Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Tim Key (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

Happy Shall I Be Mother’s Day! Comedian, poet, Bafta-nominee, bath-lover and poppadom-smasher Tim Key returns to the Dream Restaurant for a live Off Menu episode at the Royal Albert Hall. Tim Key is on tour now with ‘Loganberry’. For dates and tickets go to www.timkey.co.uk His book ‘LA Baby’ is out now. Buy it here: https://www.utterandpress.co.uk/products/l-a-babyFollow Tim on Instagram @timkeypoetOff Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Recorded by Matt Mountford-Lister for Storm Productions Group live at the Royal Albert Hall.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, it's the off-menu podcast, bonus. Bonus! This is one of the bonus live episodes from the Royal Albert Hall, James, on our run at the Royal Albert Hall. Record-breaking run. Record-breaking run, the Royal Albert Hall. The record is most amount of times we've been in the Royal Albert Hall in the way. Yeah, no one can take that away from us.

Yes. This is Tim Key, of course. Tim Key, doing a tasting menu. He's been on the pod before. He's back on the pod, receiving the menu of another previous fan-favorite guest. This was a fun one, James. As it always is when Tim's in the room. Yes, Tim brings the fun.

Everyone knows that about Tim. The key stands for... Key to the Fun House. Key to the Fun House, yes. And it's a universal key. Yeah. Skeleton key? Skeleton key.

We've all got skeletons in us. There's so many good titles he could have if he just... Oh, if he wanted to go down the pun route, he'd never, ever run out of stuff. But he's too like, oh, he's a... above that, isn't he? He is. If he just decided he wanted to be for the people, he'd have some really

good titles. He'd have quite the career on his hands. Yeah, he could do a show with his family, a bunch of keys. Oh, a bunch of keys. They could all stand in a circle? Yeah. Key rig. Look, some of the stuff that we say in this episode might not make sense, because there was a first half as well, so we might be referring

back to that at some point. Or it just might not make sense. When we went on and talked to the audience, yes, sometimes might just not make sense. It's a fun episode, though, James, so let's get on with it. This is the off-menu, tasting menu of Tim Key. A bunch of key. A menu podcast taking the roast dinner of conversation, putting it in the blender of humour,

hitting the big red button of chat, and serving it all up as just normal prison food. If you're just listening to this podcast, you wouldn't have heard the opening half. So that prison food was a reference to a hilarious running joke in the first half about the serial killer, Ted Bundy. That's a gamble. My name is James Dave Bundy has to her.

He said Ted Bundy the same time as me as if he was our guest. He walks out. I'll have whatever's good, whatever's good. It was famously charismatic, so I think he'd be a good guest. It'd be a good guest, yes, yes, yes. I did a bit of research. It was what they normally serve to death row prisoners if they don't request anything.

Steak eggs, hash browns, coffee, orange juice, and then he didn't even eat it anywhere. You didn't eat it? He didn't eat it. I guess he probably had everything's on his mind. I guess I'm about to die. That's a gamble. My name is James Akeaster.

Together we own a dream desktop. And every single week, we invite a guest. And ask for the favourite ever start a main course does a side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, it's a tasting menu. And please welcome to the stage. Our guest, Tim Key.

Tim Key. How we doing, Tim? Not bad. Is it phones off? phones left in the dressing rooms for us but yeah phones off I think that's on silent

thank you thank you for that a very respectful podcast what's the last text that you got last text hmm in we go it's

Tim Vine Tim Vine Tim Vine and the text says oh that's That's amazing. I'll get it. I'll get onto it now. Want to reveal more or should we leave it mysterious? They'll read Tim's text like Memento.

Actually, he's put another text after that. Oh yeah. Spoke to Jobbins and it probably won't actually be on sale till next week. Well, more of those to come throughout the episode. You're excited about this, Tim? You get someone else's menu? Oh yeah. Yeah. It's fantastic to... you know, just sort of be at the Albert Hall and discuss Tessus Andersen starter.

Very exciting. When you came on the podcast originally, you chose Chicken Shikuti as your main. Yeah, I did, yeah. Which I'd introduced you to. And then I saw your film, The Ballad of Wallace Island. And you had a shout out to Chicken Shoghutti in that?

Yeah. Yeah, I referenced your recommendation to me. That must have been a big moment in your year. It was huge I was so excited He was really excited We got sent in advance screenings We were going to interview

Carrie Mulligan for it Was it advanced? Yeah It was advanced I was watching at home on my laptop Yeah And I had to pause it and tell my partner I'm pretty sure that's down to me

She wasn't watching it with you No, I didn't No interest Not a fan Not a fan But you brought her in To sell her that you're recommendation had got in the movie.

Yeah. Okay. That's very nice, dear. Yeah, no, thanks for speaking so warmly about the movie. It's a lovely movie and we're all very proud of you. Oh, yeah. No, it's an absolute, well, go down as a classic, I reckon. Yeah, yeah. Difficult to say, you know, because when the eye of the storm, go on, what are you going to say? Something about your podcast.

Was I about to say something about my podcast? You'd be within you, right? Yeah, yeah. It will come up, Tim, just to let you know. Moving forward, once we've started it properly because we've not started it properly yet because do you remember James is a genie in this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I heard him talking on a different podcast about it as if it was like a great work of character comedy. He's talking about it like he was playing René Artois. What podcast was he doing that? Comedians, Comedian with Stuart Goldsmith. Did I talk about being the genie on that? Yeah, you really started dissecting it. That's interesting.

I didn't know you'd put so much work into the character. Well, I didn't know that I did that. I'm going to have to go and listen to this now. Do you remember what sort of things he was saying? I don't remember. We could put it on, if you like? Play it from everyone. I'm really serious about being the gym. Well, what is your view on how you came up with that character?

Now, in the cold light of day. And then I'll tell you my view. Yeah, then I'll do mine. Could feel some questions as well. I guess the view is, we were going to do a podcast. And I just said to Ed, I'm going to be a genie. Yeah. My memory of it was that he just did it on the first episode without asking.

Yeah. So then there was no chance of sort of discussing the fact that he was a genie in it. No, my memory is I had asked and you and Ben and both said no. Yes. So sort of, I mean, Kestka La Diff, really. Yeah, Kestka Lidif. My memory is, I've created the next DELBoy, well done me. I thought I said those two Goldsmiths podcast.

Well, you do need to get fully into character, James. So this is part, you get to see the process. Oh, he goes over there, does he? Yeah. Oh, does he come out through that bit? He comes out through that bit. But Tim, do you remember, are you a fan of... Yeah, sorry, for you guys, that was amazing.

