Off The Telly - Christmas Telly!

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Natalie Cassidy and Joanna Page chat about all things on and off the telly.  This week Nat and Jo have got their Xmas jumpers on and they're ready to chat about all things festive. They reminisce about their favourite Xmas telly, talk us through their festive traditions and hear from listeners about theirs too. Do they watch the King's Speech? Who cooks the turkey? Is eating at 4pm on Xmas day too late? And find out who wants to eat their Xmas dinner by candlelight like in Wolf Hall. What they can’t stop watching, what they definitely aren’t going to bother with, new releases and comforting classics – TV is timeless and no telly is out of bounds.   As well as having a natter about what’s on TV, they share backstage goss from the world of telly, whilst also cracking up about the more humbling moments in their lives.   Self-confessed TV addicts and stars of two of the biggest shows on our screens, EastEnders and Gavin and Stacey, Natalie and Joanna are the perfect companions to see what’s occurring on and off the telly.   Get in touch by sending us a message or voice note via WhatsApp to 03306 784704.Hosts: Natalie Cassidy and Joanna Page Producer: Georgia Keating Executive Producer: Richard Morris Commissioning Editor: Rhian Roberts Production Co-ordinator: Becky Carewe-Jeffries Sounds Editor: Arlie Adlington Music by MCassoOff The Telly is a BBC Studios Audio Production for BBC Sounds.

BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. Listeners, if you want to know when a new episode of Off The Telly has dropped, make sure you've subscribed to Off The Telly on BBC Sounds and have push notifications turned on in your phone settings. What are push notifications? Well, it's dead easy, Jo, right? I'll show you how to do it later. It basically means that as soon as a new episode drops,

it'll appear on your phone. Oh, that's clever. I like that. Well, if I can manage to do it, then you guys at home can too. And then you won't miss any episodes of Off The Telly. New episodes drop every Wednesday on BBC Sounds. And now I think it's time for this week's episode, You Lucky, Lucky Things. Enjoy. It's Christmas!

It's Christmas! Oh my gosh, Merry Christmas. Whoa! That's a cracker. Oh. My gosh, it probably is fully Christmas time now. I can't believe it. You're all ready, aren't you?

I'm all ready. I've done everything. I've bought everything. I've wrapped everything. Can I tell you a secret? Yeah. I haven't. Have you done anything at all?

I've bought some prezzzy's yeah i've ordered my turkey oh my god i actually felt like mick yeah it was the turkey because i get like that do you i am so precious about the bird yeah and you know he said he bought a kelly bronze for 56 quid in the christmas special i'm going to tell you how much my turkey cost. Oh, my God, how much did it cost? Because it made me realise how old it was. 146 quid. Are you serious?

No. Oh, my God. I've not even got a turkey yet. And it wasn't even a Kelly Bronze. I mean, it's a lovely, beautiful one that's... Yeah, how big is it? How many people are you going to feed? 17.

Jesus Christ. It's quite a big one are you hosting for everyone no I'm I'm only I'm hosting for seven Christmas day right however boxing day I've got all the Mark's family yeah and I will use a lot of the turkey for the buffet yes yeah I mean oh my god well I'm an only child so I don't have any of that sort of you know all of that stress of loads and loads of people come in it's normally just my parents yeah and also saying that it wouldn't matter how many people come I don't do any cooking anyway do you not do anything no I entertain which is I'm there. And I can imagine you're very entertaining.

I just play with the kids. I don't cook the turkey. I don't cook the turkey or the veg. I don't participate in any cooking. But I find that the men in the family like to do that anyway. Well, I think that's amazing. I can't imagine Christmas Day without cooking. Really?

It's such a part of my day. Yeah. But mind you, I do all of the present buying and the wrapping. Yeah, I do all that as well. And all of that, really. I tell you what, I'm panicking now, right, though, because I've already bought everything. I've wrapped it all.

Everything is all hidden. But I've done it so early that I'm now starting to doubt myself and I'm thinking, oh, my God, have I got done it so early that I'm now starting to doubt myself. And I'm thinking, oh my God, have I got everything? Do I need to get more? Bo had a look in the Smith's catalogue the other day and started going, oh, mummy, I like that. I like that. And I thought, well, she doesn't need it because everything is done.

But should I buy that? It's because you've done it early and you've forgotten what you've wrapped. She doesn't need any more, Jo. She doesn't need any more, does she? No. Are you finding it quite stressful or are you quite sure? Do you know, I've gone into Christmas mode now. Yeah. So actually, it is what it is.

I'm going to grab a few hours wherever I can in a few shops. Yeah. And I'm just enjoying myself now. Yeah, well, we've got our snowballs and our babies. Well, you've got your snowball. Are you happy? Very happy. This is my second snowball.

I have got a little Bailey's. Well, I say got your snowball. Are you happy? Very happy. This is my second snowball. I have got a little Bailey's. Well, I say a little Bailey's. It's not a little one, is it? There we are. Cheers. Oh, isn't it nice? It's lovely. I'm looking forward to board games, Jo.

I'm looking forward to board games. Something I will say, though, about presents, a little moan. I bought something for Joanieoni and it just turned up and got dumped on the doorstep but in no box oh god yes that's happened once to me now yeah it was just lucky the timing of it that she wasn't there yeah otherwise she would have come home and just seen what it was on the doorstep i would have had to give it to her yeah it's really stressful that's happened once with one of my things and luckily they weren't there. But then with other stuff that I've ordered, I'm now like ticking a box on the certain thing to say, make sure that it's wrapped in something. And I get it. I think it's brilliant. But at this time of year, we need things covered up.

