Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Rhys James

Episode Date: September 24, 2025

Top stand-up, ‘Mock the Week’ regular and Ed’s unofficial little brother, Rhys James is this week’s guest diner. And he’s invented a dessert.Rhys James’s book ‘You’ll Like It When You Get There: A Life Lived Reluctantly’ is out now. Buy it here.Watch Rhys’s special, ‘Spilt Milk’ on YouTube here.Follow Rhys on on Instagram @rhysjamesyWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Fri 26 Sep.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu podcast. And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about all our relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Tackax. Yes, all our relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food. parcel delivery schemes as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing. And we feel like, you know, it's the off-manue podcast. We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time. And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James. Absolutely. So if people would like to donate, please go to all our relations.com.com. UK or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram. every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza. Thank you so much. And enjoy the episode.

shaking it around and getting involved. People do that. Did they do that? Yeah. I've never heard of that before. I immediately want to do it. Yeah, it sounds like I'd like to do it as well.

People do do that. They pop a pickled egg in a bag of crisps. Something good. Yeah, I think, yeah. That's great. Yeah. I saw that happen on your face. You're like, well?

Yeah. To begin with, I thought, I don't know what he's doing is. I've been a bag of crisps. Yeah. When you popped a pickled egg in there. Yeah. And I thought, very whims got on.

And I thought, hold on a second, that just might work. Peter Piper popped it in there. Shut up, Peter Piper. That is Ed Gamble. My name is James A. Custer. Together we own a dream restaurant in every single week. We invited a guest who we ask them their favourite ever start a main course dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Rees James. Reese James, the little oik.

The little oik of British comedy. A fantastic comic, very funny man. Cheeky. Just the other day, my partner was a... scrolling through something and a clip came up of you and Reese trading blows on Mott the Week back in the day and I forgot how funny that dynamic was

between the two of you. Yeah, he's a great comic, he's a lovely comic foil for me my little brother and that clip would have been to promote me interviewing him about his book his new book, you'll like it when you get there. Yes, and I will like it when I get there, Reese, thank you. I have not read it yet, but I will

because I'm interviewing him in two days about it and I can't wait to read it. Do you remember that Kulio's song, I'll see you when you get there? Yeah. If you ever get there. Yeah. Maybe Reese is talking about that in the book.

Maybe. Listen, we like Reese. When you get there. If you ever get there. See you when you get there. So, pointless. So why are you saying it? Huh?

Why are you saying it if you don't know if they're going to get there or not? Yeah, I mean. How about you make arrangements to make sure they get there and then you don't need to say I'll see you when you get there? But isn't you talking about heaven?

Probably. I think he's talking about heaven. So I think it's like... Well, that's really bad to say. I'll see you in heaven if you don't go to hell. Yeah. Burn full of eternity. Yeah.

I mean, why is Kulio so sure he's going to be there? Yeah. Listen, Reese, you're a nice guy. But if you say the secret ingredient, it would be kicking you out. Yeah. And the secret ingredient was easy this week. Yeah.

Reese's pieces. Rees's pieces. Because he's called Reese. Your name is Reese. I mean... And he's a piece of shoe. And you're a piece of shoe. a piece of shit.

The blows don't really work when there's only one of us here. Oh, yeah, when it's a... I was going to do, like, my mock of the week. And then he would say, like, yeah, yeah, I'm a piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're going to do an even worse one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but now he's not here. Yeah, feels bad now. And you're just calling him a man a piece of shit. Feels bad. Feels bad. But, you know, I think he deserves it. He's a little piece of shit. Yeah.

So, hopefully he doesn't say Reese's pieces, although he's a funny one to kick out. Yeah, it'd be very funny to kick him out because he's such a little shit, so like, that would be great. Also, it must mean that when we had Reese Shearsmith on, we didn't choose Reese's pieces. Yeah, weird. But I guess we went for some, like...

Do we go special stuff? League of Gentlemen. Yeah, we weren't special stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rees James doesn't have the body of work. No. The Reese Smith has. We don't have to go for his name. Man, I can't believe how much we're roasting Reese before he's even come on.

Well, it's rare that you know that the guest will listen to it. Yeah, yeah. So we know that Rees is going to hear all this. Yeah. And it's really fun to lay into him. Yeah. And he's got to sit there going, oh, fuck's sake. And whenever this comes out, he'll message me going, thanks for that.

And I won't even remember what we said. Yeah, yeah. This means nothing to us, Rhys. This roasting of you. It's like when Thanos is confronted by Dax and he's like, you killed my family, he's like, I don't even remember him. Yeah, yeah. And you think that's cold.

Yeah. that is like that's the worst thing you could say to him it's like that with Reese what we're saying right now you can text me and go like oh that Thanos thing you're a dweeb I don't even know you can talk about you yeah with Thanos yeah with a podcast Thanos yeah if we click half the podcast it disappear

yeah click our fingers that's goodbye notice fingers fish goodbye my dad wrote a porno that's not one anyway goodbye babysitter boys what the one that Robin John

Right. Babyset her boys. Yeah. Babyset her boys. This is the off-menu menu menu of Rees James. Welcome, Reese to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you very much. Welcome, Reese James to the Dream Restaurant.

Miss Penny you for some time. An honour. What a great honour that I've been waiting for all my life. All my life. When you first launched this podcast, Last, six years ago? 2018. Seven years ago.

We're knocking on for seven now. Probably nine by the time this comes out. I've been sat at least postbox like a Labrador ever since. Waiting for that invite to come through the post. We do it in emails. He's emails. Yeah, that's why you missed it. Should check my laptop nine years ago.

We were straight away. Every week. Not going to win on week one. No reply whatsoever. It was me or Mike Skinner in that first series, wasn't it? Yeah, Mike checks his emails. He's a modern guy. He's a modern guy, Mike Skinner. I bet he doesn't check his emails.

Nobody will have someone. Yeah, you don't have someone. I don't have someone. What a sad way to start. I don't have anyone. You don't have anyone, do you, Rhys? I don't have anyone. That's kind of what your book's about, right?

You'll like it when you get here. By Reese James. Yeah, fair. What's that? Huh? Is there actually, yeah. Well, I half read it. That's the aim.

That's what I hope you're most of the audience. I don't think reading it is important with books, isn't it? Just buy it. Just buy it. You get there? I had that once. I went on a first. book come out, and I went on a show

first book. Well, Gompas was hosting it. Who's that? Bookman. But I've got a quote from Dara on the front. Yeah, I was quite, and it was something like, sorry, that's not what it was. Forget it.

Another great story from the brain of James Ocastle. So the book's out in August. You've got a quote from Dara as well. I've got a quote from Dara on the back of that book. What's your quote from Dara? I did have a quote from Dara. I can't remember it, but I remember it wasn't the quote from Dara that you got wrong. It's a cry for help, but it's a very funny one.

That's what Dara says about. Your book? Yeah. Do you want he said about my book? Nothing. Turn me down for a quote. Turn you down for a quote. Said he was too busy.

Done too many of them. Too busy. Done too many. Unbelievable. Well, I'm at that stage now. I'm sort of after a generation of people who'd have asked Dara for quotes. Sure. So he's probably begging to do quotes for books at the moment.

No one's got one. I mean, it's dried up. He refused the quote before. He'd not read it. Yeah, yeah. That would have been awful if he'd read it. I sent him a book. And then I was like, you know that weird thing that came through the post with my face or have you read that?

And he kept being like, oh, I'm going to Nottingham tomorrow. I'll read it then. And then I'll be like, what do you think? And then he was like, how's this? And then sent me basically that non-committal quote. I like it. I like that quote. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got to respect it. So I had a good quotes here. Pasco said it's witt in clever as Reese's stand-up, but you can take it in the bar. True. Benito was Googled the front cover for my first book. What's the Dara quote? Should we guess? Yeah.

This is classic scrapes. Yeah. No one scrapes like Jimmy A. Oh, I like that. A great, a great book, very enjoyable. He's better than that. Do you know what? I don't know why we've included the full quite,

I think we should have clipped off this first bit. He's written, it's just my opinion. But I don't know why we picked that. It sounds like he insisted that was there. Yeah, yeah. I don't want it out of there. Everyone thinks this. Yeah.

But James is the funniest of all these comedians you haven't heard of yet. Fair me, okay. He's a bit, it's spiky in these quotes. Yeah. There's always a bit of a net. in there, is a cry for help from this dweeb or, yeah, you've never heard of this, loser. And by the way, it's not

a fact, it's just my opinion. Just my opinion. He's the funniest. Of a very narrow category. You haven't heard of yet, but you've got a book out. Yeah. If they look at the book cover diamond, they've heard of me. Yeah. Automatically. Which font was bigger? Your name or Dara's

quote. Yeah, that's big. They're reading that first. They read that first. Oh, no. Oh, J.J. Kat. I've heard of them. It's like a thumbnail, really. Yeah, like me, I was a little picture of me and then Darva Yeah, that was whole quote

This is very exciting though Rhys You've got a book out You're excited Yeah I think of excited What's the book about? Don't make me say it

It's a guide to life from someone who doesn't want to do anything Then there we go So if you don't ever want to do So you try and avoid doing stuff As much as possible Socialising Well that's my default

How I feel is default It's sort of quite introverted The build up Just it's dread It's a dread memoir The build up to everything It's dread Don't want to do it

You wouldn't think I was an introvert if you went to the pub with me, I would seem like an extrovert because it manifests in speaking too much. It's not fun. It's just a lot. I will speak too much and I'll think,

I've got to feel all of this. There can't be a silence ever, et cetera. That's why I speak really quick on stage as well. You're the anti-John Robbins. Yeah, yeah. I thought, because I'd said to speak quick on stage,

you were going to say, Kurns, you were still on the pub thing. Yeah, no, I was still on that, no, yeah, just quite happy to switch and quiet men in the pub. Yeah, yeah. Once to go to the pub, doesn't say anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't want to go in the pub, says everything. Yeah, yeah, great. Yeah, if me and John are in the pub, it's an absolute night there. It's just us too, killing time. How much did you want to come and do this podcast then? Well, that's, you know. You know you can be honest with us.

In terms of the pantheon of things I will have to do to promote this book, I wouldn't even put this in a have to. This is a want to. But there's certainly things that I will be doing that I, you know, that I have to. The tucks won't come out for those. Tucks isn't, I'm not wearing the tux on Sunday brunch. No. Okay.

You should, though. You should do. All right, I will. There we go. For the listener, Rees is wearing a tux. No, God, no. He will be baffled. Oh, yeah.

Good point. For the listener, I happen to be wearing a tux. Yeah, yeah. If you're listening to this, Rees is our first ever guest who has turned up wearing a tuxedo. This is a big podcast. This is a fancy restaurant. Yeah.

