Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Erin Treloar: Diets don’t work

Episode Date: April 13, 2021

Erin Treloar of Raw Beauty Talks joins Kaitlyn to discuss the intense food and weight battles that many people are facing due to the isolation and stress from the global pandemic, as well as the looming post-pandemic anxiety many are starting to feel about getting “back to normal” in society. Years after overcoming her own struggles with diets which resulted in developing an eating disorder that had her hospitalized, Erin is a wife, mama, health coach and founder of a platform that promotes the sharing of real, raw images of women of all ages, shapes and sizes and advocates for no photoshop in magazines. Kaitlyn and Erin talk about intuitive eating, how diets don’t work, how your period still sneaks up on you every.single.month even though you’ve had it for years (whyyy?!) and how nourishment, movement and mindset are ways to develop a healthy relationship with food. Kaitlyn asks for tools of support to share with listeners and signs herself up to start the 12-week NO DIET Raw Beauty Reset with Erin… a food & body wellness program she hopes all of her Vinos will do along with her! You can find Erin on IG at @rawbeautytalks   SIGN-UP FOR THE RAW BEAUTY RESET X KB ? www.rawbeauty.co/rawcoaching/the-reset  APARTMENTS.COM - Go to apartments.com. The most popular place to find a place. GEICO - Go to geico.com and in 15 minutes you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance. BEST FIENDS - Download Best Fiends free on the Apple App store or Google Play. GREEN CHEF - Go to greenchef.com/90VINE and use code 90VINE to get $90 off including free shipping. PELOTON - Get started on your Peloton journey. Go to onepeloton.com to learn more. SONGFINCH - Get $20 off all personalized songs at songfinch.com with code VINE.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who's down with OTV? Who's that with OTV? Podcast One presents off the vine with Caitlin Bristow. Caitlin is creating a space where girls and gents can feel empowered to be themselves. Get ready for lots of laughs. Taboo topics. On filtered advice and wine.

Lots of wine. Get ready to shake things up. Here's Caitlin. All right, welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. I am so excited for you guys to hear from today's guest. You know her, you love her. She stands for so much positivity, specifically body positivity

and breaking the mold on what magazines are sharing and what women and young girls are made to believe as typical, but it's not. Today I am joined by my good friend, Erin Trelor, of Raw Beauty Talks, which began in 2014 as an interview series featuring women without makeup, photo editing, or filters with a goal of starting a global conversation about beauty, confidence, and self-love. And today you can find Erin on the Graham offering tools to support self-love through health coaching on the Raw Beauty Talks podcast

and her online store packed full of all that Aaron tried, tested, and approved wellness goods. As we begin to emerge from nearly a year of COVID isolation and some of us gradually re-enter the world. I thought it was time to have her back on the pod. Give us some major guidance on how to handle this uncharted territory. I know a lot of us are feeling super anxious. So excited to share today's pod with you.

Please enjoy my conversation with Aaron Trelor. I miss you. I miss you, too. This has been just the most insane year on so many levels. And I feel like I've obviously been. watching you on this crazy adventure that you've been on with dancing with the stars and then we've like thrown in COVID and the cultural revolution that's happening and all these things. Right. But I haven't actually been able to see you in person. I know. Only FaceTime's and I mean,

I'll take that for what it is. But it's so fun. It was like, I mean, when this airs, it will be a little past a year from when it all really started from when lockdown really started. And it's so crazy to be in that time thinking because a year goes by so fast. And we've all gone through such emotional roller coasters. Every single person that exists on this planet can probably agree with that just from what's happening throughout the whole world. And it's like, I am usually a very negative Nancy. And I usually am like, I get anxiety around things. And I've been really trying to be positive and say like, you know when you hit rock bottom as a person and things get really messy and you're just like, but so much change comes from it and so much good can come if you, you know,

looking back in a little bit, we'll look back. And I'm hoping that's what this will be. And that's, that's my hope. But I mean, obviously, I'm not, you could talk to me tomorrow and I might have a completely different outlook and opinion. I mean, I think we're all just going day by day right now. That's one of my questions was like, how are you doing? Because in the past when we've done some work together, one of the, like a few of the things that are really supportive to are when you aren't traveling as much when you're not so busy. So you've had in some way as an opportunity to slow down, but at the same time, there's been a lot going on. But I did. I had that first chunk of time to really stay home. I was at a breaking point too. I remember being like, I had a tour coming up for

off the vine. And I was so excited because I was going to get a tour bus. And I was like, this is such a dream. It's bucket list to shit to me that I get to like have my own tour bus. And, you know I didn't think it would ever be for a podcast but here we are and I was about to put my credit card down for the tour bus and I that sounds really cocky like I know that kind of money laying around but it's a cool moment it was a cool moment and I was so excited and then I thought about it and I'm like I shouldn't put my credit card down yet because who knows how long this will last and they didn't know if they could refund it and thank God I didn't do it but I was about to have but but in my mind I'm like I'm really going to have to mentally prepare for this because

I'm at a breaking point and my anxiety was at an all time high. I was so sick of traveling and just like not being feeling grounded. And I was just slowly but surely like chipping away at my like mental health. And so it was a little bit of a blessing. And I always feel a little bit guilty saying how good it was for me because it was so terrible for so many other people. But I can't think like that. It was a small win for my mental health to just stay home and recharge and rest.

