Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Tessa Coates

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Tessa Coates – creator/show-runner of Prime Video’s hit show ‘Ride or Die’, stand-up, writer and former ‘Nobody Panic’ podcaster – is this week’s guest diner. But will they talk about the time she met Paul Rudd? Yes. Tessa Coates’s series ‘Ride or Die’ is available now on Prime Video. Watch it here. Listen to Tessa’s podcast ‘Nobody Panic’ wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Tessa on Instagram @wheatprayloveWatch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the oyster shucker of conversation, cramming it into the oyster shell of humour, cracking open that bad boy pod and enjoying all the juicy oyster chat on the inside of it. Oysters. That is a gamble. My name is Jake Zaycastle. Together we own a dream restaurant every single week. We invite a guest asking a favourite ever start, a main course dessert, cider shan drink, not in that order.

And this week, our guest is. Tessa Coates. Tessa Coates, a wonderful comic, James, a wonderful writer, a wonderful performer, so many... Director. Director. Oh, my God, this is... Like, Tessa's done everything. We first... She's got so many hyphens, reading CVs, like, reading Bloody Morse Code. So many height dashes.

Brilliant comic. Brilliant comic actor. Tess's show Ride or Die is on Amazon Prime now. Tess is the showrunner, she created it. Hannah Wodenham is in it. Octavia Spencer is in it. Very excited to see this from Tessa. Me too. She's fantastic, and she's coming to the dream restaurant to give us her dream menu,

but we will kick her out if she picks the secret ingredient. And this week, the secret ingredient is yogurt-coated raisins coats. Coated raisins. Yeah. I like yogurt-coated raisins. I like it. My mum used to buy them from Daily Bread, which was a Christian shop. We had them as kids.

Yogurt coated raisins, body of Christ? Well, a certain part of his body. That's what we're told in Sunday school. Every different food is a different part of Christ. Yeah. Every different food you can imagine, a different part of Christ. Remember that. Remember that, kids.

In remembrance of him. Yes. This is the off-meny menu of Tesla Coates. How does my hair look? That's my first question. Okay, fantastic. That's on tape. Is it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've brushed it specially. Yeah. Have we begun? Yes. Okay, I'm ready. I normally do a bit now, but we're going to start with you saying, How does my hair look?

Okay. But I'll do my bit now. You do be honest. I'll be silent. Welcome, Tessa, to the dream restaurant. Welcome, Tessa, coach, to the dream restaurant. A big spending you for some time. Thank you.

It is so much more exciting than I thought it would be to see you do that to my face. I heard it so many times, of course. How exciting did you think it was going to be? Sort of 50% of that. Yeah. Yeah, and it was way nicer. That's pretty cool. And also, if I may share another truth.

Please. I thought you did that bit where you talked about me while I sat here silently. No. would be weird, I think. Well, I always think, wow, people are really keeping it together by being silent. Everyone ever has kept it together. It's really kept their shit together. I better be quiet. Yeah. But it turns out, we're straight in. We'll do that before, slash after you leave. Behind your back. Yeah, behind your back. Yeah, because, of course, there's a secret ingredient as well. We don't want you to hear the secret ingredient. Is this one of your questions you wanted to ask?

Yeah, I was like, wow, they just hear it. So why, of course, they're not going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, understood. Yeah, a lot of the behind the scenes of the restaurant are coming, clear. Thank you. The live episodes are where that's difficult because we have to source the secret ingredient from the audience and we really have to just get the guest to promise they're not going to listen to back stage. Yeah. And then sometimes they just come on and go, yeah, I listen.

I'm like what it is. I'd say a lot, but then a lot of guests at the suggestion that they would be listening backstage, they are absolutely horrified. They're like, well, no, it's fine, I'm not listening to backstage. Yeah, I don't care. I'm a candy crush, be idiots. Yeah. Listen to the first time.

I'm drinking my Proseca. you've bought for me that I demanded. That I insisted on the man I was here. Great hair. Thank you so much. Okay, listen, listen, listen, everybody. I just got nervous. But you've got great hair.

Thank you so much. The seating arrangement, I just wanted to check I look nice with the people. You do, look great. You've got very intense fans, and I don't want them to be like, I'm not listening to this bitch. Look at her hair, you know?

Speak about how intense they are. What do you mean? I, they... Absolute hospital pass. Don't do that to me at the right at the get-go. I guess, okay, so there is one of my, an aspect of my menu, my pairing menu. I wanted to check that no one else had done. And so I googled it.

And there is more Reddit threads out there on you guys than I thought possible. And, you know, they take it seriously. Yes. And I just wanted them to know that I'm also taking this seriously. Well, what we'll say is you have a podcast with Stevie Martin, This is correct. Who's been on this podcast. The wheels came off the operation pretty quick.

Yes, they did. So I think there'll naturally be comparison between your menu and Stevie's menu. I'm going to say it right now, mine's better. Yeah, okay. Well, you'd have to go some fucking distance. Some distance. That was so heavily mayonnaise-based. Yes.

People pretty angry. Sure, sure. Some people were very frustrated with her. Sure. I think it was the mayonnaise and the guacamole that really got to people. Yeah, people didn't like that. Yeah, yeah. And beige, everything was, or yellow and beige or,

I think maybe two courses were identical. I can't remember now. Yeah. Yeah, that's Stevie. Once years ago in Edinburgh, we did get your own back, the live. Yeah.

So, I just, for any listeners who are confused. Yeah. For our American listeners. Sure. There is a large arts festival every August called the Edinburgh Festival. Is that the bit I need to play?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Edinburgh is the capital of Scotland. We have for one month in August. It hosts an arts festival. And then other piece of, background reading you need to know is that in the 90s, there was a TV show called Get Your Own Back in which kids competed against their parents and never lost got gunged. Yes. Then they brought the live show of that with Dave Benson Phillips to...

It was the host, yes. To the host. The original host. The OG returns to the assembly rooms to play it live and which we went and played. And one of the events was one of you had to put a duvet on a duvet cover and the other one had to eat a cold can of beans. Yeah. So we didn't even discuss me and Steve. I just got up to do the duve cover.

It was basically taskmaster before taskmaster, right? It was, yeah. He was really, yeah, exactly. It was that, yeah, he was late. He was walking so that Greg could run. Yeah. Greg's not running in. Greg's not running.

And so that Greg could sit very still. So, necessarily. So mean about him. So, come on, you leave an open goal like that. Yeah. Greg running. And he would make that joke about himself. And you made it, and then I made it just in case.

Just in case. Would spring mean things about Greg. Yeah. It hasn't got across. Anyway, I was inside the duvet, obviously, for the game. Yeah. But I could hear the game had begun, and the speed at which Stevie ate the cold beans,

there was this, like, noise in the room of the audience that were like, no. Like, it was, like, so visceral. No. No, no. And I was like, inside this duvet being like, Stevie was too fast. That was too fast for people. That's what she likes.

Yeah, cold beans. That's what she likes. we got gunged, and when we were being led off and, like, put it in, like, sort of hosed down. Our very intense thought was, who hosed the children? Like, who hosed the children? Yes, of course, yeah, yeah. Like, you never ever think about that until you're being hosed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe other children. That's okay. And that's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's perfect. And that's fine. And that's fine. Yeah.

And that's fine. That's our legally binding. So is it fair to say you're feeling a bit tense? trepidacious about this menu because of you're very aware of the reaction to it. No, no, no. My menu's absolutely banging. You're very confident about it. My menu's banging. I just want to make sure everyone has a good time in my restaurant. Yeah. That's nice. How are you going to make sure everyone has a good time?

Does that start before the meal? Does that start when people arrive at the restaurant? Okay. So vibes are, to me, 99% of a meal. Interesting. I really need a restaurant to have thought through the vibes. Lighting, sound, ambience, tables, chairs, all the things you need. Very important. But I also, I like, I, so many bits. Sometimes I go to a restaurant, I'm like, oh, you haven't, you're like, you, you, I can't, this is surgical lighting.

I'm not doing, I'm not doing, I'm not going to hospital, I'm leaving. I want them to. You will leave. Have you left because of lights before? Yeah. Yeah. Only if I was on my own. Right.

Yeah. I understand that it's not okay in a group and I just have to. endure. But if I was solo, I'm like, nah. Also, if you're alone eating, you need a dark restaurant, I find. Thank you. You want to hide. Yeah. You want the, you want candlelit. You want to pretend you're reading a book. You want to, you know, if I don't have anything with me, I'll ask for a pen and then I'll sort of do things on a napkin and pretend I'm thinking of a novel, you know? I don't know if that's true or not. I don't know if that's a joke. Will you ask for a pen? Why would that be a joke? Because it's silly.

No, it's not. That you ask for a pen, that you'd try. draw the napkin. That's not silly. I asked for the kids' menu that you can do colouring in. Yeah, yeah, excuse me, I'm colouring in my novel. She's just done a lot of episodes at this podcast and that's just never come up before. If someone's done in alone, they ask for a pen and then they, so that they can write on the napkin. Right on the napkin.

This is blow my mind. I would think that was the number one thing to do. Have you ever seen anyone else doing it in a restaurant? No. Yeah, there go. Okay, so if you're solo, you're just, you're crowning and what are you doing? I guess I'm on my phone. Yeah, I'm on your phone.

Yeah. And that's not. Healthy. Do you know, I did completely forget that phones existed in that moment. But that's great. I did. What a life. Obviously phone in what we said to be doing.

