Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Aubrey O’Day | Fame, Scandal, and Spirituality

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

#769. Kaitlyn Bristowe welcomes Aubrey O'Day, the former Danity Kane star, for a candid chat about her rise to fame on Making the Band, her fallout with P. Diddy, and her current involvement in a federal investigation. Aubrey discusses the challenges faced by women in the entertainment industry, her life-changing year in Bali, and shares some juicy stories about her past relationships and the realities of reality TV. This episode is full of unfiltered conversation you won’t want to miss! If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE! EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (26:00) - Aubrey reveals her experience with Bachelor Nation’s Aven Jones and how she felt love-bombed. (30:10) - Aubrey talks about being fired from Danity Kane on national television and reflects on the toxic environment she experienced. (36:47) - Aubrey shares how her time in Bali transformed her life, focusing on wellness, spirituality, and personal growth. Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals! Dime: Go to DIMEBeautyCO.com to unlock your discount Love 2 Play: 50 Free Spins. $50 minimum deposit with promo code Vine Better Help: Visit See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario i'm katelym bristow your session is now starting hey everybody welcome to off the vine i'm your host katelymbristow i have Sidney Quinn with me in studio today. You were off camera, but on mic. You heard some pretty crazy stories.

There's a couple times where I turn around, you had your earmuffs on. Yeah, headphones on. Aubrey O'Day was on, and gosh, I mean, it's unfortunate that she can't talk about some things right now because I know her voice is very important and needs to be heard. But we touch on some ditty things.

We touch on her group, Danity Kane, which I know, I know their music, but I didn't know it was called that. And she was like, girl? And I was like, yeah, we didn't have it in Canada. But I really don't think we did. Diddy fired her from the group in 2008 and reunited with them in 2013 before being fired, I think, a second time. But that girl has been through a lot.

She talks about it. And she talks about her journey in Bali to try and get back to who she really is. So very fascinated by her. Would like to have her back on the podcast and maybe just friends over Tex now. So she's very entertaining is what I'm getting at. Yes. Okay. So everybody enjoy the conversation.

Thank you for coming on the podcast today. Thank you for having me. You are a legend, an icon. You've been doing everything for so long. I have. How you get... No, you're not. I'm just as tired as I am old.

I'm 39. That's great. Yeah, you're 40. You look great, by the way. So do you. 39. You look incredible. Thank you.

I don't feel like 40 is what we thought it was when we were 20. Look, I just heard that the Golden Girls in their day, like when they filmed, they were meant to be in their late 40s. They were like grandmas. They were like 70, I thought. Me too. Apparently they were like late 40s into 50s over the seasons. That's so rude that they played them like that.

Well, that was just the time. 40 was grandma? Yeah, so I feel like we're now meant to think that that's. We're like the golden girls? We're the golden girls. Oh, God, I like hate and love that for us at the same time because they had great personalities, but good God. Somebody told me like the literal day they turned 40, they felt a shift in their

selves forgiving less. Is this true? 40 is what? I told you my 40th birthday was like. very, I was like in Dubai, in this thing called dining in the sky, so you're like up on a crane, overlooking all of Dubai, hanging literally by a seat, eating in this meal that's prepped for you. And I got like all these calls coming through on my phone. I didn't even think I would get service.

And I picked up and it was the vet. And they were telling me, your dog's been attacked by a foster dog. The eye is in 13 pieces. Half her face was eaten off. We're going to have to put her down. And I was like, that's not an option. And I made them lower the crane. and I was pacing in the middle of like a random street in Dubai on the phone.

They didn't have a doctor and that knew that was like a board certified. So they had to just have somebody that promised me he's done the surgery a lot. And I was like, and I had asked like, I remember like laying back in my seat and I was like, God, tell me this year, like in the next couple months, I'm making a bold move. I'm either going to go freeze my eggs and prepare to like either have a child alone in life or have a, do it with someone but make sure that I'm locked in and have that handled yeah or should I just go to Columbia and get a full-blown 360 ass just stomach killing it big old titty sorry baby I know you're young but like you know should I just like start looking like I photoshop myself to look like why not I'm 40 fucking I don't want I want to walk around in a thong with my tities out down on melrose and be like

hi guys yes did you need something yeah that's how so for me I was like answer that for me and I kind of got the answer in a way, literally a minute later when my phone blew up, I was like on my knees vomiting. I had like the most amazing people around me. They were all praying to Allah. We were all in a circle praying to Allah that my dog would make it through this surgery. And I just sat on my knees crying. I was vomiting.

I was like, if I lose my dog and she's set at that time, 17 with a heart murmur going into a full-blown surgery. And there's like a really big artery behind the eye. So if they nick it just a little bit in the wrong way, just the brain damage immediately. Oh, my gosh. And she made it. So I realized I can't even handle this with an animal. I can't do a child and their first heartbreak, car accident, broken knee.

I'm going to be like in shambles. I totally relate to that. I'm like been through too much. I want this next phase to be easy. I want like a rich daddy that only wants to have sex when I want to. Unless I really love you, I'm not giving you blowjobs days. and I just want to enjoy my life. Yes. Oh my gosh. Kay, you are me because, well, some of that.

I, too, like, I can't even handle if my dog limps if something is in his paw. Yeah. I'm like, oh, my, I'm so sorry. Like, I can't. Sydney was at a concert with me the other night, and all these intrusive thoughts started going through my brain that she was going to fall over the ledge, that you were going to, like, trip on something and go face first into glass. And I was, like, having anxiety.

