Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Nikesh Patel

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

Actor, ‘Starstruck’ star and fellow runaway on ‘Celebrity Hunted’ Nikesh Patel is this week’s guest diner. And James Acaster reveals when he very rude to Nikesh's wife, Nicola Thorp. Nikesh Patel is currently starring in ‘How to Get to Heaven from Belfast’ on Netflix. Watch it here. Follow Nikesh on Instagram @inikeshpatel Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Thu 26 Feb.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's James Acaster. I have an announcement to make. Cinema Goers Welcome is out on March 6th in cinemas nationwide. It's my heckler's welcome show, but filmed in three different locations, Trouro, Dublin and Northampton. And it's all stuff that wasn't part of the actual Heckler's Welcome special. Some of it's the same material, but in a different location going differently, being heckled differently, under different circumstances. So there's the special that is on HBO and Sky. And there is this cinema goers welcome companion piece. Anyway, March 6th, cinema goers welcome in cinemas.

Enjoy the podcast off-menu. Welcome to the off-menu podcast, cooking the apples of conversation, adding the sugar of humour. Why are you laughing? Because there's a fizzy apple drink on the table. It's not apple crumble, is it? No, but I just think you've looked at them. Yeah, well, how else am I going to?

do it. Yeah. We're on episode like hundreds and hundreds. Yeah. Hundreds and thousands. That's a good one. Anyways, apple crumble. That is Eggball.

My name is James Aangster. Together we own a dream restaurant. You spoiled the surprise now. Every single week we invite it against. We don't have an apple crumble on the table. And we ask them their favourite ever start, make or dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week on guest is Nick Hesch Patel. Nick Hes Patel.

Nick Hes Patel is a wonderful actor, James. He's been in many, many brilliant things. Starstruck. Wonderful series And also He was on the run Against Us in Hunted Not as an actor

As himself As himself He was on the run Same series as us In Hunted I'm sure that will come up I should think so Yeah

I should think so That was We never got to see Nikesh Because he had COVID At the start Yeah And so join the game later

Once he got the all clear Yeah And then we never saw him After that Yeah Didn't see him After that Barely saw him

On the show To be honest Barely saw him on the show, no spoilers, but you know, he didn't get very far. I'm sure he's going to love that being brought up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hope that you last longer on this show

and we don't have to kick him out early if he chooses the secret ingredient, of course. Yes, because, of course, we have the little secret ingredients. And if they pick the secret ingredient, then they're, bye-bye now. This week, the secret ingredient is Hunter's Chicken. We're not letting him forget. No.

Hunter's chicken, they always used to have it in pubs, certainly, when I was a student. Yeah. In the Hog's Head, we used to go to the Hogshead in Durham regularly and eat dinner. And Hunter's chicken, of course, chicken breast, bacon, cheese, smothered in barbecue sauce. Smothered in barbecue sauce. So much of it, and it tastes disgusting. Yeah. Don't like it.

Don't like barbecue sauce, really. Not, especially not in that volume. Yeah. You were saying earlier, it's too sweet. the hunter's chicken. It's way too sweet. Even for a sweet tooth such as myself. Yes.

I remember first reading it on a menu, Hunter's Chicken. I mean, that sounds delicious. I can't wait. I've hit the jackpot. One bite was like, oh God, this is going to be a slog. Yeah, yeah. Get through this entire Hunter's Chicken. Yeah, you're having pudding at the same time, basically.

Yeah, really did not like it. So actually, even though this just ties in with hunted, we genuinely don't like this as well. Because hunted, hunted, yeah. And chicken, Nick Hatch was a chicken on hunted. Yes. We did it. We got him.

Plenty to talk to Nikesh about, so I think we should just get on with it, Jay. Yes, please. This is the off-meny menu of Nick Hesh Patel. Welcome, Nick Hesh to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you. Welcome Nick Hac Patel to the Dream Restaurant for the Sun-time.

Thank you. Before we kick up, actually, because you've been playing this character for a while now. Great. Have you got notes? No, I'd like to interrogate your notes. No. Your process when it comes to playing the genie, you know, obviously a figure that's steeped in, like, Islamic folklore mythology.

Uh-oh. So what, like, you know, I've been, and I've been tracking what you've done with The Genie over several episodes. Tell me where you're at with The Genie now. Guess, you know, the longer you play a character, the more that the lines between you and the character can kind of blur a little bit. And there's some elements of the genie now that are way more like me in real life and some elements of my real life that are more like the genie, I guess. Yeah, okay, interesting. Yeah.

Because, yeah, it's bold choice to go. I'm going to be the genie and he's going to sound like he's from Kettering. Yes. Yeah. And a lot like me. Yeah. Do you feel like the adherence to the genie's Islamic background has come to the fore or falling into the background?

I think you can see it in certain episodes. It's more prominent. Yeah. Yeah. So people... What about this episode, do you think? Well, we're preempting something. Well, you just did it.

But, like, you know, I guess I'm definitely feeling defensive of my background of the genie. Just, you know, just something to mull over. Look, I... It's not come up before, actually. And I appreciate you bringing it up. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what does it...

Because this is a podcast. What does your... What does your genie look like? Me? Well, also, we would put this onto you as the guest, because this is obviously the dream restaurant, so the restaurant can look like however you like it. But then also, the genie appears to you

as you would want the genie to appear to you. So what features would you say James has as a genie? I think having listened, thank you, James, to kind of unpacking your process for me. I think the genie looks very much like James. with blue skin. Yeah. Yeah.

It's clearly a Disney. It's a Disney vibe. Yes. Yeah. Pretty Disney, I think. Yeah. If you want to give yourself any, I would actually shy away

from giving yourself any facial hair or, you know, because then we're tiptoeing into like cultural appropriation. I think it's just, it's a blue you. Sure. And I can't really grow a mustache anyway. I tried to grow a mustache on the run

when Ed and I did hunted. Have you heard of that show? I have heard of that show. You know full well I've heard of that show. I imagine you've watched more episodes than you've been in. Okay, here we go. Genie swinging back. Same series as us?

Allegedly, yeah. We never met on Hunter, did we? No. You had the Rona. I had the Rona, which when they did finally figure out how to get my ass into the game, until we eventually kind of reunited. And then we got caught. So you were isolating for most of it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got caught immediately. So my favourite thing in the whole series is, obviously, you're like raring to go. You're like doing all these pieces to camera being like, I'm going to outfox the Hunters. Oh, yeah. I'm going to be the best person on the run ever. And then it cuts to you, you leave your flat, you go straight to the tube and use your bank cards together.

To my, in my defence, and it's a meagre defence, because that was a pretty dumb thing to do. But, like, I feel like I got slightly better as I progressed. Also, I was the only person who I think has had to start the game of hunted, basically like waiting for a test to say that they're negative for the owner. And the only person who's had to start a game of hunted from your own... From my own flat. With all these... Where they know you live.

Yeah, exactly. So, like, hmm, I wonder... Yeah, she might get some backup. It's unusual that she's playing the game on her own. Who could the backup be and where might they be coming from? So, yeah, not my finest hour. but hey, made for vaguely entertaining television. It was entertaining.

How did you get caught again? We got caught waiting at a hotel in Birmingham because this is one of the things I think you guys ran into this as well. They give you all of these like challenges and rules and restrictions which are really fun to play but they don't explain them to the audience.

So the audience just think that you're constantly, I mean, in my case, I did make some, you know, I tapped in at my local station. That wasn't a smart thing to do. But at times when you are trying to be a bit more savvy and go like, right, we're on the run, but which was true in our case, my wife had to be on live TV at 10pm in London, 9pm in London that night. And we planned this whole thing about how we could make it back to London. Obviously, that goes down the toilet because you don't know where you're going to be. And then eventually we got caught because we,

We were running out of options. We're just going to need the producers on Nick's job to call us a cab. And I said, maybe we shouldn't use our burner phones. Maybe we should ask the hotel to make that call. And I'm going to go on record and say that I was overruled. And we used our burner phones, which they'd, you know, I forgot all the weird acronyms that they have, but they were listening, guys. Yeah.

