Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Bridin’ Dirty in Nashville with BFF Lo VonRumpf

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

One of Kaitlyn’s, or should we say Judy’s, favorite humans of all time joined her in Nashville for the Bridin’ Dirty tour, and on today’s episode, we’re sharing some hilarious moments from their time together on stage. Lo and Kaitlyn have been together through wardrobe malfunctions, sky cage meltdowns, and countless confessions, and their live show definitely does not disappoint as Lo shares another revealing confession and the two open up about their highs and lows of 2021. They also share some Christmas-edition “Ken You Nots” where we learn that Lo has never heard of a classic Christmas tradition, but it’s ok, we still love you. Make sure to listen to the very end to discover how a standard breakout room transformed into a breakdown room in a classic lo(w) moment.  MATCH - Are you guys ready for something more? If you know what you want and are not afraid to say it, download Match. BEST FIENDS - Download Best Fiends FREE today on the App Store or Google Play. PELOTON - For a limited time, try the Peloton App free for 2 months, then $12.99/month after. New Members only. Visit onepeloton.com/app to learn more. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. This week's Off The Vine is sponsored by Match. Are you guys ready for something more? If you know what you want and are not afraid to say it, download Match. Best Fiends download Best Fiends free today on the app store or Google Play. That's Friends Without the R, Best Fiends. And Peloton.

For a limited time, try the Peloton app free for two months, then $12.99 per month after. New members only, visit OnePeloton.com slash app to learn more. Okay, guys, before we get into this week's episode, let's talk about something that comes up pretty often on the pod. And that's dating and relationships. Okay, my binoes and all the American singles out there, they've spoken. Being hot is out and being emotionally mature is in. Okay, but it can't hurt that ball. Seriously, though, Match's annual survey found that for the first time in over a decade, emotional maturity ranks higher than physically attractive on singles priority lists.

I love this. In fact, pre-pandemic being attractive was ranking number one, and now it's all the way down to number eight. Emotionally mature adults are the new sexy, and I have to say I'm totally on board with this. I mean, it is just sexy to be emotionally mature. It is. There really is nothing hotter than dating someone who always answer. your text messages, has their shit together, whose bedroom fantasies include getting eight hours of sleep, and who is actually good at communication and being vulnerable. Yes, please. And, hey,

if they have no problem going to pick up tampons for you at the store, even better. It's hot in my book. Are you guys ready for something more? If you know what you want and are not afraid to say it, download match. And now messaging your top matches is free. Happy dating out there, Binaws. Hey, everybody. You're listening to Caitlin Bristow's podcast off the Fine. Take it away, Bree. Wine. Lots of wine. Hey, be on the mic, turn it up. Let's go. Hey, ramen. Pino. Ready for the show.

Everyone's welcome. So come on in because OTV, it's about to begin. Hey. Okay, I said it when I introduce him onto the stage, but I'm going to say it again, and I'm going to keep saying it because he is literally my favorite human besides, you know, Jason family. But, like, pretty sure he is your favorite person, too. It's low. him and I are just like two little peas and a freaking pod and you never know what you're going to get with us but i had so much fun on stage with him in nashville we talk all about the highs and some of the lows of 2021 how the name judy for myself started when lo would whip me up some little judy cocktails after being beaten battered and bruised on the dance with the stars d floor don't try it at home by the way and we introduced lo to a little something called elf on a shelf poor guy didn't know and lo does it again with yet another record laughter breaking confession when he ran into a little issue with Zoom during one of my wine

nights with the vinoes. So I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and are looking forward to ringing in 2022. Don't forget to stock up on your spade and sparrows so you can pop all the bottles. You are a hell of a lucky audience tonight because you get one of my absolute favorite human beings here. You get one of my favorite human beings on the planet. Okay, he has nearly killed us from laughing to death. We might have all peed our pants

a little bit from his confessions, especially the Shamu confession. But if for any reason you don't know the Shamu confession, go back and listen. It's, holy shit.

You haven't lived until you've heard that confession. Uh, anyways, it's one of the best episodes just because of his confession. So without further ado, please welcome the one who calls me his little Judy Canadian Maple Delight. Give it up for love! Yeah! Spicy moment. Oh my gosh, Selena.

Yes. I love it I'm like trying to remember my chaw I'm like trying to remember my cha-cha moves I'm like and cha-cha-cha-ch-cha and one Oh get it dancing with the start Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey

Get it get it Oh my god little cumbia I would split right now, but I'm wearing a dress. Oh, it's my button. Wait, I got you. Hold on. A wardrobe malfunction. You know what happened?

We've had that happen before. You know what happens? Every single time I do anything in life, I don't care if it's going to the dentist, going to a show where I'm hosting, I will always have a wardrobe malfunction. Sure, well. It's like on brand for me. Yeah, I don't mind. get a little diarrhea.

Yeah, a little diarrhea. Knowing that you're going to a red carpet. I'm like, what's going to happen? Every time. It's without fail. Remember that dress I wore to the Emmys? Yeah. Oh, do you guys remember that?

They're like, yeah, we all do. Oh, shit. Split up the back. You know, it's funny is it was like a great moment for me because I was like, oh, funny content. And the designer was like, maybe don't call me out like that. I was like, oh, sorry. But it wasn't her.

