Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Chicago Live Show with Blake Horstmann and Whitney Angel

Episode Date: April 16, 2019

As the Spring Break Tour rolls on Kaitlyn and Brandi bring out Bachelor alums Blake Horstmann and Whitney Angel! Join in the fun as Kaitlyn chirps Blake about looking for excuses to flex, a discuss of the show Friends leads them to take a harder look at the character's actions, and of course some confessions including Whitney's pregnant wardrobe malfunction. Care of - Go to TakeCareOf.com and enter Vine50 for 50% off your first month. Quip - Go to GetQuip.com/VINE to get your first refill pack free See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Podcast One presents off The Vine with Caitlin Briscoe. Caitlin is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for lots of laughs, taboo topics, on filtered advice, and wine. Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. I can feel that energy.

I mean, I feel it. I had the cutest dress to come out in. I was like, oh, my gosh, I know, this cute spring dress. I'm going to be, like, so spring breaky. And it was like, this yellow flower. And I was like, I forgot my bra. I never wear a bra. Ever.

Who's with me? Yeah, all my small titty bitches out there. Like, hey! Itty-bitty-titty committee. No, I'm the mayor. You're the president. And we're all just here together, celebrating small boobs. And large boobs and medium boobs.

We love all boobs. You guys, thanks for coming. We've got some standers in the crowd that's... It really shows your commitment. My favorite thing about this is... I don't know if anyone's ever seen this many of, like, wine... glasses. Like I look around and like I'm in my happy place

you guys. I could die tomorrow. I'm happy. Everybody's drinking wine with me. My vinos are here. Anyways, I forgot my bra. And I was so annoyed. And I'm like, well, I guess I'm rocking my... I mean, I'm not mad at rocking, like,

Reebok. Is it just me or did you wear those on the train the other day? I did. Oh, I haven't watched these. I'm like... I don't wash my pants. You guys know this. We're at that point in this tour, though, where Cleo admitted to wearing her underwear reversed inside out. I've done that for, like, the last week now.

Being on the road is hard, okay? Yeah, I'm doing it with my socks. I've been doing it, actually, for like a week. I actually had to, like, retire the socks. It's not even, like, I need to wash them. I need to throw them out at this point. Like, it's getting gross. It's brutal.

Have you recycled outfits this trip? Oh, yeah. And I'm out of close. Have you flipped panties inside out yet? That's what Cleo did. I know. I have, too. Surprisingly, underwear is the one thing I haven't run out of.

What? I know. I couldn't believe it. I am the weirdest human on the planet. I have like 10 pairs of shoes. Is that not a lot? No. I have like 10 pairs of shoes and like 10 pairs of underwear and like 80 pairs of sweatpants.

Like it doesn't make sense. Yeah. I mean, sweatpants are life, right? Life. I don't know what point I got where I only wear comfortable clothes. I used to be the girl that was like, leggings are not pants. Oh, they're pants.

They're pants. Their pants, their pajamas, their travel clothes. The jeans only come out on special occasions. You guys should feel very special tonight. Oh, yeah. Also, my leggings have all been worn like three times already, so. So do you wash your jeans? Yeah, I do.

I know you don't. Dude, here's the thing. Mine stretch out. Thank you. You put them in the freezer, you guys. It's true. You laugh. Google.

I have not tried that yet. I feel so bad turning my back on you guys. I'll pay more attention. I'll turn around. Oh, they're going to get baby Blake's face looking their way. They're going to be all right. Baby Blake do to do, baby Blake do to do to do. Can we sing that?

Baby Blake to do to do baby Blake to do to do. Should that be his intro? Louder. Oh. Daddy. Blake do to do do do do daddy. Blake do to do do daddy. Blake do you do to do to do I hear a daddy

Blake I'll get it I'll cue him up here I think that's our cue to bring him in let's bring him up I'll play a little brother sisters everybody say going to ring the flame I'll show you how Blake HorseRuh

you're back and you don't have drunk Tia to back you up here like she kind of stole the show last live podcast in Nashville she was wasted in the best way possible. Like, I called the episode Spilling the Tia because... Do you get it?

Yeah, you guys get it? Because, oh, thank you. She was... I mean, she just was chirping Colton. I was just going to say, a lot of Colton's shade was thrown. A lot of Colton's shade was thrown. She was just really going for it. She really overshadowed, yeah. She really went for it. You guys,

Blake is a tall drink of water. Like, the guy is not short. When I first met you, I was like, okay. It's the first thing everybody says, like, you're taller in person. I always get that, always get that. You know what I get all the time? You're shorter. You're prettier in person.

Which is like a backhanded compliment. Yeah, it is. That's great because Instagram is like a highlight reel. So I'm like, thanks. Like what? Yeah, no, I get that sometimes. Or yeah, I get like, oh my God, you're a better looking person. I'm like, thank you.

I never know how to answer that. It's kind of weird. Well, cheers. We already were drinking and cheers in the back. Chicago. Cheers to Chicago. Go Bears. Wait, what?

I'm learning that every city I go to, I just say the name of their sports team and everyone loves me. I was going to say, that was an easy applaud. And that just backfired. And then I was like, did I get that wrong? Is it not the Bears? Okay. Packers. Wait, I can't hear you.

Oh. Oh, baseball is a take choice. Yeah, there we go. Oh, wow. Crowd pleaser. What about this? Oh, you know what I should have came out to? Duh-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

This whole live podcast tour thing, I've been wildly inappropriate. Like, I'm already pretty, like, inappropriate, but I have been taking it too far. Like, too far. My goal tonight, I've already told Caitlin this, my goal tonight is get half as drunk because Jason was in New York City. Good luck. Let me tell you. How drunk is.

Good luck. Right? I watched your story, Brandy, and I was like, oh my, my, I DM'd you, and I was like, oh, my God. I'm playing out with Jason a lot, but that's top three. Yeah, that's, that was. He was a rare form. He was Litzkees. Like, he made me laugh so hard that I fell out of my chair and started rolling on the stage

because I was like, did that just come out of your mouth? Like, Jason's very put together on a microphone, like in front of a crowd. You know, he's a banker. He wears blazers. I have now... You know, when you start dating someone or, like, you have a dog, you start looking like them? This is happening. I've been where...

I wore two blazers in one week. What is that about? Couples start looking, you know, looking more like each other. What? I said, don't get appropriate. I thought you said, don't get inappropriate. I'm like, security. Get her out of here.

This bitch has got to go. Thank you. I will not. But yeah, Jason was wasted. Yeah, he was. No, yeah. I've seen it. And you're right, he can drink.

And I've seen him like that. But I could tell from four seconds of Snapchat, I was like, oh, another level of junk. He might kill me for saying this because, I mean, this should be the least of his worries from that night. But I'm going to. But he went to dinner with a couple of my girlfriends after and fell a son. sleep at the table. He did. But I love him so much.

Me too! Let's play a game called Who Loves Jason more? Wait. Oh. I do. Who knows more about Jason? It's a very different kind of love. Hey, wait, what did you turn me for the other night that I say on every podcast?

You're like, you say that every time. You told the story about how you left the podcast and said, whoever ends up with that guy is the luckiest girl in the first girl in the podcast. world. When Jason left the podcast, here we go. I might as well tell the story, even though you guys just probably heard it, is when Jason left the podcast, the first time I ever did a podcast with him, he walked around the corner and he called his friend and said, I think I'm in love. And I walked- True? Yeah. I didn't, how have I never heard this story? Oh, he did. That's adorable. It is adorable. And then I called my friend and said,

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You guys know I'm always on the road, and that's why I love Quip. I can take it with me when I'm traveling around and never feel like I'm compromising my oral hygiene just because I'm on the road. Quip starts at just $25, and if you go to get quip.com slash vine right now, you get your first refill pack for free with a quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash vine. Now I lost my train of thought. What was I saying? Oh, we were going to tell how we dropped the L-bomb story, but we're going to save it for it.

He wants to be here for it, okay? Sorry, you're stuck with me, guys. Anyways, Blake Horsman, everybody. So, Bachelor in Paradise. I knew it. Come on. I didn't take long. You were five minutes in.

