Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Sean McLoughlin

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

One of our favourite stand-ups, Sean McLoughlin, joins us in the Dream Restaurant this week. Who else remembers when the £2 coin was launched?Sean McLoughlin is on tour now with ‘White Elephant’. For dates and tickets go to seanmcloughlincomedy.com‘The Sean McTalk Show’ is available on YouTube and podcast apps. Watch it here.Follow Sean on Instagram @seanmcloughlincomedy and YouTube.Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Thu 12 Feb.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the bovril of conversation, putting it in the mug of humour and adding the hot water of friendship. Nice cup of bovril, James. Beefy boy. That is Ed Gamble. My name is James A. Cassidy. Every single week, we own a drink restaurant every single week. We invite a guest and us in their favour ever start. A main course dessert, sidest dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Sean McLaughlin.

Sean McLaughlin, one of the finest community. comedians in this here land. So funny. So funny. Such a funny guy. I've known Sean for years and years and years. He's always been brilliant. Yeah. And is on tour now. He's on tour now.

White elephant going all over the place. Sean tours Europe. He tours the States. He tours the UK. You've got to go and see Sean. If you don't know Sean's work, I'd say go and watch some now and then buy yourself a ticket because he is genuinely brilliant. I'd say every comic that you like likes Sean McGlock. Yes, absolutely.

He's a comics comic, isn't he? He absolutely is. But increasingly is becoming the public's comic. As well he should be. Absolutely. And here's, here's a thing, Ed. We will chuck Sean out if he says the secret ingredient. I'd like to chuck Sean out.

Yeah, it'd be so much fun. Yeah. Because Sean, you know, can be a bit of a curmudgeon on stage. He's so exasperated. He's so great to get him angry and kick him out. Yeah. And this week, the secret ingredient is elephant. It's elephant because he's doing a show called White Elephant.

So I don't think we're going to be able to kick him. him out. Because that's what, I don't think anyone's ever picked elephant as a meal. No, but, you know, he might see the opportunity to plug his show, choose elephant just to plug it, and then be immediately punished for thinking with his career rather than his stomach. Also, talking about his career. Go on. He's got a web series coming out. Yeah, he's not told us what it's called yet. No. We know he's got a web series, but we don't know the title yet. Because at the time of recording, the web series has not started. Not started. But, I Hopefully by the time this comes out, the web series will be available to watch on YouTube.

Be on YouTube. It'll be Sean, I believe, interviewing people, but, like, that's all we know. Yeah. So he's said that he wants to tell us on the podcast. Yes. Sean McLaughlin Comedy.com for tickets to Sean's tour. Yep. Let's get into it.

This is the off-menu menu. Of Sean McLaughlin. Welcome, Sean to the Dream Restaurant. Hello, everyone. Welcome, Sean McLaughlin to the Dream Restaurant, but it's been to you for some time. My word. Thank you. Thank you both of you. Good to see you, Sean. How are you?

Pretty good. You two haven't seen each other for years. We were trying to figure out when we last saw each other. I think there was a chance we saw each other at what had then been our agent's Christmas party, and you walked in as I was leaving. Yeah, that's. And I was about to say that. And you went, Sean, and I said, I've got to go, man.

Yeah, that sums a part of a relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Sean, ships in the night. But still, we're still like, honk the horn. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll always hog that horn. On the way past.

What a couple of lovely ships, may I say. Thank you. Thank you. Beautiful scooters. Yeah, beautiful schooners, me and Sean. And we saw each other in Manchester. We saw each other in Manchester. Yes, I just filmed my special.

Mm-hmm. And you were doing a gig as well, and we were staying in the same hotel as it turned out. Yeah. Oh, that's the best. Do you know who else was staying in the hotel that night? Who? The new manager of Manchester United. Oh, yeah, you did tell me that, and I didn't care.

Oh, it's Ferguson. Exactly, no. Yeah. Let's hope the Class of 92 work out. Fergie? Yeah. Do you support Manchester United? No, I don't, no.

Who do you like? I support Queen Spark Rangers. Who do you like? Is that not how do you like? I support QPR and I don't think I like them. You know what? But they are my two. Because obviously I don't follow football.

I didn't think they were a team anymore. I've not heard about QPR for years. Les Ferdinand. Yeah, that's all I know. When is this podcast being released in the past? Because every reference is pretty old. Eventually it will. Okay.

As soon as it comes out, it'll be in the past. I mean, you're twisting my melon here. Okay. Yeah, I guess it will be. As soon as this releases in the past. Immediately out of date. That's sad about podcasts. Yeah.

It is one of the great tragedies of podcasts, that they do go out of date. Yeah. What are we doing here, boys? Immediately the thing in the past. I can see you're about to go. Phil Shaw McLaughlin. Yeah.

Yeah. Don't overthink everything you've said and start panicking that it's not going well. I can see it on your face. All right. You're about to declare this

as a waste of time. Yeah. Never, never. Really happy to be here. Delighted. And it's good to see you again. James, good to see you again, Ed.

Yeah. It's lovely to see you. Before we started recording, Benito told you to save it for the pod because you asked us what is the, what was the phrase in the lamest thing you do? What is the lamest job you would do?

Yeah, we were talking about, TV shows that you had either been offered or maybe we're going to go see or whatever, like sort of celebrity Saturday night type entertainment. And I'm curious because you two are definitely in the world where you would be offered those sort of shows. Now and again. And I'm curious, what is the worst one of those that you would say yes to? Well, it depends what you mean by worse, because I'd only do things that I would

enjoy doing and watching anyway. Well, yes, there's the threshold of like, yeah, knowing, okay, technically that's, you know, not a good TV show but I like it so I'll say yes to it like if they did like celebrities run a leisure centre would you do that?

Probably not I'd wait for it to bake in for a series I think Okay Is that the British Empire Yeah I don't have no idea Celebrity British Empire is a great idea

Yeah Yeah I mean We went on the run We did hunted Yeah Which is you know You genuinely are on the run

You're not having a lovely life For a week Yeah We did have a lovely life So we went so many nice restaurants Yeah, went to mission star restaurant. We ended every day with a pint. Is that going to destroy the reputation of the show?

You're saying that? I don't think so. You know, we kind of openly did it on camera, and they had every chance to catch us and they didn't do it. So I think anyone who is going to go on the run, just know that you can still live a life of luxury. When you say on the run, you mean on just this show, you don't mean in general if you go on the rut.

If the police are after you, you can live the life of luxury. I think that that is a good bit of advice for anyone who's genuinely on the run from the coppers. Also, I don't know if you know this, but prisons are basically luxury now anyway. Yeah, these days. Yeah, I don't know if you've heard. Yeah, I have heard, actually. They're luxury.

Yeah, yeah, you kept talking about that before the recording. Yeah. I actually thought you needed to tone down the rhetoric. Yeah, so I tell you what, Sean, you might stop staying in those hotels of the Man United guys and getting a prison. Yeah, that's what I should have done. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I thought a ars was missing. Yeah. I don't know what shows are there. Give me some examples. I don't watch television. Okay. Dancing on ice. Dancing on ice.

Would you do dancing on ice? No. Would you do... Have turned that down, to be honest. You have. If they're listening, in your face. Would you do dancing on land, aka strictly? Interesting.

They should change it to dancing on land. Yeah, re-brand it. Call it Dancing on land. Dancing on land. I like watching it. Wouldn't want to do it. Although one of the best evenings of my life was going to see Josh Woodham do the Christmas one.

Oh yeah? Absolutely brilliant. Why was that good? It's funny watching Josh do stuff like that. Josh won't mind me saying this. I think that when he does a big show, showbiz smile. It's really funny. And he had to do that quite a lot when he was dancing, do a big showbiz smile.

And he was dressed as a penguin, right? And he was dressed as a penguin. Talk about burying the lead. Yeah, sorry. Should have mentioned that. Dress as a penguin. The opening of the show is him, dressed as a penguin, peeking out from behind a giant candy cane and doing his showbiz smile.

And that was like worth leaving the house for. That's great. He really loved that. And I really enjoyed booing Craig Revel Horwood. I was like, whoa! Oh, going really, really hard. Yeah. Everyone else around me was looking at me going, like, you need to tone it down.

It's not like... It's a pantopo, but it's not like you've wanted me to go to prison. Yeah, yeah. But I'll be nice these days. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you're doing it in a favour? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to do this for him, you don't understand.

Yeah, that was fun. I think I've done all the ones that I would like to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't do, I'm a celebrity, I wouldn't do anything like that. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. I was like, I wonder how many celebrities who I'm a fan of and I love have been offered I'm a

celebrity and turned it down and if I could make my dream I'm a celebrity line up out of the people who have turned it down and how much I would love watching it. Well, this feels like a splinter podcast about... I mean, that is the format of this, right? You make a dream menu.

You're doing a dream lineup for I'm a celebrity. Yeah, and that is... Because I've only ever watched one series of that show because my friend Joel Domit was on it. And I loved watching Joel, but I never want to watch it again. But if they had like a really cool lineup of people that I'm a fan of.

I think we need names of who you want. Paddy Constantine. Wow, we. Get him in the jungle. Yeah, get him in there. Loves to see. Paddy Considine with Eric Cantanar. I reckon Cantanar would do it, you know.

You think Cantanar would actually. I don't think he would say no. So I think that's a bad example. Paddy Concedine, Roy Keen, yeah. Definitely has been offered it and turned it down. Of course.

I think there's no way they haven't offered it to Roy Keen and there's no way he would ever say yes to him. So far I would say this is the angriest series of I'm a celebrity. You'd like really angry white men. Kim Jong-un. Yeah, yeah. These are the posters on my wall, guys.

I love all these people. That's why we got Sean on the podcast. Yeah, cheers. I've requested it. Thank you. I saw him throw a gig in an audience's face once. It was beautiful. Did you?

No. That's not like me. I've not seen you do that. Oh, thank you. Not for a while. You used to do a bit of that. But that's your energy anyway, right? Even when you do well, I think Sean's trying to throw it in their face.

I think I must have hearing loss because I always think I'm doing badly at gigs. But I don't think I am. I think actually I'm quite good. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never experienced that. Yeah, I mean, a passionate guy. I used to find it a struggle.

I used to find out a struggle on stage when I was like, I don't think they're laughing enough. But actually, I'm a bit reformed now. Yeah. Because I realize now when I'm in an audience, I always think, well, I'm enjoying this, but I'm not showing it that much. And I think that's, when you're on the other side of it, I don't want to be, get called a twat by someone I've gone to see.

Yeah. You know, I go see Travis or whatever, and they're like, why are you booing? Get them in the jungle. Yeah, Travis. Are you watching Travis these days? No, not these days. But, um... Before you go you go get, would you put Travis in the jungle?

Fran Healy. Yeah. Oh, no, the full band. The full band. Full band. Yeah. I would say I'd only put the full band in and not one of them on the, which is, let's face it, it's going to be Fran Healy.