and not be able to go anywhere and still be able to like have a podcast and talk to people but really you know it was it was a really big blessing for me and I was I was thinking about starting off this podcast and you know conversations always how are you how are you and I'm like it's a question that you obviously ask people in your coaching sessions all the time but everyone how are you Aaron? Oh I'm kind of thank you for asking first of all I'm in a similar place as you are that my business really wasn't impacted and I am an introverted extrovert. So like while I love my friend time and I love social engagements, I really recharge when I'm at home and resting and it's quiet. And so I've had a lot of that time. I think like everybody, there's been highs and lows and

downs and moments when I'm like, I don't actually want this to end. Like it's going to be crazy when we get back to reality. Right. And then there have been times when I'm like, I just, I want to see my family. I'm missing my niece. I'm missing travel. I want to go somewhere sunny. And it's been felt like the longest winter ever. But I think that's the reality for, I mean, at least the people that I'm talking to, it's a roller coaster. We've been in this, on this ride without any certainty about what the future is going to look like or the timelines. And so I've noticed for a lot of, of people in this moment when everything sort of slowed down and a lot of the distractions that had us pulled in many different directions have sort of faded away or being taken away

from us that a lot of inner work and stuff has bubbled up for a lot of people there's been like trauma from the past that all of a sudden has needed or required to deal with there's people tuning more into their anxiety and where their mental health was really at a lot of people who are in this place. I mean, we keep hearing about like the COVID-19 and, oh, my God, my body's changing so much and I can't keep myself out of the kitchen. A lot of people are perhaps seeing their relationship with food and their body all start to kind of heighten. And really, all of this stuff was there under the surface. Yeah. We were just so busy. We didn't have to look at it. And so it's been a big year. Everyone's waiting around and a lot of stuff. But it's been a transformation.

one. Oh my gosh. The most transformational year. Like so many things are coming to the surface for people personally in relationships, in work, in family. Like it's, it's things that we've all just been so forced to look at now, which again can be a good thing. Pino, you have nowhere to go right now. Just Pino's like, I want in on this conversation. It's been tough for me too. That's another thing. People in their animals, like the separation anxiety. I can't go anywhere without them following me. And I'm kind of the same way. Like, if they don't follow me, I'm like, who are you? Like following them. Totally. All the kids do. Even James, who's just now in kindergarten, his kindergarten teacher is like, I've noticed that these kids, they spent like the

beginning of all of last year before they were in school so attached to their parents. Everyone was home. They were receiving so much attention that they're really used to that now. So everyone at dogs, kids, adults, the elderly, everyone's being impacted. It's so true. It's so true. And before we dive into all of the obviously amazing mind, body, soul, help that you're going to give me. I know that you've been on off the bind before, but just to kind of refresh people,

if they're new to listening to the podcast or just need a little refresh on who you are and explain kind of your story. Because even though people have heard your story before, I still like to hear it every time because every time I do, I just want to jump through the screen and give you a big hug because I just love the work you do. So if you could, just give us a little refresh. I always, it feels weird telling you because we've known each other for so long back to our days when we were working at the restaurant together.

And those were, that was such a fun time. Like my 20s was an incredible time in a lot of ways, but I was also struggling hard at that time with my relationship with food and my body. that challenging relationship began back when I was 15 or 16 years old and I was doing a lot of dance and looking at my body a lot in the mirror and comparing myself to images in the media and this perfect body that we're supposed to have as women and just became really self-critical of certain parts of my body. And as many women do when we get critical about our body, or we feel that we're not enough or that we should change.

I turned to sort of the world of wellness and diets or or certain ways of eating that would help according to the articles and the experts to transform my my body and to make it smaller. And so at the time for me that was cutting out all fat and that was was evil back in the day. Now it's like carbs and I mean there's there's there's it's all. changing. It's always different. And so I began this relationship with food where I just became so obsessive with doing it, quote unquote, right, the right number of calories, the right foods, the right amount of exercise following that prescription of, you know, working out 60 minutes a day and just placing so much value on the number on the scale, the size of my pants, and the way that I looked

and the more that I thought about it, the more I obsessed about it. And really quickly, what started as trying to eat healthy and to be more healthy spiraled into an eating disorder. Yeah. My weight plummeted and not that anybody needs to lose weight, but I didn't have a lot of weight on my frame. I'm a tall, thin woman, and always have been. I started just truly only being able to focus on food and the,

number of calories and lost my period and started to grow hair in weird places as your body does when you're not well and hair in my head falling out. And so I ended up being admitted into a hospital program. And I spent three months as an inpatient in between grade 11 and 12, not the ideal space to be in in high school at all. And it was uncomfortable. It was challenging. I always remember the first meal that I had in there. I had to have a veggie burger and it was with a white bun and I had to put butter on the bun and I just sobbed every bite I took because the thought of putting white bread and any sort of fat in my body just felt like torture and all parts of my brain were

telling me that this is bad, this is not good, this is scary. Now I'm like, where's the butter? Where's the bread? Can't get enough at any point. But at that time, it was just so traumatizing. All the girls who were in the hospital program at the same time decided to shave their heads as kind of an F you to like beauty standards. And I didn't understand why they were doing it at the time. So this all, this whole world just seemed very, very scary. But at the same time, it allowed me to push pause on my life and to really take a moment to get to know my. myself to really examine some of the behaviors that I was following and obviously to get my weight back up to a place where I was healthy enough to exist in the normal world. So I left the hospital and then my 20s continued on at what would be considered a healthy weight, but my relationship with food was still really complicated. And now it kind of looked like restricting and just being really conscious of what I was eating during the day, sometimes tracking calories.