You've had a lot of fancy guests. A lot of celebs in this restaurant. Yeah. I thought, I've got to, you know, this is the red carpet. Yeah. It is. Yeah. So, someone's got to make an effort at last, haven't they?

Yeah. I appreciate it. fancy guy as well, you know that. When I do bother to turn up to stuff, I do it in a very, very fancy way. Yeah. Would you say you seem like to agree? It's just my opinion. I've hung out with you at gigs and TV shows.

I wouldn't say you out fancy people at those. Rude. Yeah, I wouldn't say fancy is the first thing that I'd describe. What's the first thing? Pale? Oh, okay. White pale. No one pale in history has ever been fancy then?

Sorry, may I remind you of the one of the old old centuries where they're all pale and fancy they were pale couldn't think of one one name couldn't think of one

but you know I'm thinking of like you know those films based on the past the films based on the past where they've got where they've painted

a beauty mark on the yeah exactly they're all very pale dandies yeah they're dandies fine I think of you

as a dandy yeah fine I would think of you as a dandy more than a fancy fancy guy yeah if someone said

to me it's changeable if we if it's back in the day and we were all in the same episode of the week and one of the runners come up to me in the corridor

and was like, I've lost the damage. I'll be like, oh, okay, yeah, he's down there. Yeah, he's down there. Put his ruse James. Put his tux on, is it? Yeah, fair enough. Do you think wearing a tux to a restaurant is dangerous because I think you should not be the fanciest.

The waiter should look fancier, don't you think? The waiter may feel I have cosplayed as him. Yes. I don't get the logic of the waiter being fancier than the guests. Why would that make sense? It depends. If it's an old-school fancy restaurant, you want to feel like... I don't want to feel like I'm intruding on these fancy people who, what, live there.

If they work there, you know what I mean? It's like, no, I'm the guest. I should be the fanciest one. Yeah. They were there. They should look like shit. They should dress down. Yeah, you don't want to go in as a guest and feel like you're not good enough to be in this place.

Exactly. We don't want them to be snooty and sort of looking down on you for being there because of what you're wearing. And that's why I always wear a tucks. Always. So it can't happen. Yeah. The Nando's tucks. Straight to five guys.

Yeah. In my tucks. Well, I mean, I think you look very. Very, very sharp. Very nice. Oh, thanks. And it is also for the listeners, quite a hot day outside. Yes.

We've already recorded an episode in here today, and it quite quickly got boiling hot in this room. Benito was an all he can to air the room out. Right now, it's fine. Yeah. Let's see how much of this tucks makes it to the end of the episode. But, yeah, you're going to be dripping by the end. I didn't wear the waistcoat. That was an option.

I took the waistcoat. Yeah, no, two piece. I wish you'd won the waistcoat. I would have loved to have seen the waistcoat. To go halfway through and then take the jacket off and be wearing the waistcoat. Yeah. Like a teddy vet. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, on the way to prom. Now, that is the energy you bring. On the way to prom? Yeah. Yeah. Is that because I pulled up here in a limo? And you just went out in a stretch limo and I was out of the sunroof, all the way. You bought a corsage.

And the godoms, please. And that girl waiting through there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And the corsage. They're having a gown. Yeah.

Yeah. You just told to wait for you while you do a podcast. Yeah. And her parents, obviously. Yeah. Picking her up. Yeah. Dad trying to intimidate you.

Yeah. Not scared of him. We've been scared of him wearing a tucks. You haven't been scared of anyone while you're wearing a tux? No, actually. You just wouldn't be, would you? Good question. This is why fancy people, aka dandies, are so confident.

Yeah. I've done corporates in tuxes before, and I've been very scared during those. Good point, actually. Did a corporate 300 plumbers last week. What was a corporate? 300 plumbers last week. I'd say I did a joke about trains. One of my first joke, I just mentioned getting in the trail,

like rail card expired or something. I'd say in the first minute, heckled with train wanker, biggest laugh of the night. Unrecoverable. Train wanker. You do not book a job. Damnly to do a plumbing corporate. It did go all right at the end, but I never got quite to that level.

So you said I got a train? I said, yeah, something like, oh yeah. And I was building tension on purpose because I was about to call them van people. That's where I was going with it. Before I had a chance, they saw the comic gap I was leaving to go, railcards expired, of course you don't relate to this. You're all van, and I was going to go in that. I couldn't go hard like that.

But I couldn't because before I could do anything, train wanker, everyone losing their mind. And I said, wow, you think they're stereotypes, don't you? Yeah. You think they're stereotypes. The problem is, that is really funny. It's really funny. That's a funny thing to show.

Well, it was one of those, you know, sometimes you get a heckle and you think, you know, immediately I need to come back and shut this person down. That was almost like, well, I have to laugh. Let it roll around the row. I have to laugh. You've got to get involved in there. Also, I was thinking, this could kill a good five minutes. Yeah.

They're just laughing nonstop. I've only got to do 20 minutes. Sure. A corporate. Yeah. They had told me before this corporate, oh, it would be more, everyone will be in black tie, and it would be more the sort of suits of the plumbing industry rather than the polo shirts of the plumbing industry.

There was not a single person in the audience not wearing cargo shorts. Every single got there, every single person had a stained polo shirt. It was set up like a black tie event. It was a big fancy round table. And they'd all come straight from work. Yeah.

It's like they all expected there to be a leak at any moment. And you were in the tux? Yeah. Oh, Tux Wanker. Drain Wanker in a dart. To be fair, there is... First glass wanker. To be fair, right?

There is a leak because you've come on this podcast I've told us everything that's happening. Yeah, yeah. That's good. And he doesn't get booked for corporates. Can you imagine? I've done a corporate. Oh, yeah.

I've done our corporate. Just one. Yeah, yeah. I know what corpus are like. What was it for? Just like, all corporate, you do it in a cinema. And they let you see a film that night for free. And they give you some food to eat before having a full meal.

And you can just wear your normal clothes. You don't have to wear a suit or nothing. The one thing I wouldn't want to do after any corporate I've done, is go immediately to the cinema for the rest of the evening with all the people who were at the corporate. I didn't watch it with them. Oh, right, fine. They were just like, whatever film you want to watch.

Tell you what, I don't want to be in a cinema with 300 plumbers. No. Watching train spotting. No, no. That's going to take forever. Watch Super Mario Bros. There we go. I love that.

Sorry, I spoke over that. They're not hacked in that. They wouldn't dare. If it doesn't work like that. He's not even qualified. Oh, by the way, I'm very excited to hear your menu. Oh, yeah? Yeah, because as far as I'm concerned with you, you eat like a child.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'd never seen an avocado until you? Until me? Yeah. It's playing with a coaster for the list. Sorry, I'm going to drop the coaster out of shock. I was aware of the, I'd heard the name.

Ed Gamble. The name Ed Gamble, so I was wearing your work, and I knew you loved avocados. The phrase, I'd never seen an avocado until you. Never seen one. You introduced me, man. And I know that song, I never knew I was looking for love until I found you. It's a bit like that. I never seen an avocado.

I never knew of talking about you. It came into my life. So what was this occasion? We were in Manchester doing the student gigs. Yeah. And you opted for a home salad instead of eating on a curry mile or whatever, as we would normally do on those trips. And part of that salad was an avocado and you were holding it. And I was like, what the hell is this?

And you said, this is an avocado. I said, oh, great. I've heard of these. I've never seen one. That's wild. And I sort of like a child stood on a stool next to the sort of kitchen side who's trying to observe anything, I was like, show me, Ed, what is it? What's inside this?

And you cut it open and like you were talking to a two-year-old, you were like, so you cut it open and then there's a stone inside. And then you revealed it went, and yes, look, that's a small one. So that's really good because it means you get more avocado. Oh, I remember this so vividly. And then I was like, can I try a piece? It was like that level of the thing. You like all that archive footage of kids in the war sing bananas for the first time.

Dandies. Yeah, Danes. Little dandies. Great. That is great. So, you know, I can see why you might. You don't remember that, but it seeped in somewhere. That's where I think I might have that kind of menu. That's fancy now. That definitely happened because he said,

this is a good one because it's smaller. If you get more avocado about the stone, that's definitely a gamble. Yeah, that is me. Also, if someone said, quickly tell me a Reese James joke, the one that sticks in my mind as the Reese James joke is, I'm growing up, I've stopped eating chicken nuggets, I know chicken guzions.

Which felt very, very you. That feels like genuinely your diet. Yeah, and that kind of switch from the nuggets to the gujons is the switch from like t-shirt and shorts to tucks to me. And that's why a fancy growing up, guzons is a French word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's why I'm, because I'm fancy now. So maybe it will be a childish menu.

It's up to you to decide whether you think it is. Personally, I think it's pretty grown-up menu. Well, we've had lunch. We've had lunch before. I've had lunch before, yeah. We've had lunch together before, yeah. You took me to a metal restaurant. once? A metal restaurant. It was a restaurant

where they play metal so loud. It was Bone Daddy's. No, no, no, no. It was Black Axe Mangau. Oh, yeah. Black Axe Mangau. It's next to the hen and chickens in Itlington. It's an amazing restaurant. It was really good. Food was amazing, but I couldn't hear a word. They play loud music. Yeah. They play loud hit pop and loud metal. But it's a fantastic restaurant. Huge shout out to

Black Axe Mango. They won't be featuring on this menu. The food was great. Yeah, yeah. We had a patty melt together once. Oh. Did we? Yeah. what's that you were excited you said we should go here I want to have a patty melt yeah

like a sandwich that's like a burger yeah yeah great in that hotel in Hoban oh yeah yeah was that at the Hoxton the Hoxton tried to do a sandwich review series for your radio X show

of their Christmas sandwiches did two they were both bad stopped sending them in didn't want to go anymore had a loyalty card still didn't bother well they read out

the first two so everyone knows you quit yeah I slam these sandwiches and then it's like I'm not doing this anymore it's Christmas We always start with still the sparkling water, Rhys. Do you have a preference?

Look, I'd like steel water. I'm having sparkling, okay? What? Really? You've got to have bubbles in a tux. I'm afraid. You can't walk into a restaurant like this and say, yeah, just normal tap.

Yeah, that's true. It would look weird. I'm going to sparkling. It would look weird if you were. Can I have both? No. Okay. Sold.

Everyone else gets it a dream restaurant. have what you want. Yeah. Suddenly, I bet the secret ingredient is bread in this one, by the way. You're desperate to kick me out, especially when I'm wearing this. Funny. Do you want both? Yeah.

A little cup of both. Little cup of both. Because San Pellegrino, the green glass San Pellegrino bottle, that's a classy. Now that's a classy bottle. Tennis. Fair to say? Fair to say tennis? Yeah, it's fair to say tennis.

