Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Neil Hannon (The Divine Comedy)

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

The Divine Comedy frontman Neil Hannon has a table booked at the Dream Restaurant this week. Something for the weekend.The Divine Comedy’s new album ‘Rainy Sunday Afternoon’ is released on Fri 19 Sep. Pre-order is here. Follow The Divine Comedy on Instagram @divinecomedyhq Donated to My Lovely Horse Rescue at www.mylovelyhorserescue.com Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Fri 5 Sep. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu podcast. And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about all our relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Tackax. Yes, all our relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food. parcel delivery schemes as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing. And we feel like, you know, it's the off-manue podcast. We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time. And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James. Absolutely. So if people would like to donate, please go to all our relations.com.com. UK or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram. every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza. Thank you so much. And enjoy the episode.

Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.C. Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the ravioli of conversation

and boiling it in the water of humour, then grating over the parmesan of friendship. Wow. Black pepper. That was an interesting one. I thought, always gone for a very short one. And then you're obviously fought in your head. No, that's too short. So you added the Parmesan.

Well, no, I didn't think it was too short because I do a short one now and again because it makes me laugh. But then I thought, I wouldn't just have playing ravioli and I've got to be honest to my audience. And that's where all the best comedy comes from, isn't it, from honesty?

That is Ed Gamble. He's an honest man. My name is James Acaster, a liar. And this is the off-menu podcast, together we own a dream restaurant. And every single week, we invite in a guest and ask them ever start a main course dessert,

cider shand drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Neil Hannon. Neil Hannon. A musical legend, James, the Divine Comedy. An absolute musical legend. Very, very excited having Neil Hannon on,

especially because the Divine Comedy have a new album out. Rainy Sunday afternoon, out on the 19th of September. Very excited to meet Neil. I've seen The Divine Comedy Live. He's a very productive, inventive musician. Also, the Divine Comedy are going on tour.

October 2025, that's this year. That's this year. That's this year, of course. They're going all over the place. They're playing some cool venues, doing a couple of shows at the Barbican. They're doing the Philharmonic Hall in Liverpool, Royal Concert Hall in Nottingham.

Go to the divinecom and you can get all the info for that tour. But listen, we love Neil Han, and we love the Divine Comedy. However, if Neil does pick the secret ingredient, a good ingredient which we have deemed to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out at the dream restaurant. And this week, the secret ingredient is, Crispson Tea.

That's from a lyric in, National Express? Yes, with her hostess sells crisps and tea. Yes. And her art is the size of a small country. I remember that. Yeah, it's a good song. Yeah, yeah, it's a great song.

Quite a broad secret ingredient, I would say. It's two secret ingredients, and it's things that people really like. Yes. Now, do we make it that if Neil asks for them together, crisps and tea, we kick him out? Or is it, if he says Chris, do we have to wait? Yeah. for tea to come up, because it definitely has to be...

And I know what you'll do. If he says crisps, you'll be like, do you want a drink with that? Because I know what you're like. Yeah, you do know what I like. Yeah, you're cheeky. Listen, it's me being honest, I will do that. Yeah. So, like, yeah.

But, like, I think if Neil says crisps or tea, that's fine on its own. If later on in the podcast, he then chooses... Crisp and tea. The other one. Yeah. Oh, okay. So if he says crisps and then later on he says tea, well, but that's cris from tea, you're out. out. So it'll be quite a tense episode. What if he chooses tea and then crisps? Yeah,

that's still out. Crisps and tea, though, is the... Tea and crisps. I just don't want to kick him out. I think we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Because I'll be honest, my wife's a massive fan, and if we kick Neil Hanan at the dream restaurant, she might leave me. You'll be in the dog house. I'll be in the doghouse, mate. I think we've got to cross that bedroom and come to it. If it's tea and crisps, I think we make the case for it. I know I'm going to try and kick him out. I get the sense you're not. Yeah. Benito might be the disson. side and vote.

Yeah. He's shaking his head. He's not going to do it. Benito being the dog ass as well. Toast loves him. Toast loves to find comedy. Yeah. In fact, no, that's, if you annoy Toast, you don't go in the doghouse, do you?

That's a privilege. Yeah, if it's welcoming you in. I'm in the doghouse with Toast. He loves me at the moment. He loves me. Can't get enough of me. Keeps invited me over. Well, let's see what happens.

Yeah, let's just see what happens. This is the off-menu menu menu. of Neil Hannan. Welcome, Neil Hannan to the Dream Restaurant. Oh, thank you so much for having me. Welcome, Neil Hannan, to the Dream Restaurant, but it's been to you for some time. Oh, fantastic.

This is a joy. Nice to see you, Neil. Nice to see you, too, James. And thank you very much, Ed. And thank you very much for having me. And wow. Is that a wow at the shock and awe of seeing a genie for the first time? Well, that is it.

Yeah. And the genie thing, I mean, that's cool. That takes a lot of pressure off because I can ask for really stupid stuff. Yes. But I just love the idea. I am envisaging you as a genie. Thank you. I hope that's okay.

You have very baggy pants. Yeah, yeah, very baggy. Like crisscross. Like crisscross. But not backwards. Yes, or like, you can't touch this person. Yes, you can't touch his hammer. And you couldn't touch them.

No, you would never be able to touch them. I imagine if, even if you were a musician on the same bill as him, it would be very hard to resist not trying to touch him because he's kind of... Oh, I can't touch this. That's his fault. Yeah. Oh, what you think because he's saying you can't touch this,

then that invites touching? Yeah, because you can then say, forever, I touched him. Yeah. I did touch him. I did touch him. Is there something that, like, people, because of one of your songs, will, like, always do or bring up to you that is the thing you've heard the most?

Well, they'll usually say, I was on that National Express the other day. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, really? Oh, good. How was it? It's like, just because you're a nice, polite man, do you always follow up with the conversation?

Yes. I am fantastically polite. I was just brought up well, and, you know, no matter how dumb your question. to me. I'm going to be nice to you. Well, good. That promises a lot then for this. Yeah. So you've done questions on this, actually.

It is nice, it's nice to know that sometimes when people go on the National Express, they do just have your song in their head the whole time. I went on a 12-hour National Express trip once, and it was the whole time in my head. Really? Just, bu, but, but... First time I ever went to the Edinburgh Festival. It was last minute decision. It was a 12-hour National Express

and it was all that was going on in my head the whole time. That's fantastic. Well, I am very chuffed that you should have my song, no matter how annoyed you were by the end of the trip. That's horrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know why people don't do that more often, you know, in their careers, you know, just choose a random kind of venerable national institution and write a song

about it. I mean, I didn't mean for it to happen, but it was great. Woo-hoo. Would you deliberately do one? If there's a national institution, you know, that you could like get on to now. I'm not going to do it again. I would be greedy. No, I've done my national institution.

