Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Career advice with Lauren Berger "The Internship Queen"

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

This week Kaitlyn sits down with founder of InternQueen and CareerQueen, and author of “Get it Together”, Lauren Berger. Listen in as Lauren shares some of the many insights in her new book including dealing with rejection, making time for yourself, and even strategies for career searching. Blink - Visit www.BlinkForHome.com/OFFTHEVINE for Peace of mind starting at $99 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing pride and prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. Get ready for lots of laughs tabby topics on filtered advice and wine lots of wine get ready to shake things up here's Caitlin Welcome to Off the Vine I'm your host Caitlin Bristow and in the studio we have CEO and founder of intern queen and career queen both great names and author of Get It Together Lauren Berger thank you for being here I like your last name thanks burger give any relationship like hamburger yeah just like hamburger yeah just like him Berger. Do you have any relation to Mitch Berger, the football player? No. Nothing. Well, want, won't. Okay, so explain to everybody your schick. Like, who are you? Yes. Who are you? So I started a website called Intern Queen. Yes. Which is a free internship platform almost 10 years ago now. Oh, wow. And started that site just as a free destination where young people could go and apply for internships and get advice. It was sort of the internship website.

that I always wanted and never had. Cool. And all of these people followed me kind of as I started that website. And then when they graduated school and went into their jobs, they came back to me and said, well, where's the job site? Now what? So we just launched Career Queen, which is sort of the big sister brand, intern queen.

Yeah. I always say the Career Queen drinks wine and says bad words, whereas the intern queen would never do that. Oh, because she's an intern. She has to be on her best behavior. Here. And then this is actually my third book that just came out, get it together. I have to like read the subtitle. Ditch the chaos. Do the work. Design your success. Yes. And I wrote this. Wait, say that again slowly. I like that. Ditch the chaos. Ditch the chaos. Do the work. Yeah.

Do the work. Yeah. Well, let's dive into that. Yeah. So I wrote this book because I was so sick of hearing how busy everybody was all the time. You know, I'm so busy I didn't eat. I'm so busy. I didn't sleep. And I started feeling insecure when other people would tell me how busy they were. Yeah. You know, I was like, wait, are you more successful than I am? Because you're busy. You're talking about how busy you are. And I'm driving home from work and you're still at the office. Yeah. And I really got frustrated with that. I kept experiencing it in my work life, in my personal life. I'm an entrepreneur. So there's a lot of pressure anyways to be always on. And what were you doing for work then? Intern queen. Just so yeah, yeah, I've been doing it for 10 years. So

It was just really me living in L.A. talking to my friends who all live in the industry. And, you know, we were all just so busy all the time. And I thought there has to be a better way. Yeah. Everybody was leaving the office feeling like they didn't get anything done. Yeah. And I said to myself, wait a second. We're literally sitting at the office for over eight hours. How are we not getting anything done? Why are we leaving? While being so busy. Yeah. And why are we leaving feeling so unaccomplished. There must be a better way to sort of get out of our own way and cut through some of the BS. And, get some stuff done and feel better and maybe even disconnect every once in a while. Yeah. Disconnect. That's disconnection. So when you say ditch the chaos, what chaos? Does that depend on the person? I think it depends on the person.

Maybe some things that you can relate to that I deal with all the time are sometimes I feel like I start my day and my day like has me on a leash and I'm just obeying the calendar. Like the day is leading and I'm just following. Right. I just don't feel like I'm in control of my time. I also always feel like I have a to-do list and I have a calendar and they're completely different. And it really doesn't make sense when you think about it.

If you have a completely booked calendar and then a hundred things on your to-do list, how are you going to get any done? You know, you're not a magician. You can't be two places at once. There's only a certain time in the day. Yeah. So I think that's a little bit of the chaos. And I think, you know, some of the chaos is being caught up in what everybody else is

doing, maybe having some FOMO, some Instagram fomo, right? And what everybody else is doing. Absolutely. I mean, we all tend to start our days on Instagram, looking at other people's stuff. And we end our days on Instagram, going through other people's stuff. So that kind of contributes to the chaos that I want to break through. And look, the book isn't the instant solution, but I do think that I offer a lot of practical, actionable tips, yeah, that people can do right away just to feel a little bit,

better. That's so great. Thanks. I just feel like that that's actually a really great point that we start our day and end our day with other people's lives. And that's really weird. Right. Like I just feel like in the same thing with like having a calendar and a to do list and just not enough time. I feel like I always tell myself that life is an ongoing project. Like you can't get everything done and you can't expect yourself to get everything done. It's just like like when I started to design the house, I was like, oh my gosh, you just want it all done. And then my girlfriend was like, it's an ongoing project because once you get something done, you're going to want to change something else.

And you're going to want to start on the backyard. And then you're going to want to do this. And then you're going to want to change. And then you're going to want to move. And then you're going to do it all. She goes, it's just an ongoing project. And I was like, that's kind of life too. If you think about life as like an ongoing project and like take the pressure off yourself

for getting everything done in this one day and because you're always going to find something else to do and like giving yourself a little bit of credit. Yeah. And I think you have to celebrate. Celebrate the small wins. You know, I had a speaking engagement yesterday, and I showed up an hour and 15 minutes early. That never happened.

Oh, I mean, never. I had enough time to get lost. I had enough time to go to Starbucks. I mean, it was a small win, but I really made sure to take the time and kind of give myself credit for that because I am always late. I'm always lost on college campuses. That's the story of my life. But it was an example of a small win that really made me feel like I had it together.