James is in the lamp. For you guys, less impressive. What do people have to do to get genies out of lamps? Do you remember that from your childhood? It's the old rub, isn't it? It's the old rub. Would you care to rub? I'll go and have a rub.

Please. I'd say this venue's big enough that most of them can see me. Always gone around the back. unusual method from Tim K. Well, sorry, am I rubbing the spout? No, no, no, no, you can rub the back. It's a dealer's choice. I might stroke the spout.

Oh. Back to the dream best drive. We'll be expecting you for some time. Yep. It doesn't feel exactly like a podcast in the traditional sense. That was pretty good, though, don't you think? Pretty good. That was fantastic. Yeah. You're like a young Christopher Biggins.

Thank you. Not a criticism. No, not a criticism. No, hey, he's one of the great. I saw him in a lift once. Keep talking. It was in, I believe, the Wolverhampton Premier Inn. Wow. Breakfast.

I just had my breakfast. There was one minute to go before breakfast stopped. I was waiting for the lift to go back up to my room. It opened. Biggins there. Just all over the place. Clearly just getting there as late as he could to get breakfast. But clearly it was part of Biggins' normal routine.

Didn't get the impression. It was the first time he'd done this as a standard for Biggins. It's one minute before breakfast finishes. He's down there. When I met Biggins, It was in a small restaurant in Wimbledon and he was about 20 metres away from me and I heard him crystal clear saying,

Christopher Biggins! Hang on. I do need to dig down into the story slightly. Yeah. Was he arriving at the restaurant and telling them that he had a booking under the name Christopher Biggins or was he sat down at his table already? It wasn't apropos of nothing.

It wasn't just reminding people. It was shaking someone's hand. Fantastic. Yeah. Introducing him. himself. So actually, legit. Yeah. It's just the sheer volume. Christopher begins. Do you go full name when you introduce yourself to people? Um, no. Yeah. It sounds like a bit of a sort of a, um, you know, clang. Name dropping yourself. Yeah, slightly. I'll go Tim. Yeah, lovely, lovely. Classic. Yeah,

how about you? I think I go Ed, I think I go Ed, but maybe in the sort of business scenario, I might go Ed Gamble. Well, yeah. Please don't ask me. what business scenarios I'm talking about. Because I've panicked and said... Have you met Meryl Streep? Have I met Meryl Streep? What if you met Meryl Streep and she said Mell Streep? Oh yeah, I'd probably go, I know.

Merrill. I can't imagine it's just saying Meryl. How do you introduce yourself? Who are you? Depends if I'm deepened character as the genie or not. If I see Stu Goldsmith, I'll introduce myself as the genie and ask him to refer to me as such. throughout the podcast.

The genie is, is the genie just called the genie or is the genie called James Acaster? This is something we've never established. We've never thought about this. I guess it, the genie is just called the genie. In Aladdin, the genie doesn't have a name that's like a full name.

It's not like later on you learn he's called Ollie Stevens or something. What was the example then? Ollie Stevens. But was the gene... No, I think you're right. It wasn't called Ollie Stevens. That genie had... Aladdin is not called Ollie Stevens

at any point. I mean, about my friend, Ollie Stevens. Jeez, that. Craig Simons, of course. Yeah. That's a meal gutting way of finding out

most people haven't seen my new stand-up show. Tim, whose menu are you hoping for? Oh, great. But a lot of guests on this pod. A lot of people you admire. Yeah. You've had some absolute classics on over the years, I must say.

Who would I like to be acquainted with. Grace Dent. Grace Dent, food critic, of course. So is that you're thinking there? You just want some the finest food, recommended by the food critic? Yeah, that would be quite a good one. I did hear Alex Horne's one, and yeah, that wasn't a great menu. Yeah, that was disgusting.

We did give that to someone else. I don't even know if that menu's, but if that episode's been out yet. No, we have, yeah, we have given Alex's to someone else. Absolutely disgusting. Yeah, they weren't impressed by it. Yeah. Okay, well, let me see. What have I got? today Tim Key we're giving you the off-menu menu of Nish Chimma! Look at that photo, holy heckins! Where is he there? Mr Bond! It's got to be the BAFTAs or something, hasn't it?

Jesus Christ, Nish! Didn't see him there? Wowsers! That is, I'd say there's probably one month every five years where Nish has trimmed his beard and had a haircut, and that was in that window and fuck me, sexy. If you can, uh... Just Google when this hosted the MASH report during COVID. The first episode of that is absolutely crazy because he had his...

Yes. He had to just do everything himself. Yeah, he's gone way too short. He trimmed his own beard, did it wrong, and then had to shave everything off, and he looks insane. I'm surprised Ben didn't use that as a photo. He went by the lovely photo. This is our guest tomorrow here.

Oh, is he, right? So we thought it would be fun. That's a secret, by the way. Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That gets announced on the day. Yeah. That goes on the Instagram account, doesn't it?

Yeah, it goes on the Instagram account tomorrow. They'll do that in the morning, James. Yeah. It's because everyone... Sold out, apparently. Now they know it's going... Yeah, but it was going... Sold out in your terms.

Yeah. You'll sell 2,500 and have 20 in, but it feels full with 20. The issue is, if any right wingers have bought tickets, they're not going to come tomorrow. If they know Nish is on. Oh, that's true. All of our right wingers who come.

Oh, no. They'll be in tonight. out the audience even more. Can I play the hardly anyone. Sorry, scrub it from your minds. Nish isn't here, at my... I'm getting bollocked when I come off. You may as well say which menu he's doing.

I can't remember. Now, Tim, are you excited to maybe be experiencing Nish Kuhman's dream menu? I am extremely excited. He loves his food, doesn't he, Nish? He does love his food. Any lovely memories of Nish that you have? We've had a lot of meals.

I once had a meal with him at something called the Lord's Taverners. Do you know that place? Oh, God. Yeah. Do you want to tell us what happened to him? Well, we had a lovely meal. Yeah. And then Nish, I think, was on, like, doing a...

He was doing, like, some comedy after the meal. Yeah. Oh, you know, you got booed off and bread rolled. I didn't start it. I mean, that's not what he claims, to be fair. Yeah. He claims that you walked you to the pub after you, well, afterwards, and you said, I'm sorry, I threw the bread roll.

I'm sorry, nipped out to the co-op to get them. We did have a lot of brunches together, me, you and it? We were at the Melbourne Comedy Festival at the same time. Oh, yeah, brunch club. Yeah, we didn't call ourselves... That's very sweet. Did you call it brunch club? No, we didn't call ourselves brunch club.

We would meet up, it was like Pasco and David O'Docketing and people like Kerns and whatever. We'd get up and have brunch together. And we didn't know that there was some more edgy, kind of like more hardcore comedians who started calling us brunch club behind our backs. We gave us as good as we got. Yeah, we called them the naughty boys.

