Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Chari Hawkins | The Olympic Moment That Broke Her… And What Happened Next!

Episode Date: May 21, 2026

#947. Chari Hawkins lived every athlete’s dream by making it to the Olympics… and then had her hardest moment play out on the world stage.We get into that viral Olympic moment, what it really felt like behind the scenes, and why she chose to keep competing when most people would’ve walked away.But this goes way deeper—Chari opens up about the mental work it takes to not spiral, shares tools you can actually use in your own life, and what it really looks like to train both physically and mentally at that level.We also talk about the decade-long grind to the heptathlon, the financial realities of being an athlete, and her next chapter—writing a memoir and a children’s book.Emotional, eye-opening, and genuinely motivating—this one stays with you!If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these AMAZING deals!Alloy: Get your menopause treatment plan today. Visit myalloy.com and use code VINE for $20 off your first order! #AgeGracefullyProgressive: Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on your car insurance!DirecTV: Go to directv.com/genrepacks and sign up today to get MyEntertaiment for just $34.99 a month.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Imagine if today was the day your idea changed someone's life. Imagine if you could help someone pay for college. Help your community build a new playground or help a child make it to that dream competition. With GoFundMe, it's all possible. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform trusted by over 190 million people. Every week, ordinary people meet their goals and do extraordinary things. Your ideas matter. GoFundMe isn't just for emergencies.

Want to raise money for your kids' soccer team or raise money. funds for a small business, a creative project or event? GoFundMe helps you turn ideas into reality. And help adds up. Fundraisers you start for someone else, raise up to five times more. So think right now. Who could use your help? Change rarely comes from waiting. It comes from someone deciding, today I'll start. Don't wait for someone else to bring change. Today, start your fundraiser in just minutes at gofundme.com. That's gofundme.com to start your fundraiser. Gofundme.com. This is a commercial message brought to you by GoFundMe. This episode of Off The Vine is brought to you by Alloy.

Get your menopause treatment plan today. Visit malloy.com and use code Vine for $20 off your first order. Hashtag age gracefully. Progressive, visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. And DirectTV. Go to directtiv.com slash genre packs and sign up today to get my entertainment for just $34.99 a month. You're listening to Off The Vine with Caitlin Bristow.

Hey, everybody, welcome to Off the Vine podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And you know those moments that you've worked for? You've worked so hard for so long. It comes down to one shot and it doesn't go the way you planned. Well, now imagine that happening at the Olympics on like the biggest platform with the entire world watching. Today I'm sitting down with Shari Hawkins, Team USA Olympian. And we're getting into what it takes to spend over a decade chasing something like that. And then what happens when it doesn't go. according to plan. We'll show you the video. I'm sure you saw it. It went viral on the internet. She's also just a force with mental health, physical health. I really enjoyed my conversation with her. And we just talk about all of her career moments. And then we just go into a couple different tangents that I just weren't my notes. But I feel like that's when the best conversations happen. So let's jump right into it. And welcome to the podcast, Shari. Like your hair is so like quaffed and long and beautiful and like perfectly parted. Do you know what I was literally going to say, though? I was telling my husband, I was like, she looks so good with ponytails.

I feel like when I wear ponytails, I'm not satisfied. If I try with a ponytail, I can make it work. If I, like, clip in a bunch of extensions and do the slick back, like, I can make a pony pony. But this ain't pony. Mine's always the opposite of that. I'll put my hair up to, like, just get it out of the way while I'm doing, like, wearing my makeup off. And then I'm like, oh my gosh, this looks so good. This is me tomorrow.

and then I try the next day. And it's disgusting. You're wrong. I was watching a clip of you. I love the clip of the Taylor Swift. I could do it with a broken heart. And it's like all the things of you. And your butt looked so chic.

Oh, because I was crying. I didn't have time to try. Funny. Yeah. I was, okay, the thing about that is, you know, you're doing, you know, at the Olympics. No, I don't know. Okay.

You know, it's not, that's not something that everybody does. No. Okay. Crazy. I love that you're also wearing your, Olympic sweater. This makes me very happy. It is my full personality. It's good. It took me 33 years to make it. So it's like, I'll spend the rest of my life wearing the Olympic rings. People will be like, and I'm like, yeah, you're right. I actually, I'm planning on getting the Olympic tattoo. Yes.

But I'm putting it right here because that's a hand that I shake people with. Oh, so glad you asked. Yes, I was yes. Oh, that's crazy. That's smart. That is so good to meet you. I love that. Yes, so I'm excited. But wait, you said something about we were going on Tant. Oh, so what happened for anybody who doesn't know my story is one of the events I know hideed and so I was no longer in metal contention. And the thing that's so hard about that is it's not just at the Olympics. It's the fact that I, you know, I missed funerals. I missed birthdays, the cakes I didn't eat, the sleepless nights I had for the Olympics,

finally making the Olympics and then all of that happening. So obviously you're just shattered in that moment. and if you really look at the clip, it's pinned on my social media, but if you really look at the clip at any given moment, you can be like, oh, that poor girl has been sobbing her eyes out. And so, yeah, the bun looked great, I'm sure, because I wasn't worried about the bun at that point. I just trying to get through the day.

I mean, that point is like a big point of what I want to talk about on the podcast because you're literally at the Olympics, like you said, you've spent over a decade, over a decade, two, yeah, fighting to get there. And then this one moment, and then it's gone. and you miss what, I don't know, this lingo, you miss the opening height in high jump? Is that what?

Yes. What does that mean? So basically, like, in high jump, you have to start somewhere. Yeah. So everybody chooses a very conservative bar for themselves, and they try to get that first jump kind of out of the way because you have three attempts at every bar. Okay.

And so I didn't, I had three attempts at that bar, and I didn't clear it, which means you got a zero, and there's no way you're coming back from a zero. you're going to get last place in this competition. Right. And that like hurt my heart when I was like watching that video and learning about this. Obviously, you're visibly emotional.

The internet decides to just like, well, the whole world is watching. And then the internet runs with it. But my favorite is that you didn't walk off and you didn't quit and you just kept going. And I was watching so much of your stuff. I just got goosebumps so many times watching you fight. Yeah. Like physically. emotionally, spiritually, like take me back to that exact moment of what was going through your head in real time.

Because I know a lot of athletes, like Sean Johnson always told me that she just disassociates. But you were like visibly feeling things too where I'm like, tell me all about it. Yeah. I think the thing that was so crazy is it was one of those moments where everything happened so quickly that I was just in shock. I was embarrassed. Yeah, of course. I was hurt. I was mad at myself. I was mad at other people.

It's all, and it was nobody else's fault, by the way. But I'm still mad at other people. We do that as humans is I think that we try to find somebody else to blame. And I couldn't find anybody. That's why we have internet trolls. That's why they are so loud and strong because they're like, oh, this is an easy outlet. Sure, exactly.

And I think that for me in that moment, the best way I can describe it is how I really felt was when I got back to the Olympic Village, I had my own room because I actually was rooming with Gabby Thomas. Oh, really? Uh-huh. Yes. And however, we, Sydney McLaughlin was already also in her room. Like, who put me in this room with all of these superstars?

I don't know. But Sydney was staying off campus that you're supposed to be in. Yeah. Sydney was staying off campus. And so Gabby just moved into Sydney's rooms. So we had our own rooms. Yeah. Thank goodness because I was the best way to describe, like, how I was really feeling was, I was

screaming, I'm sorry. into my pillow sobbing for hours. Like think about just screaming, I'm sorry, I'm gonna cry now. Like I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And I was apologizing to everybody. I was apologizing to past me who had like tried and worked and clod. I was apologizing to the current me who was hurting. I was apologizing to my coaches and my friends and family and the supporters and future me.

