Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Ashley Hesseltine | Your Husband Isn't Your BFF & Other Wedding Hot Takes!

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

#953. Fresh off her wedding and the release of her comedy special Here Comes the Bride, Ashley Hesseltine joins Kaitlyn for a full girl-chat deep dive on wedding hot takes, marriage after 40, and the unexpected way she met her husband at a Girls Gotta Eat live show.The two unpack the viral moment from Ashley's vows where she said her husband is not her best friend, why she's chosen not to have children, and how getting married at 42 gave her a completely different perspective on relationships. They also debate relationship comfort levels: Is a little toot toot in front of your partner acceptable? Should some things stay a mystery? And does your husband really need to be your BFF?Plus, Ashley opens up about turning her real life into comedy material, moving to Los Angeles at 40, starting over in a new city, and why making a big life change might be a lot less scary than people think!If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these AMAZING deals!Macy’s: Shop in stores or online only at Macys.com!Fabletics: Shop now at Fabletics.com/otv to get 70- 80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP.Nanit: If you’re expecting, or want to give it to Dad as a Father’s Day gift, don't wait — Nanit has two big sales happening this month. Head to NANIT.com.Progressive: Visit Progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back.Apartments.com: The place to find a place!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Macy's. Shop in store or online, only at Macy's.com. Fabletics, shop now at fabletics.com slash O-T-V to get 70 to 80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Nanit, if you're expecting or you want to give it to Dad as a Father's Day gift, don't wait because Nanette has two big sales happening this month. Head to N-A-N-I-T.com. Progressive, visit Progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back. And Apartments.com, the place to find a place.

You're listening to Off The Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, everybody, welcome to Off the Vine podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And today I am, I'm always excited to talk to anyone from Girls Got to eat, whether it's Raina or Ashley. We all know her from the pod. And she just got married, released a comedy special. Here comes the bride.

So we get into all of that, what actually changes after you get married, what she thinks are like hot takes to do at weddings or not do. And we also talk about her viral moment, this video from her vows that went. viral. It's so funny. But she's just like someone that you feel like your best friends with, even though you maybe only know her from the internet. So that's what I hope this conversation feels like today that you're just hanging out with a couple besties. We also learn something that everyone's probably dying to know is does she fart in front of her husband? Okay. Let's bring it, Ashley. I always think this is so cool when you can say you have a special. Yeah. Isn't that like,

as a comedian, isn't that like such a big deal? Yeah. You had a special. Our first special. That's awesome. How did it, how did it come to be? So I shot it in October. This was material that I'd been developing over the last three and a half years. It's really focused on moving to L.A., wanting to find a partner and dating in L.A. manifesting, and I talk about that. And then meeting my now husband and then planning the wedding and moving in together and being long distance and a lot about him and who he is and his dick and like all the things. And then just like not wanting to get married, not really thinking it was for me, but coming around to it. And then all the things I did, you know, untraditionally in my wedding. There's things about my family and stories just, you know, about growing up and who I am. And that's why it's called Here Comes the Bride. So it's really just about that whole journey. And I mean, I've been doing comedy for 12 years. And who doesn't want a special? But I never felt compelling. to material-wise that I had like this full hour that I was super proud of.

I toured in 2022 and I liked my material, but this all came together in this story and this like full circle moment and I really wanted to tour it. I toured it all of 2025 while I was playing the wedding. And then I shot the special and then I got married three weeks later to the day. It was like insanity. Whoa. I really felt like such a baddie. But like that last month, I was like, this is no longer bad bitch behavior. This is like psychotic bitch behavior. I'm worried about you. Yeah.

Yeah. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I felt really proud at the end of it. But I was like, who would do this? On top of like my other job. It feels a bit psychotic. It was felt crazy. Yeah.

To tour to play a wedding. Yeah. So anyway, shot it. There's this like wedding theme. There's footage for my wedding. I mean, it all came together. My vision came together. And I was so excited and proud to put it out.

And so I premiered it. live on YouTube and like a live chat, which I really wanted to do. It was so fun. How it's fun. I feel it. Like live in the chat. Like ha ha ha ha ha. Like saying the jokes. That's really fun. People jumped in. They were like, where's your husband? And then like Rain is in the chat. And it was so, so fun. And you can still watch on YouTube or you can watch it on Prime Video. Okay. So yeah. So it's really like I'll kind of like see where people are choosing to watch and what experience they're choosing to have. Yeah. That's so fun because you are making it very much about real life. And I feel like so many women can relate out there to being a like bride to be. and all the stuff that comes with it. And like everything just feels like it was really relatable. And then I'm like, you must have to date somebody who really gets your humor. Yeah.

So when obviously he's now your husband, was that something that you're like, I could marry you because you can put up with what I say about you on. Yeah. So he was like a fan first. I knew that. Yeah, I think that the story's out there in the world. So he. Tell it more because maybe we don't know at home. Okay.

So he came to a girl's got to eat show. in 2021. But prior to that, he had seen me for the first time on, we did these COVID virtual shows, like, during 2020. It was like kind of amazing. Like, of course, we would have preferred to be out in the world. We were in my kitchen. Making money. Yeah, right.

A crazy time. And that's the first time he saw me. He went to, like, a friend's house, his childhood best friend and his wife. They were hosting, like, a watch party for, like, some online concert. But before the concert, they were like, we're watching this podcast. you know, she had her charkoery board. She was like, we're doing this thing. Girls got to eat.

He was like, I don't know what this is. And the way he tells this story is like, I came on the screen and he was like immediately drawn to me. He was like, I am like in love with her. Who is this? Which is crazy because I had my old face. And I'm like talking about like sex and vibrators or whatever the, you know, we're talking about.

So to see me in that element. Yeah. And be like I'm into that. And not in a creepy way. Not like she looks like a slut. You know, but just like a slut with a new face. Yeah. looks like a slut who needs a rhinoplasty.

He was into me then, and then when the world opened back up when we started touring in 2021, that friend of his, his wife's best friend, also one of his best friend, she wrote in an email that was, we're coming to the show, and we're bringing our best friend, and he has a crush on Ashley, and he came with the person he was dating at the time. It was supposed to be, like, light and funny. Yeah, it was, but he did marry me. So, you know, it was like he's, I'm kind of like his hall pass. Yeah.

But like, I'm not that famous. Like, that's awesome. That's so romantic. It was really romantic. But we did like crowdwork him and it wasn't good. It just was, he's not. I was just talking about this with Jared Fried. Like he's not an extrovert.

He's not a once the spotlight type of guy. He's so funny. He's like the funniest person. I adore him, obviously. But he doesn't want that attention, which I think is a green flag. Yeah, absolutely. So he really wasn't, he was put on the spot. He, you know, was there with the person he's dating, but still, you know, he was into me prior.

Like, it was, it sounds funnier than it was in the moment. And so we kind of just let it go. And I was like, I don't know. I mean, A, that guy's not available. And B, he seemed like an asshole, kind of. And maybe a month or two later, him and the girl ended up stopped dating. This wasn't his, like, long-time girlfriend, whatever. They were just dating.

They broke up. And he was back in my DMs. just always there, flirty. He'd respond to stuff here and there. It wasn't too much. It wasn't overly aggressive or weird. And I was like, yeah, like, I was hot and tall and he had a good voice. But, like, he seemed like a dick and whatever.

And just for the next year and a half, just sporadically in the DMs, flirty here and there, you know, still like buzz buzz, still love with you. And so when we went back to Boston, that's where it was. I don't know if I mentioned that or not. We went back to Boston in 2023. I was on this mission again, which was real, like to find somebody. I was turning 40 that year. I was like, this is the year. I want to partner before I enter this next decade of my life. I was dating really intentionally, but also at the same time, like, we're going on the road. Maybe I'll meet someone on the road. Or just someone on the road. And I was just, like, horny. And we were going to Boston. And I just DM'd him. He'd probably DM me a few weeks prior and was like, hey, you know, buzz, buzz. Are you still in love with me? I was like, are you coming to the show? Or are you too traumatized from the last time? And he was like, ha ha, I'm not coming. But actually the friend, the original girlfriend of his girl friend, was coming with her friends.

But he was like, can I finally take you out? And, you know, I was like, what? No, I'm working. You can't take me how busy. Oh, God. I can work. But you can come to the theater after. And he did.

And, like, hearing his side of, like, the way that day went. Yeah. So endearing to me, like, freaking out. Like, he had, like, dinner reservations just in case. And he like picked an outfit out and like talked to his sister. And he was like, I'm meeting Ashley. I'm going to see Ashley tonight. She invited me out.

