Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Gabby Bernstein: We Are All Manifesters

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

Author, motivational speaker, podcast host, and spirit junkie Gabby Bernstein joins KB on the mic to help her (and all the Vinos) hop back on the ole manifesting saddle. Today’s conversation is all about how to shift your mindset, find your light and purpose, and ultimately become the super attractor you were meant to be. For those of you who want to bring amazing things into your life but don’t know exactly where to get started… this one’s for you! Gabby shares how she got into this work after experiencing trauma and reveals who will most benefit from her newest book, Happy Days, a book that goes deeper into her own experience and helps readers go from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace. Plus, the two discuss the concept of driftwood, their struggles with imposter syndrome, and why sometimes it’s okay to be secure in our insecurities. Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos: BÉIS: Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/VINE . Progressive: Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. VIRGIN VOYAGES - Find all the details at Virginvoyages.com or call your travel advisor.  HYUNDAI - Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com.   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Here's your host, Caitlin Bristow. Welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. We all know manifesting has changed my life, but I do feel like I haven't been as focused on it lately. And so my guest today really got me back on the old manifesting saddle, if you will. I have been wanting to talk to Gabby Bernstein for so long. She is such a light. I literally got her book when I came off the show and didn't even realize that's who I was podcasting with today. And that book has changed my life. She's an inspiration. She's a number one New York

Times bestselling author for so many books, a motivational speaker and host of the Dear Gabby podcast. We had such an amazing conversation about just manifesting, meditating, all the things that I know everyone that's listening right now is going to love. So please enjoy. this talk with Gabby. Hi. Hi. How are you doing? I'm good.

How are you? Very good. Thank you. That is a legit little studio you got over there. I have a legit studio here. I really do. I guess you probably need that one because you have a podcast,

but do you do all your own audiobooks and everything? I actually did record one audio book from home, but that was, was during COVID. Like in March 2020, I had to record an audio, an audible original and I did it from my, not even in the studio, like in my old office with like some stuff around me. Like it was, but it came out great. Yeah. I feel like, I don't know if people probably tell you this, but you have like a soothing voice.

I hope so. I do work on trying to create a soothing environment. I love that. No, it works. It works. You just have no idea how excited I am to have you on my podcast and my team and I just love you. I think my listeners are going to be obsessed with this episode and gain so much from it because I talk about all the time manifesting and just like how I manifested before I even knew I was manifesting and how like meditating has changed my life. And you just give such like insightful, beautiful advice to your listeners and have written so many books. I didn't realize till today I had your book. The universe has your back. When did you write that? When did I write that?

um probably 2014 yeah okay so i got that after i came off being the bachelorette my girlfriend recommended that book to me and i got it and i didn't even realize it was yours like i knew i was podcasting with you today i've like i know your stuff but i didn't even realize that was your book and i that was like my um first book that i actually read the whole thing that wasn't like a fiction or you know i really like like dark and twisty novels and i usually don't read anything else and And that one, I was like, oh, this is going to change my life. So. And actually, a lot of people say like, I've seen people be like, I don't read, but I read this entire book. And I'm like, yes, that must be like the best compliment as a writer

because that just goes to show how important and brilliant your work is. But I just feel like you're such a ball of knowledge. Like you know so much and you speak so well on it. Like you speak eloquently on everything that you know. Where does all of this knowledge come from? have you been like this your whole life or is this something like that you've like grown into? It's interesting to hear someone say that back to me because I actually had such a limiting belief from childhood that I wasn't smart.

Well, that and it stemmed from a bunch of things. It stemmed from having PTSD as a kid and I didn't know that. I didn't experience trauma. I didn't know what I experienced. I dissociated from it. So then when you have when your child. that doesn't have processed trauma, your brain is super compromised. And so learning is more difficult and ultimately had undiagnosed ADD or continued,

I have ADD, which has benefited me in many ways. At the time, it was hard to learn. And so I remember a boy I liked in sixth grade so that I was stupid. And that set me off. You know, it set me off to a place where when I sold my first book in 2008, I was almost going to give the money back for the advance because I was like, I'm too stupid to write a book. Oh, I hate that.