But we were out. We nearly made it, but we were out by five minutes. And then the hunters caught up to us. Before that, our producer-director person had said, like, you know, just have a chat about what happens if it gets tasty, what you're going to do? And Nick was like, well, one of us has got to try and win it. So we split. So when we got caught, I legged it down a main road in Birmingham going,

this, you know, like sweaty brown man with a backpacker on running down the high street in Birmingham this doesn't look suspicious at all. And then basically jumped into the back of a white van with like two bald white guys working. And I was like, I mean, it feels like I'm telling this. You know these men? No. Just jumped in their van. Yeah, demographically, you wouldn't fancy my chances.

But I jumped onto this van and just went like, explained, look, guys, have you seen hunted? My girlfriend, she then was, has been just been caught. Luckily, they knew the show, and they were like, yeah, wait here, we've got to drop something off at work. But we'll like, you know, you can stow away in here and then we'll tell you. And then I was looking around this van while I was sort of like trying not to hyperventilate. And it was like, oh, this is all paraphernalia that you'd see on a TV set. The van that I happened to have found, they worked in crew. And they were working on a Netflix TV show that just happened to be filming in Birmingham.

You got a part in it? Yeah. No part. No part. And that's what you're here to promote. Yeah, exactly. It did mean that they were like, all right, well, come to, you come to like the prop store, basically, and they gave me like some pretty, like, that got a new backpack with

some stuff in it. But, yeah. You should have won. No, I got caught eight hours later. So, you know, I think. But loads of other people have been caught by then, right? Yeah. No.

I think we were the first. Oh, yeah, yeah, you were. Which, when, when, I'm not going to lie. When Nick found out. that we hadn't outlasted you two specifically. She was living. Yeah. You were like, you know, throwing your shoes out the window and basically saying like,

Yeah, we went to stay. We went to stay at the house of some other people who were on the run that had CCTV outside their house. Yeah, and they didn't catch us then. I'd chucking my shoes up, but there was a smart move. Yeah. Sure. That was in Birmingham.

In case they might have bugged the shoes. Yeah. It might have. Okay, fine, fine. Yeah. That was hard to live down. Everyone got caught on that. that series, though?

Yeah, clean sweet. No one made it out. We were all too thick. Bobby Segal, I thought, might give them, you know, he's a sort of, yeah, I thought you might give them the slit. But I feel like, hey, I'm going to say it, I feel like this was the season that we were like, no one's getting on that chopper.

No. We would start with still a spark than what, do you have a preference? I think because there's quite a lot of spice in my overall menu, I'm going to go still. but to posh it up a bit I'm going to go with cucumber but like sliced long do you know what I mean

so you get this yeah so like a nice nice refreshing how long? Length of the length of the kuk yeah you're limited by the length of the kuk aren't you? How long is this kukes?

Because like you know well Jeannie get me like get me a kuk that's long enough that if you do one slice it will fit into one of those like one litre bottles, but still with enough space that you get a decent serving of water.

Yeah, okay. That's quite a long kuk. We're talking long kute. Yeah, well, here, I'm into it. Yeah. Are you thinking it's easy to slice, so it's like a completely straight kuk? Because I've found it's difficult to find a long kuk that doesn't have a bend. For surely, if you're, like, if you're using like a peeler to get the slice, then the

bend doesn't matter because you just work around the bend. Yeah, well, you've got to have pretty delicate touch to work around the bend and get get a thickness that's consistent. You've got to have the hands of a surgeon. Or a genie. Are you preparing this kuk? Yeah. Do you back yourself to navigate a bendy?

Well, I do have magical powers, so I can navigate the bend of the kink. I'm sort of relying on them, you know, without getting ahead of myself. I'm sort of relying on your magical powers for this meal. So yeah. Long bendy kuk. Got steady hand. Yeah. Nice long slice.

Yeah. Bosch that in there. How good are you as a genie doing that? Could you do a loop-the-loop? in the kuk to kuk. I could do a kuk to kuk in a loop. Very easy. What's happening?

Just trying to have a laugh. Just trying to have a laugh. Yeah, long bendy kuk to kute. Yeah. On the water, please. I could do that. It's hard though. Yeah.

Because when you do the loop, you do have to kind of change the angle of your wrist and then you're coming up through the kuk and end up kind of wearing it like a bracelet. Yeah. But that's my problem at that point. Yeah, yeah. I've already peeled it.

You've got your slice that you need. Yeah. And then I've just got to figure out how to escape. Disanely. entangle, because now I'm trapped. Do you want it in the bottle then rather than in the glass?

In the bottle? In the bottle. So that's another tricky thing to do. Yeah. It's getting it in there, you know, in one piece. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're going to have to do it like ship in a bottle. Yeah, I'm into it. Yeah, pull a string and then it becomes a kew again. Also, like, I don't need to know. The bed comes back into it. Yeah. I don't need to know, like, the work that's got into it. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. I just need it. Yeah. So you won't, you wouldn't ask any questions. If that bottle arrives on the table, No, I suppose what I'm saying, Jeannie is that, like, I don't need you to tell me how hard it was. Yeah. Just to be like, here you go.

Yeah. And then if I'm interested, I'll be like, oh, that's a long, bendy slice of kuk. How did you get it in that narrow-necked bowl? Yeah, sometimes I think when they come and they tell you what they've done with the dish beforehand. Yeah. It can make it taste worse because they go, like, we did all of this. You go, wow, that sounds incredible. And then you tuck it in your like.

And then you taste it and go, uh, doesn't really. You too are mad. Yeah. Not always there. I love hearing about it. The idea that someone comes on, let me take you through how I made this and you're going,

no, piss off. I don't need, I don't need it to have the sausages made. I came here to eat this dinner. I don't know why it was suddenly two old men with a cold. Yeah,

well, that's the vibe I'm getting. The two of the Muppets. Yeah. We're just saying, look, I do like being told about it, but sometimes they tell you about it and it sounds better than it actually is.

You think, Joe, I think if they hadn't told me about this particular one, I would have enjoyed it more. Yeah. said, oh, it's just microwave. Yeah, we just microwave, though. Yeah.

Not the cucumber, that'd be weird. Yeah. Yeah. It's mainly water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And horribly. You asked for trouble. Yeah.

If I gave you a kuk and a microwave and what's the, say it's a challenge. Yeah. How long do you think you can microwave it for? Yeah, if you've got to choose, you got to choose how long it's in there. A time. Before you put it in. Yeah. You've got to choose how long you want to put it in there.

How long the cucumber can last in the microwave? Yeah. Is that a challenge? Before. all hell breaks loose. Flipping heck. I, are we taking

from like the first, you know when you get that first, it's like before then, or are we talking like full-blown, like dripping out of the whole thing. The glass kind of. Yeah, full slimer. My mom.

I don't know, man. Any opportunity. It's my brother from another month. Yeah, yeah, got a rep. You're going back? You're doing more? I hope so. Yeah.

Me too, man. But as far as I know, no. Yeah. We don't know. No, no. That's not a no. No, I haven't heard anything.

Yeah. Be awful if it's the one that ended the entire franchise. It would be better. You could have like, like, what they're saying? Like, Snow White has made Disney go actually. We're not going to do any more live action. Yeah. You could be, you could be doing that for.

I could be the... You're normally in the one before the... Am I? Well, Cinderella, not Disney, but you know, it's that sort of thing. You're in that. And then Snow White and that ended it. I forgot you're in Cinderella. Yeah, I just tried that.

I didn't kill that. No, I didn't kill that. No. There's a lot of songs in Cinderella that the artists who wrote those songs have gone on to great things. They made quite a few live action Disney's after, since. Because that was one that was one that worked. Yeah, I don't know if it was Disney though, that one. It was Sony.

I'm a Sony boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah. Goes to Sony. You're committed to the brand. I committed to Sony if the Sony. If anyone from Sony is listening. Spin off, please.

Yeah, Lars Pinfield or John the Mouse spinoff. Or both, I can play. Multiverse where they both just get to hang out. Yeah, I can be the mouse and be. Lars Pinfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my sign to. He's a parobiologist.

Great. Microwave cucumber, I'm going to say, because there's a lot of water in those boys, I'm going to say, like, 50 seconds, and it's going to get, by then it's going to be hectic. Is it a coincidence? You've chosen in the same amount of time you lasted on 100? Very good. Very good. Very good.

Brilliant, mate. Thank you. Good. Nice one, James. Pop lobs on bread. Pop lobs on bread, shiggas, Patel. Poplar on bread. Bread, I think.

