Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Sharon Wanjohi

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

Fast-rising stand-up Sharon Wanjohi joins us in the Dream Restaurant this week. But, uh oh, she’s scraped her knee! Sharon Wanjohi is at the Edinburgh Fringe until the 24th August with her debut show ‘In The House’. For dates and tickets go to edfringe.com. Follow Sharon on Instagram @sharonwanjohi_ and TikTok @sharonsforehead Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, hi James. Have you heard the news? Oh, yeah, go on. You and I are modern boys, because the off-menu podcast is now on YouTube. This is embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing, man? You love YouTube. I love watching clips on YouTube, sure. Now people can watch clips of off-menu on YouTube, but it's embarrassing, man. It's not embarrassing at all. It's really cool. We're on YouTube with the great and good. The coolest people in the world are on YouTube. Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession? At Off Menu podcast, that's what Benito's calling us now. And we're on TikTok. This is embarrassing, man. It's not embarrassing, man, we're cool. We're like Olivia Rodrigo. And Ed, people have been asking us, badgering us, bothering us, actually. They want to watch the Stephen Graham Supercut from the Stephen Graham episodes.

They can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did. Or Benito has bent to their whims, and he's going to put it on YouTube. He's going to do it. Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok at Off Menu Podcasts on YouTube Welcome to the off menu podcast of Kuma sitting by the River Choir Friendship

and eating the Cobra of Food Podcasts. Filming? That is a gamble, My name is James Ake. Because Robert De Niro is filming Deer Hunter. They sat by the river choir and he ate cobra. So that's the intro. To give her we own a dream restaurant every single week.

It's pretty basic, man. We're inviting a guest. We ask them their favourite ever start. Robert De Niro is on the podcast. Side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Sharon Juan Jovi. A wonderful comic. Sharon is absolutely brilliant.

I've gigs with her a few times. She's always fantastic. She's got a great vibe. Yeah. So I'm looking forward to having her on the pod. We've never gig together, Sharon and I. No. I've watched her videos on YouTube,

which is very funny and heard so many good things from so many comedians. I'm very excited to actually finally be in the room. James doesn't kick with any new comics because he refuses to do mixed bill shows. Yes. Yeah, why do I have to do that? Why don't I do a mixed bill show? James likes to go to Bill Murray and do his little shows for everyone. Yes.

And not look another comedian in the eye. Bull's eye. You're looking at bull's eye. you're looking a bull's eye but you won't look in a comedian's eye I'm all looking a bull's eye yeah I'm not scared but listen I'm excited to be on a podcast

yes with an up and coming comedian absolutely however if Sharon says the secret ingredient an ingredient which we have deemed to be unacceptable then we will be kicking him out of the dream restaurant

and this week the secret ingredient is anything that's good anything that's good another reference to Bob De Niro yeah we're Look, we're recording this on the day that the De Niro episode went out. Yeah.

So there is, you know, there's a lot of talk about, you know, someone suggested online that we had anything as long as it's good. Which was Bob's answer to a lot of the courses, which we respect. So Sharon would have to say that phrase. So we're not going to get rid of Sharon if she says anything that's good. Yeah. But if she says, oh, anything as long as it's good, then out. Yes. Bye-bye.

Yeah, bye-bye. Also, huge shout out to the person who commented that it was a real shame that Robert De Niro had done our podcast because it means like it gave this particular listener the vision of a dystopian future where even this amazing Hollywood star has to go on these silly little podcasts and promote their wares. And then they ended the post, I believe, by saying, no disrespect to the lads. Yeah, it really made me laugh Yeah Ed shared that on the Off menu WhatsApp group this morning Oh Benito shared it

Yeah But I was very glad to see it Either way I was delighted to see it It was very funny Very good That person was listening Thank you very much

We appreciate you being in our corner Yeah Sharon is doing her debut show At the Edinburgh Fringe At the Pleasence So if you're heading up to Edinburgh Make sure you grab What is definitely going to be

A Hot ticket Yeah you've got to get along to that show, but for now. This is the off-menu-menu-menu of Sharon Juan Johi. Welcome Sharon to the dream restaurant. Welcome to Sharon Whitejohie to the deep restaurant, but it's many of us time. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, needo, ninor. Sorry, I thought we were doing sound effects when I got really excited.

I mean, James was doing a sound effect, I suppose, of bursting out of a lamp, but Hamanah, Hamanan, Nino, Nina. I haven't heard Hamanah, Humberna, Humberna. Oh, we need to ring it back. That's good. Homanah supremacy, baby. Where was the last time you heard Humberna, Humberna? I mean, it's got to be a cartoon or an American sitcom of some sort.

I'm pretty sure that growing up, someone would quite regularly say Humberna, Humberna, what were you? What's your frame of reference for that show? Just on the streets. I think it's the go-to cat call. I heard it this morning on the way here. Someone said Humberna Humbera, do you? Oh, yeah, I was disgusted. But it's vintage.

I was kind of like, okay, I see, a throwback. When you turned around, did it turn out that the person who said it was a cartoon wolf and their tongue was unrolling and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit themselves on the head with the mallet. And their eyes burst out there. Nino-N-N-O-N-O-I-N-O-I've heard.

Yeah. That's more recent. That's never going away. No, hey, I haven't heard it after Humberna-Humina-Humina before. Homba-Humna-N-N-N-N-O. Yeah, yeah. Humberna-M-N-N-N-N-O is a good one. Welcome, are you a foodie?

I eat food Okay Yes I think that's the full extent I'm not like a This pair as well With a whale fin sourced in Iceland

in 2014 Like I'll just eat If it's If it looks good I'm eating it Would you eat a whale fin That was sourced in Iceland In 2014

Maybe in secret Yeah In secret Maybe if no one found out Just to say I did it Yeah Yeah You can't say you did it

Because it's in secret To myself I'd walk around With my head held high And I'd be like I ate a whale fin Anyone brings you down?

Anyone says humana, humana to you on the street? Hey, buddy, I ate a whale fin. I'll have you know. Actually, I think that would work. I think if you get the cat callers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they'll back off. Yeah.

If someone said, I ate a whale thing. I ate a whale fin. I'd call the police for someone said that to me. Ni-no-nino. They come in with the Nino-N-N-N-N-Os. You've got a show that you're taking to the Edinburgh Festival. I am. So exciting.

Can you reveal what it's called? No, because I haven't named it yet. It's still three months. It's still cooking in the belly. No, we won't. Today is the way we're going to come up with the name. At some point during the episode, together, we're all going to... Humana, humana. It's obviously the front runner in the moment. How are you spelling that for the poster?

H-U-M-I-H-U-M-I. Is that crazy? I see an eye in it for some reason. I is a very sexy letter, I think. So I think it has that kind of... Is it the sexiest letter? No, I'd argue it's E. E? Yeah.

E for it. It's like, kind of. curvy, but in like a sharp way. The best of both worlds, you know. Lower casey. No, no. Hell no. How dare you? Have some respect to me, please.

Uppercasey, obviously. Is that curvy? Yeah, I think so. It's like a 90s supermodel. Maybe like Euro. The Euro-E. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's the association. Like, hmm, E, Italians.

Wait, do they use Euros in Italy? Last time I checked. Okay, thank you. I've never been, so I don't know. I'm glad that Edna's stuff. That's true, right, Benito. Google what currency they use in Italy. Okay, so Humana, Humana, Nino, Nino is currently the frontrunner for what your show's going to be called. What can people expect from this show?

The debut show. Yes, my first baby. I'm going to be a mother, you guys. What can people expect fun, pussy money, weed. Good vibes, cool people, two for one, entry. I just want to talk about life. Yeah. I think I might be the first person to do that.