I'm like, that's not even my child. she's 16 and capable of walking and I can't handle if my dog like sneezes the wrong way like I can't I don't know I think once we get to a point where we understand the value of life and we're not so carefree about everything and we start understanding the consequences

of things like who we're going to elect next what the dynamics of our country are going to be how things are going to shift where freedoms are going to be sexuality restrictions I don't know having bosses that are in, uh, investigations and understanding that half your life, maybe all of it, you were groomed by a country, groomed by bosses, groomed on reality TV shows, not even

understanding it. Yep. Once you de-program from all of that, you're kind of at a place where you're like, I don't really, I want to just, I want, I want, I want, I'm risk adverse. I don't want it. But I always think, too, I'm like, you've obviously been in that world so heavily that, like, you're jaded. And I'm like, maybe I just need to move.

to Idaho or somewhere and like I was saying on I've said on a lot of podcasts actually that I just want to like live on a farm with animals and like raise kids a different way like so let me teach you something when I learned about that okay I moved to Bali for when COVID started I started seeing how device how race was being used in our country even the Me Too movement when all the movements started happening and kind of like having dated so many powerful people and understanding the way in which movements are utilized to control the masses and so the money can get funneled to where it needs to go from where it comes from without anyone seeing and so on and so forth. I just really started looking at our country very sideways for many different reasons. I mean, they get like

really, really dark, some of them. But I was like, I got to get out of here or like just take a bunch of pills. I can't, I can't say. So I ended up, first my friend was like, you're, you don't have a mind that's made to like operate in this world in this the world the way our this country is so you need to do DMT so he gave me like the celebrity guy who gives all the celebrities DMT their first time DMT is a psychedelic okay so he was like you need to get into psychedelics you need to shift into the psychedelic mind space and really like a journey through your mind and learn to process life in a different way which to me after all the therapy and everything I've done in life psychedelics were like my I was thinking my last hope so I was on my way to like

see me valley to the one guy that will give you DMT celebrities DMT on the low and take them through it because it's you die immediately like when you die you release DMT in your body so it's like you die immediately and then you kind of start to you see like everyone sees things different but sometimes people see people from their past or something they've manifested I saw, like, vibrant colors, like a color that's deeper than, like, neon fluorescent. Like, there's not a word for it. Yeah. And there were, like, a lot of warmth, and it all felt like people, but they were colors,

but they were surrounding me and comforting me, and it felt so safe. Wow. And I realized, like, through that journey, my whole life I've lacked this sense of safety. And then when you see, like, what else DMT is, is you see how. how small you are. Like what I saw was like, I don't know the number of vibrancy and things happening.

And I got to this moment when my head kind of was like, you're so, I'm nothing in this whole thing. So I don't need to view my, anything that deeply. But that wasn't actually when I ended up doing DMT. By the way, we just got on to that. I was driving to the Seamy Valley dude and my friend called me and she was like,

what are you doing? I'm like, I'm about to do something psychedelics. I don't even do drugs. I'm not even like that, but I can't, I know too much. I can't say anything. Our president is garbage. He just manipulated a lot of people. This is going to go really bad for a while. And I'm, like, disgusted with the ways that certain things are shaping up. And I just don't like the system. And it's everywhere. And she was like, why don't you just move to Bali? And I was like, what is Bali? She was like, I don't know. I was at Hulu and an executive at Hulu, and I was going into my cubicle every day feeling trapped.

And I looked around one day, like, I'm going to wake up here in the next 10, 15, 20 years and realize I wasted my whole life in this place. So she just bought a ticket to Bali. So I just bought a ticket to Bali. I literally sold my home and moved within like a month time. It was like record speed. I had everybody on it. And I got on a plane and I just went to this place that I went to Indonesia.

I was on the last flight out because it was. was a red, considered a red country at that time, like everybody's dying of COVID. Yeah. I never met one person who had COVID. I don't even know if there's hospitals. I never saw one. There's little clinics here and there. There's no 911.

There's no weapons. There's no billboards. In Bali? There's no TV or entertainment. Unless you're in, like, they have like. A five-star resort or something. There's a few of those. But if you're like really trying to experience, a lot of it is untouched land, spiritual.

Yeah. And I went through a year of just alternative healing, everything from breath, work to like Wim Hof ice baths to doing I did Ayurvedic I went on a pancha karma like I did just every type of spiritual thing there is and then I did do a little bit not necessarily in Bali because drugs are illegal in Bali so of course I wouldn't be doing drugs in a country where it's illegal but I did a lot of psychedelics in different places where it's legal and um those were incredible really like PTSD shrooming very high doses of shrooms. So it wasn't like to party or have fun or to micro dose instead of taking

antidepressants. It was literally like dropping down in a cacao ceremony with a leader on a compound that I lived on. It was a polyamorous compound for a month. Literally sounds like exactly what I want to do. Okay. Yeah, the polyamorous part was a little weird. Every night somebody came and laid down on the table naked and they called it the feast and people feasted. What? Polyamory. They all, I've never heard of that. I was like, that sounds great. What? Yeah, no. I mean, There's like a lot of people that are in open relationships and stuff. That part of it I never got with, but I had the most incredible person take me through a month of these sessions where we first got out. Everything I think could be resting in my organs that will cause me to be sick and die one day.

Yeah. Everything that is kind of considered this like yellow gummy if you actually look at, like Indian medicine taught me a lot. And so like the way if you look at an organ, there's this like kind of yellow. just think of it like gummy coat and that's coming from your adrenal glands anytime you're stressed out or have anxiety. It's dropping down. It's dropping down on your organs. So like this layer of things that can start creating sicknesses in your body and your organs. And so I went through everything that has like kind of all of my, I'm a trauma-based human. Like I am so used to very traumatic things happening and needing to be the one to be calm and solve it.

