Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Dr. Chris Lee | Rewire Your Brain for Focus, Purpose & Happiness!

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

#884. Neuroscientist and high-performance coach Dr. Chris Lee joins Kaitlyn to help us understand how to actually human in 2025. From losing his dad to suicide to becoming a young father, Chris shares how those moments shaped his purpose and his mission to help others regulate their nervous systems and find true focus.They dive into why multitasking is a myth, how to rebuild willpower, and the simple walk-hack that can reset your attention in minutes. Plus, how to communicate better in relationships, create routines that actually work, and why happiness might just be the ultimate performance hack.If you’ve ever felt burnt out, distracted, or disconnected — this episode will help you find your balance again!If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals!Audible: Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at Audible.com/vine.Bombas: Head over to Bombas.com/vine and use code vine for 20% off your first purchase.Macy’s: Shop Macy’s Fall fashion guide online or in store now!Progressive: Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance.Pretty Litter: Right now save 20% on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy at PrettyLitter.com/VINE. Paka: To grab your PAKA hoodie and free pair of alpaca crew socks, head to GO.PAKAAPPAREL.COM/OTV and use my code OTV. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (8:15) — Dr. Chris opens up about losing his dad to suicide and how that heartbreak pushed him to understand the human mind.(19:38) — Why your brain can’t actually do two things at once, and how that’s destroying your focus.(28:30) — The powerful truth about relationships and why over-communication is everything.(35:10) — Why we’re programmed not to be happy and how fulfillment is something you create, not discover.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Progressive, visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Macy's, shop Macy's fall fashion guide online or in store now. Pretty litter right now save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy at pretty litter.com slash vine and packa to grab your packa hoodie and free pair of alpaca crew socks head to go dot paca apparel.com slash o tv and use my code o tv you're listening to off the vine with kately bristow hey vinos real quick if you are listening right now which obviously you are you wouldn't be hearing this can you hit the subscribe or follow button on whatever platform you're on Please, that one simple thing helps more than you even realize it allows me to keep growing on this podcast and making these episodes the best they can possibly be obviously for you.

That's the only favorite I'm going to ever ask, okay? It truly means the world to me. Thank you. Now let's get into it. Trigger warning. This podcast discusses suicide. Listeners who find this content distressing may wish to proceed with caution or avoid it altogether. Resources for support are available.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And today we have Dr. Chris in the house. What do we talk about? I feel like we talked about so many things that I don't even know how to intro this podcast. I really don't know. We talked about the nervous system.

We talked about the nervous system. We talked about the nervous system. How to human in 2025? How do you be a person? Like, how do you understand your nervous system? Your responses, your reaction, your tolerance. Yes. A little bit of everything.

And what would you say your background? Like, how do you explain yourself? Traumatized. No. Well, fair enough. Yeah. No, it's, I have a background in neuroscience that has helped me better understand where people have behavioral blindness and how to get people to, like, not just talk about being. I'm an infinite potential being from Stardust, but it's like great.

That's super cute on a Hallmark shirt or like a T-shirt, but like, what are you going to do about it? So what I'm saying is he has the credentials. You are legit. So you're going to learn a lot today on this episode because I did. We're going to dive into like finding your purpose, focus, avoiding burnout, all those same. things. But I always want to hear about people's personal journey. And again, like I said, people's wife, how they get into this kind of work and space. And I am doing a trigger warning at the beginning of this episode. And if you're comfortable talking about it, I know your dad

died by suicide. Yeah. No, I'm totally okay to talk about with that. In 2016, which I'm so sorry. Okay. This is why I can sit in this really great couch, by the way. Thank you. Where do you get this? I have no idea. But I feel like those situations always shape understanding of mental health. purpose so you said you're comfortable sharing the story yeah life started to do like life things in 2016 so I was a year into my doctorate I'm in Atlanta early 20s bulletproof nothing can like really with you right so during that period of time I'm like trying to figure out like how to be an adult like you get an apartment you like got to get groceries and then you got to like allocate for rent and like crap like that so like I went from being a college athlete in my

undergrad kind of like having shit taking care of and you get your classes taken care of and this and that to oh now you're going to like go be a doctor like go figure that out a little bit differently yeah and during this whole period of time I'm like there's always that voice in the back of my head and I think it happens for everybody it does happen to everybody so we officially call this thing like white ceiling syndrome so you're like laying in bed at night staring up at the white ceiling and like all the voices are coming up where it's like is this really it like is this is this the thing is this the show like is this really what's going on like six months into my doctorate i had that coming up i'm like these are supposed to be the happiest years of

my life why am i so stressed yeah why does this suck so bad like i'm over at like 21 i was over the whole like let's go out and drink and let's go do this shit and i started to get back to like really not caring what people thought at 21 because like i was just so sick of drinking yeah like like everyone like always like Friday's the only thing and I'm like is this this is it like this is what we're trying to do so like I got back into the things that I love to do and I look back on it now and it's the most interesting thing so it's like two core values that I think really embody who I am it is playfulness and curiosity yeah and if I'm not using those two things or I'm not like intentionally creating them I everything just doesn't make as much sense I take life too seriously right

which I think is probably a problem for everyone. Yeah. And I started to realize that, not with like the specificity of kind of like what I have today. But I was like, dude, fuck all this. Like I don't want to go out and like buy bottom shelf drinks just to wake up the next day and complain about how shitty last night was and how shitty I am today. Yeah. I started like riding mountain bikes again.

And I started like hiking because I was in Atlanta and it was awesome. But that's when I got hit by a car. You got hit by a car? Yeah. Smoked by a car. Wait. Is your dad still alive at this moment? Yeah, my dad's still alive.

Okay. So this is in the summer of 2016. So your bubble really got burst of feeling bulletproof. I should have. Right. Yeah. Oh my God. How did you get hit by a car?

Yeah. So I got a great Goodwill bike because that was all I could afford. 21 speed, fixed it up, did all the things. Yeah. And I would ride back and forth to class because I was about a mile and a half, two miles from school. And this is like that part of like, I really don't give what people think. So I'd go into like these lectures and like whatever I'm hot and sweaty. I'm 20, I don't really care.

Yeah. And I'm coming back from a neurophysiology midterm, which wrecked my shit. Yeah. Right. And I went to Walmart. You can go to Walmart and get it like a $3 bottle of wine. And I'm like, I'm going to have a special or whatever. And got that road home with this bottle of wine on my backpack on a Friday night.