But all of those people who I felt so sorry for, those were also all the people I had to like go back on stage for. Yeah. And I think that you get to have in life, you get to have both of those things. You get to have the shame and the sorrow and the devastation. But because you care so much, that's why you have to keep going. Yeah. That's fair. I mean, do people, has this happened before and then people just don't show up and come back? Yeah. All the time, right? That's very normal. Yeah. That's really normal. It's actually not super normal to no height and then finish a hep. It's like not, that's not like really very common. What did that do inside your brain chemistry? Because I feel like proving that not only to yourself, but then like I feel like the internet rallied behind you and just loved watching you do that because you showed so many people just strengthened so many ways. But like did that shift something in your brain chemistry where you're like, I'm a badass bitch. Yeah. Even though I still like, you know.

Yeah. I think that the cool part is I think about. high school version of me. So I've had really bad performance anxiety my whole life. Really? And like I think about her and like how she wouldn't have been able to go back on safe. No matter how much she wanted to,

she like just wouldn't have been able to or she would have been crying the whole time. She would have been in a pity party. And it, I think what it really did for me, even now me, like I always say like that version of me who was screaming, I'm sorry,

into pillow. Like I'm so grateful that she showed up for me, for now me, that I can talk about it. because I don't think if I would have finished, I don't think I could have talked about it. I think the Olympics would be like a taboo topic for me. And I'm here you are just rocking a sweater and getting a tab.

Me and my sweater. You're like, I'll tell you what I wear the sweater. And do you know what everybody asks? So how did the Olympics go? Oh. So guarantee I would never wear this sweater again if I didn't finish. That's true.

You know, but I think that the biggest thing for me is I always say like, you never actually know how, and you probably can relate to this, is like you don't really sometimes realize how strong you are until you want to give up, but then you choose to fight. I think I heard you say in some interview somewhere about like the work and how it's doing it scared and showing up anyways, which really resonated with me because that's kind of how I've lived

my whole life is like terrified to do something, which makes me go, oh, I have to do it. And then that's always changed. Like that's put me on this path of so much growth. Yeah. And evolution of like who Caitlin is. And I love that you talk about like your high school version of yourself and how you did it for her and she did it for you because I've done so much inner child work. I'm like I can tell you exactly where like each age I've done in inner child work. And I do think that's so important because it's just such a testament to growth and how strong you are and what you're capable of.

Do you ever send support back to past you? Yeah, all the time. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I do it. So I always think about like always. Yeah. I always think about like Olympics, Paris. I'm sorry, scream girl. Yeah. And I, in those moments, I send, I send the strength because I'm like maybe me now sending her that is why she did it. Yeah. And and I always like. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. And I always think about when things are hard now and I always think about, okay, let me take all the strength that I've had that I've given, that I've built in the past from showing up. And. And, then any time I feel like I can't do it, I ask for future me to send me some strength. I love that. Yeah, it's helpful. It's really helpful. I actually love that. I think we all doubt how powerful our minds are. And I always think about, I've said this on a podcast before, but like when a three-year-old has a temper tantrum because she drops her cookies, it's like, that's the worst thing she's ever been through. Oh, 100%. And then from that,

you learn, okay, well, then I move through my emotions and then I get another, or I don't, and I'll figure something out or my mom will help me. Like you all through your life, you're going through little hard things that build you up to do really hard life things. And then once you get through, like, when I thought my world was ending because of a heartbreak, I thought like, that's it for me. I can't move on. I can't live. This was going to be my life. And then you do. And you go, okay, well, next thing I can handle because I just showed. Yeah. You know, and that's, that must be times a billion when you get to the Olympics and have something. Well, it's not times a billion. Because here's the thing. Every single thing that we do, we expand to.

Yeah. So it's like I was already like I wasn't any different. Like anytime you've been, I mean, hello, okay, we're talking to the person who won dancing with the stars. You were on like a literally world stage, which is crazy. Yeah. But it's like in that moment, you were probably like, I mean, but I expanded to this. Yes. And so it felt like the same that somebody at a state championship dance competition would feel. Right. Because that's what they've expanded to. Right. So it's just like, it feels the same. Everybody who's felt pressure. In my opinion, they felt Olympic pressure because you have prepared for the pressure that you're going to feel. Does it add just such another layer, though, knowing the world is watching? So the way that I like to describe it is, so think of yourself on a Friday night, and you're going out and it's so exciting and, like, you can't wait and you're seeing your favorite people and you're doing all of like the fun things and you guys, you get ready and you're listening to music and like everything's going so good. And now take that same Friday night, but it's New Year's Eve. And it's weird because you're going out with the same people.

You're going to the same places. Maybe you're wearing the same outfit. But there's something in the air that tingles a little different. And I would say that that's the difference between like, let's say like a big world championship and the Olympics. It's the same. Yeah, same. But it just, there's something in the energy. There's something in the air.

It feels like you're vibrating at different speed. I get that. Yeah. And how did you find the reaction? Like you were going so viral. Did you know in the moment? Or was it like you got back and got to your phone or were people messaging you? Like, what was the viral moment like for you?

So I think, I don't know that I knew that the clip, I didn't even see a camera that close to my face. I couldn't believe it. When I saw it, I was like, oh. And I don't know, you know, we all go through heartbreak. Yeah. I've never had the opportunity to have my heartbreak professionally filmed. And you've had heartbreak filmed. I sure have.

But like watching your own heartbreak, like, I mean, what was that like for you? Oh, it's a see it. You feel like you want to jump through the screen and hug that person. And like, it's so much harder than I thought it was to watch back because it's like, that's me. It's very hard to explain now that you've asked me this question. I'm like, I've never really thought about it. Because it's, you're watching yourself and that's already happened. Yeah.

And then you're like reliving it. And like going through all. emotions, but you're like, ah, it's like, even if you feel like you processed it. Yeah, you're like, I feel like I process it, but then I'm having to, am I reliving it right now? Even, and that's so not natural. Even when I did my 10 year reunion watch back, I thought it would be so funny to watch it back. And I was like sobbing and having anxiety and like shaking, rewatching it. Yeah, I was like, I forgot all like the emotions that went into it. It's like you forget what you processed and what didn't process. Right. And like, all.

the things that didn't process are like, yeah. And then the other things you thought your process came back in and we're like, hey, like, you want to rehash me too? And then does it make you, because then you have so many different opinions and people saying different things that you're like, well, I never even thought of that. Do you know what's interesting? I think that sport, and you've probably like understood this too, like, because you're like an athlete. But like sport is really, you're able to, you're able to like tie it in with life, but it's not life. So people can compartmental. it a bit. But I think it's harder for you to go through heartbreak because on TV and like so publicly than it was for me because people can understand what it's like to have a bad day at

sport. And like, yes, there's going to be the silly people who, it honestly, you just have to say like, have you read the four agreements? Yeah, of course. Fabulous. But yes. It's not, it's literally no matter what they say, it's never about me. It's always about them. Right. And so every single thing that they're saying to me, they're really saying to them. Yes. And so you can compartmentalize it when it's a sport. Yeah. But for you, it's your literal life.