But, like, I would go for the whole band. There'd be a nightmare. Every time it rains, everyone would be looking at them. Everyone would be looking at them. Roy Kee, giving them daggers. Roy Kee, fucking tear them to ribbons, night one. He really would. Yeah, forget it.

But that would be great to put a full band in the jungle together. Hmm. I mean, you could see them implode. That would be good. They'd even implode or they would form a really tight unit against all the others, and it would become a problem. Yeah. James, I'm in.

Yeah. Do you need an investment? Yeah, sure. Let's do it. I think they should let me book I'm a celebrity and the rule is people aren't allowed to say no. So Paddy's on something being straightened. Yeah, so if I contact you and invite you,

you have to say yes is the law. Yeah. So the government are involved in this. We make it like jury duty. Like Hunger Games. It's like Hunger Games. It's like Hunger Games. That's how you'll pitch it.

Yeah, yeah. Just FYI, it's like Hunger Games. But you can volunteer as tribute. So if Travis don't want to do it, Keen could step up. Yeah. There's only three members of Keene. Keene would be climbing over each other

to try and get in the jungle these things. There's four members of Travis, there's three members of Keene. So, someone would have to, like, Katie Melia would have to, like, go in as well or something like that. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get Melia in. Yeah, actually, I'd like to see Melia have a chat with. Well, she's the only woman so far in the lineup.

Yeah, it's not diverse. Yeah, I never said it would be. I suppose if the country's got to the point where James Acaster could just decide who has to go into the jungle, diversity's probably no longer the top priority. Yeah, yeah, something's gone very right. We were in a dictatorship here. issue. The country has gone to shit.

Do you like food? Interesting question. Yeah, I do like food. I enjoy a lot of food. I would say that my food tastes are like perfectly in line with the British and their change of culinary taste over the last like 20 years. I think I'm a really good bellwether. I'm a sheep?

Yeah. Sure, if that helps. Does that help Ed? Yeah, so you think you're a bellwether You think you're ahead of the curve Or do you think you go with the curve? I think I am the curve You are the curve

I think whatever the mean is, I'm the mean So is everyone looking to you No, no, no, no, no For the trends No, no, no, no I suppose I'm a sheep Yeah, no, it's good to get these things ironed out Is that help you, Ed?

Yeah, that helps me I don't find you so fucking charm again You do, you do I do actually You do have quite the smile Yeah What I mean is I was thinking about this on the way here

When I was a kid, I would say my childhood was very like normal British childhood fair, like the food. Talk us through it. Well, just like, you know, fish and chips, a lot of oven chips, a lot of like, you know, Sunday roast. You know, good food, but the standard stuff. So if you, if someone went on, you know, family fortunes and had to name British foods, it probably the border just looked like your childhood. Yeah, I mean, that's the easiest way of putting it. Yeah.

Turkey dinosaurs? No, not turkey dinosaur. Chicken Kievs. Yeah. So maybe that was a, maybe that was unusual. No, no,

chicken quips. A lot of chicken nuggets. My mom would sometimes make like a curry with powder. I guess that's a bit advanced. Yeah, but it was mainly like standard British stuff and great stuff.

You know, nice. Your mom's American. My mom is American, yeah. So was she not bringing any of that into the household? No, not really. Really. Yeah, she assimilated pretty quickly. But actually, as time has gone on, I mean, I'm sure you'd agree with this. Britain has become way more open in terms of cuisine.

Yes. And I think I've just gone with the average. And now I eat a huge range of cuisines, but only like lower to mid-level. I'd ever eat like high-end stuff. But I, you know, I eat a lot of different types of food. And I enjoy it. What about, Sean, when you're on tour? Okay.

Is that good? It's a good segue. Yeah. That's what you're asking. Let's talk about your tour. Yeah, I'm on tour. I asked when this episode was going out. The producer didn't know.

Yes. But we all we know is it's the new year. So most of the tour is done. However, it isn't all done. And I'm doing, like, my first tour in, like, three or four years. And I'm going across the country. I'm going across Europe. And I think you should come and see me.

What's the show? I think you two would like it. Yeah, I would like it. Definitely. I'd like it. And so you can come and see me in London. I'm doing the Lester Square Theatre and a couple times.

Or you can come and see me in Prague. Is that like you'd be interested in doing? Yeah, sure. I've not been to Prague for ages. Have you not? No. Been nice jolly for the podcast? That would be lovely, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, right? Put it on the company card. Yeah. Let's all got a Prague. Yeah. Put it on the company card. Put on the company card.

Yeah. We're going to Prague to see Sean. It's only two euros a pint. Milan. Yeah. Copenhagen, Stockholm. You know the deal. Yeah.

And the show is called, white elephant and I'm really enjoying it. I'm really enjoying stand-up and I'm enjoying touring and I'm playing a bigger house as than I've played two ever and that's a nice feeling, right? That's a nice feeling. That's the direction you want it to go in. It's the direct, it's taken a long time to get on the right track, James, but I've made it. My earliest memory of Sean is when we first met. Do you remember where we first met? We met a gig in Manchester. Yes. And it opened my, the legendary comedy balloon. The comedy balloon. Oh, the comedy Do you remember the comedy balloon?

I do remember the comedy balloon. Hell hath no fury. Like the comedy balloon. Yeah. My memory of it is that it was like an upstairs room where most of it was, it was like the audience had to sit in single file. It was so thin that room.

Because they were just sitting at these tables, but that was it, that was all it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a row of audience members in like a conga line. And realizing that half of those audience members were actually other comedians who were all waiting to go on.

The ape and apple? Maybe we were at the ape and apple. I mean, that was like a legendary open, it was always sold as a legendary open mic night. Yeah, yeah. And I remember it's like all those open mic nights that are legendary, you go there. And the only reason they're legendary, a lot of the time, is because basically the people who run it haven't given it up yet. Yeah, yeah. It's been going for like forever.

And to be fair to them, it's an invaluable service to open mic comedians. We need those gigs. I mean, yeah. It doesn't make it any easier when you're sitting there going, oh, Jesus, this is me next on the chopping block. Yeah. Meet this young lad who was living in Newcastle at the time. Yeah, I believe. Good memory.

And you were like, I've come here from Newcastle. And I was like, I've come here from Ketman. You went, where's that? It's in Northamptonshire. Everyone else here lives in Manchester, I think. Yeah, yeah, just me and you. We've had to travel there. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, did you know it was this venue? When you said yes, no, I didn't know. I'm staying on the promoter's sofa. Okay, well, I'm going back to Newcastle. Okay. I'm going to go up now. Okay. I'm probably going to quit now. next week. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, yeah. See you in 17 years on a podcast. Yeah, yeah, but we made it. Yeah. Yeah. And we met in Newcastle at a heat of the Charlottles Student Comedian of the Year competition. Another great event in the history of British comedy. Yes.

Back when you were not Ed Gamble, you had a character. Romantic novelist Selden Krupp. I loved Selden Krupp. I was always a fan of Selston. Yes. It's good stuff. That night, I met you. I met Nish Kumar. Yeah.

I met Tom Ninen. Yes. every act who was good was from Durham and came on the same train as you I seem to remember it was a good night all round Chris Martin Chris Martin was on

not from Coldplay No not from Coldplay For the comedian Because I know we're talking about Keen and stuff before It's not Not from that Travis

Yeah Yeah I suppose the antenna are up For the sort of indie fans People like fucking hell What is Martin? What a gig From Coldplay Was it the Chortle student

of the year? Yeah, he used to do stand-up. All of his stand-up then just got changed into song ideas. Yeah, yeah. He had a really surreal bit about how everything was yellow.

Very null-fielding. Very null-fielding. He'd been watching The Simpsons. Yeah. He loved The Simpsons, didn't he that point? He loved it. And the key thing is we're all doing as well as each other.

I won the heat. Did you? Yeah. I retracted that last statement. Now, you have refused to tell us the name of your web series until we are recording the podcast. So now you get to reveal the name of the web series to us.

It's not that I'm a shout. I think it's a great title, but everyone I've said it to has said that's the worst title for anything they've ever heard. Fantastic, let's hear it. But basically, if you're listening to this by now, when a web series slash podcast is already out, I always wanted to host like an American-style kind of late-night chat show,

you know, with like a backdrop, you know, like a Conan or a Letterman type thing. And no one's giving me one of those, and no one's making them even anymore. So I've made one, I've made one in my, my living room. Great. And I've got like a backdrop

that I ordered from Poland of a city and I've got a sidekick and I wear a suit and I have guests. Yeah. And it's every week and it's called

the Sean McTalk show. Yeah, I know I love it obviously. It's more uphead street. Yeah, it is bad, obviously. Well, I don't think it is that obvious. Is it? You know it's bad?

The Sean McTalk Show, yeah. It's funny because it's bad. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. I mean, I guess that's kind of a review. It's brilliant. I love it. Thank you.

Yeah. It feels intentionally bad. It doesn't feel like that's an accident and you don't understand your own sense of humour. Hmm. Okay. Sean McTort Show is like... Make me laugh the second time, is that?

I mean, I like it. I like it. But during yesterday's recording, I had told the guest what the name of the show was. And I said, here on the Shawmock Talk Show, about 10 minutes is the interview. And the guest said, this is the shittest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Who was the guest? It was Johnny Pelham, admittedly. Yeah. But you don't tend to hear that on, like, actual... Like, I don't think people would ever do that. like Graham Norton go, what's your name? What? Yeah, sure.

But I mean, that is his name. Your name isn't Shawmock Talk Show. Well, not yet, but if it goes well enough, you know. But I'm working on it. I'm working very hard on it. Conan No Talk Show. Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember Kono Talk Show? Yeah.

David McLetteman. That doesn't quite work. Well, Johnny Palatman has been on this podcast and everyone loves his episode. Easy, the worst guest I've had on the Shawmock Talk Show. Can I say that? Most disrespectful man I've ever met my life. Who else are you having on the Sean McTalk show? Is it just your grubby little mates?

It's crazy that you've got people on who you just talk to anywhere. Okay. Well, why don't we dial this towed back, jents? Because, you know, people probably used to say that about this podcast, didn't they? No. Okay? I really hope that would work. We hit the ground running.

We hit the ground running. Grace Dent episode two, mate. I've got Reese James. You heard of Reese James? Yeah. You heard of Fern Brady? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, of course we've heard of them. Dreck and she'll do it? No. Tricken she'll do mine. No, she's doing it. Jamali's doing it. Harriet's done it. You shouldn't be on first-name terms of all of them.

You shouldn't be veiled it off just on the first-name basis, go, Jamali. Well, I sent a message to a novelist, and he's left me on red. So I don't know what to do about that. And it's a bit like I sent a message to Peter Schmichael once, and he left me on red. Schmikes?

Yeah, Schmikes left me on. Another Manchester United Ferguson referee. Yeah, I might put him in the jungle. It's because his goalie gloves don't have, like, touchscreen capabilities. Yeah, he can't apply. All he can do is goalkeepers is a nightmare. They're just leaving everyone on Met.

