Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Nicola Coughlan (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

It’s Royal Albert Hall Tasting Menu time, and joining us for this live episode is ‘Bridgerton’ and ‘Derry Girls’ star Nicola Coughlan. On Nicola’s original episode she locked herself out of her flat. Will she do the same at the Royal Albert Hall? Nicola is starring in the next of Channel 4’s anthology series, ‘I Am’, with ‘I Am Helen’ being released later this year. She’s also joined the cast of ‘Only Murders in the Building’, so look out for the new series. Follow Nicola on Instagram @nicolacoughlanOff Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Recorded by Matt Mountford-Lister for Storm Productions Group live at the Royal Albert Hall.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, bonus. Bonus. A bonus live episode from the Royal Albert Hall, James. The Royal Albert Hall, we did six shows there. Absolutely bonkers. This is our second matinee. Yes. Of course.

Nicola Cochlin is our guest. Nicola Cochland! A returning guest to do a tasting menu. The first time Nicola came on was over Zoom, she locked herself out of her house. Yeah. So we're quite keen to have Nicola an live episode where there's zero chance.

of that happening. Would have been funny, though. Would have been very funny. Lock herself out of the Royal Albert Hall. You know what I've just remembered as well. Go on. Because I remember, like, popping in the saying hi to Nicola before the show.

And there was like, each guest had some snacks and stuff in there, and Benito had gone out of his way to make sure they had stuff that related to their initial episode. Yeah, it was very nice. It was pretty nice. And the guests were always,

when they saw that, they thanked me and James so much. Yeah, we got so many thank yous. I didn't even know it happened. Yeah. And they were like, oh, just like, you got my dream drink there. And sometimes it was a cocktail that they had mentioned.

And like, Benito had got all the ingredients for the dream drink and made sure that they got their dream cocktail before going on at the Royal Albert Hall. Very, very nice. Really, really thoughtful. Really thoughtful. And the whole plosive team arranged that, made sure it happened. These guys are the best in the biz.

They're the best in the biz. And I guess we're just lucky to be on this train, you know. They didn't get us our favourite dream things in our dressing room. Well, they did get us quite a lot in the dressing room They're like naked bars and stuff Yeah, but that's probably what you've asked for in the past Yeah, so I've been very clear Yeah

But because if In the past I think if they've got us like Nice snacks like chalkies and stuff Yeah You go, oh, fuck, I don't want that there Yeah, yeah I could eat all of it, I feel sick You say that too

We both say This is Ed and I if we go in and those chocolate Oh fuck's sake by the time Oh thank you We're just going to look like a couple of fucking idiots now, and the Royal Albert Horn is all bloated, like we just eat a lot of fucking chocolate. Oh, thank you, mate.

Yeah. They look ugly as fat. Yeah. The guy can't win. He can't win, and he never will. And he knows that. Yeah. He knows that he can't win with us.

Doesn't deserve to. I'll tell you who can't win, Nicola Cochland. Yes. A fantastic guest, a returning guest being given the menu of a previous guest in what we have dubbed the tasting menus. Yeah. There'll be loads of callbacks in the show to the first half, so don't worry about that.

You're not stupid. You just weren't there. Yeah, yeah. that's, that should be getting out on a t-shirt we sell that as merch at the next one. We did sell merch at these as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great merch.

Flew off like hot cakes. Flew like hot cakes. In fact, the next time we do live shows, we're going to sell hot cakes. We should sell hot cakes because it's a podcast. It kind of suits it, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's food podcast.

Yeah, food podcast. So let's do hot cakes next time. And we see how well they sell. Yeah. I bet that would sell well. This is the off-menu-tasting menu of Nicola Cockland. Anyone have anything to eat in the break? Shout out if you had anything brilliant to eat,

shout out the exact thing you had to eat. Well, why the fuck did you do that, jokes? Did you pick up on any of those things? Nope. Okay, cool. Great, great panther. A man up there. Shout out again?

Pistachios. Amazing to hear someone go through puberty live, isn't it? Pistachios! Some pistachios. Pistachios remind me of my dad's best. feet. Cool, let's crack on with the episode. What are you on about?

He used to eat pistachios in front of football focus in his bare feet on a Saturday. Yeah. It's walking the liver room when he'd be there, eating the pistachios, and the skin of the pistachos was the same as the bottom of his feet. It's amazing.

Being a parent, it must be incredible. You're just trying to have a nice relaxing Saturday. Little do you know, you're scarring your child for life. Yeah, I'm going to tell everyone at the Royal Albert Hall in 30 years' time. He's not in today, is he? He's not in, no, no, he's hanging out with my mum for Mother's Day. As is tradition. Oh man, I hope she's not his mum.

Do you say, I hope she's not his mum? Why else would he be with her for Mother's Day? What a fear, what a new fear you've unlocked that it turns out your mum's your dad's mum? And then is she also your mum in this? I don't even want to think about it, then. I hope none of that's happened. Let's just get the guest on.

Would you like me to kick off the podcast and only the way I know how? Yes, kick it off proper ed. I'm sorry that I said what I just said. Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking whatever's in the fridge of conversation, dumping it into the pastor of humour, and then hoping that James doesn't cut your dad with your mum.

I promise I won't. I promise I will not do that ever. This is the off-making podcast every single week. and Gamble and I, we invited a guest after the favourite ever started and make us a side of the shand drink, not in that order, but this week we are giving someone else's meant you to someone else.

Come on man, you know what this is. We've done this before. My dad's my son, man. Hang on, your dad's your son? Oh no. That's not what you said. You were worried that your mum's your dad's mum. You're worried that your mum's your grandma or that you're your dad's brother.

And no point did you say that your dad's your son because that means you had said. with your mum? No. You had sex with your mum and your dad's your brother? My family treats a circle. What an awful way

to bring on a special guest. We cannot wait a way to welcome I'm back on the podcast. She's absolutely brilliant. James, you've got to do this with me. Come on. Please welcome to the stage. Nicola Cockler! So excited to have you here, Nicola. Welcome back.

Fancy cans of water, thanks so much. Of course, yeah. We treat our guests well. You get a can of water. Only one. only one. And we don't open it for you before you come on. I'm going to really enjoy it. It's your first time, actually, in the flesh on the pod.

Yes. Because you did it on Zoom the first time you did it. It was quite eventful. It was quite eventful, yes. I don't know if anyone remembers this happening in Nicola's episode. But Nicola locked herself out of her flats during the episode. I think I'd sent something off with a courier, so I wasn't expecting a caller. And then we were having a chat, and the doorbell kept going.

I was like, oh God. And my friend, Rita said, you know you can put your door on the latch, which I was like, wow, this new invention that no one's ever done. So I put the door on the latch, went downstairs, talked to the driver, then came back up and my door was closed. Yes. And I was like, wow, everything I own is in that flat,

and they are on Zoom. And then my neighbor, my old neighbor used to have leave a key in her door because she had a cat. So I had to sort of break in, go through her flat, find a spare key, and come back. And you can kind of tell if you look at the menu that I had, because it was super normal and I had. prepared and then it all sort of went to shit.

And it sort of started talking about imaginary food from a hook. Yes. I got off that podcast record and was like, they'll never let me do anything again in the world in general. But here you are. Here I am. Your first job since the podcast. I know.

It's been really tough. I remember it was quite the feeling sitting on that Zoom. And you were like, sorry, I was going to go and get something. I'll be back in a second. And you went. And then it just got longer and longer. And we were there just like talking to each other,

then every down again, Benito would go, I'm a bit worried about Nicola. I should be bad, Benito. Also, being in my neighbour's flat, just rummaging through it while a cat was like, meh, I was like, this is bad. This is really bad. So I didn't know that you broke into your neighbour's flat.