I don't think anyone said ever, back to back, it's about Pussy Moneyweed, two for one entry. Is that not make you excited to come? I guess like Pussy Moneyweed, I hear that and I'm thinking someone's talking about having a lot of money rather than it being good value for the people who are paying to see that. Yeah, sure. You don't turn up and expect to hear about a bunch of bargains.

Some money saving tips. I mean, we've had some people come on the podcast in the past and choose weed. Really? Yeah. As an option? That is a pairing thing with... Yeah, with dishes.

Genius. Has anyone done pills yet? No, I don't even stuff. You prefer pills? Is this on record? I've never tried drugs. Is this thing on? I've never tried drugs, ever.

I've never taken a paracetamol. I've never tried coffee. How dare you even insinuate that? I'm a good Christian woman. I'll have you know. I don't even have the... wine at church. I'd like to speak about your

favourite bits of the Bible. Oh, all of it is so juicy. I don't even know where to begin. What's your favourite part of the Bible? What was my favourite part? I like it when Jesus trashes the temple. Yeah. That is good, actually. That gets glossed over so much.

The fact, he absolutely trashed the fuck out of a temple once. Not what we're supposed to do. Have you read that one, the bit that's supposed to be like, that was edited out of the Bible, like Jesus is a teenager, when he, like, blinds a kid. No. What?

Have you read that one? Look out, Benita, that's true. Apparently, there's a bit of the Bible, they cut it, they cut out. It's about, because you never hear about Jesus as a teenager. No. And, like, one of the stories is he gets annoyed with a kid and blinds him with his magic powers. Oh, my God. Jesus has an ASBO.

Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. That's so fun. Makes sense that he would. Have an ASBO. Or that he would not, you know, growing up with his powers. That he, as a teenager, he would misuse them at some point. It makes sense.

I think they should have left it in. Like that connects me more to Jesus. Yeah, 100%. We all had a difficult teenage years, right? I was at Housebody and I could turn water wine. I'm doing that to humans, mate. Water to aftershock. Had it even been invented yet.

That was like, what is this? Blue liquid. This is great. I'm going to have a hangover for sure. But then I guess if it is like during the school years, it will get a bit Harry Potter when it will be a bit like the Harry Potter series, I imagine. The Christians are great. going to come for you.

Yeah? My parents are questions, so they're going to get me straight away. They're going to text me. You should have said that stuff, you're going to hell. Benito, I want to be factually accurate. What are we looking at here? Benito can't find anything about blinding a kid,

so now I'm worried I've made that up. So apologies to anyone who's across the scripture. No. If you start a rumor about Jesus, that's cool. Yeah, give it 100 years. That's happened. Yeah, yeah, that's true. We always start with. It's still a sparkling water, Sharon.

Do you have a preference? Sparkling all the way. All the way. All the way. I love it. It makes me feel like, it's like the water equivalent of an LSD trip. But I've never done drugs, so I wouldn't know what that feels like. You're obsessed with you, right?

Yeah. You're our most drug-obsessed guest ever. Yeah. But you've never done them. You just like the idea of them. I just like the idea of them. I imagine that's what it'd be like. Yes.

Love a bit sparkling water. I like it when it's like a brand you've never heard of before. And it's like at the back of the fridge. No one's touched it for like 25 years. And it just tastes like TV. static. Put that inside me. That's interesting because we've had the TV static thing before, but it's normally people

saying that they hate that. But you like the idea of tasting TV static. I think it's so whimsical. Yeah. How many parts of the day do we get to inject a bit of whimsy? Have some funny water that bubbles on your dang. It's so like bubble, bubble, toil and travel. It's great.

I love it. You went into which territory at the end? Yes. Is that not allowed? No, you can. I'm just wondering if that's the vibe you'd like for your water course. Do you want it from a cauldron? Oh my God, bubbling, yeah.

I want to see like a frog, like, just kind of hanging on the side. Get me a glass of that, please, waiter. I'll have ten. Do they all hang out in groups of three witches? Is it? Well, that's the classic. It is the classic. That's a stereotype.

And we don't really like that stereotype. We? Yeah. Like, I'll have like a big, you know, trip to Magaloof with the girls. And it's like seven of us. So it's not always just like three witches. Sometimes it's more. Sometimes it really depends on the friendship you form, you know.

How many are going to Magaloo for witches? Seven or seven or seven? It was meant to be seven, one dropped out yesterday, which is really annoying because we've kind of already paid for everything. But, you know, she's trying to get Eye of Newt at the moment, which is really hard. So, you know, we'll leave her to do her thing and just kind of send her pictures in the group chat, you know. When you get the Eye of Newt, does it have to be alive? The Newt, as you scoop it out. It depends on what you're trying to do with it.

I think if it's like topical, I think it's better to have it powdered, then you can control the kind of, we've really kind of be a bit off. I'm actually thinking about it now. I'm like to get Eye of New. Yeah, no, I'd like to know about it. I'm sure there's some shock. so you can get eye of new in. Oh, 100%. Yeah.

Which is a very inn, right? Are they? Yeah. Is it the time of the witch? It feels like it's the time of the witch. I felt like the time of the witch was when that film came out. The witch? The which.

The which. The Lizzie McGuire movie. The craft. Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking of the craft. But now I think like a lot of people buy crystals and stuff and say they're a witch, right? Yeah, and I like that. Yeah, you like that.

I think it's fun. You're a crystal lady? Yeah. If I bought a tennis racket tomorrow, I'd tell everyone. when I was pro-tennis. Why does it change just because it's crystals? What? Nobody needs to know.

I mean, tennis rackets work for the reason that they're made though, right? Yeah. What are you saying about crystals? What is bullshit, Sharon? Oh, I'm going to curse you. I'm going to curse you. I'd say a tennis racket. You can at least prove that it is a tennis racket by hitting a ball with it

and it works in a game of tennis. I'm not saying crystals don't work, but I'm just saying it's harder to go. I'm just saying you can play tennis without charging. your racket in a full moon. You will both begin to turn blue in three days. I'm not saying, this is a warning. I've let you know. If you say stuff like that,

you sound like Jesus when he was 14. That's what he used to say to kids. You're going to turn blue. You keep bully at me. Do you want anything in that water? Do you want any ice, any slice? Apart from the frog's leg. No, I just want to, just apart from the frog's leg.

I want to get straight to the water. I don't want to have to fight my way through. these giant ice cubes that are now suddenly popular can I just say giant ice cubes need to get in the bin sorry that's something I'm really passionate about how dare you overload my

I've asked for a little bit of ice yeah why am I just seeing ice in the cup why am I chewing my drink that's rude 100% the other day so like I'm trying to stop drinking well I've stopped drinking for a bit I mean yeah I'll go back to it

yeah you will there's no way I'm doing it forever but I'm having a little break yeah it's been about a month and I went somewhere and I'll try the alcohol-free cocktails I had a no groaning they bought it over

with a block of ice in it that was like as big as the entire contents of the glass which is okay when it's a boozy drink you kind of accept that it's not okay really but you accept it when it's a mocktail you really get fucked off because it's the same price as a normal it's the same price

there's hardly anything and it's basically just juice Oh, my God. I stopped writing. Two sips and it was gone. And then the waiter turned up and I was like, you know, I was a bit annoyed. But the waiter turned for my own, oh, you finished that quickly. I went, yeah.

It was fuck all in it. It was made in the ice, that's why. That's cheeky. They were taunting you. That was a social experiment to see if you'd say anything. Yeah. I mean, I get it with a booze cocktail, but I'd rather have no ice in it. Just give me a very cold glass.

A warm jug of alcohol. Very cold glass. And then when you're shaking or mixing a cocktail, it gets a cold anyway so freezing cold glass cocktail in there because I'm knacking it anyway Sharon

it's going down quick I don't need ice in there to keep it cold over the next half an hour when I drink it just need to be in my body yeah yeah yeah

just put the cold drink in my body as quickly as possible you shake because you love alcohol so much yeah in the mornings Popnums or bread

poploms or bread shout out of Joie Poplums or bread Neen-on-o switch around flip it gotta keep you guessing yeah

The police knew what was coming. It was a sting. It felt right at the time. A sting. It has to be bread. It has to be bread and it has to be hard bread. And I want the bread to not be very good. I think bread is a vehicle for butter.