Well, yeah, I'm surprised I didn't introduce you as, like, Bachelor and Paradise star, Blake Horsman. Like, you're obviously doing Paradox. I cannot confirm or deny Well I can confirm for you Because it didn't come out of it Wait, what do you guys say? What was it? Okay

Okay, but wait Just wait, just wait Just wait, just wait Blake needs Okay, I love Hanagy Okay, very big fan I think she's one of the sweetest humans I've ever come across and I'm like

How are you a little China doll? Like, she is a little China doll And she's the sweetest, She is going to No I hope she does not get corrupted By this world I want to take her under my wing

I want to be like Let me give you all the advice And let me just like guide you through this Because I don't want her to be selling Flat Tummy T in two weeks And I did Coming from the girl who Toad him

She's coming from the girl who like Sosses Colgate toothpaste Like it's her job It's my job A joke like that for me I mean I'll do But the flat tummy Tew is where I cross the line Cross the line?

Cross the board? No, it's where... Draw the line, thank you. That's where I draw the line. That's where I draw the line. Anyways, to me, I'm like, that girl needs to experience so much more of life

than settling down. That's my only fear. I'm settling now, now I'm a set up. I'm just kidding. Did you just flex your tricep when I touched? He did! You guys, how many puppy photos

does Blake pose just so he can flex? Flex it. like this. I like dogs. Two. A total of two. Two of us? How many stories? Two last week. Two last week. They were last week. Damn it. I just, I mean, it's a good tricep. Well, I was like, oh, okay.

That's an automatic flex. That's a guy thing. It's not just you. It is, yeah. It used to drive me nuts. Like, any guy in the world that you were, like, on the show, I'd be like. If you come at me, like, you do this. Yep. But don't you feel how embarrassing that is? No, I don't. You do. Touch it again, be like, hey, Caitlin. That's what you feel like. I don't do that.

Well, it looks like you're doing it. But every time on the show I'd go to the guy, I'd be like, hey, I'm sorry. I'd be like, okay, I get it. God, you're all ripped. Even guys, like, if a guy wasn't touched me, I'd still flex. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh.

Why is I? Wait, what's the term? Guys in the room. Do you flex when people touch your biceps? You mean guy? Guy. Guy in the room. You flex?

Yeah. Y'all. You flex, bro? Do you work out? Even better. That is... Well played. Then that makes sense.

But Blake, you don't have to. You're like, we get it. You have triceps. God. Anyways, Bachelor in Paradise. Yeah, how do we get on my tricep? Like, how did we get there? Because I touched you and you flexed it so hard.

Anyway, a question. Has anyone been to Barry's boot camp in Chicago? It's just hard. I went this morning. And first of all, I hate getting called out in a workout class. Do you like it or do you hate it? No, that's the worst. I hate it.

It's like my fear. I walk into a class and go, I won't even raise my hand. And I'm not insecure. I'll be like, I don't care if I'm the first time. Just don't call me out. So when they're like, oh, any first timers? I'm like, I will fake this. I don't care.

I'm not going to call it. And so I'm like, he knew my name from like me signing in and I didn't have. It was like, oh, is this your first time at Barry's Bootcamp? I'm like, yes. They're like, um, call her out in class. okay and then so I go in like working my ass off and then at the end of class when I look like hell when I'm like sweating and just gross

he's like by the way where is Caitlin and I was like you just talked to me two minutes ago and I introduced myself you know where Caitlin is and then I'm saying and he goes Caitlin everybody give it up it's her first Barry's bootie and I'm like you Carson I love Carson he was a great trainer

but anyways if you guys haven't gone if you want a great workout. They didn't even pay me to say that. God, why am I doing this shit for free? Why do we keep avoiding the topic of Batsarguards? That's what I haven't chirped in. I know she's great. I just, don't you feel like

she needs to live a little? Yes. Yes. If you end up with her, I will be very happy. And who knows if she, maybe she doesn't need to live a little. When I was in my 20s, I needed to live a lot. But some people aren't like that. Who are you interested in? Don't see.

I have to. I have to. What do you think I'm not going to ask? Okay. I'll be honest. I'll be honest, I, when this, when Colton season was cast, I was like, wow, that's a lot of young girls. Very young, but beautiful. Yeah, very beautiful.

But I was disheartened. I wasn't sure. I was like, you know what? Maybe I won't go to paradise. Like, I don't think there's anybody going to be there. All the 23-year-olds are in here like, fuck. But. Wait, you're 29.

You're still in your 20s. I'm 29. I turned 30 in two weeks. Woo! That was going to happen. Get this guy a cake. 30, eh? But after watching the season, and I'm actually excited if I do decide to go to Paradise.

Let's say. I think it'll be, I am. I think you're some pretty amazing women. Yeah. Like, who would you like? I'm terrified, though, also. Am I? Do I terrify you talking about this?

Like, I'm sweating. Yeah. Not as much as the Maldives. F*** a ha-ha-ha. You were so sweaty. I'm so sick of those jokes. No, I was. It was hot.

If you want to, if you want to compare yourself. to me when I was in Bali I was the sweatiest grossest human on I was humiliated because I sweat but I only sweat around my head like never I'm like I smell great smell great smell great

but up here it's like are you okay yeah they so they cut the part mid proposal she wiped my face I'm not that's not a joke cute no I bet that's like one of those things I mean I wasn't gonna let go over hands

And then she was like, no, I'm just going to wipe your face. Oh, wait, that's romantic. Does that bring up old feelings? 15 seconds later when she said, no. Oh, that's actually so sad. Would you guys have said yes? I needed that. I needed that. Thank you guys.

Give you a little confidence boost to that. Oh, I appreciate it. She has four scrunchies on her arm. Oh, she does have four. I'm ready. Bye. And you got tattoos. Are you single?

How old are you? After that proposal? Okay. Happy. Happy birthday. You're like... She's ready. Don't seem desperate, though.

You're not ready. You're like, I could explore that option. Yeah. Yeah, me. The heck is that. Chicago likes you, is what we're getting at. Thank you, God. What are your predictions?

I mean, we can't really say because we still have to go through a whole season of Hannah's guide. say I'm going to be irrelevant come paradise. I... Am I irrelevant? I just got so defensive. What?

I like flipped the table. Cross it off my bucket list. She flipped the table. But you were... All right. Uh... No, you're not going to be irrelevant. You're going to be... No, you're right. But... Wanted and desired. And Jason and I will be watching

from home... I'm just... Fishing for compliments at this point. Every season, like, when it was Colton as a Bachelor, I was like, oh do you think of these girls is your girls because you were going to be the bachelor he's like calm down you psycho hey

but like no so I've asked around and everybody I've talked to like past Bachelor in Paradise people you get more time with the person which I'm so excited about after the bachelor's comparatively

but that's bad because because you don't really know who I am right Because they're going to see how sweaty your balls get. I'm just kidding. Yeah, there's no air conditioning in paradise. One of my bags is going to be an air conditioner.

Is there air conditioner? No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to bring an air conditioner. Oh, like a little like handheld. Yeah, you get three bags. I'm bringing an air conditioner as one of my bags. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so smart. You know where there's four outfits the whole time.

Screw the clothes, just bring one big AC unit. I'm going, you think I'm getting. You'll see. You'll see. That should be your shtick. You'll see. Oh, you know, like when the openings of the Bachelor in Paradise credits come up, he could be, like, standing like this

in front of an air conditioner. That'll be your thing. You're gonna give me roses four time with the air conditioner. They're gonna give me a rose, 15 minutes. Do you know what my thing would be if I did an opener for the Paradise thing?

Yeah, what would yours be? I do, I do this. Like a roundhouse stick, like, wait off! And then just slam a tequila. That would be my opener. Guys, what should mine be? I've actually honestly

yeah what should my wait what's your thing you know what it's going to be you're going to be like taking out a handkerchief and going almost paradise what can be brandy I feel like you'd be good at this are you drinking a little fashion yeah thank you get a girl yes girls in the audience drinking whiskey Blake how have you not thought about this you for sure

I have so I mean I've thought of a couple different things if you haven't thought about it I thought it'd be funny Don't do something stupid Okay Oh wait Well I guess that's the whole thing You should do something stupid

Yeah so I thought it would be funny Not funny This is my second choice But it'd be like Second choice The answer options This would be my second choice So I was crying in a towel

So I thought it'd be like Oh that's funny You know Oh wait that's funny Yeah that'd be pretty good Oh no I'm into that I want to Okay or

Or Or we're here for the next hour Or Or or I mean, the whole horse theme. No, no, drop it, drop it. Okay. We're going with a towel.