We, it was our fault. we changed the zipper because it didn't fit and I needed a new zipper and so we last minute 24 hours before the Emmys got a new zipper always 24 hours yeah low has a like a best uh what are they called seamstress seamstress on call and it's yeah magical really she works some wonders well that one dress with your left tit out that was a rough one though that was the uh wait that was so funny people's choice awards people's choice see i'm telling you you every time so people's choice awards low put me in this magical dress it was a secret moment the clavicle bones were showing bones were popping yeah we highlighted them with makeup i didn't uh rinse off my spray tan and then when emma went to do my makeup on the chest it just started smearing everywhere like what right last minute as we're ready to go and then the tailor something happened in my it was my right booby oh is your right yeah it's my right booby and it was just out, just out

two seconds. But I have to say with those situations that happen like I've had some client meltdowns. Oh, hi, hi everybody. I'm Lowe. I'm a stylist. Hi. Sometimes we forget people are in the room. Hello. Or like even when we podcast, I'm like, oh, this is actually going out. This is actually

to the world. Yeah. People are listening to this. This is Lowe, everybody. He's the best human you'll ever meet here. What? Wait, can I just ask? Can I just read No, but wait, that did not get the applause it deserved. What? Oh, okay.

Wow. Yeah. Go on. What I was going to say was that intro song, Selina Quentinia. Yeah. Oh, oh my God. These putas know who that is.

Yeah. I was like, so I told, I told Jason. Hey, Selena. Is it a missita. Oh. Hey. Oh, I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

So Jason was like, A don't know. I don't know if you want to go to this. Yeah. And I'm like, no. Who don't? I want Selena Quintania. Yeah. And he's like, it's Nashville.

I think you should have something like, you know. No, they suggested for you. Ice cube, baby. Great song. 99, baby. Don't the ground, baby. And we were like, great song. Maybe not a lot of a song.

Yeah. But my heart beats for Selena cantonia. And yeah, the music just reminds me of, you know, my childhood. Yeah. And just makes me feel like I'm with. family and so I was like I got to this I got to play and I'm so glad you guys were actually into it so boom it was really fun yes it was really fun it gave us a little chat cha moment oh but back to your tit out yeah uh with the dress yeah so I've had clients that have major meltdowns with red carp

you know and rightfully so though like if there's an alterations moment and your boob is exposed you know that's a lot literally but you little in my case but you handle it like a pro every time It's because I'm on medication. A little Judy cocktail. Oh, should we get into that? Let's do it. But that is what? I'm telling you, five years ago, and I'm not a doctor, so don't listen to me, but five

years ago, I probably would have had a meltdown, but now I'm like, I got this. Okay, it could be age too. I'm growing up. Caitlin, you're growing up. But, okay, so does anyone know the story about how I became little Judy? What? Oh, yeah. People now.

One person? There's one person. Judy? She knows. Interesting. Okay, well, then that makes for a great story. Because if all of you knew, you'd be like, yeah, we've heard this before. This is great.

Okay. So it's kind of sad. Maybe a little disturbing. Maybe everyone will be worried about me after. But let's just, let me just start by saying, dancing with the stars was possibly the hardest most depressing it was actually the hardest thing I've ever done in my life it was actually the hardest thing I've ever done my life

I love him okay he pushed me to limits where I didn't even know as possible of going he was amazing he's literally the reason I won the mirror ball because every yeah oh you caught that

you caught that I won the mirror ball okay he really pushed me to limits I didn't even know. I was like, he tested me, he tested me. And the last- Many emotional breakdowns. Low can really, so on the outside and on Monday nights, everybody saw me doing my little waltz and my chach-cha and my smile plastered on my face, just happy to be there.

But little do you guys know that every day was hell. A literal nightmare. A little nightmare. But it was great. I mean, I was just. injured. I was sore. I was getting yelled at. And Artem would always say, I shouldn't blame it on my Russian culture. I shouldn't blame it. I shouldn't blame it. But every

time he was like, that's just how I deliver. Oh, I see. Yeah, I see. There's no warmth there. He's got an ice box where his heart used to live. And anyways, where is I going? What is my problem? Little Judy was born. Judy was born. So anyways, Lowe would always have the best documentaries to watch. The best little shows to put me in a good mood. They were always dark and twisty, and I just love

that holiday spirit. And so this one, he was like, you know, Judy Garland. And I was like, oh, yeah, I love Judy Garland. Like, obviously, um, duh. What's that movie called? Wizard of Oz, Queen.

I panic under pressure. I panic under pressure. Okay. And so we were talking about that, and we watched this documentary, and she, unfortunately, was, like, addicted to alcohol and pills. booze and barbiturates. Yeah, and so I would come home from dancing with the stars, and I would, again, ask your doctor before taking anything. This was doctor recommended for me, but I would be like, I need a Judy cocktail.

And I'd be like, I need a glass of wine, a little bit of an anxiety pill, for Advil. Half an edible. Half an edible. And a Mariah Carey song. Yeah, with some smart sweets. with some smart sweets and so yeah I filled up your wine more with the smart sweets it sure did just add yeah it's a thing

anyway so we started he started calling me a little Judy because I come home I'd be like I can't do it anymore and then he'd be like do you need me to make you a cocktail I'd be like yes and then I wake up the morning I'd be like it's a new day yeah I couldn't believe it though because I was staying there we called it the sky cage

oh there she is Jennifer Hudson live. And so I saw how miserable you were. Just the night before I rub her little feet. At one point you didn't even have on her baby toe. Did the nail ever grow back? Is it there?

