Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Sanjeev Bhaskar

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

We’re in National Treasure territory again as we welcome British comedy royalty Sanjeev Bhaskar to the Dream Restaurant. The ‘Goodness Gracious Me’ and ‘Taskmaster’ star makes James laugh more than he ever has on the podcast, we think. Sanjeev Bhaskar stars in ‘The Split Up’ which launches on 20 September on BBC iPlayer and BBC One. Follow Sanjeev on Instagram @tvsanjeevWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Ed Gamble is on tour in 2027 with ‘Fresh Hell’. For dates and tickets go to edgamble.co.ukOff Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the lettuce leaves of conversation, adding the croutons of friendship, the Caesar dressing of humour, and, if you're so fancy, the chicken of chat. That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Acaster together. We own a dream restaurant in every single week. Parmesan. We invite a guest and ask them their favourite ever start a main course dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is Sanji Baskar. National Trez Tregs National Tregs National Tregs National Tregs of course Sanjeev Baskar

What a legend Very excited San Jeev and we've had Mirosail on the podcast So this is like the second Goodness Gracious Me and Kumar's alum That we've had on

Both big shows for us growing up Huge shows for us growing up I think our generation of comedians Like goodness gracious me and the Kumars is like just on the Mount Rushmore. Totally. And Sanjeev, of course, is now an amazing actor

in many other things. He's been in films. He's done loads of TV. He was on Taskmaster, of course. Of course. And he's going to be in the split-up, which is out later this month. On BBC One and IPlayer, of course.

Created by Abby Morgan, Ritu Ayers in it. Also, friends of the podcast, Lenny Henry, Mawon Riz one. Sindhu V. Yes. So there's a lot of great cast members in it. Sanjeev is the lead as well,

as we'll be asking him more about that. The split-up is a spin-off in the same universe as the split with Nicola Walker and Stephen Mangan. But not in the same universe as Split. No. The film where James McAvoy has multiple personalities and kidnaps those girls. But that is in the same universe as... Unbreakable. And glass.

And glass, of course. And old. That's not been confirmed. but it probably is in the same universe as old where they all go old on the beach they turn really old on the beach really quick really too quickly it's not just like people on the beach for five years and they're five years older

no it's a beach that makes you old really quick and it turns out it's a big farmer as in pharmacy schools yes not a giant not the jolly green giant who could also be seen as a big farmer yes the jolly green kind of giant it's the biggest farmer of them all Here's the thing though, we love Sanjeev,

but if he says a secret ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out at the dream restaurant. I don't want to do that today. I don't want to do that. No. And that is why the secret ingredient is banana split. The split up.

It's called the split-ups. We chose a banana split up. It's not about banana splits, though. We love banana splits. It's about, like, a high-profile divorce circuit in Manchester. And also, like... It's not about banana splits.

This isn't, like... Sometimes the secret ingredient is just, like, linked to something about the guest. in this case the show that Sanjee was about to appear on but like we love banana splits obviously they're delicious they're one of the best foods I couldn't tell you the last time I had one though no I can tell you the first time I had one because it was a it was incredible

I spoke about it on the podcast before I really think I genuinely think it was the length of my arm the banana split and so much ice cream I was so proud that I finished it absolutely delicious I wish I could have those again at a meal with my cousins. I remember my cousins being there.

You'd have to really go some distance, find a banana split the length of your arm now. It's a long arm. It's a long arm. But I would love a banana split as long as that. Would you want it to be one banana though? No, I'd want it to be a bunch of different bananas and then loads of really big scoops of ice cream,

each one a different flavour. Go heavy on the cream, but really good cream. Yeah. Like, you know, just like really squirty cream, but high quality. High quality squirt. And then loads of sauce, like a hot fudge in there. And I want chopped nuts on the top. Yeah.

I want some sprinkles, just, you know. Eminems? Maybe crush up some M&Ms. Peanut M&Ms. Peanut regular and peanut butter M&Ms. Put them in a blender and put those over the banana split. So if Sandhue says that, he's out. Yeah.

I'm on tour next year, Ed Gamble Fresh. Oh, great. I mean, not much going on over here. This is the off-meny menu menu of Sanjee Faska. That was a good clap. Thank you. I was really proud of that.

It was. It was clean. There's no, sometimes you get that double thing sometimes. Yeah, no, it felt like I had that little pocket of air. I think that's the key to a good clap. Is this going to be the first episode where we start with the clap? Maybe. We keep the clap in?

Yeah, because normally I'll do like welcome Sanjiv to the dream restaurant. Yeah. But welcome Sanjee Fasga to the Dream Festival But it's been to give us some time That's like normally I would start Yeah But we're starting with a clap this time Yeah I mean you can both obviously

Yeah there's options there Yeah yeah The listeners won't know that normally it starts with a clap That Ben asks one of us to do a clap So he sinks up all the cameras Because now he's a YouTuber Yeah We're not

Yeah He puts us on YouTube Oh he puts you on YouTube Yeah He's a YouTuber Yeah How do you feel about Are you a YouTube watcher Sanjee?

Yeah, I dip into YouTube, yeah. What's your algorithm? What sort of things get thrown up for you quite a lot? Old adverts. Yeah. Right, from the 70s and 80s. Yeah. The usual kind of cat and other animal mishaps come up quite a bit.

It's weirder on my Instagram, actually, because that algorithm works really quickly. So at the moment, for some reason, I'm getting a lot of girl fights. I think I watched one, and so it's giving me loads of. kind of girl fights from around the world. Yeah, yeah, global. Global. It's weirdly kind of intriguing because you're going to go do kind of, you know, girls in Asia, fight differently to girls in America.

Are they different styles? Yeah, yeah. It must be weird when you're watching your old adverts on YouTube and it's getting interrupted by current adverts as well. Yeah, it is. Well, also the old adverts, they tend to be the good old ones. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

puts up, you know, some insurance advert. Yeah. Kind of like 1978. But, you know, whether it's kind of car adverts particularly. They were just made in a different way then. Yeah. Who were the two, the dad and a daughter? What were they called? Nicole and Papa. Oh, Nicole and Papa. Papa and Nicole. Yeah. That was a huge thing. Yeah. A whole running story. Tieri-Henri, yeah.

It came. Henri got involved. Yeah. He was Papa, I think. Well, he was in those adverts, yeah. Yeah. Was it Renaud Clio? Yeah. I think it was Renaud. Good recall, yeah. So were they a couple, or was it a dad and a daughter? Well, Papa kind of infers a particular relationship. I mean, there are others where that may not be the case. Yeah. But that's a bit more kind of twisted.

But yeah, I think it was dad and daughter back then, because this was a long time ago. This is now there's like other insinuations, right? Yeah. But now, yeah, it was back in the good old days when Papa only meant father. And they would just say each other's names is what I remember. They would just say Nicole Papa. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Nobody said Renno Cleo. point at talk. No. Because as we're recording this yesterday was the

eclipse, the bigger eclipse. Yeah. I looked at it. Did you? Did you? Did you? Did you?

I looked at it. I looked at it. I looked at my window. I felt like, frasped my eyes. I mean, that does explain quite a bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It saves me asking half a dozen questions. I went to bed one ear again. Did you? Did you want

I think it's because I looked at the eclipse. But there was a, there was a meteor shower as well. I didn't see that. Was it? Yeah, from,

I think from 1 a.m. till 4 or something. Well, he's not seeing that. He's phrased his eyes. I fath my eyes. My ear was ringing. You were seeing them at 8 o'clock? Yeah, yeah. But that, because of the whole eclipse business, the advert that was going around in my head all day yesterday was full moon, half moon, total eclipse, the Jaffer Cake advert.

Oh, yes. Yeah. Very good, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. And I just kept saying it over and over again to the extent my wife was like, you've just got to shut up now. Oh, you said it out loud. Oh, all the time, yeah.

Okay. I just out loud, full moon, half moon, total eclipse. We didn't have any jaffer cakes in, but I got a baby bell out of the fridge, so I did it. I performed the advert. Yeah. For people who don't remember the advert, it was a school teacher. Yeah. With a jaffer cake, teaching her kids about the moon. Yeah.

And she would go full moon. Yeah. And then she would bite out of it, half moon. Yeah. And then she would eat it and say total eclipse. Total eclipse. That's how science used to be taught. Yeah.

Yeah. It was always kind of with a demonstration at some kind. Yeah. Usually food. Yeah. And then your papa would pick you up at the end of the day. That's right. So, yeah, so that's the advert.

That's one of my faves, I think, that was going over in my head yesterday, yeah. That's how we get under food, see. Very nicely done. We always get under food. Well, do you like Jaffer Cates? What a segue. I do like Jaffer Cates, yeah. I have recently had Jaffer Cakes,

so if you like Jaffer Cakes, well. And you like gin. Yeah. I mean, it's the perfect product for you. Was this purchased from somewhere, or was it like a homemade thing? No, purchased. You can have a perfect product for you. actually go out and buy it.

