Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Sindhu Vee (Tasting Menu)

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Another fan favourite returns to the Dream Restaurant, and this time it’s straight-talking stand-up Sindhu Vee, all the way back from episode 15. Will she have more words of wisdom like ‘to the hungry person even the doorway looks like crisps’?If you’re listening on Apple Podcasts you can now watch this episode too.Listen to Sindhu’s original episodeSindhu Vee is on tour across the UK in 2026 and 2027 with ‘Swanky’, including a date at London’s Eventim Apollo. For dates and tickets go to www.sindhuvee.comFollow Sindhu on Instagram @sindhuvee and TikTok @sindhuvee100Don’t forget, video episodes of Off Menu are out every Wednesday on our YouTube.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, Tasting Menu, James. It's a tasting menu where we get a fan favourite back on the pod. We give them the menu of another fan favourite, and they react to it. It's a fan favourite. It's a fan favourite. And the fan favourite we are interviewing today is the wonderful Sindhuvi. OG fan favourite. I mean, this is maybe the first series we did.

Definitely. It was on it. Episode 7, maybe. People absolutely loved Cindy's episode. It was one of the earliest episodes got talked to. about all over the internet, all over the internet. Yes, all over the net. Yeah.

That's the last time James was on the net, by the way. Yeah. It was back in episode 15 of this pod. But we will be giving Sindhu the menu of another guest. Yes. And the choice here is always, do we want to give our guest a menu that will annoy them or a menu that they will like or a menu that they can discuss a lot about? And it depends on who they are.

And Cindy's really funny when she's annoyed. We're trying our best to annoy Sindhu. Fingers crossed, it will work. Yeah, I wonder. Sometimes I annoy her by breathing, I think. Yeah, it's very easy to annoy Sindu. She offered to send me some mangoes the other day, and I asked how many, and she was like, what kind of a question is that?

Yeah, that's true. It's very ungrateful. I thought it was quite a reasonable question. I'm grateful. No secret ingredient because it's a tasting menu. Sindu has to stay in here for the long haul. Swanky! Swanky is the name of her tour.

of course, they've added more dates. They keep adding dates at this tour, doing so well. Into 2027. Into 2027. Get yourself some tickets. Go to CindyVee.com and you can get tickets for that. Hopefully it's coming to a town near you. But let's get on with it.

This is the off-meny tasting menu of Cindy V. Welcome back, Cindy to the Dream Restaurant. Good to see you again, Cindy. Hi, I'm so happy to be back. Welcome back. You're here for a tasting menu, of course. I am. It doesn't taste good.

Well, you weren't aware of the concept until you just arrived. Yeah. Which is I think how we like it, isn't it, James? Yeah, yeah, it's how we like it. That you don't know what's going on until we start, really. Yeah, and also then it's spontaneous. Unless, like, there's a lot of prep, like quadratics, which I doubt in this. There's no prep.

It's not like quadratics. I don't even know what that is. No, I don't know what that is. It's algebra. Algebra. Okay. No, it's nothing like algebra. We're rarely like algebra here on the off-meny podcast.

We like to keep it spontaneous, but we like, We also, we didn't want you to say too much before we started recording because you were telling us that you got hair Botox and I want to talk about it on the podcast. Sure. Yeah, I thought it was not relevant for your food podcast that I got hair Botox, but I did. What you'll learn about the tasting menu is yes, we'll be talking about food. We will be giving you the menu of a previous guest, but also we're willing to sort of spin off in multiple directions. It's just an excuse to talk to you again. We'll see how you've been since we saw you last, which was all the way back in series one, I believe.

Yes. So knowing that now you have hair Botox and your hair looks different is quite, you know, I know. Exciting for the listener. Yeah, it's exciting for me. On YouTube. It's like that. So what happened was I, my hair has become very frizzy. Okay.

And it's partly age and it's partly that it's been processed a lot because when you do filming, they do different things to your hair and they don't care. Yeah. They only want you to look like that character. What happens to you after? They don't care. Okay. They put rubbish in your hair. They use hot hair dryers and so it was very frizzy.

Yeah. And Monday, Tuesday, when. this week, I had free. So on Tuesday, I took my work to do some writing from my show and I was sitting around in a cafe and I picked up my phone and I want to take a photo, but the photo was turned to me. Always awful when that happened. Just, you know, just so damaging at some level, just so damaging. I looked at this hair and I had like a froth of frizz. And I thought, you know what, I am doing too well in life to allow this just on a Tuesday. I mean, I'm not doing that well, but I'm doing well enough that this should not be allowed.

Yeah. So I googled frizz, hair, this, that, and I couldn't come up with anything. But it did say, then I, then I googled fancy hair salons near me. Yeah. And then there was one walking distance, and it was in Mayfair. And it was super fancy. And it was like, you have to book in advance in the lady's name. and she's my hello magazine, there's that.

I said, I'm going. So I walked into this place, and I went to the reception, and I said, I pointed, I'm not kidding. I pointed to my hair, and I said, you see this? This is really upsetting, and so can you do something? And it was such a fancy place that the lady, she was older, and she said to me, I'm sorry. And I said, no, do you see this? And she said, yes, yes. I said, this is really, and then it just came out.

I said, it's really affecting my self-esteem. I tell you what, she started paying attention. She was like, I think she was scared. And I said, can we do this? And then she said, oh, there's all these different treatments and this and that. And all I heard was like, la-la-la-la. And I said, but can you fix it? And she said, you have to talk to our hair, like frizziness consultant.

They have a hair-fixing frizziness consultant. She pointed to this woman and said, oh, she's just going to be finished and she'll talk you. In my head, if I say that to you, what do you think? A frizziness consultant is going to fix my hair. I think I'm about to be on a prank show. Yeah. Okay, no, but like that's not the word she used, but like whatever the, you know, treatment consultant. If they're going to talk to you, they're going to fix it, right? That's what you think? Well, I'd imagine, no, I'd imagine they're going to try and work out how to get

the most money out of you. Okay. Take all that out. Imagine that you're in a place where you actually believe in people and are not a cynic. Okay. So you mean a hair salon I've just walked into off the street. What Cindy was asking is, what is your opinion if you were someone else? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, I think they're going to fix it. As my mother used to say, that's like saying if my aunt had balls should be your uncle. And it's like, what? So there, if you were someone else. So you're asking me, so what would I say if I was you in this story? Did you think that they could fix it? I thought they would give me solutions and I would like one of them. And if I did, we would fix it. So she said, can you wait? I said yes. Then she started offering me like,

this is fancy, offering me like, would you like a flat white? Would you like a Jasmine tea? I was like, this is going to be expensive. I said, no, thank you. I'll have to apply. Flat white is the opposite of what your hair was like, by the way. Exactly. Absolutely.

Absolutely right. You've got to be careful. They say, would you like a flat white in a fancy salon? And then I come out. Next thing you know. You got a buzz cut. Yeah. So then this consultant talks to me.

She starts saying you can get keratin, but it'll make your hair very straight. And I don't like super straight hair because, I mean, I'm, that's not my hair. She said, and then we had this thing called hair Botox where it just takes the frizz out.

I was like, perfect, that's what we'll have. She said, okay, well, when you come to get it done, and I said, when I come to get it done, I mean, I'm here.

She said, oh yes, but this is a consultation. I don't have time today. And I looked at her in the mirror and I said, I'm getting this done today from you. And she said,

no, no, you know, blah, blah. And I said, you don't understand. It's, really affecting me in it. I have three kids and I don't

and she was like oh my goodness she left and came back and said can you come at 3.30 and I said yeah I'll wait it was 1015

she was like well were you worried you didn't want to leave the building you're like it's going to get more frizzy

if I leave the building I've got to stay on site but also I had this became my goal of the day do you know it's like my goal

of the day because you were trying about your show yeah and I was like I need to find something else to do you know

we've always We've all used procrastination techniques. Hair Botox is a new one of them. Yeah, this is quite big. And what an expense. These salons in Mayfair have to pay the rent. Let me tell you. Oh, my God.

But anyway, she said, oh, well, you're welcome to wait in the reception. I think she just thought this is too weird. But I didn't. I went out, had lunch, came back, and then we did my hair Botox. Is it injections in the head? No, it's just a treatment they put on. It smells weird. And then they put it like a hot thing.

And you were just 45 minutes. But it's great because I was finishing stranger things. to get ready for season five. So then I just did that and look at it. I mean, it's a little straighter than it usually is, but after I wash it. No frizz on that. No frizz. And you can't get it wet for four days.

So this is day four. Oh, okay. So it's only been four days? It's only been four days. And I'm very excited because when I wake up, I don't look like I've been electrocuted and run over by a truck at night, which is usually how my hair looks when I wake up at the moment. Anyway. Well, it's nice to have your back, Cindy.

I'm glad to have you back, Cindy. Your hair looks great. Your original menu is still a firm fan favorite. And I'd say one of the first menus we had that everyone was like, I want to eat that. I want to eat that. There was a lot of people. One of the best food describers in the biz.

Yeah, really described food. Well, you know, I love food. Yeah. And I think a lot about it. And on the TV show set I'm right now, you know, you get lunch. What are you going to have? What are you going to have? And it turns out I'm the only adult who orders bake potatoes with cheese and beans. And you open them and they look messy like brains.

