Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Brett Kissel: Making a life, not just a living

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

Fellow Canadian and country artist Brett Kissel reunites with Kaitlyn on the podcast after nearly a two year hiatus. Kaitlyn and Brett talk about all things from him and his family moving back up to Canada from Nashville, what he’s been up to during the pandemic, his exciting new project with his wife (which looks real nice on the shelf beside Spade & Sparrows), new music and another epic confession. You can find Brett on IG @brettkissel and @deucevodka  APARTMENTS.COM - Go to apartments.com. The most popular place to find a place. EUROPEAN WAX CENTER - Visit waxcenter.com and book your reservation today. All first-time guests get their first first wax free! GEICO - Go to geico.com and in 15 minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance. SEED PROBIOTICS - Visit seed.com/vine and use code VINE to redeem 20% off your first month of Seed’s daily synbiotic. PELOTON - Get started on your Peloton journey. Go to onepeloton.com to learn more. HYUNDAI - Learn more at hyundai.com. PLUTO TV - Download the free Pluto TV app and start streaming now!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up if you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in. Hey, everybody, you're listening to Caitlin Bristow's podcast, Off the Vine.

Take it away, Bree. Wine. Lots of wine. Hey, be on the mic, turn it up. Let's go. Hey, ramen, Pinot, ready for the show. Everyone's welcome. So come on in because OTV, it's about to begin.

Hey. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. Happy Tuesday, everyone. I'm so excited for you to listen to today's episode because after almost two years since his last time on the pod, I had the privilege of finally reuniting with my dear friend, a fellow Canadian, husband, incredible father of three, and the ever so talented country artist, Mr. Brett Kessel. We catch up on all things from moving back to Canada from Nashville, what he's been up to during the pandemic, his exciting new project with his wife, new music, a hilarious confession. His storytelling is every and of course, a game. I love this guy and we always have the best time. So sit back, remove that cork, pour yourself a glass of vinyl, obviously spain on spirals,

and enjoy this week's episode with Brett. Hi. Hey! First of all, look at him. I'm going to show. Look at him. He's unwell because Jason decides. to have a Zoom call last night with all of his buddies.

I feel like a million bucks. I'm going to pour myself glass of wine. Good. You deserve it. Thank you. I agree. And Jason had a Zoom last night with his buddies. They were on the phone from 7 p.m. till 2 a.m. drinking.

Oh, I can't. Seriously? That long? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what a trooper. And, like, I'm not talking like a couple of casual beers. Like, he started off with wine when I,

I was leaving and then I know he switched to beer and then when I FaceTime them they were doing shots and then I think he switched to hard alcohol so he's really like he is he is not okay right now oh oh my god I I feel back because I get the worst hangovers in the world so I feel bad for whatever he's going through right now especially when it's it's literally quarter after five at night yeah that's that's a heavy duty hangover poor guy it feels like a two-dayer but I'm surprised you get hung over. I feel like people from Alberta don't get hung over. I know. No one does, except for me. So everybody who doesn't get, it's, it's the worst. So bad, in fact, that I'm, I'm on a 30-day cleanse. I'm on, like, day 14 of no booze, which I'm, I'm excited about,

but I just, I just realized, like, Caitlin, how much I like, just say it, how much I like to drink. I just like the taste of alcohol, and I love the social aspect of it. I like a glass of of wine. You and me right now would be perfect to be having a glass of wine. It's all this social stuff that messes with my brain. But at the same time, I see Jay in bed right now. And I'm like, that was me after just a couple of drinks. And so with my kids waking up as early as they do. Yeah, that's the thing. When you have kids jumping up and you can't take a day of parenting off, you have to be on. And I didn't know that about you because we've had many drinks many times. and you are usually, you know, just firing it up.

But maybe it's because you don't have the kids the next day. Usually if, like if I'm going out with us like at a Preds game or dinner or whatever, it is because I know I can sleep until 10 or 11 or something like that the next day, pop some Advil and I can do what I need. But if I'm going out till 2 in the morning and up at 6.30 with the kids, that's just when it's just the worst. And I love my kids and I don't want to miss out on anything. And every now and then I try to take some.

time off, but C.C. C.C. calls me on that shit pretty regularly. How is C.C. doing? Really good. Like, really, really good. We're awesome. We're very much in love. I don't know. Practicing making babies all the time. Like, it's just there's nothing else to do other than just, I don't know how fun. Like, we're just very, very in tune and very much in love. Yeah, you guys are. That is one thing I feel. And if you're ever getting off that path or not in tune, you just, you do whatever it takes to get back on the same page and you guys do it very well. Well, wait, we've got a lot of respect for the two of you guys because at the same time, especially being so public, it's tough to have disagreements or when there's always people around.

And so we just know that we have each other's back no matter what. And never, ever, ever would we let anything like go public in the sense of her throw me under the bus or me throw her under the bus at all. It's like team, door closed, and then we're like, hey, what the hell was that? And then we talk about it. We get to the bottom of it. And if we just have that each other's back, that's the best way to be. And we've done that. Like, we're going to be married for 10 years in a couple of months.

I know. That's. I can believe it just because I know you guys. But it's, I just love it. I think you guys have such a good, you have good chemistry. You have a great relationship. You're great parents. You're a great team.