If I could say to the way to say, hey, just bring me a spoon and I'll get on with a butter. If that was socially acceptable, I would. You'd eat the butter with a spoon. We can do that for your dream meal. I do that in secret all the time. But I'm saying if society accepted it would be in a much better position, I think.

globally. Okay. So hard, stiff bread that just cuts the inside of my mouth. Yeah, it's always paint. It feels like a bush stucke a trial. Like I'm struck, like I'm crying. I'm like, why am I doing this to myself? Soft creamy butter, fresh.

I want to taste the other. Just spoonfuls like that. I want to taste the other. I want to taste the cow's name. Well, listen. We can do that for you. We can have it with your just lick butter off of another if you like. Oh my God.

You don't have to go through the, Rigmarole, pretending you like bread or having that. We can just butter up a live cow's udder and you can have the whole, all the butter off of there. And don't worry about not being socially acceptable. This is your dream meal. So you don't have to have anyone there. Oh, okay.

Empty restaurant. I'm just on the floor on my hands and knees. I imagine muddy for some reason. I know there's mud in there somewhere. And I'm just licking soft creamy butter. Of the cows udder. That sounds like my next birthday plans. Actually, that sounds incredible.

Happy birthday. So you can taste the cow's name. Yes. What's the cow's name? Ooh. Where am I? Give me a location. Let's do a living in proff.

Well, Newcastle? Yeah. Newcastle. I'm getting Penelope. Hmm. Penelope. Geordy name. I don't know any Geordy names.

Sounds good in Geordy though. Penelope? What is that? I mean, I'm not one of criticise accents, but that's what. You do a Newcastle accent. Oh. Oh. Uh-oh.

It's not as easy as it sounds, is it? He really gets in his head with accents, Sharon. Yeah, I do. I sense mean a lot to me. Whenever we have actors on, he always asks them, how do you do voices? He's always blown away by acting.

No, I can't understand how people can do it. Do you do a little boy, and he's just falling down a well, but he's kind of happy about it. That's your prompt. Oh, hey, man, I'm just falling down a well. He's from Newcastle as well. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I'm from Newcastle. I'm from Lukasla, I'm down a well. The last thing, the last thing I'd shout if I was down a well was where I was from. Right. Then anyone, you know, anyone else who kind of is from there will probably empathize if you want to get you out of the well. Yeah.

Well, if they're from Leeds, would they just walk away from the world? Yeah. It's from Newcast. Yeah, it could be, actually. You see the pitfalls of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be driving a wedge there. So, maybe, maybe I wouldn't say that.

I surprised myself if I'm good, that was. That was really actually, mm-hmm. Yeah, that was great. No, give me more point. Sharon agrees. Sharon, do you agree. I'm a guess so I have to say yes I'm sorry

but with love you do your one in Newcastle no fair enough I didn't know that was an option we said yes to Shrek impression I feel

I value people who come and see me in Newcastle so I refuse to do it I value them as well they know that I value them oh yeah they know I value them but I will always do their accent when I do gigs there as well

so you can do the accent yeah it's good answers no but not under pressure I'll be honest He is good at accents, so I admire him when I don't see his stand-up. He does a lot of voices. I do do a lot of voices. So you do any of your problematic ones?

Yeah. I know. I stick to the broadly white European, I'd say. Give us your best Malaysian accent. Okay, here we go. And a three, two, one. We need we should do a hard cut to a sound effects. Yeah, yeah.

Get Phil Wang to record something and then we'll drop it in. Any particular type of butter? Any brand that you'd like on this. And the cow's going to be docile, by the way. But this is but a chill down. It was never doubt in my mind that the cow would be up for it. I'd like to think they'd fill out couple forms and, you know, consent forms. Yeah, I think so.

And the cow's, yeah, the cow's not like kicking around. No, okay. Why am I here? Do you, so I take it, when you say brand of butter, James, surely the butter is made from the milk that's come from the udder that you're looking at all. Oh, really? Yeah, so, yeah. I want a hundred percent.

I want a full experience. I didn't think so I thought it was going to get a pack of butter from the supermarket. Oh, my God. If I was a cow, when you put some. put someone else's butter on me. I'd start a revolution. Yeah. I'd start campaigning.

Yeah. It's kind of weird for the cow to have its own butter put back on its udder, I would say. I think it's kind of like a breastfeeding mum having milk around her nipple. It's kind of like, oh, that's a bit. It's not where it's meant to be. But the milk's been taken away, put into butter form and then spread back on the mum's nipples. Why are you turning it into something grotesque?

It's breast milk and then someone went away and made butter out of it and then put it back on her boobs. I think she'd be like, this is not the same. as if milk got on. Are you guys breastfeeding mothers? That's true. We can't speak for breastfeeding mothers. I'm breastfeeding mothers. Someone's going to pay it forward.

It's not a satisfying experience for them. Is it like a human centipede where they're all just kind of hanging off the nipple before? That's an awful image. That's good. I mean, you know, if the makers of the human centipede are looking for a sequel. Your dream starter. I want more bread I want more bread

but now with things on the bread Okay is this the bad bread again No no now this is good bread Oh no so hang on you didn't have bread in the Popinums or bread I'd have it as like a vehicle Yeah No because you got the other

Because you got the other in the first one So now this is this is the first bit of bread Oh in that case I don't think I'd have bread What I'd want bread times two Okay you could have bread in the bread course as well You know if what you'd prefer Is the bread that's the vehicle for the butter

you don't want to have it off the cow's order. We were just trying to steer you towards what you were saying you would do definitely. If it's an option, I'm not going to say no. But if I'm like on a first date, for example, I'm not going to bring my own cow with me. I think that would be insane. So I would like fake the bread.

I'd be like, oh, this bread is so good. But actually I'll have had like five tubs of butter. I really like your instinct, which was I'm either having bread times two or no. No bread. Why would I have bread if I wasn't having bread before? Because then you're having bread. No, bread is nice when you have more bread after. Right.

When you're in anticipation of more bread. Okay. Yeah. But then you have to have bread, though, right? Yeah, you have to have bread before you have the bread. I, when I tell you those, though, last in my house. But the first time you have the bread, you haven't had any bread before that, have you? I think I'm kind of always in a state of having just had bread.

I don't think I go more than two or three hours without having bread in my system. Makes me feel off. It makes me feel like I haven't taken my meds that day. We'll give you some bread. I don't know why you don't understand it. Yeah. No, no, I've given up now. So we'll give you some bread with the other.

Yes. But then your starter is more bread, but with things on it. And is this the bad bread still? This is good bread now. This is good bread. This is delicious bread now. Yeah, yeah. Is it important to you that you start with bad bread and then have good bread? Yes. Because you can't start with good bread and then go to bad bread because you're like, I've just had good bread now. I'm having bad bread. What the heck? Yeah, yeah. What the H-E-C-K? You're spilling that out because of how Christian you are? Talk us through the good bread. Good bread has to be soft. In my mind, when I'm eating it, I want to see like an old Italian man. who just loves his kids and he's always complaining of oh, Mario not do good in uni and I want to hear him say that when I'm eating the bread

and he has a moustache and he laughs he has like a really big jolly laugh That's what I want to taste when I bite into it. But Mario no do good in uni He no do good uni What course is Mario doing? You know Don't say plumbing

And I really wanted to I can tell Graphic design then Go ahead, why don't Yeah, yeah Why isn't he doing good, though? Why isn't he doing good? He's just getting distracted.