It's back. Barely. A little baby floating in skin. But you know what? It was. I had no toenails left. My ankle was somewhat broken. My rib will never be the same. I still can't throw a ball for my dog without being like,

my ribs. But again, that's how much I love dancing. And they were like, do you want to go on tour? I'm like, yes, I do. Yes. Stere. But that's what little Judy did too. I'm coming to the Grand Ole Opry.

Much like Judy Garland, she put on a good show too, even though, you know, it was tougher to get to that finish line. Everybody's like kind of feeling sorry for me right now. No, I know. Don't. I would not take it back for the world. I would do it all over again. And when Tyra Banks took that eight minute hold before she said,

Caleb Rissot and Artem, that was one of the best moments in my life besides getting engaged. I get that. Truly. I was like, I put my blood, sweat, and tears and my broken bones and joints into this. Lo, I'm not really letting you talk. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. I'm here and just enjoying the vibe.

Well, great energy. By the way. Great energy. Can we just say, like, this is like manifestation station. over here. Like, you've really, you've really made this happen. And I just feel there's so much love in the room. These are strong, these beautiful, strong queens in here.

I just, I love it. Like, this is incredible. I need to say shit. I just need to enjoy the moment and take all of you in. And I just, I'm just honored to be here with you guys, really, though. And everyone would love it. Yeah, you can just toot right into the mic and everyone would be like, we love you!

I'm just literally looking at the wall. Adam Sandler, I'm like, can I have. like I'm just going to like get really drunk and just take a selfie and print it and then just put it over top of one of those faces next Adam Sandler and be like you're welcome okay I have to pause real quick and talk about a sponsor I haven't mentioned in a while but I am glad they're back glad to have you back that's best fiends I'm sure you guys are familiar but best fiends is a casual mobile puzzle game right there on your phone whenever you need five minutes or literally hours of entertainment it's just so much fun I've been playing for Well, I mean, how long have I had this podcast? I feel like they've been a sponsor and got me hooked ever since.

I've been playing for a while now. And it is always one of my favorite apps on my phone, but I especially love playing it during the holiday season and just whenever I'm busy or have a lot going on because it's just the perfect little break to take wherever I am. I just open the app and start playing. Best Beans really has it all. An amazing storyline, collectible little beans,

and a ton of fun prizes you can win. And you really can play it anywhere, Wi-Fi or not, because it also has an offline mode, which is perfect for when you're flying home. I'm always on a plane and I play it all the time. Home for the holidays, just somewhere away from home and you want to play a game. There's literally thousands of levels,

so you never get bored or run out of levels to play, even if you've been playing for years now like I have. There's always something new. So trust me, you guys are going to love this game. And if you're not already obsessed, download Best Feens for free today on the App Store or Google Play. That's Friends Without the R, Best Feens. So anyways, we've got a good show.

A good little, you've got a great show. We've got a good, can you not? Christmas edition for you. Yes. Now, Lo, you and I both share the love of being father and mother Christmas. Oh, yes. I love Christmas. I watched three Christmas movies yesterday.

We have Christmas music played at the house. My house barfed Christmas. and I love it. Same. Yeah. Lowe's family actually does like a theme every year of colors. If you don't follow Lowe on Instagram, just do it now for the Christmas content. Oh, it's fun.

No. It's actually, it's a good time. Actually, everything you post will turn the beat around. It'll just turn the beat around. Reference. It will turn the beat around. Every time I'm having a bad day, I go, I better watch Lowe's stories. Style LVR, S-T-Y-L.

By the way, LVR are my initials. People are like, what the fuck is that? Lover, it is an acronym for lover, but my name is Lorenzo L-L-O-B-R-W-B-R-U-R-U-R for you guys here in Nashville. But, yeah, they are, anyway, L-V-R. She just found out my middle name is Thomas, and I'm like, oh, Tommy. Both Galen and Jason, we're going to call you Tommy. Yeah, like Katie's cat.

Can you not? Let's hear everybody on the counter three. I always love when the crowd yells, Can you not? So on three, one, two, three. Can you? Yeah. Yeah, kind not.

Can you not? Christmas edition. Now, y'all might have some. Caitlin. Who's from Nashville here? Oh, yeah. Nashville natives? Okay, so I am five years in Nashville.

Can I say y'all? okay well all right then y'all heard them don't come back here stop it katelyn okay you guys can tell us your uh can you knots if you have any i will pick a couple of people

out but for christmas can you not this is this really set me off last night and this could be a problem on me but can you not have one bulb go out on a string of lights that makes the rest not work to it's 20-21 take them all off I don't want it.

How do you not just set the lights off from your telephone? No. Makes my eye twitch. Shit. I hate it. I hate it. I was just. Half the string of lights.

I've seen it's just now. My Christmas tree is in my window so all my neighbors know I've got my shit together. But half the lights aren't working and I pulled up and one of my, so my windows still, it's like, okay, it's like square and then it's got the round thing on the top and every. little, you know, thing is perfect, but one's like, oh, right on brand. And it's in the middle of both panes of window. So I have a shitty looking window and a half lit up Christmas tree. So my neighbors definitely don't think I'm my shit together,

but also my neighbor's name is Rosemary and everybody's above 80. Oh, I loved her, though. I met her. Yeah. Rosemary. She reminded me of steel magnolias. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

She brought us delicious chocolate. Yeah. She brought chocolate and treats. It's amazing. Lots of y'alls were being. grown. Yeah. Sweet.

