Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Gabby Bernstein | Why Your Manifestation Isn't Working & What to Do Instead!

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

#959. Manifestation has become such a buzzword... but what does it actually mean, and why does it feel like it's working for everyone except you?Gabrielle Bernstein is back on Off the Vine to unpack what manifestation really is, why anxiety, overthinking, and perfectionism could be the very things standing in your way, and how healing your core beliefs can change what you attract into your life.From letting go of control to calming your nervous system, Gabby shares the mindset shifts and everyday practices that have transformed her own life. Then things get personal as Kaitlyn works through one of her own core wounds live on the podcast, uncovering how childhood experiences may still be shaping the way she shows up in her relationships today.If you've ever felt like you're doing everything "right" but still not getting what you want, this conversation might be exactly what you needed.If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these AMAZING deals!Boll & Branch: For a limited time, get 20% off sitewide at BOLLANDBRANCH.com/vine20, code vine20.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Bowlin Branch. For a limited time, get 20% offsite wide at B-O-L-L-A-N-D branch.com slash Vine 20, code Vine 20. You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, everybody, welcome to Off the Vine. I'm your host, Caitlin. I'm so excited. I'm always excited for my podcast, but this one specifically, we've got Gabrielle Bernstein back on Off-The Vine. I feel like this conversation always hits at the right time.

So if you've ever felt stuck in your head or overthinking everything or like you're doing all the right things, but you're still not getting what you want, what the heck is manifesting and why is it not working for me? We are getting into all of that today with Gabby. Her book Self-Help is all about becoming your own inner healer, which is a great place for anybody to start if you are not in therapy and want to be or even if you are in therapy and just want a book that's in front of you. It helps you understand the patterns that are always holding you back.

I still have them. And I'm working on all of them. So we're going to talk manifestation, anxiety, relationships, tools that you can use in your everyday life. And I just, I always think the vinos are going to like these kinds of episodes. So please enjoy. Gabby. How long have you been here?

I've lived in New York since I was in college. My parents moved to the city when I was in college. Really? So I guess since I was 18. And where did you grow up, grew up? I grew up right outside the city in the suburbs in Larchmont, New York. Okay. Yeah. So you're like a New Yorker.

Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I'm so jealous because I feel like I'm too soft. I'm a Canadian. I love you. I love Canadians. I love Canadians so much. Really? Yes. Anyone from Canada who follows my work knows that I'm obsessed with Canadians. Oh, amazing. Yeah. I just think you're the kindest, most generous people. I love you so much. Well, thank you for saying that. I also believe that Canadians are just different. Like, I used to think it was so funny that people were like, Canadians are so nice. And I was like, they were at the same. as Americans. And then I moved to the States and I was like, oh. I mean, I lived in the South. I lived in Nashville. Everybody's very friendly there. Yeah. But I got to like travel all around.

Yeah. You know the difference. Yeah. I can see the difference. It's, it's so funny because I feel like we're almost behind the times a little bit, which keeps us sweet. Totally. You know? Like we're just back in my hometown, it's like, I don't mean for this to be mean to my sister. I think my sister is the kindest, most lovely human being on the planet. But like, she was, she was wearing Capri's until Capri's came back again. Like, she's been wearing them this whole time. And she loves, like, the brown and blonde streaks and the hair. And I just think she is just, she's so happy because life is so simple. That's so great. It really is. I know. I know the simplicity of that. It really is. And I feel like we just, in the world we live in, we complicate everything.

Yeah. I mean, we even were, everyone knows my favorite conversation. And, everything I've done in my life is because of manifestation, but we're even complicating manifesting now. Definitely. Which obviously we're going to talk all about today. You are the queen. I mean, I've read your books. I've had you on the podcast before. I am just everything that you say when it comes up on my Instagram, I'm like, who shows her?

I wish I had your brain. Well, you're working on optimizing your brain right now. We're talking before we. Hormonal brain. Before we started recording, we do it. people in their 40s do now and we talk about parimenopause. That's right. Or menopause, whatever, wherever you're at.

I froze my eggs. Does that make me go into menopause? No, because you probably only did what, like one or two rounds? Only did one. Yes, so no. Oh, okay. You were just taking the eggs out that you had in that moment in time. Yeah. This is a crazy question and you're probably going to be like, no, you ding-dong.

Can you manifest getting pregnant? Well, you can manifest becoming a mother. Yeah. You can't manifest the exact how and when and who. Like you couldn't manifest how many eggs you're going to get. You could absolutely not manifest how many eggs you're going to get. Manifesting isn't about playing tricks with the universe. It's really about opening up to allowing and really being in a,

it's this or something better mentality. Yes. You know, I have a friend who did all kinds of IVF to manifest her baby, right? Yeah. And by a year and a half in, she was in her mid-40s, she didn't have any more eggs. like it just wasn't working. And so what did she do? She bought an embryo.

She bought an egg and made an embryo with her husband's sperm. And she manifested the perfect child, the child that is horrors, the child. She looks at her son and she's like, I would never ever have it any other way. I wouldn't have wanted it to be my egg because that's my child. Yeah. I think it's really about getting out of my way is the only way. And that's actually a secret to manifesting is to forget what you think you need and forget when you think you need it and how you think you need it and what it's supposed to look like. That's the

secret. Well, I'm glad you said that because when I asked that, I kind of knew the answer anyways, but it was to set up my question of when people hear the word manifestation, it has become a buzzword, and I love that. But what do you think they think it means versus what it actually means? And you kind of just touched on that. Yeah. Well, let me first say what manifesting is not. Yeah. It's not magic tricks. It's not something that's supernatural. witchcraft. It's not witchcraft. It's not, it is our natural state. It's natural. Yeah. It's manifesting is natural. It's our natural state. When we are relaxed, when we're in joy, when we are in core beliefs of, of possibility and ease, we manifest what we desire. We manifest effortlessly.

