Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Busy Philipps: Parenting with help from Don Draper

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

NY Times best selling author, comedic actress and most importantly amazing mother, Busy Philipps, joins Kaitlyn on Off the Vine (via the tour bus) for some real talk. The two talk about motherhood, postpartum anxiety, how everyone has forgotten that there are other colds and flus besides C*vid, and conquering a very long natural childbirth with the help of a mad men themed hallucination. Busy is a wealth of mama knowledge with an “extensive vocabulary”, openly sharing her advice on how Parenting Feels > Parenting Failure, letting go of shame and the comparison game, giving her kids space with their social media journey and a reminder that you always have tomorrow. Her favorite people are those who stop and ask without fear of looking stupid and the entire conversation is a breath of down to earth fresh air with plenty of sarcastic comments to fill your sarcasm cup. You can find Busy Philipps on IG at @busyphilipps PROMISED LAND - Tensions will rise and the drama will flow on Promised Land, Mondays at 10/9 Central on ABC and stream on HULU. PROGRESSIVE - Get a quote today at Progressive.com. ADORE ME - Shop intimates now on AdoreMe.com. CYRANO - Don’t miss CYRANO, only in movie theaters February 25th. Learn more at cyrano.movie. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Conix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to a advisor free of charge but mGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with eye gaming Ontario this week's off the vine is sponsored by promised land tensions will rise and the drama will flow on promised land mondays at 10 nine central on a bc and stream on hulu progressive get a quote today at progressive dot com adormy shop intimates now on adormy dot com and don't miss serrano only in movie theaters February 25th learn more at serrano dot movie hey everybody you're listening to kately bristow's podcast off the vine take it away brie whine lots of wine hey be on the mic turn it up let's go hey

ramen pinot ready for the show everyone's welcome so come on in because o t's thee it's about to begin hey hello welcome to you off the vine i'm your host katelym bristow and i am hooked up for today's guests She was a freaking geek from Dawson's Creek who moved to Cougar Town to hang out with a bunch of white chicks. See what I did there? If you don't know who she is already from that terrible, terrible sentence, I'll keep going. She's a New York Times bestselling author, comedic actress, but most importantly, an incredible mother. It's busy Phillips, and we talk about how she got to where she is. I ask her about some previous roles.

We get deep about the challenges of motherhood and just life in general, and this podcast episode is informative. funny, raw, and I just really hope you enjoy our conversation as much as I did. I really love busy Phillips. Hi. How are you? I'm good. It's so nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

I feel so silly because I'm, like, in a little corner of a bus, and I'm on the phone because the Wi-Fi is of great on the whole thing. But it looks great. It's working. It's tight corners around here. Oh my gosh. It's so cool. Are you having fun? Yeah. Well, it's been, I mean, crazy because, I mean, as you've so many swings coming in to do the dances and then it feels like we're just taking so much time to show choreography, then work on the dances because people are dropping like flies and we're just like as safe as possible. And we test every day and we don't go anywhere. And we just like wear masks until we dance. It's just been, it's crazy. As you know, I was going to. Was it Cricket that was sick, right? Cricket was sick, but it wasn't COVID. Oh, it wasn't?

No. Cricket had, which is, I guess, a thing that a lot of us are sort of realizing now, too, there are other illnesses. Right. Like, we forgot. We forgot. My kids are in school. They go to school in person. And Cricket got a horrible stomach flu. Oh.

And it was just like, she's. eight and she's little and it just hit her so hard and it was really scary and it really freaked me out especially because I think so many of us I mean even if you're not a parent like I've said to people without children the closest that you'll be able to and men who haven't aren't mothers obviously the closest that you'll ever come to knowing new mom baby brain was like that during this pandemic like the first three months of the lockdown in 2020 I feel like we all collectively had new mom brain where it's like you're a whole part of your brain is all of a sudden taken up with like keeping something alive and that's what

happens when you have a baby like you're just you can't remember where you put your car keys because there's just this whole part of you that's always subconsciously thinking about keeping your kid alive. And all of a sudden, we were all asked to, like, take a huge part of our brain and think about keeping ourselves alive in a way that we never had to consider before and our friends and our families and our loved ones and all these things. So I do feel like, yeah, like we're all kind of, we've forgotten about, I forgot about the stomach flu. forgot it existed no it's so interesting because i feel the same way obviously i don't have kids but all of my best friends have kids my sister has kids and they've all said the same thing

it's like the second your child is born you don't think about yourself at all it's all focused on them and that's why you know the mom brings and then you're right you're asked to now think about yourself and everybody else and it's like not just a minor little you know thing it's over the world so it's it's it's over well it is being a mom yes a sick baby like if my dog cocks and i'm like oh my god you okay well it's so hard i mean i have a dog that i'm obsessed with as well and um it's kind it is kind of similar just because they're helpless a lot of times kids can't even really vocalize what's wrong or how they feel because they don't really just have the experience or the vocabulary for it. So you're, you just, it just breaks your heart to see a little

helpless thing. And, you know, yeah, I mean, it's just so hard. So yeah, having sick kids is, it just, it's, yeah, it is truly the worst. And being a working mom, which I have been literally since my older kid, Bertie was born, well, a year. I went back to work at when Bertie turned one year. You know, there are those moments where you were like, I have to go to work and my kid is very sick. And it's the hardest moment. I can't even imagine because it's, it's not like you're going to just like, like you have to go and be on as well. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you have that in the back of your mind. I don't know. How do like balance that? Like, do your mindset. Yeah. I mean, I do. I'm like, I go to therapy. Yeah. I'm a big, I'm a big believer. I'm a big believer.

in that and you know and I try to like I try to check in with myself and and really like pull apart things because I think it's really easy to transfer your anxiety or you know lots of different feelings that are having and project them on other situations and so I really do try to check in with myself in moments of high stress literally every day of our lives, I guess. But I do try to check in with myself and just identify like, okay, what is it that you're really feeling? And what, what is it that you need? And what are you upset about? And is it really this thing at work? Or is it that you feel guilt for leaving your kid? Is it, you know, it's once you can pull apart those things, then everything has a better chance of falling into place.

