Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Rob Auton

Episode Date: October 28, 2026

Comedian, poet, author and award-winning podcast Rob Auton is this week’s dream diner. We better get a bigger restaurant – we need room for a lot of sofas. Rob Auton is on tour with his new show ���Jupiter’. For dates and tickets go to robauton.co.uk Listen to Rob’s podcast, ‘The Rob Auton Daily Podcast’, wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Rob on Instagram and TikTok @robautonWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Ed Gamble is on tour in 2027 with ‘Fresh Hell’. For dates and tickets go to edgamble.co.ukOff Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the cocoa pops of chat, pouring over the milk of conversation, and watching the conversation turn chocolatey brown. That is a gamble. My name is James A.Castor together. We own a secret restaurant. A magical restaurant, a dream restaurant. And every single week we invite a guest,

and we ask them their favourite ever start. A mainclature to Cider, Shand, drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Rob Orton. Rob Orton. Wonderful comedian. Wonderful poet, wonderful man, James. I always feel very calm in the presence of Rob Orton. I feel calm and I feel like Rob has a very special place in people's hearts.

If you're a fan of Rob Orton, you'll know what I'm talking about. He means a lot to a lot of people. Fan for life. Yeah, fan for life, absolutely. Very excited to have him on the pod. Ben's told me to warn the people who are watching this on YouTube that for some reason the footage will only start when we ask Rob, still all sparkling water because Ben pressed record,

but it didn't start recording. I don't know how he knows that because we haven't done it yet. We haven't even done it yet. We very excited speak to Rob, but if there's a secret ingredient, we will kick him out of the dream restaurant. And the secret ingredient this week is hair. It's hair because he did a hair show.

Yeah, Rob's done loads of shows that relate to very specific things. Yeah. And no one likes hair in them. You know, if you get a hair in your soup. No. For example. You don't want that.

You don't want a big bowl of hair. No. You don't want hairy crackling. Yeah, we've dealt with that before on the pod. It's dealt with. Yeah, it's dealt with. Yeah, it's very little we haven't dealt with at this point, but we're happy to go back over it.

Yeah. So hair. Rob is touring his new show, Jupiter. So go and watch that. Yeah, go and watch that. It'll be fantastic comedy, poetry, Rob Orton. He also has a podcast, the Rob Orton Daily podcast, which is part of the Plosive Family.

Yeah, absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much to Rob for coming on. Now let's speak to him about what meals he wants. This is the off-menu menu, menu of Rob Orton. Welcome Rob to the Dream Restaurant. Hello. Welcome Rob Orton to the Dream Restaurant, and been expecting you for some time.

Thank you for having me. Now, just because I don't know when this one's going out, in terms of other episodes where James had to do this, James lost his voice recently. So he's not doing any shouting today, just so you know, because he's worried that he's going to blow his voice out. Really?

Yeah, so that's why you didn't get the normal sort of big explosion and genie introduction. Yeah, no, pshh. Yeah, it's one of those few. I could probably still go, actually, I should have done that. Yeah, you should have done that.

Welcome, Robert, and to the Dream Vestown, I've been expecting you for some time. He's a chilled out, Jeannie. How did you lose your voice? Just doing too many of these bloody things, for one. A lot of gigs, you know, and then it just ebbed away.

I thought I was out of the woods and then it took an absolute nose dive. And I've got to record. some singing soon, Rob. Have you? So that's why I'm looking after it. What are you on about? I've got to record some singing.

For what? For film. Amazing. Yeah. Cinderella too? You heard it here first. John the mouse is back, baby. So that's what I'm saying.

I'm saying that it's a chilled out genie today. Yeah. But I feel like that fits your personality. I can't imagine you interacting with a really over-the-top genie. Yeah, it's someone who's a bit chilled out, but has got really, good powers, you know? Yeah.

So under place the magical ability, but is, can really deliver. Yeah. Yeah. What's really good powers in your eyes? What does really good powers might include? Just, I don't know, being on time. Yeah. Can turn up, does the job,

and just is able to meet all my needs, really, within the dream restaurant. Yes. Well, we'll definitely meet all your needs within the dream restaurant. I don't think there's many things that we'd say no to. I guess we stick within... With the secret ingredient, you get kicked out. Yeah, see, if you pick single ingredient, you get kicked out.

But I'd say broadly, the dream restaurant also sticks within the human legal system. Broadly. Broadly, I'd say. I was worried last night. I started worrying last night about the secret ingredient. Did you? Did you? Yeah.

What are you worried it might be? Well, I've put a lot of work into my notes, and I thought, I don't want to get kicked out within two minutes. For those of you, do you do? just listening in the audio format, Rob has brought in, I mean, fairly extensive notes, I'd say.

They're very, like, densely written notes. In an A4 notebook. In an A4 notebook. Yeah. He's got on his lap, open on his lap.

Yeah. Every single square inch of that page is covered with writing. And he's wearing a suit. And he's wearing a suit. You look very smart, Rob. Yes.

And just before we started recording, you said, oh, I probably won't even look at these notes. You're going to look at them. they're on your lap, mate. Yeah, okay. You definitely got to look at them.

Yeah. And I want you to look at them because you put in a lot of work there, clearly. Well, we'll see. We'll start with the notes, and if they're not doing me justice, I'll bin them off. Yeah, all right. Well, that's going to be a big moment

if you've been them off later. Yeah. All your notes rhyme? No. Or your poems rhyme? Nope. Yeah, every single one of your poems rhymes rhymes. If I have a son, his name will be dad.

the my dad. No rhymes, just the same word. That's technically a rhyme though, is it? Yeah. Yeah. Same, same, just same word over and over again. Yeah. Yeah. Francis Bacon and Kevin Bacon are the rushes from a very talented pig. Bacon again. Yeah, it's bacon again. Yeah, it's bacon again. Bacon bacon. Wouldn't work with anything else though. Rob, do you like food? Funny you ask that. If someone said to me, you can press this butter and I

and never eat again. And you'll have a balanced diet and your desired physique. And they're like, oh, think of all the money, so why don't you just press this button? The only catch is, you're the only one

who isn't allowed to eat and everyone else can. I'd say, now when I keep eating. Yeah. Because all my friends and family would be eating. And I'd be like, nah,

I can't. I'll just sit there. So I love food, yeah. Yeah. And just before I came here, I was in, um, am I allowed to say Costa coffee? Yeah. They do a sausage sandwich that might not sound like much, but it's flipping awesome.

Yeah. Very rarely do we get a positive shout out for Costa Coffee sausage sandwich. Yeah. Or Costa coffee in general. I say it's the first time. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Very rare.

You know, when you're doing gigs in like you get to, you're looking for safe, stable thing, like go-toes, aren't you? Yeah. And I'm not eating sausage sandwiches all the time, but it's great bread, three small sausages, ketchup. They know how to heat a breadbought. I'll tell you that for nothing. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Microwave. Probably. Yeah. But you love it. Yeah. Even I've never heard a ding in a Costa review. I don't think I have heard a dig in a Costa.