Yeah, we do. Especially if we've got our favourite Christmas telly, have you seen Strictly Semi-Final? I need to tell you. Yes. I was working, so I haven't seen it yet. I am absolutely planning to watch it this week. I've seen a little clip of Chris and Diane and Di being really beautiful about the fact, Chris's journey really and what he's been through and how amazing it is that he's never, ever seen a dance back on video. He has never seen a competitor. He has nothing to go by and they are just doing it in their own way. And I saw the emotion of everybody there, which it was amazing. But what do you think I thought of you? Because old Pete Wicks is out.

I was absolutely gutted I thought that their dance was incredible what did he do this week because I've not seen it it was the Argentine tandem okay and Craig straight away I was so shocked because I thought it had so much chemistry and they really connected and it was so emotional and so moving I rewound it and watched it all over again. And I just think that he embodies what the competition is about. It's about getting a celeb who's never really danced before,

isn't the most amazing dancer, and then their progression. He has progressed. He has been amazing, actually. And I think they had so much chemistry together. I thought it was fantastic. And I thought it was great. And then it went straight to Craig

and Craig straight away said, I didn't like it. There wasn thought it was great. And then it went straight to Craig. And Craig straight away said, I didn't like it. There wasn't any Argentine tango in it. And I wasn't impressed and I didn't like it. And I was really shocked. And I just thought that there wasn't any need really to sort of just out and out say that. I think he could have gone, well, my gosh, you've really improved. And you could see clearly that there was chemistry there.

And I thought it was great. I thought it was really moving. And I'm gutted that he's not in it anymore. Oh, well, I look forward to seeing it. But he was a real trooper. And every week, bless him, he was so shocked. His face said it all. And I think you're right.

I think he has improved throughout the weeks. Can I ask who he was in the dance-off with? Because I haven't seen him. Yes, Tasha. Oh, Tasha again. I've got to say, she opened the show. Well, she was incredible can I tell you what I think I think Tasha

should come back in 2025 as a professional dancer I completely agree with you it started and she you just saw the back of her and then she started dancing and James said oh my god who's that? And he thought that she was a professional dancer.

This is what I mean. You don't know. You can't tell them apart. Can't tell them apart. The music, the choreography, the dancing. I mean, the whole routine. It was fab. So who have we got in the final then?

Let's go for it. Tasha. Tasha. And she's brilliant. Sarah. She's fantastic. JB. JB.

JB came alive this week. Did he? What did he do? I can't wait to watch it. It was his birthday, right? And I think he just let everything go. And he just relaxed. He was in his birthday suit.

It was his birthday. Oh, I thought you said he let everything go and let loose. It was in his birthday suit. I think he just relaxed. He went for it. And I think he just threw everything away and thought, right, okay, I'm going to risk things. I'm just going to go for it. And just something happened to him.

He came alive and there was a real, you just wanted to watch him. And he just came alive. And it was fun watching him. And I thought he was brilliant. Oh, that's good. And then it's Chris as well. Well. I honestly don't know who is going to win, who it could go to, because every single one of them is fantastic.

That's a great, great final. It really is. Shall we tell everyone our news? Yes. don't know who is going to win, who it could go to, because every single one of them is fantastic. That's a great, great final. It really is. Shall we tell everyone our news? Yes. We are talking to the four finalists at Elstree Studios for the pod. We are, aren't we? Off the telly, Strictly Special, coming your way. Yes.

Car, we're giving them a lot at the moment. My God, we are. We really are. We're knocking out these episodes. It's like an advent calendar of podcast fun this is it oh my god what's it going to be like for you going back there will it bring back memories i was only there a couple of weeks ago seeing jamie true you were only there a few weeks ago see and win yeah but we're going to be we're going to be going back in it'll be great behind the scenes actually talking to the dancers it'll be fantastic really

looking forward to talking to them all yeah and the nerves and how they're feeling because it's three dances each in the final isn't it that is it's a fact i believe it's the favorite their favorite yeah the judge's favorite and then a new one oh my god that is a lot that together in a week it's a lot of work a lot of work So that episode is going to be dropping on Friday, the day before the Strictly final. So make sure you check it out. That's so exciting. Isn't it?

And also, before we get into Christmas proper, right, can I just thank everybody for the love you've given us for the David Jason pod. Oh, my gosh, yes. Since it dropped, everyone has been loving it. We've had amazing voice notes yeah we've had some amazing comments on instagram yeah it's had a lot of love and it so truly deserves it because he was an absolute legend so thank you again sir david yes thank you so much

that was just incredible wasn't it pinch me moment really yeah i think we'll get to christmas and be sort of having a mince pie about the 24th Christmas Eve. And we'll go, oh, my goodness, we spoke to David. We've been busy, haven't we? So it all goes, you know, we're rattling through everything. Yes, that you don't have time to really sit down and think about it. Because everything is just there's so much to do. Yeah.

So thank you so much. Thank you for listening. So we've had so many voice notes, haven't we? And we just want to play just this one now. Yeah. Hi, ladies. I've just been listening to your David Jason chat whilst I'm walking the dog. Still walking the dog.

But I had to give you a voice note to say how lovely that chat was. I could also, as well as you two chatting to him all day, I could have listened to him chatting away with you both all day. Cup of tea, some biscuits. Oh oh what a gentle gorgeous gorgeous man that is um I hope you do get him back because there you've got so much more to cover um thank you for doing that loved it oh so lovely I've had so many messages from people a couple of people saying I had to sit down. I got really upset and emotional, had to brace myself, started it, stopped it and got myself a small drink and a mince pie and sat down, stopped the cleaner, whatever they were doing, because it was so special that they wanted to take it all in. So thank you so much. Yeah, that is so lovely, isn't it?

It really is. That was a really special episode. Really, really special. We feel very, very lucky to be doing this. Well, we've got our Christmas jumpers on. And this is going to be our episode where we talk about our favourite Christmas telly and our traditions. Absolutely. And I love that jumper.