I am so good at that. So it's all suppressed. It's not necessarily suppressed, but it's not a state. I'm super self-aware. It's just, it's not a healthy state to live in if you want to live for a long period of time. And also, it's not the most enjoyable mind state you can be in, but mind states are really hard to change, but they are in our control. But I had to go through a whole lot of shit to get to. And what year was this, 2020?

It was like right when COVID started to get really ugly. Yeah, I'm not good with remembering years. Yeah. But like when I first got there, I got put with this man. He was like the jam. They have a lot of healers on the island. Yeah. My first healer, I started the process of basically just like completely detoxing your body.

It requires like going from hot to cold, hot to cold 16 times in the morning, all these different things like tongue scraping and ways that you massage your face when you wake up. You have to wake up two hours above the sun. You start your morning with a little bit of yoga. I would do two hours of beacrum every morning. And then you go into your day. We would walk the rice terraces and all this stuff would go on. But in the very beginning, he took us on what was supposed to be like a nature hike.

So I'm like, cool, let's go on a hike. I'm totally down. So we start hiking. And it's more like steep mountain, not really this, like, nice hike that I was, like, being told about. And I started noticing as I'm going, like, Like, I hate this. And I started, like, complaining. And then I got bit.

And then, like, there stopped being a path. There were no, like, areas. Like, you wouldn't know where to go. It was just a bunch of all kinds, a different plant life and animal life there. I was getting bit, stung. I was bitching. I was complaining.

I was cursing. I was like, fuck this shit. Like, why the fuck? What the fuck? And finally, I just sat down. And I was like, I am done. And he came over to me. And he said, we do this with everyone

that first comes to Bali you'll do this hike again when you leave it's never about the destination it's about the journey this is known to be a mountain with no path you think in life that you're given this path and that there's these formulas your country specifically grooms you to understand life like that as a child i mean we literally are talking about golden girls and now we're the golden girls and we're the for our kids where our husbands and everything else we don't look great in the bathing Sue, we shame ourselves, we count calories, we do all the bullshit that we were taught as women to do here. And he basically, like, said, what did you see yourself doing?

And I said, when I got frustrated, I was pissed. I was heavily emotional. I was irritated. I was cursing and being unladylike and not using my words to express myself in iconic ways, as you said in the beginning. I was being a brat, which is kind of what we are in this country. We're a bunch of brats that are really self-entitled and full of ourselves. And he was like, at the end, after you go through Bali and you experience this life, you'll see where you end up on this mountain, on this hike.

And I got to like immediately from the very beginning realize, wow, when I felt like everything was turning against me, like the entire environment was turning against me, I had shit wrapped around my legs. I didn't even know what it was if it was poisonous. If I could die, I didn't know where 911 is. there's no emergency vehicles, like I was all the things that you just said you were thinking through. Yeah. I mean, that's what I was doing. And once I was able to deprogram myself from all of that, I understood how to focus my attention. It's a very big thing.

Throughout our day, we can have, like, I think it's up to 60,000 or 80,000 thoughts in our brain. 80% of them are negative. 80% of them are repetitive. So from 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts that are both of those. things all day long. There's really no 12-step program that's going to get us to be positive people that are having all great thoughts aligned. So what you have to do is focus on like first thought out the day, something empowering for me as a woman. I like to think about something truly empowering that I'm going to do today, that I'm going to be, that I'm going to express myself as.

And then when I go to bed, I think of something I'm grateful for, like just a thought of gratitude before I close my eyes. And it's amazing how the start thought of your day and the end thought of your day, how it can shape all 60 to 80,000 thoughts in between in a day. And I feel like a lot of those negative thoughts are not actually even true. They're lies. Well, like I said, 80% are negative and 80% are repetitive. There's no truth in anything except what you believe to be true.

Damn. Yeah, it's a man-made word everywhere. is we don't have to take offense to any word or we can if we want but words are manmade what did they do i go back to the origins of everything what were we doing before words like they were carving on stones etching like go get the oxen go get the lady pregnant so we can populate and eat i mean they were doing it by this until they learned the power of the voice and then somebody wrote a dictionary of words and a bible and something to believe on and so on and so forth all of its manufacturing action, though, all of it's man-made. So when you come down to anything truly bothering you,

if you decide to go to its origin, you may realize how silly it is that you're allowing it to bother you. I'm going to take that and run with it very far. I went to Bali years ago, but it was for The Bachelor, so I didn't really get to experience. I was going to say, you probably did, like, the sceney, like, rich shit. Yes, totally. And it was like all just manipulative thoughts. Did they have you got a Bali on your season? Yeah. Oh, I love that for you. Yeah. It was amazing. Amazing. But it was, again, I was being just produced the whole time. I wasn't getting to experience certain things. But how long were you in Bali? About like a year and some change. Wow. And you were working on that every day. Every day.

