Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Black Girls Texting: Spilling all the tea in the group chat

Episode Date: March 23, 2021

Chelsea, Glynn and Sade, who are the voices behind the Black Girls Texting podcast, join Kaitlyn to spill alllll the tea. What started as a group chat between three highschool besties quickly became a source of juicy stories and newsworthy fact sharing that had to be shared with more than just each other so they turned it into a podcast! Chelsea, Glynn and Sade each bring their own unique personalities, interests, life stories and humour to create an amazing dynamic trio talking passionately about Black culture, girl chat, sneaking into clubs, working too many jobs, dating, policing in Black communities, being SEEN as a Black woman and a closet full of hilarious confessions. You can follow Chelsea, Glynn and Sade on at @BlackGirlsTexting STRAIGHT TALK - Get the $45 unlimited talk, text, and data plan with no contract on America’s best networks for up to 50% less! NUUN - To find your balance, visit nuunlife.com and enter code VINE for 25% off your first order. GEICO - Go to geico.com and in 15 minutes you could save 15% or more on car insurance. FITISH - Go to fitish.com and enter the code VINE15 at checkout for 15% off your first order.  EUROPEAN WAX CENTER - Visit waxcenter.com and book your reservation today. All first-time guests get their first first wax free!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Today I'm hanging out with three powerful and incredible inspirational women, Chelsea, Glenn, and Shade, who are the voices behind the Black Girls texting podcast, and were some of the OGs in openly talking about black culture and often tough subjects right when their pod started in 2018. They bring all the honesty and eye rolls that only a text chain with your girls can.

with their unfiltered take on culture, news, dating with plenty of F-bombs included, my girls. When you're talking to them, you truly feel like you're in a girls' group chat, and I absolutely love it. And hold your horses a quick reminder to all of my vinos to go to Apple Podcasts. Leave me a review for my new segment, which I'm so excited about, pump your tires. Each month, I'll be featuring a small business or organization that my vinos have told me about.

And this month, the theme is black women-owned businesses in honor of both Black History Month and Women's History Month. Okay, now let's get to today's episode with Black Girls texting. Hello. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good.

How are you? I just, like, quickly ate something. I can't believe I'm going to do this, but do I have anything in my teeth? Thank you, God. Okay. It's so nice to meet all of you. And, okay, excited to hear that you joined the Lady Gang Network on. podcast one. Yes. That's amazing. I've known Kelty since we were like, well, I think I was

three years old, which is wild. No way. Yeah. Yeah. So you're Canadian. Yes. And our, so my mom and her mom were really like best friends. And so we used to hang out together when we were just little kids. She's such a girl's girl. She just empowers people and she's such a go getter. And I just adore her and her work ethic as well. And I'm so glad that you guys are with the lady gang on network on podcast one. That's so cool. Have you got to go on their podcast? I don't even know. Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah, we did like a quickie, but I think we're going to go for like a full length one at some point. They have, they have their cookies. That's so funny. They're just such a fun group of girls. Okay, interested to know how you all know each other and how you met years ago.

Yeah, well, we like to say that Shadei corrupted us. So that is kind of the common thread. We're all from Brooklyn. So we all kind of grew up together. Chatea and I grew up like a couple blocks away from each other. And when we first met, we were kind of like not feeling each other. I thought she was extra. She thought I was odd, probably. And then when I reconnected with her in high school, she literally corrupted me and was like putting smear enough icees and like black and milds in my face. And I think a similar thing happened for Miss Pinky. Yeah, I'm spinky. Yeah, we met in high school. So, you know, New York City kids, partying, being wild and young and free, going into clubs underage. That's what we were doing. So, yep, that's, I'm going to deny, deny, deny. That's, I mean, I'm going to confirm that I did the same thing. So, you all sneak into the club in Canada? Yeah, you know what's crazy is the legal age. where I grew up was 18. And so we were sneaking in when we were like 16, which is crazy because now I've seen my niece who's 13. And I'm like, in three years, she's going to be sneaking into bars or like the age where I did or like getting her driver's license. And I just can't wrap my head around it. It's very real. It is scary. Oh my gosh. Okay. So I know podcasting can be

a full-time job. But do you guys do anything outside of the podcasting world? Because you're all not in your head. Okay. Tell me everything. I know. It's a podcast. I work in luxury fashion, but I love podcasting more. Yeah. Podcasting so great. But that's cool. That's a cool job. Luxury fashion. Yeah. It's fun. I mean, I get really great discount. So that's probably the best part of the job. Yeah. Absolutely. I am in the fashion world as well, but on the tech end of things. So I work for Instagram and Facebook shopping. Oh, cool. And I'm a travel and culture writer and like cultural commentary person, but I also teach pre-K.

So I do like... Oh, my gosh. Teaching pre-K? I have seven jobs. It's ridiculous. Do you actually have seven jobs? Yeah, pretty much. It feels like it.

In addition to this podcast and like writing, freelancing, and teaching these youth every day. And I've been teaching during this pandemic, like, since September in person. Oh, my gosh. So you have to, like, wear the whole visor and mask and everything. And that must be so draining. Oh, my gosh, that's a lot of work. Wow, good for you. Well, I mean, yeah, there you go.

You're all doing something that you love, whether it be podcasting or working with kids or whatever you're doing. So that's the good news. Okay, so my understanding is that, like most groups of best friends, you had a group text chat where you share. anything and everything and like the type of stuff you would you'd die if the world kind of knew about what was on your phone but or if it was hacked you'd be like oh my gosh but you decided to just start sharing this publicly your podcast includes all of the gossip and girl chat about culture dating pretty much everything for others to listen in on so tell me how you officially decided to make this chatted to a podcast because what a great idea I'll take this

one, since Shadei likes to lie. I was like another controversial subject. Too good. Okay, the Instagram page part, I wasn't a part of that. Shade was being sneaky and taking screenshots of our conversations and created an Instagram page. But then I was like, this, like, we need to get in the studio. So we just did it one day.

