Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Ashlyn Harris | World Cup Champion on Life After Soccer!

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

#868. What happens when you dedicate your entire life to the game you love… and then it’s suddenly gone?This week, Kaitlyn sits down with 2x World Cup Champion Ashlyn Harris, who opens up about the extreme competitor she’s always been (spoiler: don’t challenge her in beer pong), the brutal toll pro soccer took on her body, and what it really feels like when the dream ends overnight. She shares how she found purpose after retirement, why she walked away from the “traditional” post-athlete path, and what it means to raise her kids with intention. Ashlyn also gets candid about being openly gay in sports, how her journey of identity shaped her, and yes — she spills on her love story with Sophia Bush.Hit play, because if you think you know Ashlyn Harris… think again. And don’t miss her new podcast, Wide Open, produced by iHeart Women’s Sports!If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals!Progressive: Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance.Boll & Branch: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at BollAndBranch.com/vine20.Pretty Litter: Right now, save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy at PrettyLitter.com/vine. Wayfair:  Get organized, refreshed, and ready for the season ahead at Wayfair! That’s WAYFAIR.com. Wayfair. Every style. Every home.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (5:57) – The brutal toll pro soccer took on Ashlyn’s body—and what it really feels like when the dream ends overnight.(21:15) – Her decision to retire: mental, physical, and why the love of the game eventually faded.(35:03) – Being a gay woman in sports, representation, and the reality of living openly in the locker room.(44:54) – Her love story with Sophia Bush, how they met, and why Ashlyn calls her “a saint.”See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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ahead at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, Vino's, real quick, if you are listening right now, which obviously you are, you wouldn't be hearing this, can you hit the subscribe or follow button on whatever platform you're on? please that one simple thing helps more than you even realize it allows me to keep growing on this podcast and making these episodes the best they can possibly be obviously for you that's the only favorite i'm going to ever ask okay it truly means the world to me thank you now let's get into it welcome to off the vine i'm your host katelym bristow and today's guest is a two-time world cup champion one of the fiercest

goalkeepers in the game and just a total icon both on and off the field ashlin harris is here to talk about life after soccer, how she's building something entirely her own with her powerful new podcast wide open, what motherhood and identity mean to her now, and how she's breaking every mold of what it means to be an athlete after the final whistle. She's real, she's vulnerable, bold, and she's doing it all her way. So let's get into it. I could talk to you for three hours because I have so many questions. And I always hate that it's like, okay, keep it into 45 minutes because I love going back into who people were like in your childhood. And I do want to rewind all the way back there. Like, if you could describe yourself as a child, what were you like as a child?

I actually weirdly just was in my hometown of Satellite Beach this weekend for my son's third birthday. And I asked my mom these questions. Yeah. I was like, who was more complicated and nuts as a child? And my mom was like, you were because I had an older brother. Yeah. And he was probably twice the size of me. We're only a year apart. Yeah. And I wanted to do everything with him. But for me to do that, I had to be able to like, hang and hold my own. Yeah. So I was this like bullish little brat that wanted to like take on everything because my brother played a bunch of sports. Yeah. So I was like always out for blood and so confrontational

with everyone because I didn't want people to be like, oh, your little sister. I don't want to be like the weakest link. Yeah, I didn't want to be the weakest link. And one thing I took a lot of pride in, I never wanted to be picked last. Yeah. I was I was a competitor as long as I can remember. So like If we were playing like Red Rover, Red Rover, and we're like four or five, like, I'm out to break arms. That would be me now, but not as a kid. No, no, no. I was always hurting people or myself.

I played dirty. So I, you know, my brother always, we had one TV in our house and he would come home from school and always change the state, like the channel to like, I don't know, like Jerry Springer. And I hated it. I wanted to watch like MTV. Yeah. Back in the day, we actually like.

all watched MTV. Yep. So when he wasn't looking, I would find whatever object I could to smack him over the head and take off running outside because I was faster than he was. Funny. So we were just like unhinged and it was unbearable. Like we, I was just gross and a grom and I would swim in ditches when like streets would flood. I would get like bicycles and like skimboard. I was just, you're a go getter.

I was wild. A wild overachiever. Yep. Yeah. Isn't it interesting, though, because that's literally probably what made you successful. And I think back, I asked this question, too, because I think of me as a child and who I am today, and I'm the opposite. I was so painfully shy. I couldn't look people in the eyes.

I couldn't be outgoing. I would sit. I played softball, and I couldn't get up and cheer because I thought people were staring at it. I wouldn't go to the vending machine, even in middle school. I would not go to the vending machine because I thought people were looking at me. Oh, my gosh. And now I'm like, hey, look at me. That's so funny.

And I'm very competitive now. And I'm like a go-getter. I just like to do and go and be and like live authentically and like be loud. And I don't know how that shifted for me. Wow. Well, I'm the complete opposite now. Funny. So it's weird.