But that's how you know they're going to be yum. And everyone looked at me like, are you seriously going to in the middle of the day eat that? And I thought, well, yeah, it's better than whatever vegetarian chicken protein wrap shit you're eating. I didn't say that. But I did get through a lot of cheese. No. But you know, when you really have a microwave, with baked potato with beans and cheese.

It looks like... Hearty. So yummy. So yummy. And because it's a small role, I don't have much dialogue. So I can just lug myself around all afternoon. It doesn't matter that when you do your lines, it's like full of melted cheese and beans. No, it doesn't matter that if I just say, no, no, don't do that.

No one cares. It's a good line. It's a good line. No, no, don't do that. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good line. It's a big potato line. Anyway, no, I'm glad because I do love food

And I think this was the first foodie podcast I did And it was such a And it's such a sort of intuitively understandable one for me Because it's like what food did you like? How did you get to it? Why do you like it? I mean, that's really a huge amount of my thinking is in that direction.

That's good. I mean, we're the same. This is why this just works. Yeah, remember that time when we met in Canada and I made you stand in that line And he got so upset. Did he? Yeah, but the food was good.

Yes, it was. It took your long time to agree. You sat at a different table to us, don't you? Because Cindy didn't want to wait as long as us, so we went to sat at a different table. Yeah, because we went as a group. There was a big queue, and I complained because there was a big queue. Yeah.

And then Cindy went, oh, no, there's a table for two now. I'm going to go and say that. Yeah, I did. And it was great. And you also ate the same food. So what, we're not sitting on each other's laps? We got good food. Yeah, but we were queuing so we could get a table.

I can't believe this has come back up again. So we could get a table for all of us as a group. And then you just went off and sat. Were you by yourself? I think you went to set by yourself. No, no, there was me and I took one other person who was most sheepish. And I was like, I don't worry about it. Ed won't mind.

I said Ed will mind, but when he eats the food, he'll understand. That was also the trip where that wasn't the first time you upset me that trip. Oh, what was the second? I arrived and I think you're already there. This is in Montreal. And I got, I had a mustache. Yes. And I got into the hotel lobby and literally hadn't, I just checked in.

And Cindy came up to me. I don't think there was a hello and said, you look like a paedophile. So I went upstairs and I shaved my mustache. It's a good friend. I shaved my moustache off straight away because Cindy told me And look, you're so handsome Thank you very much

Straight from Pido to handsome And what a leap Yeah, not many people go from Pido to handsome ed Just like that and trustworthy Yeah Yeah and that was also the trip where you Is it you who decided to check Dairy Queen No no, that was Dara

Yeah Yeah Took the DQ on the And it was DQ on his foot Yeah Yeah I came out of that whole trip smelling of roses I didn't put a foot wrong

It was great Everyone else was looking like a Pido and putting ice cream on the floor and abandoning their friends in a queue. But I was a... Can I just say I've had a moustache since then? I haven't met you. Yeah.

I've avoided you at every cost of ducked down corners to avoid you. I don't want my self-confidence rocked. But let me tell you, it's one of the least popular things I've ever done in my life. Yes, because no one wants to be around a pido. That's why. I think I look smashing. Don't.

If I was a pido, I'd be like the Pied Piper of Pee. I'll be leading the kids around the town. I mean, I'm always very proud of Edward when he does it because no one encourages him. He gets nothing but pushback from everybody. I discourage it. Yes, and he sticks to a fact he likes it and he does it. Well, you know, I'm quite proud of him for that.

No, kudos to you. And you're a hairy guy today? Yeah, I've got lazy this week. Stubly boy. Yeah, but he doesn't look like a pedo. Thank you. Look slightly sleepy and lazy. Compliment for C.

Not a Pido. Shabby chic. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice. But, you know, I think that whole idea that I think this is going to look good and I'm going to do it, I think it's great. No, you don't. You said I look like a Pido.

No, no. But, I mean, if you want to look like a Pido, that's on you, then you say, I'm Pido-like, but I want this mustache. And I say, okay. Yeah. You know, I respect that in my own. I mean, I didn't have the guts to keep my frizzy hair and look electrocuted. I got hair Botox. Yeah.

Now, you've obviously got a swanky new hairdo, so we should talk about your tour. Swanky. Yes, and the hairdo for the poster of that show is indeed swanky. I want to say it's all my own hair. That's impressive. And the amount of hair spray in my hair, if someone in Wales had lit a lighter, I would have gone on fire. So I was, and that was back when I was smoking. And I was like, I can't be smoking around my own self.

Yeah. So I was very scared, but it looked amazing. It's mad when you think about, you know, you see, like, pictures of people in the 50s and they've got that hair and they're having a sick. I don't know how they're doing it, but I think they would do a lot of back brushing. And I don't like doing back brushing because... Your hair's so frizzy. Well, my hair's frizzy, but also backbrushing takes a lot to, like, get out.

And it's just painful. But I think we did some, but not that much. But that hairdo was something else. And it was very much influenced by the fact that I was going to be on celebrity mastermind. And my topic was Jackie Onassis. Oh, yeah. I started reading about her and then Maria Callas. Yeah.

And I was like, not only is this woman, I mean, I feel sad for her. She's so goddamn tragic, but her hair. And then I put the hair in my poster. Did you keep the hair for when you went on Mastermind? No, because that hair, you couldn't, I mean, I wanted to smoke. So I took the hair out and I went on Mastermind and didn't win. I hate talking about it. Okay. Where did you come? I don't know. I didn't win. That's what matters.

Don't. We didn't win either. We didn't win. I know, but you know, a noise. I came joint second out of four. Don't talk to me about winning because you always win that game with the smashing words and drives me out of my mind. You're talking about answer smash? Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. Every time I'm like, what could this be? And you always know what it is. And I want to run over and punch you. Because how do you get it every time it bothers me? I'm good at Aunt's Smash as well. And Diamond got really angry at me because I was so good at it.

Yeah, but we haven't been on to it. She hissed at me like a cat at one point. Are you looking forward to being back on tour after five years? I am. The fact that I haven't toured in the UK for five years is really the thing that's making me you know how like before your birthday you're like oh i'm going to get nice presents i feel like that because i feel i very much feel like a uk comic you know and um i like going to different places in the uk and gigging and then in the daytime walking around the high street you walk around the places

you tour to well if i have nothing else to do i walk around have you heard of sitting in the theatre dressing room meeting nandoes the whole of the previous day yeah no no i go get my nails done In the hotel? But whatever hotel I'm staying at, I don't really care. But you go out in the city, in the town, you don't just sit in the hotel? But depends. If I'm watching a Netflix running to get through because I get very obsessive, then I do. But if I don't, so there's a couple of things I always do when I go on tour in different cities is I always find a nail place.

Because I like getting my nails done. Because it's a bit like buying a handbag, but less expensive. It makes you feel great. It's like low touch. Anyway, get my nails done or I get my hair done. Not hair Botox, just get my hair done. So for that, you have to leave the hotel. Sure.

Especially because I always stay in Premier Inn. So you really have to leave the hotel. See, this is, I'm thinking swanky. We've talked about hair Botox. We talked about getting your nails done. It's like buying a nice handbag. Swanky, swanky, swanky, swanky. And then Premier Inn.

And then suddenly you're in Premier Inn. Yeah, that's an issue which will be dealt with. But it's your issue that you can deal with. Yes, because I had this idea when I first toured that it's just, you're so tired and you just go to sleep. what's the big deal? The John Robbins ideal. Oh, is it? That's the John Robbins theory.

John Robbins views his life. Okay. So I was like, oh, you just got to see. And it worked in my first tour perfectly because I also didn't know what was going on. I started touring and I didn't really understand what it meant. I was like, where am I? Also, I had never left London, really. I was like, what is this place?

And people would say it's St. Albans. It's not really that far. And I'd be like, where are we? Then I started going further and further out and stuff. then the second tour, for many different reasons, I didn't change it because the options were not great. Also, it's not like there's fantastic four seasons in different places. So you think I'll just save on this.

This time, I'm going to come up with different ideas. And I don't know exactly what they are. But I'm going to avoid staying in Premier Inn because it can make you sad. Yes. Especially if it's like a red brick one and the only view is the parking lot can make you sad. And I don't want to be sad. You want a talk called Swanky. And I'm on a tour.

Get swanky, baby. I'll get swanky. There's one brand of hotel, which always is like set up so that everyone who's there imagines they're having an affair in the middle of the afternoon. Malmaison?

There you go. It's like all that's going. Do you know what I mean? Absolutely just straight away. Yeah. Yeah, but that's what it is. It's a shagging hotel. Yeah, but it's not just regular shagging.

It's got to be some kind of illicit, massive. And I go in there and I'm like, wait, what? That's jarring to me. you know, for many different reasons which we cannot get into in this podcast but there's got to be some other in between like a country hotel type situation. Yeah, it doesn't feel like having an affair

or not to have a red hot poker shoved up your butt. Exactly. There you go. That's the bit I didn't want to bring up but now you brought it up. I just thought I'd make it clear to the listener. I mean, I've got ideas for you

but we'll probably do it after the podcast. Yeah, yeah. Otherwise we'll never get to the food bit. So we are going to present you a tasting menu You don't know what you're going to have today. And we're not revealing who it is until the end. Is that what you want to happen? So normally we would tell you at the top,

but we won't do that this time, apparently. I can't control my prejudices. But that makes me want to tell her. Yeah. But like, you'll tell you what you. You can guess as we go along if you like, if you think you know who it is. All the people that have ever come on this point.