But I guess it made you feel like, you know, a woman, a Bloomsbury Literary Circle woman with her pen and her napkin. Just having the muse has struck. I guess you need some lighting in that scenario because you're... Candle. Candle is plenty. The muse is struck. Yeah, the muse is struck. I don't want to be dark.

I do not want to dine in that pitch black restaurant. Yes. Fives poor. What sort of things are you writing? Because are you sort of pretending to write important things on the napkin? But you're just sort of free writing. Yeah, it's just nothing. Yeah.

I want people to think about the... Yeah, yeah. Hello, I'm in a restaurant alone, that sort of stuff. Yeah. Hello, I'm... Hello. Sometimes I write, like, people think I'm writing something clever, but I'm not. Great.

You know, that sort of stuff. And I've obviously got to dispose of the napkin. Burn it. So, no, the waiter isn't like, wow, that woman's unhinged afterwards. Yeah, or really spill loads of stuff on it. Like, tuck it in and then just dump a whole plate. spaghetti over it so they can never read it. That's so much grosser than just me quietly taking it and putting it in the bin.

Hose you off afterwards? That's true. That's true. Little kid will hose you off? Yeah. What's worse, an adult hosing a kid off or a kid hosing an adult off? Adult hosing a kid. Okay. I think in both instances it depends how much the adults enjoy it.

You're right. You're right. I would say that your whole thing with a napkin. And I think you're surprised that not everyone does it But I think it hinges on everyone not doing it Because otherwise you writing down You pretend into write stuff when you're not If everyone did that

Then it doesn't work Because everyone goes There's someone pretending to write important stuff And a napkin But she's obviously not doing it Right, right, right, right, right. So the only way that works and tricks people Is if no one really does it

I guess the thing is if I saw someone do it And I never have, it would never occur to me They were pretending I would just think the muse is struck Yeah And why do you not have a pen with you? Great question. That is the crucial question here.

Because who I have as a person? What happens if the views generally strikes? And it does regularly. Yeah, yeah. And I'm just adrift. I'm just getting every day, getting through the day is a huge hurdle. So the days that have a pen on me, that is a huge win. Yes.

But they are few and far between. Yeah, I would say that you're someone who, I think you probably have several ideas. years a day. Oh, easy. I imagine, like, constantly. Yeah. But no, none of them are, like, for thought about,

I should do that, like, I should take a pen out with me. Absolutely. Or I should take an umbrella. They just hit. It's just constantly, why don't I invent this? Yeah. Why don't I write this?

Why don't I write that? Yeah. What if, um, yeah. What if what? What if bees wore shoes? Yeah. That's what happened there, James. I'll be absolutely honest.

Yeah. What if? Yeah. One time I was in the toilets at an airport and I hung my bag. Luckily, it was just a shopping bag of something I just bought on the hook on the back of the door

and I thought, I'll forget that. And then the entire duration on the toilet, I was like, people should invent something where the hook is weighted and it says like, Bing Bong, I still have your bag or something.

Like until you take it off. Thought about inventing that all the way onto the plane, plane took off. I thought bags still on the hook. Yeah. There was no Bing Bongbong. No Bing Bong.

You imagined the Bing Bong so clearly. So clearly. You thought the Bing Bong was real. Of course. And there was no Bing. I was like working out. You need to wait it. And then it's just an automated bing bong.

And then as soon as that's off, it will stop. Yeah. Stop holding back that laugh. It's like going on Dragon's Den and just seeing them be like, you know, I think the bing bonged pretty good. I mean, it would mean the toilets and airports were so loud. So loud. So loud.

What's someone shouting, Bing bomb, your bags on me. And it may as well be Bing Bong, someone's having a dump in here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right. In the ladies, that doesn't happen because everybody's in the cubicles, regardless. It depends how long the bing bong goes on. If the bing bong goes on for a long time, you know that a dump's happening, right? Yeah, that's the dump.

His bong's too long. Yeah, bing bong, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just want to say that, I know ladies sit down to wee. Just being clear about that. Well, it was a huge discovery. Yeah, he knows. I know. I'm a man of the world. He knows, when he was a little kid, he had to hose him down.

They called me a little flush. Little flush. Because I'm acting like a... Anyway, come on. Sorry, your question was, do you remember and then this happened? Oh, I was going to say, did you remember

when you were on the plane because they turned the seatbelt signs off? I didn't want to say. Yeah, good, worth it. Yeah, it was worth it. Yeah, it was worth it. It was worth it. It was worth it.

Benito is desperate to talk about ride or diet. He's just talked about it all morning. He's so excited about it. What can you tell the listeners about this show? show. Ride or Die is a new show that's on Amazon Prime. It is a show. It's got Hannah Waddingham from Ted Lassau and Academy Award winner, Octavia Spencer, from The Hell.

And Bill Nyey, national treasure. From another. From everything. From everything from your dreams. From heaven. From heaven. The man is, oh, he's everything you could hope. Everything you could hope.

He's so wonderful. One time, his character is a very serious gentleman. Obviously, his character is just him. And his suit was quite plain. And so I was like, oh, I think we need a pop of colour. Why don't we have a pocket square or something? So I went to say, what do we think about having a pocket square bill? And he went, I mean, we can, but a pocket square is social death.

I just like, literally like slid off my chair. I was like, yeah, of course. Like the most shame I've ever found. We should say you wrote the show. I was sorry, I wasn't just described it. It's literally like you were saying, I can't wait for this to come out. It looks really good. Tessa's a runner, by the way.

I'm just popping in, everyone's like, why are you suggesting things to Bill? You need to leave. I am, the American term for it is showrunner, which is crazy because obviously runner is the person who gets the tea, a job I have done for many years, and then showrunner is actually the very top boss.

America should think of more words, so I'm saying. They haven't got enough. Don't burn any bridges on this podcast. America, God bless you. Love every one of you. I wrote the show, and I'm also, when I was writing, I was writing it, because we filmed it in Prague, and I remember saying, do I get to go to Prague?

And they were like, do you get to go? They were like, it's compulsory to be there. You are the boss. You have to be there. So we filmed it in Prague for nine months. There's eight episodes. It is about, oh sorry, it's about two best friends, Hannah and Octavia, who know everything about each other, except Hannah turns out to be an international assassin. And then they have to go on the run.

It's a bit of fun. At the very least, it's got some action pieces in it that I do think are genuinely very good. good. You see, I think if people didn't know that you've done this, I think the first part of the conversation where you say, you never carry a pen and you have to borrow one at a restaurant to write down on a napkin, and then you've written a show for Amazon Prime where you are the show running. It's like two different people have been. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Well, truly, at one point, my husband came to a set when we were like midway through episode seven, and it's in this like plaza in Prague and like smoke bombs are going off and people are shooting at

each other and people are running. There's like a helicopter, things are exploding. And he literally stood in the middle of this as I'm like run in control, in charge. And you literally have, you've never even made a blap. You've never done fucking anything. And now like, now look at you. It's so cool, Tessa. Oh, thank you so much. But also, you've been working like so hard for so long as well.

For the listeners who aren't familiar with everything you've done, this isn't just like, you've never done anything and suddenly this has happened. You've like, like, I always think of you of like how much you've grafted, especially over there in LA and stuff to try and get stuff off the ground for a long time. And we've spoke about having to go through that system and, you know, the amount that you get nearly there, you get just a bit closer. And then it doesn't happen. And you have to start again with something else.

And then like a commissioner changes or something like that. And it's scrapped again. So it is really exciting that this is like this has paid off and happened. So like, I think we're all looking forward to seeing it a lot. Oh, thanks, man. And our review. And see, I've been grafting since the very beginning. You're in the Don't Review, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, big time. I like the path for all this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my mentor. Without me and Nish, not this would have happened. Well, everyone knows about your Nish at Dome. Stevie said that in an interview once in a broadsheet about me and Nish who are in the Dome Review and starting her comedy career,

and she's absolutely gutted, she said that. Yeah. Because we message her so much, but why aren't you thanking us more? You should be thanking us and everything. You did not cast me because I'm... But Stevie does. So she's not wrong. Down the line it goes.

I look forward to my money. How much do you want? A percentage. Percentage of the set fee every year. Of the Amazon deal, please. Coming up. Coming up. No, yeah.

Because I was so new to so much of the process, I did feel like someone was like, someone said, it's like you're one of those dogs that they've sent into space. And all they want to do is see, like, how long the dog can survive. You know, like, that dog's never coming back. You know, like Sputnik, the dog.

No, I think Sputnik's the dog. Is that Sputnik the dog? I think Sputnik's the satellite. Like her as the dog. Yeah, yeah. So I think you're lasting long in space with that kind of knowledge. Is that your next show for Amazon Prime? Sputnik the dog.

Sputnik the dog. Sputnik the dog. Tesla, we got some notes. I was a new idea. Imagine if there was one person at NASA. I think it was NASA, who at the time got a bit muddled up and thought Sputnik was a dog. And everyone's talking about Sputnik,

and there's this one person in the office who's like, how's that fucking dog going around the earth again? Yeah. We need to, now we've fed that duck. And in me, it's going, have anyone checked on Sputnik lately? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sputnik's fine. Are we sure?