We definitely have like different experiences. Yeah. It's so interesting. I just I love that question just because it's so fascinating to me just to know like did you always, were you always competitive? Were you always into sports? Were you always into like going and doing a being? Because I mean, you're an absolute beast on the field. I'm a huge competitor. Yeah. It's like a little bit too much though. It's not fun to be around me. Like I can't play ping pong or like beer pong or flip cup or like I don't like to lose ever. Like don't even walk next to me. on a staircase. Okay, and now my question is, do you not like to lose or do you not like people to see you lose? I don't like to lose because no one knows I'm competing with them, but I'm competing with them in my head. I do the same thing. Like even in, I grew up as a dancer and I'd go to the dance studio and actually this kind of, I feel like this is around the time I really started coming out of my shell. It was probably 18 or 19 and I went to a dance class. And I remember I used to stand in the back and be so nervous and I didn't want people looking at me.

And then I started going, I want to be beside the best and try and do what they're doing and, like, do better. Yeah. And that's when I started getting really competitive and trying to, like, find my edge and see where I could go with it. And I think that fueled something at me. Maybe I just unlocked something in my brain that that's when it happened for me. I can remember the dance class and who it was. Probably. Now she's on Broadway.

Oh, she should be a therapist now. I'm really unlocking like all the thing. That's part of why I like podcasting, too, is I feel like it's just conversation and I start. Yeah. Sometimes I can't stop. But you, okay, I'm just going to pump your tires for a couple seconds, but two World Cup titles and one of the most respected goalkeepers to ever play the game. I feel like that's so cool and also probably came with so many sacrifices. Can you talk about the toll that pro soccer took on your body first and foremost?

My body is absolutely in shambles. I did like a body scan not too long ago. And they're like, you're in your 30s and you have arthritis. your neck, your back, your knees, your, like, wrist. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, well, that's fun. I mean, that adds up.

Tell me, also, tell me something I don't know. I feel it every day I wake up. But I like, you know, getting back to full circle of what we were just talking about. It's like, I've really, I wrote it till the wheels fell off. Yeah. You know, like my body was such a gift to give me my dream. My dream job was to play soccer and get out of the experience. I was living. I wanted more for my life. And I didn't want to be a product of my environment. So I really

wanted to chase something great. And I did that. And now that I'm a mom, I'm like, yeah, I'm a mama bear. And I'm just like, wow, there's so much more to life than chasing greatness in the big moments. And now I'm so present and still in the little ones that really are so much more impactful in my life like it gives you so much perspective like I kicked a ball for a living and people are like so serious about it and I'm like I'm serious about like going to pick my kid up from school and seeing how happy it makes them yeah or think that that came from like having both living both worlds like you got to do what 0.001% of people get to do and now you get to be a mom, which a lot of people don't get.

Did you think that gave you perspective? Or do you think you'd always... I don't know. I just like was always chasing something. Yeah. Like I just, you know, I just feel like this mindset and this culture teaches us like even when we succeed, we need more. And I got so hungry and like I never wanted to be complacent. I never wanted to get caught like static. I just always wanted to be moving to just to be.

exceptional and it's so exhausting and now I'm like for what that like what people don't realize is you raise the trophy and you have that one moment of like I literally dedicated my whole life to this and then it's gone like that yeah and then it's like okay now what yeah so it's it leaves this feeling in your body where you're like oh god it's we talk about it you get the blues a little bit afterwards because you dedicate so much of your life to chasing that dream and then it's just like over because if you think about it people get that feeling even coming back from a vacation you work so hard for that moment people work their asses off to take a week off and go to that vacation and you everyone knows you get the vacation blues when you come back now when it's

your whole life you eat sleep and breathe something that you've dreamt of and you're doing it and you're living it and you chase those highs the lows must feel low after because you go, okay, what's next? One of my girlfriends was an Olympic swimmer, and she struggles with that still to this day. She's like, I do it with not being able to get pregnant. Like, I'm like, why am I not achieving? Like, it's just, it's so many things. And I have friends that played in NHL that come out of that, and they're like, what's next?

And I only relate to this. I danced my whole life, and I got to go on dancing with the stars. And my whole life, I thought, if I could win that mirror ball, what else could I do I would hang it up I'd be like well I'm good I did it I won the mirror ball and then I go what's next yeah okay well I gotta keep yeah I gotta go on tour with them and then when I don't I'm like are they gonna do an all-star season like I need to win that and and I do I find myself putting other things that I know I want in life I'm 40 I just turned 40 and I know I want a family but I keep putting things off and pushing things away because I go but what's next on the career bucket list and I know that I'm tired of I'm so tired. I'm so tired and I want a family and I want to be present and I want those little moments. Yeah. And so I'm like that must, I know this started with how's your body, but. Yeah, I know. It's the truth though. We like really, you have to live life to the fullest and be present. Right. While you're living it. And I think that's where people get lost a lot. It's like you're on this ascension like this, you have this fire and spirit inside. You always want more,