It makes me think of tennis. But I want a little glass of that to start, and then I want to move on to the still version of San Pellegrino, which I think is called, if it begins with the. pee, doesn't it? It's not Pellegrino. It's the orange logo. It's got an orange logo. It's like patter or something like that. Well, I don't think I knew this. It's what you would have seen it. White bottle, orange logo. Sorry, not white, clear. Yeah. Water. Wow. White bottle would be really. Really playing up to be the little kid who thinks the clear fingers are white. Yeah, little white bottles are nice and warm. Pana. Aquapana. Is that the... Oh, so I've seen

aquapana. Is that the same company? That is the... That is the sister drink of the bubbly San Pellegrino. Sister drink. There you go. Actually, more of an adult than we gave you credit for. Can you see water before? You know about the sister drinks? I know about the sister drinks.

Yeah, well, we'll let you have some Acropanam and some San Pellegrino, if you like. Yeah, brother and sister. Yeah, I love the brother and sister of water. Yeah. What's the mum and dad of water then? Well, I guess you will be the water daddy in that situation. If you've got both, you can call yourself. Ah, then I'm the water daddy.

You can call yourself the water daddy. Yeah, but then you've got a drudder daddy. drink your own kids. Yeah. That's weird, right? Would you drink your own kids? We've never asked anyone this before.

Hmm. Look, I don't want kids. So I guess so. Is that going to get rid of them? No harm, no foul. Oh, you see that as an obliteration of your children. Bliterates the kids.

If I'm drinking, yeah, I'm drinking, what? I'm drinking them to death presumably. That's true. Yeah. You are drinking them to death. They live on through piss.

I think they live on through piss, don't they? If you drink them like that? Piss. I think they're dead by the time they're piss. Rest in piss. Dead by the time they're piss.

Yeah. Rest in piss. Fuck. Sorry for stepping on it. It's fantastic. That's all right. It's out there. It's fantastic.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Kill the kids. Rest in piss. That's a fair description of my relationship with not wanting to be a father. Yeah. Pop love's on bread.

Poplums or bread. I bet it feels good, doesn't it? Shout that. To have someone that you don't respect in the chair. Okay. You've had two, but you've got too. The podcast has got too big for how much you like shouting that. Yeah.

So there's too many people. that you're like, oh, I'm not shouting it. But it is fun. It is funnier when it's someone that James really respects and he has the sort of semi-shel. Yeah, but it's nice for you to get out your system every now and then so that you can go. And I presume it's Al Pacino next week or someone that you're not going to say to Joe Pesci's in, I imagine. Well, I have to change my mind.

Because, you know, when it was De Niro, I was like, I don't want to do this. Yeah. And then you have to go to yourself, no, and like, listen, this is really funny that you're going to show it. So I have to change my mind, but I have to forcibly do it. It's not a natural thing. He's an old man, though, right? I have to be like, come on, this is funny. Even forgetting that it's Robert De Niro.

Yeah. How do you feel about screaming that an old man? Yeah, I mean, anything could have happened. There is almost, it's on a knife edge when they're old. And when we do get an old one in, I am thinking, like, is this the one where I finally kill someone? Would you drink your heroes? I drink my heroes. Rest in piss, Mr. De Niro.

Bobby De Niro. All the things he survived in films and stuff, for that to be the thing that really kills. He survived in films. In films, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's how we see him. I don't know of what he survived in his life, but I imagine he's similar, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know him. You're mates with him. Does he carry himself like that? Everything he's done in films, he's also in a round of it. He's method. When is the bit of this podcast where you pitch stuff for me, by the way, and I choose what I want? When you do that, Gujons, please.

Yeah, whatever. I tell you what, if you did choose to play it like that, we can't tell you a note. There's precedent now. It would be funny if we're just saying. We're not doing that, Rhys. You either choose it Or we're not doing this fucking podcast Get a couple of Oscars under your belt

And we'll do it until then I think we would say that to Reese So you know If Reese started going I have whatever's good You're like you fucking just pick something Of course you would Because in the same way

You just scream that at me As loud as you've ever screamed it Because you don't respect me And I respect you for not respecting me Of course I do Because I wouldn't Why do you think I've worked so hard On the outfit

I'm desperately trying to get a crumb of respect But I'm waiting for the moment I say bread And you say unlucky secret ingredient Goodbye You put that on for nothing. What do you want to pick then? Well, okay.

It's bread. Get out. God damn it. It's bread and what I want for the outfit for the whole vibe is, you know, sort of like fancy for catcher with oil and balsamic vinegar. And as a dandy, who has been a dandy in my whole life, I did used to go home from sick form and have that for lunch. You had facacha for lunch.

With the oil and the balsamic. And you never saw an avocado until you get met head. I know. This is amazing. I had quite beige diet for a very long time I would take friends there as well who take friends there so my house was quite near school

couldn't believe you had friends did you yeah I was like who? Who's friends? Who were your friends at school? I took my friend Sam there I took my friend James and Ed I took my friend Sam there once and was like mate let's go have lunch at mine because my house is quite near the school

sick of this canteen nonsense and the starter would be I'd have some nice fancy bread and I would do olive oil and balsamic in a little dish and we dip it in there while waiting for our dippers to cook. Our dippers would be in the oven, we watch an

episode of Flight of the Concords, dipping our bread, and then we'd get our nuggets and we dip them and ketchup instead. Did Sam like Flight of the Concord's or were you being like Sam? You always focus on the weirdest bit of the story. He was quite happy with the dippers and the bread situation. Absolutely fine with Reese being at school

and going home to dip balsamic. oil for catcher. He goes, I'll fly the concourse. Tell me more about Sam. It just feels like this whole thing is like Risa's curated the lunchtime.

I see where you go. And Sam is having to go along with everything. Oh, he's happy to get involved. I'm wondering if you're also like, you know, as a comedy nerd, you're like watching all that stuff. But your friends are like, oh.

No, I think he was into Flight of the Concords. We like flight of the concord. We both liked it. How did he feel about the oil and vinegar? I think he, that was one of those things where I was like, mate, have you had this? The thing that you get at the stuff.

start of every meal if you ever go out. You have this, you've got to have this. So it's like, the promise, I didn't sell it on that. The promise was. I knew that he'd love, have you had this, you've got to have this. But, you know, instantly laughing to himself. The way I would get him back to the house, not to sound so creepy, but it's to be like, I've got chips and chicken nuggets of my house.

They're not doing proper chips in this canteen. Come back to mine. Come back to mine. We'll watch fly to the concordes. We don't need to be around these other guys. We'll just hang out at mine, you know? Oh, these guys are bullies. They wouldn't even make you wear what you want to work.

It seems like you're trying to get off with them. It wasn't trying to get off with them, actually. I swear. And then we were... And then I put those in the oven. You've got to have something while you wait. Totally. And the natural thing for me was fancy bread.

And I was... When I first experienced the sort of oil by balsamic thing in a restaurant, I was like, this is the best part of the meal by Miles. It's so delicious. Dipping that in there. Look, you're preaching to the converted. But you don't get it so much anymore. The day I got a panini maker at home was

the day I became the most popular guy the year. Yeah. Oh, did you? Oh, yeah. Who'd you have home? Josh. You know Josh? Yeah, yeah.

Well, all back to yours. What was in the pininis? Whatever I want. Because that's like, I can, Brevel Toasty Maker 100% know what you're getting at. Cheez toast. I'm sure. Those little triangles.

Yeah. That's popular. I love, I've got one of those now. Yeah. I've got, I believe you. I cannot wait to break out the Brevel. It's amazing, isn't it? Come winter.

Yeah. Really, seasonal for you. I mean, we've just had a heat wave. By the, it's 20-25. We've just had a heat wave. I don't know what year you're listening to this. Yeah. 2022.

Rest of peace to least, James. That's when we put it now. Yeah, rest and peace. Yeah, I can't be eating one of those pockets of fire in the summer. You could wait a bit, wait for it to cool down a bit. No way. No. That's all the fun gone.

Blanket, no, we'll not be waiting for anything to call down ever. No, it was like a flat-top panini maker thing. So, like proper press, like a press. No, not with the stripes. Just flat, completely flat. Oh, no, thank you. Don't rate it. That's how you make paninis.

Not eating that. Don't rate it. The stripes are tacky. It's like my tracksuit bottom. Scott have the stripes or people will slag me off. Yeah, you need an adidas panini. Andy Daspinini, please. What is the tiger without his stripes?

Exactly. A lion. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that is better. Okay. Oh, it's got a master to improvise. Oh, God. No, like, probably just mozzarella and ham I'd put in there.

Fair enough. And ham, I know the cheese gets hot. but, like, other ingredients in a toasty or panini do become hot in a way that is, I've never seen before in any meal. Well, the tomatoes you're classic. The tomatoes you're classic. The tomato is like molten lava. Yeah.

But I'm not putting fresh tomato in a panini. No. It's too much water in it. I've heard you say that before on this podcast. Yeah. You seem to think tomatoes is really water-based. They're very watery. If you put them in a panini and then heat them up, waterlogged.

Rain, you know. Rained off. Rained off. Panini's been rained off. Play cancelled. Yeah, it's wind, We just had Wimbledon in 2025. So do you want the Foucatcher with the oil and balsamptu vinegar for your dream bread?

I either want that. I don't know what the rules are in terms of how far I can deviate from just bread. Because what I want is the chili cheese toast from Dishu. Yeah. That's my bread course. Oh, that's what you want. That's what I want. But I happily have the Faccater and oil if that's more in the bread family.

Chili cheese toast. It's bread. Bread? Yeah, it's cheese as well. We've had people push the boundary way more than that. I've only listened to the Robert De Niro episode. The chili cheese sauce from DeShoom is a great bread course. It's fantastic, isn't it?

Only on the breakfast menu, as far as I'm aware. Right, yeah. And it's with eggs on it. Yeah. I don't know if you can even get it on its own. But I love it so much. No, I think you can get it separately on the menu, yeah. But without eggs on it.

I think you can get it on the regular menu. I don't want it with eggs on it. Yeah, I think the regular menu. That can't be what you. If you're having bread before a meal, you can't just have, can I have eggs on it? Well, but, yeah, but I guess the bread course is like the breakfast of the meal, right? We'd let you. I don't want it.

What, is this how it works for me? So Robert De Niro, you go, oh, what about this? And he goes, yeah, okay, if it's good, yeah. Yeah, weird catchphrase. For me, you go, no, you have to have eggs on it, by the way, every course. That's a good idea. You have to have a couple of eggs on it. And by the way, the secret ingredient is eggs, yeah.