He's just getting distracted by all the pretty girls. Because graphic design has quite a few pretty girls in it. Does it? It does. I think as university degrees go, it's pretty up there in terms of the fit birds. Wow. Or I instantly regret to say that. Yeah, yeah.

Humana, hamana, hamana. Mina, nah, no. So you want to imagine an old Italian man complaining that his son isn't doing well at university? Yeah, yeah. That's the sort of bread you want. Absolutely. So like an Italian bread, like a facetre or something? It doesn't have to be Italian.

No. But the man making it has to be Italian. And I need to taste that. And I need to know Mary's not doing good. Yeah. It depends on the bread. It depends on the cuisine. I think if I'm at an Italian restaurant, I want like, you know, classic. garlic, fuck it, why not? It's a Sunday, you know?

Just get a bit crazy with it. Why have we ended up? So, like, a bit more sinister for this one. I think the cow's getting a bit scared. This is sinister? Well, the way you just said that. Listen back to it when it goes out. I will.

That's more of a sinister character than the person who was licking the cows out of it. The cow's into it, though. Is the cow there for the whole meal? I'd like to think so. I think we go on the journey together. I think if someone was eating my butter, off my breast, I'd want to stay for the rest of the meal and see how they got on. And with the cow...

Like, I don't want to go home. Would the cow be eating as well? No, just chilling, taking in the atmosphere. Tomatoes on that pitch. Probably do a couple rounds of like, are they on a first date? You know, just kind of... Have a good time. She's just been licking the cow's tits, so I hope they know each other.

It's a bit much for a first date, if anything. And do you want the Italian man to be there as well? No, I actually want him to be in Italy. So we never crossed past. But I know who's out there. It's kind of like a Sophie Cancelo book where like kind of we're just like ships in the night. Yeah. We're at the airport at the same time.

But I'm going to Italy. He's coming to London, for example. We just, you know. You keep missing each other. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't, I don't read many books. Um, except because other books are there people just like missing each other narrowly.

It's like classic beach read romance. It's me and my boss don't get along. But actually he's going to fuck me in his elevator in three weeks. Like it's very like, wink. wink, nudge, nudge. Wow, so the character can predict what's going to happen in the future. I like to think the readers can.

Oh, the reader can. Wait, wait, why was the character going, I'm going to be back to this character in three weeks? In three weeks, I'm going to get fucked in this elevator. Yeah. What a super panel. It's quite a good opening paragraph to a book. Yeah, yeah. Me and my boss don't really get on, but in three weeks, I'm going to fuck it.

I want three chapters on my desk one day. I'll be on board for that. Yeah, but it's not that. It's you just know there's an Italian man in the, the world. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I feel his presence.

Yeah, yeah. Like, hold on. It's like when you smell your mom's perfume and perfect, like, wait, that reminds me or something. Yeah. Yeah. If you ever meet like an Italian man who's like in his teens or 20s who's like saying about is struggling at university, do you ever ask them, do your dad bake?

I mean, I haven't had the charts to so far, but now I'm going to be on the lookout. I'm going to add every Mario in London on Facebook and I'm going to, oh, ask, what does your dad do for a living? That would be my opening line. There's got to be one. There's got to be one. There's got to be one. There's got to be one.

But he also is like, I think you've got to ask them, what does your dad do for a living? And are you keeping your grades? That's the two things you have to ask. Who are you? And why are you asking me about my family? Because you don't want to waste your time with like, yeah, my dad's a baker.

And then you're like, right, great, I want to meet your dad and all this. And then you discover that actually they're top of their class. Yeah. They're going to go first. The teacher's pet. That would annoy me. So if you find, basically you've got to say you've got to start going to your lectures

because your dad's really worried and it's affecting his banking. No, because I think the fact that the dad is stressed means he's pouring that energy into the bread. Because he's like kneading the dough really. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I wouldn't want Maria to get his grades up.

If anything, I'd be like, hey, like, I know where great number for care. Let's go listen to some. But you don't know, you don't know, I wouldn't. I would, you know, ask maybe like a youth. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't know. Yeah. But I would ask for the number from someone who would know. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you ruined Mario's life in order to improve his dad's baking.

People have done worse for less. Yeah, right, absolutely. That story was cut out the Bible from Jesus to it. He was younger. Your dream main course. For a main, I want my mother's cooking, but from his younger. From the summer of 2007 specifically, I want it, when I bite into this meal. So, like, Kenyan food is where I'm from in Kenya, tribe-wise. It's very, like, earthy.

It's very, like, mazy and grainy. And I love that. And all together, it's absolutely chef's kiss. But I want it from 2007 specifically because there's something about, you know, your mother's cooking growing up? And you just remember, like, I don't know, it takes you back to that place. It's like that'sina Rattitude. So I want to taste, like, the recession. I want to taste groovy chick.

I want to taste basil brush. Like, I want to just bite into it. and just have all those memories flood into my head. So was your mum's cooking particularly good in 2007? 100%. Were you doing badly at school? Oh my God. You've just made a great connection.

I was really struggling with Max. There you go, it works. Was I the Mario all along? Yeah. Oh, my God. Wow. What a twist. Guys, coming out as a Mario. This is a platform to do it.

Thank you. You're so supported. So what were the things you want to taste? Recession, Basil Brush. And Groovy Chick. And Groovy Chick. No, Groovy chick. What was that? Groovy chick was like brats or Barbie that kind of like,

this is marketed towards young girls and it had this one blonde chick with, I just remember. It's on stationery a lot. A lot. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I think you'd recognise the style of it. If you saw it, you'd be like, oh yeah, I know that bitch. She's like a cartoon?

Yes. Really skinny? Yes. Like, Jonathan's, like a pencil thin. Almost, yes. Yeah, I know groovy chick. What happened with you and Groovy chick? I see Groovy chick around a lot now.

It's coming back in a big way. Because I guess it's like nostalgic now. Yeah, yeah. So it's like retro. We get it. It was so cool in year six. Do you know what I mean? I feel like the girls who are grubes chick now would have bullied me back in the day

and I resent them for it. Right. I hate women, by the way. I don't know if I do. You're in good company. Yes. Women bonita. I'm trying to get you guys canceled.

This is great. That's sound like that. It's canceled by women. We still got a lot of people listening to the fellas are looking at it. Let's keep listening. What? I don't know. I was on the Andrews.

tape podcast, this is great. He gets good numbers. So what is the actual dish? So I'd have like, I don't know how to explain Kenyan food. Mokimo, which is like a mash with spinach and sometimes sweet corn or maize in it. I mean, it's absolutely stunning. It's just like a mash, but with more flavour. And then you have things like Chapati, which is borrowed from India.

There was kind of a lot of crossover with the dishes of Kenya and India. I'd have a classic stew. Give me beef. again I want to taste the cow's name that's going to be a reoccurring Can I just check this isn't the same cow No this oh god no And I wouldn't eat in front of her

I'd like shield myself Yeah yeah yeah because if you taste the name And then it turns out that Penelope knew Friends or related Maybe she hated maybe Penelope hated this particular cow She's like yeah fuck that bitch Yeah yeah I don't know

Something along those lines Could be a Kenyan cow? No I'd feel bad Fellow country man No That's awful Maybe a British cow That'd be a good way to get some sort of reparations

That's more likely heard that Penelope's going to know it She's from Newcastle She's from Newcastle she just grew up there Racially she's black Yeah And definitely African Like why would she be You shouldn't have assumed how day

I don't whitewash my history Yeah Benito I'll say it now And then you'll go back and put it in okay And what's Penelope racially Drop that in Drop that in? Just go, I don't want to get in trouble.

I forgot to ask where the cow was born. Sharon should answer it. Or do you want me to, I can just jump in and go, Black I imagine? Sound like that. Yeah, so just put it in like that. Oh, I hope AI gets a hold of that. Yeah, yeah.