Sort of. Yes. She used to leave a key in the door in case her cat got into trouble. I don't know how I would know. I'd just like sense it'd be like... Oh, yeah. But yeah, that was the idea.

See, where my brain went, there is that she was leaving the key in the door for the cat to use if it got in trouble. It was also that. Do you want to talk about your mum being your dad or whatever? Not really? We can make space for that if that's something you need. We can just breeze past that, please. I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm saying it. I did. James, we can't start the podcast properly until you're a genie. Sorry, yeah. I've got to do my proper entrance. Hold on a second. This is far more exciting than Zoom. This is great. bit more exciting than Zoom, yeah. Sorry, I shouldn't look, right?

That was amazing. Nicola looked away and went, oh, I shouldn't look, should I? No. As if this is the equivalent of seeing a genie naked. Sort of feels like it. It felt inappropriate. It does feel a bit inappropriate. For you guys, this is very impressive.

For these guys, not so much. Someone just took my photo. For a guy who was phone up. Now, Nicola, I don't know how you would get a genie out of a lamp. but if you would like to rub the lamp, you're very welcome to. I feel like it should be this bit, right? Rub whatever bit you like. Here we go.

Oh, something's happening. Something's happening. Whoa! Welcome to Nickler-Cockland, back to the team. Let's have a big point to give us some time. Wow. That was amazing. Pretty cool, right?

I loved it. I inhaled a lot of that smoke today. A little bit light-headed. you, when you came on the pod last time, you described a, some of you'd seen Robbie Williams eat. Yes. You weren't sure what it was.

And for ages, Benito's entire timeline on Twitter was just people telling him what it was. Did you have that as well? If anyone sends the words, oh, cake to me again, just get away from you. Start, yes. My whole life I didn't know what it was

and then I know too much now if that's possible. But Robbie Williams, when I was a child, I watched him eating. this rap, which for some reason seemed like the most exotic thing in the world, and it was a stoke oat cake, which I still haven't had. Are they good? Yeah, that sounds good. I'm taking that to not be negative.

But I was just in Manchester, actually, and my sister was like, you need to go Stoke-on-Trent and get one. I didn't quite, but one day. We should have got you one, really, for today. I know. Can you sort that out? Say again? Yeah, sounds good. Is it good?

We fucking know what it is Just to be clear This bit started with Nicholas saying I know all too well what it is now Savory pancake Did you originally when that episode went out Did you tweet that to the podcast Antim Nicola anyway?

We've shamed her into silence The only words a person knows is savoury pancake And cheese and bacon I'm saying anything else I'm afraid Oh back again Forget it. There's absolutely no way we're carrying this on. We know where this is going.

It's someone learning English and their duolingo's broken. It's only taught them savoury pancake. Because that's what you just say in every situation. Now we're going to give you another guest's menu. Yeah. Any guests? I'm no clue. Anyone you'd hope for?

Not Joel Dumbet. No, I think anyone would be. be good. You've had very fancy guests on, haven't you? Yeah, some pretty fancy guests. We've had some pretty fancy guests. And then it's just sometimes you're like, Michelle Obama, you're like, okay, well, I know you have, not yet, but I'm sure one day. One day, surely it's going to happen. In fact, guys, she's here to, Michelle. She's in the lamp. Yeah. I heard a great Michelle Obama story recently when, like, her, I think his name's Barack Obama, went to a... Her hubby, hubby, she calls him. They went, like, to this, like, I think it was a, let's say a burger restaurant for, for, sake of argument.

And the owner came over and was like, Michelle, so good to see again. We haven't seen it. And they used to date. And they were catching up. And he went away and Barack Obama was like, if you'd stay with that guy, you'd have ended up in a burger restaurant. She went, if I stay with that guy, he'd be present in the United States of America. It's good stuff.

It's really good. Fantastic. Happy Mother's Day, everyone. Michelle. I can't wait for us to get Michelle Obama on the podcast on which she says. starts to tell that story, you go, yeah, yeah, I've heard this one. I said that to Stephen Graham. Started telling the story. I said, I know this.

Ed absolutely told me to ribbons over it. Graham loving it. And then I beat him up. Yeah. That bit didn't make the pod, but you beat him up, didn't you? Yeah, beat him up in one interrupted take. And that's what our essence is about. Yeah, yeah. It's great. Right. We're going to reveal next. whose menu you're going to be eating?

I feel nervous. Today, this afternoon, Nick the Cockley, we are going to be giving you the off-menu menu menu of Chauvin, Oh, that's thrilling. We've been putting photos up

of the people whose menus they are, and today Benito's picked one that makes it really look like Chabon's on a video call about to speak to us. It really does. Or has recorded a message for us. That might be a good idea, actually, for the shows.

That would have been good. spent the last five months working with Chavon again on a play. And then I used to come home quite late in the evening, like at like 11pm, and put on pottery throwdown. You just couldn't be away from her for too long. No, separation anxiety. Like my, we're like, ah, here she is again.

Here she is. And it's really funny because I was like, God, it's such a great program. She went, it is. And I said, I just love seeing her come on. She was like, so do I. And I was like, that's the kind of Michelle Obama, Chavon McSweeney, self-love we should all have, you know?

That's interesting because my only contact which I've been after the podcast has been every year I message her a compliment about something she's done. I'll see her on a show and be like, brilliant on that and then I'll see her on something else. I saw her on Irish Traders and I was like, I should message her about that. And I went back and the last thing I'd sent to was a compliment about sitcom.

Yeah, she's fantastic. My family came over to watch the play that we were in and all they cared about was meeting Chibon afterwards and my nephew who I said the last time you reminded me of still stands very much. Yes. Compliment received. James is a real nephew character.

Real nephew character. He was 11 at the time. He's now 16 because of how time works. But yeah, he sat Chavon down and pitched loads of traitors' ideas for her. But she listened to all of them very kindly after a three-hour show. So she's a real one. She's great. Last time I saw Chavon, I was walking down the street, and she was cycling the other way.

And I went, hi, Shevon, and she cycled right past me. The other day I said to her, like, there's a whole, you know, people talk a lot about Irish actors the minute. They're doing really well, and she goes, well, I'm sick of it. Because you kind of never know when Chivorn will turn on a thing.

She'd be like, no, it's too much now. So I'm sorry for any Irish person here or is working, you know, things we've been culturally celebrated. It's done. Yeah. It's over. There's too much of us.

Yeah. One of us. Jesse Busbuckley is going to get the Oscar tonight and then just let's finish it there. We've had enough. Let's give the Swedes a chance, what I say. You know who I hope wins the Oscar?

Cats. just general cats all cats that Jesse Buckley apparently hates oh yes of course oh I thought you meant the film cats I thought you meant just cats on the street but didn't she say the cat like pooped on her pillow that seems like a pointed attack

she said she hates cats and she said to her husband it's either the cats or me or I leave or the cats leave to the husband you don't who do you see you want just a cat to an Oscar that would be an incredible moment at the Oscar. It's like, they open it and they're like, it's cats. And then all the cats start coming on stage like an army.

And Jesse goes, ah, and runs away. I watch it. Just the low rumbling and then they all go in there. The whole audience swarmed by cats. My friend who is here, who is a huge fan of the podcast, went to see the movie cats and was under the influence of something. And she fell very slowly down the stairs during memories. For your walk-and-course, you just chose.

still water. Yeah, I want that, but I want ice. Why do, what's our problem? But Americans are like, I don't like lukewarm water. I'm like, me neither. You're correct about that. Gun safety, incorrect. Ice and water, deadly correct. Thank you for clearing that up. And that's why I've come here today. This is not going to be fun.