But I also do, like, I really do try to take time for myself. I think it's, I think it's important. It's hard, but it's important. Well, I mean, I don't know how much time you can take for yourself, but I see, like, I always watch you on your Instagram stories go to those workout classes where you're just, like, rip and sweat. And I'm like, you go because it is hard to take time for yourself. I don't have children.

I have two dogs and a fiancé. I'm trying to plan a wedding and be on tour. And I am so overwhelmed. And I do the same thing as you. I do check-ins with myself. And sometimes it's as simple as like writing out what I'm doing. And then like putting them in the order of like what's, you know, priorities and giving yourself just five minutes to really think about what it is that's stressing you out.

But it seems like that's so hard for people to do because you get so overwhelmed. And then you just want to break down. and then you just have the anxiety and then you don't dig into why. Well, yeah. And also, Caitlin, it should be a class that's taught in school. Like, this should be a thing that kids are taught from preschool to be aware and mindful. And, like, more and more, I would say, I see that kind of stuff being integrated in classrooms just through my own kids and my friends' kids' experiences.

and then just their parents. But, like, you're younger than I am. I would say, like, my generation, like, our parents maybe sort of dipped their toes into therapy and self-help, but it wasn't, like, integrated into their lives. I don't think as much. And I think that the parents that are, like, around my age and then younger, we've all been in therapy forever. And so as you parent, you try to help your kids with these things that you know have made your life easier since you learned them.

But I do think like it is, it is crazy because it's a life skill that just was totally overlooked for like, you know, like I'm always shocked that there's not a math class in high school about balancing your checkbook and doing your taxes. It makes zero sense. And I feel like now for the last, I don't know, five years in my mind, maybe longer, all been saying that, like, why it's taught in school, it would make so much sense because that's where I like, what me personally, but everyone struggles when they get, because nobody's been taught that. And that's why I think it's cool with like the generation of going to therapy, because not only are you teaching your kids lessons of what you are learning at therapy, but without

even knowing it and just being more like brown. in who you are and feeling better about yourself, you're teaching your kids things that you're not even realizing. You're teaching them just by, you know, being a better person and going to therapy. Oh, for sure. Well, there's also like, you know, people talk about generational trauma or like holding trauma in your body and you, you know, repeating the same patterns that your parents have. I mean, that stuff is hard to break and it's hard to shake.

And even for a person who goes to therapy and does work on themselves, you know, like, I will, I've found myself at times, things will come out of my mouth. And I'm like, mom, where, like, where did that come? Like, why did my mom here? Where'd she come from? You know, like, you have to just, it's constant work, really. And it just doesn't have to be like, I think that the other thing that I feel really strongly about is releasing like shame from it you're going to mess up you know like no you just are as a parent

as a person as a human as a partner as you know all of these you're going to make mistakes no one is perfect and to like release the shame from it release the guilt and not carry it so that because that informs every next thing that you do you know so that's been a that's been a thing for me in the last i would say like five, 10 years. Promise Land, Mondays pop the cork and fill your glass for the series premiere of Promise Land on ABC. This sexy sun-drenched Sonoma set drama tells the story of two intertwined but warring Latin X families vying for land, power, and control over the ultra-competitive California wine business. But can they do it without their darkest secrets spilling out?

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I always think about how I can let go shame. And you know, it always happens when you rest your head at the end of the night and you finally are able to like try and shut your body down and mind down to get proper rest, which, you know, if I don't have rest, I don't flukch in the next day.

And not anxiety and shame and thoughts and guilt and everything. And I, I already have pre-anxiety for when I have children because I know how anxious my mind is going to be when I have them. So how do you like release that shame or how do you like help your anxiety and be able to just shut that off or do you? Well, sometimes no and sometimes it's overwhelming. But like I do think and I've been trying to tell, one of my kids has a lot, I see a lot of myself in one of my kids and the way that they process things. And, that they sort of like hold onto it and like push it down and for me naming it has always you know taken the power away and I don't think that you have to like you know go big like I don't

think it has to be a Facebook post or like an Instagram post or a TikTok you know which I think a lot of people do think it needs to be that. But I think that you can name it to, you know, a close friend or partner or parent or person in your life. Like, this thing has been eating away at me. And I feel so weird and bad about it. And I just want to talk it through. I'm not asking for advice or anything. I just want to say it. And I feel like that. I don't know. That's been the key for me, just being able to vocalize what the thing that I'm feeling icky, for lack of a better word, like gross about, like what's scratching me from the inside out. Yeah. I have like a few really solid friends in my life. And that's like that that actually does help me the most out of anything to either therapist or talk to those solid friends who you trust and just be able. to feel safe about like telling them about these things because obviously they're not going to be