You may not know much about football, but surely you understand that the clubs are removable. No. Not with Schmikes. No, maybe not for shmikes. Look, if you want to hear me talk to my grubby little friends in my living room, the Sean McTalk Show, and they're laughing now, but you know by the time this has gone out, I have wiped them off the face of the earth. The biggest show in Britain.

Yeah. Patreon. Sure, why not? I mean, it's not launched yet, so I don't know if it's popular enough. but I'm filming it all myself. I'm editing it myself. It's ruining my life. It'd be great if you watched it or listened to it.

In your living room? It's all in my living room, yeah. What does your wife think of all this? She came home one day, and I'm keeping all the stuff in the cupboard where the boiler is. And she opened the cupboard because she had to get to the boiler. She couldn't get to it because there was a backdrop of a city from Poland. And she said, is this going to be our life now?

And I said, probably. Yeah. I may have made a massive error doing this show. Yeah. Now I'm saying it out loud. The Shawlmock Talk Show may be another folly. If your wife can't get to the boiler, that's an issue. I don't think there's like many talk show hosts

where saying yes to the talk show meant their wife couldn't get to the boiler anymore. You've really, yeah, you give me a lot to think about there, Jane. This episode is going exactly how I thought it would. Yeah, yeah. Great to be here. You'll do the show, right? You do the Sean McTorke. You do it together if you want.

No. No, no, no. Okay, good. Because I only got one extra mic. Yeah, yeah. Still a sparkling water, Sean. Still, please, James. You looked surprised by that question.

Well, I was having a nice chat. I forgot we even had the format. Yeah, we've got to do the format. Of course you do. Do you have a format to the Sean McTorffield? Let's not go there, Ed. I do have a format. Right.

Yeah. What's the format? I just ask some questions. It's a talk show, isn't it? Is that a format? Well, it's not a format, is it? Do you have any format points? Are there things who you do like...

Sometimes my family sending questions. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. Is it mainly from your wife saying, move the fucking stuff out the way of the boiler? It's not... It's one of those shows. Look, the key thing is still water, please.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it obvious which, like, questions your mum had said in. Let's start with, like, stuff like, howdy. Yeah. Howdy, y'all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Howdy, y'all. Yeah, my mum's like Kelly Clarkson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got a talk show. Yeah. Yeah, she does actually. What's called? The Kelly Clarkson? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Kelly McClarkson show.

No, she doesn't... Why would she put a muck in? That's your name. Genuinely don't know what you're talking about. Why still water? I'm not... I like a sparkling water or like a soda water. But I can't drink it anymore because my wife's got one of those machines

that makes the water fizzy. Yes. And she now only drinks that. She does not drink still water. and it's become such a difficult thing for me in my life because I think it just makes everything complicated. And so I get a bit of a like a negative reaction whenever I hear the sort of bubbles go up.

Yeah. Because your wife's addicted to sparkling water essentially. I mean, I don't know if she's addicted, but like it's just awkward. Like if we're watching something, watching a film, watching TV, and she goes, I'll just get a glass of water. That should be 10 seconds.

So quick. She doesn't even need to say it, really. She should be like, don't pause it. Yeah. Is that why she was trying to. get to the boiler. She try and make it sparkling. Yeah, yeah. She wants the bath water sparkling.

Yeah. I'm on... How can I make a boiler water sparkling if you put a flag in the way? Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. We might have talked about this before, whether I'd like to bathe in sparkling water or not. You wouldn't? Wouldn't I?

Well, why would you? Because of all the bubbles around my intimate areas. Okay. Could feel nice. Bath bomb? Bath bomb would do it. But then you'd... Because really, you're supposed to throw the bath bomb in and let it as a

and then you get in, right? So you have to get in, get the bath bomb, and immediately hold it to all of your erogenous songs. Here's what you need, Ed. In my opinion, this is what you need. And look, all I am is the humble proprietor of a humble talk show. Yeah. Okay?

And a humble comedian putting on a humble tour. Yeah. In Prague. Well, here's why I'd say to test the water, literally. Get in the bath, drop in a barocca. Yeah. Around your intimate area. Yeah.

It will be a bit orangey. Yeah. Yeah. But then at least you can get a sense of, do I like where this is going? Yeah. And if you do like where that's going, then you follow it all the way

to its logical conclusion. Pop the brokker up the ass. Which is, yeah. Put it a fuck ton of barocca in there. I mean, you're doing that. I mean, you're doing that before you got, would you load your anus up with, like,

baroccas before? I didn't say anus. I want to make that clear. Ed said anus. Yeah. But would you do that? Like, would you, baby, before you get in the bath, load yourself up with barocas up the butt. Yeah.

clench your cheeks, get in the bath, don't unclench until you're ready. Yeah. And then let the water in. Yeah. I mean, would the water go up here or would the baroccas fall out? And then the fizzing starts. When does the fizzing start there? I think the fizzing starts immediately.

Immediately. I don't think they're falling out, really. I just don't know if when I'll go in the bath, the water goes up my butt. I don't think it does. No, that's true. You'd have to spread and swish, I guess. Yeah. Spread and swish.

Yeah, spread and there's release them like fishes with their eggs. Yeah. Yeah, you would be like a fish with their eggs in, if you did this. You should always keep bad mind. I guess you're still getting the bubbles around them. I suppose the problem with this is, it's not an issue per se, but I go into a bath mainly to relax. I think it's a relaxing thing.

I don't know how relaxed I'd be if I had to clench my butt cheeks to the extent that Barocca couldn't leave them. Yeah. That would be like, in terms of my relaxation, that would make the bath a sort of lateral move. Yeah, yeah. Because when I have a baroqueur, I feel so energized, right? I love a barroca.

Yeah, yeah. It makes me feel amazing. Good. But imagine how energize you'd feel if one was up your butt. Yeah. Because that's what people do with drugs, isn't it? Yeah, it is. That's to smuggle them, isn't it?

Or do they put them up there? No, they enjoy them. It's a quicker, I think it gets into your system quicker. I don't know if the same would be, if it would be with a barocca. Surely it would. That's the way to your system. I'm willing to commit to this as a theory. Stevie Nix had someone blow cocaine up her,

because I think she maybe had like, like a deviated septum or something or like a problem with the... Oh, is that right? Yeah. So she couldn't get it in through the nose so she had an assistant to blow it up a butthole. I'd never heard that.

With a golden straw. Oh, wow. That's what I heard. I think that makes it easier for the person who's got to blow it. Just feels fancy. Through the straw, I think I would rather if,

that was me having to do that, even if it is Stevie Nix, a big celebrity, I would still rather the straw was golden make me feel like what I'm doing is less sad than if it's just a stripy straw from McDonald's or something. And Sue Perkins once had a shame and blow

Raspberry vodka up a bum. That's true. They are all valid points. We broke that news story on this podcast and it became national news. Wow. So something you say could become national news on this pod. Remember that.

Benito has now asked us to say that the Stevie Nix thing is rumoured. Oh, it's an urban myth. It's an urban myth. It's what he would like us to say. He also earlier on wanting me to say that the band King would be clampering over each other to get in the jungle because they're quite keen.

He mimed it at me. He mowed it at me to try and get me to say it, and I ignored him. But now that we're giving him this platform to say about the allegedly stuff, I should probably say, he also wanted to make a keen pun earlier. Okay, well, now he's saying that he didn't want me to say it. He just wanted to make the joke to me,

which I don't know why. He would inflict that on me. This is exactly what the Shawman talk show feels like. Me talking to Benito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've ripped us off? Yeah, big time. Let's circle back here.

Yes. To the sparkling water bath. Yes, please. That must be an option in some hotel. There must be a universe where this isn't crazy. In Dubai or something. Yeah, probably. A really fancy hotel in some of a six-star hotel,

you can get a sparkling water bath. I'm sure actually, in most hotels, you could probably request it. If you pay for it, they'd probably do it. Most hotels. Most hotels. I think over a certain price threshold, I don't think a travel lodge are doing that.

I think they will. if you say, can you buy however many litres of sparkling water and fill up my bath for me? They don't even give you Wi-Fi at it. You'd have to barter with them. But I'm sure there's a price that they would go, okay, we'll do that. That's an episode of The Apprentice I would love to see. Yeah.

Yeah. Which one of you can get the most out of a travel lodge, like, receptionist, bath-wise. There's probably some listeners thinking, like, aren't you just describing a jacuzzi, but we're not. We're not. It's different. Because it's small bubbles.

The bubbles aren't propelled by jets. They're propolved by science. Poplarb's all bread! Poplar! Spop! Absor bread! Show my Godless! Poplar bread! We'll have... I'll have some bread, please. Yeah. No disrespect to the popper dog.

No. But I love a nice bread. I actually try and stay clear of bread a lot. It's one of those things I try not to have that much of. Why? That just clogs me up a bit. And also, it's one of those things I'll just keep eating it. Yeah.

So I'd rather be a bit... I'd rather keep my distance. It's a shame about bread, really, isn't it? Because bread was all the red. age when we were younger. Oh, yeah. But no one was worried about bread. And then at some point, bread got cancelled.

I used to eat like hot dog buns. Just as a snack. Yeah. Was that, did anyone else eat those? No. No. I mean, when it had a hot dog in it, sure. No, no.

I used to get like a, what they call it, like the finger rolls. Is that what they called? Yeah, yeah. I just had four of that. After school, I just had four of them. We're just knock them back. Yeah, yeah. Just straight down.

If I have kids, they'll never do that. No. It's sad, that. Yeah. Yeah, make that a rule in the house. No, hot dog buns. Not a hard of fast rule, but I'd have to keep an eye on it, you know, James? Would you not maybe one day, when they're old enough, say,

here's what your dad used to do. Yeah. And get all the hot dog buns out. Well, I'd like to think that if I said to my kids, here's what your dad used to do, it would be something a bit more substantial than just eating four hot dog buns. You hope so. Maybe I'd show them, like footage of me before being or...

You've shown the Sean McTalk Show, are you? Yeah, here's what your dad used to do. And that's why you're talking to me through Plexiglass. Yeah, but I do like bread, though. I do like a bread. Do you want the four hot dog buns for your dream menu? No, do you what? I really enjoy it.

I would like a sort of Middle Eastern flat bread. Nice. Like a Lebanese or like the Turkish ones, they have like little bubbles on them, right? Little bubbles? I'm just to let you know, I'm not going to take a bath in bubbly Turkish bread. There you go. You set yourself up for that. You can't be angry at Ed, but you can't be angry at Ed.

I'm not angry. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at myself for giving you the open goal. Yeah. No, I probably wouldn't have a bath of bread. I wouldn't have a bath of bread. Fair enough. I'll let you know if I say anything that I will have a bath of.