Thank you. I have had this for years. It's a polar bear, isn't it? It is. Has it been washed over the years? I've washed this, but very sparingly. it's a polar bear isn't it yeah it is has it been washed over the years or is it like the ones i've washed this but very sparingly because i haven't wanted to wash it a lot because it's all fluffy and i was worried that i would shrink it because it's a jumper but it's slightly sort of elasticated

yeah but it's been fine it's done me well i as i'm actually saying this now right and bear in mind it's only going to be worn like once or twice a year. Agreed. I haven't washed this since last Christmas. But also it is... Not bad. But it is over a layer of clothes. Yes. It's not near your skin.

Which kind of, I would like to say, makes you kind of sweat even more though, doesn't it? But it doesn't have a stain on it, so I think it's fine. I think it's fine too, Jo. We're also going to listen to voice notes from our listeners, aren't we? Yes, we are. With them telling us their favourite telly. And their traditions, which will be lovely. Oh, that'll be nice.

Yeah. What sort of stuff have we been watching? What traditions have we got? How are we doing with our decorations? What have you been up to? I've been waiting for this episode, Jo. You don our decorations? What have you been up to? I've been waiting for this episode Jo. You don't understand. What have you been watching? Because it's

my favourite, favourite time of year. So to be with you now and to talk Christmas, it's just all I want to do. It's all I've wanted to do all year. What are you watching at the moment? What specials and stuff? I've gone Royal Family, crazy.

Oh. I've watched both Christmas specials. There might be more than two, but I've watched two Christmas specials. Do you remember the special where Jim finds a scratch card? Yes, I do. And he hides it. No, I don't remember what happened. So he hides the scratch card. Yes, I do. And he hides it. No, I don't remember what happened. So he hides the scratch card.

And Barbara, Barbara is really, really annoyed throughout the whole ep. And you really feel that the relationship's breaking down because she's always like, oh, Jim, it's okay, Jim. And I know it's years ago and obviously she does everything and he just sits on the sofa or whatever but the moment in which he she cuts the Christmas pudding that he's got in the raffle and the whole

thing is about her losing her wedding ring so she's trying to find it throughout the episode and she's lost it and no one really cares and at the end of the episode and she's lost it and no one really cares and at the end of the episode jim gives her the christmas pudding slice off and she's had a go at him and said you know what jim you've not made the christmas puddings i've been up since six i've peeled the brussels i've done everything i've done the turkey and you're a hero for getting a couple of christmas puddings in the

raffle and you were in the pub all night long last night. And I know you got a scratch card because you lied to me, Jim. And you've spent £100 when we've got no money. And I've been working. And as she picks up the Christmas pudding, it's got a wedding ring in it that he's planted. So he's spent the money on a wedding ring for her. And it is so beautifully written and it has that gavin and stacy drawing actually because it's real life and yeah you know what i mean it's real people yes and uh i just

absolutely loved watching that back this week god i love the royal family it brilliant because it is like it is, you know, like how I was brought up. When you do, you sit there and you have your food. You wouldn't do this now in real life, would you?

Like now. Well, you would. You have your food on a tray. You eat your trays, yeah. On your lap in front of the telly. I don't always just do that.

And then you all just sit there and you just talk just nothing. But it's just all just normal life. It was so good, wasn't it? It's when Dave's mum and dad come over for Christmas and they've bought a new sofa.

And do you remember those old school sofas that you felt really cooling where it had a handle and it would pop up? The friend's sofa, isn't it? Yeah. And they're all having a go on the sofa. But the father-in-law calls barbara and all the way through it jim's so annoyed with him and hates him you know but it's all those little moments it's so good yeah i urge anyone who hasn't seen the royal family christmas specials

to put them on yeah because they are brilliant and it's about real working class people. Do you know what I mean? It's brilliant. It is. Brilliant. What else have you been watching? Well, I haven't really started watching any specials or anything at the moment. No. Which are like that. But I've been watching the kids stuff.

And it's become this thing now where every Christmas and every year we watch Jack and the Beanstalk. Yes. Which was done a couple of years ago. It was written by David Walliams. Oh, I know the one. Yeah, with Sheridan Smith in. Yes, and it was called Jack and the Something Beanstalk. Yes, and there's another one. Yes, yeah, he did.

He's done loads of them all the way through the years, but our favourite one has always been Jack and the Beanstalk. It's brilliant. And Sheridan is in it, and she's got a false eye that she uses in like catapults and you know and she is so hilarious yes so incredible and she and she's the woman with no name and then she spits and stuff and she's awesome I think she's brilliant in it and it makes me laugh so much we always sit down now every single year and we watch that they're brilliant and that is

thank you for that because we have I think we've forgotten about that and and both the kids absolutely love those because yeah because he's done one sort of every year like one year there was cinderella then we had jack and the beanstalk yeah yeah we've had little red riding hood i think or hansel and greta but this one with jack and the beanstalk is my favorite it's just hilarious it is really really good we've been watching that and also weirdly right and this isn't even up to date telly but roald dahl's revolting rhymes from years and years and years ago it's a dvd uh no right we got this and it was on sky and if you search for it on sky you'll find it and we put it on to record and this was like something like last christmas and we've kept it on on the tv this whole time

and every christmas you put it on and it's just become a thing now for the children. But it's not a Christmas thing. Not a Christmas thing at all. I get that, I know what you mean. It's become our thing. But saying that I am this year looking forward to, you know the Julia Donaldson. Tiddler. It's Tiddler this year. Do you know how much I love Tiddler? How much? Oh my god

it's one of my favourite, favourite books of Julia's. I'm just trying to think of the... Because obviously it annoyed me, Jo, because he's always late. Yes. Which isn't a thing that I like. Yeah. Because he keeps strolling in and in, strolled tiddler at half past three,

very, very late all the time. Yeah. But it's the story of a fish who goes to fish school with all of his friends and tells very, very tall tales. And you realise it's a bit kind of the boy who cried wolf and no one believes him. But, you know, at the end, he did get captured by a fishing net. Yeah, he did. And he was late for school because he went for a big adventure, but no one believes him.