Like, you're dating, your love. I think that the most important decision somebody can make is who they've chosen to have as a partner. And to be able to have to be judged on that. I had to have somebody to blame and nobody was to blame at my own situation. And I think everybody, no matter even if you, even if everybody's innocent, And sometimes things just happen. People just have somebody have to have somebody to blame. And I think that's why it's so hard.

That's so, so, okay, so you set that bar at, you chose the height. Oh, yeah. 100%. So what do you think happened? I mean, I know, no, I know what happened. So what actually happened is to my athletes, never change things because you feel great. I felt so great and I was so grateful to be there and I wasn't nervous. I was so excited.

I felt like vibrating. Like it was just, I was just vibrating. I could see the Olympics everywhere. And I decided, I love meditation. And I just decided like, this is a time to meditate. Because I had, I mean, in my head, I had like a half hour until I was actually jumping. So I was like, I'm just going to sit down and I'm going to take it all in. And I got so lost in my meditation that suddenly I got, Shari, you're up.

And I was still in my sweats. Oh, no. So the time is, you only have a minute to jump. So the time is ticking down. So then I jump, miss it. Okay, that's fine. Pick yourself back up. You're good. But I didn't know who I was after. I hadn't been paying attention to anything. Oh my gosh, you really dropped into that meditation. I don't know if I've ever been that deep in a meditation. What a great time. What a great time to try new things.

Like idiot. And so I was running all over town trying to find who I was up after nobody had the list. Finally found a lady who was like really far away. She had the list. She's like, hey, just a second. Let's wait until after this jumper. the jumper they put the they put the bar back up and she's like what's your name and I tell her oh you're up now oh my gosh did your heart drop into your butt oh my gosh it was on the ground yeah my heart was on the ground out of my but hole yeah came back to be found yeah it was it was gone I was like it's over yeah now I don't even know where it is that's yeah okay then missed the second bar it was chaotic I was like okay I'm just gonna stand behind the the bar and pay attention but I had to tell my coach what's cool I was like it's chaos down here I love

literally just need to stand behind the bar and be prepared. Like, I'm going to be fine. She's like, Char, you can clear this bar in your sleep. And I was like, I know. I was like, I'm good. It's just chaotic. It's chaotic. So I go down, but the thing is, it's such a low bar that everybody's already cleared

the bar. So what I didn't know is when they put the bar back up, I was next. Oh. So while I'm talking to my coach, my time is ticking down. And I go back from talking to my coach and I see that there's almost no time left. And I'm like, am I up? And they're like, yes. and I just had to start

and I wasn't on my right cues I wasn't ready and here's the thing is at the end of the day it was literally nobody's fault but my own

because I decided to do something I'd never done before but also it happened so fast that I was like have you forgiven yourself for that blame? Yeah okay good of course

I mean I think the thing that's also a good note of like what's the work I have have you ever tried brain spotting or heard of it. It's like NDR. I actually just found somebody in, I just moved from Nashville to New York, but I kept my place in Nashville and I'm going to be back a lot. And I found

somebody really good in Nashville to do that. That does brain spotting. Yes. Okay. So if you've never tried brain spotting before, it's basically they take this little pin and they have you, you know, they find your eyesight and then you just stare at it. And you're set up to like, do you have things, or is it not that? I don't have it. I have headphones. I have headphones. I have headphones. I have headphones. where there's like the ocean, it's crazy. The ocean goes from like one ear to the other. Actually, I've done that. So I've done brain spotting.

I haven't done brain mapping is what I'm talking about. Or they actually hook you up. Oh, interesting. I've never tried that. We're in the brain. Okay, but anyways, go on with the. With the brain spotting is you get yourself into essentially like a space of hypnosis, a space of like, you know, when you're just staring out in a space.

But you're very focused. And basically your brain spotter gets you into a space where you're, she can connect with you and you can tell her what's going on in your subconscious and what your subconscious is trying to tell if it's sad, if it's scared, if it's what is it worried about, what is it thinking, what is it, what is it doing chaotically? And then your, your brain spotter will help you feel it fully and get it fully out of your body. Wow. So I spent an hour, my brain spotter was there in Paris. So I spent an hour in between sessions just Oh, moving it out.

Feeling it and getting it out. In that moment. Well, we had, you have to remember, it's a 15 hour day. So I have plenty of time in between to try to get it out. Did you travel with her? She came with, I brought her with me. Yeah, I brought her with me. And so she was super helpful.

That's awesome. So I want to know, let people know, like, that's what's so cool about being willing to, like, do, like, when you do the work. Yeah. Even if you need assistance. doing the work. Like, it's really important because it can, it can make you so much stronger. It can set you up so well. Well, again, going back to the three-year-old kid dropping the cookies, they, we don't, as adults allow ourselves to scream and cry. You allowed yourself to move through to, to process, totally, get it out, which another, I had somebody on my podcast once that was a

trauma media counselor. Oh, cool. Who talked about the fact that we're watching traumatic things happen in the world. We have body cameras. We're seeing shootings. We're seeing all these things that were not meant to process. And we aren't going to then go move through those emotions and do brain spotting after each scroll. It feels like just stuck in our body. Yeah, I was going to say, it feels like we shouldn't be allowed to have to process. Like, this didn't happen to me, but it's like you just watched it happen. Oh my God. If only every athlete could do that. Yeah. It's every athlete should do it. If we're being honest, for me, I'm when, I mean, it's, I mean, If I'm able to have children and move through the world as a mother, like, one thing that I will set them up because I think my kids will want to do sports for fun.

But I will make sure 10, 11, 12, I will set them up with a sports psychologist. Yeah. Because, first of all, sports are supposed to be fun and I want to make sure that they can handle any pressure that they might have. But B, it's just really good for everyday tools. Well, because you get, I mean, so many people in different industries, but sports being one, you just like eat, sleep, breathe. that one thing. Yeah. And you start to believe it's your whole identity, your whole life, who are you outside of

that sport? And not a lot of people work through it till it's too late. Yeah. And they're out of the sport. And they go, who am I? Where am I? Same thing with when, you know, one of my girlfriends is going through a really hard time right now because her kids are getting to the age of moving out.

And her whole identity has been mom. Yeah. And then she's going through menopause and who am I? And I'm like, yeah, talk about a spiral. Do you feel like, So, like, for you, like, you've been in, like, the Bachelor and Bachelor franchise for so long. Do you feel that sometimes, like, like, moving, like, I want to move out of that and into my own space and, like, what's that transition been like? And I feel like people suck you back into it all the time.

Yeah. And it's so confusing because I go, do I still want to be a part of that? Yeah. Because, like, it's still something that really set me up for success. It's why I have this podcast. It's why I have everything while also at the same time having boundaries of, like, how. I was treated on that show and certain things that happened and not feeling like, you know, even pay wise, like, is this worth my time at this point in my life? Yeah.

And why am I doing it? And it was so interesting because we just did a reunion for Taylor, Frankie Paul's season that is not obviously airing at the moment, but we did a reunion and we had all the girls come back together. And I was talking to Katie Thurston, who has stage four breast cancer, who's just like, looking at life through such a different perspective, which she inspires me every day. And she was like, are you going to go? I was like, they're not paying me enough. And she goes, oh, I was just going because it's like sisterhood. And I wanted to like spend. And I was like,

well, I'm an asshole. But it was just like nice to have that different. So I look at because yes, you come out of the show. And at first I was so angry at them. And then I didn't want to do anything for them. And then I was grateful. And then I had like the work on so much forgiveness for things. And then I'm like, I wouldn't have all this without. I've gone through so many different phases of like wanting to separate myself while also still being like grateful for the opportunity. Yeah, it is. That's so hard about it. That's just 10 years.

