Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Beth McCord

Episode Date: January 28, 2020

Today, Kaitlyn is joined by Enneagram speaker, coach and author, Beth McCord. Beth founded Your Enneagram Coach as a way to help people understand how they are the way they are through finding their Enneagram “type”. The two discuss the different traits and behaviors of the nine types while also exploring their own types and how it effects their day-to-day lives and relationships with friends and family. Beth then explains the common myths behind the Enneagram and where to go online to find out what your type is! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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With the new year officially here, everyone vowing to restrictive resolutions. Pepsi wants to usher in the new decade a bit differently, and I respect that. And that's by encouraging everyone to unapologetically do what they enjoy, even in the face of others' judgment. And I can get on board with that. You know, when you just need to break out into dance, everyone might be giving you the funny looks, but you're enjoying it. You're feeling yourself, and you're living in the moment. So who cares what the haters think?

Dancing whether I'm alone, with Jason, with family, with the pups, with friends. It makes me feel like a million bucks. Let me do my thing. Pepsi, that's what I like. Who's that with OTV? Who's that with OTV? Who's that with OTV? Podcast One presents off The Vine with Caitlin Bristol.

Caitlin is creating a space for girls and gents. can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for lots of laughs. Tabby topics. On filtered advice and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin.

All right. So it's pretty likely that you've heard of the Enneagram recently, maybe even taking the test or try to figure out what the heck it all means. Today I have someone here to answer all of your burning questions. My guest today has been studying the Enneagram for over 15 years. That's crazy to me because I'm. I didn't even know this existed until it's really blown up in the last, what, like, year. Yeah, a couple years.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, it's, uh, your go-to source on Instagram where you can follow her at your Enneagram coach and her website, your Enneagramcoach.com. So excited to sit down with her today and find out what that test we've been hearing about and talking about lately truly means, please welcome to the podcast, Beth McCord. Thank you so much for being here. Yeah.

Thanks for having me. I'm very excited to talk about this because, first of all, Can you just start by explaining what exactly the Enneagram is? Like, what does it do? Why do people take it? Yeah, exactly. So Eniogram is a Greek word. Eniom means nine.

Gram means diagram. So it's really showing that there are nine basic personality types. And the Enigram is not telling you what you do, which is what most of the typologies out there do. This is showing you why you do what you do, why you think, feel, and behave in particular ways. What are the motivations behind your actions? And so it's really fascinating and can get really creepy. like, did someone read my internal diary? Right.

Yeah. And so, but how we use it is think of it as your internal GPS. You have a current location, which is your main Enneagram type. You have a healthiest destination for your type. But as we all know, we can veer off, of course, and land in those common pitfalls. You know how we get stuck in life. And we're like, why am I here again? Yeah.

Well, the Antigram's going to let you know, like all your healthy attributes and amazing things, but also what it's like when you derail. But if you use that, instead of just beating yourself up and having all the shame. If he used it as a rumble strip, like on the highway, where it alerts you, like, hey, if you keep going this way, if you keep thinking, feeling, and acting this way, you're going to crash. Yeah. So why not like go, oh, yeah, my typical pattern is that, but I'm going to change. And I'm going to move into a healthy direction from my personality type. Doesn't mean you have to become all the other types. Right. Stick with what is best for you. How did you become involved in any ground? Like,

how did you hear about this or start to get into it? So about 19 years ago, I was, let's say, I think, 26 of the time I had a three-year-old and one-year-old and married for six years. And I was at that stage of life where I just kind of want to pull my hair out. You know, like, what is happening here? And then especially when I would fall into these common pitfalls, you know, we're all trying to grow and learn, mature, and enjoy life. And why was I struggling so much? You know, and of course, you think no one else is.

Yep. Feel alone. And so we had some friends that kind of just introduced it to us. My husband was in seminary at the time, so he was already devouring other books. So he kind of skimmed the book that they gave us. And, you know, he thought it was interesting, but I devoured it. Yeah. And one of the reasons is my type on the Enneagram knows ourselves the least just by how we are.

Is that nine? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, type nine. And so it's kind of like we have an internal fog. So finally, something was laying out clearly what I couldn't have described on my own. Like when I read it, it was like, oh, yeah, that totally makes sense. That's exactly what's going on.

But I could never have said it. So it really helped actually our marriage so that I could keep. communicate to him things that I could never have in the past. But then it gave me empathy for my husband and why he did what he did. So instead of us kind of battling it out because he should do it my way, I was able to see the world from his viewpoint. And that's really what the Intergram is about. Like we all have their nine basic views of the world, how we interpret events, how we approach events. And so if we can use this more as a tool for compassion, empathy, mercy, grace, forgiveness, love.

Man, it could absolutely change just our life in our relationships and really the world. You're right. Because once I started looking into it and it was Russell Dickerson and his wife, Kaylee, that told me about it. And when I took it and when I really dove into, I'm a three. And when I really dove into that and my ex was also a three. And it was like, I mean, it honestly just explained everything to me. Just from, you know, doing this test and research. searching about your number, told me so much information about myself that I never knew.

