Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Nish Kumar (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

In our final live Tasting Menu episode from the Royal Albert Hall, BFF of the podcast Nish Kumar joins us to talk beef beefs, Ghostbusters reviews and who’s the boss of the Hindus. Thanks if you came along to any of the Royal Albert Hall shows. We had a lovely time! Nish Kumar is on tour with ‘Angry Humour From a Really Nice Guy’. Go to www.nishkumar.co.uk for dates and ticketsListen to Nish’s podcast, Pod Save The UK wherever you get your podcastsFollow Nish on Instagram @mrnishkumarOff Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Recorded by Matt Mountford-Lister for Storm Productions Group live at the Royal Albert Hall.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the off-menu podcast, bonus, live Royal Albert Hall episode, James. Bonus. It's a bonus. It's the final Royal Albert Hall show. It's the final one. I mean, we thought it would never end, the longest stretch in history that anyone's ever done at Royal Albert Hall, I think. But, you know, it was a pleasure to go on that journey with you, Ed.

Yes, you too, mate. And our final guest, of course, was Nish Kumar. Nish Kumar. A Nish called Wanda. A niche called Wander, of course. Look, and fan-fayers. return and getting the menu of another fan favorite, aka a tasting menu.

Yes. And on the, you know, the naughtiest boy, I guess. The cheekiest. You don't want to start with Nish. You kind of do have to, it has a bit, it's last day of school vibes, isn't it, when Nish comes in? So, like, you know, we knew that that was the energy you'd bring. Yes.

Sometimes we might refer to the first half and want to make sense. Sometimes it might refer to stuff that happened before the first half, just in our lives. Yeah. Nish is very naughty boy. this is audio so just for those of you listening

Nish was wearing a propeller hat and he had a pea shooter with him Yes and little shorts that only just went below his Willie and knobbly knees and very naughty So gross the word Willie I hate the word Willie

I'd say that would that would be like that would end any like romantic what would the word be sex. I was ever having with anyone would be if they said, now show me that Willie. Yeah.

Also, for me, Willie can only be used for soft. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah, I would not. I wouldn't want to hear it. I wouldn't want to hear it anyway, but.

Anyway, but like, yeah, it doesn't work for hard. It wouldn't make me feel like a sexy guy. No. Look at that, Willie. I'd be like, yeah. You may as well call it. I spent hours getting this hard.

I spent hours on this. It's been hours getting as hard as a rock. I've got up early. I didn't try to get it hard for ages. You say it's still a Willie? It's what I'll call it a dinkle at this point. I call it my little peepie. Yeah.

Anyway, this is Nish Kumar at the Royal Albert Hall. Yep. It's off, men you love, baby! Second half, we're going to bring in our special guests. Very excited. Ed, kicking the second half off. you can. Welcome to the off-menu podcast and tonight for one night only it's a Morrison's make-your-own-pod. Taking the mango, so sorry, of conversation, adding to it a bowl of flour,

of humour, and then pouring it all on top of the chode in the whole of conversation. It's the off-menu podcast, tasting menu! That is their gamble. My name is James A-Cast. Let's get it. we own a dream restaurant every single week. We invite the guests and us in the favourite ever start and make us a side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, on the tasting menu,

please welcome. Nitch Kuma! What have you made? What is this T-shirt that you've... I've made my own T-shirt. I decided to make a special T-shirt to commemorate the day, but I wanted to make it like off-brand merch

like you see outside concerts where people are selling them. off tarpaulins. And so you can't be sued. It's all slightly changed. So it's off the menu live. We can put it on the big screen, Nish. We've popped it on...

It says egg hamble and hams alabaster with Nosh. And we're performing at the Prince Andrew War. Shout out to Prince Andrew. Up there in the big jail in the sky. He's not a prince. Good point, thank you.

Not the biggest problem with him. Not a prince, I think you'll find. And I've got a photo of the three of us where I'm doing an impression of James writing on his hand. And I've got a moustache. And you've got a moustache. And not as a joke, as we found out. It's a very nice t-shirt.

A very nice t-shirt. Amy Annette designed it for me. Yes. Shout out, Amy Annette. Shout out to women. The creepiest thing you've ever done. Shout out to women. Can I just say before we start a shout out to women?

Guys, can we just give a bit of a shout out to the women? For me, every day is international women's day. I call this podcast Off Women, you. So we're not off women. Yeah. Jimmy back? Okay. By the way, we found out, and we should have known,

when I was on stage and read out Daniel Billinge, the name Daniel Billing, and there was one squawk from the back of the Albert Hall, that was Nish. Billinge, I'm sorry to tell you, your name is fucking stupid. It's a man called Daniel Billing, and Ed really hit the nch sound. And I'm afraid to say, it really made me giggle.

And there were some people sat around Nish who were apparently quite annoyed by the squawk he did. But they're fine now, because he's on the stage now. For the next... It's not sat next year anymore. He's literally the rest of the show. Yeah, if you thought I was too loud when I didn't have a microphone

that was going through the PA system, you're shit out of luck, cunts. But shout out to women. Shout out to women. Shout out to women. Shout out to women. Sea bombs left and right. Shout out to all the women.

Well, we've started fantastically. Yes. It's a good start from you, Nish. And James, we need to start properly now. Because you're jeaning. I need to get in the lamp. I need to do my proper beginning. Oh, yeah.

Okay, here we go. No. It's a bit undignified. It's a big enough venue. that when I do this, most people can still see me. It's not very impressive from this angle. Although it's a deep squat, Jimmy. You know what? I don't enjoy every night.

There's always someone in this section and will wave at me and it's horrible. Every time someone does it, it's horrible. So there's one person going, hello? Look at these absolute virgins. You're wearing a homemade-off-menu t-shirt. He is right, though. are absolute virgins.

We spoke to that guy over there who's not a fan. He's the only person who's got a photo of his own kids on his phone. The only one who's had sex. Now, Nish, it's normally beholden on the guest to get the genie out of the lamp. It's your choice.

Oh, am I rubbing the lamp? That's how you want to get the genie out, sure. That's the only way to get the genie out is to wank off a lamp. Oh, no, don't wank it off, mate. Okay. But you're back for some time. I really want to see you actually find a magic lamp now

because you're the only person who would run away from the genie. You ran so far from the genie. I got really scared of the genie. Yeah. Also, you had your tongue out while you were wanking the lamp off, which gave me an insight I did not want. Shout out to women. That would be a funny scene if my dad wrote a porno.

If someone was wanking someone off, and then when they jizz, they run away from it. I just realized that this show finally has something in common with Aladdin in that it started with a brown man rubbing a lamp and being scared by a big loud genie. I mean, we didn't think we'd fold that into the format from day one. Nish, we didn't give you someone else's menu today.

Fantastic. Do you like when you don't choose the food and you just can give it up to chance? Well, sometimes... Let's be honest, a lot of the time you and I hand over the ordering of food to Ed. Yeah, that's true. Like quite a lot of the time when we go out for dinners, I get, we get a lot of, me and Amy get a lot of three shit. Every time we go out for dinner with these two, no offense, cunts.