But now I want to ask every time. Your podcast, your rules. Thank you. But I'm not going to, I don't know a lot of the technical phrases of bread. Do you know what I mean? Because the lemony, like some of the flat breads, like the Middle Eastern flat breads are very flat. But some of them are a little bit thicker and they have like little... Bubbles on them.

Kind of like how pizza in a pizza oven has those big, airy pockets of... Yeah. Like that. I'll have a little bit of that. You don't mean like a pitter? No, not like a bitter. No. Well, maybe it's a type of pitter, I don't know. I think it's called a bear...

It starts with a bee, the one I'm thinking of. Look it up, Benito. But if I could... Would I be able to have some hummus as well? Yeah, of course. Is that allowed? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so. You have some hummus?

Dip it in. I think that's... We're off to the races with this meal. Yeah. Whatever this bread is. Yeah. And hummus. Just hummus.

Or do you want an arrange of mezé? The thing is, I always think I want an arrange of mezé, but I'm always like, you know, call me traditional, call me normal. But I just think humus is the best one. Have you seen the film weapons? No. Is this the new one? Yes. I was going to go.

There's a scene in it that you would love because there's an aerial shot of, this isn't a spoiler for the film, there's an aerial shot of a meal that two of the characters are having together. And it's some capit batons, a massive thing of, well, looks like hummus, and then four hot dogs in hot dog buns. What? And that's what they're eating while watching TV together. And it is just exactly what you've been describing, apart from there's no flatbread there.

And they're so excited to have those hot dogs. They're really excited to have them. This sounds really exciting. So it's like... What are they watching on TV? You're like to say? This is why this guy's a pro professional food podcaster. Because no one else noticed that in the film.

It's a mad meal, really. Mad shit happens in that film. It's crazy. That's fusion cooking, right? You're coming out of it going, carrot batons, hummus, and four hot dogs. I thought, I just thought it's wild. When you see the overhead shot of that meal, you're like, no one eats that. That's not a meal for anyone where you have that many hot dogs.

There's two people, and they've got four hot dogs between them. But they've also put on some carrot batons and some hummus. I think it's two hot dogs minimum if you're having hot dog night. Yeah, but I would say great, but don't like add in the dips and stuff. But then that's what Benedict I goes for immediately. Yeah. He dips the baton in the hummus. He has a lovely bite of it.

They're watching a nature documentary at the time about parasites. Well, it sounds like a great night. Well, it's not. It doesn't end good that night. No? No, it's not a great night. It's almost immediately a terrible night. Yeah, it's really bad.

It happens in the day, actually. It's in the afternoon. How far into the film is this scene? Probably about halfway through, really. I would suggest watching it from the beginning of the film. Yeah, yeah. But I would say what happens to the film? them, I mean, it's the worst thing that happens to someone in their living rooms into your

talk show. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Baslamma? Baslamma. Ah. Yeah. Directed the Great Gatsby. That's perfect. If you had kids, that would be the joke. They'd be like, oh, shut the fuck. Yeah, shut up, dad. If I had kids, that's all I'd ever hear. Yeah. Shut up. Shut up, dad. Disrespectfully. Yeah. Like, yeah, it would be awful. Here's what your dad used to do. Yeah, exactly the same thing. None of us care. None of us care.

Dad, shut up. Could we please talk about the consistency of various hummases or the say? We can. So, obviously, the first time I had hummus was probably supermarket hummus, which is thicker and maybe slightly chalkier than when you go and have hummus in, like a Mediterranean restaurant, where it's smooth, there's a lot more oil in it, which is an exciting proposition. Yeah.

But sometimes I prefer a superiors. supermarket, just because it reminds me of when I was young. Speak on that, Sean. Well, first of all, can I say, I've genuinely touched that you'd open your heart up like that to me? Happy to. And I'm happy to open my heart up once again on the Sean Book Talk Show. This is perfect. Yeah.

I agree with you. I think supermarket hummus is, like, mainstream mass-produced hummus, is, there's a tang to it that I, I've never got that in, like, a restaurant hummus. And I don't know whether the tang, I mean, probably someone who knows more about it, would say that tang is a sign that it's bad. Yes. But I quite like, am I explaining this correct? Yes. I know. I know exactly.

There's something there. Yeah. And there's a couple of Mediterranean, like, food places near me as in, like, supermarkets. Yeah. Like, big international food centres and stuff. And they'll sell, like, gallons of this hummus for nothing. and me and my wife on a Sunday sometimes we'll go there

will pick up some of this bread whose name I've forgotten and that's our day and what a beautiful marriage we have this is what I promised her on our wedding day and I've delivered a bucket of hummus and some bread

your house just absolutely full of shit just like a backdrop of the city you bought from Poland loads of equipment to film the Sean McTalk show and buckets of hummus everywhere yeah if M.5 ever raided our house

They'd be like, what is this? Yeah. Some sort of... What is going on? Horrible, illegal, like, porn video hummus, like, fetish thing. I mean, it does look like a... I mean, yeah, it does look shady, I suppose. There's lots of just food looking around, loads of hummus.

Yeah. Like cityscapes. They go, what are they planning here? Yeah. Cityscapes. Well, yeah, the backdrop. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what, do you want supermarket hummus? Do you want the hummus from the supermarket that you and your wife go to on a Sunday? Yeah, or any of the mainstream supermarket hummuses will do me. I mean, they're all pretty good. I tell you, when I'm feeling really hummassed up, I'll get the hummus with the hot lamb on the top, where you get the bits of lamb on top of the hummus. Lamb? Yeah, baby.

Well, I won't get that. No. But I'm very happy that you're getting that. Thank you. This will be a vegetarian meal. Yes. Lovely. So, yeah.

So the lamb, I'll skip. You eat the lamb, and I'll have the rest. And no taramas lot of you either, because that's not vegetarian for us. So you can't have that before you ask. Okay. I had so much taramil. I've just been to Micanos, the Greek island.

Taramacilater every day, fetter every day. And let me tell you, every time I get taram salata in Greece, I'm weirded out because it ain't pink. It's white. They put the pink in. Oh, really? Yeah. That is weird.

That's a clip. Any time you think something's a clip. Yeah, tell us it's a clip. Thanks. Yeah. Because we are quite new to the whole YouTube. thing. Yeah.

Ed's saying they put the pink in. That's the clip. Just that. That's the clip. That's great. Yeah. And that can be like the title of the videos they put the pink in. Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone would have to be. The dream starter. My dream starter. Yeah. Is a lovely humble omelet. Okay. We've talked about omelets in the past.

Have you? Yeah. I forgot that Sean is a omelet head. I didn't want to mention it because I knew we'd had this chat. Yeah. And I was worried because I know you have like a secret ingredient. And I was like, could it be oblit? But I was like, that's not an ingredient.

Also, we would not pick something that we know someone likes and they might put on the menu. Because that would be pretty cruel. Doesn't seem very sportsmanly of us. Yeah. No, I agree. Even though of all the people to deliberately pick something that they are going to choose to kick them out, is you. I'd be, I'd flip this table instantly if you picked omit. Yeah.

What's that an ingredient for? Double obelette. Yeah, I eat omelets. I like omelets. And I've got a funny relationship with omelets because my wife is vegan. So there's no eggs in my house. Well, you have a vegan household. I'm a vegetarian.

So I do eat eggs and cheese, but only out of the house. So my treat to myself a lot of the time in my life is omelets. And I go and I travel a lot and I'll eat an omelet. And I'll always pick an omelet. If it's on a menu, I'll pick an omelet. But here's the interesting thing I have about omelets. Most omelets aren't nice. I think omelets are tough to get right.

Yeah. When you've had good omelets. Yeah. And you've had good omelets. I've had a couple of good omelets. Yeah. Yeah. I've had a lot of stinkers. Yeah. Yeah. And there's no rhyme or reason as to where they come from.

It's nothing to do with price. It's not going to do with location. But there's a place near me that I go out for omelets, maybe a couple times a month. It's a cafe. It's a Moroccan cafe. I mean, look, I'm sure it's come up on this podcast before. Moroccans know their way around an egg. Yeah.

That exact phrase hasn't come up. Has it not? No, no. Take it from me. It's an amazing cafe. It's near where I live. I go there maybe once, twice a month. Their omelet, they've got a thing called an avocado omelet.

It's heaven on earth. Okay. Talk to us through the avocado omelet. If indeed there are more details. Yeah, just sound like... I'd tell you the most interesting about the avocado wobble. Yeah. Avocado belly features.

Okay. Okay. So that is interesting. Interesting. Yeah. Well, what do you look for in a good omelet, first of all? Because some people might be listening to this. I've got thoughts as well.

And they've all got different images in their head. Every single one of our listeners going, oh, yeah, I know what he means by a good omelette. But do, do they know what you mean? Well, I don't know what they think. I mean, it's obviously open interpretation. Well, I'm asking you what you think. Yeah, what do you think. Or what it looks like?

Or what it takes like. I flipped over. Like I flipped it like you do it. Come on. Well, I've told you. I'm not good at describing food. Well, bad luck. Okay. I guess it's like roll.

I guess it's like they've done it flat and then they've rolled it as they've fried it with the ingredients built into it. Yes. What should it look like to you? Because for me, for years, I thought omelets should basically like a good, or just any omni that I'd ever had was like quite like dappled like white and brown. Yeah, with some colour on the outside. And now it's just like it should just look smooth.

and yellow. And yellow. And it's like, whoa, hold on a second. This is what an omelet's supposed to look like for ages. I know. I'm the same. You know, home omelets, they've got colour on the outside of them, right? I agree with you.

I know exactly where you're coming from. Posh omelets, no colour whatsoever, a lot of butter. But I prefer a home omelette. I don't want the smooth omelet to me. I know it's fancier, but I don't want it. I know where you're coming from. The one I like is smoother. Yeah.

But the quality of it, in terms of how it looks, I don't know any other way of saying it other than kind of like a sleeping bag that's rolled up, but made of egg. Sean, this is beautiful. And if that doesn't make you sick, I don't know what will. A great way of describing food. And who's in the sleeping bag?

Yeah. They have like a fried up mushrooms. Yeah. I think with a bit of garlic maybe on there. Lovely. Spinach. Yeah. Fetter crumbled in.

Now that is, I've never had that anywhere else. Feta. In an omelette. It transforms the experience. Rolled up nice. They put bits of avocado on the top. Nice. Okay.

They serve it with a little tiny salad. I think they drizzle it with like a bit of balsamic. And then you have two slices of brown toast. Yeah. And you have a Moroccan coffee. And you feel like you can take on the world. And then 10 minutes later you have diarrhea. And that is what I do twice a week.

Sorry, twice a month. But, yeah. I really love it. And I love going there. I love the energy of the place. A lot of bus drivers in there. Yeah. And I was trying to think of what else to have.

But really, that's a... You love it. You've talked to me about omelets before. I think we had quite a bracing conversation about how many eggs should be in an omelet. And I'm none the wiser, Ed. No. Because I also think they sometimes...

