Off The Telly - She's got her smelly sandals on again

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

What are we watching? Natalie Cassidy and Joanna Page chat about all things telly.This week they chat about finally getting around to watching Derry Girls on Channel 4 and Netflix, why they love Painting Birds with Jim and Nancy Moir on NOW, plus what they think about a new documentary on Channel 4 called Suranne Jones: Investigating Witch Trials.In Off the Telly, Natalie and Joanna talk about what they can’t stop watching, what they definitely aren’t going to bother with, and what you’re all watching at home. From new shows to comfort telly to guilty pleasures, there’s no judgement here. What’s kept us all glued to our screens this week?Self-confessed TV addicts and stars of two of the biggest shows on our screens, EastEnders and Gavin and Stacey, Natalie and Joanna are the perfect companions to your weekly viewing habits.Timecodes for shows discussed this week are:Derry Girls - 12:06 Painting Birds with Jim and Nancy Moir - 18:07 Suranne Jones: Investigating Witch Trials - 25:45Get in touch by sending us a message or voice note via WhatsApp to 03306 784704.Hosts: Natalie Cassidy and Joanna Page Producer: Georgia Keating Executive Producer: Pete Strauss Commissioning Editor: Rhian Roberts Production Co-ordinator: Becky Carewe-Jeffries Sounds Editor: Arlie Adlington Music by MCassoOff The Telly is a BBC Studios Audio Production for BBC Sounds.

BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. Hello and welcome to Off The Telly from BBC Sounds. I'm Natalie Cassidy. And I'm Joanna Page. And this is a podcast where we talk about the telly and what we've been watching this week. Now there is going to be some swearing and we might have some spoilers, but that's just the way we roll. How are you, darling? Oh, my gosh.

I'm really, really well. I feel very excited because I've just been, I've just come back from Wales because I've been going around the Welsh coastline with Wyn Evans, who is a Welsh opera singer,

but he's also the Go Compare man. Yes, I've seen your pictures on Insta this week. It looks like amazing fun. Oh, my gosh. You know, being in Wales and being by the sea and bombing around on a boat. I've been going paddle boarding, kayaking.

I'm learning how to surf. I'm loving it. I've got a photo here to show you. Oh, go on. Because I went swimming with puffins. We went. There were 42,000 puffins. And I had to put on

like this industrial sort of really thick wet suit in two halves and I couldn't get it over my thighs so I had to like sort of lift it up

and I left the ground and then I'd try and get like myself in the top and at one point I felt my hair ripping off the top of my head. I could like hear this rip

but once it was on I was nice and warm but we had to have like these puffins on our heads to hide the mic packs and had to have like these puffins on our heads to hide the mic packs and also fit in with the puffins but this is what i've been doing i'm showing her a photo now we they're not real puffins they're not real puffins i don't think we could get those to stay on our heads um for the purpose of this pod could you please post that up

yes please yes okay i will i will i've been having a whale of a time i think i've weaved in so many on our heads. For the purpose of this pod, could you please post that up? Yes. Please. Yes. Thank you. I will. I will. I've been having a whale of a time. Fantastic. I think I've weeded so many wet soups as well because I've been laughing so much.

Not because I need a wee or out of warmth, but because I've just laughed so much. Well, that sounds amazing. How have you been? It's been pretty hard for you recently, isn't it? Well, I'm all right now.

We had a lovely holiday, Jo. Oh, I tell you what, you've got a good tan on you. Have I? You look... You know, when I saw you just now, I was chatting away and in my head I was like, my God, she's got a cracking tan. And then I'd forgotten that you'd been away because I was just thinking of the broken arm and everything. I know, I know.

What's happened? It's just been a... It was a very stressful time before going on holiday. But Joanie is well. Joanie is fine. She was a brave girl and she was in and out of that pool. It's all worked itself out. But yeah, my daughter did break her arm two days before going on holiday.

And how did she do it? Just by doing a cartwheel. Wow. What she does every day, 50 times a day. Oh my God. She just fell awkwardly. But hospital staff were amazing. We got on the plane. We got there in the end and we just chilled out for a week. She just fell awkwardly. But hospital staff were amazing.

We got on the plane, we got there in the end, and we just chilled out for a week. And it was beautiful. Could have done with two weeks. Oh, I tell you what. A week's not enough. It's not, is it? No.

Every time we go away, right, we book for 10 days. 10 days is an optimum amount, I think. Well, the thing is, I always argue and go, right, oh, come on, let's do 14 days. And James is like, no, we'll do 10. With four children, we then get to seven days. And I'm like, oh, come on, let's do 14 days. And James is like, no, we'll do 10. With four children, we then get to seven days. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm absolutely exhausted. I could do with going home now.