By the grace of God and a lot of true sheer will and desire, I caught myself how to write a book. I taught myself grammar. I taught myself how to write in my own voice, nine books in 11 years. And to hear even you now saying, oh, you're such a wealth of knowledge and you say things eloquently. I was kind of like, well, I know I can say things eloquently, but am I really that smart? Like, do I have that much information? And then that's still like an old voice. even right here right now that I have to witness and say, you talking about, you know,

it's like that interesting. I feel like we do that as humans like in everything. Like I was just talking to my girlfriend, Sarah. And she's like, I feel like the fraud police are going to come and get me for even having four children and like living, like doing a dream job that I have and like living in the house that I have. She's like, I don't know why I don't think I deserve this. Like, I don't know why. And it all does probably. go back to our childhood messaging and things that we were taught to believe about ourselves and whether that was from schoolmates or like bullies or your parents or like just, you know, there's people out there that when you're that young, it just shapes everything into

it's our adult selves that now have to teach ourselves that we are worthy, which is so interesting. Yeah, that's a beautiful way to put it. Yeah, my latest book is called Happy Days and it's a guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace. And it really is everything you just said. It's really helping all of us, whoever decides to be brave enough to read that book, really start to open up to all of the child parts of ourselves that were neglected, that we're not cared for, that we're left stuck in trauma with no resolution, that we're not seen, that we're not secure, that we're not safe. When we have the bravery to start to pay attention to those child parts of ourselves, we can then follow a book like Happy Days or whatever, you know, therapy or

whatever resource we find in our life and allow that resource to be a step forward to, in your words, almost reparenting ourselves, becoming that sense of that source of safety for ourselves. Yes. Because so many of us did not get it. Yeah, it's so true. And I feel like that's why it's so beautiful in the work that you do. And people now, you know, are wanting to kind of get to know themselves better and have a better understanding of where they came from and why they are the way that they are and working on it and therapy has become so like important to everybody. And it just wasn't, I feel like in our parents generation to like do that. So it's such a cool thing now to see people working on themselves and finding their light and their purpose and like what they were

put on this planet to do. And that's why I love the work that you do because you help people realize that. And you've been open about, you know, the tough times and all the struggles that you've been through and you still help so many people. And like you said, like you offer so many resources to help people on their journey no matter where they're at in life with your writing. And do you have any inspiring stories from people who have gone through some of your courses? I have so many. I've seen people leave relationships that were no longer serving them. I've seen people quit jobs that were super high powered to then go out and fulfill their entrepreneurial dreams. I've witnessed people overcome just profound traumas that they never thought they could get through come through the other

side. I've witnessed so many different spiritual awakenings in people, which is probably the greatest gift. I've had the privilege of witnessing people in the most brave act of a lifetime, really is turning inward at our stuff, choosing to see things differently. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can't imagine our producer who's on this call, Alicia, she actually did your 21 day manifesting challenge back in 2021 and it changed her life. Yeah. So I want to do it. I will get into manifesting in a bit. But when did this work start for you? Like I know I think you were around like 25 when you started this career, I think, if I'm getting that right. But when did you start realizing like that this is something like that you wanted to do this light work? I think when I was a kid. My mom brought me up with a lot of spiritual faith. I was brought to visit the ashram. I was named by her guru. I was. was taught how to meditate. The mantras would be playing in my mother's room, the incense coming out. I was no stranger to spirituality. In fact, it was normal for me. And my early days as a teenager,