Like you, what age did you start being athletic? So, I mean, my dad was basketball coach. And so I was like, oh, that's where you had a picture with LeBron. No, I mean, I didn't know LeBron like that. So the way that I had a picture with LeBron was because my dad was a basketball coach. Cool. We went to a big tournament and my brother was obsessed with. with this guy named LeBron James.

My brother was that same age. And so my brother was like, there's this guy's named LeBron James. He's like the best in the world. And like he's in high school. He's just so good. I really want to try to find him. And I wasn't with my brother, but I saw him because my brother showed him to me and I was that I'm going to get a picture.

Oh, funny. Was your brother so jealous? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Devastated. That's crazy. Okay. So athleticism was literally in your blood.

Yeah. I think that it was just something. My parents have always just loved sport. They just think it's so fun. And my parents were, my parents are like really, I would say like the fun kind of intense about sports. Oh, that's good. So like my parents were always like, oh my gosh, we should do sports. Yeah.

But not like you better good at sports. They were just like, oh. You didn't feel the pressure. You felt like you, well, you did, but probably you also got to see it as something that you enjoyed. Yeah, there was a lot of expectation. But it, it's pressure, but it wasn't. insane pressure because my parents were really, I think my parents were just really B-type people in general. So it's like, I think if they were very A-type, it would have been like very regimented.

My parents would be like, oh, like, we should probably actually go to bed. We can't go work out. You know what I mean? We forgot that what time it was. Are you type A or B? I'm so B. Yeah, same, same. And I'm married to somebody who's very A-type. Thank goodness. That does help, doesn't it? I do think we would be homeless if I was in charge. if I was in charge. This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Alloy Health. Let's be honest, aging as a woman does come with a lot of things that no one really prepares you for, like sleep disruptions, hot flashes, brain fog.

It can really feel very overwhelming, and I know so many women in my life who have gone through it and felt like they just didn't even know where to start. Now, the wild part is menopause is inevitable, but it's also treatable. And still so many women go years without getting real support or relief. So I absolutely love what Alloy is doing. Alloy is a digital health platform that connects you with a menopause specialist doctor to help you feel like yourself again. This matters so much, you guys.

Everything is done online from the comfort of your own home, no waiting rooms, no pharmacy lines. You complete a quick intake, get matched with the doctor who creates a personalized treatment plan for you. And once you're approved, your prescription is shipped right to your door with automatic refills and you can message your doctor anytime, which I think is huge. It's fast, it's accessible, and actually designed for what women are going through in this stage of life. Can you believe it? We have something that helps. Join the 95% of women who tried Alloy and saw relief in the first two weeks. Head to MyAloid.com and use code Vine and tell them about your symptoms and you're going to get a fully customized treatment plan and unlimited messaging with your doctor. Plus you get $20 off your first order today. Head to M-Y-A-L-L-O-Y-O-Y dot com.

and use code Vine to get $20 off your first order. You're listening to this podcast, so obviously you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact that you might not know yet. Drivers who switch and save with Progressives save over $900 on average. They make it super simple. You pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions, and you'll get a quick quote with coverage options tailored to your choices. Plus, you'll see which discounts you may qualify for,

like the online quote discount or savings for paying in full. In fact, 99% of Progressive Auto customers earn at least one discount. So see if you could save when you switch to Progressive. You'll feel good about making a savvy choice. Visit Progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cashback. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. National average 12-month savings of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025.

Potential savings will vary. Okay, actually, I was just going to say when you get a negative comment or you get one that's like, not just like a silly little one because somebody once told me that I was fat and ugly and like just for today. And I was like, they called the girl

that I just posted with the perfect, I found the perfect picture by the way. There was like 18 pictures taken and I found the best one that I was like, oh, I look good on that. And then I posted it. And you're, you're, because they're not calling me fat and ugly.

They're calling that girl who I chose the person. perfect version. Yeah. She's not fat and ugly. I checked. Yeah. I scoured and I made sure that she wasn't fat and ugly.

So you can't hurt my feelings with that. Because at the end of the day, I just curated her. So you can't call her fat and ugly. Yes. But like sometimes every once in a else, somebody will say a thing that I'm just kind of like, it's if they question my dog parenting. That's when it gets me. I'm like, people say the craziest shit to me.

all the time. Like, and again, they see, and I always say this, I'm like a broken record with saying that people see people on social media as one dimensional characters. Yeah, true. You are seeing me put out a one version of myself that's pretty like spicy. I'm edgy. I'm like a dog lover, a wine lover. Like, you're getting this.

And you're funny. And I'm hilarious and I'm really cute and like all. And I'm credible and like I'm just crazy. And you're just like only that. So. And I just, all I do is show. the good, great sites, which is everything, by the way. Right. I'm sorry. Sorry, perfect. But I'm like, gosh, there's so much more to me in my days than

people even know. But at the same time, like, it really, people are really hard on me. Yeah. And it doesn't, it almost is funny, but like the other day I talked about moving to New York and they're like, you're poor dogs. And I'm like, my poor dogs who now have two homes, one with a pool. My dogs are fantastically wealthy. Thank you. And I was like, my, I literally. I literally, I literally picked out this apartment because of my dogs. Like, I wouldn't have picked any other apartment because this had an big outdoor space that I'm putting fresh grass on. And they're going to get more walks than they ever have. And they're going to be city dogs and they're going to be having play dates and going to the park.

And I was like, huh? And here's the thing about in that moment, too, is like, we go back to four agreements. Great book, by the way. I think I've said it 14 times. I didn't write it. I wish I did. I'm talking about it like I wrote it and I'm promoting it and I'm getting a cut of it. I'm the same way with like some therapy that I've done.

I'm like, and by the way, and they're like, we get it. And by the way, you've gone to Hoffman. We get it. Yeah, but it's just like even in that same light, I mean, I go back to it all the time. It's just like it's like never about you. And it's like it's not about the dogs moving to the city. Right. Like it isn't about that.

I should be like, that's cute. They're worried about my dogs. Like I just, that's really the only thing that gets to me is. I think the hard part is they're not asking you like, oh, like, what's the plan with the dogs? Because then you could say, oh, this is all the things we're doing for our dogs. And people are like, you're such a great dog mom. But they fill in the gap. They assume that you've been like, I'm moving to the city and also my dogs can go to hell.

They're actually filling in that gap. Yeah. It's, yeah, it is interesting because I'm just like, man, if they saw the level of love, my dogs get like, I even, I even contacted a dog medium to know to know that they're okay to move to New York. Like, I was like, can you ask them? Because I'm not moving to New York if they say no. And what did they say? They said wherever you are, that's where they want to be. Yes.

And that's all that matters. And I was like, oh, my God. And I'm just like, in my day, my days look so different. I'm actually curious what your day to day life looks like as like, because you are so like, you are an athlete. You are like a bread athlete who works hard and you do like a lot of good, I'm learning, like mental work and like I'm assuming you do therapy. And like you're very into how to be the best version of yourself.

Yes. What does like a day in the life look like for you? Is it always different or are you very like regimented? So we'll do like offseason shari and we'll do on season. Okay. So on season shari is so boring. The day looks the exact same. In fact, I have two sports psychologists.