She always tells me about her doctor appointments. Sorry for any vinos out here right now, but can you not be born on Christmas Day? That's kind of rude. Oh.

Are there any Christmas babies? Thank God. No one shares a birthday with Jesus Christ Superstar. Oh my God, y'all. An hour in Nashville. No, I'm just.

Or are they hiding it because they're like, shit. I'm shocked There's not one Christmas baby It's your birthday Yeah if any okay That's great then

Then the can you not landed With everybody here Can you not expect me to send out Christmas cards every year I've got a lot of shit on my plate Wow And I don't First of all I appreciate

Anyone who can get a Christmas card out But all I'll get like Frickin Jared from my eighth grade Scour dance sending me a fucking picture of his family and I'm like how'd you give my address one and two you're definitely not making the fridge no no but anyways I just can't get my shit together to get Christmas cards out do you guys have time for that some people have you seen the Christmas cards with the picture but they also do

updates really I I can't with the updates oh your mom I don't give a shit what's happening in your year. What? Sorry, I just went off. I'm like all pissed off. Did you go on a tangent? I'm all pissed about Christmas. No, it's just...

What's your, can you not? What's going on over there? Can you not give me an update? So, no, I'm cool with a card. You put a picture. You go to a beach or a park, whatever. Do what you not got to do. Put on a scarf. It's cute. That might make the fridge.

But I don't need an update. I don't need to know what's happening. Because it's all, like, there are people that will send that like a little newsletter like here's every this is why I am killing it in 2020 nobody cares dot com let's just

say it for what it is my cousin does that and bless her soul because she's an angel sent from the heavens above but she has six kids and that is not a newsletter my friend it is a novel you know but but like what are you saying like so-and-so has vitiligo little jerry Bradley got his first

struggling with Bradley got his first penalty what a bad boy yeah my good for Bradley toughen him up. That is literally what was in the note. I'm not just like that was not comedic timing. That was actually in the fucking newsletter. Bradley got his first time.

No, not time out. What is it? Penalty. Hockey. So Canadian of me. It's cute. No, I mean,

if you want to give an update, but I'm just like we got Instagram or you can text someone. Yeah. Yeah. You know, just again, almost 20, 22. Yeah.

Can you not pretend that the cold Air makes you sound bad Mariah Carey. First of all, Cleo wrote that one down and I was like, I don't get it. I started to come around being like, oh, I think she sounded really bad at like a

New Year's party or something. But Lo was very mad at me and we decided to have one of our first fights tonight. Go. Hit it. Hit it. I was like, that borders on a hate crime against a living legend. It wasn't a rough night back. Look at Chris's shirt.

Thank you. I mean, represent in a very like maria carry in the prime you're telling me do you really think the the cold affected maria carrie's voice that's like why Whitney houston liked her vocals whenever she performed at a nice comfortable 75 degrees warms the vocals you know who would never complain about that is selene dion that's true she i have so she does have specific requirements for everywhere she performs so she would know better than to go outside and not warm up the old vocal Yeah. I

This is a humble brag But also very weird Because I was like 21 But my like one of my first dancer boyfriends He's gay now But I dated him for a while He was lovely And his sister danced

For Celine Dion in Vegas And that woman Would wrap scarves around her neck With Vicks rub And she would do everything To protect her voice The dancer? Seline Dion

sorry it was a long flight got it selene dion well she went out her so maria did not come prepared oh my god yeah i get it oh i thought you're gonna fight me on that you know what i'm not gonna fight but here's the thing sometimes when you have a legend an iconic artist like maria carry or selin dion yeah rene enjeal really put her on the map even though that's a little weird she was like 15 he was like 40. Anyway, I am looking for a nice 80-year-old worth a full diaper. Little Anna Nicole Smith moment.

I thought you were going to say with a full bank account and you're like with a full diaper. Wouldn't put it past me these days. It was a pandemic. But anyway, desperate times. But I feel like some artists like Mariah, because she's had more hits cumulatively than like El. Elvis Presley throw in some of the Beatles, too. She's really, yeah.

Is that a fact? It is. I mean. Because you can't just throw that shit out there. She's the number one recording artists of all time. Up there with the Beatles and Elvis. I know that for sure. And Michael Jackson.

You can Google it. That's fine. She's up there. Yeah, Google. Top five, for sure. Okay. Yeah, Google it. She's a big deal.

So I'm just saying with someone that's had a hit in pretty much every decade for the last four, we'll give her a pass. She had a rough night. She had some champagne. You know what I mean? Yeah. She's so great artist. I love her.

If it was Britney Spears, I'd forgive her. Oh, yeah. It's Mariah Carey, though. So I'm like, tighten your fucking game up. Get your shit together. Yeah, get your shit together, you legend. Because usually she sounds incredible. She was so pitchy dog.