It's very sweet. But you know what I mean? Why, look, lukewarm water is gross. Yeah, I mean, one person whooped as if everyone else disagrees, but I think that... Well, thank you. It feels nice to have a friend. It's too much ice in America, though. I mean, And it's too small. Didn't mean it like that, but I also do mean that.

That suggests that there is a level of ice that I'm happy with. And there should be. Because they make it like a slushy in America. They do. It's talking about something else. The ice raids and stuff. Yeah, and actual ice. And there should be some.

There should be. It gets a bit slushy, otherwise. That went so far over my head. It nearly knocked the set over. It's incredible. But yes, when they make it like a slussie... A slush. Oh, no. A slushie. I've panicked.

When they use the frozen... Normally, the frozen water comes in cubes, doesn't it? Yes. But sometimes they grind up the frozen water and put it in. And then you're sort of talking to someone and you're eating ice at them and it's like... It's an awkward. But I would like ice, please.

Can I have it? Well, no. Because this isn't your dream menu. It's Chivorne's. So you're getting... Sparking water left open overnight. Why? Sounds nice, doesn't it?

That's basically still water. It sounds the worst. It tastes like... Sparkling water tastes like salty in a really bad way. And then left overnight. So what, it's got a few weird bubbles in it that you're not expecting. Oh, no, it's gone completely flat.

This is basically still water. It's what you wanted. Yeah, it's still water, but I think... It has a weird taste like a spoon has been in it. Doesn't it? Yeah. What was her reasoning? That's a good question.

I think she genuinely liked the flavour of flat sparkling water. Yeah. So she wanted to leave it open overnight and drink it in the morning. So you've still got that. Because technically, you would have thought that flat sparkling water just is still water, right? But it's really not, is it? It's like you say, it's got that metallic taste. No, it's old spoon water with surprise bubble.

In bad time. It's not good. I don't know. I kept trying to convince Chibon to drink electrolytes. I think when you're doing a show for a long time. And every day I'd be like, do you want an electrolyte? She'd be like, I don't. I had my barocca.

And I'd be like, all right. So she does like a baraka. I know that, but that is an unforgivable choice. I had a baroqueh this morning before I got in the car and now I felt queasy. Yeah. It's pretty rock and roll at this run of shows. The party, yeah.

Pretty cool. Pretty bad. Gee, I bought some off-brand barroca. it just doesn't hit the same. My friend Jason, who does my hair, he always recommends me really expensive things that I get addicted to. So there's a current brand of electrolytes

that I keep having, and then I found out that you're not meant to drink them in the wrong amount of water because it's really bad for you. I just kept putting them in any receptacle and going, I'm sure this is fine, and I think I had, like, really dangerous salt levels. Yeah.

It's just salt, isn't it, basically? It's salt. Yeah. But I was like, well, I need to do this every day for at least two months until I forget about it and never do it again. But you were putting them in things that weren't water? Oh no, just

things that weren't proper cups. I'd find things in my dressing room in the theatre, like a champagne glass I'd sort of taken from the bar upstairs and have it in that and come out, they'd be like, oh, what's she like? And then I'd be poisoning myself with salt. So that's bad for you? You need to put them in a specific amount of water. I didn't know or check that.

So I was just down and salt, like, nobody's business. Were you thinking Nickley was putting it on like scrambled eggs and stuff? I thought you were saying, yeah, you were just like putting it in a Dr. Pepper or something. I did inhale a good deal of it this morning. It's very... And I'm listening to a podcast about anthrax.

Side note. But it's bad timing because I sort of put it in water and it went up into my nose and I was coughing and I was like, anthrax. But you don't know what happened with anthrax, do you?

I won't go on about this, but I am really into the podcast. But like, anthrax just happened and then it's over and we're like, who did it? Do we know? Maybe someone knows. Anyway, I'll finish the podcast.

Anthrax was massive. It was massive. It was in people putting in letters and stuff. I was a school child in Ireland, and I was like, I don't know how... This is going to affect me. Yeah. How am I going to continue about my life? Antraxan, quicksand.

Huge things in my life. Oh, my God. And then, thrown the Bermuda triangle, you're having a spiral for yourself. You're really on something, yeah. The thing now with, like, email, it's like, it's kind of, like, phased out anthrax. Yeah. Yeah. But if you got a letter now, you open it, right?

Because you're excited to get a letter. No, actually. I don't think the last time I got a good letter was. Everything in the post is like bills or statements that I told my bank to stop sending me and they don't listen to you. I got a card, like my name nicely written on an envelope to my house through the day, and I was like,

someone's trying to kill me. I was like, oh my God, and I brought it and I sat on the couch on my own really dramatically and was like, okay, here I go. Open up with my best friend's mom. It was like, thank you for my birthday flowers. And I was like, oh, there's something wrong with my brain. Yeah.

But yeah, letters are scary. Anyways, water. Well, for Popatoms or bread, you wanted, oh, this is great stuff. Maltese bread with olive oil, salt and balsamic vinegar. Yeah. There is an explanation for this, and we are going to have to go through it.

But, Chavon, this is what you're going to have. Chavon's dream Popatoms or Bread is Shards of Popatoms throughout the meal with Mother's Irish soda bread and Banden Co-Coat butter. What does she mean shards? Is someone throwing them at her? She has burst through a giant popadog.

Yes. Oh yeah. She starts off in a box of popadoms. Like all the walls and ceilings are a box. And this episode was mental. Right. And then she wants to bust out the side of the wall. And all the shards of popadoms are around her.

And then she can pick up and eat all the shards throughout the meal. Yeah, that's fantastic. Yeah, it's pretty good, right? Yeah. I think that's going to be on the next series of Irish traders. The coffins are going to be made out of popodoms. Inevitably. Yeah.

Also, don't you find, like, I, I love popping on so much, but then I will eat so many of the dips that every time the curry comes, I'm like, what is that? I don't want that. Why is that there? That's set to shame me. It's just so nice. Yeah. And a tiny little bit of, but do you ever, do you know, sometimes some takeaway

send you like a salad in a small plastic bag? Yeah. Tied really tightly. Has everyone ever got, oh, yum! Oh, brilliant. I was really hoping I'd get that. The surprise one. I got set, I ordered a takeaway, and there was a little brown paper bag.

and then written in felt tip on it, you are loved. And I opened it and it was the brownest, mankiest apple I've ever seen in my life. I've had that happen to me. It's from a place, it's like Middle Eastern wraps or something.

Yeah, it was, it was a... And it was a weird apple. And they wrote up, yes. Yeah, it's that, I think this was the same place. It's Yakub's kitchen, actually. Yes, it is that! We are the only two people that's ever happened to. You are loved.

I like Jacob's kitchen, but they've got to stop the apple thing because I didn't feel loved when I saw that apple. I got bad news to you guys. That was anthrax. No! You're falling for it when they're putting you are loved on it, you fucking suckers. You are loved. It's all adding up.

So they're pulling that trick on multiple people then, the you are loved and then offloading their manky apples on to them. But I felt annoyed because it was a monkey apple that I didn't want. And I felt shamed by it. Yeah, because then you couldn't return their love. Because they want you to send the core back. We should go to Jakob's kitchen with so many apples. I'd be like, you're loved!

You're loved! Just to see how it happened. I immediately took a photo of it. They discussed an apple next to the You Are Loved bag, and I sent it to Joe Leicitt and asked him if he could do a painting of it. Still hasn't done it yet, but it's a very Joe Leicitt-style painting. But you ever were eating a swarming? God, I'd really love an old apple.