It really has just blown it up in the last year, but it's been around for a long time. The symbol, if you see the symbol, it looks like a nine-pointed star. Yeah. And that dates back thousands of years. The more modern day enneagram, which is more psychology, personality type stuff, is more kind of geared from the 50s, 60s, and definitely into the state started in the 70s. but it was you know the hard thing about the endogram is that we really they wanted to keep it kind of small because it can be used incorrectly a lot of times people use it as a sword or a shield

which we always try to explain don't use it as a sword and shield this is the most exposing you and others will ever be I mean this is kind of like you know when you have those dreams and you have to go take an exam and you wake up and you like don't have pants on or something like that's what this is like it is exposing your core motivations and so don't use it as a sword where you're poking fun, putting people down or yourself, and then don't use a shield like, well, I'm a type 9. Sometimes I could procrastinate. Deal with it. I think I do that. And so we want to use it as a tool for growth and transformation, not an excuse. And so when they kept it small, it was to protect those kinds of things, which, you know, because it's such a complex

system. It's very deep. It's very vast. Now, of course, you can use it at a very high level and still experience a lot of growth. But the hard thing is when people get a hold of this tool and it is so amazing, then they start telling others, but they tell incorrect information. And that gets spread and that, you know, how that goes, kind of like the, what is it called the telephone game? Yeah. And so, but that can be a real problem because then if there's miscommunication on such a powerful tool, it can actually be harmful. So, but, you know, with books and now the internet and podcast, it gets out there. So we'd really try our best to just kind of lay it out simply, clearly, but also keep how profound it is.

Right. And I wanted to know if people can change numbers. Okay. The answer is no and yes. Okay. So we believe you're born your type. Yeah. And so that doesn't change your main type.

But when you get to understand the depth and the complexity of the integrum, you'll understand that you actually always stay your main type. So your main type has your core motivations. This is your core fear, what you're always running away from or trying to prevent your core desire, what you're always trying to obtain. And then you have a core weakness. This is like, or they call it the passion, the deadly sin. This is what's tripping you up.

Your Achilles heel. And you're just like, oh, why can this go away? And then you have the core longing. This is the message your heart has always longed to hear. So when you are trying to find your main type, you're wanting to look at those core motivations, not the, or behaviors. Because you and I are very different personalities. You're a three and I'm a nine.

And we could love a clean home, let's say. Yeah. But you're going to do it for different reasons. You're going to do it for image. I'm going to do it because I don't want to. to mess with anything. I just want to relax, chill, like do nothing. That's the nine, you know. So we don't want to look at outward behaviors. We don't look at the heart. And so when we get to these kinds of things, it really helps to expose what the integram is, how to use it. And it kind of

lost my train of that. To your question, I went back to, oh, yeah, changing. Yeah. How do we change numbers? Okay. So as a type 9, I'm the peaceful mediator. When you look at the symbol, my type sits at the very top. Think of it like a clock without 10, 11, or 12. So nine sits at the very top. I have two lines, kind of like a starters. You know, starters have little lines in it. My two lines connect with three and six. When a type nine is under stress, I'm going to take on some of the average to the unhealthy aspects and characteristics of a type six. Okay. So here, what is the six? Yeah, six is loyal guardian. Okay. So the nine, my core motivations is peace, harmony, no conflict, no tension like can we just all get along that kind of thing but I don't know myself very well and that's

part of the core weakness but when I'm under stress this person who's like oh everything's going to be fine like don't worry about it all of a sudden I become anxious testy worried worst case scenarios are running a muck in my mind and it looks very different and so people around me can be like what just happened right but if we use that like I said as a rumble strip then I know oh I'm starting to get in the weeds or or even just to recognize I'm under stress. Yeah. Like what needs to happen here? So we were late to go into the airport.

I live in Franklin, Tennessee. And of course, you know where Nashville airport is. Yes. Yes. And we were supposed to leave at a certain time around 8 a.m. And I ever slept, not the rest of the family, me 15 minutes. So as we were going, of course, during rush hour and school zones, I was moving towards that stress point of six where I was, you know, totally anxious and irritable.

No one else had done anything wrong, but they were getting kind of the ramifications of it, right? But then as we were going there, I had that rumble strip moment of, oh, that's what's going on. Yeah. So I just said, hey, I own it. I'm sorry.

You know, I'm acting this way. It's landing on you guys. I totally apologize. I said, I don't know if I could really stop because I am worried. Are we going to get to the airport? Yeah. So there's honesty there and transparency,

but I owned my part, right? Wow. I actually really like hearing you say that because I think such a huge part in life of getting lost or angry or whatever is just acknowledging and recognizing like and owning it. Like even if I have anxious moments or when I'm feeling depressed or anything, I have been keeping track of like my period on a nap and I can look at that now and be like, oh, it's this day. I'm going to own it. Like you said, I can't change it. I'm so irritable today. but this now at least you know why and that alone just can give you a little bit of peace yeah well and and as i did that you know my thought was more not that i can't change it because i really do think that there are so many things we can be mindful of yeah and kind of correct course but what i was saying is i know my tendency as a nine is to move in this direction and it's going to be really hard to get out of it until we get there but as i was still feeling all that tension and and fear of being late I was also mindful more of how I was treating everyone and to shift course.

And so, but then as a nine, so that's the one line moving to six, the other line that I have is I move towards three, which is your type. Yes, now I wait to hear this. The nines, we don't think much of ourselves like, oh, you know, no one wants to hear from me. My presence doesn't really matter. Others are more important. So we merge. We go along to get along and we lose ourselves in the process, which is our Achilles heel, our core weakness is sloth. and this isn't a physical laziness.