You win that one. Well done, another win for brunch club. You fucking nerds. They once came and sat with us at brunch and had three tequilas and then left. Is that true? So bloody naughty. There was three of them.

And here's the real way that you know that we won. At the end of the festival, two out of the three, got naughty boys tattoos. Permanent. NB. NB. Well, that means something different now, so well done. Does it? That's the traditional spelling.

It's non-binary, isn't it? Oh. So those tattoos now, they've just completely come out. That's amazing. Yeah, they'll hate that. But they'll have to do it. Yeah, they've got to do it now. Only two of them did it.

One of them wasn't actually naughty. One of them wasn't naughty. Well, they didn't get the tattoo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, not naughty enough. Someone said who was it, but I think they're so naughty. They've destroyed their careers and you won't have heard of them. Yeah, that's just someone who wants the goss who's, who was it?

And they're going to go straight on social media after this and try and get some shit going. We're not idiots. They're the naughty boys. It'll be a fun little game for you. You can look online and photos of comedians who you think are naughty and see if they have NB tattoos. You've got to find two of them, and then you'll know it was done.

fun little game fun little game it will be fun if they weren't so naughty they're really naughty so naughty they stayed up one time I think they were up to one that wouldn't have worked for us because of the brunch

yeah would you go out and have maybe one drink after your shows and go oh we must go to bed we got brunch tomorrow I was trying to recruit them you're trying to get the NBs into the brunch club well I thought if we can get them into our fold them into our brunch club

that might be good for society. Your brunch club is sounding more and more Christian. That's very good. Tim would lead us in a prayer before brunch. Everyone would hold hands. Yeah. Now Tim, you had

a large glass bottle of sparkling water with ice and lime and a tap water. Now, you had a water wheel. Remember that? I had a sparkling water wheel. Yeah. In your restaurant. In my restaurant, yeah.

Well, the thing is, the great thing about the format is you can just have anything. Yes. Within the still or sparkling. Because the genie, you said this to Stuart on... When you got here, you said, I listened to that episode recently. I thought that's weird.

I did that a long time ago. I wonder why Tim's just listened to it, and now I know exactly why you've just listened to it, is to use it as have ammo. Yeah, they're like, listen to a couple of these tasting menu ones, and listen back to your own one. I thought, no. I'll listen to three or three or three or three.

four of James sort of really getting into the, into his craft talking to different interviews. I learnt a lot about you. Yeah. Mental health? I'm not wrong, am I? Mental health? James has mental health.

Yeah, I have mental health. I'm one of the few comics who has it. Do you know, have you heard, I've heard a lot of that chat recently of people saying that someone has mental health. Yes. But they mean it to be like someone struggling with their mental health. They'll go like, no, he's got mental health. Yes. It's usually by people who really, really wanted to make it clear that they do not have mental health.

Met someone who has mental health the other day. Not me. I'm absolutely fine. No, you weren't doing that. No, I wasn't doing that. No. It's probably talking about being sad, was I? No, no, it was when I first got here tonight, I said it was really interesting, and I was like, I got a lot out of it. Yeah, but when you said that, I went, hmm. I know you did that, but you can't criticise me for what your reaction is to what I was saying. It's true. I listened to it and I got a lot out of it.

Yeah. Because we do the same job and you kind of, you know, it's interesting to see how other people are getting through it because it's not a plane sailing. Well, do you disagree with it? You're laughing, but do you disagree with that? I don't trust you when you're being sincere at all. This is all going somewhere. It's not going anywhere.

I'm just, I'm terribly sorry you've got mental health and you're a fantastic listen. Anyway, Nish had still. Yeah. We should say, should we say at the top that this was actually Nish did a Christmas special? So this is Nish's Christmas menu. That is quite Christmasy, isn't it?

Was it still? You should have guessed from the Stillwater, but this is Nish's Christmas menu. Still water. I hate Stillwater. Do you hate still water? No, I don't hate it. That's putting words in my mouth.

I just prefer the odd bubble, if Poss. Do you not? I mean, not day to day. I wouldn't like the odd bubble just with my first drink of the day, maybe. So your first drink of the day is that water? Water or coffee, I would say. Ideally water.

He has two cups of coffee straight away. You can't speak to anyone until he's had two cups. Yeah. I go too early. One in the bath, one with my breakfast. Coffee in the bath? Oh, well, yeah. For a long time, I thought all of Tim's stuff about,

because Tim had a whole whole thing. show about, you know, being in the bath. They'll know that. That's like, that's like, this chat played a lot of America. Couldn't think of many examples. Go on. But I remember, around that time,

yeah. Yeah, we'd be doing gigs or whatever. I'd say, what you're up to today, Tim, before I gig the season. And you'd go, I'm going to have five baths, and then I'm going to turn up at the venue. And I thought, that's funny. But you weren't lying. You were having so many bars.

And once we were in a hotel and you had run a bath and then forgot about it and it flooded your hotel room. Yeah. And instead of it immediately calling the reception desk, you thought it was so funny

that you filmed your bath over running for a while and had footage of it on your phone while you're laughing like a maniac. No recollection of that at all. But I do think that should be the format of a chat show is you just telling me anecdotes

that might have happened to me. Yeah. Oh, this is James' interview style. Yeah, it's brilliant. Yeah. I don't remember that. Did they overflow the bath? Yeah, yeah.

It was another Melbourne story. Tim, I've got a bath anecdote about you. Do you want to hear it? Yeah, I'd like to hear another anecdote about it. It came up when me, you, Alex Horn and one of Alex Horn's sons went from one of the great curries in Edinburgh. Fantastic. A lovely meal.

And Alex Horn and his son were staying at your flat in Edinburgh. And when they'd arrived, you'd given them the key, and they went into the flat. You're living in a big flat in Edinburgh that had two bedrooms and two bathrooms. I don't like any of this stuff. and they went in and you went in the flat but both beds had been slept in and both baths were full.

Yeah, it's a bit of a Goldilocks, isn't it? You know, there's a lot of restaurants where in the kitchen there's one sink where you wash the stuff up and one where you rinse it. So you're scrubbing in one. Well, you're forgetting about the Japanese. They have a shower, then a bath.

I never forget about the Japanese. I know you don't. No, you're very good with the Japanese. I know the insinuation there. But the baths in Japan, the public bars, the onsen, you do have to really wash yourself down. Did you go in an onsen when you're in Japan, James?