I'd really go nice with this. Do you want that, so I'm going to give you a choice here. Do you want to be the one? bursting through the giant popadom or do you want Chauvonne to do that? Because Chivorn has said that she does that and then eats it throughout the meal. So technically her meal is

Chavon has jumped through the popadom and smashed it up. But obviously you can do it as well. Who would you rather? Yeah, I would like Chivon to do it because, as I said, I used to work with her for five months in a row and then go home and watch her on the television

so I'd watch her pretty much do anything. Yeah. And she'd know she'd be good at it and she'd tell you. So I would enjoy the whole experience. She said she'd want to clean herself beforehand, and this is the phrase she used, to not make dirty. Yes. Yeah.

Okay, yeah. That's the least I would hope for, so yes, please. You don't want Shibon to make dirty Popadom? Absolutely not. And I never have. I would like that to be on the record. Mother's Irish soda bed. Banden Coat butter?

You had that before? That's a cork thing. Yeah. I have not had it. I don't, I will agree that I don't like English butter. that's fair. You do all you want, you're incorrect. It's all about the Irish butter.

Proud English people here today. Yeah, it's, but it's like, I remember like, I have some Lur-Pack in my fridge and I'm just like, what is this? White. I don't think that's English, is it? Lur-Pak, oh, it's Danish, isn't it? But English people like Lur-Pack.

I feel confident making that broad statement, yes? Lur-Pack's very popular here. I've got Lur-Pack in the fridge, I'm ashamed to admit. Well, why don't you have, like, Kerry Gold or this kind of, gold. Well, look, I'm going to be honest with you. Butter is quite often, it needs to be convenient. I need to be able to spread it straight away. Lurpack spreadable, I'm using. The Kerry Gold, you get it out of the fridge, you have to leave it for six hours before it's not a house brick. But you need a butter dish. I do need a butter dish, but I feel weird about leaving dairy out of the fridge all day.

It's got so much salt in it. Yeah. Also, just growing up, we always had it out and people question, like, is that safe? I'm like, I assume so I'm not dead. Yeah. I think it's fine, right? I believe Chivorn's butter, the band and co-op butter she said was there's something about the constituent parts of it

that means you can put it in the fridge and it stays soft in the fridge and it's the only butter in the world that can do that. I feel worried about it? That sounds great, no? But is it chemicals? Yeah, I'm worried about it.

Oh no, no, I'm worried about it. You guys are very worried about chemical attacks. There might be anthraxing this butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's mainly about antibiotics. No, I think... I've just remembered a chemical alley. Do you remember Chemical Alley?

You don't hear from that guy anymore. What was that? That sounds familiar. What's Chemical Alley? He was one of the bad lads from the papers. I can't remember which regime. Benita, pull up a picture of Chemical Alley. Yeah. Does anyone else remember Chemical Alley?

He's dead, is he? Cool, cheers. Which one? Which side was he on? Iraq. Okay. Yeah, Chemical Alley. I just don't think we should give those guys a nickname. Yeah, that encodes.

Especially a really cool one like that. It's a fucking cool nickname. Chemical Alley. He's with those friends. He's like, guys, they're calling me. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. They're calling me Chemical Alley. Like, you guys shouldn't ever call me that.

But if you do, I'll get while you're doing it. Like, I could wear it on a t-shirt, but I won't. I won't, but I might. I'm just thinking I might write to the Chemical Brothers and see if I can join. Have you ever tried to give yourself a nickname? Yeah. Yeah, it's terrible experience.

Me and my friend Henry Bot. When we were at school, I knew you like that. Henry Bot, of course I like that. When we were at school, we used to watch the bill every... Sure. I think it was three times a week, maybe twice a week. We used to watch the bill all the time, and then we were like, we want to be like cool detectives like the bill.

Of course. Because they were all the coolest. The coolest police. Pretty cool, yeah. So we decided to make some criminal files for ourselves and then for the criminals that we were checking. So that we didn't have nicknames within that But we also had separate nicknames

Because we watched the film Three Ninjas High Unit Mega Mountain Which was an absolute classic Some of Hulk Hogan's finest work And they had nicknames in that And so he was his nickname was Hans Because he said he was good at catching And my nickname was Blade And we tried it for one day at school

I remember the day where we like call each other that And then other people to pick up on it And I was like, hey Hans And he went all right Blade and then we both sort of went, oh. Yeah. We're like, we're not doing that. So hold on. His name was Hans because he was good at catching.

Yeah. Why were you blade? I don't think I got that far. I think I'd quite like to have carried a knife. Yeah. Like a switch blade sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That was the sort of thing I was into.

And sorry, just to be clear again. Yeah. The story about the bill is irrelevant. I liked it. Yeah. Did you see the pivot halfway through where I remembered that it wasn't to do with that? And I'd actually revealed far too much because I didn't actually want to go into the bill thing

because very few policemen keep their criminal records in a Dennis the Menace folder. Were you in the fan club? Yeah, big time. Me too. Love the fan club. Badges and everything, yeah.

Any nicknames that you tried to make happen? No, I never tried to get a nickname going. I really desperately wanted people to give me a nickname. But I remember a music class once, Mr. Taylor, on the first day of music in year seven, was like, we're going to go around the room and you've all got to make your names into, like, a jingle into songs to show that

just music, you know, get you thinking musically. And we'll learn everyone's names that way. And it got to me and he said you can use nicknames if you want. I was like, right, I've got a think of, I can't just say James. How pathetic. I was like, right, I've got to think of a nickname. So he got to me and I went,

Akey, Akey, Akey! And it was like just frozen, going I need to change schools. Ekey, Akey, Akey. Akey, Ake. So was Acky going to be? your nickname or was it Eggie, Eggie, Eggie, every time?

Akee, not Eggie. Akee, like Acaster. It sounds like Eggie, Eggie, Eggie, man. Anyone else thinking they heard Eggie, Eggie, Eggie? Yeah. Is the dress blue? Eggie, eggy, eggy. Ake.

I was trying to get going, which is not really a cool name. No. I'm so Akey. It comes out. It's a good nickname now after I've run around the stage and can't get my breath back. What about you? What about you, Nicola?

Did you... I really wanted to. I just didn't know how to do it. But then, you know, everyone got their first emails. When they were at 13, 14, I was like, this is it. This is my chance. Yeah. And for some reason, I enjoyed the sugar babes, right?

I wasn't a huge fan of them. It's really important that you know that. So my first email was sugar, S-U-G-A-U-N-K-N-E-E-K-U-N-E-E-U-S-U-G-E-E-U-S-G-E-E-U-G-E-E-L-G-E-E. Beautiful. And I was like, sugar-Nic-N-E. Do you think I ever uttered those words out of the embarrassment? No, I couldn't, but I really felt like I could do something with that and it never went anywhere.

I was Jammie Rock. Jammy Rock at Yahoo. Mouth for War 69 at Hotmail.com. Your starter when you came on was garlic crab claws in butter. That's nice. They're so good. I've had them many times since they're excellent. But that's not what we're getting to get in today. You're getting Chavon McSweeney's.

which is crab corn. No! From the summer of 1996 and we like them throughout the meal as well. I like this throughout the meal. Did you know that you and Chivoram have the same dream starter?