We're going with the towel. That's good. The towel's, yes. Is that good? Just like this? Okay. All right, all right. When you guys watch Master of Paradise now?

Wait, what? Is it moving? Devastating. I would have been like, oh no, get me another one. Wait, okay, wait. Does anyone have a better idea than the towel? Oh, flex your tricep. That's a good one.

You could do that while you do the towel, though. Like, flexing so hard. I was already going to. That was part of it. And then you can pull the towel away and go, uh-huh. It's going to wipe your ass. How has no one been eating pineapple as their intro?

Ah. How is that not been doing? That's good. I know. That is good. Please do that. While flexing, though. Wait.

Wait. That's such a good idea, Brandy. Well, flexing, obviously. Flex, pineapple, I don't know. And then do like a, like a, huh? Yes. Do you guys get what we're saying? That bars you do your finals.

You get everything I say. I'm actually impressed. That's funny. That's pretty good. I don't know if they'll sign off on that. That's funny. But please run it by me before you decide. I will for sure.

Don't. No, I'm going to group text a bunch of you and be like, what should I do for my interest? Oh, for sure. Jason and Brandy. Don't let the producers tell you what to do. Do not. If I have one piece of advice for Blake before he goes on, it's you have more power than you think on that show.

Yons. Okay, they need you. I'm terrified. It is so scary to go back in that environment. Oh, my God, you're wearing it too on your room. I just found it out there. I didn't bring it with me. No, you brought it from home.

But you have more power than you think. Yeah, I know. It's terrifying to go back in that world, that environment. Because you know what they're capable of. Now I do. I was a true believer during the season. But that made us love you because you really... He was such a believer to the process, the poor guy.

And he really believed... And I was... I think we all are going into it. You are like, yeah, I was. People were telling me beforehand, they were like, you know, I'm in Denver with Ben Higgins and they're like, go talk to Ben, go talk to Ben. Whoa, I just... I know, right?

And I was like, no, I want to go in blind. I want to go without a strategy. And I did. No, that's better. It is. It blew up in my face. No, no, no, no, it didn't. No, it didn't.

It did not blow up in your face. You got very far. And now you get to go in a second. Get those Instagram followers up, you know? This is where to get them up and find a girl. I do believe in Paradise. I was like, we love you too. I go on Paradise because I do, I do think, I think there's more.

What about Kael? I think they'd be cute Tasia Tisha I do love Tasha I love Tasha I love you guys you just pimping me out

like what do I have a say in this We're going on Bachelor in Paradise The world is pimping you out The producers are pimping you out Tush You're literally going there to be pimped out It like Tichay

Yeah no I don't know I just I'm not mine Bring your what Yeah, oh my God. Can you please wear a scrunchy every day? Just on my wrist. What's going to cost you?

That's what it costs. I will pay you at least 20 bucks. I'm in. Per episode. That's good, right? And you're probably going home like week two, so it's like 40 bucks in your pocket. See that quick math I did there? All right, 60 seconds.

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Like, let's get a little, let's get a little crowd temperature. Not that it's going to influence me at all. Okay, crowd temperature on who you should be with? I think we figured that out. Okay. Yeah. What's your name? Well played.

It's Kaleen. Well played. Kayleen. Tushay. Kaleen. But what, I think the... No, honestly, like, that's what's crazy. These girls just had to have, like, a fake relationship, you know, like, between the ending of filming and where they are now.

So they've had to fake. They just got out of a relationship. Right. And then all of a sudden it's like, get back in a little... That's the problem. Okay, here's the thing with Paradise. Is that it's people that have come off the show. They know the concept.

They know the manipulation, but they are okay with it. And they're the people that can go on and play their little game. So this is... I am so scared that I... They're going to make you the guy. I know, which terrifies me because I feel like some of these women are going to only want to be with me for Instagram followers. Like, that's douche you to say. But it's true.

because I will be the guy from the last season coming onto it. I'm just joking. I have more followers than him. But it's scary because the other guy... That's doozy. I'm going to put a dollar in the deuce jar. That was stupid.

Go on. Well, it's just true because these other guys are going to come onto the show and nobody's going to know who they are. The girls aren't going to know who they are. They're going to know who I am and they're going to know that I have following. And it's scary.

That's scary. Because it is sad. Sadly, that is a thing in our world. It sucks. It's so gross. But... That's a good word for it. It's gross.

But let's be real. It's like a supermodel with like 8 million followers hit you up. Wouldn't you be like, cool? I could maybe get a couple. Like, wouldn't you be like, I'll hit that? I mean, yeah. Double tap. A double tap.

I'll hit that. I'll double tap. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, it means two things. I'll double tap. Whatever. I didn't land. That didn't land.

You told me that before, but you remember last. I know, because of the family guy thing. Yeah, they don't get it. Yeah, they don't get it. Let's do this shot. Oh, what? I'll do a little sip. Who bought us this?

Wow. Really? So. I say somebody bought us this. I saw the snap. Or I saw the, I got tagged in the Instagram post. Why are 10 people saying they bought this one shot? No, I think it was them over there.

They definitely tagged us. Let's do this. Tell me your names. Kate Margaret Mallory and Kelly. So a couple Ms and a K, that was good. You should be The Bachelor. You can't remember these names? That I remember being so cold.

I can't take this whole thing. I'll barf right in front of you guys. Challenge accepted. I'm not. I don't do well with peer pressure, and I said this in my last podcast. I can't swallow a lot. I have a small throat. Take that for what it is, but...

Wait, what? Uh-huh. You don't get a lime. You want to split it? Yeah. No. No, I'm not splitting your loan. You're ready?

I'll go with that line. The drunker Blake gets, the more he'll tell you guys. Don't do the whole thing. I can't. I heard that, Brandon. Don't embarrass me. Not my first. Oh, that's actually really good.

That's good. Way above my pay grade. You guys, I'm not being a pussy. I am. I actually, I actually just suck it. shots. I love shots. I love drinking, but I stuck to take shot. So, in that Instagram post when I was like, you didn't take the shot. That Instagram post

and I was like... Oh, really? I don't know. I'm asking. Oh, no, no, I did. Oh, you did? Yeah. Was it David then? I did. It was David. David, Jason's friend who looks like Ross from friends. He does. I know, and his name is David. Oh, my God. I'm blanking. He and he was like, I'm not David. And I was like, you're David Schwimmer. I thought it was so funny. What was he? I just going to say... Lost it. I would have been laughed so hard.

Yeah. I love friends. What were we... Who's your favorite friend's character again? Ross. Well, no, I'm not. Just a lot. Don't you diss Ross.

I know he's kind of like a piece of shit. Joey, no. Okay, hold on. Joey's a piece of shit, too, though. Honestly, Joey's funny, but he's a piece of shit. If you, like, actually look at it. He is. No.

We'll rewatch it. He is. He is a little... He is a little... He is. Not a little big boy. He's a big boy. But he's so, I like him.

He's awesome. Yeah. Ross is like kind of like, um. Ross does you want to take home to meet the fam? No. I, no. He's been married like. Chandler's my favorite, but I feel like Ross.

Really? Ross is my favorite. Don't, don't at me. But Ross is my favorite. That just came to me. I don't know. Did the kids still say that anymore? Don't at me.

Ross is my favorite because he's such a freaking spas. He's always like He's the best actor. Yeah. I think he's the best actor. And he was like Robert Kardashian in the OJ day and I was

like he was and he killed it. The fact that Ross only known for Ross can play that serious role of a was he a lawyer? Yeah. Of a Cardiff. That just says his talent right there, okay?

He's good. He's the actor of our generation. He is, he is Jake Gyllenha. And he crushed it. He crushed it. Why does he not get more rules? Like, Rod for president.

It's because he was Ross, though. That's why. Everyone's like, oh, Ross degrades women. He's been married so many times. And I'm like, Joey. Have you seen Joey? Joey will take home anything at any time and be like a loser about it. Like, he'll, he's, like, more worried about the food than the woman.

He's not a gentleman. He's very rude. He just, like, I don't know, I'm not, I like, I like, Joey's my least favorite, though. Sorry. I agree. Let's move on from friends, though. Okay, that be like, I get into it. I'm very passionate about friends.