more, more, more. Well, the truth is nothing will ever be enough. Right. You know, when you're chasing greatness, it's like nothing will ever be enough because you just said it. It's like, okay, now what's next? And I think for me, I had to really reflect on a very beautiful long career. And I'm like, but did I enjoy it? Did I live in the moment or was I always ready for what was next? And I like dropped that rope and now I'm living in the moment. And my nose have become so much more powerful than my yes is and people know like when i have my kids don't ask me to do shit i'm not doing it i'm just not like i want to be present i want to be a good mom i want to live in these small beautiful moments that don't have to be these spectacular grand you know picture

book perfection things it's like literally picking my kid up from school or taking them to the movies or taking them to the beach for their birthday those are my greatest like moments now and it's being still enough to live within those small moments and not seek such grand spectacular ones how do you make that change though how do you go from that is it just by having that experience of like seeing like how they the cheesy like seeing eyes or seeing the world through the eyes of like your children now oh it's just a lot of therapy and a lot of work then good i'm on the right track yeah no seriously because it really is it's like i want my kids to see how hard i work but i want them to know like the greatest gift was showing up yeah you know and both can be true at once

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Exclusions apply. What do you think your biggest like fears are for the world that we're living in? Is it raising kids in it? Is that? Oh God. everything about is awful living it raising kids it's it's this whole social media has gotten so unhinged people are so open to just we're in this weird cancel culture we want to hurt people we don't want to help our oh love a downfall and i'm just like you guys it's so hard out there it's hard to make

money everything's expensive people can't put food on the table people can't like keep a roof over their head and it just has gotten to be this and they're mad at you for living in your life. There's just this war amongst all of us that we want to hurt each other. And I'm like, what about just helping your neighbor? I used to like go knock on my neighbor's door and be like, I'm really hungry. What are you guys making for dinner? You know, like everything is so siloed. Everything is so fragmented. Like, we've lost the fucking plot. Yeah. Do you think there's hope or no? Because I think like when I choose to go and find good, I'll find it. And I, but you really have to go searching and so I think of people like yourself having important conversations on podcasts having

you know a platform and everything that you're doing and I'm like that gives me hope and I remember my friend because I said I was so scared to bring kids in the world and she said her dad told her something and he said if you don't bring good into the world who will and we have to keep having that mentality of like good people can raise good children and our generation our next generation can you know yeah be better so like we're responsible of raising these children like it is our job to provide them the tools to navigate life that is my responsibility to raise two very good humans to go off into the world to spread good yeah not to harm other people not to bully people and silence and do i'm like my my kids know the three rules

rules are the rules in the house you don't like polite you have you don't say no in this house is no thank you and kindness is currency yeah it's the biggest one and sherry and his care like and they're two and three like i i don't care i want my children to understand that they have to show up in this world and be good humans above all else i'm not saying oh do you want to be a professional athlete when you grow up or do you want to be a fire person or a police person like that's usually what we teach kids is to dream this and to chase it i'm like really laying the foundation at an early age of you know what i want to be i want to be kind i want to be a good neighbor i want to show up when people are hurting the most i want to lend a hand like those are the words coming out of my

kids mouths at an early age and i think that's important i'm not scared of the world outside my walls because it's my job to prepare them for that yeah god how do you prepare well you you tell them the truth yeah you know it's like it's not i'm not living this pretend life like i cry in from front of my kids and i explain why i'm sad yeah i explain why i had a hard day and like i want my kids to be empathetic and they give me a hug and they they get it at an early age because i'm not pretending like everything's good. And the second they walk out of there, they're like, this isn't what you, this is not what you were talking about. Yeah. Do you, I feel like my parents' generation, which I think this is a nice thing for what they knew, but I do feel like my parents tried

so hard to protect me. Oh my God, they swept everything under the road. Yes. That is the generation of being like, no problem here. We're not fighting. What do you mean we're fighting? Right. It's so interesting because I do, I feel like I had both in my life where my parents, were really good at, like, if they did have an argument, we would sit down and talk about our feelings and why it happened. And also, at the same time, my mom loved things being perfect. And it was because she wanted us to have such a happy childhood that she did sweep a lot under the rug. So I feel like I saw both and it was so confusing. But at the same time, I still, to this day, I'm learning how to not let fear, like, take over. I live in fear a lot of times. And I'm like,

that's so interesting for me because I am I still go do things scared but I do live in fear I'm scared of everything I think that's very normal yeah though as you get older you like when we were young wild and free like think about it just we would be on roller coasters I was jumping off like bridges where I lived because of we were right by the inner coat like I was a daredevil I did it all but when you get older you're like my body doesn't feel like that anymore you know I wake surf the other day and I woke up and threw my back out. It's just like, girl, I'm like, I'm good. I don't need to be doing all that. This is, this goes back to our earlier conversation, but I was thinking about your body and what it's been through because like the lifespan of an athlete

is not no very long career wise because of the toll it takes on your body. And your brain and adrenaline when you're out there playing soccer is probably just like separates it. Well, no one's ever playing. When you're at the highest level, no one's ever playing 100%. That doesn't exist. Right. You just don't. Everyone has something. Everyone either has a mental block, a physical issue, something's going on.