Which is for, and I see. How long is this is the training version of you? Nine months out of the year. Holy shit. Okay. So this is a lot of your life. Yes. Okay.

So and she's boring. One of my sports psychologists literally one of my phrases is you have to embrace the boring. Yeah. Because you'll get. it's so boring isn't bad it's like it's monotonous for you that you're just and and here's the thing it can get monotonous and he always tells me to embrace the boring when I get itchy because I'll I'll try to do too much yeah because I'll be like oh I need more I need it how do I get better he's like you just need to keep doing the things that you wanted that you you were hoping something else is going to

fill in that thing yeah no instead what you need to do is embrace the boring and keep doing your thing that's fair so um training like training season uh we are waking up at 8 o'clock getting breakfast, taking an ice bath. Every morning? Every morning. Love that. Wait. I'm going to interrupt you at all times. Love it. I already have questions. What do you eat for breakfast? Okay. Well, it's the same now. It's the same. I'm off season charry right now. But it's the same regardless. It's eggs and some sort of meat. Whether it's chicken, whether it's chicken sausage, whether it's turkey sausage, whether it's regular sausage. Okay. And then eggs. Okay. Because just heavy protein right in the morning. And then I have my first carbs after training. Because fun fact about carbs, when you eat carbs, very good for you, by the way.

But when you eat carbs, you want to eat them after training because that's what your muscles eat carbs after training. Oh shit, I always do it the other way. Your fat cells eat carbs not trained. I literally do this the other way. I eat carbs before working out and then I eat protein after. If you do it right before, like 15 minutes before, it's fine because during the other way. the workout, you'll be okay. Okay. Okay. So that's okay. Yeah. But ideally what you really want,

you know how they always say get protein within 30 minutes of working out? You are working out, like 30 minutes after you want to drink a protein shake. Yes. You actually, you want double the carbs to protein, two to one. Okay. So more carbs than protein in like whatever drink or whatever snack that you're having. It's like, it's cool. I read a whole book. I got like really obsessed with it. And then so nutrition, that's, well, I'm very much into fitness. So I'm like fat. about all this case. Yeah, no, that's something that was huge, that like I, when I found that out in my training, that was, I started doing that in 2023 and boom.

Really? Yeah, I felt like I just recovered so much better. And that was just a huge piece of my puzzle. Okay. Was that timing? Not just the nutrition. Do you take creatine? Oh, yeah.

Okay. 100%. I think everybody should take creatine. Yeah. I mean, it's good for brain health. Yes, 100%. And then go to practice. from, I would say, 9, 30, 10, just depending on,

because I trained by myself with just my coach. So I get to decide who and when and where. Okay. And then I'm home at 6. Wow, you're training that whole time? But you have to remember shot put, that's 90 minutes. But it's really fun because we're throwing and then I got to go get the ball

and then we're walking back. We're watching film. We're trying it again. We're talking about it. So it's really fun. That looked fun. That was fun to watch. Yeah.

No, it's really, really fun. Same with javelin. Same with long jump. And then there's, you know, we have to do running circuits and speed and like weights and physical therapy. And then usually twice a week I'm going to my sports psych or I'm on the phone with my other sports psych. So twice a week. You're dialed every week. I mean, you have to be.

Have to be. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I. You don't get to the Olympics by being a lazy. Especially when you're not like born and bred. Yeah. Or like, yes, I was always athletic.

Yeah. But I wasn't, I mean, I didn't make the team at 16. Right. And a lot of people do. Yeah. So I wasn't born in bread. I wouldn't be, I wouldn't consider myself the goat of sport, right?

So when you're not the goat, you do, yes, you do have to climb every mountain. Totally. But it's worth it. It's fun. That's really crazy. Yeah. I, like in the last five years have really fallen in love with just lifting weights and like. What's your day to day look like?

I usually, I am like not an early riser. I like to sleep in. I love to, when I wake up, I try and get, I do some sort of protein shake or, um, My trainer likes me to have like a carb with sugar and like fruit. Sure. So a protein waffle or something with fruit. Oh, cool. Okay.

And I usually do that. And then I do Pilates three times a week and then I lift really heavy twice a week. Cool. And then usually I'm doing something with podcasting and dogs and fun. Yeah. It's I feel like now that I'm in New York, I kind of have this like I've literally been here for like 48 hours and I'm like I have a new energy I like want to do stuff New York is so lazy in Nashville do you listen to when you first got here did you like walk down the street and put like welcome to New York

on your because truly because truly it will change your life I did it on the plane yeah I listen to that on the plane do it in a cab going through the city well and you will literally like vibrate how many rats do I need to come across before I spiral like because I'm like have you come across any Yes Two Already So one Was a few months ago

When I didn't actually live here But one in the 48 hours That I've been here And it was an actual rat An actual rat Yeah Massive I'm on

I'm not okay about Yeah no I was I was like Oh I was like Can they scale buildings And get up in my apartment Which I think they can't No

I don't know You can't just make that up Okay Well that's my intrusive thought That's my intrusive thoughts That's also what I do on my day-to-day basis. I have the worst intrusive thoughts.

And my girlfriend's like, we all have them. But why do you always say them out loud? She's like, I got to get it out. I got to get it out of my head. Oh, like, she said something. She was like, oh, my God, the dogs are going to love this space. And I was like, I know I can even like throw a ball. And I was like, no, because then Pino will jump off and die.

And she was like, don't say that out loud. Yeah, I get it. I get them too. Yeah. Okay. This is actually like a tool. This is like one of my tools for psych for that. Okay.

Tell me. Okay. So the whole concept is it's all imagination, right? Yeah. So if you find yourself starting to spiral because you've been imagining negative things. Yeah. Imagine it going well instead. You just have to get created because both of it's imaginary.

That sounds really hard. No, it's not because the best way to do it is this is literally the steps that I take. So I'm afraid, terrified of hippopotamuses. Are you really? I'm I'm not like Rome in the city No

And I live in Utah So they're not in They're not there either But I'm like You know how like you were afraid of quicksand When you were young Yeah Yeah

Like I'm afraid of sickles It's nowhere Yeah Like quicksand is nowhere But but neither is hippos But like for some reason So I was like listening to podcasts And all of a sudden

They just like talked They It was like a jump scare Talking about in detail A hippo attack Oh no I was having... How did that find its way into your ear holes?

And I truly was like, I'm suing. This is horrible. So I did not get like a warning. Oh, yeah. And I was so unwell. I was sick to my stomach. I was like having... I felt like I was having a panic attack.

Oh, my God. So I, the first thing that I did is I took 10 very slow breaths. And then I literally, in my head, I pushed control, alt delete. And then I literally sent it out. And I said, I said, that's not for me. Yeah. Like, it's not for me. and then I started, I started creating a very, a very positive experience.

And it's like, that is the work. Okay. And it's like, it's like, that sounds hard. Yeah, work. That's what's called work. Yeah. And it's just like, so when you have the intrusive thought, you have to take one or two deep breaths.

You have to send it out of your mind and you have to replace it with something good. Okay. I have, I do the sending it out of the brain and I picture it being bright red in my brain and then green once it leaves because it's like, I don't know why that's what I do. but I never replace it with a positive thought. So you know the Hercules, like on Hercules, when they like take the souls out of this? That's me with the thoughts.