Are you not tempted to maybe go even more up market, maybe write a song called First Class Emirates or something? Oh, First Class Emmerits. Just in case they give me a freebie. Yeah. I can't see how it would sort of really scan in a line. I don't think it matters. I think they'd be happy regardless.

I think you just do the same song, re-release it like candle in the wind, and change its first-class Emirates. Yeah. I'm trying to think about anything that rhymes of Emirates, though. Yeah, that's hard. I'm usually pretty good at this, but, you know, conglomerates is the nearest I can get. Yeah, there you go.

First-class emirates, but gas conglomerates. Do you love food? Sorry, now I'm just trying to find rise. I see the cogs wearing that. Food and I have a difficult relationship. Not because I want to eat it all or anything. It's because it's root into me past my awful teeth. Uh-huh.

And, you know, if you'll notice the last 20 years of photographs of me, I smile like, hmm. I always just thought you were very saucy. Yeah, saucy man. Yeah, I can see where the confusion has arisen. But I have liked food more in the past when I found it easier to eat. Now, sort of angel delight would be perfect. So your teeth, by the way, I never thought that you have awful teeth

and you came in and I did not see any awful teeth? I mean, it's all my own fault. I was terrible to them as a kid, you know, ate lots of absolute rubbish and was very, very remiss in my brushing. And as time went on, it didn't get much better and they started sort of collapsing, like imploding, like a black hole. I just find myself swallowing bits of tooth. This is lovely.

Is this why you turned down the ice cream donuts this morning? It was partly that, I must admit. I thought, oh, I can see pain on the horizon if I... If you eat the ice cream doughnuts. Yeah, we should say it's quite, I mean, fairly early in the morning in terms of... Currently, quarter past 10 in the morning. Yeah. And Megan, who works at the place, have turned up at the door with a huge freezer bag

full of ice cream donuts and ice cream and things from cross. town. Yeah. I'm assuming they were sent to us, Ben, rather than Megan's gone mad. She doesn't stick up. Ben, you almost talked. He almost talked there. But we offered that. The first thing we offered Neil, Neil arrived. We said, would you like an ice cream donut? And you said it's a little bit early. Yeah, which is. Is it polite? Yeah, very polite. Very polite. Let's talk about the new album mainly Sunday afternoon. Very exciting. Also, we've got to talk about this bonus disc.

There was a bit of a mix-up, apparently, and you got sent the super excellent. bonus album from The Best of, which is not what I am trying to promote at all. Although it's quite good. Oh, it's great. I don't listen to it this morning. It's quite mental. We can double promote.

That is also available to listen to. But the new album is rainy Sunday afternoon. Yeah, yeah. Out on September 19th. I've made another album. Now, how do you feel about that? I feel good.

that I have made a bloody good album at this great age and like the 13th one I've made so that makes me happy but you know when am I going to stop when's this going to end it's ridiculous that is incredible though 13 albums like does the is the process easier now

it's that many or is it back to back to square one every single time I think it's a little easier because I'm better at it I know what I want more and I know how to get it and also because I care less about what people think of what I do. Obviously, in the 90s, I really wanted to be a pop star. And somehow I managed it.

It was crazy. Not a very big one, but you know, medium pop star. And I tried to keep a hold of that for a while until finally you realize the kids don't care. And why should they? I wouldn't have cared about me as I got old. So you just kind of concentrate on quality, you know, and doing the things you want to do and doing them really quite well.

And do you get, is there a lot of the fans on tour, are they like from that original, like, you know, nighties wave of fans? Or are they bringing younger people with them as well? There's a nice mix. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the kids in the audience are usually the offspring of the original fans. Yeah.

So, yes, it's like a monarchy now. You know, they have a divine right. Oh, nice. Didn't even see that coming. Yeah, but I noticed, you know, our audience, our audiences kind of thinned out a little in the 2000s, and I didn't quite know what I was doing wrong. And then suddenly everybody came for like 2010, you know, through to 2015. They were all back and they said, we couldn't get babysitters for 10 years.

Well, when you're writing songs now is like, do you feel? like you're a different person to, you know, when you started, you know, writing and we started doing music, are you thinking about them completely differently, lyrically? No, I'm trying to just like be myself and be honest. And, you know, it's always served me well in the past, you know, I was very much myself in the early days. And to my astonishment, people kind of enjoyed the obscure things that I did maybe just because they had good tunes, I don't know. Now, you know, I'm in my 50s

and I've got to face that fact and just, you know, write songs about my crumbling teeth, et cetera. So the huge, I mean, at the minute, you probably wear this, but like, this ongoing debate in rap music about because Andre 3,000 has said, he's not going to rap because, you know,

he's 50 or whatever. I thought you were going to say it's about teeth. There's an ongoing debate in rap music about teeth. What kind of grills that they should work. But like, yeah, he's just like, no one wants to hear some of my age rap. But then also all the biggest rap albums of this year have been from people his age.

Really? And people are loving them. I'm not really an aficionado of the rap. But I liked a lot of outcast stuff just because it sort of skirted boundaries, you know. I wasn't too keen on his what would you call it? The flute album?

The flute album, yeah. Psychedelic album. Yeah, the kind of... I worked my way through it. I have not listened to it since. Yeah. You know, I think a lot of people, that was the case. Some people were pleasantly surprised by it.

But I think what he's got to realize is he is such a good rapper that people will sit for a flute album out of respect because it's something from him. So it's like, well, at least we got this. You don't want to put your people through that, really. I would like to hear, I'd actually be much more interested in sort of an older person rapping, you know,

simply because they might be talking about things that meant something to me. Yeah. What sort of things would you like to hear someone rapping about? The decision making around where their kids are going to go to college. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, we always start with still a spark than water, Neil. Do you have a preference? Whatever you guys want, really. I mean, that, you see, this is... We don't do that here, Neil. You've got to...

You'll take what you can get. That's excellent. Wrong album, but excellent. Bonus album. That's the bonus album. That's the bonus album. We've done all the research on the bonus album here, Neil. Oh, that's brilliant. Well, I guess still, you know, I'm not a sparkling personality. I run deep inside there. So still is what I've got in front of me, and that's what I want.

I just don't have strong feelings about food. This is great. Why am I here? We've had people come on who, I suspect, don't eat at all. Yes. Yeah, we've had actors come on and try and, you know, and you can tell they've researched what do people eat before coming on here. Well, I'll tell you, we had an actor called Phil Dunstan, who's in Ted Lassau,

and he got given his dream meal recently by his friends on his stadu. And there's a photo of him eating the meal that he talked about on off menu, and he looks absolutely miserable. And I was like, I don't think Phil really said what he would like to eat. Yeah, okay. I think Phil said a menu, which is maybe nostalgic for him, and makes it more relatable to the listener. actually, he doesn't want to eat all these carbs.