I think the best athletes in the world, and this is a lot of the unlearning things I talk about publicly is, you know, we're taught to push through everything. We're taught to compartmentalize. We're taught to disassociate. We're taught to be a machine, that there's no pain, no gain, that you'll pass out before you die, that, you know, you're rubbed dirt on it, everything you hear in Western culture to build you into this machine. But then again, it carries over into your personal life and it could really harm and hurt you because I was a team player. It never was about me and it never was about the way my body was hurting and the length I had to go to make sure I was prepared. But now that I'm not an athlete, like, those are some really toxic traits in terms of, like, showing up in the real world.

It's like, yeah, I am hurting. And, yeah, I don't have to put everyone before myself. And, you know, there's a lot of unlearning that mentality because it is very selfish. And it is to be at the top and to be the best. Nothing else mattered. Like, it's a weird complex. Simone Biles in that situation, too. but then I go, is there sports without that mentality?

No. That's why the only, the strongest survive. Yeah. You know, it's one thing getting there. It's a whole other thing staying there. Yeah. You know, and especially over 10 plus years, you know. And I don't know the answer to this, but what was your decision to quit?

Was it physical? Was it mental? Was it? All of it. I was done. You were just done. I was done. And you knew it.

Your body knew. Oh, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't. Everything hurt. It was just like. I didn't want to be on the road anymore. I had a kid and, you know, then I had another one and I was like, I'm done. This is like not that fun.

It's not that lucrative. It's like, what am I doing? Right. You know, it's not, it just wasn't worth it anymore. And I've already accomplished everything I was set out to accomplish and some. It's like, I had nothing left to prove. It's weird. In sports, you're always having to prove something.

It's like you've got to prove your worth every day. You have to prove this. You have to prove this to your coaches. You got to prove this to your staff. You got to prove this to your fans. I'm like, I'm fucking over it. Well, especially in a public eye, too. Like, this happens, I mean, that happens in corporate America.

That happens in, like, other jobs. But then you're in front of the world with that kind of scrutiny, too. I'm like. And people always say, you know, and I say this, and it's not to be an asshole. And God, I love the fact that people still play for the love of the game. When the game becomes very professional and high tech and high performance, The love of the game goes away. It's a job.

It's not, there isn't that kind of freedom that everyone talks about. I think that's like, people aren't telling themselves. This is them lying to themselves to keep it going. Like the freedom just to play, that was like when you played outside and nothing matter. No one was getting paid. It didn't matter who was starting. And there wasn't rules. It was like you and your friends went out and played this game called World Cup.

That was freedom. college, you know, was maybe a little bit of freedom. But even then, it's like now you're trying to get into the draft and now you're trying to get these coaches to see you. It's like there's so much that comes with it and so much pressure and so much performative, like pressure of always being at the top and always getting picked and always this and that. And I'm just like, I don't know, like, if I really enjoyed it by the end. Yeah, I mean, that makes sense. you wore it out. You did as much as you possibly could.

You were a champion. You were all these things. You did it. And it's good to know when it's time to stop. I don't think a lot of people could do. I'm still trying to figure out like, not to stop, but like slow down and choose. Like, time is going by so fast for me. And I'm, I've got like something.

I won't talk about it here. But like some devastating news happened the other day. And it really put things into perspective for me. And I'm like, even that. news that shook me to my core, I'm like, I'm still like, okay, I'll deal with it later. Like, I, I, what do I need to do next? Like, I don't know what it is for me. I want something to click. Yeah, I, I think that that is the problem when we become so fixated and so consumed about this, like, I always call it this pursuit of perfection. Like, I want to be at the best

at everything. But if I do that, I'm actually missing out on the little moments in life that matter the most and you know I just same I just went and saw my family this this weekend and we were all together and we were all celebrating like I get that once a year and eventually like that time is going to end like my parents are getting older I'm getting older my brother's getting older my aunts and uncles and it's like you really have to take a step back and realize once it's gone it's gone and if you're always chasing what's next you really don't live in the moment and there's no redo there's no going back yeah and yeah like health and life and legacy all those things you got to really take a step back and be like what what actually makes me happy right because if you're always

chasing what's next you're never in the moment of what's now and it's not a great way to live yeah I guess I should at least say there's improvement because me five years ago, even worse. So I'm really starting to get to a place where I'm talking about it more openly. I'm saying it out loud. I'm like, I really am, I'm ready. I just, I just got to do it. Yeah. Because I'm the only person that's standing in my own way.

Yeah. And it's not like, it's not like life stops when you choose to do those things that are making you happy too. You're still, you have your podcast. You still go do work. things you still get to like live your full life it's not like life stops when no not at all yeah it it only gets better actually yeah that's when you actually start enjoying it just gets better yeah this is what i've heard i've heard too so we're on the street um i want to talk about your podcast it feels like it's not just a podcast like i really do feel like it is a mission and i feel like