No way. Because you've got to go like butt-necked. I know. I went to the, I went to the onsen. Did you? And they make you proper scrub, and they've got little stools in front of mirrors where you have to wash yourself. And some of these lads are going to town for 40 minutes scrubbing themselves. Do they have a pommel horse there?

Well, of course, in China, we went to a baths. And, well, actually, the guy who directed our film, he was in there. And, yeah, they were cleaning him pretty hard. And, well, anyway, they hosed... Well, anyway... Well, anyway, I'll get to the point. A jet of water was fire at his asshole, and it hit me in the face.

But he did a great job on the film. That Wallace Island? That's Wallace Island, yeah, James Griffiths. Fantastic director. But shouldn't link him to that anecdote. Yeah. You want to be... Pop-up to the Kingfisher, Tim.

Pop-a-on's in the Kingfisher, yeah. Nish has chosen? Pop-a-dom! So happy days! Fantastic. And of course, it's become legend on the podcast that you always, when you're in a curry house,

like to smash... Say, shall I be mother, and smash the Pop-a-doms with your hand? Yeah, fiction. That's true. Fiction. That's what you do.

No, I do now. But that's because I have to to fit in with my myth. Ah. Yeah, it is R, actually. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Because when I came on that podcast, again, it's the sort of... This podcast.

This one. This podcast, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, in the Albert Hall. Yeah, but I come on that podcast, and I'm told I do various things. That was the format. I don't know if you've tweaked it.

No, no, we've already done it. We told you two bar anecdotes that you don't remember. But you're telling me that I go and I... Do I karate chop them? You say, shall I be mother? Yeah, smash. And then you hit the popadoms, either flat-palmed or however you want to do.

Yeah, which I've done ever since. Yeah. Yeah, but not before. Who's the same? So I came on and basically what happened was I met you two for an hour and then I left with a new personality. It's done very well for you.

You've got a film out of it. Yeah, I don't think I've got the film entirely out of it. the Popper Dom stuff. Chicken Chiquity. Chicken Chiquotie. And I usually do take a stack of Popatums to meetings. Well, good news.

What's under there, by the way? Yeah. Well, Tim, Benito very proudly walked into our dressing room and said, it's shall I be Mother's Day? And he wants everyone to know that's his joke. I was just about to do it. You were about to do it?

That joke, yeah. Were you? Yeah. Sorry, mate. How are you feeling now? Same as before. So am I going to put the old... I almost put the old heel through just now. No, no. Please don't. That shall I be daddy.

Okay, so you want me to put the old palm through? I think so. You have to say shall I be mother first. Oh, I know what I have to say, because that's my personality you've given me. Well, this is for all you wonderful mothers out there. Fuck it out. Absolutely. You've reduced the middle of those to absolute dust, Tim. I would argue, increased.

Yeah. Oh man. Yeah? Absolutely delicious. They are. They are nice. It's nice food, isn't it? Yeah, I'm getting some of them.

Look at that. That's a strong palm, Tim Kee. I thought we were saving that for the end of the episode, but there we go. It's done now. Oh, that we were meant to do? Probably, yeah, yeah. Can your team not sort of piece them back together so we have another crack at them? Benito!

I'm going to have been so. much trouble after this. I've given away tomorrow's guest. And then I did the popadown's too early. Who's tomorrow's guest again? Nish. Nish. Can't help it, Benito. I've got mental health. And you've got, that's Kingfisher you're drinking, isn't it?

This is Kingfisher, yes. This is your dream right now. How's it be able to be living your dream? It feels fantastic. Genuinely, I'm very happy here. I did come here once before. Did you? Is it? Yeah. What were you doing?

watching stuff. What were you watching, Tim? Thank you. I'm going to make a call on the popadoms. Eat them off, Mike. Good call. Right. Tim's through the crumbs back in that pile, so no one else have any crumbs.

No one's going near them. At the end of this, some horny fan is going to rush the stage and sit their face in that. Tim, I don't know how you've managed it, but you brush some popadoms off, and now they've all collected in your dick. You look like you're waiting for the birds. to arrive.

You're like a horny version of the pigeon lady from Home Alone, too. Well, aka just the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2. Brenda Fricker. Brenda Fricker, yes. Show some respect. Oh, Brenda Frickricker? From casualty?

Not from casualty. My left foot. I thought it was Gene Boat. Was it not? Brenda Fricker. She won an Oscar for My Left Foot. She did a film with Mike Myers, aka Trey.

You want baked Camembert for your starter. Oh, what, Bates Camembert? Oh, I love... Love... Please don't have your mouth full when you read out the courses. Sorry.

Are you too cool? You might need to talk for a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we are cool. Lots of mine. Right, let me tell, I'll take over this bit. There you go, let's... Do you two want to just chill and I'll just read questions to myself? Tim, you wanted baked camembert with fresh baguette.

Yeah. I don't know how this is going to fly now. Times have changed. Israeli-French red wine. I was going to skip that bit. I wasn't, I think it's interesting. It's because you brought me a bottle of wine during lockdown, didn't you? Oh, yeah, I was something, Amelie during lockdown.

Just constantly sort of, you know, helping people out. You're on your bicycle, most of the time, weren't you, dropping off wine at people's houses and baguettes and stuff? Because it was a difficult time, wasn't it? Hang on a second, yeah. I went to a wine merchant. Yes, you did. And actually got a recommendation and then placed it outside your door.

Yes, you did. And was it nice? It was actually. It seemed to remember it was all right. It was certainly better than the other bottle of red wine you bought me, which was Indian red wine that tasted like a burnt tire. And I tasted that and filmed a video of myself tasting it and put it online. Yeah.

You like buying me little gifts, don't you, Tim? Yeah. There's no shame in it. There's no shame in it. I think maybe over the course of the last six or seven years, you've sent me four belts. You've never sent me anything. Me and Tim have a little two and fro.

I did actually lose a belt once and just messaged you with a belt emoji and got one two days later for me. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice that sort of thing, don't you think? I think it's lovely, yeah. Are you wearing one of mine at the moment?

I was going to put it on this morning and then I realized I had to do another show this afternoon. So perfect, use the belt twice. What's the issue in my belt? Well, it's a white belt with... Right, like most decent belts. It says Ed across it in sort of... Right, which last time I checked is your name.

And it's a dolphin belt buckle. Not a problem. I see that as four green tick emojis, but... So what belt have you got on them? What's this wonderful belt you're wearing? Just that one. Just that one, is it? It says eat dust.

It says what? Eat dust. We are doing that to be fetched. If you wore that belt, it would look seriously threatening right now, Tim. So it doesn't say eat dust off your dick then? No, no. It's implied with your dick knocking around.