Well, you know, like with the songs, I'm going to be brutally honest. Yes, great. Good. So it's still water. Yeah. And you don't want anything in that water, that is still, that is. I mean, is it good tap water where you grew up? Oh, yeah.

In Northern Ireland, we had nice tap water. Yeah. Not like your London stuff. Yeah. Ah, it's got chunks in it. Bits, it's bits, like oranges juice with bits in it. Yeah, yeah. Some places do.

Nor, huh? You do get that sometimes. You actually get proper. But I wonder whether that's just from like dirty taps or whatever, little white bits floating around. My, one of my neighbours drank a bober tea for the first time the other day in the courtyard of where we live. We just went out in the courtyard to drink it. No, he was there anyway. It was sunny day.

We're all out there. And so a kid came up to him and said, try this, Dad. Yeah. It was this, bober tea. He had a big old glug of it. He hated it. bet all the balls into a planter. All those little tapioca balls.

I don't understand what that stuff is about. My daughter gave me one of those, and it would have been the same reaction had I not been in the shop at the time. Yeah, you couldn't spit them back down the straw. It is weird what suddenly kids get into. And I never would have thought tea with, like, tadpoles in it,

was going to be what they were into. See, this is the sort of thing I'd like to hear on the next Andre 3,000 album. Yeah, exactly. doesn't understand Boba. All of our daughters keep giving us Boba. That's a good talk. And ever would be like, oh, wow, I didn't know that was, that wasn't just me.

That's everyone. Exactly. And that's what art is for. Yeah. Yes. Poplar bread. Poplar bread. Poplar bread.

Now, Adam's all bread. It's a bit like that scene in Man Bites Dog where he scares the old woman to death. I've got to say, it's the first shout out we've had to Man Bites Dog on the pub. Good shout out to Man Bites' Dog. A lovely film Oh, I never watched it I couldn't possibly get through that I'd be dead

But I saw all the trailers And thought Oh, that's not very nice, is it? No I don't think I've seen it either I mean, I watch some horrible films But I don't think I've seen it Yeah, I've not seen it

No, no I know what it's about Well, we've all agreed on that But do you see it? No, he's not seen it He spoke, we got him My wife with scary film She can't watch scary films

So what she does is she finds a stream of it online puts it in the corner to a tiny screen and then reads the Wikipedia plot great yeah but yes my wife loves scary films except she hates them

right and she has terrible nightmares for days after one you know it's like oh that was really good scared me shitless and it's like why do you put yourself through it I don't understand if you're having nightmares you shouldn't be watching the film to have two weeks

couldn't sleep, I have to scream two. Oh, God. That is true. Yeah, obviously, I was much younger. I'll be able to watch it now. You'd be able to watch it now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be able to watch it now.

All right. It's a challenge. That's my challenge. Challenge accepted. I'm going to go away, watch Scream 2. I'm not challenging you to do that. Challenge it except. Don't do it.

Don't do it. Neil, I won't let you down. Popatoms are bread, Neil? Bread. Popadoms. I only worked out what they were when I was about 20, you know. Northern Ireland. was not a cosmopolitan place, you know, growing up, especially I was out in the sticks.

So it was only when I started in the music industry that I went to an Indian restaurant, you know. It was extraordinary. Bread? There was a bakery called the Melanda Bakery, just around the corner from us as I was growing up in Derry slash London Derry. So good, they named it twice. and I feel like that smell was just there that my whole, like all of the 70s and it went along quite well with the 70s.

I don't know what it was about the 70s. The smell of baking white bread, you know, that's dodgy stuff. And I have, you know, I'm sentimental about, I think my mum, when we said, we're hungry, she just throws slices of white bread at us to get us to go away. Yeah.

Yeah, and we'd kind of play with them, we'd kind of take the cross off, and then we'd sort of squidge up the white middle bit and, like, sort of braid them. Yeah. And stuff, oh, it was tough growing up when I was allowed. I was going to say, stereotypes were growing up in 70s at Northern Ireland. All we had to play with was bread. Yeah, pretty much, you know. My dad was a rector and just like, it was quite a small.

amount of money. We always lived in lovely houses because it was like, the house was, oh, I just poured coffee on myself. I'm getting excited, thinking about the old days. Yeah, lovely houses, beautiful Victorian sort of red brick terraced house that I grew up in. But yeah, the furniture was mothied. So do you want, for your bread course, slices of white bread thrown at you by your mother that you can braid and play with? That would be nice. nice. Yeah. If my brothers were here as well. Yes, your brothers were there. And, you know, but

current ages. That would be funny fighting over bread in your 50s. Where are you in the I'm the youngest? I'm the youngest. It's like my parents ran out esteem because Des is the eldest and the tallest and then Brandon and then I'm a short arse.

So you, Des and Brandon, playing with white bread together. That's how you feel is. Was it the sort of white bread where if you do squeeze it down, it sort of almost becomes like a paste. It becomes a putty. Yeah.

Yeah. You could, you know, fill the cracks in the windows. Fix the furniture. Yeah, you fix that goddamn furniture. What's the, obviously, if it's a vicar, it's called a vicarage. If you're a rector, what's it called? A rectorage. I don't know.

Sorry, the rectory. Rectory. Oh, a rectory. Oh, my God. Yes. Not a rectory. which was obviously my first thought. That was what I was pushing it towards.

Yeah, pushing it towards rectum. Rectum. No, yeah, I'm trying to see if I could get you to say you lived in a rectum. He's a very good interviewer, James. He knows where he's going with these things. Absolutely. It was a trap. We've only got you here, Neil, because we wanted you to say you left in a rectum in the 70s.

We got him, shut it down. Yeah. And all the fake walls of the studio, you just go down. There's a whole studio audience. We got him. Michael McIntyre's out there. Michael McIntyre's there. Whoa, we got you.

Well, anyway, I was ejected from the wrecked. to him eventually. Are you having butter with the bread, by the way? Not if you're playing it with your breath, it'll be slipping out of your hands. Well, no, I will have, I'll have the flora plant-based salted butter. Thank you.

Welcome. You got it. We always have to ask our guests who, you know, are from the island of Ireland. Oh, yes, of course. About butter? Because there's always, you've got a check. Yeah, I heard David O'Dahadie going on and on and on.

he does do that yes Kerry Gold usually gets a shout out yeah well I've managed to come off the old dairy butter in the last couple of years finally when they made a good substitute finally because I

do try I'm not very good I still drink milk in my tea because tea tastes rancid without real milk but I gather the dairy gold and Kerry Gold are still going strong yeah yeah big time oh they're going strong Yeah, yeah.