it's something that i love about podcast is when it can be unfiltered and when it can just be raw and and honest, so what was it kind of just that, that that felt like another platform? Like, what made you want to start a podcast? I just was so, you know, we spoke about this at the beginning, but I think people think they know you based on being in the spotlight or in the public eye. And wide open, you know, for me is I'm so much more than what I do. And there's so much in my soul. And there's so much in my soul. story that made me be this way. And it's really peeling back the layers of a lot of high performing people, whether sport, entertainment, anything in between is like, okay, like, let's peel away all the bullshit. Like, this isn't a, you know, filtered Instagram photo. Like, tell me what it took to get here. And tell me who you are outside of what you do. Like, let's be like real and wide open and be raw and unfiltered. And I'm going to hold you in this process. And a lot of times we're all crying. We're all being open because I think life moves so quickly that we don't take

enough time to see each other. Yeah. And make space for each other's pain and a time that's really hard. And there's a reason why we're sitting here. We have stories. We have moments that have made us and broke us and everything in between and I want to be able to talk about those moments and those are the you know we talk about this like the small moments that have made us yeah and we don't we don't you know after a game I get a 30 second hit tell me about this and what do you think about like nothing is real yeah nothing is real out there it's all what I choose to share it's a highlight real and I I didn't want that for my podcast I don't want to talk about the greatest moments of your life.

That's all out there. All these interviews are so repetitive and redundant. I'm like, tell me the shit that you're scared to share. And let me hold you through the process. And I'm going to share with you and I'm going to like hold this space to be real. Yeah. And you're going to be okay. And I don't think we have that enough in this landscape of social media and media marketing, advertising, all of it.

It's all fluffed bullshit. we live in such a comparison culture because of social media that we're always fearful of like we're not doing enough and we're not doing it this way or that way or checking it's like what does that even mean i know because you're so and you're you have to live in this place of fear that you're going to get canceled and that you're someone's going to take something the wrong way and then they're going to love the the takedown of who you are and what you've worked for it's like when i look on social media nowadays and everyone's filtering everything their bodies they're shrinking their face there's not one poor i'm like y'all we're shooting and like four and eight k now yeah like stop doctoring everything yeah like what are we teaching our young children that we would like we have we've moved so far away from reality that now everyone's like like everything is so filtered and that's not real life

and like we have to be able to talk about it and expose it. I'm like on social media I'm like no I'm not they have options to make my nose look skinny and my lips look I'm like what the fuck are we doing? I actually saw Kendall Jenner I don't know if she's promoting something

I don't care if she was promoting something it was amazing to see her real skin she had pores She had blemishes. Imagine that. I have a pimple right here. You can even zoom in. Imagine that. Jesus. A pimple? A blemish? No way. I know. And it was one of, you know, a Kardashian of all people. And I was like,

and she didn't acknowledge it. She wasn't like, oh, don't mind my skin. She was just like, hey, I'm showing this product. And I was like, her skin looks like mine when I don't have makeup on. And everyone thinks my skin's perfect. And I'm like, but that's because you see me on social media. I usually have makeup on. I'm usually not showing like, I mean, I will. sometimes I'll be like get a little of this is it but yeah I covered up so today I'm I I I swear I turned 40 and shit just started happening like I'm like I'm getting acne around my mouth I started getting breakouts and like down like around the bottom of my nose is now like a itchy rash oh yummy yeah it's really fun I got a zit on my tummy look at wow

tummy it's like it's life it's life but I like I do it's it's life but I like I I mean, going back to the podcast, it's like, that's why you have this podcast wide open. Let's just crack people open. Let's talk about real shit. Let's get vulnerable. What is something that surprised you from hosting it? People like honestly breaking down has been really like so therapeutic to normalize like real human interaction because it's not the podcast is not performative. It's like it's real.

Yeah. And it's like hard conversations to talk about. things that have you know i'm healing in the process of hosting in a weird way you know and it is very therapeutic for me to be able to sit with people and have real intimate conversations about struggle and addiction and divorce and the loss of a loved one like these are the real anchors that connect us it's not whether i was you know on stage and one age this or that or this metal it's really in those moments you find true meaning and true connection and true reflection and we need that more we need that with with what's going on in life that

life is becoming so siloed and so fragmented and and so separate and we need to get back to the point of like showing up for our neighbors and and life is hard right now for everyone And like nothing right now is that great. So we need to lean on each other more than ever and show up and not be so judgmental with everything that everyone does. Well, I think it's nice to like show another side of people that even for yourself, like starting the podcast, people get to know a different side of you. And having guests on where people think they know them and then showing a complete different side to them. And I always remember the saying stuck with me from years ago, but it was like vulnerability will always create connection. And that's what you're doing on the podcast.