Do I know this person? We'll tell you it's a comedian. Oh. Okay. Oh. So for your water course. it's water from the fountain of youth in Big John Little John. Would you like some explanation?

What does that mean? So apparently Big John Little John was a kids TV show in the 70s. In this country? Yes. Okay, well, there you go. About a man called John who drinks from the fountain of youth. And what that does is it means every so often he just turns into his eight-year-old self and then grows again. Okay.

And this person wanted to drink water from that so they could go to being eight years old and back again? Yes. What a happy childhood they must have had. Yeah. Good Lord. Okay. So you would not, you would not want to drink the Fountain of Youth to turn into an eight-year-old version of yourself. What are you talking about?

You just said you got your hair Botoxed. You were talking to us about those kind of procedures earlier. I don't want to be eight years old again. You were like, I would get everything done. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is Fountain of Youth. It's just going to make you younger.

It's going to make me eight. I don't want to be eight again. I had a terrible stammer And I And okay Pido James man James

No this Ed wouldn't Mustache Ed would Yeah This Ed doesn't have Yeah this is good Ed That guy's cool Swave Heavy metal Ed

Heavy metal Cool Musceteer Slick Slick Rick I call him Oh that's even worse Okay now you're really entering

Like you're even giving yourself a It's not a Pido name Slick. He's a rapper. Okay. So all I'm saying is I don't want to be eight. You're saying because you had a stammer when you were in. I had a terrible stammer and I was bullied all the time.

But you wouldn't be, this doesn't take you back to the time. It just physically turns into an eight-year-old. But I guess Cindy is worried that when she goes, when she's turned into an eight-year-old, she gets her stammer back and then new bullies are going to find her. Yeah, but also when I was eight, I was so scrawny that my mother used to say to me, if you don't finish your dinner, then you'll not put, and I would say, no, I don't want to eat because it was always like.

What would you say to you? Don't finish your dinner? She said, like a bhangan like you. Lothedungi, go and payce to get paid. She said, if you don't finish your dinner,

you'll keep looking like this. I'll give you a cup, go and beg. Because you look like a beggar. That's what she used to say, all right? So it wasn't a time I felt like I looked great. Okay, and you know me.

Vane and shallow. Yeah, yeah. Kind-hearted, but vain and shallow. I wouldn't want to be eight. I show you a picture of myself when I was eight. My mother used to cut my hair like a square and then sent me to the American school where I had a stammer,

got the shit kicked out of me. all the time. It was not a great time, man. I shouldn't laugh so much of this. It is hilarious. I was also very annoying because I wanted to talk all the time. And kids would just punch me, right? Be like, shut the fuck up. But adults couldn't. So I would corner adults in my parents' house and be like,

do you want to do, do you want to hear a joke? And they'd be like, Jesus, we can take half an hour. I was universally disliked. I don't want to drink this little John Big John water and go there. Okay? Sorry. Yeah. You just have tap water.

Well, no, you've got to have what's on the tasting menu. Oh, I have to, is it? Well, you don't know. If you know what it's there, it's going to be on the table. That's what we're bringing you is Big John Little John Fountain of Youth Water. Well, you guys explained it and as per that explanation, I will not be drinking it. What if, I mean, I don't know how the water works, but if you don't drink it, maybe if you just like dip your hand in it, you get an eight-year-old's hand, how do you feel about that? No. You'd like that. Put your hair in it.

A tiny little hand. Well, if you just washed your hair in it. Yeah, then I'd have great hair. No, but then it'll go. to Lego Lady hair again. Oh, yeah. But that's fine because if I could keep

this personality and non-stammer, I could carry off that hair. It's also very thick. Yes, okay. So I could put my hair in it. We'll let you wash your hair in the fountain of your water. Perfect.

Okay, that sounds good. Amazing. No, but it's true. It was a diabolical time. Yeah. It was horrible. So you wouldn't want to go back to being eight. No, but I would like my eight-year-old hair.

Yeah. So we'll put your hair in the water. Yeah. We'll wash your hair in it. I'll just do this. It'll be fine. And then you get your lovely ate your old hair. Yeah.

And I don't care about the hair stocks, I could carry it off. Papad or bread? Popad. Papad. So he really can't, like, lean into it with confidence, can you? No, no, never. No, you must. Never.

But on the previous episode we recorded today, I said it the way that you told me to because I promised you that I would do it over a year ago. You said it so well. Thank you. Popat or bread. Papad of bread. But then he'll go. Papa.

You get really shy. Yeah, really shy. Oh gosh, don't be. Any other language? When I was a kid. Any other language? Yeah. When I was a kid, my dad was like, we were in a French service station.

And he went, you go and pay for your food by yourself because he's like, you help you learn the language. I got to the front and the person started saying a whole bunch of stuff I didn't understand. Absolutely panicked as long line behind me. I can't do it. No, but it's not easy. I feel like I'm in French services. The worst is when you learn basics of a language

when you're going somewhere, just to say like hello and thank you or can I have the bill. And you get so good at doing that, that then they assume that you've got more. Oh, yeah. And you have to reel it back in and go, no, me stupid English. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm doing Spanish on Duolingo. And I did it as a kid. So it's like not, there's someone, I'm so good in Duolingo. That owl is so happy with me. Like just, you know, bubing, bing, bing. and woo-hoo and all that stuff. And then I go to the grocery store in Majorca

and I want milk. And I'm like, estoi lece. I am milk. I forget all my grammar. I just panic. And my husband is standing behind me like, but I insist that I know it because I know it in my head

and then I get there and I panic and I say estoi. And there's no owl there like binging you up or anything. The lady is looking at me like not another foreigner in Morocco who's, you know, fucking. So then. Anyway, but yeah, I know. But you know what? We have to break through that.

Yeah. And you break through it with Papa. I will break through it with... I am milk. Yeah, leche. Well, yeah. Iron milk could be a good, like a Will Smith film. Yeah, or leche aura.

Milk now. Yeah, milk now. Yeah, that's good. That's like they're sequel to Apocalypse now. So, actually, they chose a bread anyway. Ingera bread. What bread? Yeah, the Ethiopian bread that is like all the different dishes

on top of it and you kind of tear it and you use it to like eat the... Like a big nun? It's sort of, it's a little bit, injera bread is a little bit spongy, it's almost got a little sour taste. It's really delicious. So it's like sort of big, it's sort of like crumpety, pancakey sort of consistency and they'll put all the stuff on top of it. It's really good.

You can go for like an Ethiopian meal. It's so delicious. I believe this guest, he said when he remembered it to he, that it was almost a whole table. I don't think that's right. Oh, it can be. There can be huge breads like this, but a whole table. Depends on the side of the table. I think he wanted it to be the size of the table.

He wanted to be the size of the table. So I guess for you, it's going to be the size of the table as well, because it's his menu that we're serving. This person drinking that ridiculous Big John Little John water. Now wants a piece of bread the size of a table. Who is this? What I will say about this person is they used the dream aspect of the dream menu to its maximum capacity.

Okay, so it's in their head. Fountain of you for, uh, enjoy bread the size of the table. Okay. How are we spelling? the name of this bread? I think it's I-N-J-E-R-A. Yes, he did it without even looking. Ingera bread. Okay, well... It's a big moment for the podcast. You know what? I have never eaten it, and regardless of the size of this parachute of bread that we have, I will have some. I think you would really like it.

I'm sure I would love it. Is there stuff on it? No, they didn't say there was. This is just for the break course. So I think you just got that the side, like a tablecloth. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. Quite often when I've been for Ethiopian food since we recorded this episode, rather than it all coming out as one, you get that, but then also extra, and it's like rolled up into little rolls of bread. So bread on bread?

Well, there's like extra bread on the side to dip because there's a lot of sources in Ethiopian food and a lot of curry type things. In real life, not on the tablecloth. No, no, no, I'm talking about my own life here now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, all right. Well, this is something for me to go and explore.

This has started really well. You've already got your hair from when you were eight and a nice bit of Ethiopian bread. Not a bit, though. A nice, massive curtain. Huge curtain. Huge tablecloth curtain. Bed cover of bread.

Yeah. That's good. I love a bed cover of bread. I know. Me too. Me too. Me too. I keep getting AI things on my algorithm of people getting into beds made of different food.

But you know, but can I just? This is so interesting because that you know is AI. Yeah. I get real stuff. And then I send it to my kid. She's like, mom, this is AI. Yeah, no, I have to ask my wife when stuff's AI. And I'm like, how do you know it's AI?

She's like, why would the tiger be in their dining room? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, it can happen. She's like, no, it cannot happen. I sent one to my wife the other day. I was like, look at this is amazing. Yeah. And she was like, they're giraffes that are like two inches tall.

How would, but I don't know what a baby giraffe looks like. I know. And then she gave me a trick. She said, look at the eyeballs. Yeah. Not all the eyeballs. I said, I'm looking at a meme. I'm not doing a, not in a life-threatening situation.