And then we just never stopped. Like, we consistently went back every week to our friend Jim Jam in Brooklyn. And, yeah, we just. kept going. That's amazing. I feel like that's the perfect subject to put a podcast on because I think a lot of people why they love listening to podcasts is they feel like they're just hanging out with their friends or having that kind of conversation and they probably can relate to it with their own chat group. So I think that's so fun. Was there anything specific that went down in the group chat that you're like, okay, you know what people need to see or hear about this? I think it was just that

it was so real and so raw. Like, we were all coming out of either, like, graduating college or, like, Glenn was in the Peace Corps. So she moved to Cambodia casually for two years. And some friends were a little bit older, so they were, like, a little more established in their careers. So the age range of all of us, because it was originally, like, six or seven people. It was in a space where, like, you could go for advice.

You could go for just, like, shooting the shit. It'd go from asking people like, hey, I really like this guy, you know, what should I do? Or like, when is too soon to bring your overnight bag or like what's on the table, off the table sexually and getting like all the insights to like the most common shit, like recipe questions or like financial advice. And I was like, hold on. Two seconds ago, someone was asking about like, when is it too soon to have sex with a guy? Like, do you sleep together on the first date? And then someone else is asking for like, questions like what kind of sugar to use and I was like hilarious I was like people are definitely

doing similar things with their friends and like we should open up about it but then also like the lens of being like young black women and like how that also adds like a whole other layer to the experience was something that we're like okay there have to be other girls that are like resonating and feeling what we're feeling yeah I was just going to say like the piece about being black which is literally why we had to have black in the name is because because like on TV and whenever you're looking at media, it's either like, it's this weird dichotomy of like the superpower, supernatural, black girl magic kind of representation or like the downtrodden version. And like we're just so much more than that. And we're also different.

Like I'm very different from Shade, who's very different from Glenn. And so that like representation of just like us being humans was important. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. What Chatea touched on, too, like, all of those different topics represents the dynamism of us. Like, we can, we have so much range. And the title being Black Girls texting, we wanted it to be super banal. Like, it's something hella human. Like, who does not text on their phone? Right.

You know, it's the underscoring that humanity. I love that. The Matt James, who's The Bachelor right now, posted an article because sometimes you don't get context on even reality TV of situations. And Matt posted an article just about the danger of not giving context and stereotypes that can go into, like, a black father who has abandoned his child. And that's what kind of they kind of showed on The Bachelor. And he put out a really important article that I read that I was like, I personally, of course, I had never thought about it, but it was nice to read that article and now be more aware of that. And like you said, just like you're freaking three humans having these conversations and you want to be represented. And I wanted to actually ask about your different dynamics because obviously, as a trio, you each have your own role.

You each have your own personality. What is the dynamic between the three of you? Well, I won't speak for myself. I'll let somebody else say. I think Glenn is like, honestly, the humor of the show. She's going to probably say me, but Glenn is like so funny unintentionally. And it's like for me, she just brings that like breath of fresh air, like laughs. where she's being so serious, but, like, the things she says are hilarious.

And just her perspective in terms of, like, being a writer, she's such a creative. Like, she, I think, brings, like, a whole new world view to the pod. So I'm going to give Glenn. I love that. And I love that you guys are saying it for each other. I like this. Well, I'm a Leo. So if they, if you let me talk about myself, I would just be over here and everyone be rolling their eyes. So I was like, you know what?

I'm not going to do that. Wait, I'm Gemini. and I can relate to that. Is that normal? Oh, Lord, a Gemini. Okay. I love it. Chelsea, I would say, is our sister-soldia, black power in the group.

I would, Chelsea. She's always coming with the black facts. She's always finding a way to bring us back and center us in the conversation about how we can keep things progressive. And whenever we have this segment on our show called On Better Reply, when we're just kind of sounding off on like whatever's on our mind for that given week and I feel like Chelsea always takes it

as an opportunity to bring something up that's going on in society particularly as it pertains to the black community and I always appreciate that about what she adds. That's amazing. Yeah, overall I think, yeah, just like history, facts, current events, political things that are going on like it's a, she's pulling us in.

She's keeping us abreast. I like that. And Shadei always has a man to talk about. She's dating. She's out here. You know, she's like the professional, like, blurter, I would say. Like, one of my friends is, like,

trying to get out there. And I'm like, oh, you need to ask Shade for advice because she can be at a bar and, like, look at some guy. And then all of a sudden they're talking. So I'd say her dating stories are here. This is true. Oh, that's a good quality.

I love this. It's like the feel-good circle. I'm like, somebody do me. I can say that you're gorgeous. You got on it. I was like, oh, my gosh. I want her teeth. Oh, my. Oh, that's because I'm like this. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. That's really nice because I actually rolled out of bed today. And I was like, I should put on some sort of like, I don't have my ring light. And so I was panicking because Jason's using it. And I was like, I'll put myself in front of this natural light. And then I got a cord. that, thank you. I got a cord sent to me that it can plug into the actual router so that my Wi-Fi is better, but it barely reaches to this room. So I'm like leaning towards it and like trying to get the light as well. So thank you for saying.

Oh, the struggle. The podcast struggle. The podcast is struggle. Such dumb struggles. Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Okay, so I went way back to your pilot episode, uh, from May 17th, 2018. Stop it. No, it was incredible. And I definitely, of course, want to applaud you. You ladies, just, I love open conversation, open dialogue.