And he showed up to the theater at 11 p.m. after the show was over. Yeah. We, you know, our sister went and got him. He came down to the green room. And I just, it was definitely like hot in that he showed up alone, even though some of his friends were there. But showed up alone. Yeah. We had tons of friends backstage, you know, felt really like confident.

Even though he told me later, he was so nervous. And we hung out that whole night. We spent the night together. And we have been together ever since. And that was May 20th, 20, 23. So, like, we've been together like three years. That's so. So when you do anything about, like a bit about him, do you run it by him?

Or are you like, do you like shock value? Like, what's happening there? Yeah. I do. Yeah. There is not really anything in the special, anything really in my standup that he's ever like vetoed or had any hesitation about. I want him to fully embrace everything.

Like, he will help me workshop stuff, especially if it's about him. There's been a few times where there's stories that have happened and I've asked to share them on the podcast and he's like, I wouldn't love it. Right. And I think maybe he holds the comedy and like, I really want to let her do what she wants. Yes. Because it's like, it's so much about him. Oh, yeah.

His family watched the special. Like his family watched the special. We went to see them the next day. Oh, gosh. Like it was like his dad's retirement like thing. and we were in Phoenix and I was like, they just like, hurt so much. Like, what's the craziest thing you said about them?

There's just a lot. There is a lot about his dick. There's stuff about our sex life. Yeah. I just, what did they think about that? What was the reaction? I don't know what they thought.

I don't, we didn't talk about it. They were just like, especially was so great. We loved it. I'm like, thank you so much. Like, let's keep it moving. Yeah. That's okay.

Like his sister had seen the material, his sister and her husband. That's different. Yeah. Dad? Yeah, dad's a bit different. His Indian father. Yeah.

You know, like a mother. that's uh they're not like conservative i mean they're just they're super open but yeah no that happened to me in my last relationship i um still get blamed to the stay from certain haters online that i he lost his job because of me i name this story oh yeah but i didn't get he was trying to find a way out of corporate america and i was like oh god forbid i talked about a woman on her period dry humping like right so if he's getting fired for that like because i'm just being an honest queen right i was like and he wanted out anyways but I'm like, that's, I hate that narrative. I know.

It drives me bonkers. Me too. Because they always lean into the, like, he would never come forward and be like, actually, I'm going to stand up for her. Like, no, duh. So then everybody's just going to think that I'm getting people fired for their job for being horny. Was his family, like, they didn't like it either, right? Am I?

No. Okay. It's tough. But I was just being me. Yeah. I know that. But it's like this is like a mismatch. Yeah.

I mean, I'm not saying that a couple can't push through that. Yeah. But it's tough. Yeah. This is what I do for a living. I know because it's, I'm like, it's also like how I pay my rent in New York City, which is so expensive, by the way. I went to Pilates class this morning. I guess I was already thinking like rent's going to be expensive, but I forgot that everything else is. And I went to Pilates. It was like sign up for a monthly. And I was like, oh, probably sign up. I really like the studio. It's like $550 a month. No, it's not. A month. What even is. It was beautiful. I'll probably do it. No, I'm just kidding. But it was. It's so much. Yeah. It was. It's so much. Yeah. It was. It was. It's crazy. I do berries and even the New York classes are more than the L.A. classes. Yeah. Really?

It's like a different. It's like a few of a price. It is a fucking price. And you can't buy a package to like for all the, for the whole like the for the workout. Yeah, I know. You have to buy like regional packages. Yeah. It's so I'm here buying a one off for I don't know, $47 or whatever.

I was going to say I feel like it's close to 50. I know. Oh, and then the Hamptons. Is it even crazier? Those were those work on. classes of the Hampton stuff, like a Hampton tax. It's like laughable. It's, I just keep, because I'm a frugal McDougal and I like watch, I'm not cheap, but I like really take care of my money and like watch what I'm doing and spending it on. I'm smart about it. And just being

in New York for five days, I was like, I'm going to get broke and fat here. Well, okay, the walking can work off like the food. That much food? You're not a walker. No, I'm totally a walker. You just need to do everything. Yeah. Okay. The Uber's are the worst, I think. it's hard to stomach. So I found an app on my, no not an app, a thing on accessibility and my phone that puts on dots on your screen when you're moving in Uber's

so that you're not getting car sick while you look at your phone. It's, oh, changed my life. Wait, what? Like, when I'm in a car and it senses I'm moving, all of a sudden dots appear on my screen and it's in drive mode for me to not get car sick. Well, what does it do?

Like, dots are just like going up and down and so it's like to stable. Yeah. Oh, okay. I don't know. I'm not an eye doctor, but something works. I have no, I don't understand car sick. Like, it's... What makes you sick about getting in Uber's? Like, hard to send it. I was talking about, I'm getting car sick at every Uber and I like can't stomach it because I'm more like stopping and starting and stopping and starting. I'm like, blind. And you're like, I'm so confused. I can't stomach the prices. That is so funny. Well, yeah, the value really helped out the car sick, girlies. Well, and, and in Nashville, it's actually so reasonably priced for a lot of things, but Uber being one of them.

I was always taking a black car because I heard so many stories about Uber's in Nashville and like awful things. Yeah. And so I always took a black car because it's professional and it's like not as expensive and as I thought it would. Here it's like I'm paying $100 to go somewhere. I just don't. I really don't like it. We were just talking about this before we started, but I really, obviously I want to walk if the weather's nice. today. I bought the $5 umbrella. It's like a notorious piece of New York trash, but it still got me here.

I like to City Bike. I will take the train. Like I'm just kind of a whatever is the quickest. You will take the train. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to switch trains a bunch. But I last week I was here and I was staying in the Lower East Side and I had a bunch of stuff uptown, like some press stuff. And like I was on the M back and forth. I was not going to take a car. It's going to take me double the amount of time. Obviously the cost is a value of two. But. But. But it comes down to me as like, what's the quickest way? But even when an Uber says it's quickest, I'm like, you can't trust it. I'm 50 dollars to go to dinner and you can't trust it. It's always the time's always changing. I'm like, it just went up 20 minutes. The construction is crazy.

And these Uber drivers, they don't follow. Like, I trust a cab driver more that knows the city more. These Uber drivers, they don't even follow what the root Uber's telling. They're on their own journey. I know. The app probably knows where there's construction and whatnot. So just follow it. I know.

I don't. It's really a confusing time. Yeah. But are you loving it? besides that and the rats and like, no, I love it. I love the city. I'm just like having a bit of a hard time adjusting with two dogs. I got this company, I should do brand deal with them.

It's called Fresh Patch and they have like extra large pieces of real grass, no chemicals, like just real natural grass that you put on your patio. And I was like, I wonder if the dogs will do it. And they've been using it. They did it? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. That's such a game changer.

Yeah. Well, I was just saying to Jeffrey Keller. Or did I tell him this? Maybe I didn't. Pino was so hot because the weather was so hot yesterday and he was over hydrating and then he started having accidents everywhere which he never does but he could not hold it because he just drank so much water from being hot and freaked out took him to the vet because I was like he's having kidney failure oh no because that's what I do well that's what the peen is like the sign yes and so I thought that's and they were like they checked everything they did a little ultrasound they did blood work no he's fine he just drank too much water a thousand $1,000. So, yeah, not to bring the mood down, but I had a big dog here. I have a different dog now.

Everybody knows he's passed, but I did chemo with him here, a 80-pound dog, getting him to chemo treatment. Like, how to navigate the car. I found this car service. I don't know if they're still around, but they would take dogs. It was such an uphill battle. Like, I look back on it and I was like, this is, this was a really. hard time in my life. Like I did it and one, I only had one, but big dogs. And after that,

I was like, I will never, the next dog I get, which my dog now is all. I was like, I'll at least be able to pick him up. Like, I can't pick him up in an emergency. Yeah. Yeah. Because like Dewee, I like couldn't. There was times where I was like, I can't pick him up. Like, one time I had to put him to the back of a car and like he was so weak from the treatments and I like threw my back out. You know, I can't pick 80 pounds up. Oh, God. So it's a lot. It's like two big dogs in the city.

Do you walk them at the same time? No, I take them one at a time. I don't know how people do it. I could do like in Nashville, in like, there's like no cars in where I live. And it's like a nice little neighborhood that I take them on a walk. I still like take them one by one because I've never. I'm too scared. I'm like, Pino pulls me.

Raman's well trained, but Pino's not. And they're like, pull me different directions. If they see another dog, game over. No, I don't know how people are doing this. I don't know either. And then like I've walked two dogs like twice in my like eight. It's crazy when you see it. They have something special going on.