I was the president of this regional Jewish youth group where I was leading these spiritual weekends, whether I realized it or not, fast forward, that would be what I did for my career. And when I was in my early 20s, I turned my back on a lot of that. And I became a, I started at a company where I was representing nightclubs and publicist and became a drug addict and really become to a lot of the fears that had been something I'd been hiding from for many years. And once again, my spiritual faith really was the through line that helped me get clean and sober when I was 25. So through my spiritual faith, through my commitment to seeing things differently, I got clean and sober at 25 years old. And that was what really,

set me on the path of becoming a spiritual student for my own recovery and then in turn being a spiritual teacher and a personal growth leader, author, speaker, all the things that I do today, human being living in grace and living to tell what that is like. Okay. So maybe this can be a confession. I'm an overpacker. That's right. I'll own it. And all of my years of travel, you'd think I'd have it figured out by now. But it can be hard fitting everything in, especially when it comes to luggage. And with base, there is room for everything. Even if you're an overpacker like I am,

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Base is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting basetravel.com slash vine. Now, base is spelled B-E-I-S. So go to B-E-I-S travel.com slash vine for 15% off your first purchase. That's basestravel.com slash fine. I'm just so inspired by so many things you do, but what challenges do you all have for people to do throughout the year? Like, how can they do what we're talking about? So, you know, I've been doing this work for 16 years. And this past two years, my team and I, the team of 20-something people, really have made the

commitment to streamline things, to democratize the work so that it's easier for people to experience in all ways. And that's come through in my membership. I have something called the Miracle membership, which will be renamed in the new year. And that membership is really like having me as your personal coach. Inside that membership, you get four quarterly challenges, which you can do outside of the membership, but it's silly not to get the whole thing because then you get in between each challenge, coaching you every week with brand new coaching lessons and meditations and practices.

And so these days, I think a lot of people, whether they're in therapy or they can't afford therapy or they have a life coach and they want to do spiritual work, but they want to have somebody there for them in between when they're not working with that coach. This is my best contribution to the world because it's my way of saying, I am your spiritual coach. I am here for you. You have Gabby on speed dial pretty much with hundreds of hours of audio and we're really upleveling the tech that supports this system. And within the new year, it'll be really easy to access. So the challenges that you're referencing are inside that membership and then also people can join outside to see if they want to get a taste of it.

So we have a manifesting challenge, which is extremely popular. People love that one. That happens in the new year. And it's 21 days. Then we have a meditation challenge. We are currently taking people through a brand new challenge, which is the body love challenge. And in October, we have our first ever relationship challenge. Awesome.

Yeah. So you can get in there even if you're not a member. But usually it makes more sense when you get the whole thing. But the challenge is a really epic. And again, it's a really nice taste for somebody if they've never read a one of my books or if they've only read a book or they've listened to one of my podcasts or just heard me here to take to let me take you through a 21 day or a 14 day journey is a really nice entry into these practices and a gentle way to start.

It's not like you're like, I'm signing up for something so huge. It's just taking a two-week, two-week journey into something new. Is there a reason you chose 21 days? I'm actually playing around with the time frame, but the 21 days I chose because I wanted it to be long enough that you could create a habit, but I didn't want to be too long that you would bail out. Now, that timeframe has been working, although with my relationship challenge, I'm going to test out 14 days because I kind of want to see if that time frame is more, uh,

if it's more sustainable for people, a lot of people do get through the manifesting challenge in 21 days. I don't know about the others. I think that it'll be interesting to see like, okay, I can do 14 days of this and see some change. Yeah. So it's one opportunity to test it. So we're going to test it out.

There's a lot of statistics and science behind the repetition of new behavior. Yeah. Because really, what are all of our bad habits? They're neural pathways. They're just knee-jerk reactions. there are ways that we protect ourselves and they're again their habits it's the habitable choice of I feel triggered I'm going to go pick up a drink I feel triggered I'm going to pick up a drink but when you get clean and sober you instead of picking up the drink you go to a 12 step meeting you

call your sponsor and so when you put a new habit in place of that addictive pattern or that negative pattern you begin to change it you interrupt the pattern the more you repeat that change the longer lasting it will be because it changes your neural pathways It literally redirects the way your brain works. So we, you know, our brains are beautiful. We have, thanks to neuroplasticity, we can change our brain. I'm living proof of that. And it's, but it is a commitment and it does require repetition.