When we're in core beliefs of fear and doubt and discomfort and lack. and inadequacy, we're manifesting more of that. We're always manifesting. It's not necessarily about what we're getting is that we're always attracting. So you can really manifest while in an anxious state. You're just manifesting what you don't want. Right. And so really the practice is the practice of manifesting what you do want is getting into a state

of non-resistance. It's getting into a state of joy. It's getting into a state in a frequency of ease. and peace and knowing and trusting and faith. I think that a lot of people out there are just playing magic tricks. And that maybe will change your mindset a little bit. Maybe change your energy a little bit. Maybe you'll start to see things flowing more naturally.

But then you won't be able to keep it because you don't believe deep down that you're worthy of it. Right. So how does one, like so many people struggle out there with believing their worthiness, like in believing in themselves? and obviously that takes a lot of time and a lot of different steps to get there. But do you think that is when you are feeling worthy of self, that's when you're manifesting can do its work?

You just nailed it. So we manifest what we believe. Yeah. What we attract is who we are. Yeah. And the core beliefs that we've been carrying around since we were children that we've been holding on to

for as long as we can remember of, I'm not good enough, who am I to have this? I can't attract love. Money doesn't come to me. I'm inadequate. I know I'm unlovable. These core beliefs, they have been around for as long as we can remember.

And they run the show and they create an energy in our nervous system. And that energy is sent out to the universe. And that is what comes back to us. The secret to manifesting, the real secret to manifesting is to heal the core beliefs that block you from attracting what you desire. What's something that you can look at and say, I manifested that and it is so aligned with me right now, like where you're at right now in life. Right in this moment? Ooh, I manifested my assistant who's sitting right over here, Monica.

You did? Yeah. Well, I've been working on a core belief for decades. That's if I don't do it, nobody else will do it. That's a core belief. And I've been doing therapy on it. I've been doing, I wrote an entire book about how I heal it. The book is called self-help and it's based on a therapy that I became trained in.

I've devoted my complete personal development process. to healing that core belief. That core belief has been around for as long as I could remember because I was a child who grew up with neglect and trauma and a lot of fear. And so, of course, I believe that I have to take care of myself. Right. And so as a result of doing all this beautiful healing work on myself

and reprogramming the way I feel on the inside and the way I take care of myself and the level of respect and support that I expect from others, I became a match to receive an abundant assistant who is excellent at her job and excellent at supporting and helping me. And I often say to her and she's like always looking at me like, how the hell did you do this without someone all this time? I was like, I did it at my own expense. But I couldn't have attracted her until I shifted that belief system of I am worthy of receiving support. And so you really like, you did the work.

to heal that part of yourself. I do the work probably more than anyone I know. Yeah. I live in my work. I live in the work that I teach. I live in a therapeutic process. I do two therapy sessions a week, one with myself, one with my husband. I'm deeply committed.

I have a devotional spiritual practice. I walk my talk. It's, you know, you can't make up what you're talking about. I will ask my mom before I share this, but I feel like she would be totally okay with it. But maybe I've already exposed this part, but I'll say the second part. I'm so proud of her right now because she has lived a really tough life in her like childhood. And I felt really grateful because when I started doing inner child work, because I'm so close with her, I knew her inner child wounds. And I could hold so much compassion.

And I was able to move through a lot of emotions because we're so close. I know everything that's happened. But then I would get frustrated because I knew she wasn't doing the work that she deserved for herself. and over all the years, you know, when they get to the age of my mom's now 73. And she's thinking, well, it's too late. And I'm like, oh, no, like you could have 30 more years with the way your spirit is and who you are. Yes. That is like a whole lifetime you have ahead of you anyways.

So her line to me once was, oh, Caitlin, I tried therapy a few years ago and it didn't work. And I said, Mom, that's like saying you went to the gym once. and you're confused why you're not in shape. It is continuous work. She went to therapy the other day. And she was like, I'm so excited. I booked EMDR for the next two weeks. And I was like, oh, because I think some generations or some people in general think that

a therapy session is going to be pointing fingers back at themselves. And yes, it's about accountability. But it's also about like forgiveness for yourself and not feeling shame. That's a space where you don't have to feel shame. And I feel like our generation of parents just hold so much guilt and shame and hold your feelings in and don't share it. They're too scared to go to therapy because they go, I'm going to look like a bad person. And it just like literally one more session for her. And she was like, I'm going to do EMDR.

And I was like, I love hearing this come out of your mind. Yeah, that's a miracle. Yeah. Look, some people may never get there in their lifetime. Some people will get there in their 90s. You know, my stepfather is doing all this personal development work in his 70s as well. Love it. It doesn't matter when you get there.

It just it matters that you chose. to get there. Yeah. That's all that it is. And I think that that's actually why I wrote my book, Self-Help, which is my most recent book, because I wanted to democratize a therapy that I thought would be hard for people to access. And it's the therapy that changed my life.