And then James always goes, see, I told you, next year, let's do seven days. Seven's not enough. Yeah, because then I get to bucking it and I go, no, I'm doing it. I'm doing 10 days. Definitely 10. I would never do seven again because day one, you're travelling. You're losing half a day. By day five, you're thinking, oh, I've got to pack.

Or maybe that's just me. But I'm in the room then going, right, I've got to start organising myself, get packed. Yeah. So I would definitely do 10 next time if I'm lucky enough to be able to. But do you feel nice and refreshed now? I do feel refreshed. I really, really do. There's nothing better, I don't think, than family time where you've got nothing else to think about then what sunbed you're going to sit on and what

you're going to eat next oh lovely fantastic oh did you have some nice cocktails lovely mark was on the my ties was he what were you on many different things things. Mojitos were good. Were they? Yeah. But their sparkling wine was nice, as was their gin and tonic. Mm-hmm. Yeah, lovely. Do you know, I discovered a porn star martini. They're lovely. How'd you do it?

Oh, well, I just pour the Prosecco into the whole thing. Eat the, well, not eat, drink the whole lot. Yes. Yeah. There is a fantastic line in Motherland. Mm-hmm. Someone says to someone, why are they called porn star martinis? And I think it's Meg,

in a very, very nonchalant way, says, because they relax your anus. Do they really relax your anus? Well, I would imagine from Motherland it has been researched because it's a very funny line. So there we are. Well, I would imagine from other lands it has been researched because it's a very funny line. So there we are. Well, that's quite good.

I mean, I, the other night, was knocking them back. I must have had about six. Wow. I don't even want to think then about what was going on below the waist. Oh, dear. I'll know to stop at six and I'm still safe. Have you seen any of the Olympics, Jo? I've only seen one bit and it was the women and they were, I think it was kayaking or canoeing.

It looked like they were on a kayak, but they were completely enclosed in it, which freaks me out because I think, oh, my God, if you rolled over from that, I always think I'd suffocate and not be able to roll back up. But this woman, she was going down there, right? And like these rapids, and then going around these like tall, well, bendy things from the ceiling. Well, not the ceiling, because she was like out in the open. But she was powering the entire thing from her core. You could see this like whole canoe thing. She was like that, right from her core.

And it was just, it was incredible, amazing. She was like that, right from her core. And it was just incredible, amazing. It was like her and the kayak were one. It was amazing. It was amazing. I haven't seen one minute of it. Been too busy. It has just been really, really busy and I've been on holiday.

But I'm really hoping to catch some because I do love it. I love putting it on and you never know what's going to come up. Yeah, you don't. You could have mountain biking, you could have boxing, gymnastics. You just never know what's next and I love that Yeah, you don't. You know, you could have mountain biking, you could have boxing, gymnastics.

You just never know what's next. And I love that about it. I was quite surprised because Eva, just out of the blue, said, are the Olympics on? And I said, yes. And then she said, can we watch it? So I was like, oh yeah, okay.

So we do seem to have it. Oh my God, because I saw the diving the other day and it was incredible. Was it good? Yeah, it was brilliant. And also I've seen a bit of, I don't know if it was, I think it was judo that I saw.

And that was really good as well. It's just stuff just keeps coming up and coming on. Yeah, that's what I like. I like the change of it. You don't know what it is. Yeah. It's like a little pick and mix of sport.

It is, isn't it? And they're all amazing. They're just incredible. Amazing. Right then. What have our lovely listeners been saying this week? First up, Jo, we've got a voice note from a listener with a make-up tip for you after what you were saying

about lipstick on your eyes last week. Lovely. Hello. I have just listened to your latest podcast and Working Beauty and, Jo, the lipstick, well, the cream well the cream like lipstick blusher eyeshadow thing is a thing um you can specifically buy compacts that are for your lips cheeks and eyes so it is a thing don't worry it's not it's not strange um just sat down to watch this is us thank you for the recommendation absolutely loving the podcast

keep telling all my friends about it um i have well a bit cringe but i have watched these tenders since i was about six so massive fan and even bigger fan um of gavin and stacy even my two-year-old knows when it's on we're just chilling and watching Gavin and Stacey oh that's so sweet that is lovely I'm quite pleased with myself that instinctively I knew it was a thing I felt it was a thing well I think I might just get myself down the shops and go and have a look and get that shade that's just right I'll get a peachy shade that's just right so I'm get a peachy shade that's just right so I'm not going to have like scarlet, blood red on my eyes. Might just have a nice glow about me.