but not always. And then I would get into these spaces of eating all the food, especially in the evening and doing it really secretly, not wanting anyone to know, feeling so embarrassed and ashamed about it. I never threw up because I just couldn't get my body to do it. And I'm so grateful that my body wouldn't let me do that because I feel like that could have just gone a whole other direction. But I lived in this space for definitely while, you know, we were, working at Earls, well, through the whole first part of my 20s, yeah, yeah, 19 to probably 25, 26 even. And my weight slowly crept up, which was traumatizing. And then therefore, I would try my hardest to restrict and wonder, like, why am I the only one that cleanses aren't working

for? Why am I the only one that can't seem to stick to this diet? And like, what I did it before? or why can't I do it again? And so on the outside, everything probably seemed pretty normal. But I just was having this deep inner turmoil. Yeah. But I now recognize doing the work that I'm doing so many women are struggling with. Maybe not at that same level. But sometimes I think when it's even more subdued and not so intense, it's harder because

you never end up getting the help. You just kind of live like that. And you think that's the way that. our relationship with food and our body is supposed to be. You don't know what other options are out there. That's so true. It's like you don't know what you don't know. And you've obviously done the work and all of your strength and work that you've put into yourself

and coming out the other side, but still obviously being able to acknowledge when those things creep back in, you know, you've done the work that you know and you turned your experience into a platform to help other people. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. I know a lot of people struggle with secrecy of their battles, like you were saying. Like, they either don't know or they want to hide it or not talk about it or they don't have the space to do so. And I wanted to ask you, because I don't think I've ever asked you this, when did you know you're okay to share your experience and what helped you get to the point to be able to share so openly?

Oh, it was such baby steps. I mean, even going back to that first conversation that I had with my mom, where I finally admitted, I feel like I'm thinking about food more than I want to think about it. I don't want you to make me eat, but I just need to, like, I can't stop thinking about it. And they already knew something was up and had been asking me, but to finally admit, I think that there's something wrong. And then really when I started talking about it was when I launched Rob BeautyCo and we started this interview series. where we featured women without makeup or photo editing or filters, and we had these really real honest conversations with women

about their relationship with food and their body and what that had looked like for them. And as I had these conversations in private with women and as they were sharing their stories with me, it gave me the confidence and the space to start sharing my own story. because I really recognize that it wasn't just me. It's very hard to share your story when you feel like you're the only one going through it.

But as you start to connect with other people and you realize, okay, I'm not the only one who's quote unquote not good at dieting. I'm not the only one who sometimes feels like she can't get control over the food that she's eating. I'm not the only one who has anxiety. I'm not the only one who's struggling with grief. I'm not the only one who feels like she's not a,

enough or who can't seem to get our shit together and feels like everyone else has it together. When we start to open up and have these conversations with people that we feel safe with, you know, most people, they don't jump onto their Instagram and start talking about this stuff is the first step. Right. But we have those conversations with whether it's a therapist or a doctor or a parent or a friend, even just that one person that we can open up to, we realize we're really not alone. and we're not as weird as we think we are.

So true. As Brene Brown always says, it's in that space of vulnerability that we most deeply connect with others. But oh my God, showing up vulnerably, having those brave conversations, that feels hard at first.

Oh my gosh. I relate to it and like it wasn't, or it actually has been food for me in some ways, but the thing that really was a struggle for me was, and I've realized it, more and more and it's become clearer to me over the years is that the anxiety and depression and emotional state I'm in around my hormones and around my period is so intense. And it has made me feel since, I don't know, I was 18 years old probably that I was crazy. I thought I was

crazy and I thought I was alone and I thought I was a horrible person and I thought I was a bad girlfriend and I thought I was just a crazy girl and because I was so in my mind I was so just myself so many times of the month but then I'd never knew it was hormones and then those the hormones would sneak up and it would be that time and I was never keeping track of my period I was never aware of the symptoms or the signs or what came along with it and now it's like so clear to me that at that time yesterday just yesterday I'm on my period right now and just yesterday I was a monster monster and I was like what it still just takes me a second and then I'm like I must be close to my period I look it was like literally like your period starts today and I was like clockwork it's

clockwork and that's where it really shows up for me is is like I go really I go into a really dark place at least once a month and I from speaking about it and on my podcast or on Instagram again you realize that vulnerability creates that connection where you're like I'm really not a alone and so many women suffer from it and it's like comforting but at the same time disturbing of what we all like like that we have to just accept kind of I'm talking about period stuff like it's it's disturbing that we all just have to accept that once a month we're going to have to go through this and I'm like are there answers is there like a hormone specialist out there that can be like no here's this magic pill that makes you happy every month like it's such a journey

for all these things that we need to work on and it's so it's so it's so cool because we're going to talk about how you were such an advocate for magazines to not use Photoshop and women and young girls and how I want to know if that that was more, you know, like if it was worse for us to grow up with magazines like that or worse now with Instagram and social media because everything is filtered. Everything, you know, is to make you look good. But at the same time, there's a space there like what you've created to see other people show up raw and vulnerable and and see healthy bodies and all different shapes and sizes and colors and so I was wondering like when you see when you look back on growing up with magazines saying you know you got to

eat this to look like this and this is how you get to be desirable and this is how you look good cosmopolitan's five secrets and it's like so stupid to now we have Instagram where you know everyone's living their best life showing the highlight real edited photos do you think think there's one that's worse than the other? Oh, such a good question. Okay, before we dive into that, I just want you to know you really, truly are not the only person who feels like they've gone crazy when they're about to get their period. And I did speak to a hormone specialist about this specific thing.

And one of the things that she talked about a few things, we talked about it on the Rob Beauty Shocks podcast, and I can share the link with you. But she shared a few little, you know, tinctures and potions that you can use. But I loved when she talked about it that she described a woman's cycle as paralleling the four seasons and that we're going to have like a week during our inner cycle where it's more of the winter of our cycle. And during that time, we really need to slow things down and go and we're going to go more internal and we're going to crave different foods and we're really just going to need to rest. And yet the way that we schedule ourselves as women has, we don't pay attention to that whatsoever. We just carry on soldier and keep going. And then we wonder why we're so dang crazy.