They really do. Are they two? I don't understand how people do it. I have one dog in each hand. Like I don't, are they both in one and then they're. I think they have like belts. I think they have belts. I don't know.

It's like it's really, it's magic watching it. I know. It's really something special. It's an art form. It really is an art form. But I was like, I don't even think my dogs could do that. because they'd be wanting to play with the other dogs. Like, these dogs are all just like, who fuck this guy?

Let's go. Yeah. That's pretty. That's the very trusting. I was just saying like, just like eating at a nice Italian restaurant and I look out to the right in a dog is just shitting right beside on the street. And I'm like, that's so New York. Like, I know.

I mean, if we move back here, we, me and my family, my husband and my dog. Azul will be so upset. It's like it breaks my heart. I think we'll move back and we'll live in Williamsburg. It just feels like a little softer landing from L.A. It's so beautiful. Yeah. Just when I'm there, I'm like, Azul will be happier here.

But there's parks everywhere, you know. But there's just something about it. It feels a little more dog friendly. But need to have outdoor space. Like, whether he goes to the bathroom out there or not, just to go out and lay in the sun. Yeah, it was my only way of moving here. I do.

I also, and I said this on my podcast before, I would not have moved if my dog medium told me that ramen and Pino didn't want to go. 100%. She was like, yeah, they just want to be wherever you are. And I was like, okay. Oh, sweet. Yeah, so I was like, well, I guess we're, but now I feel guilty. They have you and have each other.

I know, and they're literally getting more exercise than they ever have. Yeah. Sometimes people say that. They say like when you, I mean, but every dog owner is different. But if you have a house with the yard and you just let them out and you're not forced to walk them. Like sometimes they get less exercise than if you live with dogs and New York, you have to walk them. Yeah.

To make more of an effort. It's almost good for my mental health, too, because if I'm, like, having like a, like, I'm PMSing so bad right now. Oh my God. And yesterday I just wanted to, like, lay in bed and cry, but I was like, got to take the dogs out. Yeah. And it helps.

Yeah. It really does. But, like, sometimes when you're that low, going in an elevator seems so daunting. It's, I, that's the toughest adjustment for me right now. I am with you. I think about this all the time. I dream of this life I've never had here, which is, like, a high building of you. Yeah.

know if the dog in the elevator can be three times a day of my life. It's really something. I mean, that's why I got the fresh patch grass or whatever it's called because I was like, I can't do this all the time. Yeah. And but I still like, it's just still a tiny patch of grass, but I'm like, am I the worst dog mom for bringing them here? No. Oh, because I'm getting shamed by the internet. Okay, every year for Father's Day, I ask my dad, hey, what do you want? And every year I get the exact same answer. It's, I'm not nothing. I don't need anything, which is funny because the man clearly needs things. For example, my dad loves golf, loves it, lives for it, talks about it constantly, and yet somehow he still wears shoes and clothes that look like they played every

round since 2007. So this is when I realized the trick to shopping for dads is don't buy them something new, upgrade something they already have. Genius. Maybe it's a fresh pair of coal hand sneakers, maybe it's a new Tommy Hilfiger, linen shirt that he can wear from the golf course straight to dinner or maybe it's a Braville barista express espresso maker if your dad treats making coffee like a professional sport like mine and it's the same dad just a slightly elevated version okay and those are always the gifts that actually get used so if you're still trying to figure out father's day macy's makes it easy you can shop online or in store or buy online or pick it up in store if you're cutting it a little close check out macy's online father's day gift guide for even more ideas to find dad something

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with Eye Gaming Ontario. When I turn 41, I'm like, okay, I really am now starting to think about marriage. I know I've been engaged twice, but I've never really been like the girl that gets excited about marriage. And now I'm like, maybe I could do it. So for me, and this is like all stuff

that's in this special two that are jokes, but are true, I wondered what the point was for me. Right. Because we don't want kids. I really think it's great. My parents are still married after 40 years, 40 plus years. Like, it's great to have kids and have the same last name and do the thing.

It can be complicated if not. Right. You know, people do it, of course, but not having kids, not going to change my last name. Right. And why do you have to get the government involved in signing papers and now that's the whole thing? It's just a contract. Right. And I still, I did it.

I support it. But, like, we weren't going to just throw all of our money together in the pot. Yeah. You know, we were going to keep something separate. we did a pre-up. It was awkward and invasive. And so all of these things, we did actually talk about what is the point. Right. And, you know, two weeks before the wedding, like, we're starting out the wedding. We're starting to do the party. Like, do we need to go to the courthouse? Right. It was really important to him and it's important to me. And I, it's great. I love being like

legally committed to him. But it's not sexy. It's just the government's paperwork. I know. I've always found it so weird, but I agree. The same thing where I'm like, but I also respect it. Yeah. Like I have both feelings where I'm like, this is so stupid. I respect it. Well, we, when we like made it official, which this was, we had been dating this whole journey started in May, like I mentioned, but my birthday is July 9th. We truly made it official, like had the talk on my birthday trip in Cabo, on a bow, July 8th, the day before. You know, I was really like, I really accomplished this at the buzzer, like I thought that I would. And, We were like, were we doing this?

You know, we're going to be in a committed relationship. And he obviously, I knew how he felt. And he's on this trip with me. Like, obviously we're together. But I was like, yeah, I want to be with you. I just really want to make sure you don't want kids. And, you know, you might think you don't. But if you change your mind, you have to tell me because it's not happening.

I'm not doing that. And I want to make sure my partner feels the same way. And he was like, I promise you, I don't. But I really do want to get married. And I was like, okay. And I think in that moment, I know. knew I was going to marry him, but I just was like, I'll get married. Yeah.

Did you always know you didn't want kids? Yeah. You've just always. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I really, I mean, when I was a, I mean, I joke about this is special too, because I just like think little girls, like even though they like play mommy. And I'm like, I didn't.

I joke that I had my Barbie dolls dry humping in the dream house on a stack of monopoly money. Like I was like, I saw my future differently. But I guess, yeah, when I was young, high school, even college, I guess. thought I would, but never, like, dreamed of it, pictured it. It was like, everybody does it. Yeah. And then it really became clear to me. I just don't have an interest in this.

And the first person I dated that I was, you know, in love with that I really thought maybe the person I was going to be with, that's when I really knew. And he didn't, he said he did one kids either. And I remember this one time seeing him, like, play with a family friend and was like, he actually would be a great dad. And like, even seeing that, I was like, I'd still. don't want it. You know, I want kids in my life. I'm obsessed with them. My nephews, I, like, so, I was just with them last weekend. I'm so obsessed with them. I can't handle it. And I really love kids in my life,

but I've just never wanted it for myself. No part of it interests me. It is such a commitment. It is so much work to be a good parent. Yeah. And I don't have it in me and I'm not, it's just none of it. Do people shame you for that online? No, they don't. I think because I'm, I'm confident in my decision and I'm like in my convictions. And I, if it's definitely, I think it's changed a lot in women speaking about this. And I don't like the shaming either way, you know, like I don't like the culture of like, like, I don't have kids. So I get to live this life and kind of, I don't know. Like maybe I'll send those memes to Raina.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say that shit to her. Yeah. I don't like the childless woman shaming and the mom shaming on either side of it. I'm with you. I mean, but that's, I just think of trolls always trying to go for the worst that. Yeah, I mean, some people, I think it's funny when people, I've always said this since the beginning. Like, I haven't wavered it.

Every once in a while there'd be like the dumbest comment of like, you just feel this way now because you're too old to have kids. I'm like, run the tape. Yeah, I got the tape from day one of our podcast. Yeah. Like, you don't, people don't know what they're talking about. either. Yeah, that's so true. I mean, I just feel like the time, women in general put so much timeline pressure on themselves, especially to have a baby. But when you're, when you know you don't want to and you don't feel that biological clock ticking, I feel like that alone is just like, yeah, you're living for you.