There's a couple of make-up shops nearby. There are, aren't there? Yeah, you should get yourself in there. Yeah, that's what I'll be doing after this. Well done, you. We've got another one here from Peter who's got a message for us about lupine, which we spoke about a few weeks ago, if you remember.

I've listened to this. Bonjour, Joanna. Bonjour, Nathalie. pin uh which we spoke about a few weeks ago if you remember i've listened to this bonjour joanna bonjour natalie uh it's peter here first time uh listener to off the telly podcast really really enjoyed it on my bike ride you two are great uh always been a big fan of both of you um i'm a french teacher and it was really refreshing to hear you recommend a French TV series, Le Pain. And I was wondering if you watched it in French with subtitles or whether you watched it with English commentary. Well, bonjour Peter. Bonjour Peter.

I watched it in French with subtitles. I watched it in French with subtitles I watched it in French with subtitles as well I just think you have to, I can't do the dubbing No, it's so much better watching a programme in its original language I wonder if we get a gold star from Peter I think Peter would give us a gold star, definitely Can you let us know what reward you'd give us please Peter For watching it in French.

Yeah. I love the way that he went, Le pont. Le pont. Oh my gosh, that sounded good, didn't it? Le pont. I think as well, you know when I've watched a series and I've watched it in the language

and I'm reading the subtitles, by the end of it, I don't, not like completely, because I'm not like some genius who can learn a language just by watching, you know know six seasons of something but i kind of sense what they actually are saying because that's kind of like you know moving to france or something and just emerging not emerging because that's coming out immersing which is going in yeah um immersing yourself in the language just by living there isn't it yeah i agree with you And that's what I've always wanted to do but never got round to is tracking on Italian telly.

Just having it on. Radio, telly, just listening, listening, listening. That's a good idea. Because I'd like to learn Italian. Yeah. Very good idea. I just want to get into This Is Us now. Out of all the shows that we've been watching,

there's so many of them to get through. Yeah. And it's just absolutely sublime. So I've just got to, apart from the new ones that we are doing, my go-to now, if I'm not doing that, will be This Is Us. Oh, my God. Eliza is about, she's gone all the way through, she's done 12. Oh, my gosh.

She just loves it. And I said, please don't tell me, but I'm so upset that we haven't done it together. But I guess she can't wait for me. Yeah. She'll be waiting for five years. Oh, actually, I think we have got a voice note about that. Oh, right.

Okay. Hi, ladies. Teresa here from Ireland. Oh, my gosh. I'm just listening to your current episode. You're talking about this is us oh my god ladies I'm actually so jealous that you're watching it for the first time because you are in for a treat a roller coaster of emotions and surprises it's probably the best piece of tv I've

watched in my lifetime it's actually up there with um afterlife so um i'm actually struggling as to which one i put on my first or second whether it's afterlife or this and those but ladies keep watching it it's absolutely amazing tv um i'm actually watching it for the second time we're kind of dipping in and out of it because it's just so good because you've actually missed things the first time around. So yeah, I just wanted to say that. Bye. Oh, thank you, Teresa. Thank you.

I've had a lot of people say that. Can't believe it. Can't believe how lucky we are. This week, we'll be watching Dairy Girls on Channel 4 and Netflix, Painting Birds with Jim and Nancy Muir on Now and Saran Jones Investigating Witch Tri trials on channel 4

well I'm so glad we're starting with Derry Girls what series are you on? I'm only on series 1 Jo but I did smash through 3 of them on the plane so I put it on and I have been so late in coming to this I knew that it was out there and everything

and so many people have raved about it but you know just with life being busy i've not ever sat down and watched it i didn't ever realize it was as good as it is oh my god i'm on series two yeah about something like episode three series two and i couldn't stop watching it i had to stop watching the first episode about i don't know a quarter of the way in because i just had to go and search and see if I could get a playlist of all of the music. And then I got a playlist of it for series one. And then I had to dance to Vanilla Ice for a bit. And then I went back to the episode then

and carried on watching it. I love them. I love all the girls. I love all of their different personalities. I think they're flipping brilliant. It's brilliant. Oh my God, I love it so much. I love the era it's in. I just think it's so... Every character is flipping brilliant. It's brilliant. Oh, my God, I love it so much. I love the era it's in.