And Derry Gold do have, like, a plant-based substitute, which is good. But, oh, I won't go into it. My wife is a very strict vegan. Uh-huh. Yeah. Very strict. Hmm. Well, how does that manifest itself?

I can see I'm going to get into trouble. Yeah, she's very strict. She's also a massive fan of this podcast. Yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening. And she was kind of, like, quizzing me and, you know, trying to,

with me into shape for this but I said you leave me alone I'll do it myself it'll be fine where'd we got to bless you I sneezed yeah but I did that thing where I pinched my nose I love it one hand in here I put one hand in the air aren't your eyes gonna pop out I love it I love the feeling my my ears feel crazy right now I do worry about that though if you don't let the sneeze out then your eyes might pop out I think you've got to keep your eyes very firmly shut yeah in that situation the way James did it then he held his nose and put one hand in the air like he was doing a dance from Pulp Fiction. That's what I was doing.

Yeah. I have a lot of sneezing experience, being a hay fever sufferer from my early teens. So I've been sneezing with great gusto all my life, even in the off season, because for some reason it's made my nose just hyper-sensitive. But I like to let them out. I mean, obviously, catching substances. Sure. But I do like the feeling of just that, well, inclusive feeling, you know, just going. Do you have a hanky or are you a disposable tissues, man?

Disposable tissues, because for God's sake, that, I mean, my dad was very much a hanky man. It just didn't seem right, especially when he'd get us to sneeze in his hanky. Oh, yeah. You can't be using your dad's hanky, Jesus quite. I've got a hanky down and I had a hanky granddad. I just can't be doing with it, you know. It's disgusting. It's pretty vile.

Absolutely, rank. Although I do, I like the, you know, the reusing, the sustainable ethic. Sure. But I don't think that's why they're doing it. It's absolutely the furthest thing from my granddad's mind when he was using the hankie was it? It was sustainable. He just wants to choose the grossest option possible. Man, my God.

I don't even want to talk about food now. We're talked about hankies. I think they can be quite refined the hanky. What the hell are you talking about? You can be like a fun spotty one and, you know. Yeah, if you never use it. Well, funny you should say that, but I think we're going to make for the first time

sort of divine comedy monogrammed handkerchiefs for our merchandise desk in the gig. So buy some, please, after us having, you know, made them all. Wow. To promote the bonus CD? No. No. Oh, no, because, you know, rainy Sunday afternoon, you might get a cold.

Oh, of course. Perfect. I think that'll sell quite well. We would do brollies as well, but they're a bit pricey. Oh, yeah. Also, they'll be opening them indoors at the gig. Oh, they'll be quite cool. I don't care for that sort of superstition.

No, I'm not a superstitious person. So you'd be happy for them to all open. Yeah, yeah. And if there's a set of stairs, you know, like a, what do you call it? those things. Ladder. Ladder. Oh, wow. Well done it. He's a professional. I'm a professional. I know the words. He knew set of stairs was ladder. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes.

Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. your dream starter what i really yearn for is a good orange you just it's so hard to get the perfect orange and you're a food genie so you can get me the perfect orange you're the perfect one i you know you're you're in the supermarket and you're sort of looking you know around the corner at all of the oranges to because they always slide a few ones that are going off in at the bottom and and also So, you know, there might be one in the entire punnet that is acceptable. Yeah.

But so rare that you get one that sort of ticks all the boxes. Let's go through these boxes. Well, peelability. Yeah. I do, I don't like it when you have to sort of work too hard at the peeling. Maybe it's because I'm lazy. I don't know. I don't want to have, you know, where it's coming off in just little bits.

Yeah. You know, you're just working and working and working. and the orange isn't worth it. It's not worth all of that trouble in time. And also you get your hand sort of that film, weird citrus film on your hand. Then there's the very, well, tough orange segments, you know. Yeah. And that's so disappointing.

Stringy. Yeah. And dry. Yeah. It needs to be firm but juicy. Yeah. And have a lovely, you know, not too sweet. Mm-hmm.

But it has to be pleasurably sweet. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I'm on board of all this. And I want a glass of sherry with it. Is that all right? Stick a drink in right now.

Can I have a sherry with your perfect orange? Can I? Yeah. You're going to give me the perfect orange. It's going to be brilliant. The perfect. I mean, I'd say I've not eaten a regular orange for 15 years. I'm satsumas all day long.

I'm tangerines. Do they even make naval oranges anymore? Yeah, this is it. Where do you stand on Piff? I don't mind it as long as it comes. away easily and, you know, but those wonderful experiences when you're peeling and you're thinking, I'm going to get all the way around in one go. Yeah. Well, that's going to happen with this orange. Oh my God. Yeah. And then, yeah, I don't want it pre-peeled or anything. I won't

pre-peel it. It's going to be the satisfaction of me peeling it perfectly. And then maybe when I get the last bit out, the whole of the inner pith comes out with the peel. What a feeling that would be. What a feeling. If you filmed that and put it online, that will go viral. That would go viral. But it never happens. Exactly. That's why it would go viral. Yeah, exactly. People wouldn't believe it. They'd be sharing it and go, Neil Hannes's got the perfect orange. I'll have to

believe you. I don't do the socials. Yeah. Well, I don't know what people want. Believe us. All right. All right. Believers that would happen. The pith is very much like the negligee of the orange. Is that fair to say? No, because I don't find it alluring at all. It's sicko. If you peeled an orange

and showed it to me, it's covered in Piff, I'd be like, oh, that's sexy. It makes me wonder what's underneath. Neglige doesn't have to be sexy. It can be practical. Oh, I don't think. I mean, do people still wear negliges? I just wanted to use the word, I'll be honest with you.

I think it's a negligent. It was just underwear, isn't it? Yeah. I think negliget is meant to be a bit sexier. Yeah, that's true, maybe. It took his French word. Yeah. Another difficult word to rhyme, just to get the cog's wearing again, Neil.