And coming down a hill, I was probably doing like 35, which on a bike is a whole, whole and ass. Yeah. And, yeah, black SUV blew through a stop sign. and I hit him, he hit me, hit me into a ditch. And he didn't stop and I don't know how many hours later it was, but like a homeless man is like kind of like nudging me to see like you. It was a hit and run? Alive, yeah, yeah, never found him, never ran into him, none of that stuff.

Oh my God. So got up, had a concussion. My brother also getting his doctorate at the same time. And I like walked myself home, like just trying to like figure out what's going on. Like the homeless dude like got me up. He's like, you okay, you okay. And I can't talk because, like, my brain is, like, a little rattled up, had a helmet on, probably saved my life. Wow.

And, yeah, go home. I brother's like, what am I you? And I just kept going, like, hit, hit. And he's like, did you get hit by a car? And I'm like, he's like, takes my backpack off. And he's like, why are you, like, all wet? And I was like, oh, the bottle of wine broke, right? So I'm like, I'm sure there's, like, broken glass and stuff.

So I'm starting to get speech back. And this is, like, when I got really scared, he pulls out an unbursed. broken bottle of glass, right? Full bottle of wine. And he's like, why are you wet? And it was blood. I was like, oh, that's not great. So anyways, I had some internal lacerations, had some hip stuff that I had to work through,

which allowed me to become an expert in the pelvic floor, which men, if you're listening to this, you have a pelvic floor. It's a very important thing. For your life. Yeah, shout out for that later. But yeah, I got put on bed rest until things kind of healed up. And two weeks into bed rest, I got. a call on the phone from a family friend and this family friend is like super frantic yeah he's like

hey hey hey do you still live here i'm like what's up how you doing like what's going on and he's like i'm coming to your place right now we're going like okay like sure call my brother up i'm like do you remember steve steve just called me and he's like he called me too and he's like he's on the way to our apartment and like i can't get out of bed like like can you like come he's like yep I'm coming home come home hear my brother's truck pull up and then he doesn't come upstairs and then hear the other car pull up and like for whatever reason I'm like I'm going to get out of bed first time that I've like gotten out of bed by myself yeah and I'm like standing like baby giraffe legs in the door frame wondering like what's going on yeah

and this is when my brother comes in he's sobbing he's with Steve let's call him Steve he's sobbing and I'm like oh no what's going on guys like somebody want to like fill me in brother sees me drops backpack drops keys runs over to me scoops me up he's like it's going to be okay i'm like dude like older brother brother's my hero right i'm like dude what's going on nick and he's like dad's gone my god so her dad committed suicide in september of 2016 and death in and of itself messes you up we don't know how to grieve Like, nobody's really been, like, shown how to, like, really, really grieve. Yeah.

And for anybody who's gone through suicide, there's no goodbye. No. There's no understanding. There's no anything. It's just gone. Yeah. There wasn't a letter. There wasn't an explanation.

The only thing that you get left is assumptions of what was going on. And questions. So it just ate us alive. But six months later from then. woman that I was dating at the time calls me up and at this time of like kind of recovered from you know my physical injuries because that was super fresh and calls me up very similar call hey you still live here um like we had recently just decided that it was not a good time for a relationship because like I didn't know what I was doing I got like trying to get through school like I'm grieving

I'm trying to figure it out like I'm just a wreck yeah so we were like you know we care about you but like it's not a good time to like start a relationship shows up it's like I need to just sit down like sure and I'm like 30 pounds underway like I'm 140 pounds at this time oh my god and like just gray everything hurts I can't sleep nightmares constantly like hitting board exams and finals and like it's it's hell yeah you're shell at yourself oh yeah horrible like I look back on pictures and I'm like how did you make it yeah yeah and she just looks at me she goes I'm pregnant. Oh.

Yeah. And I'm just like, and I don't remember anything after those words. I just remember my brother coming in hours later. And she was still in the room. And she's like looking at my brother. Like, is he okay? He's like, what's going on? And like, information kind of gets around and it's like, okay, we're going to do this.

So how old are you at this time? 23. 23. Wow. Yeah. So about a year passes. we have our daughter. She's amazing, right? And then shortly after that, I am a single parent trying to finger these things out. Like at that time, I'm like 24 single parent, still have a year

left of school. No money. Like I'm like $200,000 in debt from school. Like, oh my gosh, I talk about stress and burnout. Yeah. I don't know who I am. I have all these feelings of resentment. I feel like I'm like the worst person on the face of the planet to be like taking care of a kid who I love more than I've ever loved a thing in my entire life. Like, it's the first time I held her, I'm like, I will do anything for you. Yeah. Right?

Until, and this is, I think, what most parents do. Like, I will die for you. Yeah. But will you live for your kid? Mm-hmm. And trying to figure out what that looks like. Yeah. And it was in the midst of all of that,

where I realized that my brain was controlling my perception of things. And I felt like such a victim. Like, I felt like I can't escape this thing. I'm screwed. So I shifted kind of out of like general doctorate stuff. And I really started to go down the world of neuroscience. Wow. And I'm like, all right.

Like my brain is really like creating my like perceptive reality. And that's like controlling all of these different factors. Then like I'm going to figure this thing out. Not only that, I'm going to figure out like why my dad killed himself. I'm going to figure out like all these really successful people say they have all this willpower. And I'm like, well, there's an entire cognitive neuroscience class focused on willpower and decisiveness and just like I'm going to figure this thing out wow so I put my head down and I studied and I studied and I studied and I'm like how do people make habits and routines

out of this shit like this stuff is like non translatable and I realized that it was a massive problem in cognitive neuroscience back in 2017 2018 where it's like okay all this information is great but like where's the system like where's the routine like if you really want to be like more regulated and really be more like willpower driven like I see you getting up and going to the gym every day and that's great but like how did you get there like what was going on inside of the brain and there really wasn't somebody who was building out systems for that so I could take an inside approach I'm like okay so this is probably most likely what's going to create willpower this is what decisiveness looks like and I started just execute my own systems and I quickly in like two three

weeks was like, oh man, like I'm a morning person now. I didn't even think that that was possible. Like I've been trying to do this for years. And now I just have a different understanding of what that is, certainty, predictability, understanding and then just setting up like routines for myself. And I'm like, what else can I do? Like, can I start to teach myself business skill sets that are going to translate into that? Because I, this is like story for another time, I had a very amazing mentor when I was 1617 who took me under his wing and taught me business. strategy because he saw something in me that I didn't even know existed. And he and I built up or I guess rebuilt a foam factory. Yeah. Yeah. We had a foam factory in my hometown. And I was

cutting his grass because he was renting a house from my dad. And like one day, he's like, you're always on time. Everything's always like this. He's like, that's really rare. And I was like, getting shit done. He's like, I'm like, how is that? And I didn't appreciate or realize it at the time. but he was like, why don't you stop cutting grass and why don't you come work for me? And I was like, where do you work? So he took me there and he's like, I'm gonna, you're gonna build your own division.