I have to look at eyeballs and I'm looking at a meme. She's like, my, it's AI. Yeah, but I would like AI of people getting into beds made of food. Yeah, so it's like, it'll be like, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The videos will be like, which bed would you prefer? And it'll be like a bed of bread of bread of bread. bread, a bed of beans or something, like cheese.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, a bed of quasson, that would be good. Wow. Wow. It's good, I'm getting loads, I get in. And then you think about that with yourself, do you? You think what bed would I like to get in? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I like the video.

I comment on which one I'd like, and I keep getting sent them. It's really annoying. I know. I would do that. Yeah, yeah. I would do that. What do you comment? Yeah, breadbed.

Yeah. Bread bed or cheese and beans bread, bread, disgusting. Yeah. Too much. You wouldn't like the big jacket potato that you have on set? No, I would like to eat that. I would like to sleep in that.

Yeah. Because it is messy. Also, my wife Charlie keeps getting AI videos of like a cat being sat on the doorstep. And there's loads of these. And then an old lady comes out and goes, hello, are you all right? And then the cat blasts a jet of water out of its mouth and blows the old lady away and then the whole house collapses. She knows it's AI. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As opposed to you, who's like, check out this crazy. lady, that poor lady. But I watch that and I go, people are worried about AI, but we're in a golden age right now. We are in a golden age. Yeah. That's funny stuff. That is. I mean, that's not the same AI that would kill us though.

No. Different types. What do you mean? We can keep that one forever. What do you mean is different types? Different types. It's not super intelligence. So like that one with the cats sparing the lady, we can have that forever and it's not

to hurt anyone. Yeah, but the AI that's going to kill us is sending us this so we become kind of. No, that's not how it works. Yeah. That is. They're rotting up. No, it's not that the AI that can kill us already exists and is sending us nice little memes and gifts to trick us.

That's not been invented yet. Well, then why are we worried about it if it's not been invented yet? Because they're trying to invent it. Because you want X machina and you believe it. Yes, sure. You two can't tell the difference between a photo and an AI thing, so I don't think you're one to talk. Fair, but I think that AI exists. I think it's in a lab.

But not super intelligence doesn't exist. Just to get just yet. Killer AI. and I think AI exists. No, killer AI exists, but they just haven't told us. Yeah, they know what... You called it killer AI. Okay, fair enough.

But like, that doesn't exist yet. No, I think it just haven't got... It just hasn't gotten to us. But here's the thing, you guys, life is now. Oh, good. And I'm not AI, you're not AI, Benito is not AI. This podcast is not AI. So we are all here now.

Fuck the future killer AI is. Let's enjoy our memes. Try and differentiate between AI and normal memes and move on. Makes no sense to live life like that. Go, don't worry about what's going to happen in the future because life is now. Yeah, it's true. That's true. Don't worry about the future, James.

Don't worry about the future. Because life is now. People are too worried about the environment. Yeah. People are too worried about AI. No, well, listen. Hello? No need to catastrophize it.

Just let's think about it and put shit in recycling and be like, okay, cool. And also let's not, you know, use bad fuels. Yeah, yeah. And fracking is terrible. Yeah. But, oh, God, what can I do? But anyway, it is terrible. and then, like, you know, support the right things.

Make sure kids are getting an education. If you have some extra money, put it in girls' education. I think that's important. Just do like your bit. Yeah. But don't catastrophize the future because we have so little control. And the cat's spraying the lady is funny. Yeah.

Yes. Well, we all agree that that's funny. That is hilarious. I'm not saying that the cat's sparing the lady isn't funny. I've not seen it. I'm dying to see it. Also, I get a lot of wrestling ones where it's like Stephen Hawking wrestling people on WW. That is the kind of thing my son would send me.

Yeah. Yeah. He wins? that's important Stephen Hawking by the way went on record warning people not to pursue superintelligence

because it will kill everyone Yes But see now Now he can do nothing He did it And that was his rule Yes well he's dead now Yeah there you go

When you came on the podcast Your starter was white fish Civeche from Uruguay I know from that wedding And I stole it on the side This person has chosen This is what you're getting today The one bag of salt and vinegar

kettle chips from the 1990 90s and one bag of salt and vinegar kettle chips from present day, and you have both of them, and you need to see if they have changed. That is fucking fantastic. Okay, because do you understand what we're talking about here? Yes. Yeah. In 1990, I had never eaten salt and vinegar chips.

I didn't know. It was a crisp. I didn't know anything. I knew there was a, in India, we called it potato chips, and it was the flavor of potato, and I was not allowed to eat them because my mother said it's processed. She said, I'll make them at home, and whatever the first. fuck she was making was not what my friends had in a bag. What would she do?

She was slicing potatoes really thin and frying them. Yeah. And then saying, Yolo, take this. And it's like, this is. Yeah, Yolo. Your mom was really ahead of the curve. She was like, eat this and it's not processed and the oil is not bad. And it was like, but this is not the stuff my friends have.

And she said, then go to their house and ask the mother to adopt you and stuff like that. Then you were like, oh, I can't do that. Eat those at home. So I had never eaten them. And then I moved here in 1991. Yeah. And crisps, you guys eat them like a religion. Everyone eating crisps, crisp, crisp.

I didn't know about salt and vinegar. I ate just normal potato. I was like so greedy because I could have the real thing. And that's when I met Walker's crisps. You know, I love, why are you laughing? Just because you said Matt. I met. It was so amazing.

And like you could get bags in the supermarket. Lots of bags in one bag. Oh my God, loved it. So now that I am British enough to easily eat crisps and have a preference, my favorite crisp is salt and vinegar. Yes. So I know what the current, several different brands of salt and vinegar tastes like. Yeah.

So I would be not only overjoyed to eat the ones from now, I could now find out what they tasted in 1990 when I hadn't eaten any British crisps. This is perfect. I think this would make me so happy. I'd better start for you than it was for our original guest who chose it. I think they were being... Our original guests wanted to know whether, because they had a theory that kettle chips,

but they called them kettle crisps, kettle chips taste different now to how they did in the 90s, and he couldn't work out whether the crisps had changed or he had. So he wanted to compare them to see if it's an actual taste thing or whether he'd just matured or changed over the years. Your taste buds don't change. Who is this person? They do change a bit, do they?

Olives and stuff? You know, like olives when you were a kid. But they like kettle chips even then. So it wasn't that they'd never tasted them. Like my mother used to feed you food you didn't like. And you'd say, I don't like this. She'd say, cultivate the taste. And cultivated.

Did that work for you? Yeah, yeah, I had mushrooms under the fear of death. I had mushrooms on my pizza because she used to have mushroom pizza and it was very expensive. So she would order one pizza of what she wanted. And then you had to eat it. And if you tried to take the mushroom off, You're wasting mushroom.

It's very expensive. Cultivate the taste. I love mushrooms now. But I think for a long time, I was just afraid. So I would just eat them. A lot of the times when you tell stories about your mum, you're like, she used to do this. Oh my God, she used to do this.

But it does sound like something you'd do now, right? Oh, yeah. All sounds like stuff you would do now. Not in the same context. I have bigger fish to fry than forcing my half-white kids to eat mushrooms. Right? I have bigger fish to fry. But yes, some of the tactics and the tone.

Yeah. And the underlying intentionality is very similar. Yes. Right. I don't know why that's so funny. It's funny. Because you refer to your children as my half-white kids. Well, because they come sort of pre-packed with certain DNA, you know, that just makes them not like me.

You know, like, they want to do art in school. As in not like, as in not similar to you rather than not like you. That also, but they're at that age now where they're like, you know, they don't like you and they don't like your, they don't like their mom or whatever. But they'll eventually have to come back. Yeah, they do. I mean, even people who hate their mom are in therapy because their mom is a big deal. It's like, where are you going to go? Especially now, like the economy's fucked.

They're not going to be able to get a house without coming back around. 100%. That also, but also, if you don't sort out your mom stuff, you cannot really move forward. So one way or the other, they're stuck with me in their head. And I hope it's good, but if it's bad, fine. I have to say one thing my mother taught me and that I have very much lived that as a mother is you have to guide your children, you have to give them good values,

and then at some point you have to try and see who they are, and then step back. And I think that's important, because you sort of load them up, like a program, and then you say, go out in the world. And then you see, you know, then you try and see who they are. My kids, three of them are so different.

You know, I sometimes look at them, and I think you're all three so different, you're only similar in that you've picked up so little from me. That makes me sad for them. But anyway, okay. It's got a lot from your white husband. Yeah, he's a fantastic. I mean, like in my next life, if he's not my husband, can he be my dad?

He's such a great dad. One of the weirdest things anyone's ever said. Why? In every life, you have a different relationship with the same people in your family because of your carmic load debts and credits. Do you guys not know this? Even just the phrase load. Yeah, carmic load, I don't mean.