I feel like you ladies were having very open and informative conversations around black culture, interracial dating, extreme racism, long before a lot of people were open to talking about this and on a public platform. I mean, it was, so it was 2018 when you started. How has your podcast kind of changed or evolved since you originally started? I think we stay true to all of those, like, core values. One thing I would say is that we've had the opportunity to talk to so many amazing people. Like, the guests that we've had in our show and, like, the types of, the caliber of the guests has grown over time.

Like, we had Lena Waith. Was that during quarantine? Did that happen during quarantine? Yeah, I think so. The start of quarantine. Yeah. Like, that was, like, crazy. So, like, those. the kinds of things that I've started to happen, I think, over time. But, yeah, we stay true to those values. Yeah. I think the episodes have gotten, I mean, we still obviously care about current events and politics and anything sociologically related.

But I also think we've gotten more fun. And I think that kind of has to happen. Like, you have to laugh sometimes to keep from crying. Like, you can't, you have to have fun, too. So I'd say the podcast has gotten, you know, we have moments of light, hard, heartedness, which at first, I mean, we had moments then too, but I think we have more moments now. I'd also add just like our listenership has obviously grown and it's such a widespread demographic, like, especially since joining lady gang and I think getting a little

bit more exposure. We've had so many DMs from like women of all different backgrounds just being like, thank you for your podcast, like opening up my eyes or like thank you for addressing these issues and like being able to be I think a lens for people is important like while we do want to make it clear that like we're not a monolith we do not represent or speak for like all black women I also appreciate being able to give people some insight and knowledge and like for them to see our experiences and and seems like they're enjoying them so far so good that's amazing well yeah it's I just think it's important like I love that you are on podcast one.

I'm with podcast one, obviously. And I just think it's so great that you have a platform because I just, first of all, love hearing you guys just banter with each other or talk in general. And then you have so many important, powerful things to say. And I just wanted to ask, what a moment in the last couple of years where each of you have truly felt seen as a black woman. I'm going to say during our live shows. So we have a partnership with Soho House.

and we used to do live events, usually monthly or every now and again, but it was this moment where you would be in a room full of so many people, but particularly a lot of black women, like black women would come out in droves for us. And if you know, So House, it is not typically known as like the most diverse kind of place. It's a private member club to be for one. So already kind of like limiting that.

But we would go and we would meet these women. who would be like, thank you. Like, thank you so much for, like, talking about these things. Like, thank you for bringing this to light. Like, thank you for bringing these topics to the forefront. And we would have really awesome guests who would come and join us and, like, drop gems. And it was just, like, a love fest. And that was, like, I think a moment where I was like, oh, my God, like, this matters.

You know, like, sometimes you're like, okay, yeah, we're just, like, talking and having fun. But, like, who's paying attention to this anyways? And then when you see those people in person, you're like, oh, wow. like this is like impactful and like this really matters to people and that always feels that's a really good point at the live events you get to have that more intimate experience with people that you are impacting and you realize what you're doing is important that's amazing yeah and it's kind of like you're saying in the act of like you were feeling seen by making other people feel seen kind of yeah totally right yeah like we did an event at soho house

where we did like a baby hair edge lane workshop. Like, where do they do that at Soho House? Like, nobody with Black Girls texting is doing that in a space like that, you know? Yeah. But literally anything that Siza does makes me feel seen. Like, I think... Oh, that's your girl. That's my girl.

My good sis. She just, like, is... She's the epitome of what it feels like for me, like her sound, her, like, the messaging to be, like, in your 20s and just, like, kind of a mess. And she's a black woman, you know? Siza, did you hear that? Siza, are you out there? I'm trying to write some of her interludes.

Like, I'm, she, sometimes I just, like, go to bed and I, like, like, like. You should just write them. You send them to her. You should. You never know. Yeah. I believe it. It's going to happen.

Maybe if you could get hit and learn how to use Twitter. Or TikTok. No. Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. Since I be on Instagram, though, she's always liking people. very tapped in, which I also appreciate. That's cool. No. You need to put that out there.

For me, I would say anytime we are paid for something, I always feel like people love to have the black girls' perspective or the black person's perspective, but they don't like paying for it. They like saying things like exposure or, you know, experience or blah-de-bladdy-blah. But, you know, this is America. So I love getting paid for things. And that really makes me feel seen. fucking like a true capricorn let's go where the money reside baby I'm like come look at me and look at me and my

friends and Glenn's like all dreamy and chose like yeah that's all lovely um but yes we need to be we need to happencated and I agree I do I agree with everything each one of you said that's that's really and and I've heard that over the last I mean I talked to a couple of couple people who felt the same way like they would put their Venmo because now all of a sudden everybody is wanting to educate themselves and it is one of those things where you're like where were you and I mean people could say that to me where were you and if you're going to be sitting there trying you know you're you've got such an important powerful platform now and if you're not getting paid for that while we're sitting there and turning to you for this information like

you you do deserve that payment and and this you know platform and this this space where you can have your voice and be heard and seeing like we were just saying. I think it's really important. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. I'm often afraid of saying the wrong thing. I think a lot of people are, but obviously I'd rather try to say something than nothing at all. But do you think the last couple of years the conversation has really changed for you guys

when it comes to race? I feel like people are more open to the conversation, but like I spoke to one of my, I was in a white sorority. I was in Kappa Kappa Kappa Gamma, which is shocking because I'm just so different from how I was in college. But I spoke to one of my sorority sisters and she was like, I mean, like, I don't think I'm racist, but like I genuinely don't think about race. And I was like, that's so interesting because when you're black, like that you can't just not think about race. Like every aspect of my life is related to me being. black and it's not because I'm like trying to be annoying and be on like a soapbox it just is what it is like and so I think now other people are joining the conversation and they aren't

sitting in that like privilege of not having to join that conversation which is great and you're right people are like oh I might mess up well like I would much prefer someone mess up than like just like not want to touch it with a 10 foot pool of course yeah and I'll even add Like, I always like to give people a little bit of props or props are due. I think that there's been a lot of progress just in general because we're growing, like, as a people. Like, even to Chelsea's point, in college, I wasn't thinking about things from the same lens. Maybe it was like an ignorance as bliss kind of like I was just drinking the Kool-Aid and having a good time.