Sputnik's got to do a fuel dump. What the fuck? How long has that dog been in space? That's he's eating fuel these days. That's how we're surviving after. The thing is my granny. Coates did have a horrible dog called Sputnik. So I guess that's where I got it in my head.

Well, yeah, she was mixed up as well. She was confused. Like, that's the dog. It's supposed to space. Anyway, my point about my dog analogy is that it felt like I was the dog. They just sent up there to see, like, no one thought anything of the dog. You know, the dog is, how long can the dog live in the atmosphere up there? And then against all the odds, the dog is manning the space station.

The dog's doing it. The dog's going to have the plane. I think you've got to have some faith in the dog to send them out there with some Oscar winners and national treasured. You can't be wasting their time as much as you've got a thing. A dog, Bill Nyee. You know for a fact that they respect those guys. They respect the three of them. You're making fantastic points.

Do you think Nyei and Octavia Spencer and Hanna Waddingham realized they were working with the dog in space? The dog really kept it together. Yeah, that's good. So the dog did not reveal that it was a dog wearing a coat. You know, it was like, I'm a person. It's mad to me that you kept it together because I'm sure this has come up on the pod before. It definitely came up on, I went on your podcast. It was about to be said.

Go on. I mean, it only happened out there when we had Paul Rudd in here and you met Paul Rudd. You knew it was only a matter of time before Paul Rudd came up. It's only because you said you kept it together, so I thought time to undercut Tesla on that. I guess I did not go to, you're right, you're right, how did I do on my first meeting? You're right, I did, okay, I guess I had learned from that experience. Just for everybody else, everybody else, it was only us. literally just the four of us who experienced it.

Well, five, because Paul Rod was there. And a dog. Toast the dog. And a toast the dog. Yeah. Seven people. Yeah. He toasted it under control.

It's fine around Paul. I, as I was today, have been late to make this podcast. Not this one. I come every day to try and be on it, but to make nobody panic every day for five years. The singular day I was ever early and I was so excited striding through the door to say how early I was. The great Benito met me at the doorway. when you're still an enclosed, but nonetheless, glass area. I can't go back from that point.

Yeah, yeah. I guess I could have pretended to be a delivery person or something. Either way, the great Benito meets me, and he says, welcome, you're early, be cool, pull, pull rudders here. Kiss a death. To which, is that fair, factual? Yeah. That's got a shrug of acknowledgement.

And I do think about leaving. Then I panic. I pick up toast because that felt like a good barrier. I then cross across the room you're there chatting with Paul Rudd who is, may I say, glowing. The man is, like a light is coming out of it. Yeah, yeah.

And I wasn't really ready for that, how radiant he would be. Like meeting a deity. And then I say, and then you guys very politely are like, oh, hi, Desa. And I say hi, and then you say, this is Paul. And I go, hello, Paul, Rudd, while looking him dead in the eye.

I'd say quite a lot louder than that as well. Yeah, it was loud. It was loud. It was so loud, quicker. What do you mean? Okay, you do your impression of it. Hello, Polar! Yeah. And while you were moving as well,

it was a drive-by, it was sort of a drive-by, hello, Paul Rudd while you were carrying your dog for no reason. Slow down for it at all. And then you marched, you just marched off around to the office. I did, I couldn't go. And red, bright red. Bright red. Yeah, yeah.

Blowing. But not in the beautiful way of a deity. Oh, God. Okay, so I screamed it. Yeah. You wailed it. Yeah. I wailed it.

In my mind, it's just like, Oh, all right. So I guess you had more time to prepare when you met, when you met the people in your show. Well, that genuinely, after that, I was like, that can't happen again. We may not pull Rudd. Yeah.

I said to myself, looking myself in the mirror, keep this shit together. Do not do that. Hello, Bill. Nare you? Yeah, yeah. That's day one. And then, yeah, they're like,

I'm not working with this dog. She's crazy. Still sparkling water, Tessa. Tap, please. Next question. Always. Always tap. Tap water, please.

unless I have to pay for it, you're going to make me pay for a bottle of steel. Illegal. I love saying that in restaurant. I think so too. Thank you. Thank you. In which case, I'll have sparkling on principle. Yes.

Because if I have to pay for it either way, it feels like a more bang for my buck with the bubbles. I don't think anyone's really charging. I don't think you're allowed to charge for tap, are you? No, but if it's a bottle of still. Yeah. I think that's such a waste. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, it's fancy and it felt fun when you crack the top.

But like, to what end? That's free in the tap, you know? Felt fancy when you crack the top? Pardon? When you open the bottle, it feels fancy. Crack open a glass bottle of ice cold water and crack the top. You don't feel fancy. Does it feel fancy because it's so unnecessary?

Yes, I think so. Yeah, because opening this bottle of sparkling, you're like, I just have to open this to get to it. But something about opening the still. I think it's like, this is outrageous. This is free. I shouldn't have one of these. And then once it's cracked, like, that's done.

There's no going back. The tap water, where's it coming? from? What's the best tap water in the world? What beautiful question. I'm unprepared as Sally Phillips was with her mineral waters of the world. See, I'm deep on the Reddit. Yes. I'm checking. I'm checking

everything. London's. Really? A jest because it's full of it. I guess like a beautiful glacier somewhere. Oh, nice. There is this documentary on Netflix called Mermaids. Don't quote me. I think it's

called that. It's about people who are professional mermaids for like in Vegas or you know, you put on a tail and you do a thing in a tank. Wow. Ed nodding, James, looking back on. I've done it. Never heard of this. I have. I did it for a TV show. Of course of yes. King. Which TV show? Almost Royal. Almost Royal. He did everything on that. Yeah, we just did everything available. That was a good thing. Almost Royal. Those were the days. But I did it because the character was a member of the Royal Family. I did it with the tail on and then a shirt and tie. That's fun. It's like fully underwater. You're so jammy, you do. Yeah.

What a time. But yeah, it's in, I can't, it's in near Florida, I think. Yeah, okay. So there's, did you get to go in that special one, the special lane? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the water quality like? Because on this documentary, these women who swam there as mermaids in the 70s, they're all like sort of in their 60s now.

And they all speak with this like wide eyes about this water. They're like, there's something in this. It's like a reservoir or like a natural, it's coming up from the rocks. There's this, there's something in this water. And that is the water I'd like to drink, please. Okay. So can I have that? So you want the water that all those old ladies have been in?

That's the one. Okay. Because I want whatever's making their eyes wide. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because they really are speaking like, they're like, I've never felt peace like being in that water. I was like, I want that. Do you think their eyes might be wide because they're crazy ladies who are professional mermaids?

I won't be, I won't be discussing that. I won't be moved. For the listener, it's like, it's something, it's called like. Something's spring. Yeah, but Benita, can you look up what it's called? Because it's going to drive something springs. Well done. We would never have got there.

Yeah, Wikiwatchi. Yeah, that's the one I swam in. So for the listener, there's like, it's basically like a tank, but then there's like theater seats in front of the big sort of aquarium window. So then you watch like the people dressed as mermaids. But it's not just a tank, right? It's built out the rocks. Yeah, it's beautiful.

It looks really nice. But I wouldn't, I don't remember the water quality being amazing. I cannot believe I've brought, well, this is the magic of the dress. dream restaurant is I come here to say my one true dream is to taste that water. And you've done it. Yeah. And the answer is, it's absolutely fine.

Yeah, it's fine. So that's, you know, he had other things on his mind. He was pretending to be a member like a lineage of the rule family. He was like wearing a shirt. He's trying to be funny for the TV show. You know,

he's got to do improv. He's not making everything count. He's not thinking about the water. He's not thinking years from now, someone will ask me how clear this water is. He's not present. He's not present. You're completely right.

Those mermaids are properly like they're feeling in it, they're engaging with it all. Yeah. You make such good points. We can get you a couple wiki watchy. Thank you so much. No problem. Pop-labs or bread!

Pop-labs or bread, Tesla Coats! Pop-labs or bread! Okay, thank you, sir. So in my real life... I got her. No, I'm not... I mean... No, I would.

Of all the guests we've ever had, I'm not surprised you've got to tell us with that one. Yeah, really easy. I am easily shit-skared. I am really good audience to do magic too. I'm going to spend. Oh, I bet. I can't believe it.

anything. Can you remember any magic? Have you ever had ever had closer magic done for me? Absolutely. I've lost my mind. I've lost my goddamn mind. And in a play,

like if somebody comes out of a door, like goes in one door and, wow, I'm gasp. Goes in one door and comes out another? That's right. Okay, there's this tiny bit in the play that goes wrong where somebody goes in a box, but then comes out a door.

Right. The behaviour of other member of the Don't Review, Liz Smith, who was sat beside me at the time, I went, and she went, Jesus Christ. So I'm shocked by everything Deeply present person

And that went wrong Yeah That was it going wrong Imagine if it had gone right Yeah No anyway So they should do The play that went wrong

It should go right If they're calling it the play that went wrong Yeah Do you see what I mean? Because you go expecting it all to go wrong So it should go all go right The next time they do it They should just do a normal play

And it goes right And everyone goes What the fuck Yeah I can't see the play that went wrong It says it on the door. We told you. It went wrong.

We fucked it. No, we didn't fuck up. We did it exactly right. Yeah. But they fucked up what they're supposed to be doing. Yeah. Perfect. You could tell them that.

We tried to do it wrong. We messed it up. Yeah. We got it right. Pitch that. Pitch the play that goes right and it plays in the theatre next door. Yeah, yeah. It's just you guys doing an immaculate.