This is a not knowing ourselves because we've merged with others. So if you ask me, well, what's your favorite this or what do you want to do in a year? I will be like a deer in headlights because I'm like, I don't know. What do you want to do? Yeah. So a lot of times, nines don't aren't like go getters for themselves and their own goals. But that's important because our voice, our presence, our desires matter too, right? So as a nine grows, we want to move to some of the healthy attributes of a type three.

Type threes are confident. they're go-getters. They set goals. They're assertive. Those are some of the aspects that I need to learn to integrate into my own life so that I actually experience the fullness of my nine. I'm not trying to not be a nine. I'm trying to be the healthiest version of my nine. And so by understanding how the type three can really help me is super powerful. So how many different like stages in a number are there? Do you know what I mean? There's the wings. The wings are the two numbers directly next to your number. So me, I'm a type nine, the two numbers directly next to mine on the symbol are eight and one. And again, I don't become them, but I take attributes from them. Okay. Now, if I'm unhealthy, I'm going to take attributes from those types that are unhealthy. And when I'm doing really well, I'm going to take attributes that are really well. So the biggest thing that you really want to focus in on is, are you healthy, average, or we call autopilot, or unhealthy?

Because, again, if I'm moving to six or three, like we were just talking about, it's the same thing. I can take on aspects of both those numbers, healthy to unhealthy, and then my wings. And so there's all those layers, right? And so there's actually quite a bit of layers. We could just go on and on and on. Well, it's, I mean, we can. We have a 45 minutes if we want. Hey, so do you rent or own your home?

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something else yeah so like just as a three we if you're look at to look at the three as like a column or any of the types at the top of the column let's say the first third is healthy yeah and then average and then unhealthy so there's just that just as a type three okay and how you think feel and operate but then you can move towards the other numbers that your your lines are connected to and you're connected to nine and six now yours are i mean we're we're in this triangle nine six and three so but what's interesting is that when you move to nine typically when you're under stressed, you're going to take on attributes of the type nine. So for the type three, your guys are go-getters. I mean, you just go, go, go and check things off the list. And you're so excited when you check things off the list, but then it's like, okay, what's next? Yeah. And that can be exhausting. And most three's come to me for coaching and say, I just want to learn how to exhale. And so on one side, when you move to the nine, what's going to happen when you're under stress is like you've done, done, done, and you literally just shut down. And it's like, that is me. It could be like watching Netflix. or whatever, you know, it is for the person.

So there's a wide range of things of shutting down. Yeah. And that's the way that the three operates under stress. Now, when you're growing, the three who typically thinks everything is about their image, like, like, look at me. Like, I'm achieving. Yeah. They realize it is about us. So when they move to the healthy side of six, sixes are the loyal guardian and they're more communal.

They're thinking of others. Now, then they have their own stuff, right? the anxiety and the other things, but when a three moves in a healthy direction towards type six and takes some of those aspects, it becomes not just about me, it becomes about us, family, community, our workplace, and they are great cheerleaders and know how to lift people up. I'm sure you know what that means like, too. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I could just listen to you, talk about this all day. Yeah. And so the great thing about that is, okay, so where am I at? Just as a three, am I moving, you know, in my stress path or my growth path? And there's even more layers to, like, because you, you take on the healthy parts of six and the unhealthy and the healthy and the unhealthy of nine for you as a type three. And we do that with all of our numbers. So there's all these layers to, like, dig into.

We'll be back with more Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. So being an Enegram coach, so people can come to you and you can help them through their, Like, healthy and unhealthy. Yes. Okay. And so can people do that on the phone online? There's a variety of ways.

Okay. Because I feel like people are going to want to do this. And I myself still want to. But yeah. So at your anygramcoach.com, the upper right hand corner is a free test. Okay. Now, the best way to find your type, one is that's a first step. It's not definitive.

It is just to guide you, okay? Because this test is trying to get to know why you do it. you do. But if you don't know yourself, it's hard to take this test. Well, I was going to say, and do you think people take the test saying what they want to believe about themselves? We always say, okay, the test is about 70, 80 percent accurate, no matter which one you take of the Intergram. Now, some that are not from experts are probably pretty bad, and I wouldn't even go there. But even the best ones, it really is determined on how well you know yourself. And are you being honest? Because remember, the Enigram is a non-judgmental friend and it says it like it is,

whether you're doing great or you're not. And so when you find your type, a lot of times, people kind of like grimace, you know, like, ugh, you know, because what we usually do as humans is look at those less, you know, healthy attributes and then we're like, I'm the worst, you know. And so we don't want to be that type. But so often what we need to see is the full spectrum, right? And so the test is a great guiding post. But you can also go to your intigramcoach.com forward slash core motivations.

And you can download a free PDF that has all. nine core motivations so you can really see why do I do what I do like what really trips me up when I get in a conflict or when I get activated why and those will kind of help guide you or to confirm your type so once you've done that we have a discovering you course and this discover helps you to discover the enneagram and all these little nuances that I'm talking about and an overview of all nine types then the next step is exploring you this is where I coach you through an online course through five sessions and I literally take you through all these little aspects of your type, just like I was doing with you with Type 3, to show you exactly how to break down your

personality into these bite-sized lessons so that you're not so overwhelmed. I'm like, what is happening, you know, so that you can go, oh, yeah, this totally makes sense. And then it gives you, like, journaling prompts and other things so that you can take that until you do the next session. I'm going to do this. Yeah. It's so, it's like very intriguing. I feel like it's also life-changing. It is. Yeah. It's super life-changing because, again, if we can own our stuff, we can't change other people. We can let them know certain aspects like giving them clarifying statements of ourselves, like what we need, what we want. We can't change them. But it also helps us to have empathy and compassion for those that see the world differently. I think that's why it's so