It's called Internal Family Systems Therapy. Yes. That practice is about healing the core inner wounds, the inner children. Yes. And reminding them that there is an internal resource, an inner parent inside that you can be your own self-energy that can help these little children. children inside of you. Yes. And the reason I wrote the book was all about democratizing this therapy to make it so that people like your mom who may never, in your case, your mom's in

therapy, but folks who may never wind up in a therapy session, but have a desire to change and heal can access something that's a little bit easier to, more accessible, easier to practice, and really simple. Wait, tell me more. So what can they do? So it's a four set practice based on the internal family systems model. Okay. And it's not IFS, but it's IFS informed. I also am trained in IFS. So I've also been... So IFS is a form of therapy. IFS is called internal family systems therapy. It's a form of therapy that helps heal trauma and core wounds from our childhood and core beliefs that we carry about ourselves that turn into protection mechanisms. And we know what they are, right? We can say, oh, I'm a controller or I'm a people pleaser or I'm a rager. Your inner critic.

Exactly. We have all of these parts of ourselves that run the show. And if we don't attend to these parts of ourselves, if we don't get into relationship with these parts of ourselves and offer healing to these parts of ourselves, then they will become who we believe we are. Yes. So I'll walk around and say, well, I'm an alcoholic or I'm an addict, or I'm a controller, I'm a rager, I don't get support, or I can't attract love. And we carry that belief system and we repeat it and project it onto the future. But when we start to get into relationship with those core beliefs, we can then give those core beliefs what they needed when they were young. We can give them curiosity, connection, compassion, clarity. And when we offer

these four steps, it's a four step practice that I'll share with you, when we offer these four steps of inquiry to these inner parts of ourselves, what happens is we start to feel more calm. We start to feel more clear. We start to feel more confident and courageous and compassionate. it and we have clarity about ourselves. And that's the energy of self. That's our real self. The energy of our compassion inside, our connection inside, our clarity. And these parts of us start to get the update that they're actually safe inside. And so it's our job to help heal ourselves. That's what the practice is. It's a force of time. It's so interesting because I'm listening to you say that. And I always am like, I'm like addicted to like learning about myself and wanting to

I have this fine line. I'm like, I don't want to change who I am, of course, but I want to be able to continuously grow into a better person. Well, the cool thing about this practice and about this therapy is that you actually don't have to change these parts of yourself. You help them get into their most valuable role. So let me explain it. Yeah. I was going to say, could you give me an example because I'll give you an example. Yes, please. So I have a controlling part. Of course I have a part of me that's very young that was controlling, controlling, controlling, because I felt like if I wasn't in control, I wasn't safe. And so that's been a big driver in my life for all of my life.

I don't want to get rid of that controlling part because that controlling part wrote 11 books in 15 years, right? That controlling part makes sure that everybody gets their job done. That controlling part makes sure that my son is signed up for camp. That controlling part is on top of things. But I don't want that controlling part to be an asshole, right? I want that controlling part to feel safe, to feel clear and confident and courageous, and to be able to say to people, this is what I want, this is when I want it. I know I might sound controlling, but I'm delivering it in a very common, connected way. Thank you so much for doing your job, right? Rather than being, well, you need to do this and you need to do that and I should have done that and we got to get on this and, you know, that's how I used to be. And so it's not that the controlling part of me is gone. It's that the controlling part of me is no longer burdened. It's no longer reactive. It's no longer acting out. It's just in its most divine role. Okay, that makes a lot of

sense. So what I struggle with is I find that, okay, for example, my childhood, everyone did everything for me. I didn't have a sense of control because I almost, I almost became like, I didn't believe I was capable of a lot of things because people would do it for me. My parents were just like so in the most wonderful way, loving and attentive and would do everything and help me through everything. I even had teachers who I would be like, I don't know how to do this. And they'd be like, well, it's not A and it's not D. Right. Okay. So everyone did everything for you. Yes. It was very much. And then I even found myself at the age of 30 living by myself.

And I mean, I lived by myself since I was 19, but my dad would help me pay my bills. My mom would help me with this. I worked. And I, I was trying to chase my career. And then I fell in love and I financially relied on a man. And then at 30, I found myself in my house by myself and all this mail was piling up. And my assistant came over and she was like, it was her first day on the job. And she was like, do you not open your mail? And I was like, I'm too scared. And she goes, it's so empowering to just open up your mail. Half of it's going to be junk. You can just throw it in the garbage. And then once you do one thing you realize how easy it is. It was like suddenly just starting to open my mail is where I

started at the age of 30. Beautiful. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. And I started to realize doing stuff for myself was so empowering. And then over time, I'm now in a very, I talk about this on my podcast all the time of that I'm hyper independent, which is also a coping mechanism because then I go, you don't do it the way that I would. And then it becomes controlling. Now, I've been working on this, but I also find that I'm, in a good place now where I'm softening. I am not as hyper-independent. I'm allowing help. But if it comes to my dogs, nobody is doing it the right way. Nobody cares about my dogs the way that I will. I have a very particular way of doing things. So then I become extra critical on other people. And I don't want to do that. So my delivery, I try and work on. I try and be like,

oh, if you like do like this? Do I just have the mindset? Like, Well, I think that this is deeper than that. Okay. I think that the dogs represent something deep for you. Yeah. And there's a part of you that feels like if I'm not in control of how they're cared for, then something's unsafe, is my guess. Yes, which then terrifies me into having children because I go,

I don't want to be that controlling, overpowering, like, helicopter parents. You can heal this with the dogs. Okay. So that when you have children, you're going to be. So something like this can even help me. It helps everyone. Okay. Every human needs this practice.

Okay. So we could work on it. We could do a little work on it if you wanted to. Okay. The two things I would like to work on is I'm very controlling with the dogs and I am very critical of the people I love. Critical of the people you love. Anyone. Sorry.