Yeah, I'll go bread, but I'm going to go for a specific... Because there's lots of, like, there's lots of, like, nice breads from, like, the subcontinent that I could go for. But actually, the bread I want to go for, if you guys had... I had Roti Chennai from Malaysia. Yes. So I got the chance to live out in Penang, an amazing foodie spot. Because I was filming there for two years when we filmed a show called Indian Summers. And the food there was great because you got Indian influences, Chinese influences,

ethnic Malay influences, something called Nyonia cuisine, which is great. And Rottie Chennai is basically like a version of a Routi or a Routi or a, or, you know, a parata, but it's more like crepe-like. It's like really buttery, great for, you know, I'm a big fan of using bread to just like mop up whatever's, whatever's going around. So my bread is going to be roti chanay. That does sound great.

And it comes with like a... So normally, like, normally you have it as like a... Like with a dish. So, you know, like a rendang or... But yeah, if you can't get Penang Rottie Chennai, then, yeah, there's some good spots you can get it in London. There's actually one really near

us in Northwest London called Jolly, JOLI. And they're often at, they do market stops as well, so they'll do like barow market and stuff. Their Rotty and I's really good. Their vegan Rendang is banging. But yeah, good for just mopping up whatever's going.

That's a great shout. There's a cafe in Soho. I can't remember what it's called. Is it CP or something like that? Is it down one of those Black Brin the alleyway or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that exactly what you mean.

I had Rossich and I there, and that's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Recommended to me by Rose Matafayo. Here we go. Yeah, Rose loves that place. Your co-star and Starstruck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go.

In fact, I've been there once with her because we went to see Rose do like a, she did a Q&A of at the Prince Charles and then we went for, yeah, so she knows that. It's good stuff there. Huge shout out. Yeah. I think it's CP Cafe. I think it's CP Cafe. CNR Cafe.

CNR Cafe. It's the one. Cafe, thank you. Any Panang adventures that you can tell us about? Just like what I'm mad. One of the big challenges of filming what Indian summers was the show takes is set in a hill station in India, which the reason why it was so popular for the British to govern from there was because it was nice and cool in the summer, hence the name.

You go to the hill station in the summer, you get away from the heat down. below. But for various reasons when they're scouting the location for like where would have the infrastructure to support a six months shoot when they needed enough period. Detail, blah, blah, blah. They settled on Penang, which had a lot of its own colonial paths, a lot of like suitable buildings. But the climate's quite different. So it's humid. The start and the end of the shoot, because we're there like April till October, you got a lot of rainy season. But yeah, some of them, Most of the, like, mad mishaps that I can remember are, like, you know, you'd be sweltering and going, like, I really need to really need a green room where I can just sit and, like, fan

myself. And then there'll be a kindly, like, Malay member of crew saying, like, oh, you can't go in there. And you be like, why can't I go in there? It's like, there's a scorpion in there. Like, okay, I'll stay here. I'll stay here. Just the kind of stuff that sort of makes you really, makes you really. realise that actually when we whinge about, you know, stuff not working over here, it's like,

well, it's not a pit viper, you know. Yeah, sure. No pit viper's on the Starstruck set. No. That's a good catchphrase for life, I think. No pit viper is allowed. If anything happens in your life that's bad, you go, well, it's not a pit viper. Not a pit viper?

Yes, it is. It's also, it feels like... Don't use it then. Yeah, exactly. It feels like an extension of, like, got no dickhead rule. No pit viper's allowed to set. Yeah, no pit viper. Yeah, yeah.

We'll start your dream menu proper now. Yes. With dream starter? Dream starter, I don't know why, even though I understand what a meal is and how menus work. It's good to know at the top. It would be unfortunate. It doesn't sound confident about it. But for some, more confident than I was.

But I'm not. I promise. But for some reason, every time I thought of starter, I just thought of like breakfast food. Do you know what I mean? and something really comforting that Chila Kiles from Mexico there's something about

just like I went on a trip with my girlfriend about like three she was my girlfriend then I'm just gonna keep saying this she's my wife now guys I think you just gotta you gotta switch to wife with my wife yeah you've been married a while this isn't a new thing yeah that's true

that's true but it is like because you're thinking she was your girlfriend then but now she's your wife exactly I think it's what's the worst of it's going to happen the story and we're going to go, aha, you've been married longer than you say. By the end of the show, it'd be like, she's not my wife anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

That would be sad. What a dessert. What a divorce. What divorce? Chila quiles, yeah. Something about the, like, we were on this trip and we were, because we were trying to see as much of Mexico as possible, so we, like, landed in Mexico City

where you get the kind of, like, cool, hipstery version of it. And there's something about the combination of all the flavors of, like, Apparently, using slightly stale tortillas to get, like, crunchier chips. So you get the texture of that. You get the sour cream, the refried beans, and also just, like, lots of cheese. Yeah, there's something, Chilichillas is my start. So what is the chila quela?

Because I don't think I've got it in my head proper. So, like, they bake, I believe, they bake tortillas and then break them up into chips. Over that, you serve refried beans. Sour cream, lots of herbs, load of cheese. If you're so inclined, you can have fried eggs on top and you just chowd on that.

I do feel... I am inclined. Yeah, I'm so inclined. For anyone who's listening from Mexico, I do feel like I've sort of just asked for the equivalent of like, oh, my starter is going to be beans on toast. But it's taste delicious. Yeah, but on the Mexican off menu,

when a guest asked for beans on toast, everyone's like, whoa, nice. Good choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have we franchised this out? Is there a Mexican one? I didn't know about you. Oh, I didn't know this.

Yeah. Didn't know there was a Mexican off menu. Yeah, it's pretty good. Wow. Intrude to see what their genies like. Yeah. I would be intrigued to see it, actually. They're basing it on me.

If they do any, did they do slightly more work to prepare for the work? Well, I don't work. He's done the work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been living this. His character is inside out. No one's ever caught me out. Do we have many, this is in Mexico, Benito?

Look it up. He has a stats broken, broken. down. This guy loves stats. You're going to finally seem excited. Yeah. Come on. Hit us with it.

It's going to absolutely love it. Percentage of many new listeners from Mexico. From, in Mexico. Who are in Mexico. Yeah. It's less than 1% I think. I'm going to say 2%. I'm going to say 0.5%.

I'll say 0.9%. Not 1.1.1. Tom. How many people are going to go with not holding it down in Mexico? A thousandth of our listenership is in Mexico. And a lot of those are going to be experts, aren't they? It's a growth area, guys. There will just be people on spring break or something.

I can't believe this. I'm gutted to find that out. That's quite disappointing. Wish we hadn't booked an arena in Mexico now. Yeah. We have more listeners in Jersey. Good. Glad to hear it. That tracks, great.

Yeah, yeah. Big up Jersey if you're listening. Well, those chitter-kilos sound very nice. Are you inclined with, you're not inclined to the egg? With the egg, I mean, I don't eat egg, but then I've been... You shouldn't have egg on it, then? You don't eat egg, but, but I, no. I will have it if it's like in cake.

How come you, okay. It's not in cake, so it's chila chile. Yeah, it's in chile chile. And I say, who's having a bit of cake and going, ooh, a lovely egg? A lovely egg. A lovely egg. You really take the egg. That would put me off cake.

Yeah. If I think about that there's egg in it, that puts me off. Yeah, because I'm like, it's supposed to be a sweet treat. What the hell's an egg doing? Yeah. Yeah. He loves hatching eggs. Hatch, I love hatching eggs.

What does that mean? You love hatching eggs. Hatching and catching. Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. James is talking about Pokemon Go. Right. Are you familiar, Ed?

Oh, God, I've just remembered. Yeah. Nick is just in the crew. I'm in the crew. Because I was like, oh, great, Nick Hesch is coming on. We can talk about hunted and stuff. It's going to be really fun. We can talk about all his great work.

And I've just remembered you're in the stupid fucking Pokemon. Whoa, whoa, whoa. First of a spec. It was not the guest. It was Ed having a shit fit about Pokemon Go. No, I did. Went to Go Fest together. We did go to Go Fest together.