Yeah. Maybe they have a different sound so people don't know it's a microwave. Yeah. Maybe it's like a honk or something. Yeah, maybe. Could I just go over the rules of this button that if you press it? You've been thinking about the buttons

since you set the button, yeah. So what are the rules? If you press the button, you'll never have to eat again, but you'll still be, have all the nutrition you ever would need and be fitting healthy. Yeah.

But everyone else will be eating. Was there any other rules? No. How's it? You're trying to get tips from the button for your journey? No, just just, just, I was unclear.

Initially, what the... I don't know who would pick the button though. Who are these people who are picking the button? Well, I guess busy people. Yeah. I've talked about that because you asked me if I like food and I hope it demonstrated how much I like food because I was queuing up for that sausage sandwich

and I was like, it's good every time just eating. Yeah. And I'm so pleased that we have to do it. Yeah. Yeah, oh God, it's the highlight of my day. Yeah, every day. Yeah, every day. You're like, oh, great.

I'm looking forward to this, Musley. Yeah, at least three times a day. It's the highlight of my day. Yeah. And everyone's got that in common, I think. Yeah. I mean, is it a trial for some people? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Really got to do this again? Are some people. Yeah. But I bet all the billionaires, I bet Bezos doesn't like eating. I bet Bezos would push the button. Yeah. Zuckerberg had pushed the button.

Do you think, you know, yeah, Zuckaburgerberger's pushing that button. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it's such a social thing, isn't it? What's he going to be doing when everyone else is eating? It's just, well, maybe he's going to be talking, maybe he's going to be thinking of something else. Making money.

Steve Jobs would have pushed the button. Because, you know, he had the same outfit, didn't he? He had, you know, the same outfit in multiple, so he didn't have to think about what he was wearing in the morning. Yeah. So he's definitely getting up, pushing the button, putting on his black t-shirt or whatever. Yeah, 100%.

Yeah. Levi's. White shoes. I mean, it was a good outfit, but, you know, for me, a joy is picking a little outfit as well in the morning. What am I going to wear? You put the suit on today, but you felt good when you put the suit on. Yeah, you know what?

It was the first time in a long time where I thought about what I was going to work. Normally, I don't really think about clothes too much. You press the button normally. You press the clothes button. Pretty much. Yeah, yeah. Would you press the clothes button if you pressed it

and you didn't have to think about what you wear anymore? Every day you get up and there's just a brand new outfit. It's the same. It's just clean waiting for you. Ironed. I think I'm more likely to press that. Yeah. Yeah.

But I do like variety and like, you know, going out for a nice meal. Is that a similar feeling as to like putting on some clothes you've never won before? Maybe. Just being like, I wonder how this is going to make me feel. Yeah. Can you remember like a favourite t-shirt you ever had that you used to really look forward to wearing? I used to love it. Lovely question, mate.

Pardon? So just saying it's a lovely question. I think there's a spin-off podcast here. Could be. Oh, yeah. I've got a radio head t-shirt from 2003, I think. Yeah. I really like.

And, oh, no, my favorite one is Primal Scream Exterminator. Yeah, artwork that I absolutely love. It's just black and it's faded. And I got it from Leeds 2000. Oh, wow. Yeah. Stan's still got it? Yeah.

Oh, respect. I went to Red in 2000. Did you? Yeah. Good lineup. Good lineup. I was at Leeds 2000, I think, for a day Yeah, what the rage day

Yeah, I was there for the rage day Yeah With Daphne and Celeste I saw Daphne and Celeste I was at the moment where we bottled them Yeah It's being reappraised now

With the bad guys apparently Who would have thought The people throwing piss With the bad guys Did you not? Sorry I went to V99 before that That was my first festival

Yeah And they had a pot noodle On there With a huge pot noodle On the top of it Yeah And it's such a good Vance to have a festival.

Wow. It was very affordable. Yeah. And did you go into the pot noodle itself? No. You couldn't walk into the pot noodle? No, it was just like a big plastic. That's what it used to be.

Really? Before that. Yeah. Yeah, going further back, it was just a giant pot noodle. And you would walk into the pot noodle and buy a lot of pot noodle. Really? Yeah. Well.

What do you think about that? I think that's pretty good. Where would you see that? Festivals. Well, we've never seen it. We've never seen it. Yeah. But Chris McAulson seen it.

That's wild, isn't it? Today, for listeners, the episode we were recorded before Rob's was the Christmas special with Christmas Coulson. Christmas, Orson. Yeah. And he talked about being at a festival when he was 19 and buying a pot noodle from inside a big pot noodle. And then you've come here and you've said,

you bought a pot noodle at V-99. Yeah. That's mad. If the listeners, don't believe it because this is on the same day, my trousers are still stained like they were with Chris. You can see that on the camera there. Yeah, and James isn't the sort of idiot

who would spill something on his trousers twice in his life. And I'm not wearing the same outfit every day like Steve Jobs. I'm not even bothering to wash it. Still a sparkling water, Rob. Still, yeah. Big fan of water. Safer. I think sparkling water,

there's too much drama in it for me. Yeah. I like the stillness. Yeah. Yeah. I wrote a show about water. You did. Cold.

The water show. Yes. What is water? Water is the smell of a pint of orange cordial before you've added the cordial. Water, the opposite of pastry. Soup for people who don't like ingredients. I've got, in my notes, I've got some stuff written down before that, though. Do you think about calling it Water Brilliant Show?

Well, there's a bit in a show that is water. What is it good for? Absolutely loads of stuff. So that's kind of, that's kind of similar in it. I remember that bit goes on for a long time. It's really funny. You get the audience to sing along. Yeah, big time.

Are you doing stuff like, good God. Yeah. You said you got stuff written before this year and thing. So clearly you want to say that first. So I absolutely love that it was, I'm going to get rid of the, I'm not even going to look at my notes. Now you're going, hang on, I've got stuff before this, but we can go back.

You've moved me on to water, but I've actually got other stuff I wanted to say. The name of my... So it's the dream restaurant, but subtitle. Yeah. The meal of my life, right? Yes. So I'd just like to talk briefly about

when you walk in what there is. Yes. Yeah, go on. So there's a lounge area, right? Yeah. And it's got my mum and dad's fireplace in it from where I grew up. Yeah.

I'm like, oh, yes. That's great. And then... Where did you grow up for the listener? A small village just outside of yours. Yeah. And then there's loads of settees everywhere. And I'm like, oh, they look a bit weird and mismatched.

What are they? And they're all the sofas from the houses and flats I've ever lived in. Okay. Right? So they're all there. Loads of different ones from my parents. I was coming room at Sixth Form College, university sofa, first flight in London.

I've lived in nine different places in London, right? And they're all there. I'm like, oh, look at all these together. And you liked those sofas then? I like old sofas. But sure, like I'm thinking common room in sixth form college Yeah That sofa's going to be gross as hell, isn't it?

Yeah, but it's more about the idea. Okay, so it's the idea of a sofa rather than it doesn't have all the like... Will you feel nostalgic when you go into the sofa room and you see all the sofas from your life? I think so. Yeah. I've got some memories from sitting on the sofas at university so you're sitting around in those flats and just vegetating there and just...