That's probably why people break down is because you're giving them the space to do so. And sometimes that's all people need. Yeah. And that can, of course, like you said, be healing for you because it gives everybody permission to just be and feel and share our like, you know, we can choose what we want to share,

but we have a lot of shadows and dark moments in our... Everyone's got skeletons in the closet. Everyone has skeletons. Everyone has a past. Everyone has something. Yeah. you know yeah like who's been a favorite guest of yours so far i really really enjoyed billy jean king i was really that was a very very special moment for me just to really unpack what she went

through in her career and coming out not coming out she was outed um for being for being gay and she lost everything and she was open about having like a serious eating disorder and what, you know, the public eye does to you and how, you know, we fall into this trap just of what society expects. And it's been really, that was one of my favorite ones. But, you know, I've done ones with Adam Grant and Jillian Turecki and Dr. Lori Santos, you know,

really talking about this evolution of becoming, you know, who we are today and how love, and pain and sacrifice and just really picking the brains of some of the smartest humans out there, paving the way in social psychology or writing New York Times bestselling books. And I think that has been really eye-opening for me and therapeutic for me and humbling in a lot of ways. So I'm enjoying all of it. There's not like one guest. You know, we talked about Colton. Like, here, for me firsthand, you know, I'm a gay woman in women's sports. I'm celebrated. There has never been a time where I walked into a locker room and I was made to feel like I couldn't be me. I can't imagine what that was like for him. And truthfully, there are really no active players, male players in the NBA and the MLB and the NHL. And it's like, hello, statistically. There are, there are. are men in there that are gay that feel so unsafe to live their truth. Like, I don't know what

that's like to show up. And you talked about it being the 0.0000001% and not bringing my whole self to the equation and having to hide a big part of who I am. That would be really, really hard for me. Oh my gosh. Talk about like getting lost in who you are. Yeah. And I just, yeah. All he probably felt of so much shame for so long from every corner of his life. Hearing what coaches, like how they would talk to him and the homophobic comments and like, I'm just like, well, no wonder there's so much shame and fear and like we're nowhere close of men feeling safe enough to come out. We're still like yanking pride flags and pulling pride games away because certain men don't

feel comfortable wearing a rainbow number. Get the fuck over yourself. Seriously. What is something going to burn in the back of your number into your skin? It's embarrassing. Like, just stop. Like, you guys. It doesn't make you less of a man.

It makes you more of a man being inclusive and representing everyone and showing up and being like, I don't give a shit what you do behind closed doors. Like, I care about who you are and, you know, how you show up and treat people and how good you are at your craft and how you're dedicated to being this or like. We've really gotten so far away from the plot. It's really sad to me. It is sad. Did you always feel celebrated being gay? Like, did you know from when you were little?

Was it a learned thing? Yeah, I don't know. It's just like, it just was always there. Yeah. You know, whether I could put my finger and articulate it or put words to it, it was always there. And there were always gay people around us. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know.

It never felt like, ooh, I can't. Yeah. that's be like open about my sexual orientation right that's yeah because i feel like a lot of people who probably come on your show too have different stories like massively yeah okay you know how much i love tracking everything my steps my sleep even my screen time well now there's a way to track your cat's health too gosh i've wanted a cat for like 10 years now so pretty litter is a color changing litter that actually monitors your cat's urine flagging potential issues like pH changes or blood so you can catch problems early. Genius, right? It's also super low maintenance, ship straight to your door,

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conditions apply see site for details i don't know if you agree with me i just feel like there's something so bitter sweet about summer coming to an end i feel that way about a lot of seasons i just loved my summer setup bright colors fresh decor all the little touches that made the season feel special And Wayfair obviously helped me just elevate my summer space. And now as fall starts sneaking up on me, September 22nd this year, can you believe it? I can't. I'm already thinking about how to cozy up the house. I already started bringing out all the soft throws, swapping in warmer pillows,

and making little corners extra comfy for me and the boys. And it's just amazing how adding just like a little few touches, like a new rug or some ambient lighting, can make your home feel ready for a new season without doing a full overhaul. Wayfair makes it so easy to find exactly what you need for your space, whether it's a little cozy upgrade or a bigger statement piece. Time absolutely flies. And before you know it, fall is literally going to be here. We all know this. So why not enjoy every moment of the transition with a home that feels fresh, cozy, and totally you. Get organized, refreshed, and ready for the season ahead at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-F-I-R-com. Wayfair, every style, every home. What do you think, like, for somebody that is still trying to figure themselves out, man or woman, do you have advice? Do you give advice on the podcast for, like, if people are struggling? If, like, have you heard people's stories of what inspired other people to live more authentically? I'm, like, a very big, I think sharing your scars is the most brave thing you can do.

So, you know, it's not, yeah, exactly. I like, I'm very open and honest to the experience. extent I feel safe and comfortable. But I don't really, I'm not a projector of giving advice because everyone needs to feel it and see it for themselves. It's like telling a friend, like, oh, that partner is not, like, they have to see it for themselves. And I am always the friend that wants to love and care and hold and meet people where they're at. It is not my job to tell people how to live, how to choose life, how to show up. My job is to be selective and smart about the people I choose to surround myself with because they have to make me better.

Yeah, I don't necessarily have this grand answer of how to live life. I really just meet people where they're at and I want to hold space for all different types of moments in life because, you know, life is a roller coaster and I just try to really be consistent and kind and caring in the way I show up. Yeah. I think even that alone is good advice. Like it doesn't have to be some grand life-changing quotes. Like sometimes I can just sit here and that's enough.