What happened when you came back? Okay, so that's the fun part. So I felt that I got to a place where I learned to, like I said, control my thoughts. I kind of tried. treated my energy as money, currency, and I looked at it as my wealth. And so just like you have a stack of money, if someone steals from me, if I focus on the thing that stole from me all day, that's not adding wealth to the pot, that's not putting the money back in. So as I get older, and I can kind of spot the difference between people that care for me and people that care for me when it's convenient, I realize where my wealth, my energy is going to go. And so I don't put my energy into anything that depletes me. I don't put my energy into anything that takes away from

the source. If you compare it to wealth, it's just very similar in the sense that you want to keep as much of it here as you can and you want to have as much as you can garner in life. And so once I like really learned to control my mind, also I learned I ate raw for that made a huge difference in my body. I also like, first time I started kind of getting close. with my Beakram teacher we went to have tea and she was like you are so beautiful and I was like in my head my thought was oh god what is this bitch want she wants me to post her on instagram or post her business or whatever and I went through that whole little cynical thing and then I stopped and I was like girl you are so tacky she's not even from america she's from australia she doesn't

know you she grew up in India she doesn't give a about danity cane or anything you've done in your life She was just giving you a compliment, and clearly where the problem is is you can't receive it because you don't feel you are. So I just went in my room after tea, and I went and looked in the mirror, and I was staring and staring, and I'm talking about, I showed up with like five suitcases. I left with one handbag. I had just one bag of wigs, one bag of glam, like I was going to serve looks, and I realized how stupid all of that living was fast. But I was looking in the mirror, no hair extensions, no lashes, no makeup, no nothing. And I was staring in the mirror and I was like, wow, I have really pretty skin. Good for you.

And then I was like, stop like, don't get, don't start feeling yourself. And then I was like, no, no, no, no, hold on. And I was like, I have really pretty skin. And I have never said that to myself for two decades and more. Plus, I have never served myself a compliment that's kind of. I'm always judging myself in everything I do in every room that I'm in and after and before. It's exhausting. And you've always been that way.

I'm very studied. I like to be the A student. I like to win. I like to be, I'm not runner up ever unless like Arsenio Hall had a fix contract on a apprentice because we all know who should have won that one. But, like, I mean, I don't play to lose. I don't play to lose in any. area. That's why I happen to have been with people all the way from like Don Jr. to a Polly D.

That's so embarrassing to say that. But the other names I don't really want to drop right now. But I tend to stay attracted to people in places that are very aspirational and that are very competitive and that are very focused and determined to achieve. But it's also a very toxic, unhealthy place to stay in. I was going to ask, because I'm, I have some tendencies where I'm very competitive. I need to win. Same thing. And when you're like, I won't be runner up. I'm like, me.

Like I have those two. Did Bali, going to Bali and doing these experiences and like being able to like look in the mirror and be like, no, you're beautiful. And were you able to integrate that all back into your life when you came back? Okay. So I thought that I was ready. I thought I was beyond ready. I kind of was getting a little bored. Uh-huh.

So I was like, it's time to go. So I came back. And I was staying with a good friend of mine for a bit trying to figure out, do I want to buy a house? So I want to say or do I want to go to a ranch and raise cattle? Like, now that my mind is right. And this country had shifted so much. There was something called TikTok.

There were podcasts. I'm being asked to do this one. That one. I don't even realize how big these things are. I sit down and it's like a Barbara Walters interview. And I'm like, what the fuck is this shit? Like, who is this random human sitting in front of me? And when did you make $30 million and how?

I couldn't pick you out a crowd. Like, that's what my mind is. mind was giving. And then I was not really wanting to get back into entertainment at all. I kind of was like, let me first just get used to being me before I make a job choice. And so I was like so good with myself that I thought I can casually date. Like I could literally not date with the intention of us being the most powerful people and taking over the world like I had done every time prior in very long. I was like a long-term relationship,

rap relationship, girl. So I started casually dating this guy, just having sex, just enjoying this, like, energy that I was in, making music, having fun. And then on New Year's Eve, I meet a guy from The Bachelor, actually. And he, like, comes in, he love bombs.

He's like, I am literally your biggest fan. He loves bombs the fuck. He's like kissing up. Oh, I'll tell you, girl. I was like, we actually have a funny thing in common. So I meet this. I meet this guy and he's like love bombing me. He like he looks up to me.

He's watched this. He's watched that. It's blah, blah, blah, blah. Like he went on and on in the beginning. I normally would look at people like that so cheesy. I wouldn't be attracted to it. But I didn't realize that just because I had learned all these incredible things about myself and life and my journey in Bali, I didn't realize how quickly I could lose the foundation

unless it was continuously practiced daily. So when I was casually dating this other guy, I wasn't realizing how much I wasn't getting. And so when he started to love bomb me and tell me, like, deserved compliments left and right, I was like, this is incredible. And I literally experienced a love bomber that went ghost that went like, was like, our kids are going to look like this to absent. And it's like, how do you know when they're being? being love bombers and when they're just genuine.

I don't know. I've never had a love bomber until this guy. And he was in bed talking about his father's struggles, his mom, his dad. I mean, I know the whole mother for the entire life. All we did was talk, talk, talk. All he did was love bomb, love bomb, love bomb. Our kids, this family, are this, that. And my girlfriend who's like, loves you, like, watches everything Bachelor.

She's like, he was just on the guy from New Year's, he was kissing your ass, kissing. He was kissing all my friend's asses. He brought a few of those Bachelor guys over. she was like he's on Love in Paradise and he was the guy that looked like the most amazing guy ever Was it Josh Murray? No but I did

famously single with Josh Murray if you want some Josh Murray stories bitch I got them I just never liked me Oh really? I don't have any problems with him but I could tell you some funny shit on him No the guy Here I have to show you his face Because I don't remember his name

That's literally how bad this is But um This guy Robbie what him and i heard he did the same thing to the girl on uh paradise that he fell in love with her and at the end they were the couple to beat on paradise this season and then she's come forward she's like i just read it us weekly article that he he was cheating on her the whole time in line and i was like yep total asshole i could have told the whole world i don't know his name that's

what I was just saying. Oh my gosh. Yes. I heard he was just terrible. Who is he with? He was, my friend was obsessed with the girl he was with loved her. She was the most beautiful girl. And I was like, I feel so bad for her. It's not going to end well. He wasn't a healthy human. I feel like it started with an A. And she was like, no, they're really in love. And I was like, girl, just wait. And then she hit me and she was like, she just did a whole exclusive. He played her. He was cheating with multiple people. And I was like, yeah, he's in no place to I don't, I don't, listen, I don't want to put anything on the man, but I don't feel he's in any place to have healthy relationships,

or I don't think he's learned enough about himself. Avon. Avon, there you go. Avon and then Kylie, oh my gosh, he did that to you? Yeah, so I got totally, like, and then I realized I allowed this because this person was giving me so little and I had no idea that it was affecting me

until somebody came and love bombed me and I realized how good it was to be like, acknowledged and seen. Yeah, of course. And all of that chaos, I stopped and I was like, okay, we have to learn how to be you in America and see if we could just do that. Yeah. So I've been trying to do that ever since. I haven't dated.