Yeah. Do you want kids? Yeah, I do. You do. I feel for women of a certain age who one children and, A, are struggling with their fertility if they have a partner, but women that don't. And it's so frustrating. Like, there's no women I, like, feel for more, my soul, my friends included who really want to be a mom. I know. And want to do it with a partner and don't have that partner in their lives. And I've certainly seen women have kids on their own, which I find really admirable. And I hope they have the community and the support they need and the family and the friends.

but it's so shitty. It's so shitty. We have to worry about this and the aging and all the things. All the things. And then the perimenopause and to the menopause and all that fun stuff. I just read a really cool article. Actually, I'm going to post it on the Instagram page for this group because it's, I was like so validated. Yeah. By just feeling, being 40 and like in the era that I'm in, I was like, yeah. About like perimenopause? Yeah. Yeah. Like perimenopause, like what I. was like taught my whole life compared to what your body really is doing and what's going on and why you shouldn't feel shame around X, Y, Z. Yeah. Yeah, I, I feel like we're in a good place as women in our 40s. Oh. Like in terms of culturally the role models. Like, I mean, these beautiful, like, iconic sex symbol women are now in their 40s and it's, I don't know. I think age shaming is so

It's like the lowest hanging fruit. Like I just think it feels really nice. It feels like we are the lucky ones to be 40 plus now. I know. I agree. And I was thinking about it too with like getting married in your 40s. Like you there's obviously like you're very set in your ways and you know how you like to live, which is like obviously a tough part of it.

But the easy part is you know what you don't want. You're like very clear in what makes you happy. And you have like more of the capacity. to hold space for like arguments and yeah you know like you're just in a healthier place yeah yeah you're like actually feel like adult like a grown up yeah yeah 40s is when I first started feeling like I think I'm a grown up yeah yeah yeah I really it's just I joke about this lot I mean I call myself a geriatric bride and the special I mean we I'm married at 42 yeah but I didn't even feel like I was ready before that yeah no I get that like just career and I didn't have the space and the energy of my life. Yeah. Till literally I decided that I did.

Yeah. No, I think that's, first of all, it's just honest and that's real. Yeah. Yeah. That's what is easier, though, about getting married later in life? Like, what are the easy parts of your marriage right now? Well, the wedding, I, you know, we paid for it. I paid for most of it.

I mean, it's just, I talk about this a lot. And so it was exactly what I wanted. Yeah. Like, I love that shit. I love that it was like, I'm in charge. Yeah. And my parents would let me do whatever, too. But, like, no one got to tell us anything.

That's nice. We really did. Oh, yeah, that's true. Because usually, you know, these young brides are like, yeah, that's true. They're going to weigh in. Your in-laws are paying for part of it, you know. Yeah. I was like, our wedding is traditional and that the breadwinner of the bride's family is

paying for it. Who was me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So I don't know. People don't really fuck with you. That's so true.

that age and you can you have the money and then your friends have the you didn't realize about the wedding you know I smelled the marriage but the wedding like everybody has the money to travel I actually like this yeah you know I didn't do a bridal party no one to go around with that I had three bachelorette parties and you know I just think of all the weddings and the bachelor party's I went to in my 20s that I just overdrafted my account and I still went and yeah it just could not afford them truly yeah and so it's nice to be at this age and our wedding felt like everyone kept saying it felt so young even though you know I'm 42 and my friends are around my age my husband is younger he's 35 yeah um and his friends are but his friends are also like

he really is more married friends with kids than I do really like the way you know my friends are all New York L.A people and he's from like the suburbs of Boston like they just kind of settle down so it was like kind of funny in that way but it just felt like young party vibes in terms of there just wasn't a bunch of my parents friends. Right. And we don't have, neither of us have grandparents, unfortunately,

and it anymore. We did. I see what time. Ever. And so it just felt like this party of these 30s and 40s being close kind of iconic. That's,

that is iconic. That sounds like exactly what I would like. Yeah. It was pretty dope. Yeah. And my mom, you know, my parents, of course,

my mom was like, I have a few friends. I would love you to invite that. Also, I grew up with, you know, I was like, of course. Like, it wasn't like mom and dad,

you don't get a say. my husband and his aunts came, you know, it was, people got invited, but you see that a lot where the parents are paying and it is like on their rules. And that's, I mean, money's always like a control thing for a lot of people without them even realizing it, but that is such a thing for weddings. And I can't imagine having to ask for money. Right. Like, hey, mom and dad.

Or like, even if they. I want to do these flowers. I get it. That's pretty normal. Yeah. But like, I need a little more. more. That's, and then even if my parents offered me, I'd just feel guilty. Yeah, and I don't know how it works. Like, this is a foreign concept to me. Is, are your parents like,

here's the amount? Yeah. And then you've got to go back or like, how does it work? That's a good question for like, it depends. I mean, how many dollar dollar bills are in the bank, I guess, if you'd be like, yeah. Because isn't it, is there a rule? Like, you know how for an engagement ring it should be three month salary? Yeah. Is there a rule for how much you spend on your wedding? Like, no, but I will tell you that if you, we did this with my wedding planner, she came on, if you really want to do it right and have a nice dinner, open bar, a rehearsal dinner of a certain caliber, you know, our wedding was three days. That's, you know, we wouldn't have to have the welcome party, I guess. But, you know, if you want to do it right, you want to have nice things and a good, good music,

it is in a city, everywhere is different. Let's just say, we're talking to, we're talking to, about, I mean, New York's pretty expensive, but we did it in LA, you know, in a major city at a nice location, it is probably going to average out about a thousand a person, which I think people here and they're like, no, and you don't have to do that either, you know. But if, I'm talking about kind of a high caliber wedding and it can come down from there, but that kind of you think about what it costs for days of feeding people and drinks and stuff. And again, like, you don't have to do that. You could do anything you want.

I mean, my wedding planner was like, we've had iconic weddings in like a fire hall, you know, for 10 grand or whatever it is. But these days, like, that's kind of an average of what it costs, which is kind of crazy. Okay, how many people did you invite? 150. I mean, I don't know the final number. I've only spoken about this, but I don't really, it probably equalled out to that. We just, we wanted to take care of people.

Yeah, no, I get it. I'm going to do it. I want to do it right. Yeah. And I want it to be the best experience anyone's ever had, including myself. Like I'm, I would do it right too. It's just, and then you think back on it and I feel like either people like, ooh, I spend too much or they're like, I had the best night of my life. Yeah. And again, there's just so many things. Like I got towards the end. And again, this wasn't me. I didn't pay for this every single. My husband contributed. Our parents contributed. But, you know, it was still mostly me. Yeah. where towards the end I was like get throw it in the bag you know like this is between god and amex at this point I don't if you were to ask me what the final number was it was like I don't know and I don't really want to know I you know I toured this year like honestly when I look back I'm like the tour kind of paid for the wedding you know this was the tour was about the wedding I've shot the special pay for the wedding did all the stuff to find everything in New York I'm like well I didn't pay for this in Nashville well I saved your all this money over the last 10 years we did in Nashville

so now and I got this for free at this spot on so I can pay for now I I'm trying to just... Girl math. Yeah, girl math, exactly. All right, I feel like summer is the season of saying yes to plans. Someone wants to play pickleball? Sure. Last minute golf round?

I'm in. Day trip to a beach town? Why not? The problem is that half the time I have no idea where the day is actually going to take me. So what starts as a quick coffee run somehow turns into being out of the house for eight hours. And that's why I've been living in active wear. I always kind of did, but especially lately and especially fabulous. because I need clothes that can handle whatever random little activity I agree to without having to go home and change three different times.

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of whatever the day ends up looking like so shop now at fablics dot com slash o tv to get 70 to 80 off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a style quiz. Be sure to select OTV when prompted to unlock this offer. It is a limited time offer so don't wait. Again, that's fadletics.com slash oTV for 70 to 80% off everything as a new VIP. Okay, ladies, let's talk about what actually makes a man hot. Because sure, nice simple smile, six-pack, fine, take it or leave it. But I've lately been watching some of my friends have babies and I've realized something. Okay, you know what's really hot is a dad, being a dad, and knows a nap schedule, and knows their feeding schedule, and a dad that doesn't have to ask, how many bottles has the baby had today? A dad who just, like, already knows the answer before mom has to explain it. God, that's hot.

And apparently, I'm not alone. Nanit is literally leaning into that idea that hot dads use Nanit. And honestly, they might be on a something. The Nanit Smart Baby Monitor automatically tracks sleep. Monitor's breathing motion provides real-time updates, sleep scores, safety notifications, and personalized tips, all without manually logging everything yourself. So what I keep hearing from my friends is that the biggest gift isn't just the monitor itself. It's sharing the mental load because when both parents have the same information, parenting starts to feel a whole lot more like a partnership. So yes, muscles are great, but knowing the baby's sleep schedule, that's the new six-pack.

If you're expecting this is the number one item you're going to want on your baby's registry. But if you need it now or want to give it to dad as a Father's Day gift, don't wait. N-N-It has two big sales happening this month. Head to nanit.com. That's n-an-it.com. I feel like you have good hot takes and I feel like you have like the realistic part of your brain about weddings. So I wanted to do, since you're fresh out, like the hot takes on like wedding, certain things that happen at wedding. Okay.