I just think it's so... Every character is so brilliant. And the way, obviously, it's set in very, very sensitive and awful times, but you kind of feel like you're peeking into it. And that's how television should be, right? Yeah. You want to feel completely immersed in that world. And I think you really do get a

feel when they're at home in the living room and the aunt comes around away like i feel like i'm back to being little again you know going around my aunt's house or i just i love it and i'm gonna watch more definitely and then also when you are you know dealing with a troubling time yeah and stuff that's hard in people's lives and, you know, how they're living and everything, you kind of, there could always, you know, sometimes be this whole like, oh, it's really hard for us.

I just love the fact that the girls just are, you know, early teenage girls. Their most important thing, they'll be like, oh my God, a bomb's gone off or there's, you know, but they're worried about their makeup. You know, they absolutely love their new English teacher and they're just doing her winged eyeliner yeah they want to go out with boys they want to get drunk they want to that is you know they're just like normal teenage girls

yes yeah absolutely and i think should we just tell the listener so this is set in northern ireland in the times when the ira you, everything was going on at that time, when all the trouble was happening over in Northern Ireland. But you get all of, like, the 90s music. The soundtrack is fab. It's so good. And I'm looking at the clothes and the little baby doll A-line dresses. The makeup. And each one of the girls is just so distinctly different.

It is so funny, isn't it? It's hilarious. It is really, really funny. And it's so real. I mean, it's just exactly what you're like when you are, you know, a teenage girl and you fancy boys and you don't know what to say. And it's just brilliant.

I would recommend anybody to watch it. And in the back of my head, all the way through watching it i just keep thinking about one of our listeners who sent a voice note saying about how it ends and how it really is stuck with her and i just keep thinking oh my god am i getting to know all these girls is something awful going to happen at the end or that is just like weighing on me because i'm there with the girls now i'm part of the gang how many series are there three three yeah and where are so what's happened in series two oh my god the last one I watched was when they went to see spoiler alert spoiler alert but it's good for

me to know yeah they've just been to see take that oh god it's so good it's just brilliant and it just made me remember what I was like when Take That were out. Yeah. And, oh, how just much I just loved Robbie. And, oh, it's just so funny. It's so funny. And just how stressed. Is it Erin, the main one?

Well, not the main one, but I think it's Erin. Oh, my God, she's just so good. She gets so stressed. Saoirse Monica Jackson plays Erin in so sort of animated isn't she yeah and she's so anxious and gets just so angry and Jamie Lee O'Donnell who plays Michelle I just absolutely love her I mean oh god I don't even I don't want to spoil a bit so I don't want to say so but yes the way she delivers a line. It's like they're just instinctively kind of like that as real people.

I agree. Which I suppose they're not, because, I mean, they are acting, but, I mean, I am watching it and I am believing that I'm in the gang with all of them and I am loving it. Oh, God, and Tommy Tiernan, who plays the dad. Fantastic. Gerry, who just is such a hammering from his father-in-law all the time. I love his little moustache.

And he's so, oh God, and I just, I love him. What about the boring uncle that comes around who obviously reminds me very much of the Bryn character from Gavin and Stacey. He's wonderful. And he just, he's talking just like that. And he's just very specific. And it was, was he five foot two?

No, he was five foot four. But no, he was probably, I think it was five foot three and a half. And when he's talking about... They're all there going off. I can't say, get on with it, Jim. Oh my God, I'm loving it. I am loving it. You know when you love something so much that you kind of want to rush through all the episodes?

Because I kind of just, I want to just get through it because I just want to watch it. I just want to just watch it really fast because I'm loving it all. Oh it's brilliant I'm really pleased. I absolutely love it and I certainly would love if I get time to continue with it. Eliza liked it Did she? Yeah yeah. Eliza really enjoyed it It's her sort of age group isn't it

I know she's 13 but she's 14 in September My god it is isn't it? So you know what we're watching on there I'm just thinking, oh my Christ. I know. I know. Because, yeah, because I'm watching it. And I mean, it doesn't matter that it's early 90s and stuff,

because when Eva gets a bit older, she is going to love it. Yeah. Absolutely love it. Oh, well, you can catch all three series on Channel 4 or Netflix, and we highly recommend. Oh, definitely. Our next one is Painting Birds with Jim and Nancy Muir. And we had a lovely listener recommend this, didn't we, a couple of weeks ago?