Yeah. And was it a collab? So was it actual proper official Jaffa Cakes getting involved with a gin company? Or were they just able to just be like... No, and that's a good question. I mean, there wasn't any of the Jaffer Cake logo on it. But the word Jaffer Cake was, I don't know if that's been, you know, what'd you call it? When you...

Copyrighted? Copyrighted, yeah. Got it if it's not. Yeah. They spent all their time proving they were a cake, but they actually forgot to copyright the name. Yeah. Oh, no. We got sewing the wee.

about what we were. Yeah. Now, if we're going to use her name, idiots. Our priorities are all over the shop. They're making gin now

without our say-so. So when the teacher bites through the Jaffer cake, what she's doing is she's splitting the Jaffer cake, of course. So we should talk about the split.

Oh, I mean, I'm not going to say that's very good. That's the most convoluted that. You do way worse ones than that. I know. I do absolute,

mine are smooth. No. People always compliment me on them. Yeah, I always compliment them. Okay, well, I'll tell you what. Yeah, thank you. This is a...

So would you like to attempt a segue from Jaffer Cake into the Split Up? Yeah, yeah. Go on then. Of course, when the teacher bites into the Jaffer Cake, it splits the Jaffer Cake. Let's talk about the split up. Great segue, man. Fantastic. Pretty good.

You know, if only someone else had thought of that. Yeah, well, not everyone can. Best in the game. Yeah, the split up, yeah. It's a kind of... Well, there was a series called The Split. Thank you. which was about matriarchal family of divorce lawyers.

Yeah. And this is in the same universe. It's split up. And it's a patriarchal family of lawyers. And I'm the patriarch in it. How do you feel now that you are a patriarch in something? Because you've played, well, for me, growing up, Kumars was a big deal, very important. Oh, geez.

But you had a patriarchal figure in that. Yeah, that's right. And now it's you. Yeah. Now you are that guy. Now I'm depressed. Joining those two dots together. Different sorts of patriarchal figures, I'd imagine.

Yes. How often in the split up are you just asking people for directions or asking them how they got there? That guy was funny. That guy, every week I'd look forward to him telling the story that was pointless and then looking at them really pleased. It was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen in my life. tell you where that originated.

Yeah, please. My dad had a friend who, when he came around, his name was Sun Talk. He would always be telling a story which would suddenly turn left in the middle of it. I mean, my sister would be going, what? And the two that I remember were he said, and he always started it in a very jovial kind of like tone. And he'd go, you know, that reminds me of a hilarious story from my village in India when I was growing up.

there was a man in the village who had a very large head I always used to wear a tiny hat the hat was just balancing on his head you know the whole time like that cancer got him in three months but that one

the other one I remember was he said it reminds me of a hilarious fellow who was in my village in India and he had he had one arm much longer than the other one

you know from one side it was very long the other side Not so much. And he was killed the instant the train hit him. And so it was that thing of kind of going, I don't know what to say now. And so I remember with the dad in the commands, that's what we kind of saddled him with. And it was just.

I still, every time I watch football, think of here come the boots, here come the boots. Yeah, that's right. As well, whatever his story ended. He had some football boots and every time he got the ball, people would shout, here come the boots, here come the boot. And then he just looked at the guest really pleased. There might have been Gary Linneker that said that too.

I don't know what to say. But that was all, that's what we wanted always. Oh, yeah. And now that's you in the split up. Yeah, that's exactly the same character. If only. Yeah. Yeah, no, the patriarch eye play is kind of like, you know,

takes himself quite seriously. Yeah. So he's going to, you know, his kids are all lawyers as well. They're all involved in the firm. So it's that weird thing where do you treat them as employees or do you treat them as kids. Yeah.

So that's part of the setup. The cast is amazing for it. Yeah. There's so many like Sindhu's in it, Mawan, Lenny Henry. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That are only the people have been on this podcast. I was going to say, all three of them have been on.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And Ritu's in it as well, who I love, worked with her like 10 years ago. I know when you just saw her again recently. And she's doing great things. She was in Barbie and, you know, what did you work with her on? I did a, I wrote a pilot for,

for a sitcom and Ritty was a other parts in it and she also was involved in the the office run through as well doing that she was like right from the beginning and she's brilliant and I'd seen seen her a night in London where her and this other guy whose name I forget were doing like a double act like sketch

thing was quite a quite a dark comedy and she was so funny and really wanted her in that sitcom it's just great now seeing her popping up in everything and she very I hope this isn't talking out of term But she showed me on a phone video of her when she was nine or 10 years old with, I think her cousins maybe, doing sketches from goodness gracious me. Oh, wow. And calling themselves the goodness gracious me kids.

That's so amazing. Yeah. Yeah, that we get to work together years later. I mean, what's it like having, like, created something like that that still has, you can just see the legacy of it still. Not a lot of people can say that, you know, is that a lot of people who've had sketch shows, sitcoms, whatever, and can't literally look around at the comedy landscape

and see their influence. Do you ever take a moment to like that? It's weird because, you know, when you're making something, you don't know where it's going to go, you don't know how it's going to be received. And so you pour everything into making of it, you know, have as much fun as you can. And then whatever happens happens.

So the fact that 27-odd years later that people still remember the sketches, or, you know, is kind of remarkable. And also that, you know, people very generously, like Ramesh and Nish and people like that, will kind of like reference it because they've all got stellar careers and they're doing what they do. And so I'm sure they would have made it anyway. But it is humbling to be part of that journey. Yeah, are you right?

I mean, in terms of, especially in comedy, which is so disposable as well, to have people still remember something you did fondly rather than, oh, yeah, that was shit. is, yeah, it's really nice. Are you much for a foodie, Sanjee? Total foodie. Yeah? Yeah, love food. You love tuna melts, we know that.

Oh, we just... We agreed we weren't going to bring that up, Ed. No, you said you wanted to bring it up. Oh, no. You just went out for a tuna melt. Oh, God, you had to bring out the tuna. He had one. Painful memory that...

Yeah, no, only because I arrived really early. And I didn't know what to do. And so I thought, yeah, tune them out. Tune them out time. I think whenever you're early for something. Yeah. Tune melt. Really?

Yeah. That's a good rule. That's a good rule for life. Have you seen heated rivalry? No, I haven't. It's heated rivalry. Oh, that's a culinary. No, no.

No, it's a hockey. Hockey? Yeah, it's hockey. It's a Canadian ice hockey. Okay. And like two of the players are secretly in love with each other. And it follows their romance. Right.

I've not seen it, but it seems like mainly just fucking to me. There's a lot of fucking in it. But that's the thing is that, you know, to begin with their relationship seems purely physical. And one of them is very much trying to make out like that's all it is to him. Okay. But then there's a moment where he makes the other guy a tuna melt. I was wondering when we...

And you can tell... Some sort of link. You can tell that he's actually been paying attention to what this guy eats and that he mainly just like will order fish and doesn't like certain types of food. So he's made in that and it's a little sign that. actually he cares and pays more attention to him. That sounds quite sweet. Maybe I've misrepresented it there.

And then they fuck. No, well, I'm grateful that I don't now have to watch it. Yeah. That's not the main thing. It's not the finale is that one of them actually ever a tuna mill. You built up to a tuna mill. Yeah, maybe it is. And then shagging.

Yeah. I recently did a live script read-through of an episode of heated rivalry. Oh. Because two comedians, Catherine Bohart and Olga Koch, run a podcast about heated rivalry, tonsile hockey and they did live read-throughs with comedians. And I'd never seen Heath's driver in. I played one of the main characters and

there's some stuff in there that genuinely made me blush. Really made me blush. Those guys are going for it. Yeah, yeah. They do go for it. This was episode two we were reading through. Blimey. It's not a will they won't they? It's they have and they're going to do it again. When will they? Yeah. When will they again?

Yeah, yeah. How long until the next one? And what are they going to eat before? Yeah, yeah. I actually think I've misrepresented it. I think the Tuna melt is afterwards. They have sex and then they're post-coital tune-ball. Yeah. Then he makes them a tuna. Yeah. Wow.

I mean, that sounds kind of, you know, great for the person who's receiving. The Tuna Milt. It's so great for the person who's giving, yeah. Who's receiving the Tuna Moll? If you like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like post-coital, like someone making you a Tuna Mout, what an amazing feeling. Yeah, but for the person who's going to get up and go, right.

Have we got any tuna? Oh, yeah, yeah. Do I add onions? Yeah, yeah. And you can't ask them loads of questions about the tuna milk because then that takes the whole romance out of it, doesn't it? 100%. There's got to be there you go up, and I've noticed.

You're allergic to cumin. Yeah. Oh. There's a wild thing's put in a tuna melt, but I think it would work. Yeah. Yeah, that's my favourite. This is the expert. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. He loves tuna melts. I love cumin. Yeah. Yeah, I'll add cumin to most things. Oh, maybe we're going to see it pop up in your dream menu. It might well do. Still a sparkling water?