Right. Of course. And that's kind of the point is, you know, finding these small things that we can celebrate and slowly getting it together. And is that kind of what you're doing when you're speaking at these colleges? Because that's probably a part of success. And being successful is having that balance or not being a ticking time bomb. Because then you're not showing up for work either. Absolutely. I mean, when I go speak at colleges or, you know, in front of like young professional women or whoever the group is, I'm always kind of jumping up and down and telling them that. anything is possible because you know it really is we all have the power to do whatever we want i mean i started a company called intern queen what which is so great because when did you you started that 10 years ago i started that 10 years ago yeah which is funny because queen's such a thing now that you were like really ahead of your time back then you know like you really yeah it's a great name actually

yeah thanks so yeah and actually yesterday was the first i just got the book about a week ago yeah and so it was the first time i was able to give out the book to all of these calls college students. And I actually, there's a lot of workbooky kind of stuff in the book because I'm the kind of person that reads a book and I want to take out my highlighter and kind of go through it. And I want quick, actionable tips that I can activate right away. So in the book, there's a whole chapter on like dealing with failure and rejection. And it's my favorite chapter because I was having a really bad day about a week and a half ago. And I was on the airplane and I read chapter three of my book, which is coping with failure. And it worked. It made me feel better. And

I was like, oh my gosh, this is magic. So when I spoke yesterday at the college, I had all of the students like open to that section and I need to have all my friends do this too. And I had them write out like it was name one time when you dealt with failure or rejection in a really healthy, positive way because I think so much of the battle is just knowing what works for you and then remembering, you know, because a lot of times we get rejected or we feel icky and then we just forget what makes us feel better. So I think having it written down hopefully in one place.

help but anyways you know there's lots of stuff like that all everybody listening should do that yeah a way that a way that you dealt with failure in a healthy way or rejection yeah and then the next the tricky part i think is the next time you get rejected you have to remember and you sort of have to activate that solution yeah what what is it for you what's your example so it probably depends if i'm at if i'm at if i'm at home because this is a weird one if i'm at home and i get a rejection email or you know just something annoying happens in my personal life, in my work life, whatever it is, sometimes I just like to go shower it off. Like, I literally just want to put myself in the shower and just like, you know, cleanse myself of it. And sometimes you can't shower, obviously, depending on where you

are. But for me, sometimes my husband actually will be like, Lauren, go put yourself in the shower. Really? It's like your little timeout, like recharge the batteries in the shower. Exactly. And it usually does. Like, I get out and I'm refreshed and then I can, then I can, you know, get back into whatever I need to do. There's something about being in water. I'm like, does it just like take you back to the womb or something like where you're just so calm because there's something about water that that's like, I do that too. If I'm like, if I am having such a bad day or if I'm like super upset about something or anxiety, I'm like, oh, I just need to go and I'll sit in the shower. I won't even stand and like shower. I'll sit and I'll just let the water like go over. And I'll have like a good

solid cry. And I do. I feel it's therapeutic. I come out of the shower. Exactly. Clean. physically and mentally. Right. And then you're ready. And then you're ready. Yeah. So yeah, so that's one of the things that I talk about. There's also like a whole section about kind of redefining your morning routine where I encourage readers to like write out their ideal schedule.

Yeah. And then kind of look at okay, what's different between my day to day now versus what I want it to be? And everybody, whenever I talk to people about their schedule, everyone always says, well, my schedule is different because even college students you know my schedule is different because of this or my friends in the entertainment business my schedule is different because of this like get over it it's not that special we all can figure it out right right and go right down your routine yeah yeah yeah oh right okay so guys now that we're in the middle of the holidays i can't stop thinking about getting away

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the kiddos from cool drinking options to the excitement of after our events find your happy place here why not check out raglan road irish pub and restaurant you can frolic inside this authentic pub for a truly memorable irish experience featuring silky pants modern cuisine and live music and dance seriously there are so many cool attractions and characters that bring your childhood to life new experiences that you can appreciate as an adult so relive the nostalgia of disney or create some new memories. Okay. What else? I'm like, do you got more tips for me? Yeah. Let's see. So I talk a lot about goal setting. I had this random experience where I think it was back in January. So at the beginning of the year, I was sitting with my book agent, talking about the book, get it together. And she said to me,

just in conversation, Lauren, what are your New Year's resolutions? And I froze. I didn't have anything to say. And I remember being so frustrated with myself. Here I am writing a book about goal setting and getting it together. And I can't even say three goals to this woman. So I said, you know, this can be no more. We all have to know our goals. If you don't know your goals, who else does? It's not like someone else behind you is going to remember your goals. You know, if we're going to take our, I think part of it is taking yourself seriously. And you have to know your own goals. So this year, I'm like 2019's coming up. I'm going to, I'm going to know at least three goals. I'm going to be able to spit them out, shout them from the rooftop.

go what are your three goals well i want to oh god now i'm going to double the revenue for intern queen amazing um i'm going to i don't know i'm going to drop anyway but i'm going to like stay healthy oh you'll like this i started doing these hip hop dance classes in l i would love it um so i'm going to like keep up the working out consistently yeah and then what else am i going to do um and then i'm going to try to write either a third book or I'm going to try to make it into a TV show. Oh, that would be cool. And those will be my three goals. Well, because we just came up with them.

That's good, though, because I think we're in such a time where, you know, people like to feel motivated by entrepreneurial women. And, like, if you're writing books and you're actually, like, going and speaking about this and even just what you've said so far, I'm like, I believe you. Like, I feel like it's inspiring. And I'm like, ooh, I'm, like, excited to, like, know these. tips and like tricks and read your book and I just think it's like such an exciting time to be like a business woman.