Yes, we did. We did. So this is one of those lovely, relaxed... Sorry, I'm quite literally playing footsie with you. That's all right. I just wanted to cross my leg. Oh, do you know what? Before we carry on a minute. Yes. I've got my smelly sandals on again. She's got those fucking sandals on again. And I'm not even joking,

right? These have been on my feet. I've been in the sea. I've been on the sand. I've been walking through the streets. I've been everywhere, right? And I've worn these every single day. My God. For weeks. Weeks. I've just realised because I crossed my leg and i hit your foot and i've just seen them again you know right what's i show you i'm a five i'm gonna bring

you some sandals next time i'm gonna buy you some shoes i'm not even joking about two days ago right i went into my parents home in swansea and i said oh mom can you dry my sandals because i've just been wading like through the sea getting off a boat and sort of wading through the sea wearing them. They must stink like vinegar now. Yeah, and my mother, she picked them up and she said, I'll dry them on the back of the chair. And she went, oh, I'll give them a spray as well. I think I'm going to wear these until they literally disintegrate.

I love them. They're so comfy. Can we not get the same pair again? I haven't even actually thought about doing that, but I probably could. But they won't be the same. These are like moulded to my feet now. Moulded.

You can tell him, may? I love them. I love them. They don't even match my dress. I'm that edgy. Oh, I don't care about that. I actually like that. Yeah.

It's just the smell. I mean, I don't care about that I actually like that Yeah It's just It's just the smell I mean I can't smell from here Yeah You would if you got close But I think if I got close Yeah It'd be whiffing up

It'd be quite apparent But it's quite cooling in now We've got aircon in here haven't we We have haven't we Good It's lovely Yeah Right then

So on to our painting birds Those sandals would look lovely climbing up the old cornish they would wouldn't they cornish mountains looking for chuffs they've got a damn good grip on them as well yeah no they do they look like well traveled you know yeah so this show is jim and nancy going around different parts of the country, finding birds. Right, let me say one thing. I did not know that Jim Muir could paint. Did you before the show? Oh, I'm not even joking then, right? I thought you were going to say,

I did not know that Jim Muir was Vic Rees. I genuinely thought that's what you were going to say. That's why I started sniggering beforehand, because I was like, bloody hell, man. I genuinely thought that's what you were going to say. That's why I started sniggering beforehand because I was like, bloody hell, man. I honestly thought that's what you were going to say. No. We're alright. We're alright for that.

I could not believe... I was so jealous of this programme. Oh my God. Painting, tick. Beautiful countryside, tick. The lovely husband and wife oh my god how they got on

so well I love Nancy and Jim her clothes it's got a lovely flippin' tweed jacket oh she looks good yeah I want that tweed jacket she's got

really really good I I really like this show again it is that kind of factual entertainment doc, which is warm and you learn a little bit along the way. But I'm all there for it. I want to see Jim sat in his shed, in his art workshop.

Sorry, it's not a shed, it's a workshop. I'm doing it down by saying shed. Have you seen his blinking workshop? I was sitting there watching and I was thinking, right, OK, if I ordered one, what corner of the garden would I put it in? Yeah. I could do yoga in there. I could just chill out.

It would be basically, it would be my space. I just loved it. I loved his jumpers. I loved Nancy's tweed jacket. It was like a meditation. The music. The music was lovely. And you've got the the little ding like that

and all of like the water and it's all ding ooo yep you know you get that

I do I was watching it and then I was starting to sort of go all a bit like oh you know like after you've had about a couple of pints

it's certainly a show I know we say it a lot but four o'clock getting dark raining outside whack that on it really relaxes you really really lovely i was just so chilled out and then also getting to see the beautiful birds just like oh my gosh this is really good oh is that what one of those is and has that and seeing all of those and then when he starts to

paint it's mesmerising. Really? He's so good. He's a really good painter. Wonderful. Isn't that mad? You know when someone can have like so many talents? I know. Because you'd be like, oh my God,

you're so successful and amazing as Vic Reeves. Yes. And so funny and so just brilliant. Oh my God, what you actually can paint really, really well as well. It's kind of like as if you're only allowed to have one. How can you do can paint really really well as well it's kind of like as if you're only allowed to have one how can you do like so many so well he's just a creative genius isn't he yeah i met so i saw jim and nancy and we were doing a quiz show of some kind can't remember now could have been something like the weakest link or the chase years ago i can't

remember but they were so lovely i remember having a chat with them and having a laugh with them and what have you. And she was so lovely. And I think that really came across how normal they are. Yeah. Especially her, the way she says hello to everybody and she's chatting away. I really, I thought that really came across.

It did. They seemed like such a lovely couple. Yeah. So supportive and just so lovely and just, they seemed really, really happy. At ease with each other. Yeah. I don't think it was pot on for the show I reckon they're like that all the time I just loved the pair of them together

I was like, oh my god, I think the pair of you were just gorgeous They were really gorgeous I watched Cornwall because I love Cornwall So it was all about chuffs And finding out Beautiful landscape, looking at the lighthouse And finding out where these chuffs were, etc. And they've got black and blue kind of hairy skin tone.