No. That's the first time this has happened. Really? It's pretty exciting. We had them together. We had them in West Cork together. Wow. But not the same ones for mine,

but they were garlicy, buttery, and some Irish soda bread. Possibly with that butter. Where am I? What's going on? Yeah, they're just so good. We were quite hungover and we had them. It's, you know, like it's just a demented hungover meal that you would never eat again, but at the time you're like,

there's no better combination than this. So it was garlic crab claws, wedges and curry sauce. It was absolutely fantastic. That sounds really good. It was thrilling, yeah, I loved it. Oh, this is brilliant. When you and Chivorma eating the crab claws together, Were you shaming the big bowl of them

Or were you just like We were just quite hung over Because West Quirk is an amazingly beautiful place But it's quite remote So we went to this pub that Chabon knew The guy that owned it And then we ended up there past closing And then we'd been given a number of like

Oh here's, that's Pottie's number now He's led, you'll ring when this is done and you'll bring you home And then we were like We had no reception so we were like Can we use the landline to ring Pottie? And they were like, whose number do you have? Pody.

I should know Pottie goes to bed 10 p.m. no, you won't get Pody. And we were like, okay. And Sean was like, that's it now, we're here. We're stuck here. So we were in this pub and we were there until like 6 a.m. and Chauvin was singing but Pottie was in bed so nobody could come and get us

and so the next day was when we were eating so it was somewhat nonverbal I would say. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We had that when we were on the run. Yeah. Yeah, when we did Celebrity hunted. Was that the most stressful thing in the world. Yeah, and we showed it, you know, we really, we committed so hard to it,

Nick, so it was pretty full on. Did they really not? I haven't seen it. What do you, what do you reckon? Do you think we committed to it or do you think we horsed around like a couple of goofballs? I think maybe the latter. Yeah, I think so. I would enjoy that. Messed around like a couple of lunkheads for the whole thing. Some other people took it quite seriously. Yeah. And they're probably quite stressful for them. But like most of us, I think pretty much everyone on that series wasn't taking it seriously. It was the first series where everyone got caught. Yes.

Oh, fantastic. We lay low in a pub one night, and I'm really, really glad they didn't use any of that footage. So I remember we had to do a diary at the end of the day. Yeah. Because they were like,

at the end of every day, do a diary. I don't know, I just got in the hotel bed. And I dread to think what we were saying would have been awful. With the director just as drunk as us. Do you think that the people, like the crews really, sometimes just get sick of people and give, like, the team clues as to where they are?

They're like, they're in the services on the M6, like, just come on, I'm done. 100%. It's so funny how excited the hunters are to catch you as well. They're so invested in it. They're like, they like, yes, we've got you, gamble, in your face. I'm like, I've been pissing about for a week.

Yeah. How did you not get me immediately? We were released from Shrewsbury prison, and the first thing we did was went to a restaurant in Shrewsbury. this is not difficult guys but you know sometimes you realize like how different people are to you're like I couldn't be excited or care

or want to be like have you watched alone has anyone watched that show where they basically drop people into the wilderness to survive and the men are always like I think I'm going to be amazing of this and date through like yeah my wife probably needs me to come back now and the women have built like a tiny village and they're like so you know

this is all fine but also those people I'm like I would never want to do that if they're like we're going to drop you in the Canadian wilderness I'm like no you're not You wouldn't do it? Would you do any of those shows? No. You wouldn't do hunted?

No. I want to be on the couch. It's so nice. It is good. So you do Gogol box. Oh, maybe. That's literally what you described. I don't want to work.

I think is what I've realized. Trying to make me work and I want to have a break. I think this is what I'm getting at in my brain. Have you seen that show Naked and Afraid? Do you know this show? I've heard of it. I've not seen it. It's where they drop them into the middle of the wilderness,

but the twist is they're butt naked. I bet the men get sepsis like immediately just by looking at something people get really ill they have to just take the women are like down to tiny twigs and they're like singing along

and they're really psychologically the men just die not literally but very nearly I would never do a show like that you wouldn't do naked and afraid no also I'm diabetic I've lost one episode

you're like you're not allowed anything you've got to be completely naked not even my insulin get out there naked boy I'd like to do just the normal Is naked naked attraction still a thing? A normal, a normal, a normal naked. Just the normal.

Not the celebrity one. But like, I don't, there's two versions of naked attraction they've never done. Celebrity and Junior. Those are the... They should do a celebrity one because then it would be like, you don't know who it is until the end.

Who do you think they get in it? And I was like, that's a really damning indictment, whoever you might say. But straight away, as soon as they see your dick, that's James. Yeah. You see the feet, James Akeastard's dad. That's pistachios, baby.

A little pistachio fake, gross. So, your main course that you chose was Robbie Williams' Stoke-on-Trent mystery rap, but we know what it is now. Have you met Robbie Williams since? Have you interacted with him? No, I've never met any of it, take that. Oh, that would be exciting, though, for you.

One day it's going to happen, and you have to bring up the oak cake. But I, like, as a child, didn't realize, like, how homeroy. those videos were. There was one of them, the first time was like, do what you like, and there's like a band first video in which they were getting their bombs

washed by a mop. Yeah. That's the first take that video. I swear to God. Benito, pull that up, put it on the big screen. Yeah, and then they made a more PG version of it

where they didn't have their bums out. But as a child, you're like, this is brilliant. Sure. That just makes me put they got really dirty bums. Yeah, I know. It's not sexy. I thought, take that was everyone's dream men.

Some people would probably find it sexy to have a dirty bum and wash it with a mop. They're a shoe for every foot. Yeah, I agree. There's a shoe for every foot. Yes, I know there's a shoe for every foot, and I'm sure that people, there are people out there who love a dirty bum wash with a mop, but it surprises me that they achieve such mainstream success. I want to think it was that many people.

And that was the debut single as well. Yeah. Good on him. Who was, can you remember in the video? Because I can't quite remember all the details. Who was the mop? I want to say Gary Barlow. I haven't seen it. So was Gary Barlow fully clothed cleaning the other guy's bones? I think. Can anyone verify that? I don't know whether that's...

Gary was mopping the bums. Of course he would. Which is not a thing this morning I woke up and thought I would say on stage at the Royal Albert Hall. Did Garrett, was Gary, did Gary have trousers on? Oh, so his bum was out as well? Who was holding the mop? A lady. You just said Gary was holding.

So did Gary then mop his own bum? Fascinating. We'll find out when Benito puts it on the big screen at the end of the show. Like a witch on a broomstick? Yeah. On the ground, I can't stop seeing it. He does it now. He still does it live, Gary Barlow,

but it's when he's singing a million love songs. Benito, get us a mop for the end of the show as well. Get us a mop. We're going to wash our bums. um shivor muxweeney's dream main course which you will be eaten is sausage and chips with chef's ketchup from skibboreen skibbean old folks home and a cup of water cup of tea barry's tea bag now talk water one spoon full of semi-skinned milk well i hate this you hate it i think it's rubbish why do you hate this why don't you like sausage and chips with chefs ketchup from skiburine old folks home I feel like almost the question

need to be asked. I feel like it answers itself. I also don't eat pork, which I explained why the last time I spoke to you guys, which is genuinely because I saw a video of a pig in a sink, having a bath, a baby pig. And it was so cute that I literally, viscerally went, I can never eat pork again, and that was

like about eight years ago. Gary Barlow washing his bum on up. I'll never mop a bum again. It's like, I have the sausage. like mash. Why? Oh yeah, she kind of did. Did she live in an old folks home for a bit? She did. That's why. She hurt her leg and she lived in an old folks home.

Shevonne's Laura's. When that memo comes out. She really busted her leg up, didn't she? She really busted her leg up, yeah. And she'll show you the pictures. And it's, you have to, because you can't be like, you have to be like, oh, it's so awful. But it's like, it looks like, but she's great now. She can plank for ages.

side note she's a plank every day. Oh really? She's a serious planker. Have you seen her plank? Have you seen her plank? Have I seen her plank? Every day on the play. She got a 30 second plank

and make everyone get in the ground and sometimes I just run away. I didn't want to do it. What, in the aisle on the plane? Play, James. Play. Oh, Michael. You're saying play.