I think they pump the numbers on these eggs, on the menus. Yeah. I think they're juicing that. Yeah. They're saying it's a three egg or a four egg, and sometimes it's way late. sometimes it's clearly more.

Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? No, I've never been told how many eggs are in the omelet before. This is a new thing to me. Only if it's on certain menus, they'll say it's a three-egg omelet. I think three is the received wisdom. Three-egg omelet is like a normal-sized omelet. But that's not enough for me, but sometimes four feels like too much.

So I think we're going to need to find a smaller egg. I think you need three and a half eggs. You need three and a half eggs. Three and a half? You need three. There's such an egg exist? Three chicken, two quail. May I?

A couple of quails in there. Don't know if I've ever had a quails egg. So that would be a real treat? Yeah. Do they fry up the same way? Yeah, they're just small eggs. Yeah. They're just small eggs.

I lost my favourite omelet. It's gone off the menu. Where's that? Ozone. Place called ozone. That's what I'd always get. I'd get the omelet with a trout in it. Really good.

So delicious. Not even on there anymore. Is that a breakfast brunch thing? Yeah. Is that a dinner thing? They just have it there all day. Yeah, yeah. But, like, yeah, I'd get it for, like, brunch or something.

Yeah. Even lunch, I'd say. It was my go-to. I tried other things on the menu, but I'd always circle back to that omelet. My favourite thing on there, last time I went there, not even, not even in print. That's really, that's genuinely heartbreaking. Yeah. I feel like the omelet needs a, the omelet needs a, it needs a renaissance.

Yeah. Because I think we're falling out of love with it. You were going to suggest the omelette needs some sort of protection on menus, like sort of national trust, English heritage type thing. I mean, I'm not opposed. Yeah. I would say there are probably other things to the country to sort out first. Sure, but we can't do things like that.

No, we can't. No, I mean, the thing is, it's the free market. If people don't want omelets anymore, they don't want them. But when they're gone, we'll miss them. Do you think the name? Shout out Spider Crab Omelet at Mountain again, obviously. Shall I name the place I go to? Is it going to be inundated with people?

Yes. It's called the La La La Cafe. Fantastic. And it's from, and they're lovely, incredible people from Morocco who run it, and those omelets, by my, by my. Now that you've named it, do you want to retract the comment about diarrhea? Yeah. Yeah.

But you're not saying that's the omelet doing that. That's your intestines. Oh, yeah, it's your... Well, I mean, they haven't given me diarrhea. No. I've chosen, I've had it. Yeah. It's not, you know, it's not...

Cause and effect hasn't been confirmed. You know your body. You know what's going to happen. Yeah. I go in there. Every time anything enters this mouth, it has to be an option. Well, maybe they'll be so happy that you've given them custom

and shouted them out on the podcast, that they'll change the name of the omelor. To what? Sean McDioree. omelette. Sean McOmblet. Imagine if all the little fans started going in there and go,

can I have the Shawma Comblet please? They wouldn't know what the hell was going on. No, they wouldn't. No, but they'd be like, hey, there's bums on seats, people are coming in. There's a lot of people coming in anyway. There's a bus depot across the road. There's bums on seats, but they'll be off of those seats

pretty quickly. All those bus drivers will get pretty angry once, you know, it gets filled off menu fans. Yeah. They're angry anyway. Yeah. They're always putting on bets and they never win.

Someone's been listening while he's been wolfed down an omelet, an avocado omelet. Wolfing. Wolfing. Wolfed it down. I cherish those. You're going for those omelets. My wife, this is a really interesting question, Ed. Yeah.

My wife hates that I go for omelets, and I actually do have to hide it from her. Because she's always like, how much of that cost? Always. And now I don't tell her I'm going. So she's worried you're spending too much money on omelets? My wife seems to have this idea in her head that an omelette costs like 500 quid. Yeah. Because she's worried about like the financial ruin of all.

future. Yeah. Because she's like, oh, you're going out for breakfast. I'm spending nine quid on an omelet

maybe once a month, once a fortnight. Or once a fortnight. We got your banked to rights. She said it earlier. Twice a month. Okay, well, you've got me banked to rights,

fair enough. That's how you want to talk. Yeah. But that's what, 18 quid a month? Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. That's fine.

Yeah. How much you spend it on cityscapes? I mean, she must have asked you that. It was more than 18 quid. Yeah. It was a one-off cost. It was a one-off cost.

However, since going twice a month, I will admit, James, toilet paper costs through the roof in my house. Absolutely for the roof. The bog roll costs through the roof. Yeah. So it evens out. But yeah, my wife doesn't know I go, but actually we did have to have quite a serious conference. Probably do a serious chat we've had as a couple when I was like,

you do have to just let me eat omelets from now on. Like you have, I can't, babe, I can't be keeping these sort of secrets from you. It's killing me. It's like you're a sex addicts and you've had to go, I need to go and sleep with other women. The honey, I eat. And the weird thing is, most omelets I don't like, so it's a weird thing to think about.

Yeah. I think this is a great start of the avocado omelet. I like it. Would you like a little Moroccan coffee with it as well? I mean, I love a coffee. Yeah. I'd love a little coffee. I think you should have the full setup that you would usually have at Lala.

I don't think I'll have a double, I won't have the toast, if that's okay, because I've already got bread. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your dream main course, let's see if we can keep the hits coming. Thank you. I'm going to choose. it's a cuisine.

A whole cuisine. Well, it's not a whole cuisine. I'll explain why, but it's basically there's a type of food that has gone up and up and up in my rankings. So this is part of the curve. This is the curve up from normal... This is the biggest example of the curve

of the nation coming through me. Yeah. This is the biggest example of the curve of the nation coming through you. Yeah. Yeah? That's what we're saying. That's the phrase.

That's the clip. I can't believe I'm saying that again today. I will order now as like a takeaway or if I get a chance to eat at this type of food Ethiopian food Nice Yeah Yes delicious

For veggies for veggies and vegans You've got to say it's It numbers amongst the best cuisine Well I think it's now For me and my wife certainly at a moment It's definitely number one Yeah Like if I'm getting a takeaway

I go Ethiopian Yeah And it's interesting because I didn't even heard of this food Until about five years ago But what I really love about it is every Ethiopian restaurant I've been to in the world, and I've been to Ethiopian restaurants in two countries. Yes. So have I?

Which countries? Holland. Wow. And the United Kingdom. United Kingdom and Canada. So there we go. There we go. Just the United Kingdom. They always have a thing on it called a veggie plate or a veggie platter.

Every single one I've been to has always had that. And no matter where you are, you're always. order it, and it's always the exact same. And that's what I would like as my main. Talk us through the platter. This is the interesting thing about it. I don't know what any of the meals are at. I don't know why any of the foods are actually called on it.

Yes. That's why it's interesting. You know what the, is it on the injera bread? It's on Ingera bread. Yeah. Yeah. Or Ingera bread's on the side, potentially. You want it all on top.

You got to have it on top. You do have it on top? And some rolls on the side of it. Yeah. The really good restaurants, they come over and go, do you want some extra bread? And they bring it up all rolled up. Well, that's what I like. Yeah.

Or I can use some of my Turkish bread from earlier. That might be nice as well. Cross in the cuisines. Well, yes. Basically, it's a bunch of like vegetarian curry type things. I guess that's what they are. They're kind of curries. Yeah.

Do you know if they are curries? Or stews? Yeah. And, I mean, as I've said, I don't know what any of them were called, but there's like a yellow one. It's got like, I guess it's split pea or something. Yeah, yeah. There's a couple of lentil ones.

There's like a red one and a brown lentil one. There's a couple of green ones. There's loads of these. Are they all, I mean, some of them, because some of them are like, you know, have the consistency of like a doll maybe. Yeah. But then others are like, you know, shredded up like,

I guess, cabbage or? Cabbages, maybe, I think, kale or is it a... There's like a carrot, like a sliced carrot one as well. It's very nice. There's loads of stuff in there, yeah. And I think that when they're like more carrots, when they're like thicker carrots and potato stuff, a lot of the time they feel pickled,

which is a really nice taste, and you don't get that very often with cuisine that's spicy. But I love this food. I love this food. And you know what I like most about it? Curry's probably by number two. Yeah.

Probably, it was close. But here's why I like this more than curry. Yeah. It's, I think, a lot healthier. And it still scratches that itch of like the aromas and the spice, that warm hit in your mouth. Yeah.

I feel alive. I love that feeling. Mm-hmm. but I like eating with the Angera. The bread is so good. It is good. Are we happy calling it bread? I mean, that's my only complaint?

Well, that's what I mean? What would you suggest? Well, I don't know if it's bread, is it? It's nice. I mean, it must be. It's a sour spongy flatbed. I mean, if that's a bread, then my t-shirt is bread. That's all upset.

Interesting. That's all upset. You got a sour-spongy t-shirt? I certainly do. Yeah. And it goes well with chickies. They're called Watts. Well, there we go.

Which doesn't help you because you don't know what they are. Yeah, so. So this is like who's on first. It is like who's on first. It is like an even more infuriating real-life version of who's on first. What's all this? Yeah. Yeah.

What's all this? Not, I mean, what? It's what. For the listener, that's like an old-timey American accent. Do an Ethiopian accent. Oh, no, no, that's an old-timey American accent. Just for the listener. If I wanted to do an Ethiopian accent, I'd fucking nail it.

It's very good at accents. How thick are your listeners? Well? That they could possibly think that was an Ethiopian. You're about to meet a lot of them in your local cafe. You tell us. Well, yeah, I guess so. Do you have a restaurant in London that you go to?

You've been to you multiple times. Yeah, we've been to a few, but there's one in Brixton Hill called Adams that I would say is as good as anywhere. And if you live in South London, Adams in Brixton Hill, biggest, most firm shoutout of my life. Order the veggie plate, veggie, whatever it's called. Vegan, brilliant, comes with loads of Ingera. it's like 15 quid

and it's like three days worth of food they're so generous with the portions and there's another one in Stockwell I think it's called Harareh that's Eritrean but I believe Eritrean and Ethiopian is kind of the same I don't understand the full geopolitics

politics There's one in Brickston Village isn't there There's an Ethiopia in the Western Village East of Eden Yeah that's really good Shut down I think I might have shut down Yeah yeah because there was one in Brickson Village

that I was like I think we live around there and I'll just like go there loads. That was a great place. And they didn't survive the pandemic. Yeah. They,

the one in Stockwell, I went there, my wife for a nice lunch. Yeah. And they gave, they were so nice and they gave us a, uh,

they each gave us a glass of barley wine at the end. Lovely. And if you go there, enjoy the food. They'll offer your barley wine. Say no. Because they don't tell you, oh,

just FYI, you're not going to be able to function for the rest of the day if you haven't even one step of this. Yeah. Yeah. You're hammered. you just, I was just,

honestly, we were fallen over the place. But it's a, I mean, that's my, I think that's, that's the food I go for at the moment, and I'd love that to be my main course, please. I think that's a fantastic choice. Thank you. I've never had an Ethiopian meal and not left completely full to the rafters. I feel so full up in a very good way. Yeah, it's not, it's not like a heavy, cloggy, like I do compare it to a curry, I guess,

which maybe is not the direct comparison. But it doesn't have that same guilt afterwards. I can still do stuff. The bread I just can't stop eating as well I think it's the sour flavor that makes it totally addictive Like it makes your mouth water Yeah, it's really good

And eat with the hands Yeah, I do like it. I always think I don't want to eat I'll kind of be bothered with the Angera And then the minute it's there Yeah, I think it's perfect And you're basically eating the plate Yeah, you're eating the plate

And I think more cuisine should introduce this Yeah edible plates Edible plates Yeah It would save them washing up every time Yeah The Greeks would struggle

culture-wise? Yes. Well, the whole thing is they throw their plates on the ground. So that's the whole thing. It's a whole thing. Wasted the meal. Let's throw a whole chicken down there. Well, they can still do that, but I'll lay on the floor and they can throw it into my mouth. Yeah.