It's not hairy skin tone, is it? Coat. Hairy skin tone. I don't think it's a coat. Haven't they just got feathers? I think you say coat, do you? A coat? You don't say a coat for a bird.

Oh, you're the one who used to say, you're a wildlife professional now. Would you say feathers? You certainly would not say a hairy skin tone. It's definitely not hairy. A bird's got a coat. I think you just say it's got feathers, the colour of its feathers. The colour of the feathers. I'm not a wildlife professional, Jo.

All I can think of is a chuff with a hairy skin tone. I don't even know what flipping bird I was watching. Is it the cormorant? Is there such a bird as the cormorant? I think there is. I think you're asking the wrong person Well I know Why the hell am I asking you? Because you think they've all got a hairy skin

Tell me Listen But the chuff had lovely red lips Oh did it? And lovely little red shoes It's like he had a little pair of laboutins on Oh my god A little pair of laboutins and a little Chanel lip

Oh my god that's so sweet Very elegant Part of the Crow family. Really? Yeah. Painting birds is a lovely, relaxing treat for the eyes, treat for the ears and just a really feel-good watch. It'll relax you.

It's like a meditation. Beautiful. You can catch that on now. And there are two series of it. So, on to witches saran jones investigating witch trials now you can catch this on channel four and it's all about um saran jones her interest in witches how the witch trials began where the witches came from basically the history of witches women how women have been treated throughout history that's basically what it's about i um really love a show with a bit of factual stuff in it so i really love

listening to the historians and as you say i mean it is quite amazing because we're going back now they are talking about from the beginning of kind of the history of witches and witchcraft. And how amazing it is, actually, that really it was the men that decided to burn a lot of witches at the stakes, etc. Because they were beginning to talk. Yeah. It's just women, shut your mouths. Shut your mouths, you're a witch going up there to burn to death. What the hell would have happened to us in those days?

I mean, it's unbelievable, isn't it? Because that basically, I mean, well, it's basically, that is what it is. Women who are talking too much, who are doing something that they don't like and that men don't like, let's shut them up and stop them talking. I think going back to those days, it's not so much about being kind of a magical witch where you're going to, I don't know, like Harry Potter-esque style stuff. But I think everybody had a real amazing gift in knowing the plants, knowing the mushrooms, knowing what things did.

You know, there wasn't what, they didn't have the information that we have now. So I think they were very back with nature and they knew things. And I do think some of the chanting and some of the meditative stuff, I feel like we're going back to that now. Yeah, we are. You know, we are going back to the basics of breathing and repetitive talking and meditation. And, you know, that's become really big in the last few years.

And when you look back at it, it isn't too dissimilar to what the witches did. That's true, isn't it? I think so. When Saran was talking about where they came from and Lancashire, when she's walking through all of the fields and you see, you know, the walk that the witches went on. She did a lot of walking, didn't she? There was a hell of a lot of walking through fields with lots of lovely coats on.

Lovely costumes. Lovely clothes, yeah. But when she was, you just think, oh my God, can you imagine being back in the olden days you know up north when the weather is really dark and brooding and stormy and you've got the women walking along there and you know they've got all of their you know the herbs and all of that and you know that they can do all sorts of things with them and you could imagine that that would make somebody start thinking that there was something with those women.

Tell you what they didn't have? What? Torch. They didn't, did they? Now that would have helped a bit. Didn't have that? No. Must have been a hard walk, that.

Can you imagine? Do you think that they had like a lamp with a flame or do you think they just went out there and just walked through the woods? I think they would have had a flame. Do you? Yeah. Bet they would have had a flame. Do you? Yeah. I bet they would have.

God. Amazing times. See, I flicked through it a little bit, I have to say. I liked it, but again, I had a lot to do and it was okay for me. But I did come across a thing about the book. It was called the Malleus Maleficarum. What was really interesting, because it was the 1400s, this book had been written and then it got forgotten about and poo-pooed or what have you, and then it sort of went viral.

But in those times... My God! So kind of everyone started to read it and excitement came, and it became this kind of viral book that everyone was reading and they started to believe in it. But it was so interesting knowing that the printing, you know, the press, the print press happening, it was about magic, but it was about Satan and Satan's semen being freezing cold

because he'd stolen the semen off of other people. There was more talk about penises in this book, one of the historians says this, than any other book ever written. Really? It is very cock heavy. What were they saying about them? They were talking about the witches cutting off penises. If a man didn't want to be with

them anymore, they'd just chop it off. What, like by magic or with a knife? I think, I don't know if they would be able to just glance at someone and make their knob drop off. Oh, my God. That's magic, though. That's magic. But they did get rid of them,

and then they used to stick them in trees and kind of have kind of penis trees. Oh, my God. Instead of leaves, there'd be penises. There'd still be leaves there, but imagine kind of... You know, like, if you have an apple tree? Yes. So you've got your tree and they're just sort of willies coming out of the tree.