And I was like, okay. Like you don't know what you can't do because no one has told you that. So I built out an entire quality control management protocol for like this business and it like increased revenue because I thought that's just what people did. That's so funny. And then people are like, how did you do this?

Like what is that? And then I became a manager at this place. like six months into it and then I became like a director and then I'm at board meetings and I'm like doing all this stuff and I'm like oh this is just what people do like this is just how like

and then somebody like eventually was like but you ran you helped run that company like you did all of these things like they're looking at my resume for a college job when I was an undergrad and they're like you are way over qualified

to be this young how how did you do this? And I'm like isn't it just how this works and that's when I realized I was like oh shit like he really like saw something but then like didn't biased me but that takes like a lot of self-control and willpower at that age do you think self-control and willpower is like a muscle we can train or is that something you're born with or how can we strengthen that muscle for people who want to be more like that yeah so there's a really good book called willpower doesn't work

um dr benjamin hardy wrote that he's an organizational psychologist and The premise of this book is that willpower in and of itself is less important than your ability to focus and have predictable outcomes. So especially in this modern world, willpower is just the result of our brain knowing what to do and when to do it. That's very simply what it is. And where we expend so many resources in our modern world is through just random stimulation. So stimulation takes up the same bandwidth and takes the same.

resources as what we would call willpower. So willpower is less a matter of like doing the hard thing when the easy thing is available. As it is, do you actually have the resources to do the thing? So most people have what we would say is the highest availability to be decisive, have strong willpower in the morning time because the nervous system has kind of fleshed out and like started a new system. So we have a lymphatic system for our body and our brain has a glimphalphal. system. So these gile cells inside of the brain clear out the metabolites from thinking and

feeling, organization, and firing neurons when we sleep. So willpower is less you're born with it and more of a how good is your self-care routine. Right. And I think a lot of people don't, I certainly didn't understand that. So like you want to be more decisive. You want to have more willpower to do the hard thing when the easy thing is available. Great. You want to do that the first couple hours in the morning for a majority of people. And your availability to execute on novel task is a direct reflection on how well you slept, how much you're stimulating your system, how much you can tolerate low stimulation environments, which most people cannot do in this modern world because we're so information drunk. Like when we do slow down. Information drunk is such a good term for that,

yeah. Yeah. We get like there is like a new term floating around. Like I think we skipped out of like the dopamine detox, which is all bullshit by the way. Um, And we're in like, oh, this is just like a new brain rot thing. And I'm like, God, like, we can't deal with low stimulation environments anymore. Like, my daughter's homeschooled now. Yeah. Like, it was just a good decision for us. And one of those things that we just build into her day every day is her availability to just exist.

Yeah. Oh, that's. Let's go look at the clouds. Yeah. Right? So, like, other kids that are her age, like, and she's, like, laying on a blanket, like, looking at the clouds or she's, like, out there, like, sketching or, like, throwing sticks in the pond or whatever the fuck that she's, she's doing like other kids just can't do that anymore and it's not because she is special she's

like the most badass thing that's ever existed on the face of the planet like yeah kid is just amazing yeah we also built that yeah like that's a normal environment for her and then when she travels with me like she was almost like sitting right here on this podcast with us which she has done in the past she looks at around at the airport and she's like people are actually zombies aren't they zombies yeah and I'm like for sure yeah and I always ask her like when we're out in public well her and I will be sitting like this and we're just like doing our thing. I'm like, what do you see? And she goes, I see people not living. It's like I see people stuck. Sad. Dang. Yeah. That's so sad and such a probably very easy realization for somebody that's like

noticing and like, you know, just be even just parents asking them to notice. Yeah. Like we talk about magic in our house a lot. Like not like Harry Potter magic, but like what is our like physical meat suit? magic. Yeah. And the way that I understand it, which I understand is like how she's going to understand things is that's our ability to have imagination, right? That's our ability to create something that doesn't exist in our minds and actuate it through experience into something very real in this world. Like this podcast studio for you, I'm sure started as a dream, right, which actuated into the experience of drive and anticipation to create something. We're losing that by drowning ourselves in information and judgment. Yeah. We're,

completely losing that. And we're doing it to ourselves. Like I feel like everybody thinks like the hustle culture and like, I'm a good multitasker. And I'm like, is multitasking even making us more productive? Or is it something that our brain like does not want? Like do what was the like multitasking versus single task? Yeah. Task on, task off. Yeah. So multitasking is does not exist. What the brain does when somebody's multitasking is just gets really efficient tasks switching. Right. So you cannot do two tasks at one time. You can do one task at one time, but then what multitasking is is on off switch, on off switch, on off switch. So the brain and people that say that they're really good multitaskers just get really good at transitioning and shifting back and forth between writing a blog, making content.

When you look at the way executives, like high-powered executives, people that are like powerful in their niche, do it. It is pomodoro's, right? 20 minutes, this specific thing. did I complete the task, no, take a five-minute break, move it to the next junk, right? So they're creating the availability for that because focus is so much more powerful than our ability to shift in transition. However, if you think about what social media is doing to the brain, it's one subject, switch, one subject switch, one subject switch.

So the familiarity of how you consume information builds in how you live life. Gosh, I mean, you talk about focus. if someone wants to improve their focus right now, what is like one simple exercise we can all do to improve focus because... Walk. Low stimulation walk, yeah, no stimulation walk. I love a walk.

Yeah, that's the thing. So, like, you talk to, like, people that are, like, doing the dang thing, like, you're doing the dang thing, right? Let's just, let's just call it as you're doing the dang thing, right? They have the availability to move beyond being uncomfortable in the silence and the low stimulation, because it feels like everyone is uncomfortable. in focus right now because stimulation is more familiar than the discomfort of focus.