like wow you know what i'm not going to be your friend anymore after that no listen and you got find the right people in your life to do that but i know kelly oxford is a good friend of yours right yeah yeah i love kelly he's from um my hometown we both are alberta emminton girls oh my god that's amazing i saw you were both friends and i was like hey alberta um that was just a random fun fact for you there. Oh, she's the best. Yeah. And Kelly, I love how open Kelly is about, you know, all of the sort of things that she has gone through, both being a mom and, and with, you know, her anxiety and panic attacks and things and, like, really putting it into the work that she does and the art that she makes and, like, all that stuff. I do think we, you know, culturally

have an issue with talking, have historically had an issue. Have historically had an issue. with talking about, you know, mental health and there's been stigmas attached to it. And even as a parent, I've seen it still with other parents talking about their kids, like, not wanting to get their kids evaluated, to take their kids to a therapist, being like a little like, oh, your nine-year-old has a therapist, oh, that's interesting, you know. And I'm like, guys, let's, we got to, we got to keep this conversation moving because they're really, there's not a person on earth. And I think the parents take on that shame of, well, if my child has to go to therapy, that's on, they don't, they just have that, like, I want to say wrong mindset, because that's not what it is at all.

No. With anything, it's, it's wrong to just, what, I don't know the word I'm looking for, like to hold your kids back from such a beautiful. experience to learn and grow about who they are yeah i mean and to think of it as it's as if it's a disadvantage you know it's really tricky but i do think that it is so important and and great for like i think the like podcasts exploding is great for the mental health conversation you know like because it gives access just in so many different ways. And I don't know.

I just feel like it's, I feel like it's just an important conversation to like keep talking about, even if sometimes people are like, ugh, we get it mental health. I'm like, well, we kind of don't because. I'm not buying it.

Yeah. Yeah. I always think it's about social media with like, in podcasting included, it's, it's to curate your own intake of media. And there's so much access to so many podcasts. about mental health.

There, even TikTok, it started as a joke like, oh, I'm not going to go on TikTok. Everyone's just dancing like idiots. But actually, there's a lot of information on there that could be beneficial for mental health. There's therapists on there. There's intuitive eating. There's so many different things that you can go and resources that you can go and listen to to just feel less alone in it. I don't have TikTok because I have a 13-year-old. And I feel like they should be allowed to have their own social media experience that's, like, different than mine.

And just like that Coachella set list that was released, you got to recognize when things are not for you when they're for the next gen. So TikTok's not for me, but I watch select TikToks that my child, both kids now, I guess, but really my old. kid will like save the best ones that they want me to see. And I'm always fascinated. There's like, yeah, like mental health. There's history experts. And like I ask Bernie questions like, how do you know that this is true? Yes. How do you know that this is like accurate information that this person is giving you? And you know, like it, I just always am like trying to get them to think my kids to think critically about the content that they're taking in online rather than I do know a few parents who are very like scared of the technology. And so they're like, oh,

well, they're not allowed to have X, Y, and Z. And I'm like, well, great, but they have it. And if you think that they don't, you're sorely mistaken. Like, they're using their friend's phone to take it in anyways. Yes, 100%. Like, they're 100% a part of popular culture. Like, you just are, you know, eliminating your participation in it with them. And I just felt really strongly early on that all I wanted, I don't want to be my kid's best friend. And good Lord, they do not think I am. But I do want them to know that I have answers to a lot of things. And if I don't, I'm open to looking it up or helping them figure it out. And with, you know, reserved judgment. Like, I want them to see me as a, as a parent who is like open to conversation. Yeah, I love that.

Whether you know this or not, I feel like your, your Instagram is actually. really inspirational to a lot of moms out there or people who want to become moms because that's how I watch your social media or anything that you do that's the kind of mom I want to be like I feel don't even realize it that you're inspiring so many people out there to have that kind of relationship with their kids because it really is it really is cool to watch thank you that's really nice I mean I'm sure my 13 year old would be like ugh that's the worst um and I Certainly, truly, Caitlin, have had many days in the last 13 years where I've been like, oh, I am a failure.

And, like, you know, like, I've felt that thing. And it's, it's hard. And I try, you know, I think the therapy is really helpful and like all of these things that I've picked up along the way, checking in with myself. And like, you know, those things are the things. that help. I had a friend who said to me at one point after I did have like some parenting fail, well, you know what the great news is. You, you have tomorrow. Like there's you, you have tomorrow and then every day after that for as long as God willing, you know, you're alive. So it's

like, oh, that is a good point. Like it's never too late to identify a behavior or parent. pattern or anything and be like, I don't like what I am doing here and I want to do something else, you know? The failures that people feel, there's never one failure that doesn't come with an opportunity to, you know, like learn from it and do something different the next time. A failure always gives you opportunity. And I think that's part of why people do find you inspirational or do, like I'm saying, like because you will admit those things because you will say I have failures and I have

these bad days and I learn from them and that's part of one being a parent but to being you know the fact that you can say that openly and honestly and you shouldn't have shame around that because I guarantee every mother, father, anyone listening parent can say the same thing. I think there's a real thing about knowing it all like that people. People feel like asking questions is going to make others think that they're stupid. My favorite people are people who stop me and say, like, I grew up in a house. Okay, I'm just going to say this. I didn't finish college.

I went to two years and then I was on TV. But I grew up in a house where my mom was like an English major and her father was a journalist and a novelist. And so my mom used really, honestly, my mom used big words. my mom has a really extensive vocabulary and would always use it with with my sister and me and then it sort of translated and I occasionally will use like words that are you know it's just a thing it's like in me and if somebody stops me and I'm like wait wait wait I don't know what that word means I'm always like that's amazing because I feel like so frequently I spent like my especially in my 20s just not asking questions.