She was so pitchy. Yeah. I now know what we're talking about. Do you have any candy nuts Christmas edition? Anyone have any Kenny Knots Christmas edition? Oh, me, me, me, me. We have some. I can't wait hit it

the elf on the shelf okay he can only do so much I mean he can only hide in so many places and do so many activities before mom and dad forget about it I'm sorry am I like missing something what is elf on a shelf

huh look what who gets elf on a shelf Oh, some people don't. Okay. So elf on a shelf is for kids. Mom and dad have to pretend that elf on the shelf is watching them. And so the kids behave because they're like Elf on the Shelf is watching and they have their little names.

And they hide and do sneaky shit all the time. What? Sometimes they're like in your fireplace. Sometimes they're in their toilet. Sometimes they're on a zip line going from the staircase to the bottom and you're like, how is this elf on the shelf doing it? It's the parents and it's a big. job.

Wait a minute. So this elf is just watching your ass. Yeah. Watching your kids. And they're like, oh my God. He's going to, like for a teenager. Well, they don't believe in that. Well, the young kids do.

Why are you so shocked? Did you not believe in Santa Claus when you were a little? I, it was killed for me by like four or five. I know. Shame. I know. What is shit? I lost a child.

And I'm Michael Jackson. I didn't have a childhood. Have you seen my childhood? I love Michael. I know controversial. It's controversial. He's had great bangers. I love Michael's music.

Yes. Yes. Let's leave it there. It's Christmas. Can you not go to a dark place? I hear you. But I never did that. I'm down for an elf on a shelf now.

Yeah, until you do it for like two days. You're like, you with the held up boing bottle, definitely getting my attention. I love you. I just did a southern accent back to you. I was like, I love you too, honey. Amen. Honey! Can you not question why I'm single and drunk before Christmas dinner?

Bitch, yes. Yeah. Get a little sloppy with it. The Lord's birthday. Yeah. Yes. I like that. Can you not talk politics at Christmas dinner?

Oh, yeah. That's the thing. My family's so divided. Why are we all so divided? Yeah. We should all just move to Canada and pretend that Mickey Mouse runs the world like we do. Just kidding. He's actually really cute who owns our country, but we have our own problems.

Anyways, can you not be someone who is an unexpected gift giver, and now I awkwardly have nothing for you? Oh. That's me always. I am a shit, shit gift giver. I'm thoughtful. And in the moment, I'll be like, I'll postmate something to your house

because you're not feeling well. I'm thoughtful like that. But like, has anyone done Christmas shopping yet? Wow. Okay. Wow. We got some planners here. People who are prepping.

I love your big wine guy sweater. Thank you for being a supporter. Are you really in the club? Yeah. What's your name? Yeah. Crystal? I'm going to call you out on our next.

big wine guy Zoom meeting which sounds like a great opportunity for me to give a shameless plug. If you guys aren't in my wine club, what are you doing? What the fuck it out? Can you not? Do you have another can you not?

Another can you not? Oh, you know what? I have one. Okay. Can you not shame me for my seasonal depression? I you know what? I want I want to be a depressed bitch sometimes.

No, I just, here's a thing. Oh, I felt that right into my soul. Meltdown moments. I like to call it a cute men t-be. Yeah. It's a menti-be, it's a mental breakdown. Mental breakdown. I think that there's a lot of pressure that people put on the holidays to be happy and cheer.

And don't get me wrong, I love the music. I get the lights. It's all so sweet in the family. Yeah. Sure. We love it. But there's all, like, sometimes, and it's a statistic. You can Google this.

Fucking science. December and in January are the highest rates of depression and anxiety in Los Estados Unitas, United States of America. Really? So, that being, so people get sad. So I feel like there's like this pressure like, what's wrong? It's Christmas being a good, I'm like, no, I'm like kind of feeling bummed. I kind of just want to be down right now.

And I think that's okay. So like, I don't want to be ashamed for it. And I think some people, so yeah, cheers to depression. The most accepting, loving humans ever, the vinoes. That is, I love that we all cheered for that because. Yeah, it's great. Thank you for that. I'm always like, it just depends on the week.

Deborah. Okay, so when it comes to ringing in the new year, so many people are focused on their fitness goals. And I think that can be great. But honestly, the only thing that helps me stick to my routine when it comes to working out is actually enjoying myself. keeping things fresh when I'm getting a workout in, one of the many, many, many reasons why I'm a huge fan of Peloton. Let me tell you, the Peloton bike and Bike Plus are ringing in the new year with so much new. I can't get over how excited I am about this. Peloton is adding boxing to the lineup. If you guys follow me on Instagram for a while ago, you've known

boxing's one of my favorite workouts. And even if you haven't boxed before, these classes will help you work on your form and it will be so much fun. And they're also introducing a new artist series, which means that you can work out to the music of a single artist for the entire class, which I'm very into. There's over 100 to choose from, and it truly just feels like a little concert. And then they have so much variety in their classes, which is the thing that keeps me coming back. The fact that I can do a 15-minute total body workout when I have a quick break or 20 minutes of cardio in between meetings, it's just perfect for my little schedule, and it helps me try any things without committing to like an hour long class. There's always something new. I want to try

whenever I open that app. So for a limited time, try the Peloton app free for two months, then $12.99 per month after. New members only. Visit OnePeloton.com slash app to learn more. That's two months free at O-N-E-P-E-L-O-T-O-N dot com. Offer expires January 31st, 2022. Terms apply. I got some questions for you, Lowe.