So focus is a low stimulation thing, right? So to be in that low stimulation environment for focus right now, for most people, they get focused and they're like getting like itchy, right? Because they just, they haven't done it. So the convenience and the ease and effort of information right now and scrolling and all of that is showing our nervous system that it is better to choose that path. than it is to be uncomfortable and focused. But imagination, creativity,

those are all a result of getting beyond that threshold. Right? Like if you go to the gym, if you go to Pilates, whatever the heck, you don't get stronger on the first second rep. You get stronger on like the seventh eighth. After your brain is like,

you can't. You're going to die. You're not going to make it, right? That's where the strength comes in. And that directly translates to the way that the brain builds an association with effort. Right now, we just have a horrible association with effort

because, well, I don't want to do this thing. So let me bust the phone out and let me do some like scrolling task. But that again, the brain is always learning. You can't turn that off. So you get uncomfortable and then you move to a dissociative pathway. Your brain goes, oh, when I have these feelings, instead of dealing with them, connecting with them,

regulating through the uncomfortable of it, I'm going to dissociate, distract, disconnect. So it ruins relationships, ruins businesses. It ruins our lives and so many different. aspects, and it happens insidiously. So it's like quiet and slow. And then like six months later, you're like, why do I have six hours of screen time? Yeah. What the fuck? Like on social media, like alone. Like I, my phone, I checked it before I came on here. I typically would like show you like, I have four hours of screen time. And it's like on Zoom and it's on books and it's

on audible because I'm like, oh, that's. And I'm like, even for me, I'm like, that's a lot. Like what I'm finding four hours in my day to like work. And like you and I both run large social media channels, but I still have app blockers up on mine because I'm like, that's a slippery pathway. It's like giving somebody who's an alcoholic, like, hey, can you just watch this bottle of wine for me? I'm going to be back in like a day or two. Just can you, I'm going to, I'll pop it off just so it like, just don't, right?

And it's like, no. True. Yeah, stress brain that doesn't have a good association with ever takes the path of least resistance. And simply walking literally, I do, I walk all the time. It's like the greatest thing ever. Yeah. And it's so funny that you talk about like being productive in the morning.

That's like the time I get shit done is if I put my mind to it and I wake up, I cannot work out later in the day. The workout will not be the same as if I do it when I wake up. And then I walk and I feel like nobody ever regrets a walk. Nobody ever goes out on a walk and comes back and says, I wish I didn't do that. It literally resets my brain all the time and I make sure I'm not scrolling on my walk. Like I like to walk and I like to either listen to like music or an audio book or just not listen to anything.

Yeah. And my phone died actually yesterday on my walk. And I was like, oh, what a blessing. Because I just got to like. Yeah. It's like a dream, right? Yeah. And I love being alone and I love like, but my therapist will tell me I get, I move out

of discomfort very fast. But I think I only do that in relationships. So in my everyday life, I think I'm okay with discomfort in like my thoughts, my intrusive thoughts. Like I'm, I'm so used to being alone and just like being and existing. that I'm comfortable with that. Yeah. And then, but in relationships, I cannot sit in discomfort.

I'm like, okay, next. Like, what do we? I don't want to do that. Yeah. See, I mean, this brings up a really important point that I wish more people knew is that like your brain is like chunking information. So like you against you, you're super comfortable being in the unfamiliar and uncomfortable. When it comes to like being like witnessed and like asking for help and like all the other

things and like vulnerability, it's like that's not safe. Yeah. Right. Something is off here. I need to like fix it. Or like before we like. hit the record button or maybe it was on record. I don't know. Like I was talking through. I'm like, I think I know I want love to not be performative. I want it to be unconditional. And yet my system

has an experience that if I'm not performative, then that person is going to abandon and leave me, which is not my partner's responsibility to work through. It's my responsibility to communicate that and then build a new experience that rivals the old experience. Okay, I have been all about Audible lately, especially, I don't know why, but their romance collection. I love that no matter what mood I'm in, there's just always something that totally fits. And some days I'm just, you know, vibing with a little modern rom-com, if you will, like anything from Ali Hazelwood or Lily Chew that's smart and funny. And then other days, I want a little drama, a little fantasy. So I dive into Sarah J. Mass's A Court of Thorns and Roses series. I'm only on the second book, but I actually

prefer listening to it. It's packed with steamy, swoon-worthy moments that totally sweet me away. To that series, I just feel like it's the perfect way to escape. Maybe that's why I really like listening. I feel like I escape whether I'm cooking, driving, flying, just winding down. And what I love about Audible is just how easy it is to listen. Anytime, anywhere, the app fits right into my life, no heavy books to carry around. Just my favorite little stories ready whenever I am. Plus, they have thousands of titles across from every romance style you can think of,

from sexy billionaires to Dukes, hockey players, my personal favorite, and even love in other realms. So here's the best part. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash vine. That's audible.com slash vine. I need to confess something, okay? I think I'm in a toxic relationship with all of my old socks. Because ever since Bombas came into my life, I literally cannot look. I can't even look at my other socks the same way. They feel like sad little exes compared to the cushy, cozy, treat me right, bombas vibe. So here's the deal.

These aren't just socks. They've got marino wool. That's like, is it chilly? I got you. Is it warm? Still got you. They're Sherpa line slippers. Let's just say I may or may not have canceled plans to stay home in them.

We're going to go with I may have. regret nothing but the real swoon moment is every time you buy something bombas donates an item to someone experiencing homelessness we're talking over 150 million donations already made like comfort for you comfort for someone else it is a win win and if for some reason you're not 100% obsessed they've got a happiness guarantee how cute is that so ditch those old socks upgrade your life with bombas head over to bombos dot com slash vine and use code vine for 20% off your first purchase that's b-o-m-b-as dot com slash vine code vine at checkout i feel like relationships are obviously important for mental health but so many people feel disconnected and i think that is something that we do is disconnect on

purpose to get out of the discomfort avoidance yeah so how can someone get better at making an effort with relationships in that way. Relationships are a weird, squirrelly thing as anyone who's been in a relationship knows. Because the more time that you spend with that person, the more data your brain collects on that person, the more assumptions that you make unconsciously, the more bias that you create unconsciously. So I think one of the primary factors of having a relationship is recognizing, number one, like, I think I know you well.

Realistically, you don't know shit about that person. Yeah. Right. So unspoken expectations or premeditated resentments is a quote. I think Neil Strauss, if I'm going to like accurately say that. And I like for communication, over communicate. Right. Like, hey, it seems like I have a question for you. Some part of me thinks that you might be frustrated or it seems like you might have an unmet need. Maybe this is just something on my behalf that I'm like picking up on that I need to work on. But is any part of that true for you? Right. That number one creates the opportunity for me to be vulnerable and like really do a break check.

Is this feeling mine or is this yours? Yeah. And if I'm picking up something on yours, how can I hold space for you? Oh, yeah. The real struggle bus comes in when they start to come back and it feels combative when they're like, no, you're right. Something is going on. You said this thing yesterday and I don't even think you noticed it, but you said something about the way that like I folded your laundry and like that it like wasn't good enough.

and like, I can't get it out of my head. And then I take that so personally when they're having a very vulnerable moment and then I take that vulnerability as a personal attack and then I get emotionally reactive. So instead of holding space for you, I'm like, well, this is ridiculous. Like, what do you?

Yeah. And it's like, wait, wait, wait. Having two people be vulnerable at the same time is typically not a good starting point for depth and intimacy, right? If you're going to like bear your soul to me and there's some part of me that like activated something inside of you it never has anything to do with anything that you

have done to them your brain is always taking in the present moment comparing to the past and it doesn't care what it is it cares what it looks like so if you have a person and you're like a couple months into a relationship and they're starting to like open up a little bit more and they start to talk about like i know i've had abusive relationships in the past like physically mentally, emotionally, financially, right? You as a caring, supportive, nurturing partner, I invite you to index that information. And the first time, the next time that you guys

kind of get into a spliff, ask yourself if that person is just running a familiar pattern from old abuse. And if the answer is maybe yes or maybe no, take a compassionate perspective with them and just say, oh, and you don't say this part out loud. You're like, oh, I think you're maybe experiencing that old partner. You're experiencing Justin with me right now.

So I'm going to show that version of you that didn't feel safe and had to be reactive that I can hold space for you. And that's where you go, yeah, I don't know what you're experiencing, but it seems like it's really taking a toll on you. Is there anything I can do to help you feel safe in this experience right now? Is there anything that we can do to slow down? Do you feel like going out to get ice cream? Do you feel like going for a walk? Yeah. And you start to show them like your feelings don't scare me.

So then I'm like, okay, when you do keep experiencing betrayal or lack of trust, how do you move past that? Like 40 years old and I still feel like I do have trust issues because of experiences I've felt and been through. And those experiences are very real. Yeah. Right. So how do you move past that? It's a great question. So when people tell me I need to move past this feeling, this trust, this lack thereof, I like to like introduce.

the word of like integration right how can you through it instead of past it or what do you mean yeah this in this you're asking like all the right questions this is whatever he's like okay so like I need to like integrate it so when we want to like move past it the way that I understand this is that we need to not like move that part of us that feels betrayed and misunderstood and like I trusted that person and they just them yeah right they messed me up right can you hold space for that part so that it can come back up to the surface and tell you what's actually real for them. When I talk about integration, it's like cotton candy and water. Like you want that thing to dissolve back into a part of you because at some point there

was a part of you that did trust that like was just hopelessly romantic. And like I believe that there's a person out there who like isn't going to complete me, but reminds me that I am complete. Right. That's the person that we all deserve to have. Right. Like that's what we all deserve. Yeah.

And that experience shows us, oh, that person's not, that doesn't really exist. So it's, it's a coming back moment where it's like, okay, I see, I hear you. It has nothing to do with that person. This is just showing me a new area where I don't believe in my ability to choose. Right. So when it moves into integration, big feelings in a new regulated state. So if your feeling is dictating how your brain is processing information, it's reactive. Whereas instead, I can talk about my own abandonment wounds, right?

Abandonment from parenting, abandonment from my dad. And like those things happened to me, right? Can't control those things, but that's a victim perspective. You can't teach or change a victim, right? And people really have to understand that. Like, where am I victimizing myself? So great, I have this core abandonment wound and an injustice wound, right? Of like, this is just unjust.

This is unbalanced. This is wrong. Right? So can I hold space for that thing? And like let it talk, let it be there and just be steady, be steadfast. Yeah. My nervous system as like a child was, I just had anxiety as a kid. Yeah.

And obviously now we know more about anxiety in our lives that we're able to like label it and know it and understand it better. But like you talk about regulating nervous systems. So what does that mean and how can that improve how we show up in relationships? Because my nervous system gets rocked very easily, something I'm working on. But it's probably because I avoid. We all are. Yeah.

Yeah. So, like, it's, first off, it's normal. It's normal. Okay, good. You're a human with humanship. Congratulations. Thank you. Like, nobody's just, like, levitating and waking up and like, oh, just quote a great

day to be alive. Like, our system is primed to reflect on the negative and then to objectify it and say, this is what's going to have. What happened yesterday is going to happen today. And rinse and repeat that. It wants to overthink because overthinking is practicing the problem. And if I can overpractice the problem, I can identify it faster. And if I can identify it faster, I can avoid it faster, over and over and over again.

We're constantly in fight or flight trying to figure out a solution to a problem when I feel like happiness and joy seems to be such a choice instead of a feeling. Like we're programmed to not be happy. It's a choice. Why? Yeah. So happiness and fulfillment is typically on the other side of effort. And everything is, and this is like, you know, more of an opinion than it is like kind of what the objective science is showing us. Because, yeah, happiness is absolutely a choice.

And it's something that is created, not something that's discovered, right? It's not like, oh, there's been happiness inside me this entire time. And more and more we're looking at, like, the research is showing us, like, the convenience and ease of this modern world. Shouldn't we be just happy as, like, everything's so just, like, simple. Like, why? But it's not, right? And that's because the brain constantly is seeking more, right?

Like dopamine and, like, molecules of emotion and, like, all those really awesome books. out there are just showing us that our brain constantly is striving for what's next, what's next, what's next? So what emotional regulation really is, is our ability to recognize that we're in a stressful situation and to transition into a regulated one where we can make choice. So when you think about stress, the knot that I want to tie for people is you're stressed and therefore reactive and the reaction doesn't create choice. So when you're reactive, it's a pathway that you just follow.

when you regulate that same circumstance now has choice involved so it's like oh shit i am avoidant to intimate conversations or vulnerable conversations with my partner and oh man i constantly react when those things come up okay the reaction is the one pathway the familiar pathway and it is the dysregulated nervous system going down that because it feels threatened what we want to do is create some kind of intentional effort in a different direction but it is it is is a spectrum, right? So if intimate conversations are a struggle bus, which they are for everybody out of the gate,

it's not that you're messed up or f***ed up or broken. It's a skill, right? Like, it's like singing or dancing, right? Like, you didn't start off, like, are you the same, like, quality of dancer at three that you are when you're 40? Right, no. No, you've got 37 years in between

of effort and consistency. So you're extraordinary at what you do today, not because it magically like poofed out of nowhere, but because you efforted to be that version of yourself. Emotions, vulnerability, connection, community, like all of those are skill sets that we just have to get to. We think that we just need to be at the top of that mountain looking down. It's a hike up there.

Yeah. So this is where when you find somebody, you're like, oh, man, I really like this person. And you're like past that six-month threshold. And you're like, okay, things are getting real. Like, okay, can we have a skeletons out of the closet talk? Mm-hmm. I struggle with vulnerability. Mm-hmm.

But I really like you. I really want this to work. But when we have these types of talks, I recognize that my pathway. And you talk to them, with them in these types of conversations, in a very straightforward way. My mechanism is avoidance and isolation. So when there is intimacy, when there is deep connection, when there is big events that we do together, my tendency is to completely bail afterwards. Or if there's something that I feel like I disappointed you or you frustrated me because, God forbid, people are imperfect,

like the person that you love the most is also going to be a person that probably hurts you the most right not intentionally just because even though you have all the data points on them shit's going to hit the ceiling right it's not because they're doing it maliciously it's because like you guys are figuring out

how to love each other while loving yourselves and dealing with those past things yeah I think that's like so apparent to me now what I'm looking for in a partner because I've had experiences in my past where I'm like I can for sure point out what I did wrong I know everything I feel like I'm very self-aware with what I need to work on.

And I work on it. And what I'm looking for is someone that also has, like, been on this self-discovery journey and can he can be like, oh, I've been on this journey too. I see where you're at. Like, and we can be open and honest about that. That's it. Yeah. So this is like, there's a fine line between what I'm about to say.

And it's going to be only for like a select few. But I have told people that struggle with this. You need to find a partner that you feel safe being mad at. Yeah. Which is like, it's a tricky line. It's tricky because, like, number one, like, you need to introduce your nervous system to the idea that you can be mad at a person and they're going to be like, yeah, I get that.

That's okay. And then you need to recognize that that's a rupture moment and then you need to go back when you are regulated after that emotion was safely expelled and they didn't combat it. Because if you're like, you did this thing and then they're like, well, yeah, but you did that back to disregulated people are never to do that too because it's like keeping score you're like well you do this well then you build up a conditional relationship yeah right conditional relationships are just like because then all you have to do is like convince yourself that that person is the person you think you are when they're when you're disregulated is oh all these conditions stacked up these

house of cards i'm just going to pull this one and watch you react yeah it's like oh shit like that see i know i do that yeah 100% right so the solution the starting solution to that is like an ounce of prevention as a pound of cure right so you have these types of conversations the same way that you run a company like we have a weekly roundup on mondays like you need to have a sunday connection time of like okay what did i do this week that you really loved and what did you do that like you didn't really like this week right and even if there wasn't something like when you start to ask some of those things you could be like uh okay so on Thursday, right? This one thing popped up, right? And that's how you refine the relationship,

right? Like you want iron to sharpen iron. You want two people to build an empire together. Hold space for that person, right? Like, oh, cool, because most of the time, it's not about the other person. Yeah. Right? You're activating something inside of their system that looks familiar to an old pattern that's now trying to come in new circumstances. So you have to show them a new circumstance to rival the old one. I know you often say who you are and your purpose are different, which I'd totally agree with. And I think a lot of people get those confused. Can you kind of explain that? Yeah. So who you are and what you do. So I think that this is like this is like the non-scientific thing. I think we kind of talked about of like everything has to be like proven and scientific

and validated. And this is where it's like these are just my opinions. So what you do, I think we're all kind of put on this earth with certain gifts, certain things that like you're just going to figure you're out to go do. And I think a huge chunk of like life's purpose is figuring out what that is, right? Is it service to other? Is it, is it podcasting? Is it like walking dogs, frying chicken? I don't know.

But I think a huge part of the excitement is efforting to figure out what that is. Because at the start of my life, like I loved being out in nature. And that was my life purpose. And then it moved to, oh, I love soccer. I really love soccer, right? For whatever reason. And then it's like, oh, but I also really love that. through all of your different life purposes, there's a string, there's a thread that connects them

all. That's who you are. Right. So like when we first sat down, I'm like, I have these two things that are my threads, right? Like I am innately curious, right? I just seek to understand people and things and like, what's going on? And like, how is that going? You're like, are those all like hand blown from like Poland? Like all these like random things. I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so interesting. And my brain is just like, that's a part of who I am. Yeah. And the other part of that is I'm just playful. Yeah.

Right? Like I just, I don't want to take things too seriously. And like, I love like still playing games or board games or like just connecting. And it's not about competition. It's about like us getting back to a childlike state. That said, I am a unit at Mario Kart. Absolute unit at Mario Kart. So it's not always about the connection aspect.

It's also about putting crowns in first place. We've got to put gold on that thing. Oh, my God. I am also a unit at Mario Kart. Does anyone else get as hyped up as I do when the air just starts to get cooler? I walked out this morning with my coffee in hand and the air was cooler and the days are just shorter and then you suddenly want your home to just feel so warm and cozy. There's just something about fall that makes me want to curl up with blankets, light a few

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and right now it's the perfect time to get started because nothing says fall like a colorful home that makes you feel like fall the moment you walk in okay let's acknowledge something right now right now you made a very smart choice hitting play on this podcast today 10 out of 10 decision i would say and speaking of smart choices progressive is all about them now here's why i am obsessed they have this tool called auto quote explorer which basically it lets you compare your progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies which means you don't have to spend hours being your own little insurance detective clicking around like 10 different tabs progressive does the heavy lifting for you you just sit back sip your wine choose the best rate for you time saved money saved honestly sanity saved so

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which means you're really good at what you do or you're relatable. Yeah. If you're really good, you're both, which just means that you're humble and wildly talented at what you do because that's inspiration. Like inspiration is knowing that,

oh, you did that thing. And you're like talking me through how I can do that thing to you? I, what is this feel? It's inspiration. Yeah. Right? Like you're feeling, like, inspired to do that because somebody else actuated it. Like, you can influence behavior in a positive and negative way in that way, all based on body language and confidence. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I feel like humble and, like, having humility are two qualities that are, like, so attractive to me in a partner.

Yeah. When somebody asks you a question and you're like, I don't know. Like, you don't know. Yeah. I am turned on. It really is because it's just honest. Yeah, because it's so, I think, with all the information that's out there right now, everyone can bullshit and answer for anything, right? It was like, well, and like, me especially, right? Like, I don't know, but give me like three, two, here's probably why, right? And it's like, instead of just being like, honestly, I don't have a clue, right? I can give you, like, the most accurate information that I have, but I don't have an objective answer.

Or I haven't thought through that. Like if my partner asked me a question and she's like, what do you think about that? Like, what do you think about this for us? And I'm like, I can react. Yeah. Or I can be like, I honestly haven't thought about that. And I see that this is really important to you. I just, can you give me a couple hours to like sit down and like give you a better answer than what I want to spew out right now?

Yeah. And like a solid partner in your life isn't going to be like, no, do it now. Give me the reactive answer. They're going to be like, oh, shit. This guy gives. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. And I feel like when you're with the wrong person or when you're not just like aligned with what makes you feel good, you lose your purpose. Maybe what's one practical step somebody can take to align themselves with a life that they're supposed to be like more living their purpose? Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah.

So I think like. Yeah. So the same way that we've talked about emotions being a skill set that you have to refine, David in the Stone, right? That is in Rome. I think. When he was like, how did you carve

like David out of the stone? He's like, oh, David was in there. I just had to get him out. Right? It's a refinement process. It's chiseling away.

And that's where you're telling me that you're okay being alone. Stellar. So many people are not. Like take the time, bust the journal out, go for those quiet walks. And the most important thing,

I think, for finding your purpose or living a genuine happy life. It's all about relationships. Like, it's not who is like your intimate partner that is a huge aspect i think it's like one of the most important things in life it's also like making sure that that person isn't taking the responsibility of an entire village right so like i've got five people in my inner circle and i talk to one per day

monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday and then on the weekends like i'm jamming like intermittently but i'm talking to one of them a day and they're holding me accountable they're not fixing my problems they're simply saying oh you've got a thing that's going on Like, is there anything that I can do to support you beyond just listening to what's going on? Friends let friends suffer in safety. Because suffering is where you find meaning and purpose and significance because it's stretching your capacity beyond what you knew you could do. So whenever somebody's like, I can't do this anymore and I'm about to break. And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, oh, yeah, because in like two months from now, you're going to look back and go, holy.

That was the moment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a new glass ceiling that you broke. It's not that you. And there is also the, okay, you're way too stressed and overstimulated and, like, like haven't gotten sleep and like we got to like fix that too um but there is like the mental emotional

actionable stretching that I think is so easy to avoid I want to go back to the mornings what do you think the best way to start your morning is if you want to be focused and productive and your best self through the day with a good bedtime routine right like I so like the morning routine thing it only actuates if you have a good bedtime routine so like no tech in the bedroom like they're no tech in the bet with the caveat i have a kindle right i got a kindle in the bed but like there's no beds like beds beds are for sleeping and toe curling that's it like it's not a place for eating it's not a place for anything else it's it's a space just for that so like that's a very like specific thing because every time that your brain like i've got like 1200 thread count like nice caught like

every time your face hits that like silk pillow which apparently is really good for your face and hair yeah 100% yeah you want your brain to go oh i know i know what i know what this sensation means. It means that we're sleeping. And the quality of your sleep is going to determine the quality of your morning. Like we kind of talked about willpower is more of a reflection of like not you being able to willpower your way through hard things, but how well did you sleep and have like, do you have enough acetylcholine? So I think it's really important to go low or like no tack like make the root like you really want to mirror like outside. Right. So like when the sun starts to go down, I've got red lights in my house like all over the place. Like when people like

come visit and stuff like that. They're like, what if I feel like cave in here? I was like, yeah, it is, yeah, that's exactly what I want.

And like, people are like, why am I still like tired after like we eat? I'm like, first off, like we sat down and had a meal together. Yeah.

Right? Like I have candlelit meals five nights a week at my house. Yeah. Right? Like that's just the way that we operate because like I want to parasympathetic. I want to chill.

I want to know how you're doing. I just spent like an hour cooking a meal up. Like I want to sit down and enjoy that. People don't do that either. So, like, it's a huge chunk of, like, being able to slow down. I think the best morning routine isn't, like, one and a half lemons and eight ounces of water and, like, a pinch of salt water and your electrolytes and, like, crack open, like, your spiritual literature, like, pray to your God. Like, I don't think that that's it. And I don't know what it is for you.

Mine looks like waking up somewhere between 530 and 6. Oh, God. Hit the alarm, right? Go out, fire up the sauna, come inside. I do drink water because, like, my body feels really great. I work out five days a week. I also live in Florida, so I'm constantly sweating. So I am putting some electrolytes in mine.

Go out in the sauna, sweat my ass off for 30 minutes, come inside, and then like I'm doing whatever I need to do that day. Sometimes it's journaling for 30 minutes. Sometimes it's just going down and like writing the book. Sometimes it's doing client work for companies that are in Europe. But it's not unintentional. It's not reactive. It's slow.

Did you drink coffee? I'm like a coffee snob, but I don't. drink coffee. I try not to drink coffee 90 minutes before I wake up. Why is that? Because I feel like a lot of people rely on caffeine or like overstimulation to perform. I feel like you wake up and you just start me. But busyness is not performance. We got to like, yeah, we got to deal with that. Totally. Business is not performance. So I think that's one of the caveats of like this hustle and grind culture and like high stimulation means like I'm getting shit done. It's like you're really not. Yeah. Right. So like let's let's do the coffee.

So your body, when it starts to wake up, is releasing healthy amounts of cortisol. Cortisol is not the enemy, right? Long-term exposure to chronic stress produces, like, long-term exposure to adrenocorticoids. And that becomes a problem because your body gets accustomed to long-term stress. Not something that we want. But in the morning time, your body is increasing body temperature, and, like, that's a result of, like, you know, profusion into the capillary beds from all of these different things. that's totally good because caffeine is a stimulant it's also going to like increase that i want my

body to go through its natural circadian rhythm yeah because that is a huge factor to longevity and like we were talking about like genetic stuff like that's methylation rate so like in the morning i drink like hot chocolate like cacao yeah i'm like just doing like and this is just because i like the taste of it yeah it's like a warm thing yeah i think i just like the warm cup of something So like, try this. Like, so I get random Amazon cacao. Yeah. It's not like ceremonial cacao and I'm not like doing like a ritual with it with like my beads.

Yeah, do it. I have 100% sure you will. Yeah. For the, the ladies out there, do your witchy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do whatever you got to do. Oh, I obsess. Yeah.