When things could have been so much clearer if I had just said, like, I'm sorry, I don't know what that, I don't know what you're talking about. Or like, I don't know who that person is or I don't have that reference. I don't know what that movie is. Like, but people get so, you get so afraid in your early adulthood, I think, to look stupid that you don't ask questions. That was me 1,000 percent. I was so scared to look stupid through my like early 20s. And even out of, I'll never forget in high school, I would not walk to the bending machine to get something out of it because I thought, what if I something bending machine that people think is gross. And I have to walk back by all the people to sit back down. And so I wouldn't do it. Like that is a vivid memory in my brain where I was like, why? Because I'm just so different from that now. And obviously you grow and evolve and age and all of that. But through that part of my life into my 20s, I was like, why? Because I'm just so different from that now. And obviously, you grow and evolve and age and all of that. But through that part of my life into my 20s, I was. I was. the same way. I didn't want to ask questions. I didn't want to look stupid. I didn't want to pretend like I didn't know what something meant and I would fake it. And now I'm like, I'm the same way where I'm, I just want to know everything. I'm like, wait, I don't use that big words. So help me. I feel like I feel like the judgment part of it is like that we're all so self-critical. And, and if you can like just relieve yourself. of that thing you're not going to it's never going to be you're again it's not it's never going to be

100% of the time but if you can release some of it then the whole world kind of opens up and you like learn things and find out things and make friends with people that like maybe you would have missed I also just think like this just right now in the world people are just all claiming to be experts about everything and I just would say like I'm not a fucking expert about anything no one like truly very few people are experts on anything even if you're like this is this is my life experience you know I mean like you may have a very different life experience that has led you to like the opposite realization of me but like people just thinking that there's no room to hold two truths you know what I'm saying?

And it's so because of all of the, you know, form, yeah, and shit we have to, like, let alone the news and everything, it's like what you're supposed to just like believe in one thing and follow that one thing and listen to it. But then you've got everyone else telling you that that's wrong. And then if you, you know, it's, I totally don't think you when you say two truths can exist. And I know I too I'm like my brain is a little mushy right now But I know exactly It is much But also we have new

We have COVID like we're trying to keep ourselves alive You're on tour I'm working on a show Like it's scary because we Have to go out there and take our masks off And then you're trusting that everyone around you Is gonna keep you safe And it's you know I don't want to get sick

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I'm not one to hide that I've definitely gone through feelings of insecurity and self-doubt before, especially when it comes to love. I mean, did you guys watch The Bachelor? Well, the upcoming movie musical Serrano centers on a heartbreaking love triangle plagued by insecurity, something many of us can relate to, and I cannot wait to see it in theaters, February 25th. So Serrano is adapted from Serrano de Bergerac, which is one of the oldest and most famous love stories of all time.

Peter Dinklage, I love him, stars as Serrano in an incredibly talented poet and Swordsman who madly is in love with Roxanne. played by Haley Bennett. Feeling insecure about his appearance, Serrano writes Roxanne beautiful love letters under the guise of Christian, a more conventionally attractive soldier with whom Roxanne believes she's in love with. The catch is that Christian, played by Kelvin Harrison Jr., feels inadequate himself as he cannot compete with the true connection that Serrano and Roxanne share. Serrano is directed by award-winning director Joe Wright, who has also directed Pride and Prejudice and darkest hour, all incredible movies,

and Serrano is a musical with a completely original score by Bryce and Aaron Dessner, members of the band The National. Serrano has been receiving rave reviews, and people are saying Peter Dinklage gives a career-defining performance. I cannot wait to see it in the theater. Don't miss Serrano, only in movie theaters. February 25th, learn more at serrano.movie. ask you what you're working on right now? Are you just filming

something coming out? No, no, no. I'm filming the season two of Girls 5EVA. And you know, we went back to work you know, back to like the COVID protocols but it was like a little bit loosened because everybody was vaxed and then obviously the wrench.

Classic wrench was thrown. The wrench was thrown. And you know, I'm I have my booster and I just like, but it still is like it's pretty it's kind of nerve-wracking just because we're the I mean you know we have to take our masks off and like talk in each other's faces and be really close and yesterday I was on set

and just somebody coughed it was just like not a I think they just like we're having a clearing their throat moment and I truly like my heart sank and I was like oh my god is this it has she come for me you know Oh, I go. Oh, God. But yeah, it's, you know, so I do think that there's that I'm giving myself a break on my brain being a little bit mushy because I feel like we're trying to just get through this time. And I do see, I really do, I feel like it's on the horizon. We're not there yet. But I do think we're going to have a bit of relief like we felt last summer for a minute. Yeah, I believe you. And I like to think the same thing. It's like you get scared to get sick, but also you get scared for work to not happen for things that you've been working on to get shut down and projects that you've been you know so much time and effort and passion that goes into something that you're doing for the potential for it all to be over and that's too it's so I told 100% like

okay so we're actually on a mini hiatus because one of my co-stars tested pause and so we shot everything that we could without her, but now we're off today and tomorrow and then Monday. And if she's negative and symptom free, we can go back Tuesday. And I was like, it's so cold in New York. I was like, should I, I want to go someplace warm with my, I want to take my kids someplace warm. And then I was like, what am I doing? I can't get on an airplane.