Yeah. Okay. Lo is one of those people like my fiancee who likes, before I go out on stage, I'm like, I'm not going to tell you what my questions are. I want to know. That's stupid.

No. I don't like to prepare. I feel like you get the people's true, most authentic self. True. Walls are down when you don't know what's coming. They'd be down if I prepared to, but okay. Okay.

Hey, I'm going all a cart, just serving it up to you. I have no idea what she's going to ask me. She's like, have you come out to your parents yet? I'm like, shit. Caitlin. Well, on that note. How do you feel about your father, not accepting sex? I'm like, oh, my God, it's heavy, heavy.

I'm like shaming people that do it at the holidays and I'm doing it to you right up here. I'm like, who'd you vote for? Does your dad know you're gay? No? Okay, just kidding. Jury's still out. Jury's still out. Another podcast episode for that.

It's a whole situation. Sure, low life. Well, it's called the low life button. It started off as the low show and now he turned it to the low life. I like low life a little bit more. It's very relatable. Yeah, I'm feeling low. Yeah, low life.

Can I just tell you guys how happy it makes me to just see like scrunchies on people's wrists drinking my wine and just like enjoying our time together as a little weird family that we are? It's really special. Am I right? Yeah. Am I right? He feels it now. You feel it, Daniel? Klo.

It's the end of the year. We're about to go into 2022. How scary. Okay. It's the end of the year. Tell us in 2021, what was a high for you? Oh, a high. And not talking about the joints we smoked last night.

Just kidding. A high for 2020. You know what? This has been a very transformative year. I think for a lot of people. Pivotal. Pivotal. Doing some real soul searching here.

Yeah. In this pandemic of year. It was wild. You know, well, it depends on where you are too. But like, I'm in L.A. closed down. Nothing was open for a bit. Lost my business.

I'm, uh, you know, yeah, I was styling. I said a high point. Sorry. I know. Don't worry. Okay. I've got the low one next. So say that.

I got those ready. Loaded. Loaded up. In the chamber. Uh, no, but with, with things like that with like not being able to work in style, there was no events, things like that. I was like, oh my God, that's crazy. But I have to say

This little Canadian Maple Delight Came to Los Angeles In the middle of the pandemic There were fires going off Shit was being burned down LA was a fucking mess It was a mess And she comes

She's like hey hello I'm gonna be in LA I don't know how long Because I might get sent home It could be because I effed up Or because political BBC, we'll see We'll see

But she ended up making it to the end but she came to L.A. and had this, we call it the sky cage, beginning to spend time with you. I'd say that's actually like... That was a high for me, actually. That was a big high. Getting to see you win dancing with the stars. Come on, really, though.

It was, I was part of the journey, and you let me into that part. I wouldn't have one without you and Jason and Ardum. I wouldn't have. Wow. That's really sweet. I actually wouldn't have. I would have faked that ankle injury to the Maks. I'd have been like, can't do it. I'm out but you guys really you guys really showed me the love when I got home they'd rub my feet and bring out wine CBD right for massages but no I think that was definitely a high getting to be in the sky cage I got so close to Jason my god the J-Lo J-Lo yeah so this little bromance started and honestly like that was such a highlight I heard them at lunch today and Jason was going you know who plays tomorrow

And you're like, the fucking bills. And they said, do you want a shotgun of beer? Oh, my God, okay. They play tomorrow, don't they? Monday night football. It's a big game. The buff. I'm so much.

I'm going to throw up. I'm done. So you guys, the Buffalo fucking Bill. Hey, what's up Buffalo, New York? I can't. I can't. Why are you so good at that? Buffalo and the New England Patriots.

Jason's spending so much money. He's putting. The wedding on the line, I'm sure. All the money is boom, a bet. Yeah, if the Patriots win tomorrow, there will not be a wedding. He's going to have a mental breakdown. Yeah. But I'm into it. And so that came up.

That's a high. The whole you went. Yes, the whole sky cage, the pod. A high. Do we even want to take it to a low? I mean, that's my name. So why not? You know what?

I just talked about how we're the trust tree with the nest and we talk about our feelings. So give us your low point. I already know what it is And I want to cry So here's a thing Okay I did lose my little pug Duky

Thank you yeah And so I I lost him in In the middle of the pandemic And so it's been six months And I just had a little bit Of a mental breakdown And it was rough

It was really rough But I had him for 14 years But here And so he was this little black pug This little sweetest little bite ball this little bowling ball of love. Yeah. Yeah and

it was really rough, you know, because he was like my little companion and I just was obsessed with him. He literally slept on his chest every night. Yeah, and that's where he'd spent his final moments, you know, is he died with me. Let's pour, let's all just pour a little one out for Duky.

Just so. Okay, cheers. That was so stupid. The whole staff just looked at me It was like, bitch, you better not. Cheers to Duky. Cheers to Duky. On three. One, two, three.

Duky. Thank you for that. Oh, God. We're going to turn the beat around. We're going to turn the beat around. No, that was really sweet. Thank you for that. No, but, you know, with losing and everyone here, I'm sure,

and if you haven't, you are so blessed to not experience loss yet. But everyone here, I'm sure at some point in their life has experienced some sort of a loss. Yeah. And so it's painful and it sucks. Yeah. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. So I have to say, again, just circling back to you, little Judy, my little empathetic queen over here.