And by love, I mean either in a relationship with or my mom and sister. Friends, they can do. I'm like. I support anything. The people that are there to care for you. Yeah. Is who you're critical. Yes.

Okay. Those are my two things. Okay. The people closest to you. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. Which one feels like the most intense right now?

Probably being hard on people. Being hard on the people. Okay. How long has that part of you been around? This makes me feel like I sound superior, but it's since I started doing work on myself. instead of just, you know, continuing to do the work, I start thinking, why aren't they doing what they could be doing to be better? Okay. And I've found that I've been really critical since probably around the age of 30.

Okay. Okay. Let's go deeper. So I'll ask you four questions. This is the simplicity of the practice. So you have this part of you, which you define it as sort of like a part of you that's acting this way. Yes. Okay.

And I'd like to just not talk around it, but feel into it if you don't mind. Okay, so you can close your eyes or keep them open, whatever feels more comfortable. Okay, close your eyes. And just the first step is to choose to check inside with the part of you. So let's focus your attention inside and check in with the part of you that feels like you are critical of the people that you love most. And notice now with some curiosity, where do you feel it in your body? Right here. Okay.

And for those listening, that was my chest. Your chest. Is there any color or tightness or any other descriptive energy around it? Yeah, tight. I would say like a dark red. Are there any thoughts or images or sensations that are attached to it that you want to smell? Like squeezing. Squeezing.

There are any words or beliefs that are connected to it? Um, frustration. Okay. And how long has it been in this role? I would say about a decade. Does it date any further back than that? Is there any remnants of this younger? I love you, Mom, but I feel like my mom was very critical on me for a lot of things.

There you go. So it could have been around for longer. Yes. Yeah. Okay. So young. Mm-hmm. Okay, we've got there.

Great. So it's a young part that may not have really started acting out until now, but it's been around. Yes. Nice answer. Okay. Anything else that it wants us to know? Any images or thoughts or sensations that are coming to you? Like I've talked before about how I, it used to be like an OCD thing because my mom always wanted me to be in like certain outfits and hair had to be a certain way and blah, blah, blah. And so it makes, I start like feeling like, let out my clothes are too tight and I feel like uncomfortable. Excellent. Really good vision. Okay. And how old were you in that OCD space of too uncomfortable? Eight. There you go. Okay. Okay. And is there anything else that this eight-year-old part wants us to know? Like, I felt trapped inside my own body like I couldn't express myself of what I wanted to wear, what I wanted to be like.

Okay. And any other last descriptive words around that? It's good. You can leave it there if you want to. Yeah. Like the word perfection keeps coming to mind. Okay. Okay. Nice. Now, just check in a little bit closer to this. We only have two more steps. Just check in with the part of you that's eight years old, perfectionist, feeling like her clothes are too tight, feeling really overwhelmed and criticized. And I want you to just ask her gently, what do you need? I was going to say sweatpants. Nice. Okay. Yeah. Just like to feel more comfortable at that age. Okay. Nice. She wants to feel more comfortable. Okay. And does she know that you're here? Yes. Nice. Very strong. Okay, good. Nice. Does she know that you could maybe help her feel comfortable? This always makes me want to cry because I'm like, I visit my eight-year-old's help all the time. Yeah. So I'm like, yes, she does. Yeah, she knows that. Okay. So can you just give her a little bit of breath? Maybe place your hand on your heart where you were feeling that discomfort and breathe in deeply and just give her some comfort now. And you can take one last deep breath in. just give her a little bit more comfort now.

And now as you check inside, how do you feel in this moment? Yeah, like a let go a bit. Yeah. Mm-hmm. How else do you feel? Like just softer. Softer, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Are you curious to know more about her at some point? I, can I open my eyes? Because I, okay. I feel like I, it's usually the age. of six, eight, or 12 that I go back to. Yeah. And those three ages really stand out to me.

And I can understand why one was when my parents got separated, but then they got back together. One was like, it's all like I can, and I've done so much of this kind of work too that I'm just like, oh, why don't I do that more often when I know how? So now, because you have such access to these parts of you, this would be very easy for you. I'm going to give you the book self-help. But now these are four steps that you can use all throughout the day. Yeah. So when you notice that you want to criticize someone taking care of your dog, you can just check in with that part that wants to criticize, right? The part that wants to criticize is a protection mechanism for the little part that was criticized, right? So you would do the check-in. You would first choose to check in instead of check out. Like checking out might be like controlling the whole situation with the dogs. Instead, you would choose to check inside, focus your attention inside. step two is just be curious like just check this can take one minute right you're just like okay what's going on inside where are you what do you feel inside the third step compassionate connection what do you need ask what it needs and then breath and then the final step is check for self and so self your your

resourced self is calm you said i feel like i let go so yeah yeah it's courageous it's creative it's curious it's compassionate it's clear it's confident and if any of those qualities start to emerge, you've known that self-energy is starting to come forward. Yeah. And that self-energy can help the young part. And now does that help how I now deliver a message? Yes, because what you're doing is accessing self-help,

to help that young part, de-escalate the trigger, calm the nervous system, remind that young part that, hey, I'm here. Adult self is here. I can be with you. And then you settle. And from that place, you can say, hey, I didn't love the way that you were dealing with the dogs. And it would be great if you could just try it differently. And here's my suggestion. Yeah. Rather than be, you know, a helicopter dog mom. Like, I forgot where I even was for saying. Like, I'm like, oh, yeah, we're still in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's really powerful. Really powerful. Yeah. And I also, you're the perfect person to practice this, because you already have access to this.