I can't go someplace and enjoy myself and then come back. And then what if then I get it like on a plane or at a resort? or wherever and then I shut the show down like no so I'm just going to be literally stuck in my apartment for the next five days with my kids well is that fun you can think about me in this little all I've got is this to remind me of my dogs and uh this little booth that I'm living in it's so it's fun because it's like you know I get to do stuff but I get to be on tour as a dance or like that's a dream come true but it's also like I'm going a little crazy in here yeah I can't imagine do you can you read on the bus yeah you can but wait right here this one that everyone's talking about have you read it no the seven husbands of evelyn hugo is it good i i haven't started it yet but that's my plan for tonight when we finish the show because i i don't know i just keep hearing all these incredible things about but my favorite author is pauline hooper have you read her books oh i'm obsessed but yeah i love reading on the bus i feel like it's like you know how you

you just picture it when you're reading and you just want like this cozy little nook to yeah that's what this is that's amazing yeah yeah oh that's okay right now we were just on the bus from um new jersey and just got to boston and it's oh cold freezing it's freezing i mean i'm canadian but i've gone soft from living in that but yeah i know well i lived on the west coast my whole life and then moved here in september 2020 but this is truly you know i work with o lay this is truly where the moisturizer is my best friend. Yeah. And I'm like I'm like slathering my ole regenerous vitamin C peptide 24.

Wait, you actually convinced me. You, you, uh, what is it, influenced me to get that. I did. There are my commercials for those, right? Yeah, of course. Oh, that's amazing. That's it. I was actually, um, and I think Cleo, who's one of my managers and producers, she's probably

on this hall right now. She came, I was in D.C. for a podcast tour and she came in and I was watching white chicks. And she, Cleo, my friend and manager, she was like in it as like a, like an extra because Cleo, you didn't tell me that. Wait, can I actually pipe in here for really quickly? I need you to. I'm going to need you to. Okay, busy. This is crazy. So, because I am from Vancouver. And remember there was a scene that you were supposed to be in the Hamptons and it was at the beach. and I'm pretty sure it was in November. Yeah. And anyone...

It was freezing. It was so cold. So I actually thought I was so smart. And there was two tents with two sets of extras. So I would just keep switching tense so then I wouldn't have to go on the beach because I hate being cold. And the whole first day I didn't get cold. And I felt so guilty because I'm like, they're paying me. But I'm like, there's no way I'm going on that beach in my bikini right now in November.

Wait, by the way, let me tell you something. That is the smartest thing I've ever heard. If you're an extra background person, like, you don't have wardrobe running up and putting, you know, giant puffy coat on you in between takes. Like, you're just, and you're not making, and you're not making what the stars are making. You know what I mean? You're just, it was rough. It's rough. It's rough.

So I actually, I think you beat the system. I think that's super smart. I'm proud of you. That's amazing. But that was a case, yes. Like, I just talked about that day two days ago because I think that was the last time I was so freezing, freezing cold, filming something. And it was because we were filming the Hamptons in the summer and we were using Vancouver in the fall and winter. Well, luckily, Vancouver's the warmest place in Canada.

But that's crazy. I lived in Vancouver, 11 years. And I remember when that was filming. because I would serve the I probably served you at a restaurant but I like the cast would always come in to this restaurant earls that I worked at and it was if I remember earls were you staying in the well we might not even remember but like right downtown Vancouver were you staying downtown yeah we were staying at the slutton place yes that's why so that place was kitty for the restaurant so the people at the restaurant would always send them into earls yeah yeah yeah Oh, it's such a funny small world. But you definitely, I definitely was there. 100%. You have.

It's so, the restaurant world in Vancouver was always so small. And I've served like the most, like we were watching on the bus last night, Jeff Ross, like doing roast. And I remember, I was like, I served Jeff Ross and Jimmy Kimmel. And I was like asking them to roast me as a server. And then Jimmy Kimmel ended up being on my date on The Bachelor. And then their friend Mike, who they were on his bachelor party.

That's why I was serving them. Mike is now like helping, he's booked by podcast tours. And I'm like, the world is so small. That's amazing. It's so crazy. But a lot of things have been filmed in Vancouver.

But I don't know what was your favorite role that you've ever played? Oh, I mean, that's so hard. I've been really lucky, I feel like as an actor and just, I've played such amazing. amazing characters like the very first job I had was on freaks and geeks and

Kim Kelly and it's like she's an amazing high school character and I loved Audrey on Dawson's Creek and I love Lori from Cougar Town and now I really really really love summer on girls by VEva so it's hard for me to pick I love Karen from white chicks she's cute she made me so sad she just wanted to be liked I it was funny because I didn't I hadn't watched it movie in so long

I was watching I was like I did not realize Busy Phillips was this role I did get together until I just watched it again and it's Courtney Cox just like the most lovely human being on the planet because 100% yes do you know Ariel Vandenberg I don't know maybe

sometimes you remind me of her it's crazy but so she just launched her rel beauty line and I didn't even know she was friends with Courtney Cox and Courtney Cox was at her party and I was like are you guys just friends and she was like yeah she's one of the nicest people ever she's just so down earth and cool and I love hearing things like that yeah she's incredible I mean Courtney that job for me I was talking about that job yes like yesterday at work too that job for me was such a blessing in so many ways days. First of all, I was basically broke, even though I had been working since I was 19. No one taught me how to balance a checkbook. No one, you know, so I didn't, I, I just was bad with my finance, like my financial situation. And, you know, I found myself like having a married, having a kid and in, like, almost like in debt. And, you know, the job came along. And I sort of.

was just like, okay, I just, I really needed a job. Like, I was desperate to get a job. I really wanted the job. And then it just turned in to be, like, turned out to be the greatest working experience because Courtney was essentially the boss and the way that she is just trickled down to everyone around her. And we had the best time and the crew was so wonderful. And we had very reasonable hours.