And when I think back to those times, I'm like, whoa, like my perspective is so different. And that's me, like, walking as a black woman. So, like, I can only imagine if, like, that doesn't pertain to you at all, that you're literally living in a blissfully ignorant world. And what's happening right now is people are saying, like, guys, we cannot do this anymore. Like, we need to be aware and considerate of everyone's experiences, not just from, like, a black lens, but, like, the way I understand identity, like, what's happening in terms of people's sexuality, their gender identities, like, things that are going on. on outside of the United States of America. Like, I think our generation is really trying to, like, get it together and just be good people.

Like, genuinely be good people. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think you guys said it beautifully. One thing, I think dialogue is super important, and it's happening a lot more. This is just, like, such a random thought that just came into my brain, but we were recently watching the Megan Markle interview with Oprah and Prince Harry said something about,

like, you know, I've been doing the work, and I was reflecting on, like, how oversaid that phrases and, like, to the point that, like, I don't even know what that means. And a phrase, like, doing the work implies that you're actually doing something that requires, like, action. So I'm curious, like, and I don't have the answers, but, like, what the action now looks like, like, a discussion is a form of action in some way. But I'm, I'm interested in, like, what action looks like. And I will say, like, I even personally got.

I've got educated myself a lot more how I could get involved on like local politics and kind of organizing locally. But yeah, Chelsea, please. Well, I think one, and obviously we all, so like, it's not just white people

that have privilege, right? Or not just white guys that have privilege. Like we, I mean, I feel privileged as an American person. You know, my family's not from this country and I see how we live over here versus in other places. So I feel privileged in that way.

But I think when you have privilege, like, use it like if you can hire someone who you know is the you know the most marginalized person and overweight black lesbian like hire them you know use your privilege to to help you know and to help people get money that's that's always my favorite I like that's amazing and something also that I did not want to avoid talking about because I know you bring it up on several of your podcast so that more people can kind of learn and understand the fear that black people live in and I hope feels appropriate for me to use my platform to help educate people on

is your fear as black women to be able to call the police in a time of need. And I mean, honestly, as a privileged white person, the only true knowledge I ever had of this. And I always feel embarrassing things, but it is honestly my only knowledge was the like American rap group, NWA's the song, the police protest song, which I loved it. I partied to it. I didn't understand it. I didn't truly understand the literal, you know, of the situation, the lyrics at the time.

And it's obviously been such a life-altering perspective for me to hear these stories and have a completely different understanding of the fear that black people live in on a daily basis, not just from random people, but the police. So I know you've shared a few of these stories on your podcast where you're actually in this position of fear of calling the police. Would you be able to or feel comfortable sharing? that with my listeners. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think that what people need to understand, unfortunately, and I don't want anyone to feel like judge anything by their profession. My grandfather was a police officer for like 30 plus years.

Right. But it is that the basis of policing in the United States emerged from slavery. Like literally people employed. to catch runaway slaves. Like that is the origin of policing in the United States. Mind you, yes, it has evolved and police are required for a lot of different things. But I think the perspective is that when it goes from making someone feeling safe to making it feel as though there's some obligation to meet quotas, how are you reaching these quotas? Is it based on, you know, the way someone looks?

Is it based on the neighborhood they're in? Is it based on your perception of them being safe or not safe? Like, that's where we start to have a lot of issues. And it tends to be that black and brown communities are over-policed and not in a way that's beneficial to us. So, like, how do we get more mental health advocates out there when there are situations to defuse the issue instead of just arresting people? Because, like, the prison to pipeline system in the United States of America is, particularly prevalent in black communities. Like, we have, I don't have the stats in front of me, but like, there are more black

men incarcerated, I want to say, in this country than like anywhere in the world. Just overall, our incarceration rates are extremely high. So when you constantly, like, live in this fear of the people who, you know, you grow out thinking are supposed to protect you, but then you soon come to realize that, like, that protection is not for you. It's for others. it completely changes, like, how you're going to interact with them. So I think when people hear, like,

the police or ACAB or any of these sayings that have become really trendy, it's not that we're like, we don't respect your profession because you give us a hard time. It's like, we understand, like, the history of this system and the stats show that it's wrong. Also, there's a fear of things like escalating. so like say I'm in like an argument with some like someone who's unstable and like I feel unsafe and like technically I should be like okay let me call the police especially if this person's black I'm going to think two and three and four times because I don't know what's going to happen when the police get there like are they going to kill this person is this just going to go from zero to 100 like it's not most in my brain it's not going to de-escalate the situation it's probably going to make it worse and I'm probably going to be responsible for someone dying like this. Yo, and that's the thing that's so mind-boggling about those cases of these people, these white women, in these cases that we're talking about, these Karens, if you will, calling the police all willy-nilly.