None taken, none taken. We really feel like Lorraine Bracco in Goodfellas, you know, where she's getting like led into the Copacabana by Ray Leigh Otter. Because we come in and immediately like, oh, thank you. for coming. Pop-a-doms or water. Like, they come straight out. Nish is a big fan of this podcast, by the way. I love the off-the-menu. And then we get loads of free food and stuff.

And very often, you will order for us. I did the other day, certainly. At my birthday lunch, I had the menu thrust in my direction. And what will happen is to say, just order what you want, then, we trust you. And then, while I'm going through it, every two seconds, James will go, I've got my eye on this.

Yeah. And I'll go, actually, that sounds nice. I'd like that. And then I'll chime in with a few things. It's really like herding cats for Edward Gamble when he has to order for us. That was a good meal. A lot of meat. A lot of meat. And then there were a couple of gifts from the kitchen.

That's it. There's always gifts from the kitchen. People can't even believe what our lives are like. It's actually, you can't believe what my life is like because I actually don't do anything to contribute to this podcast beyond occasionally slagging it off in interviews. But sometimes, you know, Nish does Pod Save the UK.

his podcast. So great podcast. So when we go to the Houses of Parliament, the Mish, we'll occasionally, we'll get some gifted long reeds. They'll come over there, we'll go a guardian from the back.

From the kitchen. When we went for Ed's meal, my partner and I were the first people to arrive, and they said, oh yes, we've got your table. Ed, Ed's been here for ages. Ed was outside an hour ago. Just walking up, he's been walking up and down the street all morning, Ed Gamble has.

And Ed turned up and went, you've been here all morning. He went, no. I've only just got here. Yeah, I don't know who that was. I've got a double ganger walking around outside the quality chop house. Yeah, man. But I like that when she said Ed's been here all morning walking up and down, you thought, Ed would do that.

I would scope it out an hour early. He doesn't want to be late. He wants to make sure he definitely gets his chops. So he's come down, he's walking down the street all morning, because I hope we get it. We say it was somebody who looked like you, and they were like, oh no, get the table ready. Ed Gamble's here. Nish, it's been ages since you've been on this podcast.

It's been fucking, it's been, let's not be crass, millions of pounds ago for both of you. When you started this podcast, Hello Fresh was just a man called John Fresh, who used to run around handing out dinners to people in their house. Just the ingredients. Just fucking how John's been over again, just strutting out of chili through the window. Damn it, Johnny Fresh. This avocado doesn't go with this yorky bar at all. And now look at you. Absolutely loaded.

When you came on the podcast niche, you did your Christmas menu. I did indeed. And you did a whole Christmas menu. We've since changed the Christmas format. So it's people's dream menus, and they just talk about their Christmas in the middle. Yeah. So you've only ever done a Christmas.

You've never done a proper episode of off menu with your dream meal. And here you are on another twist on the format, and you still don't get to do your proper dream menu. That's because they know that you can't hand. my dream meal. That's because they know my dream meal would blow people's minds out of their ear holes. Yeah, I mean... The last time you did it, it was on stage at the Royal Festival Hall and you came on, and we mainly talked about how you once farted in a pie shop. Yeah, but you say that like I introduced the subject. I walked on, sat down and he went, you farted in a pie shop one

time. I think you introduced the subject when you farted in a pie shop. I think that was very much the opening salvo to that conversation I didn't pluck it out of thin air disgusting air and we discovered it was a Royal Festival Hall

around Christmas it was an absolute mess it was carnage I tore on Nick Nish's farts for most of the evening and we came off going man that was such a mess

but hey it was fun it's fun for us but like I wouldn't want to be in the audience that was an absolute mess and then someone went guess who was there tonight Tina Faye

we're at what Oh no Just all of our All of our hero Just like just a total hero Yeah Never met her in the audience Watching Nish talk about his fucking guffs

None of us have made the cut for SNL UK I didn't get the call for that No How about these three guys They will talk about guffs every week I can't have a meet Tina Faye now Because I'd have to open with You saw me on stage talking about my friend's guffs

And also I did 30 Rock on Mastermind Yeah instant restraint drain in order. Whose menu are you hoping for, Nish? I'm sort of... Listen, I've listened to all of the tasting menu episodes, so I'm aware that this is going to go one of two ways. This is either a menu that you think that I will enjoy

and that you're excited. I understand that my menu was given to Tim Key yesterday. Yes. And I thought when I heard that, that Tim Key would have enjoyed the kebabs that I talked about, and Tim Keigh would sort of broadly have enjoyed the Christmas meats. So that's one possibility. The other possibility is that you give

me an absolute nightmare of a menu and this isn't having dinner in the dream restaurant so much as it is having dinner at Guantanamo Bay, which mercifully you don't have to change the fucking orange colour scheme for. That's what we've always been going for, is Guantanamo orange.

So I'm either in for an evening of stimulating conversation or you're about to describe one of the most disgusting meals of all time. Nick Mohammed's dinner was a fucking disgrace. It was an absolute... I thought Bridget Christie was going to punch

one or both of you. Or it could be someone that you've got a personal connection to. This is another way of working it. So we had Nicola Cochland on the other night. Yeah. Who was doing Shevorn McSweeney's menu and obviously they've worked together a lot. I'll say there's one name that does bring to mind

vis-a-vis me having a personal connection with them. Okay. Don't want to say who that is? Well, Amy Annette would be the obvious one. My life partner in T-shirt design. Very tough. Shout out to a woman. Very close. Tonight, Nish, we'll be giving you the off-menu menu menu.

Of Greg David! Literally the only face he's ever made at Nish. Also, where I'm seated in relation to the position of the screens is accurate to our height difference. Oh yeah, that's not a picture. Greg's back there. That's a little window. This is one of the few pictures where it's actually smaller than the real-life map. Fucking hell, Greg Davis's menu.

Again, another very early episode of Off Menu. Yeah, I imagine this menu is going to be fucking disgusting. So you don't know anything about it? I heard it when it was released, but I can't remember the specifics of it. Okay, well, don't try and guess them, because we'll be going through it right now. And let me tell you, this menu made me fucking livid. You're probably not going to be as angry as Ed is just reliving this. Yeah, I'm so annoyed already.

All I remember is you being genuinely angry. about it? Yeah, so angry, so angry and he knew it was going to make me angry, but it was still genuinely what he wanted on his dream menu. He's responsible for, I would say, one of the key food slash drink phrases that I use most regularly, because we, listen, Ed and I, what we enjoy doing is using phrases that will upset and annoy Ed's wife. Yes. We love to do this. Shout out to women. Shout out to women. Yeah. There's a reason that when I said to my wife today, Oh, Nish is on an off menu tonight, the Royal Albert Hall. Are you coming?

She went, no. We were on our way to a wedding, and when we were on our way to the wedding, I thought it would be really funny to say to Ed that we would have some sort of alcoholic drink when we got there, and the way that I said it was, Ed, we'll have a few settlers when we arrived. Few settlers.