Would you go to Greek restaurants more or less if they demanded that you lay on the floor and they threw the food into your mouth, James? You go for it once. They go for it once, and then see how I feel about it. Put the pig in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever been, I've never been to a Greek restaurant where they smash plates. I've been to a Greek restaurant.

restaurant where I smash plates. No, I don't think I have. If you have any barley wines again? Oh, God. It's knocking me out. No, I don't think I have. Is that a real thing? I think it is, but I don't know.

I don't think it's not very widespread anymore. It's a strange stereotype to be untrue. The Greek smash plates. Yeah. I guess they're all weird in their own way. I don't think it's untrue, but I think maybe the UK perception, because they used to do it a lot in the 80s and 90s series, that that happens at every great restaurant.

What were they doing? How plentiful were these plates? It probably happened once and some Tory wrote an article about it. It's probably on Only Fools and Horses or something and people thought, oh, that's what they all do. Probably was, actually. There's a lot of that kind of stuff

smuggled into Only Fools. So for something that's big, though, what's your dream side? Well... That's the thing, because you basically got all your sides there as well. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, this is...

I wouldn't say it's a cohesive meal in the same way, but it probably would work, as long as you accept that maybe there'd be some left over. But I really want to have just a lovely bag of fish and chip chips, like chippy shop chips. Yeah?

Like really well done in a bag. I guess that's a side. Don't the bag to be made of injurious bread? I can't think of anything worse than that. Okay. You don't want to eat the bag? I don't want to eat the bag. No, I don't want to eat the bag.

I just want a paper bag. Yeah. Like a standard paper bag. and they pile them in there and I walk around with it. So maybe it's not like a side minute. You want to walk around with it? You don't want to sit down for this?

This is a big thing for me. I love eating fish and chips shop chips. I love chippy chips. I eat them a lot, particularly in the winter months, but I always eat them when I'm on the move. I'm buying them in a shop and I'm walking somewhere. I'm going to the football. I'm going to the pub.

I can just imagine that, you know. You don't have to imagine it. If someone said a comedian's walking around with a bag of chippy chips and it's cold outside and he's going to the football I'd be like that's Sean McLaughlin I don't know why

I do think that's a compliment and also you're wearing fingeless gloves in my mind when you're doing it you've got a with nail character to you do what? Yeah I can actually imagine maybe it's just because you're both called Sean but I can imagine Sean Walsh doing it as well

Yeah yeah yeah We both support the same football team Maybe we're going to the same Both used to live in Brighton Yeah yeah yeah maybe it's a Brighton thing Yeah there we go Yeah maybe it is a Brighton thing eating chips. I've never thought about it.

It's big in the Brighton culture, fishing chips. Do you know, weirdly, I don't associate it with the beach. That's the thing with fish and chips. I don't associate it with like urban areas and walking around. There's something in the winter. Do you do this? I mean, there must be a semi-common thing that people do. They buy a bag of chips and walk around.

I don't eat and walk. You don't eat and walk ever? No, it's a waste. Of what? Both things. Okay, good answer. I can't enjoy either of them. Do you do this, James?

I've definitely eaten and walked, but I would rather sit down. If I got some fish and chips in the chip shop, I think, and we're out for the day, I'm looking for somewhere we can sit and have them. Well, if you're getting fish, if you haven't cod, you're not walking around. That's a tough walk. That's tricky, isn't it? Yeah. But I'm talking just a bag of chips.

Sausage isn't a tough walk? Yeah, but I don't... I'm just thinking of things that you can walk with from the fish and chip shop. There's a lot of things that aren't a tough walk. Go on. Was this a walking podcast or is it a food podcast? Oh, there's both now. The other one, he's ordered...

You've got a crossover appeal. Yeah, you do, I really. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I would have a sausage because I don't eat sausages. Yeah. But I'm more than welcome, if you want to have a nice walk with me,

and you have a little sausage and chips. Where's the walk happening? Where are we walking? I will walk from my place to a pub, say. Let's say it's early December, it's Christmas, go to the pub. Yeah.

This is, usually, it's on my way to having some drinks. Uh-huh. I really want to line myself. stomach in a cheap, easy way, fish and chip shop, get the bag, even a small chips, they load them in. And there's something in the winter when I'm holding that bag. It's like a furnace.

If it's cold, it's like a little furnace, don't you think? And I'm throwing like hot coals down by and it hurts. Yeah. And there's like the steam from your breath and the steam from the chips. It is tough warm. It's burning your fingers. It's a tough walk. Yeah, because I picked up the chip fork.

I've never used one in my life. life. I've never not picked one out. You don't know how to. I like, I use one of those. I love using the chip for. Do you? Yeah. The wooden one? Yeah, yeah. They're too small though, right? Yeah, yeah, too small. But I still like using them. But then often, you know,

if you get really good chips that you've changed them in vinegar and stuff, you're probably not picking up much. It's going right through them. But I really find that a very evocative thing. I find it's very, that's a nice treat that I give myself every, you know, semi-regular.

Once or twice a month. Just once or twice a month. As your wife had to sit you down and ask about how much you're spending on chips each month? I mean, I'm sure she will after listening to this. I'm sure that, I mean, it's in the horizon. But it's a nice thing. I think the fish and chip shop, the traditional chippy, my childhood. That was the first thing I was allowed to do on my own was going buy fish and chips to the family on Friday.

That was the first thing you're allowed to do on your own? On my own. It's in terms of leaving the house and doing something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just love it. Was that a big day? And they said, Sean. It was a terrifying day.

Yeah. They just gave me money when you were getting fish and chips. Yeah. What? I'm 17. 17. Have you seen...

No, I was a kid. I was like a little boy. I've almost certainly brought this up on the pod before, but have you seen the Japanese TV show Old Enough, I think it's called Olden, something like that. No, I'm not seen it.

It's on Netflix, it's only short episodes and it's, they basically send a tiny kid out to do the shopping or to do an errand and they film them secretly along the way to see what they did.

Well, no, it's like a game show, really. But the kid knows they're being filmed but doesn't know where any of the cameras are. Yeah. Wow. Like Truman? There's like, yeah.

Like consensual Truman show. Yeah. Like gardeners with like cameras in the lawn mowers and stuff. There's basically a little kid being like with a list of things to do. And they're like, they're like four. Yeah. And we have to see if this kid can like, how they can manage it. Or how much they fuck up is the best bit.

Yeah. There's a devastating episode where a kid gets, his mom lives right at the top of the hill. and he manages to get these apples and he gets halfway out the hill and they all fall out the bag and roll all the way down the hill. It's the most tragic thing I've ever seen. It's gripping.

That sounds great. I really want to watch this. There were no mishaps like that when I went to get fishing chips. I remember once I went in there and the £2 pound coin had just been launched. And the woman gave the guy change and £2 pound

and the guy was like, I'm not accepting that. And it was Friday night It was packed out This queue was packed Yeah And the guy went I'm not taking that two quid It's not real money

Yeah And she said it is real money And he went I'm not taking it And everyone was It was chow Across the whole line Two pound coin So that's the closest

There was an incident When I was getting fishing chips But I knew that I knew the couple Did he end up taking the two pound I don't believe he did No No

She had a few ones knocking around Yeah So it was a popular night You know I loved it when the two pound coin came in Hell of a coin. Hell of a coin.

Hell of a coin. I think they should have made that coin the one. Can you imagine the confusion in the fish bar that night? Can you imagine? This is now one pound. What? I think they should have made the middle one spin. Yeah.

On the two pound coin. Love where you head's out. I agree with that. Like John Cena's title. Like John Sena's title. Yeah, like John Cena's title. That's what I thought they were missing. Yeah.

That would have been cool. Middle one spun a bit. You could play with it. Then that man probably would have said, yeah, I'll take that. I think the one-pound coin should have just been a Game Boy. Yeah. That would have been fun as well, wouldn't it? Yeah, if we're talking about it, that's what I thought.

Yeah. I think it should have been a Game Boy as well. Yeah, why not? Your dream drink. I tell you what I really like to drink, and it's probably a side of how I've been living my life the last few years. The tiny bottles of red wine that give you on flights. Oh, boy.

This is the bleakest dance we've ever had to this. Is it? Yeah, we've done hundreds of episodes of this podcast. Is that bleak? I don't think we've had a bleak of answer to dream drink than the tiny little wines you get on planes. I love how I feel if I'm on a long, late-night flight, maybe I'm flying back across the seas.

And they bring around the trolley. And I go, I'll have red wine. Sometimes they just give you two, straight out the gate. I ask for two. You ask for two? Well, there you go. And you can't just ask for two. Of course you can.

Yeah, yeah. They're not going to shame you on the spot in front of everyone. Shame doesn't enter my mind at this point. Yeah. But it's good to know the option is there to ask. Ask and you shall receive, right? Yeah. So they always say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the British Airways motto. Yeah, they came up for that. Yeah. And I sit there and I guess it's the altitude. I don't know what it is. I love drinking wine. Yeah.

But for some reason, when I'm on a plane and I'm in that reduced space, and it's a bit claustrophobic and the air is a bit different. And I'm watching like rush hour three or whatever. Get a bit of that wine. It just feels different. I don't know why. I agree. I'm probably a bit tired. You know, it's a late flight.

I don't think it's bleak. It's quite a nice little moment of like luxury in a pretty horrible sterile environment. See, I like long flights because you're like enclosed, you're just getting your own little world, really, and you get little drinks and there's films and there's nothing you can do but just sit there.

Yeah, I mean, I'm now well past the point of enjoying them because I've been travelling so much. Yeah. But that is like a real treat for me. I mean, I guess the drink is red wine, but specifically, can it make me feel the way I feel when it's like 11pm and I'm in the air? So we've actually, for this dream meal,

you're on the move a lot. Yeah? I'm an active guy. The first couple of courses, well, I mean, do you want to go to the Lala Cafe for the Omelet? Sure. Do you want the bus driver's there? I like the ambience.