But it's brilliant. But it's a great, great story. Her books are amazing. Oh, they're fantastic. And every year now, it's become like a tradition in our house that we always put on the Julia Donaldson. Yeah. But we took Eva.

Now, she's 11 now, and it must have been, my gosh, when she must have been about five or something. Yeah. We took her into London to watch the, it was the stage thing of Tiddler. And, yeah, and it was on stage. And I just remember her going in and going, Tiddler, where are you? Tiddler and um yeah and it was on stage and I just remember her going in and going Tiddler where are you Tiddler I'm coming we've got this video of her really small so we'll be watching Tiddler that'll be fair I'm looking forward to watching Gladiators the celebrity special so are

my beckets on there Rob Beckett's on Gladiators yeah I can't wait to see him because i've just started watching and this isn't christmas either rob and ramesh is um uh versus ufc either you know their show versus whatever he's getting right into it oh it's hilarious i'm expecting a lot from him in the glad you know what i'm expecting a lot of what widdicombe in the strictly come dancing christmas special if you please josh widdicom, please, having a dance, having a boogie with Karen. I think he's going to be quite funny. Yeah.

Is what I'm hoping for. Yeah. But, yeah, it'll be good fun. There's good Christmas telly. I'm looking forward to Doctor Who. Oh, and also, see, I've never, can I tell you, I think we've spoken about this before.

Mm-hmm. I've never seen a Doctor Who. Yeah. I've never watched one all the way through. You've got to, even if I enjoy it or I don't or it's not my favourite Doctor or it's just a thing that we've got to have but do you think it's sort of a Marmite thing it's how you grow up isn't it and what you grow up with

and Doctor Who's just never been sort of there I've just watched Morecambe and Wise and Porridge and yeah Open All Hours and yeah Doctor Who just like a thing. I remember when we brought Bo home from hospital, we walked in and she was born on the 2nd of December. And I remember we came in through the door and we settled down and the kids were holding on to her and we put Doctor Who on and we all just sat around and we watched a really scary Doctor Who as well. Did you?

Yeah. You bloody did. Really scary. Is that right for you? Start them early, you freak. What else have we got? Wallace and Gromit is gracing the cover of the BBC Radio Times this year. Yes.

What's your favourite Wallace and Gromit? Because when I think of Wallace and Gromit, and I do my Gromit, it reminds me of Janice Batters-Benn. Do you remember Janice? Yes. Les? Yeah.

From Coronation Street. Yeah, that is a very good face as well. It looks like both of them. But I feel like I could be in a filmic version. Yeah, you could. Of Wallace and Gromit. You could, couldn't you? Didn't Sally Lindsay do one of the voices? Oh, probably. Yeah, it was a Wallace and Grom ahead. You could, couldn't you? Didn't Sally Lindsay do one of the voices?

Oh, probably. Yeah, it was a Wallace and Grom, wasn't it? Probably. What one was it now? It wasn't The Wrong Trousers. It was, oh, and it wasn't, was it Curse of the Werewolf? Were-Rabbit. The Were-Rabbit.

I don't know if it was that one, but I know that she did a voice for one of them. But I would say that my favourite one, I think I'm going old school, is The Wrong Trousers. The Wrong Trousers, I agree. I don't think you can beat it. Yeah. But this should be really, really fun. I'm hoping so, because now I still try and put

Wallace and Gromit on, and the kids are just kind of like they don't want to be bothered. A bit boring. Yeah. I know, that really annoys me. I know. Mine are a bit like that as well, and it really aggravates me. Because I like just having it on in the background. Do your kids like The Muppets? Muppet Christmas Carol and all that jazz. Muppet Christmas Carol, Eva used to watch every single year.

And she used to pretend to be Scrooge and she'd march in and she'd do his face and it was just adorable. I won't put it on now. Eliza's got a bit of a fear of the Muppets. I'm not joking. I can see why. But she gets a bit angry about it, so you know it's real. Yes.

I'm not watching that. I said, why are you sending the Muppets, babe? Why are you getting annoyed? It freaks me out. So I don't think she's into the puppet thing. Yeah. Joanie loves it. Oh.

Are you going to put that on this year? I will do when Eliza's not around, because Joanie and Mark, Mark loves the Muppets. Yeah. So that'll be good. Oh, my God, the music of God. There's so much to watch. And Michael Caine in it. Oh, he's great. Oh, God, it's so good.

But yeah, I don't even want to have it on anymore now. No. What else have I got that I'm looking forward to? Tell you what you've got to watch, though. I'm going to say it one more time in 2024. Yeah. Could you just put on for the children? Yes.

The Christmas specials of Dodger. Oh, my God. Who'd be saying that? Oh you've been god's fucking hell man please the christmas specials only but right to the special dodger the oh my god the modern day version of oliver have you seen oliver yeah it's the artful dodger isn't it thank you but why is there a christmas special so isn't there like oliver and like dodger It's the Artful Dodger, isn't it? Thank you. But why is there a Christmas special? So isn't there like Oliver and like Dodger? Why has the Artful

Dodger got a Christmas special? No. Listen to me, Jo. The programme on CBBC is called Dodger. It's not Oliver Twist. Forget about Oliver Twist. So this genuinely is just the Artful Dodger on his own? It's Dodger. No, it's Dodger and Fagin. But it's not Oliver Twist. I forget about Oliver Twist. So this genuinely is the artful Dodger on his own.