Like the doll's house. Yeah. Yeah. Just do like a well-known play. Yeah. Call it the play that goes right. The play that goes right. And everyone's like, oh, I'm just, Ed and James doing this.

Yeah. It's going to be so funny. It's just, wow, this is serious. It's doing Jerusalem. Yeah. Yeah. It's so boring. We could do Godo, I suppose.

I think with Godo is that it has a path of comedians double, double acts doing it. Yes. You know? And so everyone's like, okay, fine. But something real boring. Yeah. I saw Patrick Stuart and Ian McKell and do Godot. Anne, blow your mind.

Well, I just kept thinking about X-Men. Right, sure, sure. That's all like I think of. Yeah, yeah. That's Magneto and Professor X. Yeah. When are they going to do their tricks? Yeah. Yeah, that is.

When's anything going to fly? Yeah. They should have thought about that. Yeah. Yeah, there should have been a bit. They should have been one night. They should be like, I always think play should have like a late night version. Come back and we're just going to vibe.

Like a sexy version. Yeah, like Hollyox after dark. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Popatoms or bread though? Okay, so in my real life, popadams, please. In your real life? In my real life.

I am both, I'm allergic to everything. I'm gluten and dairy intolerant and I will shit myself. But in the dream restaurant, I can have a, anything I like. Fantastic. Also, I, your friend and mine, Nish Kumar, I did his tour support on his last tour and where he is quite mean about both of you. Yes.

Yes. Real shame. Jealous. Of course. As he should be. And, but he makes a very clear statement that the only correct option is to choose Papadom's and to pronounce them. Papadah, Papadum.

Okay. Okay, that's You've got You've got to make your mind up on what you're saying Before you say it, Tessor I literally voice my message Nitch To voice note me exactly the correct pronunciation So I would say it

And he did that, did he? He's going to be the only person laughing harder at this is Nish When Nish hears this He's absolutely He's going to lose his fucking one He goes He's going like a Catherine wheel Like, he's up.

He's going to lose his fucking head. Yeah. We need to film the reaction video. Oh, my God. Listening to that. One of the best things has ever happened in the podcast. This is a show runner. I just so wanted to be correct.

He just said bobadan so slowly. There's a question mark at the end. Also, the run up to it was so confident. Oh, yeah, so confident. And the only way they pronounce it is, the orally way. And the only way they pronounce it is, pu-ha-p-p-do-da-night of the tour, we got Nandoes every night,

and I would sit backstage. I actually do watch, and I would sit in the wings watching him, eating my Nandoes. And every single night, he would shout. Otherwise you have to choose. Otherwise, you're a racist, and it's pronounced. And then you look down at your Nandoes.

Every time he said that. Yeah, yeah. You're writing on a napkin. Right on a napkin. The music surround. Pop, Pop, Pat. Patch Adams. Patch Adams.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you pronounce it, Patch Adams, or you're a racist, okay? Patch Adams or bread. Yeah. The answer is I'd like bread, please. Yeah, I think that's probably the safest answer. I could have avoided all that by your same bread out of the gate. But I have to tell you, my truth.

You can't come to the dream restaurant and not share your truth. No. You can just rattle through, you know? Oh, yeah, we've had some of those. I know. Yeah, you've got to slow down. Appreciate the truth. You've got to say, why.

So I'd love bread, please. And if in the dream restaurant, I could not share myself as a result, that would be so nice. Yeah. May I? Yes, absolutely. I'll take that away.

Thank you so much. Take my whole gut away. I, my, sort of my cradle curse, my, the thing that the wicked witch gave you at your christening. Is that I am a, no, not happy with cradle curse. Never heard that before.

Well, I have invented it, truth be told. Okay, well, I like it. So I'm going to start using it, I think. Yeah. My crane or curse. There's nothing you can do about it. Yeah, yeah. Sure.

Mine is that I have the gut of a girl that needs to just have a tapperware of almonds. Yeah. But the mind and heart of a greedy bitch. And I really, I'm both unorganized, no pen, so I can't possibly meal prep. Yeah. And also, I love everything. I love to eat, but everything makes me sick. But in this restaurant, nothing will make me sick.

And I would love, can I have a warm, homemade, date bread that I had once and in a restaurant and a homemade butter with salt on top. Yes. Yes, of course. Do you remember the restaurant where you had the date bread? Yes, it was in Perilla in Stoke Newington. Like Newington Green. Right, on Newington Green.

It's a great restaurant. Lovely restaurant. Yeah. A lot of candle. A lot of candle. Lovely vibe. Lovely vibes. Tasting menu vibe. Tasting menu, yeah.

Way more affordable than other tasting menus. It's like super high quality. Yes, it's fantastic tasting. menu. I will say if you say when in Rome, when arriving and do the drinks pairing, it is not as affordable. I think like most places, if you get more stuff, it's more money. That's what they say.

That is what they say. Yeah. Your dream starter. Now, referring to the notes. We love this. Well, at the top, just in case you saw them, and I've written off-the-cuff, prepared riffs. Yes. What? That's riff. But they're not. There is just my menu written down. I've been done a little

like this. Yeah, like what is that? A menu mustache. A menu mustache. That's so nice. You just thought of that. Like cradle curse. Like cradle curse, yeah. You're a genius. It's like a little...

You're the little scrolls. You're a genius too. I didn't do anything. You made a tiny, tiny little of your head when I was called genius. Oh, as if to say... No, he's not. Wow. No, no, no. As if to be like,

nothing for me. Like, that felt what I know. Oh, I see. I was trying to agree. Oh. I was like, yeah, he is a genius. And I get to reap all the benefit. See, you guys, you're Jonesing for Godot. Look at this. Come on, this would be great.

Great Godgo in between you two. Habada. Stop it. Stop it. Okay. We're going to be talking about that for months. Every time I guess, every time I say Popatoms up to a guest, I'm going to be thinking about that. Yeah.

The thing is, I didn't even cross my mind that that was going to be one of my problems areas of my menu. No, you can tell. You could tell. Confident. And I was like, I'm going to do Nish Proud. I'm going to tell, you know, he says it every night. You did Nish Proud. He's going to love it so much. If you pronounced it correctly, I don't think you would have enjoyed that very much.

But he would have absolutely loved what did happen. You're right. We'll be clipping that up and sending it to him this afternoon. Oh, God bless him. Okay. So my starter also takes place in the place in the, so may I have different. What the fuck? My restaurant has got different areas.

Yes. It's not just all in one location. So the first bit happens in Keene's Steakhouse in New York City. Okay. And the starter also comes with the Amu's Bouch. And the Amu's Bouch is that I would like a degree of jeopardy before we get to the restaurant. So I think has become clear to the listeners. I don't do well with a booking system.

I'm a spontaneous person And I want to So when I My nightmare is I get to a restaurant And a mean, thin woman says Do you have a reservation? And I go, obviously not And then they're like, well I can put you in next Wednesday

Be like, I won't be hungry next Wednesday I'm here now But what happened in Keynes I was in New York I had a Something had cancelled and so I had two free hours That evening I was going to see the Rockettes So already I'm buzzing

I just Google restaurants near me I haven't looked for anything, and I just won around the corner. I think that'll do me. And I walked there, and by chance, it's one of the best restaurants in New York City. It's called Keen Steakhouse. I know that Jason Manzukas talked about it because I have researched. And an lovely, lovely man who'd worked there for 45 years wearing a red waistcoat, met me at the door, and I said, hello, do you have space for one lovely lady?

And he said something like, honey, there are no tables, but let me put you at the bar. The dream. The dream. And it has a special designated area that I think should be compulsory in all restaurants. It's like for walk-ins. There's always space.

Huge shout out to that guy, obviously works in the service industry for a long time, that when you said, do you have space for one lovely lady, he didn't go, we sure do, when's she arriving?

Yeah, yeah. You know, that's obviously my first instinct. Yeah, yeah. And that's what you both thought. Yeah. But he's, he would have thought that as well, but he's just, he's good at his job. Son of a gun.

Because that's spiky banter. That's two spiky, of banter. That was, that was. Yeah, yeah. Because if he said that to me, I'd be like, it's me. Maybe it's just like...

I'm the lovely lady. It's weird. I thought I made that clear. I was completely clear that I'm the lovely lady. Maybe he didn't think that, but as standard comedians, the world is just one big front row to us. Yeah.

Yeah. We've got to take him down of what they won't respect us. Yeah, yeah. So it's like straight away. Yeah. The customer says like, hello. Yeah.

Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. Dad joke. Make clear who's the alpha. Yeah. Yeah. So it's not, yeah. It doesn't show us in good light, but we did both think that's true.

That's so funny. That's why they pay you the big bucks. It didn't cross my mind. It's not been on my list of prepared off the coverists. I think this one they pay is the big bucks for that sort of stuff. Just being mean. Anyway, but I do, I just love, I love to be placed at the bar. So nice.

And then an immediately beautiful little white napkin coaster thing is straight down. Immediately glass of ice cold tap water. Yeah. Maybe from Wikiwiki. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That was about another man, red waistcoat. Just like somebody's like lived there. Yeah. Stop. Stop. Oh, God. Anyway, and the other aspect of this,

okay, so in Keynes, I don't need this because I've already seen it in Keynes, but what I would like in my dream restaurant, I don't want to be the architect of this. So I guess it's on you. Is I love when a restaurant has like some deep history and a very big like A5 menu, but on the back, history of the place.