Are you ready to take over the menu again, Jeannie? You don't like doing it, do you? No, I can do it. You wanted the baked camembert. Saw your fucking format out. But you will not be having the bait camembert, because you're having the menu of Nish Kumar and Nish Kumar wanted

lamb kebab from the owl and the pussy cat in Leicester. What's the owl and the pussy cat? It's a pub in Leicester that out the back had a little shack that did kebabs that Nish and his family used to go to and that's what he wants for his Christmas starter. Can you put it back up there please?

Yeah, Benito. I do like to see what I'm discussing. Not always. But Benito doesn't want to do it because he wants people to be able to see us on the screen. Well, hang on a minute What is the hierarchy here? I'm behind you.

Whatever you want, he should do it. I've just told you what I want. Yep. When the bit of menu comes up that we're discussing, let me get a head of steam before you take it down. Right? That's what I want. When's this head of steam come in, Tim? Well, I think that's fantastic.

I love that sort of thing. A lamb kebab is fantastic. I've had, well, I suppose it's a case of guessing. How many cababs have I had in the last three days? Three. Four. Four is enormous. Well, there's only two ways I could go.

No, let me think. God, now you're asking. Definitely not asking Tim. You did. Yeah, you asked that. It's one. One. So three days ago you had a cababat.

Might have been four. Thursday, I think. Yeah, yeah. So looking back on it, do you think that was a good question you asked there? Well, let's go through your questions then, shall we? No, I had one on Thursday and... Where from? From, I think it's called Cabab House.

Oh, it sounds lovely. What should you go to, kebab? Mixed on chips. So no cab to be seen, per se. Meat on the chips. Meat on the chips. Salad. Lamb and chicken?

What do you think I'm fucking mixing? I don't know. Swordfish and chickpeas. Are you serious? Put some more popadons in your mouth. Yeah. That was a pretty stupid question. What's he talking about anyway?

I don't know, man, I'm sorry. Well, the last two cabas I've had, both times they've doubled it to a large cab when I've said small, and last time I got a pizza, which was on Friday, they gave me two pizzas instead of one. Right. I don't know what they're looking at when I go into that shop.

Was it the same pizza twice? Is it from... Is the pizza from kebab house as well, Tim? No, the pizza isn't from kebab house. What do you think I am? I don't know, you're already going to... It's from the little pizza place next door. Pizza house.

Where does that attitude come in from? I don't know where the attitude's coming from, truth be told. I think it's ever since the... There was a turning point when I hit the pizza. Not the pizza. You get the idea. Nature's pizza. The ultimate pizza. Have you ever shall I be mothered a pizza?

That might be interesting. Have I ever shall I be mothered a pizza? Yeah. You were asking Jess Phillips that I saw him do it I saw him show him I've never shall be mothered a pizza Yeah actually you do do that

Why am I on some radio show somewhere Where everyone's asked me whether I've shall be mothered a pizza You do do that Every time people have a pizza If you two cut that sort of stuff out of your game You could get your wing coming on You and when you hit the pizza You say shall I be mama

Yeah I've literally I've not shalabing mama I've not shall I've not shall I be mothered a pizza Yeah, and then you say me and mum had that pizza Yeah That's what you say What I would concede is I have shall I be mother to pie

Yeah You have Yes And it was with like a mixture of like friends And some adults And it didn't go down very well No It was one of those classic friends and adults

Situation where you can't please everyone I like that you make a distinction Between friends and adults That's a shame isn't it Yeah. But I know what you mean? Well, yeah, you'll know what I mean when I say some gravy went on Alex Horn's dad's neck. I know.

Your side dish, oh no, main course. That's my main course next? Your main course was a chicken. Well, first of all, full marks to that starter from Nish. You loved it. Yeah, lovely. Chicken Chacuti for your main, of course. Chicken Chacuti for the main course, has to be.

But Nish, this is what you're getting, is Christmas goose with Coke-soaked ham. Oh, a little bit of a different reaction. Now, to say that for Nish, it was the first Christmas menu. I'm just taking it in. Oh, yeah. I can't believe you walked into that, James. All right, take it down, Benito. It was the first Christmas menu we did,

and normally now we get people on for the Christmas specials, and they do their actual dream menu and a little bonus Christmas course, whereas Nish, it's the first one we ever did, and we just went, your main has to be a Christmas one. Entire Christmas menu. I really don't think there's any shame in that at all. I don't know where you're beating yourself up about that.

It's a Christmas episode, and you're a food show, and you've gone for Christmas food for his menu. Yeah. Yeah, so don't be down on yourselves. I don't think we were being down on ourselves, too. Well, you weren't being up on yourselves, Ed? Do you want me to do two anecdotes about that dish or not? More than anything, I would love it.

Well, I cooked goose for my parents when they came for Christmas dinner. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, long story short, that caught fire. And then what I would say is the ham in Coke. Yeah. I've never had it. Sounds interesting, though, doesn't it?

It sounds good. Are those your two anecdotes about those things, by the way? Because one of them, I would say, if you're on a podcast, never use the phrase, long story short. And then the second anecdote was you've never had it. Were those the two things? Sorry, did I say I finish the second anecdote? Well, the point being, I'm on, um, I'm, we made the film, and there's a scene where, if you've seen this film.

Ballad of Ballad of... We're not talking about Mickey 17. Why? Because you were in that as a pigeon. You're in that as a pigeon? You're dressed as a pigeon. I was dressed as a pigeon. For the whole thing.

Did they hoodwink you and you thought I was a pigeon? You're a very good actor. Very deep in character work. Yeah. Very good actor. James picked up some tips for the genie. Well, anyway, it's not an anecdote. I don't think...

Well, I've lost faith in it anyway. That's the point I'd like to make. But yeah, we cooked a ham in Coke in that film and then that scene was cut. So, I don't know, you tell me, it's fingers on buzzers, really. Is that an anecdote? It's not far off, I said some stuff. What happened in the scene?

Convivial. It's like a moment where everyone's having a great time apart from Tom Bazden's character. Yeah. Who's having a miserable time because he's in a bit of a pickle. And I think it's a good scene. But, you know, sometimes, you know, if you make a film, that you've got to be, have your eyes on the bigger picture.

Yes. Which is, you know, get to certain places at the right time. And it slowed us down. But it was a very fun scene. Do you think that will make the final episode? Imagine if that anecdote gets cut from this episode. Then you just got to probably maybe accept that Coke and ham is not your forte.

I do accept that. It's never going to work for you. I really accept it, of course. Have you had goose? I have had goose. I've had goose once, but my dad had cooked goose for his Christmas Day, and I didn't spend Christmas Day with him, and I went over to

his in the morning, and my breakfast was picking cold goose off the carcass. So, yeah, I have had goose, actually. You were picking cold goose off the carcass? Yeah, yeah. On Christmas Day? No, boxing day. Boxing me.