And it shows through your children, too, because they are. are such incredible kids. I've never met like kids like yours. I don't know. I don't know what it is, but they're just, they're such special little souls. Well,

I think so too. And the photos that you captured, remember when you gave us those, a perky prints? Is that what it's called? Mm-hmm. Those photos are exactly their personalities. And Leo was little

when you gave us those pictures. Yeah. But he's exactly the same, except maybe a little bit more of a handbone right now. And Ari, is so, I don't know, her heart is so big for everybody. It's unbelievable. I've never seen that before.

And then you have Mila, who's this, like, she's a fierce leader. It's amazing seeing her with other kids. She's five years old and she's telling the 10 year olds what to do and the 10 year olds are playing her game when they get together. I'm so impressed by that. Like, I don't know how we got so lucky with these three great kids. Like, we just love them. It's also, I mean, they are great kids, but it's great parenting too. So give yourself a little credit.

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531, 2600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with a company. Guy Gaming, Ontario. Now you've been quarantined for over a year now with three kids and Cecilia. And I know that was probably such a blessing because you know how much I love Cece. And I love that you guys started your own podcast because I was like, what are you guys waiting

for? You guys would be great on a podcast together. You get to do something together. You both are so enlightening and funny. And I love your dynamic. So tell us all about keeping it kistel and how that came to be. Well, the lifestyle brand is CeC's idea, but really brought on by, I think, an incredible fan base that has been created essentially for her by people who respect her opinion and the things that she has to say as a mom, as an integrity driven influencer who could really care less about whatever she may or may not get paid. I find she's the best and worst influencer out there

because she could do so well if she just was able to put her own spin on things she's like yeah but I don't use the product or I don't believe in it or I did some digging and the CEO said da da da da once upon a time and therefore I can't stand for it so I'm like Cece you could you could pay off our mortgage like I'm not working

go go out there and she's like no I'm not going to do it it's all about integrity so I love that based on that I believe our podcast it was a miniseries I'm basically calling it because it was successful for what it was, but I'll reveal to you that we stopped it. We're starting it again and we're going to start it again, but we stopped it because at the beginning of the pandemic, we were trying to figure out our place in the world and I was in a very dark state and we were kind of at each other as couples do. And we couldn't fake

it. That's the thing. We'll never be fake. So we would never go on and just be like, look, we need another podcast so put your shit aside and get on the microphone and talk about relationship no we can't do that so we essentially took like nine months off to regroup and refocus on who we are what we're going to say and i'm so excited for the reboot um when we start probably in in the next few weeks and also we started a vodka company too so that yeah that that took some time wait tell me about the vodka company, because we've talked about it, obviously, over text and the phone, but for everybody else that doesn't know, tell them about the vodka company, because it's so perfect. Well, we can't wait.

Not that you're not drinking now, but. Well, I'm just taking a little break, you know, but for us, like we, we love the two vodkas that we've, you know, created. It's called Deuce Vodka. It started in Saskatcham. We bought into the company, so we didn't create it, but we did create the flavored vodka called Neon. And neon is a 22 percent. It's an awesome vodka that I can't wait for you to try it. I know some of your family back in Alberta has tried it. It's available in Alberta in Saskatchewan.

It'll be available Canada-wide, hopefully by the end of the year, into the states in the coming, you know, year and a half. But it's amazing to have this company and have these two flagship products that we're so proud of. The vodka is like an elite, an elite filtered vodka that is so smooth. We've just figured out. And C.C's the one who's like, it just can't burn. It just can't suck. And so many vodka's just like burn your nose and burn your throat. And so we figured out a way to make it super, super, super smooth.

And then neon is just like, it's a dream for her and all her friends. And the guys too. I love it. I'm so grateful that we have these two products. That's cool. I love. Do you guys have an Instagram page for it? We do.

Yeah. Just do Spotka. And at the wine and beyond, get this. We were in there the other day. And I know Spade and Sparles is there. There's a giant and beautiful Spade and Sparrow's display. And there's a beautiful picture of you. And you've got your rosé.

You've got your Cabsab. You've got everything. And of course, everybody in Alberta flocks and buys it by the case. And guess who has the next display, beautiful display, right beside yours. me and cc so cardboard cut out of you cardboard cut out of me and i'm like look at us two alberta kids like just crushing it on the entrepreneurial booze game

like that is so proud of us incredible wait that makes me so proud too you need to take a picture of that and send it to me because the fact that i mean i was just think back to my dad saying do you know who brett kissel is and i was like yeah i haven't met him and he goes yeah because he lives in nashville and he knows you came off the show and you guys should do this. And I was like, oh, I should have them on the podcast.

And from that on, we just like instantly connected all four of us. Well, at the time, I wasn't with Jason. But it was like instantaneous. And now to have cardboard cutouts next to each other with our alcohol friends. I love that. You're a lot more suave, sophisticated. No. You look really, really good in all of the media and the photos.

