put a whole chicken in the middle of the table. A real, like a, maybe. Like a Christmas carol goose, like just right in the middle and everyone's like, have it at it. Just with their hands. They're just grabbing off chunks of goose. Yeah, no one's even cutting it. No one's serving it. It's just go, eat. I've done enough. Yeah, this is what I think, yeah, I might be like too privileged here. Maybe I don't know this.

That they just put a big pot of goose in the front of everyone and everyone just goes for it. Yeah, and if you get their last. Yeah. You get their last. You get the beak. Yeah. Yeah. And there's nothing else for you. And you think, oh man. And your siblings don't care not about you.

I should not do that. I should not be so slow to get that goose. I should have got the beak. Your dream drink. Okay, I love a glass of champagne, but in the little coop. Not the, I'm making it a ball. But it's, you know, the glass that's like that. Oh, yeah, the wide but shallow glass.

supposedly based on the shape of Marie Antoinette's breast. Yes. You've said this about every glass on the podcast. Well, I'd never met the lady. So you're never sure what shape of her boots are. Every time Ed's got a glass, he goes, who's tidied as this reminder of? I'll give you one glass.

Everyone one guess. That's good, though. That's okay. Was that a punt? It was as good as I should not do that. I feel like you guys, you're just trying to be. No, that's a better one. Come on.

You're getting there. You're getting there. Yeah. I don't, I've never said this before, apart for, I've mentioned this glass, but there's not, you know. You've mentioned Mary Antoinette's breast before on this podcast. Yeah, but not in the context. For a different glass. But what context was it?

Just don't know, they seem nice. It was his dream main course. She was like 14. No, apparently that's the glass. It's always the glass thing, but apparently this is what it is. Was she really young? Well, when they got married, I think she died at like 21 or 22. So when did they do the glass base on the breast?

I don't think they molded one on her as far as I know. Well, I would hope not. It would be molten. It would be horrible. It would be very hot. I think it was more like whoever, whatever Perv made the glass was like. Still. Yeah. And maybe she was like, she was like, make me a glass. Yeah.

That reminds you of my breath. Yeah. And then. It was like the olden days pammy bottle. You remember the pammy bottle. Yeah, I remember the pammy bottle. Of course. Virgin Co.

released a bottle of virgin cola that was in the shape of Pamela Anderson. That's what they said. Called the Pammy bottle. And it was only virgins who liked it. Yeah. It was very appropriate. We loved them. As kids, just going around in primary school,

that Pam Anderson's body, what do you love to kiss on the lips? Prophetic. Ed, obviously, the only one going, well, what about Mary Antoinette? Yeah, yeah. Please, I can pour this things for Mary and Swanette. Yeah.

What a threesome. I'm having a naughty evening in my virgin cola for my pami bottle into my mariento and had breast glass. Oh, look, it's Pam and Ed and Mary. A nice little dinner bag. All of my friends have walked off. It's just me alone in the playground saying this. Don't go anywhere near him. He's having a dinner party.

But you would like, champagne in this shallow wide. I love champagne in one of those glasses. It makes me feel fancy. I don't know, fancy, yeah. Yeah. And like what kind of champagne? Do you have a favorite kind?

There's a rosé champagne that I had, and I don't know the brand of it. But it was, I really liked it. It was at the four seasons in Austin, Texas. They had a rosé champagne. It was very good. I love a rosé champagne. Yeah. I'm not sure I can tell the difference.

taste-wise between rosé champagne and other champagne. I felt like maybe it was a little sweeter, but I don't know. It's good. It feels more celebratory, I think, as well. Yeah. A bit of pink fizz. Have you ever, what's been like the best occasion you've had champagne at, the biggest celebration?

The biggest celebration. I can't remember a single place I've been to. I don't think you've celebrated ever? I can't remember a single thing. My friend had a, I guess it must have been like her 48th birthday. party in her friend and a friend's backyard. And, uh, but then they had these little champagne glasses like that. And, and, uh, that was a, that was a fun celebratory thing.

I, I taped a special once and I asked for champagne after to celebrate. And they brought me the champagne that in America, you can buy it like the 7-Eleven. And I was like, because you know you put something on your rider. Yeah, yeah. champagne, but you didn't, like, specify, like, the brand. And they, I mean, it must be like a $8 bottle of champagne. Like, it was just, I was like, what? I got to be more specific, I guess.

Especially if you're like, shoulder not done that. You're not normally putting this on your rider, right? So you're like, oh, it's going to be a treat because it's a big night. So I feel, you know, it's not my normal sort of thing. And everyone knows I'm shooting a special. Like, it's not like it was a surprise. Like, there's a whole crew there. Yeah.