Again, not really an anecdote. When it is quiet, it does feel very quiet at this room, isn't it? Well, it's because it's designed. for, you know, classical music and opera and all that sort of stuff. So, you know, the silence is our pin drop. Yeah, we've learned that the hard way, but it's like the third day now. We've got pretty used to it. I'd say, we're too comfortable in this room. Your dad had a feud of a goose. My dad, what? I've just remembered it's a swan. Oh, yeah. Wow. I saw my dad today.

Bill Key. Yeah. What's a Tim Key Christmas like? What are you eating on Christmas? lovely yeah i mean what did you expect from that question well i don't know do you have any like traditions did you eat something specific in the morning who you spending it with are you cooking well last christmas i spent with maybe um 35 people wow yeah huh huh huh please feel question i guess the question is why why um it's my my brother's side's extended family which goes which goes far and wide and it's the first time I'd spent Christmas for them

and it was absolutely fantastic. Loved it. What was special about it? Well, I mean like the warmth. Like literally. It was just warmer because there was 35 of you in the house. It's very multi-generational and just a lot of love in their family.

Honestly, I felt very humbled to be in that side of the family. Listen to that. Just listen to your audience sometimes. I just can't imagine you there on Christmas Day just earnestly feeling I wasn't earnest it was like a proper laugh there's one bit where everyone had a bell and he had to like play the bells at a certain time

but what's so good about your Christmas then Park run we did a park run what 35 of you no about eight of us did a park run and also it was flooded so that anecdote doesn't really take off either why were people ringing bells um family tradition I mean, you can't have it both ways.

You can't ask me about these traditions and then I give you one and you say, what's that about? I think you can. It's called it, continuing the conversation. Please, for God's sake, don't describe you what a conversation is.

Everyone has a bell and then you ring it at the same, not at the same time, but you ring it when you're one, when it comes up, it's like karaoke. So you see these little balls come up and when your red ball comes up

and you've got a red bell, you go like that, and you create a song. And, you know, it's sort of, Some of them are like sort of old-school carols and things. And then sometimes there's something a bit more jazzy, like pop music. That sounds lovely. It's not bad, yeah.

Okay. So is it, that's a game you can buy in the shop, is it? Or they've made the video. They've bought that game, and it's a game they like to play, or they've made the video themselves as a family tradition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a game you can buy in the shop. What, are you thinking of buying it? Do you want to put a link to it? I'd like, that's a decent game. You'd love it. I'd love that guy. Where did you spend your last Christmas? How many people were there?

Well, okay, it's... I'm not talking to you, Ed! Do imagine the bell game being played at James's last Christmas. Let's hear of it, James. Me and my girlfriend in four cats. Did the cats have hands? Yeah, the cats got paws. Like I think of being a bell.

I think you could do some of it. with duct tape, can't you? Yeah. One of them's got no hair, so wouldn't even hurt him. One of the cats, yeah? Yeah, one of the cats, yeah. So my dad was, he's a great river man.

Yeah. So, and he's like, he rows and stuff. So he's like the president of the rowing association in his town. Nice. Yeah, and then there's a... Just keeping it bobbing along, Tim. Don't worry about me.

There's a swan. There's a swan on the river. And the swan is being antisocial. It doesn't know that. But it's slightly being, it's, well, you tell me, it's attacking the rowers. Or, in other news, defending its nest. So then it gets into the local paper.

And then... Gets a nickname? The swan gets a nickname, yeah. Yeah, this one is called Asbo. Classic. Yeah. And then there's a... My dad gets invited to go on the Jeremy Vine radio show on Radio 2.

You know how they get sometimes two people with different viewpoints to discuss something? Oh, no. So, in the blue corner, Bill Key. In the red corner, an environmentalist well within his rights. I'm in Melbourne at the time. at the comedy festival. I'm hanging out with Tim Vine and we finished down the pub,

go back to the hotel, get a couple of beers and listen to his brother basically handing my dad his asshole. No, no, Tim, night, Tim. For your side dish. My what, my what, sorry? Your side dish, your Rome artichoke.

Well, don't shout. I'm not got corncobbs in my ears. What did you say? The artichoke you had in Rome. The artichokes are had. in Rome, yeah. Remember those? You liked those. You wanted a boomerometti

and an Italian cigarette with that? Yeah, it was a different era. I don't smoke anymore. No? No. How much do they have to cut out of Norton? What? How much was edited out of that Graham Norton in the view you did?

Tim was on best behaviour on Graham Norton. I was on best behaviour. I was being... To be fair, if you brought Kerry Mulligan in with me, I'd be much more composed. Yes, you had roast potatoes. Oh! Yeah.

What a great format. That's in my top three potatoes, I would say. That's staying up until you ask for it down. Roast potatoes, and then mashed potatoes has to be in there. At number one. At number one for mashed. Number one is mashed potatoes. Okay.

Number two is roast potatoes. Yeah. And number three, um, why not? The dear old potato salad. Give it some air time. Wow. A lot of controversy here in the Albert Hall.

One person... Why do you think I said it? For the clown. A court controversy. Yeah, potato salad. What? You've got a problem with that? I wouldn't put mashed potatoes. What's the one where you slice the potatoes?

And then there's cream and cheese and things. Potato dauvinois. I'll take that. Yeah, I think that's a good choice. That's in my top three. What? Is that number three? What?

Is potato dofinoes number three? Yeah. Ben's took the slide down without you telling him he was allowed to. Yeah. It would go roast potatoes number two. Match potatoes, number one. Yeah. And then potato daufinoise number three.

I think you'd enjoy... Have you ever had a potato boulanger? Tim? Do I look like I've had one? Thinly sliced potatoes a la daufinoise. Oh. But with onion and then stock. So it all cooks together

and it's like onion-y stocky potato. Come on. That sounds delicious. Yeah, you'd like that, I think. Yeah, what's it called again? Potato boulanger, baker's potatoes, because when they were first invented, it would be the bakeries,

would heat the ovens up to do the bread, and then when they turned the ovens off, it took a long time for the ovens to cool down. So people from all around the village would bring their potatoes and put them in the oven to cook in their slowly cooling ovens. Fantastic.

Thank you. My favourite phrase in there was all around the village. But it was all pretty strong. Thank you. It does sound like a delicious dish. What would you have that with? Lamb and... Chicken.

Together at last year. together at last. Yeah. That's right. That's why I had my mixed donner on. Potato bouronnier? Yeah. I couldn't remember how to say it, but yeah, potato milonjeer. Hello. Hello. How are you?