Sparkling, I think, because as a kid, I mean, sparkling was just, it was unheard of in sort of like working class sort of upbringing I had, you know. And so it felt like it was kind of a treat and it was special. Fizzy drinks were, you know, so it was, we had mostly at home we had cordials. So we had ribena and sort of, you know, orange squash and stuff like that. Lots of various Robinson's sort of. Barley water, we're into the barley water? barley water we didn't have as well. That didn't get used up quite as quick.

But not. No, not as much as the... Barley water was banging, man. That's crazy. I was good. I liked it. But the orange squash or a fruit squash. Yeah.

The summer fruits one. Summer fruits. Yeah. It's kind of very, very vague. What's happened to squash? I mean, I'm only speaking about my life. Yeah. But I think I probably used to drink eight points of squash a day when I was a kid.

Wow. I would neck that stuff. Wow. Now... Sorry, in pint glasses or... Yeah, I would have a pint. I would have a pint. Pine glass.

Yeah, yeah. Make it strong as well. Neck it, or just glugging it. I still do buy squashes. You buy the squashes? Yeah, yeah, I do. There's a really nice mint and lime one that I think Robinson's do. So on the Robinson's train?

Well, I mean, you know, they nailed it, didn't they? Yeah, they did. They also do jam. Is that the same kind of? Robbins' jam? No. Surely not. Who's the marmalade crew? Same.

Robertsons. Are they still associated with tennis? Oh, that's a good question. It was always at Wimbledon, wasn't it? It was always at Wimbledon. Yeah. That was... Many Rolex at Wimbledon now, I think.

Is it now? They've moved on to Rolex. I mean, that seems less practical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Game, isn't it? That's going to weigh your wrist down. Do you want to watch? That's good.

I'll ask me what time is. Yeah. Massive old Rolex for doing this while playing tennis. No, thank you. I want to quench your first. Yeah. You want a glug of squash. But yeah, I used to drink so much of it.

So yeah, so the mint and lime one. That sounds great. With sparkling water. Would you like that your dream? Yeah. Great, that's good. Would you like the, I mean, the split up is obviously about a family. Would you like the Robinson's family?

What's been here? Yeah, yeah. How many of them are there? Quite a few of them. Probably 400 of them. Oh, here's a question. They're not the same as the family Robinson, are they? Oh, I hope not.

Yeah. I think they lived next to all the family Robertson. Oh yeah, yeah, the jam people. Well, it was the Swiss family Robinson. The Swiss family Robinson. And I guess the Scottish family Robertson. Yeah. Guessing.

Would you play the patriarch of the Robinson's family in a TV show? If they made a new series and it's all about the Robinson Squash family. It's like succession, but with squash. That's very good. Yeah. And it's like, who's going to take over and you're the patriarch? Yeah. So I'd be like Logan Roy.

Yeah. The Logan Roy of the, ah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got this new flavor. Summer fruits.

Fuck off. Pretty good. It's pretty good. Stick to the barley water. Yeah. Yeah. Why I went pirate then, anyway. But this is your character.

You can take it whatever. If you want him to be a pirate, he could be a pirate. Yeah. Yes. That's more interesting. Yeah. That would be the origin story. It was a life of piracy.

And then he suddenly sees the light. Yeah. And he goes, cordial. Cordial. And so, yeah. And then they go legit from there. Yeah. I think that I'd work. I think a pirate.

There's not many jumps there from being a pirate to really getting into cordial. Yeah. It's surrounded by water. Maybe. Probably sick to the back teeth of it. So plain. Maybe on a journey across the sea, you've got a barrel of oranges and you just leave it out in the sun by accident and it creates cordial. Yeah.

You would have a lot of citrus on board. It could be that they only had, you know, they had a full crew, but they only had four oranges. Yeah. And they went, how do we spread this around? You go, ah, add water. Yeah. And then they go, everyone's going, no, this is all right.

Yeah. It's a hint of orange, really. It's not particularly orangey, but. Yeah. Guys, I think we should take this out of the edit. Do you know what? Yeah, we should hold on to it. Yeah.

The lime as well is for scurvy specifically. Yeah. See? He's added a bit of mint to that and you've got you. Yeah. This is going to be a good, a good show. Yeah. Have we just hit a colder sack?

No, reverse everything? There were no colder sacks on this podcast. Excellent, okay. Never has been. Not on our watch, Ed? No, not on our watch. Manor Spanito edits it. Yeah.

Poplums or bread. Poplums or bread. Poblobs or bread. Well, because the split up it is a kind of an Asian family, I'm going to go popadums. Yeah. But otherwise, if it wasn't that, then it would probably be,

sort of rosemary salt for catcher with many people on your show have kind of mentioned before so maybe we can share it with kind of olive oil and balsamic do you do some rosemary salt papadums if you want i think that'd be a bit weird don't know why it'd be a bit weird a bit weird i think it will because all the kind of condiments stuff that you got that come with the popadoms kind of do the job yeah rosemary's never one of them no that's a shame they do the condiments do the job and they do whatever job you want and you can create new jobs with them. There's so much fun.

Sometimes I just get lost in the Popatoms bit. Yeah. And then everything else. I'm combining, I'm trying. I'm basically DJing my own Popatoms. The mix is perfect. Are you going to maybe play with the idea of Rosemary? I don't think so.

I think I like whatever the Popatoms actually are supposed to come with. Okay. I think they've perfected it. I think it's the squash. I think it's the squash people. They've nailed it. Okay.

So do both things. you have the Papadams. What am I? Yeah, for both of you. Or generally, or for your dream meal. No, for you. I mean, you two persons. I think in the past, we've chosen bread when we've done our menus.

But, you know, the whole... You've chosen Popperums as well on the first dream menu. Yeah, I mean, my favourite pop-in-up. I had them recently, I was at the Edinburgh Festival. And there's a place called Namaste Catmandu. Go there and get a curry. Their poplarums are the best ones. They've folded up.

I've said it on the podcast. So they put a picture of me in the window, holding a little pot of lime pickle. cheering, cheers in it, saying home of James Acre's favorite folded popadoms because they fold them up like that. They're so good. And my picture's on the wall as well. You know what's happened to their sales since then?

I think pretty good because like, you know, there's a little like wall of fame now and there wasn't before I shouted it out. And now they got me, Nish is on the wall, Amy Pola is on the wall. Wow. I mean, Nish might be up there because they think they're related to him. It may not be because he's ever... I didn't want to say. That's all right.

one minute. But it's like, yeah, a little wall of fame. I'm pretty happy about that. They bought over the Popatoms as soon as we sat down, so they knew that I was going to order. That's nice. Delicious. The plain ones or the spicy ones?

These ones are plain. Right. But I like spicy ones. Do you have a preference? I like a mix of the two. Do you have somewhere we've had the best Popatoms where they're like those are your favorite ones you've ever had and that would be your dream? No, there isn't actually.

I mean, it's, it might be in India somewhere, which I know is pretty. vague as an answer. It's quite a big country. Quite big, yeah. But no, nothing specific comes to mind with Popadoms. We'll still record it as Popatums from India. Yes, exactly.

They're from India. They're from India. A mixture of the spicy ones and the plain ones, and you want all the dips. Yeah. Your dream starter. Okay, there's some re-specific things here. Yeah.

So there are prawn scotch eggs. Oh, yes. Here we go. That Giconi, a restaurant in London, does. Which are incredible. Yeah. Absolutely amazing. Oh my God.

Have you had them? No. No, I definitely want it. I love, it's one of the things we talked on the podcast a lot about these kind of things. If it's on the menu, got to order it. If there's scotch eggs on the menu, I've got to have the scotch egg. I love a hot scotch. A prawn one is that sending me into the stratosphere.

I've not even tasted it yet. It's incredible. Incredible. So that. And then, so there's a dish called Papri chart, which is kind of like a street dish. and it's made with sort of dried, crispy semolina, for instance, the bar like crackers, and chickpeas and small cubes of potato, and then yogurt, tamarin sauce and various spices on it.

So it's street food in India, but Mira makes one, which is amazing. So that as well, yeah, I think those two actually. Mira makes it? Yeah. She's done on the podcast. This prawn scotch egg? Yes. Is it like, is it the prawn sort of,

minced into Yeah, into where a sausage would be in the traditional scotch egg. But it's, you know, again, crispy crumb fried. Rummy in the middle? It's not runny, these ones, but soft boiled. Yeah, yeah. But not runny.

That's what you want. Yeah, it's amazing. It's really worth trying. Is there a dip that goes with it? Yeah, there is a kind of sauce that goes with it. And I can't remember exactly what that is, but that's amazing as well. It's slightly tangy.

Oh, man. Oh, Ben's got his hand up. I think he's seeing what the dip is. Banana ketchup. Are you kidding me? You nearly forgot that? I nearly forgot that. I've got to try this.