It's not for dabblers. Right. Yeah, you can't dabble in that. You got to go full head first into that. When did manifesting become something conscious in your life? because talking about manifesting, like I, since I was little, like, I knew I would be on TV. I knew I wanted to have some sort of platform. I knew I wanted to have what I thought was going to be my own radio show.

It turns out to be a podcast. Like, I knew all these things were going to happen. I would see it in my dreams. I would think about it daily. I would think about what that's going to feel like when it happens. All these things I've thought about, even up to winning the mirror ball for dancing with the stars, like I knew I was going to win. and I would put the mirror ball in my mirror before I even knew I was going on that show.

Like I've thought out so many things and I know a lot of people think of like manifesting as, okay, I just have to think about it and it'll happen or why is it not happening? I've been thinking about it. But there's so much more obviously to manifesting and it does come with like patience and hard work and all of those things. But my point that I'm getting at is I've been manifesting before I even knew manifesting was a thing. When did it become like a conscious part of your life? I believe first that we are all what I refer to as super attractors. We're all manifesters.

We all have, I wrote a whole book on superattractor. Some books called supertractor. And it's, it's, it's methods for manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams. But it's not really something that we have to get. It's something we have to remember. Something we have to return to. The truth is, that we're all super attractors, we just forgot. We picked up the belief I'm stupid, right? So that made us, that blocked us from attracting that dream job or whatever it might be. Or we pick up the belief that I'm not good enough. And so that blocks our manifesting power when it comes to romance. So it's not, there's, there's a magnetic power within all of us to attract what we believe we are. And so ultimately, if we believe we're not good enough in relationships,

we're going to continue to attract a lot of lack in relationships. When we change those belief systems, that's the true key to manifesting. We can't just think it. Yes, thinking new thoughts does make a difference because thoughts have a vibration. Thoughts have resonance. So if you start leaning into better thoughts, it does raise your vibration. It does help you get to a better sensation inside. It's that and it's doing the,

the rethinking, but really the reclaiming. Yeah. The work to manifest and to return to the super attractor power is all about releasing all the blocks and the stories, the disbelief. Which is probably people's number one struggle when it comes to manifesting. They probably are just getting in their own way with those beliefs. Their beliefs are what block the manifestation. Yeah.

The lack of belief or the belief or the limiting belief. And sometimes people can override those beliefs temporarily and do a lot of manifesting work and attract that perfect romantic partner only to get up, right? Or to attract that dream job only to create the drama again with the boss. So if we don't clean up what's inside our system, then we can't actually be a healthy environment to hold what it is that we're able to attract. So, you know, people get really hung up like, oh, I don't want to like look at the tough stuff or do the hard work, that actually is the manifesting work.

And when I talk about Happy Days, you know, I say like Super Tractor is my manifesting book, but I joke around that Happy Days while it's the book on trauma is my greatest manifesting book. Because if you actually do that work, if you actually really devote yourself to doing the brave, courageous work of looking inward and cleaning things up, then you put yourself into a brand new energy. You almost, you take all the old energy and you just release it off of your presence and you start to assume a new energy. And that's when it becomes really effortless to manifest.

And does your book describe, like, kind of how to do that? Like, do you have, like, like, this is what you need to do to clean out that energy and to start, like, is it therapy? Is it meditation? Is it all of the above? All of the above. So inside happy days I share very vulnerably my journey of addiction, recovery, dissociation from childhood trauma, remembering the trauma, surviving that, postpartum depression and anxiety, my medicated path that saved my life. And on and on and on. I really just reveal all of it. And I do that because there's so much unresolved suffering in the world. And it was my responsibility as a teacher to just get real, even more real than I had already been and reveal the struggles so that I could then