important and maybe why the Enneagram is blowing up right now is I think we're at a place where everyone just wants to be better and communicate and understand each other and have empathy and like get to know ourselves. I think everybody's just wanting that so badly that this can really help you do that. Yeah. I mean, like, think about, you know, our relationships. So, for instance, like when I was in the car with the family and I'm, and my kids were like probably 16 and 18 at the time, you know, and I'm owning it, right? Like, wouldn't you want your parents to say, my bad? Yes. And it's even more important when the family one is like, whoa, that's awesome. But if they were to go, oh, yeah, that's why mom struggles. That is her way of struggling. And to go, it's okay. Like, because we really just want to hear someone own it and apologize. Yeah. And it's so much easier for us than reach or to have compassion to reach out to them. And so what I find is when I'm honest like that with my kids and own my own stuff or ask for things from the viewpoint of me, but not demanding it, they're much more likely to have that compassion and to reach out and to give things instead of being like, oh, yeah, mom, you're so stupid or I can't believe you did that, you know.

And so by us being emotionally intelligent and to demonstrate that in front of. front of our kids as they grow up because like I said I started using this when they were one and three my kids though right now they're 1921 they are very emotionally intelligent yeah and so we can have some really great conversations now they're still 19 and 20 they have a lot of growing to do yes but we can have these conversations and us not freak out you know when honesty comes up and authenticity and realness and I think that's why you know it's really blowing up in the younger generation because that's what they're really wanting is authenticity and this literally lays it out there for you. How young can you be to take the test and figure it out? Yeah. Well, it really depends

on how mature you are. Because, like, my son's an old soul, has always been an old soul. So he was able to find his type around 13. And so I would say probably in the teenage years is the beginning place, but it depends on how well they know themselves. We know 40-year-olds that don't even know themselves, you know, and are super immature. So it depends on how well the person can go inward and to understand why they do what they do. And you don't want to type on the outside. I can't type you or anyone else. Even as an Instagram coach, I really don't know why you do what you do.

What people usually do is they're seeing these outward manifestations. Like, oh, he's got to be a seven. And I'm like, guys, there are so many layers. You really don't know. Yeah. But all that to be said. But here's the thing with parents is I would say, don't type your kids. You can eliminate some numbers, kind of like, oh, I'm not seeing any characteristics in this number, this number and this number, but I would hold several loosely because both my kids, like Nate,

I thought, well, maybe a one, two, or six because there's some overlapping attributes. But when he was old enough and he saw all the types and read them, he was able to go, oh, totally, I'm a six. And I was like, really? Okay, well, tell me. So we would kind of talk through it to make sure. My daughter, on the other hand, I thought she was a nine, maybe a two. She's a two, totally a two. But here's the thing. As a two, they want to be loved. They're going to serve. They're going to help.

And so she was more or less accommodating to my lifestyle, mirroring me so that she could be loved. Wow. So it wasn't like she was consciously doing it, right? No. This is her personality style. So she looked a lot like me. But then in our teenagers, as most of us teenagers do, our parents are like, what

happened to you? You're not the same person. Yeah. But it's our personality saying, I need to be me. Yeah. Like, I'm just going to be me. And it's a lot more raw. And that's when parents freak out.

But for her, her two-ness came out in those teenagers. And I was like, oh, there it is. Like, of course you're a two. We're like nothing alike, you know. Because she can be twos and nines can have some, quote, unquote, similar aspects. But twos are very assertive. They want to give help and love, but they insert their help. Nines are like, I'm here if you need me, you know.

Yeah, yeah. Because we don't want to assume anything because we don't want conflict or tension of any kind. And so we'll, like, be accommodating, but we're not going to tell you what to do. Right. So's it's all about, I have an opinion, I have a helpful thing, let me help you. And so it's a very different personality. And so that's why, you know, I would just, whether it's your best friend, your parent, you just don't know until they verify their type. All right, Vino's. So we all know last week's episode of Siesta Key was drama, drama, drama with a side of awkward. You guys remember how Juliet punched Chloe in the back of the head pulled out her. poor extensions, basically started a full out brawl at her party, while Chloe decided it would be a swell idea to threaten to press charges against Juliet, unless she came to her and begged

for her forgiveness. You know, the natural way to rekindle a friendship, but not even Juliet ambushing Chloe to apologize could help them this time. Next, our boy Garrett woke up next to his ex, Kara. He thought that that would lead to them dating again. Even more cringy, he invited her to come with him to see his friend's new baby like honey no so brandon through this pirate party for his birthday we finally saw alex for the first time not without at least three women on his arm so thank goodness juliet stayed home for this one guys he ended up explaining to chloe and kelsey that he also thinks robbie is using juliet for her massive insta following i got to say those actions don't even hold a candle to the pain alex put juliet through during their 12 breakups 12 do not miss the new

episode of Siesta Key tonight at 8.7 Central on MTV. Okay, can we just go through each one of the numbers? Yeah. Just, just we don't have to, like, just so we can give an idea to people who are listening of what they are. So if you don't mind going through the types, I would love that. Okay. So I'll go from as fast as I can. Okay. So everyone like buckle your seatbelt. Here we go. Hang on. Okay. So the type one is the moral perfectionist. Their core fear is fearing being evil, wrong, corruptible, unredeemable. They desire to be good, ethical. moral and right. And their core weakness is resentment. Now, this is where they're suppressing anger that the world and themselves are not perfect and right. But it comes out kind of as