Brockville Park. For disclosure, I did message James last night on Signal, because not because we're drug dealers, but because we're on the run again. Yeah, Pokemon GoCrew. You don't want it traceable. Spencer's quite paranoid about WhatsApp, so it'll work to be on Signal.

Is that the reason? Yeah, yeah, great. That's before you joined. Of course that makes sense. I basically went, I haven't played the game in about a year, but should I just get on it so that we can talk about it because it all went up and he said that's exactly the reason why she did it.

But it's indecipherable now. Like I was sort of wondering around London Bridge going, the game's gone. Why is it indesipherable? There's all this like, I mean, you don't care, but like there's, they've added loads of like, there's a Dynamax option

where you can battle like giant Pokemon. And it's a whole bolt onto the game. Yeah. Wines me up. Yeah. But then you do get a little, you get the little bear cupboard that's like noes taekwondo.

So you guys are just walking around London and going, London's changed. Yeah, pretty much. All these Dynamax Pokemon's everywhere now. And if I want to get the little bear that guy type one never got to do it. About Dynamax Pokemon tomorrow. Yeah.

Tweeting Sadieke Khan. We're an island of strangers because of these dynamax Pokemon. I walked past someone. On the tube the other day, a mum saying to her kid, well, welcome to Siddeke Carn's London. This is what it's like. I was like, he's been in charge for ages.

also you don't know that woman wasn't being positive she wasn't when they played Pokemon what she followed it up with was not positive that's funny to say that in a positive way to someone knows isn't it? Yeah yeah welcome A positive utopia

Yeah Love that She was claiming that nothing worked Even though currently everything was working Yes And we were walking around it It was all fine Yeah

But that's not That's you know You can't mean about that So No No you got to Poison into your kids Just a deep calm for this functioning lift.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, it is getting crazy now with Pokemon. Because you're still pretty diehard, right? Well, I'm on the app pretty regularly, but, you know, I can't keep up with it all. Not like... Do you remember the plan you had, which you told me, which I think now looking back on it, was a way of playing Pokemon without seeming like a loser? Was that you were like, I'm going to...

He said, I'm going to collect them all, and then I'm going to hand over the whole app to my nephews. Yeah, I'd be like, I've done this for you. So he said it was like, I'm going to... present for his nephews. That was four years ago. Do you have a nephew? I don't know anymore. I've lost touch of them. You never gave them the Pokemon.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't have any interest after that. Yeah, I mean, it turns out you can never catch them all because they're constantly releasing no ones. Yeah. The Dynamics ones, for example. It's a total waste of time. And also, I was lulled into thinking that like, the fun thing, Ed, was that we all got to walk around in a park. playing Pokemon Go together. That doesn't happen every year.

So where is it next year? And it's like it's in Barcelona. Yeah, exactly. You could go, you guys could go to Barcelona. Yeah, but it's a bit of a hard sell. It's like, especially with a kid. Pokemon Vamos? Can I have Pokemon?

Yeah, very good. Can I go to Barcelona for the weekend? Is it for work? No, what's it for? It's to play Pokemon Go. Yeah. With my crew. Yeah, with my crew.

With my crew. Yeah, got to go with Helen Bauer and Sakis. Oh, yeah. Got to go. got to get on a plane together. I realize you're booking all of the members of the Pokemon crew for this podcast. Yeah, yeah.

Had three people on it so far. Let's go. From the crew. Yeah. No, it's harder to book the other ones because they're not like in front of camera. People. But like if we do start booking producers. No.

And people who book live gigs. No. You know, they'd have to get the whole crew on. Yeah, because of the nature of their work, they'd have to be notorious in some way. My wife's not on the group anymore, right? She's on the group, she's just silent. Yeah, I've never been more proud of her. Doesn't say anything on that.

But I mean, so am I nowadays. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we all are really apart from Bauer, whoever now and again is going, anyone want to do a raid of me, and then everyone ignores you know. Pretty bad. Which I feel like is water off the duck's back.

Like, I think she's like, well, she'll follow up with a selfie of herself crying, pretended to cry. Yeah, yeah. There is that. Sorry, power. Your dream main course. My dream main course.

is typically found in the starter section of the menu, but this is what I always used to do when I was a kid and we'd go out for food with my family, is you'd go big on starters and get them to the table. Because the mains were bigger and heavier. My main course is going to be like a generous portion of chili panir. And good chili panir has like the right combination of. Because I think typically people think of panir very much as like an Indian dish, which it is, but good chili panir has a lot of like, a bit like what we're talking about with Penang, that fusion of Indian and Chinese flavors.

So you get a mix of like the spices that you'll find in chart. So like, I'm sure like mango powder and all that kind of stuff, with Chinese spices as well. And the texture is really important because the cheese itself is, if it's fresh, it's nice and soft. but then you want to fry it so you get that crisp on the outside. I'm getting hungry now. And then, yeah, with, just because I say with the nice Jasmine Rice, big generous portion.

Now, like, you could go, I've had really good chili panir in Mumbai, obviously, because they, you know, you're close to sauce. But there's some good spots in, I'd say, like, northwest London where I grew up. But like a good, like, I wouldn't even say it's the, it's, the best necessarily, but a really solid chili panera's on Ealing Road in Wembley, which is, you guys are, you familiar with Ealing Road? I think so. So it's sort of like a sort of brick lane-esque one road, loads of shops, big hub for,

particularly for the like Gujarati community in London. Lots of people go there to pick up like wedding wear. so it's where my wife and I went to source a lot of our clothes for the wedding but yeah really good food spots there as well did you double up when you were doing the wedding shop where you were like oh oh I'll wear your sorry no chili panir oh no I thought you were going to sorry no I'm misunderstood because when I came here you asked by my jacket and I said I stole this off my wife

I thought you were going to say did we double up on clothes yeah no no I was asking if you would be nice to twin on your wedding day yeah it's a great jacket Thank you. One of them looks like Ed. One of them looks like Ed. There's people on the jacket just for the list. There's people on, yeah, I'm wearing a sort of like multi-coloured jacket. This guy...

That looks like me a bit. Yeah. Not exactly, Ed. Not exactly, me. I was going to say he looks a bit like David Walliams, but I prefer that he looks like you. Yeah. It's sometimes with drawings of white guys, you can sort of squint and you can imagine any white guy on it.

Yeah. And I'm one of those guys. Yeah, you're one of those guys. I'm default. I'd add a bit of stand-up about looking like the character on a computer game. When you got to make your own character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You make your own character before you've added anything to it.

Yeah. Like a blank avatar kind of vibes. He can be self-deprecating. Put the audience at ease. Yeah. I think what James was asking was, did you have a chili panir when you were out picking wedding outfits? Oh, yeah. Like, it was the thing that kept to...

Before he left the house. Or did you like mention it during? Oh, sometimes it'll be like, we'd both be like, oh, we should really do some like outfit shopping today. And it was clear that we probably weren't going to find anything, but we would end up in usually Sikonis. Yeah, just chlamming down on Chili Pano. So it was a good way to.

Are you trying outfits on before you eat? Ah. Yeah, crucial. Yeah, I think it is crucial, isn't it? But also, like, at least for the guys anyway, This is why Indian formal wears very forgiving. Because as long as you get it fitting on your shoulders, down here, I mean, I don't know if you've ever tried on like the typical cotton Indian trousers,

but there's some quite funny videos of people like usually, you know, white people who are going to their first Indian wedding. Shout out. Shout out white people. Who will hold up the trousers and they're like twice the width. That's basically because they're very, like they've got a drawstring in them. So you just slip into this garment, pull the drawstring until it fits around your waist and then tie it up. And then throughout the day, just keep loosening it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love that. And then the top part is just, yeah, as long as it fits you up top, then there's no constricting your belly. I mean, sign me up for that. He's got a suit fitting soon and he's crapping his pants. Yeah. Because he doesn't want to eat. What was Benito suggested to you that you ate? You threw that back in his face,

but then cheese. No, but that's not. That's after, that's after. Oh, is it like a posh dude that you're... It's my sister's wedding. Yeah, okay. Coming up in August. Going to have a suit made for it.

I thought it was a nice excuse to have it. And it's going to be hot, right? Yeah. So I'm going to get a linen suit made. Here's the thing. Your sister's wedding is in a hot country. No, no, no. I know what's going to happen.