Few settlers. She fucking hated settlers. The only thing she hated more than settlers was when we went to Josh Whitakam's wedding in Italy, and I thought it would be really funny to translate the phrase, Mamma Mia. And so we spent the entire trip every time we ate anything going, my mother.

The problem is, Nish needs no encouragement to repeat the same thing over and over again if he thinks it's funny. But the mistake Charlie, my wife, makes all the time, is she gets annoyed with it straight away, and you can see Nish go Terminator mode. He's like, here we fucking go. Target spotted. My mother. Should we have some settlers? Let's have a few settlers. And the other phrase, which is a Greg Davis phrase,

is when you think you're going to have a few drinks that night, you just turn to your friend and go, we're going to have a look at it tonight, my wife hates that shit of the taskmaster rap the year I did taskmaster I saw Greg in the afternoon and he said we were doing like some press thing

and it was the rap party that night and I said to him he came to the rap party and he was like actually no mate I've got quite a lot to do I'm writing a TV show and when I walked into the party

the first thing I saw was Greg at the bar and he just turned to me and went we'll have a little look at it tonight and I'll be honest with you we had too good a look at it Yeah.

Do you remember what happened when you showed up? When I showed up. James joined the rat party, and I was, I had stared at it. Yeah. I hadn't had a look at it. I had stared at it. You'd memorized it, didn't you? Oh, I was like, clockwork orange.

Like, I had my eyeballs pinned open, and I was staring at it repeatedly. You had new trainers that you'd got. Yeah, I got the Fayeway Kung Fu trainers, and I said to James, well, I actually can't remember it. Well, you were at the top of the stairs, and I'll... And I was like, there's a nice trainers. And you're like, I got them, and me and John, when, uh, where did you go with John? The Shaolin Temple. Went to the Shaolin Temple.

And then fell backwards. Yeah. I said to James, I'm going to do a cut. I'm going to show you how to do some kung fu right now. I did a flying kick that somehow managed to propel myself backwards through saloon doors in the toilet that we were in. And just straight down the stairs. Well, there he goes.

I've just got here. Yeah. I absolutely had a look. there's two times I've had a look at it with Greg Davis was one of the times was that time and the other time was at your wedding and I will say it is ill-advised to have a look at it

with a man who is twice your heighten wife that is not someone you want to go drink for drink with me and Greg when we walk around it looks like one of those videos where like a rhino is friends with a mouse like it's like these two people are barely the same species

with it's the exact height difference between Scooby-Doo and Scrappy Do Yeah, when I arrived at that Taskmaster Party, your series hadn't been out yet because it was the rap party. But as soon as you did that, I was like, I think he comes last. Whatever task that was, he's failed.

I think we're still the only two people that have been... I was about to say, I think, one of these, no offence, geeks, will know. I think we're still the only two people... If only you were sat next to the person who hosts a visualised companion podcast.

I forgot about the VC. As host of the VCP, you'll be able to confirm this. Are we still the only two people that have been escorted off the set for a telling off? Yes, you're the only people who Greg has had to have a word with in the shadows. Fair enough with you. I was being good. You were messing around. Well, you were... You called Greg a pussy. Yeah, you called him.

So not being able to open a box. And that's why you had to... Because you were being naughty. Greg had a word with Nish because he was just being quite poor at the tasks. You're done a Sudoku as one of your tasks. Yes. He said to me, people still say to me, you're not a bad guy niche, which is what he said to me.

Yeah. On the offset bollicking. Yeah. You're not a bad guy, nish. Scott, where the bloody hell did that come from? But he is like a full person taller than... He's taller than you and you're tall. Yeah, he held me upside down on that show. Yes.

He's a tall man. You're the only person he's held upside down, like that. Thank you, VCP. No problem. VCP, shout out to the women. Nish, when you came on the podcast, you wanted Still Water. Yes. It's Greg Davis's menu today, so we're going to be bringing you sparkling water.

The opposite of what you was. But it's only two options. So surely you like sparkling water. Yeah, you know what? I would say since I did the podcast, I've got a slightly more of an appreciation for sparkling water because I'm trying to drink less fizzy drinks. Yeah.

And so I've got these dashes. And I don't know if you've had a dash, but they are fucking horrible. Feel bad for whooping? Yeah. It's basically like someone put water into a glass that had juice in it and hasn't been properly washed. Yeah, I hate that shit.

But I... Oh, it's flavoured like that. It's not flavoured. You put it near the fruit. You've whispered the name of the fruit into it. It's homeopathy. It's beverage-based homeopathy. It sort of has the loose...

memory of something that had taste that floats in it. But because I'm 40 years old, I was like, I can't be drinking all this pop. So let's... You're 40 years old and you're using the word pop. You're 40 years old now, Nish. You can't be drinking all this pop. I can't all be drinking all these soda pups. It was... So I've had a lot of them in the fridge

and I've sort of acquired a taste for it. I don't think I enjoy it. I think I've just like kind of trained my taste buds to drink it. By the way, when you were slagging off Dash, a little note came up on the screen there from Benito, he can send us messages. And he just said, we've been sent loads of dash. There's loads in the fridge at the studio. So I'd like to take the opportunity to say thank you to Dash.

Thanks to Dash. Thanks to Dash. If you can't handle the taste of real juice anymore because you're worried about your receding gums, you need Dash. Sounds like you're worried about your receding gums, so you're continuing to drink carbonated water. If you're tired of flavour, Dash might be the drink for you. Pod Save the UK is brought to you by Dash.

This one, you and Greg both agreed on. Pop-Doms or bread? Pop-a-doms! Indians! Indians! Oh, nothing from the whites of the off-menu crowd, is it? Well, well, well. God, oh, it is white as well. Fuck me.

The stalls of this fucking room looks like a reform rally. Can I just say, Nish? 23 minutes is taking you to do that. That is the longest it's ever taken you to accuse the crowd of being racist. That is absolutely amazing. I love making things about race, race, race. Want to talk us through that song?

I love making things about race, race, race. You just sung it again. We've been singing a lot backstage because we found a few songs today. And the one that Ed found online that we've become obsessed with is the song Vintage by Michael. Michael Ball.

Yes. And we put it on the playlist today. We snuck it in the playlist of pre-show. So that's mainly what we've been singing. And I did feel like what you sang there was a bit of a twist on vintage. It had a touch of the vintage to it. It's well worth looking up on your way home. It's a new single from Michael Ball.

It's called Vintage. It's about how he's old, but that's not too bad. He's like a fine red wine. He just keeps some getting bitter. Really good. It's just him dancing amongst... I'd say there's two balloons. Yeah.

And he keeps on having to vary up how he appears from behind him. Was it Michael Ball again? Yes, it is. Now, when Greg chose the Popadoms, he mentioned that his local curry house had the best lime pickle, and then they stopped doing it, and he was angry about it. So then, because he said it on off-menu, they bought it back, and it's Greg's lime pickle on the board.

Yeah. You had a similar experience when you came on the podcast, but it didn't work out very well for you. No, sorry, yeah, the exact opposite happened. I made mention of a cobbler that they served in Jackson and Rye that they had stopped serving, and then we tried to bring back the cobbler, and then Jackson and Rye closed. The entire restaurant shut.