criticalness, judgment, because they think being angry would be wrong or bad, which is their core fear. Now, their core longing, what they long others to say or to the message they want is you are good. That's what they're longing to hear. The type two is a supportive advisor. They fear being rejected, unloved, unwanted, dispensable. They desire to be loved, wanted, and appreciated. Now, their core weakness is pride. Now, this is where they confidently know other people's thoughts and feelings and needs, and well, actually, their feelings and needs, and they're going to insert their help

because they want to hear that you're thankful, you're grateful, you appreciate them. Because their core longing is to hear you are wanted and loved. Now, the type three, as you know, the six, successful achiever. I'm like, you can dive into this one a little more if you want. Right, yeah. You can expand. Go on.

They fear failure, being incompetent, unworthy, inefficient, incapable. They desire to be valuable to have high status, high regard, to be admired by others and to be successful or achieve. Now, their core weakness is deceit. Now, deceit here is that they deceive themselves into believing that they're only the image they present to others and that they need to then embellish that persona so that others see a more favorable image. And they can shape shift to any atmosphere they're in.

They're just so amazing. They can they can just be around anyone and accommodate. Like I'm sure like with podcasts, it's just like easy for you. Like I could talk to anyone, you know, and threes totally can. But what they think is they're as good as their last accomplishment. It's kind of like in like a place kicker in football, you're as good as your last kid. kick. So it's like they accomplish like, yes, but instantly they feel like they must find that next thing and that next thing because they fear that if others don't see their accomplishments, why would they be loved? And so they're always wanting others to see their accomplishment so they know that they have worth and value and that they're lovable. But ultimately, what they

long to hear is you are simply loved for being you. You don't have to accomplish, you don't have to achieve, you're just loved. What would that feel like if someone said that to you? That's what my therapist tells me. Because we talk about anagram and we get into that too. And she has told me, like, she always reminds me, like, you have to know that you're loved for being you and just for being who you are. It's not about your image because I grew up as a dancer and a performer. And I always was, you know, in the mirror next to all these girls in ballet class and wanting to, like, look a certain way and present myself a certain way and be on. Yeah.

And that's what I thought. Yeah. You know. And we have to realize that these are hardwired thoughts, you know, as a personality. But there's the healthy all the way to the unhealthy thoughts, right? And so we want to tap into what is the healthy way of viewing my personality and what it's offer the world? Because we're not wanting you to stop being a three or two, whatever type you are.

Yeah. We're wanting you to be the absolute best because that's where you're free. And when you're free, you're actually tapping into the healthy aspects of many of the types, if not all the types. And so for you as a three to recognize, it's obviously the achievements that you've done and will do are amazing. We don't want to stop that. Right. But we want it to be at a place of freedom where you can exhale. You can be at peace. You can learn how to just be a human being versus a human doing. Right. Right. And so, but that is, it goes so contrary to the hardwiring of the thought process of a three. And that's why to understand it and then to go against it,

though it's super hard, you'll find great freedom. And that's all growth is hard, right? But when we press into it, it's really good. Yeah. And so anyway, so that's type three. I've been pressing into it for a while. Okay, yes. Okay, type four.

Type four is a romantic individualist. And they fear being emotionally cut off, plain, mundane, defective, and flawed. And they desire to be unique, special, and their most authentic self. So their core weakness is envy. And this is where they feel that there's something tragically flawed or missing inside them and others possess qualities that they lack. So think of it as like, you know, we're doing a, like, my family and I were doing a puzzle for Christmas, right? And we're like all excited. Like we picked out a special puzzle and we're going to put it together and we're going to show everyone. And so that's how it is for each of us. Let's say we're all puzzles. And the four is putting their puzzle together. I can't wait to show you the unique, creative, beautiful puzzle that they have inside. But then they look at it and there's that big missing piece right in the middle. And it's like, oh, it's defective and fly. Like, I don't want to show anyone this, you know, but they look around everyone else's puzzles. and everyone else's puzzles are complete. And so they envy what they think is missing in them that others have.

Now, there's not anything missing, but of course it feels so real and true. What they long to hear is you are loved and seen for exactly who you are, special and unique. And so for them to go against the grain to recognize, no, I am special and unique. And there's nothing missing in me is so important for the type four. Okay. The type five is the investigative thinker. Now, they fear being incompetent, unknowledgeable, being depleted of their, internal energy and resources, and they desire to be knowledgeable, capable, insightful,

and have lots of wisdom and insight. Now, their core weakness is avarice. Now, avarice doesn't mean greedy with money, which it normally does. This is, they feel that they only have so much inner, interactive energy and that too much interaction with others will lead to catastrophic depletion. So what they do is they kind of withhold themselves and pull back to basically ration out this energy resource. So think of them as like a cell phone battery that has been plugged in all night and I only have 20 to 20% battery life for the whole day to interact with others.

Well, if you only have 20%, you're not going to just be doing all the streaming of Netflix and all these things. You're going to ration it out. So you'll see that fives love a lot of alone time to recharge. But when they're with people, you're going to see some boundaries kind of, okay, I can't do that. That's too much. So you're going to see a lot of pushback and kind of withhold themselves because as they fear this catastrophic depletion. I haven't met a lot of fives. Yeah. There's, I mean, I would love to see like a real study on statistics.