Do you have a favourite sofa? Because obviously when you go for your meal, you're not going to be able to sit on all the sofas for a long time. No, no, this is just the entrance. Oh, so you're not even going to set on them? No. No, you just have a look. Yeah, fair enough.

Well, waited to be seated, you know? Yeah. And I'm like, oh, it's a bit dark in here. So I switched the lights on. Hanging from the ceiling is every light from every house I've ever lived in. Looks a bit funky, but then you've got bathroom lights and it's the kitchen lights, all that. It's well lit.

In the fire, you walk through, and it's like, And there's tables from my life everywhere. All the lamps from my life. Turtles lamp, Thundercats lamp. Oh, yes. Cloud's lamp, you know, all that. And then we're in. All the place mats are there.

All the cutler is from different parts of my life, different plates, all that stuff, you know. All the chairs. All the chairs. Yeah. So it's quite a busy restaurant, you would say. It's not one of these sort of like fancy spots. ass-looking restaurants.

There's stuff everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. There's stuff everywhere. But it's all very considered and the food's good. Yeah. We'll get onto that. Yeah, yeah.

Easter egg mugs is what I wanted to talk about. Yeah. Do you remember? Yeah, yeah. Why don't they... Great. Is that still a thing? I think it's still a thing.

I don't know. I've not seen an Easter egg that comes with a mug. I love that brown. For ages. But yeah, it used to be a regular thing. thing, yeah, the smarties one. It was a way of them making the Easter eggs smaller, right? So in the box, they would sit them in the mug.

Yeah. And the mug would be in there. Is that right? You think even back in the day? Yeah, and I think they might start to make the mugs bigger so they can make the easter eggs even smaller. Although I don't know what the economics of that is to sell a bigger mug and a smaller Easter egg.

Probably actually cheaper to give it more chocolate. I think you have to make the mug smaller to make the Easter egg smaller. Yeah, it's just down to an egg cup, which is actually more appropriate. Yeah. Yeah. Make more sense. actually. Weird that they didn't do egg cups straight away.

Yeah. They did a mug. That must have been what went wrong. It's that someone was like, oh, we should do egg cups. Yeah. But couldn't think of the word for it. And we're like, you know, like an egg mug. Egg mug.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Put the egg in a mug. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Show them the smartest mug. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Well, this won't make any sense, but hopefully people won't like it anyway.

Everyone in York's going on crazy for it. Yeah. In York, to eat a lot. Yorkies? Yeah, well my um nan had a round trees card. It used to be called Joseph Roundtries, the factory that made after eights, fruit pastels, fruit gums, and um, we always used to get the, uh, miss shapes. So I've got memories of like big bags of toffies and fudge and, um, strangely shaped fruit gums. Like one of my happiest memories probably is watching, um, well, Patalia 90.

Yeah. And on the sofa with these bags of sweets or you used to get. And York, certain part of York always just a smell of like minty chocolate

from the after eights. That's a good smell for a city to have. Yeah. I never, I mean, I used to appreciate it a bit, but not as much as I should have done.

Yeah, when you leave that area and then you come to London or you go to Edinburgh and it stinks of hops or whatever, you're like, I wish I was, back in York for the minty chocolate smell.

What does Kettering smell of? Wheatibix. The Waitabix. The Waiterbix factory was over. Well, I grew up in Wimbled and smells of tennis balls. The whole place. I've got off that all for that. Still water then.

Yes, but a specific type of still water. So sometimes you have water, and it's like water times 10, you know, mainly when you're thirsty. Yeah. And me and my university's friends every year go to Blacklock in. Soho. Yeah. And we do that thing where it's just all in, and you have all the meat.

It's just piles of chops. Just piles of chops. And then loads of beers, obviously. And then you... Legend. And... Cut that, loads of beers, obviously, a bit. No, no, keep that in.

Loads of beers, obviously. Don't even make a note, Benito. This is who he is. He's a lad, obviously. Loads of beers, obviously. He's a lad at heart. And, but... without fail, wake up at 2 o'clock or 3 o'clock in the morning.

Ooh. Yeah. For another bit? Obviously. Wake up at 2 or 3, obviously. But the thirst of that is ridiculous, you know? You're like, oh, my God, what am I going to do? And you think, oh, then you suddenly remember me, like, oh, water.

That, for me, is like water times 10 when you have that. So I would like every glass of water to possess that power in that restaurant. So people are going in, they don't even think they're thirsty. But then, like, whoa, oh my God, this feels great. So that's interesting. So do you want to, because I would say that that water is delicious because you feel really bad. Yeah. And you feel really dehydrated and you feel a bit hungover.

Yeah. So do you want to feel quite bad before every glass of water in the dream restaurant? No, this is where. it kind of falls apart because to get that feeling from the water, you need to feel horrific. Yeah. But I don't want to feel horrific in a restaurant. Yeah.

But I want to experience, maybe it's like it's a 15 second blast of feeling horrific, and then you have the water. But how about like, you know, we take, like, say that horrific feeling you have before you have the water times 10, and then how good you feel when you have the water times 10? Yeah. How about we move all that up?

so that we move the horrific feeling to you feeling just normal good. Yeah. And then the water times 10 feeling moves up the same degree. Yeah. So you have that and you still feel that same increase, that same jump. Yeah. But you don't have to feel horrific. That sounds good.

That's why... Dealt with. The genie is doing this thing. I should have done it then. What? I've got to do poplarums of bread, Rob. But I keep forgetting. Do you know what?

And I could feel his beady little eyes in my head, like, oh, he's not done it, he's not done it. But I just enjoy the chat. That's what I'm here for. It was a lovely chat, and I liked all that water chat. And James did that, and there was a moment there where I felt I could have done it. But because of the BLEs, the bed little eyes, I... I weren't looking at you.

I was looking at Robert, and then you looked... I felt you look at me, that's what made me laugh. Well, because I knew I could be... When I said, be little eyes a figurative, you don't have to be looking at me for them to be boring into me. Fair enough. It's the whole atmosphere coming off. here stinks. The atmosphere stinks.

This is very defensive because, you know, I think the list of it. It's 300 something episodes. I did it. I've done it maybe the last couple we've recorded. Yeah. I think everyone could appreciate, you know, actually how hard my job is on this podcast now.

But Ed, dropping the ball is constantly. Well, because I'm normally there facilitating the chat. I'm translating you for the guest. I'm doing all of that. Don't need it today. Don't need it today. If anything.

No, no, no. I'm not. You're the one who's at sea. Jesus Christ. Me and Rob, you're beside of you. Same page. Yeah, we know what you ever say. Yeah, yeah.

Good luck to you, mate. I just want to fill these silences so bad. It's like you two are in love. What silences? It's just the... Get that on a tissue. Very slow. Like slow, considered chat between the two of you and it's lovely, but God, I want to get in there.

What, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought we were all doing all right. I think we are doing wonderfully. I think it's great. Okay. But I've been worried about having to say, Pop-a-O-Doms or bread.

Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. Get that done then. Joe, I saw on a T-shirt in, on Venice Beach as a mannequin. Pop-at-O-Bred, Rob Orton! Pop-Nohs or Bread! That was good. You did jump.