Like, being in the... All the perverts in this room can filter this information how they want. Imagine if I have my mustache. Yeah. Yeah, unbroadcastable. Okay, sorry. Should we take,

okay, we can cut all that out. No, we can keep it all in that you wish your husband was your dad. Calling me a Pido. In my next life,

when you don't remember the previous lives relationships. Right. Because he's such a great father. You know, and he's given the kids. He has given them

what confidence they have. Yeah. I have given them a deep ability to self-criticize. I don't believe that's true. You're very confident ladies,

Cindy. Yeah, but in my hands, head it's, I mean like with them I'm like, why didn't you do this? You should do this better. You could get 100. Why did you get 90? You know that kind of thing? He's just like, you're amazing. 90? Wow. I'm like, what I mean? You know what I mean? Even when you tried to do the impression that you're starting to sarcastic. Yeah. I know. 90. Wow. He is truly genuinely. And I have great kids. I have great kids. I just feel like I'm the bad cop, you know. Sure. The main course, they want four and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie. And they specified, they would like the blackbirds to survive and start singing when the pie is opened. Like in the thing. So, you know, you cut the pie open.

So you know that's like the sort of medieval. I'm the king in the thing counting all my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me. Yeah. Oh, in the song. Yeah. Yeah. I would like to be that. Yeah. But apparently I have to be the guy that eats this goddamn fucking singing pie.

I'm sorry, sorry, can I say? Yeah, yeah. Encourage. They want to eat a pie with blackbirds, but they have to be alive and sing. Yeah. Well, I guess that's what they used to do, is that the sort of presentational thing in like medieval banquets. They cut the pie open, the blackbirds would fly out and everyone would be like, whoa. That didn't happen.

They were dead. They were baked. I'm sorry. Are we forgetting science? No, but I don't think, I think maybe the idea is that in medieval Sometimes they'd just do it as a showmanship thing, so they'd bake the crust, put the blackbirds in, and then open the pie and the blackbirds would fly out, and everyone would be like, holy shit, but in medieval.

Yeah. In medieval. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Holy shittes. Holy shittes. Yeah. Okay.

So we're going to bring you out what looks like a big pie. Yeah. With 24 birds in it. Yes. Yeah, yeah. No, 4 and 20. Four and 20, actually. And we'll...

Four and 20 is 24. Huh? Yeah, but you've got to say it's four and 20 because it's like in the song. Okay. So with four and 20. Blackbirds is a pie and it comes out. Yeah. It's 4.20 is when people get stoned, right?

What? I don't think that's why it's that. I've never been stoned so I don't understand the reference. 420. 420 is when people smoke a J. Yeah. Jay's the type of bird, blackbird. Wait, what's 420?

Is it the time? Yeah, 420 is like stoner time. That's when people start smoking weed. In the morning or afternoon? Afternoon, yeah. Huh. If you watch a Quentin Tarantino film, all the clocks are set to 420 in every scene.

Oh, even in Kill Bill? I think so. We're certainly in Pulp Fiction. I didn't know this. This is a movie trivia that I didn't know, and I'm loving this right now. Look it up, Ben. I love Pulp Fiction. It's the movie I've watched the most.

It's great. You don't be looking at the clocks, watch it again. Yeah, I'm going to go and watch it today. It is good. Do you have a favorite story in Pulp Fiction, the favorite part of it? When John Travolta is talking to himself in the bathroom, convincing himself not to go out and bang what surface. Huma Thurmond.

And just that conversation, it's like, it's so, there's an innocence to him. But he's also, it's just a fantastic scene. I like that scene. Tell himself he's going to go home and jack off. Yeah. And that's all you're going to do. Yeah, that's what you're going to do.

And he's just like, you're just talking to yourself like, like a friend, you're not going to. And she's fully giving him the vibe. Yeah. And he knows he's going to get murdered. So I know there are a lot of other great scenes. The one, I'll tell you the line, the storyline, I could not give a shit. shit about in that movie, which should have not been there at all.

Bruce Willis, wasting our time. Really? Wasting our goddamn time throughout that film. And also with that girl that he likes in the end who talks like like a baby, that whole thing. I was like, this is spoiling the movie so badly. My God. But then the second time I went to watch it, I was like, just block that shit out because you know it's coming.

I love the Bruce Willis storyline, but I do agree that the relationship, I don't like the relationship with him and his girlfriend because it is, yeah, it is. That's not a good balance there. He's very bad vibes that relationship. Yeah, and also the worst rubbing of salt in my wound was that John Travolta gets killed by Bruce Willis. To me, I was like, I'm going to vomit. I'm going to vomit in the theatre. It sounds like you like this film.

I loved it. But the Bruce Willis thing I hated. But you must have, in Bruce Willis' bit, you must have at least liked at the beginning where the Christopher Walken monologue about the watch. That's a good bit of that. That's great. I liked Christopher Walken. I liked what he was doing. But the whole fact that it was Bruce Willis and his dad and the watch was up his ass and I was like, yeah, whatever.

But Christopher Walken, I love that whole thing. And I just, I think, and I'd feel bad saying anything about Bruce Willis now because he's not well now, right? But it's just that that was a storyline. I was like, we're wasting my time with this. Everyone else was interesting. Everybody else, except this, even the wife of the drug dealer. She was interesting and she was on for like two minutes. and this guy was taking up so much space.

Bouch, the boxer. Yeah. Idiot. Is there an animal or a bird that you would rather have in the pie if you don't want this? They have to be alive though. They have to be alive when the pie opens the evening. Okay, good. So there's no question of eating it.

No. Unless you're not as you're eating like birds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I would love it instead of 4 and 20 blackbirds, which I think are also very bad vibes, blackbirds. I would love it if. it had four and 20 owls.

I love owls. Do you know? Because first of all, first of all, I don't even know why you're laughing. It's like blackbirds are not less funny than owls. I just think it was the delight on your face. I love.

And owls are bigger as well. So for some reason. No, no, no, no. There's also miniature owls. Yeah, they're like the marmoset of owls, you know, the tiny. But the thing about owls. Do they definitely exist or they? Yeah.

Yeah, you guys might have been looking at more AI pictures. animals and they're not AI there are you? Yeah. What? Only English people can say what like that. What's your problem?

I think we can't do this podcast. Why? That's good stuff. We can't recover from that. That's a cute joke. Are you? Yeah. We can't recover from that.

Why not? That's good stuff, man. You enjoyed it. I never even enjoyed that. I enjoyed his watch. Yeah, yeah. If you get a whart out of James, you know it's gone really wrong. Anyway, so there's tiny little owls.

And the thing is, even the tiny owls, they look at you with the seriousness of like the four-foot-tall owls. Because owls are wise. They've decided they're wise. Yeah. And so they just look at you very wisely. And then they don't like you. They go like exorcists all the way around. But they stop on that side.

What an insult. They're like, I'm going to look directly opposite you. And you see, they don't even come back around until they feel like. Yeah. I love that about them because that's kind of, I often want to do that, you know. But they think they're wise. Don't they have like tiny brains? Don't their eyes take up most of their head?

Yes, but it's all about self-confidence. You think I'm so confident because I walk into room, I have self-confidence, but I'm like super interiorly very, not very. It's getting less with age, but quite insecure. Yeah. They maybe have tiny brains and insecure, but they are, they think they're wise. They're confident and sexy. Yeah.

And there's something menacing about them, but wise. So you know they'll only kill the right people. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? They'd only kill the, yeah? Yeah, they wouldn't. So you want four and 20 owls in a pie? But the little ones.

I don't want any giant owls. Yeah, those tons. Yeah, we don't want like Hogwarts owls. No. No. And there's bigger owls than that. I was just seeing tigers in India last month, as you do. And there was a humongous owl.

Okay, here's something. 27 years I've been married. I know my husband quite well. We're looking at this owl And the owl, of course, at some point It's like, fuck these people, I don't want to look at them. Starts turning its head, but it's polite enough to come back around. My husband's like, what's it doing?

I'm like, what's it, it's owl doing? It's what owls do with their head. And he's like, I thought that was just like in the books. Wow. I'm like, I'm sorry. You thought someone had made that up? And he was like, why are you getting so offended? I'm like, this is the most owl thing about an owl.

And he said the most owl thing. about an owl that sits in the chimney and does who-hoo I was like absolutely not it was really something

but he saw it do the turning thing and then he was so fascinated by it then we had to drive the jeep in front so he could look back

and see it looking this way and then we reversed the jeep and then it looked this way and he was fascinated and I was like

bro what anyway 27 years I didn't know he didn't know about this owl thing but little owls our parents can be embarrassing

sometimes Yeah, oh, Dad. Next life, James. Next life, yes, yes. Your next life, Dad. Next life. You guys have made it pervy, you know? Although it's not that pervy.

There's all these, can I say that now? Go on. Well, there's all these women now who are like, you know, like for them sexy talk is like, who's my daddy. Sure. So that's not the vibe. The vibe is in my next life when I have another husband who I'm getting it on with. not that I would discuss it with my then-dad, but it could be my husband because he's such a great dad.

But I would not discuss it with him. So it's more like who's my next life daddy? But not in that tone. Yeah, okay. But I would say, I mean, I think that's not women saying who's my daddy. I think it's men, perby weird men, saying who's your daddy to women? No, I think women have a lot of dad. Do women say who's my daddy?

Oh, yeah, it's a big thing for women. Yeah, it's a good point. I've never heard of when we go, Who's my daddy? Well, maybe they're, well, no, but maybe they're saying to someone. Because that's actually a very open-ended question, isn't it? It could be anything. Call me daddy or who's your daddy. You sort of know what the answer to that is, but who's my daddy?