And here I am just like, thumbs up like hey like it's i'm so kind of cheeseball about it you know but that's good whatever is is on brand because i'm also not sophisticated that's like my whole thing about the wine i'm like i don't like i'm not going to sit here and tell you that there's like hints of tobacco and what it pairs well with i'm like eat it with licorice i don't give a shit as long as you drink it yeah your tagline is great full body great legs why it's not bad either it's good right did you know that there was some liquor law in, I forget where it was, Manitoba, and they couldn't have the description of the wine because it said like it was a little cheeky and it had some stuff and

it had the great legs full body. And they couldn't have that in the stores because it was like too inappropriate. There are so many, so many different rules depending on each province on what you can do, what you cannot do, what you can promote, what you can't promote. It's, it's really frustrating, but it's eye-opening because I just want to, like, have a drink in a red solo cup, but if you show that you're even overpouring, which to a degree, like, I grew up in Alberta on the farm where if you don't, if you pour just like one ounce, for example, then you have to go back and get another drink. Like, my grandpa is the kind of guy who pours a drink and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, grandpa. And he's like, hey, well, pop's expensive. And I'm like,

like that's how I grew up you know I'm 18 years old and and that's what my grandpa pours me my first vodka but yeah that being said at least I'm learning and I've got a very very good lawyer who literally before I post on Instagram I text them a photo and the caption he's like this yeah you're good or it'll be like no no no no you're you're going to get a big fine if you say this so yeah there's a lot of a lot of different um laws and logistics around posting about alcohol and selling it and I'm sure you're like me where you've just learned so much about that industry. I have.

And at least everything's going well so far. But my partner Matt Doucette and his girlfriend, Kelsey, we put into the budget the inevitable fines that I'm probably going to get. So we just put that aside in a separate account

called Brett's going to make a mistake and we're probably going to have to pay five grand or 10 grand or whatever to the government of Canada for saying something stupid by complete accident, who knows, I might have said it right now by literally saying, I know, it overpours me all the time. Like, I don't know. No, I know that. I was thinking about that when you said that because working in the lounge industry in Canada, it was such a thing to not over pour. Like, if somebody got

a vodka soda, you under pour it a little bit. You know, it was like exactly one ounce and then you pour it in and then you fill it up with what we call pop. Other people call soda. And if they asked for a double it was like don't you dare pour like anything over two ounces where in the states i find that people just free pour yeah and if you're having a conversation with the bartender he's like go go go look look look look look look look and i'm like there's no and then just a little splash of ginger rail in your jack and coke or jack and ginger it's like yeah cc would always get just a glass of pop or soda and a one ounce pour of her vodka or whatever she wanted so she could mix it herself because for me i'd go do two three drinks

and it'd be like see you later let's go party because i would just be gooned wait do you know what's so crazy is speaking of pop and soda i since i've had covid now this just started happening i'd covid at the end of december and i can't drink any sort of pop i can't drink diet coke coke Pepsi it tastes like i'm drinking shampoo and it's it's like chemicals and so And soap and shampoo is what they all taste like. And other people have said that they can't drink wine or coffee anymore. And I was like, I'll make everything taste like shit. I don't care.

As long as I can drink my wine and coffee, then I'll be happy. Okay. So are you okay though? Because I know you're having a glass of wine now. Like, it's okay? Wine tastes fine to me. Coffee tastes fine. Peanut butter tastes a little off to me.

It's just the most random things. But it's like I would, like I almost threw up the other day because I slammed a diet Coke. And I was like gagging because it tastes like I slammed a bottle of shampoo. Very, very weird. Isn't that weird? So Tyler Valerath, my fiddle player, he's up in Fort McMurray and he's, I think, strapping some pipe down on the top of a semi-truck.

And something happens and he falls off the semi-truck and hits his head, cracks his head. It was a bunch of stitches, but he's fine, whatever, everything's okay. But the guy doesn't have taste or smell. So it was so interesting all the things that we would prank him with on the road by like hiding in his sandwiches that he would just not know. Like he wouldn't even taste the spice of Tabasco. If we put like a bunch of Tabasco in like a ryan Coke or if like we put cat food in a subway sandwich ones, like it was. was like it was heavy duty so he's like yeah i empathize with anybody who's got covid who doesn't have taste or smell he's like i've been going through this for for 10 years but i think he lost

some weight out of the deal he's like well i guess i don't need to eat ice cream anymore eat any of these sweets because i'm not getting the benefit of the taste so i didn't get that though when i had covid and i lost my taste and smell completely i ate more sweets than ever because it was the one thing i could tell it was sweet in my mouth so i would love eating sweets because i was like i could tell it's just like a sweet cookie and it was the only thing that I've enjoyed eating so there's that but that's so he's completely used to it at this point if you can't smell or taste for that long he's just like yeah it doesn't even phase me anymore yeah I guess doesn't even phase him whatsoever what does he drink uh now he just drinks like vodka waters yeah yeah might as well that's wild

yeah oh my gosh I would I would be devastated I'm like trying to have a positive outlook on the fact that it's just a few things because I'm like man as long as it's not wine coffee or sushi. Well, it's ginger, but I'm fine with it. That's so crazy. One of the things that CeC and I loved, like in the previous era, I call it back in the olden days before COVID was going out and trying out new restaurants. So losing taste and smell and stuff like that obviously is is frustrating. And that's one of the other things that we just miss so much, of course, is to travel. And we would travel based on what restaurants we wanted to go to. But that's the thing that we miss is hanging out with our friends

and we would always pick great restaurants to go to like the couple sushi places in Nashville you took us too, going to Varago. Like we've cooked a lot at home and figured out some great meals. But I really do miss just getting back out there and just hanging with friends at a restaurant, drinking and eating. We literally just said this other day how much we miss you guys and just being able to like come over and go out for dinner.

Actually, I was going to ask you, when do you ever get to come? back to Nashville or is that really dependent on the borders? Well, there's a couple things. Now, we can get back to Nashville. We can go into the United States. Now, coming back to Canada, which I did on a regular basis, almost even a biweekly basis, I would just come back for either shows or whatever. It's the 14-day quarantine that is so tough and frustrating.