Yeah. What about you? Three goals. I knew you're going to say that. I honestly was like trying to get through that sentence just being like she's going to ask me and I'm like, uh, my three goals for 2019, um, will to be to deal with rejection and failure in a healthy way, um, to continue to run a, my home and and make it more of my dream home that's like my 2019 goal is that I finish the

house and that I'm not afraid to fall back in love I love it because I'm so scared I love it and it's you know I think anybody listening can relate like there's this myth that when you're quote unquote successful and I think a lot of people obviously look at you and say you're very successful right right but there's this myth but there's this that once you're successful, you don't deal with rejection anymore. And I think, you know, there's not enough successful people out there, you know, talking about rejection. And I think the reality is sometimes once you're successful, you're putting yourself

out there more and more, you're rejected even more than you used to be. So we all have to deal with that in our own way. Maybe it's your first job. Maybe it's your 10th job or maybe it's, you know. In fact, the more rejection, the better, wouldn't you say? I always say embrace rejection, merry rejection. I mean, I wouldn't have accomplished. anything in my career without getting rejected from every single thing I tried to do first.

And I still get rejected all the time. I mean, and some of them are easy. You're like, yeah, I didn't really care about that. And then some of them, ooh, it hurts. Yeah, they really stink. It gets you right in the field. Yeah, it really does. What do you think people overlook when they're starting out?

And in terms of their job? Like, yeah, like in terms, like, say somebody was starting their own company and starting from scratch with a brand or something. like that. Yeah. What do you think people overlook? Yeah. So I think we could take this in a couple different ways, but I'm going to say that I think people overlook the need to disconnect and relax. I recently, I just wrote an article about this, I took my work email off of my phone. And everyone is like, oh my gosh, you're the CEO of a business. How are you going to run the business if you're not always connected? And there's a lot of guilt that kind of goes with that. You're like, how did people do

it before. Right. And I think that disconnecting has actually made me better at my job because when I sit down to do emails, I can actually like, right, do the emails. Now I'm not like on the treadmill trying to respond to something or seeing something as I'm getting on an airplane and forgetting to respond to it later. So I think it actually makes me better at my job. And I think people overlook the power of disconnection and making time for yourself and relaxing. People think that in order to be successful or good at what they do or the best at their job or in their field, They have to work all the time. Answering to everybody all the time.

It's that myth of the busier, the better. And it's not about the quantity of what you do. It's about the quality of what you do. That's so true. I don't have my emails come through my phone. Really? Yeah. I think that's really good.

Yeah. I actually love it. And when I'm ready to open my emails and do it, I'm like, and I make sure I'm not like, I mean, I try to make sure I'm not making people wait on me. If I'm like, you know, have to show up that day or something or show up on emails. but I will make sure that I wake up in the morning. I don't want to see all the emails coming through. I want to wake up.

I want to like cuddle my dog. I want to like enjoy my coffee, make breakfast and then sit down and be in the zone. Right. And I love that you said that because I talk about that in the book, just doing what works for you and you controlling your day and not your emails controlling your day or your phone or your calendar or whatever that is. It just starts the day off wrong. Like I just feel like you don't want to start with stress or you're setting the tone for

your day and I've never been like some people that's their habit and they're like sorry that's just how I function what for me I'm like I can't function unless I like really like take my time in the morning like I'm not a morning person I need to wake up and really like try and wake up coffee always a big help but just like start off my day and then go into the work and then shut it down right and that's important to knowing when to have that boundary and you don't want people that's setting boundaries exactly because now people know like if if it's this time a day like the work day's over and they can't get a hold of you and that's setting boundaries absolutely and i think in addition to that you have to set personal boundaries i tell a story in my book about how so i live in los angeles

my brother and his wife live in um new york and we're all very close we talk all the time so whenever it's like eight o'clock my time i give them a little phone call to talk about nothing and just be on the phone right and he said to me recently he was like hey you think you could not call after 11 uh we're trying to go to bed here like wind down in your first calling and i was like at first i was like offended and then i it was funny i think this happened while i was writing the book i was like oh you're trying to set a healthy boundary yeah look at you go but you know it was and he had a point right like they're trying to go to bed they're trying to wind down they don't want the phone ringing they don't care who it is right but it was a good example of also setting a healthy boundary in your

personal yeah absolutely that's true like business and personal you should always set boundaries to make yourself like everybody i mean being selfish is not a terrible thing you just have to do it the right way and if you're doing it to be a better person then i think that it'd be selfish you know as long as you're doing it to be a better person right and something i wanted to ask you about too is that no i'm like asking you questions sorry no i love i love when people flip it it on me unless it's like new year's resolution so you said you like to kind of get in the zone when you start your day in the book i talk a lot about the importance of finding your focus zone when i wrote this book it was so hard i have two other books but i wrote them years ago and in

2018 doing anything is hard because instagram and everything and it's just life is full of distractions so for you when you go into like the work mode how do you find your focus zone um oh i put i listen to classical music oh yeah i usually i'm i you can tell like in this room i I'm all about, like, a certain lighting, candles. Yeah, people can't see, but the mood is. The mood is real in here. Yeah. I'm all about candles.

And then I love putting on focus music with like classical music and picking one, like, one task to do and be really focused on that. So not like, okay, oh, in the middle of this email, then go check Instagram or like look at my phone. Like that's, I always talk about how, that's why I love podcasting. I feel like I'm very in the zone and like focused in on this conversation. So yeah, I feel like I just set the mood. Like I just get in this focus zone of like,

okay, music is helping me concentrate. I'm smelling delightful smells from the candles. And the lighting's right. Is that weird? It's funny. I'll put on headphones when I go to work, but I'm the opposite. I will blast like crazy rap music.