Yes. Okay. Yeah. And it's just, it's gone now. And it's fully gone. And it really does work. But yeah, you have to replace it. Because if you, I mean, if you don't replace it, then your subconscious is like,

I got another one for you. Well, I have an irrational fear of birds, which is also not good for the city. Oh my gosh. I hate birds. I'm so scared of birds. Oh, my God. We both love spray agents.

We both hate puking and we hate birds. Are you that that's pretty universal I think all three of those things I like pizza Have you seen that? I like pizza I like pizza I like the Beatles

I'm a type 4 on the enneagram and I'm a Gemini so I can't I'm a Gemini What? So you understand you want to feel unique I'm like no no nobody else is afraid of birds Just me I am quirky

Did you get a bird stuck in your hair When you were little? No Okay Did you? Yes Okay my mom just put the fear on me Because she's definitely afraid of birds

So we were always like, she was always like grabbing us and screaming. So that was inherited. So it was inherited. You had a bird tangled in your hair? Yes. Oh my gosh. It was when I was in high school. That gives me hives.

Oh my gosh. It was the scariest moment. And I- Was it a crow? I genuinely don't know, but I don't think. I don't think so. I don't think so. So what happened was, I guess there was like a bird on my car.

And I dropped my keys. And so I went to go pick up my keys and I opened the door at the same time. The bird got scared when I opened the door. And I stood up quickly because I was. I heard the bird, and it got, its little thing got in my ponytail. No. Like a little, like, this. And here's the thing.

I'll bet that, I'll bet that bird, I'll, oh. Was it shitting all over too? Because I was scared? It pooped on me. Yep, it pooped on me. It was so scary. And here's the thing. That bird was probably in my hair for half a second, if not a full second.

It felt like it was one whole year. Yeah. It felt like, I'm, I'm, I want to relax from the story already. Like, so many times. And I called my dad and I said, I'm not coming. in the school because my dad was a high school counselor. Oh my gosh. And so he and he just like excused me from school and I like went to bed. I was like sobbing my eyes out. I can't even handle that thought. The flapping is really, I don't even like butterflies because they flap.

So one of my best friends is terrified of butterflies. Yeah. Because they're like moths. Well, she feels like there's a big moth. She feels like there's cameras attached and they like, because she said that they follow her. She's like butterflies follow me everywhere. Well then she's got spirits. That's what I said. Yeah. It was like, it's probably more spiritual than anything. She's like, I am being followed. And I'm like, is she doing something wrong that she's scared of being followed?

No. She just has three kids and is this living her life, man. That's hilarious. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, people think pigeons are like the government. Oh, that's funny. Pigeons, Kate, but also the thing about New York that I've noticed because I'm very afraid of birds is pigeons are not afraid of people. No, they love people I found out.

They'll, like, stop and just like, be like, hey. I heard they love people. And that's, they were like outside of the city birds, but they all found their way into where the people are. People keep feeding them. And people. And they love people and we don't love them. Okay, this one's from a TV lovers. My entertainment from DirecTV gets you 60 plus channels and Disney Plus Hulu and HBO Max all in one pack.

It's genius. But here's the thing too. With so much great TV in my entertainment, you're going to want to talk about everything you've been watching. Just remember that your friends might not be as well watched. as you. So don't be a spoiler and encourage them to get my entertainment just for $3499 a month. Go to directTV.com slash genre packs and sign up today. New customers only service renews monthly and less canceled. Credit card required conditions apply to apps. HBO Max basic with ads begins after direct TV five day trial. Learn more at directtv.com restrictions apply.

When is your birthday? May 21st. Oh. Oh, you're like the on the cusp. You're the a sweet kind of Gemini. Do cusps exist? Yes. Because I've heard both. It's all about your birth chart. Okay. Yeah. It's like, do you know your birth chart? Not really. I feel like I'm, there's a Virgo in there. Okay. It's, I have a Taurus in there, which I'm a Taurus cusp, apparently. Okay. So there's a Taurus in there. There's a, I'm Gemini and then, and Virgo, but I don't know what the other placements are. Okay. No, that's, if that's your big three, that says a lot about you in a good way. Okay. But that makes sense. tourist yeah um i like know a lot about certain signs and then nothing about other

signs but um you should look at your you should i feel like i've always tried because i'm like i'm pretty wooey yeah but then but then i i'm like i don't get it and like i just don't understand it and so i'm like okay no i'm the same i call myself a fraud all the time because i'm like so into it yet i couldn't tell you anything about it yeah i care so much about it and i know nothing Yeah, I'm the exact same. That's, we are very similar. That's, and we're unique and you're not the same. I'm so special. We're so special. I am just so different and unique and great. Well, I mean, you're literally, but when other people say that about me, I get offended. Oh, no, you have to say. Like, you're so special and unique and different. I'm like, what do you mean? No, actually I like when people say that to me. I'm like, I know. I know. I'm like, I know. I'm the youngest of five. Oh, you are? So I was like, hey, excuse me. Yeah, you have. Yeah, you have. got to do something to get the attention. Yeah, always. And a Gemini. Oh, I like, I love learning about people and there. That makes so much sense because I'm the baby of just two. Okay. And I feel like

all the stereotypes of kids with like where you're at in the placement are all true. Yes, it is so true. It's so true. My older sister's a tourist and she's kind of a middle child because she's the fourth. And she's such a people pleaser. Oh, yeah. Ridiculous. Yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, she just loves people. and she wants to make sure everybody's okay and she will sacrifice herself to do it. Interesting. Yeah. Does your whole family, are they all into sports? Yes.

Oh, okay. Oh, and my sister, she's 6-1. What? Yeah, my brother's 6-5. Wow. My dad's 6-3, my mom's 5-2. Oh, that's so, and how tell her you, what, 5-5 or something? Yeah, 5-6.

That's so, yeah, it's just, do you have a sister or brother? I have a sister. You have a sister? Are you guys close? Very. Yeah, like, how, does she age? Three years older than me. Okay, cool.

Yeah. That's so fun. She's also, she's May 28th, but it's like May 21st to the 28th, Gemini's are like the kind ones. Oh, I'm like the crazy one. When's your birthday? June 19th. Oh, like, oh. Yeah.

Interesting. I know. What are your thoughts on your birthday? Like, how do you want to go all out on your birthday? Are you getting into a space now, like, as you're getting older that you're like not looking forward to your birthday as much? I have struggled with this in so many different ways. Now I'm like, because I had to work on in therapy, a lot of things I've had to work on is I've always thought aging was bad. Totally.

I mean, I feel like everybody who's 20 to 26 thinks aging is bad. Yes. And then at 27, you're kind of like, oh, it's like not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And also I'm scared because I know that old version of me hates that I'm getting older. Well, and I love, I have loved who I am each year. more than the last. I'm like, oh my gosh. So like, how much am I going to like find out about myself in the next 10 years? So I'm like excited for birthdays. But at the same time, I think I like living so much that I'm scared for it to pass me by so fast. Yeah. So I have the passage of time

really with my head. Got it. And I get very like emotional about like, I've been like this since I was little. I remember like my parents always did home videos and I couldn't even watch home videos of myself because I'd start crying because I was like, time's going too fast. Like, Like, really? Yeah. Even when you were little? Even when I was little. Yeah.

That's so interesting. Because I always think about like Billy Elish when she was like very young. Yeah. Had that song that was like, tell me which one is worse, living or dying first. Yes. And the thing about that is in my head, I'm like, well, like the way that I see it is like obviously dying first is worse. Right. Because it's like in my, in my brain, it's like, would you rather get older or would you rather die young?