Yes. And now I get to either read that silently or read, read to the table. Yeah. Well, doing voices. Or get me a pen and I'll change the history. And I'll change that up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I make that more exciting. The Keens one has these clay pipes in the ceiling because in the old days, you went to your favourite bar. And instead of taking your pipe around with you, like some kind of, you know, peasant, you said, boy, and there was a pipe boy.

Boy, get me number 18. And he went and got your pipe from your locker box and brought you your pipe. Isn't that cool? That is cool. Yeah, see, I've never smoked. but that makes me want to if I was in there

and I knew I could go, boy, boy. Number seven. Or even just they see you come through the door and someone's going, Mr. Acaster's pipe and a boy's running. In some places in Japan.

Have you been to Japan? I have been to Japan. Did you see any of the bars there's like cupboards of whiskey like whiskey all over the place with labels on them? Yeah. And they're for regular

so they just buy this expensive bottle of whiskey and it's only their whiskey. Absolutely love it. You go in and you're like, my whiskey. please. I did see them and I did think

about buying one but never to be seen again, but just the idea back in five years time they're like, we drank that. Yeah. We knew you

weren't coming back. But how cool to be years from now you did return? And then we're immediately like, Mr. Gamble. We've been

expecting you for a long time. Here's your key. You had to walk in there. Kanichie what. Konigua. Oh, thank you. I'm a

Erica, because I'm out. I'm a regular. Did you, did you try to? What's your son? Did you go to those introvert cafes where you don't have to speak to anyone and there's like a...

No, I was with my wife, so that would have been absolutely crazy. I was with my husband. He insisted we go. He described it at his dream restaurant. I was literally like climbing over the thing, being like, that was chatting to me. I was trying to order him. I was like, and then he tried to order for him.

I think I've got a handle on the Japanese thank you. I'll order. And what arrived was one egg in a bowl. And out of like sheer seriousness, I just ended and said, that's what I meant. Thank you. So, my head. I haven't even said my starter yet. Yeah, say it.

Go on. Okay, this is my other thing. Oh, sorry. So my request, please, on the text of my dream restaurant, is could you do some history for me? You don't have to do it right now. Yes, of the restaurant. But on the rep, back, I want there to be things to look at in the ceiling. I want there to be things on the wall.

I want to be, well, for the solo lady. I'm not pretending on the napkin. I've got so much to look at. You kind of have done that already, because you've read all the Reddit threads before coming here. Yeah. So you have read about the dream restaurant. You've read most of the history.

You have done that for yourself. Yeah, but now I want you, and again, you don't actually have to do it, but I just want to know that there's going to be extra facts. About your dream restaurant, extra facts, something hanging from the ceiling. It doesn't have to be about me. It just can be about the building where it used to be. Used to be a prison.

It doesn't have you that. Don't have you that. Don't hold me, hold you back for the prison stuff. Just like I want to know. But again, don't tell me because I want to. Have you been to that dive bar in, I think it's like Angel, sort of Islington Way, where they have bras hanging from the ceiling?

That sounds fantastic. Yeah. What are they doing there? Well, they're just being bras, just hanging up there. Well, you've been and you didn't ask the history of the bras. I think you're supposed to think, oh, this place gets so crazy that ladies take their braes. bras off and leave them here and then they hang them on the ceiling.

But it's not a great look for me. Again, that feels false to me. I love it. Because is it true? Is it real? Because if somebody, if Dave Benson Phillips hung those bras, the famous set designer, I don't like that. Yeah.

You know, I want to feel that that really happened. Yeah. Oh, are you imagining throwing them in the air and them just sticking to the ceiling? Basically. Like a pancake. Yeah. I'm trying to start somebody where people can start, like, hanging bras on lampposts and stuff. I'm trying to get that going.

Define that. What do you mean? Because you know people are putting the Union Jax on lamp posts at the minute? Are they? Yeah, to show that they love reform or like Tommy Robinson. There's a political thing. That's a shame. The main grief that Zach Polanski's getting from the Greens

is that people say that when he was a hypnotist, he used to make women's boobs bigger. So I say... That's their main criticism. I was with you until I didn't know this. That's an incredible thing. He didn't do that. That it's misquoted.

And it's been used against him as in like, and if you just do like one simple. He was a professional hypnotist. He was a hypnotherapist. Right. And he was asking an interview. Right. Could you do this or could, are there hypnotherapist who could make women's booms bigger? And it says, I used to go before his proper media training.

It's like, well, yes, but I wouldn't. And then they just quoted as saying yes. And then that obviously got used against him. Like later down the line, they used it as like, you know, people trying to, from other political parties were like, yeah, he used to hypnotise women make their booms bigger. That's stuck, obviously, because that would stick in your head. I personally think, to show my support for the Greens,

I'm going to start hanging big old bras on landposts, just like the Union Jacks, and do that to show like, I'm with Polanski and like, you know, tie a double G up there. I don't know if that's the sort of support he would necessarily appreciate. Well, you think you need bigger than a G? Yeah, yeah. Sorry, that's a fantastically structured joke from me. It was good.

Thank you. You need more support. You put a G. Yeah, yeah. That's great. Thank you. That is, actually, yeah.

I liked it anyway when you said it. And then when you actually explained it. Explain it. I was like, that is even better than I thought it was. Thanks, everyone. It's the best joke the podcast has ever seen. That's,

there is a reason you're a show runner. Yeah. It's muttering shit like that, quiet in the corner. It's bigger than a G just sounded like a rap song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so right. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, is this a world premiere of this idea? Well, I said it on stage once. Because there was a person in the audience who, that's why they didn't like the greens. Oh, because of the boob stuff. And I was like, pretty sure that's not.

And then we worked out as an audience yet, that's not true. And then I said that and everyone was like, yeah, that's a great idea. I think it's great. Okay, well, now that's, this is the second outing of this idea. So I'm very in favour. Yeah. I'll do one right on the way home. Yeah, yeah.

Tie a bra to a lamppost and everyone will know. The greens. People like the greens around here. At the top? Yeah, just like to do with the flags. If you're not seeing that. Okay, I'll Google the flags. Normally it's not the top, actually.

They do them about halfway up because I think that's as high as they can get on their ladders. Okay. Okay, well, what we'll have as a counter-protest movement is better ladders. Yeah. So already we're getting more height.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me check what they're doing and then see what we're doing. Yes. I've made it a wee. I'm immediately invested. I can't believe I'm saying this after we've been recording for an hour,

but what is your starter? Okay. It's the Keene Steakhouse Cobb salad, please. Lovely. Sounds boring. as hell, it was the most delicious thing I've ever had. It is paired with a, now I'm going to say a dry martini while not confidently knowing why it's dry, because to me, it's wet. That's a good point.

Or how's it dry? But with a twist, which I do know means a lemon, not a filthy olive. So that was what came with it. And what is particularly fantastic about, I mean, it was sensationally delicious in a way, I'm sorry to say, I don't know why. Every mouthful I was like, Jesus Christ, what have you done to this objectively very boring salad? What's in a cob? Take us through. Don't put me on this kind of pressure it. Egg.

Yes. Lettice, egg, sweet corn, blue cheese, which normally I'm not a favorite fan of, but like suddenly, lordy lord. Yeah. Bacon bits. This doesn't sound like a boring salad. Avocado. Small to chopped tomato, tiny. They've done something incredible with the tomatoes.

Like, it's a... It's, it's a, I guess every aspect of what you threw into the salad had been done to its, like, had been turned to 11. Yes. So, and then together, my God. Also, is it all mixed together? And it's all mixed together. So I ordered a Cobb salad ones and it was in these, all those ingredients you mentioned, but in, like, lines. I've had lines before, yeah.

And that was horrifying to me. Because do you remember that advert with Tom Hiddleston where it was for like, I don't know, some kind of gummy, like vitamin gummy? But like, it's in Japanese. and the lady comes home and he's like, oh no, he comes home and he's like, she comes down the stairs. Phil Wang made like an amazing parody of it. The Phil Wang parody video of it is exact.

If nothing else, go and look up the Phil Wamp parody. It is so good. But it's such a mad advert because he's like, I just got in and I'm leaving in a minute. You're like, what's it? Job. And then he's like, I made you breakfast. And then he's like, you like pepper on the side, right?

then he presents the most disgusting plate you've ever seen. There's this like berries touching raw egg. It's just like, and it's in those horrible lines. Yeah, yeah. So that is what I imagined a Cobb salad was. This one, it's mixed. It was in a beautiful bowl mixed in. Like, it was, my God, my God, because my expectations were so low.

And also the thing I loved about it is what I love in a restaurant is to say, what do you recommend to the people? And normally you get someone who doesn't care if you live or die saying, are you hungry? Yeah, yeah. And me being like, no. I'm just happy to be here. But this guy went,

Honey, I'm going to get you a carb salad and a dry martini. And I was like, that's great. Yes, please. That service. That service. Just to be like, I'm confident that this is our best meal.

And he was completely right. We're doing main course. Okay, so we leave the steakhouse now. I'm ushered through a back door. Yes. If I may, can I go through like a Narnia? Wardrobe? Like a wardrobe?

Yeah, yeah. I just thought of that, but I would like that. Through all the fur coats. Through the fur coasts. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I'm out now and I'm outside. Oh my Lord, I'm by the coast. I'm in Colvin Bay.