It's in England, but I know it's going to end up being boiling. Yeah. Could you go in an Indian outfit? Yeah. I'm not sure I could square it away. given, it's my sister who is, you know, true to form for the Gamble family, white. Yeah.

Marrying a man who is white. Yeah. I don't think there's going to be any members of the family there who are Indian, so I don't feel like I could. Fine. If I rock, basically, I'm going to have to do. You're not going to clash with anyone? I'm going to have to do a lot of explaining if I turn up in an Indian wedding after.

Not a lot of, yeah. Probably not, yeah. I'll come with you. Yeah, you come with me, please. Yeah. The optics of that would be weird, though, wouldn't it? like, I'm not invited, don't know anyone. Like, not talking to anyone, but just sort of by your side.

Yeah. Okay, fair enough. But, you know, it's an option. Yeah, it does, it does mean that when you, it's very forgiving when you're stuffing your family. Yeah, it'll be more comfortable to be in on the day. Can you get a drawstring? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'll ask the tailor. I'll put a foot in. Yeah. What sort of, what sort of suit? Are you allowed to tell me about your suit? I don't really know yet. I'm going to go and chat to them about fabrics on Wednesday. Yeah, great.

I love that stuff. He's got a tie that he has to wear, though. Yes. Specific tie, so he has to build the suit around the tie. Yes, great. So it's like picking the color from the tie. Is that where we're going? Yeah, but then the tie's like blue,

but I've really liked, they've got a green linen in at the moment that looks really nice. Blue tie with a naked lady on it. Yeah. Oh, la la. Not your sister. No, no, no.

That'd be weird. It'd be weird if my sister was like, you and your brother have to. That'd be funny as hell, though. I kind of respect it. She was like, you've got to wear a tie with a picture of me, with a nude on it. Yeah, you actually did it. Yeah.

He actually did it. Sike. Nick Hush told me. I'll just be there going, I did. Your dream side dish. I'm expecting this to be a main. Yeah, yeah, because I'm, yeah, I... Or it is it?

It's a side. It's a side. Acre fries. Yes! Specifically from... There's a place called Bombay-Sah spice in Kingsbury that does okra fries that are like crack because they're so it's like you've got to get the fry right so it's light but crispy the seasoning is on point and they're so moorish that um it's completely impractical but my i'll go over to my parents for food and my mom will

be like where's dad and he's i've sent him to Kingsbury in traffic because this restaurant won't do like deliveroo or any kind of delivery. And he's been sent to get the... Because also you want them while they're hot to pick food up. So shout at Dad for every time he's got to do that run. Shut up your parents, is your dad the softer touch? You know, you'll get him to go to Kingsbury,

but your mum wouldn't do it? I wouldn't say he's the softer touch. I'd say, you know, he's got an incentive in that situation, which is he's getting occupies. He wants it. Now, what's the chance? that your dad is eating some of the okra fries on the way home because extremely high because if that's me i'm going yeah you got to i'm saying it out loud

you've got to pay the piper yeah yeah yeah as i'm driving home oh interesting i'm even getting an extra portion of octro fries you know that's exactly the phrase my dad is it i'm getting two portions i'm eating one on the way yeah yeah what are you saying pay the piper you got to pay the piper um yeah yeah no doubt i think yeah they're probably a little bit lighter than they should be when they come back yeah yeah you know smart move because they get something for nothing That's so good. Yeah, okra fries. Yeah, if they were easier to source, I would acquire a portion for you.

But if you're ever in that neck of the woods, Bombay Spice. We've got to visit your parents. Send your dad out for something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go in the car with him. Yeah, keep in eye on him. Keep an eye on him and I'll hold the okra fries on the way back. Yeah, yeah.

I ain't paying the pipe of mate. I ain't paying you, Mr. Patel. Piper, Padam. You'd have to address, Mike. Yeah, Piper, Patel. Are there other things when you, visit your parents, that, like,

foods that you look forward to having nearby? Yeah. I mean, my mom's an incredible cook, so there's always something, like, has somosa charts really good. Any, like,

any curries that she makes. And because I grew up, I ate meat. I didn't eat beef, but I ate meat when I was growing up, and then I went vegan initially about eight years ago, and then I'd say I'm more veggie now.

And then this new thing, which is now that I've got a one-year-old, I've decided it's really important not to waste any food. So if she doesn't have all of her fish fingers, then I might snaff a one. But, you know, that's fine. James Gassel, your baby.

Yeah, do you remember that? Yeah, it was quite aggressive. Nick made a point of saying, can you remind James that when we saw him at Glastonbury, so the syn- My favorite story. The situation is this. We were at Glastonbury.

Did we, you and, you and Nish had just done like a... We just had a DJ set. A DJ set. We were pretty giddy, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. And we're like, right, let's get some drinks.

And Nick said, not for me. James just wandered straight over, got in her face, and went, pregnant. I was right. You were right.

So proud of yourself, weren't you? Really proud. Well, obviously, you both laughed because it was such a rude thing to do. Yeah. And I should have done it. So rude.

People don't tell people for like loads of reasons. Yeah. And they want to keep it quiet. It wasn't just the drink. There was enough things building up to it that I was like, this is definitely what's happening. And normally I would keep that to myself. And then afterwards say to my partner,

I think that person might be pregnant. Yeah. No, you didn't do that. Instead, I was on a high for the DJ set. I was, I was loads of drinking me. And I was like, you're pregnant. And then you both laughed and went,

yeah, but we haven't told anyone yet. They went, Nish! Nick Rand, Dustin, Rick. I figured it out. And then the rest of the night, I just kept on going, and then the rest of the night and I'm going, I figured it out.

I figured it out. Was that the night you met Andrew Garfield as well? Maybe. It might have been Garfield night. It was the same festival, definitely. It was the same weekend. Wasn't that, and we ended up that evening at that, we ended up at one of the places

had like a salsa dancing competition, but it was also like... Grasso Latino. Yeah. But like really, like really aggressively sexual salsa dancing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was where I figured it out. Yeah.

Yeah. Where people might have got pregnant. Yeah, yeah. We always go there to get the two-can cocktails. We always go there to get the two-can cocktails. This cocktail is really strong. It's great. We just drink that all the time.

I'd have enough of those to call out someone for being pregnant. Call out. Yeah. That's to a pack there. What was nice about it for me, was that I really should have felt mortified that I'd done that. But I was just, I just felt so good all night.

Yeah, you felt like, actually like a competition winner. Yeah, I was like, it's the best thing I figured it out. And afterwards as well, to be fair, when you told me about it, it's not like he was ashamed of what he did. So guess what I figured out? It's like the sort of best version of guess how many sweets in the jar. Yeah, it was good. Because loads of times, you know, in life, you suspect that that might be had.

Suspect. Do you, but I thought you were going to say loads of times you point out of women and shout pregnant. Sadly not. Yeah. But like, the sort of terminology you're using,

man. I'll be like, I'm suspicious. Yeah. This person is pregnant. Yeah. But I'm like, well,

I can't ask them. So it just has to be that when they announce it, then I have to be one of those people goes, yes, I knew. But like, people would be like,

yeah, as if you did. And you can't ever call that. You can't ever go, hey, I feel like he's really using this, this episode to take his moment here. Yeah.

Yeah, you can't ever say to somebody because it is rude. It's awful thing to do. I'm glad you recognised that. Yeah, good. But what a feeling to do it and be right? I loved it.

It felt brilliant. I guessed it. I guessed it. I guess it. I guess it. I figured it out. I mean, how soon after it happened did he tell you? Did he text you that night?

No, I don't think so. I don't think it was a bit later on. Yeah. I don't think he got it out there to the general public immediately. No, I wasn't, I wasn't doing a PR campaign. I mean, you're lucky he's come off social media, though, is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it would have been.

on there. I would have done a selfie with us and then tweeted, I figured it out. Yeah, yeah. Well, like, yeah, hatching, hatching egg emoji.

Yeah. That could be in Pokemon, though. Yeah, to be fair, people see you and me to get one to hatching eggs,

they think are. They've been hatching in Gastonbury. That's what's going on. So, so, yeah, send my regards to Nick. Thank you.