It's Dodger. No, it's Dodger and Fagin. But it's not Oliver Twist. Is Oliver in it? Yes, he is in it. Oh. But what I mean is it doesn't follow any story. We're in Victorian London now.

We're there. And there's just bits going on it's like a little soap opera a miniature soap opera for children and adults alike who like good acting and good stories and so it's a series but there is a special christmas christmas but i'm just saying could you please i promise you i'm gonna do it please and can you text me yes but i think the kids will like it i think they'll love it as well it's really good i'm bigging it up but i mean it and i think there's a new one on this year. I need to look in the Radio Times.

I think, all right, I promise you, I'm going to put that on. It's so... Can I tell you what else? Go on. The Great British Bake Off Christmas special. Well. And you know how that pans out, but we don't yet. I am massively looking forward to that.

A Christmas Eve at eight o'clock, if you please. You look so lovely as well. I was looking at a photo of you in it the other day. Thank you. And your lovely red outfit. Oh, thank you. I'm very excited. It was a vintage shirt.

I bought it in a vintage shop. I had nothing to wear. And I was out in Soho. And I picked up that little shirt for eight quid. Oh, my God. That was good. Good, wasn't it? Yeah.

So, yeah. And it was a good day. It was good fun. It will be really a nice thing to pop on with a mince pie yeah once all your prep's done for your dinner oh no you don't do any i don't know i'm the prep will already be done by somebody else i'm gonna be playing with the kids should be six snowballs in by then but i'm looking forward to it because that is just setting me right into my whole cookery thing like I don't do any cooking but I love watching

the cooking so Jamie Oliver he's already started on his stuff now and I like watching that just so I can see you know everything behind I know you like the kitchen yeah what is like probably pretend kitchen is yeah I've watched in all of that yeah Mary Berry she's doing her thing now loving that and Nigella it's those three for me because basically I like to look at the houses. I like to sort of see how they've decorated. I understand. And I imagine that if I ever did really cook, you know, I could rustle something up like this.

Love it. Love it. Will you be watching Stacey Solomon's Crafty Christmas? Oh, yes, I probably will because I saw that and I thought, oh, I quite fancy that. Will you watch it? Yes, I will. I loved it last year.

I just like it. She gets together with all her mates. She's very kind of normal. I feel like me and her could be mates. I feel like I could pop round to her shed and make some sort of star. Say hello to Jo, because I know her husband. But I enjoy watching it. I feel like I'm watching a home video.

Yeah, yeah. You know, it's very, very down to earth and normal. And she's bloody good at what she does. She is really good, isn't she? She's really, really crafty, yeah. I sometimes think, God, I don't know how she's got the time, or kind of the patience, or... Because she is, she's really good at all of her crafting and stuff, isn't she?

Yeah. I quite fancy, I think there's an inside M&S or something on this year. Yes, please. Yeah, I quite fancy that, because recently I've been watching the inside longleat, or, you know, when they're getting the lights ready at some other place, and I've been catching those every now leet or, you know, when they're getting the lights ready at some other place. I've been catching those every now and then on the telly. Yes.

And I think there's an inside M&S and I like a bit of that. I do too. Do you know what else I like? This is the only sort of time of year that I like to sit down and hunker down to a bit of Channel 5. Oh, yes. Those kind of, you know, moments that go wrong yes top 400 moments that went wrong in 1972 yes please yes yes i'm there for four hours yeah and always there's always on at about like 11 o'clock or something um like in and i can't i can't say an it'll and

it'll be all right on the night yeah that'll that'll be good. You never know when they're going to put one on and suddenly it'll come up and it's advertised and it's like, oh my God, this is like a treat. This is a gem. Yeah. Because you never know when it's going to be on and then suddenly there'll be one on and it's like, right, okay, we're going to watch that.

And then we've got a bit of EastEnders, obviously. BBC One. What time do you have your dinner on Christmas Day usually? Oh my God, well. Is it a lunch or a dinner? Well, it depends. I think it was last year we got in at about like 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock

but we have been known sometimes not to have it until about half past 4. But normally we will be going for a lunch. So it's going to be, and we'll have to get the kids fed they'll have been up since about 5 or something so we'll be going for like a 12 o'clock, 1 o'clock. What about you? 12 o'clock lunch? Yeah. It's going to have to be, well they will have been up since

God knows what time. What are you talking about, Jo? What time do you need to be up? It will have been up since about four. They're going to need feeding. I'll be doing a seafood starter at around half eleven. Really? Yes. And then what?

And what time are you going to have the turkey then? The main event? Yeah. I shall put my bird in the oven. We shall trundle down to the pub. Mm-hmm. And have a drink or two whilst the bird is cooking. And I would like this year

to eat in candlelight. I want to pretend that I'm in Wolf Hall. I want to eat in candlelight. I want it to be dark. Really? So I'd like to eat around 4, 4.30. Well, you're going to be starving if you're having your blinking starter at half 11. I'll tell you what I will be.

Absolutely twatted. So are you genuinely having your seafood starter at half 11? Half 11, 12. What the hell are you doing until 4? Well, you say that. Half 11, 12, I'll probably do the king prawn starters, some smoked salmon, blinis, whatever you. I'll probably do the kids' bacon rolls early doors, 8 o'clock in the morning. Yeah.