And they were always. every, you know, we all were parents basically on the show. And so they were really considerate of, like, if I went to the producers and I was like, Bertie has, you know, it's the first ballet recital ever. Like, they would be like, okay, we'll try to see if we can move the schedule so you can be off Thursday afternoon. Like that kind of stuff. Difference. I mean, it probably, when somebody has done that job for so long, they respect, you know, everyone else that's coming in to do that job for them. So I think that's. really nice that, you know, it's kind of, I don't mean to make this about myself, but I just think about like, Bachelor world where I'm like, so nice to come in as a host who's been there and done that so I can have compassion and empathy for the Bachelorette so I can do my host role, sure, but also I can, I can really understand what the Bachelorette's feeling and be able to empathize with them and their feelings and make it more real for them than just like a producer

are saying like, well, yes, okay, now let's get you crying on camera. Like, I'm like, this is okay that you're feeling this way. Like, I can validate all of their emotions because we've all felt the same way, where I feel like in your career, there can be people that probably would say, well, too bad for your ballet recital. Yes. You know, you're going to have to miss it where Courtney can be the boss and also have empathy for the role that you're in and what you're doing and your mother and understand.

Exactly. And I, but, but it wasn't just like that because I was on the show, like that was sort of extended to the crew at large, you know, like, and it's interesting because I think during the shutdown, a lot of people, no matter what their career is or what kind of industry they work in, really had to take stock of like, what have I been missing and what have I been pushing so hard to do and to what. end. Like how has this made my life better and and has all of this been really necessary? Yeah. And then we come back, right? And this, I would say like 20, 21, I, you know, was really like the first time a lot of people were back, asked to go back into offices, asked to go back to work and all this stuff. And I do feel like a little bit people were asked, like employers didn't take into consideration that we've had this huge shift in the way that we're thinking about life and work. And so people keep talking about like this worker shortage. And it's like, yeah,

there's a fucking worker shortage. Who wants to, who wants to give their life for $7 an hour, raise the minimum wage? Like, who wants to like not see their friends and family and like put their nose to a grindstone to be treated terribly by a boss who's misogynistic and Gross. No, no thanks. Bye. Yeah. The word that my fiance and I used for 2021 was perspective. Like that's how we went into 2021 of just like what's important. I think so many people did. And you're right. Like we were to look at what we were doing with our whole lives and what, you know, where are things on our priority list? And especially for our mental health because there's not one person who didn't struggle with mental health during a pandemic. like that's a scary time so I think right on that I think that we need to like return to empathy and kindness like I I really I think it's just its time we've we there was a real there was a real sideways walk for a minute and maybe it's still going on in some ways for some people but I think to try to like understand others experiences and be as empathy as you can be. And from that place, you know, hopefully help to make some changes is I think

that's where you have to drive it from, you know? Yeah, 100%. And I know, like, I mean, you've got so much going on and also, you know, like the roles that you play in your life, but a mother is, I feel like, what's the most important role to you. Reading your book description, congrats, by the way, New York best. New York Times bestseller. That's amazing. But in your description, it said that conquered natural childbirth with the help of a madman themed hallucination. Please. It was wild. I, okay. So, okay, so my older kid, Bertie is going to be 14 this summer, which is just bonkers. Like, I can't even wrap my head around it. It's so wild. And. Mad Men, the show, it was just going into, I think it's second season.

It was like very early. It was either going into like its second season or it's third season, but we hadn't watched it yet. And in the last, I was pregnant through the summer in L.A. Yeah. Bertie was, Bertie's birthday is August 13th. So like, it was hot. And there wasn't, I couldn't do anything. And it was before streaming services, guys.

If you can even remember back to 2008 that you couldn't. just access any entertainment you wanted whenever you wanted it you kind of could but not really but madman was like coming back and and i was like why don't we just try to catch up and so we they were like running marathons anyway basically in the week and at two weeks before a birdie was born i watched so many episodes of madmen to like just get just like to get caught up it was like when the show was really becoming a thing and so i watched like the entire first season and maybe this is part of the second season or something and in madmen later betty has a hallucination while she's giving birth okay and i'm convinced that someone in the writer's room heard

me telling this story because i told this story for years and then they like it somehow subconsciously like got into the show i okay so i had a natural birth with no epidural but it's It was not fun. I just want to say that. And also, no one came in and gave me an award at the end of it. Like, I could have just gotten the epitre. But Bertie was very big. Bertie was nine pounds, 10 ounces, 22 inches long.

And I had back labor, which is a very painful labor because of the way like my cervix is tilted, whatever. I felt it in my back. in my front okay and it went on forever so I was in like a lot of people are like I was in labor for 36 hours like I don't know when my contractions started like a day and a half earlier but like hard labor where my contractions were three to five minutes apart like consistently on and on and on was 13 hours I think like 13 or 14 hours and of course it started started in the middle of the night. So I had like just gone to sleep when the first real big contraction hit.