I will. I regret nothing. Yeah. And send my regards as well, I have nothing to regret. No, she has very fond memories of,

where were you guys for the... Shrewsbury Prison we started in. Shrewsbury Prison because she was on her own and it was quite intense vibes in that in the prison. A lot of different characters in there. A lot of different characters, a lot of different energies. Apparently like the speakman's

in prison like cured Bobby Siegel of his fear of Marmite or something. Yeah, yeah. They didn't. He was being polite. He was being polite. Yeah, there's one way to find out. Yeah. We lure him on here and freedom of Marmite.

Bobby Seagull on. Yeah. Got to get him on here. Yeah. That's a no break. But her... And the Speakmans, copy about it? Yeah.

Speakmans would be off many gold. Yeah. I'd say having dinner with the Speakmans is the most I've ever laughed. Yes. Yeah, great. Truly. Yeah, yeah. A lot of really great.

We won't tell any of them to spoil them in case we do, get them on. Yeah, yeah. Some of the best shit your pants stories. Have I heard. The story's about shitting themselves. Really good. I think that side dish sounds great. Great.

Yeah, you're hitting a lot of great things for me here. Good. The chili panir, incredible. Yeah. Ocra fries. Heaven. And even just a shout out to Samosa Chart. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I love Samosa Charts. And the best thing about Samosa Chart as well is like, like the, it's almost like a ritual of assembling it because there are so many bits. You've got samoses. You've got all the different sources. You've got the, the Seve, which is like the savory, like kind of grain stuff. All the herbs.

All the. chutneys. I mean, like anyone who prepares it well, my mum, like, insists on doing all of the steps together, and which is totally worth it because then you get, you got that

colour, all that texture, all that flavour. Should we have some of those for the table? Are we allowed to do that in the dream, in the dream restaurant? We've never done it. I got overruled by you and Ryanlyn on the 200th episode when I was trying to order stuff for the table. You were adamant, especially that I couldn't do that.

It's because it's something that you wanted. Yeah, yeah. And you do that in real life in restaurants as well. Yeah. Can that be, is that an Honourable Muncheon? Yeah. Some Miser up to Chalka for the table. Yeah, but I think we upgrade it from Honourable Muncheon,

which means because Honourable Muncheon means you don't get it. Oh, okay. But for the table. Yeah, I'd like some. Do the hand movement. Yeah. Do the hand movement for the table. What?

No, no, no, no. You do something different when you say for the table. Oh, love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. Really, yeah, good. Really detailed character work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's like, that's just, that's my real, my normal life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your dream drink. So it was going to be chai. Yes. Just because I love it. And there's something, like, there's something really, really like, it smells of home. Mm-hmm. You know, it smells of at home specifically being like,

like it was a smell that kind of crept upstairs when I was, when I was, when I live with my parents. But recently, I was at, Deschum of opened up a permit room, which is like, it's sort of like a restaurant, but it's also got like a club vibe and there are rooms you can stay upstairs. And they've just opened up one. Yeah, it's very cool. Didn't know. In Portobello. And they had a chai-flavored espresso martini.

Whoa. So I'm getting one of them. Yeah. Yeah, that's my drink. When did you have this? I had it on Thursday. So this is fresh. You're still awake from then.

Still awake. Yeah. But also like new dad, it's a no brain of drink, you know, like where most people are going like, oh, I mustn't because it will rev me up. I'm like, no, this will keep me functioning. Yeah. So yeah, the chaspresso martini is my drink. And what's the, because I've never had this.

What's the balance of flight? How are the balance in the balance in the? I mean, I didn't, to be fair, I didn't, I didn't see them mix it up, but you can get, so I imagine there's something about using, almost using the masala as like a, like a seasoning. But like what goes into chai masala and it's one of the things I did when I was bored during lockdown because I was like, sourdough sounds like way too much effort. But I can whiz a bunch of whole spices up. But there you've got like stuff like cardamom, cinnamon.

and then a lot of the like peppery or tastes, is that word? I don't know. And then some people add like rose petals. So like the main thing is you want a nice, you want, yeah, a lot of it's for smell as well as taste. Yeah, chriest brosso martini is my drink. It sounds like a great way to upgrade the espresso martini as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm fond of it to drink, but like sometimes, especially because they're so popular now,

sometimes you can have one and you're like, yeah, I can taste a coffee. This is going to keep me awake, but it's a little bit like watery or... Yeah, oh God, you can get some really ripy ones now. You want it to have that thick mouth feel. Yeah. And you want the good foam on the top. Definitely. Yeah.

They can start doing proper, like, all the different Starbucks orders. Yeah. And an espresso martini. Great. Have a hole. Huh? Take us through him. Flat white.

Is that a milky espresso martini? Yeah. I think that would work. Yeah, yeah. Late. Same one. Huh? Bigger.

Yeah. When I asked you to take us through them, that wasn't me actively dropping you in it. That wasn't my idea to be like, he's not going to have anything up his sleeve here. I thought you'd talk about it. No. No. No, I just find an idea out there. Off the top of the day in that.

Cortado. Yeah. What's that? Frappuccino. Baby chino. Baby chino. Baby chino. Oh, that.

I don't know. Especially martini for the babies. Yeah, I didn't think that was through, really. I mean, maybe, maybe without. the sort of, you know, without the Kalua. Mm. But the vodka, yeah? Yeah, keep vodka in there. Yeah. I mean, I don't really know all that.

There are loads of Starbucks things, but I mean, a lot of the Starbucks orders are kind of created. It's like brown sugar, creme brulee coffee and stuff. Yeah. They're trying to kill people. I love that and a espresso martini, sure. But really, those are kind of Starbucks orders I only ever try in an airport. Yeah.

Because I'm convinced myself. Are they available? Are they available? like freely in the UK or that feels like something you've got to be in... I think you can get some pretty crazy stuff in the UK from Starbucks. I mean, I would never order it, but you see people come out of there with these like glowing drinks. Yeah.

Where they put the cream on, but they've not thought about putting the lid on. And then they put the lid on, the creams are pushing up against it. And there's a hole in the top of the store. It's almost like squirting out the top. No. Absolutely disgusting.

These tiny teenagers walking around drinking it and like enjoy it now, guys. you're not going to get away with that in a few years. Tiny teenagers are absolutely loving Starbucks right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just go in there and get all the fappuccinos, all the cold stuff is basically a milkshake. Yeah. But they get to feel like they're adults.

And I always queue up at Starbucks once. Just a queue behind about a million tiny teenagers. Yeah. And how are they not just shitting their guts out after they do? I bet they shit their guts out. Yeah, yeah. I bet it's cool these days. Yeah, oh yeah, it's probably cool.

They probably make a TikTok of themselves shitting their guts out. Yeah. Do you see that episode of adolescence when they're shit in their guts out? One shot. No, I didn't. Well, yeah, I was going to say, well, yeah, I didn't. No, I missed that. The way they do it is they start with a drone when they're shitting and it goes all the way into the toilet. Yeah, all the way, they through the toilet, through the bend and then out another toilet and another person shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The thing that they do, like, when they examine your stomach and then all the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then it flies out of the mouse and then flies over there and then Stephen Graham's crying. Yeah, Stephen Grace cried Starbucks going, who's to blame for this? Maybe it's Starbucks. Maybe. Maybe it's me. I did a very bad misstep at a gig last night where I had to open for a band. I'd agreed to do this. Comedy opening for a band.

Yeah, it's usually a cursed thing. You shouldn't do it. But I love the band so much. I agreed to do it. What band was this? A musician called Seb Rockford in his new band. He's a jazz drummer. One of my favorite drummers.

Yeah, good gig. Very excited. The things you say yes, too, man. Yeah. Hey, it was fun. He says no to so much good stuff. It's always no, straight away. Yeah, yes.

And he said yes to supporting a jazz drummer and doing celebrity catchphrase. I can't wait. I can never... Oh, it's good as... Okay, is you recording tomorrow? Yeah, I play along with it at the gym. I'm looking forward to going to do it. I can't keep tabs on...

What's wrong with saying yes to celebrity catchphrase? Nothing. But I can absolutely never have a handle on what he would enjoy doing or what he's going to say yes to. When I said yester hunted, he couldn't believe it. Yeah. Nothing wrong with doing catchphrase is all. I love catchphrase.