Yeah. This is a prawn scotch egg with banana ketchup. Are you joking? I actually, we went last year. Fucking, give me a tuna mountain, fuck me. We came back. This sounds delicious. Puck me.

Puck me, I think, is the indeed. Oh, yeah. Puck me good. Yeah. They should have called the show of that. Puck me. Puck me good. Puck me.

Puck it each other. Yeah. These lads are pucking each other. Yeah. Good pucking. A good hard pucking. Follow the way I'm melt. Yeah.

And puck me off where you're at it. Yeah. We kind of like, so the banana ketchup is, I believe, it's a delicacy really from the Caribbean. So we went last year on holiday to the Caribbean and came back with four bottles of it. Yes, please. Oh, this sounds good. I didn't even know banana ketchup existed. I don't know.

Prong scotch eggs existed before I spoke to you. Welcome to the New World. This is so good. There's a place called teal in Hackney, and they've got a scotch egg that is like, I guess, I mean, this is going to sound gross, but it's delicious, and it's made with the pig's head,

the meat from the pig's head. Oh, right. I immediately pictured an entire pig's head for a second. Yeah, it's huge. It's a pig's head and in the mouth is an egg that they've peeled, and they call it a Scotcheg. You wanted a scotch egg, right?

A loaf of bread on its head like a hat. And there you go. Eat that. Deep fry the whole thing. Yeah. I thought this has made me a snack before the main meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, sorry, you were saying, so they used the...

They used the pigs. It's delicious. It's such a good... It's not much there, is it? You got not waste... Well, I don't know. I mean, there's enough for a scotch egg, that's for sure. That's true.

Absolutely. It's so good. And that thing you're saying about the yolk, like, not runny, but soft. Yeah. Like, it's... I think about it all the time. It's so good. And now I want this.

Yeah. I want the banana ketchup. Yeah. I mean, the entire menu is amazing, but that's incredible. I mean, I would push you towards that over Mirr's thing now, because, like, over the chart, because, like, I want it more than anything. Sanjeev did the thing I respect one guest, too, just said he's having two things. And kind of just left it there.

Yeah, I didn't say, we've got to pick one. You're just having... Sorry, you did say Dream Restaurant, right? Yeah. Yeah, sorry, you got two stars. Suddenly, you know, a dream restaurant goes, no, can't have two. You've got a dream restaurant anymore. Yeah.

Whereas you're really overly efficient restaurant. We're actually the worst restaurant on the planet. Yeah, it's like saying it's all you can eat and then just being like sit down greedy. Yeah. You've already been over there. Yeah. What about opening an all I can eat restaurant?

Where as the proprietor, you're going. You eat there every day. I don't eat there, but I watch them and I go, that would be all I would have. Yeah. So you've got a stop. This is all I can eat. Yeah.

I mean, I'd be happy if you were running it. Yeah. Because I think you can put it away. Yeah. I can put it away pretty well. And also you, eating there as well. So I have to match them. Yeah. Every customer, every customer that comes in, I've got to eat along

with them. And then when I tap out... That's why you've got to get the first booking of the day, if you're going. You've got to be there first time. I'm going, I couldn't eat another bite. The first guy went to Hogwild. I've got a 9pm table at all I can eat, James Aecaster's restaurant. He's already puking up. He had a whole pig said for breakfast. With an egg in his mouth. With an egg in his mouth. And he's mouth on a live for Hovis. Benito, I need the toilet.

So for the listener, James has just been to the toilet. And it turns out Ben had warned you that sometimes James goes to the toilet halfway through. How often are you saying that to guests who come on the podcast? It's a good thing to warn them about. That's embarrassing. And then Benito said to Sanjeev, do you want to go to the bathroom just in case you need to go halfway through? And what did you say, Sanjeev? I was interested to know how long I could last out.

I thought it'd be interesting if I suddenly desperately needed to go it might be mid-question or mid-answer and just without explanation just take off Yeah, that's you know, if I'm on a night out the more drunk I get

the less, you know, as soon as I need a wee doesn't matter if they're halfway through talking See it like, let's walk away. I have to say that with booze, I have a similar kind of thing where it's like my head has given me a 30 second

warning of you got to go and live down now. And I have, on a couple of occasions, just got up when someone else has been talking to me. Yeah. And just gone, that's really interesting. Thanks very much. Good night. And then just left. Yeah. They're thinking I'm coming back in a minute because it's some sort of joke

and then I just don't. Yeah. And you've done that to me. Yeah. I wish I didn't have to have some booze in me to do that. I wish that was how I conducted myself all the time. I would love it. We were out once and I went to the toilet and I came out of the toilet and he was getting in a cab. Were you going? Going home.

I just realized I didn't want to be there anymore. I was hammered. But also that kind of implies that you were quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could have been in there in an hour trying to push one out. And the other person goes, I don't know how long he's going to be in there, flipping eight.

Yeah, no, no. As soon as he went in the toilet, I was like, right, I'm out the door. Now it sounds like you were just waiting for the opportunity. I was. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, that's absolutely what he was doing, Zadjave. Yeah.

Your dream main course. Dream main course. Okay. So. I love those stars. It was good when you get a dish that's made by another guest as well. Mm. You haven't had that too often.

So in my main courses, right, again, this is from, yeah. Yeah. You've got to look at this, and there's got, because I've got some sides as well to come. But butter chicken masala from Jim Kana. Oh, yeah. Restaurant in London. Great. Pretty.

Fantastic. Got just the right amount of heat on it. Yeah. That's fantastic. Along with, because some rice, obviously, so it's sort of mixed vegetable pilau or biryani type, that kind of thing. Yeah. And as a bread thing is part of that.

So you know what, alu paratas are? Nice. So piratas are kind of like stuffed flat breads. And al-lou is potato. So these stuffed flat breads with potato, but specifically my mum's, because that's for me comfort food from sort of childhood, but also something I just still love.

So those would be my mains. So the piratas with the butter chicken from Jim Kana, that's great. I was in America recently. I've done a gig. I've speaking to some industry types, and I don't do too well in that situation. And there was a real, like, big, like, you know, big, like. James, we'd love to, we want you to be in.

or a new movie. The character, sorry, I got to go toilet. Bye. Bye. You know, I'm loving talking to you. This is, I'm just going to go to the bathroom for a second. He's getting into a cab. Yes, it comes out.

What the hell? Yeah, see you're like, I'll be in a film one. I'm on a plane back to London. Yeah, this guy, Popper like, you know, hot shot, hot shot Hollywood agent type. And he was going like, you got to give me some recommendations. I'm going to London and I want a good Indian. good Indian restaurant. And I was like, oh, Jim Karner's amazing.

And he went, don't give me that tourist crap. Don't give me that tourist crap. I want the real deal. And I was like, Jim Karner's really good, no. And he was like, you're trying to fuck me off with tourist crap. I was like, I swear to God I'm not. He's like, we're going to get a Jim Karner in Vegas soon. That's true.

So he said, that's tourist shit. And I was like, it's not. It's just successful. I promise you. Jim Carter's really good Indian food. But you'll do what every American does and just go to DeShu. Yeah, well, I was like, I know it's going to happen. You're going to go to DeSoum, but you're going to say it's the best Indian food you've ever had,

and Jim Carter's tourist crap. Do you think it's the name? Because they go Dechume. Wow, that sounds. Yeah. Exotic. I think it's the presentation. I don't work out.

You think they were. They love working out in Hollywood. Yeah, that was the perfect L.A. Indian restaurant, Jim Garner. Yeah, I don't know why. I guess it's the presentation of Deschum as well. and the way the restaurants done up inside and the decor maybe. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know.

The Americans have just, they love DeSume. Look, Disham's nice. It is, and that black doll is great. Yeah. But Jim Kahn is like the pinnacle of like... Yeah, I think it's got a Michelin star, I think. Two. It's got two now. Two Mitchelon stars.

And all the other restaurants they have as well. Yeah, Trishna and... Trishna and Ambassador's... Clubhouse. Yeah, that's right. Is Brigadiers one of theirs as well? I think it is, yeah. And brigadiers do the butter chicken wings,

which are pretty much, I think, about every day. Wow, I haven't had those. I'm going to go. Highly recommended them. Yeah. So this is nice that you get to combine two things that you're, because I take it you've never had these two together before. No, I haven't.

So, like, this is proper dream. This is my kind of dream stuff. Excellent. It's like you get your mother's cooking with your favorite restaurant butter chicken together. Yeah. And feel like a proper little prince. Prince did you say? Yeah, I'd feel like a little prince if I get to do that.

Well, I think if in your dream restaurant, you should feel like that. You should go in there and feel like a twat. The opposite of Prince. They made you. Yeah, that's the opposite. What's the most you've ever felt like a prince in a restaurant? Where are you going on? I'm getting proper treat like a prince here.