And also the reality of like the COVID hotel thing where you can't just go home. You got to go to a hotel and quarantine there and eat a box lunch. And it's $2,000. And it's just, that's what it is. It's just $2,000. This isn't conspiracy theory. This is exactly what it is. And it just sucks.

And that's something I'm just not willing to do if it meant I had to quarantine at home or at least get the COVID test, get the swab in the nose. The way I did when I came back from Dallas, Texas, when I sang the anthem for the National Finals Rodeo, you get the swab in the nose. No, you don't got COVID. Perfect. You're on your merry way. It's a rapid test. Why can the rest of the world do this? but Canada can't.

Canada used to, but Canada stopped it. This is a whole, you don't have enough wine in your hotel room and I don't have enough vodka in my house to solve this problem. But it's just ridiculous. I wanted to know as your celebrity has grown and your followers just continue to multiply and multiply and you make more friends in high places. Opposite of Garth Brooks, you make more and more friends in high places

from dancing with the stars and just all of these. celebrities. Are you finding that there are a lot of real people in Hollywood or in the big cities? Or are you actually shrinking your friend base because as your acquaintances get bigger, your real friends get smaller, or are there a lot of good people in Hollywood? I've always wondered because you're at such a high level now that you've got, you're one call away from probably, I don't know, freaking The Rock or Ellen DeGeneres. I don't know, you're probably one Well, I thank you for pumping my tires like that. I don't, I guess I don't think about myself like that.

And I don't think I know Hollywood. But if I think about like people I've met through dancing with the stars or this industry or whatever, I've actually been surprised by how many lovely people there are. And not that they're going to be like my, I'm going to call them everyday friends, but so many people have surprised me, even people that will come on the podcast like Caitlin Carter, who was on the hills and she had this brief relationship with Miley Sire.

and she was married to Brody Jenner and I didn't really like she seemed really nice of course on social media but talking to her I'm like she's actually got such a deeper side to her and she's really spiritual and had so much great advice and I was like man I could actually see myself hanging out with her but so many people have surprised me in that world and a lot of people have disappointed me I will say that but I think from the time I've been on the show till now I still have the same really tight core group of friends that I had from when I was either seven years old, 12 or 19. I feel like there's been a few people who have really come into the close circle.

You and C.C. being two of them. Other friends, Kat and Worth in Nashville have become two of our really close friends. But we and Jason too, we really have our core group of friends that we've had since we were young. And I feel like I get just closer to them, the older I get and the more experiences I have, which is crazy but I do I will say a lot of people in the Hollywood world have surprised me and disappointed me but more so surprised me I'm happy to hear that and I think that you you probably bring out the best I mean if it's anything like us you bring out the best in

a lot of these people I applaud you that's a really great thing I think for all of your listeners to hear is that the true tell tale is to see if your friends from the from the olden days like are still your friends now which exactly like you said said, I just want to be the same Caitlin. That's very, very tough to do. And I've tried very hard to do that, but I'll reveal to you that like my group of friends has gotten smaller and smaller and smaller as my group of acquaintances gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And that's just that sometimes it's just the sad reality. And I don't know what that says about me. I try my best, but it's a very, very tough thing in show business. I think it's looking through friendships

through a different lens. Like, you can get along with so many people, but the more people you meet, the more clear your real friends become. Like, you're like, wow, these people are really great, but it just makes me appreciate how great my real friends are. Yeah. I mean, I feel like people in the country industry

always seems so sweet, but you never know. I mean, everyone seems so friendly and not competitive, but I feel like there's got to be another side to that. To be honest, everybody, It's kind of boring because everybody is nice. And nobody steps on each other's toes whatsoever. Now, of course, there's a couple, there's, like, there's just a couple duds out there, like, without question.

Like, just some people just suck. But at the same time, that's fine because every, there's so much room in the country music sandbox for everybody to play in. So, and I'm just learning to just let it be. I used to get so hot and bothered by some of the things or people like commenting on social media about something I do or say or a marketing thing that I've come up with, it just doesn't matter because there's just so much room. I don't know, maybe it's maturity in that regards to. Or again, I care a lot more about caring less. So I just stay in my lane. And that's

been one of the things. I just don't like drama anymore. The only drama I like. I think that is a maturity thing. I just like watching The Bachelor. If I want, if I want drama, I just watch ABC. you will get your fill there you will get your fill in there and it's it's fun too because the drama is always at the beginning and then this episode of off the vine was brought to you by hunday so it's like a little entertainment but also your love story so i can't wait to watch the season back it's going to be so good i wanted to ask you a hypothetical question yeah i know it's probably been so hard i know it's hard for all musicians and people in that industry during this time because your livelihood is traveling and live shows and meeting people and seeing these people sing your songs back and getting to do all these things. But let's just say if you got the green light, your manager told you that you could perform a live show tomorrow.