It could be like, well, yeah, I know he's a really nice man. Yeah, I picked you up from your house. I think perhaps, I mean, you've never heard that sure, but it happens. And you can leave it there. Yeah. Okay. Side dish. You chose stuff and was potatoes.

I did. which by the way are very good potatoes. Can we agree? Oh my goodness. I made some the other day. Aren't they great? So good. And you use cream? Yeah. Do you put pepper? No, or salt.

Good. No salt or pepper. You can add stuff afterwards, but the recipe I use is literally like sliced potatoes, cream, milk, three garlic cloves in with a cream and milk while you cook it and then strain them out, then pour it over and a little greoia cheese on the top, which I don't know how authentic that is, but that does a lot of the salting as well. Yeah, that kind of cheese. Also, if you use very high quality butter, when you're serving it, that takes care of the salt. This is one thing I don't put chili in, you know.

Oh, really? Because you want the potato-y potato-ness. And you want that cream, butter, thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's so good. Well, I think you might like this side even more. Yeah, earlier on I was thinking this has actually worked out very well.

A jacket potato from his last year of university from a van with coleslaw, chili sauce, garlic mayo, cheese and butter. I'm sorry, what was the first thing? Coleslaw Coleslaw And then? Chili sauce Garlic mayo Cheese and butter

Well, fine Also where's the protein Yeah But then you're in your last year of school So what do you care Like your last year of college And to be fair The first time

I was going to say Metajacket Partito, what we know that sets you off I love it The first time was in a van When I came to university here And everyone

Because I was very strict vegetarian And so everyone had, and I didn't, did I drink? I think I drank with the confidence of someone who could drink, but was just vomiting. Like just one ginantonic and then, like, and everyone was like, what is up with her? But anyway, everyone was from somewhere else. It was fine. I remember being very hungry and it was, of course there was a boy. So I was like walking around, God, it was like very early in the morning.

I was hungry. I'd been throwing up. You hadn't had your daily slice of pizza yet. No, no, that was Montreal. This is here. And then someone said to me, oh, there's a donor kebab van. And I said, kabab, I don't eat kebab, blah. They said, no, no, you can get potatoes.

And I thought French rice. Then they got huge potato. And they said, no, you have to put stuff in it. And then there's all these choices. So, yes, I understand that university and potato. The idea that you would put cold salad in a hot potato shows, you know, I don't know. I guess you're at that stage. You're not discerning.

You're just eating whatever. Why I thought you might chime with this a little bit is obviously you were talking about having a jack of potato, but you were talking about how it's a mess and it all looks like brains. This guest. It beans and cheese looks like brains. No, sure, but this guest was talking about how like coagulated

and like you get it back home and it's in that polystyrene container and you open it up and it's just like a total mess, but you just dig in and it's delicious. Yeah, I've never gotten home. I would just sit on the curb there and eat it. But also I don't mix hot and cold, so I think I would, eat it, but I would move the coleslaw to the side. Also, garlic, mayo, absolutely not. Why not? I don't

like mayonnaise. And so I would just move it to the side. Well, cold slows, I guess, pretty mayonnaise is well. There you go. And it's cold. I mean, it's just fucking you at every level. It's cold. It's mayonnaise. You're like, I'm fine. So you move that to the side. You move the garlic mayo to the side. But maybe you're so drunk, you don't care. And then the butter. And what was the other thing? Cheese, chili sauce. Oh my God. I would actually, you know what I would do? I would focus my mind on the butter because butter and chili is quite a combination. If you've ever, what's the word,

roasted corn on the cob, and then you rub butter and lemon or lime and chili on it, it's divine. So I would just focus on that in my mind. I would zen myself into that and ignore all the other shitty bits they put in it. But you'd be like, okay, fine. So I would get through that

and I would be quite satisfied. Especially because I'd had kettle chips. So it was that kind of meal, know? Yeah. It's just like a trashy, messy meal. Yeah, it really is. I like that. I think this guest wanted it to be quite a substantial side dish because the main course, basically all you're eating is pie crust because all the birds have flown away. Yes. Because they're all alive. Yeah, so you wouldn't be hungry at the end of it. Because there's nothing as bad as eating food and then thinking, I'm still hungry. Then having to go home and order a pizza. The jacket potato's

taken on quite, it's become quite trendy now. Oh yeah? When was it on online? Online, there's a couple of guys who like run jacked potato vans who have loads of followers online who do like POV videos of them preparing jacket potatoes for people but i suppose the social media has decided that it's trendy it's always been trendy for me a jacket potato is a staple of this UK it's like if you don't know what else to eat a jacket it's it's on every catering menu yeah blah blah blah blah blah blah and then for anyone who can't fucking decide jacket potato with anything you want to know you say a fine hello that's me yeah you know and also they're always done really well. And also, where are they getting these gigantic potatoes? Huge.

I mean, what's in those potatoes? They're like watermelon. Yeah, they're gigantic. I watch these videos and they're like, do you want a large? And the person would be like, yeah, and they'll turn around and open the oven. And this fucking thing comes out that looks like a UFO. It's bonkers. AI. It's AI again. It's not AI, man. You've watched another AI video. No, no. This is real, man. And do you know what's distressing to me is that I have a kid who loves jacket potatoes? Yeah. But wants tuna and sweet corn in their jacket potato. And I'm like, it's cold. And she's like, bro, what? Tuna mayo.

I quite like hot and cold together. And she likes mayonnaise. Yeah. But you know, you think... That's her dad's doing that, I think. No, no, he's never eaten in a jacket, but her Danes find that bizarre. It's like one of those English things. They're like, no, no thanks.

But jacket, potato, no thanks. They don't get it. Yeah. He's just like... And given how much potatoes they eat, they just eat them boiled. It's like, do something fun. Bake it and put this stuff in it. No, thanks.

So it's definitely not him. But she, you know, but then she... she's English. That's the other thing. That's the third thing in them. They're English. We like cold and disappointing things sucked in mayonnaise. No, but they like mayonnaise and sweet corn and tuna.

So I'm like, you know what? It's a jacket potato, knock yourself out. So sometimes for dinner when it's just me and her, we'll have a jacket potato. I'll have beans and cheese and she's like, you're so gross. And then she'll have this mayo tuna thing. And I'll be like, I'm going to throw up. And then we just sit there and eat and insult each other's food.

But we're happy. That's nice. Drink is, you had a white version. Yeah. Would that still be your dream drink? No. What's taken over now? See, what's happened is I can't handle alcohol the same way.

Right. Because I started doing dry January and it's fucked with my drinking. So then when you come off of dry January, suddenly your body's like, I can't drink this, I can't drink that. I think I might have told you guys this before, but it used to be very partial to like gin and tonic and vodka tonic. And then vodka I had to let go up because I started telling the truth. and it was just

I mean I lost a couple of friends Oh it was horrible No but I mean seriously Because normally you really You know hide your light under a bushel You're not telling any No no but like real truth You know like

Can you give us an example? Not about us No no Well I was at a dinner party And when I This is how I knew it could be an issue And How should I put this

Because people will listen to this Okay There was a couple we know And this is a big group and a couple we know where he's never really been nice to her. Like he's a bit spiky with her and she just takes it

but he's a really big deal let's leave at that at that. So everyone figures no one really can say anything to him and he's a really big deal and he's doing very well in life and he's always been a bit like he's always,

you know like if she says something he says no no no no no and then I said and he would say next to me and I said something and he sort of made fun of something to do with Jakub and I'd been drinking vodka tonics

which I thought was a totally safe drink. I'd been drinking them my whole life. And then he said something else. And he said, yeah, well, that's fine for you. Like, you wouldn't have married an Indian because then you would have had to, you know, explain yourself. You've married this dull Scandinavian. And I thought, I looked at him.

And then I said to him, well, whoever I've married, at least I don't treat my spouse like shit and I'm not rude to them and put them down. I don't even fucking know where you get. Everyone stopped talking. He left. He got up and left. And I remember.

I remember my one friend looking at me across the table like, and I was like, I didn't drink vodka for five years after that because this is like we socialized with these people and the wife was very upset with me. Yeah. So you see what I mean? Sounds like he deserved it. No, but I didn't have to take that like. Sounds like the vodka turned you into a superhero. No, no, it was very bad. Oh my God.

I just thought that he deserved it. I feel that's fine. Yeah, but I didn't need to be the one, no, because then it became so awkward. Like there were so many parties we just didn't get invited to or were like people would call and be like, you can't come. I'd be like, oh, it's okay, I get it, I get it. I went to your house for a Christmas party. Yeah, but that was my party. It's your party.

And everyone loved it that I had one of my non-civillion friends. I was so happy you came. I was the only comedian there. Yeah, non-civillion friends. Apart from Cindy. Apart from Cindy. And then, yeah, I had to leave when I, I'd had probably one too many drinks. It's similar thing, just too honest, because I was meeting a lot of bankers.

Mm-hmm. Because that's, you know. And some hedge funders. Yeah. And two of the bankers met me, two, two blokes, maybe both about 10 or 20 years older than me, and one of them went, I bet you think that we're all lawful people, don't you? And I went, yeah?

