Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Ben Smith Pt. 2

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

Welcome to Part 2! Ben is back and this time he gets into the importance therapy has played on his life, his pre and post show therapy plan, and how, despite editing, the emotions on the show are very real. Plus...his confession! GEICO - Go to geico.com , and in fifteen minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance CRATE & BARREL - Create your Crate & Barrel registry at crateandbarrel.com or at a store near you. GROVE - Go to Grove.co/VINE and get a FREE Mrs. Meyers gift set plus free shipping with your first order  SPRINGTIME SUPPLEMENTS - Save up to 55% with free shipping on your first order with code VINE when you visit Springtime.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's guyco.com. Podcast One presents Off The Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Caitlin is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for lots of laughs, tabby topics, on filtered advice, and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. Hey, everybody, welcome to Off the Vine.

I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. This is part two of my podcast with Ben. I honestly, this is how bitter I was. When I came off the show, I was like, I never want to see a fucking rose as long as I live. Like, I was so angry. And now, look, I have a tattoo of a rose now. And I'm like, it was the pivotal time of my life. Yeah, I'm going to cover my whole body in rosebush tattoos by the end of it.

Head to toe. Head to toe. You got to embrace it. But that's the thing is it was, I felt that from my end. I really did. I felt it was genuine when you came back. I appreciate that. I really did.

And it's funny too because Jason, my boyfriend was on Becca Kufrin season and he came back. He was the one that she broke up with him and he came back and he made her this whole scrapbook. And I was like, where's my scrapbook? I'm just kidding. But I was like, I feel like. That's for when you break up with him and he comes back to you. I'll just fake a breakup because I'll be like on of the scrapbook. That's good.

Yeah. But it is, it's so real, especially at that point in the quote unquote journey of being that far into it. it really just everything else fades away and it's you're in that moment and it's true emotion and I hate when people are like, is it scripted? I'm like, no, oh my God, it's people. The way I described it to people that have asked is like imagine a relationship that you're in in real life. Yeah. Like it's a little bit more gradual, but there's intensity there and those feelings that you have are like strong or maybe they're not. I hope for the purpose of this they're strong, right? So the feelings are strong now just multiply that by like five million right and put a bunch of TV cameras on you yeah

and then see what happens and I will say and this was a really big insecurity of mind being the bachelor at was you're put on a pedestal right like you are made for for all of these men or women to think that you are God's gift to this planet you are the most eligible bachelor bachelor like they are really put they're put in the most perfect gowns hair and makeup you want to spend time with them. You've got to talk to them. They're like these untouchable creatures. And it's like it makes you fall in love so much faster. And sometimes you just have to be removed from the situation to have a little bit more clarity. When you were removed, and I know you can see it now because Zach and Tasha are happy, but when you were removed and you actually were sent home and you had some

time to process and maybe even watching back the show, getting some closure from watching other relationships, did it help you heal and go, that wasn't my person? Completely. Yeah. Yes. I like had a plan for when I came home. I like had and I keep mentioning therapy. It's like the most important thing that I've said the bachelor was most important thing. Therapy similar to the bachelor was has been so integral in my life. And so I had like a plan pre-show with my therapist. I came home. I did a thing that I naturally do where I just like dove back into work. And I like didn't address it for several weeks. Like I was going to therapy. We were talking to. about other things. And then there came this point, like right before the show aired where I was like,

I need to like, I need to really like sit down and like work through some of the things that I'm feeling. And then throughout the entire airing of the season, I was like trying to do this blinders on thing and like go to be with my therapist and like surround myself with people

that made me feel super comfortable and safe and secure. And then I think it's the to your point, watching her relationships with other men. Not that it was like triggering to me or like watching her like make out with Ivan is like a weird thing. It wasn't weird for me. But what it did do for me was let me see that like her connection with those other guys was equal if not greater. And like, you know, you know it. But like as a contestant, I only know that relationship that I have with her.