So at the time, it was 8 p.m., 7.30 p.m. the next night when Bertie was coming out. I was a lunatic. Like I hadn't slept. I had been going through this basically never-ending. pain. And I pushed for three hours. The last three hours was just pushing. And I had, Bertie had a heart rate monitor on. I had a heart rate monitor on. And Bertie was like, and this is so Bertie's personality. Heart rate just like steady, perfect, never dipped, never an issue. Bertie was just like, I'm going to do this when I feel like doing it on my own time and you're

just going to have to deal with it. So he pushed for three hours. And when you push, it's like you push for, I can't remember like 30 seconds or 10 seconds. It's like a short period of time that you push for. And then you take a, and then your body like relaxes for. I think you get a minute to a minute or two minutes. Anyway, so I would put the last like hour and a half, I would push and then I would kind of I would kind of just like I don't want to say pass out but I would just like go into another zone like it's hard to describe even it was trippy anything else but like you went to another like an out of body experience yes yes yeah yes it was like an out of body experience and this was right towards the end and I was starting to feel like a

Oh, this, in my subconscious, I think I was starting to feel like this isn't happening. Like, I can't do this. I actually, I overestimated my abilities. Like, I cannot get this baby out of me. Never ending. Yeah, it felt never. And I was like, I mean, I was grateful that they put that heart rate monitor up inside me on Bertie because I was like, is everything okay? Like, is the baby okay?

And the heart rate was just like, the baby's fine. baby's just like big but so I was having those thoughts and I pushed and then I kind of like went back I was sort of I was sort of sitting up and so I just sort of like went back and like unfocused my eyes and went into this like zone and one of them I was like kind of like in waves and I was it was real trippy and then I pushed and I went back and closed my eyes and when I opened them I was I was wasn't opening them. I thought I was. I was like in the Mad Men boardroom. And at the I was sitting like Peggy like at one end of a table. And then the other end was Don Draper and Pete Campbell was standing next to him and Don was smoking. And Pete Campbell goes, she can't do it, Don. And then Don Draper takes

the drag of a cigarette and he goes, oh, she's going to do it. You're going to do it. You're going to do it. And then I opened my eyes and I looked at Mark and I was like, I'm Don Draper, I'm going to do it, Don Draper. And he was like, what? And I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to, Don Draper said, I can do it. I can do it. I can do it, Don Draper. I can't listen to Pete Campbell. And Mark's like, are you, do we need? Is she okay? And then I pushed and Bertie, the doctor was like, here, here they come. Like, here she comes. Like, you know, got the shoulders out. And then. And my doctor did the trick, which was the greatest thing ever. I was sitting up. And he got the baby's shoulders out. And then was like, give me your hands and put my hands underneath. That's cool. Like armpits.

And then I pulled the baby out. Oh. It was really fun. I want to do that. Wow. You were a hero. Like, did you come out of that? You said, like, I can do.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. You don't even have to finish answering the question. I felt like, yes, I felt like I was invincible, like I could do anything in the world and, you know, cut to a day and a half later. I was hysterically crying and, you know, it's a journey. Motherhood is a journey. Yeah, it sure is.

Yeah, my hormones are already all over the place. I can't even imagine after I give birth and the hormones are trying to go back to normal because I've like to look at this for way. you long know about my hormones because that's a whole other podcast. But that's, that is a wild story. And that is, yeah. And then I tried to tell John Hamm at a, at like a Christmas party that my friend was having. Six months later, we were at a Christmas party. It was like the first time I had left Bertie. And so I was a little loopy. And he didn't know, like, who I was or, you know, he had no frame of reference for me. I was just at our mutual friends Christmas party. and I was like, I'm going to tell him the story.

Like, and I tried to tell him and he just looked at me and was like, oh, that's really weird. And I was like, yeah, it is. Oh, maybe I should have just kept that to myself. Oh, that makes me better. I told him, like the fact that you had that whole experience and then you were in the same room. Yeah, I had to tell him. I had to tell him. I probably, yeah, I mean, I can't imagine.

Like as a celebrity, I mean, being on The Bachelorette and being, you know, on Dancing with the Stars and stuff and me being on TV since I was 19, people come up and tell me things all the time that how I've impacted them in some way or a thing that they thought about or whatever. I cannot imagine somebody coming up to me and saying, like, I was giving birth and I had a straight up hallucination that you were there. told me I could push and I did okay and I got that baby out thank you like yeah I'm sure he was like okay somebody told me that I helped them like empower them through a childbirth

and that I like gave them the strength I'd be like I'm putting that out of my doing so I know me too but we're women so it's different I always make my guess confess something which that was a really good confession that was a great confession.

It was really good. Do you have any motherhood questions or something that you were like, well, gosh, get a load of this one? Hmm. I don't impose like very strict screen time rules on my kids, especially after the last two years. It's just that it was, there's no point because that's how they do everything. But I am not opposed to a little white lie about the internet going out or not being able to log into my account. for something you know what i mean like i do i have you i have done that and i think that's okay i think it's okay i think that's okay too that's funny because i feel like that's also extremely smart

for you to be able to do that uh well i try not to like i try not to honestly i try not to lie to my kids like i try to i want them to trust me and like i want them to know that if i tell them something that i'm not like full of but sometimes i'm like i can't get the kid off a device and out into the world and we just have to do it. And I'm like, oh, no, the internet went out and like, you know, I just set the button. That's all. I think that's smart. I think that's just a parent hack right there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is. Well, someday they won't, they won't be happy when they find it out. Well, you know what? Then they'll have their own kids and then they'll be like, wow, that's, I learned that one from my mom. Maybe.

Yeah. Good one. It's a good one. Thanks. Is there anything else? Where can people find? shows that you're on. Where can people find your book? And you have a podcast as well. Tell us. I have a podcast. Yeah. My podcast is called Busy Phillips is doing her best. And every week my friend and my producer from Busy Tonight, which was my late night talk show. And I talk about what we're doing our best at that week. And we talk to people about like times in their lives when they've had to take different roads than they thought they were going to have to take, which is interesting.

always. And we've had some really great guests. And a lot of times our episodes are like legit three hours long. So it's definitely like, it's, it's a long form pod. But a lot of great stuff has like come out of it. And I love it. I love doing it. And I love our fans. And then my book, yeah, my book is, this will only hurt a little. It's out. I read the audio book, which is exciting. I always think that's fun when people write sort of like memoir-ish books and then read them themselves. And Girls 5EVA, you can catch up and watch the whole first season on Peacock. And the second season is coming out in the spring.