He's got his eyes closed. Eyes instantly close. Half smile on his face. trying to think what rhymes He's in his element What rhymes with negligé and emberates Ugly way is all I've got So we'll have to keep working on that

No, I like it It's kind of like the flip The opposite of negligent Yeah You know Yes I would say it's not that Although I'd hate it If I peeled an orange

And the Piff was in the shape of some negligence Like the orange was wearing Some sexy nixon Yeah And a little bra I don't know how this got sexy I wouldn't be into that nor me

good to know what kind of sherry do you do you want do you have a particular type of sherry that you'd always go for at Christmas or yeah

I mean you know I'm a Harvey's or Croft or Winter's Tale how is it called a winter's tale a bottle of

you know fortified wine how did it get that name but it's obviously it's obviously hooked you in it's called a winter's tail and you like to drink it

yeah and I usually get it at Christmas because it seems appropriate. I like a nice, reasonably sweet, nutty sherry. Yeah. I'm not into your kind of pheno, very dry, kind of, oh, blah, stuff. I do, I like a sweet, I like a sweet sherry. Yeah, yeah. Me too, I like it. I don't really have sherry that much, but whenever I, whenever I do have a little sip, I do think, want to have this ever, I mean, it's basically how

I get to drink at half past five. It's like, oh, just have a little sherry. and an orange. And you wonder why the kids, aren't... Yeah, Dad, drink this boob. Should I have something else. Because I have a shabby of your knowledge is all the time. It's 5.30. It's very almost sort of medieval start to the meal.

You can imagine if you were a lord maybe in a manner somewhere, someone bringing you just a single orange on a silver plate. I have the hounds for it. Yeah. Yeah, you've got four dogs, right? Four dogs, yeah. You guys could never live together. I've got four cats.

It would be... Neer the twain shall meet. The house will be divided by down the middle. That's the start of an animated feature. Yeah, we have to move. For some reason, a comedian and a musician have to move it together. No, but, you know, I admire your animal care. Thank you.

I admire your animal care. Oh, thank you. What type of dogs are they? Hard to say. Two sort of lurchery, greyhound things and two sort of smaller collie things, sheepie dogs. I think we'd actually live together very well. My partner's absolutely obsessed with Lertry Greyhound things. Lurchers and Greyhounds specifically.

Yeah. Oh, she's not, she's in when I'm, she's not there. She's gone by that point. In the film, in the film, it's not that good of... In the film, we've both been done by our girlfriends. Wives and Neil's case. Oh, the odd couple. Yes.

So it's just the two of us. Yeah. And we've both somehow got the pets and the divorce. Yeah, yeah. And now we have to live together. And you've got to find the perfect orange. But I think that would be, so what would happen then in the film is my girlfriend would meet Neil.

Yeah. See the lurchers and the greyhounds fall in love with him. Yeah. And then you would be like, I've met someone I'm in love. They're going to move in the house if that's okay. I'll be like, sure. I'll be like, I support you, Neil. And then I'll be like, what the hell?

Yeah. That is my ex-girlfriend. I was in love of her. And before you ask, yes, you can write the soundtrack. Oh, cool. Well, that's the best bit. I'll write the jolly songs. Yeah, about chocolate.

Yeah. Oh, Wonga. Songs about chocolate. Yeah, well, no. Wonka, come on. Oh, that old thing. Neil wrote all the songs for Wongka. Of course.

Yes, and it was popular. I've been involved in something popular. Yeah. Wonderful. Our friend Phil Wang was in Wonka. He did a dance. Yeah, he did a dance. I met him on set.

He'd broken his arm. Yes, he broke his arm doing a dance and fell off a table. My nephews are really obsessed with Phil Wang because I won him in Tartmasters, so they're always like asking me if Phil Wang's still at my house and when they watched Wonka they were so excited

but they know they're not meant to talk and shout in the cinema so they just looked over each other and made a W sign with their hand when Mike was on TV The international sign for one even though they're watching Wonka and the other than they got into the W

I! I don't know how we got onto it of that, but what is your dream man, course? Christmas dinner. You are so Christmassy, man. You got an orange and you're stopping as Sherry. And Christmas doesn't happen with the same gusto as perhaps I would like, you know. As you get older, it's like, can I be bothered putting all these decorations up when, like, it's just us and maybe, you know, a parent or two, you know?

But, yeah, the food. I was just trying to think, be honest, about the time when I'm eating, when I'm at my house. happiest. And that's during Christmas dinner because I like everything and I eat lots of it. I'd like a really, really big plate, please. How big are we talking? You know those sort of oval serving dishes? Yes. You know, that kind of vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see why you've just had an orange as a star sign now. Exactly. Yeah. Perfect orange and then the biggest dinner ever. Yeah. What we're talking at the Hanan Christmas? Well, I mean, the best thing about Christmas dinner as a vegetarian is that it's really all about the vegetables in a way,

you know, and Kathy does absolutely amazing roasties, amazing gravy, and, you know, amazing veg, and then I plunk a little cord roast in the middle of it, you know, or something. But you know how you're like, you can make me anything? Yes. And you know how they're trying to develop lab-grown meat? I want a massive lab-grown steak. Yes. in the middle.

Yeah. Oh, that would be so cool. Hurry up out there. Yes. It would taste better than any, it'd be better than any even meat steak. Well, it won't be happy because it was never alive.

Yeah. Yeah, if anything, that's even more unhappy, isn't it? What, never being alive? Just becoming a steak straight away. No, no, no, no. Instantly dead. No, never.

Immediately dead. Never conscious. Shut up, you're ruining it. All this other been is dead. That's a sad of tale. Yeah. Always dead. Anyway, brussels sprouts, parrots nips, carrots.

Yeah? Yeah, but they're sort of all done lengthways and sort of glazed. Are they roasted, right? Roasted, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know what she does. She's a magician kind of like. You've got your very unduey. I see her, like, with the boiled spuds, kind of shaking them in the pan.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, to make them all kind of nighy. Yeah, yeah. And then. How's that spell? N-Y-I-C-K-G Y-I There's got to be a G in there

I don't like it Yeah, yeah Yeah When do people start shaking the Shaking the Tate's Yeah And what were you doing before? Don't ask me

Andre Fouffelson shakes his tape That's the name of his new single Yeah Shake the Tate is like a bipolarie picture Yeah He's like I can't But this is a song,

No, no, it'll care That is one of my favorite lyrics of this century. Yeah. What's the bit before? Oh, God, I've forgotten. But it ends up with, like, lend me some sugar.

I am your neighbor. Yeah. I want to say you all in your baddest behavior. That's it. Let me some sugar, I am your neighbor. I know.

And that's perfect. You actually shouldn't shake pylori pictures, though. No. And if you're going to let me some sugar, I want you on your best behavior. Yeah. Or else you might drop it.

Yeah. Sugar everywhere in my new apartment. Yeah. But that's why it's such a genius song. It makes us forget the actual actual way the world works and what we're like from life and we just completely buy into his way of thinking. Yeah, I bet it'd be nuts, though, having him as a neighbour.

Yeah. Yeah. He's left to do in that place. He's music all the time. But he's old, you know. He's made that clip. I'm sure he's not that old. He's probably my age.

Yeah, yeah. He said he's too old to rap now. But, you know, he probably goes to bed earlier. Yeah. He said that knowing wants to hear. hear him up about colonoscopies. But I wonder if he still raps at home, you know, just in his own time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He needs to get the raps out. I don't know. What, just in the morning, just, yeah. I'm going to have a coffee. Oh, God. Tell you what? There is nothing worse. You shouldn't release music anymore.