And so like my whole thing. my refrain the entire time was like I don't give a what you're doing yeah like no I don't want to talk to you about what you did on your date no I don't want to talk to you about any of this like I don't have enough emotional energy to worry about anything but what's happening between Tasha and I and you know I had an incredible experience with her she showed me that there are people who are willing to sit with you and listen and like hold space I use this phrase on Nick's podcast like 79 times but she held space for me in a way that a romantic partner hasn't yet and so I'm so hopeful that like in the future whenever that happens that I meet you know the right girl that she's able to do the same thing it's probably set you know the the bar pretty high for now what you look for in a relationship what you know your negotiables non-negotiables are what you know what's important to you and I love how open you have been on that show I think it was the first time I've ever watched a guy open up like that and I was like oh my gosh more of this please because I think you know

women are starting to open up and be so vulnerable and talk about their you know depression and anxiety and the pressures of being a woman and body image issues like women are are starting to be very open about that and I think that like kind of has put a bit of like a shadow on men who might go through that which is just as important you know what I mean so I know it I was reading through I'll read Twitter for you because I was reading through people, people's comments when you talked about your things that you've been through in your life. And so many men came out being like, I've actually never addressed this. And that just made me feel more comfortable in doing that.

And I thought it was so important. I think you truly set an example for a lot of people out there, but especially men. Thank you. And I just, you know, I love how open you are about going to therapy. I think everybody in the world should go. I'm very big on mental health on this podcast and life in general and I wanted to know because on my, when I was in the show, you know, I was very cautious on who I was speaking to about what and they had a therapist available on the show. But I was like, are you working with them or what's going on? Did they have somebody you could talk to that wasn't a producer on the show you needed to? That's pretty. Good. Good. Yep. And there's even been like a post show care plan where I speak with. Not only my therapist, but a therapist that's provided by the network for, we've spoken every week since leaving Lakeita. So it's been really nice. And I feel, you know, I'm sure production

gets like a bad rap or like there's like this. You can't trust anybody type of thing. Like you kind of alluded to it before, but I felt nothing but supported from the entire team. I felt nothing but you know care and love from all of them and it's been it's it's made this experience so much better for me which is cool this episode was sponsored by crate and barrel wedding registry flutes and coops cooking and cabernet sundays and sleeping in make your home undeniably yours with a crate and barrel wedding registry whether we can attend them or not marriages and weddings are still happening people are still falling in love out there and wedding gifts still need to be given love doesn't stop just because there's a pandemic everyone and whether you're moving

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certain things and called it manipulation and it is too certain to say but they have a job to do we're on the show we're there to make entertaining um you know entertainment and and to you know do this ridiculous show in front of the world uh but at the end of the day all of them have kept up with how i'm doing i think they've learned over the years of how this could be mentally challenging um and and mentally demanding on people's you know mental health And I think they've really started to take action the same way they have started to take action with diversity. And, you know, they're starting to really do the things that are necessary. So I'm really glad to hear that because I think, I do think a lot of them care.

And although they have this job to do at the end of the day, they're people too. And I used to always look at them in the eyes and be like, how do you sleep at night, you fucking monsters? And they'd be like, you have no idea. Like, it's hard for them. It is. But it's like, we sleep really poorly. we sleep really bad why they're like able because they're just like so tired but it is it's interesting and i like i love hearing when people have a positive outlook on it coming off of the show because

there are ways to go down this like nasty spiral of the suckhole of of you know why me and pity parties so um i appreciate how open you are and that you have that perspective on it i think it's great um again here comes a very basic um let's do it but what's your dating life look like now are you looking what are you doing are you thinking about paradise if it happens would you be open to like that kind of um world moving forward currently i'm just trying to uh keep breathing you know i've uh dating is a weird thing for me yeah i um very rarely have i been like the pursuer and like gone after a girl that i've been interested in. Right now, I'm kind of just like taking it slow. Yeah. Just trying to. And I have all

this like new attention, which is very scary. And like, I'm like a baby deer. It's just, it's like, you know, I have a lot of attention. And like I'm just trying to figure out where my energy needs to be best spent. I'm not opposed to anything at all. But I don't know. I really don't know. Well, I mean, that's, you don't have to know. That's the beauty. You know what I mean? I also don't have to decide. I also don't have to decide today. Yeah. Yeah, that wasn't like a question to be like, who are you dating? Give me their names. And what's your time? I just, I, yeah, I don't know. I just, I'm open. I've got this like new with the new year. It's kind of like a nice reset. But my intention for the next year is to become more connected with myself and learn more about myself. And then I say this a lot in my daily life. And I'm like, whatever's meant for you is for you and whatever is meant for me. I'm ready. yeah so uh if a thing stumbles into my life that's perfect then i'm ready for it um i should know this but how old are you i'm 30 years old oh that's perfect oh 30 29 is the perfect age for men to really