I liked all the way through Tim saying his top three potatoes before we'd done number three. But throughout the whole thing, someone on the front road, I don't know who it was, I wasn't looking, kept going, hashbrowns. Hashbrowns. Hashbrowns. Hash browns I'm on tour at the moment how many hash browns do you think I've had in the last three days

I mean if I know you you're having a fry up every morning you're having two to three hash browns a morning so I'm just going to I'm going to say seven zero

someone's not being reading my tour rules I don't have cooked breakfasts on my on my tour You're having a coffee in the bath. I'd imagine that's keeping you going for a bit. Yeah, I'm trying to read Pride and Prejudice. In the bath? Yeah.

How's that going? Not great. It's a bit boring. Sorry. I wonder if one day someone will write a book about the Royal Albert Hall and all the shows that have been on here. And at some point they'll say,

the lowest moment was when a guest said to us another host, guess how many hash browns I've had in the last. three days. They said seven and he went, none. Well, we'd have to have a look at who else has performed here. Yesterday I had a slice of toast,

a poached egg where when he got the poached egg out because it was at one of those stations where he's like, you know, it's like a bit of a well-done us station and he's pulling out this poached egg and he cuts the, he cuts the poached egg to get rid of the tail. The tail. Yeah.

What exactly do you want from me? This is great. I loved hearing about the tail on a poach egg. I've never heard of the scrub like that is like right on message. That's talking about food. Yeah. But then so why have you stopped halfway through and said, what do you want from me?

We're enjoying it. We're fucking listening to you. Cut the tail of the poached. I smiled. I was like, that's a lovely way of it. Very poetic from Tim Kee as per. I've never seen the smile before. I wasn't sure what it was.

I was enjoying it. He cuts the tail off the poach deck. We're straight back in. let's go. Yeah, and then I have that with, well, I get some butter, and I put that on the toast whilst I'm getting the rest of the stuff, so that can melt within its parcel. Lovely.

Then I get one sausage. Yeah. And then I get one spoonful of baked beans, but it was not thick enough. The baked beans sauce wasn't thick enough, because I think everyone had been doing the same as me, just trying to like skim off the beans. Right, okay.

And not take the juice. Yeah. And this was about 9.45. So you're eating at Biggins time here. And what? You're eating at Biggins time I don't know why you're shouting at me It's like visiting our granddad in the old folks home

And we don't know from one question to the next Who's going to respond to us? This is exactly what's that? What do you want for me? How's been scubing the beans off the top? Small bowl of grapefruit segments and two orange juices Is this what you're having every morning on tour, Tim? Yeah.

All right, well, I got... I need for you. That's a fucking cooked breakfast, mate. That's not a cooked breakfast. That's not a cooked breakfast. You're having egg, beans, toast and sausage, you maniac. Point to the mushrooms. Point to the fried egg.

It doesn't matter that those things that are on there. It's still a cooked breakfast. Point to the bacon. I don't need to point to the bacon. It's a cooked breakfast. It's breakfast food that's been cooked. You're not pointing to the bacon because it can't point to the bacon. I don't need to point...

Because there's none on my plate. And you conveniently forget the six grapefruit segments you wally excuse my French so you had a different drink with every course Tim when you did it yeah

yeah she just did his dream drink which was Malbac wine yeah yeah the wine sorry yeah wine wine my mom had a pinno grigio at lunch

today today yeah because you took your you took your mom up for Mother's Day today yeah Oh, sorry. I can't work out who the enemy is on this podcast anymore. You chuck out a detail.

There doesn't have to be an enemy, does that? You chuck out a detail we've not asked about. You go, my mum had a pretty egregio today. And you look at both of us, like, I dare you to ask me a follow-up thing. I'm going through my head of all the follow-up questions I could ask. All of them are going to get you being like, what's her fucking problem? No, that's a misrepresentation. No, she had a...

Where did you go for lunch? My local pub. Lovely. Yeah. And she had fish and chips, finished it all. Well done, Mum. Pino Gritcho.

And pudding. Yep. Diabetic. No offence. Do you think I get offended by other diabetics? Type 1, type 2. Split the diff.

She shouldn't be doing what she's doing. Let's put it that way. She takes the sugar off Donut before she eats it. Scrape or lick? Lick. Yeah.

We arrive at the dessert, Tim. We arrive at the dessert. I love that phrase. We arrive at the dessert. You wanted to eat around a bonofi pie? Well, the issue there is my favourite dessert is the

bonofi pie. I'm my father's son. And it has... It traditionally has cream. And I don't like cream. So I would still get the Benofi pie, but I'll eat around the cream. Got you. Yes.

Yeah, great. Would you consider getting your mum to lick the cream off your Bonofi pie? Why would you do this to both of us? It's some. We're dead. Yeah, I mean, I don't like to see how the sausages are made, but if she

brings me a bonofy pie and the cream's not there, I'm not asking whether she's licked it off. Ask no questions. in her lies. I can't be asking my mother every time I see something's been removed whether she's licked it off.

We've got rid of some of your children's books. Did you lick them out? It's a wonderful Mother's Day episode, this I think. Well, it's not a Mother's Day episode, is it? Isn't it? Oh, you tell me. Right now it is. Yeah, it is now, yeah.

As we speak. Yeah. Will it go out earlier today? Maybe next Mother's Day. Of course, maybe next Mother's Day. I don't think we can rule anything out of this stage. No. All options are wrong. on the table. Nish, for his dream dessert, wanted the peach cobbler from Jackson and Rye.

This was a big deal, Tim, because... I know what a cobbler is. Go on. What do you know? Yes, I'm the host of this podcast. Co-host, grow up. Fair. That's the beauty of you two. Yeah? Yeah, I don't think one of you could do it.

No, that's... I mean, they laugh. These guys don't know anything. What I'm saying is, it wouldn't be the same. same, would it? No. No. So a cobbler, well, as far as I can understand, well, I only know this because my godson ordered a cobbler in Manchester on Saturday. And what I think a cobbler is, anyway, is food with like a roof on it. Or pie without walls. Is it? Is it? No. No, I think it would be, it's similar to a crumble, but rather than a crumble topping, it's more of a sort of baked topping, more of like a pastry topping. So I didn't know.

Well, no, I mean, I think you did know. I think you were honing in on what a cobbler was, but you stopped food with a roof on it. That's sad, isn't it? That could be a lot of things food with a roof on it. That could be a restaurant, couldn't it? I'd argue that most

restaurants have walls. I think you're describing a cuisine gazebo. Sorry, I always do that. Gazebo A quesibo You said a cuisine Gazebo

And I said a quesibo And I'm all for that How quickly did he say it Right after I'd said my thing So Nish ordered this The reason of why this was important to Nish Is because Jackson and Rye had stopped doing the peach cobbler So he wanted to launch a campaign on the podcast

To bring back Kumar's cobbler Yeah, I've done that before Yeah? Yeah. Dare I ask you to elaborate? Well, they stopped doing sweet rhubarb tea. And I... Who did?