You would never catch me calling the police. It's so nonchalantly. As you said, Chelsea, there's all of these different types of things I would have to think through before I would make a decision like that. I just, I can't even fathom just picking up the phone and calling 911 on a whim for something when I feel like I've been wrong. wronged. Can't imagine it. And there's another thing I think about, if I ever was in the position where I had, where I felt like I really needed, where I was in need, it would probably be because I needed care, I needed, like, comfort, I needed help. And that those are not feelings that I immediately associate with police. Right. So that's something else. And that's something to sort of

look at when they're supposed to be people that protect and serve, right? And those are not the emotions that they that they conjure up within me it's just thank you for sharing these stories because I know I think it's important for my listeners to learn something or hear that as well so yeah we definitely were we were talking about this and I always like to use this saying I don't remember where I got it from but like we all were rained on with the same like racist acid rain so even us as black people even we carry ideas that are totally wrong you know we were all shown the same movies with the drug dealers and the same like the same media like I know this might be a silly example and and admittedly she seems a little off but um mary from salt lake city

when she was talking about her being nervous in front of like when she sees like a group of black guys in front of like a corner store it's like we were all taught the same thing so I think some people genuinely do see black people as threatening or scary because that's like the information that they've been, you know, fed. And our world is so segregated. Like, this is so amazing that we're having this sort of conversation with a white woman. Not that you're just a white woman, but, you know, that we get to talk about that because these conversations don't really happen.

Like, we live in our own bubbles. You know, there's the black world. There's the white world. Sometimes I feel like we don't really cross. And so, you know, yeah, I think we all, like, kind of have. these distorted views of black people. So, like, a lot of times the cops will be like, I was scared, like, which is not an excuse.

Right. But I do think that is a piece of it, like, genuinely feeling like we are like these scary creatures that you have to be a fearful of, you know? You think about a Tamara Rice, who was 12, you know, come on. How are you afraid of it? Right. Yeah. Yeah.

We talk about this term a lot at work. And Glenn and I were just talking about these, but like unconscious biases that, like, we all kind of carry no matter what we do. But like now I don't think those are being allowed to slip the way they may have been able to in the past. But you really have to sit with that and acknowledge it and know that it's wrong and be willing to fix it. Whereas I think in the past you could have them and like no one was going to call you out. I think a lot more black people getting into places of power, unfortunately, have allowed some. progression to work because I think a lot of people were just silenced like they were not able to

speak openly and freely in fear of like losing jobs losing opportunities I mean if we want to go there losing their lives like going all the way to like the civil rights movement so it's not like the conversations are new but yeah I think the audience is maybe a little bit more open to listen. Like, if we had to use an analogy, like, they're not just changing the radio station. Like, they have to stay on that station and listen. That's a good analogy. And also, through the brutality being so visible in front of people's eyes. Yes. People could not ignore that video of George Floyd. Right. It was bare in front of folks' eyes. Yes. That's a good point as well. Thank you, again, for opening up and sharing these. I know you talk about it a lot on your

podcasts and errors, but I do think it's important for my listeners to hear things too. And hopefully they listen to your podcast as well. And you talk about everything from, you know, dating as well. So I wanted to hear about your dating lives. Who's in a relationship? How are you doing it during COVID? What's going on in your dating lives? Oh, la. I let Chelsea go first because she's the person with an actual probably husband to be in like minutes. I am in a relationship. A few people that I know have, you know, it's a tough time to be in a relationship.

So they've broken up. I think right now is really like a test, you know. And I think me or my partner and I, we've gotten like so much closer because we're literally on top of each other. We lived in like a teeny we need little studio where we're actually on top of each other all day long. So yeah, I'm in a relationship. Sorry, I'm the boring one. but no that's great but i know people like to hear about the rendezvous i i had that back in the day

but yeah now i'm a one woman man i like it yeah dating is hard right now i like i was singleish pre-pandemic and got back with my ex and then broke up again so i think a lot of people probably did that like you go to what you're comfortable with In a pandemic, in a scary time, in this unknown, you probably go back to what is comfortable and what is, you know, what you do know. Totally. Yeah. And it was like very hard to kind of meet new people. But I think what's been really cool about it is being able to learn a little bit more about like yourself and your likes and your dislikes and have that comfort being alone. But then also like just having fun and flirting. like yeah i have probably every app imaginable and i don't really like meet up with that many people but it's more so just like banter and chit chat and laughs and fun like it's just like it just keeps you on your toes can't i would love that in my in my single days i would love that because i don't

really love going on dates or like trying to like have a you know i usually sit down and like over it within two seconds i feel like i'm all about the banter the flirting over text messages that like that could just keep you entertained while you're at home. It's fun. Like I wake up. I've got like a couple good morning texts. People ask me on my day. I'm like, you don't really give a shit about my day, but I like that you tried and it

makes me feel good. Oh my God. Meanwhile, I cannot be bothered to text these people. Like, I get in the gaps and I'm like, making conversation with these people is so laborious. Again, I have 17 jobs. I have no job.

And we're from seven to 17. Correct. I'm like, okay. I mean, you might as well. If you have seven jobs, you might as well have 17. You know, I'm like, can they just do it for me? And I also just like, I need to kind of meet a person to latch on and care enough to want to keep texting. Like, I need to feel the chemistry.

Yeah. And I need to buy in first. And nobody has made me buy in, really. And I don't know. It's still. That's okay too. COVID. So I'm like, I'm looking forward to like maybe some parks.

distance park like little let's meet eyes i did go out to a bar over the weekends and like people were definitely out i met a couple of freaking weirdos um that were very odd they asked for my number i gave them my instagram because nah i'll take a follower though hey so for now that's amazing situation with this same young man i've been seeing for like 17 years no um that's the number i enjoy right now. No, like somebody I've been seen for like four years basically but has made me realize that I enjoy like the partnership

and like the romance and stuff which I didn't think that I liked. So I feel like it's prepping me for the next thing. I like that. For right now it's like a nice, stable situation while we wait out this

panini. Not the panini. Did I tell her she's hilarious? I will say, like, if you're in a relationship, the really fun thing about it is, like, you can experiment. Like, we've had a lot of first together because you trust that person, so you can, like, you know, like me, I'm not doing anything with anybody.