Like something some people obsessed over and you're like, no one cares as much as you think. Yeah. Okay. So speeches. Do you think they're genuine, performative? Do you like them? Hate them? I have so many thoughts, but I'm also a person who speaks for a living.

Right. So there's so many, not everybody is a comedian, clearly or even funny or it likes to speak publicly. Let's just be clear. Yeah. And I love an awkward speech. I love a cringe moment. If it doesn't do with me. I don't want to see someone I love bomb. Right. But like a wedding you don't really know. I love for like, I love a little drama. Like I don't hate on like a bad speech. I think it's hilarious. Like there's things I've been talking about for years, you know, that we're bad from people's weddings. But I just think sometimes the length, it's the first one. Practice it. Is it five plus minutes? It's three to five unless you really are killing and I've seen. And how do people not know that? that at this point. Did you not run it? Yeah. Run it. But Twitcher, you have a computer in your pocket,

like put your timer on and see how long this is. I remember being in a wedding. And this wasn't like a close friend. We were kind of like the D-list table, the fun table, honestly. And I remember the maid of honor bringing someone up there to flip the pages of this speech. And I think it ran eight to ten minutes. And it was like flipping page. She thought that was funny to have you have to bring someone up there to flip the pages for you. Like it's that long. Oh, oh. Like that. It was so long. It was like written pages and pages and pages. I don't like a phone to read off of. Oh, I get that. Whatever you want to do, it's fine. If you want to do that, that however it's comfortable for whatever makes you comfortable. Truly. But like if you can avoid it,

I don't love the vibes. Yeah. You know, but people do it. It's totally fine. What I hate the most in speeches, you see this typically with a sibling, like a best manner of a maid of honor. more, I hate to say it's more, it's usually a sister. Yeah. They center themselves in the speech. It could also be a best friend, but I did, man, whatever, I don't know what mattered. I'm barely listening to men or something. But like, such a good point.

You know it when you see it, but it's typically involved somehow they bring up their own relationship. I don't know. When I hear a speech, it's like my husband and I, like, why is your husband a part of the speech? Does happen all the time. To your best friend or to your brother or your sister. I don't know.

I hate when I can, it doesn't always, that's not always the tell, but there's this vibe of it's more about you and less about the person you're speaking out speaking about yeah um so those are some things i i i don't love but again like i live for like people trying and i love speeches that you don't know we're going to be funny and then they are yeah our wedding like people were like i get it i get your my my dad's speech brought the house house down. He got an innovation. There's a part of it at the end of the special, like, that calls back to a joke of mine. It was insane. That's awesome. Standing ovations and my agents up on his feet, give him, I'm signing him, take, bring him on tour. Really? Go ahead. And then my brother and then my

sister-in-law, my husband's sister, it was incredible. It was like, no-no. It's like everyone. But I'm also, it's just like, I'm a comedian. Like, it's kind of this is where I got it from. Right. That's true. Are not professionals, but that was the vibe like far. Huh? Yeah. And like Hannah Burner's wedding and I remember just like her, every, Everyone's speech crushed. Really? She did a speech, does it a speech. Her mom did a speech.

That's kind of in their blood. But I don't mind when they're bad. I just hate when they're really long. And it feels disrespectful. I agree. You should have practiced and timed this. Yeah. That should be like speech 101.

And when they start with like, we met when we were six years old. And that's not just like a funny anecdote. It's their whole life. And then it's seven. It goes childhood, college, adulthood. Oh, my God. It's a chronological history. Yeah.

What is this? How do people not do that, though? How do they get to the point? I don't know. Just also, I mean, I really think we should all be, you know, like working on our AI usage. But if there's a time to use it, it's important. Yeah.

I will accept AI helping you with something that important. I agree. Yeah, it's not just like a one-year-old's birthday party. It's somebody's like, especially for you, it's like you're doing it and it's like a big moment and you found your person and you're like, so your speeches were, did they happen? Did you have speeches? What? Your dad, obviously, but did you have like, because you didn't have bridesmaids, did you? So we, the people who spoke at our weddings, people who headlined the wedding, um, me, no, my husband and I did our own house that they were iconic. But Raina officiated. I was from the post. you. Yeah, the vows just went viral the past week. But Raina officiated, so that was like her part of it. So that's obviously my best friend in the world. She got to say all the things she wanted to

say up there, you know, the most important person, arguably. And his parents spoke at our holiday ceremony, which we did the day before. We did this traditional Indian ceremony. That night, we did a Halloween party. Our best friend spoke in costume. I was like, I want people doing speeches in costumes. That's incredible. My best friend,

like since I was four, dressed as Hulk Hogan, doing a speech. Unbelievable. That's incredible. And then at the wedding was my parents together, my brother and his sister. Oh, I love that. Breaking him up like that. That's so smart. Yeah. So it wasn't too much. Okay. Vows. What do you want to know? Well, yours were hilarious, but what do you think about people? Okay, writing them or or saying like repeat after me. This is like a personal preference. Like I have officiated three weddings and my My brother and my sister-in-law didn't want to do their own. They're just not, they're just kind of more shy.

People than my brother's hilarious. Yeah. I mean, I think he was like physically shaking before he had to speak at my wedding. Like he just, for someone who's so big and like everybody loves him and he's so funny, he just doesn't really want to have a mic in his hand. Yeah. So I asked them and they wanted me to do the whole like repeat after me thing. And then I've had my cousin's wedding. They did like kind of shorter vows.

And then I did a wedding where they did like. longer vows and I really wanted to like talk to them beforehand so I didn't step on their vows in my officiant ceremony. So I this is so personal. I have no judgment what people want to do. And I typically like what I see. If people opt to write their vows, they're usually good. I agree. Or they don't do it. Yeah. Like you know if you're going to crush it or not. Yeah, I agree. I actually always love when people do their own. I've never seen one where I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, Okay, open bar. You should, open bar is the standard.

Yeah. You should have, I mean, I think you should not have a wedding you can't afford. Yeah. Right. That's the standard. It is. Open bar is standard, right? I don't think I've ever been to a wedding that wasn't.

Yeah. I mean, there's some, there's nuance there. I was seeing this TikTok that this couple was having a dry wedding. Yeah. And they were like, we don't drink. And the comments were mixed, of course. If alcohol is like a trigger, like we're talking people who, I promise alcohol, like people understand that, that's fine.

If you, if the wedding, most people are sober, that's one thing too. If it's cultural. Right. I always think if it's not a real problem, I think, and you should have a cash bar at least. Like if the, I understand a couple not drinking. Yeah. That doesn't want to pay for everyone's alcohol. Yeah.

But like I went to a wedding and they were most. and the family was, you know, drinking and they had a cash bar, though, like, kind of off to the corner. People were going to it. You know, I thought that was nice that they even offered that. But if you just don't, if you, if everybody's drinking and the wedding, it's in that way, there's really no issues around alcohol. It's just a cost thing.

People don't like it. They don't like a cash bar. You know, people have traveled to come to your wedding. I think, how old are you? What's your stage in life? Yeah. There's so many things that go into. the details of a wedding, like all these details I'm asking. I'm like, because it just really is personal.

Wedding is so personal. Yeah. It's, but I really think it's, it of course is about you, but it is about your guests. And my, you were hosting this is people have, you were not the first person to get married. Definitely. Coming to your wedding has been to tons of other weddings, probably. They are paying, they're getting on flights. They're paying for hotels. Like my guest experience was top of mind. Like I paid for stuff I probably didn't even really need to like, you know, if there was any set of rules, but it's just really, I think sometimes people lose sight of that. And that's kind of a thing I see a lot on the internet too. Like, it's your day, do what you want. It's like, ah. Yeah. Don't let the guest experience supersede your experience, but keep your

guest in mind. Yeah, that would, the guest to me would be like, I get that it's my day, but it's also his day, but it's also like a thing that everybody's spent money on to be there and getting you a gift and like their their my guess would be definitely top of mind yeah yeah oh that's a good point i want to know if people are watching in the comments like what they think about that yeah i mean across the board cash bar for a wedding no right come on now if you ever's gonna talk shit about you there are certain exceptions to every rule and you know we did this daytime holiday ceremony the day the day before the wedding on the on the friday and I was like, again, you don't need to do what I did, whatever.

I wanted to really be kind of, I wanted to do it all. I wanted to take care of everybody for everything. And we did a cap, we did a open bar, but just beer and wine. Because it was middle of the day. Yeah. And then you could go to the bar if you really need a liquor drink right now. Yeah. There was times when I was like, I don't need to do open bar for the one to four p.m. event.