Right. And the more I practice, the easier it becomes, which should be encouraging for people. Also, I find what's nice, too, is to, like, I like to think of the other person that I'm being critical of and think of their eight-year-old self and who I'm talking to.

Yeah, I would advise you, that's going to happen naturally, but I would advise you to just stick to you. Okay, right? Because, like, having compassion for mom and having compassion for others is absolutely gorgeous. And the truth is, is that the more compassion you start to develop, the more compassion you start

to develop for your parts. Yeah. The easier it is to have compassion for other people's parts. But there is a tendency to want to be like, well, I'm going to make it about them. Right. It's about you. Yeah. I don't think I'm the only one who gets irrationally annoyed when I'm trying to fall asleep

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I'm going to say that one more time. Bowl and branch.com slash vine 20 code vine 20 exclusions apply. Why do we feel like we're constantly battling ourselves? Like obviously that was an exercise. otherwise I'm and you know sometimes I can't just immediately go to that because like my dog's barking he needs something my other dog's jumping somebody is being like well I don't know what to do and I can't just be like okay one second everybody go in but I feel like it's not just in that moment like I just I feel like we constantly battle ourselves what's happening is that we are constantly living from protection mechanism to protection mechanism to protection mechanism when a young part of us gets activated. right, feeling out of control or feeling like we need to criticize or feeling criticized, we will then immediately go into a protection mechanism. And those protection mechanisms are control and criticizing others and perfectionism and adequacy, whatever it is. And we're going to live

in these roles of just constantly protecting ourselves all day because it's so painful and impermissible to face those core wounded feelings. And by the way, the work that we just did isn't going back to the little girl who had all those feelings. It's just to address the protection mechanism in the moment. Right. And then that starts to soften these protection mechanisms. As they soften, with therapy, you can get closer to those core ones. Right.

What kind of therapy do you think, like, for people listening that either are in it or they're just getting started, like, what therapy would you suggest starting with? I think the best therapy for someone who's, I get, it depends on the person. I wrote a book called Happy Days, which is all about the guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace. Yes. So there I explain a lot of different spiritual therapeutic processes that I use to heal trauma. Yeah.

And so I also share the journey. Like at first, if you're really deep in trauma or you're newly sober, doing IFS might be overwhelming for you. Yeah. So doing something like EMDR, which is what your mom's doing, which is eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing. And that's where you actually have some bilateral brain stimulation, like a buzzer in either hand or your eyes go back and forth.

And what it's doing is it's sending a message to the amygdala safe to relax. It's opening up your brain's capacity to process big emotions. And so you're talking about the inciting incident or you're talking about the protection mechanism or you're talking about the fear while you're having this bilateral brain stimulation. And what it does is it's opening up the brain's window of tolerance so that you can actually process in the moment. Okay. That's great for when you're like completely stuck and you don't know where to begin and you're feeling like you're really overwhelmed. Somatic experiencing therapy is also excellent when you're very hypervigilant and you need to do some body releasing work because that's about how the body can heal the story.

I love so. It's not about the story. Yes. Yeah. The somatic experiencing work is extraordinary. IFS is great if you have a little bit of self-awareness. I mean, IFS, you can start any time at any point in the journey. But I think when you've done some more of the somatic and energy work first, it's helpful. before IFS because it gets you to a better baseline. Yeah. And there's all kinds of therapies. Those are the ones that I've used specifically for my healing. Yeah, same.

I feel like EMDR really at first I was like, what is this really doing? I'm just like following a dot with my eye. But the way that it changed my life, I learned all about the window of tolerance and how I'm usually here or here and just like how to get back here. And it's, I mean, I'm just, it's day and night. I mean, I still am not a perfect. and by any means and I have all the healing to do because I always will. But it's changed my nervous system to even just picture a window of tolerance now. And it's just, yeah, I just, I always want to

encourage, I mean, I talk a lot about therapy on this podcast, but I always want to encourage everybody because, and I'm so glad it's just something that's becoming talked about all the time. Well, also, if you're like, I can't afford a therapist or I don't even know where to be, seriously, my book Self-Help is the introduction to a life-changing trauma-informed therapy. that has countless studies all on this therapy that have proven its efficacy. And then I've had the privilege of being able to turn it into a self-help practice with the blessing of the founder. So that's an excellent place to start. If you're thinking, oh, that IFS sounds interesting, self-help.

Let's talk about journaling. Do you journal? Yeah. Okay. I just want to make it kind of practical for everybody listening. If you have any journal prompts you personally use when you're trying to call something in. Now, we're kind of going back to the manifesting world or attracting things that you, want like two to three manifestation prompts that our listeners could do today if they're wanting to call something in. The two to three manifesting prompts in a journal that I would recommend are quite the opposite of what you would think they would be. Okay. So the first one would be,

I give this away. So, and then write it down. You know, I give this away. I give away whatever I think I need and surrender it over. Oh yeah. Wait, like something that you want to call in, you're saying give it away. Yeah, I give this away. Yeah. And then you can just journal, like, thank you for taking this from me and just let your pen flow. Just let your pen flow. Just let your pen flow. Because the releasing of the desire is a huge step towards allowing it. Okay. I'm starting to understand because I feel like when people want something so badly, they like, maybe you could explain it. When you want something so, I'm not going to make it makes sense. When you want something so badly, you strangle it. Yes. Thirsty. The energy.

is completely off. Yes. The way that we attract what we desire or better than what we desire is when we're free, when we are at ease, when there's a beautiful message from the metaphysical text, of course, and miracles, those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait and wait without anxiety. And I think about the areas of my life that have manifested way better than I could ever have imagined.