What venue would you want to play and why? Great question. I'd want to play one of two venues, either Rogers Place in Edmonton and just give everybody in my home province an opportunity and I would just make it a free show like or or like a super inexpensive ticket and then just give all the money to charity and just do a giant show at rogers place and fill it up 19,000 people and if I'm supposed to play for like an hour bullshit I'd play 24 hours literally so that's option number one or option number two a chance to play on the grand oldopry again and at the ryman I love the grandeloptery house but I'd love to go to the

Ryman. Again, that would just be so sweet and special to play that venue. I know you've been there many times and seen a lot of your friends on that stage. It's like that's the best place. It's the best place in the world for a country singer. So I'd love to play there. It's just there's something so special about it. I mean, the history and it's so intimate and people that are there like really want to hear that music. And it's just really is special. And I mean, speaking of music, you obviously have some exciting things happening at the moment. Your new single, Make a Life, Not a Living, is out. And your new album, What Is Life?

Drops April 9th, is that right? That's right. Okay, April 9th. It'll probably be out by the time my vinos are listening to this. So that's excited. I am obsessed with Make a Life, Not a Living. What a great song. What a great meeting.

What a great video with your family. It made me get all emotional and teary-eyed. I just want to hear all about it. It's just the most important song that I've ever. done and I'm not discounting any of the songs that I've done in the past, especially like look at drink about me and a number of others. But the reason why make a life not a living is so important is because I'm basically planting a flag in the ground and I'm just proclaiming to the world, this truly is me. This is what I believe in. This is how I'm living my life. This is how I've

wanted to live my life. This is how I'm going to live my life for the rest of my life. And I go lyric by lyric line by line and say, I just agree with everything that is being said here. And I'm so proud to tell that story. And I love Caitlin. How many people have reached out on social media saying, really, thank you for this song. I agree to. Or I'm with you. Or I can't wait.

I'm going to shuffle these things around in my life to go out and do this. It's a very impactful song. And I am so happy that I get to tell this story. It's two minutes and 47 seconds, and it's the most important two minutes and 47 seconds of my career. That's so, yeah, I mean, I've listened to it a few times now, but I've really watched the video just because I love watching your little family and everybody's just so sweet. And I just love the meaning and I love that you, I love that it's two minutes and 47 seconds of just truth about you and who you are. And is that the most vulnerable song you've ever written? It's one of the most vulnerable I've ever been a part of.

But I'll, like, probably the most vulnerable is either my song, Tough Times Don't Last, Tough People Do, it was on an early record, which obviously stands for so much, or another one coming up on this record called Die to Go Home. And Die to Go Home, the whole premise of the song, is wrapped up in the final verse. And I wrote it with Jesse Fraser. I know we've hung up with Jesse and Stevie before in Nashville a bunch of times,

and he produces and writes with Thomas Rett all the time. And I brought him this idea. and we wrote it in, I don't know, an hour, maybe less. The final verse of Dye to Go Home talks about how when I was a kid growing up on the farm, I would be so fascinated by airplanes flying over our farm, which was very seldom. But I would drop what I'm doing and I would watch these planes flying overhead because I'd never seen an airplane. And I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the farm as a teenager, preteen and teenager and young adult and just get the hell away from. it go chase my dreams i told my mom and dad not see you later it's like see you never i'm never

coming back like i'm moving to nashville and now every time i'm on an airplane and i'm flying over all of like these farms in in colorado or texas or saskatchewan or wherever it may be i just craved going home again and i was so sad that i i've missed every anniversary every birthday every everything and now I die to go home. So that's what the whole song is about is leaving but wanting to come home. And everybody has essentially written a song like that. It's just a very personal and vulnerable take on that song. Is this maybe the most vulnerable album you've ever written? 100%. I love that. A lot of, you know me well enough to know that I love to just have hit melodies and all about fun and think about the live show and how can I you know make

people's day I thought about that a lot but I was really peeling a lot of layers back and um being vulnerable trying to be courageous to say things and write songs that had a lot more meat on the bone a lot less fluff instead of being hit driven Caitlin I feel this record is all driven by heart and I've never done that before i've never cared enough to do it but every single song is about that and my kids make cameos uh in them too you're you're gonna lose it when when you hear what what they all have to say uh wait what do you mean do they ask just things to say in it they're they're like monologues basically where i ask them the question what is life and then they answer it no i'm like getting teary i just thinking about that i'll send you an advance copy and see what you and jason

And think about it, but be prepared. What Cecilia would say is that, oh, she sent some of it to, like, some of, like, our aunties, you know, or the kids' aunties and uncles. And some of them are, like, ready to have another baby or, you know, start their families. And it's, it's, Cici says it's hurt a few ovaries. My. So they're just so cute. I'm already talking my ovaries down like a hostage negotiator. Like, it's just what I'm doing.

like hey i i'm really hoping i'm really hoping that that there is uh there is a little uh bristow tardic baby that uh that arrives soon i i i'm just saying i i wanted the wedding um but now skip skip the wedding just go straight to having babies because uncle brett and auntie c are ready i'm telling you how about that for pressure no you don't have to put any pressure on me i was there three years ago pressuring myself i'm like i'm ready But it'll happen when it's supposed to happen. And that's what I'm telling myself. That's right.

Wait, I could use this as a confession since Jason's snoring over there. He won't mind if I tell this story. Okay. The other night, we were having like a really nice chat just about how like, you know, we want to be around family if we get engaged or when we get engaged and how we like, he really wants to do it in order where he wants to propose and then get married and then have babies. And I was like, well, this pandemic's really throwing things off.

And so I tried to turn them on because I knew I was ovulating. Oh, good. It was like, so, and then he was like, are you trying to trick me into this right now? And I was like, no. He's like, let me see your period track wrap. Oh, my God. But I know because whenever I talk to you, you're like, I'm saving up all these good confessions for the podcast.