James thinks you're saying plane. I'm watching it all unfold. It's fantastic to watch this happen. Well, you can't plank on a plane, surely. Some people do, man. You see people on long haul flights doing like full yoga in the galley area. Yeah, but remember planking as well? Yeah.

What was that about? What were we all thinking? Yeah, but that wasn't like the exercise planking. No, it was just lying flat on the thing. It's fucking stupid. Or was it? Should we bring it back? Oh yeah, so hold on.

So it wasn't actually core strength. It was just lying flat on stuff. Just lying flat on the thing. I'm a plank. Yes. She didn't do that. She did do real place. Yeah.

This is important to, you know, right now, the state of the world, there's a lot of stuff that we despair over, but it's good to remember that we've got through, you know, not worse, but bad things. The Harlem shake. In the past that are no longer a part of our lives. So if we can get through people pretending to be plants for no reason. Yeah. Hopefully we can get through. This two shall pass. Nothing springs to mind that's funny.

What about the Barry's tea bag? Surely you like that? I'm so in white. I was going to have very sensitive to caffeine. I'm very sensitive to caffeine. Very sensitive. And she likes these specific Barry's tea bags that are like, it's like the strong blend black Barry's tea.

Uh-huh. So that would make me have the shakes. Do you have any caffeine ever as you avoid it? I have like a Diet Coke in the afternoon. That's about the height of it. If I have a caffeinated coffee, I'm like, I'm going to die. Just usually like about.

die and I'll sweat and it's just not fun. I'll drink it before bed. I drink coffee before bed. ADHD? Well, undiagnosed, but... But yeah. I'd rather just leave, you know, keep having my coffee before bed.

What kind of coffee is it? Americano. Yeah, no, like a sort of espresso, like a double espresso. I'll have it after a meal and then go home and go to bed. I mean, you can call it ADHD. I can call it being a fucking legend. Uh-oh.

Blades join the chat. Akey coming up the rear The singers You can welcome Blade into the chat if you like Hello Blade, welcome to the chat Yeah, what's up? What's your dream main course, Blade? Pussy.

Real shame, that. Blade's gone now, by the way, Blade's gone. Don't ask him the rest of his courses because they're remarkably similar. The cup of tea was made with cork water. Is that? Is that my...

Well, no, London water is terrible, isn't it? Yeah. It's really hard water and it's really bad. Yeah, really bad. I know, Edinburgh water is pretty amazing. You know, when you're but fringe, you're like, it's really good stuff. Your hair, you're like, oh my God, I'm a mermaid.

And then you come back here and it's all sort of... So, okay, I can get along with the water. Fine. I won't have gripe with that. And the one spoonful of semi-skimed milk. Is she measuring it out in a spoon? Yeah. She's mad. What's she doing? Well, it's a very precise cup of tea, there.

Very precise. That's... Do I have to eat it in an old folks home as well? I think so. It's from the old farm. From the old folks home. But you can't go to... I mean, I'm sure you'd like to go and see the old folks home where your friend got better? Yeah, sure. Why not?

And she often would send pictures of in the show in the evening what she was having. She would have like an egg and a piece of bread and we'd all go, oh, that looks lovely, Chauvonne. Because sometimes you really know what to say. Or like, here's some cheese and you'd be like, oh, brilliant. I was like, yeah.

Who's on this group chat? The cast of the play, the Playboy of the Western World that we just did. Have you got a Bridges and group chat as well? There's different ones every season. So the new season is starting filming soon. I was nearly about to say it when and then I realized something from next week

and would be like, shut up! At some point in the future there will be a new season, but there's a new one every season. Amazing. Yeah. And is the icon on the WhatsApp group? Is it the person who the season's following? Yes.

It's generally like a weird, when it was the season I was the lead on, it was a picture of me holding a little dog, and the dog's face was Luke Newton, who was my co-star. Yeah, nice. And the previous season was a similar thing. It was, Chavon Ashley is the Queen of England, with Johnny Bailey as a corgi dog with his face. Season one was probably something a bit more serious.

And then season four didn't have a picture. Oh, that's a shame. I know. Season five, who knows? Open for suggestions. Who knows? Who knows? Season four, were you all start? to lose enthusiasm for the show, do you think?

Absolutely not. I think it was just a lot of new people and no one felt confident enough to sort of pick a group photo. What would you do if you haven't seen the script yet and then you go on the new group and the picture of it's of Blade? As new gentleman has come to town.

What's up, Bridgeton? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would really love that. It would be great. Coming on a motorbike, we just don't explain it. It's an anachronism. We're like, and what? It's Bridgeting, guys.

We can do what we want. Now, the side dish, you had the bang-around gloops. This is post getting locked out. Yeah, you can see things took a turn. Now, we told Benito, we didn't need to make a slide for this, but he's done it anyway.

So side dish, included with Maine. That is so, Shvod. Well, I've told you. I've told you what it was. I don't know why you'd have to stay again. So that's okay. So straight on to the drink. Like it's a dream restaurant

So she can have literally Anything It's included with the main Perfect I was going to ask another quick question About Bridgeton Yes please Are you aware that you've ruined

Most weddings I've been to Because now everyone uses The string quartet music Playing pop hits Everyone at every fucking wedding Yes this is what I think of I'm like if I get married My wedding music is going to have to be like

Screamo Like something It's going to have to be so unbridged I feel like I'm at work Do you know what I'm saying? Just so no one has to listen to poker face played on a violin again. Yeah, I'm going to have to wear like a Mr. Blobby suit.

Everyone's going to have to script this. It would be no flowers. Probably be like, oh, another day at the studio. It's going to have to be like a German brutalist style wedding. Well, I will tell you the shock I had, because we don't know what songs they're going to pick. And there was a scene we filmed, which was like a big intimacy proposal scene in a carriage.

And I watched it for the first time, and I was like, I wonder what song that is. Is that Pitbull? Okay. Right. And now that song will follow me till the day I die. Yeah. That scene was mad, man.

Me and my wife had to shut the blinds in our living room. Yeah. Imagine your mother trying to watch it, and you're like, ha-ha-ha-ha. It's all fake. Yes, he's called Pitbull. Ignore what's going on on the screen. Listen to the tunes. Give me everything tonight.

Beautiful. Yeah. Disgusting. I know, I'm sorry. Shame, shame. James is a prude. Oh, don't be watching that then. No, no, no.

No, no. Thank you. revolted It's ashamed of yourselves Sully in the good name of Netflix You had a basil margarita As your drink Yeah delicious

Cholmotswini chose A frozen margarita with chili Doritos does Dorettos? What? I celebrated too soon Ew So you know with a frozen margarito Or any margarita You can get the salt

around the rim or the chili salt. Chivone wants the dust from the bottom of a Doritos packet as that salt. Is she thinking about like Taheen the like smoky spicy salt or did she genuinely want? I think she's genuine... Just the end of the...

There's the dust at the end of the end of it. Why am I even questioning? She's a woman who knows what she wants. But no, what? That's crunchy. That's the broken up ice lid over again. You're chewing your drink. Yeah. I quite like the idea of it, for honest. I love tahine. I think that's cool.

and the white suddenly exploded. Yeah. Tehine's everywhere now. You can't get away from Tehine. I don't know what that is. You'd recognise it. It comes in bottles. It's like...