So, the recent crimes. Black I imagine. Yeah, yeah. That's it. End of career. Sharon replaces me on the podcast. Everyone's happy. My plan all along. Yeah, what is the link between?

Because when I was in Kenya, which was only once, I had the best samosas I have ever had anywhere. You've been to Kenya? Only once. Where, what were you doing in Kenya? My dad. Colonizing, I imagine. Yeah, I was colonizing, actually. It went pretty well. When he was 23, my dad lived there for three years. He's a teacher there. Wow. So for his 50, if we all went back there to see the people that he used to work with.

But there was this garage around the corner from where we were staying, the best samosas I've ever had. They are incredible. They are welcome. Like, I think I think about them quite a lot. Oh my God. But like, I didn't know there was like when you just said then about the link between India food. There is. There was kind of like a mass migration in like the 60s, 50s and 60s.

So they wore a lot of food which is nice. And it still exists in Kenya today. I think we just kind of borrowed a lot of like, yep, we'll have that. That's tasty. So now that's Kenyan. I've been to Kenya as well. Really? What?

What the hell are you guys doing in Kenya? What were you doing in Kenya? Think of the posh's reason to go to Kenya. Safari. Yep. Yeah. Go on then. I'll have a couple of elephants.

the lions, thank you. Shea! Just climbing out the Jeep with a bowl of butter, going towards an elephant. The amount of animals I lit butter off. Sharon's hungry. What did you see? Most of the big ones.

Sorry. Most of the main ones, I'd say. Most of the big ones. Yeah, the main ones. What are the main ones? Pigs. I was hoping you were going to say the main ones weren't lions. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Little, that's a little coming about mains. The main ones. Oh. You know the main ones. Sorry, you really, you set me up there and I didn't do it. That's really embarrassing.

Yeah, sorry. I think you should quit comedy now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you should quit comedy too. I think you should move to Mexico now, Ed, that's really embarrassing. We tell them this every week, me and Benito say, I'll quit every episode. Benito goes, Ed, can I have a word? You should quit comedy.

What are you, the plane tickets, just leave. No one has to know. He still books me for his stupid gigs. Kenyan Fanta? You know about Kenyan Fanta? Delicious. Isn't it absolutely incredible? And it's orange.

Yes, it's like orange. You know the colour orange? Yeah, yeah. I do. I do. Yeah. It's, I don't know what they put in it, but it's like crack. And again, I've never done drugs, so I wouldn't know what that.

I wouldn't know what that. I mean, Bethlehemps is to drugs. Yeah, you really keep like in this slet. Just like love crushing it and snorting it. It's always a different drug every time as well. We have talked about Kenyan Fanta on on this podcast before. With a Kenyan? No.

it's been people who have bought up Fanta in other African countries and then I've said, I love Kenya Fanta. I think, you know, maybe some people have bought Nigerian Fanta's come up before. Nigerian Fanta has come up. Nigerian Fanta is incredible.

I think maybe, maybe King Fanta. No, you can buy that here. No, where? Yeah, and like the places where the white people are. Oh, as soon as I go there, it'll vanish. The ultimate dilemma. Yeah.

And then I'd probably pair it with like a watermelon elf bar, I think, just as like a little palate cleanse. Yes. A water than what? Elf bar. What's an elf bar? A vape. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

So it's the first shout out for elf bars. We've had someone pick a Loss Mary for there. Oh no. Loss Mary at the end of the meal, surely. Surely just to top it off nicely. I think in the middle of a meal it's way too intense. Yeah. You've got to calm down there.

Whoever said that needs to calm down. Maybe check in on them because that is honestly Michelle de Swartz I ain't checking I'm Michelle de Swart No she said I was like Kramer I said it was like Kramer's English cousin

Oh How did you feel about that? Well I couldn't argue about it Because she just said You're like There's an episode of Seinfeld and Kramer's English cousins come to visit

and Kramer's really stressed because they don't get on but everyone keeps saying a Kramer but you're exactly alike So not only was it like spot on She'd done me but also completely

like Seinfeld episode as well. So it's like, well, that's it. She read you for film. Yeah. I'm so sorry. So are you vaping while you're eating in between bites or are you waiting until the end of the course? You finish the meal so you have the full experience and then you go with an elf bar just to kind of palate cleanse. It's a pallet cleanse. It's a pallet cleansing. It's a palette of the episode. You were like, I'm not really a connoisseur with food that this pairs with this but with vapes. Yeah. You're like, that's at the end of the meal. Oh, 100. You have to match notes.

So, like, I wouldn't have a watermelon elf bar with, say, a steak. That would be completely wrong. What flavour vape would you pair with the steak? I imagine I'd go for something a bit more tart, maybe a cherry, if I'm feeling a bit adventurous. Yeah. Perhaps a banana ice, but that is a bit crazy. I know, I know. That's crazy.

That's crazy. Thank you. Like a red wine. Yeah, it's like a red wine. And that's why you're intelligent. Yeah, yeah. That's why you're smart and amazing and pure. He is addicted to so hard.

Me too. It's nice, isn't it? It's so great. It's really nice. Oh, it's so much fun. I don't care what anyone says. Everyone in this life has advice, right? And it might be drugs, might not be.

But it might also be nicotine, might be working a lot, might be watching Shrek over and over and over and over and over again. So I think if it's nicotine, at least you're not killing children. It's far too quick to say watching Shrek over and over and over again. No, I've never seen Trek. Right. Is this like you've never done drugs? Oh.

Do you want to know some food-based trivia about Shrek that I learned recently? Yeah. Yeah, the gingerbread man. Yes. Shrek. The person does the voice for that. When John Lifko went into film that scene, it was just a man put, her? Film?

Film? Record. I've got to break some bad niece to you about Shrek, man. No, it's real. It's real. It's real. It's real. Yeah, when they went to film. When he went into record that scene, a member of the production team read the lines of the gingerbread man. And they were so good at it that they just kept in that person. Oh, my God. It's just like, it's not a voice actor.

So it's someone who's working on. Do they sound like that? Is that their real voice? Yes, is they're normal. Can you give us a quick blast of the gingerbread man Not my gum drop bottoms It's good isn't it That is very good Wait till you hear Shrek

I do want to hear Shrek Wait till you hear this Sharon What do you want Shrek to be doing or saying I want him to be Looking better off a cows under Yes perfect Donkey I thought it was you

I didn't know it was a cow donkey I thought it was you Duncan I swear I would never do that I would never ever donkey I would never ever lick but of anyone else apart from you. Do you like that? Sharon looks gobsmacked.

I'm so lost for words. There are so many questions surging through my head right now and I don't know which one. The answer to the first one is it was supposed to be shrek. Vagely Scottish man threatening to suck off a donkey.

It sounded like... I'm not afraid of it's apologising the donkey. But not sucking up the donkey. Yeah. The donkey's caught him looking butt off a cow out of and isn't happy about it. Is it in secret? I like the lights off.

Yeah. In his swamp house or wherever it's Shrek lives. When we did a live tour, quite often I would force James to do a Shrek impression on stage. And I'd get the audience to do like improv, suggest where's Shrek, what's he doing? And what sort of mood is Shrek in? And I'd say eight out of nine times that we did it.

Nine out of nine. Yeah, horny. They all said horny. Oh. So I've seen James be Horny Shrek more often than I thought. Oh, that's brilliant. I think that's art. I didn't like it. You didn't enjoy it?

Which made it obviously funny. Of course. I think all art is suffering. I had to a yes and it. I knew that it was good for the gig to just do it. But didn't like it. That's okay. Dividually suffered in his time. I'd really resent it and just think these are the fucking audience we've got, is it? These idiots.

They know, they know I hate them. Yeah, yeah. Don't look shot, Sharon. Okay. They love it. Yeah, they love it. They love that James hates them. Oh, my God.