And right now, today, you'll literally never be younger than you ever will be again. And this is the youngest you will ever be. And that gets to be true for the rest of your life. So keep thinking that. Like that's something I do all the time is like in this moment and it gets to be true forever, I'll literally never be younger than I am right now. So I actually am going to take that and run with it. Yeah.

And also I'm just like I'm not like it's my birthday week. Like I think a lot of people think I love attention. Sure. And I think I used to in like an unhealthy way. Now I like it in a healthy where it's like my people. I like attention from like my people and like them thinking I'm funny or like nice attention from like people at home watching this being like we love your podcast. Sure.

But like people have this image of me that I like attention. Like you do things for attention. Yeah, which I see where they're coming from at some points. But like it's so funny how the, I don't know, this image that I've created of myself to be like that. Yeah. But I really have no idea where I'm going with this. No, you were saying like as we're getting old. Oh, oh, oh. And now each year I'm like, it's so funny because I'm like birthdays, I'm like, I don't need the attention. Like everyone like doesn't need to wish me a happy birthday. Like I just want to go on like a nice trip with like your person. People I'm close with and just like enjoy the day. Because I'm like birthdays are so special. But also like I don't even care about a wedding because I'm like I don't want all the attention on me for a day. Oh. See, my wedding was very much like let's go. It's my turn. I love it.

that but that's like that that means that was a special day for you oh yeah and the thing about it is like my husband also wore white and so we it was like it was like our day like we like it was like it was tzah like it wasn't just like for me it was like for us like we were like he's an aries oh i thought you're going to say capricorn no i don't know why and he's and the thing that's interesting is because like with aries like they're supposed they're like very like stubborn right yeah but like and he is but he's so intelligent and articulate. It's good and bad to every side.

Oh, 100%. So it's just like, well, it's so interesting because usually, honestly, the thing that's hard is he is right most of the time. Oh, damn. I'm like, gosh, he's here. So he's very like, he's very, like, hard-headed, so am I.

Yeah. Cus of Taurus, right? Totally. The little Rams or like the horns head, right? But he's usually right. Oh, and I'm usually being erratic. I'm usually like, but let me

at least you can. At least you can admit it. Yeah. I'm going to switch gears really quick because I do want to ask about this. I feel like people don't usually see this part of your world or talk about it. But how hard is it to sustain a career as a female athlete, like financially? Oh my gosh. Well, so with tracks specifically, I mean, honestly, all women's sports, to be honest.

So do you get like partnerships for like brand deals for online with certain things? Like, is that how? Yeah, I don't know. The way, so the reason I even started social media in the first place was because I had to find a way to pay for track. Like I wasn't going to be able to keep doing track. Wow. It was, I was spending like negative $5,000 to $6,000 a month. That's how much.

And I wasn't making money. I was a nanny. Wow. So I was like, I got to figure this out. Like I'm barely scraping by. And I was having to like, you know, minimize every single thing that I did. But I found out that, you know, even if I was number one in the world. Yeah.

I wasn't going to get a sponsor. sponsorship, especially back in the day. Now the Olympics is so much bigger. Before, the Olympics was really big for the superstars. And now with social media, if you go to the Olympics, you have a moment. It can change your life. Totally. But back in the day, it was kind of like, even if I was the best at what I did, I have to find a way.

And so I was like, well, if I do social media, I can get sponsorships. And that really was what started my social media journey. And then I just fell in love with it because I had so many people that were rallying for me. And have you made like true friends from social media? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, me too. And I called them my digital family, even when it's dysfunctional, it's still a family. Like that's, I, and I feel even more about my off the vine community.

Like they feel like total family. Totally. And I've definitely made friends with people. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that that's the coolest thing for me too is it started as a way to just make money. because there's not much money to be made as just an athlete. Like you've got to try to find a way.

It's literally your whole life. And then you have to find ways to support yourself through this, which is so crazy. And like the overlap of like you're saying, you make friends online. How hard was it to just maintain relationships in general your whole life of like you said I've missed funerals. I've missed eating cake and the birthdays. And like I feel like biological pressure of timing for certain things. And what? Like, how crazy is that?

Yeah, it's just one of those things. The thing that I'm very lucky is that I have a partner who has been with me through it all. Yeah. So I have, that has helped me keep me so balanced and keep me into perspective for with everything. Right. But I think that the biggest thing, do you know what was super helpful? Do you use, do you use Marco Polo? Markopolo has, like, reached out to me because how many times I bring them up on social media.

I'm literally like, sponsor me. Sponsor me. Yeah. Yeah. Please. I think they gave me a year. membership for like I can like do like I have an advanced version I pay for the advanced version well hook around Marco Polo money because I love it it's the thing that's kept me so

close to all my friends same yeah so it's just it was a huge part for me yeah and keeping that's how I talk to my best friend in Canada every day yeah oh yeah 100% oh I'm gonna find you a Marco Polo yeah yeah we'll just start Markle pulling because yeah that I feel like that's um with that level of dedication comes missing out on a lot of like life do you feel like like, it's not like your Britney Spears, like, stuck at emotionally like 13 years old, but do you feel like you missed out on a lot of things? There's good and bad. I think that sometimes I missed out on maybe making memories with friends and family.

Yeah. The good thing is I was able to make memories I would have never made. So true. So you do give up one, but you get one back. That's true. And I think that that is another, the other thing is seeing two sports psychs a week. because one of them we do like real genuine deep therapy and one is like the tools like your good is good enough yeah like that's a that changed my brain chemistry that's yeah that's a

like literally to just be like do you know like if you good is good enough like you don't have to do special things my brain goes no it's not and that's the work yeah it's keeping saying that and being like oh i've decided i'm going to let that be true to me and keeping saying it because the work isn't just saying it once because your brain will be like no yeah yeah no no no no no no no It's protection. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Your brain works. That's why because your brain works. Yeah. Your brain wants you to survive. Thank you for the intrusive thought. Yes. Your brain will be like, let's scan everything for all the dangerous things and how you are

going to be ostracized from society by who you are. And then if you say, oh, thank you, brain. You're so good at what you do. Yeah. But I also like, my good is good enough. And you keep doing that. Because here's the thing. If we're being honest, like it's like dang near a spiritual belief.

that I believe is like your subconscious is the thing that runs everything. Totally agree. Consciously is the only way you can communicate to your subconscious. So when you decide to say my good is good enough consciously, your subconscious might be like, no, no, no, no, no. But if you just accept that, well, okay, I guess my subconscious, you just keep talking to it. And then eventually your subconscious is like, oh, yeah. I do.

I really have trained my brain in a lot of different ways. I need to just keep working on it because I've changed my whole life with that. I couldn't articulate it the way you did it. And I think if subconsciously you actually didn't believe that you're good, it was good enough, you wouldn't be so successful. Okay, you right, you write. Yeah. That's a good point. That's a good point.

Yeah. Like I think there's probably also because you're incredibly sarcastic and I think like sometimes your humor can be like a little self-deprecating, which is fun. And it's fun to do because it feels like you take the tension off yourself so the internet can't do it from you. Yeah. But also understand that deep down your subconscious knows, but consciously what you're doing is you're training your con. You're being funny about it. Yeah. But your subconscious is hearing it.

So eventually your subconscious is going to be like, oh, yeah, that's right. We've talked about that for a long time. That's what sucks about self-deprecating humor. Man. I'm going to stop being funny. But then it's like, I know. It's like, it's like, oh, but it's like really fun. Yeah, that's a good.