I mean, at both of those aforementioned restaurants, Giaconi and Jim Kana. And that, I think in any restaurant, actually, it's about service then. Yeah. You know, how great do they make you feel? But also that they mean it. Yeah. Because there are restaurants in America where they do the, hey, how you doing?

Yeah. You're great. And then they look at the tip and they go, really? Don't come back. So, yeah, I think both of those places, actually, the service, I think, is fantastic. And that's what makes you feel like a prince, I think. Do you have those things? And, you know, give you a crown or something.

Yeah. I'd like that, though. Yeah. I'd like a restaurant where you're a prince when you walk in and they give you a crown. Yeah. This is the prince for the day. Yeah. It comes the prince.

Hang on, there's only one prince. Every time. Right. Only one person. Is this in all I can eat as well? Yeah, it's in all I can eat. Yeah, yeah. And I'm never the prince.

Whoever I'm matching is the prince for the little bit. Yeah, yeah. So we give you all the stuff. Yeah. You've got to wear all that. Me and my friends, when we were like 11 came up with an idea for a restaurant called steak face. Okay. Where you get the only thing on the menu is steak.

Yeah. The steak you get is the side. is the size of your face. Great. Do you like that? Yeah, yeah. I mean, that sort of works, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because kids would get smaller steaks. We have kid portions. Yeah. What would determine, like, how it's cooked? Maybe it's your age, like in, and then, like, you add it up, and it's like the seconds that it's in the pan for on each side, maybe. So if you're a kid, if you're a kid, you get a tiny steak that's almost raw. Go back to the maths of it. Add up the seconds.

Yeah. So go on, do that for someone who's 50 years old. Well, no, not the seconds you've been alive. So you do it in a different increments. So it's like 50... 50 seconds. It's like a second a year, maybe. On each side. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So then that would get 100 seconds in the pan. So nobody, apart from someone who's kind of just received a telegram from the king... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gets anything that's remotely cooked. Yeah, but like really old people, they want their meat well done, right? So that makes sense. Yeah, but it's only going to be, you know, 80 seconds either so. Yeah.

Yeah. But this is good. This is why you need to talk about ideas. This is true. Yeah, always steakface could have been a real flop. Do you have it sometimes, like, like, toilet with that different treatment in restaurants,

when you show up, because you've got, they're going for an English sketch, that must get brought up to you all the time in restaurants when you go. Like, people must reference that and talk about it. Is that still the case? They kind of, the two things that get reference. Actually, it's online more than in person. But either people will say, you know, after any achievement, you know, so I suppose you went out and celebrated with an English afterwards.

So that comes up quite a bit. And also, I think on the certain airlines who divide their menu into spicy and bland. So I will get sent that occasionally. Yeah, yeah. The bland choice. But those two things get referenced. It's, it tends to be online. It's people in restaurants.

There haven't been any waiters who've come over and asked if you want the blandest thing on the menu. Not so far. Yeah. They're missing a trick. They are. Because they would get probably a better tip. Yeah. I'd think you would get the check please as well.

Because like, yeah. Yeah. They don't always like say it, but when they ask us if we want still a sparkling water, you can sometimes see a little twinkle in their eye. Yeah. Which is crazy because that's such a normal question for them to ask. Yeah, but they have to ask it.

Yeah. So it's like they have to ask us that question, but they also are like, oh, and you ask us on your podcast. Whereas with you, they've got to be like, would you like the check? And they must be a little bit in their eye like, oh. No, although I get conscious of kind of asking for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse me, could I have the check, please?

It's got to fly it. Because I'm going, do they know the reference? Yeah. So, yeah, I'm probably more self-conscious than they are, I think. Dream side dish then you alluded to maybe there's some black doll here. There is. The black doll, um, Dahl muckany. from Dissue, which is, you know, one of their classics.

And he's brilliant. Yeah, so amazing. It's also because it feels quite substantial as a dahl, because dahls can be quite watery. But that's great. Another Mera dish, which is Pau Barji, which is another street food. So basically the POW is like a bun, like a kind of, like a soft bun that's toasted. And the bargy bit is basically like a vegetable sort of mass.

which has got potatoes and peas and all that kind of stuff. Carrots, I think, in it possibly, tomatoes. And so in Mumbai, particularly, that's where you get that street food thing. So, Miris is amazing. So that, the Dal mentioned, there's a hispy cabbage made by hoppers, Sri Lankan restaurant, which is also incredible. It's roasted. I'd never thought cabbage would be interesting, but it's a roasted cabbage in a sort.

course, that's incredible. And the one thing that's not South Asian is a, is the Costa salad from Costas taverna in Corfu. Right. And that is sort of lettuce and cherry tomatoes, but also fruit has put in some other kind of orange or apple or something like that with a honey dressing. Oh, wow. And that's incredible. So whenever we go there, whenever I go there, I'll order that with anything else I might be able. Do you regularly go to Corfu? Been to the same place three times, yeah. And it's that thing of, you know, some holidays you want to go and you want to explore, right?

And those aren't necessarily relaxing, but they're kind of rewarding. This is just about super relaxation. Yeah. We know where we're going. We know where we're going to eat. You know, we know where everything is. And so you do just switch off. Yeah.

And so, yeah, been there three times. I love all these sides. It sounds so good. The Hispy cabbage, I'm annoyed now because I went to Hoppers a couple of weeks ago. We ordered the Hispie cabbage and then it was that situation of it just didn't come. But that happens to me quite often where I'll order so much and they'll forget something. But I'm at the point where I'm so full that I'm like, I'm not going to chase anyone on this. But now I'm gutted because I want the Hispy cabbage.

And I love cabbage as well. Cabbage is having a moment apparently. I read it on the BBC News website this morning. It's official news? Yeah. It's having a moment. It's the vegetable of the year. What?

Cabbage. Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. Well, yeah. Not great for me. I've got history with cabbage. But like, yeah.

Congratulations. Not the Hispy though. No, no. Love the Hispy. Yeah. That never did anything wrong to me. Yeah. What's your...

A kid. A little kid sent me cabbages for ages. Yeah. And you didn't... See, if he'd been Asian, you would have just set up a market stall and sold them. Yeah. Well, I wish I'd... That's what you said.

Huh? Yeah, I did say, I'm not even Asian. Stop sending these to me. The Hispie cabbage I started doing those on the barbecue as well They're great They're so good They're so robust

Because cabbage as a kid Was really boring It was just kind of chopped and boiled really But yeah The roasted stuff or the barbecues Yeah That's great I think That's what Charlie Bucket used to eat

Was cabbage soup Charlie Bucket And his family They're making cabbage soup They're hating it Nowadays Vegetable of the year Yeah

It's come a long way The last thing I'd want to eat Is cabbage soup if I'm sleeping in a bed with my entire family. Yeah. I mean... Christ of life.

But it's just in the same room as four old people in the same bed. I mean... Oh, there's Grandad eating his cabbage soup. Grandpa Joe, he shows some fucking respect. Yeah. But like, face at each other. I'm not showing any respect to a man eating cabbage soup

and then sleeping in the same bed as his grandchild. No, no, no. I don't think Charlie was in that bed. I think it was just the grandparent. Yeah, it was the four grandparents. There was the two sets of grandparents. Two sets of grandparents facing each of. ever in the bed.

Basically, Joe. Yeah. Yeah, they'd be like, Grandpa Joe and his missus. I've misremembered it. Shout out, Grandpa Joe, I apologize. Grandpa Joe and his missus. So I think it was maybe even called Grandma Josephine.

And then, of course, then was the other set of grandparents. Yeah. And then they're eating cabbage soup. And then Charlie gets the golden... I know where Charlie's sleeping in a fucking dog bed or some shit. He had a grim life.

Maybe it been underneath. He had a grim life. Until he got the golden ticket. I don't remember that. I remember this bit. Yeah. And then he chooses Grandpa, Joe, which is like...

So Grandpa Cho left the bed. Left the bed. He could suddenly walk, because that's another thing as well. He's worried that he'd been in the bed so long he'd be all withered away. But then he's so happy that he's got a golden ticket that he can walk now and dance around. And then go

to the chocolate factory with him. And the other three would be double-gutted. Was he claiming benefits? I bet the government would kick off. He'd fucking dancing around. You're lucky. I think it was pre-benefits. But also, it's It's not, now, it doesn't feel biologically and scientifically logical.

No. He'd be in the bed for kind of 12 years or whatever it was. I'd say a lot of that story is not scientifically possible. What? Name one bit. The burping potion? No, that sounds real. That's real, I suppose.

I get the blue girl, that makes sense. Umpalumpas, that makes sense. Yeah, violet Beauregard. That's right, Violet Beauregard. Yeah. We talk about, end up talking about this quite a lot on this podcast, don't we? Charlie Tonkin, it's a big, you know, Yeah, it's a big thing.