I'm like, I called her and I'm a mess. The snot, the tears, FaceTime. I'd left the sky cage. And I'm like, dude, he's gone. And she's like, bawley. She's like, I know. I'm sorry. Love.

And then what's so funny, this is, what's really sweet is, um, Caitlin was, being really thoughtful and she um i ficked it up no you didn't right on brand for you queen i loved it so she said lo i got a little something something coming in the mail for you i said oh you didn't have to do that you did thank you so much and so it was very thoughtful and so she's like a little memento something you can put on your nightstand whatever you could remember little ducky and so in the mail comes it was supposed to be have you guys seen those little rocks that are like you can put someone's name on them or a message. A little stone.

A little stone. Yeah. Rock stone. And I knew that your uncle was in your garden. So I wanted to put dookies rock with your uncle. My mom has a memory garden at her house. My mom and dad. And we have some family members.

We've experienced some loss. So that's another podcast episode. But anyway, they're in the memory garden. So we put some of dookie there. And I received this little stone. But it wasn't. It was literally. It was not little?

Giant tombstone. This f*** big ass. Rest in peace. Dipping. I'm like, oh. Not only was it a massive tombstone, I f***ing spelled it wrong.

I spelled it wrong. Again. I went back and I made sure I spelled Duky right because I went to one of his Instagram post, but he only spelled it a certain way if Dugie was in trouble. Yeah. And I picked that spelling. Double O, if he's shit

in the house. I picked that spelling and the largest rock on Amazon. Hey, who? And it was like, just a little reminder. And you're like, this is what we called him when he was a bad boy and it's a tombstone. By the way, I love it.

You know what? It's there. We have flowers around it and it's freaking beautiful. And I love it. So thank you for that. And yeah, thank you guys. So that was my low point, but I'm good. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Let's just get another question. I'm like, do you want to direct it towards me and know my low point? I do want to. Yeah, actually, let's ask you. Let's start off with your low point and end it with a high. Oh, that sounds nice. That sounds nice.

My low point. My low point. I mean, I hit a few rock bottoms this year. Pormonal depression is a f***. bitch. Yeah. Anybody experience hormonal depression? Some of you're like,

it is literally, I question everything in my life. I'm like, what am I doing? Why am I here? Yeah. Nobody likes the podcast. Nobody's going to show up to Zanis.

It's like 24 or 48 hours. And I'm like, okay, and we're back. But it's awful. I'm trying to think of like a specific low point, but now I'm scared because I'm like, am I putting one out to the universe?

and I'll have something to report back to next year. Oh, wow. Didn't go there, but okay. My manifesting is so real that I get scared of what I put in the universe. So I'll talk about the highest just to like leave this on a good note. I got engaged. There it is. It was truly one of the most special moments in my whole life.

Yeah. That big old rock. Except, no, you got to see. So big. So big. So big. Look at that jolly rancher. That thing is huge.

Anyways. I love it. Jason did great on that. Cheers to him on that. It was a really sweet moment. I got to see family. Are you easing us into a song there? Oh, cool, cool, go, go, go.

That was probably a high for me. Yeah, that's a great high. And it's all recorded, which is great. Yeah. You have that memory forever. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone felt part of it because it was on the podcast.

Let me ask you one more thing. Okay. Is there anything unexpectedly that you crossed off your bucket list? Oh. Wow. Anything unexpected? I've crossed off my bucket list. Yeah.

You know what? I guess like technically quitting my job, which I never thought I would do, but with the pandemic. And I loved it. I'm like, fuck this. I want to be free. And so that was something I crossed. And I not only quit, well, the decision was made for me.

but Okay So back to Shamu I have a confession I'm going to start with it Because we need to like start here And low's confessions are always here No oh my God

So I'm going to set the bar low Okay but Low Here's the thing First of all I want to be Very understanding of people I don't know how to approach A lot of these things

Anyways, I want to be sensitive for a second to people. Well, I never know how to approach things because I'm like, many of my girlfriends have struggled with getting pregnant, and I know that's a really, like, tough thing I can't even imagine, and I don't know what I'm going to go through. That's why I froze my eggs. But I will say, my confession is, I tried to get pregnant last night, and Jason was not having it.

I'm done. Yeah. And he was doing it selflessly. he was like you gotta go on tour babe and I was like I don't care I want a baby now I truly last night I thought that was it for me I was like look

this is it it's 4 a.m. I'm ovulating this is this is it and he was like what you're drunk one and two you've got to go on tour and three he's the whole like I want to get married first I'm like I don't get it I love a pregnant bride chic maternity dresses

come on beautiful no no I don't yes yeah give it up for the maternity brides up in here woo yes we love it but here's the thing and by the way I would just push the wedding if I got pregnant

sure or not is a kid not more of a commitment than a wedding no but be pregnant and be a bride too love it a little shotgun wedding hey you here's the thing I would like to take pregnant

for you almost getting pregnant last night. Okay. Caitlin, my little energizer bunny over here. Little Judy can throw it down. So we're hanging out and I had a long flight, you know. And so we were hanging out and out of few dreams. And she goes, let's watch some dancing. We were watching some dance with the stars.