Really? And then I'll be like, yeah, I can send my pitch emails out now. Here I go. Oh, see, that's so fun. I do that on my like way to boxing class. But when I do my emails, I'm like, I just like to be relaxed. I think I get very overwhelmed because I come from a world where I wasn't doing

this stuff before. You know, this is still all very new to me to answer emails and be like so busy. Right, because you were so creative and dancing. I was dancing. I was, I worked at a restaurant. Like I was helping train servers. I was serving. I was doing spin classes.

Like I was doing things that I was just, I'm sure at the beginning, I was like, oh, how do I navigate this? But then I got used to it because I did it for so long. So now going into this world that I'm in, I'm not used to it. And I get very overwhelmed by emails because I don't know if I'm like sounding professional on my emails back or like I just don't understand the world of negotiating and all these kinds of things that are happening that are all very new to me, which I love because I'm learning.

But it's like, so I think I get a little bit of anxiety almost when I sit down to do work because I don't know how to like, right. I don't know. Like, yeah, you're hesitant about the responses and things. Yeah, and how to balance it all. So I find the classical music helps calming down. It sets the mood. I like that.

You know your needs. Yeah. That's what I talk about in the book a lot. I like that. I'm really excited to read your book, actually. Thanks. So blink is an ultra-affordable, 100% wire-free home security camera that runs on only two AA batteries for up to two years.

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You mean people having a job on, like their job is Instagram. Yes, and putting all of their eggs in one basket with Instagram. Yeah. It's interesting you say that I was just with a bunch of college girls. And I work with a lot of college men and women who have big followings online. And these college students, they get so much engagement. because, you know, they have Instagram in college. So all of their stuff, not only do they have a big following,

but their engagement rate is huge. And I kind of see them at that point where they're thinking, should I just be a YouTuber or an Instagramer with my career or should I go to another job? And as a career coach, it's it is kind of interesting to answer that. I mean, I would say that, you know, if you're starting out young, I would say do as much on the side while having some sort of backup plan as possible like even these students that are getting brand deals while they're in school great see what that's like see if you like kind of communicating in this way and then I think we're we all have to

be aware of what's next you know I through intern queen I run a campus marketing agency so how we make a lot of our money is brands hire us to put together these college brand ambassador programs for them and a couple years ago Instagram wasn't even a thing and now we sell Instagram campaigns just like lot of other agencies you know people want college students or whoever posting on instagram that's what they pay for right but I think it's up to me and it's up to everybody who has a career related to Instagram to have our eyes on whatever's next whether it's just IGTV or LinkedIn video or you know whatever that new thing is going to be so you think Instagram's going anywhere I mean it's going to have to go

somewhere at some point right just like I mean I never would have thought that Facebook was going anywhere and there's definitely a change in the amount of people that use it. I mean, I speak to young people and they don't use it at all. Really? So, yeah, the college students hardly use it at all. Some of them don't even have profiles. So, you know, a couple years ago, I would have thought Facebook was going to be king forever.

But I'm still hoping so because girls got to eat. You know what everyone's using and I shouldn't even say it because I feel like I can't pronounce it right. What is it? It's that VISCO thing. What's that? It's the photo editing app. it's V-S-C-O, but I am seeing that all of the college students have Visco profiles.

So I'm like, huh, does the intern queen and the career queen needs to live on that? And then you're like, oh, another platform. More content. What is next? Well, one of my other questions was, do you ever fear in the digital space that everything you've created can be lost so quickly? Yes, I think it's a little bit of both. It's like everything can be lost so quickly, but then everything stays for so long.

Yeah, that's true. You know, people will sometimes come up to me. with articles from 2009 and they're like, oh, you said this at this point about this. I don't even want to know what my stuff says. I don't even want to know what you like get when you Google my name. And what about for somebody that's less confident in networking and socializing and really putting themselves out there? Like what do you suggest to take a first step for somebody? Yeah, I think it's all about setting small goals for yourself. So if I go to a networking event and one of my friends who's probably going to listen to this um she's going to say hey when you say the word networking you know she

thinks it's just a icky word but whatever you want to call it right what what else would you smetworking networking networking networking networking talking engaging having real conversation whatever we want to call it yeah let's say you're going to an after work event and the goal is to meet new people I think give yourself a small goal you know you are not allowed to go home and watch uh Netflix until you introduce yourself to five people. Like, we all want to go home, right? I'm super ambitious. I want to go home too when I'm at those places.

So give yourself a small goal. I'm not going to let myself leave until I meet five people here. I also encourage, I meet a lot of people who are just really shy in general. And I encourage them to just increase the interactions they have with people that they meet at the grocery store or at Subway while they're sitting in line. Yeah, well, and it's just good to get used to having small. it's good to get used to talking to strangers no to just small talking general like i mean i'm not all for small talk but i just feel like people are forgetting how to have conversation

in their general lives like so busy on our phone like yes down right like what are kids going to be like in the future with conversation right yeah i was talking about this the other day next time you're at the grocery store just say to the woman who's bagging your groceries you know how's your day is it a busy day today or tell your ask your sandwich art of something Just really push yourself to go out of the box because when you do have to sit down at that job interview with someone you've never met before, it is going to be scary. So, you know, I think increasing interactions is helpful. And then preparation, I think, equals confidence. Yeah.