The chain, it was a chain, I think. Was it a chain? The entire chain shut down. It's like they saw one tweet from us going, bringing back an issue of peach cobbler, and they went, yeah, just shut up, shot. We're not doing... They shut the entire chain of Jackson and Ryan went under.

But I should tell you, that in the sort of near, what, like eight years or something since I went on that show, people just still make me cobblers. Oh, great. Yeah, and give them to me at shows. And I do eat them,

even though they are almost certainly full of jizz. They'll be laced with jizz. They won't be laced with jiz. That's what gives them the flavour. My mother. I love of the jizz. I'm just saying this.

It's the most arrogant you've ever been that you've assumed that if someone makes you a cobbler, they've jizzed in it. Or lady jizz! Shout out to the ladies. Really, a true ally. Or ladies can jizz too.

Look it up. Intit. And did, Bim. Okay. I love making things about jizz, jiz, jiz. It's really fun if no one,

if everyone here has only seen, Nish do his stand-up and not seeing him like this, because the comparison is fucking wild. I do feel like, you know, if all the right-wing people who get angry at Nish's stand-up saw this kind of stuff Nish does, they'd chill out a bit and go, he's not as much of a threat as we've thought.

Don't think he is going to end us. He's just said ladies can Jiz two look it up. I think we'll be all right. Look it up. Google it. Yahoo it. Bing it. Ask Jeeves, if you please. Zach Polanski sat in the back and going, oh, for fuck sake.

Oh no. This was the one guy we were all relying on. I've only got enough heat on me because of the hypno boobs. I don't need this lady jizz business on top of hypno boobs. By the way, if you want to show your allegiance to the Greens,

or reform attying all the flanks to the lamppost, to show Polanski support him, tie a massive bra up onto the lamp. He's support him, making everyone's boobs bigger. I feel like maybe not everyone in this room knows that new story. Mitch, you wanted a lamb kebab from Owl and the Pussycat.

Yeah, that's right. In the shack out the back. The shack out the back. Lester, baby. A lot of you will know Greg Davis's starter. So let's say it together. One, two, three. Pass.

Pass. Here's where things get interested. This is where Ed stopped having a nice time. Yes. when we recorded this? Pass. How can you pass on a starter? This is just...

You're basically going through the scripts of what I said on the Danish. But what was... I can't remind me. What was his reasoning? What was the rationale behind paris on a starter? Top reason to get on my fucking tits. Oh yeah. Greg... Yeah, this feels configured to upset you.

No, he just said that he thought they were pointless. They were like mini-mains. They were just like mini versions of the meal. But in the context of a dream restaurant where presumably like your appetite has no limit and time has no limit wouldn't you just then pick a second main? Why would you issue the starter all together?

Why would you just say pass? Honestly, I don't know Nish and it's making me as angry as they did on the day right now. Well, they're not as nice starters. They're not merely as nice as all of the lesson meal. I've seen you eat an all-starter meal. Yeah. It's tapas man.

Madre Mia. He went to Megal. Mexico last week. Yeah. And he literally started to say Mardreameo. Mardre Maree, the tortillas. Oh my God, the food was insane.

Yeah. Oh, I don't want to be sponsored by Dash, but I'd love to be sponsored by Mexico City. Yeah. I'm sure there are a few guys with some money you could sponsor you there. Welcome to Pod Save the UK. Sponsored by the Cartel.

No, it looked amazing, man. He sent me loads of food pictures. It was crazy, because we had all kinds of different meals. We had seven-course tasting menus, and we ate from, like, food shacks. I think it's called a Longanesa. It's like Mexican chorizo, and it was a taco.

The guy, there was a stat... Listen, I am a Hindu, but I did have to let some of that go. Because I was having a pork taco, but there was not a huge level of, shall we say, demarcation in the preparation of the pork from the beef. Yes. So it was essentially like It was in a plate that was designed to upset

Every possible religious belief So you just got an all-meat frying pan And they just fly it And he put the sausage on there, fried it And then put it on this huge wooden chopping board And then he got this kind of sort of flat plane out With a sharp edge And just bang bang bang bang bang

Choped all the way along it and put it in a taco It was oh my mother it was delicious It was so so... But that's all right A little bit of beef's okay, isn't it? Now and again. Well, there wasn't any beef in it. It's just it was very much prepared.

It was pork in beef juice. Yeah. Not even, not even the boss of the Hindus would mind you doing that, I reckon. No, it's fine. Now and again. Yeah. I'd love to return to the boss of the Hindus at the end of this, I'd love to hear some speculation from Ed on who he thinks said boss is.

And I will be pitching as a new TV show, undercover boss of the Hindus. once we're done with this. Sorry, James, you were saying? Oh, a little bit of beef is fine. Anyway, main course is fillet steak. Fillet steak, niche for your main? Yeah, you're right to boo. Now, bear in mind that Greg didn't know you were going to be eating this.

Yeah. And so he didn't know he was inadvertently eight years later committing a hate crime. By trying to wham beef in a Hindu's chops. Yeah. Obviously it's us who's decided to give you this But in our defence We didn't check with the boss of the hindus

Again, we'd love to hear some names On who's on the short list for boss of the Hindu From the person who came up with it, please And I'll just watch Who's on the short list for Hindu boss? There must be one, right? Yes There must be

There must be All the religions have a boss, right? Okay, let's go through the religions A boss in the main light in the... Oh, this is great. Absolutely. When you die, there's a boss

for your religion. And then when you're on earth, there's at least one person who's the boss of the religion. Assistant to the boss? Assistant to the boss. Yeah. So who's the... Who's the boss of the Christians?

Who's the Chryso boss? What? In heaven. Well, let's have... In heaven, it's easy, right? Yeah, who is it? God. God. And who's on earth? Well, the Pope.

The Christians? Pope's the boss of all Christians, famously. Catholics. Pope's the boss of Catholics. Who's prod boss? Bear Grills. Bear Grills is the prod boss. Yeah, he baptised Russell Brand in the attempts.

That was an interesting move, vis-a-vis being a Christian. I'll tell you who I'll baptize into my family. I'll tell you who we'll welcome into the club. Russell Brandt. And he goes into the... He's definitely not panicking or anything and just deciding to convert to Christianity for any other reason that he just believes it.

Yeah, I just believe it, okay? As far as I know, I think Prince Andrew might be next on the Bear Grills' baptism list. I think the more evil they are, the dirty of the water is they baptize them in. You know Andrew in the car, right? And he's like that. What, he looks fully dead.

Yeah. I think it looks like a photo from Space Mountain. That's what he's going to look like just before he's baptized. I don't understand. He's completely rigid in the back seat of that car. It's absolutely unbelievable.

He looks as dead as that photo of Philip. No, he looks like the old man. But the old man was about 150 when they took that photo. You remember there was a famous photo of him in the front seat at the carway? He looked like the demon dog

from Ghostbusters. That's my big boss. No way, man. I refuse to acknowledge that one. Not my Ghostbuster. My only Ghostbuster is Frozen Empire, starring my main man, Lars Pinfield. Fuck a racker.