What about the women? Monica, am I right? No, I love her. I love all the characters. Let's be real. Let's be real. I am I am a combination of the three of them okay I'm a little like OCD when it comes to cleaning

I'm a psycho weirdo like Phoebe and I'm like a little bit ditsy like Rachel so I would say if people make fun of me for my like my facial I'm very animated facially it's because I grew up watching Joey and Chandler and the most animated facially people in the world and you're just I do I'm not like yeah yeah I freak out I did make fun of you I'm not kidding I made fun of you on I remember I remember but I didn't think you had your

phone so I was like he's not going to say me make fun of him. No, I remember. In fact, somebody was on your podcast and they said Oh no. They said yeah, those wrinkles in his forehead really seems like he's been through a lot. I was like if I was to say that about a female. Yeah, you're right. That's actually very fair. That's very

fair. But it's honestly because Joey, it's Joey Triviani. Men look so handsome with wrinkles. I agree. I agree. It's so unfair. Like men age and just get more distinguished. and sexy and handsome, like, even with gray hairs. Why is this, and I'm wondering this, is this just a perception?

Like, is this what people actually see that men get better looking and women look haggard? Or is that real life? It's real? Is it, though, or are we just conditioned to think that? That's what I'm thinking. Are we conditioned to think that? Because what if we just start embracing women aging? Yeah.

Would that then? No, honestly, yeah. Think about it. We've embraced the... That means we've got to give up the Botox. No, and that's what I'm saying. I love Botox. And so it's really hard for me to accept that.

But I'm like, this is the problem. I think the Kardashians are like really business, genius, like smart women. They really are. They are. But they are so fucking rich that they can do anything to keep them looking young forever, which is conditioning, great word, us to think that's what we should. should look like when we're like 40, 50, 60, you know, like, that's just going to continue, but they just have a lot of money.

Yeah, it helps. It helps. So then I'm like, oh, we are made to think that aging is bad. Well, it's a glorious thing, obviously. It's like the more birthdays you have, the longer you live kind of thing. But it's like women are just like, oh, I don't want to get old. I'm one of them. I'm like, I try and do the real Instagram.

I try and like be, you know, comfortable in my own skin. I try not to do too much. I'll go all the way with Botox Don't get me wrong But I'm like You know It's a scary thing to age Because it's like you lose

This and again Society has made you believe That you lose your sex appeal And men just get better What the hell Yeah I don't know what that Aging gracefully is incredibly attractive though Like

Botox But no no Gracefully I mean I still think gracefully is the right word Like you can still age gracefully without Botox Of course you can Yeah of course And I think that

It's very attractive It's very sexy. What's the number one thing that's attractive? Confidence. Yes. So Fonda, I look at Fonda. The most attractive thing in the world. Who?

Fonda. Jane Fonda. Sexy A.F. Right. I mean, she might have had a little work done, but I don't think she had a lot. I don't care. She's pre-work done. Yeah.

Get it. She looks phenomenal. Jane Fonda, we know her? Do you know her? She looks. I saw her at a restaurant in L.A. once. Yeah. She is good.

in person. Yeah. I was like, I looked over it, I was like, that's fucking Jane Ponda. And I looked again, and I was like,

yes, she does look that good. That's the only reason you know Jane Fonda. That song? I know, to Jane Fonda. One, two. Three, four.

No, it's Mickey something. How does that song go? Somebody sing it for me. I was like, oh my gosh, have we talked about Bachelor? I was talking about something else. I have a question.

Okay. Top five to ten attributes. Is that the right? How did I say that right? Five to ten? Yeah, but some people say attributes. Attributes. Okay, that's what that?

I agree. Attributes. And qualities that you'd like in a future wife, girlfriend. Also, I'm going to follow up once you come off Paradise, and we're going to remember this because it's recorded. And we're going to go back and see if they check the boxes. I had... Sorry, I always make it about me.

I'm glad you asked you your question, and then just, you know, just take a knee, take a knee. I'm going to tell you, I don't know if I talked about this. I mean, I've done over 100 podcasts. I'm always like, what if I talked about? Am I repeating myself? I'm sorry if I am. But when I met Jason, after I met him and I had a crush on him, I was going through all the, like, checkboxes of my vision board of a man. Yes, I told you I'm psycho.

I have a vision board. And the only one he didn't check. I'm just going to say that, okay. Was that he was from the Bachelor franchise. So he checked every other box. Which I was like, you can, you can, you know, if I find a guy that's like 60% of what I need here, I'll be happy. He's 99.9. The only one, well, if we're getting really picky, which it doesn't matter.

But like he, the only one that was like, I will never date from the Bachelor franchise. And again, I don't know why that was, I think it was because part of my checklist was the guy I date next will not have Instagram or care about his. physical appearance. So I was like, that was too much for me. So let's move on to the next. And then I was like, damn it. But he's just so good. Like, he's just so good.

I know. I like it more than you. That I was. I know, I win. I love him more. But that was the one thing where I was like, I, okay, I'll let that one go because you're all the rest of the things. That's crazy because, wow, interesting.

I don't have a deal breaker. like I really don't have unless you're a lesbian like I feel like everything else like everything else I mean that would be a deal breaker on her end too she'd be like your dude

so deal breaker I feel like everything else I don't have a deal breaker what about smokers are you fine with smokers so sorry if there's any out there I smoke for eight years

I'm not a huge I do you think I got this voice I'm that was good That was good. That was good. No, I'm not a huge fan of smokers, but if I love the woman,

I feel like I can get her to quit. Really? Yeah, that's fair. Not if she loves me, she'll quit. Brandy, do you have deal breakers? Smoking is, that's a tough one for me. I dated a guy in high school and smoked, and I don't think I could ever do it again.

You know, it's weird? I did a guy in high school that smoked and I was turned on by the beer breath, and, like, when he breathed, and it was like beer and cigarettes, I was like, mm. Because I loved him, ma. Really? Yeah, I loved him, though.

Was it because you loved him? It's because I loved him. I smell like, you're discussing. Like, there's certain things you can, yeah, it doesn't bother if you're in love with somebody. You know what one of my deal breakers is actually? Because somebody that I went on a couple dates with earlier this year, Blake knows who this is, did this. And I just could not go. I could not go any further.

Oh, I know here. I cannot stand when somebody is rude to a stranger. Service. I can not stay. It's a deal breaker. Oh, that's a good one. that's a really good one yeah yeah

Jason if that was his he'd be like bitch you're out because I'm like sometimes I can be rude and I don't mean to if I'm I can't hide if I'm like

if something happened to me in a day and I'm really upset or I'm like in like an argument with somebody or something I can't hide it and so I don't mean to be rude and I never want to be rude

to somebody but I feel like there was a moment I'll remember this now me Jay and you were hanging out in Howell at the Moon. No, it wasn't the Hell of the Moon. It was before Halloween was Sports Call.

I'm in Denver. And me and Jason were at this point, we're like, we're nice to everybody. Like, somebody grabs us aggressively, and we're so like, oh, we'll get a picture. But there was somebody, I think, that said, like, did something, and you kind of, like, it was, it was aggressive.

Like, she grabbed you. It was inappropriate. And I was like, oh, I can, like, I knew. I was like, oh, I can clap back. If Caitlin can clap back, I'm going to clap back. So I was like, it was like, it was good to see. And it was inappropriate. And it was inappropriate.

But I knew at that moment, I was like, okay, I can do it. But I didn't blame you at all. I almost looked to you for advice for all that kind of stuff. I was like, oh, if she can say something, I can say something. Because there's been a couple times where I'm like, and I'll be. I remember it. I will hug you and take a shot. I will do it.

But if you disrespect me in any way, like, I think this girl said something about, like, something about Jason that was inappropriate and then grabbed me really inappropriately. Yeah, it was weird. So I was like, I don't know what I said, but I was probably like. Like, you want to meet me at the bike racks or something like that. I don't know. Isn't that how people fight? Such a good line. I'm going to use that.