But really, it's because we're not allowing ourselves the space to really connect to what's happening to our body and our hormone cycle and to work with that. Is it practical to just push pause on life for a week every month? Probably not. but there are little tweaks that we can make to be more supportive and then also just remembering to find compassion for yourself when you're in that space. You're not crazy. You're a freaking goddess who's creating life and whose body does that and that it's really, it's really amazing. However, we do get labeled as crazy and emotional and all the things that we are. And so, yeah, anyways, I find this fascinating. How do you explain it to your significant other,

who obviously Jason is such a patient man and tries to be as understanding as possible. But when I'm a monster, he's like, he obviously feels personal, especially when we're stuck together for so long. But I never know how to explain it because it sounds like an excuse so many times. No, I have calendar invites that repeat monthly. So it says, the winter is coming in my calendar and Scott's invited. He just knows. He's like, oh, okay, that's why. you're crying and that's why you want me to go get McFlurries and that's why all this like seems overwhelming to you he knows what that looks like for me and so he honestly like he tries not to laugh but he basically laugh like like hugging me and he's smiling and he's like you're gonna get

your period tomorrow and I'm like no I'm not how do you know he's like look at your calendar like it's come we both know what's happening but it's crazy how we forget too it's like every month it sneaks up on us yeah I'm 36 years old and every month I'm like What's happening to me? You would think we'd just be like, like, I just need to see it. Oh, your period is starting. Oh, okay. Yes.

But if you don't, I'm like, what the, like, why am I feeling? I'm questioning everything in life. I'm just like, so low. I'm like, I think I'm meant to be alone forever. And then, like, five days later, I'm like, just kidding. J.K. Love you, Jason. Yeah.

Are we getting married? Yeah. So about that ring. Yeah. Oh, my God. Honestly. And so it is part of this whole game of life as being a woman is knowing your body and honoring that and recognizing that and having compassion for yourself.

And then looping in the partners as needed. I'm definitely looping him in. Calendar invites it is. Like the least that they can do. They don't have to insert tampons up their hoo-hoo. Like they can deal with a little bit of anger for a couple of days. So true. It's so true.

I feel like it's so hard to like say that. like, we could just accept my anchor for a couple days because in the moment I'm like, I'm really angry. Yeah. I mean, and then you might also like schedule in a therapy session during that little blip and do all the things that you know support you. So true. Put up a punching bag, whatever in it.

Boxing class. That's a good point. All the things. Okay, back to your question about what's worth, magazines or social media. And at the end of the day, it's all the same, right? Like they all have the ability to influence us. They are all, there are positives and negatives. Some of us are more influenced by these images than others.

What I think is really cool about social media is that when we were receiving magazines, the magazine would always have this letter from the editor, you know? And I was always fascinated like, who are these editors? And they just know all the things and all the girls are incredible. And now with our own social media accounts in our hands, we are the editors of the magazine that we see. We determine what stories we're seeing. We determine what races we're seeing. We determine what body sizes we're seeing.

We determine if it's about fashion or science or space exploration or, I don't know, like cool tattoos, whatever it is. We determine what is in our individual magazine. And it's really important to remember this. now more than ever because the downside of social media is that it is so addictive and it is in our hand and pocket all the time so magazines would come and it would be so exciting they'd arrive on like the fifth of the month you would read through it in about 10 seconds and then it would sit on the floor in your bedroom yeah somewhere in a stack saving it for god knows what but social media is like constant updates constant visuals and it's not just these models

and actresses anymore. It's like the girl next door and your kids' friends and like the dog walker down the street. You're just seeing inside everyone's curated highlight wheel. So pros and cons. And I think it's just really important to remember that you decide and you set the tone as to how much you use social media, remembering that it is addictive. So you might actually have to put some systems in place to help you manage that. But yeah, it just, it is where we're at right now. So it's really more about learning how to use it in a positive way versus having it influence us in ways that make us feel kind of shitty. Yeah, I love that you say that. I always tell people like it's, that's a good way of putting that you get to curate who you are following, what you're seeing.

It gets to be like what brings you joy? Because I always tell people like, what accounts are you following there? Any of them making you feel like shit? Like just unfollow. Who cared as if their feelings get hurt? Because it has to be because it is such an addictive thing that we have in our hands and it's so like accessible at all times and I actually this should be a confession but I actually like have found myself if I go to ticket number two if I don't bring my phone I'm like what am I doing like this is the most boring thing like I'm like I need my phone like I'm here for longer than 30 seconds like how am I going to do this and I have to be like oh my gosh Caitlin just take a poop Yeah, just enjoy your little poop and move on.

Like, you'll have your phone right after it. But I find myself doing that and it's so scary. But I know, like, you're right. It's about what you put in front of you and making those choices and putting those systems in place, knowing what your triggers are. And I know you've talked about like a diet culture. It still exists, obviously, to this day. But diets and dieting and so many of these women, young girls believe that that is the solution to achieve those unrealistic Photoshop, celebrity magazine covers and all the way that,

you know, like, that's even the, didn't Kim Kardashian get mad at a photographer or something for showing her actual cellulite and not editing it? Oh, probably. I don't know. But it's, I mean, I'm obsessed with the Kardashians, but also they're kind of like, I see them as like fictional characters almost. Like what we see of them is a really curated version. It's like a story, fantasy character versus reality. And so we just have to remember that when we're indulging in that and indulging.

I mean, indulging in all aspects of media. There's this real piece right now, as you know, having been in it, of reality TV, but it's not actually reality. Not every aspect of it is completely uncurated, completely raw. It's all, yes, it's like real people's lives and real conversations and emotions for sure.