Yeah, we got you. Adios, punked. It is on the menu, isn't it? But without eggs on the regular menu. Yeah, chili cheese toast from Dishu. Fantastic. Yeah, I love that. And I love that, but I always over order it, Disham.

And the cheese on toast always feels like a step too far. You're like, I've ordered all of that, and now I'm having cheese on toast as well. Yeah. Yeah, because of the chili, it doesn't feel like cheese on toast to me for some reason. But it is, isn't it? But it is just cheese on toast with chili in it. But it's so delicious. What type of bread is it?

It feels just like quite a regular bread. Normal bread. Yeah. Which is right up your street. Normal. White sliced loaf. White sliced loaf. Yeah.

Classic. Can't argue with that. I've never had it. I've been to DeSume a lot. Love it, but like, yeah, I've been to breakfast there, much. No. I've not done a breakfast. I think I prefer going there for breakfast than any of them. What do you want the eggs on this?

I don't want the eggs. Stop making me have the eggs. I know it's a secret ingredient. Your dream starter, Rhys James. Okay. From a place called Billy's in Harpenden, I would like a culinary hotspots. They've got a czar-zah. They had a subway for a while.

You know where I'm. Protests about that in the town, by the way. You know where I go when I want a great meal? One of London's satellite commuter's towns. Can't get a McDonald's off. Can't get a McDonald's there? No? Every time they're like that, my whole childhood,

every time any shop closed down, there would be a rumour. That's going to be a McDonald's. And then a week later, there'd be another rumor. Oh, the parents shut it down. They wouldn't let it happen. Wow. They protested, yeah.

The Harpenden parents. And I think my mum was spreading that rumor going, oh, you know what, Harpond and parents were like, they wouldn't leave a McDonald's here because of the parents. the litter. And then I'd sort of go, can I check your emails? Specifically, it's just her all the time. She's always, yeah. She's got a thousand email addresses. Yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't want a McDonald's there. But we did have a subway and that was very exciting for a time. That was huge. I was very excited when Ketman got a subway. Yeah. Really excited. How is subway better, in terms of the parents, how is subway better than McDonald's, do you think? They, because they hadn't heard of it. Right. Because it felt like when it came to Harvard, it felt like it had come direct from Los Angeles. Yeah.

It's like, I've never seen one before in England. And it wasn't a burger, it was a sandwich. And they can't argue with sandwiches because they've been putting them in your pack of lunches. Yeah. That's true. They can't exactly be like, the sandwiches are unhealthy. You're like, well, what's this twist? It's like if they opened a malt loaf restaurant.

And there's veggies, like visible when you go in. Yeah, they're salad there, yeah. Even though they're salad in a Big Mac as well. Yeah. Well, and a burger is a sandwich. And burgers a sandwich. Although, is it? I genuinely was in the shower the other day and probably had 10 minutes thinking to myself,

do you classify a burger as a sandwich? He does the podcast of his own Yeah I don't need to stop He's always thinking of content This guy lips and breathes Food questions I wasn't doing it out loud

What about hot dog then? So this is where my mind went It's a hot dog a sandwich So maybe it's if The bread doesn't touch Hear me out Yeah Hot dog

It's like a you Of bread That's a you of bread That's not a sandwich A pizza is not a sandwich Filled It's not a sandwich It definitely is

Now the bread's touch Definitely is If the bread is separate and there's stuff between it, a sandwich, it shall be. Okay. Burger sandwich. You'll sound it like it rhymes, that doesn't rhyme. I hoped it would.

As I was speaking, I thought, I hope this rhymes. May I take you back to the panini? Or a roll, a filled roll. Quite often, they will just slice into the roll. They'll leave a hinge. Negligent. They'll leave a hinge, and then they'll fill the roll. Is that a sandwich?

Or is a roll a sandwich? Yeah, because it is still a sandwich. Yeah. Did you say hello in your head when you were doing this for yourself? every day I go, hello. Yeah. And then I tried to wash the bottom of my foot and nearly fell over. And the end of the episode.

Do I watch the bottom of your foot? Yeah, I try and wash the bottom of my feet, obviously. And then you put the foot down and you're like, this is going to be a really tense minute while I'm slipping around in shower gel here. Yeah. And I pick the other foot up. So I'm just on one slippy foot. And you're still thinking of the sandwich thing at this point.

Well, I'm trying to, but I can't keep the episode on track because I'm too worried about falling over in the shower like an old man. Well, it's good to hear you write for these. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know. It really does feel like mott of the wings. It's just like, yeah. Me washing the bottom of my feet is not a scene you'd like to see.

Oh, yes. Love that. Smooth. No, not smooth at all. But yeah, they do hinge the subway sandwiches, so, and that is, there you go. That's a sandwich. All right, I concede. Yeah.

Well, in any case, I want to go to Billy's, not Subway. Sorry, Billy doesn't exist anymore. It's also closed down. They probably think it's going to be a McDonald's there, but it isn't. I'm telling you, it isn't. Billy's was, for all intents of purposes, a bad pub. It was really fun, but I was a child. So I thought it was amazing.

And actually, when I would eat what I'm going to have as starter, which is the buffalo wings and nachos. I want both of them as the starter. There was a year when I was 15, when my parents separated for one year. Just for one year? For one year. They got back together. They had a room springer.

What's that? Is that a sandwich? No, it's the arm. The Amish tradition of you get to leave the community for a year and go and do whatever you want as long as the promises you come back and become Armish again.

I did know that about the Amish. I didn't know it was called that and I didn't know I knew this much about the Amish. I love the Amish. I keep getting TikToks at the moment of people going to Amish communities and saying you have to prepare the zombies are already in the city.

And the Amish people would be like, what? And they're going like, honestly. And then there's other ones of them showing brain rot to Amish people like weird memes that it just don't make any sense of like AI stuff How do the Amish people

know about zombies? Yeah well maybe there's some explaining they do before it so there's a thing called zombies that's the that's dead people walking around but you wouldn't be scared of it

I saw one he had an AI video of cats in the Olympics and he showed it to an Amish person and it was all cats going off diving boards and doing flips and what's interesting about that one

is the Amish person is not buying it one bit looking at it like yeah so what's this this is obviously the guy's like look you wouldn't

expect a cat to do that. Like, three flips. And the Amish person is just like, yeah. It's just in an apple shop. So, basically, sorry, as in literal apples. It's not a genius bar. They're actually selling apples. The Apple store.

It's not the Apple store. Must have been on his year off. Do not, yeah, yeah. That's where they go immediately. As soon as the first day of their year off, straight in the Apple store, their head starts vibrating. They can't take it. If you took your laptop to the genius bar

and someone was dressed like an Amish person there, be like, well, I'm fucked. I'm never getting that knapsed back. They're not going to know what to do. I, sometimes when I see AI videos, I feel like an Amish guy. Because you think that's real? Yeah, yeah. And I have to check with Charlie what's AI and what's not.

I'd be like, come over here. How can a horse be this small? Come over here. How can a horse be this small? Should be like, it's AI, right? Well, then I'm going to be dead in a year. Yeah, it does feel like that. When you fall for an AI thing, it does feel like,

well, it's game over for my brain, Yeah, yeah. It's why when your parents send you one, you're just like, oh, I can't, it's weird different planets now. Yeah. Well,

my mom got into, like, using chat GPT to make, uh, like pictures of our cat, my cats and send them to me. So she would just,

but she would just speak into it. So it wouldn't look anything like them. But she would just say like, a sphinx cat next to a main coon cat and it's their birthday. And then she would send me and there's two cats wearing party hats.

I don't know that my cats. I'll be like, What was it with this? She's just like, and she told me about, she was like, it's this website and you just tell it stuff. Yeah,

I mean, it is exciting. I got sent to my, my girlfriend's mom sent me a song about my cat that she'd made on AI, but she just found an app where you just makes, sings you a song.

I've never used it. It was really good. I can't believe there's parents using AI. I've never used it. Yeah, I was like, and I immediately was like,

I was making a radio four show at the time and I needed some songs in it. And I immediately was like, what is this website? This is incredible. She didn't even write the lyrics. She just said, there's a boy called Rees

and he's got a cat called Tabitha she's a ginger cat and she's crazy write a song about that and it was like a country and western song that was like exactly the tune you'd expect to do

yeah yeah it was like a theme tune for the cat basically that it came back with and also it's like completely out of the blue you get that text from your girlfriend's mum

so what I'm just like what do thumbs up it and never reply I thought your cat I mean maybe this was a different cat but I thought Bob Mortimer named your cat

Bob Mortimer named my cat Tabitha Light Source. Oh, okay, there you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I know you're expected sort of like Mike Twat or something like that. No, no, I knew it was something like that. It's disrespectful then to not say Tabitha Light Source every time you talk about your cat.

Yeah. Yes. Okay, fine. Especially if you've got Bob Mortimer to name your cat. Yeah. Yeah. It's quite a waste. Yeah, it's a bit of a waste.

I should go tab. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, fair enough. Okay, Tabitha Light Source. And I'll release the theme tune. Yeah. So these buffalo wings.

Yeah. Bad? No, they're actually, the food was amazing in this place. So this place was a, like, plastic red and white chequered tablecloth place. And I actually don't think the food came in a basket, but if it did in that kind of dine away, it would not be incongruing with the vibe. And I knew it as a place that my parents, it was like the place people went out at night, but I'd not done that. Yeah. But it was also the place you'd go in the day.

Never been out at night. No, it was 15, so I hadn't been in the, this was like the cool bar you could go to. Doesn't make sense. Yeah, it's the opposite. this is the some of them are swinging a miss and you've got to

accept that sometimes he has to stop and wash the bottom of his feet sometimes so he's not always hard he's not

firing them off you were metaphorically you had soap on toe yeah yeah yeah yeah fair enough but it's

but the food was amazing I would go there we'd go there every Saturday pretty much with my dad in the separation

year yes the separation year and me him and my brother would get it's such a dad separation

place sometimes you don't realize that you live in a stereotype until years later. You don't realize you're in a trope. My dad always used to take me to Ed's diner. That's two on the nose, isn't it? Yeah, but it was good, but it was good back in the day, Ed's Diner.

Yeah, well, it was also, it was the first one, wasn't it? I used to go to The Diner all the time in London when I first moved to London because it was like there was nothing, except Ed's diner. There was nothing close to it, and now that's sort of everything. So, smash burgers and stuff like that, it's sort of every place. Back then there was Ed's diner on, I think it was on Kings Road and Johnny Rockets. Now, Johnny Rockets was my favourite, but Johnny Rockets is gone now. In Billy's, you had to sign a contract if you wanted a rare steak.

Wow. What are you talking about? What are you on about, mate? I think this was a thing at the time. It wasn't. No. It wasn't, but carry on. No.