really live to tell what it's like to survive and thrive when you make the commitment, the devotional commitment to spiritually and therapeutically get out of that repeated trauma. So in the book, I talk about a lot of, in my opinion, the best and most effective trauma-based therapies, EMDR, which is one, I'm in sensitization and reprocessing, somatic experiencing, which is a body-based trauma therapy, and internal family systems therapy, which is something that I have practiced in my own therapy and I'm trained in now. And then I also have a lot of spiritual practices and practices for regulating your nervous system. And the bottom line is, is that this book may not be for everybody and that they may not all be ready to read it or

brave enough to read it or comfortable reading it. But it's a book that everyone needs. Yeah, everyone that reads it would benefit from it. Well, you're not going to benefit from a book unless you're willing to do the work, unless you're willing to put it in. So not everyone will benefit, but everyone needs it. Yeah. Like it would be amazing if everybody was willing to do it. Right. But to do that kind of personal growth work and that type of inner exploration,

you need to be in a steady enough place to go there. And so a lot of people are like, oh, I want to read Happy Days. They've read all your books, but I'm going through this really difficult thing. And I'm like, put it on the shelf, back to it in six months, come back to it in a year. Don't, you read it when you need it. You read it when you're ready. You read it when you're safe enough to go there. The audio book is gorgeous.

I read the audios of my books and it's beautiful, beautiful audio book. Wait, I want to do the audio and the reading one. I want to have it for when I need it, but also listen to it. The kind of book that you might want to listen to and then read or vice versa, just because it's a lot to take in and there's a lot of practices. Yeah. If somebody, because a lot of times people try and ask me, because I've talked about manifesting, like how you would actually describe it. And I thought you would probably be the perfect person to ask how you would describe what manifesting is. Yeah. I probably have like a million different ways I've described what it is. But I think the simplest description is that we attract who we are and who we are is what we believe. And when we release all of the blocks to that presence, of that love within who we are, which is really the genuine truth of who we all are, then we can begin to effortlessly manifest what it is that we want, what it is that we desire, what it is that we need to help us get to the next right action.

And the secrets are really manifesting is to let go of what you think you need. That's something I wanted to talk to you about because I feel like that's something I'm doing right now where when I'm manifesting, I'm like, ooh, what do I need? Like what can I do next? what do I need? And it's, I'm like a little bit lost in what I want to manifest right now. I believe that the most important thing to be manifesting from the standpoint of what you're focusing on is feeling good. So while you might be manifesting a relationship, the work isn't to like dream about the relationship. Well, that can be helpful. It's to feel good. Because when

you're feeling good, you are super sexy. Right. So true. You're manifesting birthing a child. manifest feeling good. When you're feeling good emotionally, your physicality will be benefited. Your immune system will be boosted. You will be intuitively guided to the right doctor that could help you, whereas if you're in that low vibration, you're not going to be able to be in that intuitive state where you can actually hear the guidance that's always around you and supporting you. And so when we're aligned with the good feeling energy and we're aligned with the sense of safety and the sense of security inside, then we have an easier access to the spiritual guidance that's always available to us.

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drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, comparison rates not available in all states or situations, and prices vary based on how you buy. Something that, you know, you say, and it's one of your books that I was talking about, is the universe has your back. How do you remind yourself of this and stay positive when it feels like sometimes the universe does not have your back? Like, how do you remind yourself of that?

Because I can think of a time where I'm like, I literally just took this long walk one night and I spoke out loud about how I was feeling and needing signs and all of a sudden, all these signs were like slapping me in the face. And I was like, holy crap, this is beautiful. But then years later, I was like, wait, I thought this was the right thing. and now it feels like the wrong thing. And so it's hard to say positive because like you said earlier,

you're manifesting that perfect relationship. And then, you know, years later, you're like, how did I f***ed that up? The relationship being fucked up doesn't mean that it wasn't the perfect relationship. Ah. The perfect relationship for you at that time so that you could grow and learn

and become who you are now. Mm-hmm. We often manifest what we want and it comes in a form that we didn't expect. Mm-hmm. Or we manifest something. that we didn't think we wanted, but it's actually what we needed. Yeah.