start i act like i'm some like like like i this is your second career you do ins you do instagram captions by day and then at night you tell 29 year old men how they're ready to step into their manhood they really are though it's like a no fact like the i just started getting facial hair i'm ready oh congratulations i'm so happy for you coming in nicely but it is it's a it really is truly a thing women it's 27 men it's 29 and 30 is such a great age because you start to really um be able to it's more advanced for you because you went on the bachelor but you're able to look inwards you're able to work on yourself be open to to you know the possibilities of just like exploring who

you are and getting to know yourself. I think it's so cool and that's totally the age that it happens. You hit the nail on the head earlier, but it's like I have a very good idea of the things that I don't want right now. Yeah. And so like I have several non-negotiables and like I know for sure that if that's a thing in the relationship, I'm not playing. Right. And so and so I think going into like dating and like being more open to a relationship here, you know, now moving forward, I'm going to be far better at deciding who is like somebody that I'd be willing to pursue or like invest, invest energy in. And I'm like, I'm very excited for that opportunity. Totally. I mean. Because dating outside of the Bachelorette is going to be fun. It's like,

that's a cool thing. Like dating in the real world is, is fun. Especially when you're emotionally available, which I believe you are. And that's trying really hard. But that's, but how cool. Like to even just know, if I went on a date. with a guy if I was single and he was 30 and he was talking about how he's trying really hard to be emotionally available. I'd be like, hot. Like that's, it's getting to a point now in your life where, you know, that's, that's important to people. And if you want an actual meaningful relationship, that's, you know, you got to find somebody that's equally emotionally available that can, you know, meet you where you are. But I mean, hypothetically, let's say you go on

Bachelor in Paradise, top three women you want to see walk down the stairs. I know nothing about Bachelor or in paradise. Come on, you haven't done any research knowing that you could possibly go on it now? I know there's a, I know there's a bunch of guys and I know there's a bunch of girls that go to an island or like Mexico or something and they like date each other. I don't know the format. Again, this is me doing blinders on the show. Like people are talking about like what it might mean or how it could be. And I'm like, ah, that scares me. Could you even know like past people of other seasons, like women who you would even potentially be interested in? Or are you like, I've never I've never with scouting eyes I've never I didn't even do that really I did watch that

episode though and I took notes um because I can't wait to yeah I have notes for you um top three that's such a I didn't even I wasn't planned for that question um media training doesn't prepare you for Caitlin Bristow's podcast damn it um you don't have to answer but is there I don't know like in Bachelor nation that's come across where you're like oh dang I'd never done that before. I think Demi is hilarious. Oh, my God. I follow her on Instagram.

I think she's hilarious. She is hilarious. I don't know. There's several girls from that season, too, that are pretty cute, but I'm bad at name. Colton had... Is that Colton season? Yeah. Really cute girls.

Yeah. There's several girls from that season that are really cute. I'm really bad with names. The only reason I know Demi is because I follow her. her Instagram like a long time ago and didn't even know that she was on the Bachelorette or bachelor that's funny what about Hannah B she's in she's in your neck of the woods over there Hannah lives in Venice I've never had any communication with her I I'm not gonna toot my own horn but I am a matchmaker if

there's anyone in time you just come to me off the record I'm a girl okay okay so you'll get me a dog and a girlfriend I'm like so I don't know I don't know if this is saying too much I'm like a verse to set up right now you know you probably felt the same way but like the bachelorette is like a setup a big like blind date especially like so i had no idea who tasha was yeah when i sat down to meet her the first thing i said to her was like i don't know who you are yeah and you don't know who i am and i think that's the coolest part of this thing like i have no idea and i can't wait to learn more about you yeah um right now i'm really excited to do that in real life yeah yeah like you know

well come to me if there's anyone in mind awesome. I know your love language is physical touch. It is. I know you like dogs. You like fitness. You're emotionally available. You're open therapy. I'm, I'm, you know what? It's my new mission. Dogs and women. Dogs first. Dogs first. Dogs first. Dogs first. Dogs first. Always dogs first. And wait, did I have one more thing to say before we move on to Matt season. Um, okay. Last question. And then we'll, I'm sorry, I'm keeping you a little bit longer. No, you're fine. I have like, I have like 12 minutes if that's okay. Yeah, of course.

That's perfect. Okay. Okay, looking back, so many things, everyone who has been on the show would go back and change. Not me personally. I wouldn't go back and change a thing and I made a lot of mistakes on that show. I'm a big fan of making mistakes. I don't call them failures. I call them opportunities.

Was there anything you would do different? No. Yeah. I agree. Okay. Absolutely nothing. Love that. Perfect answer.