Fuck a racker to the bowels of hell. That cold bastard didn't know what was going to hit him. Lars Pinfield and Camille's character. The Firemaster. Anyway, I've already... He was inaccurately called in a review. The Firebender. What were you called in that review?

The blonde-haired nerd. There was a review of Ghostbrusters Frozen Empire that looks like it was written by Chat GPT, but in full 2001 meltdown, emotional meltdown mode. And they kept calling Kamail's character, the firebender,

and they referred to you only as the blonde-haired nerd. And that is one of the things that you're called in my phone. I've called a lot of things in your phone. Yeah. Squirrel Nuck. Yeah. A.k-a-a-the-crock-and-roll star.

Yeah. I read the Skraw-knuckin audiobook, and I did a music project well-dressed as an alligator, and the Guardian wrote an article about it that said crock and roll. Made his day. And your job is listed as being at Tuneful Nappies? Yes.

When I was a little baby, there was an article about me in a local paper because a nappy company came out with a little button that babies could put in the... their nappies that if it got wet it would play twinkle twinkle little star and they needed a prototype baby for it and that was me

and so I didn't even know it was the prototype baby for tuneful napses holding it up like that and smiling as a little baby and it says tuneful nappies and then there's a quote from your mum that is like this was not a good product yep she says

it does play a tune when it's wet but often because there's nothing to secure it in place it can slip to where it's uncomfortable I guess that's got to be up the butt. Is there a chance you've still got a twinkle, twinkle little stuff, buttoned up your ass? Yeah, I don't know if we ever... My parents ever found it, that would explain... When you shit yourself as an adult, does it play a sock?

Yeah, who let the dogs out? When? I'd say this show stayed on the rails longer than we all anticipated. Yeah, we all bought on very well. So we'll move on from the Philips steak, I think. Why did he say, and I'll have no judgment from the waiter? Because he wants it medium, cooked medium. I think he would prefer well done, though.

He just wants things like overcooked to the point of... But I imagine that must have got right up your butthole, Gabbler. Yeah, it did. I was playing a little star all over the place when it did that. No starter and well-done state. Yeah, it's so offensive to me. I get it. I get people like what they like, but I don't know why you would like that. So I'm not here to yuck anyone's yums, but you're, yumsy yucks. Does anyone

here like well done steak? Probably not going to admit to it after that. Yeah. For fear that gamble comes into the audience and punches them in their head. Why is well done steak? As someone who's never eating a steak, why is it offensively bad? Just destroys the flavor,

destroys the texture, it makes it like tough as an old boot, you know, it's just not the way you should be cooking steak. Because I will say as someone who, predominant meat, I can seem as chicken, I'm very rarely looking for that rare. I'm very rarely am I saying, I'd like that bloody. If pos, if pos. Blue, please, chef.

Ah, chicken sushi. Thank you. They do do that. In some places in Japan, you can get chicken sashimi, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. But there's like, they know where, I think it's, they go, I know where the chicken came from. So, well, that's not going to help. Where'd it come from?

It's just fish, in it? Let's be honest. The provenance of the meat. so you know where it came from and who reared it and what it's been fed on and how it's been kept after it's been slaughtered and stuff that's what I didn't mean like oh it's from you know Terriaki yeah it's from terriaki it's a wonderful check now this next one oh

Ed you didn't say who the boss of the Hindus was oh fuck so we honestly honestly honestly sat here racking my brains for age You moved on and I was like, great, I can get away with this. Because the only name in my head is Apu from The Simpsons. Well, at least that's not a controversial character. You know some Indians. You could have literally said my dad.

You know my dad. He's the boss. I do call my dad the boss. I worked for him on a summer, like between, I think, university terms, and I started referring to him as the boss, and we still refer to him as the boss to this day. Yes. I call my mum, killer.

and she does not find it funny. I went to see Nishishish. Who's the boss of the Muslims? Ah. Interesting question. Why have you gone into this? Well, I think we have to say the boss of Buddhists. None of us are qualified to answer that.

Who is the boss of the Buddhists? Don't ask the audience you've already described as entirely white. We know who the boss of atheists is. Ricky Javis. knew it was going to be knew it was going to be Jemise Anyway, who is the boss of the Muslims?

Yeah, suddenly that seems like a quite an inviting question now This episode's going to be a complicated edit for Benito. Benito, can you Google it and put it up on the screen? Let us know. The boss of each religion, please. On earth. Yeah.

The problem with a lot of the religions is because like with Islam, this is Shia, With Christians, there's Catholics and Protestants. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of dissent within all of these religions. A lot of flavors. There's a lot of flavors. There's a lot of flavors.

You're Christian? What flavor? Abortions or not? Well, that's a good new pop-a-dum's or bread. It's our new podcast. Yeah. All about religion. Abolions are not! The abortions are not! The potions are not!

of Canterbury. This is how you thought this was going to go? The audience? You? Me? Yeah. Sorry. You forget that I once saw you Kung Fu kick yourself backwards down to set the stairs.

No way, this is surprised me. Boy, oh boy, had I had a look at it. Those kids were fast as lightning. Okay. Side dish. Now, a lot of you will remember there's a configuration for this side dish. side dish is get ready for this niche

mac and cheese onion rings a jar of pesto with a spoon red Thai curry and creamed spinach arranged like a demi-clock see this is where he started to get me back I'll be honest with you now I will say that Greg Davis and I do have some real commentrates are you disgusting

and so that actually sounds fucking amazing like you bear in mind you're talking to a man who Like my idea of a snack is I eat a tub of hummus with a spoon. Yes. Just raw dog the chickpea. Me and Nish lived together for a year, a couple of years, a decent amount of time.

And I'd regularly come home and Nish would be stood at the fridge. The fridge was open and he'd be eating a jar of hummus like a yoghurt. Fantastic stuff. I can't remember the last time I visited you and there isn't a, like, a scraped, clean, but not washed. pot of hummus on your coffee table with the spoon still in it. Yeah. So just with like little rings of dried hummus around the outside.

You can tell how long it's been there because hummus really changes colour over time, doesn't it? There's little crusty, just limes around it. It's fantastic. Try it yourself. You'll put a hot sauce in it though, right? I liked it. I will, I'm very into, there's a brand of hot sauce called Firefirefire, and it's like there's a Raja Bonnet hot sauce. I think the guy who makes them is from Brickston in South London,

but it's called Raja Bonnet Hot Sauce. My mother. It is delicious. My mother... My mother... Hang on. Are you about to tell an anecdote about your mother? Because this is very confusing now.

I'm about to tell a story about my actual marjorie. Okay. Okay. But you're following it... You're saying my mother, because you enjoyed the sauce. And then you're immediately going into a story about your mother. It's reminded me of an anecdote involving my mother and chilling. years ago when Jamie's Italian was still an operation.

I must have told you both this. We were at a Jamie's Italian. Oh yes, I have been told the Jamie's Italian story. We were at the Jamie's Italian. I can't remember why, but we were there. I mean, God have assumed for a meal. I forget why we were at that.