That's what we need to forget what we think we need. I believe that when you hold on to your manifestations and strangle them and you're trying to make it your way, you're actually getting into a place where you're in the way. For me, recently, you know, it's easy to manifest, right? It's easy to manifest when everything's going right. It's easy to feel good when everything's happening the way you want it. But the real testament to your spiritual foundation and your personal work, growth and foundation and steadiness and faith in the universe comes when things don't go right

and how you show up for that. That's a really good point. And I'm glad you just reminded me of it because I always remind people of that. And then sometimes I need to be reminded. But that's such good advice. What tips would you have for people who are like, how do I connect with the universe? Like how do I do that? Well, I don't want to sound like a cliche spiritual teacher.

but here it is. Meditation is the way to ground your energy into the frequency of the universe. When we're in the worldly frequency, we're stressed out, we're anxious, we're moving, we're Instagramming, we're not really very serene. So in order to hear the universe, aka inner wisdom, intuition, spiritual guidance, we have to still our mind, but not just our mind, our nervous system, our body. I was getting a massage the other night and spent the first 40 minutes of the massage worrying about a friend of mine who's in Kyiv, you know, it's a serious thing to worry about

and I'm trying to help her get citizenship and now we're getting close to her needing to leave and it was like on my mind. So I spent the first 40 minutes of the meditation worrying, worrying, worrying. And that was like just what the brain does. And I couldn't really make, I can't help her from that place. And after the 40 minutes with the last 10 minutes of the massage, I started to relax. And my nervous system said all that I was breathing and I started to get into a meditative state. And in that last 10 minutes, I started to hear intuitive ideas for my friend that were the solutions, not the problem. Yeah.

So whether it's getting a massage or sitting in a meditation or going for a long run, we need to clear the space mentally and energetically so that that through line of connection to our inspiration, to our intuition can come through. Wayne Dyer, my late mentor, would often say that inspiration is in spirit, being in spirit. when we are in spirit, we are listening to that voice of our inspiration and that inspiration is the intuitive voice within that can't come through when you're freaking out about the to-do list. I just sit here and I go, I can listen to you talk forever. You've just all of your, everything you say is just like really hitting hard and I love it. Also, I wanted to talk to you

about the concept of driftwood because I think with social media, it's easy to become, you know, like either jealous or comparing and of what other people have. have and what other people are doing, but can you talk about what driftwood is and how you switch that mindset? Yeah, it's really beautiful for people who are comparing. When we compare, we actually block our manifesting power because the comparison reinforces the belief that we are in lack. They have it, therefore I can't, or they have it, therefore I'm not good enough. That's, you know, a reflection of what I don't have. And it puts us back into that belief of lack,

which obviously manifests more lack. Whereas if we began to see other people's successes or when we see people living out our dreams, and we chose to see it from an empowered place as, oh, there's driftwood reminding me that what I see in them is actually reflection of what is me, what is available to me, what's coming to me, is in me now like a sign almost for you instead of yeah else's greatness as your sign for your own

will one completely move you out of that comparison attitude which then starts to settle you and to celebrate what you're seeing which then reinforces what it is that you desire and remind yourself proactively that what you see in them is a reflection of you yeah and It's a mindset shift. Yep. Yeah, it is a mindset, which is so hard for people to do. And it's a practice. It's something that you probably have to be super, like, aware of that you're doing that

and be able to, like, back it up and say, shift your mindset. And that's something I've really learned, and I've talked about that on the podcast a million times. But I've been shifting my mindset for about six years since, honestly, reading your book. And the difference in just myself as a human being, and the way I talk to myself, the way I look at myself in the mirror, like, has significantly changed just from like being aware of where my mindset's at and shifting it to a different perspective. It's changed everything for me. So I love that you say that. We've talked about

that mindset of not feeling deserving of what we have, which makes me think of imposter syndrome. But have you ever experienced imposter syndrome? And do you have any advice for people who might be feeling that listening right now? I just experienced imposter syndrome right here with you in the beginning of the episode, when you started by saying, wow, you have such knowledge and so much to share and so much information, right away, I was like, no, I don't, you know, I'm still that girl in sixth grade. I think she's stupid. So right there, right there, Mama, I experienced imposter syndrome. Yeah, it's a real, it's a real thing. And I mean, I experience said all the time, even talking to you right now, same thing. I'm like, how did I get here?