And I would like to have, with our knees, with our legs dangling over the pier on the beach in Colwyn Bay, it doesn't have to be a particularly nice day. I would like to have fish and chips with my family. And I would like also for us to have done a small quest that day. Because I think fish and chips are most enjoyed when you've done an activity or a thing. Totally. Yeah. Oh, I like this, Tessa. Big walk, big walk at least.

There's something magic about like people are setting up for a wedding and there's like a weird old group and it's two days before and then you're like, oh, well, no one wants to cook. Should we get fish and chips? You just like put the marquee up or something. So everyone feels like a bit. Your example was way more specific than I thought it was going to be. Because I thought big walk, fish and chips. Everyone knows what that feels like. Setting up for a wedding, putting a marquee up and it's two days before.

Sorry, that is quite specific. So that must have happened to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something like this exact thing that I'm thinking of. It's exactly that's so,

before my wedding. Yeah, that's, yeah. Before your wedding. It was before my wedding. But it's happened to other people's wedding. To me, wedding setup does mean now there's fish and chips. Yeah.

Because there's something about also, and also I'm very, it's my family, but also like, I would love there to be an interesting but perfectly curated collection of friends. Yes. They don't all know each other,

but you're like, this is a good group. This is the group that have, like, showed up to help before. Just before James says it, because I know he'll, he'll want to know. Yeah.

Can you take us through each of those friends and how you know them, please. Yeah. Thank you, Ed. Absolutely not. We haven't the time. We haven't the time.

Because I'm just describing people you don't know. Oh, he loves that. That's what he likes about. I love it. Natalie Dibstale. Funny. Yeah, there you go.

Straight away, full names are funny. Dibstale. Dibstale. Midwife, one of the cleverest people I know. My friend, Phoebe, an accountant. Huge fan of you guys. Hey.

Hello, Phoebe. Shout out, Phoebe. Hi, Phoebe. And then just a collection of school and you guys can be there. Oh, thanks. Yeah, hanging out. Only if you've been helpful with the marquee. I get stuck in, I reckon.

Yeah, yeah, great. Yeah. I mean, is it setting up for your wedding? Yeah. Okay, yeah, I'll be helpful. So back in time, we're now at your wedding helping out. Yeah. Did you go to the wedding?

No. So aggressive then to make you help set up. Well, if we're going back in time and I will help set up. Yeah, obviously come. I know. Thank you. So listen, if I'm weird if I'm there. I mean, we know it's.

other, like, fairly well, but I think if I was at your wedding, some people would be like, what the fuck they got to do in it? No, no one would say that. I think your husband would. How about, how about, then? If I may, the caterers at my wedding did repeatedly ask where both of you were. Because they saw Nish and Lolly, Kyle, they were like, where the big hitters? Yeah.

This is true? Completely true. Because they were very keen on you guys. So I do apologize, you didn't come to my wedding. Listen, if my buzzer, my restaurant reservation buzzer had gone off for this pre-wedding, you'd issue it. So if we'd invited you on the... Earlier. So we weren't invited out of bitterness.

Correct. Yes, okay, cool. Now we're clear. Could you bought it a buzzer? Yeah. How do you feel about them? The other day, I got given a buzzer. And the whole time, because I'm quite anxious, I am just...

Dripping and sweat. I need to make, because I can't just put it in my, some people just put it in their pocket and they're just milling around having conversations. They're like, what if the buzzer's going off and you can't feel it? To me, that is an ice hockey puck of pure hell. I'm like, when's it going to vibrate? I sits in the table in front of me and people are like, let's chat, let's get a drink. We've got to look at the buzzer.

Yeah. I hate the buzzer. I hate the buzzer. Because then if the buzzer doesn't go, it should be so convenient. It should be, you just wait for the buzzer to go off your food's ready. But I'm so, like, anxious that the food's taking too long. I will then, and I've done this a couple of times, we'll go and stand by the place where they're making the food

just like holding my buzzer like that. Absolutely. I'm right there behind you. Yeah. But I know absolutely loves that. Everyone else hanging out, having a nice time. Because obviously, of course, because I'm the most anxious about when the food's going to arrive, everyone else has fucking got their food like 20 minutes ago. Yeah. And the people who are chill, they're like, oh, my food's ready.

They don't even care. And they're like, oh, buzzer in my pocket. Yeah, yeah. And I'm there with my buzzer. It's absolutely dead silence. So now I'm thinking the buzzer's broken. Yeah. So I go back.

Am I out of range? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to stand right next to these people holding my buzzer up, just waiting for it to go off. And then when it does, you go, yeah. Oh, shit. I get so scared at the buzzer.

I hate the buzzer. Let's outlaw them. Yeah. Done. Yeah, it's no good. It's too stressful. Oh, so may I say my pairing drink at this junction? With a fish and chips, please.

Yeah. I'm just to be clear. You're having what, paddock cod? I'm having cod, please. It's perfectly done. I just, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because sometimes there's a risk you think,

I mean, it's always good, bad fish and chips, but you're like, you know, this, but this is, oh, immaculate. How much salt and vinegar? Dripping. Absolutely. More than I say, when they ask salt and vinegar, I say, yes, and to the point that you think that's too much. Yeah. That's why I say to them. Great.

And they always are like, surely I should stop. And I'm like, no. No. He gets a shout out on every episode, but shout out to Tom Barnes from Scoff, who sent me and James some bits that they used to make stuff in their restaurant in Manchester, including a packet of salt and vinegar salt. so it is like salt with vinegar powder in it and it just, it's like, it tastes like powdered fish and chips. You just put it on chips, put it on anything.

You're like, holy hell, this is the best condiment ever. Where are you getting? So you'd literally describe where you got it, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But can I purchase this? I don't know, actually. It feels like the sort of thing they might have available for purchase one day. It felt like a little trial of, let's give it to these guys.

It's got the rubber side from me. See if they can master use in it. And if they can't hold it. Yeah, you'd love that. So you can almost have the vinegar flavor without sogging up the chips. Because it's also hard to come by that exact type of vinegar they use because it's not your classic. It's something different.

This sounds great. So chips, perfect. I'm having cod, please. I understand how, I guess, the purists choice, but for me hasn't the taste of cod. On the side, battered sausage. Lovely. That's what I do. Do it every time.

Yeah. Every time, think, I eat the sausage first. because I'm so excited about it. Yeah, so excited. Then as I meet my fish and chips, gosh, I shouldn't have had that sausage. Of course. I love it. I used to get just battered sausage and chips.

That used to be my order, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But now, now I'd probably go fish and chips with a battered sausage on the side. Okay. Or now and again, let's have a loy. Do you? Yes. No, it's the batter for me.

Yeah. It's the batter for me. It's the batter for me. Dead down the land. And as my pairing drink, may I have, please, Coca-Cola from the original soda fountain when it had cocaine in it. Yeah? Someone's working in L.A.

Late nights, right? Cocaine was going to feature on the menu at some point. Listen, I give, you know, easy come, easy go. I don't care about cocaine. But I am desperate to taste what that tasted like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. From the moment, this has been on my menu since I was eight years old, since I discovered that that's what it had in it.

There was drugs in Coca-Cola. There was drugs in Coca-Cola. My dream, the thing to go to like an incredibly... I just think, like, the billionaires are having parties where in some room, they're just showing you around. They're like, that's a sex room. That's a fountain with original Coca-Cola. You know, this is the richy-rich of the adult world. Yeah.

You know? You don't know. You don't want to try it. I don't want to be at that party. No one's to be at that party. That's a sex room. No one wants to be at that party, but you want to know that someone's doing it. It should bum me out.

Yeah. That's a sex room. Where can I put my coat? Where's the coat room? You can just throw it in the sex room on top of all these people. No, they're doing it on top of the coats. You're trying to leave, being like, come on. I'll be like, fine, I'll leave it.

I know this is the sex room, but it's also the cloak room. You've got to pull your coat out from underneath a doctor's ass. So I love that you got the fountain with the cocaine in it. I do think that's great. And I've never done cocaine or any drugs. No, allegedly. Allegedly, but I would drink that. We'd all would, right?

Just to see what it tastes like. Maybe it isn't even as delicious. And if I can't have that. As a diabetic, though, I'd have to have Diet Coke with cocaine. Have you ever had a real Coke? Yeah. Okay. Yes.

But it would have to be Diet Coke. If it's with cocaine. I mean, I could. You're in the Dream Restaurant. So would you like, if you can have anything you'd like here? I think I'm still diabetic in the Dream Restaurant. Really? Yeah.

Ed likes being diabetic. Well, no, that's not true. But also it's just my life, isn't it? Understood. But, like, Like, you don't want to try Coca-Cola as the gods intended? Well, I could, but I could anyway, but I just don't like doing it because I don't like having to inject insulin to have a drink.

That's what I'm saying, within this dream scenario, you don't have to inject afterwards and you don't want to. Also, don't like normal Coke. Fine. Have your diet coat with a drop of cocaine in it. I prefer Pepsi Max with cherry and cocaine if that's possible. That's disgusting. Is that your genuine choice? That's the best.

Pepsi Max with cherry and cocaine, yeah. You not had cherry Pepsi Max. Is it nice? It's the best. Yeah. Listen to the Pepsi Max. the other day. A Gladiator one?