But it's with any of that stuff, like we have to remember that there's elements of it that have kind of been put in place. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. In regards to diet culture, you said like diet culture is still around. Diet culture is not only around. It is like well and thriving.

in everything we do. It really is. It hasn't gone anywhere. And like I, it was like, Julianne Huff might not have said this, but they took it from somewhere else and said it was her diet. And she talked about how like for a snack she had like,

and it was like, what does she eat in her day? And it said for lunch she had like an orange with four almonds. And it showed her like, you know, all toned and ripped. And I was like, no,

she works really hard and she lifts weights and she does all this stuff. Like I'm sure. she's not saying this is what you eat to get in shape but that's what the magazines and the social media and the things are still saying to this day and as a young girl i would have looked at that and being like okay that's what i'm duplicating totally for lunch and call me dumb and call me crazy but the the reality is is that in the world that we live in right now there is a huge stigma around weight gain gaining weight we've seen it people like panicking about gaining weight during a pandemic and putting on weight, even though they're in survival mode and their

whole world is being flipped upside down and they're in a new space and there's more stress than ever. And yet one of the things that we're like feeling the worst about is a little bit of weight gain potentially. And that's because there is such a fear around weight gain and around being in a bigger body. And so we have to first of all recognize that we live in a society and a culture that makes that a fearful thing. It's labeled as unhealthy and lazy and that you don't care and that you're unhygienic, which just none of those labels are true. I know, especially in the work that I do plenty of women who are curvier, who are born in a heavier body, or women who have gained weight who are so motivated at work and are so passionate about what they're doing and so smart and

like unhygienic no that is not even that like just doesn't even make sense that this broad label would be placed on different body types but it is and we can all think about you know various various labels that we put on both individuals who are in a larger body and individuals who are in a thinner body individuals in a thinner body can be labeled as being obsessive not as fun that vein paying so much attention only to the way that they look, which is pain. But, you know, we put labels on both small bodies and larger bodies. And you've had a lot of those labels placed on you being in the public eye. Like, what are some of the things that people have said about you being in a smaller body? Oh my gosh. I've heard it all. I mean, everything from that I am sick, that I look ill,

that I need to eat more, that I look sad because I'm so thin, like so many things. the number one thing that I've gotten everyone knows this is people saying eat a cheeseburger like that's miraculously going to just like make my body the way that they want it to look by eating so original yeah I know so original it's wild it really is and I'm just like how is it still a thing in the times that we're living in when we're all so hyper aware of sensitivity what we're saying being right from wrong and we are still just attacking women's bodies and what they should and shouldn't look like. How are we still in this time?

I don't. I mean, it's actually insane that so much focus is placed on the way that we look and our body type, the amount of pressure that women feel to remain forever youthful, to remain teeny tiny. And even though those labels are placed on you in a smaller body. And I know for you that even though you do your best to separate from them, It's hurtful. It's hurtful to have labels like that put on us.

Yeah. And it's like when you are on a show that everyone knows you from, you're expected to look the same way now that you did then because that's how they know you. And there's this like pressure to like everyone's like, you look so different. I'm like, well, that was all going on six years ago now. Like why am I supposed to? Why is everyone and I can only say back explanation because I know that for a fact.

Everyone is supposed to say the exact same way they look on that show to have. however years and years later, you still need to look like what you did on the show or you've, you've changed. Yeah, I have changed. That was years ago. I'm actually like a completely different person in many ways right now. And I can make choices about my body and what and how I want to express myself. Yeah.

But as you said, there's just so much emphasis placed on weight. And the reality is that it hurts when you have labels placed on you in a small body, but a small, thin frame is still applauded, celebrated, value, or placed on a pedestal, I should say, more so than a heavier body. And so as a result, you've got these women who are believing at a core level. So it's not always floating around in their mind, but like at a core level because of things they've learned in their families and from media and in conversation around them, that their value is placed in the way that they look.

and then they're terrified of gaining weight. And so whenever they start to gain weight or they notice their body changing or they don't feel enough or they feel like they should be skinnier, they look for a solution as we do as humans. If we look for a solution and what is the solution? What's the solution that's handed to women on a silver platter over and over again? Diet or eat clean. Yeah.

Or cut this out or do this cleanse or six days juice fast, whatever it is. that there's a million different varieties. And one of the interesting things is that now it's not just diets. It's not just like, oh, I'm doing Jenny Craig or whatever it is. It's this wellness world where everything has to be so perfect. Like kale, quinoa, salmon, or actually we're doing vegan right now. And don't eat until 11, but stop eating at 7 and make sure you're having enough water. It's like, come on, we're going to be eating a carrot stick by this.

end of this if we follow all these rules. I know there's so many rules. There's so, and I hate that it's the term is used wellness for these things. Like, it's all over social media and TikTok about all these, you know, wellness plans that have to do with fasting or. And nobody is actually just listening to their own body and what works for them. Nobody listens to that because, you know, well, it works for this person or I see the way they look and that's what they do. And it's so hard to, for people to just listen to their own bodies and what do I need and what makes me feel good. And like, I'll never forget, I was 23 or something dating. And I remember being like, well, I don't want to eat before I go to bed because that's bad.