So. Yeah. That's fair. Sometimes people would think, you know, like you said, you're on top of one another. It's just like you're constantly around. But other people are really experimenting. is that what you meant in the bedroom or am I taking this to a different place? No, that's exactly what I mean.

Okay. That is what you know what she means. I'm like, otherwise this could get really weird. No, you're on the same page. Okay, yeah. You need to listen to this podcast because she was fascinating and came up with a bunch of great ideas. So that's a good point. I will be listening.

That says a lot about your relationship too, though. If you, you know, you feel that comfortable and you don't want to just be like get out of here. If you're thinking, let's experiment, that's a good place to be in after a Panini. No, I feel like you can tell your grandkids, like, if they bring home a guy, I'd be like, can you survive a pandemic with them? Yep, yep, that is really the true test. People used to say road trips, what, like, no, a few days in a car. Now it's like, can you survive a pandemic with somebody?

Nothing. Road trips are hard. I got kicked out on the highway once. Oh, my God. What? Is this, isn't that terrible? Isn't that terrible that someone would do that? Somebody let you out?

It was a terrible road trip. They'd level back right away, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, he came back. I was literally in Nebraska. It was for the drama. I was in Nebraska on the side of the highway. Like, it was, oh, gosh.

You know I would have stand that drama, right? Oh, yeah. You would have loved it. It's a cinematic as hell. Is that really what we're doing? Nebraska. The side of the road in Nebraska. Oh, God.

I would have just loved it. I can't stand you. I mean, that's so terrible, but a funny story now. Yeah, it's hilarious now. It's actually a terrible story, but. Yeah, I'm glad I'm here to tell the tale. And not with that person. Yeah, exactly.

You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristol. We should go into our confessions. I can kick us off. I had one, but now everything we've been talking about made me think of another. So I recently went out with friends. It was COVID safe. Insert must require COVID safe statement. Yeah.

And, you know, I was just like flirting, like meeting different people and like exchanging numbers and one guy is like oh yeah we should keep in touch like can I get your number okay we're exchanging numbers friendly stop looking at me like that Glenn with your furrowing brow I'm just like where is this going to go your deep gaze

so I'm like I exchange numbers with this guy my number is already in his phone stop oh girl that happens to me mad times so by the time I get to like the last digit you know it'll pop up like if the The number is already in there. Not only did he already have my number.

He had like my nickname, which like I, I, so my full name is Osher Remy and my middle name is Shadeh. Yeah. So at work, I go by Remy. That's like my little like work nickname. And out and about everyone knows me a Shade. Like if you genuinely know me, you know me a Shade. If you call me Remy, I'm like, oh, we either work together or like I gave you my like casual name

that I don't, I don't wish you know my name name. Yeah. So then I was like. not only did we meet, I gave you my like, don't contact me name, like the name that if you call, like, if someone screams Remy, I'm like, run, because I'm like, either someone from work or that I, like, don't really care to see again. So I'm like, so what the hell happened here? But I couldn't tell you when I met this person or how I met them or what the occasion was. And we both looked at each other and he was like, I thought your name was Chate. And I was like, long story.

and then I kind of like scurried away but I was like that's funny hell did I do so I don't know what are the chances will not be contacting me what if this is your person

I feel like this is a sign like you're supposed to no or it's like New York because literally this happened to me three times seriously three times yes yes we have dementia

we need to take more turmeric and ginko baloba yes it has It has. And I tried it again with one guy, like, I was like, oh, wow, your number's here again. And, like, we started talking again. And then I was like, oh, okay, I get why. I probably didn't talk to you the first time. You're insane. That's funny. And yeah, it happens to me several times, you guys. Just, like, out and about. And it makes sense, you know, like drunken, those exchange numbers, maybe.

Now that you say that, I was like, this makes zero sense. like how, what are the chances? But if you think about it, you're like, you'll think again. You know, and you run in the same kind of circle. New York is smaller than people imagine. My life scene,

this is back in my early 20s. Yeah. It occurred. That's funny. Yes. I can honestly say that's never happened to me. But I'm like one of those people that's always in a relationship, so I'm boring.

One time I went out and I was really drunk and I remember meeting, you guys know this story. I remember meeting. this really beautiful, handsome, tall man. And we were talking all night. I exchanged my number. The next day I get a text and he's like, hey, like, I want to take you out on a date.

And I'm like, okay. And he says, I'm like, so what do you want to do? You know, dinner, movie? No, he says rock climbing. And I'm like, this is so cool. I'm like, is the rock climber. Yeah. This is so cool.

I'm so impressed. Like, what a creative, cool day. I've never even been rock climbing. So I get all excited, all like rock climb chic, and I go to the rock climbing place and I get there and I'm like looking around. I'm like, I don't see this tall, dark and handsome man. And I'm looking around. So I text, I say, hey, I'm here. And I'm like, oh, maybe he's a little late.

Hey, I'm here. And then a guy starts walking towards me that I don't remember ever speaking to. I was not attracted to at all. And he's like, Chelsea. Like, walking up to me. Oh, no. So then I'm like, okay, do I. This is hilarious.

It was crazy. I was like, okay, do I leave? Like, so I was like, okay, it would be so rude for me to leave. But then we get the rock climbing equipment and I don't see him pull out his wallet. I had to pay for this date with this random man that I didn't even want to be with. So I spent the whole time on the date and was just like pissed and realized that I can't drink that much because so you thought you you had like the drunk goggles on where you literally thought this guy it wasn't a completely other different person it was the same guy I was I was talking to a beautiful guy oh but that guy didn't text me another guy did and I don't even remember why I would give him my phone number but I did so funny that's a great confession okay that was so good shit I should have went in the middle okay so So I, when I was in college, I used to, this doesn't happen in a long time.