And maybe in the future when there's more people that understand it and actually type themselves correctly, we can find that. But yeah, I don't myself run into a ton of fives either. But one reason is they might be just keeping to themselves. Yeah, right. That's fair. But what they long to hear is your knees are not a problem. Now, the type six is the Leo Guardian. They fear fear itself, being blamed, targeted, physically abandoned alone.

But they also fear not having support security and guidance, which is their core desire. Now, their core weakness or the passion, the other teachers call it the passion and deadly sin, is anxiety. Now, everyone can be anxious. This isn't just for sixes, but their anxiety comes from constantly trying to think and prevent worst case scenarios, negative outcomes. Now, where it really comes from for them is that they have. have an inner committee. I didn't say this earlier, but type ones have a one loud inner critic that is berating them with all the imperfections of the world. And it's not like the ones out there looking for the imperfections. They don't come into a room like this and go, oh, that's wrong and

that's wrong. The inner critic screams at them and berates them until it's fixed. And so then that kind of comes out, which is the whole resentment part that we talked about. Now the six is on the other hand, have an inner committee. And that inner committee is training in from all directions with all viewpoints. Like, well, what about this? Did you think about that? Did you plan for this what about that you know and so it's kind of like well which one do I listen to like which path do I take so they have a lot of indecisiveness and self-doubt so they look outside themselves for the truth whether it's in a person mentor belief system but they can also be very suspicious and so they struggle with this anxiety of will I know the right good path to keep safe and

secure and to be guided now their core longing is to hear you are safe and secure now the type Sevens are our entertaining optimist and they have lots of energy and they're kind of like ticker kind of bouncing around. This is my boyfriend. Okay. Okay. So this will really resonate with you. The type seven's fear having to deal with emotions and to be trapped, to be deprived, to not, to be limited, to not be able to go out and have a ton of fun. They're the true FOMOs of the world. Now, their core desire is to be fully satisfied and content, but they never feel like it. Now, you wouldn't notice that sometimes from the outside, but inside they struggle with the core weakness of gluttony. Now, this isn't just about food, though they do love lots of variety of food.

This is that they feel that there's something missing inside, like there's an empty bucket in there that they have an insatiable desire to fill themselves up with experiences, stimulation, and fun. That maybe, if I fill it up enough, I will be satisfied, content, and happy. But think of it as having holes. And so they keep doing and going, experiencing. seen. And it's like, wait, it's still not full. Okay, I'm going to go keep going and keep going and everything's going to be fun and great. But they keep never feeling that satisfaction. And so that's the struggle. But the more that they're present and they savor the moment and see the blessings around them and just live in it, the more they actually do feel satisfied and content. Now,

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out there and with my promo code, new VeriShop customers can take 15% off the first purchase to try it out. Go to Verashop.com. Use my code vine. That's V-E-R-I-S-H-O-P dot com with the code vine for 15% off your first purchase. Exclusions apply. Now the type 8s are the protection challengers and they fear being harmed, a challenge, controlled at the mercy of injustice. They desire to protect themselves and their small inner circle of like family or friends that they are very connected to. Now, their core weakness is lust or excess. We kind of talk, or at least I talk about eights as being a snowplow. We're in Nashville, we don't even know what a snow plows. I'm from Canada, though, so I do know. I grew up in Kansas City, so we get lots of snow.

But you know those big diesel snowplows? And if we didn't have those big, big, we're not talking about a Ford pickup truck with a shovel in the front. If you don't have these big massive diesel snow plows, the highways or the roads aren't going to really be adequately plowed. So we need them. But you don't need them plowing a path with you in front of it, right? So eights are really plowing paths for others. At times, there's in this big diesel snowplow that they don't even see kind of like who's around them, you know, but if they will see who's around them and say, hey, get behind me. I got you. Man, it is glorious. They are so powerful. They're so mighty. They're so intense. And they can do so much good for others.

Think of a healthy version of a type 8 would be Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Lots of people in civil rights movement, but he was the frontrunner. And he took on the opposition. And it's just such a beautiful description and an image of what an healthy 8 looks like. And so that's their core weaknesses that lost access. So we need them just to, hey, just be noting who's around. Get them behind you. Now, their core longing is you will not be betrayed. Now, last but not least is me, the peaceful mediator type nine. We fear any kind of tension, discord, um, not having, you know, harmony and peace with others. And all we want is interstability and peace of mind, which we think this isn't, shouldn't be hard. We'll see nine see all perspectives. And so we can mediate. We can go,

oh, well, I see their view. Oh, I see their view. Like, let's just get along. But our core weakness is sloth. Like I said earlier, we don't know ourselves very well, because we're going along to get along. And so it's our job to wake up to ourselves. What are my passions? What are my desires? But what we long to hear is your presence matters. And that's all nine types. That's great. That was the best breakdown I've ever heard. It was like everything. I'm like, okay, okay, okay, got it. Yeah. And I'm going to listen to this. That's why it says back. Buckle up. Yeah. That was good. That was really good. We'll be back with more off the vine with Caitlin Bristow.

Calling all Gleeks, you ask for it, and Showmance is delivering. Join former Glee stars and best friends Kevin McAil and Jenna Ushkowitz as they take you behind the scenes with all the Glee, T, and Breakdown episodes from Season 1 of Glee with former cast members, producers, and writers that brought the show to life. Be sure to subscribe to Showmance on Podcast 1, Apple Podcasts, and many other podcast apps so you can get new episodes every week. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Okay, let's do a little enneagram, myth or fact.