It's a funny shaped little bottle with a white lid and a green and red and white label. Maybe it's the Mexican flag because it has the bird in it. Yeah. And then... There's a picture in a bottle of lemon juice.

I can't get it out of my head. It's like this big... I was wondering, was she thinking of that and said dust from Doritos, but no, that's what is what she wants. She wants dust from Doritos. Sure. Okay.

She wants the dust from a packet and just roll the glass around in that. And then with every sip, you'll get some Dorito dust. Like that chili salty flavor. Yeah. I mean, I like a salty, a salty... You can't say I like a salty rim, and I couldn't think of any other way to say it. So I just had to come out. It was such an intruse as I thought I was like, just say salty rim.

Don't say that around Blade. Have you know I haven't. You're not on Netflix anymore. But you often get that, that Joker salt, like, the thing here. Like, the more you have... just sort of have that Chelsea smile, but it's just salt on your face. Chelsea's smile, what a beautiful reference. I'm pretty street and cool.

Yeah, I know what you mean. My dad ate some chicken wings once and looked like the Joker from Dark Night, that specific Joker. And my dad's just always too proud to it. So I said, Dad, that's all over your face. You went, you know, I know. That's the only way to deal with this. Why you get rid of it?

I was re-watching the greatest show in the world the other day, Vanderpump rules. Who have you seen it? Yes. Oh my God. I've interviewed Lisa Vanderpump in her restaurant. Did you have a little bit of a crush? No.

Incorrect answer, but continue. For context at the time I was doing a TV show where I had to pretend to be 51st in lines of the throne. Yes, I know this. So we interviewed Lisa Vanderpump. She's one of the only people who called us out that we were not real. Yeah. And she was holding her dog at the time was called Chiggy.

Chiggy? Which is... Chiggy? Yeah. Yeah. Her dog was called Chiggy. R-I-P. My agent's name. You hate him? My agent is called Chiggy.

Oh, I think you said you hate him. You hate the dead dog? No, I don't know. The new Jesse Buckley, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, the opposite. She hates a live cat, so I hate dead dogs. Chiggy was one of those really fucked up dogs with like a tongue, like, lolling out. He did not look well when I, I didn't interview him.

I interviewed Lisa Vanderpom. But yeah, she really called us on it. She was like, you're not members of the Royal Front. family, I know Earl Spencer. Oh yeah. I'm going to go and call Earl Spencer. And the only other person who called us out was Gwyneth Paltrow's guru.

Classic him. Shame and direct. He called us out because to be fair, I did push it too far. He does a thing where he says I'm going to get all the poison out of you and I drunk loads of Pepsi Max before we filmed so I did a massive burp in his face. And he said, I will not be part of this. This is some sort of ab fab. That was his only reference for comedy was abfab.

Yeah, it's pretty good though. So we left. The other twist is that Ed is a member of the Royal Family to the extent that he's in the Epstein Files. Excuse me, I'm not in the Epstein Files because I'm a member of the Royal Family. I earned my way into the Epstein Files. It's not nepotism. I worked hard. I was like, why did I bring that up?

Someone on Vanderpump had a stain on their shoulder. And I was like, that's so stupid. And then the next day I got one in the exact same place. And I went, oh, look at me in my glass house. But it brought us on a beautiful journey. I'm glad. Yeah. What is Fanderp?

What is that? Oh, it's so good. It's a reality show. It's so good because it's basically based on a real good with friends who are all in relationships and friendships and friendships together. And it's just like a hotbed of misogyny and adultery. And it's 10 seasons.

Well, it's more than 10, but anyway. But it's brilliant. Yeah. Every season, you're like, I can't believe it's just so quotable. What's the best? What's the best thing that's happened on Bandapagulls? There was a huge cheating scandal. A guy dated a girl for 10 years and cheated under with her best friend.

And his name is Tom Sandoval. So it was referred to as Scandival. And when it explodes, it's crazy. Yeah. She says to him, his ex-girlfriend now, says, I want you to hear this from the mouth of the woman who loved you. You mean nothing. And it's like, oh!

Shakespeare wishes. Lisa Vanderpombleau. was one of the original real housewives of Beverly Hills as well. She sort of just like this, darling. Like, she sort of, she's like, I know, come on, come on, Jacks now, I can't be, yeah. I love her. I have heard of that. Yeah.

Yeah. She was an offshoot of that, but it's, it's, I dare I say, far better. Wow. Wow, that's rare. It's rare we get an exclusive on the pod, but that's going to be splashed all over the tabloids. I don't even care. I'll just say it. It's like if Joey was better than friends.

It's, no, I resent that comparison. No, it's, it's its own thing. It reinvented the genre. It's not an offshoot like Joey was. Well, it is a bitch, but not funny. Well, I think you're like that drink, because it's basically the same. I had a cocktail the other night in New York,

which was a white kimchi martini. So it was like the juice from white kimchi. Wow. With the booze, and then chili oil. And it was like drinking a pot of chili oil. And every sip I had, I forgot what it was like. And I went, oh. Completely changed my mind

halfway through every sip, yeah. Have you ever had, like, a cocktail with pickle juice? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it good? Real good, although actually, the last time I did that, I was at Disneyland in California, and we could only find one place that did booze. And one of the things they did was like a pickle juice and beer thing.

I was like, yeah, that'd be great. And the first sip was amazing, but then I did realize it was basically half and half. And there was a lot of pickle juice. in that. But I was so desperate for the booze at that point that I just drank the whole pint so I had half a pint of pickle juice

with this beer. I love what a Brit abroad you turn into when you go away. You're just in Disney world going, yeah, most magical place in the earth. Where's the fucking booze at? There's a certain point where I can't take it anymore. It's the people in the outfits. Depress me. Hang on. What do you mean?

Because... The character's coming out. Yeah. And I was like, oh! And they go, it's so magical. I know, it's not magical. That's like a grown-up baking inside of that. Yeah. They're just like, and I just know that behind it, their face is so sad.

But you know that you're not allowed to dress as a Disney character if you go to Disneyland, right? I didn't know this. You can't. Really? Yeah, because if you're like, rubbish Cinderella, that, you know, is like smoke and a fag and a child sees it, they'll cry. So that's why people wear the ears.

Oh, instead of... Yeah, so you're like band. And also, if you're a... princess or a prince or one of them things that they have you are not allowed to ever break character ever

yeah I saw one of them who was like meant to be Alice and she was and it started raining and the actor started improvising going oh what is this tea from the sky and I was like Alice doesn't think that Alice is from

fucking world she knows what rain is you're talking of the Madhatter who might say that but not Alice Joe and learn how to improvise before you stand around in the rain. I'll go for a pint somewhere. Where does booze? I drink a pint of pickle juice.

The only time my wife's been outwardly jealous of something that happened was when we were at Disneyland in Japan and I met Daisy Duck and after we had a photo she came over to me and went she fancied you. I don't even know if it was a lady in that.

You can't... You were wearing just a top and no bottoms, too bad. That's her time. My sister and I did get sort of giggly around the Mandalorian. Oh, really? Yeah. We were just sort, like, it was one of those things that we didn't quite say right away.

And then he had the baby Yoda with him and stuff. And then we walked away, and we were both a bit like, what? Is it the Mandalorian, my boyfriend? Like, what? It's the worst part. Well, the worst part is in adults get excited to see them. To meet Mickey Mouse.

Yeah, like someone will walk out just as goofy. And you see a grown-up go, Goofy's here Goofy's not here I'm not goofy It's a sad man in an outfit Who hates his life It's not goofy

Don't get excited like it's goofy But like The people in the outfits Think that everyone's that excited to see him I hate when they interact with me And they'll come over and be like Oh like don't mate I'm here for the roller coasters

I like that bit I brought my niece and nephews to Disney and that started happening, and they come over during your meals. But my nephew was maybe seven at the time, but he started getting up as if he was taking a photo for them, so they'd come over, like, Cinderella come over, and he'd be like, oh, God.