So you've got to have something good for me. So I'm in my early 20s, and I've got a bit of a legit medical issue. Like, every time I'm going to the bathroom, and it's not number one, I'll just say it, it's, it's, it's, you know, every time I go number two, I'm sorry. And it's like, and there's, like, there's, there's an issue here because something's not right, but of course, I'm a guy. I don't say anything about it. It took me about a year before I told Cecil and she's finally like, quit being an idiot and go, like, go get this issue looked at. And look at it.

This team of doctors did. And I just was hoping that my family doctor would just be like, it's okay. It's just a little guy thing. You know, you're going to grow out of it. Well, no, he sends me to a specialist, who sends me to a specialist. who sends me to a specialist. And this one doctor says, I know it's not good news,

but we're going to check you for colon cancer. And I'm thinking, well, holy shit, I thought I got to be like 65 to have freaking colon cancer or something. And so they put obviously an x-ray up there. Oh, yeah. And everything, they're looking for things.

And then they send me for what's called a barium enema. Have you ever heard of that before? No. Do you know what Berium is? I know what Enema is, but I don't know what Berium is. Well, Enema is not fun. Enema is, if you go in the dictionary, it's the worst thing in your freaking life. That's the definition of an enema.

I thought it was a nice little splash of water up to just clean things out. Are you kidding me? Not even close. It's a, so, so whatever. So, but Berium is this is like chalk. So I have to book this appointment and I wear. This skimpy little blue bathrobe and I booked the first appointment of the day hoping that nobody's going to recognize me. Okay. So one of my songs, 3-2-1 just went gold. And it's like there's a lot of hype in Alberta. So I chose the office that is like the most off the beaten path where I literally thought I don't think there's any like country fans that work here. I'm going to go and I'm going to go at seven in the morning. So this barren, it's, it's, Caitlin, it's a hose.

It's a freaking garden hose that they shove up there. And then they turn on the tap and chalk goes up. Like, it's like a foam and it bloats your belly. Okay. But get this. I know it's going to be bad, Caitlin, because I go, I get into the room and they put me on a table, not a table that's, you know, nice and cushion with, like, paper and a pillow. It's a stainless steel freaking Dexter American psycho table.

And you know what's going to happen They're putting you on stainless steel And I realize Oh my God There's like hoses for water And there's a drain sewer there Like what do you like is this like Where they slaughter you?

Like I've been in enough cattle rooms Where I know why there's a hose And why there's a drain Like this is not good And I hate butt stuff Yeah I hate butt stuff I just don't do butt stuff

I'll never do butt stuff Like never ever ever All my buddies are like You mean like No Never. Like literally. And so like C.C. got all frisky like early on and our and I'm like, no, I don't do butt stuff. And even now, like some of my band members are like, but even if she's like feeling all Randy, she's like, do you want to do butt stuff? Not a chance. Not going to happen. And here's why. They shove this freaking garden hose up my you know what. And then they turn on the tap and my belly gets full and full and full because they need to take an x-ray where this chalk, this barium is supposed. to like gather around a tumor and take an x-ray so they fill me up fill me up film me up film me up now this is going to start coming out of my goddamn ears and freaking mouth this chalk

and so my belly is so full I'm pregnant I'm walking around with like a nine-month-old pregnant belly and I'm just curled up in the fetal position and of course the nurse is like really attractive and like 22 years old and I'm like this sucks it I kind of I wish I had like either a dude, but dudes aren't very, dudes aren't gentle. I was actually hoping I had somebody like a mum. You know, like someone's like a 55 year old, very gentle. Like, it's okay. Like someone who can even like pet my head.

Her eyes have seen some shit. And seeing all the shit. Well, now my biggest fear is shitting in front of people. And I've got my bare ass in front of everybody in a freaking garden hose. And then they pull it out. Okay. Oh, no. Then they pull it out.

And it all comes out. and then they take me and give me an x-ray and I'm just so embarrassed and of course this nurse says no oh she gets on her walkie-talkie oh we need a couple people in here and bring the cleanup crew you don't want to hear that that's the freaking worst this is the worst day of my life and so she brings in three other nurses and a janitor a janitor with like freaking and just like here to steagie and I'm like I don't want to look I don't want to look because everything that went in comes right out and then they take the x-ray and they're like the doctor's going to reach a back out to you and they basically clean me up and hose me down okay they hose me down like a freaking like at a dog in the dog car wash and I'm this is the worst this is the worst day of my life and I hate this I hate butt stuff I hate shit and everything is everywhere and I know people have confessed. about this stuff before and I'm like yeah well I've got a story but I'm never going to share it and here I am sharing it and so I get all cleaned up and I still got all this chalk in me so what do they give me they give me a diaper you got to wear a diaper because you can't control your bowels for the rest of the day and I'm just like I'm so embarrassed I got my head down I put my street clothes back on and I put my head my tuk like a tuk and I put my hood on and I'm about to leave

into the lobby glasses on so nobody fricking recognizes me and the nurse who is taking care of me she says Brett I just want to let you know I'm a huge fan and me and my friends we've got tickets to see you at the Jubilee

Auditorium tomorrow night we can't wait to see you and I look at her and I say my wife is friends with a bunch of nurses and you all talk you all talk they do you better not say a damn thing you better not pointed her out in the concert the next day and done a little like toot in the microphone for well i thought for sure she was going to have a sign that it's like how are you doing or how is

your x-ray and then of course that my doctor calls oh yeah everything's fine oh you're not uh there's no big deal we uh we don't know what's going on maybe it's stress induced uh but you know want to just drink more water and you're going to be fine so i went through that embarrassment and that legitimate disaster all for nothing okay but but see what i did there no but stuff i hate it no what was that song i was just listening to oh uh rich is fuck by little wayne he goes no if ands oh but anyways that just came to my mind but what if something was wrong you did the thing? Well, moral of the story, would you do it again? No. No, not going to happen. No, seriously. Not that. There's got to be better technology out there. I'm not getting a freaking fire hose of barium chalk going to my body again.