Yeah. But James has said yes to it. Are you kidding me? Well, look, I said yes to the support in the band. Oh, yeah. You're the jazz drummer, so you must be doing celebrity catchphrase if you're supporting a jazz drummer. It's in my life.

Work out what your personality is. Your dream dessert. Very exciting. This is where... So, I've imagined this, so Jeannie's gonna have to magic it into existence. We got served at our... our wedding, the caterer has offered the option of chocolate samosas. Oh, wow.

So samoses, so like, you know, you get all the delight of like, I mean, chomping off the corners off of a samosa and the texture of that, but basically filled with Nutella and a dollop of ice cream at the end of a meal. But then to kind of go left with that a bit, someone I know very well, who I won't out recently was regaling me with stories about how they had a great time doing mushroom chocolate. So I would like... That's drugs, by the way, for everyone. That's drugs.

Not just like button mushrooms. Yes. Yeah, not like... My mum who listened to this podcast just had mushroom chocolate. Oh, oh, interesting. I'm not trying that. I mean, I mean, it is interesting, but you know... Don't do it, don't do it, ma.

You need a responsible adult with you or a genie. Yeah. Um, magic mushroom chocolate. Your mum's definitely done mushrooms. What? Your mum's definitely, she's been a shroom head in the past. My mom's not a shroom head. You don't know that.

Your mom was on shrooms when she did that impression of me the other day. She's the impression of Ed. What was it? Can you give a flavour of the impression? Yeah, yeah, I filmed it. I sent it to Ed because she was, we were, we were talking about off menus, so she's an impression of head. It was a, watch a man's little bro.

Didn't sound anything like me. But that's why it's so fun. Yeah, it was a fun impression, but it's just the idea that... Are they words you ever said? To James's mum, I'm using the phrase, little bro, all the time. I go, what you mean's little bro? Yeah, that's kind of what you're like. I think my mum imagines you with a backwards baseball player.

Yeah, yeah, it's the stevedo-semi skateboard. Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah. Fellow kids vibe. That's how she imagined said. So what's your dessert, little bro? Yeah. Yeah, magic, mushroom, chocolate, So, you know, you can have a, you can continue to have a good time.

Yeah. After the meal. Here's what I think about drugs. Yeah. Here we go. No, here's what I think about drugs in food. Yeah. If you put drugs in something delicious that you definitely want more of is the issue that

your hunger and cravings are going to take over, then you end up having too much of the drugs, Nick. Almost certainly, which is why, because in the dream restaurant, you've got a jewell. genie looking after you, I would entrust the genie with basically making safe. Yeah. Which is not a phrase you'd want to say if you were normally taking drugs, if you were like,

someone said you've had too many of those. You go, don't worry, the genie's keeping yourself. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, oh, well, he's had, yeah. Portion control's not been great on this one. I completely hear you. And look, this is untried territory. I also don't know, like,

having never had mushroom chocolate, does it taste nice? Because I don't want to, you know, throw off the integrity of a good chocolate, so much. Of course, yeah. But, dream version, it tastes delicious, you get a little buzz. You might see something. Have you done mushrooms before?

I haven't done mushrooms before. So what was it about your friend's story that made you go, oh, I'd quite like to do mushrooms. Especially in chocolate form. Maybe I'll do it in the dream restaurant. With a responsible, because they, you know, people that I've spoken to that have done it say, do it with someone who is not partaking so that they can sort of,

you know, make sure that you're not doing anything. I mean, it should be someone who's already done the drug, right? Yeah, that would help, not someone who's completely out their depth. Because I'm going to be so out of my depth. Yeah. I'm going to try my best and I hope my genie powers will come in a place somehow. But like, I've never done a drug. Yeah.

Apart from, I'm an alcohol. And if he's around people who have done drugs. I mean, I know what you're like on alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have been a nightmare at that. I'm not. Prego shaming left.

Yeah, yeah. Also, if James is around people who've done drugs, he will shout at them for having done the drugs. Well, I'm going to tell them off. I just, I just, it's like, you are a junkie. It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's funny. Especially if it's just weed or something. Yeah. They've got a problem and they're an addict. So would that, would that be the case, if, If I were, if I ended the meal in your restaurant with a little trip on some mushroom chocolate samosas, would you, because in my head I was like,

it's fine, the genie's going to look after me, but it's going to be tiring if you're looking after me, but also just constantly pointing at me going, you're a junkie. You're not a problem. I think because you're in my restaurant, I would be very nice to you, but at the end, when I put you in a cab,

I would secretly send it to the Priory. Cab, okay, yeah, great. Yeah, you'd be straight to the Priory. You distract to the Priory. Well, this like, okay. So it'd be a little funny joke at the end for me. It's all power. I know you're going to the pariah.

You think you're going home. Yeah. You'd be there with all the other off-men you guests who've picked drugs on their menu. Mike Skinner, Dan Aykroyd. I mean, tell me more. Yeah. I mean, there's not many. Who's the voice?

Mike Skinner. Mike Skinner and Dan Hackroy is great. Yeah, yeah. That's actually pretty good. Yeah, yeah. It's a nice little gang. Yeah. I'd love that.

I'd watch whatever TV show that is. It's got the three of you in. What? Did they pick mushrooms? No, they picked. a setiva blunt for Dan Aykroyd. Yeah, great. It's like a, there's more weed for my skinner

that was like a, that was starter. Yeah, nice. Cushy punch. Cushy punch. Sounds, yeah, sounds delicious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if, if you're in, it doesn't sound too, like, yeah, as, as, as, as, as, as, as rehab hangs go, you know.

Mike Skinner and Danak were doing a bit of weed and me sort of imagining because I'm seeing James's face shouting at my wife in a cloud or something. Yeah. I reckon you'd if you'd be the least cool guy in rehab though if you go in there for chocolates and moses. That would stand anyway with those two

but I can't get enough of chocolate somers with mushrooms. Who invited this guy. Quite hard to get hold of actually. I don't know how he's developed a habit. For mushroom chocolate samosis, a dessert that he invented. Yeah. Would you like all the wedding guests there as well to have the samosas with you,

the mushroom chocolate samosis? I mean, yeah, if we're all doing it together, it would be really hectic if I was the only one doing it and they were sort of watching me freak out. You could offer them. And then if someone turns them down, you could go, I figured it out. I figured it out. So if your parents, I imagine we're at the wedding, you want them to have those samoses? Okay, they've got to be careful now.

I think I think a very gentle dose Who do you think would be able to hack it the most out of your mum and dad? I sort of know it would be

my mum would be able to hack it yeah but then my dad having said no not for me would then get really into it he had the one in the car on the way home

we went on yeah exactly yeah my dad my dad would be saying you got to pay the pipe yeah yeah that's the dynamic

and mum's mom's review when we're all debriefing in the priory would be. Oh, there goes to the priory as well, are they? Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, if I'm going to hang out with Mike's going to Dan Aykroyd, then I might just, yeah. Bring your parents. Yeah, I'm not, I've already, I'm already the least cool guy there.

I'll bring my mom with dad. Yeah, I think that would be the dynamic. Mom would be like, yeah, I didn't really do anything for me. It would be fine. Dad would get involved. Yeah. It's going to be an intro. interesting one for them to listen to this.

Really delicious meal. And then he's like, oh, okay, the son has a deep yearning to have psychedelics. Yeah. It sounds like you're being sensible about it as well. Well, you know, I'm curious. I think it would be a good experience. And crucially, I'm taking advantage of the fact that I've got my own genie,

who I'm also tasking with the responsibility of making sure that I don't go too far and I don't end up in the project. How does this sound? If we bring you a plate of chocolate samosas and some of like there's maybe two. Yeah, there's like two that have got, so you can keep eating them

but only certain ones have mushrooms in. Sure. Because then that will probably keep you safe. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Now I'm into that. If you're like, I think instead of me looking after you, I'm going to magic into the restaurant,

Simon Amstall, who we've had on the podcast He knows all about this stuff. He would be able to help you out and make sure you're okay. And I think he would resist himself. Yeah, Simon would be great. So he'd be...

He'd also resist your menu because he's got shit tasting food. He'd like it, he's vegetarian. He's vegan, right? He's not even the panier. Oh, yeah, he's vegan, oh, yeah. He'd be going near that. Tell me off now that I'm vegan, not veggie.