And then ole.com, you can buy my moisturizer. It's not mine. I didn't invent it. They have like a hole. You just use it every day. I use it every day. I really do. I really love it. I've worked with O'Lei for a couple years now. And, like, O'Le was, like, always a staple in my house growing up. So when I first got the call, I was like, are you kidding? Like, this is the thing. This is the product, my mom and my grandma. And, like, everyone in my family always used. And they're just, they're just an awesome, like, leader. They're a leader in skincare. And they, and also it's like affordable. It's not $400. you got to like make choices guys this is all I'm saying you got to make choices that's me

I'll like spend $400 on like a face cream and then I go to the store and I like see the two chicken breasts and one is like 10 cents cheaper and I'm like well better get that one no I you got no I think I think you want to go more expensive with the chicken breasts and trust that like OLE is like literally meeting the needs and their products work as well as the super fancy whatever $400 competitor you know people always want to know like the dukes of skin care so OLA is a good one for the you get the quality for a good bright and I'm telling you like I have very sensitive skin very sensitive skin and sunscreen has long been a fight in my face,

like, because it clogs my pores and I break out every sunscreen. The ones that are super expensive, the ones that everyone uses, whatever. Facial, like the face sunscreens always make me break out. Ola is the only one. And I use it, I use it every single day. And yeah. So, I mean, there's definitely, they know what they're doing over there. Let's be real.

Oh, your skin looks great. So that's... Thank you. I know. And I'm a million years old now. Million. Wait, I just remembered something. This is a confession.

I saw my kids off to school this morning. And then I actually took a nap. That's a mom hack. But because I also worked all day and late. last night and I was just exhausted and I had you know like when you go back to sleep you have the weirdest dreams I did I couldn't remember my age okay really yes in my dream I couldn't remember how old I was that's good that means you're just going off how you feel it doesn't matter that's great yeah what that means when you can't remember your dream because I ooh okay I'm going to

okay this says a low an indicator of low self-esteem I don't buy that Is that what it says? I found one of a, I found one that said that. I dream about meeting your younger self. This is all just like why I can't remember my dreams, why I don't, I dream. I dream. This is just a pure example of how we get so much information from so many different things and you don't know what's right. Because this one says it denotes you are feeling confused and you feel like time is running too fast.

Oh, well, that I actually, in some ways I do think that's true because how watching, how old are you? Caitlin, now? 36. I watched you on both the Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Oh, my gosh, amazing. That was so long. And it was so long ago, and I have to tell you something, I truly fell off the franchise. Yeah.

After you. But I really did. I really did. But, like, I went out with a bang. I went out with the best one. But, yeah, it's interesting just because I feel like when you have kids and they start. to grow up. Yeah.

I mean, my 13-year-old is old. Yeah. Like, like, how old is Bertie? 13? Bertie is 13 going to be 14 in August and cricket is eight. Is Bertie an old soul? Yeah, always has been. And Bertie also was like, like I said,

Bertie was very big when they were born. And when they were little, always was taller than everyone and sort of, and was hyperverbal, talked very early, like very, very early. And no kidding. Where did? And I wonder where it came from. Anyway, and I always would get nervous at the park in front of other moms. And I would be sure to like loudly say Bertie's age because their maturity level was still at developmentally wherever they were.

were at, but they looked like a year and a half older and they talked. So people always thought that they were so much older. I still do that with Bertie. Like, Bertie is still hyperverbal, very intellectual in so many ways and looks like they're 17 years old. I mean, the kid looks like 17. And sometimes I'll be talking to Bertie and Bernie will just be looking at me and I'll say, you don't know what I'm talking about, do you? Because you're not out. Actually, my friend. Yeah. You are a child.

I am so sorry. Like, it's crazy. Yeah, that's amazing, though. I just, I feel like that, that relationship between the two of you will always kind of be that, you know, like communicative, deeper relationship. That's so nice. Yeah, my little bird. Ugh. But it is, you do feel the passage of time.

All of those cliches are. true. It's like, I'm like, Bertie was just born. I don't get it. I don't get it. My niece is 14 and it feels like she was three years old crying about a ladybug that I stepped on like yesterday. Yes.

And now I'm like, what? I know. It's so hard. It's crazy. Well, that's probably what my dream was about. Well, enjoy some time off. Thank you. Thank you. So much for coming on my podcast. I knew I was

conversation with you and I'm really through we did. So thank you. Oh, you're so sweet. And congratulations on all of your success, including being the new host of the show. That's so exciting. Thank you. Yeah. It's been fun. And same back to you. You've always got so much good stuff going on. And in fact, I have a few hours off. I'm going to do a little workout stretch and I'm going to listen to your podcast. Oh, thank you. That's very nice. This week, I think I cry a lot. But, you know, I'm depending on the time of the month I'll like fly over a peanut butter commercial so it's same same I feel you on that all right well have a great day thank you it was so nice to meet you you too i'm katlyn bristow

i'll see you next tuesday thanks for listening to off the vine with kately bristow get new episodes every tuesday exclusively on podcast one dot com the podcast one app and subscribe on apple podcasts Thank you.