It's a big thing, yeah. It's a big deal in food. I think Charlie the Chocolate Factory. I'd have been a great guest if I'd got a Golden Ticket. Do you think? Yeah, yeah. Well, because you're a bit Mike TV, aren't you? What?

You're a bit like Mike TV. What way? You're your vibe. Yeah. But you're also quite, you're a bit of a bucket as well, I'd say. I'm a bit of a bucket. Goody Tooshoes like Charlie Bucket. Yeah.

Love chocolate like Augustus Group. Yeah. Got the attitude. of Mike TV. I don't think I'm like Violet Beauregard or Varroga Salt. Virick Assault's spoil and Violet Beauregard's entire personality

she likes chewing gum. Yeah, that's right. That was dark, I think old Dar was like scraping the bell. They're like, why have I said five? Got to come up with another one. She liked bubble gum. I don't like that.

Yeah. Maybe bubble gum was quite a new thing on the scene when he was writing it. Yeah, and I remember parents really hated bubble gum. When was bumble gum invented? 1928. The bubblegum.

The way my parents responded to it, you'd think it had just been invented. Well, also, that kind of makes sense because if you kind of look at, you know, World War II, there's lots of people chewing gum. You know, when you get to Vietnam, everyone's chewing gum. Yeah. First World War, no one's chewing gum. Yeah. And they've been invented. You just measure this by the wars.

Well, it's an interesting way of looking at war, isn't it? Because if you look at, they shall never grow old, like Peter Jackson, an amazing bit of the job. Jackson documentary where they cleaned up the image and added voices and everything. Yeah, there's no one chewing. No one's chewing. Yeah. But by the time you get to, certainly by the time you get to Vietnam. Yeah, they're all chewing.

Everyone's chewing. No, I'm just, are they chewing gum or are they chewing backy? I think they're chewing gum. Yeah. Because backy is the spitting thing, is that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that would have been your civil war, American Civil War. Yeah, isn't it?

That would be that war, yeah. Yeah. for the chewing in that. Don't think in the Boer War, I don't think there was, I don't know what I'm chewing there. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, there you go. Interesting way we're looking at. Do you remember me to get bubble gum in like a foot long strip? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. I chewed a whole one of those ones. I don't know why I should be surprised by that. Yeah, it was bubble gum.

Yeah, it was bubble. I put the whole thing in like that and then trying to get a huge bubble. But all it did was trapped loads of air in me, and I did a fart for 40 seconds. Wow. like Revelli It was mad I remember

People woke up and saluted I was with my friend And I went and stood by the door Because I was like I need to go to the toilet And I started farting And I was we were looking in each other's eyes For about 40 seconds As it kept going

We couldn't believe it Gobflacked You've just reminded This is kind of like Regularly talking about You know how much of your mouth it took up Yeah Was that I remember years ago

Going on a trip A uni trip to York and I was with a group of people and I was desperate for a donut and I passed this bakery and I saw the donuts but jam donuts and I thought I haven't got enough money to share it with anyone

and it will feel a bit shit me just going in and coming out with a donut so I kind of engineered an excuse for them to go in one direction I go yeah I'll catch you up and I ducked in and I bought the donut don't say nice man too early yeah yeah

I didn't know you were sneaky I think those are the words of the Buddha. He said that. And as I came out of the shop, I'd seen this group of four people had turned around and were heading back in my direction. So I stuffed the whole thing into my mouth, desperately trying to chew it. And so it ended up as a kind of ball of dough

in the middle of my mouth. And every time I tried to bite it to get some purchase on it, it would roll round. Because I couldn't, you know, every time you bite it, it just spun. And so it was... What the fuck are you talking about?

So you're messing around like a tennis ball, right? In your mouth, right? And look, if it was a tennis ball and you tried to bite it, it would just turn in your mouth. It wouldn't be able to bite it, right? So by that time, they'd caught up with me. But if I kept my mouth closed, it looked normal. Yeah.

You know, because the ball was just sitting there. But I couldn't say anything. And so every time they kind of... They said, oh, I thought you were... You're heading up, we're going to head this way. And I'd be going, mm, mm. And every time they looked away, I was trying to bite the end of it. It was just spinning around and round.

It was just spinning around. Honestly, it was agony. Like a computer mouse. Like a computer mouse. Yeah, the ball in the bottom of a computer. Yeah, you can't get rid of it. Honestly, it was about 15 minutes before, you know, it eroded enough through natural means. Honestly, my jaw was aching and it was, yeah. Do you know what as well?

I bet they would have been absolutely fine. Yeah, they would have been fine if you'd have a donut. If they walked up to you and you were eating a donut, they would have been like, you're right? Yeah, I just bought a donut. You got yourself a donut. I fancied a donut, so I just bought a donut. I know.

Good on you. We're going to go and see the minster. Do you want to come? Yep. Brinsett. I don't get you guys one. You don't have to, said you. It's fine.

I know. I know, I know. That's good stuff, though. Yeah. I love it. Your dream drink. So there's going to be a few Oh, no way.

Yeah. Interestingly. So I think pre-food Oh, great, here we go. Pisco sour. Yeah. Lovely. Beautiful.

Stunning. Never heard anyone like emphasized the piss before, but yeah. You really went for it. That drink choice really got better as it got through, I think. Pre-meal, piss. Yeah, I'm really, for a second. For a second, because you hit that piss so hard.

I thought, he's just having a piss. Well, as Ed knows, I've got a history. Yeah. With piss. Yeah. Taskmaster. So, so piss go sour. Lovely.

As you pre-drink. So good. And then, you know, with the meal, you know, it's an Indian meal. So mango lussy. Yeah. So, but an ice cold one. Yeah. Brilliant.

And a little bit on the thick. side as opposed to a thin, watery one. Yeah. So that would be, and then with the food also, because you'll finish that fairly quickly, is a glass or a bottle of Nui San George, red wine. Okay. So many years ago, Knitin Sawney, who's, you know, composer and a musician and amazing, and we've known each other since uni.

And we went to New York for the first time. It's first time I'd been to New York. And you got a new donut? Pardon? Well, you went to New York, you got a new donut. Because you had a York. You had a donut. It's pretty good stuff.

Yeah. Very good. Sorry. I didn't interrupt the anecdote. It would probably the worst joke I've ever made if you want to just carry on the anecdote. No, I don't. That would probably be better. I don't think I can top that.

So let's just move up. No, so we kind of, so there was a freebie giveaway by British Airways. It was St. George's Day. Yeah. And a lottery system. And ours came up. So it was a free flight. Oh, wow.

Neither of us had any money. So we kind of kept on a friend's floor in Manhattan. And it was a week. And when we were coming back, we got to JFK. And we said, look, we're our tickets. They said, okay, if you'd go to the left, we'd say, oh, everyone's going to the right. They said, no, your flight's on the left. And unbeknownst to us, we came back on Concord.

Wow. Incredible. I mean, it was two hours and 50 minutes. When you say unbeknownst to you, do you mean you arrived way earlier than you thought? As in you got back to London, you're like, at what point did you realise you were on Concord, I think, is that? Well, we were directed to the Concord Lounge, and I was thinking still, maybe it is a little clue, but I kind of thought, oh, maybe the other lounge is a shot or something.

I don't know. And then it would be taken to a standard 747 or whatever. And then we were ushered onto the plane and we thought, oh, shit, we're actually on Concord. Wow. Two hours, 50 minutes. Yeah. Wow. New York to London.

But on that, they served a new East San George. And I remember thinking, this is the best red one I've ever had. The other thing they used to do at that time, which obviously doesn't happen anymore, is that they would invite you up to the cockpit. And I had bought a really cheap camcorder in New York.

And I said to them, when they said, would you like to come and speak to the captain in the cockpit? And I said, can I film it? And they said, well, no, not really. And I said, okay. So I switched it on anyway. Wow.

And slung it on my shoulder. Michael Moore here. Yeah, totally. And I thought, I'll get what I get. And so when I got back and I played it back, what I got was, I mean, visuals. The visuals were just the back of the navigator's head. But there was the audio there. And I remember thinking, I'm going to try and stay in the cockpit for as long as I can.

Right. There's a whole queue of people. I'm determined to stay here for as long as I can And so initially I said to him He said, I'm welcome to the cockpit of Concord I said, is it true that you, from the maximum altitude You can see the curvature of the earth? He said, yes, you can.

And I said, oh wow, that's amazing. In your head and you figure, I got that on audio. Yeah, yeah, I'm going, Confirmed. Another question. So then I kind of said, what is the specific training that you need to have as a Concord pilot?

Yeah. To answer that. The point of which he threw me out, which I had on tape, was I said, right, what is the tensile stress on the fuselage at takeoff? He said, there are a lot of other people waiting. I think you feel like that. I went, yeah, all right. Yeah.

You watched all that back. You feel really pleased with yourself when you listen back. Absolutely. You got out of those questions. You're in there for ages. Yeah. Tensile stress on the fuselage, I thought, was. Are they bringing Concord back?