You know, and you think someone would be like, we've got. I think they just forgot. And then they, like, got it on the way or something. Or the special cost so much money. Yeah, they were like, we don't have anything left. Here's eight. Here's eight dollars. She wants to marry onto an out of tick glasses. We're not getting nose either. Come on.

Surely those are the kind of bottles, bottles of champagne, they smash off of ships. Yeah. Just the cheap ones, 7-Eleven ones. I would hope so much. Smash that off of a ship. No, because when I imagine that, I imagine like the golden age, right, where everything's fancy and everyone's excited. I think they're smashing fancy champagne off those.

I feel like ship people. What a waste. Because it's good luck, though, isn't it, as well? I feel like ship people waste. You know, like, you have a ship. Yeah. You'd probably be like, yeah, I also have a couple of the fancy bottles. So they show off.

I'm really trying to think of other things I've celebrated. It's a thing about having kids is that with the first one, I was like, oh, my memory is worse. And now with the second one, I'm like, I don't remember anything. Like, I couldn't tell you what I did yesterday. But then, but then, obviously. the way here, I was thinking about, I was thinking about something and my mind got to diabetes. And then I remembered this girl I went to school with, elementary school with, and that she had diabetes. And I was like, I wonder what she's doing now.

And I remembered her full name. First and last name. And I can picture her. Yeah, yeah. But I can't. Completely useless to you know this. And I literally thought, I was like, why is this what I can remember? Yeah.

And I'm searching for a thing I've celebrated. You did the correspondence dinner, didn't you? Yes, but I didn't have champagne then. I had I had tequila that night. Yeah, of course. Is the first person we've had on the podcast who's done the correspondence dinner? I think so.

Did Todd Barry do it? I would love to see Todd Barry do the correspondence dinner. I think that would be very great. Todd Barry, of course, wouldn't offend either side because he sits in the middle. Sign up. By me, James Ake. Thank you.

Tough gig? Or just a lot of pressure leading up to it. Yeah, I mean, I think it was, the room stinks. It's not like a, it's also like this big ballroom. Like, it's not made for comedy. And no one there really wants to laugh. And everyone's looking at each other to see if they can laugh. And it's really, and you're insulting the people in the room.

And especially with the people who are in the room when I was doing it, they're not like people that were like, I love a roast. Yeah. Let's all in a long time. Yeah. Like, I started telling my jokes and Sarah Huggedy Sanders look like, I mean, it looked like she thought I was going to give like a bridesmaid toast. And instead, I started to be like, look at this, bitch.

You know? So, yeah, it was unsavory. But my friend also texted me right before I went on and he was like, you know, if they're not laughing, you're doing well. So as soon as I started, then they were just kind of silent. I was like, we're doing great. Yeah. It's not for the people in the room.

Yeah. It's for everyone else watching it afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like in America there's much more of a reverence or like a lot of respect for stuff like that. Over here in the UK, if there was a gig that is routinely impossible and really hard, we'd all be avoiding it. And if someone did it, it was because it's well paid or whatever, but they don't want anyone to see it or to know about it. In the US, you have that and like SNL when they're literally going live and like they could bomb on live television. And all these things are like held in way, way high esteem.

then, but in a way that's quite encouraging as a comic, because obviously it's part of being a comedian is having these gigs that are really hard, and it doesn't have to go brilliantly every time or in the room and it's cool the watch on TV. Like, why do you think that is in America that you can kind of like have those kind of things become part of like such a, the foundations of like being a comic

and in other countries that might just be, it wouldn't take off as much, I don't know. I think there's something about, like, the ego of Americans that, like, every, every comic thinks, I'm going to be the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be the one to, to nail it, you know, like, that we're all kind of, like, you know, it was hard for everyone else. But for me, this is, I'm the one. Or the thought that, well, they're not laughing, but I know that I'm doing great. Yeah.

I think is, like, I wouldn't be able to do that. I'd crumble so crumbled. It would be so bad. I think the way I was thinking of it was that, like, I was like, oh, I want to make these people bad. Yes, these specific people. And so that for me, but, like, you know, when people host, like, any of the award shows or anything like that, it just feels like, unless you're going with a specific, I want to make these people mad. I feel like everyone's like, it was okay. Yeah.

Or it was, you know, I don't know. Well, I've had a couple of those things where whoever's booked me for it or my agent will say, it'll be really hard, but it's a good opportunity. I'm like, no, those two things don't exist together for me. Then that is a bad opportunity. Because I want to just make people laugh and have a nice time. That's my main opportunity. Sure.

I think there's something about, I do, I think it's us being like, oh, it's really hard. Yeah. All right. I'll crack the code. Yeah. Yeah. We're just very, I don't know. Also, like, in America, it will be talked about.