Don't you meet people at the bike racks when you want to fight? Now I am for sure. It was something, like, if I ever chirp at something like sarcastic like that, like you want to meet me at the bike racks? I felt like me and Jason only knew you were kind of, I feel like she laughed and I was like, oh, he's real. She did laugh. Yeah. She did laugh, but I was like. So true.

flexing my triceps so hard to bring it back to the joke a half hour ago you're a real comedian big circle back guy unless it comes to important things

and I can never remember my train of thought but when it comes to humor I got it that was really good I got it we'll be back with more off the vine

with Caitlin Bristow Alexa isn't the only one with breaking news make sure to hang around at the end of this podcast for the latest breaking headlines on the AP News Minute

all right everybody if you like my show then you're going to love gals on the go on podcast one join influencers and college students daniel caroline and brook miko as they share tips on being productive to stories of all their travel adventures while being the full-time students and oh so much more download the new episodes of gals on the go every week on apple podcasts and podcast one now back to off the vine with kately bristow you guys so you know it's april today I was like I'm gonna play

Oh Philo got the best Cheers of the night Those are the best shoes of the night Was it the Keeler or was it Cleo? You guys are gonna You want to see me blackout Is that what's happening?

She crowd surfs She does She crowdsurfs I am really I'm really fun when I'm blackout I'm not like a weirdo I'm like No my name is

When I blacked out Yeah tell me your memory No my name No my memory What? Bob, blackout Blake, Bob. Oh, blackout Blake. Do you ever hear me refer to Bob? Yeah, Blackout Blake. Oh, me too. Blackout Bristow. Bob.

Oh, my God. Who high fives to getting blackout in like their 30s? Low five. Okay. Yeah, we low fires with Brandy, Blackout Brandy, Bob. She doesn't come out very often. Blake, have you ever seen me Blackout? I know it's like his dream every day. I have been wasted. I've seen you party. Caitlin has. The only person that gets her to party is me, and I still am a scene of blackout.

Seriously, Brandy, I've yet to see you really drunk. I don't think you have. Caitlin did on Fourth of July, but she was so drunk, too, that she probably doesn't remember. I blame Miley. Yeah, same. That was, that shit was crazy. Yeah. That was a crazy.

Like, never in my life did I think I would see a jello shot again? And then I was like, I saw 30. And I was like, oh, okay, okay, okay, yeah. I've heard stories about that. I've seen stories about that. You will hear stories about that for the rest of it. of your life, Blake. Miley Cyrus' Fourth of July party is no

fucking joke. It's not. I'm kind of hoping she doesn't do it this year because... I can't. We're finally friends and that she's not going to throw a party. No, no, no, no, you can't. You can't. I have to work the next day, so I can't. You'll be in paradise. No, yeah.

He can't confirm or deny. Hey, it's April Fool's. Tell everybody about how big of an asshole you are. Tell everybody what you did to me. her good. He did. So this morning, yeah. Kind of,

there's more to the story I haven't told you yet. So I texted this morning and I was like, oh, food poisoning got me last night real good. I missed my flight.

And it was early. Stupidest story in the book. It is, but she fell for it? For a second. Go on. She did. She fell for a second. And I felt really bad

because then she was like, I've kind of felt bad for you. I'm an asshole. I wasn't mad at all. I was like, I, oh, that sucks. So what she doesn't know.

So what she doesn't. don't know, though. So I texted you to this. And then I had a text message that was like your plane's delayed till 915. Oh. So like, I'll sleep in another 45 minutes. And I woke up to a text that said, your plane is back on schedule. And I was this close to actually missing my flight. Would you guys have been so mad? Like 15 minutes probably. Oh, so you've been disappointed if it's just me? I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. You guys are cute. But that's... Yeah, I almost actually missed the flight. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, I know. But it was... Imagine that. What a backfire that joke would be.

Jokes on you. You don't get more Instagram followers. But seriously. But I woke up and I never know what date is. That's how I knew it would work. That's honestly how I knew. I was like, Cleo, I think this will work because she's not going to know what date is. I rolled over at 11 a.m. and I was like, phone looked, one from Blake. I think he's going to be like, Stoke for tonight.

And he's like, bad news. I got food poisoning I was like bitch that's like the that is like the number one excuse in the book like it was so dumb that I believed it like I was like

that's like how you call and stick to work I know Blake needs this these numbers from the downloads like he's not gonna miss it I'm just kidding he's not gonna miss it and then I'm like okay and then I actually thought about it

for a second and I was like I feel bad like he wouldn't lie about food poisoning that sucks And then I wrote back and I was like, I am so sorry. And then I was like, I'm an asshole. Yeah. I was like, I hope you feel better.

And then I have this like routine of in the morning I do certain thing. I had to look at my schedule for the day. And it was like April, and it comes up in my calendar, April Fool's. Am I boring you? No. Were you yawning? Oh, cracking your neck. Okay, I get it.

I thought you're yawning. I was like, I'm sorry. My peripheral vision is very good. You can crack your neck. And I was like, is this an April Fool's joke? And then he didn't respond. And then Cleo, of all people, I know. So was all this before or after you texted us?

No, this is what I'm getting at. So me, Cleo, and Brandy are in a group chat. And I text them and I go right before I said, is this a neighbor fool's joke to Blake? I wrote them. I said, Blake fucking canceled in caps. and then Brandy was like Miley told me when she was, what was it, 15? 15 that she was pregnant on April Fools.

And let me believe it all day. And she goes, brew, I ain't fallen for anything. Blake will make this show. Yeah, I'll never be the same. Yeah, and she goes, my guard is up on April Fools. And then I was like, that's what I think too. But Cleo then goes, The best part.

What? I'm going to throw Cleo into the bus. Do it. She screenshotted this whole conversation We were in on it together Did you not know that? Oh, you did? Because she screenshoted it all to me

He was like, you got her And I was like, oh! No, I didn't know. So Cleo, I'm like thinking Cleo would never Like, fuck me over in any way. And so then she's like, I know. He messaged me too. I've been looking for new guests all morning.

And I'm like, well, he wouldn't message us separately. He would just put us in a group and fuck us together and so I'm like I'm like okay he wouldn't do that I'm like I guess he has food poisoning but in my head I'm like whatever

I can handle the show with Brandy like we got this so then Claire was like oh you don't care and I was like well if the dude does poison like that's pretty sad like sucks for him more than me I don't care

and then they're like you know in April phones and I was like but I was like I smelled that before you dealt it it I like knew two seconds after you said that I was like oh my god I'm so sorry is this the April Fool's joke and then

they're like wow I didn't answer I panicked I was like maybe I don't know you fell asleep before your flight like an idiot I would just told them during intermission Ben Higgins just texted me and pulled the hole why is there a dude on your story He did that to me too

I freaked out I was about not to come out I was like oh my god check every story you have and all your snapchats and all my god i wrote back and said do i look hot though and all he wrote back was ha ha was that good and i was like no that would be your response so he legitimately i about died why didn't he send me a joke just you should like oh wait now pull a joke on him i have a text oh no but here's the thing died if a nudie leaked of me i would be like well i don't take a bad one I've sent so many nudes to Ben Higgins

You said nudies to Ben Higgins? Just kidding, that didn't land at all. No, they were like, ha-ha. Show me. Anytime I think of that, I'm like, whatever nudie leached me, like the only thing I'd be worried about is my dad. Otherwise, I'd be like, well, I do look good naked.

Mike, did you guys just... You see my dad's name? I love you guys so much. Oh, my God. Oh, God. But, I mean, we all send nudies. The only thing is I double-tip... Anytime I send, like, a nudie to Jason over, like, an Instagram DM, I...

You send it on Instagram? Oh, my God. Whoa. Holy shit. That is bold. No, you don't go. That's bold. No? I feel like, yeah.

I feel like most 13-year-olds can hack an Instagram. Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure. But again, I don't care if a nudie leaks. I don't care. I think I'd be like, well, I'm going to some. Tell a nudity. leaks.

I do snaps. I do Instagrams. I do picture text. It just depends on how I'm feeling in the day. Thank you for your support. But I have sent... But then I immediately check the story after because we all know I everything up all the time and spoil everything all the time.

So I'm always like, did I send it? Nope, we good. We could. I delete them immediately because I'm so scared of accidentally texting it to someone. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, paranoid. You got... Okay.

Okay. Jason and I have been texting. Excuse you? And we are going to play a game with you guys and see which one of you knows him better. I'm going to beat you. I'm going to beat you. Take your shots. Take your shots.