Yeah, yeah. He said, who ate all the pussy? So, hang on. Does the T-shirt suggest that the guy wearing the T-shirt has eaten it? Yeah, I don't know. Or is he genuinely like, who has eaten all the pussy? Yeah, it was unclear. But it really made me laugh and it made my partner laugh.

And then she went to her, this really, like, fancy, like, bear-making workshop, not build a bear. Like a, like, a fancy one. And you had to decide in advance what you're going to sew on the poor. And she said to me, watch the, and I said, you're going to have who ate all the poor. And she was like, I'm not putting that on it. Everyone else, this is a very, like, you can't do that in a workshop. Well, regarded, like, Victorian-era bears. I'm not going to destroy it all the pus.

Everyone else is, like, writing all fancy stuff on that. Augustus or something. Yeah, yeah, right. like philosophical quotes on there. Yeah. Oh, it wasn't the name of the bear. It was you could write whatever you liked. Yeah.

Do you want who ate all the pussy on there? Yeah, that's what I kept on saying. So I'm not going to suggest anything else. Stop asking me. Yeah. Any ideas on who ate all the pussy, Robb? No.

If we told you in advance, you could have written it, you know, so you have had something in there. Popper domes or bread, Rob Orton. Bread. Yes. And the bread I would like.

is bread from the hotel that my mum used to work in because we lived in this village, my parents lived there, and there was a hotel, and my mum got a job there as a waitress, and she started making the bread to the whole hotel. That's cool. So she was always making bread buns before her shifts.

And it was one of those things that I never really thought about when I was growing up, I was just like, yeah, the house stinks of bread. Stinks. Like, and I should have appreciated it. But it smelled lovely. So you've got bread smell in your house, you've got mint chocolate outside your house, and you're not appreciating it. No, no, take me back. You're living in a Wonderland, Rob.

Yeah. But, no, it was, you know, I should have appreciated it more. And the house wasn't even up for sale, and it was just a smell of bread everywhere. But I often think about that. I'm like, did they say to her, we need someone to make some bread? Yeah. Or, she's like,

I can make some bread buns if you want. Yeah. All right, well, bring them in. We'll see what they'll like. And then, she'd take them in, I'm like, oh, these are nice, actually. And then sometimes when she said to the customers,

do you want, and he takes bread buns out, it's like, oh, these are nice. She's like, well, I made them. You know what I mean? So that's the bread, that I would like. Yeah.

Was it white bread, brown bread? It was white. Yeah. And when I first got the email about doing this podcast, I thought, I'm going to get my mum to come down. And at this moment,

she'd walk in with some of those bread buns. But the episode came around quicker than I thought. So, sorry, lads. If, just say, you know, if that had happened, it'd be the greatest moment of my life. If we didn't know your mom was here, and you said,

and here's my mum now. And she came in with bread buns. She gave me some point, I made them. Yeah. It would have been a clip, wouldn't it? Did I like them? Yeah. It would have been a clip, yeah.

Although actually the camera's not really set up for someone to walk into a shot. It would have been a really weird clip of your mum's ass. Yeah. Wouldn't it better see, yeah? Like the woman in Tom and Jerry. Yeah. Wouldn't it better see your mum's face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the bread that I'd like. Delicious. And with butter, would you have butter with that, or are they saying you don't even eat them? I mean, I've really been getting into, salt in butter and also on cookies, you know. Yeah, salted cookies are great, aren't they?

Fantastic. Yeah. I was like, what? But, yeah, I'm into it. You dream starter, Rob? Just before I go into that, can I just say that the mood that I'm going into this restaurant and is at school, I don't know if you guys had this, but at our school, different years had different.

days for them to have first dinners. Okay. It's like, when you're on first dinners, you run up and you're like, oh, we're on first dinners is everything. Yes, yeah, yeah, on the last one. Yeah, yeah. Ah, cut that. What?

Would you mean? You want the mood to be when it's your first dinner. You're in first dinner mood. Yeah, so it's running up. Yeah, you're running up. You're like, oh, come on, we're on first dinners. Is everything it? Yeah, yeah.

I think that's great. Don't cut that. Okay. It's a great mood to go into the dinner. best job. Starters, right. Me and my friends used to do this thing

at Christmas when everyone will bring a dish and we end up with this massive meal. Yeah. So it's a Christmas dinner,

but everyone's put so much effort into their own thing. And I'd like to do that, but everyone who I've known in my life brings something.

Yes. So it's massive. Huge. Yeah, it's absolutely huge. So my mum's there, she's bought out of the bread. Next, for my starter,

my dad comes into the restaurant. Now, whenever it was little and whenever he was carving the meat, he'd always cut off a tiny bit, like the nicest bit, and go, here you go, try that. So me and my sister. So I think for the,

it would be a very small starter, but that would just be like a small selection of those meats. If anything, your dad's carved the first little bit. Its first dinners in its first slice, basically. Yeah. Yeah.

And that would be lamb, I think. Lamb. Because that's my favourite type of, like, meat edge, I guess. Yeah. Okay. I just love that. Yeah. It's like, the hard bits of lamb are great.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, pork's a close contender, isn't it? Well, crackling, I guess, is technically meat edge, and that's pretty good. Yeah, it takes a bit of beating, doesn't it? Chicken skin. For you a starter, I think you could get away with, you know, platter. Yeah.

Line of more light. up, little bit your dad's cut off and given to you your sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go with that. That's lovely as well, because you're sat there and your dad's got like all of these, got like a chicken, a turkey, he's got everything, and he just goes along the line. Yeah. And then a bit of beef.

Hands it to you or pops it in your mouth, were you? Just hands it, I think. Yeah, that's weird. Is that what used to happen? You just hand it to you? Yeah. So try that? Yeah. And what would you say when you ate it?

Yeah, well, I think it's another thing that I, I always took for granted really. Yeah. When you're a kid. Entitled little kid, weren't you? I just didn't... I probably didn't realize how good I had it really.

Yeah. You know, when you start to get a bit distance from being a kid, you're like, wow. So I feel pretty lucky. Yeah, when you're sort of sat there going, it doesn't smell of bread in here. It doesn't smell of mint shock chip

when I go outside. Yeah. No one's giving me little bits of scraps of meat, like I'm a little bird. But the best bit. Best bit every time, lamb edge. Then you start to think, well, they put a shift in here.

Yeah, being an adult, isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yeah. And also, you could do all those things for yourself, but it's not the same, is it? No. If you make the house smell like bread and then, you're carving meat and then giving yourself the edge. But very hard to make the outside world smell like afterates. That's hard. I'll let you off that one.

Yeah, that's difficult. You can pop a after eight up each night. nostril, I suppose, to remind you of home? Yes, you could walk around. You could melt some afterates and just smear it on the inside of your nostrils and then walk around the day, feeling like you were back in York. Yeah.

Yeah. That'd be lovely that. I think you'd be a local character, maybe. Yeah, maybe. Have you seen that guy with Afterate up his nose? Yeah, the guy who's got the afterates. Yeah, keeps offering me the edge of a lamb. Yeah. It keeps getting one of those...