No. It was... We'll come back to that. They're clearly not selling many because they're all left over from Christmas but the Tesco near me and pop into the Tesco Express. Gingerbread flavored Pepsi bags.

Oh no. I've bought a couple a week. Absolutely love them. Are they good? Are they? Oh, fantastic. Really? Just to that, like, cinnamon-y and...

Yeah. Okay. And I'm disgusted with myself every time I buy it. Sure. And drink it and it's delicious. Shout out. From near here?

Do Pepsi ever send you stuff? No. No, they're too big then, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, they don't need your boys. Gingerbread do by the sound of it. Yeah, big gingerbread. Big gingerbread.

I think you've bought enough gingerbread Pepsi Max that you can make a gingerbread Pepsi Max house out of them, out of all the cans? Definitely. Living there? It's bottles, actually. Bottles. Bottles.

This guy. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I have decided because Billy has got 30 minutes left on his camera, and because this is all about filming it these days, Because he's a little YouTuber. Yeah.

Do you know that Belito's a YouTuber now? Yeah. Yeah. So all he says, he walks around saying like and subscribe. We walk into the room, he goes, Hi guys. Like a YouTuber. Hey guys.

Good to see you all. Benito here. Yeah. It's your boy, Benito. When he shows you things, does he hold it up with his hand behind it? So that it's, you see them do that? They hold stuff up and then it weirdly put their friends in. Yeah, yeah, doing that and stuff.

And I lost the handful. Yeah. It's your boy, Benito. It's your boy. I do-da-da-a-tuk, on a Tuesday. I would genuinely watch anything he did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had an alt on the cocaine and Coca-Cola in case that wasn't allowed.

I would like a Mexican Coke in a bottle, glass bottle, ice cold. And thank you. It was made with cane, sugar, not regular sugar. It is fucking delicious. I repeatedly tried to import it into this country. Can't be done. Okay. Your dream side dish.

Oh, mashed potato. It obviously is insane, given my main cause, but truth be told, I have forgotten about my side dish. The truth is, I cannot leave mashed potato on a menu. If it's there, I've only recently pivoted to the side, because sometimes I would just order whatever had mashed potato with it. And I was like, this is, girl, this is holding you back. Just have it as a side. And now I just, if it's there, I have to get it. I love mash so much.

I completely understand that. There are some items if they're on the menu, got to get them. And mashed potato is that, I don't. order every time, but I find it very hard to resist it. Very hard to resist. It is exciting. It's always good, pretty much always good. It's always good.

Do you have a favourite restaurant that you've had mashed potato in? I'm sorry today, I do not. Do you have a, what's the consistency of your dream mash? Because obviously, there's many levels of mashing. Quite, quite. Almost like pom puree. Yeah, with more of a whip. If I, gun to my head, brass frie is adele.

Yeah, nice. That's doing a pretty bang-in. Yeah, yeah. And it's got, because it's got a sort of butter twist. Yeah, it's just a fuck loads of butter. The answer is it's butter. It's a bowl of butter with a potato. I think the thing that keeps popping up on my algo at the moment,

I think it's the Joel Rubichon or Robichon. I never know how to pronounce that mashed potato. I thought you were saying Joe Rogan. The Joe Rogan mashed potato, which has got a fuckload of ivermectin in it. No, it's basically 50-50 butter and potato. Perfect. Wow. It's just a bowl of butter potato flavored.

Right. Yeah. Which is the joy. That's it, isn't it? And you'd never do that at home. No, you'd never. Do you do that home? You'd feel like an insane person.

Yeah, something that really stuck in my head is we did an episode of how to cook on Nobody Panic once. And we did a sort of on Instagram like, tell us your best tips if you've recently learned to cook or whatever. And they were all so helpful from people. But one person wrote, the amount of cream and butter a restaurant uses in everything will blow your mind. Yeah.

And I think about that most days. And salt as well. And salt's the other thing. And you would dream of putting an entire like Philadelphia cream cheese into something at home. Be like, am I mentally ill? But that's what you're getting in a restaurant. That's why it's nice. Yeah.

That's why it's good. They're not. Yeah, sometimes they go, this is a, in this restaurant, aren't we only use, like, very limited ingredients. I've been to those kind of places. Like every dish has two to three ingredients that thing. Oh, this would be great. You go and go, mm.

No, thank you. It doesn't taste of anything. This tastes like if I just bought. some carrots at the shop and chopped them up and ate them. Put more butter on. I think there should have been there's a butter and salt on this. Exactly. Delicious, though.

Mashed potato. Dipping your chips in the mashed potato? No, thank you. It was private. By private, I meant separate. Yeah. Wow. How often do you get those two mixed up?

Was that confusing at your wedding? The bridal party and the creams party will be sitting privately. Privately. Okay. It's private. Sorry, it's separate. But it just means, yeah, you know. Yeah, I know.

It's private, and I won't ask again, Tessa. Private, yeah. It's just there. It's obviously, and I know it shouldn't be mixed. That's crazy, but that is the main. That's the side that's coming. That's the dream. No, fine.

Dream drink, Tessa, because otherwise he's going to start crying over there. My dream drink is a pinocalada that I had age 11 on, it's virgin, come on, on a crew, my grandparents sold their business. So many jokes, I'm, Jesus. The man at the steakhouse would let that slice. We're absolutely, we're letting a, we're letting a, just steam coming off my brain trying to keep it in my mouth. The thing is sometimes people would be like,

do you think, do you feel stand up as your true calling to me? And then sometimes we're like, then I see you guys like vibrating me off with the word virgin. I'm like, no, I don't. It's not. It's not. It's clear that that's not. Not a great sentence, tapterone it.

Even that. Yeah. Who do you want to hose you down? You love a Pina Collada? I absolutely love a Pina Collada. I've also discovered a thing called a Lava Flow, which is a strawberry daughery and a Pina Collada in one glass. Oh, my goodness.

Fucking hell. Yes, please. I think that's even for me. Yeah. Sweet tooth boy, that is too sweet. I love it. When I was 11, my grandpa, sold their business and they took our whole family on a cruise.

We'd never really even been on a summer holiday before. It blew my goddamn mind. We got a pinocalada in a glass like this, like a, you know. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. I mean, for the listener, what's that? Oh, sorry, right, sure. Pinnacolada glass.

Yeah, I think it's pinnaclada glass. Yeah. It's like fancy, long, swirly. Yeah. Looks like that optical illusion of like two ladies or is it of ours, you know? Yes. Something like that. That's helpful.

Is that helpful? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's generally helpful, but it's funny that that's such a thing, yeah. Is it it it? Is it too ladies or is it about? Yeah. And I'd never seen an actual cocktail umbrella. I just thought there was a sort of pretend thing from the movies, I guess.

There was actually one of those in my glass. It blew my mind. And in order to get one of these, all I had to do was hand in my room key. Wow. So, and also at the end, there was like a huge bill at the end that my dad went understandably berserk. Yeah. Like home alone? Truly like that's a lot.

Exactly. Just when that's my job, I'm old time! Yeah. And then I got, yo-jee-pers. I like run across the crew, but it's just a cruise, so I can't go anywhere. With a pigeon lady in the bow. Yeah. She's not well, is she, a pigeon lady.

No. God. No, I'm fleeing the scene. Also, he never asked her to just come up to the room and hang out with his family. It's like, oh, you have a nice Christmas. Yeah. Absolutely awful of him. Just like, see, like, here's a turtle dove.

What can I do with this? What can I do with this? Look at my life. Do you think I need a A stone, a fucking Christmas tree decoration right now I need shelter, I need warmth You're living in a freaking massive hotel Kevin, look at my life

Yeah, Kevin, I said look at my life Do you not think I've been like ridiculously kind to you During this whole thing? Can you not do one thing for me? Your family are up there opening all the presents from New York's toy shop

Duncan's toy shop sent you all the presents All of there I obviously helped Toy chest I obviously helped catch those guys. I was the person who stopped you for getting shot in the face.

I said your actual life and you've given me this. You give me a dove and then you go back into the hotel and enjoy all the toys with your horrible family who choose to be nice one day of the year

and it takes you nearly getting killed for them all to be nice and I'm the one who saved you. I'm Brenda Fricker. That's her name. Brenda Frick is the actor. She won an Oscar

from my left foot. She's great. I saw on Tommy Tienden's chat shows. Great interview. If you've got time to watch it, it's on YouTube. And she says a story

about when she was doing a film with Mike Myers in Ireland and Mike Miles was trying to do a serious film for once. And then she said, you know,

after that's film, let's go back to mine and have like a drink or whatever. A few of them go back and they're in her and he's not sitting down. He won't sit down

Mike Myers. Everyone's sat down around the table and he's just stood up and she says, Mike, wait, wait you sit down. And he went,

well, I thought I'd sit down when we go into the main house. He thought they were in, he thought her house was the reception area. A little porch way

to the big house. Oh my God. And she had to say, Michael, this is where I live. This is my home. I'll sit down. Michael, look at my life. Michael, look at my life.

Covered in pigeons. All I've got is this turtled up. Got a turtle another. Some little gig gave me. Michael, look at my life. Michael, look at my life. Look at my live, Michael. I'll sit down when we go into the main house.

That's awful. I hope that haunts him. I bet it does. I bet it doesn't. I bet it doesn't because... I've given you both options there, Ben. Allegedly. I've given you options.