Wasn't thinking at the time. The fajitas were loud. The vibes were electric. And you had to sign a contract if you wanted your steak rare. Fahitas have always been loud. Not as loud as this place. What are you talking about? I've never heard them louder.

Not before, not since. I was going to do another attempted rhyme then, and I could see that it wasn't going to Black X-Mang gal is as loud as that music? Not as loud as that music, but louder than their fajitas would have been. I'm not saying it's the loudest sound of all time. We wouldn't know how loud the loud is in Black X-Man-Gal. How were they making the fajitas louder than other fajitas? Good question.

Plate's hotter. That's going to be louder. It's bound to be louder. Yeah, I guess so. The more would you throw on, the bigger a fire gets louder it is. Yes. Bigger plate, massive plate of fajitas. Are you sure it's not?

Was it the first time you'd heard of heaters? Yes. So it's the memory of them. Only time I've heard fajitas. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, really loud, though. Never heard louder. The first time you hear them in a pub as a kid,

it's just like, everyone stops, everyone looks. You can't believe how loud that thing is. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, it's a bit like when a sparkler is coming in like TGI Fridays or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the sparkler's in a thing, you're like, what the hell is going on? Food shouldn't make noise like this. Yeah.

And the fajitas is the exact same except there's no fire. So you're like, what is the source of this sound? Was your dad trying to explain to you why, why him and he, your mum had split up, but you couldn't, he was having to speak over the fajitas. Son, it is your fault. Just for a year. Whoa, what's all this racket? This is incredible.

Yeah, well, at the time they didn't know it was just for a year. They didn't go into it going. Yeah. Let's do one year on, one year off. We're fully committed to like, we're done. The stereotype. I've moved out. I'm now your dad.

I see you on the weekends and we either go to a football match or we go to the pub and we have always same starter, Buffalo wings, best Buffalo wings ever. Yes, first ones I've ever had. Also the loudest buffalo wings I've ever had. Natchos, classic nachos, really. Got all the trimmings. Yeah. And then for a main course, I would have a no kissing burger.

Sorry. That was the main course. That's what you were doing with Billies. Yeah, billies, I would have a no kissing burger. Not for this dream menu. Not for this, don't want it for, just want the starter. The starter is the wings and the nachos. We'd all share that the three of us.

I'm going to say, if we're doing Dream Restaurant, I can have everyone. I'll let my mum get back involved. She's welcome back, actually. I don't think it'll be the same. I think we're going to put our foot down and say that your parents are. still separated. For the start. Fine.

Fine with that. For the start, your parents are still separated. Fine with it. Got an iPod that year. That's good. So, you know,

pretty good year. What's a no kissing burger, Reese? It's a burger with caramelized onions in it. So you shouldn't be kissing after it's how they were branding it. What?

I would kiss someone after caramelized onions. Yeah. Wow. Not in a village, you wouldn't, mate. Raw red onions. It's not like raw red onion or anything.

I'm just telling you the facts. Yeah. But do you believe me now that a restaurant that might call a completely fine to kiss burger and no kissing burger. might have the loudest fajitas in the beers. Yeah, I guess so. This is now possible.

This is a novelty restaurant. Yeah, it's a novelty restaurant. Yeah, and it was a restaurant I associate with kids cracking their head open. Now, I think that's... The problem with this episode is everything you say is another five minutes of chat. I think that is a thing that happened a lot and has stopped happening. Sure. When I was a kid, everyone was cracking their head open every day.

That's so true. Every time you went anywhere, kids were running around and the parents weren't looking and someone would fall over and crack their head open. Or knock a tooth out. And I assume skulls are made of nothing. They are paper. That's why, you know, I'm so cautious and I'm a dread guy because I see kids all around me. Kids' skulls are opening.

And I'm thinking, well, I'm sitting still. I'm not going anywhere. Do you crack your head open ever? Never. Of course not. Never broke a bone. Nothing. Well, I'm worried about cracking my head open in the shower.

Of course. You should be. You're on the cusp. Yeah. But now, my brother has kids. I'm often at things where there's loads of kids running around. No one cracks the head open ever. Yeah.

Wow. What's going on? Have the skulls got thicker? Do we think? It must have done. A parent's just more attentive. It must be that. Maybe, yeah. I'll crack my head open.

How many times? Once. Trying to get away from my dad when he was washing my hands. And I slipped on the water. Slippery hands. You put your hands down. Slipped on the water, slipped straight out of the door of the kitchen, into the corridor, still flying.

And then flew head first into the side of the radiator. Wow. And they stood up for fucking, shook that chump, sat down in the living room with my brother and sister and my mom and everyone watching TV and then one of them, I can't remember who, went, you've got blood pouring

down the side of your head. Wow, what a badass. So I have. Do you touch the blood? Yeah, yeah. So then you've got to wash your hands again. Probably. Trying to get away.

Smack us. Yeah. Broke my nose. Vision just went slowly red like the start of James Bond. Yeah, yeah, exactly. All the blood coming down your forehead. Yeah.

Your dream main course, Rees. We had a lovely trip to Billy's there. It's very nice. I will have Biria tacos. Very nice. Specifically from Big Feastopol. Have you ever performed at Big Feastival? I have.

The worst gig I've ever done in my life. Really? It was very far back in the day. So now it's run by, is it Alex James? It's on Alex James' farm in Cotswell. Yes, it was on Clapham Common when I did it. Jamie Oliver's thing. Yeah, you do.

And they booked the comedy for when the gates opened. And I was on first, on the main stage. On the main stage? Yeah. Absolutely brilliant. Opening the main stage at opening at the moment the gates open. Yeah, so I could just see families coming in from a mile away. And I had to beckon them forward to banter.

Great. My God. Really bad. Impossible. Yeah. Impossible. So when I say it's the worst gig, it's the answer I give when people ask me what's the worst gig you've ever done.

In reality, it was quite fun because it was impossible. Yeah, yeah. Your ceiling becomes very different for what you imagine this gig can be. Yeah, yeah. And it becomes, well, this is 300 plumbers, so I'm happy with any laughs. But we all have to do that. We all get asked what the worst kid we've ever done is. And we have to give an end to basically the most entertainingly unplayable

gig we've ever done. Because actually, if we all just say, as a gig I was really looking forward to and it really meant a lot to me. And they basically just didn't laugh. And I just felt like fucking jumping off of a fucking build it afterwards. A gig where everyone, it was all set up to be, great and everyone else did great and I sort of did fine. Yeah. They're the worst ones.

They're the worst ones. Yeah. They're the worst ones. Yeah. I felt like shit. Those ones where something crazy happens and it's like, well, this was never going to be more than a four out of ten and I kind of got it to there. Yeah. That's what you're like, well, whatever. Great. It's funny. You switch it off. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I want. Yeah. And I'd love, actually, if this is the dream restaurant to be able to watch that before I have this.

Absolutely. Because when I had this, Natasha Beddingfield was just there singing unwritten as I was eating this. So that was pretty special. It's not special for you. Pretty special. That is the dwebiest thing in the way of that episode. But she was miles in the distance, so I could only sort of hear it. I had had a fantastic set because I'm a great comic. And I was, also, I was in a comedy tent.

Yeah. And it's like a proper festival tent. And so, and it was like really busy and nice. Yeah. It's on just after Marcel Lucan. Yeah. We. He had talked about wine quite a lot because food festival.

Yeah. I thought I got no food stuff. Did the Goucheon's joke, obviously, not insane. Brought that back 10 years later. Yeah. Then mostly just bans and then got off and then they give you one food. from one stand, even though it's a food festival. So it's like the whole point is go and sample loads of stands.

And I just said, what's the best one? And they said, oh, that beeria right there, everyone's just talking about that. And I went there straight away, and they gave it to me, and they give you the dipping thing as well, like the thing that they make it in, the sort of soupy thing that they cook beer in. And they give you the dipping thing of that,

some sort of pickled red cabbage on the side. And then I was eating it. And because I was doing it just outside the comedy tent, I was eating this, and everyone was coming up to me out of the comedy tent, going, we just saw you in the comedy tent. And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, you've got to get this. You've got to get this. It's the best thing I've ever tasted in my life.

But do you think all the compliments made it taste better? Oh, yeah, I want to be complimented nonstop while eating it. Yeah. While they're dyes on his ass. It's died on his ass over there. Beddingfield's somewhere in the background. She's smashing it. Smashing up over there.

Yeah. And people are flooding from your stage to Beddingfield's the idea. Well, there was never enough people watching me at this gig for there to be a flood. Okay, fine. There's a trickle. There's a stream of people. Yeah, yeah. Even a stream, yeah.

A drip. Yeah, yeah. A drip of people. Yeah, a drip of people. And they're walking past and they're throwing compliment to the dandy and then I'm telling them

they've got to eat there they're going to go there later because your recommendations mean something to us and then they're carrying on to see Beddingfield singing. What meat is it?

It varies. I think I've only ever had it be beef. I think it can be goat. I think it's traditionally goat. Yeah, I think it is but I've only ever had it be beef and it's... Would you have it if it was goat?

I'm trying to work out how adventurous you are. I would, yeah, yeah, yeah. I am actually. actually quite adventurous. The problem is I went to Mexico at the start of the year, and my choice of beeria is not from Mexico. It's from Alex James as far, which I do appreciate is mental.

That's because got really ill immediately in Mexico and didn't eat any. Oh, mate. I, not instantly. I had about five days in Mexico City eating everything, but then one of those things was a street taco from a place called Jenny's Casadiers, which everyone said as you've got to go to Jenny's Casadiers is the best thing in Mexico City. And so we did go to where it said that was on a map, ate there were like everyone there was horrible the food was terrible it just seemed

the whole thing just seemed implausible that this was like a recommendation from people I know yeah so we were like all right let's not get a second one went to a different taco place like a bit more of a chain but like that was really busy and sort of happening started eating in there it was great while we were there my girlfriend looks up the Google reviews of Jenny's casadiers all the ones in the last like two months are like this isn't Jenny's casadiers Jenny has moved this made me the illest I've ever been in my life oh no so you knew it was coming. So we've just eaten there. And I'm a, I've written a dreader. Yeah. So I'm immediately like, my girlfriend's just like, ah, whatever. Just like we, you know, it's either

going to happen or it is and nothing we can do about it. It's too late to like throw it up or anything like that. So we're just going to have to try and enjoy ourselves. I'm immediately like, I might as well be ill now because I can't do anything. Yes. So it might as well happen immediately because I'm just like so stressed. I'm barely eating the thing in front of me. I'm thinking I don't know what to do. Oh, I am feeling actually. Now you say it. Yeah, yeah. Immediately as well. My tummy's bubbling. And then, yeah, yeah. And And then, yeah, then it just went, it sort of descended from there. And then it got to a point when I was like, all right, I'm going to the hospital. Yeah.