Moving on. let's just like in like three minutes talk about this season of the bachelor what do you think because i know tasha you know all of a sudden this religion talk came out of nowhere with her and ivan and she was like oh we're just not on the same page was religion ever talked about with you guys or was that just really important to ivan maybe i'm i missed out i missed out on the fantasy suite date oh right right that's that's where they talked about it i never got that opportunity to talk with her, you know, the reason I had, the feelings I had for her were because, and I said this often on the show, but she made me feel a way that no one else ever had.

And people like fight that. They're like, oh, no, but it should be about like who she is and how she is. And like, the answer to that is, like, who she is and how she is was what made me feel the way that I felt. And so like she being an incredible person and holding this space for me and being incredibly empathetic to me and my experience and the feeling that I got from that is what made me fall in love with her. But you never got. have to talk about those like i forgot about that you didn't get that off camera time yeah do you want to know my biggest reservation about going on the show what so my roommate he's like sitting outside here on the porch but if i pulled him in here and asked him my biggest fear was that america wasn't going to

understand my humor same i never i never really got an i never really got an opportunity to be funny on the show like it just like didn't come out um but yeah my humor is really really dry and like same it's pretty vulgar and like I was actually downplaying my humor I went on and I told I was like hey everybody want to hear a joke and it was like Chris who was the bachelor at the time was in there and they're like okay and I told this joke and I said why did the walrus go to a tapperware party and everyone was like why and I was like because he wanted to find a tight seal and it was like cricket stuff that's good I would have given you a standing ovation and The Bachelor was a farmer, and my limo entrance, I said, I don't really know anything about you.

I just know you're a farmer so you can plow the fuck out of my field any day. That's good. That's really good. And he was like, ha. And I was like, but I want to set that tone because if you don't think I'm funny or if you don't get, they're not. Like, I'm funny and I also want to. That's like you're, I get it. I think is that a problem or?

It's good. But anyways, he apparently liked it because I made it to top three. But anyways, that's a whole story. It's all because of that joke. All because of my joke. He told me actually off after the season. He said, I almost gave you my first impression, Rose, but the producers had convinced him otherwise. Which, if that's true or not, I don't know, but I'm going to take that and run with it.

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have to say about springtime natural dog supplements and treats and help your dog live a happier life. Go to springtime.com slash Vine to get free shipping on your first order and learn how you can save up to 55% during their annual holiday sale. Podcast listeners, you'll receive free shipping on your first order with code Vine when you visit Springtime. Bringtime.com. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Every show that I do, I make my guests confess something to me. Something that we get off their chest, something embarrassing,

anything that you're like, ooh, this is a good confession that I need to share. Yeah. So it took me some time. I'll wash away your sins with my wine. It took me some time to think about this. But on the topic of like dating and like being funny and whatever. Yeah. And like I got naked on the show.

so it's like a funny thing to share yeah um one time when i was dating this girl brand new relationship we were together like a couple weeks i like go over to her house and it's like her parents home yeah and it thought it was just me and her and so i'm like waiting like naked in the bed like ready to like do whatever yeah and the door opens and i turn and look and it's her stepdad who i've never met just staying there with the basket of laundry and i like hey and he was like hey and he just backed out and walked back downstairs, never said another word. I actually never met him after that. But that will never leave. It's been burned in my brain forever. And I've been holding on to that. I've told a couple people. I think I actually told that in the house, like with all the

guys. We were like sharing funny stories. I told that story. Oh my gosh. That's, I mean, I love that. She knows. I don't think she knows either, which is funny. I love that it. I love that It wasn't like, like an awkward. It was just like, hey, hey, yeah, I'm out. Yeah, it was like her step. It was her stepdad. And he was like, all right, you do you. And then I'm going to go downstairs with the laundry.

And I was like, all right, bye. Oh my God. I can't believe I just thought of this now. That ice bath that Ivan went in as if that date wasn't set up for you. And they were like, oh, he's gone to give it to Ivan. Who knows? Damn. I don't know.

You're a big ice bath guy. I love those, yeah. Okay. Last thing. If you have in L.A. If you have an L.A., we got ice baths here. You do? I actually learned to love an ice bath from dancing with the stars. I was like, I'll never do that. And then dancing with the stars, I was like, put me in ice until I can't feel anything. Also can't feel my feelings. Like, just put me in the ice bath forever.