Well, it's mint, like... Perfect. Has anyone ever done that? Like lamb, but with after-oids instead of mint, surely, I mean, that would be like a Heston Blumenthal type thing. Yeah, that would be. That would be absolutely crazy. You'd be the first guy to do it. Yeah.

Your dream main course, Rob. A lovely nostalgic starter there. Your mum's been in, your dad's been in. I wonder who we've got round the corner now. Well, everyone basically arrives. Everyone you've ever met. Too many to mention. Yeah.

A couple of shout-offs. Yeah. So, I'm like, well, look at all this. Well, I'm like, wow, guys, look at all this stuff you brought. There's so much food here. Not going to be able to get through this in time. Yeah. And then, but there's a particular couple who walk in,

I'm like, I recognize you two. Where do I know you from? And it's this couple called Pete and Vanessa. Yeah. Who were from Burnley. And we met them in Crete in 1996. and it was one of those where you're on holiday and then you kind of click with another family.

Yeah. And we were in Crete and we decided to go out for a Chinese meal. Fantastic. In Greece and a Chinese restaurant. And why wouldn't you? And I'd never been to Chinese before. And they do say your first experience in Chinese food should be in Greece. They, in their hands, they have.

the sweet and sour chicken that I had tasted that night for the first time. Yeah. And it absolutely blew my socks off. Yeah. I was like, I didn't know. Main causes could be sweets, you know. Yeah. Like meat could be like this.

Yeah. And they're like, do you remember the first time you ever tasted sweet and sour chicken? Yeah. They said, well, we've got that for you here. This is that. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. Yes, please.

And then my granny walks in. with a rose potatoes. I'm like... Is this all... Hang on, is this all starter, by the way. This is main course now. Oh, this is main course, yeah. Starters just a little bits of meat.

Yeah, yeah. This is the main course where everyone's show it up. At everyone. Pete and Vanessa, the granny. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like... The granny.

My granny... The granny. My granny used to make... The amazing rose potatoes, right? Yeah. And she's there. She's like, I'll buy some rose potatoes. I'm like, mm-hmm.

Do you think they'll go with the sweet and so I'm joking? just a bit so I honestly want to see at the end of this how much of this is written down for Baitam I would put money

on just a bit just a bit being written there in the notepad yeah just a bit there it is he's underlined it for us he's got it written down I love it yeah great

sweet and sour chicken I've never been on board with I don't know why I know why Because it's not an Ed Gamble thing at all. That is not an Ed Gamble thing. No, you don't like, we've spoken on the podcast before. You don't like sweet sauce.

Sweet chili sauce. You absolutely hate it. I would be shocked if sweet and sour chicken was something that you enjoyed. It's in the same ballpark. Pineapple in it? Yeah. Yeah. See, it's just not, it's not for me.

I think maybe a lot of it is tied to being type 1 diabetic and not wanting to have too much sugar in things that should be savoury. Fair? Perhaps. But also just don't necessarily. enjoy the flavor of it. And the chicken is the chicken, like, deep fried, and then the sauce goes on,

if you can remember what they, how they do it in cream style. Yeah, it's not sweet, it's all chicken balls. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. It's lightly fried, yeah. Yeah. And then I just got, I was thinking, what, that was such a vivid memory of food

just absolutely blowing me away. Yeah, if you've not had that before, and then you have sweet and sour chicken, that is like, just like having your head punched off. Yeah, so good. And I was young, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, first time you have Chinese food, like a Chinese takeaway, first time you have an Indian takeaway, first time I had KFC, all those things completely change your life. The three great nations of cuisine, of course. Chinese, Indian, KFC. Yeah. Kentucky.

China, India and Kentucky. Can I say that there's a stage in this restaurant? Yeah. Right. a stage. You're doing a show? Is it every stage you ever performed?

Not me. No, it's not. Is it every comedian you've ever seen? No, it's my hero's though. Yeah. Performing, but doing their food stuff.

So John Lennon is there doing strawberry fields forever. Yeah. Mitch Hedberg is doing his donut meeting? Was he to eat for the donut? I like, yeah, all that stuff.

My favorite one is that I wrote it down. I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want to eat 2,000 or something. Yeah, so good. just, you know, all those ones. Radiohead of they're doing their sardine song.

Flaming lips, she don't need to use jelly, all that stuff. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, I'm loving this. Yeah, you would be loving that. That's a good line up. That's a great bill. Don't me to hop up and do my ready to eat apocots routine? Yeah. I actually think about that line a lot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you want me to do my hotel breakfast stuff? Yeah, yeah. Yes, please. Pan of chocolate, yeah. Very funny. Do you want me to see my Huluie stuff? It was less well considered. Yeah. I'll do it anyway.

I've not done it for a while, but I'll probably punch it up a bit. But it was about what's the liquid in the packet? It might be pre-cum. Can we see that bit? Absolutely. It's quite easy there. Peter Vanessa will be on board, surely. Yeah, yeah, they'll love it.

Do you see Peter Vanessa at all? No, no. It was just that holiday. I mean, this is a big podcast. Their daughter might listen to this. I mean, never, never even, you know, I saw them probably once in 1997. Yeah.

Came to our house and I think it was a Vauxhall, Tigre. Is that a car? Yeah, I think so. Something like that. Okay, so everyone's performing on the stage? Yeah, and there's plants as well, but a specific type of plant,

and that plant is. Do you mean in the audience for... No, I mean, the greenery is avocado plants, but specifically, this is a dream restaurant, so you can go into the future, whatever, can you? So I've seen loads of videos online on Instagram about how to grow an avocado plant from an avocado stone.

And it always involves like cocktail sticks, putting it above water and all that crap. And I've got compost heap at the back bottom of our garden. And I must have thrown an avocado stone in there. And I went down and there was an avocado plant growing in the compost. Wow. And it was absolutely awesome.

And I was like, oh my God. Yeah. I think that's an avocado plant. And I put my hand down into the compost. And I felt the stone. I was like, oh, come on. And I pulled it up. And then I planted it just in a plant pot.

We got it in the kitchen. And now it's really growing. And it takes years for those to fruit, avocados. Yeah. So I would just like there to be loads of avocado plants everywhere. From that plant. Yeah. Yeah.

And then with the avocado, because I love avocados. Yeah. Is it like nature's butter almost? I feel like you should be able to, you can spread it on top. You can, when it's ripe enough, yeah, you can spread it. Yeah, I love avocados with balsamic and olive oil for that whole look. Yeah. So in this restaurant, you're just going to be able to pluck an avocado off your avocado plant.

You're going to be like, I grew this in my compost heap. Yeah. And then you can just spread it, put some balsamic on top. Have that, John Lennon. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Avocados would blow John Lennon's mind.

Yeah. Were they out after the Beatles? I think they came out after the Beatles. Flipping heck. And the Beatles led to avocados. That's how influential the Beatles are. Yeah. So Paul McCartney has tasted an avocado when John Lennon hasn't.