Like I'm thinking to myself, did they at least like let you get high or something? No. I just thought to myself like there's no way that this that this system can be improved that that that piece of technology needs to go it needs to die an awful death and and someone needs to invent something way different because i ain't going through that yet because even if you're okay with butt stuff power to you but that's still uncomfortable oh yeah and it's like i had to finally tell my especially have someone fan after i love you coming to your show tomorrow yeah i can't wait to see Yeah, me and my friends, we all got tickets where we're going to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, at the Jubilee Auditorium. You're like, don't you dare.

Don't you dare. Oh, my God. Caitlin, it was just, that was just the worst. It was just the worst. I'm not kidding you, Brett, when I was freezing my eggs. I had to go to an appointment in Nashville before I went to Ova Egg Freezing Clinic in Chicago, and they're the most professional people in the world. But I went to somebody in Nashville first to do an ultrasound. And when she had the ultrasound machine up there,

she was saying, oh, my God, I'm fan-girling so hard right now. I loved you on the show. And I was like, maybe there was a better time to say that as I'm like spread eagle. Why would you, like, why would she say that? Like, where's the common sense in that? I don't know. I wonder if after she was like, I'm an idiot because she probably, here's the thing. People like who are doing these ultrasounds, they do this every day.

It's so normal to them. People who shove hoses up your butt and have a mess and clean up on aisle three, it happens to them every day. So they're probably like, oh, another shit day. They'll see out your concert tomorrow. Like, they don't care. You know what? You're probably right. But still, there's like this little thing called tact or common sense.

Like, why would you, you got your feet in the stirrups, right? You got your feet in the stirrups. And you're just like, whatever. Like, why would you? A little social etiquette, if you would. will. Oh my God. But you know what? You know what I'm realizing? Nothing surprises me anymore. And you know what? Nothing. Of course. Of course that would happen to you. Of course that would happen to me. Like it's always the times that you would hope nobody. It's just like, what is it? Murphy's Law. Is that what it is?

Absolutely. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. That's so funny. I knew it was going to be good. And you're my favorite storyteller. So I was just like enjoying the ride while you told that whole story. Jason stopped snoring. Jason, he literally can't even hear me. He hasn't moved one centimeter since we started this. I've been laughing so hard and loud and he's been snoring. That is amazing. Okay, I've, I have one game before I let you go. Okay. And it's hypothetcistle. Hypothetcissal. Okay, cool. Yeah. not a living. So we're putting a good old spin on hypothetical questions in honor of you and your single make a life not a living. And I'm going to present you some hypothetical questions. Okay. And you let me know the answers to your dream life. Okay. Okay. If you could have a dream

vacation house for you and the fam, where would it be? Ooh, great question. Navarre Beach, Florida. On that little peninsula right there. Like 34A or whatever. Is that what it's called? Exactly. Like that whole area, the best part about it, because it's like six and a half hours drive from Nashville. It's 45 minutes from Pensacola. It's close to an airport. Like, we've thought about it. And we just need $2.495 million, you know, to get our dream house. So it's awesome.

We're only 2.495 away. Peanuts. That's easy. That will get Cece on that influencing stuff. Exactly. Okay. If you could invite one person over for dinner. and you know they're saying yes, who are you inviting?

Alive or dead? Doesn't matter. Alive. Well, Johnny Cash, obviously. Yeah, dead would be the man in black, but obviously him in June. Because that type of wisdom from them as a couple would be amazing. And I would just love to sit down with Johnny and June. Alive, though, maybe Ellen and Portia would be pretty amazing.

Ooh. Yeah, I feel that. Or Will Ferrell and his wife. I don't know what his wife's name is, but I would love if Will Ferrell came over for for dinner. I just know his daughter's name is Pearl. I love Will Ferrell. He is one of my heroes. You know who I would invite is Britney Spears? So you can free her? So that she can. Yep. Very, very smart tactic. Thank you. I think so too. She would be my dream podcast guest. It used to be Ellen, but it's changed to Britney Spears. Okay. If you found out that literally anything could grow on trees on your property, what would your trees grow?

Oh, interesting. Well, I mean, it's it's the most cliche thing. but like wouldn't it be great if uh if money grew on trees like legit i know i couldn't think of a different answer either i'm like i would say probably a pill to cure cancer but money too well yeah and so don't don't get me wrong i mean but money could could buy the pill no and people have thrown money at at cancer research and we're still probably no closer to a cure i uh i feel really bad because i was either going to go comedic and say something stupid not that i know what i was going to say but my brain doesn't move fast enough. I resorted to money because that is the typical answer.

And you go super nice. I invent a pill to cure cancer. Like, what a piece of shit I am. No, it's funny because my brain went money the entire time. But as you were taking time to process, I was thinking of something that would be the opposite of greedy money. So that's how I thought of it. But money was on my brain the whole time.