He's setting the scene, James. Let him set the scene. Anyway, my mum tried to order a pizza that was one of the hot pizzas and the waitress was like, that's really hot. And my mum went, uh, we're Indian.

Couldn't eat the pizza. Couldn't eat the fucking pizza, had to send it back because it was too hot, because I imagine the waitress went in there and said, blow this woman's anus off. We've got another arrogant Indian in. She ate the boss of the Hindus. Get her.

It's so funny. We're Indian? Fuck me. Yeah, so I've been putting Rajabonat Hot Sauce into my hummus and just eating it with a spoon absolutely delicious. So this selection...

So the jar of pesto with a spoon is something you can really get on board with. And that's something I've done regularly in the past. So good. When I was a fat little boy at home, I would regularly go to the fridge when my mum wasn't looking, get a teaspoon and eat the pesto from the jar.

Yeah, I loved it. Every detail that I learned about you as a kid and I didn't know that one before and was added it to the law. Absolutely love it. Of course you were doing that. You find it really funny. the idea of me and Ed just being younger.

You laugh every time you go past Durham on the train. Yeah, because I imagine you two at Durham University with Tom Neenan, running around looking like boggis Bunsen Bean, and jumping in the river together. Because you did jump in the river. It really makes me laugh that you all jumped in the river. We didn't mean to jump in the river. We meant to jump in the river.

We did not mean to, when we got into the river, to jump off a boat that was moored, we did not mean to immediately sink that boat. Yes. That boat was compromised. beyond belief. But every photo I've seen of you guys at uni, it's really funny. It's like Ed with a thousand

cigarettes in his mouth swearing at the camera. Yeah, there is specifically a photo of Ed with loads of cigarettes just hanging out of his mouth. And Nick Mohammed's in that picture as well because we've done a show with Nick. Nick looks, I would say, literally exactly the same. Yeah.

And I, my hair is completely, perfectly circular. Yeah. It's just full, like, disco stew in the Simpsons. Just like completely a perfect circle on my head. That's the great thing about all the photos is that often Ed will be doing something like rock and roll or something. And they should always be there just like... He's so happy to be there with his friends.

So he's just like always like peering over someone. He's never in the foreground. He's always over someone's shoulder like... What are we doing today, guys? Jumping in the river show thing! I love it. So yeah, I love every time I'm in Dober. They were here running around once.

That was funny. It was very good. Are you happy with all of... So Greg's having all of these sites. Remind me of all of the individual... Mac and cheese, onion rings. I'm happy with both of those. Red Thai curry, creamed spinach.

Delicious. And of course, the pesto with the spoon. But he's arranging them in a demi-clock, is how he described it. So he sat at the table and they're arranged in a demi-clock. And a lot of people really resonated with that. Yeah. People really like the demi-clock idea. It's a smorgasbord.

It's delicious. It's a demi-clock, Nash. Sorry, it's a demi-clock. I do apologize. What does smorgasbord translate us? Do we know? Swedish lady? Swedish lady?

Huh? Same thing. Demi-cloc. Right. Smorgasbord just translates as smorgasbord. It doesn't mean anything. There isn't a direct translation. These scandies are crazy, man.

I don't understand how that can be. possible. It just is a smorgasbord. I guess that's why we say smorgasbord. Yeah. Looks like we found the king of the Swedes. Shout out woman. King of the Swedes,

is here? That's good. So the Thai curry, is that just Thai curry paste? Red curry paste. I don't think it's red curry paste. It's not just the paste. It's just a full red curry. Yeah, red Thai curry there. That's fucking genius man. It's insane to me that he picked no starter.

and then as one of his sides has a full curry. It was doubly to annoy Ed. Because Ed was like any one of these could have been your starter, what the fuck is your problem? If you'd had a jar of pasta with a spoon as a starter, I would have liked that. I would have been on board with that. But no, pass on starter,

and then 11 meals as the side dish. That is, it does suggest Greg would have been, frustratingly, an excellently entertaining taskmaster. Yes. If all he was trying to do was irritate. the person in the chair. Yeah. Which is him.

I think he wanted, so he wants the demi-clock so he can like have a bit of this, a bit of this. He can work his way around and constantly be eating all of it. Yeah. Rather than eat one, then the other than the other. No, that's fantastic. The guy isn't fair...

He deserves the money he has. You wanted a Malbec when you came on the pot. That's true, yes. I'm drinking a Malbec right now. I've had two sips of it. Delicious. That's what I imagine you were like at uni. Yeah.

What, count of it? I've got two sips of this. Hey, hey, Nick Mohamed. I've got two sips of this. Okay, good on you, dish. I'm thinking about learning about politics. No way, man. I was too busy being the head of the kissing club. You were the head of the debating society,

which you founded. No, James. That was at school. Oh, sorry, man. Didn't know that was when you were younger and called her. By the time I got to university, I'd discovered something. much more impressive to the Cheekaz, sketch comedy.

The Cheekas? Oh yeah, you both did sketch comedy together, forgot about that. Pretty cool. Tell them about one of your sketches? Nope, they are all too offensive. Every single one is too offensive or shit. Many, both. You wanted to Malbec?

Oh yeah, I forgot we were doing off many. Greg Davis would like, is what you're going to have to be. would like, is what you're going to have today, a strawberry milkshake with bourbon. Fucking hell, man. Yeah. That guy lives like a French king. Luckily, it's never going to catch up with him.

Surely you'd love that. That's up your street. A strawberry milkshake with bourbon does sound absolutely delicious. Like, it does sound, that does sound really, really good. Is that the alcohol that's normally in hard shakes? It varies up.

I think it goes well in a hard shakes. because it's, some of it's quite sweet naturally anyway. We, just after I'd moved into my house, you came over and we decided to have old fashions. Do you remember? My wife got back and we drunk an entire bottle of bourbon. I genuinely do not remember any of that night. And you very happily just got the tube all the way home. What I discovered is the tube ride from Ed's house to my house, I'm not going to docks us

by telling any of you, let's face it, stalkers, where we live. But it's the exact, I got on the tube. started playing Rumors by Fleetwood Mac, fell asleep, and I got, I woke up as I was coming into my stop, and rumours had completely finished. It was a perfect tube ride. I like that. There's probably at least

one, yeah, real, like, obsessive in here. It was like, right, well, I guess I'm just writing every tube ride and listening to rumours until I figure it out. I'll get out of every stop. Let's face it, we've got a lot of people in here who know the tube map off by heart. Oh yeah, definitely.

100% Our fans know the tube map off by heart know every word to rumours I can figure out where you guys live Yeah it was They were strong old fashions Very strong old fashions Yeah I made them sorry

By the I very diligently made the first one You know with the sugar And the bitters and the whiskey And I was getting like the orange peel perfectly and doing the twist of orange And spritzing it with the orange And then I ran out of orange people people.

People? Oh, let's not gloss over that, the orange people. Ah, we're back to the boss of the Protestants. Anyway, I ran out of orange peel, and by the end of the night, I was putting chunks of satsuma peel in there. Now, we'll just go straight on to the dessert, I think. Okay.