If that's what is, if that's what is rap, I'm going to have a coffee. It won't taste like coffee. Yeah. Imagine, imagine if I ate all, all these rap fans. all around the world like, Andre, we just want you to do another rap album,

please. And then he releases it and it's, I'm going to have a coffee. It won't taste like taffin. And I was like, oh, he was right.

He's completely lost it now as an older guy. And this is the worst we've ever heard. I'm sorry for doubting you and pushing you in the direction you don't want to go in. You're the artist.

You do know what's best. Here's your flute back. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, I burnt my toast. He can't rap, he's the host Yeah, that does work That works too well Yeah, that looks like that most too well

That's too good I really enjoy doing raps Where it's just the first line And then just stopping That was a whole album If it was a bunch of first lines If it was just like I'm going to have a coffee

I'm going to have some juice Oh god damn it so easy to rhyme with as well yeah really easy rhymes yeah I sort of did rap a tiny bit on a song called office politics on the last proper album but it came out as that sort of

Neil Tenant rap yeah you know that sort of so Hillary smiles that's great and yeah that's the best I can do but I think that's appropriate you're going like this works for me

this will suit one of our songs it's the worst when suddenly out of nowhere someone who's not a rapper tries to wrap proper on one of their songs and they've never done it before yes there was a one time when my daughter was quite young and I'd done something silly with the peas

and I said oh my bag because I thought that's what it was you thought they said my bag I thought they said my bag I thought that was the phrase, my bag That doesn't even make sense You've done something with the peas Yeah, so hang on, what have you done wrong with the peas?

Yeah, a bag of peas I can't remember the bag, did something wrong I'd apologize, you said my bag I said my bag I don't know whether I thought it referred to like, I can't imagine what I thought Oh yes, people would say that's not my bag Yeah, that's not my bag

Oh yes! Yeah, so you're kind of confused the two phrases a little bit And you're going, hey, my bag. So desperately unhip. Imagine if you did something wrong at like baggage claim or something. My bag is like, that's not your bag. That is not your bag. That is not your bag.

This is a whole moot of the problem. It's that you keep on picking up the wrong bag. Now, you've got all these things on your Christmas dinner. Oh, yeah. I've got to talk about the condiments. So the best bit. Sorry. Condiments are the best bit and we go do the condiments right now.

Cranberry sauce, horse radish. Yeah. Mint sauce. Yeah. Bread sauce. English mustard Dijon mustard If I've forgotten anything

Anything else that's around Bally Malou relish Whatever What's that relish? Oh Bally Malou Do you not have it over there? No no no Oh it's lovely

Yeah it's from this range of products Called Bally Malou But it's like Brandston a bit But it's sweeter And it's kind of Sort of ready brand It's really lovely

Lots of sort of Sultana's crop up in it And stuff like this yeah it's very good in sandwiches nice yeah I have a bread sauce story is it about the time

your mum for you some bread and you play with it too much no no but it did occur in my parents' house like maybe 10 years ago I was you know my brother's families were there as well

everybody was there it was Christmas I thought I am going to make the bread sauce I'm going to cut to the chase it said, you know, I'd flavored it with like cinnamon things and like apple, whatever. And then it said sieve. I put the sieve there and I put the pot just threw it all down the sink. Yeah.

Yeah. You saved the sauce. I saved the sauce the wrong way around. They said, my bag. My bag. Yeah. I hope it catches on. Yeah, my bag.

I think it will. And sink bread sauce as well. Have that patches on? Yeah. People only have it out of the sink. Have you successfully made bread sauce since? I never tried to cook again. I learned my lesson.

I'm so bad. Yeah. I can do a boiled egg. That's pretty good. Yeah. How long are you boiling the egg for? Put it straight in the cold water before it starts to heat and then four minutes from when it boils.

Nice. Perfect every time. Are you put that? peeled perfectly? Well, I mean, I take the top off with a spoon. Okay, and then you're... Yeah, I don't leave it to cool

and then peel it like... I had egg in and cut this morning. Oh, like sort of with toast in it or something? Or just smashed? I just mashed it. I just mashed it up. Yeah? Put a little bit of butter in there, salt and pepper. I used to do that as kids,

but we'd obviously fire some bread in there. Yeah, of course, yeah. Run over to the other side of the room, get your mum to lob it. Dreamside, dreamside dish. I hadn't thought about it. this. I don't have it on my notes. I mean, if you just want all your Christmas, all the trimings, you have sides. It's a plate of sides. You've got plenty of sides there. Sides galore. I mean, I should probably say the wilted spinach. Oh, yeah. I like that. Yeah, with, you know, butter and maybe garlic is it that she puts on it? Lovely. Yeah. For sure. Cool. There you go. Happy with that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's funny. I I already mentioned Neil Tennant.

You were going to ask me about drinks, maybe? Oh, yeah, at some point. Would you like me to do that now? Would you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got very excited about Neil Tennant. I just remembered I want the finest wine known to humanity.

Yeah. You got so excited about this when you remembered it was coming up. Well, I just thought, I don't know much about wine, but I know the good stuff from the bad stuff. when I'm giving it. And the best wine I ever got given was by Neil Tennant. He took us out to dinner when I was going to do,

I've been to a marvellous party for the Terrence Higgins Trust album that he did in the late 90s. And he didn't need to take us out to dinner, but he did. And it was great. And he said, what sort of wine do you like? I didn't know. I went, I will get this one. And it was the greatest thing I've ever tasted.

in my life. Oh, wow. Money counts, I think, when it comes to wine. I really do. Yeah, yeah. You get some great wines for, you know, 20 quid or whatever. But if you go up to like, you know, I don't even want to say it's too awful. Yeah.

Because I looked at the menu as to what he'd pointed to later. And, I mean, it was, oh, my God. Come on. Tell us how much it was. Tell us how much tenant was dropping. I mean, it's, I think it was about 800 quid or something. Wow. Tenant. I just didn't know it was possible to spend that much money on a drink. Yeah.