So they'll be full. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot going on. They'll have parma ham and melon because they don't like king prawn. And then are you genuinely going to wait until four o'clock to do the turkey are you going to wait another four hours then before

you do the afters I'm not a dessert person sorry to be selfish they can sort themselves out with that really are you not going to do a dessert

I will do but I'm not sure what yet it won't be anything I'm going to make mince pies Christmas Eve because I've done my mince meat and what have

you but I've not made a Christmas pudding this year, which I usually do. Oh, my God, you're so good. But I've been too busy. It's been really devastating, actually. Flipping heck. You do all the cooking. You make mince pies.

I've got my gravy to make, Jo. I've got no time in. I'm not making gravy. I'm doing gravy granules. No, you can't do that on Christmas Day. Yes, I can. Get some chicken wings. Get yourself some streaky bacon.

You need some onion, celery. James hates it, right? Because say we do the turkey. Jamie Oliver gravy. Well, say James will do the turkey, right? And then all of, James will save, oh, it's awful. James will save the juice from the turkey and everything. But I don't like the taste of that gravy.

When he does it, I just, i don't like it and so sometimes i'll just chuck it down the sink and he'll be like oh my god what have you done and i'll go i'm doing the gravy granules i haven't got time i prefer i'm doing the gravy granules well my kids will have the gravy granules so they have their own jug because it is too rich for them they don't like it but i stir in um cranberry port the turkey fat. My God. Scrape it all up. But I make the gravy before the event, so I'll freeze it. And I warm that up and I add the fats to it. I'm not unorganised.

I'm telling you what I do. Whether I fucking get there is a different story. Do you know what I did last year? Because I've got no time whatsoever. Right, and this isn't what I would normally do, right? But I was in the middle of doing an um internet shop yes and Bo was only well she was just about to turn two so I mean it was full on and stuff and I did the internet shop and I put down one turkey but I wasn't sure I was happy with that one so I put in the other turkey hang on

stop there yeah just for a minute we need to talk about this well I did used to go to the butchers to get the turkey but you buy it you don't look at it before buying it. I haven't got time. I've got four kids. I just, I haven't got time. We're having gravy granules. And whatever is going to be on the internet food shop. Okay.

I used to go to the butcher's. We used to go out and then we'd have a little drink and then we'd go to the butcher's and everything. But I understand with four. I don't know how you do it. Now, I'm kind of like, I haven't got time for that. I'll do it when you've all grown up and then you'd have a little drink and then we'd go to the bookshelves. But I understand with four. I don't know how you do it. Now, I'm kind of like, I haven't got time for that. I'll do it when you've all grown up

and then you're coming back home and we'll do all of that then. But last year, I ordered the turkey and I was like, oh God, I don't know if I'm happy with that one. So I put another one in the basket as well

and was just like, right, okay, and then I'll decide, you know, at the end now which one I'm going to go for. But I remember like dozing off, falling asleep and then it had gone through when it was at the end now which one I'm going to go for. But I remember, like, dozing off, falling asleep,

and then it had gone through when it was done, or I'd either run out of the time or something, and then the food delivery arrived, and I'd... Ordered two... Two turkeys. Two turkeys turned up. And I'm not being funny, Jo, but that went on for ages, and I knew what the outcome was going to be. I knew we were getting there.

Two turkeys. So, what did you do? Did you cook them both? No, I just put one in the freezer. I froze one. Did you have it for Easter? No, I think we had it before that. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Because I've heard that before. If people go over the top with the meat, they'll freeze it and then they'll have it, you know, Easter Sunday or whatever. That's a good idea. Yeah. Are you a turkey fan i am i am i love turkey yeah i like it i don't mind if we've never actually ever had anything but turkey but i wouldn't mind if they did want to have something different but i genuinely do like turkey so do do I. What veg do you have? I shall do carrots, parsnips, brussels, cabbage,

obviously roast potatoes. There'll be quite a lot going on. Yeah. Will anybody be helping you? Yeah, my brother will help me. Family members are around, nieces around mark helps he's brilliant but what mark does you see mark is like if you were to buy a robot and everything you did someone was behind you clearing up after you that's smart he's amazing christmas day so i just get on with it

yeah and then he clears up it's like magic i turn around and the dishwasher's done and then he's unloading it and then he's up. It's like magic. I turn around and the dishwasher's done. And then he's unloading it and then he's doing it again. That's good. He's really good. Yeah. But we make a good team Christmas. We're very good. Very good.

Very good, yeah. What time do you think you'll get up on Christmas morning? I usually, I like to set an alarm. I'm a bit like a child myself. But I do like the quiet. So if I can, if I set my alarm for six if joni joni will they'll have a late night yes on christmas eve because they're older now and i don't want them to go to bed too early i would like to get up about 6 6 30 even if i have half an hour on my own

yeah i do myself a little bailey's coffee first thing The only day you can drink alcohol as soon as you wake up. Yes. And then, which is acceptable obviously. And then I'll light my candle and I'll just have 20 minutes just contemplating the day. For me it's magical. Aww, that's nice. I do like it. It won't happen.

I'll oversleep with a hangover and Joanie will be shaking me out of bed at 20 past 7. But we can dream can't we we can have dreams i think i'm gonna be i'm gonna try and get mine to go to bed really really late which they will yeah and then they'll just then get up really really early i think they'll be up and then they'll be absolutely ratty by 11 oh my god they so well they so well i'll be on about my third bottle of Buck's Fizz, but that's how it should be. I agree. Oh, how lovely, though.

I do hope you have a lovely Christmas. We've had a lovely year. We have. I've loved every minute of working with you this year. Yes, I've loved working with you too. I really have. It's been like a little therapy session each week. It has, isn't it?

It really, really has. Do you ever listen to the King's Speech? Very much so, yeah. Do you? Well, I say King. Mm-hmm. I used to listen to the Queen's Speech, and I used to do my dinner around it.