Yeah. Yeah, promise. Okay. If you won the lottery and had to say, spend a significant amount of the winnings on yourself, what crazy item or experience would you splurge on your dream home? Thank you so much for asking this question. I've been thinking about this. It's written on my vision board. I can't wait for a private jet because that just gives freedom. Like you can just travel anywhere. That's just this new level. I'd also love to have my own

bus. Every bus we've ever had has been leased. I just want to own one. And I just want to go. I just want to travel in my bus the way remember in my RV where I just put all the kids and I took him to the keg this summer like that's just what I want to do I just want to bus and then what I really that voice no made me so happy or do we talk on the phone or was that a voice note I can't remember I think I did call you I think I I because I had my face time and you were just talking with the kids as I was driving you were like hi Auntie Caitlin so there's there's there's that and I mean if I had like Elon Musk money, you had talked about cancer, I thought that I would be great to have some type of invention where you truly could understand animals. That is a superpower. If I had Tony Stark

money and like could invent something, it wouldn't be an Iron Man suit. I just wish I could actually talk to animals and talk to dogs. Oh my gosh. Your sweet little new dog, Delilah. I'm obsessed. Oh, we lost her today. Pardon? I lost her for two hours. We went all over the neighborhood. We couldn't find Delilah and I was about to cancel the podcast because I couldn't find her. Where was she? She was sleeping in the windowsill behind the curtain in the sun and she just didn't answer to her own damn name. And we looked for two hours. I called the neighbor. My dad came over to help look for Delilah. Yeah. It was we panicked. She was in the house all along. Oh, no kidding. Oh my gosh. I would cancel the podcast in two seconds if my dogs had gone anywhere. Oh my gosh.

That must have been so scary. Well, it was. And I was thinking like, Kay, how do I, I mean, I grew up on a farm. I've lost a lot of animals, stuff like that. Like, you know what? I just, but how are my kids going to react to, like, this is a big one. This is, if she's gone, like, this is a big one. So I'm just thinking, like, how am I going to dad this thing? And C.C.

She's like, it's okay. Like, the universe is not going to take our dog away from us. Like, our dog is, we're going to be fine. And CC. just calms everybody down while I'm secretly planning. Like, okay, kids, this is about 10 years earlier than I was going to have this conversation. But it's called life. And, like, I don't know. It's going to be a tough one.

That's, have you seen the movie, scary movie three? I've seen them all, but that was in my early teen sneak and drinks days. And I was more concerned about making out with girls in high school than I was about. Fair enough. I just remember the, the Bee Rabbit. He was this guy who wanted to be a rapper. And he lived with Charlie Sheen. And he was, Charlie had a daughter.

And Bee Rabbit was the uncle. And her, like, teacher had passed away. and they were like, how do we break it to her? And he was like, you know what? I got this. And he, like, goes, and he's like, your teacher's dead. She died a horrible death. And the little girl's like, oh, my God.

That's what I pictured in your dog, the dog. And you're like, the dog died. You ran away. Yeah. Anyways, let's get over. Kids. Let's watch a movie. All dogs go to heaven, anyone?

That's right. Okay, well, I won't keep you any longer because it's been a good over an hour. because time just goes by and I could talk to you all day. I had like eight games lined up, but I'll let you get back to the fam, and I'm going to wake Jason up, and we're going to go back to the house to see the dogs. Okay, well, I love you so much. And me and Cece miss you. I love you.

She was very, very, very clear that there's no way, shape, or form I could do this without trying to organize a double date once his hangover is over. And then we do, we chat, we visit. We really, really catch up because I was so happy to do. do this but we really do miss you guys we do too we really truly we're just talking about it the other day we're like when did they get to come back to nashville we miss you guys so much and we miss the kids and i want to meet the new dog and just it'll happen when it's supposed to happen but we really truly miss you guys and last thing is there anything where people can find your new album instagram

deuce vodka where where everyone can find all of your stuff oh that stuff's that stuff's very simple but yeah happy to tell everybody brett kissel and instagram Brett Kissel music on Facebook. I'm rarely on Twitter because Twitter's just so negative but I am on Twitter, Brett Kissel. The new album, What Is Life is really special. You can get it on Apple, music, and Spotify.

And follow me on Spotify. That would be great. And that way you can just, I don't know, pre-save the record and tell everybody about it. And if you like what I have to say and like what I believe in and the songs that I sing, I don't know, just tell your friends. I'm just a very, very normal guy who,

you know, has a great family, a beautiful wife, great friends. And I hate butt stuff. So if if you agree with me, then follow me. But you know what? I know all, I know you also. And you're like, if you like butt stuff, praise to you too. That's right. Yeah, I don't discriminate. It's just, it's just not for me based on personal experience. My favorite saying is good for you, not for me. That's right. Or we often say, not my monkey, not my zoo. Yeah. And you can't, Yuck, somebody else is yum. Oh, that's a good one. Okay, well, I love you.

I love you back. I love her. We all do. And tell the kids, I love them. And let's definitely plan a time when Jason's not a screen door on a submarine. Useless. As my tour manager, Kevin says, he's as useless as sucking a tit through a sweater. That's a new one.

I'm going to recycle that. Oh, my gosh. Kay, thank you for doing this and really tell everyone I say hi. Okay. See you later. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow.

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