I've just been observing the culture and deciding right now, I mean, let me tell you, my life took a big shift at the end of last year when Cassie dropped her lawsuit. Yeah. All of our lives changed forever. I mean, they changed forever back then at the time as well. And I wasn't even processing that trauma in Bali. I was processing like other things. So wait, that was the making the band. Yeah.

That's what that was from. Is that what you're talking about? Making the band, yeah. So is that where you got your start? Yeah. And that was P. Diddy's show. Mm-hmm. So it wasn't his show, but he was the star of it, yeah.

Well, I was the star of it. He was my co-star. Yeah. Yeah. And so you have or have not been able to process everything that happened? Oh, nowhere near processing. It's all still very ongoing. Everything is.

It's very chaotic. It's very emotional. It's very stressful. And every day there's a new little twist in turn. I can't really talk about any of it right now. Can you tell me why you're not allowed to talk about it? Like for your own personal well-being? No.

Legally. I would love personally to run my mother. mouth heavy right now. Excuse me. I had to do earmuffs. Oh, she's got them on. I'm just kidding. You're good. You're good. Oh my gosh. But why can't I it makes me mad? There's an investigation

going on right now. Okay. So like if anyone were to be part of the investigation, they wouldn't be allowed to speak about anything. Some people can't speak about things because they haven't processed that everybody processes trauma different. Everybody

everything. I think you can feel me when I say this because I've heard a lot about what happens on The Bachelor, from the production standpoint, it's got a reputation in the reality industry. I've worked with a few of the producers that are Bachelor producers. Some are great, I'm sure. But there's a, they are there to do a job. And y'all are, y'all are chest pieces. They're moving on a board. Don't get it twisted. When I go back to thinking about all of that, I just realize, how groomed and toxic and how I was so young and how so many things were put. I mean, I was fired on national television for being overly raunchy and promiscuous.

You know, that's actually like wrongful termination. That's a lawsuit against a lot of people. Are you able to fight that? No, because there's a statute of limitations. And at that time, I was never introduced to HR. I never knew where to go to tell anyone, what was happening or express my feelings or how to handle the things that were going on, you just normalized a lot of wild-ass shit.

And as I start to have to document the process of all of it and I express it when I'm needed to or feel like it, people are looking at me like, uh, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. And I'm just like, really, it's also normal. It was also normal. Right. Like, that you, no, that you didn't, no, that, that's crazy to you? Right.

Oh, girl. Like. Right. Is there ever going to be a time where you will be able to share your story? Would you want to? Yeah, of course. I don't want to die with a bunch of secrets in me. I mean, that was one thing in Bali that did come up in my, in my, all the train, the alternative

healing training with the psychedelics was like keeping powerful men's secrets and or powerful companies, organizations. keeping the secrets of powerful people in order to be able to play the game of a career and a life in this deaf entertainment industry. People think they're a lot freer now because social media sites are all ran by technology companies that are stealing your data, and your data is going to be used to decide who our next president is while you make your stupid videos. They're stealing all of your data and understanding all of your weak spots, and they will do exactly what Cambridge Analytica did with that data, and it will shift and shape this country in a way that could potentially be detrimental

to anyone that is any type of a minority in this country. And guess who's a big minority in this country? Women. We've never even had a female president, and we have more women in this country than men. Yeah, yeah. We don't organize well. We're certainly taught to judge each other. I've seen what is the Backstreet Boys?

and in sync on their like 15th reunion? What girl group do you know that's on their 15th reunion? None. Exactly. What girl group do you know that comes back together even, maybe sometimes for a tiny little check, but they really couldn't even get it together past that one little time and that one little performance?

Women are trained so differently. I've been now talking with a lot of women in girl groups as I'm going through this process. And I'm like, we are taught when we got to a certain point. my friend personally was taught, okay, now you need to date one of the boy band guys. So she auditioned with the biggest members of those boy bands for like a girlfriend role

because that's the next way to gain more access to popularity and celebrity. Like it really is what people read about and hear about it. When you don't have talent and you don't have anything else to bring to the table, you better be willing to date somebody or find somebody on Raya. You better hope that you're not blocked like me.

You blocked? Oh yeah, bitch, whoever runs Raya, You. Really? Yeah, but thank you, though, too. Because if it's run by people like you, I don't want it. So, and Danadie Kane was the band name. Yeah.

Okay. So this, how long? The name of the show is making the band. Right. And then your band came out of it. You're, how, bitch, how are you 40, almost 40, and you don't know making the band? Did you watch it in Canada? Oh, can't, no, I'm sure it was in Canada.

Well, we didn't have MTV. We had much music. It was different. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, I mean, I don't know if I should. Right now, I'm wondering how healthy any of that was for me. So maybe I'm like, maybe it was good.