I used to time my dinner around it. Because, again, I feel like it isn't something I want to watch not live. Yes, yes. So I'm quite old-fashioned with that yeah um now i'm not really bothered i agree with you sorry we'd never sit down and go right okay it's the queen no one else did but if it was on well well it's well it is always on no i know what you mean we'd go oh you know we'd somehow see it yeah but i'm not that bothered about listening to the king's one no no i think he's got some really interesting things to say i think he's a really interesting man but for me it just doesn't hold the kind of gravitas that i um you know do you ever remember dawn french doing like the queen's speech. No. As Catherine Zeta-Jones.

No. Right, find it. I will. It's hilarious. Dawn French is dressed up as Catherine Zeta-Jones with like this long, long dark wig. And she does like the Queen's Christmas speech. No, she doesn't.

As Catherine Zeta-Jones. It's hilarious. And she's really Welshy. Like really like, hello, welcome. And you know, she's all like that. It's really good. Oh, brilliant. like, hello, welcome. And, you know, she's all like that. It's really good. Oh, brilliant. Oh, look that up.

Brilliant. Right, let's hear some voice notes then from our lovely listeners. Yes, please. About their favourite Christmas telly and traditions. Oh, how lovely. My Christmas ritual is to watch It's a Wonderful Life. The premise is a chap wishes he hadn't been born. And the film continues then showing him what would have happened if he hadn't been born and the film continues then showing him what would

have happened if he hadn't been born and there's an angel in it there's snow it's christmasy and at the end oh there's a christmas tree as well and at the end it all comes together on christmas eve it's an absolutely beautiful watch especially if you like having a cry. So that's It's a Wonderful Life. And this message is from Kath from Ammanford. Thank you, Kath. Have you watched it? I've always...

Can I tell you a secret? Yeah. I've got two DVDs of It's a Wonderful Life. I've got a special edition version and another version. Never watched it. I've never seen special edition version and another version. Never watched it. I've never seen it either. Never watched the film.

I'm the same with White Christmas because my dad likes both of them. Never seen it. And it's on and then I always kind of think it's going to be boring. And so I've never watched it. And I imagine it's not boring. I bet it's beautiful, the pair of them. No, I bet it's brilliant. I bet it's brilliant.

But whenever I see it on, it's always halfway through and I've never sat down and watched it. Maybe this year we brilliant. That is brilliant. But whenever I see it, like, on, it's always halfway through and I've never sat down and watched it. Maybe this year we should. Maybe we should. I think It's Wonderful Life would be brilliant, but I don't know if I can cope with the emotion of it. I just want to watch Jamie Oliver pouring clementine juice on carrots. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah. It's all a bit emotional. The kids are growing up. I can go, you know know if i go down a hole of nostalgia yes i'm not sure if i'll get up christmas day yes you know what i mean so it's best to just crack on with the dull stuff yeah let's have another note yes let's the bbc have put on um old east christmas Christmas specials of EastEnders. So the other night I watched the classic where the Brannings are having Christmas

and then they play the video of Max and Stacey and their little affair. What is the biggest EastEnders Christmas episode that you've ever done? What's the biggest storyline or the one that you've been in or the one that you've loved watching the most yourself? The bannings one that that lady just said was absolutely fantastic. They're sat around,

they're going to watch the wedding video. Oh God, you remember. Stacey, oh, it's brilliant. Stacey and Bradley's wedding video. And they're like,

oh no, no, turn this off, turn this off, this isn't it. And they're like, oh no, no, no, we'll watch it, we'll watch it. Oh my God.

And they're just telling each other how much they love each other and then they snog and they're all watching it. Oh my God. It is're just telling each other how much they love each other and then they snog and they're all watching it. Oh, my God. It is brilliant. Was Christmas, may I ask, and I know I'm in it, but, you know, I wasn't in it at this point,

but I think it was Christmas when the baby recorder, the monitor was on and Sharon and Michelle were having a conversation upstairs of the Vic. Oh my God, you remember that. And Grant and Phil, the whole Sharon Gate thing was... Oh my God, was that Christmas? I think so. My favourite ever thing that I filmed

was Jamie Mitchell's death on Christmas Day. Oh my God. Which was very depressing. God. I'm trying to remember where I was when the last, yeah, I was sitting there with James. I think the kids had gone to bed when the last Christmas special went out. Because I remember sitting there and he'd done some like meats and cheeses and I had a glass of sherry.

Oh, a little charcuterie board. Yes. Lovely. I like one of those. Yeah. Do you have another voice note? Oh, yes. Yes, yes. So, do you have another another voice oh yes yes so do you know what i love at christmas just watching like cooking shows and i've seen jamie oliver do a roast potato about 100 times same every time but i just love it i have to do it at christmas just watch

all the jamie oliver specialss Mary Berry Nigella doing a little party doing something in the micro Huawei it is amazing it just makes me feel all Christmassy maybe with a little glass of books fizz or the quality street are open it's the most wonderful time of the year um I also film wise love watching the holiday and this year i'm actually going to see it in concert which i think will be amazing um cannot wait for the gavin and stacy christmas special that is going to be so good we have changed our whole christmas day so we can watch gavin and stacy we normally play bingo we normally do a quiz doing it earlier this year so that we can all be sat down ready for that i cannot wait i love the podcast. It's my absolute favourite.

Bye, girls. Have a good Christmas. Oh, well, isn't she up our street? You're up our street. Yeah. Have you not seen The Holiday? No. Oh, you've got to see it.

I know. I'm going to watch it. I said to Eliza, we need to sit down and watch The Holiday. Yes. On an evening. Coming up soon. Things are winding down. Yeah.

Are they? Not really. But I'm going to make them. I know. Try and wind down. This is making me now start to panic a bit about Christmas because I'm thinking, I need to do a supermarket shop. I haven't got any bucks fizzing.