Like, over here, those tough gigs, they don't really get discussed, especially not in public or like on. But if you do the correspondence dinner, that's going to be like talked about by loads of comics. And it is like a badge of honour. It's something that's like seen as being like quite a, well, it is. It's a very impressive thing to have to have got to do,

which we don't have the equivalent of that here, I guess. There's no like, we're going to roast the prime minister here. It would be fun. It would be nice, especially this current one, if you're watching. He ain't watching, man. No.

He didn't even listen. Oh no, he's listening. He just hasn't made the jump over to the YouTube episodes yet. You didn't listen to the people. Oh, this is good. You know, I was trying to make a pun out of his name. Yeah, yeah. And I just really think it's going to work.

Care shoulder? You're going to call him Care's shoulder? I was going to say, don't get me Keir started. That's as good as the shoulder. Startverted. But as I was, this is me improving, though. As I was thinking of it, I was like, it's not going to... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the next time, Michelle, you come up with one of those, you won't even say it out loud or say it in your eyes. This is the... We're going around on this day again. We've groundhog-dayed it. Next time you come up with a joke, you're just going to keep quiet about it. It's not a... It's not even wordplay.

It's actually just... You're just shoehorning in something that doesn't work. Don't get me stammered. Don't get me stammerited. It works when you say it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I felt like it worked.

Yeah, it did work. Dream dessert. Really, really went around on this because I'm a sweets person. I love a sweet treat. And I feel like this is going to sound like I'm, what's it called when you're, I don't know, like trying to placate an audience or something because I'm here in England. Pandering? Pandering.

Thank you. I promise this isn't pandering. This is actually my favorite dessert is sticky toffee pudding. We got you. Well, hey, that place that I mentioned earlier. Yes. Parilla? Perilla.

Went to check with me what the restaurant was called, but luckily you remembered. That's good. You remembered that. Yeah. So you don't remember what you did yesterday, but you remember where he ate two weeks ago. That's good. Yeah, that's so useful for me. Yeah, yeah.

The whole meal was like, it's one of the best meals I've had in ages. So good. Start with those little bread bites. Desert was sticky toffee pudding. It was a set menu. And that's all I'd seen was I didn't read the whole description of it. And as they're getting it ready, I see that they're grating black truffle over it. And I'm like, oh, no.

Because I thought, you know, black truffles fine, but I don't want it on my sticky toffee pudding. Right. How much this guy's changed over there. Yeah, oh, I've changed a lot. Before this podcast, I've never had black truffle before, anything like that. They'll start going to fancy places to eat. I think black truffel's amazing. Then I'll start being like, well, these really.

restaurant stop putting black trouble. It's always black trouble. That's his observational material now. Yeah. So now on. Anyone else fed up a black truffle? Hello? Hello?

More like black trouble. That sounds racist. Now that sounds very good. Don't sign that one off, Michelle. Don't do that one. Don't sign that off. In my head, I was like, you got it this time. As soon as I said it, I was like, very racist.

Just a bunch of white people in a room talking about black trouble. The words, we're not talking about. about it. Don't bring us in on that joke. Not us. The wordplay was stronger, but the intent sounded way worse. Yeah, way worse. But you've not signed it off so that you're fine.

You're all right. By me, Michelle Wolf. No, no. The tour is cancelled. So it turns out I need a new job. Anyway, it was delicious. Yeah. It had black truffle ice cream.

The sticky toffee pudding was a very, like, like dark, rich, sticky toffee. And I fully expected I wasn't going to like it. It's one of the best desserts I've had in ages. The whole meal was phenomenal. I think you should go there, Michelle Wolfe. Because the things that you're shouting out sound exactly like this great meal I just had. Well, well, maybe sounds great.

It's here in London. Yes, here in London, Ston, Newington. I'm still laughing at your last wordplay, sorry. Yeah, of course. It's really offensive. Yeah. I mean, in this climate. It was how quickly you said that sounds racist after you said it as well.

And thankfully, because it's going to be harder to clip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, maybe you cut something off there. We won't clip it up. Yeah, you're harder, harder to cut off the, whoa, no, that's racist. Yeah. The whole thing will go in the edit, but like, you can't snip it down to make you look worse. Right, right, right.

But you never know what the internet can do these days. These guys, what are they up to? I have a question about the black truff. ice cream. Was it savory? No, it just, it was sweet, but definitely tasted like black truffle, so I had a bit of it on its own. So I wanted to see. And that was

a bit too much for me. But then I was like, come on, you're an adult. This is meant to be had all together. Let's not just put the ice cream to one side. That's how you realize you're an adult. Let's not separate all our food so it's not touching. Yeah, yeah. You're a grown-up now.