No, I think somebody's developing. I think another... Something else, yeah. Super Sonic plane, yeah. That's what we need right now, this day and age. Yeah. Yeah, let's get another one of those up and running. I was gutted when they got rid of Concord.

Yeah. I really would have loved to have gone on one, but, you know, I suppose they kept going on fire, didn't know? That was the main problem. No, only once. Yeah. But that's enough. Did you ask the pilot that?

How many times have they gone on fire? Just once. Now, get out of my cockpit. Specifically gone on fire. Yeah, yeah. All those drinks sound great. mango lussie, big favourite on the pod. Are you a fan of, because you said,

because it's an Indian restaurant, are you a fan of Thumbs Up Cola? But only, I am. Yeah, because there was a period of time when I went to India where Thumbs Up Cola and there's a drink called Limca, which was lemon and lime, fizzed drink, were the two that were my absolute favourite.

So yeah, I do have a soft spot there. I don't know, Thumbs Up Cola. It's very good. The people, Turtle Canyon, who, a production company, who I make all my comedy shows with. They film all my comedy shows. They also film a lot of shows in India.

And so their offices now in Pinewood are just, the fridge is just full of thumbs up cola. Wow. Because they got really into it. Yeah. And I'm about to like start editing this new show. And I know what I've got coming. A load of thumbs up.

I mean necking so much thumbs up this month while editing this show. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah. Your dream dessert. Dream dessert, okay. Now, how many, Ed, little guess, how many do you think? Three. You think three?

I think four. Three's right. Yeah. Ed Gamble. Never trying out guess, Ed Gamble. I will always be able to guess how many desserts people want. He did it. Yeah.

Okay, so the one non-specific Asian dessert, which I guess is my favorite dessert, is Penofi pie. Cannot resist Benofi pie whenever I see it. Love it. Yeah. I think I'm the same. Like Scotch egg, Bonofi Pie, although we've said on the pod before,

if there's a baked to Lask on, I've got to have that. I don't know what I would do if there was a dessert menu with baked Alaska and Bonofi Pie. I've regularly been with you where you've ordered the entire dessert menu, so of course you know what you'd do. Well, I don't know.

It'll be touch and go, Ed. Not touch and go, you just order all of it. In that situation. All you can eat with. Hard to know. I heard rumors they'd changed the caterers that they used for Taskmaster. Oh, yeah.

Back when we did it. Oh, yeah. But the best day on Taskmaster, in our day was the Bonofi Pi day. Right. Where the caterer has made amazing Bonofi Pie. Did that happen on your series? It was really hyped up for the whole thing.

They were like, it's Bonofi Pie Day tomorrow. I'd be hyped for that, yeah. There was a film I did called Absolutely Anything with Simon Pegg, and it was directed by Terry Jones. And I said to the caterers on that, I said, look, when are you going to make Bonofi Pie? They said, yeah, we will at some point. I said, when you do, could you let me know it? And I would say, could you just hold back a portion for me as well that I can take home afterwards?

And they went, yeah, yeah, we'll do that. I said, God, you're amazing. That's fantastic. And on the day I was filming on Bonofi Pie Day on that production, I was only in the first scene of the day. So I was wrapped by 11 or something. And I said, I don't want to miss out on the lunch thing. Could you, I mean, could you make it earlier? And they said, yeah, yeah, we'll kind of, yeah, sure, we can help me.

I said, oh, that's amazing. And had a weekend off. So they kind of put this kind of, you know, one of those polystyrene kind of, boxes, wrapped with cellophane, and they said, left it in my trailer. And I went, oh, this is fantastic. This is great. I got back, and Mira was heading away that weekend. I was going to be on my own. And my plan was, there was a lunchtime kickoff of a football match. So I'm a Liverpool fans. And I'm a Liverpool were playing. And I thought, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to wave beer off. That's great. And then I'm going to open a couple of bottles of beer

and eat Benofi Pie when I'm watching this thing. So, Mira goes off. I go, yeah, bye, I'm bending down to get one of the bottles of beer, and my back goes. So I'm on the floor in agony, going, oh, my God, this is just all. I can't move, can't move. It took me 15 minutes to get into the car to drive to a pharmacy to go, look, I've got, done my back in.

It's out of the door, your whole life force of breath. Within seconds. And you're really planning a nice day as well. Another pie. A bit of good tea. Couple of beers. Couple of beers. I'm not saying, what?

Oh, bloody hell. Anyway, I got to the pharmacy. It takes me 10 minutes to get out of the car. I struggle across. I say, the pharmacist, look, I've got back thing. Is there anything? He said, these heat pads. I said, yeah, I'll take those.

Painkillers. Yeah, I'll take those. Struggled back. Got back. Put the, I still open the bottles of beer. Yeah. Put the moment towel. You know, hobbled to the bloody fridge.

Got the cellophane thing out. Got a fork. Sat down. In agony. Undid the cellophane. Undid the box. It was an apple sponge. I've honestly never been so disappointed in my life.

And then, you know, the next working day when I got back there, I didn't know what to say to them because it was kind of, I just wanted to say, you fucking ruined my weekend. And instead, I kind of went, the apple sponge was a bit of a surprise. And they said, yeah, we're really sorry about that. We kind of like, we didn't get some of the ingredients. So we did it the day after when you weren't in. It's going to be like, it's great.

That's fucking done. Yeah, that is just... Awful. Just the worst possible day. So excited. Start the day so excited. But nothing by day. Apple sponge.

It's like when you kind of... It's been a few stories about you. Just like gradually built up this picture and this character. I didn't really have in my head at the start. And I think the don't... The don't... making a perfect ball that every time you try and bite it,

it just rotates in your mouth and that you got it as you thought you eat them quick because you don't want to hurt everyone else's feelings. Been in the cockpit and secretly recording it on your camcorder so that you can get as many questions from the pilot as possible.

And then it all come into a head when you're so excited about your and then you pull your back and then it's an apple sponge. But you know, it's a thing. Where, you know, when you've had a really awful day, and there'd be one tiny silver lining, which you'll kind of just, you go, okay, it was that, it was nothing.

And I think it's so funny as well, because Apple Sponge sounds nice. That's quite, that's fine, but it's just not. No, it was, you know, but it was also without custard or anything. It was nothing, it was, it was, that when you want, you know, Bonofi Pie, anything else is not going to be. Yeah. Other burst in his tears. Yeah.

I mean, that's one of my three. Yeah. Okay, so the second one is... That's the most I've laughed since... Yeah. On this podcast, since Joe Thomas buried that lamb. Yeah. Honestly, yeah.

That is... This is not normal, Sanjeev. It's really got me. I think... I just think, because at the beginning of the story, I knew it wasn't going to be Benofi Pai. Like, there's no way that story could end with you having what you wanted.

I mean, I was hoping... But I didn't know what it was going to be, so whatever it was really going to make me laugh. And Apple Sponges, It's just how, I think what's funny, what's got me is that you're clearly someone like me who really takes a lot of pleasure out of the little things in life. Yeah. So that even when you are on Concord with the best wine you've ever tasted,

what you want to do is get plain facts from the pilot. Yeah, and see how long you can stay in the cockpit for. And that's the real thing. It's like, how long can I stay here before it kicks me out? And you're in York and you just want this donut, but you fuck it up. for yourself so unnecessarily. And then like, and then with this,

when you seem to have done everything right, and you've got the whole afternoon's lined up. It's like, here we go. Finally, it's going to go my way. And then you pull you back. And then it's an apple. And the fact that it's wrapped in all the cellophane,

so you've got to like unwrap it as well. Yeah, just open it. No. And then, oh, it's not that. You've got to do all that while you've pulled your back. I mean, every kind of, you know, turn and twist of the cellophane was, an act of pain.

Every kind of unwrapping was kind of hard in it every time and what was keeping me going was going to be, you know, opening the lost arc of the covenant and it was kind of and yeah. When you told Mira, she's remotely surprised by any

of this. No. How long was she out for? She's like literally out for half an hour gets back on your back with half an eating apple sponge to untouched bottles of beer in your crimes. She was, She was away for a couple of days.

But can I tell you something else about the apple sponge, right? Which was kind of like really annoying. So with an apple sponge, you either get kind of the apple sort of baked into the sponge, right? Or you basically have a sponge with apple on top in some kind of glazed way. And I'd got the end piece as well, where you get the kind of thin edge of the apple on top of it. Yeah. So you don't even get a whole side of the apple. A bit.

Sides are really hard. So the edible bit is about three spoonfuls. in the middle. That's why they're doing the cell of fame because he can't open that before he leaves because then he's going to bring it up.

We've got to do that and we know that's not getting open until he's at his house and then it would be he knows it would be out of order to actually complain about it when he gets back. So we fucked him over

but like whatever. Yeah. You're right. It was much more personal than I realize. What else is on this dessert menu? Eat a mess. Nice.