I'm like, you know, I was like, you don't need to do this. You're good, you're fine. Let's got onto your dessert, shall we? Now, you wanted to have a hot apple tart with ice cream made by an old Irish woman. Right, nice. Stand by that. But you're going to have Chavourneux winning his dream dessert,

which is a Black Forest Gatto from the Black Forest bracket, sneaked. Sneaked, please expand. Stolen. I think, preferably from like someone's windowsill or something. Yeah. Although you wouldn't leave it to cool, I guess, a Black Forest Gatto. It sounds like a villain from a Lady Bird book, like she's scampering around London.

I could imagine a sneaking a Black Forest Ghetto from Windowsill. I absolutely can. Yeah. But it's a weird dessert, isn't it? But Vos Gato? I bit. I just heard someone go, no. No.

I'm really sorry about that. Why no? You like it? You love it. Is it your dream dessert? It is. Look at that. I'm sorry.

That should have gone on my Swedish. But there's like chocolate and cream and cherries and... Booze? Booze. Oh my. I don't like... I don't have a boozy dessert. Huh?

I like the booze on the side, but the dessert not so boozy at all. I agree. I'm not. Maybe I've just not, maybe, maybe, it's steady on, maybe I've just not had a good black forest cato. But I think every time I've had one, it's been too like, you know what I mean?

Yes, I mean. You know those cakes where you put the knife in? It goes, fht, yeah. Like it's an inflatable cake. It feels like quite 80s to me. Like it's what they would serve on Wall Street. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, like, it's like on Wall Street.

The guys are like, and we'll get Black Forest to finish or something. I don't know. Oh, yeah, forgot that bit from Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah. Boo. Yeah. What you don't remember is you'd a huge bowl of black forest ghetto in front of him.

They're just face down in the black forest ghetto. Yeah. Yeah, well, would you like it on Wall Street? Would you mean, it's from the black forest, but it doesn't say that Chivorn's eating it in the black forest. So if it's been stolen from the black forest from someone. Has she, is this something she's had in real life that she's... There we go.

She would sneak it from the fridge when she worked in a kitchen in Germany. Oh, she did it. She would sneak it, she would sneak it That's why it tasted good It tastes good Yes, when you sneak food from the fridge It does taste really good Oh my God

When I was a kid I used to sneak down to the kitchen To make crisp sandwiches at night Oh yeah Like really soft, cheap white bread Yeah Carriigold butter, potato crisps In a sand... Like so good

And it did taste better Because you know what you have The worry would be making a crisp sandwich Silently in secret Is the moment you push it down, right? And that's the danger Yeah You've got to push it down

Yeah Yeah you got oh it's the best bit I said, I tried to write material about this. It never worked. So I don't know why I'm now launching into it the Royal Albao. What crisps are you used? I like the salt and vinegar tatoes. Most people go cheese and onion.

But I like, I like, vinegary, salty. Yeah. Yeah, good, yeah. Tatos ones are good. Yeah, so good. No, I love that there is one, though. Yeah. I'll tell you something, though,

that will make me seem more stupid than when I didn't realize you were talking about ice, the forest, is that as a child, I, the Tato mascot is a potato with a face. Yeah. And I, as a child, thought it was a chicken. So I once said to someone as an adult, like, well, you know, like the potato chicken, and they went, what?

And I was like, well, the chicken that's on the... I think because, like, for some reason in my mind, I was like, there's a chicken on corn flakes. So chicken and food, you know. So did you assume, because it's like, I guess the colour's about right for like a roast chicken. Did you assume it was a roast chicken that had all its limbs torn off?

Yeah. No, it had limbs. Oh, yeah, but not like wing, not like traditional chicken. Nothing, no feathers or any avian, anything. Does he have limbs, the Tato? The Tato Man, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But then there's two types of Tato.

There's Tato from the Raponica, Ireland, we call the Free Tato, and then Northern Irish Tato. And the Northern Irish Tato, the Tato man just has a head of a potato and the body of a human. Oh, I hate that. Yeah. That's really scary. He looks really intense. Don't wait in on this. No.

What? You let Nicola talk about this, but don't you offer a penny of your peers, sorry. But yeah, and it doesn't look as much like a chicken now, so please don't look at it now and really judge me. You have to look at a 90s packet. It was a very rudimentary drawing. But you have a Tato chicken is not a thing. It's a potato man.

It's a potato, yeah. Yeah, very much so. Who would you rather be friends without the two Tato mascots? The chicken. Who out of all the mascots of, like, food? I think, I mean, the answer's Coco, the monkey, isn't it? That's who everyone would like to be friends with? The way Tony the tiger came so aggressively into my head.

Like I didn't even think the thought. I just went, don't get the tiger. Too much. It'd be too much. He's my best friend, so I feel like you shouldn't have said that in front of me. Well, I did want to... When I was a kid, I didn't want to be called Ed. I wanted to be called Rick, because I thought Rick Ricicol was so cool.

The ricicle guy. The astronaut. Yeah. I didn't know what was his name. He's fucking incredible. He's an astronaut and he's got his own cereal. The name's Blade. Rick Blade.

Yeah. Rick Rice was a bad ass man. Rick Rice was a good. Yeah. Remember, he was such a big deal. Fido Dido. Yeah. From 7 up, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Easy to draw. That's why it was a very clever bit of branding. Fido Dido was awesome. Fido dido. I'll tell you who you would hate. It's the little Lurpaq man who plays the trombone. Yeah.

You hate Lurap? I hate that guy. I can die. What about Cornelius, the chicken from Cornflakes? Is he called Cornelius? Indeed, he is. Is it? Wow.

Doesn't look. like he has a name. The rest of them look like they have names. Corley-Ilius doesn't look like an actual character. No, he's just a drawing. He's just a general chicken, isn't he? A stencil. Yeah, but if you were on children's bikes

all over the world, do you remember that bike clip? That every week you'd be like, what's the toy? It's a bike clip again. Yeah. There's always a bike clip. Yeah, I used to have that in the spoke. It'd sound really cool. People would know Akees coming. Here comes Akee.

Actually, the chicken in the... spoke and do Eggie any favours, everyone thought I was Eggie. Do you think you're going to rename this off menu with Akey and Blade? Ake and Blade is great. Off menu with Ake and Blade. Then we'll finally get our Manusphere audience.

Yeah. Well, that seems a perfect place to end the show. Nicol, you've been absolutely fantastic. Thank you so much for coming back. Thank you, back. We'll see all of you tonight. And then, bye-bye. See you all later.

Well, there we are. the Royal Albert Hall with the wonderful Nicola Cochlin. There we are. Thank you, Nicholas, so much for coming on. Obviously, you should watch everything that Nicola's done. Bridgeton, Derry Girls, and Nicholas. And Nicholas in the next series, the anthology series. I am. I am Helen.

I am Helen is Nicola's one. Fantastic series. Looking forward to seeing Nicolum. And she's in the Magic Faraway Tree. Yes. She plays Silky. Andrew Garfield's in that, my man. Yeah.

Claire Foy. Yeah. Claire Foy. Yeah. Big mood, James. Channel 4. Yeah. Watch that.

Yeah. I mean, so much stuff. Camilla, who writes that? It came to the Royal Albert Hall, so it all links up. Oh, thank you, Camilla, for coming along. Thank you very much for listening. Goodbye.

Goodbye.