And by the way, they happened 20 years later than when I thought they would. That's something that I was going to bring up to is the. that part of manifesting is so much patience because it's not like, I'm going to think about this as well, happen a week. Yeah. It's absolute patience. Yeah. Because, for example, if I often say like, oh, I wish I'd known that I could freeze my eggs because it would have been easier to conceive. It's like, no, I wouldn't have my son. If I hadn't delivered a child at 39 years old, and I hadn't had all the struggles of conception to get to that point, I wouldn't have had him. So, and it wouldn't have been the perfect time. And if I had him at 35, it would have been a shit show. But at 39, it was perfect.

Yes. So these are the things that we have to look back and say, oh, wait, thank God that didn't happen. And it happened so often that that is the case. Yeah. The other journaling prompts that I'll give you, I have a practice called the Daily Design Method. And I ask myself four questions. And you could do this in a journal or you could do it internally, but I like it in a journal. Okay. And the first question is, who do I want to be today? Right. So I want to be inspiring. I want to be a really awesome podcast. I want to be a great friend. How do I want to feel today? What do I want to give today? And what do I want to receive today? And if you do that every morning for one minute and just journal it, just picking up your phone and going, picking up your phone, you know what I've been thinking about lately?

It's really cool. The phone test, it's really the wake up test is what I'm calling it. And I heard some like tech person talk about this. The wake up, like what is the thing that you do the second you wake up? And I have a coaching app and it's, I'm going to give it to you. And it's not even really an app. It's a coaching program. It's like I can be your coach in your pocket for like the whole year. Lovely. And years and years. And in it I have these challenges.

And I do like the 21 day manifesting challenge or the 21 day abundance challenge. And I'm in my 21 day abundance challenge right now. I'm doing it myself because like it's that good that I actually wake up and turn to the phone to do it. Ah. So that's the wake up test. Yeah. Like you know an app is sticky if you wake up and turn to it, right? That's why. It's usually Instagram or wordle or, you know, or maybe your aura ring or whatever.

And the fact that I've got the wake up test working on this abundance challenge is like, wow, like that is so killer. One of the challenges in the app also is like the trust the universe challenge, which is super spiritual. And I repeat it every quarter because it's the most divine morning practice. Yeah. And so I pass my own wake up test. So that's the test is What do you want to lean towards in the morning? And in the case of this day and age,

we're often, what are we doing first is looking at our phone. So if you have a practice in the morning inside that device or maybe you shut the device off and you have your notebook next to you or whatever, ideally the thing you wake up to and your wake-up test is going to be something positive and empowering. I love that. And so if you're noticing, oh, my wake-up test leads me to Instagram

or leads me to the news, then maybe you want to do something like a challenge, like a 21-day challenge, or maybe you want to do a journaling practice or a meditation in your phone or something like that. Wait, that's amazing. I'm going to, because I'm always so aware of it when I wake up. I usually, and everyone that listens knows this, I usually hold my dog's hands and we do a little like meditation for the morning of how we want the day to know. I'm upset.

By the way, I am a cat. So I, and she's my healer. Yes. She's my child. And she heals me. Every day I meditate. with her at noon. She lies on my chest. I'm like, Jimmy Blue, let's meditate. And she lies on my chest and she just heals me. Well, so I had this, I was on this show recently where we had a world

renowned guru and he talked about, who is he? His name is Ash. He's from Dubai. And he talks about like the vibration of a cat's purr on you and how that is healing. Yes. I want a cat. I want a cat. I want a cat. He should get a cat. Okay. Okay. I want to talk about affirmations for a second because that's also what I do with my dogs in the morning. Big time affirmations. I'm huge on how I talk to myself, on giving myself self-affirmations, but somebody, and I can't remember who, but I got to pull it up, said like, no, that doesn't work. Self-affirmations. Let me pull an affirmation for you. Monica, can you have me my phone? In my app, the first thing you do is you open the phone and you pull an affirmation card. Yeah. So I'm going to pull one for you and I'll just put it for you. Thank you.

See, I love this. I was like, I need to talk about affirmations because I do believe they work. I'm actually not going to pull it. You're going to pull it. Okay. So let's, I already pulled mine today so now you have to you have to pull it from here okay so you'll get a swipe right and i love this yeah we'll give you a little card reading right now okay i pick this one okay great let's sorry is there a moon i'm a magnet for possibilities it's exactly what we're talking about i literally believe that too wait is there a moon on all of the cards no is that a sign for you yes and also does the light usually blink in no the lights are flickering because there's so much spirit in this room. I know. It hasn't happened. It happens wherever I go. Just lights flicker.

Yeah. Pick one more card. Okay. Lights flickering is also like my sign for being on the right path. There you go, girl. Oh, interesting. I needed to hear that. The presence of love will always cast out fear. I like this card too. We'll send you this one also. It's beautiful. I'm like terrified of love. Well, of course. I mean, listen, we understand right now we have this information. You, you know, there was, there was criticism. There was, you know, sort of divorce and recomb connection. Like, be compassionate to the parts of you that have fear because they were planted there at a young age. But it's confusing too because my house was so full of love, even like in my parents. Like, yeah. Two things can be true. Yeah, absolutely. That's, that is a fact. so affirmations do work. Affirmations work in miraculous ways, but it can't be it. Right. It's like affirmations or manifestation practices or meditation without the deeper core healing

is going to get you partially the way there, right? It's going to help you. It's going to ideally help you get closer to safety so that you can do deeper work on yourself. Yeah. Was that from your app? Yeah, that's from my app. Oh, okay, great. Yeah.