Yeah, yeah. And then you're going to... Adam, is it Adams? For the Ethiopian platter. And then you're walking with the chips. This is really nice. You're walking to the airport. Got the bus drivers to give you a lift to the main course.

To Gatwick. Just from the starter to the main course, one of the bus drivers to take you by bus. It's not that far. Yeah, but then, I'm just saying it adds a little thing, don't it? I guess it would. You'd be on the bus, and then you're walking with your chips, and then you're getting on a plane.

Ideally, it would be one of the ones that hasn't just lost, like, 50 quid, on the horses or something, because they don't trust them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll promise you a bus driver whose life hasn't just been devastated by his gambling addiction. If you can promise that, that I'd be happy to take you up on that offer. Okay. Because I enjoy public transport as well, so that would be really nice for me. You're like that, yeah.

So you're hopping on a plane for this. Is there any particular red wine you'd like, or is it whatever they've got on the plane? Red wine, I guess it's Coddorone. Is that good? Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I mean, it's all dependent. Dependent on what? Who's made it, where it's made, the vintage.

I'll have a good one. House Red. British Airways, House Red, please. How likely I get a good one? Sorry, Cote Deroon is made in Cote Dron so it doesn't depend on... That's what I thought that, yeah. Sorry, I just clear that out. I thought you're a big wine guy, aren't you?

Not a big wine guy, I like it. You're a whiny? Yeah. How likely I'd you get a good one on a plane? It's a genuine question. I've never had wine on a plane. I'd usually go for a cocktail. Do you?

I go for ginger ale and whiskey. So it's not really a cocktail. I'll make it. It's just a... Well, that was the original meaning of cocktail was just booze and sugar, so... Yeah. Wow, I didn't know that.

So I was do that on a plane. Do you? Do you? I like a red wine because it also helps you sleep if it's an over... It will help me maybe snooze a bit. I mean, in theory, it's never worked.

Sure. But that's partly because I'm too tall for planes. Yes. Is it good wine? Because, I mean, I've never... They've never handed me a... you know, a lovely, lovely whiskey.

It's just, you know, whatever they've got knocking around. I mean, I think it's probably, I reckon the base standard of wine is higher than the base standard of whiskey across the board anyway. Is that fair to say? I think that might be fair to say. A cheaper bottle of wine is always going to be a higher quality than a cheaper whiskey. Do you want us to upgrade you on the flight? I've been upgraded a few times recently.

Is it better wine? I wouldn't know. Yeah. I mean, I don't, when I get, if I'm in an economy premium, and they go, would you like some wine? I go, for comparison, can I have some of the shit wine from the back as well? Yeah. I've actually never said that.

You should do that. Yeah. Well, now I know I can ask. Yeah. I want two bottles, but I want one of them from economy. One from business. And don't tell me which is which, and I have to work it out. Yeah.

And I'll put on the sleep mask when you pour them. Put on the King of Queens for me, please. Yeah. Put on the King of Queens. Any episode. Thank you. In business class, that is actually about kings and queens. Queensland.

Yeah, yeah. It's very different. Yeah. It's the crown. Do you mean the crown, sir? You must be the crown. He got upgraded today. He doesn't know what it's called.

Oh, dear. Yeah. I don't know. Probably, it's probably not great one. There's something about that moment. It's the atmosphere in the environment. Because I don't enjoy traveling. Yeah.

And all I do is travel. And I don't enjoy the, I don't enjoy it anymore. The planes, airports. That I find is like a real nice little island. Mentally, I have my little wine. This is for work, you're travelling a lot. Yeah, and for play. Oh.

Is that a... I mainly travel for work, but also my wife's from overseas. I travel to see her family a lot. Yeah. Is that play? Like, it's not work. See your in-laws and go, it's not work. Who's up for a play?

Yeah, you figure, yeah, I'm here for play. I'm here to play. I mean, if those are the terms, work and play. I mean, if I'd have said for visit, would you've taken that as an answer? No, because that's not grammatically correct, is it? You can't go, it's for visit. So I say it's for play.

Pleasure? Business or pleasure. Business or pleasure? I guess when you think about it, I mean, that's the phrase they would ask you, but that's as weird as... My in-laws would ask me that. Well, sometimes at the airport they ask you that.

Business or pleasure. But that sounds as weird as work or play. If they said to me, work or play, I'd think that was weird, but actually, business or pleasure, sounds really dirty. sounds more perverted. Pleasure then.

Yeah, I go for pleasure. But I enjoy my work, so it's all a pleasure. Well, I've never answered that question with one or the other. If someone says, business or pleasure, I'll always wink and say a bit of both. Do you? No. I'm really glad you said that you don't say that. I might say a bit of both, but I wouldn't couple it up with a wink.

You've got to read the room. Yeah. If you've got a fun person at Customs, then you think it will fly and not hinder your trip. and delay you then throw in a wink bit of both throwing a wink I'm winking in my passport photo as well so it's actually quite helpful

yeah he's got a little ting on his teeth yeah yeah it breaches all international law your passport photo do you ever get asked what your job is at customs

and have to say I'm a comedian and then brace yourself for any follow-up questions yeah sometimes has anyone ever asked you to tell a joke or anything Yeah, and I just delivered my full hour and a half long set to rapturous applause. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It goes really well. All the other questions people come over. It's a great show, I'm a good writer. I weren't really hard on my jokes. I don't think they ask you that much, though. I don't get that question that often. Where do you get that? America.

US, yeah. US. Well. Yeah, first time I went there. Yeah. The guy was like, what are you here for? What's your job? Comedian.

And he literally went, tell me a joke. Yeah. And I was like, I don't really like do jokes on my set. And I can't, and my mind's gone blank. I can't think of him right now. He's like, why's your mind going blank? I was like, I'm a bit nervous. He's like, why are you nervous?

Wow. And I was like, I cannot believe how badly this is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just had to say, I'm, I literally had to say to him, I went, to be honest, mate, I'm just quite an anxious person and this is like pretty full on. And he went, oh, okay, he realized he'd gone too far. He went, okay, probably didn't need to do this to this guy. Okay. Well, you know what happened?

I've surely told you about what happened to me when I went to the States for work, when I was making a TV show, and at customs they said, why are you here? And I said, I'm shooting a pilot. Oh my God, I've not heard that before. That is clean. We arrive at your dream dessert.

We've been all over. You've been on planes, buses, which was not forced on you at all. You've walked around. Thank you. Eating your chips. Where are we now? Are we off the plane now? We're off the plane.

Where have we landed? Probably my living room again. Oh, directly in your living room? Well, I guess we doesn't have to be. Yeah. Well, we'll figure this out as I say it. How about that? Okay.

Because I've liked you've helped me lead me on this nice little journey. Sugar is my vice. If I have a vice in this life, it's probably sugar. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you must, you connect with that though. I do, but I don't think I'd phrase it like a Matt Berry character. But yeah, yeah, sugar is my vice.

If I have a vice in this life, it would be sugar. I'm just, I'm trying to attract a more sort of upscale audience. Yes. I think it's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I would say, yeah, absolutely, sugar is my vice. So you're trying to attract.

And shoplifting. Yeah. Yeah. You're trying to attract a more upscale audience. And this is what you're doing with the Sean McTalk show, is it? Yeah, it is. And to be honest, my upscale audience attempts are going to be undermined by my choice of dessert. Yeah. And guests.

And guests. Pellam I'm going to help you help me. What was that you were saying about him being a popular guest on this show? Yeah, yeah, we're not upscale. Yeah. Well, fair enough. We've gum. We are, this is a very common podcast.

Respect. Thank you. It's good that you know yourselves. Yeah. Anyway, sugar. I like sugar. Yes. It's important I'm trying to make.

And I actually have to stop, I have to not have it around ever. Yeah. Because I will just keep, it will keep going in there. Yeah. And it will send me crazy. And I really struggle to like resist. The minute I have one bit of chocolate, it's like, it's over. Yeah.

So when you say it sends you crazy, does it send you crazy because you can't stop eating it? Or does it send you crazy? Like, you know, is it stressing you out? All of it. Right. Like any description of, it sends him crazy is what's happening. Like I start talking different. I swear.

My eyes are darting even more than normal. Yeah. You're chocolate crazy football mad. Chocolate crazy football. What a great way of putting it, Ed. Yeah, yeah. I can tell YouTube and do it this a while because you always choose the shortest path to anywhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so I was thinking, what do I want? What do I want? What do I need here? If I really wanted to, like, indulge myself, what do I deny myself the most? And I sort of thought about big fancy dessert.

But the honest truth is, I just want a full packet of McVitties dark chocolate digestives. What the hell? That's what I want. I thought we were heading somewhere really special. I'm a sugar addict and I love it so much. He means he's an addicts. He just wants as many of something as possible. But I also think a dark chocolate digestive from McVitties is as good as any fancy dessert.

Okay, that's weird. No, it's not weird. You're weird. Okay, look, mate. You shouldn't have given me that digestive before. I don't think it's weird. I think it's nice. I went to a nice French restaurant last week.

French rent-trant. Is that what I said? That's French for French restaurant. I went to a French rent-trant last week. And there was creme brulee ordered. I didn't order any because I tried to stay clear as sugar. But obviously, people couldn't finish their creme brule. And I was like, I'll have a couple bites.

Yeah. This is a nice, that's a fancy dessert. Yeah. Lovely. And if you like sugar. Yeah. Hello. But it's not, I was like, this isn't as good as a dark chocolate digestive.

And did you tell the way to that? Yeah, I did. He didn't know what I was talking about. Very good. That's what he said. Who isle McVitis? Digestif? Dejastiff? Yeah.

Very good. Yeah, it's good. Was that Ethiopian? Yeah, for the listeners, that wasn't Ethiopian. Just for the listeners. None of this has been. None of the voices you've heard here have been Ethiopian. Do you not, I mean, I guess that is a weird choice.

But it's like, I have to be honest with myself. Once a year, I'll allow myself. to have a packet of dark chocolate digestives in my life. Once a year. Because for me, I don't have anything again. I like a dark chocolate digestive. I'll eat it.

But I would say for a sugar head, it's not even the best McVitia's digestive. I'd say you've got to get the caramel, the one with the layer of the caramel mel and the... I knew, I figured you were going there. But I suppose what the dark chocolate digestive has, it does have nostalgic value for me,

because my grandma always used to eat them. The dark chocolate one The dark chocolate digestive The dark chocolate is not a choice Because of your wife's veganism No You would have that you would buy those As a matter of course anyway

Over the milk I don't think they're vegan I have a feeling digestives aren't vegan How? Butter? Probably butter Okay That's what I think

A buttery biscuit Well it's not the most buttery biscuit But it We're not allowed to say Bustery biscuit anymore Why not? Oh yeah Why aren't you allowed to say

Buttery biscuit? You're not allowed to You can probably say But don't add any other words to it. You can't say buttery biscuit. You can say buttery biscuit, but don't add another word to it. Wait a minute. Why? What's happened here?