So you wanted to peach cobblum, of course, discontinued. Yeah, discontinued. RIP, forever in our hearts. And actually, the idle hands pie has changed recipes as well, the banana cream pie. It's better, though. It's really... That banana cream pie

It's delicious at idle hands Nish has shouted out on the podcast before This is in Manchester And in Manchester And I You know, I'd have the banana cream pie there Delicious And then one day I went in

And it said brown butter banana cream pie And I was like, oh, you've changed it And they went yeah We were going to do this ages ago But Nish shouted it out And then we couldn't change it Because he'd shouted us out So we've had to wait until we're in the clear

And we can change it again And then I had one mouthful I was like well that's infinitely better I fucking hate Nish. For making me eat a worse pie for six months. They had a banana cream pie. They had artwork up in the cafe, and they had a banana cream pie drawing.

And that drawing was gifted to me by Dave and Lucy, around idle hands. And it's now up in my kitchen. And that was their way of saying goodbye to the old banana cream pie recipe. And every day... Bye, bye, banana cream pie.

Gave the poster to Nish. Yeah, it was The new recipe is also delicious It's a phenomenal All of their pies are incredible I start getting Like Pavlov's dog I start salivating as I pull into

Manchester Piccadilly Station Gets me in trouble with the police I don't mind telling it But yeah it's All of their pies are so delicious And every time any of us goes Including all of our partners Anytime anyone is there

We all everyone gets and round-dropping text of what the latest pies are at Idol hats. It's fucking great. But sometimes it can, the only time it got confusing is around Christmas I went in and there was like a, you could

get, buy a whole pie and my partner and I were thinking, I would be great if we could get like a pie for Christmas. And I tried to, there wasn't the one that I wanted. So I said, oh, my partner's going to be here in about a week. And she could pick up the pie if you're still around

it's still open and they went no we won't better do that and I was like okay fine I'll go away next day Nish text me just come into idle hands and the owner says he's heard that you've asked for the pie and that they can't do it so should I put you in touch? I was like yeah yeah yeah that'd be great but I'll put in touch with the guy and he said when do you want it

I said next week you went oh yeah I can't do that were you trying to get the cherry pie no I was trying to get they did a Christmas one that was kind of like a panatoni cream pie and it was so delicious. I was not in control of that noise. That was so involuntary. Oh

But it was good. Now and again I do have to remind you that this is at the Royal Albert Hall. There's a moment where you guys are chatting and I was like this is just like being in this shit sitting room quite frankly. Yeah but that's the vibe that these guys love. This is exactly the sort of searing hot banter. That's not even half of them responded to that. That's the vibe these guys love.

Seven of them. All the Jervais fans left half an hour ago, mate. And what's Greg's dessert? You're going to be eating. Greg's Mum's Lemon Suet Puddin. Which I think he told us is not nice. How'd you feel about Mum's Lemon Suet pudding? Now, Sueet...

Yeah. Is that fat? Yes. Yes. I'll tell you what. You would make dumplings with suet? It doesn't. Listen, it's not immediately appealing.

No, I mean, Sueet does sound very sort of like Victorian. It's very like, but Sueet puddings, Sueet is the raw, hard fat of beef lamb or mutton found around the loins and kidneys. Thank you, Benito. It's much more appealing now. But it does make fantastic, like, puddings, I think. Right, okay. Yeah, my grandma used to make a bacon pudding with Suez, which was like... Bacon, put...

Is your grandma Heston Blumenthal? That's incredible. So what is the lemon suit pudding? Can you... Well, I'd imagine it'll be similar. It'll be quite sort of thick textured, but almost like spongy as well. It'll have that sort of rich, fatty taste to it,

but with a lot of lemon in it. And a lot of sugar and bubbling. I think there was a lot of talk about it, the sugar bubbling away in there. Yeah. His mum never really nailed the recipe. But he has to tell him it's nice. Yeah. One thing we know about Greg Davis,

he will slag off his mum. Yes. That's the one thing we know about it, guarantee. In an affectionate way. for sure. It sounds good. Would you like to... Have you met Greg's mum? No, I don't think I've ever... Oh, you get on with people's parents, don't you?

Yeah, I'm a nice, well-bought boy. You're safe for that, I think. You know how you've got friends where you're like, they're a mum guy, but not too much of a mum guy? Not in a Stacey's mum has got it going on kind of way. Yeah. You can trust Nish to be like introducing them to anyone's parents, there will be a full conversation going on. Yeah, I'd say that's true of all three of us.

We're all... Absolutely not. Why would you not introduce James? I have. Yeah. And what did he do? No, you're fine, but you just, you do refuse to change your personality in front of parents.

Your dad doesn't change his personality either. Very true. I mean, you two meeting is a real, it's a real clash of personalities. No, my parents love you, James. No, absolutely. Yeah, no, but Nish is like, you know, my dad had a conversation with Nish once about Bob Dylan.

because they both like Bob Dylan and afterwards my dad was like that's just saying to me that was such a great conversation I had with Nish about Bob Dylan I absolutely loved it I was like oh good and then the next day

we were having breakfast and my dad was like man that conversation with Nish was so good okay I'm glad you'd like the conversation with Nish and this was like 10 years ago

yeah still to this stage, if I ever chat with my dad about music, we'll talk about music for a while, and then it will stop, and then there'll be a pause, and he went, I loved it when I talked to niche about what. What is sort of loosely devastating about that is your dad and I've had several conversations in the ensuing decade about music, but none of them has quite hit the spot for him in the way that that Dylan chat did. It was in the flat we were living in the Edinburgh

fridge. But we'd never quite managed to hit. It's like heroin. Like the first hit was so pure, and he's been chasing the dragon ever since. But no one's, no one's reached those heights since. There's you, there's when he talked to Matthew Crosby about the Straubes, and then everyone else. Hey man, what about me? When your dad came to see my Edinburgh show and afterwards I said, did you enjoy it? And he went, I thought you were very leering.

Yeah, my parents didn't approve of Edinburgh show. No. My dad said he was leering and came across very leering. And my mum was sitting next to me, who's a Christian. Boss of the Christians. Boss, yeah. That's better. She, yeah, a fence of bad girls.

And Ed had a whole bit about Jesus going like, oh, Jesus, it looks really ripped on the cross. He looks, and all that. And my mum was going, oh. Like, literally next to me, orderly going, whoa. And then, Ed went, like, Buddha's fat. And my mom went, ha! really loved it. I saw Bob Dylan in this room. So did I, very briefly. No. I, I, this is, no, this is, no, I didn't go, sorry. This is going to wind me up. This is my Greg Davis's dinner.