I mean it's only a sketch, obviously we don't know for sure. No wonder men tried to burn them. Well, I think maybe that was happening because they were doing that to their friends and mates and aunties and mothers. Oh my god, you wouldn't want your knob cut off and shoved on a tree, would you? Not really.

Jesus Christ. But it was very, very interesting. But the thing about that book was how it went viral, but you're in the 1400s, you know, and now we've got the internet and we've only had the internet, it's only been around for 40 years. Yeah. So imagine what it was like to print a book. Wow. Back in those days

and the excitement of it. Oh, my God, that's incredible, isn't it? Anyway, there you go. Well, I enjoyed it and I like the subject matter. I found it quite difficult to kind of get into. I thought it was a bit slow in the beginning. When I watch a show like that, I feel like I'm at secondary school. And I should be kind of making notes or...

Yeah. I feel like I really want to learn from a show like that. If I'm watching it, I want to pick things out of it and I want to learn about it. I didn't make any notes, but I really did find it interesting and I definitely would watch it again. You can catch it on Channel 4

if you fancy a little bit of the lovely actress saran jones talking about witches well should we go on to see what voice notes we've got from our listeners i think that is a very good idea it is time to find out what recommendations you guys at home have for us first up we've got this voice note from a listener about a brand new show. Hi, Jo. Hi, Nat. My name is Louisa. I am from Manchester and loving the show. I like listening to it each week. It gives me ideas of things to watch, what to avoid, make your own opinions. But yeah, it's good. It's a good listen. Anyway, I can definitely recommend The Jetty on BBC One with Jenna Coleman. And it's really good. It's a good listen. Anyway, I can definitely recommend The Jetty on BBC One

with Jenna Coleman, and it's really good. It's like a crime, thriller, drama, exploiting, well, it's exploring the exploitation of young women. A detective series, Jenna Coleman plays the detective. I'm not explaining it very well. Anyway, it is very good. It's only four parts, and I would definitely recommend watching it. and detective series jenna coleman plays the detective i'm not explaining it very well anyway but it is very good uh it's only four parts and i would definitely recommend watching it uh so keep up the show keep up the recommendations for us um and yeah hopefully you can give that a

watch that sounds a good one it sounds like a good one little four-parter oh i like that sounds a good little one we can watch i really like like that. Thank you so, so much. Right, we've also got a voice note from Louisa. Let's see what she's saying. Jo and Nat, I want to recommend a series on Amazon Prime called 007 Road to a Million. If you love James Bond, then you will absolutely love this show. It's on, as I say, it's on Amazon Prime. It features the brilliant actor Brian Cox as the controller. It is a reality show. It's not a film, but it is absolutely mind gripping. I kid you not. Please watch it. It is the most brilliant thing i've ever seen it keep really keeps you on the edge of your

seat um as an eastenders and gavin and stacy fan from south wales i am absolutely loving your podcast girls bye oh thank you i'll tell you what that that was a very, very interesting description. She was so passionate that I think she deserves us to watch that. So Brian Cox, bet he got paid a fortune to do that. Bet he got fucking loads. We have got a message here I'd like to read out as well. Hi, lovely ladies. So this one is for Joanna.

And as we all know, she loves a certain actor. Danny Dyer is in a new comedy on Sky called Mr Big Stuff. I've already seen the poster. He's in a pair of pants. You were right here, Dawn. Right on point here, Dawny.

He plays a character called Lee who tracks down his brother, Glenn. It's Danny at his best. I've watched episode one, and I haven't stopped laughing. Only six episodes, and they are 25 minutes long. Oh, come on. That sounds perfect. And I've missed Danny with his swearing and

cockney slang so much. Like you, I love him. Dorney loves him as well. I feel really bad I've not seen it yet, because I want to be able to send him a little voice note and say absolutely brilliant. I saw a little clip of it. I think it's going to be brilliant. Let's do it.

Let's have ganders. Yeah. As Danny would say. Let's whack our, let's get the old box on and get our minces to have a little look at that. What are minces? Mince pies. Eyes.