Kind of sadistic BDSM relationship do you have with your audience? Yeah, if BDSM stood for brilliant Yeah, burnt out quickly there I was really, it started off very quickly I was like, yeah, okay

What, sexy? Brilliant, well, BDSM, you fucking moor on it. It's coming up, mate. It'd be good if you planned in advance with this. D-D-Dooche, no, because you're not a douche. Deity, elevate yourself. Oh, yeah. Brilliant Deity says money.

Money for all of you. Yeah, that is what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Billy Deity says money. Yeah, there you go. We got there in the end. That was worth it, wasn't it? Dream side dish.

Okay, I don't know if this is allowed. I don't know if this is in the rule book. But my dream, dream side dish is, you know, when you go for a night out, you get fucked up. I'm talking about fucked up, like, kissing your cousin, fucked up. And then you go, you go just going to jump in now and say, no, I don't know.

We've all been there, right you guys? I know. I know what you're going on. Thanks, James. This feels so supported by you. This feels so validy. You go for a chippy and you get home and you are just off your face.

Like you fall asleep, kind of one tit hanging out of your short dress, chips in a hand, lights on one eyelash here, one eyelash on the wall. And then you wake up like an hour. like an hour and a half later and you're still steven but you're like, I didn't eat my chips and they're kind of congealed and cold

and you can taste the pigeon ankles. That, I would have that as a side dish. They always slap. James looks so sad. It just sounds like my disgust in fact. I thought this was a loving, supportive podcast. Yes, tried to be. Weird that James supported you on kissing his cousin

and backed out when it came to eating cold chips. This is too much, you know, actually. You're taking the piss life. My cousin. said, would you care for some cold chips? Like, shut up, I'm coming on doing it. I mean, sounds bad, Shannon. It doesn't sound, you're not made them sound nice.

No, because you have to be in that headspace. So it's not going to be nice when you're like, I don't know, you're sober and you've just gone from picking strawberries or something wholesome. You have to be like, oh, I made some mistakes tonight, brother. Like starving but still drunk. Yes, yeah, yep, yep. And you've got one heel on and the other one. God knows where it is.

Stuff on the wall next to the eyelash. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, who cares? Who cares at this point? Because you've got cold chips, you've got nuggets that taste a little bit like what you imagine pigeon would taste like. And you're happy. In that moment, you're so happy and unaware of the world's problems and struggle. And it's just a beautiful moment, I think. It's what it represents. So how many nuggets you got in there? I want to say like five and a half at this point, because you've had a couple on the walkover. You know, you've catcalled some guys, made some really horrible, aggressive mistakes that night. When you catcalls some guys, what does that sound like? What are you shouting to them? See, now I feel like I have to say homina, homina, you know.

But really, it'd be like, I like your ankles. Yeah. Yeah, call those earlobes. It have to be like slightly weird. Just, huh? I want them to have a look of a surprise on their face. Yeah. I mean, I'm not, you know, I'm trying to define what a cat call is,

but do you call those earlobes doesn't feel like a cat call. Oh, trust me. If you were on the receiving end of that, you'd go home crying. Yeah, yeah. Probably move back home for a bit. Just a sweet head out. The aim of catculling is to destroy someone. Not destroy, but just make them think for the next couple of years.

Like, what did that mean? Like they're falling asleep at night. They're almost there and then they're like, earlobes, eel oaks, elos, elos, elos. I would say, and I don't want to tread all over your brand of catcalling. But I think traditionally, they're not thinkers catcalls. They're not like people go home and go, what did that builder mean when they said nice tits? It's aversive. Pretty to the point.

Yeah. But you're saying a good cat call. makes you think unravels someone it makes you go that alliteration on line two was that was intentional

line two yeah so you're hanging around for line two oh this is a soliloquy baby yeah I gotta see where this goes this is Shakespearean we get Shakespearean

in these motherfucking streets getting all here you're on these motherfuckin I quite like the idea of the cold chips I love that you're going to be in a certain state of mind

when you eat the side dish which is difficult because it's a side dish so you'd be eating the main yeah So when you turn to the side dish, you suddenly feel absolutely shit-faced. A lot has happened between the main and the side dish. So you're eating the whole main first and then eating the side dish?

You're eating the whole main. It's really wholesome. We're still in the restaurant at this point. And then someone goes, shall we, should we, fuck it, should we go out? We're in a young once. You end up in a club that you've never heard of before. All the alcohol is non-branded. You don't actually know what they're pouring you.

It tastes kind of vaguely, ethnally, but you're like, oh, this could be paint stripper. You're off your face. You're grinding to dubstep. It doesn't make any sense. Why are you dirating your hips and her an, And it doesn't make sense, but you're having a fucking great time. And you think, do you know what?

I had my main. It's time for my side dish. You go back to the restaurant now in this inebriated state. You have the chips. They're hot when they get to you, obviously. A lot more shit goes down. Go back to the club, right? Because we're making a meal of this.

Order more drinks. Suddenly, you're in a smoking area with a guy who doesn't speak English, but you're having a full-on conversation. It's beautiful. This is what the earth is about. This is we are the world. We are the... Do you know what I mean?

It's Michael Jackson Oh my God, he's alive You go back to the restaurant And Michael Jackson's the guy The guy in the smoking area He's the guy in the smoking area But he can't speak English now He doesn't speak English at this point

So he's come back to life But he now can't speak English He's been living away for a long time So it's just completely It doesn't exist in his head anymore Right Does the cow come to the club? Cow wouldn't come to the club

I think that'd be a bit much Yeah Michael Jackson's alive It'd be dumb Yeah Michael Jackson doesn't like cows famously so it just wouldn't make sense with it It does

sound, Ed, I'm going to need you to find some positives here because it sounds like a wake in hell. No, I think a lot of Sharon's menu is nostalgia and about moments in time. And I think what the cold chips signify is they may taste great in that moment. They're obviously not a great tasting thing. But they represent, you know, you've had an amazing time and, you know, you're just there. Yeah. Enjoying it. It's okay. Not everyone, you know, not everyone's a genius in their time. I like to think after I pass away, people were like, oh my God. Remember Sharon on that off-the-menu podcast. And then we'll meet you in the smoking area of the club and go.

And I won't speak in English. Yeah, yeah. It comes alive. She can't speak English. Is that Michael Jackson in the background? What will you be talking to Michael Jackson about, do you think? I imagine, because at this point he owns a corner shop, right? Kind of somewhere in St. John's Wood.

And he's kind of just moved back into the area. And he's like, you know, it's been hard for me. Back in my country of origin, I was a doctor. I've had to come here and set a new business Sharon, this isn't Michael Jackson This is not Michael Jackson This is Michael Jackson Because he'll throw in a heave

I am pretty hammered Something called Schlep And I don't know what it is But it does taste like it might kill me So it might no But I like to think it is Michael Jackson He's just kind of Is it a reincarnation?

No, no, no This is Michael Jackson He's not saying he's Michael Jackson Wait guys, you know he's not dead right Your dream drink I want the strawberry ribina from pre what's his face

who made sugar evil You might feel that way He was doing it for your own good He was trying to make it healthier for you I don't want that at that stage of my life I want it now I think it's great But pre-sugar ribina You don't want it now

because you want to go back to the ribena it was before. I understand it now. You understand it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, this is another nostalgic dish. This is, this is nostalgia for certain times of your life. It is. It's a crisp ribena.

Yeah. I'm on a muddick. And there's a boy I fancy two streets down and I'm riding and I fall off and I scrape my knee. Ah! Ah! I go up to the boy. Uh, hey. I scrape my knee.

this has got to be a clip because people have got to see Sharon's face which is doing it. You can't go, I'm doing it? I've never ridden a bike before. Could I? The disgust on your faces is not making me more confident. I just know I'm right.

I think it's brilliant, but I'm also confused. No, I'm not confused. I love it. I'm like there. Are you in the moment with me? Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Thank you.