Exactly. And his face fell. And he went, what? I went, yeah, no, but I'm having a nice time, hanging out with all you guys, but obviously you're bad people. And then I had to woke over with Sinda and go, I need to go home now. I know, and he suddenly left.

I was like, oh, but we had a great time. I had a great time. We went into the kitchen and started drinking whiskey. Yes, we were drinking whiskey in the kitchen. I can see where this came off the rails, actually. Yeah, and then I was like, I'm just going to mingle. And then I had to circle back with one lap. Basically, you know it's going to go wrong if James suddenly gets sociable.

Yeah. If James is like, I don't go to meet me, you're like, oh, buddy, you're going home. No, but also, it's a bit like what happened with me. If someone is that provocative and say, oh, you married a Scandinavian bidder. Well, then. you know, and if someone says, well, you think we're all bad people. There's no other way James is going to react to that. But he said it in a cheery way.

He didn't say it in an act. He wasn't being like accusatory trying to like that. Oh, I bet you think we're all bad people. He went, oh, I bet you must think we're all awful people. Oh, I went, yeah, dude. I thought, that doesn't make we can't chat. I'm enjoying chatting to you. Just think morally, you're fucked.

That's hilarious. Also, you said to me, I said, are you, are you okay? He said, yeah, I'm having a great time. I feel like I'm in an episode of Succession. That's funny. That made me laugh. I've heard the piano in my head all the time. It was so funny.

I laughed so much when he said that because I was like, no one here has a private jet. We all know what character you are in your head. Cousin Greg? 100%. Are you cousin Greg? 100% in that situation. I think I'm cousin Greg walking around.

Yeah, yeah. Who was your favorite character in Succession? Big fan of Cousin Greg. Yeah. You know we have a life-sized cousin Greg in our house? because one of my kids had a crush on him. And every time I go into a room, I have a heart attack because there's a giant cousin Greg.

And he's actually very tall, so it says life size. You like cousin Greg? Yeah, I love cousin Greg. Who did you like? I loved Carl as well. One of the top guys who's always like trying not to get fired all the time. I think they bore on the floor him at one point. A weak guy, but interesting.

Who did you dislike? I mean, I dislike all of them, I'd say. There's a blanket statement. As people, they're absolutely awful, but I think they're all very well-drawn characters. I bet I know who you liked. Who? Scars Guard.

Yeah. The Dane. Yeah. No, no, no. He was too much of a techie bro. Is he a Dane? He's a Swedish. He's too much of a techie bro.

I like the husband. Matthew McFadden character. Yeah. He was so vile, but he was so self-preserving. Yeah. Would you want him to be your husband? No.

Or your daddy? Neither. Okay. The answer was always best. The trick question, because it has to be both. Neither. Neither. Well, their dream drink that you're having is not a white version, it's not a vodka.

It's whatever the local beer on holiday is. I've never drunk beer. I'm not starting now. So it's going to come. It's going to be there. And I'm going to be like, great, there's some beer. Why have you avoided beer? Because when I was growing up, my sister told me it made you fat.

And I think when you're seven, you don't worry. But it was, and my dad drank San Miguel. And he would fix the car and he would say, get me a beer, please. He'd say, be it, bea, a beer layo. So go and I'd get him a San Miguel. We lived in the Philippines. And that's how I learned to open a bottle. And I would give him a San Miguel.

And then I would get under the car. He would teach me about the car. So I remember beer was always something that you did when you were in a good mood. You were doing stuff. But my sister was like, a beer makes you fat. She just said that one day. And I was like, oh. And that's it.

And then it's in your head forever. No. And then my mother said, to me when I got older, you're very tall. Don't put on any weight because people will think when you walk in the room that Himalai Parvath has walked in, which is the mountain Himalias have walked in. So that stuck in my head. And then I went through all the things to stop looking like the Himalayas and beer was on that list.

Because mom was like, you have to get married because you're not that bright. So we're going to get you married. Don't get fat. So it was just like there was things on my list. And that was on the list. And then when I came here and everyone had pints and. pines, I would look at it and be like, I can't drink that. Yeah. Because I still, when I came here, was still supposed to be, I was supposed to study for

two years because of this scholarship and then go back and get married. And I was like, I can't get fat. It's funny how I never questioned that. Yeah, when things are baked in that young, I think you just don't question them, do you? And then I had a friend on the basketball team, because I played basketball here for university, and she was German, and she drank beer. And she was tall and she drank beer, and she was really skinny. So I said to her, I said, Micah, how are you drinking beer, not getting fat and she was like, what? She didn't make the connection. And I said, well, howdy? And she's like, you know, you just don't. And I was like, no, it must be because they're German. And so I put that in the file. I just never drank beer. And then, of course, I, you know, when I started

drinking, I drank liquor. And it just, it was just better. Yeah. You know, I never saw anyone drink. Also, I didn't think beer was very elegant, you know, so it wasn't even like, you know, sometimes you do something for effect. Who is going to drink a beer for effect? What am I, a Ladegh? Well, that's it in the 90s. It was. It was LAD and Ladec culture, right? Yeah, and I was like, I never, I remember when I moved here in 97 and Ladec culture, and I thought, well, none of these people are like me and I'm not going to be like them.

But I was a tomboy as a kid. But the Ladez and tomboys are different. Yes. So, anyway, neither here or no, there. So I never got into beer and I never drink it. And I never answered your question of what I do drink now. So I drink whiskey. Yeah.

And I like to drink Japanese whiskey. Yes. But completely contradicting what I said earlier, I have gone back to drinking neat vodka because I don't drink so much of it. Like you don't have a double. Yeah. And then you drink. I think that was the problem.

Too much vodka makes me honest. Neat vodka with ice is a great buzz and you don't get a hangover. What vodka are you drinking? Are you drinking nice stuff then to drink? Crystal Skull. Yes. I drink a vodka that I know that I don't know the name up, but I know it's very good because, yeah. I don't get that wrong.

It's very good. I can't be if I got Crystal Head wrong. Yeah. called it Crystal Skull, which is Indiana Jones. But like Crystal Head, Crystal Head is the vodka of this podcast. Okay, Mascal. Yes.

I just said, okay, I have no idea what was Crystal Head, Indiana Jones. I never watched that movie because they had that Ompuri being Indian and everything about India was full of snakes. And we were like, what is this stupid movie? Yes, that's fair enough. I think the idea behind our guests, our other guests dream drink was, it's like a drink you have on holiday and it tastes amazing.

You try and drink it when you get back and it tastes awful. and it's just about being on the holiday and the atmosphere of the holiday. Do you know what? For the sake of this, like you gave me this menu, you said, Sinda, we're giving you a tasting menu.

Taste it. I would drink some of that beer, especially if it had the frothy stuff on top. Yeah. I would drink that. Yeah. Just because it looked also like a cappuccino. But, you know, with the chino or a capo.

Before you've had it, what do you think it's going to taste like? If you imagine what beer, which you've never had tastes like. Sour. Sour. Sour. I mean, I've made out with people who've been drinking beer, so it's kind of soury smell.

You know what I mean? I would think it'd be sour. It had to be cold. Oh, yeah, it would be freezing cold. If there wasn't like water droplets on the glass, I'd be like, oh, God, warm beer. What is this beer soup? But I guess you've had it quite warm from when you're making out with the people who've drunk beer, right? It's warm by that point.

They haven't had it in their mouth, but yes, yes, yes, yes, that kind of thing. So I'd think it'd be sour. I'd have a few sips. I'd be like, you know what, this is for James and Ed. I'll drink this beer a little bit What would be worse If you were making out with someone And their mouth was full of beer

Or if their mouth was freezing cold Full of beer Yeah Yeah freezing cold I could I would fix that Be weird though wouldn't it Yeah it'd be weird in the beginning And then we'd be like

We need to fix this Do you have a snog of snowman? No No No I've never said Would you ever though Yeah If I dared you do a snog a snowman

Yeah Your next Christmas party If there was a snowman in the garden And I've come again For some reason Even though Half of the party now I think I hate them.

And I said, oh, look, there's a snowman and got a day to go to snog it, Cindy. Yeah, of course, I'd snuck it. That's really not

that high stakes, is it? In my own house, at my own party, yeah. People'd be like, she's drunk again. We had a huge party once at home, and I got so drunk,

I walked into the wall, and I fell over, and my husband was so pissed off. He told me, don't start so hard. You can't take your alcohol. And I'd had cocktails made with, like,

different parts of our relationship. Yeah. And they had those names. I would have gone really creative. That's nice. So, like, can you give us an example? Like, the strongest drink was the beginning, and it was called Chicago, because we'd met there. And it was very strong.

And I'd spoken to the bartender. And, of course, I started drinking these things on my own, like the fucking idiot before the food came. And I was off my tits, as they say. And my husband kept saying to me, this is our party. What are you doing? And I was like, no, it's fine. Oh, my God, it was so scandalous. It was a Christmas party again.

And I think the largest piece of clothing I had on was my Santa hat. which also my husband was like, that's great. But the more drunk you get, it's like, this is our party. We are adults. We have teenage children. And I was like, no, it'll be fine. Anyway, and at some point I got very drunk. And I walked into a wall and I fell over.