And the more prepared you are for every situation. So doing your homework before that big job interview, that that preparation is going to help you. Even when I podcast, I like to think I'm like a big like wing it kind of guy and I'm not like the most professional, which. I think some people like about me, but if I'm not prepared even a little bit for a podcast, like I just, it could go extremely well, but I don't have the confidence going into it. And I love that you say small goals because I find that with fitness or eating properly or just like anything you want to do in your day, I think setting just a few small goals and just being able to say, okay, I did those and then making new ones.

Like even if it's weekly, I think that's so important to do that, to do that. the small goals. Yeah, absolutely. I'm all about at the beginning of the year, or whenever, putting together like three big goals and then breaking them down. In the book, I have this whole thing about, I call it Know Your YQMB, which is your yearly goal, and then you break it down into your quarterly goal, your monthly goal. And then I do biweekly goals because I feel like in a week, things change. A week is a hard time to really accomplish something on an ongoing basis. So I usually do again, biweekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly. But it's all about just breaking it down into small attainable steps. My goal this month is just to survive. Just survive,

Caitlin. Yeah, you got this every day. Every day. I feel like internships are usually unpaid, which a lot of people may not see the value as in like girls got to eat. But like, like what makes them so valuable? Yeah, I think it's just putting yourself smack dab in the middle of an industry that you might want to work out one day and watching how people interact with each other and what the day to day is like and what that company actually does. Yeah. I mean, so many people start their jobs and they hate them. Yeah. Because they never interned and they never like tested out the industry. It's kind of like taking a car for a test drive, right? Right. Right. So you have this opportunity to intern while you're in college, you know, you may, you may as well take advantage of it. And so many

of the internships that used to be unpaid are now paid. I think almost every intern. I did 15 internships in college that's where I got my intern queen title okay that makes sense you are the intern queen yeah and so many of them were unpaid and most of those companies if not all of them are now paying their interns so you know you still have a couple fields where it's unpaid but usually they're getting paid and what are your thoughts on mentors like having mentors i you know i think i'm a little bitter about mentors because for so for me everyone was always like you need a mentor you need a mentor well i didn't have a mentor and i didn't know where to find one i couldn't go to the mentor store.

Right, the mentor store and get a mentor. Yeah. So I was a little bitter. I finally got a mentor. You did. Well, I think some people are mentors to you, even when they're like unwillingly committing to that mentor-mente relationship. Like my first boss was this powerhouse, beautiful, amazing movie star agent.

And she is a mentor to me. Did we ever have a formal conversation where I was like, will you be my mentor. No, but I learned from her. I admire her. And, you know, she's given me advice over the years. No, I did about maybe three or four years after starting my business. I got my first official mentor. And I literally said exactly what you're probably not supposed to say, which was, will you be my mentor? Like, will you go out with me? But he said yes. Perfect. But, you know, he's a successful executive at a big corporation. And he just took. a keen interest in what I was doing. I think, you know, being at such a corporate company,

he was kind of excited by the entrepreneurial endeavors that I had going on. But, you know, he's a busy guy. And so he's very helpful when he can be. But I think that sometimes it's hard because people are busy and I can't expect for him to give me advice all the time forever. So I think sometimes when you're the mentee, you have to sort of watch your asks, right? Like just like with staying in touch with any professional contact, you can't ask. him questions all day. You sort of have to pick your battles. Yeah. So I mean, whenever I have work drama, I don't always call up my mentor like someone might think because he's a busy guy. So I would say like maybe four to six times a year, I'll be like, okay, this is a big dilemma.

I really need his advice. Or maybe I just want to check in with him about something or use him as a sounding board. And, you know, I'll pick up the phone and call. But I think, you know, you got to keep those relationships. You got to be careful because you don't want to misuse them. Yeah, absolutely and push them away even more. That's like, I'm scared of my mentee. Well, it's funny because I have a girlfriend who is a health and wellness coach and she did some work with me for health and wellness. And we would talk once a week and we'd come up with like, you know, these little activities

and things to do and come back to her with. And then when it was all over, I found myself like, hello, like, would you like to talk? Like, I'm having a bad day about this and this. You're so used to talking to someone. Yeah, and it's like she's my friend too. So of course she wants to be there for me. but I found myself, like, not even asking her how she's doing it. I just, like, expected her to play that role with me all the time.

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Check out all these exciting shows on the Underdog Sports Network every week on podcast one or wherever you get your favorite podcasts. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. What is your view on women in the workforce and equal opportunities? You know, I think that some opportunities are more challenging than others. And when I first started intern queen, I walked into, I was kind of entering the recruitment industry, not really by choice. I always like the lifestyle and brand and marketing part of it. But it was, you know, it was internships.

It was the recruiting land. And there were a lot of conferences that I would go to and it would be all men and I would walk up to them. And I'm sure this didn't help. I was like, hello, I'm the intern queen. Nice to meet you. And they would just look at me like I was mad. K-W-E-E-N, queen. Yeah.

And then I remember some of the women, some of the women from, you know, career centers or career coaches, they didn't like me because they were like, you're the intern queen. I'm the intern queen. Oh, boy. I've had. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, oh, this isn't going well. And, I mean, for me, I have always just tried to almost ignore it.