Oh, I don't have any plasters. That's okay. I might come back tomorrow That's okay with you Come back Come back tomorrow With this great knee Yeah because I'm eager

I feel by tomorrow I thought you were coming back tomorrow For a plaster No I think just to buy But in that moment I'm embarrassed I've just scraped my knee

So let's recap You're cycling on the street You fall off the bike As a boy You're at your age Two streets You can't find the same It's just like

Standing on the street So he's just on the pavement You're just chilling And you go up to him and say, I just scrape my knee In an American accent With the voice And he says, I don't have a plaster And you say, that's okay, I might come back to my wife

Is there anything wrong with that? So you didn't come back? I'm embarrassed. Yeah. And the boy that I like has just seen me fall down. Yeah. I'm nervous. But I also like that you say, I've just scraped my knee

and his first thing he says is, I don't have any plasters. I have been passed. Because he wants to be helpful, but he acknowledges that in the moment he can't help. Yeah, yeah. And I like that. that he's emotionally sensitive, I think, in this version of the thing. And he's okay with me doing a voice.

I like the voice. See, I did it on a date the other day, and she never texted me back. I think I killed it. What in what context? I was like, she was like, let's check in. How are you feeling about this date? And I was like, ah, I like this date. You're very pretty.

Oh, should I have said that out loud? Oh, well. I thought. Fucking out, Sharon. That was the worst thing I've ever heard. Anyone doing it's a first date. It's a first date. I mean, if I'm not going to be yourself.

You may as well have let the butter off a cows under at that point. Oh, my God. That would have been better. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't love let's check in how this date going. I don't love that either. I kind of like it. It's very Gen Z with two women on a date.

How are you feeling? Yeah. It's very crystal. So you quite like it, but then. then what you did so let's dispense with that oh fuck James and I are millennials

we don't like the check-in okay the check-in is too much the check-in should be unspoken so you draw the line so you like that oh my god but then why did you then do the

infantilising you became a little kid I thought it'd be funny if I was on a date and someone said how's a date going I went well gee

I'm pretty good I guess ma'am I love that I hope I don't go toilet in my pants That is not what I was doing How dare you I got put off light in my stomach I was being a big girl Who watches way too much anime

I gotta call my mommy and give her three rings Oh jeez My heart's beaten out of my chest You're telling me you wouldn't like that But you said she was pretty in the voice I love it It's funny. It would be funny.

I think it's hilarious. Apparently not. It's funny hearing about it now. It's funny in her head. What was her face doing when you did it? So I wasn't looking at her while I was doing it. And I went to laugh being like, oh no, don't cover your face. You're making this so much worse than it is.

She's just absolutely puking everyone. She was like, you even look pretty when you puke. Oh. Now, this is turned into billying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you weren't looking at her. No. You're looking down for the character

Yeah, because the character's like, shy, yeah. The character for the people just listened to it always involves Sharon grabbing the back of her neck like nervously, like the kid in stranger things does when something's like creeping up, his sex is being bad. So just like hand on the back of the neck and then looking down and then like vibrating slightly. And then making a noise which increasingly sounds like an Al Pacino impression.

Yeah, yeah. Take it. Adding that to the list. Number two, thank you very much. So she's not got back in contact. When was it? I want to say like three weeks ago now. Oh, okay, yeah.

Yeah, no, that's dead in the water. It's fine, it's fine. I've cried my tears. Well, I guess you don't like me that much. I love the character. Yeah, the character is great. I really like the character. Really rug rats.

I watch out. Yeah, really rug rats, actually. Thanks. That's a millennial thing. Oh, my God. I know what rock. How old do you think I am? Well, you've proudly proclaimed yourself of Gen Z, so...

Yes, and I wear that with a badge of skibbitty honour. Thank you very much. What's Gen Z? 20s? Your 20s? Yeah. 20s, yeah. But early 20s.

I'll take it! Okay. I'm actually 16. This is illegal what you guys are doing, actually. We've had a 15-year-old on this podcast before. No, you haven't. We have. From Strangerson.

Oh, yeah. The kid who does that, actually. Yeah, it's the kid who does that. The very kid who does that. When you have 15, you've always been, you do that. I'm not 15 in this, in this. You are when you were acting it. I'm a grown man.

You were on that date. I'll tell you that much. You weren't there. You don't know the facts. We arrive at your dream dessert. Yes. I kind of like, I feel like this is a recent food trend. I like the desserts that look like food, but they're cold.

Like the ice cream chicken, ice cream fried chicken. Or like a sweet past spaghetti bolognese. I know what you mean. It's very sort of an online thing. Like Disney, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gonna die at 50. It's kind of cool, though.

I think it's so cool. Just like the spaghetti, like strands of ice cream, basically. Yeah, it looks like, it looks like spaghetti. It's like, you guys are tricking. I'm like, huh? What's this? This should be savory. Not sweet.

And then it is sweet and it's delicious. And you're like, yes, you guys got me again. I know James wants to ask about this character now as well. This is not a character. This is who I am. Fair enough. Nice to meet you. It was quite similar to the same.

Quite similar to the date character. Yeah, yeah. A bit like that kind of same person, a bit in a different environment. Yeah, this one is a child. Where they've been kind of tricked by the... This one is a child. Yeah, they're brownies. What the heck?

What the heck? Do you guys just swear? Uh... You're not supposed to do that. I think I'm going to have to tell my mom. Sorry. But do the American voice. It is quite similar to the other characters.

Yeah, very similar. Because you do, you go, uh-huh. Yeah. I think I just really enjoy the way that people are. Yeah. Yeah. It is good. Why am I single?

Yeah, I know what you mean. That, because I remember when I was a kid, when I first saw one of those, like, you know, foam burgers, those little sweets. Oh. It's like, I was so excited to eat it. Oh my gosh. I was like, I couldn't wait to eat with all the different layers with the

gummy, like lettuce. Tomato, yeah, yeah. The burger itself actually, probably the least appealing part of the sweet burger. It doesn't lend itself well to the gummy. You could do without it. It could be a sandwich. Could be a sandwich. Were you like, is this going to taste like burger?

Or are you like, oh no, this is sweets? I think I definitely thought like this is going to taste like fruity sweets. but the burger part of it did make me, I'm going, I don't know what that's good. What is that meant to me? Yeah, like the rest of it, even the bun looked quite sweet and foamy and nice, but the actual burger itself was like,

hopefully that's like a COA thing or something. I don't know what it is. What's the name of the company that made those, like the ones that you see everywhere? Because it's like right at the front of my brain and I just need to scratch that itch. Otherwise, yes. Amazon.

Gummy zone. No, it's not gummy zone. No, it's not gummy zone. It's always wasted this time. Gummy zone. Benito's going to... He's getting ready to tell you you should quit comedy.

That's normally after. You don't normally do that during. The fact is coming at the end of the meal, does that ruin the trick? No, because I think the way I would approach this is that's dessert number one because I'm tricking my brain into thinking,

oh, like I'm still eating savoury free so there's more space for it. Because I feel like your brain does this thing where you're like, oh, I'm quite full actually from the meal, but I still want dessert. Of course. You're like, let me just do the dessert and then I'll have, I'll be in a food coma after. If you get dessert number one and it looks like savory food, your mind is like, oh, this is more food.

Okay, we can create space for this and then we can have dessert after. Ha, ha, silly brain. I've already had dessert. I'm only going to go and do it again, but this time you'll actually see what the dessert is. So it's more of like a mental, psychological, I feel like the CIA might have kind of. James, did you follow that in any way whatsoever? I just find it very funny. Silly brain is what made me really like.

It was really, I loved Silly Brain, that you've also eaten it. Yeah. And you've tasted it and your silly brain still thinks it's savoury. No, no, no. This is a spag ball. But it tastes sweet. Hmm. I wonder what that's about.