Right. I was doing a, for a while, there was a gig that ran at the Royal Albert Hall, and they'd put you for the gig, and they'd say, oh, you're doing a gig at the Royal Albert Hall, and you go, fucking hell, that's amazing. I'm like, only a few years into my career, I get to do a gig at the Albert Hall, and then you arrive, and it turns out it was in the cafe. It wasn't even the cafe. It was in a function room. The Elgar room just up there. And you do the gig, and in between going on and coming off or whatever,

you could come into the Albert Hall and stand up there and watch whatever was on. And I came in and I just saw the top of someone's head. And I didn't know what song they were singing. It was just sort of quite garbled and going to like, and then after watching it for about five minutes, an audience who were just completely shocked and silent, I just heard the words blowing in the wind. And I was like, fuck me.

Bob Dylan. I saw him here and it was garbled and it was nonsense and it was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. I saw him here recently it was fucking amazing

but I did that gig in 2015 after Edinburgh and 2015 was like my first Edinburgh that had like gone not it wasn't the first one that had gone well

but it was the first one that had gone really well and I was like I'm feeling great I've had a great month and my first gig back was at the Royal Albaal Hall and I was like

fucking hell. I'm going to be like Dylan in 65. There's a very famous gig that he does here in 1965 that is the culmination of the documentary film, Don't Look Back. It's a very, very famous gig. And I was like, Jesus Christ, this is amazing. Go in, see the Elgarb room, think, well, this is not quite what I dreamed of. Now, I will say,

this is one of the most extraordinary venues in the world, and it is a true honour for us to be here. That said, the soundproofing in some of the ancillary rooms is not optimum. And so, when you were doing the comedy gig, you could just hear the music gig, and you would just bomb, and it wasn't a bomb to silence,

it was a bomb to whatever the music gig was, and the night I did it, it was Dave Gilmore, and I've never bombed so badly in my life, and had the song comfortably numb. That there is no bomb like that. Like, you tell a joke, it completely bombs, and then you just hear, There is no pain, you are receded. Hello, is there anybody out there? There. That was one of your lines, though, right? Just not if you can hear me. It was fucking appalled.

I've never been heckled by the venue. Well, what do you think of Greg Davis's menu then? You've had a lovely tasting menu. I think Greg Davis is a disgusting man. However, I am also a disgusting man. And so there was quite a lot of his menu. So I think he was deliberately trying to... trying to irritate you.

Mm-hmm. And I would say that if he was more honest about it, he would have put the demi-cloc in as a starter. And if he puts the demi-clock in as a starter, I'm on board with a lot of it. Obviously, I'm not on board with the steak. And I've never fully seen the appeal of a steak. Like, I don't eat beef, I understand, I don't get it.

But it just, when I think about meat that I enjoy, it tends to be seasoned or prepared in some way. It's very rarely just like a slab of flavorless. chicken, apart from when we go to Nando's with James. But apart from the steak, I would actually say I enjoyed every element of that menu. I think the strawberry milk shake with bourbon sounds genuinely delicious. I think the demi-clochalk sounds delicious. I think the soup of pudding sounds good.

I would love for someone maybe other than his mum to cook it. By the sounds of things, she hasn't quite nailed the recipe. But apart from that, I thought the menu was fantastic. However, I will not be eating the steak because I'm... I am, and we can exclusively reveal this now, the boss of the Hindus. Boss of the Hindus, baby! Nish Kumar! Guys, thank you so much for coming to the final night at the Royal Abahaw!

Thank you so much. You've been incredible audiences. Thank you for coming out on a Monday. Well, there we are, the final Royal Abelawall Show done, and what a guest. It's Nish. It's Nish. Can't go wrong with Nish. Nishkuma.coma.com.uk, of course.

He's on tour. Every favourite website. Angry humor. I'm going to plug the thing that we're supposed to be plugging. Huh? And then people can go to the website. Angry humor from a really nice guy is Nish's latest tour. He hosts Pod Save the UK.

He has a YouTube special, Nish Don't Kill My Vibe. You can fill your days with Nish content. Yeah, there's so much. Nishkut.coma.com.com. Thank you, Nish. Anything else to add? I mean, I guess, you know, thanks to the Royal Albert Hall for having us on. Yeah.

For six shows in a row. That meant a lot that you lowered yourself to that. Yes. Thanks to all the staff that were all, however, they're all amazing while we were there. Let's have some lovely little drinks in the bar afterwards. Yeah, the bar's looking good, guys. Yeah, really appreciate that.

Thank you to Ben and everyone at Plosive, doing an amazing job. Benito. Benito. And I guess also just thanks again to all of our guests who came on. And everyone who came to watch the show, The audience, you were all fantastic. Thanks to everyone who talked to us as well during the first halfs

and put up with us being rude to you. So rude, sorry. Yes. And of course, thank you to Charlie and the crew. Now, that's the whole, it's a big live team that puts up all of the, there's a whole like stage set we've got like massive giant popadoms and massive giant like, I think like a cheesecake or whatever. Oh, huge.

And it was even bigger for this Royal Albert Hall run. There was like stuff in the choir section. And we put all that up and then we released them in audio. Yes. But Charlie and the crew, you guys put them all up. Yeah. Really appreciate that. You've got to go around in a lorry.

Yeah. With our stage set. Because we make them after every show at the Royal Amber Hall, we made them pack it all up, drive around the block, and then put it all back up again. Every time. Yeah. Thanks to Jilly.

Thanks to Jilly, of course. I mean, normally I'd say tour manager, but this wasn't at all. So what does that mean? Stage manager, I guess. I think so. Exceptional job. Great coffee.

Great coffee. Jilly brought in the coffees. And today, by the way, and not to take away from Jilly, Benito's made us some really nice coffee, just for doing these intros and outros that we've been recording. And to begin with,

we didn't want to accept the compliment. We told him how good the coffee was. Well, it's difficult, I think, when you've made as many coffees for us as Benito has, so suddenly one day about five years in for us to go, oh, that's nice. Yeah, and he was like, this is one I make all the time. He was so angry.

That's a new bag of beans, maybe. It's a new bag of beans, maybe. Yeah. It might be a new bag of beans, maybe, but I make this for you every time, guys. And then he had a sip and went, oh, that is nice. A little sipper, he realized it was nice coffee. You couldn't deny it. So, you know, but Jilly makes a nice cup every time.

Yeah. And Jilly does many other things besides, by the way, I don't know. Say that's not Jilly's job. The coffee is just being nice. Above and beyond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't need to do that. would also like there was moments in the shows

like any time that something suddenly appears out of nowhere that a guest has mentioned, that's because Jilly suddenly managed to get it, you know, delivered to the venue. So everyone played a blinder, I'd say. Yes, absolutely. So that was the off-menu live shows at the Royal Alba Hall. And thank you to the snitch.

Oh, come on. The snitch was there taking photos, Paul Gilby. Snapping away, taking the photographs. You'd probably see them online. He's got a real talent that guy. The snitch knows exactly where to be and what angle to be at to make me look disgusting.

And I respect that. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, luckily for me, I'm just jumping around all the time either all alcohol or any live show. So it's just, I completely sign off on whatever.

Like, I'm not going to look good. I'm literally in midair. The snitch goes, in my 40s. Could we turn the lights down a little bit to make Ed look like a sea hag? Yeah, that's what the snitch likes. Yeah.

Thank you, bye-bye. Thank you.