And it feels safe. It does feel safe. Yeah, it feels safe. But then you're like, crap. I'm like actually teaching myself. I do battle with that. forth all the time. Do you feel like you self-sabotage? Oh, absolutely. I've gotten better and better. Sure. I'm now 40 and I feel like I'm like, gosh, I can't believe how I used to talk to myself at 30.

Just beat myself up to the ground where now I'm like, I literally give myself high fives in the mirror and like... Do you do the Superman post? Yeah, all the time. I learned that from Grace Anatomy. Love it. Yeah, love it. That's like based off of like a real study. Yes. Yes. It was a Harvard study. Yeah, it was a Harvard study. Which is so cool. I feel like, okay, you've talked about like if you are going to be a mom, like God willing, all the things. Sure, 100 for sure. And I heard you're working on a children's book and a memoir. Yes.

So the memoir gets to be super fun because I think it's going to be, to me, it's so important because it basically started on me not making the Olympics in 2021. Yeah. To be frank and a little vulnerable, it almost killed me because of the intrusive thoughts that did come to my brain, literally. And I think I realized that I was so attached. Like, think about this. I wasn't even done with my career. I was still training the next, like, I was going to take three months off and then I was

going to start training again. It's not even like I was lost. Right. But I didn't know that I would ever make an Olympic team. And so my Olympic dreams in my head were dead in the water. And I was so attached to my Olympic dream as a person that in my mind, I may as well be dead in the water. Right.

Because my dream was dead in the water. And so that was a big wake-up call for me and I started doing a lot of work and getting very curious about athlete identity. And I had to learn doing the work, the hard work, where you're like, it's okay if you're not Olympian. And then my brain goes, that's not true. You should be dead.

Oh, thank you. That is so nice. No. Let's try again tomorrow. And then, oh, it's okay that you're not Olympian. No, it's not. Oh, okay. Well, let's actually watch a podcast that shows that, oh, in fact, it is okay. Right. Oh, let's read some articles about people who were trying to be Olympians and they became super successful in something else. Right. And not the Olympics. And let's start, that's the work. Yeah. That's like when your brain says, no, no, no, no. You give it, you show it what it can do. And so the book is going to be the opportunity for me to be able to tell my story. not just from the moment where I was so devastated

and through, end up freaking making the Olympics, who knew once I detached my identity I would actually come through for me? Not crazy. But also transitioning out of that identity and getting yourself into the next stages. And then the children's book is just so much fun. It's just going to be about a girl

who has to learn seven, heptathlon, really amazing things about life that has nothing to do with how fast you run or how high you jump, but is just who you are. Oh. So I'm excited about both of them. That's really cool. I really like that because I think from like our parents' generation, we've learned so much about like what you would do differently as a parent. Obviously we all do that. Oh, my gosh. First of all, anytime I take a photo, I'm not going to say, oh, let me see it and be like, oh, no, no, I don't like that.

Like I'll never do that. I will always be like, what a beautiful memory moving on. That's like, that is universal. That is universal. Literally. Yeah, I'm just, it'll be like, I want my kid to dress themselves. They can look however they want, like, you know, with with boundaries. Close on. You can't go to school naked. But like, I just want them to feel so free in who they are.

Not that my parents didn't. I actually think my parents did a really good job allowing me to be who I was. But when it came to like, I had to wear the certain outfit. My hair had to be a certain way. aging was bad. You had to look a certain way. Was your mom really hard on herself? Yes.

Yes. Still is. So she was really hard on yourself and so you watched her be hard on yourself and then you said, okay, I can't do that. Whatever she's hard on herself about, like I need to make sure I'm not doing that. Well, and she was hard on me for those things. Yeah. Because she wanted in her head, she wanted better for you.

Oh, yes. Then that was her intention. I just want better for you. All out of like, I could not have asked for more loving parents. Sure. And but yeah, it's like it is. will all learn from of what, but I, that book to me sounds important of like just being who you are. Yeah. But when, when does the book come out? When can people get these? Are you working on it right now?

So yeah. So I'm working on it right now. It's really research heavy too. So I've been doing a lot of research like doing a lot of like secondary primary and tertiary research. So I'm very excited. It's going to be really fun. We're getting, I mean, right now what I'm doing is like writing like I've taken a lot of my journal entries from cool, from cool moments. I do this thing where, when I really want something, I write a journal entry as if it just happened yesterday. And I do it all the time and then I read the story. And so everything from being able to tell those stories to show you how to create your own story. So it's going to be a combination of sharing what the research says, giving you tools from all the things I've learned from both of my sports psychologists and my work that I've done myself and sharing my story.

That's really important. I love, I think you're just a badass and like I love how much work you do mentally as well as physically. Like you really put in the time to do both. Yeah. And the thing that's really cool is that I also, I think that you probably do this with your therapist. But when you're in your therapist's office and when you're sitting down with somebody who you know they have the answers for you, you just get like so curious. And I'll be vulnerable and be like, I don't know what I'm doing. These are all the things I'm afraid of.

What is my homework? Yeah. Essentially. Yeah. And then they tell me and then I say, okay, and what if that doesn't work? And they're like, oh my gosh. Sorry. But I make sure that I get all of the information I get.

And then when it's time to be disciplined, I just say like, okay, let's go. Yeah. I love that. Where can everybody find you on social media? So I'm hilariously not Shari Hawkins, but underscore Shari Hawkins. And I did that on purpose and I don't know why. Like in the moment, I was like, this is cooler. That's such a, that's a very millennial thing to do.

Yeah, a little underscore in there. When you do it, you're like, no, no, no, you can't just like be your name. That's lame. Oh, mine's just my name. And my name, it's just for that for everything. Like, everything is just Caitlin Bristow. But now that, looking back, I was ahead of my time. That's great.

Because I was like, I mean, my email when I was young as boy underscore magnet nine. Oh, mine was Candy Kiss 69. So let's get out of here. Oh my God. So we'll end it there. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, we all know this feeling when your to do list is so long.

You don't even know where to start. Oh, I feel like that right now, actually. Work appointment. catching up with friends remembering to drink enough water. Life is nonstop. And if you throw apartment hunting into the mix, well, forget about it. Just forget about it. But that is where Apartments.com can come in handy. They take the stress out of finding your next home so you can actually enjoy the process instead of dreading it. So if you want to see if a place is a good fit, you can take a 3D virtual tour and get a real feel for the space without even having to leave your couch. And once you find a place you love, you can schedule a tour online

and even apply with one click so you're not stuck filling out endless paperwork for every single place you're interested in. It's all in one spot making your search just way easier. So whether you're moving for a fresh start, a new job, just better vibes all around, Apartments.com helps you get it done so you can get back to literally everything else. So join the millions of happy renters. Find your next home at Apartments.com, the place to find a place. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto TV. Then I heard a voice.

Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. The truth is ours. It's just so beautiful. On Pluto TV, free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 NX files, may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials. No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.

It's Kail Lowry. Join me for Barely Famous. You might think you know me, but trust me, you don't know this version of me. This is where I say what everyone is too scared to ask and ask the questions that nobody wants to answer. I'm talking exes, unexpected guests, viral chaos, messy relationships, really just all of it. Nothing is off limits. Nothing is off the record. And yeah, things can get a little unhinged.

It's real, it's raw, and it's probably going to make you gasp at least once. So follow rate and review, barely famous, wherever you get your podcasts.