And he looked at me and he was like, if your body's hungry, why would you not feed it? And he was like, then your insides will just want to like eat itself and repel all the bed. like he would like maybe be like oh my oh my god you're right why wouldn't i what a simple thing why wouldn't i eat if i was hungry you know and i always that always sticks with me now like if i want to eat before bed i'm like i'm hungry feed your body exactly but we we've lost trust with our body we feel like our bodies are wrong we feel like they're not doing what they need to do they're not getting smaller when everyone else seems to be getting smaller and you know you're scrolling your Instagram feed and you're seeing all these small little bodies and you feel like yours is the only one

that looks different, it's natural as human beings to want to belong. So then we want to try to change our body into a different version of itself. But we have to remember that in the same way that there's seven billion faces on this planet and seven billion noses and seven billion lips and different hair colors, there are seven billion different body types. And some of them are going to be larger, some of them are going to be smaller, some people are going to be taller, some people are going to be shorter. We don't question a lot of things about ourselves. And yet the weight piece, we just, we analyze it and we obsess about it and it determines our happiness and whether we're having a good day or a bad day and what we get to eat or not eat and how much joy there is around

food. It's really, really powerful, the value that we place on the size of our body and how it impacts our life. And really, I mean, this might sound a bit much, but I really truly feel like it holds so many women back from really finding joy, from finding confidence in the skill sets that they have and from living their life in a way that feels really good because they're just waiting to hit this number. They're waiting to start living to be a certain size. And the reality is when they get to that size, if they do, because spoiler alert, diets don't work and 98% of them fail and they're actually a long-term predictor for weight gain, which is fine, gaining weight's not bad. But when they get to that spot, then they're just stuck in this rat

race of trying to maintain it. Like, I can't let this go. I don't know. It's, it becomes an obsession. And it happens with that. It happens with other things like social media. Like, things become an obsession when you put so much focus on them. And I had, I recently had, tuned day, like one of the best Peloton instructors on my podcast. And she said, I'll never forget that. She said she had a really interesting journey with her weight and food and everything. And she said, it's not about what you lose, but about what you gain. And you know, you're like the wealth of knowledge in this department. So enlighten me and all of my vinos more on why you always advise to steer clear of the diets and rigid wellness plans. We'll tell us what you'll actually gain by avoiding

them. Oh, Tunday's episode was unbelievable. By the way, I had like full body goosebumps listening to it. It was amazing. I always talk and I was just like this. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh my God. Like I had no words. She was incredible. No. And her energy is just unreal, right? Like she's just so vibrant and excited and passionate about the work that she does. Totally. It's really cool. Really, really cool. Okay. Let's talk about, I mean, I just, I am really passionate in this moment as someone. who's done every cleanse and every diet in her 20s and was in that cycle of restricting and then eventually overeating and binging and then feeling so much guilt and shame and then restricting again and just living in that cycle for so long and being so distracted in it

and unaware of how to get out of it. I'm really passionate about encouraging women to let go of dieting, to stop with the restrictions and to really practice some self-acceptance and tuning back into their own body and really rebuilding that relationship with their body, like getting back on the same team with your body, which has been on your team since the day that you were born. That your body has one mission in life. And that is to keep you alive, to help you not only survive, but to, thrive in life that's all your body's here for your body asks very little of you and every day it

digests your food and metabolizes the stuff that you put into it and your heart beats and your lungs breathe and it allows you to see the sky and touch the grass and hold your friends it allows you to love and feel sadness and see different countries and laugh while you're watching shows like our bodies are mind blowing and yet so many people people feel frustrated and defeated and like their body is letting them down because it doesn't weight the amount that they want it to weigh. And so don't feel bad if you're in that place listening to this because it's not your fault. We're literally like dipped in diet culture and submerged in it. And so it's all we know in a sense. But it's so important to remember

that your body really truly is on your team. And when you can start listening, to it again and working with it, then that's when I believe personally and what I see with the women that I work with, that's when you really start to find wellness. Okay. So let's talk about some specifics here. First of all, why I don't want women to do diets is because truly statistically diets don't work in the long term. Ninety eight percent of diets fail. That's a big percentage. That's that's almost 100%. That is a huge percentage. And then what happens when the diet doesn't work and you gain weight?

So just to be clear, diets can work in the short run. Like you could very well lose weight and a lot of people do. But at a point when they measure where women are at after two years, for the most part, they have gained back the weight and more, right? So when you get to that space, it's like you've done this diet. I felt the best that I've ever felt. everyone was complimenting me, more values placed into your appearance, and then it starts to slipety slide again because it's not sustainable. And then the comments stop and the compliments stop.

And we feel again like I'm the only one who failed this and my body isn't working and why can't I stick with it and we lose self-esteem. We lose confidence. And then we either get back on the next diet or we can fall into a space, this all or nothing approach to eating where it's like, I'm either on the diet or I'm eating all the food right and having everything so diets don't work and they are a long-term predictor of weight gain which you're never going to hear from anybody who's selling a diet that in the long run you're probably you're going to do this restrict the food and you're gaining weight again there's nothing wrong with gaining weight at all but I can bet that anyone who's going on a diet that's probably not what they're signing up for.

I mean, diet culture is actually just a sales pitch, right? It's just a business at the end of the day. It's a bunch of people who make money off of these before and after photos of what you want to look like. It's truly like a business and salespeople convincing you because all they're telling you is what you want to hear and showing you what you want to see and not telling you about what it could bring to your life later. That's absolutely where it's.

starts and then it extends into everything into the conversations we have with girlfriends when we're like, oh my God, I was so bad. I've eaten all the food this last year. I still do it. I still do it. And I still catch myself and go, shut up, Caitlin. It's so hard though, because we're so used to these patternings or we've heard parents say that or we just talk about that with friends or we'll get onto a Zoom call or a FaceTime with friends and we're like, sorry, I look so bad. It's just it's just the way we speak to each other. And all of this is enveloped in what we would call diet culture. So everything from the companies to the dialogue that we use and the way that we look at ourselves.

Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Okay, so we have these women. They're looking at social media. They've received messaging from their parents telling they're just not feeling good enough in their body. And so they turn to the diet or the restriction or the wellness plan like i'm just going to eat really clean and cut all of that step out but what happens when we restrict is that this body that we have that is designed to help us survive when we restrict all we can think about and what we really want is the food and so eventually it's like a pendulum swinging we're going to swing over to the other end and find herself in a space where we're eating all the things if you've ever had a day where you didn't

eat enough during the day. Like maybe you got busy. This happens to all of us sometimes. And you didn't get to have a proper lunch or you were just like rushing around. When you get home, the likelihood of you needing snacks while you're making dinner or like eating later into the evening, it's really high because your body's trying to make up for what it didn't receive earlier in the day. And this is going to be especially true for anybody who's had a really up and down relationship with food. If you've been in this diet cycle, when your body feels restriction coming or like something's going to get cut out, you are way more likely to swing over into a space where you're eating all the things or for a lot of people binging. And binging is something that isn't super talked about. And yet a lot of people

experience it. And I have a feeling, especially during this time when people have been at home, that there's probably been a lot more of it going on. And it's just there's nothing wrong with you. It's just a natural reaction to restricting food. Yeah. And so what we tend to do is we think like, oh, shit, I've eaten all the food. I'm so bad. I need to get control of my food. I need control over my body.

And so we go back into a space of restricting the next day. And it's actually the restricting and the control that is resulting in the binge. So if we can let go of that and we can just allow ourselves permission to eat and permission to have food, the binging and the periods of overeating, which is hard to define what overeating is, but you know what I mean, that will start to soften. So then people are like, okay, Aaron, but if I gave myself permission to just eat, I would never stop. I would eat all the things. And we call this the honeymoon period because for a moment, you might. It's kind of like if you'd, if you've had sex and I don't know if you've had sex, but anyway. No,

of a virgin. So Jason is taken away for like a year and you don't get to have sex anymore. And then he is brought back into a honeymoon suite and you have like champagne and the mood is set and you haven't had sex for a year and he's looking so good. You better believe you're going to be having lots of sex. Right. Because it was taken away. Yeah. It was restricted from you. It was pulled back. You were thinking about it a lot. And the same happens in this honeymoon period. with food. It's like you might for a moment eat all the things and and feel like everything's extra good and feel a little out of control. But if you don't start restricting again, like any good honeymoon period, it will start to subside. Like you're not going to have sex 15 times a day for

the rest of your life. Right. You're not going to have 15 croissants for the rest of your life every single day. You'll kind of get over it a little bit. And that's when we can really move into a space of what we call intuitive eating, which is the form of eating that I teach, where it's all about tuning into your body and your hunger and fullness levels and these innate signals that we have within us. I was thinking about this other day, my girlfriend was talking to me about how it starts at such a young age. And it's so easy for parents. And I'm sure I will be guilty of it. I'm sure we all do it, where you bribe your kids with food sometimes. You know, like if you do this, you can have this.

And a lot of times it does revolve around food. And so we start at this young age thinking, okay, well, like it's a reward or it's, you can't have this. And if you, unless you have this, like, how do you change that dialogue for a young kid when, like, they don't even understand that yet? I mean, the first, that's such a great question. And the first part is just becoming aware of how we use food in various different ways. And one of the things that is really common is using it as a reward.

And I'm guilty of this. Of course. Being like, I need to get these kids out the tour. And if I get them their little gummy candies, everyone's just going to like work with me. But I am pretty aware as a parent now, knowing what I know and seeing the patterns that women can get into with their body. of not using it as a reward consistently because that's for sure something that people that women in particular carry for the rest of their life yeah yeah yeah sure i was i was just thinking how hard that must be though as a parent to not because same thing with you know screen time

certain things like that like sometimes you you have to do something for yourself or to what is the same i heard i used to say it all the time in dancing and it made so much sense it's like for the wheels and the train to move together it's not not the same That's what he was getting at for the, like, machine. I was like, you know what I mean. Yeah. Yes. I know what you mean.

Yeah. The wheels on the bus to start. Just to go round and round. Yeah. But that's, but that is interesting and must be such a difficult thing for parents to like always be aware of because. Oh my gosh. It's so scary having a daughter and trying to figure out how to navigate all of these

conversations and having to really like examine my own beliefs around food and weight and body sizes and knowing how many women struggle with this and just not wanting that for her but also there's only so much that we can do as parents to protect them exactly there's only so much that we can do but yeah I mean there's this I we could talk about this forever and there are so many different layers to it that that people can keep in mind the main thing though is like really if you're listening to this right now and you're like, I'm feeling all these things. I think about my weight and my body all the time. I'm weighing myself constantly or thinking about macros or good or bad foods or and I just feel that I've been on this diet cycle forever.

There are steps that you can take to build a much healthier relationship with food. And for me, and so many people that has been learning how to eat intuitively, really, examining the beliefs that you carry about yourself and your body and really getting to know yourself as an individual. Like we talked about with the period tracking. I mean, that's one example of knowing yourself and what works for you. But the more as well that we learn how to cope with various emotions that we have, the more we learn how to take care of ourselves. I mean, self-care is such a buzzword right now. But in all honesty, there's a real art of getting to know yourself and what works for you and what doesn't work for you, the more

we can really know ourselves and honor ourselves, the less we have to rely on food to help us navigate difficult emotions or challenging times. And our relationship with food can move back to a place where it really is about fueling us and giving us pleasure in moments for sure and helping us connect. Yeah. It's so interesting because obviously this last year has been a lot for everyone in so many different ways and so many different triggers and you know all these things that are coming up and now I feel like the next thing we're facing is re-entering into the world a whole year later like putting on real pants jeans maybe I probably will still continue to not wear jeans but coach me post-COVID life and re-facing society

this must be a real anxiety that people are started that you're specifically probably starting to hear about like this brand new anxiety that people are facing that we've never face before, the post-pani, post-patricia anxiety. So this post-COVID anxiety, it's a brand new thing that people are going to be, you know, needing support with. And do you think there will be a need for support with this or do you have any sort of wellness programs to help people through this transition? Yes.

I mean, this is definitely going to be another transition that we go through. And in the same way that COVID hitting and us having to transition the way that we work, and live and socialize was a massive undergoing for everyone. We have to kind of anticipate that going back to quote unquote normal, which will look different, is also going to be a big transition for us. And people's mental state is already a lot more anxious and there's a lot more depression than there was before. So our capacity to deal with these changes is going to look a little bit different. So we've really got to anticipate that going back to to normal is going to be a transition. It is going to be a change. And with any change,

emotions are going to fluctuate. People are going to feel anxious in times. People are going to get real critical of themselves. Like, we're going back to normal. Why is this feeling so hard to have more social engagements? Why do I feel like I am not as motivated right now? Where is my energy gone? Why does my eating feel so out of alignment? And so I think we can anticipate that, that that will start to pop up and really hold compassion for ourselves. And then, yeah, continuing to build out tools in our toolkit that will be able to support us. I know I have a group called The Raw Beauty Reset. And it's a 12-week program where we take women through four key pillars.

So we work on nourishment, learning how to eat intuitively. We talk about movement, how to build healthy habits and really get into a routine that feels good for your body. know like six days at the gym doing one hour of cardio it's like what feels good in what way do you want to move your body and and then how do you stick to that we work on mindset which i think for me is really the key there are a lot of programs that talk about food and movement but where i find that the most transformation occurs is when we dive down into your beliefs when we look at you know self-sabotage and ways that you're perhaps a reasons you're perhaps afraid of changing when we talk about the things that are triggering you and when we talk about your vision and your

dreams and your core desired feelings. So nourishment, movement, mindset, and then the last piece of self-love. It is about this self-care piece. And so this program really was designed because it's what I needed when I was going through so much. And I know that as women, we do really well in a community setting where there's that extra bit of support and motivation and accountability to hold us to really stepping into our best self. And of course, all of this, there is no diet involved. There is no diet. Zero diets. And you will, I mean, I know from working with you personally, the benefits and the feeling that you have after a certain amount of weeks working with you. Like, it really is. And that, like you said, the mindset part of it is so important,

yet so it's not available with many things that include, even though we say wellness, But why is it never like, why are, why aren't there many programs offered for, you know, working on that part of it? So I love that. So it's 12 weeks. Can I do it too? Oh my God. Of course you can. And when is it starting? Are you going to do the raw beauty reset? I will 1,010% do the raw beauty reset. When does it start? I think we should, I mean, we can start whenever you're ready. Do you want to get going in a couple weeks? Like, should we do it may i'm so in um also like we should get everyone that's listening like this community everyone in this community i know the people that listen and in the facebook group everyone does care about

self-care and about growing and evolving and doing things that make them feel good and the pressures that society puts on everyone like i feel like if we did this as a group and we all commit to this 12 weeks together like think about the conversations we could continue to have in the Facebook group or over the podcast and support each other. And I just feel like this will be perfect. I just got full body goosebumps. It would be my honor to take you through the reset. And I know you've done and worked with some of these tools.

But this is going to be like, I'm going to hold you accountable, though. Yes. Like you are going to have to show up. And I mean, yeah, we're doing it. Okay. So mid May? Mid May. Yeah.

I'll get it. up on my end and whoever is feeling like they need a reset. It feels like they want to really create a better relationship with food and their body so that they have the freedom to get living their life. Yeah. To stop waiting for that number. Then sign up. And what a perfect time to do that, right? Like it's been COVID for a year. People are getting vaccinated. Things are starting to move in the right direction again. We're going back out into the real world. And we're going to need some tools and some help and a community, you know? So that would be, yes, that will be incredible. Okay, you hold me accountable. I will show up. And I mean, you know, I love doing this work.

You do. You're the best. You're the best student. You'd really, really go there. And you're not afraid of it, which sometimes the conversations are challenging and we're digging into things. And you, you always show up to do the work. And look at where you are. Yeah. Look at where you I show well now I do because I've seen the benefits maybe 15 years ago I might not have showed up this way but now because I see the benefits of doing that work I'm like let's go there let's all go there together in everything you're doing it is working for you keep showing up girlfriend it is good oh my gosh okay so let's we'll put the link out for people to sign up and let's all do this together also to everybody else where they can find you your podcast

and all of that good stuff. Oh, I mean, everything's over at rawbeautcom. You can come check us out on Instagram at Rob Beauty Talks. And my podcast is also Raw Beauty Talks as well. Amazing. You do such incredible, powerful work. I always love talking to you, not only because you're my friend, but because you just have so much, like, so much to say

and so much, like, power behind your words. And I feel like every time I talk to you, I just leave feeling like so motivated. in the right way motivated to like just love myself and love my body and do the work and I just I always tell people to follow your account because it is exactly what you need when we talk about that cleanse when we talk about who you're following and what you're create what story you're creating for yourself it's like you're the best account to follow it's it's it's just a really beautiful account I freaking love you I thank you for always showing

up and and I mean the reason one of the many reasons that people resonate with you over and over and over again is that you just keep it real. You talk about pooping. You talk about labels that are put on you. You freaking win mirror balls and you share it with everybody who's falling along with you. You're just a force. And I'm, I'm so honored to kind of be sharing these conversations with you and these important discussions. And I can't thank you for the enough for the work that you're doing. I have to kind of shine light on this. I feel the same way to you like how how many. years ago was it that you started raw beauty and that we were sitting in like a coffee shop

talking about how we could you know like go in the right direction and then now I'm like here we are on a podcast like we both have these platforms to be able to speak about these things and and do the right kind of work so thank you I love you and I can't wait to do this 12 week program I am so in let's get going okay I'm Caitlin Bristow I'll see you next Tuesday Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's doing with OTV?