What was like your big song? Damaged. Wait, like, I'm so damaged. That's you guys? Holy shit. Okay, so in Canada, we were on the top 30. Okay, right, damage reached the top 30 on the Canadian Hot 100. Oh, my God.

What a crazy realization right now. You were like a real, like we've got, we actually have platinum albums. We didn't get paid for any of it, but. What? I and I heard nightmares about the music industry. Who else was in that band that I would know? Oh, girl, that's a loaded question for my soul right now to answer. Oh, well, then don't.

Yeah. Then don't. Yeah. I wouldn't know. That's great. Yes. I wish I could be like you. Let's move on.

Okay, we're moving on. I want to talk about your advocacy for women in the entertainment industry because I know you're passionate about it, but can you elaborate kind of on, like you kind of did a bit, but more on how girl bands, like, were treated differently than boy bands. Yeah, women are groomed to, it's kind of like just women in our culture in general. We're groomed to find the man and be the trophy. And there's a timeline that you're hot, and once you're past a certain age, you're not. And you have a very tight window to find Mr. Wright and do everything perfect.

And then you're a golden girl. that's basically kind of how girl groups are like in the sense but because we were signed to bad boy do you know bad boy the label like yes yes has some of the most infamous rappers and the artist biggie yep okay so little can yeah okay so you have all those people that were built at bad boy and it's like they built bad boy okay on their backs they built that mace everybody over there and then we were kind of the next generation of it, the next installment of the next groups of artists

that he walked on all of our backs, in my opinion, allegedly. And then, what was the question? Oh, how we're treated. Like, you see the boy bands, they can tell a manager or PR person if they come in or like a producer, dude, get the fuck out and the man will run because the men that's got money and powerful,

they need to respect. If you're a woman and you're like, dude, get the fucking out of here. here, you're not allowed to do that. Right there, there's already something that's like highly unfair about the fact that I have more platinum albums than you, but as a man, you could make all those people leave the room when you want, but I can't as a woman. And then also, the way, the very first thing I was told when we got in the band by our manager was, you're the star of this. And I was like, no, we're all the stars. We're like a group of five stars, which we were. Everybody sing and dance their asses off. They are all incredibly.

talented women when I say I don't want to discuss them it's more on an integrity level than anything else because the talent speaks yeah it's done spoke yeah in regards to the way that we're treated in these girl groups is like people are favored you get pitted against each other someone's got more favor with the boss why you start this one's the pretty one this one's the talented one this one's the cute one this one's the you get roles yeah yeah You're cast for specific roles. They do that on the Bachelor. Yeah.

It's Bachelor, but like you actually are like spent your entire life training to be a talented star. Yeah. And to keep up with everything. You have to keep up with to be able to sing, dance, act, everything. 360 across the board be a star at all times at any second no matter who walks in the room. Yeah. And when you spend that much time doing that to show up and then get organized into boxes like The Bachelor, It's almost even more offensive than if you had just signed up for love and got put in boxes.

Right. But truly nobody should be put in boxes. Well, we all are. And how, like, I hear you and you're saying, like, it's scary for this country and we've been groomed. Is there any hope? Is there, like, something like, what could we all do to be getting ourselves out of this? Caitlin, these questions are so loaded. Let me tell you a little what you just brought me back to.

recently at Coachella my only fans agency hosts these huge events my creator company and one of the creators like all the creators were asking me about ditty and having discussions all the biggest ticotkers these people have got multi-million fans they're all the biggest people I don't know who any of them are they have one of them came into my room after they I got I just wanted to hear what they thought about him if they even knew who he was because they're the new generation of voice she came in my room and sat on my bed and she's like I know like a lot of them don't even know you

but I followed you because my mom was obsessed with you and I followed everything you've said up to this point and how vocal you've been and it's so inspiring and I want to ask you something with no one like watching so you could tell me the truth and I was like what and she goes do women ever end up on top

and I took the biggest sigh and I'm also not one to lie so I just said to her not right now but it doesn't mean it's impossible But I can tell you ways to protect yourself and to help us get closer. And what that is is what I would tell any young female right now, especially entering any type of entertainment job

influencer, whatever they call it, take copious amounts of receipts of everyone you work for. Corporation on down to your lead producer. Catch as much of it as you can in writing, in producing. usable evidence, document everything as you're going through it, and so you can tell your story thoroughly, and make sure that you have everything straight, and so that when the day comes to hold somebody accountable, you have proof that can hold the system accountable. And if you are one of the people that's smart enough to be able to start asking people for accountability, that's when things are going to start to shift. I have so many questions for so many people right now,

but we've got to get through this first one. Yeah. But I have questions for a lot of people on a lot of things now that are coming up. Like systems that allowed things, corporations that allowed things, productions that allowed things across the board. Of course, if you ask for accountability, you'll never work in the entertainment industry again,

that you kind of really got to get to that stage. Yeah. But the people think that they're so informed, and sadly they still watch The Bachelor and think that any amount of that is majority real. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I know you probably still have to show up to the little shindig, so you probably can't say...

Well, I actually do speak. I liked you, because I saw you come forward and say, we were hosting. I had tuned in at a point when you were hosting. Yep. And then you found out that you weren't the host anymore, and they put some like football guy in and I was like I loved watching the girls I would rather the girls ask the girls how are they feeling right now because women can say real shit to women yeah

what is this football guy going to know about talking to a woman about her vulnerability yeah and then when you came forward and told the world I actually found out with y'all I think that was disappointing yeah I was like she's speaking truth to power I love her yeah I split in your DMs did you yeah oh yes I think I wrote you back yeah yeah yeah no I remember because I have learned actually that some of these powerful men, the higher-ups, the runners of this whole show, sometimes they... Who's the production company on Bachelor?

NZK. Okay. But the man who started it, who's now fired, and I can't believe he got fired from his own show because they did some investigations. Who? Mike Fleiss.

Mike Fleiss. What else did he do? He was the creator of The Bachelor. That's all I know he did. Were there other people? I feel like I know. some different names that... Oh, yeah, there's lots,

but he was, like, the main creator. Okay. And I, people... What was the weird shit that he did? Oh, my... Oh, like, he did not want me to be the Bachelorette. He wanted, like, an all-American sweetheart. He did not want a girl who had tattoos and swore and spoke her mind.

They call it the... When I was on Celebrity Apprentice, I had two female producers. First time in my career that I was so... I realized how stupid all of it is. two, I saw two bad ass females running that production. And of course, the person who took over the world with that show, Mark Burnett, is supposedly an icon, supposed to be, right? I know too much shit on him to say that now. Yeah. But the two females running it came up to me midway, pulled me aside, and I'm like, you're the youngest contestant we've had, you're running circles around

everyone. You're such a star. You're killing it. But Trump does not think you're pretty. She's like, you need to understand. We play, listen, we play to the NASCAR audience. And I said, what is the NASCAR audience? That all-American type of gal, you need to stop doing these creative hairstyles and these I was like, these are like iconic fashion moments that I'm serving. I had like the biggest hair guy that people, like, does everybody now. He was the one doing my hair and glaming me on set. And they were like, just push your tits up in a tight dress and part your hair down the center and you'll be fine because he's literally going to take you out because he thinks they need to keep a pretty girl in longer and he just doesn't feel you're pretty and literally

the day that I did what they told me to do and went into the boardroom again I remember Trump looking at me and being like you're like you're like the Mona Lisa like it's like from far away it was like I didn't I've never seen you or I don't know what the Mona Lisa reference was but he said something like that and he's like and now look at you you're like like hot and look like this or that or whatever he made some commentary and I thought to myself this is all just so epically tragic yeah yeah and like disgust like that makes me feel like the feelings of disgust it's very bachelor it's why I never watched your show unfortunately because I was like this is too NASCAR for me yeah I can't I grew up in something completely I grew up at bad boy with MTV following

yeah the bad boy was more of what I experienced at a young age side of it I had bachelor was just a little bit too phony, I thought. But when I started watching it, there's this great dream that's being sold that is all-American. And I've almost seen them start to shift into the girlies like you with that one girl

who was like, I'm never they ended up like, she ended up doing really well. The one that was like, I'm not the perfect girl. He said you're a little flawed. Oh, Gabby. Gabby. Yeah. When she made the comment like when he was like, oh, I thought I liked you, but you're... Like rough around the

Rough Around the Edges. And I was like, oh my God, they would have never aired that like 10 years ago. But now they're actually giving the character of Rough Around the Edges. America's going to love her. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. And it worked. And so they're shifting. They are. When they actually have like a transgender, gay, when they represent the community at all, I'll be real happy about that. They've come a long way, which is not a long way.

No. I mean, they have the Rough Around the Edge's role now. That's a box. But it was so crazy because I didn't understand the world of ends. entertainment. I went into it at the age of 29. I didn't know that you couldn't stand up to the man, so I did. Oh, good for you. And I remember coming out of the show, and I was

like, I'm like, he's not going to tell me what to do. And contractually, I couldn't go on dancing with the stars, because he wouldn't let me. And he's like, I'm not letting her do dancing with the stars. Exactly. He eventually did, but it was because somebody else stepped in and let me do it. But he was like, nope, I'm sick of girls wanting fame after my show,

and I'm not doing this. And he literally, and so I... What did he get caught doing? Let's celebrate his demise. Oh, I have. I literally tweeted, and I was like, I tweeted like Mike Fleiss, and I said it, I'll say it on here is a piece of shit who hates women. Great. Good for you.

And people are like, ugh. And he tweeted back. He's like, maybe if she spelled my name right, she'd get the opportunity. And I was like. What an asshole. I was like, I love that. I spelled your name wrong. I don't know how to spell your last name.

I spell people I don't like to recognize. I spell their name wrong all the time on purpose, just to love. let them know. I don't, I don't even care to spell your name correctly. I'll keep it on auto correct. Yeah. Your name. That's how I felt. And I was just like, I didn't do it on purpose deep down. No, I really did it. I probably would have, but I actually didn't know how to spell his last name. And it was one of those things where I'm like, people would be like, don't bite the hand that fed you. And I'd be like, I will bite the shit out of it because he treated me like crap. He made me feel like crap. What did they feed you exactly? Did you come off there with a husband?

Fiance. Do you think 20, 24 are moving on, like, in my hopes, I'm always like, okay, 2024 is going to be the year of exposing, like exposing these crazy people are starting to figure things out and do TikToks and go down rabbit holes and things are starting to come out and people are like, stop being blind. Do you think that it'll, everything will be exposed? Everything, girl, no. No.

Right now we're still in a situation. where the exposing is being controlled. Really? Yeah, all of it. I'm at such a level in this bitch. I can't speak on it right now, but I'll come back when I can if I'm still alive. Oh my God, is it that scary that you... Sometimes.

Sometimes. Holy shit. Yeah, or they'll just, I mean, they can dead you in a lot of different ways. I had fat photos that weren't even the way I looked at that time that deaded me real hard for a second, cut off all my deals just for speaking. my feelings during one of the debates, because I just have, like, I have a lot of information from dating a lot of powerful people. I've seen how it all works in all worlds, and I just, oh, I just could tell on so many things.