Wait, don't make it look like I'm like the most fucking narcissistic human. Like, hey, let's watch me dance. Every dance. I genuinely enjoy watching. changing you perform it's beautiful so we're watching that my favorite was the uh toxic performance yeah oh my god that forbidden tango was that a tango argentine tango argentina tangos yeah it was beautiful so we watched that a couple three or four times and then and then we did

some brittany choreo and then i was like i'm about to pass out like my you know your eyes get so heavy and you're just it was three a m yeah the flight mixed with i I had some spade and sparrows. She made me an old-fashioned. Yeah. Delicious, by the way. I have put some hair on my freshly waxed chest. I lit orange peels on fire.

Yeah. Had a round cube. Lit the orange peel on fire. I had cherry. I had the options of cherry, orange, or chocolate bitters for our old fashions. Yeah. I was tanked after trying. Oh, you didn't have to do that.

Yeah. So anyway, I, uh, I was like, I'm going to. to pass out and Caitlin's like I know I'm tired too she goes or Christmas movie and I'm like it's 3 am she's like it'd be so cute if you watch a Christmas movie right now and just like we're on the couch and just like talked and I'm like I literally can't do it anymore Caitlin yeah so I was like I got to call it a night but tonight or any other night yes so then I was like so then she's like Jason Jason let's fuck I was like I was like Okay, fine.

If we can't watch a Christmas movie, then I'm about to get pregnant. I'm going to get pregnant. So, yeah. It's either or for me tonight. Beautiful. It's Christmas movie. True love story.

Yeah. Anyways. We are two P's in a podcast. Tell me your confession. Yeah. Oh, my confession? Yeah. Oh.

By the way, that's Shammu. confession I did. Here's the thing. That was one of the most humiliating moments. I'm so embarrassed. I actually, as it came out, was like, I can't believe I'm saying, like word vomit. And then Caitlin's like, this is gold.

We're running with it. And so I always think, like, how could I top the Shammu confession? And I don't think I honestly can. You know. Until tonight. Well, no, no, no, don't build it up that much. No, but I mean, when you're. for those who don't know

for the Shammu situation simulation sky simulation dick exposure it was just not cute his peen was flapping in the wind have you ever done one of those things where you like float up and like Charlie

in the chocolate factory like you were exposed wasn't cute so speaking of exposed so Caitlin has this incredible wine club and there's these wine events that she'll make me part of yeah i'll go they're so fun for anyone who's been at one of the wine events love it it's like a party okay so anyway uh

i was part of this wine club party yeah zoom yeah yeah so anyway it was great everything was awesome but listen when it comes to zoom i'm still i'm still figuring it out you know sometimes it's tough there's these breakaway rooms whatever so after it ends there are breakaway rooms and my boomer ass was like I think I'm out like I I clicked the X I thought anyway I ended up I had my laptop and I was playing some music from it and I thought I got out but there are breakout rooms and I ended up in a breakout room and maybe one of these people is here tonight I know too I hope so no I don't I don't but okay so I'm in okay So I'm in a breakout room.

I'm going to throw up. Just thinking about this. This is bad. I do know this story. So I ended up turning the laptop and I thought like, okay, I'm out. Ended up in a breakout room. Didn't realize it was in there. Go into my bathroom.

Was playing Selena. Just take down my pants. I'm going to take a shower. I like to shit and then I shower. Okay? So I did that. And. and I just hear

low, low, low, and I'm like, the fuck is going on. I'm just trying to play Selena and live my truth. And I realize I'm in a breakout room and there are four people

that are just looking at my dick. Just, yeah, but like, not in like, this isn't, here's the thing, if you're going to look at it, like, at least let me just be like, you know, like, Let me give you like a good moment. Let me give you a good angle.

Yeah, but not when you're like on the toilet. You know, the laptop and I'm like moving music. You know, like that's not, there's nothing cute. Yeah. About that, queen. A little baby elephant just hanging on the toilet. What's wrong with me? That's where my brain went.

Okay. So I saw them and they're like gasping and like, oh my God, look. mortified. And I go, oh, shit. And I fucking slam my laptop down, slammed it down. And then I was like, it's still on, though. Like, just because I close, it doesn't mean they're gone. Or are they?

I don't know. And I'm thinking screenshots, which, by the way. Vinoes over vows. Yeah. Yeah. The Vinos who didn't, because you saw it all. Front and back. From and back.

Yeah. So there's, like, so you really, we know each other. So the fact that you didn't share that, like, if you're listening to this, Kelly and Lansing, there's only two I know. The other two never, I think they just were like, I never want to go online again. We actually lost four wine club members that night. That explains it. So, anyway, they definitely saw everything, but they were so sweet. And then two messages were like, hey.

Oh, you okay? About seeing your dick. Like, we were trying to yell for you, but, like, it was muted. You couldn't hear. I just saw the face like, so anyway, yeah, not my proudest moment, but you know what? Hey, it's all good. Yeah. We're all just going to show our dicks.

You know what? I could only imagine the Zoom, like, confessions that have gone on in the world in the last two years. Oh, so many. Did you imagine? There was a newscast. and was he masturbating? Oh, sick. Did you guys hear about that?

Oh, yeah. There was a new... And then there was another guy and he was cheating on his white. Oh, fuck him then. Yeah, and so he left the Zoom. There's been a lot. There's, you know, leaving no pants on,

who doesn't do that? Yeah. But me, you know, going to the bathroom. Thank you guys for being the fucking best audience ever. Yeah, incredible. Thank you, Lowe, for being the best guest ever. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday.

Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts.