Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Bridin’ Dirty in New York with Robyn Schall

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

It wouldn’t be a true bachelorette party without our in-house news expert, comedian-extraordinaire, and part-time Uber driver, Robyn Schall! Robyn is on stage with KB, penis-themed gifts in... hand, to hang out with the vinos live in New York and you’re getting to listen in on what went down. Kaitlyn and Robyn are playing some games you wouldn’t likely expect at a bachelorette party, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be featured at your next one. They’re starting off with a round of Ken You Not: Bachelor Franchise Edition, heading into Two Truths & A Lie: Newsflash Edition, and wrapping up with a New York City quiz to see if Robyn is in fact a true New Yorker. It’s actually the first live show where Kaitlyn has a wardrobe malfunction AND gets fully flashed by an audience member, and if that doesn’t make you want to tune in, we don’t know what will. CHINET BRAND - Chinet Brand makes premium disposable tableware for all of life’s gatherings. Visit mychinet.com to find out more. BOLL & BRANCH - Get 25% off from November 23rd through December 2nd with their best offer of the year at bollandbranch.com. GEICO - Go to Geico.com, get a quote, and see how much YOU could save. It’s GEICO-easy!  RING - This holiday season, deck the halls, walls, doors and windows with the best deals of the year on the award winning Ring Alarm. Go to Ring.com/OTV to get a great deal on a Ring Alarm security kit today! HYUNDAI - Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.
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Starting point is 00:00:58 So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca slash Wondery. That's audible.ca.ca. slash Wondery. This week's Off the Vine is sponsored by Chinet Brand. Chinet brand makes premium disposable tableware for all of life's gatherings. Visit MyChinet.com to find out more. Bolam Branch get 25% off from November 23rd through December 2nd
Starting point is 00:01:38 with their best offer of the year at bolandbranch.com. Geico, go to geico.com, get a quote, and see how much you could save. It's Geicoe easy. Visit geico.com today. That's geico.com. Ring this holiday season deck the halls, walls, walls, doors, and windows with the best deals of the year on the award-winning ring alarm, go to ring.com forward slash oTV to get a great deal on a ring alarm security kit today. Hyundai.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. OxyClean. Work your magic with oxyclean White Revive. Visit myoxyclean.com for cleaning tips and tricks. Okay, Vynos, before we get into this week's episode of Off the Vine, I want to take a quick minute to talk about Chinette. I'm sure by now you're pretty familiar with Chinette, something I always have on hand when I'm home here in Nashville. Chinat brand is a people-focused company that provides you with
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Starting point is 00:03:06 It's probably my favorite part. Their products are also made with at least 80% recycled materials, which is awesome, and they've actually been a part of American culture for over 90 years, helping people entertain and just spend time with those they love. So no matter what's on your plate or in your cup, you know that Chinat brand will have something for you. You can visit MyChinette.com to find out more. This episode is brought to you by Hyundai.
Starting point is 00:03:28 Hyundai has the wildest range of electrified vehicles on the market, including the 2022 Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. With these cars, you can use electric when you want or gas when you need it. Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. Hey, everybody, you're listening to Caitlin Bristow's podcast, Off the Vine. Take it away, Bree. Lots of wine. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow.
Starting point is 00:03:55 Hey, ramen, Pino, ready for the show. Everyone's welcome, so come on in because OTV, it's about to begin. Hey. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. So you get to enjoy a live podcast with myself and Robin Shaw while we were in New York. Honestly, I wish you guys could all visualize what we were experiencing. We had so much fun.
Starting point is 00:04:20 And she kind of, you know, really threw me a true bachelorette party. And I hope you enjoy our conversation and all of the laughs that come along with it. Oh, and Robin has a great confession this time. I mean, she always pulls through. So excited. Wait, but I have gifts for you. Okay. First off, thank you so much for this.
Starting point is 00:04:45 What is it called? What? The sash. A sash. I was like, yeah. Big Rizman's guy. I have gifts for you. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:52 I like gifts. It's from all of us. Okay. Because you guys are all at my bachelor at party right now. Okay. Hi, Cleo. Okay, so this is from all of us here tonight. We got you a penis veil.
Starting point is 00:05:09 By the way, this morning at 10 a.m. I went to a sex shop just so that I could be prepared. Okay, so it's a veil with little penises on it. I always wanted one. Have you not, or have I not said this on my podcast where I'm like, I want no penises at my bachelor at party, and Robin literally went out all penises
Starting point is 00:05:31 for my bachelor at party. Is it nice? Oh, it's so pretty. Okay, it's hot. Yeah, dicks. Okay. Do I have to wear this the whole time? I will.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Yeah, no, it's really pretty. Oh, okay, thanks. Okay, then we have. Oh, this we should do at the end Because they'll make a mess Oh, confetti Confetti We didn't do this at the end
Starting point is 00:05:55 But we didn't pay the extra fee for cleanup at the end I poured the drinks, I'll mop Okay, okay We got this Okay, we have a thingy for you Is this a sash? Yeah Soon to be married
Starting point is 00:06:08 I thought I was going to say something sexual For some reason No, no, no, that was the classy one And then we have penis straws It's not a bachelor party what does it say oh yeah it says suit to be this is the classy one sued to be married a f thank you for the thoughtful gifts you always have the most thoughtful gifts tell everyone the last gift i got you um it was really special so robin i met up last time i was in
Starting point is 00:06:37 new york for lunch and she said hey i know you just got engaged like i just had to bring you something and um she opened up her purse and she pulled out a bag of m&ems and it was really special It was the only thing I had in my bag It was that or like Eve vagina wipes You know what I would have taken those I would have taken it
Starting point is 00:06:58 I don't we just had this conversation backstage About how disgusting it is When people don't shower And I was like I don't like showering I don't like showering Do I shower? Yeah but do I like it? No one does Are you a big shower guy? I mean I do it
Starting point is 00:07:11 Right But some people enjoy it Do you enjoy a shower? I mean not when I'm like gross I do Yeah, yeah, you've got to get real, real gross so that the shower feels beneficial. When you're on the road and you come home after like three days and you're gross
Starting point is 00:07:25 going after an airplane. Yeah, you need to shower after an airplane. But other than that, everyone's... Are you guys really grossed out right now? Oh, okay. I heard some people are like, and I was like, oh, come on. I've talked about this many times.
Starting point is 00:07:38 Showering's overrated. Anyways, can you not? Am I right? I think we should do a can you not on the count of three. Oh, God. One, two, three. Can you not?
Starting point is 00:07:55 Uh, can you not? Okay, so we have some, right? I know you wanted us to yell out a can you not. Oh, I was like, oh my God, that's so much pressure. We all have to think at once. That's crazy. Like, I'd be able to hear, like, different ones. No, just the big.
Starting point is 00:08:12 You know, I'm surprised everybody actually did that. Maybe everybody thought I was saying that. But I thought we would do, because Robin. is a big bachelor-bachelorette fan. Huge. Yeah. Huge. Who is your favorite bachelor? I forget. Who's the...
Starting point is 00:08:25 Yeah, I guess Sean Lowe. Yeah. But I think Juan Pablo's season was... Charlene. Yes. No, the season was great. The Bachelor, not so much. Okay, because that was a shit show.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Yeah. That was such a shit show. That's true. Yeah, like, you know I like the message. Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, I love how we all watch it, and we're like, can't they just stop with the drama? If we literally just watched a love story unfold in the most beautiful way possible, we'd be like, boring. Yeah, like, Ben is lovely, but there wasn't, like, crazy, like, shit going down.
Starting point is 00:09:03 He said, I love it. Also, Corinne. It doesn't say I love you to two people. Maybe not at the same time on national television. Okay, you're right. But Chris Solz, I think, had the best women. Right? Like it had so many, like, like, people that I follow now.
Starting point is 00:09:20 It's actually crazy. So myself, I don't follow my listening. Carly. Jade. Whitney, Becca, Ashley I. Caitlin. I said that first. Oh, you did?
Starting point is 00:09:34 I was listening. I feel so bad. Am I blocking Caitlin for all you guys? Yeah, let me scoop back so they could see it. You angel's sweetheart. Well, they came to see you. I want to make sure they could get pictures and everything. That's so sweet.
Starting point is 00:09:46 That was a really sweet move. Oh, wow. I try. Yeah. Some people did come to see you, too, by the way. Give it up for my mom up there. I will get into all of that with you about you going viral. But first, let's do some Kenyonauts Bachelor Edition.
Starting point is 00:10:06 I don't know if we had time to, like, prep you for this, but I do have a few written down that I myself came up with. Okay. You did not prep me, but I think I could come. I have a bunch of places. I just expect comedians to be so on the spot all the time. I'm like, you're funny. Make a joke. Don't you hate that when people are like, oh, you're a comedian.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Tell me a joke. I never tell people I'm a comedian. Only if you, like, know me. But if I'm, like, out at a bar and someone's like, oh, what do you do? Yeah, what do you say? Uber driver. And then they're like, oh, I can't say something, like, I can't be like a doctor or something because I don't want a follow-up question.
Starting point is 00:10:38 But if you say Uber driver, that's the end. And I look like I, you know. See, but that's the opposite. for me. If someone said doctor, I'd be like, I watch Gray's Anatomy. I know what's happening in your life. But if someone said, I'm an Uber driver, I'd be like, you, your eyes have seen some shit.
Starting point is 00:10:55 And then you'd be like, tell me a story. And then I would just make up something in the back. You know. Yeah. So I'm an Uber driver, if anyone asks. I'm poor Caitlin here. I just actually looked at my Uber rating on the way here, and I was so sad.
Starting point is 00:11:08 I dropped to a 4.81. Oh. That's bad. Do you make them wait? No, never. I'm punctual. I am friendly. I wear my mask. Oh, when Bailey was doing her nails in the car. Oh, yeah, that brought you down. Bailey, if you got me down to a 4.8 one for doing your damn press-ons in the Uber. She's not sorry. Look, we'll find them. She's not sorry. She is also Canadian, clearly. Charlene, have you dropped your Canadian accent or do you still sound Canadian?
Starting point is 00:11:41 hit or miss yeah when when i'm around my family i get very canadian and when i'm like in nashville i try and overcompensate and i'll be like hey y'all and like trying to fit in so bad okay so i'm all about a good deal but sometimes cyber week can be a little overhyped and underwhelming well that is not the case for my next sponsor because this cyber week bull and branch a company i just love by the way is offering their best deal of the entire year and you know what your sleep last night wasn't incredible, I'm telling you their sheets will make all the difference. With bowl and branch, you can get the best sleep of your life with their highest quality organic cotton sheets. These sheets have actually been a go-to gift for a couple people in
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Starting point is 00:13:50 Okay, can you not? This is, I'll start with a, can you not throw Will's top gun bomber jacket into the pool? Oh, Peter. Have yet, has anyone tried Peter's pizza? No. Okay, can you not forget that you are miced up and that everyone can fucking hear what you're sane. Have you not watched the show before? Yeah. If you were there, like, I get it. Sometimes you do probably forget you have a mic.
Starting point is 00:14:22 Or I used to do this. When I was talking, so they couldn't hear me. They're like, we can still hear you. It's probably because they don't realize if the camera, everyone probably thinks if the camera's not on you, you're not being recorded. Is that why? That's what they tell them.
Starting point is 00:14:33 Yeah. That's what they tell them. Because most people on the show aren't actors. They don't know. They probably think, oh, if I'm not being filmed, no one cares. Yeah. But, again, haven't you seen the show? That's when they get exposed.
Starting point is 00:14:45 Wait, speaking of a mics, I have a can you not. Okay. Okay, so you know, like, when they're in the fantasy suite doing... Can you not share the noises with us? But you know how they, like, close the doors of saying, good night. We know you have to come back into, like, un-mik them and everything. Like, we know the night's not over. I don't like this.
Starting point is 00:15:04 Like, they think we're stupid. We're not stupid. Also, in the morning, can you not pretend, like, they just woke up in the bed? And, like, cameras are just there. And they open the door. And they have, like, the fancy breakfast in front of them. And they already ate before the cameras came on. Yeah, full makeup.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Oh, makeup. That doesn't look like they're wearing makeup, you know. I did not have makeup. I was the first season that they did morning after for Fantasy Suite. And I was like, why are you guys doing this? Like, why am I the first one? They're like, how could we fuck over Caitlin every way possible? I had, like, you could see my hair extension showing.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Actually, you probably can right now, too. I don't really care. But I feel like I had like hair extension showing and I was all like insecure in a little robe and I didn't have a bra on and I was like, why are you guys feel? And then they're like, this probably won't make the episode anyways. And I was like, okay, great.
Starting point is 00:15:52 Broken fence? Look at how far that got you by being the black sheep? This is why you should always just march to your own drunk because look at all the success that came from him. Thank you for saying that. Look, I can't wait to roast Ryan, the guy who went home night one when I see him at Men Tell All. Because he's going to be like,
Starting point is 00:16:08 My friend wrote it, and I'd be like, why would you want to emulate Jason Tardock? Not that it's a bad thing, but why wouldn't you want to be yourself? Hmm? How about, I thought I was going to get a bigger answer. Can I ask a follow-up question? Yeah. Wait, did he really write that? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Really? That wasn't like... Well, I mean, he's saying his girlfriend wrote it. No, but I'm saying it wasn't like a producer wrote it and then he just... He really wrote it. No, those producers were like, yes, when they saw that. And then everyone blamed us for going through his stuff, and I'm like, it... We didn't go through his stuff.
Starting point is 00:16:39 It was on the table. And you know that producer, like, you literally sign a contract saying anyone can go through your bags because you can't have weapons. You can't bring a phone. Like, you sign something saying anyone can go through your stuff. We didn't go through his stuff. That was on the table. Wow. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:56 Wow. So, well, here's a good one. Can you not Ryan? With your fucking red duetang slash red flag dootang. Good one. I'm not stupid because the color was red. Okay, Charlene, this one's for you. Can you not say it's okay to everything?
Starting point is 00:17:15 It's not okay. Does anyone else have a bachelor? Can you not eat the food when it's in front of you? I get actually why they do that. Nobody wants to eat them dry. Nobody wants to watch somebody eat food while they're trying to talk about their feelings. But are you guys hungry? If I was on a date and they wouldn't let me eat,
Starting point is 00:17:34 all I'd be thinking about is the food. And it's always really great. food. Like, I'm here for the meal, not for the conversation. You eat before you go and then you can eat it after. Oh, okay. Yeah. And it's, yeah, it's... But you see, can you not do that
Starting point is 00:17:50 because... Okay. I feel like you get to learn about people by the way they order with... Like, your interaction at a restaurant can tell a lot about a person. So I think what they should do is bring out a waiter and you get to see how the other person orders and treats other people.
Starting point is 00:18:08 And then... That's good. That's a really good idea. ABC's coming, knocking on my door. We need more ideas. That is a really good idea, but also nobody's on their worst behavior on the show. Everyone's like, I'm on national television. I'm going to be on my A game.
Starting point is 00:18:26 Nobody's like, I'll bring the C game tonight. Like, everyone would be polite to the waiter. Yeah. Well, there's just some people who don't even know they're being rude. Do you know what I mean? That's true. people who treat other people awful and they don't even know.
Starting point is 00:18:40 What do you guys think about Katie's 12 days of Messi? Oh, we like it. We don't like it. Oh, we don't like it. Okay, I love the mixed reactions. Okay, put your hand up and you think it's fun.
Starting point is 00:18:54 Shut up. Okay, put your hand up if you think it's shady. Okay, so for those of you who don't know, Katie is doing 12 days of Messi where she pairs 12 guys from her season to the Taylor Swift's album and gives them each a song. I'm a Swifty, so I like the album idea.
Starting point is 00:19:16 But she, Becca Kufrin, just unfollowed Katie. Because Katie did, I knew you were trouble when you walked in. Wait to him. To Thomas. Oh. Yeah. Okay, I have some questions for you, Robin.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Okay, ask. Oh, your cute little legs just swung. She's like, okay. I'm so excited. All right, that was really cute. Okay. What are these? Oh, those are smart sweets.
Starting point is 00:19:50 You can have one. No, I was just curious. Oh, see, sometimes I put them in my wine. We're like on a bachelor date. We can't eat during the show. Robin, just look, don't eat. You can eat before or after. Yeah, we've got food for you in the back when we're done.
Starting point is 00:20:04 But don't make chewing noises because I have mizole. phone yeah okay you can put some in your drink though it makes me no no i was just curious oh just kidding okay your series of reenactments yeah um did you one day just see one and say okay i really have to try this and see if i could do it like your tic talk reenactments did you just see one and you're like i have to try it and then you fail miserably and realize that these videos are like some of the best slash worst or did you decide to make them and be like i'm going to make it a hard fail because i'm a comedian and i'm funny like that no no i always try to succeed Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:37 The fail just happens. And also, I don't always fail. Okay. The fail just happens more times than not. But I always go to succeed. Also, I've been making these videos wait before TikTok. Like, I would see someone post something,
Starting point is 00:20:48 and I'd be like, I could do that. Like, I've done stuff. You do this, too, where you think you could do stuff. All the time. Although, you do it. You went on dancing with the stars, and you won. And that's crazy. Like, who does that?
Starting point is 00:21:01 Oh, yeah, I did. Wait, and you're going on tour. I'm going on tour. I'm going on tour. That's very so fun I feel like I'm not looking at you guys enough I'm sorry Thank you
Starting point is 00:21:11 Thank you Yes it's going to be So draining and so fun I'm like you get You do a show And then you get on the bus And you sleep and then you wake up And you do another show
Starting point is 00:21:23 And then you do that 66 times 66 That's crazy 66 times You're going to be so fit No I'm not Because that's what I thought about Going on Day
Starting point is 00:21:33 Well not Sure thank you. But I was going on dancing with the SARS and I'm like, oh, I'm going to be dancing like seven hours a day. But then I would just drink like a bottle of wine when I got home and eat all the pizza and pasta. And I was just like so hungry by the end of the night and I wouldn't eat during the day and I would just shove my face at night and get drunk and cry myself to sleep. And then I'd wake up and be like, oh, let's do it all over again. Okay, Binos, let's take a second to talk about ring, not the one on my finger, even though I'd like to talk about
Starting point is 00:22:05 that, but the one on my door. Everyone knows about the ring video doorbell, but did you know that ring also makes an award-winning alarm? Ring alarm is such a great way to provide safety to you, your family, your loved ones. I know that having this alarm gives me such peace of mind, especially when I'm out of town, which seems to be constant these days. And now that the holidays are coming up, I know a lot of people are going to be traveling, and it's the perfect time to get it set up. It's also more than just security. The ring alarm protects your home from fire, freeze, and flood, too. and flooding is a real problem here in Nashville. It's not only powerful, but it's affordable, too,
Starting point is 00:22:38 and you can easily set it up yourself or use Rings team to do it for you. And one of my favorite things, it is connected to your phone through the Ring app so you can get notified if anything is detected. Plus, Ring alarm works seamlessly with all of your other Ring products, like their security cameras,
Starting point is 00:22:54 so you can see what's happening both inside and outside your home. This holiday season, deck the halls, walls, doors, and windows with the best deals of the year on the award-winning Ring alarm. Go to ring.com forward slash OTV to get a great deal on a ring alarm security kit today. That's ring.com forward slash OTV. Okay, let's talk about Hyundai.
Starting point is 00:23:14 In particular, their 2022 Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs, which are so amazing. Hyundai actually has the wildest range of electrified vehicles on the market, starting with the 22 Tucson and the Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EVs. So with these babies, you can use electric when you want it or get. gas when you need it. Best of both worlds. And with remote charging and flexible ways to fuel up your Hyundai, both of these models will give you exactly what you need.
Starting point is 00:23:43 You don't have to choose between a style or function or power or range. You can really get both with a plug-in hybrid EV. Both of these vehicles come with voice recognition and SmartSense Suite to help you drive safely. So important, their turbocharged engines make for quiet and rapid acceleration and their digital key allows you to use your Android phone as a spare key for your car. I've heard friends tell me that they haven't filled up with gas for weeks because they're just
Starting point is 00:24:10 able to charge it, which is super convenient. But it's also just great to have the option for both electric or gas, depending on what you need in the moment. You can learn more at HyundaiUSA.com. Alrighty, I'm no magician over here, but lately I've been feeling like one when I do my laundry because I've been using OxyClean, White, Londry, Wightener, and Stain Remover, and let me tell you, it really does work like magic. I've just been organizing my closet for fall and winter because I know the colder weather is coming
Starting point is 00:24:38 soon and I've definitely found a couple of items that need to be brought back to life and that is where oxyclean white revive comes in. Okay, so I have to explain to you why it really does seem like magic. Oxyclean white revive has 40% more whitening power than chlorine bleach per load. So without any of the negatives of chlorine bleach so you can revive those dingy whites in time for fall, bringing them back to brilliant and bright and it's safe on colors too. I had a white shirt that I actually thought was heading straight into the trash, but I soaked it overnight, and it really did come back to life. And this is just going to be such a game changer for the next time I stained something too, which, let's face it, is inevitable. It can be a mess sometimes, okay?
Starting point is 00:25:16 So work your magic with OxyClean White Revive. Visit Myoxyclean.com for cleaning tips and tricks. On to the next. Oh, no, Jason and I were doing some, like, questionnaire. where it was like, who's more likely to walk her own naked? And he was like, Caitlin, I just love a birthday suit. Yeah. A naked body, I don't care what you look like.
Starting point is 00:25:43 A naked body is God's gift to this earth. You are just like in your... So you're shaking that thing like, who's the ish? From the look in the eye so devilish. Yeah, you're a thong. And you're cruise to the cruise, like a net to the dots, not just a bench. She's like a fuck. She has dumps like a truck, truck, truck.
Starting point is 00:26:01 You move your holy butt I want by the end of the night the hole To be like just your whole ass showing The hole just gets bigger and bigger Every time you go down it's just like wrist Have you guys seen the movie This is going to be a terrible reference But have you seen the movie
Starting point is 00:26:18 Scary movie three? You know when the girl's hat Just keeps getting bigger as she gets in the car That's going to be my pants The hole is just going to keep getting bigger and bigger By the end I'm just like showing my nude thong I'm like, I have a game for you.
Starting point is 00:26:35 It's called Two Truths and a Lie. News Flash edition. You know how Robin on the podcast does headlines where I'm like, it's fucking real. So we're going to do two truths and a lie. I'm going to tell you three things. Okay. Is it about you?
Starting point is 00:26:51 They're headlines. Oh, they're headlines. I've made up one headline, but two of them are true. Okay. And you have to guess which one is false. Okay. Which one's the lie? Are you ready? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:01 Hitch hiking Roadrunner somehow ends up in Maine. Number two. Fish found with parasite that eats its tongue and then becomes its tongue. Three. Morg employee cremated by mistake while taking a nap. I'm going to go, okay, I'm going to go with three. Okay, I'm going to reason. Wait, wait, someone cremated someone by accident? Okay, here, I'm going to say really quickly again. Okay. Hitchhiking Roadrunner somehow ends up in Maine.
Starting point is 00:27:42 False. Fish found with parasite that- I mean, true, that's true. Okay, eats its tongue and then becomes a tongue. Very believable. Morg employee cremated by mistake while taking a nap. That's false. That's false. Three is false. You think it's true? You think it's true?
Starting point is 00:28:02 I feel like that would be a big news story if you just by accidentally cremated someone, right? Well, so would it if a fish found with a parasite that he... Okay, you're right. The cremated one was alive. Thank you. I have a flash news expert. You are.
Starting point is 00:28:21 But a fake news article on Facebook had over 990,000 clicks on that. Wow. Okay, next one. Okay Nutty squirrel Nuddy squirrel Nuddy squirrel leaves
Starting point is 00:28:38 42 gallons of nuts in man's Chevy Okay Number two Man wanders off drunk And joins search party for himself I know that's true because I saw that article You are an expert
Starting point is 00:28:57 Okay, but do you want to hear my... I love weird news, though. Okay, but do you want to hear elderly woman accused of training her 65 cats to steal from neighbors? Okay, I feel like that could be true, but I'm going to go, one is false.
Starting point is 00:29:16 No, that's true. It is? The nutty squirrel did, in fact, leave 42 gallons of nuts in a man's Chevy. I mean, you read about it. Until it actually happens. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:30 Last one, ready? Yeah. Teenager has reaction to self-tanner and skin is now permanently orange. Two. Boston High School forced to use a party bus with stripper poles for field trip. Oh, wow. People read that article. Wisconsin Cow spotted going through McDonald's drive-thru.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Oh, wow. These all sound real. Wait, what was the first one again? Teenager has reaction to self-tanner and skin is permanently orange. That one's false. Oh, you're right. Wow, you're good. I don't have many talents, but this may be it.
Starting point is 00:30:11 Okay, well, then in that case, I'm asking you two more, but it's not two truths and a lie. Go to your notes, Caitlin. Where's this is it like a true or false? Okay, true or false. You have like a novel there. Okay. True or false, New York Edition.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Oh, okay, I got this. We got this. Okay. True or false, ready? Oysters were so popular in New York in the 19th century that the shells were used to pave Pearl Street.
Starting point is 00:30:41 They're f***ing with you, Robin. Who are you going to believe? Continue. Oh, wait, do I have to say? No, true or false. True. It is true. It is true. Okay. I'm trying to find my favorite ones.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Okay. Honking your horn in New York City is illegal. For all, what? What? That can't be. All that happens is honking. Go with your gut.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Go with your gut. Okay. I trust your people that it's true, but how is that possible? It is true. My ex, when he ever came to New York, was like, why do New Yorkers honk so much? Yeah. Because we're assholes. Because they're dicks.
Starting point is 00:31:25 But also, you can't get enough. cops in one street to pull over everybody. That's crazy. That's so insane. Okay. But, I mean, everybody knows. A lot of cars honking their horns here. But however, honking your horn in New York City is actually illegal. Okay. On the other hand, going topless is legal. It's, wait. See, we could just, like, I could walk naked down the street.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Yeah. Wow. Oh, just the top. Should we test it? I'll be right back. BRB. You do the honking, I'll do the topless. We'll see who gets pulled over first. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:32:12 No, true or false. Oh, wait. Oh, the topless? Yeah. I think true. Legal. It is legal to go to topless. It's true. It's true.
Starting point is 00:32:22 So if any Vino's out there want to prove this theory right and take me i will repost it i will repost it you're gonna do it oh she just flashed me oh my god i just got my first flasher at one of my shows this is a really memorable moment the finals are the greatest i saw her tidings oh my god so did i thank you thank you i mean you guys saw my butt so it's only fair okay farting in church andy this one's for you farting in church andy this one's for you farting in church is um in the state of new york city could result in a misdemeanor false it's true what okay in temple it is allowed it happens often yeah i thought i thought we were supposed to be like accepted for who we truly are
Starting point is 00:33:15 this is due to a law stating a person is guilty of disruption or disturbance of a religious service funeral burial burial or memorial service oh that's that's that's silly Yeah. Okay, we've all heard the phrase faster than a New York minute, which is actually referring to the fact that there is a birth in New York every single minute. You think that's true? Okay, I'm going true. It's false. But it's close because there is a birth in New York City every four minutes. You were close. You were close. It's a lot of babies. Okay, last one. All right. Ready, Grant? Last one. New York is a concrete jungle where dreams are made of. That is true. That is, in fact.
Starting point is 00:34:14 True. How much do we love Robin? Thank you. When can we see you do stand up? I know you've done a couple shows. Yeah, I'm going to be on tour in 2022. Tell me about it. There'll be a big tour.
Starting point is 00:34:30 Oh, my gosh. Do you know where you're going yet? Put them everywhere. There'll be a big tour. So just... You'll come on with me. You'll sing. Okay, I'll sing if I'm being honest
Starting point is 00:34:39 and really get the crowd going. I was so good. That did get the crowd so, like, pumped. Yeah, but also before a comedy show, they'd be like, it's kind of fucking depressing. And then you come out and everyone's like, I'm being honest. I'm a little depressed right now.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Wait, you did comedy on you. your uh season right i did i got to do comedy with amy schumer and um nicky glazer and rachel finds me yes it was really fun one of my favorite lines one of my favorite jokes that i made was one of the guys was from iowa no idaho idaho and amy was like you should just look at him and be like can't wait to marry you a move to idaho because like everybody's screaming spring break idaho And it's not that funny, is it? But I remember it landed with the crowd, and I was like, I am a comedian. And this is where my career starts.
Starting point is 00:35:35 And I've got a good resume because I'm with Amy Schumer. And now look at me, playing with the balls on a penis straw. Where can people find the tour, though, if they want to go? If you just follow me on Instagram, eventually, I'll post it multiple times a day. Robin is Jason and I have talked about this. Robin is in our top three favorite people to follow on Instagram so if you don't you have to. It's a mess but you know
Starting point is 00:36:01 No but that's what you have the most relatable shit on the internet and you're so cute and you're so fun and I just you're just a true to like let's talk about this for a second Oprah knows who you are like Jennifer Garner
Starting point is 00:36:17 just texts you on a regular basis I really feel like all the like really nice theme like no Jason's the only man that's spoken to me So over the last year Like over, Jen Garner, Katie Kirk Everyone's like
Starting point is 00:36:32 Wants to hang out Everyone's been so friendly No men but Jason Like that But let's spin zone this And make a positive Out of a negative Don't you want all fucking female power
Starting point is 00:36:45 Following you? Caitlin the first partner You could clap Oh I agree Yeah But also That makes it so that men aren't following you.
Starting point is 00:36:56 So when you say you're an Uber driver, it might be true love. Wait, I remember my first podcast with you, when I first went viral, you're like, oh, are you getting tons of dick picks? And I was like, no, not one, Caitlin, actually. Did you, after we said that, though? Jason. I got one. It's a jump.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Jason Fittartick. Robin, do you have a confession for us? Yeah. I don't know if this is going to. I feel like this is going to be a good one. I don't know if this is good. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:37:29 So the first podcast, we became friends around when I became single, right? Yes. Okay. So I was newly single. Do you guys know what TaskRabbit is? Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:40 What is it? I already don't want to tell a story. I don't know why this is the story I'm going with. Because this is the same place. TaskRavit is when you hire someone to, like, come, like, fix something or you could hire, like, a photographer. whatever. Okay. So there's this...
Starting point is 00:37:56 Hey, you need a photographer. I got you. Oh, okay. Thank you. Shamedless plug. Do you want a photographer? I got you. I like it. You're a hustler, bitch. I like it. We would do the same thing. No, I respect the hustle. Truly. Okay. Anyway, so there's this handyman from Jasuer. Is he cute? So hot. Okay. Like the hottest guy I'd ever see. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:23 And, like, I use it, my brother, use them, my parents to, like, do handiwork, okay? So when I was newly single, he came over, and he was, like, asked some questions, I said, I was newly single. I opened up your wine. I'm not kidding. It was made in Sparrow. And I was like, oh, do you want a glass? Okay. We end up whatevering, you know.
Starting point is 00:38:47 And then, I, was he handing? He was very handing, okay? He was my hands. Did you give him a handy? Kaelin. No, I'm a lady. That's a really great confession. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:39:04 I'm really, thank you. Thank you. I confess, I haven't told anyone till these 350 people. I feel a lot better. I've told them a lot of shit tonight, so nobody can do a sturdy or I'm never doing a live show again.
Starting point is 00:39:19 Just kidding, I will. I don't care. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on Podcast.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. This episode was brought to you by Hyundai. Hyundai has the widest range of electrified vehicles on the market, including their 22, Tucson and Santa Fe, plug-in, hybrid. EVs. And with these cars, you can use electric when you want or gas when you need it. Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Hey guys, this is Kail Lowry. And this is V. Rivera. We're the host of Baby Mama's No Drama. Every Tuesday, we talk about parenting, co-parenting, lifestyle, and sex, pop culture, current events, and pretty much all the things you want in one podcast. So download and subscribe on your favorite podcast app. Listen to us every Tuesday. with all the tea.

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