And whenever I walk into a room, I don't care who's in the room. room. I don't care what, you know, shape, size, age, color, anything, anybody is. And I'm just me and I'm there to meet people and bring some value. Yeah, if you're bringing value, you deserve. Yeah. Absolutely. And that's it. And there's probably been some situations that have been harder than I even recognized at the time, maybe because I was a woman. But I always just try to do what I can. But what about with pay? Like what about the equal opportunities with pay? Yeah. I think that, again, I think women have a battle that they're facing and a tangible piece of advice that I give to all of the women listening is ask you know ask for more there are I am an employer I employ about 12 people when I offer someone a jobs if

anyone's listening I always offer them less I have to offer them less because I assume they're going to ask for more and I can't tell you how many people don't ask for more yes so always ask for more and if you're not getting more right away ask what you can do to get there I love when women come in. I work with a lot of young women. I love when they come in and say, I'm making this. In two years, I want to be making this. How do I get there? Like, show me the path. I love that conversation. So I think part of it is asking. And then I think part of it is also knowing when the time's up and you've got to leave. You know, I think so many people stick around at jobs. You know, they hate it, they hate it, they talk about hating it. They talk about hating it.

Are they looking for a new job? No. Right. Right. So when you're, stuck leave yeah you know you gotta do you and you have to take that leap and like yeah you don't want to be I think loyalty is so important I'm a small business owner no one stays right like yeah loyalty I so value it but if you're not getting that loyalty in return you got to like hear you know hear the signs and then you have to leave because if you stay you're only you know doing a disservice to yourself absolutely god you're good I just feel like everything that's coming around I'm like this is actually really interesting for me what is the most common question you get asked from people looking for advice is that is it that one of like i'm making this much i want to make this much

how do i get there yeah i mean a lot some people ask about raises people people should ask about raises more to be honest um again i think so many people are comfortable with what they have and they don't realize that there's opportunity for them to be making more right i'm either at that company or at another company um a lot of people i think feel unqualified yeah no matter what age they're at they could be you know they could be 35 they could be 20 or they could be 45 whatever age they just feel unqualified and they come up and they tell me all of the reasons why they shouldn't be able to get a job you know instead of I haven't worked yeah and I always say to them like flip the script like you got to sell yourself you know what do you have and so many of us have

different experiences that we can pull from when I'm interviewing people there's a difference between what I say I'm looking for in the job posting and like what I'm actually going to get, right? We all write the job posting thinking about the dream candidate. But are we really going to find that person? I mean, maybe. But if we need to hire in any sort of timeline, then maybe not. So a lot of people, I think, don't apply for certain jobs because they're scared. They read that listing and they're like, oh, my gosh, that could never be me.

First of all, break the rules, apply anyways, right? Hopefully you'll come out of it with at least a contact that rejects you. And then you can be friends with her on LinkedIn. But, you know, I think that it's all about being able to connect a relevant experience. So I work with college brand ambassadors and I've had people come in interview with me and they'll tell me that they like worked at a hair studio, but they managed all of the hair ambassadors for the hair studio. And I was like, oh, at intern queen, we manage ambassadors.

And it's actually like a tough thing to be good at is managing a lot of people and making sure they do what they're supposed to do. So I just think... I can't even imagine managing a bunch of people. I mean, yeah, because your job depends on if they do their job. I think that'd be one of the hardest parts. Yeah, which is really tough. But, you know, the point being like, find a way to make your experience relevant.

Read over that job listing, go through it, highlight the buzzwords, and then really try to connect the dots. What do you have? What experiences have you had that that employer's looking for? You can probably find something. Right. You know, so I always say to people like, flip the script, what do you have and really lead with that? Because you'll be surprised. Like, people will give you a chance. I would have to agree

with that, like with a lot of things. Even like for me, for podcasting, like I, I know a lot of people can just have a podcast now, but I just like, I don't know, I guess while having these meetings to get on with podcast one, I was like, well, what? Same kind of thing where I felt unqualified. Like, I felt unqualified. Like what do I have the day? And I'm like, I don't, I don't know how to podcast like I'm just I just like talking and that should be good enough but like like I just felt very unqualified which makes sense but they give you a chance and then you realize maybe it's something you're very passionate about in reality like you had a platform and yeah yeah and speaking of platforms I wanted to talk about like when people criticize your brand or business like obviously I get a lot of criticism sometimes a lot of love more love but whether it's constructive or not do you take things like that personally are you good at taking constructive criticism and how do you think you can help other people do the same? I would say probably just like you, just like anybody else, it probably depends on the day, right? Yeah. Yeah. So true. When I'm in that like work zone, I think that I tend to take criticism better.

And in general. It's about delivery too. It's how somebody's giving criticism. Right. And in a way, I'm asking for it. I totally, I tell interns to go and set informational interviews. And I also tell people that are 10 years out of school, to go and set informational interviews, to learn about a new industry, to get better at what you do. I mean, I started a marketing agency. I know nothing about marketing agencies. So I'm constantly reaching out to CEOs of ad agencies and saying, hey, like, I run this company. It's doing really well. I want to take it to the next level. Will you sit down with me? Most of them ignore me. One day they won't. And they'll listen to this. Maybe they'll be listening to this podcast. You never know. You never know. Reply to that email. But, you know, a lot of them do respond to me. And

they sit down with me and in that forum it's kind of like yes I'm asking for advice but I'm also sort of opening myself up for criticism right yeah and so I think you have to show depending on the situation like you know you have to in some instances you have to hear it if I'm asking for advice then I have to hear the criticism too so I think you have to hear it consider it and then you you know you take some of it and then you discard the rest right so I think sometimes I take it personally especially if I feel like it's unfair or yeah warranted, you know, just like anybody else would. And then I think it kind of goes back to that chapter three that dealing with, it feels like failure or rejection sometimes, right? Because