Oh, God. There's a lot of information that I have. I can't really even be, lately I've had to, like, I already don't have a ton of friends because I was famous so young, and I've been famous. and I'm 40 now, so I never really had a period where I got to develop my 20s, the 20s and 30s group of friends. I only have my friends from high school. They're all married to their high school, sweetheart, so we don't talk about the same things. They have three kids, and we barely have time for it.

We talk, like, once a year, and we love each other to death, but it's not like a daily bestie. Right, right. And I'm not on the same wave. We're not on the same wavelengths. So I don't really have a ton of friends, and when I open myself to meeting friends, what I find is my mouth is just so willing to, tell people the truth of how things are so they stop acting blind in rooms yeah um because what else am i on this earth to do if not change whatever i can in a positive way while i'm here yeah is where i'm at if i'm not going to have kids you better believe i'm going how strong i'm going to take as many

mother i don't want to say take down i want to i want to say hold accountable yeah yeah there are there is a career yeah of things that have i i don't want to say take down i want to i want to say hold accountable yeah yeah there are there is a career of things that have not been held accountable on anyone's side. But me, I always have to hold myself accountable. If my weight slips, if I was given drugs by somebody that were incorrect and was taking medication or things like, I mean, I've been open and talked about all of this. And I've had to literally be open, honest, and blunt about every single. moment literally even every guy I've dated everybody knows there was two that are unknown and now

you know one of them literally the embarrassment too first one wasn't an embarrassment but he he was I'm not capable of being casual in any way shape or form I'm serious I am aspirational and I'm determined to expand yeah I can't be around people that aren't expanding yeah Yeah, and a lot of people aren't and don't want to. What is your relationship like with social media and your phone and all the apps? In Bali, I was, let me tell you one thing that was super powerful. When you go to another country, take all of your apps off of America and put it on the country you're in. I took my, I didn't even know you could do that.

I didn't either. When I moved to Bali, I literally saw an opportunity to switch my Twitter over to Indonesia, everything over. I didn't see anything that wasn't related to Indonesia anymore. Yeah, I need to get out of here. I need to go to Bali. I mean, let me tell you, it's not an answer. Like, that's where we started this conversation that I'll just go on a farm with horses and all of that.

I did it. I went to the peaceful place with happy humans that are thoughtful and kind and everybody is not on their, you don't go on your phone. There's no reason to because everybody's communicating and having open conversations about vulnerable things and they're holding space for each other and they touch their heart and they touch yours and they tell you that they've just heard what you've said

and that they're truly inspired by your journey. They leave room for people. Yeah. It's incredible. But also, if the world were a casino, that's like the slot machines and this country is like the, what are the big? The roulette?

Yeah, the roulette table, whatever. the biggest clubs yeah the big tournament yeah you're not gonna there's so many people over there there's so many open mic nights poets people that are talking about change how their countries are how like that's why we unite here we're all these rebels from our own countries that are like fighting against the system and don't want to be controlled by our governments anymore and i'd be in these rooms with all these people and i'd be so inspired i'd be like just digesting at like rapid speeds and then on my walks home i'd be like these mother fs aren't ever going to be able to change anything though because they're hiding out in a place that can't have any can't have enough

influence over this world and the major players in it so really all i'm doing is gassing myself up with a bunch of people that aren't brave enough to speak truth to power like what was the loser's name that we don't know how to spell oh mike flights mike flights yeah yeah Speaking truth to people like that starts to shift things. Is he still in his job? Mike Fleiss isn't telling women that they can't have opportunities because he's sick of them getting famous off of him or any bullshit like that or cutting opportunities for women

that are aspirational and wanting to make a place for the type of woman they are in this very box system. All those people need to be called out publicly. It just sucks because you will lose. opportunities when you do that i'm sure you did yeah yeah i got i lost out on so much i mean they didn't invite me back for five years to the show and like it was i got cut off from so many things yeah yeah i just think you're so cool and i don't even know those other people well well i i really believe that i was just like i didn't care i really didn't care that's the canadian in you you came over here and had Canadian balls and you i be careful with all that bitch we don't

We don't do that Canadian shit in America. Y'all smoke a little too much weed and enjoy your nights out. We don't do that over here. We take ourselves real seriously. I can't. It's literally like not in my DNA to take everything so serious. Like that's why I think I like listening about politics and hearing things, but I'm just like, oh, I wish I had more knowledge. I wish I paid attention more.

I wish I, because I do think it's important. It's just that it does something to me mentally where it doesn't put me to me to a good place. Yeah, because it's all, everything is fear-based. The news is very like, it attracts you because it's playing on your fears. Yeah, yeah. And so you're constantly addicted to, like you were saying, I'm seeing that this could happen, that could happen, that could happen. My brain's jumping and jumping and jumping. It's all bait. Yeah, yeah. All the systems really bait people in incorrect ways. And so then you become traumatized by it and you don't look, but then you end up just doing what the popular movement is at the time and you believe that these movements

are started by like the people that are truly brave enough to come change the system it it's all a big fuzzy smoking mirrors oh I hate it what is it the mm yeah that's the car that's the industry basically if we had some cocaine we'd be even more fun right now we could do the coke and the song together but like they did like they did not that we do coke over here because i know it's not okay but thank you honestly like i this conversation i could listen to you personally talk for a very long time thanks yeah you're too this has been fun this one's cool really okay who yeah you do no thank you you're super real super blunt super honest super you're not see i don't feel seeking fame from you i don't feel any type of like malintent and i feel like you i feel like you're

good reader of energy and... Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I see... I wouldn't give you the compliment if I didn't think it. I would just smile and leave. I probably talk shit behind your back to people.

See, I love your realness and honesty, too. I'm like, yes. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind a rating of you. Thank you.