And what did I do to deserve this? But do you have advice for anyone that might be listening, feeling that? When we notice that we are stuck in imposter syndrome, we have to question it. We have to actually speak to it. So right here, right now, looking at that part of myself that was saying, oh, no, you're not really smart. You're not filled with information. You're this little girl in sixth grade who's stupid. I can very quickly in this moment now, through a lot of practice and repetition,

just notice that part of myself and say, you know, okay, what's up? What are you trying to reveal to me? What do you feel like? Start to get curious about it. What do I know about you? And then begin to see that imposter syndrome as something that is separate from my truth as a part of what's up for me.

It's a younger part of me. It's a part that's showing up that's scared, that's feelings of inadequacy, blurring the truth. And I can actually witness it from that stance of compassion and I can see it from a place of love. And the moment that I can separate the belief of imposter syndrome and see it as a part of who I am and not who I am. And instead of shunning it or judging it and just loving it, it can dissolve.

It can relax. There's so many things that we can all be insecure about and feel secure in that insecurity, like owning it almost and thinking like, okay, this is what it is. It's a feeling. It's a valid feeling. And you can obviously like dig into it deeper and work on something, of course. But like in that moment, I think being secure and an insecurity is okay. Do you agree with that?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're not befriending all of the parts of who we are, then we're just in constant state of self-attack. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so true. Another thing I've heard you talk about is making a non-negotiable list.

So can you give my listeners a little example of what could be on a non-negotiable list? This is a really powerful manifesting tip. We need to be clear about what it is that we want to attract into our life. Without that clarity, we can attract a lot and it might just be all over the place. It might not be exactly what we want. So creating a list of what you are really desiring and rating it. So this is good. I'd be happy

with that. Or this is non-negotiable. And non-negotiable can be, so you're attracting a romantic partner. Non-negotiable can be, he has to have the desire to have children. A non-negotiable could be he treats me with respect. And the things that are good, like, you know, he's six feet tall or whatever, you have to be flexible with. But the non-negotiables, you got to stick to. You got to stick to those non-negotiables because typically a non-negotiable list has to be the, they're often, it's often a list of what's really most important to you as a human.

And we don't want to override our morals and our genuine desires. So don't be, you know, don't be sort of frivolous about it. You know, non-negotiable shouldn't be like, you know, he has long hair and it's perfectly blonde, you know, get over that. Right. Your non-negotiable needs to be very much attuned and aligned with what is really aligned with the truth of what your commitment is as a human. And then how can making this non-negotiable list change someone's life?

When we don't have boundary commitment. to what it is that we want to attract into our life, we start to attract a lot of different things that may or may not be in total resonance with where we want to be going. The moment that we clarify what's non-negotiable

and establish the boundary of, yeah, I'm not going to stand for that and I'm looking for that. We start to send a message to the universe that this is what I stand for, this is what I want, this is what I'm going to attract. It creates a healthy boundary with your attracting process. Yeah, which is life-changing at the end of the day. And you coach so many people on your podcast

on all types of struggles. Do you see a common theme in what people are struggling with? Because I feel like at the end of the day, we all have so much in common. But everyone struggle is the same. It just manifests in different ways. The struggle is the deep-rooted belief that we are inadequate and unlovable. It's it's interesting because that does all go back to like that's all of us of what we want and what we and it's all it feels like we all are doing the same things of like like we all just want the same thing yet we're judging everyone else and comparing ourselves and doing all these toxic things to ourselves without even realizing we're all the same kind of human at the end of the day that want the same thing and we should like connect over that

instead of comparing. And you've just done so much up to this point. So what is next for you? Or are you like, you know what? Now I take a break. Or are you like, no, I've got another book on the way? Well, I'm always working on a book. Yeah.