Yeah. I say everything twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just in case. It makes a decision after we check with Mike Myers. Yeah. So that you always look correct. Yeah, yeah.

I'd love to have Mike Myers on this, actually. I'd bring up that story. Yeah. We went to Brenda Fricker's house and you thought, It wasn't the main house. Pinacolada. Pena collada. You once had a Pina collada.

Do you remember when I was on tour in Lincoln and we had a rare tour crossover with you and Nish, and we met up in the bar of the hotel, which is just like a double tree or something. It was like a sort of decent chain hotel. It was. And you had a Pina Collada. Well, that's the story?

Yeah, but it was just an odd place to get a Pina Collada. And it was like 11 o'clock at night. Everyone else had a beer and a wine, and you had a full Pina Collada. Yeah, that's mad. In a semi-budget hotel chain. Overlooking Lincoln. I think this sounds pretty mad to me.

Because I was honestly like, and then you shout yourself or something. Like I thought it was going to be, but that was like the part. I think you would have remembered that. It's just not a very like, you know, everyone's having a drink in a hotel bar, like one drink and go to bed. A pina collada is like if you went, do you what? I fancy a bag of candy floss. You've identified my main problem. Even at the time, I was like, what the fuck?

You're having a pina collada? You're like, yeah, a pinna calado. Well, this is a very... When in Rome, mashed potato with my chip. Like, it's... I think you still had your... I seem to remember you still had your coat on as well. That's stuck in my mind that your coat is still on.

Anyway, all I was doing, and I understand that that was a bit of a... Is that the story? But no, you completely right, because... But also, I'm backing you that you do like a pinna collider. Another pinna cala. You're not like, yeah. You thank you for backing me.

But also, I think that completely encapsulates my whole problem, which is that you're like... I'm like, what, and that's the story, is it? Because you're like, yeah. That's insane. You should have had a small white wine and go to bed, like a normal grown-up. But I had a full peanut collado with my coat on. And I was very happy.

Yeah. But I can't. There's the thing. If I see it, I'm sorry, I have to get it. Yeah. And if I see mashed bread, I have to get it. I'm literally, when in Rome, I've never been. I've probably said it on the podcast before when peanut colladas had come up,

but that's what I had to drink on drunk history because I knew it would be funny. Oh. I was like, it'd be funny because they show how much you're drunk on the screen. It'd be funny that it comes up that I've had this many pinacoladas. So I did that. I had like two jugs of Weatherspoons, peanut collada. I've never had peanut caledas since. Understandably.

Yeah. That's too much. That's a lot. It was insane. It was just for the jokes that it would be on stage saying it. It'd be on the screen saying it. Yeah, you're so committed. You're so committed.

Yeah. That is bad. It was too much. So when I hear it, I just go, I could never. I'm so sorry. Can I bring you? Then I brought you an option because I knew that. Oh, thank you.

Plum wine. he's not happy at all. I'm happier. Listeners that got a horrible, horrible shrug. Yeah, yeah. I'm not delighted that it's plum wine. Can I tell you what's happening in our heads now is we're like, we'd love to talk about plum wine. There's no time.

But we have been recording for an hour and 40 minutes. Yeah. And Benito is like, he is. That's been all the time. Show us to the camera. The notes are upside down. I've been constantly referring to these. Well, your dream dessert.

Yes. And then Benito can relax. I'll go so fast here. My dream dessert is a journey with me. No, it's nothing. It's a platter. It's just greedy. Yes.

And a way of game. It's multiple desserts. Yeah, yeah. But they are, one, battered mars bar from the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. Great. Great. Two. A banana split.

But like also a Sunday, like a Sunday, but from your imagination. Like I've never ever had an actual Sunday like I imagine an ice cream Sunday. Like a cartoon Sunday. Like a cartoon. Yeah, yeah. A full Tom and Jerry. Yeah. Ice cream Sunday. Fantastic.

Banana, blueberries, cream, bits, ice cream. I found a place, and I don't know its name, but in Venice when I was going to, I went to visit some friends who live there. There for four days, I think, got an ice cream Sunday like that. And then I just had it again the next day. Actually, I went to the same place and got a different Sunday. But I was like, me and my girlfriend walking around, I was like, I'm sorry, I can't stay away. I was like, it was so good. And it was boozy as well.

Yeah. It was this massive, humongous, boozy ice cream Sunday. because it was a holiday, I ate the whole thing. And I was like, I just want to go back. I've never had one. I've ordered it, obviously. I'm not crazy, but it just comes in like a sort of coupe glass with like one ball of ice cream. I'm like, I want Tom and Jerry. That's not a Sunday.

That's not a Sunday. That's not a Sunday. That's a Wednesday, you should say to the waiter. That's so good. I like that. Yeah. I like that one. Thank you. What is this? A Wednesday?

That's really good. Yeah, yeah. That's really good. Do you like that one, James? I don't really like it. Yeah. But it's like it's like it. And then you're saying that, imagine the response it would get.

Don't you? Yeah, I'd be disappointed. Yeah. I would maybe, I'd say second draft of that is Monday, because everyone hates Mondays. I've got Wednesday's hump day. That's why we're Wednesday. Because Monday would be like horrid.

It would have to be horrid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the way of the other. But like a bit drab and a bit like not enough ice cream. But that's a Wednesday, right? Yeah, because the thing is, like, they obviously have tried, objectively, legally, that's a Sunday. You know, but it's not.

That's the thing about Wednesday. Yeah. Is this right? It's a good joke. Yeah, yeah, it's a good joke. Monday works too. Yeah, Monday works. It all works.

You're both geniuses. I don't know where I'm holding it like I'm 50 years old. Well, because you're kind of spiritually up. Imagine if I just had more in him. And the last thing on my three-way platter is, and this is for the fans, so they have somewhere in London if they would like to try it. We're leaving three-way platter, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm just throwing you open goals and you've got to let them. Roll past you. This is actually torture, Tessa. Carry on.

Okay. It is this blueberry cheesecake, baked blueberry cheesecake with banana ice cream I had from place called, oh, here it comes. Echo Sessa. It is spelled E-C-O-S-E-S-A in Sto-N-O-S-A in Sto-N-O-N-S-A in Sto-N. That sounds like someone failing to say your name. It does. And you think I would have committed it more because it has a lot of shapes for my full name.

And it is a tap-ass restaurant. Very pleasant, great vibes. but this dessert, Mamma Mia. I have been back since just to have putting in there. It was incredible and I love a cheesecake. Blueberries, bananas, cheesecake, bit of ice cream. You cannot go wrong with me. Love it.

That is my menu and with that I will pay the bill, tip heavily and leave the dream restaurants. Fantastic. That does sound really nice. I think the whole thing sounds good. I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Let's have a little read of your menu. You would like spring water. Is that really interesting?

from the wiki-wacky. Is that in there? You would like warm, homemade date bread and butter with salt from Perilla. You would like Keen's Steakhouse Cobb salad with a dry martini with a twist. You want fish and chips and battered sausage in Colwyn Bay with your family and a creative group of friends after a small quest and Coca-Cola from the original soda fountain when it had cocaine in it. Side dish you won't mash potato.

Drink a pinocalada, maybe from the cruise, who knows. dessert, battered Mars bar from the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, banana split Sunday, and baked blueberry cheesecake with banana ice cream from Echo Cessor. What do you think about that? Sorry, but is that in there? Earlier on, when you said you're amazed by magic,

I mean, look, it's so funny watching your mind being blown by that. Okay, because guys, like, that has, I've never watched, I've only ever listened, and I just thought you were handed something. But there's been, in front of us, there was a gold embossed menu. that says dream restaurant on it, which has been there the whole time untouched, and James has just picked it up and read from it. Yes.

And it had my menu in it. Yes, it's a menu. My mind is blown. I've had the time of my life in this dream restaurant. Do I get to know my secret illegal ingredient? No. Okay. But you didn't say it.

You didn't say it. Okay. Because otherwise he would have been kicked out. Oh, wait. No, I got through. But we're going to kick you out now. Okay, bye. Bye.

Thanks, Tessa. Get the hell out of here, Tessa. Thanks so much for having me. Well, there we are. What a wonderful episode with Tessa Coates. She's fantastic. Didn't pick yogurt coated raisins? No. So, well done, Tessa. Yes, and you should watch Ride or Die. Tessa's new show that she has created. She was a showrunner. I mean, so many, so many things. It's on Amazon Prime. Octavia Spencer's in it, Hannah Waddenham. Very excited. Very proud of Tessa as well.

Yes. Very proud. We've known Tessa for a long time. and absolutely deserves every bit of success she gets. She's very funny, but you've heard the episode. You know she's great. You know that she's fantastic. I'm on tour, I'm very proud of me. I deserve every bit of success I have.

My show's called Fresh Hell. Yeah, Fresh Hell, Ed Gamble. Ed Gamble, go and see it. Dotco.com.com. He deserves every bit of success he has. It stars Hannah Waddingham. Wow, that's cool. Tessa also has a podcast which is part of the Plosive family.

Nobody passes. With Stevie Martin, you can listen to all the episodes of that, wherever you get your podcast. Stevie Martin's on this podcast, of course. Yes, we've had the nobody panic. We've completed the nobody panic. We did it. Crew, we did it finally. Every podcast wants to do that.

We're the only one that's done it. Thank you very much for listening. Goodbye. Bye.