And then that night we had a party that was actually full open bar. Right. So just, you know. And then our welcome drinks. Like we had a tab. And when the tab was over, it was like you can buy your drinks from here and out. Like there are certain things. You don't have like alcohol flowing for three days straight.

Right. It does get pricey. Yeah. No, I'm aligned. Aligned with everything. You said your clip went viral about the vows when you said your husband is not your best friend, which I loved. People get very intense about that little like, I don't know. People debate this.

That's for sure. So should your romantic partner be your friend too? Explain to me your theory. Your friend or your best? Sorry. What? Do you think they should be your friend? Not your friend. Your best friend.

Of course they should be your friend. All right. We're not even friends. You are just strictly my romantic partner. Get away from me at all other times. Do you not talk about friends? Don't ever confide. Yeah.

I mean, it went viral. And I will say, like, 90% of the comments I see are like on my side. And when I actually put it out there, I didn't think there would be any pushback. And then like, yeah, I kind of forgot that like people are triggered. They said that in their vows. They call their partner their best friend. Yeah.

I hear a little time. Yeah. But I have a best friend. I mean, it's Shishonk, my husband is like, yeah, he's one of my best friends. I technically, like, whatever. Like, he knows everything. He's like my other half, like whatever. But it's like, I just think it's an.

insult to your best friends. Well, think of how annoyed you get, or at least I do, when my best friends call their other best friends, best friends, best friends. Yeah. And they're like, oh, my best friend. And then you can tell they're like, oh, we went to the movie. It's like your end. And then I get a little.

Right. So it's this dude. Yeah. You've known for a couple years? Yeah. That's like a kindergarten. Like this dude can't be your best friend. A woman's best friend.

That's like, the standards are way too high for some dude to come in and be like, that's my best friend now. That's insane. Yeah. This guy? That's like, when do you first? meet somebody when you're literally like, we're best friends. Yeah.

That's like when you get married. You're like, no. I don't know when it started. Like, you know, there's these things about, that we say about partners that like came from somewhere. Like you complete me. Came from Jerry McGuire. Yeah.

Or I'm trying to think of another one. There's another. I'm trying to think of an, oh, my God. I had another one that tip of my tongue. Um. That we say. If you're a bird, I'm a bird. That's, that's, that's one.

But like, my person. Yeah. newish in the zeitgeist. Our parents didn't say that. Right. So when did the best friend thing start is like the highest compliment you could give your partner? That's a good. I'm trying to think of like I'm trying to think if I remember like in the 90s.

Like the rom-coms were they doing that? Like when did it become so hot? Yeah. When. Would they even know? Google seems so dumb to me now after chat GPT started. I'm like, Google doesn't know shit. But then Google will just.

transition Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Now they have their AI. When did we start calling our husbands, our best friend? Is it a movie quote? Pushmark. This feels like it.

It became a huge cultural thing over the last couple decades. Decades through rom-coms, relationship, self-help. and Instagram caption energy. I mean, that's it. Like, it really does feel, for me, the 90s were yesterday, but they weren't. It does feel like new-ish. There's sex in the city, possibly. Sex and the city feels like they would have been super anti that.

I agree. That's wrong. Like, because I feel like I think of Charlotte's quote, like, what if men were just these people we have fun with or whatever? Yeah. We're each other's people or something. But yeah, so I mean, I, it was my favorite part of my vows because it, like, got the biggest laugh. It was hilarious.

Like, Shishonk was laughing, too. Like, gets it, you know? And I, obviously, what I don't like is when vows are just funny. Oh, and like, don't have a little. Obviously, I didn't post my whole vows. Right. Up until that point, it was very sweet. And then even in the clip I posted, it was like, you're the love of my life.

Yeah. You know, also go birds, your shirt. Oh, yes. And I have that same shirt. but I've seen it when it's just kind of more of a roast vibe. I can think of one couple and they are since divorced and that probably was like a red flag. Yeah. There needs to be a balance.

Yeah. I don't. Even some people in the comments are like, I don't like this and she seems mean and this is. Val shouldn't be funny. Yes, they should. I'm a comedian. And my best friend's marrying me. So that's funny because she's right here.

And you didn't show your whole vows. It's a snippet. Yeah. But I, people really. felt our love throughout the weekend. And I really love the people said that, like, I can tell you guys you're so in love. That's what you want to hear. Like, I wasn't going up there with an intention to like joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.

Like, that was the funny part, you know. But Raina did a full set, I will say. Did she? It was also so sweet, but she went all the way off. It was iconic. Wait, do I get to see Matt? I just said it to you. Yeah, honestly.

But she did this thing where we didn't really. I will say, I should have focused more at the rehearsal. I was like, I know what I'm doing. But we didn't really plan for when we did Shashonk and I did our vows and for Raina to just stand there. She probably should have stepped off to the side. Just because it's long, like ours were each a few minutes. Yeah. Even if it's six minutes total, it's a long time for her to stand up there.

And we had a little platform, so we were all kind of tight. And like after we both got down with her vows, I forget her exact line. But she was like, oh, I've never, like something about, I didn't realize that would be me cucking, like us. Like something about cucking. What's cucking? Cuck holding, like watching people. Ah. Oh my God.

That's all there. Did the crowd pick up on it? So like half the crowd picked up on it. And there was other people who like asked later. Like Shishonk's like aunties. They were just like, what's cuck? I didn't know. Yeah.

It's just like you. Oh my God. It was like a mixed bag. That's so funny. who were like, she just said, cock at this wedding. And then other people were like, what's that? Yeah, tell me more. That was me.

Oh my gosh. That's so funny. I mean, that's what best friends do. I feel like best friend energy is like chaotic. It's unhinged. You tell each other inappropriate things that like, if you did tell your husband, he might be like, tell your best friend that, not me. Oh, my God.

I know. Like body stuff. Yeah. That's, I was going to say, what's something you would tell? Like, you know. What's something you would tell your best friend that it would be weird if you told your husband? I, um, probably. poop stuff.

Like, Shishonk and I, we know each other. We know we poop. But like I don't, some of the stuff I've said to rain about like what my body is doing. I don't. I would never tell Shishon like I just, I've been constipated for two days and just took a giant shit. I wouldn't tell him that. Yeah. No, that's fair.

This is what best friends are for. This proves your point. Yes, exactly. I like it. Okay. I have a question because I just feel like when you're younger and like I've done this and I've gotten over it, maybe I'm too comfortable. the other way now, like when you're stopped saying, like, trying to be hot at all times,

like, when did that stop for you? Like with him? Yeah. Because I feel like what you get, to get married, you have to be very comfortable with somebody and like be able to. And I'm just, I hate the like trying to stay hot for as long as I can for a guy. I'm always like, I'm doing it for me. And then I'm like, fine being gross.

I also think it matters how your relationship is. if you really feel like they think you're so beautiful no matter what. Like, I think it's so sad that a woman would be in a relationship with a guy who does want her to wear makeup or doesn't think she's like, I mean, I can't believe that Shishon could think I'm beautiful when I am look. I mean, it just, it blows my mind. We're not seeing things the same way. Like, I'm like, like, objectively, I look hideous, you know, and he doesn't see me like that. I know. And same with him.

You know, I mean, it's not ever with men. But, you know, we see each other differently. We're like in love with each other. Yeah. So I know that I can look however around him. But I would say, you know, I still think it's natural. Like, I'm thinking maybe the first six months. Like, I don't know.

I remember sometimes when I would at night take off all my makeup but not my mascara. So I would wake up with a little, like a little mascara on just a little bit of a lash. It was like a mint by the beds. so that I don't express. Yeah. Yeah, I did stuff like that. And I, there's nothing like that anymore. Yeah, no. And, you know, we were long distance for a while. I don't know how much like that played into it. But I think it's, I would guess the answer is that like six monthish to a year. But, you know, you just want to think they never care. Well, I don't think they would. I'm more thinking like for myself, like, when do I stop caring in the time? I'm, I'm thinking for myself, it's usually after a year. I'm like, oh, I don't give a shit anymore. Yeah, but I also still, I know he thinks something beautiful no matter what, but I like to look. Like, even I think about it, like, I really am.

He has seen me at my sloppiest, but I don't want that to be all the time. Like, I even think about it in like what I wear around the house. Like, I still want to look cute. Really? I hope I feel like, just because. Like, I just want to feel cute. Uh-oh, should I? Well, but not, like, I just don't want to be a slob every day.

No. Okay. I get that. Yeah. No, no, no. I still like. Maybe five days a week. Okay, great.