It was like stabbing pain in the stomach. So this is days later, so bad that I'd be on the toilet at 3 a.m. Thinking, like, quickly, urgently putting towels down in front of me because I thought I will faint, fall off this toilet and crack my head off. Like a kid in minutes. I was like, I'm still scared of crack this head. I may as well be in billies right now. So I was, yeah, running around. Billy's like an idiot.

Yeah, so I was doing that. And I went to hospital, obviously language barrier, basically pointed at my stomach. a thumbs down and was like, and he just, I'd say within 10 minutes, he wrote me seven prescriptions. He spread bet on what it was. And one of them worked,

and then I was fine. You're lucky that worked out. You could have gone under the knife, woke up with a fake six pack. Oh yeah, like rappers. Yeah, yeah. This is,

this is bad. I know just the thing. I'll sort you out. Spread bet. He either has a stomach infection or he wants abs. And we don't know which one, so we're doing both.

Have a little look. Yeah, he needs that. Do you remember that man on Seleb Big Brother who had that? He was a paparazzi guy. He was like a huge guy. Like he had Elon Musk body. But he had a fake six-pack at the front. But he was like, it was crazy.

He had he like put in. But then if you like just go, I'm just going to eat whatever I like then, do you end up with a big stomach? And then does it push the six-pack to the front of the stomach? Yeah, yeah. So the six-pack stays then, no matter how large this guy got. And he's quite a large guy. I love it.

It was amazing. That's hilarious. It was an extremely simple thing to have. happened in real life. Yeah. It was fantastic. And he had a big, like, pink mohican, didn't he? I think, I only remember the six.

I remember people showing me the six-pack thing. It was crazy. This guy, he's fantastic. I love who he is. He's probably ethically all over the place because he was a pretty big. Yeah, I imagine so. He doesn't seem like it was a good guy. I like him.

Not enough people get plastic surgery for a laugh. Exactly. You know what my dream is? Is to disappear from the comedy scene for a while and come back with the BBL. I would love to come back with a big fat ass and just be like, and not reveal it. And I walk up to people. Yeah, yeah.

And they'd be like, oh, I've just dropped something. Well, every gig you'd have to come on right from the back of the stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then your first big laugh, you'd turn around to the side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just turn around to the side. Knock over the mic stand accidentally on purpose. Turn around to the side.

And they never reference it. Well, you'd have to do gigs in like three-sided audiences, so you get a massive laugh three times. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's the dream. So if ever you sort of don't hear from me for a while, that's what I'm doing. Okay. Yeah.

Well, we'll know. If you say, like, you know, I've, quit will be like because he's family only quit for a year. Yeah. He'll be back in a year with him.

He's healing is what's happening. Yeah, yeah. He's healing the bum scars. Those tacos sound great. That's a great main course. Very grown up as well. Thank you.

It's still a sandwich, arguably, would you say a taco? Oh, they see that. Now, no, surely not. Ooh. I find interesting. Well, it's not bread, is it?

It has to be bread. You're saying it's not bread? Is it not bread? It's more of a rap. What's a rap? Is rap not bread? Is rap not bread? No, tortillas, not bread.

Yeah, okay, it's corn. Yeah. But they also, with beeria, which I don't think they do with other tacos, they dip it in the soup as well to fry it, and they fry it in that, don't they? And so the whole thing is just the most flavourful thing in the world. Yeah, it's crazy. The dip is just so good. But you can't really get a good one in the UK except from Big Feastival.

I think it's called Bab House, they're called. And I genuinely don't think you can get them anywhere else. I think you can get other ones in the UK that it was good, not just a big feastable. I saw you have beerier tacos. Yeah. Where was that? At the lone star in Buxton. Yeah, and that's in the UK.

And they were absolutely amazing. Yeah, and we were on the run. And we only got, he only got halfway through them because we had to leave. Did it feel better because you're on the run, though? No, no. It felt better because...

That's a risky genre of food to go for on the run. I thought we'd all chilled out for a bit. So it felt better because I was like, we're all relaxing. And then we had to run back to the Scout Hut to get all that stuff. Your dream signed dish. Well, this is from Mexico.

Is it booby food? This is in the... Well, in the... So, a little bit, my palate... So we then went to Oaxaca City, after Mexico City. This is very... By the way, a lot of the things you've picked are way spicier than I thought you'd go for. Yeah.

Well, you haven't heard of all this dishes. Well done, young man. You're not going to like all this dishes, one bit. But towards the tail, I went to Oaxi city, right? And I'd been really ill. And so my palette for Mexican food... Also, Oaxi City is the home of Mollay. You know, Molae is like incredibly rich, often quite spicy.

And the last thing you've... want if you've been shitting your brains out for the last week. And my palate has changed to not want the taste of Mexican food. And now I'm in Oaxaca City, which is a city, but is much more of a remote feeling place than Mexico City. They have a lot more traditional dishes and you can't get, it's not like being in London or Leeds, where it's all the same things you can have. No, it's not like London. I've not been to Oaxon City, but I understand it's not like London or Leeds. It's not like the comparison between London and Leeds. Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought, I thought you were giving two examples of metropolitan cities.

No, what I meant was you can leave London and go to Leeds and get all the same stuff. Yes, okay. But just different versions of the same stuff. But five guys will be in both, for example. This is not like that. It's like leaving London and going to Oaxaca City. It's completely different stuff. We've got Oaxo in London.

I'm struggling. Yes, not like that. And it's spelled differently as well. O-A-X. So what I did for sort of safety for a bit, but also because I have my palette change, I was like, right, I want to have pizzas. So I would just have a pizza. Then I found out there's a certain type of cheese in Oaxaca City that isn't pasteurized,

and so our stomach can't process it, and it made me way more ill. Oh, wow. It's illegal. Yeah, Oaxah cheese is delicious, but it's illegal to bring to the UK. Isn't it? Because it's not pasteurized in the right way, and it can be, I don't know. Right. I don't know anything.

No, because I can't get that cheese. I think you can get it in the UK. It's America who have different rules on pasteurization. Right. So you probably can't get it in America. But either way, it was fucking with me even more. And I didn't know what was going on and why, because I thought, but I'm playing it safe. Then we went to this really fancy restaurant on the last day.

Also, my girlfriend's fine throughout all of this, by the way. Of course she is. Called Levondra de Ola. And it's really interesting, fancy Mexican dishes. But I was really trying my best because it was the last day and it was just like, whatever. And this one that came out was just every type of tomato in Mexico. And they came over and it was like, it's the most amazing plate of food I've ever seen in my life, even though it's just tomatoes, which you think I had a plate.

of water. Yeah. But it was the freshest. You know what I mean. Was it in a pinini? It was that they weren't hot. Then shut your mouth. Secret ingredient.

Hot tomato. They were so amazing and it were all like there were green ones. There were red ones. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a blue one on there. Yeah. I would be. Yeah. There wasn't a blue one.

They came along and they were like, those ones will be sweet. Those ones will be sour. Those ones would be in between. They were just describing and with better language than that, frankly. Yeah, yeah. But it was. basically star mix, but for tomatoes. I see.

You know what I mean? It's like I had a whole... Is that how they said, describes it as he as well? These are tankfast sticks. They sit one look at you, and they went, I recognize him from the packet.

Yeah, exactly. And then it was on like a, underneath it was like a beetroot puree thing. It was also quite sweet. And just every single one, you know, then we're having fun because we're going, what's your favorite one?

Oh, I like those ones. Oh, you, and they also... The fact you have to say that about your girlfriend. We were having fun. And then we're having fun. They were having fun. They were having fun. Because we manufactured a conversation about the dish we were eating.

What's your favourite one? Hello, darling. What's your favourite one? My dad took me to Billy's every Saturday. Yeah. I said, what's your favourite wing? What's your favourite wing? I know me and you, I'm aren't together anymore, but we can still have fun with food.

And then, but they're all different shapes as well. Yeah. You know what I mean? Some of them were flower-type shapes. What's your favourite shape? What's your favourite shape? Favorite shape? Favorite flavor.

And then some of them were little tiny, little tiny sort of pellet-sized tomatoes. Yeah. It sounds genuinely incredible. Would you like to see a picture? I would say a lot of your dad cracking its head open and bullies. Wow, that is beautiful. Real nice. Yeah.

That's what it looks like. I'm into it. Benito loves it. Absolutely amazing. Yeah. That's what I want as a side dish to the, so Mexican themed, but only one of them actually from Mexico. Your dream drink. Kale's orange soda.

Yeah Finally someone picks this Finally No one before No one's picked Kells orange soda I don't know whether I want to Be Kelle for it or not

I don't know His life seems pretty stressful But this is a soda That has defined a man Yeah He's one character trait Of this guy Is he likes this drink

And everyone thinks he's dead all the time That's in real life Yeah okay If you have him on If we have him on If we have him on This What drink's gonna be?

No we can't have him on He's dead He's died. He hasn't died. That's like the Frosty's kid. Frosty's kid, that's your generation? Frosty's kid. It's a tiger, race.

It's the kid who is in their Good or Tastes Great advert. Remember him? Yeah. They're going to taste great. Yeah, I do remember that. He's dead. He's dead.

He killed himself. That's what everyone said at school. He said he got so much abuse of people taking the piss out of in the playground saying he's going to taste great that he took his own life. That's what people said at school. And then another room all around. No, he just moved to South Africa. Wow.

That's what went around my school, yeah. It must be the same as the Kel one, that Kel's dead. That must have gone round school. Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, it just arounds every couple of years. Yeah. Every couple of years, still going. Yeah, people still going about Kel's being dead. But it's getting to a point where it's not that, you know, he's getting to an age,

where it's not that shocking. No, and the real sadness is that Keenan's on TV all the time. So we can never, we can never suggest he's a addict, remember. He's addicted to this orange soda in his life. He is. He is. to get the best of him. And that's why I would like to experience it as me first to be like, is this man insane?

Then I'd like to be Kel, just to love anything as much as he loves this thing. Yeah. I would love to feel like that. It's certainly eccentric. He's not like, he's a bit bonkers. Yeah. So like you've got to take him with a pinch of salt. Expect it's going to be like, I mean, it does look like a bright and more vivid orange than any other orange soda I've seen.

Yeah, thanks, Jamie Oliver. He put paid to that. in this country, didn't he? Yeah. The Sunny D days growing up, it feels like a sort of, it's similar color to those. We're a Sunny D kid.

Look, I don't think I was allowed Sunny D. I wasn't allowed Sunny D. I wasn't allowed to watch 15s and I wasn't allowed Sunny D I had one sip of Sunny D once I thought it genuinely tasted like piss. I didn't go near Sunny Dye after that.