Yeah. Like sometimes that could be, you know, three seconds in a coffee shop, making eye contact and like really genuinely just saying hello to someone could really change someone's life. The other day, I was actually so scared to post that. this because I put hands free on my Instagram and I'm sitting at this red light that's always the longest red light in Nashville and I was going to I remember I was like oh I saw something in my DMs I was going to respond to it and I hit the start and then my ADHD brain stopped and I started thinking about something else and then I saw this homeless man on the street and I was

smiling because he's always dancing and so happy and he's just a and I always see him on this And I'm like, that guy's so smart, being on the longest red light of the corner, dancing. He's just, you know, I'm like, that's cool, that's cool. And then I got all lost. And so I started smiling and I was like, sorry, this man is dancing and it's making me laugh. He's always on this corner. And I start explaining it. And I drove past him and I still had it rolling the camera.

And I said, I love passing you. You're always like, and he's just saying something positive. And I go, I'm going to come back and get you next time. And I ended up posting it because. It was such a real joyful moment that I didn't, I wasn't like, I'm going to start the camera and I'm going to talk about a homeless man because then I'm going to be a good person. But I was scared that people would perceive it that way. And I was just like, Caleb, stop over thinking it. Anyways, I ended up going back, going to get money and give him some money and like ask his name.

And the way he looked at me, he was just, he's a real person. He just, he was like, thank you for caring. and he was so happy and I just was like what a human connection that just felt so good and he said it made his day and I was like

well probably made yours too it did it did and then something came up on my Instagram I don't know if it was for you or TikTok or whatever it was and it was this sweet little girl in her backseat the mom was like wanted to document it because this girl

it made her day she was giving out cheeseburgers she was probably 12 giving out cheese burgers to homeless people on the streets and she was like oh mom that felt so good like I want to keep going and I was like yes keep sharing this kind of stuff it's it's the truth they say when you're experiencing so much grief and like a really hard time the best thing you can do is show up for other people because you heal each other in the process yeah and you don't even realize how much you yourself needed that moment too yeah exactly yeah and that you're

doing that on the podcast I hope so I'm I mean it's I feel exhausted coming out of it because Because it is, it's a lot to absorb and take in and you have to be very present and very empathetic. And like, you know, your job is to guide and hold people through the process of feeling safe enough to share some really hard shit. And that's like, I don't take that lightly. Yeah. That's a really serious obligation I take very seriously. Yeah. I think people probably feel that when they're with you though.

I mean, even in the two seconds, I talked to Colton about podcasting with you today. He, like, had, it was like text after text of just, like, the nicest things to say about who you are as a person, which that's a very sweet. And I've heard the same things about Sophia. I've never met her, but. She's the fucking saint. I am so incredibly lucky. I'm obsessed with her. Oh.

I know. I love love. And it's like, it doesn't get old. Oh. Okay. I love that love. I actually am quite Debbie Downer. when it comes to love. But when I hear that, because I know you mean it, I get so much hope

because, like, how long have you two been together? Just a little over, I would say, a year. I feel like you really get to know someone after six months. So a year and a half. And you've, I mean, it's not just like you're going on dates. Like, she's immersed in your family. Like, you know, it's real. It's the real deal. And to know that that's how you still feel about her, it does make me believe, like, that that's possible. How did you two meet? We've actually known each other a long time. You have. Yeah, we've known each other through, like, just the business of sport and entertainment

for a long time. And we ended up, you know, seeing each other at different events. And she loved soccer. And she would, like, show up to games. And then she became an owner in Angel City. So we always kind of ran in the same friend group. And one of my closest friends in New York used to be married to, one of her best friends.

So it's like, we always ran in the same group. Oh. We just never saw each other that much because I was, you know, busy playing soccer and she's busy trying to change the world. Yeah. I mean, I'm like, woman never stops. That's, is, what's your favorite thing about her? She's just very, very, very kind and loving and caring and shows up, like, fully for her people.

Yeah. and she could be you know she could walk into a room and be who she is and she chooses to be so humble and so kind and so supportive like she's a unicorn like just she's magical it's very like she just met a bunch of my family for the first time um this weekend and every single person who meets her is moved by her energy and presence and how kind and supportive and caring and loving she is and it's not performative and she's not putting on this front to like get people to like her it's just who she is wow i truly like i said we have you and i have 34 mutual friends her and i have so many mutual friends and i have heard that from so many people

about her yeah i really like some of my dear friends are really close with her like she would give the shirt off of her back for anyone yeah and she is like that is who she is at our core and that's i mean because the world that she's grown up into can really can break you and to turn you into a jaded human so to always remain humble and kind is like so powerful yeah and she makes me like she's on this pursuit of like really leaving the world better than she found it she volunteers all the time and she's i mean she says yes to everything yeah she really does and it's because it matters to her and she wants to to really leave this world better than she found it and she won't rest until like that happens

and it's really activated a sense of like wanting to be better myself, you know? Which is quality. Yeah. She really moves me to, I kind of like would stay in my own lane and focus on the things that, you know, matter to me. And I'm like, oh my God, there's this world outside of my experience that I can advocate for and really show up in a meaningful way and she's really pushed me to do that and really like find my voice in a lot of this activism space and I'm grateful for it because it's really you know brought out a side in me that I I didn't really with before which is really genuine and fun yeah okay really quickly you were working with

Hello Sunshine. That's on my bucket list. Yeah, they're awesome. I just love Reese Witherspoon. I think she is, I don't know where I was talking about this. I don't remember if it was in a conversation on a podcast. Whatever it was, we were talking about the fact that Reese Witherspoon can stand up for like what she believes in and she can be this like badass, but also be the Southern bell and like play these roles of like, you know, I think it was, I think it was Reese Witherspoon that said watch for it in movies now. you won't miss it where women always are like, well, what do we do now? Yeah.