Let me just keep eating. I guess I'll get dessert after. The character sneaking back in there, I think. Every time something with the finger comes, you go, hmm. If you're honest, the character is 100% at the wheel now. It's completely behind the wheel. It's taken over. But you're just resisting doing the voice because you want to disguise it as yourself.

But you know, really, it's the... I guess it's, so. Maybe an ice cream of some description. Can you do the rest of it like this? You can. It's the best thing. All I can think about is you're on that day doing that. All I can think of is you're very, you're very pretty.

Looking at the floor. You're very pretty. But not, you weren't saying you're very pretty, is that you went, she sure is pretty or something like... Yeah, because you have to do lack and aside. You said it about her, and then you were doing it. You're doing like a Gollum kind of thing of like, she's probably, did I just say that out loud?

Oh, no. And I, it's, I love it so much. It's so great. I think it's a normal and fun and whimsical thing to do on a date. And if you guys disagree with that, that's absolutely okay. There's at least three people who disagree with it, me, James and her. Yeah. But she doesn't deserve you.

That was fresh. If you said that in two months, I'd have been like, ha-ha, but actually that could have been my future wife. So that does stink. No, it couldn't. No. But only because she wasn't down to clown. Yes, exactly.

You need somebody who's down to clown. someone to give it back. You'll find someone who does like that kind of stuff and it'll be great. I know. And that'll be, and that'll be it for, and I'm a big support of people just going, I'm just going to out the gate, be exactly who I am.

You have to. Why go on a day? Don't waste any time. Did you want me to be like, yes, this meal is actually quite exquisite. I really enjoy the wine bearing. I absolutely think you would do that as well. Same problem is it.

It's not, though. Because I'm being a fancy lady. So she's like, oh, this lady's very fast. You've not shown up as a fancy lady. though, you're just suddenly halfway through the meal turning into something else. So I'd have to start off like that. Yes. But if that's not what she wants. She wants me

and then she also wants the part of me that, uh, that's find a pretty. You want the whole smorgasbord. It's boring of Yeah. I think, you know, I think it's best off out of this. I don't think it's the fact. I don't think she's right. I'm sorry that I've bought us back here. Yeah. Because I can't

stop thinking about it. But like, I don't think it's the fact that you said she was pretty. I think if you went, it's going really well, actually, and I think you're really beautiful. Nah. I don't think she would go, not replying to this. I think it's the fact that you went, oh, yeah. And you said just pretty in the character. Because it's funny.

I think it was silly. Yeah. I like, I get it. Thank you. Yeah. I think, like, you know, yeah, you will find someone who loves that character. Yeah. And then it would be great.

Thank you. That's very nice. Yeah. And we'll just have like a little. I think next time turn up is the character. From the get-go. Scrape your knee outside. Oh my God.

Are you, Jessica? So you do marketing, huh? I want that character to get a sitcom immediately. Is there any commissioners listening to this? Yeah. Just please give Sharon a sitcom where that is the character. But the character has to live in just modern Britain, though. Oh, my God.

The character can't live in like 50s America, clearly where they're from. My oyster card isn't working. They're just doing really mundane every day. I have a stamp, please. I wonder if he knows what I'm sending. No, we have to get away from this now. I want to load my reputation. We are at the end of the episode pretty much.

We've not got away from it successful. So what is the food? You want a spaghetti bowl and a nice cream? I want it to come in a bucket. I want to house it. And then I want to finish off with just a classic brownie. Oh, hold on. So there's a brownie in there as well?

As in like, that's dessert number two. Yeah, because you trick your brain. You trick your silly brain. What flavour is the ice cream, the actual fried chicken ice cream? Classic vanilla. Let's not get too crazy with it, you know? And does it have a little, like, fake drums that you can pick them up? You can literally pick them up and then bite into ice cream, which is a little bit in bread, but it's fun.

Am I allowed to say that? I don't know. I've never heard anyone use it in that way before. I use it very lightly. It's actually honestly becoming a problem. You know who else is in bread? Marry his dad. He's in bread.

He's inbred. I thought you were going to say, Shaman, because she was kissing her cousin earlier. I want to set the record very straight. I have never, and will never kiss my cousin. No, I think what you were saying is when you get so drunk that you could kiss your cousin. All rules fly out the window. Yes, thank you. We see eye to one.

You didn't say, actually. You're just kissing your cousin, James, it sounds like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just making it out. Yeah. Well, she's very pretty. Oh. No.

No. Are we right? No. I think this is frowned apart. You're mom's my dad's brother, right? No, this is bad. This is bad. Nauty.

No more of this. I don't want that to be my legacy. I don't mean you made you back to you now and see how you're feeling. Will you be reading it back as yourself, James? You had sparked and water. Pop it on some bread, you want soft, creamy butter, smeared on Penelope's udder with some bad bread on the side.

Perfect. Because if you don't have the bad bread, you can't have your starter, which is good bread. Bruchetta, made by an old Italian man whose son is not doing very good at Yudi. Main course, your mum's cooking from 2007, with a watermelon elf bar as well, which you will have after.

Side dish, congealed chips and five and a half nuggets from the night before. Amazing. drink a strawberry ribina full of sugar and dessert fried chicken ice cream with a brownie perfect I think that is the menu

I would eat the dessert and the main course yeah not even the starter and mom's cooking in 2007 for sure Abraget is nice yeah yeah yeah it's good

actually to be honest you do all of it I don't want the chips they do sound revolted I'd have the chip in the dead of night and you just have chips

next to you and you're like not for many years but I would just go more disgusting and have cheesy chips that we're going on. You beautiful man. With garlic sauce on the top. Oh, filthy. Yeah, yeah. I've done that.

I've done that before. Yeah, yeah. That sounds incredible. It reminds me of just being at university. Dad's baking some good bread, obviously. You're not doing very well. I wake up. Chips are on my chest.

Keep going. Good. There's a football sock on the smoke alarm. People don't know this, but Ed's dad is a pan-quittity. Yeah, whatever it's called. Really? No. He's Andrew Gammon.

Sharon, thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant. You've been fantastic. Thank you. Oh, no. I don't like that one. Thank you. Well, there we are, James. What a wild ride with Sharon.

We've had a few people do characters on this podcast, but that might be my favourite of all time. Yes, very, I mean, at the best of episodes, towards the end of the year, there's normally a little section that Benito puts together of characters that people have done. Yep. That'll definitely be in there. That's going to have its own section. Yeah. I don't want any part of that on the curtain room floor when it comes to the best of it.

I would watch that character for hours. Yeah. It's very funny to be in the presence of that character. Yes. Every time Sharon became that character, it's like everything. A whole physicality changed and mannerisms, really funny. The hand on the back of their neck, man. The whole thing.

also Sharon did not say anything as long as it's good yeah didn't say that no because she turned up with notes she had notes she listened to the podcast before yeah yeah yeah yeah and we appreciate that yes absolutely so do go and see Sharon at the Edinburgh Festival of the Pleasance yes or just if you're not going to the Edinburgh Festival go and see Sharon at a gig near you yeah I'm sure you find out where she's doing lots of gigs

follow her on social media do all that jazz absolutely and go and see her but for now we will see you But for now, we will see you next week. But for now, we will see you next week. Doesn't make sense, does it? You should quit comedy. Oh, no. Deal!

My name's Ryan. This is my best friend, Tony, and together we do the Tony and Ryan podcast. People right across Canada are listening to our daily podcast, though, but don't just take our word for it. Jamie from Vancouver. I think people should listen to the Tony and Ryan podcast because they are hilarious. There's no better comedy than Australian comedy they are unhinged. Thank you, Jamie. But just be warned if you're going up for a walk, you might laugh your ass off in public.

But it's worth it, trust me. Oh, yeah, be safe out there. Yeah, take it easy. Yeah. Listen to Tony and Ryan every day.