Oh gosh. I reckon so. I mean... I don't know. You'd know? Lennon died when he was 40, I think. I just think when he died, avocados were not a staple,

such as they are now. And I really don't think he was knocking around with any avocado people. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean by avocado people. It could be, yeah. I mean...

I guess he travelled quite a lot. Yeah. But maybe he did have an avocado and there's no way of knowing. Also, like, if I picture Yoko in that era with an avocado, doesn't seem weird. No, that makes sense to me, yeah.

But she probably just held it. Yeah, didn't tell them. Yeah. You meant to eat this. So you got the sweet and sour chicken, you got the roast potatoes. Yeah. Is that it for the main? They're the ones I'd like to mention, I think.

So this is your nan's roast potatoes and they're like, yeah, Granny. And it's like your side dish, is you got Granny's roast potatoes. So is that part of the main? No, side dish, it's a bit of a smorgasbord, really. Yes. With the side dish, so there's loads of sides, but there's one that I'd like to mention is that my auntie introduced me to devil's on horseback

you know they stuffed with goats cheese wrapped in palm ham and she's walking around with them yeah and I just absolutely

loved them uh Jamie Oliver's there walking around with his plank you know have you met Jamie Oliver uh no so we're sort of going outside

because we've got the stage where people are performing and you haven't met them but everyone else in the restaurant so far has been everyone you've met in your life yeah but I've had a good good experience from Jamie Oliver

through Ministry of Food which you bought with you which is in your backpack but then you decided to leave it in your backpack well I forgot it but I wanted to show you the dirtiest page in the cookbook I think that's always

a thing in it yeah dirtiest page in the cookbook and that is um that's as in you've spilled things on it because you use it so much rather than this just a really like rude rude recipe yeah yeah

stir it with your dick also there's pictures of people in that cookbook and I'm sure I saw one of them in the street and I was like trying to place him for ages where do I know you from

and then I was looking at it was the guy from the he's holding a hot pot who are the people in cookbooks a lot of the time they're just are they just like models who just look like regular people I think in Ministry of Food it is regular people.

Yeah. Yeah. It seemed like that. But yeah, it was the lasagna page. That's the dirty one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, went for a stage of cooking that all the time. So is Jamie walking around with that particular lasagna then? No. The, it's the, my... I love the cricket. Bob didn't like that. Benito Coff. Can we clip that up?

Yeah, the look that you got there. Benito coughed. And Rob looked at you like he wanted to kill you. Yeah, like Christian Bale on the set of that Terminator film. It was like, it was the, you know, the planks you used to have in James Italian. Yeah. I don't think I ever went to a James Italian. Yeah, people complained about it.

I only went there once with Milton Jones to a Jamie's Italian. Really? But yeah, people hated the planks. Oh, no, I loved them. But they used to have those frozen olives. Do you ever used to have them? No. Not frozen olives on ice.

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. So it's that, it's the green, it's a specific type of olive that is so buttery. Anyway, he has them and there's all sorts of meats on them. So he's walking around with those. And I've got a specific memory of being in Jamie's Italian with, uh, my mum, whenever she'd come down to visit me in London,

we'd go to Jamie's Italian in Covent Garden. And one time I went to the toilet, and I came back, and she was like, oh, you're okay? I said, yeah, yeah. She went, oh, you've got some white powder on your nose. And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, well, what are you being doing in the toilet?

It's like nothing. And then I've done what it was. must have just been some dry skin or something. She thought I'd been snorting lines in James Italian. And I hadn't. That's got to be the sad

that would be the saddest spiral into drug addiction is you end up snorting lines in James Italian when you're having lunch with your mum. That would be absolutely awful. Mind you. Planks, that'd be pretty good for that. Yeah. Yeah.

Cap a line in a plank in Jamie's Italian. So your aunties brought out the devil's on horseback. Yeah. What's your auntie like? as a person. Very nice, yeah. I've got two.

Yeah. Shut off. How many answers have you got? I'm going to have to think about this. I've got two. Oh yeah? He's counting up with his fingers. Pretty sure it's four.

Wow. Pretty sure when we're looking at four. Where are they coming from? Politically. No. My dad's got a sister. What's her name? Caroline.

Caroline. Anti-Caroline? Yeah. My mom's got a sister. Yeah. My dad's got a brother who's got a wife. And my mum's got a brother who's got a wife. That's four aunties. Yeah.

So you get more presents than they? No, we don't really. No, there aren't many presents flying around anymore because I'm nearly 40. I'm not getting a present off my auntie. Are you? Yep. Wow. Talk me through it?

What are you doing? He's looking back. He doesn't want to... Look at me, Rob. at the book. What's your auntie buying you for Christmas? Just give me some money. Cashish. How much are you getting from your auntie? Is it in a card or is it a bank transfer or a check?

Bank transfer, 10 grand last month. Nothing says Christmas. Like a 10 grand backs from your auntie from the devil on horseback. Are you writing that in now? Because you said it. No. You do something? What did you do? I just went over the K and drew. drink.

Yeah. Yeah. Because you're ready to move on to drink. I want to say, devil on horseback, I've never heard that recipe for devil and horseback

before. In my mind, devil and horseback is a prune wrapped in bacon. Yep. I've not heard date with blue cheese

and palmer ham. That sounds absolutely delicious and I'm going to try that. Oh, it is, yeah, and you can put a jalapino

in there as well. Oh, yes, and I will. They go down really well. You can take them to Christmas party in the Tupperware. Yeah.

And they go down really well. You'll bring them to the plosive Christmas party. You know what? Yes, I will. Yeah? I think if I'd hit them to a party in a Tupperware, I'd have those on the tube.

I'd turn up with an empty Tupperware, stinking a blue cheese. Yeah, yeah. As I always do. Well, I'd normally do it with goat's cheese, but I'll do some with Stilton as well. Oh yeah, sorry, you did say goat's cheese. Yeah, but yeah, why not? Mix it up.

Okay. What time are you arriving, because I want to make sure they're not all gone. Last time I came to that, I think you guys rocked up after being out the lash at like... Sounds like us, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, probably. Dream drink. Well, when I go to Glastonbury, I always take Scrumpy Jack as four cans. Just to be like,

that's what I'm going to have when I put my tent down. Yeah. You know, the foot... I never drink in the queue. Put your ten down. Put my tent up. Yeah.

Go to the wrong way around. You're going to say, I guess you do have to put it down at some point. You're going to put it down, and then put it up. I was quite like, I really admired that. When you said take it, you know, put it down, I thought, oh, wow. He's taking four cans of him and he's saving him until he has to take his tent down.

Oh, yeah. Knowing that that's like, you know, you're going to be the most knackard and all of that is a little treat for while you're taking your tent down. That's very restrained of him and disciplined. And what a good idea. But actually, it's nice. You're putting your tent up. Yeah. While drinking four cans of cider.

Yeah. So you see people just getting on it straight away, don't you? Like in the queue, one of course, whatever. And I always like to get the tent up, get everything sorted, and then have a kind of scrumpy jack. And that, that again is a specific feeling. And I would like to experience that feeling of the hell of getting into Glastonbury. Yeah. So experience that for a tiny bit.

and then, ah, just sweet. I don't know, I just want it. I want that experience in a can of like the relief of getting in and getting through. Yeah. You sit down, you find, I've had, I've not been to Glastonbury, but I've had that at festivals where you just sit down. Just having a festival, yeah, yeah.