Take your shots. You're nervous. Wait. This is so funny for one reason. This is great. I love you, Jason. Wait. Do we need to play this right now?

Yeah, right now. All right, I'm ready. Wait. This is so unfair. Wait, is this... Who answers it faster? No. Well, this is so unfair because I was like, Jay, when we go on stage in New York, we're going to play a game like, how well do we know each other?

And he goes, no, because I don't want people to think we don't know each other long enough and then we don't know enough about each other. That's so him, just overthinker, overthinker. And now he's like, yeah, let's play the game. Yeah, he's all about it. Okay, let's go. All right, yeah, whoever answers first. Oh, so it's fastest answer. No, it should.

Well, I mean, if you guys both know. Let's see what happens. Let's just see what happens. Okay, I'm ready. Question number one. What is Jason? Jason's drink of choice. A vodka martini with olives.

Yeah, I mean, vodka martini was all he gave me, so. Oh. You guys said that at the same time. With olives. Okay. All right. Question two. Who is Jason's closest friend outside of the Bachelor world?

David and Haw. David? I didn't know his last name. Does that count? All right. I'll get that. Half point. What talk's last name?

Jameson. Jameson. Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh. Really? No, my God. How bad.

That is David going to be that we sent him. David's going to be like Harden, Ra, A.K. Ross. Oh, God. All right. Name each person in Jason's immediate family. Stephen, Dale. Stephen Dale. No, wait, Jason.

No, do we count dogs? What? Gary, do we count dogs? I don't know. Do we count? I mean, I'll be honest. Gary, Dale, Stephen, Jason, and Tabitha. Oh, no, Tabitha is.

She wins his round. Wait, no, Tabitha, Stephen's. dog. Whatever, I got the virgin. You know the brother's dog? I'm not impressive. What is, what is, there was, there was,

you did good, you did good, KB. What's Kaluch? Oh, Mama Kaluch. That's for bonus points, she said. So, growing up, they went to a pizza joint. See, I even know the background.

That's bullshit. He never told me this story. And it was called like Kalucha, and they always went up, when they're growing up. And then eventually, everyone was like oh we love and it turned into

Kaluch and then the mom always wanted to go to the PISA and they were like okay mama Kaluch and then it's stuck and everyone calls

your mama Kaluch or just Kaluch I can't go there yet I'm like Mrs. Tardick May I please have a second helping and she's like

I listen to your podcast you weirdo this ain't you all right you definitely get bonus points for that one more all right next question

Jason's favorite number 19. Oh, wait. Oh. Uh-oh. It's either 17 or 19. It's 17. It's definitely not 17.

His, but his, so he gave me two. I'm like, bro, a favorite number is one number. Okay? You can't have two favorite numbers. At least I'm going to one in that. Jason's favorite number is 69. That's just because of, bro.

That's bullshit. That's bullshit. I feel like that says a lot about Caitlin. No, it's not his favorite number. That's not his actual favorite number. It's not. He said that to annoy the f*** of me. Okay, he says 69 or 19.

69 jokes are like, are we in high school? He made, we get it. You're friends of the wrong. Damn it. No, it's so stupid. I can't. If I would have got that right, it would have ended the game. I should have said it.

69. And that was right. I'm actually annoyed. I didn't think of that. Me too. But I didn't think he'd be so gross in public. I did know he would be, but I still f***ed up. Go on.

All right. What brand of boxer briefs does Jason wear? Haines. Haines. Caitlin won that one. He said starter or Haines. I was this close to getting that right. Wait do we get our Haines on you?

All right. Last question. I already won, but okay. You did. But last question, because I want to see if you know it because he doesn't think you do. Which is weird to me. What is Jason's middle name? Michael.

Why does he think you don't know that? What? His whole family. He said, I'd be shocked if she remembered my middle name. Wait, what?

One, that's my dad's name and I remember the first time he told me. And two, every boy in his family's middle name is Michael after their grandfather. I didn't need a background check. I don't need, all right,

I lost this question. So weird. I honestly did not know that. That's so weird. I was like, I literally said, I said,

You really don't think she knows her name? He says that because he doesn't know my own middle name. No, he does. He does. He said, and when she forgets, say, yeah, I know yours is Don. I don't know, man. I love him so much. That's so funny.

You guys make you want to, like, throw up but cry at the same time. In like a good way. It's a good way. I'm so drunk after that tequila shot. Blake, we collected a few numbers for you. Keep Jason questions coming. I feel like we can really... Wait, this is so funny.

He thought I didn't know that? Yeah. Yeah. I would... I took a shot in the dark with his underwear and knew his middle name. The only reason I know is the underwear because he accidentally left a pair in my house

and it was like the most embarrassing tattered little piece of... Accidentally. No, I know when you... Look, I know the games, okay? When you want to leave something at the scene of the crime, rhyme, you leave something sexy. Jason left a tattered little

rip pair of dirty underwear at my house by accident and it was adorable and it was Haynes, okay? Should we confess? Yes, but we have a special guest coming out for confessions. You guys, we have a special guest coming out for confessions.

Let me tell you, I was on Crystal Season of the Bachelor. I would blessed to lose because Whitney won but Whitney has been blessed to marry and get pregnant with another man Whitney fucking angel um how cute can you get Look at her pregnant belly! Let me tell you, girl, one of my favorite stories of Whitney in the Bachelor Mansion is that this girl and I, we didn't get along in the first little while.

I mean, we didn't not like each other, but we didn't like bond. Right. And so when we got in, we were in the mansion, whatever, and she's going like this, she's got a very southern. accent. And you're from Kentucky. Yeah. So she goes, whew. So she goes, wine! And everyone's like, what? I need some

wine! We're like, wine? Would you like wine? Yeah, wine. Okay. And then you have wine, and then I accidentally walk in on her while she's painting her nails and she's talking about me. Oh, yes. Yes. I know. No, no, no. This is amazing. This is amazing. So she's painting her nails with a group of girls in one of our bedrooms and the Batsar mansion.

And I, like, came home from a long night of winning roses. You did. I did. He took every damn one at the beginning. Well, only at the beginning. And then I walked in the room. They're all painting their nails, and they all went silent. I was like, hey, guys.

And they all went silent and looked at me. And I was like, what? And Whitney goes, we were talking about you. You were so honest. And I was so honest. And I think it was like from that we weren't. warmed up and we warmed up. Absolutely.

And then we just started to become really good friends. And now she's one of my, she will be in my wedding party, my best friend. And she's wearing a dew. And I didn't make her. And now you're married and with child to the, you guys, he is Jason. Yeah, where is Ricky? Where is he? Ricky.

Is he running out? Yeah. He's so cute. Is he running now? No, I see him, I see him. He's waving. Oh, he's waving. Oh, Ricky, you're the kid.

Ricky is Jason. When I met Jason and we started hanging out and talking, I was like, he reminds me of somebody. He reminds me of Ricky. I mean, he really does. I haven't gotten to meet Jason yet. I was really sad about that. Oh, great pop.

I'll do it. He'll answer if I, but let me do it. He'll answer if I do. Yeah. Oh, he won't if I do? Yes. Yeah. We'll FaceTime.

And then, Witt. And before people freak out, this says Diet Coke, not red wine. Oh, yeah. By the way, diet coat. I just wanted to be fancy. I wanted to be included. Yeah, I get it. When I'm pregnant, put everything in a wine glass from here. I will lose it. He's been waiting. If he's wearing a blazer, I'll talk. But you have to put him up to a mic. Well, I will when he answers.

He's not answering. Oh, he'll answer. If you call it, he answers. He's not wearing a shirt. He's in a towel. No, put him on. Are you freaking? He's naked, guys. I feel like you timed this.

Yeah, this is not an extra thing. How am I supposed to know when you're going to face-time me? Babe, you knew, and I feel like you're not. even wet right now. You're just like dry in a towel like you've been waiting for this moment. I swear to God, look at it. I'm so... I just got it. Stop.

You're turning on every girl in this room and I'm very uncomfortable. Oh, you are wet. The best part about this is that you answered out of the shower when I called. That's the best thought about this. He didn't

a towel and he answered my phone call. Blake, anything for you, Blake, why don't you call me back? not Facebook. No, this is perfect. No, fucking that. Jason, I wanted to meet you. Yeah, Whitney wants to meet you. Hi, Whitney. Hi.