I need to get more chocolate in. I need to do a shop. I've got a cupboard in the kitchen, which I've been adding to. God, you're so organised. No, I'm not. You've got all your presents. You've got all your gifts. That's true. We balance out that way. My mum used'm not. You've got all your presents. You've got all your gifts. That's true.

We balance out that way. My mum used to do that all the way through the year, right? She'd be putting stuff upstairs. I've got 4,500 crackers for cheese, but a couple of presents. Are you serious? But you know, I've got a lot of chutneys, cheese, crackers, pickled onions. If you want a corner, Sean, I'm your girl. But not a lot of gift wrapping

being done when this is done I'm getting on the internet to do a shot because I'm now starting to panic about you won't be hungry in my house

that's all I can say shall we have our last voice note for Christmas yes Jo and Nat Christmas isn't the same unless you're sat down

watching The Snowman and Father Christmas. Normally on Channel 4 on a Christmas morning, possibly Christmas Eve. My daughter is turning two fairly soon. I cannot wait to sit down on Christmas morning and watch both The Snowman and Father Christmas with her. Oh, that's so lovely. It's my favourite. That does get me very emotional. It does remind me of my parents not being here.

You know what I mean? It reminds me of being a little girl. Yes. But Father Christmas, more than The Snowman for me, that was the one. And he gets a dicky tummy. He goes to France, Francais, to try and get away from everyone. Even that's a bit comedy.

That's why I like it, I suppose. But yeah, I can't really watch them. It makes me too sentimental. Does it? Like The Snowman and Father Christmas and Don't Even Get Me Started on The Snowman and the Snow Dog. Have you seen that one? Have you seen The Snowman and the Snow Dog?

No. It starts and the dog is really old. Oh, you can't go there, can you? The dog's really old oh you can't go there the dog's really old and it just upsets me and I can't watch it because it does, they make me they just remind me of when I was small and when you had Christmases, when you were little

I know but we should try and embrace that yeah but you can't help it, it's just that feeling you can't help it it's just a very magical feeling but I love Father Christmas when he's got his stripy top on he's got onions around his neck

he's in his camper van he's trying to get away from it all it's a great great thing and Briggs oh Raymond Briggs have you ever seen Ethel and Ernest no I don't think I have.

What is it? Don't bother. Don't watch that. If you want to have a cry. Oh, no, it's that nuclear war one. No, but if you want to have a cry. What's Ethel and Ernest? If you want to watch something, it's about Raymond Briggs' parents.

Oh. And it's from when they met. Oh, God. Throughout the war. Yeah. To when they got married, having their children, and so when they died. Oh, well, I just can't remember.

It is. It's a piece of art, but make sure you've got a box of tissues. It's amazing. Well, didn't Raymond Briggs do the one all about nuclear war? Like when, you know, if there's a, I can't remember, and it's an old capel, isn't it? And then there's B in a war. Yeah.

And then I think he goes outside, whatever, and then it's, a war yeah and um and then i think he goes outside whatever and then it's you know the radiation and all of that and it's just horrible it's incredible he was he was amazing wasn't he um but ethel and ernest is a beautiful one i think i'm gonna have to stick with elf or something because i just or the holiday and just watch dude law i'm just gonna watch jamie oliver do carrots yeah i think that's the best way to go, isn't it? Weren't those voice notes lovely? They were. They were really lovely. They were so, so lovely.

And I love it that we've got this little community. We're all together chatting about our favourite time of year and what you're up to. As always, please keep sending us your voice notes on WhatsApp. We love hearing from you, right? Yeah, we do. The number is 033-06 six seven eight four seven zero four and it was really really lovely to hear about your festive telly habits yeah and we hope you all have a really really brilliant christmas

have a fantastic christmas i love our little community and i love our chats and listening to everybody on the voice notes and long may it continue because this is lovely we love it don't we we love doing it we've got a few very exciting episodes coming up we've already mentioned um the strictly finalist special which is dropping on friday but we've also got a special episode of off the telly dedicated to gavin and stacy we have i can't believe it. It's dropping next Wednesday on BBC Sounds and it's on YouTube.

Wow. I know, I can't wait for it, Jo, so you can watch the whole episode on YouTube. But please subscribe and listen as well. I can't believe it's nearly all over for Gavin and Stacey. We've got Christmas Day and then we've got the behind the scenes documentary on New Year's Day.

And then, pfft, over. No, I don't believe it. Oh my gosh. You'll all be back in five years. You'll all be back. Can you imagine? I hope so. That's it, over.

Oh, Jo. My God. Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Merry Christmas. Kisses to all the family, all the children. I just want to come round to yours for Christmas dinner. Sounds flipping amazing. What will you do though? Can you pull me at the odd

snowball? Yes. Perfect. You can come round. I've got a tin of chocolates. You can have a snowball and that's your lot. Perhaps James could be my, what was it? Groom of the stool. Groom of the stool.

After my cheese ball, perhaps I'll pop round Boxing Day and he can sort my bum out. We'll do a lovely Boxing Day. Fantastic. Off the Telly is hosted by Natalie Cassidy and Joanna Page. The producer is Georgia Keating.

The commissioning editor is Rhian Roberts and it's a BBC Studios audio production for BBC Sounds. A brand new series, stress testing to destruction the buzzwords and phrases used and abused by politicians. Red state. Purple state. Sports washing. Strong and stable. Flip-flopper. What do they actually mean?

I'm Amanda Yannucci. And I'm Helen Lewis. And like a couple of disgraced stage magicians recently kicked out of the magic circle, we'll be revealing all the verbal tricks of the trade. And singling out the worst examples of political doublespeak. Strong message here from BBC Radio 4. Listen now on BBC Sounds.