Eat the black truffle with the ice cream. Don't just have a bit of the black triple ice cream and write it off. Yeah. You've got to have it all as intended. And then it was like just really sweet. But with this like, I guess there was like an umami flavor in there when it all combined together. And I didn't know that word before I started this podcast either. I've heard it a lot.

I don't really know what it means. Nah. It's the fifth flavor. It's the fifth flavor, yeah. But it feels like more it's like a feeling. I think I use it to describe flavors that I can't describe. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's an umami. So it's go, oh, some umami flavor there. It's a bit salty and sweet at the same time, but I can't quite put my finger on it. It's actually licorice. Yeah, yeah, that's what I use. Because they sell it in paste as well, umami paste. You feel like you're being ripped off somehow. Yeah, I don't.

It's just invented. Yeah. Does that a particular sticky toffee pudding you would like? I did like the one from Gordon Ramsey's. That's the one I had here that I really liked. Would you want to hang out with Gordon Ramsey? Mamsie? I would actually.

You would? I would. I would. I want to, I like how intense he is. Uh-huh. And I'd be interested to see if he thought I was an idiot or okay. What way are you leading towards? I feel like I could talk to him about running.

Yeah? And maybe he would think that I'm not an idiot. He would like that. I love all that when he runs to the kitchen. Yeah. And it shows. And then he's like getting, he's getting, he's getting changed in the kitchen while talking to the camera.

I wish I had that level of self-confidence. Well, I'm going to read you, you're back to you now, see how you feel about it. Okay. You would like a carafe of sparkling water with ice and lemon from Saga coffee in Barcelona. Correct. You would like for Katcher with sauce on it

and an aeroplane pretzel roll. You would like spinach dry miso salad from Nobu. You would like Kachia Pepe as a main course. Side dish. You would like fresh, seasonal straw, seasonable? Seasonable. personal strawberries. Drink, you would like a glass of rosé champagne in a coop.

Yes. And dessert, a sticky toffee pudding from Gordon Ramsey's. Yes. Can you feel about that menu? I don't know if it actually all goes together, but I... It doesn't have to. Incredibly happy after that meal. Yeah.

I would be... That sounds great. I think it's very nice. Yes. Yeah. I would eat all that. Yeah. Yeah.

Which one did you have? Which of his places? The one on Grovener's school. I can't remember what it's called. But I remember in fourth grade, the girl who had diabetes, the whole name. Cannot remember the name of the Gordon Ramsey restaurant? Gordon Ramsey's Bar and Grill. There we go.

Thank you for coming to the dream restaurant. I remember one time she had to get a, she had a little bronze blood sugar and had to have a Coke in the middle of class. Yeah, yeah. And we were all like, amazing. Yeah. Diabetes sounds great. Correct. Correct.

It is great. Thanks, Michelle. Thank you, Michelle. Well, there we are, James. There we are. What a brilliant menu, and Michelle Wolf didn't say Wolf Cola, so we didn't kick about the dream restaurant,

and we can promote the best job in the world. Best job in the world. Touring across England in June and July, punchup.com. Live forward slash Michelle Wolf for tickets. And you're on tour with Fresh Hell, of course. Yes, that's in 2027. January, 27.

That starts. www.com.com. It's a lovely chat with Michelle. What a lovely food podcast. What a great podcast. What a great little food podcast. Ben, you did another great job.

Well done, Ben. Benito there. Not much to say, really. It's weird that when we're being filmed now for these intros and outroes, the pressure. You feel like you had to add more. Pressure feels on.

And like, I'm pretty sure, you know, I've heard sometimes my partner will be listening to off menu and as soon as this bit starts, she turns it off and starts listening to something else. So I don't think a lot of people listen to the outroes. The outroes are always good though, I think. Yeah, I think they're good, but she didn't love with me and she's not listening to him.

I mean, I'm imagining that the average listeners is just going, okay, cool, chat's over. Sorry, but she's actually listening to the podcast, though. My wife ain't listening to the podcast. Yeah, I'm aware of that. Yeah. It's not even pressing play. Well, there we are.

Another great outro done, Benito, can you put at the edit thing of like a TV being turned off? where it goes like, doo, down to a small dot. Yeah. I'd like that to be the end. Yeah, do it do it like that? So it goes down to the small dot. And then do you want the dot to go?

Yeah, and then the dot fades. Yeah, yeah. That's like a TV being turned off. Yeah. Well, I can subscribe. Oh, that's good. Did they say that? I think we've even told people that this is on YouTube.

He likes us to do that in the intro and the intros. Sorry, this is on YouTube tomorrow. Too late now. Or now, if you're watching it on YouTube. My girlfriend's turned this off ages ago. She doesn't know it's on YouTube. She's left to move down. Just moved out.

Bye. Bye.