How are you? There we go. You're looking good. If I waved to you right now, my towel draft, so I'm not waiting. I mean, some people may really like that. Oh, my God. He knows the response he's going to get. Like, you know, all the girls, he'll be like,

I got to drop her towel. Okay, but look how cute he is. So cute. Okay, wait, get him shit for the middle name thing. Don't judge me on how this angle looks on me, but question, how did you not think I didn't know your middle name? Oh, I don't know.

Just a shot in the dark. That's my dad's name, and you know I know all your family's middle name is Michael. It was just a task you passed with flying colors. Jason. Jason, I failed. Who won the contest? Jason, I failed. I did. I won.

Do you love me more? What was the score? It was closer than you anticipated. What was it? What did Blake it wrong? Jason, I got your middle name, man. I didn't know your middle name. I know, I'm sorry.

Hey, wait, what's Blake's middle name? Go. Balake. So you don't know it either. No. Yeah, exactly. Well, then who fucking can? cares. As long

as we know each other's middle name, we're good. We're ready to get engaged then. We're in the Batsal World. Whoa. What is Blankett? If I had one of those some single girl out there as we go on a double date. Oh. Jason with the T. I made a decision

that he's going to marry Tasia. Oh. We love Tasia. We love Tasia. I hear a lot of competition. because I know a lot of people are shipping the Hannah-G and Blake thing. A lot of people, it's mixed reactions here, and my whole thing was that I love

Hannah-Gie. I think she's the sweetest sweetest girl in the world, but she needs to live a little. Can I really, can I get this crowd fired up right now real quick? Yes. I heard a rumor right now that Blake is doing double sessions in the gym, so I think you can take this.

I already flexed my tricep earlier Okay Babe, so I went to say something to Blake And I touched his arm And he flexed his triceps so hard Not so hard You just flexed it And he admitted that he does it

Even when guys touch his arm He's like oh that's just a guy thing And you do it too Yeah, Jay does it Wait a second Blake Blake over there Is doing the hovering hand When he dances with you

But you're grabbing his arms left and right. Oh, I'm going to flip Caitlin later. I'm just saying. We're going to do the flip. We're going to do the flip. I approve of that message. He knows it. I approve of that message.

Okay, we love you. Bye, Jason. We wish you were here. Bye, Jason. Oh, my God. I just flipped the camera and he actually moved his towel down. I'm recording. Okay.

Same spot the same time. And this isn't easy because I talk with my hands. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Okay. You know when he saw the clock

being at like 9 o'clock, he's like, I'm going to get in the shower. Because they may. You don't shower at 9 o'clock. You don't. Even if you're a banker. He answered it like this. And he took a couple

seconds. Like he was like, splash water splash water like it was like way too long to wait to answer but I get it too

because he is hot so if it was me I'd be like back off just kidding but if it was me I'd be like if he was like if he was due to live podcast

and I was like I'd be like this I'd be like this so where they used What are you guys talking about? We were talking about you. Oh. Wow, deja vu.

So what's, we got to confess. I have a disgusting one. Mine's disgusting, you guys. I know I share a lot with you, but this is one of my worst. slash best I'm going to go first I have a couple you have more than one

every time I was like I don't know I can't think of one she's like this is the last show for a whole two weeks I got to tell them all backstage how do you do multiple podcasts how do you have so many confessions

I don't I mean I embarrass myself a lot and I'm gross but at the same time I count on other people And now I have a couple. One has to do with Chicago and Whitney. Should I be nervous?

No, no. No, you should be proud because you went home early. Oh, yes. So it has a little bit to do with da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Okay, also I'm going to get you guys on Instagram doing that later. Okay, so how many years ago was that four? Wow. It was right after the Snapchat

Snapoo. Oh, right. So I spoiled the secret on Snapchat who I ended up with. So it was like after that and they flew him to go party at the CMA Fest and apparently he can hang out with whoever he wants. But I go to Chicago

and... I mean, it's not that bad. It's so... Don't get me started. Anyways, I go, I have a friend, one of my really good friends from Vancouver. His best friend was the goalie for Chicago. What was his name? Corey Crawford.

Where is he now? Montreal or something? He's still here. Great. Great. Don't ruin his career. Don't ruin his career. I haven't watched hockey a while.

I'll only watch playoffs. But anyways, Winnie and I and Becca Tilly went to a few parties. And we're like final three. Apparently you bond over the same guy. And so we went out and whatever. And they went home early. and I was like, I'm going to stay out.

So the whole, what is, the Chicago Chiefs. The Blackhawks. You're about to be booed off the stage. Wow. Way to ruin your reputation in Chicago. I'm sorry, what is it? Oh, my God. Duh.

Hawks. This is what happens. I blame you guys for feeding me tequila. The Blackhawks. My fault. No. No. Otherwise, I'll be calling them like the Chicago Cubs. No, that's right. Bears, Cubs. Cubs. You just keep going. Keep going. I'm smarter than I think I am. I was thinking of baby bears and I said Cubs. I was like, wait, that's a thing. Anyways, whatever. So I went out and I was like, so hammered, and I'm just Snapchatting me with the

Stanley Cup thinking I am like Mrs. Stanley. Like, I'm like, I'm Canadian. I am a Stanley cop. I almost got broken up with, but I was like thinking I was so cool. That's my one confession. That's not that good. The second one's good.

Can you guys give me like a pity laugh or something? My second one is from last weekend in New York with Jason. it's gross so all two men in here

mentally prepare yourself for how gross this is so I haven't had meat in a year and a half I think I know where this is going you know where this is going and I was like wait

chicken milk wait meat meat in general I haven't had meat like I guess I'm what you call a pescatarian I eat fish I eat eggs, I eat cheese, but meat I haven't had... What?

They went dirty, no, they would... Oh. Yeah. They went fucking... Oh, I've had dick. I've had dick. Yeah. I've had meat.

That's where they were... Turned my mic off. Brandy. I know I'm doing a good job. If I look at Brandy, she goes, yes. This is the... part of the podcast where it gets really good. Really good.

But I meant meat. In a year and a half. So the other night after New York with Jason, he's falling asleep. I'm clearly wasted and I'm like I miss chicken wings. And I just started eating a couple.

And the next day I woke up and I was like, oh, if I was in bed solo right now, I would toot. Tootsie girl. I would be a Tootsie girl, as we call it. And Ricky. We call it a Tootsie girl. Yeah. Hey. He's like, really? That's the one thing you're going to call me out for. Tootsie girls. And so I was like, if I was in bed by myself, thank God I wasn't in bed by myself. But I was like, I would just let one rip right now. But I was like, I'm going to excuse myself and go to the bathroom and like let out of two. And I was in this cute little sexy robe. And when I got up, he was like, oh, you look so sexy in that robe. And I like tightened the like silk tie. And I was like, uh-huh. And I walked to the bathroom, and as I was walking the bathroom,

let me just put this into perspective. This is a 4, 350 square foot New York apartment. And I walk into the bathroom, and I just like, I think it's going to be like a flat tire, like a shh, like a little flat tire, like a little air leak, like a tuit. And I walk in the bathroom, I'm like, chicken wings gave me a little bit of the runs I will only say one thing

it wasn't like shit running down my leg it was literally water coming out of me I don't know how but I was blessed that day with just a little bit of like leakage of water coming out because he didn't really notice like he was like see you after

and I got in the bathroom and I was like, oh, God. Like, do I need to go and do a clean up on aisle 3? I don't know. And then I, like, sat down on the toilet and played my Instagram story really loud, laughing at my own story, like, ha ha, psh! Like, I was so wild.

And then I went and I looked at the toilet and I was like, a wikoo? Weiku? Okay. So when I went back out, I was like, did you spill water? Did you have a little accident to him? Like it was his fault. And he was like, no, and I just wiped up

the water and I'm... And now he'll find out of us. So it was a clear liquid. Blake. No, he doesn't know. Jason doesn't know this. Like a puddle? This is how we find out if Jason listens to my podcast. So nobody in

here tweet him about this and let's see and I'll tell you the truth, we'll see what happens because if he listens, he'll find out about my shirt, and if he thank God Blake's not attracted to me in any way whatsoever. I'm like, taken

because he'd be like, oh. But we'll see what happens. Whitney's time to confess. I will say, this is very, very difficult to do sober. I feel like I'm sitting. I know. Poor Whitney is like, we're all like just crushing mine. Any other pregnant ladies out there? Three.