Wait. They're all from my books, the different affirmations. Yeah. I download it. I'll give you the app. Okay. I downloaded an app called Stardust for my period. It is so funny.

Oh, really? Does it have a wake-up test for you? No, no, no. It's all about period stuff. But it's just so funny because it's a spiritual app for periods. That's so cool. And it'll be like. We should reach out to them.

You should. It like makes me giggle on a daily basis, but it's also like how I keep track of my period, but I feel like that combined with yours would be really good. Oh. Yeah. I do want to talk about abundance because who doesn't want abundance? It's like the number one thing people manifest and want and call in. What do you think the most common subconscious blocks you see around abundance are?

Belief systems of I'm unworthy, money isn't easy, the core beliefs that you were brought up with, right? It's difficult to earn or when I earn I lose it. or, you know, or, you know, I'm ashamed of the money I have. There's a lot wrapped up in money mindset. Yes. And, you know, when I created this, the 21-day abundance challenge that's in the app or you can just have the challenge separately, that challenge I created not to be like, here's how you manifest money, though that's the outcome.

That is the promise. But it's about how do you heal the beliefs that block you from manifesting the money? Which is, that's such an important key factor in this. I think that people will love to hear is that you can't just say it. You've got to do some inner healing to start believing in it. My favorite day of the challenge is day 17, which is about really like recognizing facing into and connecting to the parts of yourself that don't believe. I love that. It's it's an unlearning. Yeah, it is. Well, that's such a big part of healing is unlearning all the things that you either believe about yourself, what you were told, how you were treated, the way you talk to yourself. It's unlearning. I mean, I even talk about that with everybody who's says, I was like when I talk about dancing with the stars, I was like, well, you grew up dancing, right? I'm like, I had to unlearn so much I knew about ballet and structure

and what I thought I knew about dancing to learn something new. That's right. And that's why I was so challenged in it. And I love that. I love a challenge. And I think that goes for so many things in life. You had fun, which was why you had success, right? Yes.

Because you had fun. Oh my gosh. Well, I had fun and I cried in the fetal position. I would imagine. Yeah. Not an easy show. Can you manifest more money without burnout or the hustle culture? Yes.

So that's what this whole thing is. about. This is what I've created. It's like stop hustling and start allowing. Yes. And that when we do less, we can actually attract more. The doing, doing, doing, doing is in the way of receiving. Yeah. We, of course, have to take actions. Of course, we want to show up for our careers and our passions and our missions. But if we're doing it in a manic way, or we're doing it in a thirsty way, we're doing it in a controlling way, we're actually blocking, we're blocking what we are ready to receive. Yeah. That doesn't mean that you might not sprint on some work. overnight and get something done, but what are you going to do the next day?

Right. You know, how do you reset the next day? Yeah, yeah, I agree. When you're in the spiral, say it's a text and email and argument. What's a step we can do in the moment to... Well, if you really want to go there, I would do the four step check in, right? Okay. You would choose to check in, be curious, compassion, ask what do you need.

The same thing we do with my, yes. If you really want to do, if you're in the middle of the argument, you could do a few things. You could relax your tongue. Just drop your tongue to the bottom of your mouth, just like relax your tongue. And when you relax your tongue, what happens is you are resetting your nervous system. You're giving yourself this stimulant to this inner stimulation of relaxing your nervous and it stimulates the vagus nerve. It settles your system. This is so good.

So my girlfriend the other day was she had like a minor panic attack like meltdown and she was like so scared because her husband had to do something. and her kids had to go to their fifth baseball practice. Like she could not. She was like, I even said, I'm like, God, I wish I could just snap my fingers to reset your nervous system. You need something. Even placing your hand on your heart and your hand on your belly, just like a heart hold.

I'm just going to look at everybody. You can just do this little heart hold like this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And just relax your tongue off. That's such a hard one for me because I feel, I don't know why I have weird things from when I was little OCD, Caitlin. I think my jaw is going to get stuck.

And so I like start thinking about that. I did this breath work on TV where they're going to probably show maybe they'll cut it out. I fully had a panic attack from trying to do breathwork because my body was seizing up. Like I get so in my head about things like that. Well, it's young and it's it's stored energy. Yes. And releasing it can be scary. Yeah.

That's real. It is scary. Okay. Last topic, even though I'm pretty sure we've talked about all this already. Anyways, just overthinking, anxiety in general. Like, is overthinking actually trying to protect us? Yeah, the overthinking is another form of protection. Okay.

So worrying, overthinking, ruminating, controlling. These are all protection mechanism. Yeah. We call them an IFS protector parts. They are there trying to work over, overriding these younger, deeper, core wounded feelings. So if you're overthinking, the question is, what am I protecting?

Yeah, even just getting curious about what is it? What are you protecting? Why do we replay conversations over and over? Like, I will think about something I want to say to someone that pissed me off five years ago and I'll replay that in my head until I fall asleep. That's a problem. Not every night, okay? But we all do it.

I feel like we all replay conversations or something that happened or like even the night before, oh, did I say that? Oh, did that person think about that? It depends on who you are and depends on what you're, what your stuff is, right? What are your stories? Like, if you felt criticized as a child, then you're going to worry that you might be being criticized.

For me, I might overplay a story or something in the back of my mind if I felt like it was, if I was like too big, like too loud. Like I often catch myself, I'm like, oh, girls, did you really have to be that bombastic? You know what I mean? But it's just sometimes the judgments that we have on ourselves can manifest as criticism towards ourselves in replaying those stories.