Am I about to get kicked out? No. I know what you mean about the caramel out. Yeah. I just, I think a dark childhood digestive, I guess there is a childhood warmth there. My grandma had them. I'd go, we'd go around her house.

I'd be given a Mars bar. The adults would be sitting there eating dark chocolate digestives. And I've been like, that's what the grown-ups. That's what the grown-ups are. Oh, wow. They really tricked you with that. Yeah.

Yeah, they really did. Because you got a mask bar, that's pretty lush. Yeah, and they've got dark chocolate digestive. They're thinking, they didn't trick me. It's my own insecurities

were obvious from a very young age. Very young age. They could have tricked you more. You could have looked over in there dipping like carrots in their teeth and stuff. Yeah, carrots in the hummus.

That's where that comes from. I mean, I came from a very tricky family. It was like jackass. my God punching each other in the face yeah yeah they're encusted down their pants

yeah it's horrible yeah hence the barocca up the butt yeah hence that which was a story you told from your childhood earlier one of my favourite childhood anecdotes yeah

are you dipping it in these biscuits in anything or are you just power how quickly could you power through a whole packet of dark chocolate digestives do you think how many

how many are in a packet wouldn't know guess but Googling it 20? Oh, that feels high. It does feel high, but I'd say between 15 and 20. I reckon, genuinely, if more than half the packet is still there by the time I've walked through my front door, I've done really well.

Yeah. So you're in the front door. I'm on the move as well. I'm on the move. Again. Yeah. I'm on the run. You're talking about being on the run.

I'm on the run. Are you taking bites? Are you just posting in a whole biscuit like a C-Doh? Posting? Yeah. No, I'm, I'll take a bite. I'll tip it in some tea. I'll have a cup of tea.

I'll have some milk in the tea I'll have some milk in the tea I dip them in love that feeling living room yeah warmth cozy

winter again I really associate a lot of this stuff with like the cold I guess cold dark childhood like British winter months I love it

and I do I do think for a mass produced product it's pretty artisanal I think if the chocolate digestive did not exist did not exist and someone

invented it Like a fancy... Name me a good chef. You know good chefs, right? Harry Ramston, is he a good chef? Yeah. The best. If Harry Ramston invented it...

It's the best chef in the world. We'd be going crazy. Yeah. They'd be like, how do we make the public? How do we make this more accessible to the public? Yeah. I don't think we know what we've got with these things. Yeah.

I prefer a hobnob. Yeah, since the interview's over. Yeah. Is it really... Yeah, a chocolate hobnob or a regular hobnoblob. Yeah, I'm over them. Yeah, I'm Stephen Koebner. Why?

I don't like the texture. It's all like, I feel like someone's like taken all the sweepings from like a hamster hutch or something and made it into a biscuit. I think you've been pranged. I probably have by the Jackass crew. Yeah. The McLaughlin family, Poplaram family, Jackass Day. They made you eat hamster cage.

Yeah. How many biscuits are we talking? This is a 260 grand packet, by the way. That's always how I judge the packets, by the way. 16, we're right. 16, we're right. You were right between 15 and 20. Got it there.

Got it there. Eight on the way home and then eight when you get back in. Surely I don't eat eight on the way home. But do I? How far away is the shop? Five minutes to co-op. Yeah. Five minutes.

You're eating two. Maybe less. Surely it's two maximum on the way home, isn't it? You're not getting anywhere near eight. I've waited 12 months for this. Do you know what I'm saying? Once a year. I love that you do.

All of the, every course is you know how many times you'll have it throughout the year. Yeah. Because I have to be. Once or twice a month is a treat. We never had a guest on. knows exactly how many times they have each course. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah. You're welcome.

Unless they pick Christmas dinner. I have this twice a month. It's once a year. I probably do have it. Once a year, I'll allow myself to do it. Maybe 1st of December. And you'll have the whole pack. What if you get home, you've had eight on the way home, you step in your door and your wife goes, I'll carve one of them.

So you're not going to have the whole pack if you give that one of the way. I think it's more having in the pack in my wife. hands is the feeling. I'm a generous guy. I'm happy to share them around. I'm not a, I'm not Scrooge McBiscuit. What if you walk in and there's eight people? You're a short

talk show. I'm not Scrooge McClisket. Yeah, that'd be a stupid name. Scrooge McBiscuit. Yeah, it'd be really stupid. What if you change your talk show name to Scrooge McBiscuit? Just do it. Sales up. It's not gone on the internet, yeah? You can still change it to Scrooge McBiscuit if you want. Increase in viewers.

increase in morale. That's what I would say. But you know what Scrooge McDuck did? What? He swam around in a bath of money. Yeah. Would you have a bath of biscuits? Yeah. Are you sponsored by like a bath company?

Yeah. Get on that, Benito. Get on that. I would have a bath of biscuits, but only because of the biscuits. And I think actually my naked body being in contact with the biscuits would probably jeopardise them. It depends if you get in the empty bath first and they poured the biscuits in or whether they poured a layer of biscuits in.

The idea of being naked in a bath and they're going, right, you can pour the biscuits on me now. Feels like, and not even for charity. Like, what a sad day. Yeah. What a sad life. I don't want it to be digestive. So I think I'd take custard creams over that.

They're smaller. So I think they'd cover you with like a bit more, like, they wouldn't just like sit on top of you as much. There's more dignity to a bath of custard creams than a bath of chocolate digestives. I think people can see through the digesters a bit more of how they're falling on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's holes in them. There's holes in them as well. Well, they're little holes. Are there? Holes in a chocolate digestive. I mean, the worst would be party rings. What if one just

slotted over your boy perfectly? Rename them glory holes. Doesn't bear thinking about. I don't read your menu back to you now and see how you feel about it. Beneat, I didn't like that joke. No? Well, that's not.

I'm not up his street, humor-wise. Yeah, well, we never have been. And the poor guy absolutely devastated that this took off. Now we've got him in golden handcuffs.

He can't leave. You're in golden handcuffs, mate. There's a space going at the Sean McTorkepte I'll tell you that. There's more than one space. Yeah, that'll be... You're leaving.

More than one space. You've left, there's host. You need a house? Need a psychic, need a host, need a guest. What a surprise for your wife when she opens the boiling cupboard and bonito's in there.

Boiling cupboard. Boiling cupboard. He's not a plumber to be Faire to. Air and cupboard. It's just a cupboard. Boiler cupboard. We always keep one cupboard boiling cupboard boiling in our house.

That's why I've got one benito. We don't have a soda. We just have loads of electric radiators just going in there. I'd love it if you went to a spa and they went, would you like to step into the boiling cupboard? Well, it is a boiling cupboard. Sorry, it's my first day.

I don't know the thing. Yeah. No one's explained any of these things to me. Still water. Yeah. You would like Baz Lama with Sue. with supermarket hummus,

starter, avocado omelette and Moroccan coffee from Lala Cafe. Main course, Ethiopian veggie platter from Adams' side bag of chippy shop chips. You eat it on the go. Drink a tiny bottle of red wine on a flight.

Or two. Or two, if they will allow you. There's a full pack of dark chocolate with these digestives. You know, it may not be the most expansive or cultured list. But I'm very happy with that. And I think that would be a nice,

I think most people would enjoy that. I think you should be proud of that menu. I think there's some delicious things on there. And it told us a lot. Every course told us a little bit about your life. Yeah. Thank you, Ed. And that's what this podcast is all about.

I think anyone, you know, who's new to the world of Sean McLaughlin knows exactly who you are now. Yes. Yeah? Yeah, I think it's very clear. That's really good to know, man. If you want to find out more,

you should go and see Sean do White Elephant. Yeah. Or watch the Sean McTorckton show. When you say do white elephant, that's the name of the show. That's not like, it's not what I, it's not, we're not doing heroin. I'm doing a show. Is that a heroin thing? No, I don't know, but do white elephant feels weird.

Do it, do his show, white elephant. My show is called white elephant. I was trying to plug it, man. I appreciate it. It's quite aggressive. He's trying to help you. Yeah. Okay.

And I'd say watch the Sean McTalk show, but there's absolutely no way it's ever making it online. Not making it online. And let's face it, if it does, we're not going to point you in that direction. When does this, when does the recording start? Thanks for coming in, Sean. Thank you, Sean. Thanks, guys. Loved that, James. What a chat with Sean. Everything I hoped it would be.

Yes. Quite frankly, although I would have also liked him to pick him out the dream mess time. Yeah. But that didn't happen. But other than that, everything I hoped to cut. I mean, my favourite bit, probably get the worded wrong, but was like, if that makes you feel good. I said that to you? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, if that. You like anything? anyone being short or annoyed with me? Yeah. Yeah. As in being short with me in conversation. As in you don't love anyone being short and people who are annoyed with me.

No. No. But I like the kind of like... Yeah. Somehow you're the one who's got under their skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You love that. Really makes me laugh.

Because it shouldn't happen because you're the annoying one. I'm actively trying to. Yeah, yeah. So the fact that you've kind of like walked into it somehow is really fun. And it normally happens with everyone. comics because then you are actively trying to as well. Sure, if I know them, I can't wait. Yeah, yeah.

Can't wait to annoy them. Go and see Sean on tour doing a show, White Elephants, Sean McLaughlin Comedy.com for tickets. And of course, sorry, Ed was just saying hello to Benito because Benito was swatted a fly around his head and looked like he was waving. And obviously watch Sean McTalk show on YouTube. Yeah, Sean McTalklander, that's what it's called. That's what it's called.

We learned the name. It was worth the reveal. on air. Yeah, I can see why he didn't want to tell us over text. Yeah. We're assuming Sean McTorke Show is now on YouTube.

If it's not, it's gone very wrong. Yeah, yeah. But you should demand it. But you should, don't like, demand it from Sean, demand it from YouTube.

Yes. That where's Sean McTorke's show? We thought this was coming out. That's all you need to say. Yeah. And hello, Sean, if you're listening as well. Yeah, hello,

Sean. You didn't say elephant. Thanks, Sean. Yeah, thanks, Sean. That's that then. I guess, well, Guy Benito's got to open the door, get a fly out the room.

Yeah. Take care of yourselves. Bye. I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. You might remember us from when we were guests on off-menu where I tried to find where I got seaweed mash and we had to call my mum.

And I talked about how my mum was worried that I might drown in my own body. That's cool. And we've got some exciting news. We've sorted your Valentine's Day plans again as we're doing a special live recording of the podcast on Valentine's Day, aka Saturday the 14th of February.

Yes, we've got a lovely venue. It's at the Underbelly Boulevard in Soho, London. We had so much fun at the last Valentine's Day show. Yes, and we both absolutely overshared. Will we do it again? You'll have to come along and find out. Okay, yes, yes, we will. So that's Saturday, 14th of February at Underbelly Boulevard,

and you can get tickets on the link in our bio and our Instagram.