When I would drink, I would like start sleepwalking kind of, and I would just get confused. And one time I peed in the trash can in the kitchen. I don't, okay, I have done something like that before. Or is there more? No, I mean, that was it. That's not so bad. That's not that bad. Yeah, I'm like, what? That wasn't that bad?

I had no. I was a little girl that I was with, I was like sleeping over her friend's house, and she's like, you need to get up and clean up that piss. I mean, it sucks you aren't in the comfort of your own home, but I have been there, done that, and actually somebody I would never wanted to see me in that state, saw me in that state, and it was like a newly new boyfriend. And I literally pulled down my pants and went like this on the carpet. Oh, my God.

You're kidding me. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Like, pulled down my pants and, like, casually, like, fist on my cheek. So you guys. I would say that I'm a sleepwalker. That's what I would say. No, that's what I said.

I said that. I should have said that. That's what I said in the embarrassing story thing. And everybody still was like I was nuts. I was like, I have sleepwalking issues. I mean, still. okay and it wasn't really the trash can it was just in the middle of the floor wow wow you little liar

and it wasn't pee it was number two I'm just kidding oh my god I was like that's nothing Glenn that trash can still I bet you all the vinos will come forward and say they're peeing stories because we've we've all got them you that is so you're so cute for thinking that was like really bad oh my gosh i know i could tell you like oh my god i can't i can't say it that's amazing oh my gosh you guys are so funny so much better i understand why this is what's done that is why i do these confessions it's something that after you tell it you like feel cleansed

and you're like i'm so glad it's out there and that and then i'm here to make you feel better about it i'm never going to shame you for your confessions yes that your hand on the knee thing with the chin prop. I made you feel that. I made me feel so good. Yes, it's, we're here for you in the peeing on the floor community. Oh my gosh. This has been so fun.

I'm just going to ask you where everybody can find you, the podcast, Instagram, everything that you want people to go to go look at. Now is your time. Yeah, so follow us on Black Girl Sexing on Instagram. It's spelled like how it sounds. We also have our episodes every Wednesday they drop on Spotify and then Apple Podcasts. Send us an email. We do like this really fun advice segment.

Of course, you're getting advice from three women who are not, you know, advisors, but it's so fun. Our email is hello at blackgirls texting.com. individually I'm chel spinky Glenn is bedside brat what's your sharday my Instagram name is my full name which is Osharemi Shade and if you can spell it

then you can find me that's a beautiful name by the way thank you I love that you know we hope you do listen we're really trying to grow our community I love these sorts of conversations but you know light and also like important and serious this was an amazing

conversation so definitely leave us a comment rate subscribe, engage on our Instagram. We actually like love talking to people on Instagram. So we need to make a Facebook group because apparently that's where it's at. It's cool. It's, yeah, it's a fun thing to do. Yeah, I think we're going to do that.

But right now our community is mainly on Instagram. So definitely come join the community. Amazing. And we have merch. Oh, you did. There's this like a little bit of, um, contention because white women are unsure if they can wear black girls texting sweatshirts. we give the okay we actually commented about this did you see on our

Instagram and then no message being like thank you for clearing up that I can wear this one oh my gosh I want to say yes of course you can wear it I think I actually think it's like a great conversation starter like I actually I actually listen to this like amazing podcast with three black women because that's also a thing like black people like or white people not you know listening to or consuming black stuff Like, a movie is like a black movie because the characters are black. Yeah. It's like you can watch a black show.

I mean, I shouldn't even call it a black show. You can watch a show with black characters. You can watch a movie that's not about slavery. Yeah. So, yeah. So, yes, with all that being said, go get you some merch. We've got some of our funny sayings. And we're just going to have more and more coming down the line.

I'm a session of tie-dye. So that's my next thought. Ooh. Oh, I know you have that in mind, but I like it. I love that. Is it in the link in your, in your bio on Instagram? Yes, our website is blackgirls texting.com. And so there's like a merch tab.

So it'll take you right to our store. And there's so much cute stuff on there. More stuff coming. So you can sign up for our newsletter on there too. So you can take the date with all of the things we got going on. I love a good newsletter. I feel like it's so important. And I always, when I sign up for people's newsletter, I always feel like it's so like exclusive.

Like I get the exclusive. and I'm like really part of the family. So that's cool. Okay, so everybody go do that and follow and and listen to the podcast and leave the ratings and do all of the things. I loved our conversation today. Each one of you are just so incredible and I appreciate everything. And thank you for coming on the pod.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having us. Thanks for having us. Okay, don't leave yet because I have one last thing I wanted to share with you. It's the first official. She'll pump your tires segment. This segment is so close to my heart because I know how many hardworking small business owners there are out there that really deserve to have their tires pumped. And I was so excited to see all the amazing organizations you guys sent me and shared with each other too.

So good job. Props for the Vino's. I honestly had such a hard time choosing, but I think you're all going to love this first winner. Tina Dixon Smith was nominated by one of her friends, which we'd love to see that. She is the owner of Buda Babe, which is a kid's luxury design. studio and e-commerce company based in Philadelphia. And honestly, I got so deep into IG and website because these designs are so freaking cute. I almost started buying things from my unknown future child. It's fine. We're all fine. I was so excited to speak with Tina. So I'll let her tell you more. It's so nice to meet you. And thank you so much for coming on this segment because you are

the very first featured small business that we're doing. And it's so exciting because I love getting to do this stuff and somebody nominated you. And I'm so grateful for that. Just tell me about your business just to start off. My gosh. So I started go to bay back in 2014 at my dining room table, all because my baby was a drool monster. And I was not satisfied with any of the bims that I was seeing in stores.