if someone criticizes you to such an extent, then you just feel rejected, whether it's personal or professional. So I think it's going back to what we were talking about earlier. It's knowing what works for you and what I call it my anger box. Like, how can I snap out of the anger box? Yeah. Yeah. How do you? yeah well it's knowing those things whether like we said it's taking a shower it's going on a walk maybe it's like calling your you know i don't have kids but a lot of my friends have kids so sometimes for me it's just calling my friends and like hearing about their babies something that has nothing to do with my work world because we all make whatever we have going on feel like the biggest thing on the

planet and it's really not so sometimes it's just gaining perspective yeah i think so too you know every car comes with its share of stories that ding in your bumper when you nervously picked up a first date, the luxury package you got after a big promotion, or the mileage you saved by riding your bike all summer. While you can't put a price take on your stories now with True Car, you can at least find out what your car's worth when it's time to sell or trade in. Just go to True Car. Simply enter your license plate number and watch how your car's details pop up. Then answer a few questions, navigation and moonroof. Watch as they bump up your value. High mileage? You already knew it was going to cost you, but now you know how much

it dings your wallet so you can plan ahead. Once you're finished, you'll get a true cash offer sent in minutes, which you can take to a local certified dealer to cash out or trade in. So when you're ready to experience a better way to sell or trade in your car, check out true car today, true cash offer, not available in all areas. I still want to hear more thoughts of yours on disconnecting and like with social media and all of that kind of stuff. Yeah, I mean, I frankly need to do a better.

I think I'm doing better, but there's still more that I could do. power behind it like right I mean what it can do for your mental well-being yeah I mean the biggest the first thing that I started doing was no Instagram in bed I can have Instagram I can look at it after dinner yeah but when I go upstairs and I go into bed there's no more Instagram and your finger is so tempted to click that button right but just no more Instagram because you know you always say oh I'm just going to look at this one thing no you end up looking at another girl or some guy or a business competitor or I don't know another person from the bachelor yeah yeah yeah and you just like we were saying you don't need to be looking at other people's stuff like you know you want to have some self-care time

it even just sounds so simple when you say it like that like just stop caring about other people like if just stop involving yourself in other people's lives so much like i understand wanting to see what somebody's doing or being motivated because um instagram can be like a place of inspiration and and motivation too and picking and choosing when you do that and why. But I think it's the mindless scrolls and the, oh, let's compare that kind of thing that people need to stop doing. Right. You end up like down the rabbit's hole looking at who knows what from high school or whatever

it is. So I totally agree. And so I've really just tried to first it was at night, then it was okay. First thing in the morning, like you said, I want to start my day how I want to start my day, not by looking at a bunch of other people's stuff. it's not relaxing yeah so for me it's morning and night but I've even noticed like I was sitting my I was sitting in the car with my husband today and instead of like we're both entrepreneurs so he's busy running his business I'm running my business and instead of like having a conversation

with him in the car scrolling in Instagram and did I really need to be doing that right that's how how do you and your husband navigate that world of being entrepreneurs and both both busy and starting businesses and still trying to like put each other first and do you believe that you should put each other first and then your business second yeah so yes I believe we have to put each other first because again no one else is going to do it for you so if you don't put one another first right no no one else is going to do it right and like businesses are great and intern again I don't have kids intern queen is my baby right career queen is my new baby this book is my third baby yeah yeah but but i mean they're businesses at the end of the day they don't love me in return

right right so um how do you guys make each other feel like priorities yeah i mean i think it's like a i think at the very beginning we've we met each other actually at an entrepreneur speaking conference backstage yeah oh cute it was cute some i always say it in a very nerdy way he's like make it sound cooler um but i think that it's a matter of it's a first of all it's a mutual understanding and it's reminding each other that I always say to him nobody cares yeah nobody cares he's like I have to get back to him like nobody cares yeah nobody cares and he has to remind me too like he'll literally take my phone out of my hand at night and be like no stop like you're done yeah all done so I think it's just a matter of mutually not taking ourselves too seriously really right because you

you can really take yourself real seriously there and it's just I mean again nobody cares at the end of the day. And I think relationships with family and friends and the people that matter always have to be prioritized. And again, it's working as a team and reminding each other. Because if you don't, then you're sitting there on the couch next to one another, scrolling all night. Your computers are out at the kitchen bar stools all night long. So you have to have a time where you say, okay, we're going to close our computer. We're going to watch a show. And we're actually going to watch the show. We're not going to text while we watch the show. We're not going to work while we watch the show. And we can talk about it and talk about, yeah.

Exactly. But it's a constant struggle and it's hard, especially in 2018, 2019, where there is pressure to be always on and always connected and always working. And I think we all have to be confident and set those boundaries for ourselves and for one another. And we have to say, no, it's okay that I'm not connected right now. And that's hard because sometimes you do feel insecure about it. Because I always think at the end of the day relationships are what is the most important. Yes, that can be business. But like people that really add value. to your life and bring you true happiness and make you feel confident like those are the people that matter i always say i could like i'm like i'm like i'm like i made i made this dream home for myself this podcast office everything and i'm like but i would trade it all in for like a shoebox and like happiness and love like i would in a heartbeat i would downsize if i need to i would sell my jeep i would you know i would do anything just if that like brought love and happiness right absolutely And I think, I mean, for me, I remember there was a time a couple years ago where I had almost like an identity crisis between what is, like, who is intern queen versus who is me. And I don't know if you felt that way a little bit because in a way, like the persona of you from a bachelor's and whatnot is almost like it's larger than life.