Okay. Thank you. Today's all way of matching set. Yeah, I'm like in a Ninja Turtle t-shirt and like doing Donald the duck with no pants and like. But he wouldn't care either. Like, I don't know. They love it. I think he really likes when I look like garbage.

I think he thinks it's like the real me. Yeah. Like I think he met me and he felt like I was kind of on a pedestal. I think pure men really love pure women. Like when they're just in their most pure four. of just them. And they don't, like, I made a reel about this where he didn't even really, I did my makeup trial for the wedding. And I thought, I know I look different. You know what it's like to get like real glam. Obviously, I wear makeup and I'm decent at it, but it's different

to get full glam. So I went and got my makeup done. And I planned a date night that night for us because I was like, I mean, I looked different. I looked like so good. And he like barely noticed. Like, I got home and I was like, oh. And I hadn't told him what I was doing. He was like, you look great. You look great. You look great. You're like, you mean a 10 out of 10 compared to what I usually look like? But he doesn't see me. That's funny. You know, they like see you as just like, you look pretty.

But then it's interesting because kids will call me out all the time. Like when I go see my friend's kids and I have like full glam on, they're like, I didn't even know it was you. Like they're so honest. I'm like, oh shit. Okay. Damn it. Well, it is funny because for my special, that's the best glam. I'm like, I just, I mean, in my wedding too.

And those makeup artists are incredible. one recommended the other like whatever but the I mean the glam the glam for TV special like it was people really made me they were like whoa you the way you look I'm like I never looked wow the top that's hilarious I was like you're right damn it you're right that's like anytime someone compliments me I'm like it's because I have my fake hair in I'm like everybody always tells me I look better when I have fake hair hair I know the hair is such a thing oh it's such a thing okay but what are Do you, I don't know if this is on your list, but do you fart in front of? Oh, it is all my.

Okay, okay. We'll get to it. No, I'm there. Oh, we're there. We're there. Okay. That was my segue into asking if you fart in front of. Oh, my.

Is that a golden retriever hair just poking into my mouth? Um, do you? So I fart in front of him for the first time two months ago. Two months ago, two, three months ago. I hadn't yet. And I wasn't. it like intending to. Like we were watching Love Story, full volume was on, and I kind of felt like I had to

You thought you could squeak one out? Yeah, and I kind of thought it might be kind of silent, but I still was like, I'm just going to go into the kitchen. I was going to refill my drink or whatever. And like really, it came out loud. Oh. And I mean, the volume was up. He heard it over the TV across the room.

And he was like, was that what I thought it was? And he had been like harassing me for so long before that to just do it. He was like, I can't wait too far in front of me for the first side. Like, I just want it. It's such a thing. Like, I don't know. Like, that's when I'll know you really love it. Yeah.

And I find it really fascinating. I think there's like two camps of people because we posted a reel about it. Yeah. From the podcast, we posted a real about it. There are like, why, it's just a bodily function. I fart on the first day. Whatever. There's those people.

That's great for you. And then there's, I'm 18 years married, never done it. Yeah. What are you? I'm like after a year. Let it rip? Yeah. Okay.

Not all the time. Yeah. But like if I'm having stomach issues from holding one in, I'm going to be like, hey, I'm going to go on a two walk or like go let one rip. But like I don't want to like hot box them or anything. Like I don't. Yeah. Like we are super open about doing it. Like Shishonko will be like, can you walk ahead?

Yeah. You know? Yeah. And he knows he leaves for work the second he leaves. I'm rolling around the bad farty like every morning. but I want to try to carefully because people get hot about this. I don't fart in front of like Raina. Like I don't fart at yoga.

I don't fart on planes. You don't creep at yoga? Everybody quees it yoga. I have quefe to yoga. Yeah. I've all been there. That means this is a great stuff. It's like a chef's place.

Natural. Now that is a natural bodily function. But there were some people in the comments I felt really seeing because they were like, what are you all talking about? Do you fart in front of your family and your friends? Like, figure it out. Yeah. You know, and I was like, that's kind of how I feel.

I'm never going to make myself sick around someone that I'm comfortable with. But like, I don't need to fart it up. You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact that you might not know yet. Drivers who switch to save with Progressive save over $900 on average. So they make it super simple. Popover to progressive.com. Answer some questions.

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stuck filling out endless paperwork for every single place you're interested in. It's all in one spot making your search just way easier. So whether you're moving for a fresh start, a new job, just better vibes all around, Apartments.com helps you get it done so you can get back to literally everything else. So join the millions of happy renters. Find your next home at Apartments.com, the place to find a place. Like, again, I did it. Jean-T thought was hilarious. We had sex that night. You know, like, it doesn't matter. It's not like, oh my, it's not actually embarrassing. Again, if the van is shaming you for farting. Yeah. But I don't want a farty guy. I dated one guy that really thought it was funny and farted on me. And like, I

don't want that. Oh, God, that happened to me when I was like 14. Yeah, I was younger. We were like 19, but I just just remember. Which I'm laughing at because I'm like, do you know Ariel Vanneberg and met Kuchel? Yeah, we have. He farts. They're very like that. All the time. But that's okay. I love it. It's like, it's, I think they're so romantic together because they're like, oh, that was a good one, sweetie. It's just like fine. Again, this, it's, I really don't want to shame because whatever you got going on is fine for you. I was talked about this recently. I did page six radio. we were talking about Ashley I and Jared. And there was a scene. It was so many years ago. It was Bachelor in Paradise. And they were laying in the bed. And they had like the camera, like the black and white camera, like the broom camera. And she was ripping ass.

She'd eaten like the bad Mexican food or something like that. Like Caitlin, I never forgot it. It is stuck with me. Wait, I don't know how they were surviving it. And Jared was kind of like, Ashley, come on. And it was like nonstop. I have a reason for this. aired at all.

But she doesn't care. I just had her on the podcast yesterday. Yeah. Or maybe it was day before. No, it was yesterday. And we were talking about, I forgot about that whole scene, but we were talking about farting somehow. Why do I always get here in podcast? And he was like, Ashley, you fart all the time.

And she was like, I know. And I was like, oh, really? And then Jared was like, well, my mom's the worst. So then I'm like, oh, Jared's just used to a woman. And it's like, yeah, slapping out toots because he was like. And she was like, oh, yeah, his mom farts. all the time. And I was like, oh, we're even like taking it to the in-laws. That's how comfortable they are. Yeah, good for that. I know. She's my fart queen. Like, I couldn't believe what I was watching.

Because I was also like, I feel like, how is he surviving this? Was he sleeping? No, they were like rolling around. Like, they both had like a tummy ache. I think like it was. Everybody gets sick in Bachelor in Paradise. I'm like, why does this sound like sexy to people? I think Paradise sounds like sweaty and gross and everybody gets diarrhea and like. Yeah. It's so. Crabbs running around the bed. So hot. Oh, no, thank you. Yeah. I could never.

That's, I just did a show in Dominican Republic and I was like, I think I don't have to be like romantic with anyone on the show. Like, it was so hot and sweaty the whole time. Oh, I can't get sexy in that. I just want to talk about like reinventing yourself and going to a new city, moving to L.A. at 40. And I just feel like it's a bigger deal than people make it. I feel like people are settled into their routines or they're scared to start over

and they think 40 is a certain age or like whatever it is, what was your like energy going into moving to L.A. at 40? Like I know you said you were dating intentionally. Yeah. Did you really put pressure on yourself to find somebody?

Yeah. I like to be honest about it because I, you know, was, I really set it out loud. I like set with my whole chest like to our audience. Yeah. And, you know, of course if I didn't find somebody,

no one would have shamed me or made me feel embarrassed. Right. I was like, this is important to me. It's also like, it's not that I, I don't know what it was. I just felt like that's what I wanted for me. Being single at 40, who cares? For me, I was like, I just feel like going into that era, I want to be with somebody.

I'm ready. I have the space in my life. We've changed where we live and slow down a little bit. And yeah, I will say, like to the point where I felt like a little panicked. Yeah. You know, like, I really want this. And clearly I'm not going to settle for the wrong person when I did it. Like, I'm not desperate.

I just really want it. Yeah. So I, but I think you have to really want it and be serious about it. And actually speak it into existence. And I, Rain and I talk about this too and how she feels with wanting a partner and whatnot. Like, don't do, I'm not speaking to her directly, anybody. Don't do like defense mechanism stuff. Like, I don't need a man.