It did taste delicious. I thought it was fantastic. It was amazing, but I would not have been allowed that. I loved the Florida one. There was Florida and California flavors. Of course, you know all the different flavors. And,

but like we had to really pest to our parents for a long time before we got a sunny day and even then it was like okay one a year like you're not having another like that's not we're not going nuts with this this is crazy I would have been the same I think yeah same with

yeah things I pestered my parents for of that and can I see Austin Powers for the main things that I spent begging my parents to let me do the first one or the second one don't know for I think when Austin Powers first came out I would have been there's a thing in the book about how much I used to lie specifically it to my friends about how I've seen bits of Austin Powers

because they would go, oh, have you seen? I go, yeah, and then they'd go, oh, this bit when he goes down, and I go, oh, yeah, have I only seen bits of it? And that's not one of the bits, even though it was only out in cinema. You didn't know, exactly. I watched it in YouTube shorts, but it was only in cinema. So, you know, if you've only seen bits of it, then you're running out of the cinema every five minutes.

Yeah, that's crazy. The line never held up. But I would have done the same way. I would have been like, oh, Sonny Dee's well nice. Yeah. Because I would have saved face nonstop. I've still been that. I would have saved that.

I've never had those tomatoes in my life. But I would have said... Oh, I've been done by AI again, haven't I? Oh, yeah. AI tomatoes. There's only one type of tomato, Ed. Chat, GBT, GBT, show me a plate of lovely tomatoes. Show me loads of tomatoes.

Check a blue one in there. Cale's orange soda, though, I feel like... I think you do see that colour orange in different countries still. Maybe. Yeah, yeah. Well, we've talked about Nigerian Fanta on the podcast a lot. So it's probably that, isn't it, effectively? Yeah.

It's probably unbranded for the sake of Nicolode. Vivid orange fanta. It was the colour of the Nickelodean logo. Yeah. Was Keenan-Kettle on Nickelodeon? Is this all going to be a secret brand-time? Yeah, because it was... We've been duped by a secret brand time.

Yeah, it was definitely on Nickelodeon. Because they had the... Nick-N-Nick. Yeah, they said that Nick-the-knit-knick in the film song, didn't they? Yeah. Filmed in front of a live studio audience. I feel like it was then just straight into Nick-kna-knit-knit-knit. Yeah.

It's the same colour as the Nicolode. I can't believe we've been duped. This is a whole different podcast. Oh, my God. This is an investigative podcast. Yeah, this is This American Life. We were changing to this American lifestyle podcast. what do you imagine it tastes like

or do you just want you want to be that passionate about something I do want to be that passionate about something I want to love something as much as as Kel loves that orange soda yeah yeah right I mean you've got a girlfriend yeah yeah it would be psychotic yeah be weird as much as Kel loves that would be wild

really yeah I got my girlfriend just running around screaming about how much you love your girlfriend to everyone I forgot how much Kel loves on the show when people love another person they say I do I do once Kel says it six times every time every time you're like sorry Shona

I do I do I do I do I do Imagine saying that in your vows If you married Kel You'd feel so disappointed Because he would just go Yeah, I do If that guy's married There's no way he didn't do that

Yeah He can't I'd imagine his partner Had a word with him beforehand And went please don't make this all about you If I was marrying him I would do it before he could So it's like you get to laugh

Oh yeah That's better If when they got married His partner did it Yeah Great If we'd be like that's funny If he did it

It's like Yeah If he does it, it's like, oh no. Keenum was probably the celibund. Why? Best man minimum. Best man minimum. His catchphrase was why?

Was it? I never really watched it all the time. So it's this show. There's a guy in the main thing about him. I like the front of curtain stuff. They did front of curtain stuff by Mighty Bush. Very, well, no, it's an old. It's a music or tradition.

First time I saw it, Mighty Boo. No, it was Keenna. Kina. Yeah, I think it would just be, it just must just be really sweet. Oh, it's send you mad as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm... Like, E numbers and, like, just like... Yeah, yeah.

There's a real chance I'm cracking my head open after drinking it because I'm sprinting around. Oh, yeah. I think that'd be a good thing for you. Crack my head open? I think you've just got to get it done and then you won't be scared of it anymore. Yeah, fair enough.

I'm breaking a bone. I'm the same, never broken a bone. And do you feel like it's holding you back? I worry about it every day. Does it stop you doing certain activities? Like, what am I doing now? Bungie. No, I wouldn't do bungee anyway, stupid.

Skydive? Wouldn't do it anyway, stupid. Also, if I'm doing a skydive, I'm not worrying about a broken bone. What you're worrying about? Well, if I hit the floor, it's not going to be my bones that are broken. Oh, I've broken my bones. Oh, no, my bones are broken. I've broken my toe because I landed from a plane jump.

Okay, fine. What about certain sports? You wouldn't, don't want to do them anyway. No, I don't break a leg playing football. Yeah, but I wouldn't do that anyway. You went to make Staggdo and didn't play football when everyone else was playing football. I was injured. I do what?

Deadlifting. So you were deadlifted? Oh, a deadlift, but how are you break a bone deadlifting? Are you injured yourself? Lift it too hard. Drop it, lift it wrong, move weirdly, quickly, decide to wash your foot while you're doing it. Drop the weight on your toe. I do, but the idea, I don't worry about doing things because I might break a bone.

I worry about what it would feel like if I broke one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't think I'd be able to cope with it. Bad, I think it felt bad. Yeah. Have you ever broken a bone? Yeah. Broke my arm when I was a kid pretended to be a zombie walking down the stairs. Armish.

Just scathing the American the local Amish people. How did that happen then? I was walking with my arms out. It seemed to be a zombie. We've not heard this before, haven't we? And then I fell down the stairs

my arm because I didn't change how my arms were. You committed so hard to the zombie that you didn't move your arms and you fell down the method. Yeah. But the whole point of like arms is that it breaks your fall

so you want to get them out quick. If you're going to fall, and get your arms out quickly. You don't start the position they'd already have been. Yeah. But you don't start with them like that. Yeah, but you've got them locked and loaded

ready to go to break your fall. We broke his arm. Yeah, he did in the end. I was too young to understand what the term break your full means. I didn't even remember it. I just told it by, you know, it's like, I've ever seen photos

on myself with a broken arm as a little kid and had to ask what happened. What's going on there? They were like, you would be in a zombie. So we broke your arm. Yeah. We were sick of it. We broke your arm.

That's the only bone up broke, though, I think. Yeah. Yeah, there was just like, it was always, it always seemed like, and this probably isn't true, and is another fake school memory, always seemed like there was like a kid at school who had a bone sticking out of their leg. What? I don't mean generally. I mean, it's like, have you heard Tristan fell over this morning and broke his leg

and the shin sticking out the top of it? And that would just go around. And then what happened is you'd imagine that and make the thing you imagined your memory of it. And I think, I saw that and it was awful, so now I know that can happen, even though it didn't and it was just a fake memory. I think I have said this on the podcast before, but I'm going to say it again just in case. My mum, you know that thing of

if you don't make that stupid face if the wind changes, it'll stay like that. My mum for a long time was like that happened to a girl at my school. Wait, but genuinely believed it. Yeah, she was like, let herself believe it into adulthood. She went, we all broke up for the summer.

We came back and her face was different because the wind had changed. And when, at what point did she clock that it was? I don't, I think she's still probably slightly maintained. You've taken the piss out of her for it, but she still harbours a belief that that's real. If you don't want to believe it, you don't have to, but it definitely happened. Like that sort of. I love that.

Oh, my God, yeah, eyes go square in front of the TV kind of thing. Yeah. That would be crazy, wouldn't it? It would be brilliant. When I was told stuff like that, I would think, it would be amazing. I'd be the only one with square eyes. Everyone's going to think I'm so cool.

Really? You're someone... Everyone would go, oh, cool, Lisa's got square eyes now. I wanted braces when I was. a kid because I thought braces are sick. Braces are so cool. But it's because I was 10 and teenagers had braces, I think. If there was a teenager, you've never had braces.

I didn't have braces. Yeah, it was strange the teeth I've ever seen. And how did you feel when you got the braces? I protested and said, I like my teeth as they are. I like looking distinctive. Did you? Yeah, but it was a lie. The last thing I wanted to do was stand out at that time.

Once I've become a teenager, but I just were scared of getting the braces on. So I just said. Got some good news for you. You still look distinctive, Rhys. It's actually your teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've maintained. But they didn't finish.

He said it was never finished. I kept breaking it because I would chew pens and stuff. And I would always break the brackets off. I got to 18 with them on. Wow. Or like about to be 18 in a week or something. And then he was just like, I'll just take him off. Yeah.

I think it must be that. So you can't see it from the front. It's like Brazilian buttlifts. You've got turned to the side. Turn to the side. And then I never can see. All my secrets are revealed. If I turn to the side, you know everything about me.

Yeah. As long as I'm face on, I'm concealing. I'm concealing a lot. Your silhouette when you get that butt lift. It's going to be crazy. Teething out of the front, like a beak. Butt lift. Like, I just look like a duck.

That's just like exactly like a duck. I've got the exact silhouette of a duck. Everyone says there's comedian, she have a distinctive silhouette. Yeah. But only side on. Yeah. On side on. Normal default guy.

Side on, duck. Everyone in a sense, right. So my Richard Osmond's house of games thing, you're like, that could be anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But suddenly, if you, but hole in the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be a duck shaper. I'm not getting through it.

Your dream dessert, Rhys. Well, look, I want butterscotch angel delight, but there was a David Tenon at that, and there have loads of people have had that, so I won't have it. I'll have another thing that I used to have a lot when I was a kid and that I invented. And that is oven, Yorkshire puddings. Oh, God. Here we go. Oven, is this secret ingredient?

No, Ed famously doesn't like Yorkshire puddings, hates them. So you've got a lot to do here to convince him. You hate them on a roast or something. Yeah, but I think I'm going to hate them here as well. But carry on. May I introduce you to someone called Aunt Bessie? Okay? Little packet of oven Yorkshire puddings.

They're sort of like smaller than hand size. Three of them, scoop of vanilla ice cream in each, golden syrup over the top of them. and on the side I want a punnet of glass A cherries So you invented this I started this Is it got a name? It's a Dutch baby

Look it up Benito, look it up Dutch baby Dutch baby Look up Dutch baby Dessert Dutch baby dessert It's a Dutch baby Well it's similar

Carry on Oh similar Yeah So I didn't So I did invent Well the cherries and the maple syrup I guess you're throwing old Golden syrup

I'm talking Lyle's painting Of golden syrup Yeah That takes ages to drip on the thing. Well, and it takes ages to open if you used it once.