So do we just tell that? Check in with the part. Yeah, yeah. I sound like a broken record, but it's the way. No, this is good. And sometimes I think when somebody is a broken record, sometimes people need that because it's just a reminder every time. Like, did I stutter?

I'm going to say it again. Like, it's good to reiterate these things. What we do. For me too, for me and everybody listening. How do we stop attaching meaning to everything? How do we stop attaching? meaning to everything. I like that question. Yeah. I think that we can be in this energy of acceptance, acceptance, that this isn't happening to me, it's happening for me. Yeah. And so instead of

trying to be looking for a meaning and something to define why, we can just be in the full embodiment and acceptance that what's happening for us and what's happening around us is guiding us. Do you think that radical acceptance exists? Yeah. Definitely. 100%. Definitely. Yeah.

I guess I'm thinking of like terrible situations. Like if somebody's treating you poorly, like... I think that, look, there are going to be things that happen to people in their lifetime that they may never be able to accept. Very traumatic wounds, loss, things that people can never accept, but they can come to peace with. But even coming to peace with something is a very. form of acceptance. Yeah. That's true. That's true because even, yeah, if you, you can have radical acceptance that this person is that way they treat people this way. You don't have to accept the behavior, but you can accept the assignment. Yeah. I like that. When you're doing your like morning

practice, when you wake up and you're doing your, that, what's more important, your morning routine, how you set yourself up for the day or the nighttime routine before you go into your subconscious? I'd probably say nighttime is really. So what is your nighttime routine? They're both equally as important, but if you don't get the nighttime right in the morning. Yeah. What do you do at night? So I do this thing that is the, it's a Neville Goddard technique that's called sleep, a state akin to rest.

State akin to sleep. Yeah. Okay. And so when you're in that state akin to sleep, which is those moments right before you're falling asleep, that's when you're drifting off. That's when you have the most power to start to co-create your life. Yes. And so that's when I let my mind wander.

That's when I put my palms up. That's when I open up to receptivity. I extend gratitude. I extend the appreciation for everything in my life. But I also start to visualize an image of what it is that I'm wanting to access, what I'm wanting to create, what I'm hoping to create more of. And I'll just visualize. And then I fall asleep to that vision.

And that's going to have some conscious manifesting while you sleep. Yeah. I agree. I feel like it's those moments where you're just like, you're still here, but you realize you're like going into another realm. Yeah. I feel like that's when magic happened. That's when magic happened.

Yeah, absolutely. And where can everybody find, obviously, like, wherever you find books, but like your page, your website, your Instagram? Well, I see, check out my YouTube right now. I'm doing a really cool show called Dear Guides. Okay. My podcast is Dear Gabby, but I'm doing this show called Dear Guides, where I sit with other, I'm a medium. I channel and I sit with other psychic mediums. And we have a podcast conversation, but we also bring in the energy of spirit guides and angels. And so we channel while we have the podcast. Cool. It is so cool. This is on YouTube.

Tell me again the name. It's on all the spot, wherever you get your spot of, whatever you get your podcast, but also on YouTube. And it's called Dear Guides is that episode, but it's on my channel at Gabriel Bernstein. Are you picking up anything from my energy right now at the medium?

Yes. I mean, I'm not actually tuned in reading you at the moment, but I'm picking up a lot of your energy for sure. Yes. What is it? Well, if you want me to really access and tune into your guides right now,

I can say that, that your willingness and your desire to heal will have great benefit for you in your time. Yeah. And you're not the first person to tell me that because I am so curious and I am and I feel like I'm on this path where I'm like a little stuck right now where I feel like I'm like. They're saying keep doing what you're doing and don't overthink it. Keep doing what you're doing.

Well, that ain't me. I overthink everything. Yes. Don't overthink it. Okay. Doing what you're doing and don't overthink it. And that love is imminent and it's about loving yourself first, which you know. Yeah. And the more you heal, the more you receive.

Yeah. Wow. Thank you. Yeah. It's beautiful. Aw. I love you. You're a good egg. You're just like a special, like, there's something magic about you. I've always thought that about you. Even when you just pop up on my stuff, I'm like. But right back at you. And you have such a gift because you're being so vulnerable and so. so authentic with people, which what this is the only thing people need right now is you sharing your truth. I'm not perfect. I'm going through this. This is how I'm healing myself. It is divine. You are doing God's work. It's so important. Thank you. Because I do, see, then voices come in, not even just like trolls, but like my own of like, shut up, Caitlin, they already know this story. No, no, no. They need to hear it from you. It's really special. Because I don't really have,

it just happens. And I like that about me. It is why people tune in. Okay. Wow. Thank you for saying that. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming here. And I can't wait to, I'm getting your app.

I'm doing all the things. I want to do the, um. The abundance challenge. Yeah. And the thing where you wake up and do the, the daily design? Yeah. Yeah, that's also in the app. So you can do it in the app journal.

Okay. Sold. Thank you so much. Thank you. And just a reminder, I don't think your life needs to be perfectly put together. It's just about, you know, the quote unquote tools in your toolbox. and coming back to yourself when things feel off. And this is just a good reminder for you to do that because I need to do it too.

So Gabby's book self-help is out now. And if you're someone who feels stuck in patterns or just wants to understand yourself better, it's just a great resource. Her Instagram, her books, her apps, all a great resource for you. Welcome to Plutofo. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV. Where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, the legend of Ron Burgundy.

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