There are? Oh, get it. Yes, all right. Tell us your confession, whip. So, this is a pregnant confession. I love it. Nice. So I was probably about, I don't know, 15 or 16 weeks pregnant,

and I was just starting to get, like, a cute little bump. I was just feeling like. You still have a cute little bump. But, I mean, you know, when it starts to show, you're just like wanting to wear really tight clothes. Yeah. Just really feeling. I was really feeling it.

So Kentucky, back. Are there any cats fans? All right. They were playing some basketball here. Okay. So Ricky and I went to the game, and I'm just feeling, again, I'm really, I'm feeling myself. Yes. I love that.

I had to go to the bathroom. Yeah. So I went to the bathroom. I'm like taking out all my layers of everything, and I looked down. I'm like, oh, I had my underwear on, like, backwards. Okay. Like butt forward? But forward.

Okay. I mean you're pregnant But they were thongs And I had Zero idea And I'd been wearing them like that For probably about 10 hours Oh

So Oh that's not the confession Well yeah But I mean I could have done like what a normal person Would do and be like Okay well I'm just gonna like flip them around But I'm like I've been doing this for 10 hours

Might as well leave it Yeah So I just pulled them right back up And I sported the front thong the rest of the day That's just practical It's efficient I don't know though It kind of scares me

I can't see down there anymore So it kind of scares me What is happening Do you have laser hair removal? That's a very personal question I'm so sorry How do you shave? Well I told Ricky the other day

I was like You might have to start helping me with this And he said he would Which is true love Yeah Rick! Yay! Find yourself a rickie! Ricky, who will shave your vagina for you.

You know what? That's love. If you can find somebody to do that kind of stuff for you, Jason bought me a modium the other day, and we're three months in. Hell yeah, he should shave your bag. Thank Whitney for getting up here. She's wearing one of my favorite dues.

You wear that one all the time. And she's the... I'll cry every time I feel a pregnant lady's stomach. I've never done this before. You haven't? He was really kicking around with that story. Wait, Blake, put your hand right here, but make sure you wash them first. And put it right here where...

Oh, my God, I'm actually super excited for this. I can see what the sex is, right? No. Yeah? Yeah, it's a boy. And he kicks hard. Yes, he does. He's going to be a sucker player.

Do you feel that? It's so crazy what a woman's body can... Oh, my God. It's seriously blows my mind. it's insane women's oh my god you feel it oh my god that's insane it's insane

can I just say whether you can't have babies can't have babies want to have babies don't want to have babies no matter where you are at in life just appreciate a woman's body or what your body is capable of you guys no matter what are heroes you are on this planet to be a hero it doesn't matter you can't want to don't want to you women's bodies should be appreciated in the best way possible

for what it's capable of doing can't say that enough i froze my eggs with ova with whitney in chicago if you guys are ever thinking about freezing your eggs go through whitney at ova because I did it and it was honestly not even like it was empowering because I'm like holy shit you know I used to be like worried about like this part of my body bothers me and then after I was like I'm a

fucking woman and I can like it was they take care of you like no one else they treat you like you should be treated like you are just like worshipped for being a woman and what your body's capable of

and I highly recommend it Anyways, they didn't pay me to say that. Best decision in my life. Whitney, while you're up here, we're going to do... Oh, wait, I want to say it. These girls are holding up a side. Are your arms tired? Yeah, for so long.

God, I'm so sorry. Dirty jeans, dirty minds. KB, Blake and Brandy, Scroonchies and Wine. Hachstack vinos. Hashtake, what's the other one? I can't read. Our favorite thing. Oh, look at that.

It's adorable. You guys are the sweetest. Thank you so much. Trying to throw this in them? Yeah, of course. Oh, right now? After, we will, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I got some scrunchies. I don't know if that was a... Yeah, anyone's crunchy. I don't know about my throwing arm. Hey. Hey! I did make the shot at the Nuggets game.

I'm just saying. All right, I'll throw one more. I'll throw one more. Awesome to throw. That's such a good toss. I know. I've got one more. You want it?

Nailed it. All right. Wow, that was a nice catch. You've got to keep that one for Paradise. This one's for my sister. Your girlfriend caught it. I'm keeping this one for my sister. My sister wants one.

Oh, yeah, you have to get your sister on. Yeah, my sister wants one. Okay, we're going to do one last game before we go. You guys ready? Also, are you guys having fun? Chicago. Chicago. Oh, my gosh. What was your caption earlier?

Chica, let's go. Oh, let's Chicago. Oh, no. Chicago. Chicago. Chicago, let's go. Yeah, that's it is. Hey, I have a question for you guys.

Yeah, I haven't killed anything. Two things. Should I want, no, let me just, I'm going to try and face time my mom. Because she's going to sing you her Chicago song. If she doesn't, okay, she'll sing her Chicago song. Who is, what? And then we'll play a game ago. The Lester.

If she doesn't answer, she'll look at her phone later and be like, she'll die. She'll die that she misses. Oh, here we go. Mom. Yes, honey. I was telling them about how you sang the Chicago song, and I was like, I was going to show them your voice note, but I figured I might as well call you to sing it.

No, no, no. Wait a lot. Will you sing it for us? You mean like live? We don't have much time. So, ready? Five, six, seven, eight. It's so much pressure.

Wait, okay. Right, right. Right. So much pressure. Are you having fun? Oh, geez. Caitlin, I can't believe you're doing this to me. All right.

Okay, just because you scrunchy and vinos are such awesome people, thank you. Do you need time to Google the lyrics? For believing in yourself and... Okay, let's go. Okay, don't look at me. Don't look at me. And do it in your best.

musical theater voice. Chicago, Chicago, that's tough town. Chicago, Chicago, I'll show you round. Get your bottom door, you lose your blues in Chicago, Chicago.

The folks who miss it all want to settle down, down, down, down, on State Street and Lerite Street. I just want to say they do things they don't do on Broadway. Hey, hey, you'll have the time, the time of your life.

Bring all your friends, your kids, and your wife, to Chicago. Chicago, my home. Oh, thank you very much. Oh, it was just sitting there shaking's head. We're in a hotel room. What? Oh, my gosh. They just put in a complaint for our room.

Oh, I thought you were still going. Okay, we... I'm only for you, my darling, baby girl. Oh, and Blakey. Blakey, did you break a leg? Blakey? I love you. So, Mom, Mom goes, Katie, she calls me Katie.

Break a leg and tell Blake to Blake a leg. See, I knew the crowd would love that. And mom, and Mom, look, Whitney's here. Whitney's here. I've also never met your mom. Hey, waver to me. Waiver to me. I've never met her.

Oh, hey, Blake. Hi. Did you just touch her tummy? Oh, I did. I did. Aw. How are you? Good.

You look just fabulous. I think she's talking about me, Blake. Okay. Oh, I go to f*** myself. Brandy's back there. Hi. Aw. Okay, everybody say bye, Mom.

Bye, Mom. Love you, Mom. Got to go. She's so funny Okay, here we go We gotta wrap it up Let's end it on one Q&A question I was gonna swing dance Caitlin

But I don't know if there's We can do that We can hey we can do that on the outro Okay A couple Q&A Let's just end it with a couple Q&A Okay Rapid Fire Q&A all right

We got some good questions here Let's just start off with the bang Caitlin Does Jason's hair move When you guys have sex? No The answer is no No it does not

Next question Blake, what is your favorite friends episode? Oh, my God. I know. Caitlin? Yours or mine? Mine is the one with the tape. The one's the sex tape. You know what that is.

I don't know what the actual name of it, but the one that's sex tape. That's funny. Yeah, that was a good one. That's my favorite episode. Go. That was it. You guys. I know.

I know. We've gone 15 over, though. Let me tell you. I've gone 15 minutes over my time. I love you guys. Thank you guys so much. We're going to go out with a bang, though. Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow.

Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's that with OTV? Off the Vine's sponsor review for this Tuesday, care of. Go to take care of.com and enter Vine 50 for 50% off your first month. quip go to getquip.com slash find to get your first refill pack free and true car visit true car for a more confident car buying experience