Yes. And, you know, people, for me, people are like, well, you're the intern queen. You're always on. You're always giving career advice. And you're always like so excited. And I am actually like pretty excited all the time. but you know that's not always me yeah and tell almost like telling myself that like that isn't me all the time and then being okay with that was this weird you know struggle at one point yeah yeah

so no i understand that completely i i definitely like even like today i'm having a really hard day and like so tired and it's it's being on but also being confident and comfortable enough to know that you don't really i don't have to be super on right now and i'm not like i'm not on my A game right now. All good. But I'm like, I'm having a glass of wine. I'm learning a lot from you. You're very well spoken and you bring a lot to this podcast right now.

So I'm like just like taking that for what it is and enjoying that because I'm like, I just can't be on right now. Like it was the hardest day. It's been one of the hardest days ever today. Yeah. And so to me, I'm like, okay, just take it for what it is and people are going to forgive you. And if you're just honest about it too, like just be honest.

Yeah. And I think people usually respect that the most. Yeah. Because sometimes people are like, oh, what was wrong with you on that pocket? They were like, what was going on? And I'm like, oh, man, like, I was having a really rough day. And it's hard for me.

I can be on and I can switch gears, you know, but sometimes I'm just tired. Right. And by the way, I think everybody feels that way. I think everyone feels in life, like overwhelmed and tired and like we've been talking about busy. And it's like, it's okay. I hear from so many people, actually young people, college girls, that they're taking social media mental health breaks, which is really interesting.

And probably, right, it's so good because I can only imagine that's a thing. Yeah, and I can only imagine that pressure in college. I can't, I mean, I just can't even allow my brain to go there for me to think about what that would have been like for me in, in such fragile time. Yeah. You know, like that's. Well, cheers. Yeah, absolutely.

Cheers to that. I think it's a good time to play a game. Okay. It's not that great of a game. it's just this or that would you rather this or that that's what it is okay this or that or in and out i want McDonald's oh every time every single time McDonald's um Instagram or YouTube um maybe YouTube oh yeah less anxiety real yeah yeah okay um email or a phone call phone call for sure and why I'm like that's not part of the game but now want to know I don't I don't like

I used to be like I have to be on top of my emails every second of day. And now I'm like, eh, who cares? There's too many of them. You really need something. Give me a call. And otherwise, I'll get back to your email when I get back to your email. Yeah, that's, I love that. And I just love a personal conversation, too. Like, call me up. Say hey. I do too. I'm all, I just, I live for a good conversation. Yeah. Education or experience. Ooh, that's a tough one for the intern queen. But I'd say both. I have to say both. It's like the game is this or that. I know. It's like, I feel like I'm playing the Andy Cohen Bravo game. Yes. Yeah. Um. Um, um, um, um, um, um, I think it has to be a combination, though, of experience. Like, you can't have the experience without the education and you don't want the education. Okay, fine, experience. Thank you.

Don't tell my mom who is a teacher. There you go. Resume or energy? Hmm. You know, I'd say resume. Yeah. You got to, you got to be able to back it up with that resume. You could be really excited and, like, high, but you got to put it down on paper.

Yeah. I hear you. Love what you do. no money or hate what you do and make a million a year. Probably love what you do and make no money. Yeah, me too. Like you said, live in a shoe box. Yeah, absolutely.

Whitney Wolf or Sarah Blakely? I was like, I thought you were going for Whitney from The Bachelor. So it's like, her last name is Wolf. Oh, no, no, no, Whitney. I'd say Sarah Blakely because she's from Clearwater, Florida, which is where I'm from. Okay. Shut up. Better enough.

Early mornings or late nights? Oh, both. Late nights. I'm always, I've been a night owl since I was little. Yeah, I'm the kind of same way. Stress eat or stress drink? I do both. I'd rather stress drink.

I probably usually stress eat. Yes, yes. Okay. And also, I just wanted to know if there's anything else you wanted to talk about with your book or with anything that you've got going on that I didn't touch on. No, I think that, again, like if you're feeling, I know everyone's feeling busy. See, don't have to tell me you are. Yes, we get it.

We're all busy. That's like killing us, you're tired. We're all tired. And it's funny. After I started calling the book, or titled the book, Get It Together, I started hearing so many people just say in day-to-day life, oh, I really have to get it together. So I think that if you're feeling that way, hopefully my book will offer you, again, just some actionable pieces of advice that you can start taking right away.

But no, and then just people can check out internqueen.com if they're in college, if they're out of college, which I'm sure a lot of listeners are. career queen.com is brand new and the book Get It Together is available everywhere and then I have like three Instagrams right now which I don't know how that's about but it's at intern queen if you're in college at official career queen and then my personal one is official Lauren Berger so Instagram we even do with it these days but yeah official career queen at intern queen at Lord at official Laurenberger okay I didn't that was so insightful like I actually really enjoyed asking you those questions because I think a lot of listeners do have like these thoughts and these struggles and

want to know advice and I think that your book would be so rewarding for them. Well, thank you. Yeah, I enjoyed the conversation too. And got to end it with a joke. What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? Oh my gosh. That's good. I was like, a buck. I have been, oh, because you're doing the both and you're like, I was like, should I know this? That's good. I haven't heard it. Oh, good. There's not many jokes that I haven't heard. I've been saying that one since, like, high school.

So that's amazing. Well, thank you so much for being here. Yeah, thanks so much. And doing like, oh, God, your energy is so good for me right now because I was just like, so thank you. We're going to go sit and cry out of the shower. Put me in the shower. Yeah, thank you so much for being here.

And I'm Caitlin Bristol. I'll see you next to you think. Thanks for listening to Oscar Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively. on Podcast1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's done with OTV? Sponsor review for this week's Off the Vine. K-Y duration, extend both your pleasure.

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