But it was the greatest thing you've ever tasted. It was the greatest thing I'd ever tasted, yeah. I mean, I have no idea about wine at all. I'm like you. I don't really know the difference. When I'm giving good stuff, I do immediately recognize that that's delicious and other stuff isn't. And any time we've been invited to a fancy thing because of this podcast,

and it is specifically wine-based. then that's what they're trying to showcase and they go here's this super expensive crazy wine that's like this old and you hear all that description and you do drink it and go yeah that's nice yeah in a way that almost makes me angry that as someone who doesn't I don't love wine so therefore I don't really like I won't order it most of the time

but this ridiculously expensive super incredibly made stuff is one of the nicest drinks in the world I do get a little bit annoyed that that's just not the wine that everyone has and it's not accessible to you every day yeah yeah it's like oh great it's a secret little drink

just for the should I be actually charging 800 quid for my new album yeah because it's obviously better than everybody else I think so yeah yeah you should do that go the whole Wootang and just release one copy

yeah it crossed my mind on occasion but you just can't imagine putting all that effort into something and then one person gets to listen to it. But we don't know how much effort they put into it. We've not heard it. It might be...

It knocked it off on a wet Wednesday afternoon. Yeah, because only, what, only Martin Scrawley's heard it. Yeah. It says, I'm going to make a coffee. Yeah. I'm going to eat some toast. Wootang.

Yeah, could just be that. Yeah. I'm trying to think of like, combining a breakfast thing with a pre-existing Woutang song. So, but I can't merely... It's too early in the morning for me to be able to do that.

Yeah. bring the ruckus bring the breakfast you could just bring the breakfast bring the breakfast bring the motherfucking breakfast yeah I'll listen to that I would definitely listen to that

yeah yeah switch of off the only one imagine if that that album is just 36 chambers again yeah but about breakfast every single song it's about breakfast

and you'll listen to it going if you just re-recorded 306 chambers but you're singing about breakfast yeah and no one's going to believe you that's what we did. And you've just paid a million quid for that.

Yeah, yeah. So there you go. You can never tell anybody. So you want the Neil Tenant 800-pound wine. Yes. Do you want Neil Tenant to be there? Yes. You'd like him to join you for the drink.

Well, I can't say no, can I? He's paying for it. He's paying for it. Yeah, exactly. He's got to be involved. Do you remember anything about the wine what it was specifically, or just that it was £800 and the best thing

you've ever tasted? Red? It was red. Yes. and I liked it. No, I mean, I was so completely like, oh my God, I'm a silly little Northern Irish dweeb, and here I am in a fancy London restaurant, you know, being whined and dined by one of my musical heroes. It was astonishing.

Yeah, I still feel like that all the time. The amount of times I literally do think to myself, I'm from Kettering. I literally go, I'm a little boy, from Ketton. I've somehow got in here, and they have no idea. I don't even know where Kettering is. The amount of times I think, I'm from London, I deserve this. Yeah, yeah. Different life.

Unless you're in a place like Ketford. Yeah. I'm from London. I'm none of my friends. This wine's very cheap. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore.

Fizz is 100% online. So you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. You arrive at your dream dessert in that case. Yeah, well, I have an actual dessert that I really like, and it doesn't mess with my teeth too much.

That's good. So it's poached pears in sort of wine and brown sugar. and cinnamon and, you know, nice little, oh God, the ice cream, that's going to set my teeth on. But, you know, for this meal, this is the dream restaurant. Can I have Jeannie-built dentures? Yeah. Just for this meal.

You can have genie turkey teeth for this whole meal. Turkeys don't have teeth. We have two turkeys, yeah. Do you? Yeah. And you've picked Christmas dinner as your dream meal? Yeah, but I'm not eating them. That's the whole story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the always dead steak. Yeah. never alive have you named the turkeys well they're out in the rescue sort of section of our lives which is Kathy's domain

I've seen them and they're quite unattractive I'm sorry she loves them and I don't want to say anything about them but I bet they're really nice people when you get to know them you're going to be in so much trouble when this comes out you know there's so many other animals

like endless piggies that are absolutely gorgeous and so fun to be around. How many animals would you say are on about 170 odd? In the rescue? Yeah, yeah, around us, around the house. Yeah, in our fields.

Yeah, we have some fields. Fields have loads of animals. Loads of animals, yeah. It's quite noisy. At dinner time, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, to the other. un-initiated, it would sound like the sixth circle of hell, you know, at about 4.30 in the

afternoon. But you get used to it. I love this. It's great. We've got sheep and donkeys and ponies and all sorts. Yeah. You know, only kept going by the wonderful donations of the Irish public. Do you want it to shout out the... My Lovely Horse Rescue? Yeah. Is it called My Lovely Horse Rescue? Yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah. So that's where people could donate and support all these animals. Absolutely. That would be amazing if you could out there. Thank you. So these poached pears, it feels very Christmassy again. It does, doesn't it?

Yeah. I think that's all I'm really ever looking for is native. Oh, God. Ladder? You can cut stuff out of these things, can you? Yeah, but Ed gets ladder again. That was funny. So you'd probably keep that in.

Yeah, I just have Christmassy nostalgia, really. Yeah. Do you think that's because of growing up in the rectum? In the rectum? No. I think it's because I liked everything to do with, you know, the darkness, but with the little lights. And then it was sort of mysterious in a weird way. It was definitely changed from, you know, the various riots outside.

Sure, sure. No, I must stress that I didn't have a Dickensian childhood. It was very nice, and my parents were wonderful bringer uppers. I mean, that sounded very much like you were being forced to say that, but like, we believe you. And I love my wife. Vanilla ice cream with these pairs then? Yes, that I can eat with no pain. Yeah. Oh, that'd be amazing.

You know, I've really got to get my teeth fixed. Yeah, this is amazing you're coming out. I think, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, people can donate to your teeth as well. Restoration fund. I mean, really, if he's listening. Well, basically, how you do that is buy the album or come to the shows or buy the merch. If you want to fund Neil's teeth. Yeah. By hanky. Yeah. I mean, the main thing is I'm just terrified of dentist, so I end up going every four years, you know, and so no wonder. I see. Yeah. So that's the, I mean, what if David Tennant was your dentist? You'd like him?

Neil Tennant. Neil Tenant, perhaps. But what if David Tennant was your dentist? What if David Tennant? I've been thinking David Tennant the whole time. Have you? No. In that story, I was thinking of David Tennant.

But when I said musical hero. Yeah. Neil said musical hero. Well, I thought, well, he did that cover of Sunshine on Leaf. For comic relief. And weirdly, when I hear the name Neil Tennant, I think of my history teacher, Neil Tetley. Who had the coincidence was going on. The flat cap one on the laptop.

He took me to see Static X when we were on a school trip. Wow. To who? That's crazy. Static X, another one of your musical heroes, no? A new metal band where the singer had very tall hair spiked up really, really high. Was he very short? Was it like a troll?

No, he was quite tall. He was quite tall. And then he was even taller hair. And they'd always ask him, how do you get your hair so tall and spiky? And he just would say, come, but come in it. Oh, delightful. He actually then revealed how he did it, which was to make sugar solution. He'd literally make caramel and put it in his hair.