I'm not, and I probably will be for the rest of my life. Yeah. But I'm not really, I think that the big vision for me at this time is to really put focused energy and attention into the Gabby coaching platform really so that I can make my work accessible to far more people. Right now, my mission is being fulfilled through the books that I write, through the podcast, through this interview, through the way I show up in the grocery store. I'm fulfilling my mission, which is to help people feel sooth, to help them feel safe,

to give them tools for transformational growth. And I just feel very responsible and called to do whatever it takes to get that to the highest level that it can be. For my personal, I don't need to work. You know, I'm done. But for my soul's purpose. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you're definitely doing what you're supposed to be doing. And you're changing people's lives is before we go, is there any quick tips on getting started on meditation for those who struggle with the quiet? Because I think a lot of people get nervous or don't know how to. be in the quiet. So yeah, any tips you can give my listeners on getting started. I love a heart hold. And this is a practice inside Happy Day is my latest book. You place your hand on your heart, your other hand on your belly. You can breathe in deeply through your diaphragm, extending your diaphragm on the inhale and relaxing your diaphragm on the exhale. And you would,

if you're not driving, you gently close your eyes and just noticing the in breath, breathing in and extending your diaphragm, and just noticing the out breath. Noticing the in-breath. Just noticing the out-breath. And just continuing that cycle of breath with that heart hold for a minute, two minutes, three minutes, four minutes, 20 minutes is meditating. Yeah. It took me a long time to be able to do that because I had body,

dysmorphia for so long that it was actually hard for me to let my stomach go like that and for me to feel it and feel it letting go. And that was something I was like, okay, this is something to meditate on. Is that, you know, that alone right there? And it's gotten so much better. And that now my whole breathing has changed in my life because I have been breathing to like keep my stomach in and suck my stomach in and I haven't been breathing properly for years. And that's something that I've worked on over the last six years of meditating is letting go of that and being able to belly breathe and do those things because it's really helped me just being able to meditate. I very much appreciate you having the vulnerability to share that because there's so many people out there that will

resonate with what you just said. So thank you for that. Yeah, I've never like said that out loud, but it's that it just makes me um i think sometimes when i'm like katelyn like you're a tiny little human you can't have these problems but i can and i do and so i wanted to share that so thank you for making me feel safe to share that yeah you know it's we we minimize our suffering because we're ashamed of it so we say oh so and so hasn't seen much worse than i do or that's not so bad well no it's bad for you or it was bad for you and on of that. Yeah. You're right. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time today and talking to me. I just enjoyed every second of this and I can't wait to listen to your audiobook and read it. And I can't wait

for everybody to hear this episode because I know my listeners and this is the kind of stuff they want to hear. So thank you for today. Thank you, sweetheart. I'm so happy you're talking about this stuff. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday. week's episode of Off the Vine. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on your favorite podcast platform. And we'll see you next Tuesday. Hi, podcast listeners. This is Kelty from the Lady Gang podcast with over 150 million downloads and about 150 negative reviews on iTunes. You know that people either love us or they hate us and that makes a great show. Lady Gang is a twice weekly podcast.

where we help you feel less alone in your life with the help of our favorite reality stars and housewives, but mostly me and my two friends, Becca and Jack, talk about the ugly and ridiculous and crazy things that happen in our lady life. Come get inspired. Come get a virtual podcast hug from us every Tuesday and Thursday, wherever you get your podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever else you listen. See you there. Grab a coffee and discover Vegas level excitement with BetMGM Casino. Introducing our hottest exclusive, Friends, the One with Multi-Drop. Your favorite classic television show is being reimagined into your favorite casino game

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