Yeah, exactly. Because what's in the tin, it's sealed the shelf for a start. Yeah, it's a seal, it's re-sealed itself and it's completely stuck to the back of the boat. But it's a look up, Dutch baby.

And I, glass-stay cherries are not being on top. I'm not putting them on top. I just want to say cherries as well. He's doing it. I do want to check, so I think I might be wrong. I think for me,

I'm a dessert boy. I love desserts, but I was very excited at the Yorkshire pudding with the ice cream in it and then when you added the syrup and the cherries, I thought that. Cherries are not on it.

Cherries are aside. Cherries are on the side. You're eating them? I'm eating them, but not at the same time. Pop a cherry while I wait for the Bessies. First Bessie down, pallet cleanser. Second Bessie down. No, I don't need one for this time.

And then I'll finish the punnet afterwards. Glassee cherries are the most delicious thing that's ever been invented and more food should be glassayed. I do like glassay cherries. I do like them. I like the favorite. I don't know what the cherries are that they put in cocktails. I like those ones the best.

Yes, they're better. That's glasset, isn't it? No. Your thing is the glasset ones are on top of a bakewell tart. Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. That's what I would have in the Angel Delight if I had that bus coach, I'd have that and I'd have like hundreds and thousands or something like that. But is this a Dutch baby?

Dutch baby pancake. Yeah, but that's... Oh, pancake. Have I said the word pancake at the point? I think so. Well, what do you think of Yorkshire pudding is you absolute moron? It's pancake batter. It's pancake batter without sugar in it.

Oh, we're back to me. Is this a sandwich, are we? Or is this a pancake? No, this is why I wanted to check. Oh, you know what I'm going to have on my road. Yeah, I'm going to have a lovely joint of beef. I'm going to have carrots. I'm going to have potatoes.

Can I have a pancake on there? Rees, my love. Has anyone ever said that? Will you just read out the first paragraph? I'll never read anything. A Dutch baby pancake, sometimes called a German pancake, a Bismarck. I'm not saying that. That's genuinely a slur.

A hooligan or a hootanee is a dish that is yummy. No, read out the luncheon pudding. Thank you. Doesn't have ice cream in it? You can put ice cream on it. Oh, what, so sorry. I'm not claiming to have invented the Yorkshire pudding. Last time I had a Dutch baby, I had ice cream on it.

I didn't say, that's saying... Oh, so, Ed's not bury the headline here. Ed's had a Dutch baby, and he came to that hate Yorkshire Puddings. Oh, the Dutch baby lover? Yeah, I had it because it was with Chloe Pets and she wanted to have a Dutch baby. Did she even read the description of what it was? Or did she just go Dutch baby having that? Dutch baby having that.

Yeah, fair enough. It was at one club row, which is an excellent restaurant, and it was quite a little. Oh, I've had that, and it's nothing like this. It's nothing like this. I've had that. I got the Dutch baby there for that exact same reason. And when I got it... Sorry, so you have had a Dutch baby. Yeah, but there's nothing like what this is. But the base is a Yorkshire pudding.

This tastes more like Mr Wong's in Melbourne. They do deep fried ice cream. I'm sure they do this loads of places. It's the only place I've ever had it. And it's like a ball of ice cream that is in batter. Sydney. Is that in Sydney?

I think so. Could there be more than one? Could there? There definitely could be, yeah. Let us find out. We Google Dutch baby. We can Google Mr Wong. South Aston.

It's in South Aston. Sorry. And Mr. Wong is in South Afton. you've got to keep yourself in you've got to keep yourself in that's so funny you got to keep yourself in it's going to be in this episode

well me quibbling over where Mr Wong is so yeah it's also the ice cream fills the so the Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire puddings have like a the valley of them is very uniform

because they're frozen Yorkshire puddings that you heat up and it's just like the exact size of a scoop of ice cream Yeah, that's cool. So it completely fills it. And then you can, you know, I was knife and fork, actually, I think, for this, in a bowl, chasing it around the ball. But sometimes, you know, if I felt like it, I'm having it like a sandwich. Yeah.

And yeah, I will accept that it's a sandwich, even though it's hinged at the bottom. Yeah. That, the most incredible flavour. It's got to be basic vanilla ice cream, like the most basic possible. I tried it with that Madagascan cart door one. It's just too bougie. Oh, really? You can't have the bougie ice cream with it.

It's got to be, like, basic, like, super. supermarket, vanilla, cheapest one in a Tupperware that might. Yeah, yellow. Yeah, like kids want. The flavour is yellow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's perfect. Because the flavour's coming from the syrup, really.

Like, or that ice cream, there's some ice cream that's so bad that it's vegan. But it's not like this is vegan ice cream. It's not like it's vegan ice cream. It's not marketed as ice cream. It's not marked as vegan. There's just so little in it. There's just like this is vegan. Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, that tends to be like stark white.

Yeah, so white. It's called like Swedish block. or something. Yeah. Very disappointing when you're an ice cream addicted kid and then you get given that

and you're like, here we go, best part of the day, what the fuck is it? Not Swedish block. A Swedish block on your Dutch baby. Yeah.

We're back in the EU. Back in the bloody EU. That's why we left because of all that red tape from the Swedish block in the Dutch baby. People in previous generations had too many bad experiences

with desserts and weird definitions of them. Yeah. What is a pancake then? And we just went and forget it, let's get out. If they said that in the campaign I'd have voted leave.

If they told me that, if I'd had this conversation where you've accused me of stealing from the Dutch. Yeah. It's a Dutch baby. It's not a Dutch baby. It was a Dutch baby in that one restaurant. That says, Wikipedia says a Dutch baby is just the Yorkshire pudding. I did not say I am Aunt Bessie. I said I've invented this combination.

All right, well. I hope that after this podcast has gone out, people shout Dutch baby at you in the street. Because I think people who haven't listened to the podcast will think it's an appropriate insult for you. You do look a bit like a Dutch baby. You could be a Dutch baby. Yeah. I'm going to admit it. I've had Harryboy kid and Dutch baby.

Yeah. Dandy. Not called you a ghost the whole time. Yeah. He called a ghost sometimes. He likes to call with that, yeah. He likes it. I do you like it.

Victorian ghosts. You call me Ghost of a boy who died in a coal mine when you were 12. So he called me on national television. Quite complicated, but it made the edit. All because he didn't want to have to talk about Jeremy Corbyn. Jeremy Corbyn comes up, picture of him. We think we've got nothing to say about that. He goes, and we look like brothers.

We know like brothers, don't we? 10 minutes of the show down, that's all in the end of it. Loved it. I remember the Corbyn years. Always straight into something about someone on the panel instead. Victor, Victor, a video, menu back to you now, see what you feel about it. You would like, you're going to be double parted here, the San Pelagrino and the Aquapana. Yes, please.

You're the water daddy. Populums or bread, you want the chili cheese toast from De Shume. Starter, Buffalo wings and nachos. from Billy's in Harbindon. Main course, beer tacos from the Bab House house at the big

feast ofal. Side dish. Oaxon tomatoes with beetroot puree from Leventra de Olla. Leventra de Olla. Drink Kells

Orange Soda. Yeah. D dessert. Free Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire puddings, a scoop of vanilla ice cream with golden syrup and glassier cherries.

Glace cherries, aka a Dutch baby. No. I'm so happy about the menu until then. It's a really nice menu. You happy with that? Did it match expectations? Hand on my heart, even just before James read it out,

I would have said it's going to be a bad menu. Having sat through it all. Yeah, having sat through it all. This will be terrible. Really fun chat, but very chaotic. At no point during it that I think, Ries is doing a good menu here. And it's been read out.

It's really nice. Apart from the start, though. The chili cheese toast? The wings and nachos. I bet they're great. They're lovely. Sometimes you just like... Sounds gross.

I love fake. American food. Yeah. You've got to be out of basket. Yeah. Oh, you won't like it because it's nostalgic for us because our dad's left.

Oh, yeah. But only for a bit, my back. My dad's still around. Shout out to your big guy if you're listening. Reese, thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant. Thank you for having me

and thank you to my dad for coming back. Thanks to my dad as well. It works out fine in the end. Thank you, Reese. Thank you to your parents. Well, thank you, Reese. Thanks for coming on.

Thank you for coming on. And thank you for wearing a tux, finally. Yeah, actually. Yeah. It was nice to have this podcast showing the respect it deserves by a guest finally. Your little tux looked very nice. The sort of one you could put on a ventriloquist dummy. Yeah, and like, look, I don't want to be rude, but he looks like one.

We didn't roast him this much on the episode. Huh? We didn't even roast him this much when he was here. Yeah, yeah, well, he's a very quick-witted man. Yeah, it's best to just do it from a distance. Yeah, I don't want to know that I'm going to get roasted in return. He's probably going to say some really cutting stuff. Yeah, really horrible stuff.

But this way, we're safe. So much easy to bully someone when they're not in the room. Behind the bomb-proof glass. We're fine. He can't get us. Reese, of course, did not say Reese's pieces. No. I wouldn't have expected him to.

No. Actually, maybe. He could have written a joke about it and go, I'm going to say Reese's piece. Yeah, yeah. Make the dessert all about my name. I think he would have been out. So, I don't think he's out of the question.

Shame. Which means we can promote his book You'll like it when you get there Available now We're promoting it He's a brilliant writer Look, the book's going to be fantastic Yeah, it will be

Go and buy the book From wherever you get books from Yeah, yeah, it's up to you That's your business Audio book as well Yeah, you can listen to him Yeah He's got a lovely voice

You've heard it So if you want to hear that voice For six hours I guess Yeah Get the audio book I'm touring Europe in November America in February next year Pop yourself on to me website, Edgamble.com.com.com.

Okay. And go and buy yourself a ticket. I'll do it. Thank you for listening to Off Menu. Goodbye. Bye. Oh, hi, James. Have you heard the news? Oh, yeah, go on. You and I are modern boys.

because the off-menu podcast is now on YouTube. This is embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing, man? You love YouTube. I love watching clips on YouTube. Sure. Now people can watch clips of Off-Menu on YouTube and full episodes, but it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all. It's really cool. We're on YouTube with the great and good. The coolest people in the world are on YouTube. Me, you, Logan Paul. Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession? At Off-Menu Podcast. That's what Benito's calling us now.

And we're on TikTok. This is embarrassing, man. It's not embarrassing, man. We're cool. We're like Olivia Rodrigo. And Ed, people have been asking us, badgering us, bothering us, actually. They want to watch the Stephen Graham Supercut

from the Stephen Graham episodes. They can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did, or Benito, has bent to their whims, and he's going to put it on YouTube. He's going to do it. Follow us at Off Menu official on TikTok, at Off Menu Podcast on YouTube.

You can watch clips from the podcast, And on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes. People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it, full video episodes. So you can see every single nuance on our little faces.