Okay. So myth or fact, you can be more than one number. False. Right. You can be a combination of two or more numbers. Yes, if you understand what I'm talking about. Yeah, we've kind of touched on it at the beginning. You can and should get the same number from every test.

That would be awesome. You're probably not. Okay. Yeah. Oh, really? Well, because not all tests are by the same person. Okay. And not all tests are going to be done by an expert.

And so if they, you know, put in silly stuff, like, I like a clean home. I'm like, well, everyone can like a clean home, you know. Right. Okay. So, yeah. Okay. Certain numbers are more able to achieve their goals than others. No.

The aneogram is a newer personality test that is now coming to light. In some ways, yes. and in some ways, no. I mean, obviously, it's been around since like the 70s, but it is coming to light in the more recent years. I love that it is. You can easily identify the number of those close to you, such as friends and family. No. No. You, I mean, you'll be so surprised at what you thought you knew and what you actually don't. I encourage everyone to not only just take the test, but really like, like, research the number and do your course. That sounds incredible. I'm going to do it. Well, like, even if you go back to my Instagram, so your Enneagram coach, back to January of 2019, I do a series on the instinctual subtypes. So each type has actually three subtypes to it.

And there's, you know, we've even talked about the wings, which is another subty. And there's all these different subtypes. But in the instinctual subtypes, there's actually one of the three for all of the types that's called the counter type. That means it actually goes counter to the normal kind of way of that type. Now, they still have the same core motivations. but how they deal with it is counter to what we typically read about it. So you might be like, oh, they're not an eight at all because of this, that, and the other. And it's like, actually, well, what's their core motivations?

That's where it all hinges, those core motivations. So interesting. Okay, so people on Twitter had some questions for you. This girl, her name is Ray Burgundy. That's funny because it's probably like, oh, yeah, her thing is I'm Ray Burgundy. Oh, yeah. Okay. how to stop feeling annoying as an enthusiast seven in a world that can be so negative yeah that is hard

I mean because it is hard for any of us like we all have the things that annoy us um you know if you're going to talk to a type one they're going to be annoyed that the sevens don't you know deal with like the things at hand you know right but yeah I mean you know we are in a world that can be very negative you look at the news oh my goodness right um but I think the more that a seven so if I were to be coaching a seven right now. The seven, their growth path is moving towards the type five attributes, the healthy parts of type five. And that's going inward. That's actually thinking and experiencing your inner world and actually looking in the present moment and observing what's around you. Now, all the sevens out there are going, oh my gosh, it sounds terrible. But the more that they can

be present and savor what's in front of them, the more they're actually going to experience, even if it's a negative situation, if they can pull out these nuggets of what's good and actually be in it, not just in their mind going to the next thing, they're actually going to experience more joy. Now, we're not talking about happiness, but more joy even in what could be sorrowful. So again, every type is going to have to kind of figure that out in their own. For themselves, yeah. I really like this question.

Lauren Greason says, what are the most compatible types? Yeah. I get that all the time. You do? So we wrote a book called Becoming Us. Yeah. It's a marriage book. Now, my husband and I, majority of what we do is from a Christian perspective. So just want to kind of throw that out there for people. They understand that. But we get that question all the time. And here's the honest answer. I'm not just kind of like saying this to be kind of nice to people. The healthier any of the types are. It doesn't matter what combination it is. It's all about health. If you two are healthy, you could be double types. Like you were saying, a three and a three. You could be an eight and a nine. You could be a five and a seven. I mean, some of these numbers, people go. But that's like the complete opposite. I could see how they would really struggle.

Yeah. And I've met all of them and I've coached all of them. I actually have a course for all 45 couple types. Whoa. Yeah. It was it was it was pretty, it's extensive. Actually, it feels like I'm in your living room. Yeah.

It's pretty creepy. But I show you what your dance is like, call it the dance, what your dance is like when you're not doing well and what your dance looks like when you are doing well. And so every type, I go through all 45. So I know any of the 45 types, if you are selfish. self-consumed you want it your way you demand it your way your relationship's going to fall apart but if you learn about yourself and you grow yourself you're not trying to change everyone else to fit your mold but if you grow you will actually see that you'll become healthy and that relationship

will really change now they have to grow right yes it takes two to tango yeah so if they're not healthy that is going to be a factor but if the two of you are healthy man I don't care what two types I've met two eights that are super healthy man they are incredible Really? Yes. Yeah, because that's all about learning each other's, you know, how they, yeah, and how they deal with their stress and how you can help. It's, yeah, that's a good point. Everyone wants to know where the best place is to take the Enneagram test.

Yeah. Actually, I would say that, I mean, our test is actually really good. Yeah. And it's your Enigramcoach.com forward slash, oh, well, actually, I think it's test. But just your inagramcoach.com and the upper right hand corner is the test button. And then again, your inagramcoach.com forward slash core motivations is that download to look at the core motivations. And to think through, like, I just got in an argument with my, you know, best friend or my coworker. Like, what was going inside me?

What was activating me? Right. That's what you're looking for. Okay. Jordan Dreyer says a lot of Enneagram studies indicate a childhood wound. Does everybody have one? Yes. But here's the thing.