You know, the tea guys. Harrogate? Harrogate tea? I don't know. Is that one called Harrogate? The tea rooms in Harrogate? What? The tea rooms in Harrogate. No, there's a company that make tea...

Excuse me? Taylor's. Yeah. Taylor's. So they stopped doing sweet rhubub tea, and that is my favourite. And I either, can't remember, but I either emailed or certainly was Ghanu.

The point being, I think they do it again. Well, they definitely do like a Blackberry one now. So I'm quite aware of what Nish is up to. Yes. We launched a campaign for Nish, hashtag Save Kumas Kobler, bring back Kumas Kovler. Did it come? No, instead,

they went in a different direction, and shut down. One, I've got an interesting thing I'd like to say. Go on. If it's not too late. They did a, um, you, so you, do you sometimes, like, say things in your podcast and then you get stuff? Yes.

Will that be fair? Yeah. Right. And at one point, you, um, well, anyway, you got a, um, a beer machine. Would that be fair? We got sent a beer machine, yes. Like, you, we got sent two of them, you can pour pints from it. Yeah.

You load it up. Yeah. You can pour pints from it, yeah. Yeah, we did. That would be fair. That was early on in the podcast as well. They were sent to the office. Yeah.

And you were in the office. Yeah. Doing something else. Well, yeah, something else. Come on. Creating, probably. Doing your book. I was probably coming up.

I was probably just standing there, coming up with my film. Standing. Standing there. Yeah. Yeah. And coming up with my film. You said, what are these? Yeah.

Well, we said the beer machines. Beer machines, yeah. Yeah. And you went, you used to give them these. Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't jealous. you're going to take this home?

Oh. I said, I'm not taking my own. Could I have it? Yeah. To see the next question? Yeah. There's no, there's, I don't think there's... In my memory, you picked it up and walked out of the door.

Yeah. Yeah. There's no... That's a perfectly dignified thing to do. I mean, it's a beer machine. What you do is you put a keg in it, and then it sort of takes it to the right temperature, and then it pours it.

It's made by a company called Perfect Draft. Fantastic. Mine's just broken. Fantastic. I took it to the Christmas. 35 people thing. And obviously you can't take them in a suitcase. I don't know what I was thinking.

Arrived there, plugged it in. Didn't work anymore. That's a shame. Yeah. Well, I didn't know a lot of the people there, so they're like, I don't know why he's done that. Do not know why he's done it. Which was also my internal monologue. Why have I taken a beer machine? So what do you think of delicious menu as we get to the end of it?

Did you enjoy eating it? I genuinely, it's a great menu. Yeah. It started off with the kebab. Yeah. Oh, this is fun. Yeah. Yeah.

Then we went into goose. Yeah. With ham in Coca-Cola. Yeah. With a side order of roast potatoes. Yeah. And then we finished off with the discontinued cobbler. What was the drink?

What was the drink? Malbec. Very good memory, Tim. It's pretty impressive, actually. Yeah. Well, I think that's a really, really strong menu. What do you think? Well, I think you're right,

but I was looking forward to telling Nish tomorrow that you hated his menu and getting his reaction to it. So that has scuppered our plans for tomorrow's gig with our surprise guest. Whose menu will it be that you're going to give me? Don't say James... I don't think he's remembered. He's not checked the text anyway, I think.

Do you... Is it always James? What, the co-host? No. Yeah, yeah, it tends to be. But what you call him, do you always say James? Yeah, I go with James, yeah. I go Jimmy sometimes.

Jimmy, yeah. If I'm feeling cheeky. Do you think you'll say Jimmy more once he's dead when you're talking about him? Very bold to assume that he's going to die before me. Oh, what are we thinking? Oh, well. Where do you think you're going to go?

I think you're the sort of person. I can sort of imagine a sort of old version of you. Yeah, I can imagine an old version. Yeah, I actually can't imagine Ed old, so maybe Ed dies first. Okay, cool. We like to end on a big fun thing normally, Tim. It's been good to see you, Tim. Oh, great to see you.

Nice to see you. Thanks for coming to the Albert Hall and talking to us. A real pleasure. You've got a take-home message for the audience before we go? No, not really. I mean, you know, well, I would say this. You've got a very nice audience. I would say that. And I watched the first half from a box and it was fantastic.

I was royally entertained. I think you two do a fantastic job. He can't handle it, can't he? No, he can't handle it. That's the thing. He doesn't know what he wants for me. Yeah. But he can't handle the sincerity.

I'm not. I'm just laughing at it. Why are you laughing at it though? We need to think about that. Talk to Stewart about that. It's quite funny to have someone who's sitting there for the whole thing. And you ask some questions and go, what the fuck do you want for me?

and then at the end they go I love the audience and they actually applaud it this is insane it's like what is this I'll clear up after myself yeah get those all cleared up while you clear up

you want to give that too on the front of my you see there's a man so like three seats in on the front there there's a guy who has definitely been dragged along by his partner do you want to bring him the whole plate of Popperon's because he's furious

that he's here what give him the popadoms? Yeah, give him all the popinus. All right. He's got a lovely smile on his face now. He's very happy now. I want to make him happy. There you go, mate. Happy lover's death. Tim Kee! We'll see most of you tomorrow

and imagine what our secret guest. Another absolute banger from the Royal Albert Hall. Yeah, Tim Kee there, and his book, L.A. Baby is out now, by the way. Yes. I just remembered. Yeah, it's a great book and he's on tour with Logan Bree. A great show. Although it would be a better show

if it was called Jokes in the Key of Tim. That would be good. Yeah. Jokes in the key of Tim. That's fantastic. Yeah. He won't have it, though. Key to my heart.

Key to my heart. I got the key. I got the secret. Mm, of course. Yeah. I guess we're just trying to think of others now. But, like, you tweet them in to off menu. Yeah.

Off menu official. At off menu official. Tweet your Tim Key puns. Yes. For his show titles. Do you tweet. Ben will make sure. that he gets them to get him.

And sign chopping board. And he will send you a sign chopping board if he come up for good. Show title, of course. I guess all that's left to say is, we'll see you in the next one. There's one more bonus episode left. Uno mass.

Uno mass, of course. Oh, a little clue there, who the guest is. And, yeah, you know, just be cool. Yeah, be cool, guys. See you later. See ya.