So I do hot water, three scoops of this like cacao powder like got on Amazon with some salt in it. Mix it up. If I feel real frogy, I'll put some like like heavy cream in that because I'm like, my body doesn't, my body loves carbs, but like I don't operate super. well on like a shit ton of carbs. So I'm trying to like maintain like a fat protein fast until I have my first meal at around 10. So I'll do like this cup of cacao, take it in the sauna with me or if I'm like walking that day and I don't want a sauna. I'll drink it, watch the sunrise, chill. I got a back patio that overlooks a pond. I get an awesome son. Like slow shit. Yeah. And then 90

minutes later I'll do coffee. I love a slow morning but it rarely happens for me because I love a sleep in. So then I wake up and I'm like, ah, shit, I got to go. But anytime I have a slow morning, I'm like, why don't I do this more often? It really is the greatest thing. It is the greatest thing. And I have a sauna, but I usually do it at night. You can do so matter. Like, when like, I think this is where we get so into the weeds of like, when's the optimal time? I know. When's the thing? It's like, yeah, 100%. I'm like, I don't give a, like, just do it whenever it is. Like, it's not nitpicky. Okay, I don't have a cat. But if I had a cat, if I had a cat, their bathroom situation will be upgraded immediately. I mean, if I'm not using single-ply toilet paper for myself,

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P-A-A-A-A-A-A-Parel.com slash O-T-V and enter code O-T-V. Are there, like, tricks to prioritizing energy, though, instead of just time? Yeah, like, so there's, there's... It's... It goes back to sleep. Yeah, so a ton of it. So when I teach stress management, I teach self-regulation, or I teach leadership, or I teach business culture, or whatever the fuck that I'm teaching, none of it works if we don't have

the foundation of physical routines. So sleep, diet, exercise. Yeah. Right. Got to get good sleep. You need to figure out what that is. We talked about aura and like using like some form of like measurement tool. Highly recommend whatever that modality is for you just to know because everybody's like,

oh my God, I'm sleeping so well at like four hours. I'm like, no, you're not. I know. Right. But that's, we also have this like Adderall and alcoholism culture that's just. And this is not to like shame anybody that's on those medications. It does mess with your physiology. though yes right so it is for sure what I would say when people ask me about this my friends is

Adderall is a really great behavioral band-aid until you can develop routines and strategy to understand your nervous system yeah I was just this is kind of going backwards but I was thinking about the hatch do you have a hatch like for your room where it's an alarm but it like does a slow sunrise in the morning instead of an alarm a hatch yeah it's the best and it's like the best alarm because it slowly does a sunrise in your room. Oh, definitely I got one of those. Yeah, I'll call them a light alarm clock. I don't know.

That's, well, I should now put my phone out of my bedroom and use that. Don't take your phone in your bedroom. It is for sleeping and for toe curling. That is it. What about TV? No. Take the TV out. No, kids with TVs in their room, kids with iPads and don't, don't.

So bad. Teach them to read. Teach them to the sketch. And I love reading. Teach them to journal. But my brain goes, well, did you do your wordle? Did you do the connections? Did you check your Instagram?

Did you check tips? And then you can read. What are you chasing? I don't know. You're chasing the reading. Just give yourself a... Yeah, I'm like, and then I'll read. Yeah, and I'll read once I, to do all those things.

Then I'll be worthy to receive love. It's like just calm down. Just take it. Just take it. Oh my God. Okay, TV, that's a tough one for me. I can do without the phone. That's fine as long as like my friends and family.

But then I get scared someone's going to need to get hold of me because I have my emergency bypass on for like my mom and like my mom and like my best friend. Yeah. So this is the thing that I get from everyone. Like, great. Then put your phone outside of the bedroom and like put a little table out there.

And if they need to come. Yeah. It's such like it's like we make the greatest excuses. It would really do. The brain under change will rationalize in anything. I think I've said this for about 10 years that I'm going to start that. I'm really going to start it. So like when everybody like gets to this space,

it's like, all right. Now you're taking responsibility. Yeah. Responsibility without accountability. is just dreams right i think it's just bullshit so great how and when so once you figure out the what tell me how and when i'm i'm gonna put my phone outside of the door tonight and i'm going to not turn my teeth but big brother's on tonight bomber okay watch in the living room yeah

and then i'll go to bed yeah and i will read my book what time uh hopefully around 8 p.m wait is it hopefully or you doing it well 8 p.m i'll start because big brothers on 7 to 8 and then i will nine step face routine yeah then i've got my nine step face routine yeah then i take all my vitamins so all those things are okay they're great you can do like a wind down routine yeah you can do like with music or anything else like that Bluetooth speaker put it in the bathroom like whatever you got to do like it's gonna connect through the walls you'll be fine right like there's a if you can rationalize like maintaining the problem you should be able to rationalize like finding a solution it's the same energy it's just directional isn't that funny yeah which way are you putting

your focus on the problem them around the solution. Yeah, it's the same energy. Yeah, like, I just need to maintain this. Yeah, it's the same amount of energy, right? Like, you can bitch and moan about not going to the gym for two hours or you could have already been back and showered. Yeah, yeah, I know. Pick a lane. It's at true. Yeah. I like talk myself out of so many things. Like, I did not go to Pilates this morning, but I actually am glad I didn't. I was going to ask if there's a studio around here. Yes, I do. I also work out five days a week. I do three days Pilates and two days of weight lifting. It's probably perfect. For ladies out there, you have to lift shit. You can. You

can't just do Pilates. Oh, I lift heavy, too. I love it. But this morning, I was like, I have not been the sore in a really long time. And I have my, well, that's what, so then I kept pressing snooze. Now I'm sitting here being like, why didn't I sauna this morning? But what happens if you do that for a week? What's the story?

What's the story that you build? Because you don't have to go crush hot Pilates this morning, but is it okay to self-care? Is the story shame or is it self-care? No, it's, so this morning, I was proud of myself. because I was like, honestly, I'm not going to make myself feel bad. I was really sore. I feel like I would have maybe injured myself if I went. I just need to rest.

I just need to rest. And I deserve right. It's okay to rest. And I'll go for my walk later and I'll do my sauna before bed. Hit the sauna. Yeah. And that's just as beneficial to like get more rest this morning than to go grind out. You like Pilates?

Yeah. I have like three studios that I love around here. Oh, nice. What is your Instagram handle? Dr. Chris Lee. Yeah. That's what I thought.

everybody go follow thank you so much this fascinating really fascinating this a great time thanks for having me this October fear is free on Pluto TV with horror movie collections from paranormal activity the ring you will die in seven days scream and from dusk till dawn this is my kind of place and don't miss the man made nightmares in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, or the world ending chaos in 28 days later. There's something in the blood. All the scares, all for free.

Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Introducing IVF disrupted, the Kind Body story, a podcast about a company that promised to revolutionize fertility care. It grew like a tech startup. While Kind Body did help women start families, it also left. behind a stream of disillusioned and angry patience. You think you're finally, like, in the right hands. You're just not. Listen to IVF Disrupted, the Kind Body Story,

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.