That's how they used to do it in the goth days. Yeah. He's since passed away, and get this, they've replaced him with a man wearing a mask and big fake hair. Really? Yeah. Well, it's all the rage, the whole mask thing. Yeah. Should I get one?

Yeah, you could get one. Hide my teeth. Yeah, yeah. But the mask could have, like, massive teeth on it. I think I'd get a mask that looked exactly like me. It would just be like a Neil mask. Or maybe Neil Tennant's face. Yeah, yeah.

I feel like poor Neil Tennant, he said some nice things about us when we sort of first started, something for the weekend, came out. Like, I feel like I could pass the baton onto this band. And it was like, that is incredible. I feel like I might have let him down. No, no, no. You've taken that baton, you've been running with it. No, I keep making him.

you know, not very poppy music. So, you know, and I liked Radiohead, and he really didn't. I've got a question for you now. Do you like pizza? I bloody love pizza. Okay, well, I've got an apology to make. Do you remember in 2006 when you played, it was in Durham, Durham University, it was a surprise band at something called Cuth's Day at Durham University.

Do you remember, it's a long time ago? That wasn't the one that was complete debacle. Probably. It was outside the college bar, almost certainly that one. Durham University and I was in a sketch group and we were on before you. No way.

And I got, well, we all got very drunk and I think we ended up stealing your pizza. I woke up the next morning and some pizza had been bought a few, had left backstage and then I work up the next morning I had slices of pizza in my pockets. I feel like it's more likely that Jerry and Warren from my crew

would remember this and have a real hatred of the support band. Yeah. But because, I mean, basically you'd got cowboys to get your PA together. You know, they'd left you completely in the lurch. Nothing worked. And, you know, our crew were like off

trying to source, like, cables and PA and stuff. And in the end, it was like going back to 1987 and our first gigs, like with somebody's loaned amp that kind of worked, you know, and playing National Express, like, it sounded like a banjo, you know, that's all I can remember. And because it was such a shit show, we all got legless. Yeah. Yeah. So pizza would have come in really. Yeah. It's a difficult day at work. All you want

is just a lovely slice of pizza. That's so delightful that you supported them. Yeah, it's mad. Thank you. Like doing bad comedy sketches as well. That's what you want, isn't they getting crowd revved up? Yeah, brilliant. Oh, and they were really raved up by the time. They didn't care what the hell we sounded like. Yeah. I read you your menu back now. See how you feel about it?

You would like Stillwater from Northern Ireland, not from London, not London, bitty stuff. Dairy taps. Dairy taps. You would like white bread from Melanda Bakery with flora plant-based salted butter, thrown at you by your mother. Starter, you would like the perfect orange and a glass of sherry. Main course, a really big serving plate. full of Christmas dinner. Side dish,

whilt his spinach with butter and garlic. Drink, Neil Tennant's wine. Dessert. Not David Tennant. Not David Tennant. No.

He's not allowed in the restaurant. Although he's good too. Yeah, I bet he could still afford that wine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Desert, poached pears in wine, sugar and cinnamon with vanilla ice cream and your special turkey tea. Ah, brilliant.

I want it right now. Yeah. It's so Christmas. I mean, just for the listener, It's boiling today. It's a boiling hot day. You've got a long, wilder wait until you get something like that. I'm going to see if my wife will make it for me when I go home.

Yeah. Well, you better get that request in before this goes. Of the autumn, so. Oh, of course. Yeah. Difficult to find the perfect orange, though. We wish you luck on the quest for the perfect orange. If anyone can, Kathy can.

What a lovely way to end. Thanks so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Neil. It was my pleasure, guys. Thanks for having me. Thank you, Neil. There we are, James, the wonderful Neil Hannan. A lovely Christmassy meal. Really Christmassy.

So festive. Love the perfect orange. It's rare we talk about the platonic ideals of simple things. Yeah, and I would say that he's got it right about the orange there. Yeah? All those qualities I would also want. Although I've got more of a hard line about the Piff. Just get rid of it.

Yeah, you want it to be in the shape of a bit of it. Brar and Nickas. Yeah. Yeah. I do. That's what you said, yeah. That's what I said. Rainy Sunday afternoon is out on September the 19th.

When you say rainy Sunday afternoon, which is, of course, the new Divine Comedy album, it sounds like you said, Rennie Sunday afternoon. Which would be good after that. I've had a few of those, I tell you. I've had a few Reddy Sunday afternoons. I tell you. I'll tell you, mate. I'll love I tell you.

I'll tell you that for nothing. I'll have been on the train. in hearing someone say that, it's always after something just completely boring. Yeah. I'd have a bad banana the other day, I'd tell you. I like I'd say that for nothing as well. Say that for nothing. Because we can't

say that ever, really. On stage. We can't say, tell you this for nothing. Yeah, they've paid. They've paid. We'd have to do a free entry gig. Yeah. Or maybe we could do it like, we'll just be clear, like, that's the end of the paid content. Yeah. Of the gig. And now... I'll tell you this for nothing. I'll tell you this for nothing. And it's all shit.

We keep reminding them, this is for nothing. Yeah, this is for nothing, by the way. It's for nothing. You can leave for nothing you want. It's really bad. The Divine Comedy are going on tour October 2025, all over the place, Glasgow, Wolverhampton, Bath. There you go.

The Divine Comedy.com for tickets. Thanks so much to Neil. Thanks so much to you for listening. We'll see you next time. Oh, thank you, Neil, for not saying crisps and tea. Oh, yes, thank you. Or tea and crisps, actually. Tea was mentioned, but only.

about how he had to have milk in it? Yes, but it didn't make the menu. No, nice wine did. Nice wine. And a little sherry with the perfect orange. Yes, but no tea, no crisps, so Neil stays in. But that shouldn't stop you all from debating online whether we should have kicked Neil out if he said tea and crisps.

Yes. So make sure you tweet the Great Benito about that. Tweet the Great Benito. Yes. I'm touring Europe in November. Fantastic. So go to Edgamble.com.com.com. for details on that.

I'm going to some places I've never been before. Oh, wow. And let me tell you, tickets are going great guns in some places and some places we need to get the word out. Interesting. You want to name drop one of those places

so people know to go to those ones, especially? It's mad I've not sold more in Lisbon. Come on, Lisbonites. You've got to go. Yes, I'm touring Europe at gamble.com.com. I'm touring America next year. I don't know what dates we've announced and what we haven't yet.

Definitely, L.A. Yorker out there and there's maybe a couple of tickets available for LA. But yeah, I should be doing some more as well. So keep an eye open for that. And don't forget to get online and download the bonus disc, a divine comedy bonus disc. Yes, absolutely. That's the main thing that we want to put out there into the world. Yes. Get the bonus album. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore.

FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London. True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London podcast festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.