Like, if you really want somebody. say it. Who cares? Don't do the like, just that defense stuff because it's protecting yourself in case you don't. Because I really think like speaking into existence. Well, I think people need to be more self-aware about how like, just somebody called me out on this other day about being self-deprecating. They're like, but you're still like speaking mean to yourself even though it's like a joke to you. And so I'm like, people need to not like, because people need to be self-aware enough to know when they are being defensive and like trying to be. Yeah. Because then you're like,

but why are you saying that? Yeah. There's a line because we're all self-deprecate. Like, it just depends. I mean, it's like, is it all the time? Like, how are you speaking to yourself? Yeah. So it mattered to me.

I was like, I am going to do everything. I mean, I talk about this in the special too, and it's all real. I mean, I was like, I'm firing up all the apps and hired a matchmaker. I actually had a pretty good experience. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I actually had two great dates. It's a service called Talkify.

I'm sure they're still around. And, you know, everybody's had a mixed bag. I had a really great matchmaker. She just got me. Wait, that's really cool. Because there's so many, obviously, like, swipe right and dating apps. But getting an actual matchmaker is so, like, sweet. That's a sweet way to meet someone, even if it's not your husband.

I mean, again, there's mixed. Yeah. You know, we just were with Tune Day yesterday from Peloton. Yeah. Really bad at matchmaker experience. I mean, there's a mixed bag. But I just her specifically, she got what I wanted. in terms of like the guys.

And the first guy I went out with, just like, I was like, she nailed it and personality-wise. It wasn't a match, whatever. It wasn't a match for whatever reason. The second guy, I actually went out with him. I was already dating Shazhant,

but we weren't official. But I was like, I feel so bad because she's been trying to find somebody for like a month. They put a lot of work in. They want to find you a good person. You get like a match a month maybe. Yeah.

Because they really want to find these people and not just throw you with whoever. And so I was like, feel bad she's done all this work and like I went out with him and he was really great and she was like he really wants to go out with you again they like tell the matchmaker okay you can talk about if you want yeah you know you have this third party and she was like and I just kind of ignored her because I knew what we were going on this trip for my birthday and the shashon and I made official and I had to go back to her and be like you know I am dating somebody

down she was so happy for me obviously yeah I was like I probably would have dated that guy but then I have a question how did they make money if they want you to find someone then you're out. Well, that service, we did I have to deal with them. It is expensive. Yeah. And you pay for like a package. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

And then my other question is you're kind of touching on it. But like for anyone out there, I'm sure there's a lot of women out there who want to intentionally date. Like if you were going to tell someone and coach someone how to intentionally date, what would you say they need to do? I mean, I really think, say it out loud. You know, not everybody is a podcast, but say it out loud to yourself. say it out alone, say it to your friends and family, but I want to find somebody. I mean, you think about what works for you, how you like to date. I mean, if it's not natural for you to do the apps, you don't have to do them. I've never, I haven't been in a relationship with

somebody I've met off an app. I still support them. And you need to get off your couch. Yeah. We were just talking about this recently on our show too that we've glorified this bed rot culture, which is great. Everybody should relax and self-care and that's what I'm doing tonight. Yeah. But you need to get out there in the world. And I really love this experiment by Amy Chan. She's a dating coach. And we had on our show recently, if you guys want to listen to it. And her dating experiment is to date nine people over the course of a year even. You know, it's not so hard to find nine datable guys in the first place. But date nine people, you can't get into relationship with any of them. So the stakes are low. So you're going out

and meeting people that like, I don't know, that you really wouldn't date otherwise. Like if she says, like, she'll tell you if a woman is a height requirement, she'll say you need to date someone shorter than that. If a man has an age limit, she'll tell him to date someone older than that and like really try to find these different types of people. And she was like almost every single time someone ends up with someone they met during this experiment that they said, I never would have dated them otherwise. That's cool. So I think that really matters too. And I think just really being in touch with yourself and what you really want. And for me, this is kind of, I don't know, I got off the pill and it like changed my life.

Really? And I support birth control. Like I think you can go down a slippery slope with like I'm on. I have an ID. I have hormonal IUD. Yeah. I'm on hormonal birth control. Yeah.

And you should protect yourself, whatever works for you. But I don't know. I get emotional about it because I'm like, I may have never ended up with this person if I didn't get off the pill. Like right. I had been on the pill for 20 years. I was living fine. But it changed.

I feel like I came. became like my chemicals in your brain changed almost like it was altering like hormones so much that you weren't like living your truth I yeah like I don't want to be too extreme about it but I mean Raina noticed it you just seemed lighter and happier

it was like immediate I lost weight that's like that's not everybody's story my hair thinned out I will say that was like the worst thing that happened I was on a pill called Yasmin or Ocelo like was the generic but it just really

I don't know not to be too woo-woo but I like became more in touch with myself It was like a woman and like I, like I. You softened into your feminine era. Probably that. Yeah. Probably part of it. I felt softer, lighter, more hornier.

Wow. Like I was so horny, which I was like, this is. So we're not protecting it in pregnancy, but all we want to do is. Right. Because some perimenopause causes like lower libido. Yeah. It like slows the libido down. But and then my doctor was like the pill would help.

But you're saying, I don't know. Everybody is different. Everybody. Literally, every body is different. For most people, again, people need to be on birth control for various reasons. I am on a birth control. But I mean, I think the horniest woman is typically a naturally cycling woman. But also if you have debilitating periods, you can't be horny around that.

But like, I liked that time even of just kind of like feeling my body getting in tune. What are you? What do you mean? What do you do for birth control? Oh, I don't. I know you have really bad periods. I have the worst periods. And I'm help at all.

Like, it's best for you to be off on nothing. Yeah. Okay. I didn't like what it. It was making me a bit crazy. Like, yeah, I felt a lot. I came off of it at 26 and I felt like a different person. And then I went on antidepressants at 33 and then felt like a different person.

And now I'm like, what was I doing? But yeah, it's just you got to find what works for you. And like now I'd like to wean myself off the antidepressants because I'm like, I don't think I need them anymore, but I did that once. another driving. I was like, I definitely need them. And then the last thing I'll say, yes, is we've been talking about this too, really watch your icks and the over-Icking.

Yeah. I agree. And, you know, a guy's shoes or his clothes. I mean, just like you could fix that shit, you know, like core value stuff who someone is at their core. But like, I'm all about making fun of X and whatnot. But I really just be careful. You don't want to throw away a good person. Because it's these small things. It is very offensive, too.

If you were icked out by somebody, like that's, that hurts feelings. Yeah. Like if someone told me that gave him the ick and I did it, I would be like mortified. But I saw somebody on TikTok was like, okay, I'm bored. Tell me like the most petty ick you've ever got from a man. And reading the comments, I was LOLing so hard. Like one guy was like, he kind of like floated when he walked. Toe walker.

Yeah. And another one like, oh, he would, oh, I forget what some of them. I wish I saved it because I was dying laughing at the comment. I just, you know, it might not look like what you thought it was going to look like. The person I ended up with actually is my perfect person, but there were certain things I never would have thought. I thought I would always end up with the guy that lived in New York or L.A. He did not. I thought I would end up with someone closer to my age, not a younger guy. There's these little things. And even at the beginning of our relationship where I was like, I don't know.

And I could die to think if I would have been turned off and in the group chat. Like, I don't know, you guys. I think I have the ick, you know. Totally. No, I agree with that. That's, I'm, and if you have that many X, you shouldn't be with them. And that's what I realized. Right. The hard way.

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for coming. Tell everyone again, I know you said kind of at the beginning, but just in case somebody missed it, where they can watch your special YouTube or what was it, Prime? Or Prime video. Here comes the bride and I'm Ash Hess on Instagram and it's in my link tree, my bio. I love it. It's easy to find, though.

Yeah. Well, congrats on everything. Thank you. This is so great. I'm glad we got to reunite. I am too. Thank you. At first, I didn't think.

was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto TV. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows and they were all free. The truth is ours. It's just so beautiful. On Pluto TV, free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 NX files may cause excitement, loss of sleep and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. it's Becca Tobin. I am currently the mother of a four-year-old, which means I have been through it, but I still have questions and maybe even a few answers. From surrogacy to toddler chaos, I have learned a lot and also not nearly enough. That's why I decided to launch Baby Gang, a six-part series from

the Lady Gang, where I'm getting real about fertility, parenting, and all the stuff nobody actually tells you. I'm bringing in some experts for the tough stuff and some other celebrity moms and friends for parenting survival stuff. It's honest, it's messy, it's emotional, and yes, we are definitely laughing through it because whether you're in it thinking about it or just curious we've got you so join the baby gang wherever you get your podcasts