I don't call it a childhood wound because how it lands on me is my parents purposely did something or someone did something that wounded me. I call it the interpreted childhood message because sometimes our parents did something or said something that we thought was happening. But because of how we're hardwired with these messages, we inferred that message to the situation. So you could have nine kids in a family online. different types. They're watching, experiencing the same thing. Let's say they're going through a small trauma or big trauma. And all nine types are going to see and experience it from their own perspective and have their childhood message inside them. So the childhood message of the three, do you want me to say? Yes, please. I already know it, but yeah. Say it. So the childhood

message of the type three that you experienced life through and solved it through is that you can't have your own emotions or identity. You need to push that. aside and take on the persona or the image to be successful, to be admirable. Does that sound right? Yep. Now, could you pinpoint where that happened? You don't have to even say what it is, but could you pinpoint where that, where, yeah. And was it, was it directly told to you or inferred?

Inferred. Yeah. And so now if you were, let's say a different type, like think of, you know, some of the other types we talked about, could you see how a different type may have inferred? interpreted that same situation differently. Of course. Yeah. So same with me.

So my mom, or when I was a little kid, my dad was a doctor. And this is, okay, this is back in the 80s. Right. So I'm older people. Yeah. So, but back then drug companies gave them like these little trinkets. It was so dumb. So he had like 12 pocket size, like, you know, shirt pocket size address books that were like paper, like not even like nice.

So in it probably the drug company, Neumont, who wants? that no one's that so but you know he brought him home put them on the table he probably thought I would just like to write in them and as I was like five yeah the time and I had this little entrepreneur mine yeah and I was like I'm gonna go take these in the neighborhood I'm gonna sell them for five cents so I started going and you know my neighbors probably thought I was so cute I'm like a little five year old and of course five cents you know yeah of course so I think I did it to like three houses and then my mom saw what I was doing she was horrified and she called me back and she was actually really nice about it, but also totally embarrassed.

Yeah. And was like, you need to take that money back. Well, as a nine, my interpreted childhood messages, you shouldn't assert yourself. So that started a cascade of thoughts. Don't assert yourself. Just follow. Just go along to get along. Don't, you know, make ripples, you know.

And, but that wasn't what she was saying. Yeah. It was just don't sell like drug rep things. Right. I don't scam people. Right. And so, but now, you know, was it, you know, anyway, so all that to be said, I've had to work through that message, but I could have said, my mom said this to me, you know. Now, don't get me wrong.

There are some families out there that are literally directly saying your message, your childhood message to you. And that makes it even more complicated and difficult. But sometimes we just have interpreted things through our lens. And so I think it's really important for people to kind of. take a step back and look at that and to work through that issue from a more accurate vantage point. Right, because they've been told or believed these things for so long and that's in a time where you don't know anything else about yourself. So to come out of that, it's going to take a lot of work. I think a lot of people want, you know, oh, I'm going to take the test and have a quick

fix. But here's a thing. As a nine, I will always have that message, don't assert yourself. So here I have a thriving business. We released 10 books this year. Wow. But everything in me is still saying, don't assert yourself, don't assert yourself. And so I have to know that that is the message that's always popping up in me so that I can counteract it. I can go, no, my presence matters. Yeah. And my voice matters.

And I can't assert myself. But if I didn't know that, I would fall to it more often than I should. Right. Good for you for doing what you do because you are helping so many people. You're even helping me right now. I'm like, yes. Well, you are by being on my podcast. Thanks.

Okay. My last question is from Danny Mubb. So we kind of talked about this earlier with wanting to know, like, your kids' personality type. But she asks, are there tests for young kids to help determine their type and how to parent that type? But I mean, we kind of touched on that. But is there something you recommend for people to, you know, there is a book out there on parenting. Elizabeth Waggle wrote The Indygram Made Easy and then also a book on parents. parenting. I forgot the actual name of the parenting book, but if you just Google

Enegram of Parenting or or actually just Google the Enegram made easy. They're thin, small books with illustrations in it, but the Intergram made easy is actually a pretty good book for beginners. It's got like I said, some illustrations in there that make it kind of fun. And that can be an easy way to introduce, you know, maybe elementary age kids to the intigram just to give them vocabulary and a little bit more emotional intelligence. And then our other book, the parenting book actually might give you a lot of really good insights. We actually have a free PDF download that gives you like checkboxes, like, you know, are these typical things of your kit? And you can kind of check them off. Obviously, it doesn't

mean, well, if I checked off all 10, my kit is this type. Yeah. Because we cannot name a type, but it will give you a heads up. And it's your inagramcoach.com forward slash parenting. Okay. Oh, that's good to know. Okay. Well, I. I just find this so fascinating. I could talk to you a lot longer. But thank you so much for being here and explaining everything. And it was really, really fascinating for me to hear all the types. So no matter what people's types, like I liked hearing about other people's types as well.

We actually, you know, for those that really want it from a faith perspective, just to give again a heads up, we are releasing nine books called the Enneagram Collection. And we just actually released it on December 10th. And I basically walk through their personality, kind of like the online course. It's a little bit more simplified. But if you did it like you and your boyfriend, then it's 21 days to break down your personality. And it's the same topics, but obviously it's type specific. So you could be on the same day revealing each other what you learned. I love this kind of stuff so much.

And Jason and I have actually done like so many online couples, courses, things because we love getting to know each other and like figuring out how we how we're wired. So this will be our next thing that we do. So at your Enneagram coach, your anygram.com, you can find you and all the things. All the things. Thank you so much for being here. That was incredible and I loved every second of it. Thank you. Thanks.

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