They were too babyish. They had like these pastel colors or like primary colors. And I just wanted him in all black everything. and like geometric prints and I couldn't find anything. So I just went down this rabbit hole of like trying to find stuff on Etsy and I found some things that I liked the shape of the bit, but I didn't like the quality of the fabric. So one day I just decided that I was going to learn all about textiles,

find the most absorbent fabric, the best prints, echo-friendly, organic, and then I went on a machine and I taught myself how to sew bibs by watching YouTube videos. One thing went to another, and now here, I am seven years and 20 products later. Wow. It's so impressive because I love, it's like the definition of someone being an entrepreneur is not being able to find something that you need and making it on your own. And that's exactly what you did. It's so incredible. And I love your tagline, luck style and comfort your little one will drool over because it's perfect. You started it initially

to make drool bivs for your own son, which you said. I love that you learned to sell up for YouTube because I just had this mindset. Like, growing up, I always wanted to just do something myself. Like, I just wanted to learn. I just wanted to do it myself. And now we have all these resources to be able to do it like YouTube. Okay, just learn how to sew. And that's what you did.

You found observable products. I saw the big Papa bib set on your site, which is amazing. And I wanted to know what some of your favorite products that you've made over the years are. So definitely the bib is near and dear because it reminds me of my very humble beginnings. But right now, um, our best stellar product for the past four years has been the blankie. They really are magical. They're, they feel like a cloud. They have become children's favorites. Like if the children, if the child was gifted, a blankie when they're a newborn, they grow with it. They don't, they become attached to it. I had a child, um, at my grand

opening bring his blanket who he's never let his parents wash the blanket. And it's been five years and it was falling apart and it was all ratty and he wanted new like backing fabric on it kind of like when your shoes get worn but they're your favorite shoes and you take them to a cobbler and you have a new sole put on them so it offered this like refluff event where the blankies can come back to me and they get you know doctored up but the children are they don't want to part with it even for the the week or so that it takes me to refluff it and it's just so meaningful and to know that like families they love it too much for their own children and then every new child in their life, every baby shower gift, you know, they give that as a gift. And it's just,

it's very rewarding and to know that you've become a part of a tradition or a family story or history. It's just like, it's magical for me. That is. I'm like just sitting here smiling because it does sound so magical. I'm like, I want one for the baby that I don't even have yet. I'm like, I'm going to order one for my friends as gifts. That's awesome. And I know you're based in Philadelphia, but also have an e-commerce site too so anyone can shop your designs so i wanted to know how has the response been from your customers as you've been growing over the years amazing i have like a cult following with my original customers it's like been amazing but as we've expanded and grown and i you know started to enter into retail partnerships with boutiques across the country

and their customers fall in love with the product and it's just been an amazing organic growth experience. Like it wasn't a fly by night. I introduced a new products like every year, every two years. I change my prints out two times a year. There's like a spring, summer collection, a fall, winter, and that's it. I might do like a little mid-season, like just a couple of new things like for ultra beachy theme or like I did a terracotta colorway for fall. But it's, I try to stick to like very routine regimen and that it will soon to just gradually grow. and expands my footprint ever since we opened our brick and mortar

in November, like who opens a brick and mortar in the middle of pandemic, right? The response from the local community has been phenomenal. Like, it's just really, been so heartwarming. People just, you know, excited to see something new

and vibrant. And, you know, babies symbolize hope and love. And I feel like this time in our society and our country, like everyone's like, just clean for any sort of like feeling of hope and brightness and happiness and I'm happy to be able to be making a product that reminds them as that. And then not to mention all the COVID babies that are coming. Yeah, of course. Yeah, we're in the middle of a baby boom right now. Absolutely. Oh,

my gosh, that's so incredible. And you're right. This is just a little off topic fact. But like even with networks for TV shows like Netflix and Hulu and all these networks are looking to shop for shows and what they want to see on TV. And, you know, it's usually people love the drama and the catfights and the this and the that. And what people are really craving is hopeful shows, shows about family, shows about love. And it's just interesting to see that shift and what people are really craving right now in the world. And that's so cool that that you're a part of that. And I'm a big manifester. I really believe in it. And I wanted to know what you want to see from your business in the next five years. Oh my gosh. What I would love to see more than anything is like a

satellite location where I can actually expand our sewing workshop and class offerings. We're offering baby kids birthday parties on the weekends where the kids like do a sewing project as a part of the party experience. Adult sewing workshops, but we have very limited capacity. And I would love to be able to open that up and become more ingredients in the community and offer more resources to the community, maybe even have a summer camp for kids. So I think that my next steps are going to be to gradually find locations where I can have running as a satellite, either moving production out of my current space, expanding the retail footage of it, or just finding a whole other space that can just hold the classes. That's amazing. Oh, good for you. That's incredible. I mean,

I clearly stalked your social media because I had to and your family and your little boys always helping you around the boutique, which is so cute. He's already a little businessman. So I love what you're doing. I think it's incredible. I love that somebody nominated you, and I love that I can share your story and what you've got going on on the podcast. So let everyone know where they can find you, your website, all the good stuff before we go.

Oh, absolutely. So the website is www. www.boudabit. And Instagram is My Buddha Babe. Let's see where else, TikTok, My Buddha, Babe. We're on all the social channels now. Awesome. That's great.

Well, we'll put it up on our Instagram page as well. And thank you so much for joining me today. And good luck with everything. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's going with OTV?