That was race, right? It's so true. She's important things to say and do, and she's, I just love her. I really, really value her perspective on life. And I'll say this. I really think last year was my first time going to her Shine Away event in L.A. And I highly recommend women to go, like, check it out and listen to the way she speaks about. her industry because we all suffer from the same thing and you know she lived in this male

dominated industry and she just didn't have a company like hello sunshine that she could see herself in so she built it yeah and how freaking powerful and beautiful is that and the way she speaks about well I'm not going to keep bitching about it I'm just going to build it my own for myself and for these women and you know right Now I've been working in the sports docu-series space and the unscripted part of Hello Sunshine. It is all women. And telling the stories through the lens and perspective of other women, there's something so beautiful and sacred and it doesn't happen often. So when I'm on set and we're filming interviews of these insanely successful women who are paving the way in sports to have a seat at the table to do it right and for them.

to say, we need people like you because you've experienced it and we want to do right by these women in an industry that hasn't necessarily done right by them for so long. There's so much power in that. And, you know, my bosses, they are constantly inspiring me to think bigger and give me the platform to talk about my expertise through the lens that I've actually lived. Yeah. So what is your role with Hello Sunshine then? Are you hosting something? I'm not hosting anything. I'm a producer on these. You could host, you're an athlete and you're very creative. That's cool. I love it. And I want to sit at the intersection of all of it. Yeah. Because I don't want to just do one thing. Yeah. I want to build shows. I want to be in shows. I want to dedicate, you know, commercial investment into women's sports, which is what I do with Deep Blue. I want to have meaningful. conversations, which is what I do with I heart, I want to sit at the middle of all of this and I'm doing it in a real way. And it's also paving the way for other female athletes to not feel like

they just have to coach or they just have to commentate. Like, these are really smart, smart women who have to start over at 36. And they clearly got the grind and the passion. And they can be, you know, in these C-suite positions. They can pull the strings. They can be business owners. And that's like really important for me to to be able to show that we belong in those rooms as well. Yeah. Oh, I got like it does give me goosebumps just because it is one thing for people to talk about it, but you're doing it. You know, like you, you really are doing it all. And you are sitting at that intersection and you are a part of so much change and creativity and like representation and so many things that's do you do you give yourself enough credit do you like

are you proud of yourself i'm very proud of myself and i like i love what i do yeah i'm like i'm really really loving what i do and it's constantly something different every day with new challenges and makes me think out of the the bubble and now i'm sitting with other high level producers thinking about building new movies and new shows and creating and it's just opening you know every door that opens I'm not fearful to walk through it and be my full self and and it's really working for me and if I fail or if I get something wrong I learn from it and I pick my you know boots pull my boots back up and I'm like all right put I hit my hit the ground running and making sure like I keep grinding yeah how old are you 39

Oh, when is 40? October this year. Only 39. So you, there's still so much. Oh, that's so, I really do feel inspired by you. And I'm not just saying that to be cheesy. Like, I really do feel like I'm like, something came alive in me today. I love that.

Yes. I hope so. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I just like these kinds of conversations. So thank you so much for being here. The ultimate grown-up summer camp is officially coming to Destin, Florida, September 26 to 28, and it's called Lady World. Headliners include Hannah Burner, comedian and star of Giggly Squad, Stasi Schroeder, Lady Gang, Girls Got to Eat, Chicks in the Office, Justin Sylvester, Rachel Lindsay, Caitlin Bristow, and so many more plus music from the main, and pop 2K members of InSync, BB Mac, O-Town, Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray, Ryan Cabrera, ugh, it's just our dream lineup.

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Stream now. Pay never. Hi, guys. My name is Hayden, and a lot of you have been asking me to start a podcast. Okay. I'm totally kidding. Nobody asked me to start a podcast. The world did absolutely not need another podcast, but I wanted to because there's no place on the internet where I can yap for 30 to 45 minutes straight with my best friends, you guys, and just shoot the shit. Talk about all of my favorite things like social media, pop culture, reality TV, influencers. We all know I love a good influencer. And that's what you can expect from my new podcast. A lot of you have been asking. This is a space for some real conversations with some of my favorite. creators, reality stars, maybe even a celebrity or two if they answer my DM. This is all about

the world behind the curtain that I really want to share with you guys. Allow me to ask the questions that you've been dying to know the answers to. And allow me to tell my guests that a lot of you have been asking. You guys can listen to, follow, rate and review. A lot of you have been asking with me, Hayden Cohen, wherever you get podcasts.