Lovely. With fresh mango. Oh yeah. Instead of strawberry. What kind of mess? mango is essential here because, like, there are many people who've chosen mangoes on this podcast, having a strong opinions on what the best mangoes are. Cindy V., who is in your show, sent me a box of mangoes recently,

and I really apologise to Cindy that I now can't remember what type of mangoes they were, but they were very nice. I'm guessing they were Alfonso. No, because I would have remembered those ones, because, like, I've not had an Alfonso mango before. I don't think, and I want to. So if Cindy sent me those, it would have been, like, hatt-diggity-dark. I got some Alfonso mangoes. Would you remember the name if you heard it?

I don't think so. I mean, Cindy will be very disappointing to me here. Because she texted me saying, right, I've come back from India. I've got these mangoes. Do you want some? And I think my initial question was, how many are you going to send me? And she was like, Jesus, everyone else would just be excited. Yeah.

Why are you? Yeah. I'm not going to be able to get through them. You're talking about when you can eat mango. Yeah, yeah. No, there's three or four, which are really great. So Alfonso is known as the king of the mangoes. Yeah.

In India, certainly. That's my phone gone. Don't say down to pick it up, second. Let Ed get it for you because I don't want to repeat them all this. Mehah! Yeah. Mena! Yeah, Alphonseo Kesa is another mango variety, which is pretty good.

There is a badami mango. Badam is almond, I think. But I think that's the shape of the stone. And it, that's really nice. nights and honey mangoes. They're all amazing. Honey mangoes was what I bought recently and bought a box of honey mangoes. Are you pleased with you?

Absolutely amazing. Yeah, yeah. But you are committing to eating mango every night, I'd say. Why? Well, because it's just a lot of mango to have in the house. Ah, so what I've done is kind of, I sort of, because mango season's quite limited. Unless you can get them from other places, but like the mango then you get in supermarkets is from somewhere else. It's not the kind of very juicy, soft ones that you get in this kind of period,

is that I bought loads and then have frozen loads. So I've got about three sort of bags full of mangoes. You're chopping them up and then freezing them, yeah. Because like, once I got through the box that Cindy sent me, I went to Glasgow to do some gigs, met up with Josie Long for lunch. And she was like, for dessert, we've got to go to this place nearby. They've got these honey mangoes. I was like, great.

we went, it's a kind of market stall, she bought a box and just gave me the box. And I was like, well, now I've got another box of 12 mangoes. Right. That I've got to get through. It's boiling a hot in Glasgow. I'm on tour as well.

Yeah. So I'm not at home. So I had to go on the road to just eat. I mean, they were delicious. Yeah. But me and my tour manager are getting through a box of honey mangoes after I've just finished, polished off a whole box that Sindhu gave me.

Again, like the cabbages, I think, Had you been Asian, you just gone around the corner, I opened a stall and sold them. So are you having the Alfonso mango on this? Yes. Yeah. Beautiful. Delicious.

In the eaten mess. Yeah. That's great. Have you actually had that before then? If you had like an eating mess with some mango? I haven't. So this is, I've imagined it.

But now, because I've got the frozen mangoes at home, yeah. I'm going to defrost some. Yeah. And then I'm going to make, or get someone to make, an eat mess. I think keep one bag of frozen mangoes back

just in case your back goes again. Yeah. That's a good idea. Because that could go straight on the back. That's wise. Yeah. Although then, you know, the struggle to get to the freezer to open it would be. Yeah.

Nightmare. I can imagine that you're going to do the whole eating mess. You'll make it, yeah, sit down. What I can do is make the... Chair goes straight through the floor. Well, this thing, I can make the eaten mess. Put it in a polysyrene box and then cover it in cellophane. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it ends well. Knowing there's a happy ending. Was there another dessert? Was there one more? Yeah. The third one is Holbe. which is kind of, it's a dessert. So you take something like Semolina, and you slow cook that with ghee, so clarified butter, and sugar and milk.

And so it kind of dries up. So it's kind of like a soft sponge, not quite lemon jelly, but, you know, it's something that you can scoop through like that. It'll hold, but it's soft. And then you put pistachio and almonds on it and stuff like that. And so again, you get it in street food and places in India, but my mums is, again, something that's a throwback to like the aluparantas that is comfort food from being a kid. How often would she make that when you were a kid? It's usually at celebratory times, actually. So it would be kind of like, you know, birthdays and if they were religious days and stuff like that, should make it then.

Best birthday? Best birthday you've ever had? Good question. That is good question. I think 40th and 50th actually, which were both organized as surprises by Mira. And that was incredible. So the last one was about 10, 12 of my friends

that had no idea that we were meeting them and she hired a screening room and watched two films. No, I'm guessing. Okay. You watched. Are you going to guess two films out of all the films? Ever. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Baby's Day Out. Okay. And I guess the permanent trap. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

I'm not shocked that you were that close. It was North by Northwest, which I'd never seen on a big cinema screen. Yeah. And I think it's rapidly becoming one of my favorite comedies ever, Galaxy Quest. Oh, yeah. Wow, nice. And that's over the years now, I think more and more, because at the time, it wasn't that much of a hit, but now people are loving that.

Every time, I've watched it so many times, but each time I'll notice something new. But also, Alan Rickman in it has the kind of Spock-type character is just fantastic. It's one of the best comic performances. You know, like with Richard E. Grant on them, with Nail. It's one of those kind of go, you absolutely nailed that character. Yeah. Do you see it? I must have seen it, but not for a long time. Yeah, yeah.

Also, I'm imagining if you were in North Carolina. by Northwest and you're like running along and there's a plane coming behind you your shouting questions to the pilot. I'd be trying to get in the cockpit. Yeah, yeah, trying to cry in the Yeah, how many kinds of crops can you make up with the

Oh right, really? Oh, fantastic. And the CC engine? By plane. Excellent. Yeah, do you know what? Let's just leave this guy alone. Yeah, let's fly away. I'm going to read you your menu back now, so you feel about it.

Okay. You would like Robinson's Mint and Lime with sparkling water. Yep. Start. Popper doms from India. Mix of spicy and playing with all the dips.

Starter, you want a prawn scotch egg from Jaconi. Yeah. And Mirrah's puppy chat. Yeah. Main course, butter chicken masala from Jim Kana with rice and the alu parafa

made by your mom. Side dish, black darn from DeShum, Paraji made by Mirra. Hispi cabbage from hoppers and the Costa's salad from Costa Tavana in Corfu. Yeah.

Drink. Pisco sour to start. And ice cream. called mango lussey with the meal, and the Nui's son George, red wine that you had on Concord, dessert, you would like bonofi pie. Do you want the bonofi pie from that shoot

so that you actually have it? Fuck them. Yeah, fuck them. Eat a mess with fresh Alfonso mango. And is it, how is this pronounced? Halva. Halva, made by your mum. Yeah, amazing.

And you want this alone in a booth. You don't want anyone sharing this with you. Mir is not invited? No, I kind of like, no, I'd like a succession. of people to come in and share bits of it. Oh, that's nice. And I extend that invitation to two of you. Thank you very much.

Oh, thank you. But is it like shift, so we're allowed to come in for a bit and then we have to leave again? Yeah, otherwise it will just fill up. I mean, how big a booth do you think it is? Yeah, that's true. And he'll need the toilet at some point.

And you know that means he's left. I can't believe guests get told that ahead of time. Bet you need one now. No, actually, I'm all right. I went for one. During the record, yeah. After the starter. Sanjee, thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant.

Thank you. very much. Thanks for creating it. Absolutely pleasure. And I look forward to you, both of you, popping into it when you have a moment. Yes, we will. For a very short one. Yes.

Absolutely will. Wow, we, what an episode. Why, we want an episode. Love to that, James. Brilliant menu. I want to eat a lot of that stuff. Didn't choose banana split, even. Got close.

Got close. Got close with Benofi Pie. But I'm glad we got based on Benofi Pie. Banana ketchup. Because it's the most have seen James laughing about five. years. My God. That was one of my

favorite stories we've ever had on the podcast. It really, it just, it hit me right there. Yeah. It was just,

I really relate to, you know, lining up a little, very simple thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to bring you so much joy. Yeah.

It's a really tiny thing, but it's going to bring you so much joy and you'd think nothing can go wrong and then he pulls his back and it's apple sponge. Absolutely brilliant.

Don't forget to watch the split-up BBC 1 and BBC I player coming later this month. It's going to be great. Going to be great. Ed Gamble's about to go on tour with his show Fresh Hell. You should all get tickets for that. Yes.

UK and Ireland tour starting in January, 2027. Very exciting. And look, you know, this is the day where we got to speak to Sanjeev Baskar. And that's, I know you've already done out on the Taskmaster podcast. But for me, I can tick that off. Yeah. Great. You're happy.

Got half of goodness gracious me now. so you've got to get the other two. I think we can do it. Thank you. Thank you.