I will take you up on that. I usually come out there a lot for podcasting. But next time I'm there, I will let you know. I love Venice. That was actually where I came. I was staying in Venice when I went and did my audition for The Bachelor. last thing before I let you go it's a quick game it's a new segment on my podcast you're the first to test out the waters and it's called how do you proceed and basically um I thought you'd be a first a good first contestant if you will the game goes like this I give you a hypothetical situation that you're walking into and you let me know how you would proceed in in that situation okay I'm going to pick two good ones because

I've got a few here but I can't keep you much long longer. Okay. Okay. You enter a contest on a whim. You win. Congratulations. However, when you find out the specifics of your prize, you see that it consists of staying at La Quinta. Is that how you say it? Yeah. La Quinta Resort for three weeks. How do you proceed? I don't accept. How freaking long were you guys? And why could you be? Why couldn't you be in the mansion? I don't get it. They quarantined us there.

The entire resort was shut down. It was like very stringent. Like we were getting tested every couple of days. I will never go back there. Maybe not even to Palm Springs. Who knows? I just. Yeah.

It's like that's how I felt. Well, I mean, I kind of am sad that you guys didn't get to experience the mansion. It's such an iconic part of the show. I actually got engaged there. That's where my engagement happened. And I couldn't go back. for a long time. I'd like walk in because they would bring me back for other seasons. I'd walk in and like smell the mansion and go, I can't do it. No. Okay. Last one. Ready? Send it. You're doing a

virtual training on Instagram live to get people excited about your club and just working out in general, you know. However, you go to do a particularly difficult move and let out a very audible fart. How do you proceed? I laugh about it and then make sure that everyone heard that I farted. Okay. Like you would, that fart was on purpose. Right.

I hope that you can smell it where you are. Like too bad Instagram like hasn't found the technology for a smellogram because this drank. Everybody farts. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. That's, I hate one girls.

Say girls don't poop. I'm like, I don't do. Okay, fine. Last one. And I'm letting you do one more. This is good. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. You find out that several of the men from your time on the bachelorette. have definitely moved on from Clarenetia. In fact, three of them have slid into your sister's DMs to ask her on a date after watching your hometown. How do you proceed? Brendan's the only one.

Brendan's the only one that gets the dater. I've said it all along. I've said it as long as I'll live. Brendan is the only one. Really? Yeah, I love all the dudes in the house. I have like three skills. One of them is making friends.

Yeah. They're great. They're so great. But Brendan, uh, he's your guy. boy that's that's your horse okay i love that i he was i'm not gonna lie i loved tasha's final four i was like probably the best final four i thought i had a really really really good group of guys and i know i'm biased but i really did i'm still friends with a lot of them tachia sees that i watch and i'm like this is the best group of men i've seen in a really long time i was such a big fan but i thought

brandon was the one you know all along i thought brandon was the one too yeah yeah okay well that's fair well Brendan we'll see him in paradise maybe he's the sweet he's the sweet he's the sweetest boy i know he's so sweet hell he's and he doesn't he doesn't realize how funny he is he's the funniest one in the house yeah he's like the silent thunder that like you don't see it coming and you're like wait you're are you hot are you funny are you really kind it's so good he is he's all those things oh well yeah i love i love when people can make friends out of it because that's some of the closest friendships I have in my life. It's really a unique opportunity and situation for you to, you know, only, there's only a handful of people that can really say they've been in the same

position as you. So I love when people can make friends. Is there anything else that we didn't cover? I just closed my notebook that had one note in it. It's really like one thing. I was like, my work here is done. No, just thank you so much for having me on. It's been great to finally meet you and talk about this insane TV show that we both are a part of. Congratulations on your new dancing victory. Thank you. It's insanely rad. That was cool.

Yeah, I just appreciate everybody so much. And if you are interested in anything that I do, you can find me on social media. Where can people find you on Instagram? My Instagram is Ben V. Smith. B-N-V-E-E-Smith. Okay. And everything that I do is there. And what do you like, in 2021, what's your focus?

Like I said, I want to have a better relationship with myself. And like, hey, maybe there's a relationship in there for me too. Well, you know I will hook it up if I can. Thank you so much for taking the time today. And I just really appreciate who you are and what you're open to talking about. And I wish you nothing but the best for what's to come for you. And next time I'm going to Venice, I'm coming for a lot. my staff.

Please. I will. Okay. Bye. Thanks for listening. I'm Caitlin Bristow and I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Offa Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on Podcast1.com, the Podcast One app and subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

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