Your first drink. But it's different because I guess Glassonbury is way more difficult to get into and, you know, get everything set up and finding a spot and all of that. So it's just more release. But that, that's that feeling of like the first, first, first sip of whatever you're drinking at a festival and you're like completely relaxed. It's lovely.

The same thing at heavy metal festivals is when the first riff hits. When the first big riff kicks in and I've normally got a beer by that point. I'm like, this is life. This is all that matters now. Can you remember any of the bands who played the first big riff?

No, because they're often the smaller bands. Yeah. Although actually Bloodstock a couple of years ago we got there early on the Thursday or Friday, whatever it was, to see Green Lung at noon. So getting on to the front of the main stage with a beer, then Green Lung come on, kick into that first riff. Oh boy, I bottle that feeling.

Yeah. In terms of what do you want to hear when you're drinking this? So if you're drinking the cider, you can hear a band like sound checking or playing their first song, what do you want to hear drifting over in the distance? Because we can probably get them on at your restaurant. You've got the stage. Yeah, absolutely.

Well, actually, I put a thing on Instagram recently, asking for suggestions of heavy metal music to run to. And Ed came back with a few, and someone sent me this band called Master Boot Record. Never heard. Oh, yes, yeah, I love them. Never heard. Really good, really good, yeah, yeah.

I can't believe that this is getting a shout out. I don't know anyone else who knows this band. This is like the only other person ever. I only know this, I mean, I don't even know if it's a band. I think it's one person because I bought 800 albums from one year, and that was one of the albums that I found on band camp, with like five people to listen to it or something. And suddenly, I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Well, it's great. Give them a Google, they are. It's really good music to run to that. Great. Do you want to put your tent up in the restaurant at this point before you have the drink? First time I met you were in a tent. What was that? On the Royal Mile.

Oh, yeah. What? I was walking down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. Yeah. It was obviously rammed. Yeah. I don't even know why I was walking down it. And there was a tent, a yellow tent, dome tent.

He comes out of it, walks up to me. He knows my name, so I must have done a solo show or something by that point. And gives me a CD. I think it was a CD. Yeah. Of poems. Yeah. A tent.

We did a gig together in, it was a, poetry competition. Oh yes. Yeah, yeah. And you were doing comedy? Yes. It was just doing gigs wherever. Richard Tyrone Jones put on a poetry competition. It's called Utter. I went on and did and I was told it was comedians could end up as well

just doing stand-up. I was the only stand-up there. Yeah, yeah. So you're like, okay. Died in your eyes? Oh, what I won? What? Yeah. Now, as a poet, how did that make you feel, Rob? The comedian came and won it without doing a poem.

Yeah. I didn't feel encouraged. Yeah, fair enough. But you were doing stuff about tally charts and in prison. Yeah, yeah. It's good stuff, that. Early days, yeah, yeah. And now I've got a tattoo, a tally chart tattoo.

Done by me. Done by James Haymarket. Really? Yeah, yeah. A tally charted his leg. Yeah. Inked him. Come on.

For life. That's good. Would you let me give you a tattoo? Probably not. You sure? Yeah. I don't have any tattoos. Yeah, but I can do a nice one.

Give you a nice tattoo I was thinking about Death on Horseback After every big achievement In my life Like just getting a dot Yeah A small dot

Yeah Yeah So then people say If you got any tattoos You're like Yeah I've got shed loads You're like well I can't see them Yeah they're only very small

I've got one there One there Yeah But then if you keep achieving stuff You know You've achieved a lot in your life Already Rob If you keep achieving

Stuff at the same rate You're gonna look like You're fracculy Yeah You're so many Because you have loads of dots Then eventually they'll build up so that would be

that'd be good yeah can you imagine me on like a panel show yeah yeah I can imagine it I'd love it

anyway so what was that band called master boot record master boot record so those riffs are coming through yeah they're coming through you're having a scrumpy jack they're coming through

but the scrumpy jacks is there but when Victoria and I were getting just before we got married yeah we had the wedding in her parents back garden and one of my favorite memories from organizing that wedding is one afternoon

we had a lemon cello is it lemon chello lemon chello lemon chello i say but i don't know we know what you mean we had a lemon cello tasting afternoon so the parents went out bought loads of bottles of different lemon chello and we were tasting it and it was just one of the best things ever. I just loved it. Because I like that drink anyway. You know, when you get it in an Italian restaurant, you're like, oh, come on. Yeah. So there's basically loads of limoncello everywhere,

and we had it at the wedding and like just seeing pretty much all the people I know getting hammered on limouselam was a big moment. Joyous. It's such a sugar rush. Yeah, I don't have it enough, really. It is so good. What were you looking for? With all the different

limoncello's, was there like something you were looking for particularly with the one that you chose? I think just a really good mix of bitter and sweetness. Yeah, yeah. Just like something that is just going to kick things off. Yeah. And I don't know if there's a better drink for that. No, I think it's the sugar content as well, isn't it? It's the sugar content and the booze and the lemon just like, wow.

Yeah. Wow. Thank you for throwing that in there for me. He knows a lot of that kind of stuff. I mean you like those. So do you know what else I'll bring to the place of Christmas Christmas, But I'll bring some of those and a bottle of lemoncello.

Oh, yeah. Your dream dessert, Rob. This is something that we got into during the pandemic, which was apple strudel from Liddle. Yeah? And it's so cheap. It's a big log.

It was like £1.50 and that with some ice cream. It was obviously such a strange and horrific time in the pandemic, but that was kind of something that, I don't know, it felt like a safe thing. space that, I think, you know, comfort food.

Yeah. And that apple strudel was, you know, going in and then by that, I should we get another one? Yeah. Yeah. How many strudels were you working your way through a week, would you say? I don't know. I reckon I've done like a good few metres of strudel.

You have to, you have to measure it in metres. Yeah. Yeah. So if this is, if this whole meal is everything you've, you know, people you've met in your life, all the sofas are from your life. Yeah. Do you think we should get the equivalent amount of apple strudel that you ate during the pandemic and line it up on a long table? Oh, that's a good idea.

Yeah, it should do. Definitely. Yeah. That'd be nice, wouldn't it? But, yeah, big shout out to those. Obviously, you warm it, warm it up. Yeah. Having it hot?

Yeah, it's hot, yeah. The ice cream. Yeah. But that was, yeah, I love, yeah, warm apples got a long way, don't they? I'm trying to think if we had anything like that in the pandemic that we just kept going back to. I'm not sure if we did. I didn't. No.

No. No. You didn't cook the same thing ever. I don't think so I don't think so I don't know try something different every night didn't you

yeah yeah make most of it so that would be the pudding but then this there would be a goody bag is that possible

yeah oh yeah it's the first goody bag yeah I think we've had on the like a party bag

yeah of fantastic we can go away with a goody bag yeah you know sometimes you go to gigs

and there's someone's laid out just like some bags of crisps and sweets and stuff now when When you first...