Sorry, Simon. Veggie, not vegan. Yeah. But that's fine. Yeah. As long as he doesn't do it when you're buzzing. Yeah. You know what now?

Well, just being scolded by Samson. Yeah, him telling you about loads of chicks being sent into a grinder while you're trying to have a nice time with your chroman out. Yeah. No, thanks. You're shrooming off your noggin and Simon Amstall's saying why you're taking milk from that baby. Yeah. Then you're imagining a baby having the milk taken from it.

I think you like it was awful. It's not what I'm here to be reminded about. Adolescence was our fault for taking the milk for the babies. If we hadn't have done that. I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Thank you. You would like Stillwater with a long sliced kuk. Poplarums or bread, you would like Roti Chennai from Penang.

Correct. Starter are Chilaquilays. Yes. Main course, a generous portion of chili panir. Side dish, okra fries from Bombay spice. Somers chart for the table. Yeah. Benito's written Paula Tabler.

Very good. And I imagine he would want me to point that out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Proud of it. He got pleasure from that one. Just like something a 60-year-old man would say. Paula Tarbler followed by Have You Seen the latest Top Gear. My YouTube seems to think I love Top Gear.

It's a new thing. You keep clicking on it, though. Have you watched any of the videos? I thought I clicked on one of them. There you go. It was phrased like it was James May slagging off Clarkson. I was like, I want to see that. There's a rift in the fucking...

You watched it. And I watched it. But now it's... That's how algorithms work. It's like people posting under videos going, why am I seeing these videos so much? Because you keep fucking posting under them saying, why am I seen? I only clicked on it once.

One video of a tractor race in the pool and suddenly... It was a post-top-gear interviews. I know why I get top five carons. Because I watch them and I love watching them. Top five carons. Hold on. Yeah, I'll pack that for us. What's required to be a top-five Karen.

Do you mean just... Just some ladies getting angry? Yeah, yeah. Specifically. Throwing things as car windscreens and stuff. Yeah. I love Cairns. Didn't know that about you.

Just learned something new about Eddie. Yeah. Carrons. He loves if they're ranked as well. Yeah. I very rarely agree with the rankings. Yeah, yeah. Rankings are annoying.

Yeah. When you're watching on anything, you're like, how is this number one? Yeah. Because they also are open with the best ones to keep you watching the video. Yeah, yeah. And that's number five.

Yeah. So number one's rubbish. Yeah, absolutely rubbish. that he's got us the amount of times I fall for clickbait I'm getting so annoyed to myself

that says you won't believe this amazing story that that's so basic that's the most basic clipmate I fall for it

every time let's see if I believe this amazing story yeah oh no it's most boring for I've ever heard turns out

I did believe it yeah yeah drink chai flavoured espresso martini from Dechum correct

dessert magic mushroom chocolate samoses With a little scoop of ice cream. With a little scoop of ice cream. Fantastic. Simon Amstall.

And maybe Simon Amstle is like, as my sort of like, shaman for the evening. Yeah. Yeah. You're shaman, but not shaming. You for not being able. Yeah, we got it. You didn't need to carry on. Yeah.

You didn't need to carry on. Because shaman, not shaman, was beautiful. What? Yeah. Some listeners may have needed. It's not just, that's a, that's a movement. Yeah, but we're trying to get rid of those listeners. Oh, yeah.

A Mexican listener. this might have needed the contact. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Our Mexican listener. Yeah, yeah. But the people in Jersey, that was for you. The explanation.

Well, gracias, much of gracias. Thank you very much. To you, Nakesh. Thank you, Nikesh. It's been a pleasure. I mean, I feel like I should apologize for, but I'm not going to. I don't think, yeah.

I'm just shouting. Pregnant. Yeah. For example. I figure out. Beating you at hunted. Yeah, thrashing you. Tras of you were hunted.

Yeah. I beat you even more because I lasted longer than James. You did. Yeah, you did. I'd go and watch the glass menager room with my parents. James had to go to a play with his parents, and I sat behind a climbing wall longer for the entirety of your time on the show. Was it a good production of, did you enjoy, no?

No. Who was in it? Amy Adams. Was she good? I love Amy Adams, yeah. Not in the glass menage. I think the production in general. I thought all the actors were really good.

But the actual thing I was like, I don't know, I don't know why we're doing this. But then I was like still thinking like I was on the run. Yeah. So I don't know if, they sort of say that to you when you go in, you're like, and you know, you can feel a, you might feel a bit weird coming out of it. And when you're, when you haven't played the game yet, you're like, that's, that sounds comical. But then you do, like, for the longest time, it's just like walking past security cameras. Yeah. and like constantly being aware of like who can see me

jumped in white vans yeah yeah just really nice oh no hold on yeah shouldn't be doing no don't do that well thank you very much

to come to the dream restaurant Nickash thank you very much for having me thank you Nickash thank you Nickette there we are James Nickash Patel what a delicious menu

cracking menu I love panir man yeah I love all those things I would steer clear of the drugs. Yeah, I didn't say it at the time because I didn't want to seem like a dweeb around such a cool drugs guy.

Yeah. Why bother now? Yeah. We can't start doing drugs now. You're 40. I'm basically 40. Yeah. I think doing drugs now is the stupidest time of your life to start doing.

Yes. I think when you're young or when you're really old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although I'd say like I feel like 40 is the time I'm going to start removing things from my life rather than adding them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you thinking of removing?

Baseball caps, I think, was on my list. Oh, but then my mum won't know how to imagine you. But I've been buying a lot of caps recently, so I think I'm clinging on to 39 pretty hard. Yeah, well, you've got, you know, pretty much a year left. Yeah, yeah. Being in your 30s. I can't see, I think I thought I'd be wearing suits by this point.

Sure. But when am I going to, you know? Well, you got this suit fitting soon? Yeah, but I'm not going to wear it all the time, but I'd love to be, you know, we had Paul Fieger, on this podcast. Oh, yeah. He looks so great all the time,

but when did he start doing that, is what I want to know. Yeah. When do you make the leap? Yeah, because, like, I mean, Tom Neenan's been doing it forever. Yeah, since he was a baby. Yeah, so, yeah,

don't have to even think about it. Yeah. I should have done it earlier, shouldn't I? Should have done it earlier. Yeah. You could become a suit guy. I was saying this, actually, well, I've just come back from holiday.

And on holiday, I saw a man in a suit eating an ice cream, and I thought, that could be me. Yeah. You still get to have ice cream. I didn't know that they're still on the table. So, like, I said to my girlfriend, maybe I should start wearing suits.

She really laughed and she told other people about it. It was a very funny thing I'd said. So that's not going to happen for you. I don't think that's going to happen for me either. No. Maybe I'll wait for some sort of horrific life event and then start wearing suits so people can't mention it. Something for the listeners to look forward to you.

If you see Ed did a suit in the photo, a horrific life event has taken place. Nick Hes should not choose hunting. chicken. That would have been a horrific life event if he had done that. And he's veggie. I didn't know that. Yeah.

So that was never going to happen. Unless he had said, you know, Hunter's chicken, but hold the chicken, hold the bacon. Just cheese and barbecue sauce, please. Which we definitely would have kicked him out for. Yeah, that's even worse. Yeah, yeah. The worst part is barbecue sauce. Cheese on a plate with our barbecue sauce.

Yeah. Oh, no. Who chose shoes on a plate? It's Charlotte Church. Charlotte Church. Which she talked about cheese on a plate, certainly. Yeah. I don't know if she picked it.

Did she? Benito says yes And whatever Benito says It's usually gospel Well, lad It's been a pleasure as always I love to talk to you Well, yes

You too James says I suppose we'll return again I suppose we'll show What Thanks very much for listening We'll see you again soon On the off-media podcast Oh my

Pappanato brough Hey I'm Alison Spittle And I'm Ferran Brady and you might remember us both from our episodes of off-menu. I think in my episode I got very angry when I ordered toast in a restaurant and was presented with hot bread and then told that that was the nature of sourdough that it simply doesn't toast as a bread.

And I said that I take it in the hand and a mouth like communion. Did you? I did. That kind of brings us on to the topic of our new podcast. Ignore that feeling. A show by two ex-Catholic girls who have never learned to acknowledge a single emotion. ever. And the podcast is out every Tuesday, starting Tuesday the 10th of February. So please listen

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