And my husband was like, you know what? He just rolled me over to my stomach and stepped over me and kept going to the party. And at some point, I woke up and I came on. I said, I passed out. He's like, I know. I rolled you over so he didn't choke on your vomit. I was like, oh. A gentleman.

Yeah. He was like, I told you, you can't. You can't take it, but you don't listen. I think that's spirits, though, isn't it? Yeah. Spirits sneak up on you. You'll drink loads of it and then you feel fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

And then suddenly all at once. And everything is so crazy. And also, I was doing all of the drinks. But it was a great party. It was a great party. I've forgotten that about the party as well, actually, that I went to, is that the only rule was we had to be wearing a funny Christmas hat. Which I gave you in a basket.

You had to pick one and wear it. So I wore a Christmas tree hat. That's a lot of your street. Yeah, yeah, I don't. Especially, like, chatting to all these people for the first time, and we're just wearing stupid hats. It was quite a nice little. Yeah, I think the trick about having a good party

is everyone should immediately feel like they can be exactly what they want and everyone else will appreciate it. You did that and then didn't think people appreciated it. You dashed out the door. But, you know. Well, that's his fucking problem. And I think I know who it is. Yeah, probably.

I told you at the time Yeah, well I mean he'll get over it All the other guests The best thing about being the only comedian There besides the host Is that everyone tells you how brave you are Yeah, the whole time

For the whole party The whole time The dessert Oh wow Three of these But the same thing Oh they're each made by a different person Oh yeah, okay

Bella's pudding One by Bella One by his grandma And one by his mother and sister Bella is a man Bella is a lady Bella is our previous guest's Grandma's friend

Okay, oh you say his You mean the comics Yes Oh okay, not Bella the man No Bella's a lady Bella's a lady Who was the comics

Grandma's friend Who made a pudding called Bella's pudding We tried to work out What it was I don't think we could quite work it out Well give me a hint But it had a caramel

bottom to it And then like a meringue top But what our guest said was He didn't really like the top So he just wants to eat the bottom of it to just want to have a caramel crust. Basically, yeah. Fair.

And then what's the second pudding? It's just that made by different people in Islam. Three times because I think Bella made it. His grandma made it and his mother and sister made it. And I guess he will again once like all three to compare what they're like. Compare them and have them all made by different people. But they all are going to put meringue and he's not going to like the meringue.

No, he'll scrape that off. But you can eat the meringue if you want. It will be on there. I think his problem with it was that it was like it was soft meringue. You know, it's like Italian. Italian meringue rather than the hard meringue all the way through. Aye, aye, y, eggy meringue. Mm, eggy meringue.

Not a fan either. No, because you get that egg smell that you sometimes get in glasses that are not clean. Oh, yeah. That's very bad. I'm not eating that eggy meringue. Neither did he, so I think it's absolutely fine. Well done. Scrap it off, but we eat the caramel.

Is it a caramelized, like when you have what's called crem caramel? Yeah, I think it was similar to that. Oh, that's good. I love that. It's caramel-y or almost treacle tarty, I think, maybe as well. Yeah, I love that because, you know, creme caramel in the Philippines was called egg pudding. And my mother used to make it all the time. And I used to love it.

That must be eggy, though. No, because it's all steamed and all you don't know. And then there's a burnt sugar caramel stuff. So I will eat three of those, no problem. And I will scrape off the eggy meringue. What was Cindy's dessert? Your dessert was the godfather from Bella pasta. Of course it was.

Of course it was the godfather from Bella pasta. with the sparkler. Yeah. It's funny, a friend of mine from those years who I stopped speaking to for a decade, because she kind of went bananas. And, you know, I had young kids and I was like, I don't have bandwidth for this. Like, you're crazy, man. And that's fine.

I don't think people with kids have more rights. It's just that we have less energy. Sure. So she went, you know, she just went off and was crazy. And I can't talk about the specifics of the crazy. because this podcast is very popular, but I'm talking, like proper fucking bad choices in life,

deranged fucking behavior. Crazy, okay? And I kind of peripherally kept, kept, so not in touch, but new off. Yeah, yeah. And then every once in a while, you'd get a story and you'd be like, holy this is pirate.

Has since then, I wouldn't say turn their life around because I don't think they thought they were doing anything bad. It has since then stabilized somewhat. And has had some acute health issues and that it has helped them stabilize. And I've returned to the fold. Why are you? I can't tell this story if you guys are laughing.

What's funny for me, I don't know if it's same with it. I don't know. But it's that you are being so, it's like you're being so diplomatic about it while saying the most insulting shit still. So it's like still completely disrespectful. I don't think it's insulting. It's just it's just come out of nowhere. Yes, it's come out nowhere.

But it's funny how it's still harsh. But it's true. Also, I'm laughing because I know at some point it's going to have to come back around to the godfather from Belabaster. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming. And so this person has now sort of come back into my universe and I'm delighted.

Yeah. Because my kids are older, so I'm sleeping nights. Yeah. So I have more bandwidth. And they're also less crazy. And I've also found out a way to be in touch with them without ever letting them visit me. Do you know what I mean? Just keep it at that.

You know, like, you have to know, you get to an age where you have to know where you have to place people in your world. Some people cannot come to your house. You can wish them well. You can chat to them. You can send them memes, but they cannot enter your home. Now, so I'm glad that you've now invited me to a Christmas party. Because if you'd said that before you invited me to the Christmas party, party, I would have been really worried.

Well, then the mustache has gone, you can come. Yeah, yeah. I'll make you shave the mustache in the bathroom before you come out. Otherwise, I have to introduce you as my friend Pido Slickrick or whatever your name is. And let me tell you, the so-called succession friends will really think you're brave. Yeah. I'm definitely turning up with a mustache, the original party. The point of this friend is they were so close to me.

those days. They reminded me. And they have left the UK like a decade ago, two decades. They reminded me the other day. They said, remember when you would go alone, you would take money out of the ATM and go alone and sit in Bella Pasta and order that dessert with the fireworks on the top? And I was like, oh yeah, I talked about it recently. They said, you know, it was just so weird. And I wanted to say, you don't talk to me about weird. Let me tell you about it. I didn't say that. I said, yes, yes, yes, yes. But anyway, so it was kind of interesting because that really bonded us. It bonded us so much. We might think people are crazy, but they think we're crazy too. Yeah, yeah, of course. But that's, I mean, everyone's reality's in their head. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, completely. But that was very, very good that they reminded me of that because it also is such a part of my youth. And they remember it and we kind of bonded over it. Whose menu do you think this is? It's a comedian. Yeah, it's a comedian and it's a he. first one I have to think of comedians trying to like also put names to face it like if I said you know just name a comedian it doesn't have to fit this

like go name a comedian say a comedian's name Richard Christie You see but I know But they know each other Was she married to him? No but someone she was married to was in a double act with this person I know who this is

this is Richard Herring Yes Yeah it's Richard Herring I have such a bad mind for names. You got it. I know. I'd say you remembered it in the worst way you possibly could have. You added about five H's to his name, but like, you got it. It was either the way to go is either say Richard Herring or I can't remember his name, but you went with Richard Herring.

I had that moment of panic that you have with a foreign language. But I only had it because I'm terrible with names. This is the thing about me now and names. You have to, okay, if it's an Indian name, I won't forget it because Indian names have meanings. Right, okay. So, you know, and also I don't mind insulting you if you're Indian, actually. That's the other thing. I say, what is you know, Swati, Shruti, you know, and they say, yeah, fine. But what's happened to me with Western names, because I've had to keep so many, there's my kids, their friends, their friends, parents, you know, it's just been a lot of information over the years.

I have to have a little piece of information that will help me stick. Yes. Right. So if you say, hello, I'm Mark. I say, okay. And then the next day I meet you, I'm like, oh. But if you say, hello, I'm Mark, and avocados make me cry. I will never forget your name because forever

obviously avocados don't make anyone cry but you know some little salient thing about you like that then you say oh Mark Mark cries with avocados I need that little bit of thing So you must be gutted when I shaved my moustache off then No you I know No no this is all new like I can't take new

So when you tried to remember Richard Herrin Was there anything there that you were able to like I could see his face I could see everything I was blanking, but I knew Richard. So what do you think over all of that menu? I think that's a menu of someone who likes to make food sound interesting, but doesn't really care about food.

You see, this is not a menu that, I mean, like you said, it's a dream menu. So no shade, but it's a, it's a little contrived. Whereas I think real food and real interest in food doesn't have to be like that. It's like, I'm confused. I'm like, why can't you talk about really the food you love? But, you know, what do they say? Horses for courses. Horses for courses.

Yes. Something for him to reflect on, I think. Yeah. maybe, yeah, who knows? Indu was going to say something in there, but then pushed it down. Yeah. When you switch the mics off, I'll do what I was going to say. Fantastic.

Well, let's switch them off now. Thank you so much, Sindu. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, there we are.

Lovely to see Sindu again. I don't think we annoyed her. Not as much as I'd like. No. But thanks for coming on anyway, Sindhu. It's lovely to chat to you. Lovely to see you. And everyone should go and see Swanky,

which is on tour at the Apollo as well. Doing the event in Apollo, of course. Big room. Go and see Sindu. Sinduvvv.com for tickets. You know, what else is there to say at this point? My catchphrase, I guess. Atgamble.com.org.

I'm a tour as well, fresher.