Love it. Love it. As always, thank you so much for your messages and voice notes we have the best listeners don't we joe we do i love them they are so lovely and i'm so pleased you're watching all the stuff that we're watching and we're recommending and then you tell us what to do such a lovely little community that we're forming it's lovely we've got an important announcement so listen up. It is summertime, as you all know.

So we are going to take a little summer break over August. Aren't we, Jo? We are indeed. But don't worry, we will still be dropping episodes of Off the Telly into the feed so you can get your fix. Yes. Well, we love hearing your voices so much. It's so lovely to think that you listen to us

and you send us so many messages that we can never get through them all in our normal eps. And what shall we watch bonus episodes? There's just so many of them. So we've decided to drop three episodes this summer that are purely voice note based so we can hear more of your lovely voices. We've had so many good themes already, so we just have to do some of them again. Yep, we're going back to Comfort Telly, Super Sleuths and TV Villains Part 2.

Brilliant. So for the next three Wednesdays look out for those three eps dropping into the feed and then in September we'll be back to our normal weekly routine. Jo, you are off on a holiday. I had an early holiday. Yep, I got a late one. Where are you going? I'm going to Mallorca.

I was on the internet this morning, desperately trying to buy some shorts for the kids because children grow, like, really fast. And they grow loads. Eve is up to there now. I have a forehead of authority left. That's it. Of respect and authority. Yeah, mine's gone with Eliza. Literally, that's it of respect and authority yeah mine's gone

with Eliza literally that's it that's all I've got left and then she's going to be taller than me I'm going to be the shortest one in the family

well when the boys have grown and then obviously when Bo has grown I mean I'm not going to be the shortest I mean Bo is two and a half so I've got a good few

you've got a while yet yeah until I am the shortest one of the family and then to be honest I won't be because the dogs will be shorter than me

are those sandals going to Mallorca? Yes! I'm going to wear them on the plane. Do you know, I was debating... Oh, don't put... You can't put them on the plane. Well, I was debating because I saw something recently on social media.

Why don't you wrap them up in a plastic bag and put them in the case? Well, no, I can't. I probably will wear them. I might wear socks with them. Because I saw someone saying, do not go, like, barefooted with sandals on a plane. You always need a covered foot

why i don't know is that in case it crashes and you're going to get out and you've got a rock to climb or something i don't know i first of all thought is it i don't know you putting your like bare feet on the carpet is it because of cold with the air con i wear a pair of sandals yeah open toed yeah but when i got onto the plane, I put my DVT tights on. My pop socks. My God, you are, like, so organised. You've only got a lip into boots. But whenever we come, like, I wouldn't even think of that.

Whenever we come in here, you've got cream for burns. You've got plasters. You've got, like, you know, anything if you've got a sore hand. And a sore for ulcers. You've got stuff for ulcers. You've got tights in case you get a blinking. First word that came to mind was boil, but it's not. Clot.

It's a clot. That's what it is. My God, you're like a Wonder Woman. That's really kind of you. I'm not, but that's very kind. I should take that away. Yes, you should. That's really good.

Well, I'm going to New York. Well, I hope you have an amazing time. You deserve every minute of it. You've not stopped working. I know. So I can't wait for you to have a little rest and send me some pickeys. Oh, I'll send you loads of my sandals. Yeah, no, not of those.

I'd like to see those floating away in the sea. I'd like a voice note to say you'll never guess what happened. They're in the sea. I lost them. I lost them. The tide came in. That's enough telly for this week. We love hearing from you.

So please do keep sending us your messages and voice notes on WhatsApp. The number is 0-3-3-0-6-7-8-4-7-0-4. This week, we've been watching Derry Girls on Channel 4 on Netflix, Painting Birds with Jim and Nancy Muir on Now, and Saran Jones investigating witch trials on Channel 4 on Netflix, Painting Birds with Jim and Nancy Muir on Now and Saran Jones investigating witch trials on Channel 4. Thank you so much for listening. Remember that our next three episodes are going to be summer specials, focusing on your voice notes while we have a little summer break.

Then we'll be back to normal with more Off The Telly in September. Whee! Bye! Woo-hoo! Off the Telly is hosted by Natalie Cassidy and Joanna Page. The producer is Georgia Keating. The commissioning editor is Rhian Roberts

and it's a BBC Studios audio production for BBC Sounds. Just think about how crazy this sounds. Do want a prince charming if so we're filming a reality show sign up here 12 american women are flown over to the uk for a bachelor style reality dating show there are so many questions about a show like this because it's so odd these women have been told that they were going to be dating the world's most eligible bachelor, Prince Harry. What? Y'all playing with me, right?

Listen on BBC Sounds.