Backstage, yeah. When you first start, and that's a real treat, isn't it? You're like, oh my God, can I have these crisps? Yeah. Can I have some of these Haribol? And on tour, that doesn't really happen, you know, for me. Yes.

But when it did happen was when I would do gigs in York. Yeah. And Al Greaves, the promoter, always put out such a good spread. I was being to the supermarket. I was like, fuck, this is awesome.

And he'd like, he'd always get like, just really good cereal bars and crisps and drinks. And he was like, you'd take the old home if you want. I'm like, bars of dairy milk. And he passed away this year.

And I was just like, oh, what? So no one do gigs in York. It's like, it's a different experience. So the party bag will be that. I've seen that owl would buy.

Yeah. And he used to do, when I first did a gig with Al, his act was he had a carrier bag with him. Yeah. He'd go on stage with a carrier bag that was full of, like, props to curious jokes. So you could have it in an Al Greaves carrier bag. Yeah.

To take away with you. It's so rare, isn't it, where you arrive at a gig, and it's like they're excited to see you, and they've laid stuff out. Yeah. I've got, Chorley is the one. Chorley, Chorley Little Thielsen. I don't think, I must have done it with the double act,

but I don't think I've done it recently. Charlie Little Theatre, you go in there, there's a hilarious photo from Kieran Hodgson's latest tour because it's like they've got every bag of crisps in the world just lined up, just like there, more than anyone could eat in a year. Yeah, yeah. All their cakes and stuff.

I'm really looking forward to, I'm at Chorley Little Theatre this Sunday. I should be over the novelty of it now, but when those things, they've actually left an axe out and stuff, and it feels disrespectful. But I will now and again, my bag up. If it's good enough stuff.

But is that all right to do? I do it with the promoter Will Briggs quite a lot. Yeah, well. The Greenwich Comedy Garden. He does the comedy garden gigs. And I do it in front of him because I know I'm normally on the first night of the whole festival and he's bought them for the whole festival over multiple days.

And then I'm basically emptying a bowl of wafer, caravan waferes into my bag. All the crisps are going in there. And then I ain't like a king for, like a, you know. Yeah, it's funny to do that to Will because, you know, people who don't He laughs at everything, but also we'll be upset that you're doing that. Yeah, yeah. Also shout out to while we're doing this, Middlesbrough Town Hall, who lay on Charcootry Board.

Oh, yes. Really? Yeah, but they know what they're doing. They're bustering you up before you absolutely die on your ass. Yeah. I did a gig once in Newcastle, and they got me a bunch of ice cream, and they said I'd have been in the week before or something and got a cheeseboard. Got loads of cheese, yeah.

So, you know, for respect. You've been on the pod now. You're going to be turning up at these places. Yeah. And the backstage will be... Everyone you've ever met. Devils on horseback, everyone you've ever met. Yeah.

They give you an Eccles cake, don't they? Yeah. And the... A Chorley cake in Chorley. A chauley cake. Yeah, a chauley cake. You won't get that again, no, you said that. Yeah.

Good luck booking yourself in Eccles on your next tour. I love this strudel. It's attached to a nice memory. I think it's great. You've got the strudel. And your wife will be there. Yeah, bringing out the strudel Yeah, she's bringing out the strudel

Absolutely So she's not having a deal with you Yeah, yeah Well, everyone's there Yeah, everyone's there Oh, but they take it in turns to bring out Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah

Okay, yeah But Jamie's the only one walking around Yeah, Jamie's just mingling Walking around Yeah, with the plank chatting to people, got his planks Yeah, Forest Gump is there Why's Fores Gump there?

Favorite film Yeah, he's got to be there. All the characters from Forrest Gump, or just Forest? I think just Forrest, you know. Bava, come on. Nah. Bobba's not there? Eating shrimp?

Any particular area of Forrest Gump, you're a fan of his life? Yeah. Maybe that you like his look or... Well, yeah, when he's running. Yeah. But I think it's my favorite... Some of my favorite use of CGI in any film ever is when he's meeting, like John Lennon.

So you don't get to do it for real at your restaurant, though. Absolutely. It's pretty cool. Yeah. It's pretty cool. You see, Forrest Gump, to meet John Leonard. I'm a big Tom Hanks fan, and I think that's his, it's my favorite of his work, you know. Just been on holiday, and coming back on the plane, saving Private Ryan was an option.

Yes. And I thought, I can't put that on. There was like a kid sitting bit, like, dying. Yeah, yeah. I can't have that on. It's a great film though. Saving Pryant Minds, one of his best. Absolutely.

You've got to be careful about what you watch on planes, I think. Ed's watched some... You watched it. The last Jackass film when I played. I watched the last Jackass film, and every time the cabin crew came around to offer me a drink, there was a dick on the screen. A full close-up of a dick.

And Ed'd laugh in his head off. Yeah. Because they'd be like, would you like it to go, sorry, pause it. Yeah. Then look back around. Full dick. I'll be you met you now, Rob. See how you feel like.

about it. Okay. You would like Still water at 3am after a meal and loads of beers obviously at BlackRock.

Popper doms or bread bread from the hotel that your mum used to work in with salted butter. That is mum made. That your mum made as well. That is correct it properly. Starter, you want the first bits

of carved lamb and pork by your dad. Main course, dishes from everyone you've ever met including sweet and sour chicken from the Chinese restaurant in Greece with Pete and Vanessa and your granny's roast

potatoes. Side dish, you want your aunties, devils on horseback. Drink, you want four cans of scrumpy jack after putting up your tent at Glastonbury, and you would like loads of lemon chello. Dessert, the little apple strudel with ice cream, and a party bag of Algreaves spread. Beautiful. How do you feel about that, Rob? I feel pretty good. I feel like that would be a good night. It would be a fantastic night. I mean, we've got great entertainment there as well. It's, you know, a lot of people there. You've hit on a new loophole in the dream restaurant. which is where you said a dish from everyone you've ever met is bringing a dish

and you just told us two of them which is a great loophole. Yeah. So now basically you've got more food than anyone's ever ordered in the Dream restaurant. And you know them but we don't. Yeah. Rob, thank you so much for coming to the Dream restaurants.

Thank you for having me. Thank you Rob. You've been a dream. Might start ending it like that. Thank you so much to Rob for coming on the pod. Ask guests to write down verbatim what they want to say and stick to that script. Yes. And if we tried to move him away from that, he wouldn't have any of it.

I don't think it would work for a lot of guests. So if you're a future guest, don't be thinking you'd write down that verbatim. It worked for Rob because of who he is. Yeah. I would very much recommend, if you're just listening to this on audio, if you're able to watch the video on YouTube, do do do it because it's funny watching Rob's face when we try and ask him stuff that he's not got written down. And we just kind of looks at us.

And when we spot that he's written it all down. Yeah. He really, he looks at us not happy sometimes. It's a good little glare that he gives us. A little glare. You should go and see Rob to his show, Jupiter. He's touring it now. And of course, the Rob Orton Daily podcast, part of the Plosive Family.

You can listen to so many episodes of that, wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Goodbye.