Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Gabrielle Stone: From FML & WTF to Self-Love & Healing

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

The highly requested and always vulnerable Gabrielle Stone joins Kaitlyn on the pod today to talk all about her journey from divorce and heartbreak to healing her trauma and becoming her best self. Gabrielle walks Kaitlyn and the Vinos through her story of how she went from a breakup to a new relationship to traveling Europe solo for a month, and the cocktail of coping mechanisms and healing tactics she relied on to get to where she is today. So many have related to her story from her podcast and both of her books and it’s definitely clear why as she opens up about her experiences and shares never-before-spilled tea with KB about her love life. Gabrielle also gives advice to those who are struggling to heal themselves and explains why loving yourself is really just giving your soul the things it loves. Thank you to our sponsors! Check out these deals for the Vinos:PRIMAL KITCHEN - Find Primal Kitchen in your local grocery store or visit Primalkitchen.com/offthevine to get 20% off your order!  HYUNDAI - Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com.   HELIX - Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for my listeners at HelixSleep.com/vine.  BÉIS - Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/VINE.  PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, listen up. If you love a good slow burn romance, and let's be real, who doesn't? You need to check out the new Audible Original of Pride and Prejudice. It's an intimate performance that literally makes you feel like you're right there, swooning with Lizzie Bennett and Mr. Darcy. Marisa Abella as Elizabeth and Harris Dickinson as Darcy, I'm obsessed. So whether it is your first time with Jane Austen or your 50th, this version is such a fresh, fun listen. Go to audible.ca slash Jane Austen to dive in.

This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Primal Kitchen. Seriously, everything, everything I've tried from Primal Kitchen, from their salad dressings to their avocado oil to their sauces, like the buffalo sauce, it's all just amazing. So when you're ready to up your cooking and eating game, go find Primal Kitchen in your grocery store, or visit primalcitchen.com slash off the vine to get 20% off your order. Helix. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for my listeners

at helix sleep.com slash vine. Base right now, base is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting basestravel.com slash vine and Progressive. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. This episode is brought to you by the new Hyundai Tucson. When it comes to getting the most out of life, Hyundai is thinking of every mile. Like equipping the new Tucson with available wireless device charging so you can snap a picture of that beautiful sunset at mile 20,012. The new Hyundai Tucson, it's your journey.

Learn more at Hyundai USA.com. Welcome to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Get ready to laugh, connect, and feel empowered with Caitlin. and her guests as they sip wine lots of wine and get candid they say vulnerability creates connection so save the highlight reel for instagram because when we're among vinos there's no filter it's time to unwind here's your host kately bristow welcome to off the vine i'm your host kately bristow today's guest was highly requested by the vinos i mean holy crepola we got so many DMs and tags on Instagram. I had to stop and ask myself, wait, should I have her on the pot?

Does a bear shit in the woods? Does a duck's boner drag in the weeds? Is the mitochondria the powerhouse of the cell? Does one plus one equal two? Is the sun hot? Is the sky blue? What is the opposite of no? Okay. So needless to say, Gabrielle Stone is here with me today to talk about all the f***ed up things that life just chucks right at you, right in your face. For real, she is an inspiration. She is an author of two very vulnerable books where she tells her story of heartbreak and learning to love herself again, which I think most of us can relate to. I'm so glad the power of social media brought her on the pod today, and I hope you all enjoy my chat with the amazing Gabrielle.

Hi. Hi, girl, what's up? How are you? I'm so good. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. Thank you. Thank you for coming around and doing this podcast so quickly. That's just the power of social media. Am I right? You know, you got to love it and you got to hate it all at the same time. I always call the internet is a blessing and a curse. There's so many like, it depends on how you look at it. Like sometimes I'm like, what a blessing. And then other times I'm like, I'm not getting out of bed today because the internet made me feel like shit. Yeah. Well, and you're on like a whole different level, I'm sure of getting scrutinized on the internet. But there's days where I'm like, I just want to move to tie. in and get rid of my phone and never talk to anyone again. Yeah, that is me. I do that often. And sometimes I'll be like, I'm going to go on a social media break. And then I like my wine team or like podcast, everyone's like, we got to post this. You got to post this. And then I'm like, oh, shit, this is also my job now. Okay. Yeah. That's what makes it so freaking hard is that it's like, well, you can't not show up because then you're not making money and not doing your job. Exactly. I know. That's why, again, blessing and a curse because I don't know where I'd be without the internet probably just I don't I actually don't know it not somewhere good that

I want to be well I have to tell you girl I am I am a bachelor nation fan and you are you are and have always been my favorite bachelorette like your season is just it's it's chef's kiss thank you oh my gosh you know I've thought about recently do you know how people from the hills will go back and like start a podcast and like rewatch their season I'm thinking about doing that I think you would be hilarious doing that. And I actually, I know low, I had him on my podcast. And so, I mean, I can see that whole thing with the two of you doing that. It'd be freaking hilarious. Right. I think it would be really funny. And I've healed enough now where I'm like, okay, I can like actually go back and laugh and like probably cry to. But I think it would be entertaining where like three years ago even for, no, three years ago, I probably couldn't have sat down and watch that. That's awesome, though. And it'll probably be really on your healing journey to continue. Yeah. I mean, I know however long ago that was, but they did like the goat season where they like kind of did a bunch of our seasons just in one episode. And during COVID, they did that. And I was like, oh my gosh, am I going to watch this or like,

how am I going to feel about this? But Jason's mom was like, let's watch it together and we'll like laugh about it. We'll drink wine. And I was like, okay. And I love that. Yeah. And. And I ended up loving it. And I was, you know what? That was, it was therapeutic. And I, I don't know. It also gave me like closure on other things too. And I was like proud of myself.

Totally. Is it cringy when you go back and watch stuff? Because I'm doing a book club right now where everyone's like rereading my first book. And I've gone back and listened to certain bits of it. And I'm like, oh, God. Like I'm a totally different person now. For sure. I mean, that's, I'm so excited to talk to you about that because you, you've, you've

built such a nice little community on social media, your FML army. Is that what is hashtag? Yeah. They call themselves fMLers. Yeah. That's amazing. So, I mean, I know your story and I know so many people do because that's why we're having you on the podcast because the amount of people that shared your story with me and wanted you on the podcast was incredible. But for anyone that's listening, who's not familiar with your story and behind the book, can you give us like a little rundown of what the fuck happened? What the fuck happened? So, so fucking much. Yes. So I was married for almost two years and I found out that my husband was having an affair with a 19 year old for six months. So when all of this came to light, I obviously filed for divorce and left. Shortly after that, I met a man and he so happens to be a pretty well-known Hollywood actor. And we just fell madly in love with each other. Like it went from zero to 100, like meet my family, have my babies, like all the fairy tale bullshit that you think about and dream about. And he was like, look, I have a month

long trip to Italy booked. I want you to come with me. And I decided to go because everything was so incredible. And we were just like totally in love with each other. Forty eight hours before we were getting on the plane, he told me he needed to go by himself and broke up with me. Wow. And I was sitting on my bed at my mother's house because that's where you move when you're 28 and get divorced and was just like tears crying bottle of wine and was like well gabriel you can either stay at home heartbroken or you can go travel europe for a month by yourself so i took a backpack and i did six countries over the span of the month and wrote the book eat prey fml i i can relate to the level of heartbreak where you're moving back into your mom's house and on the couch and

don't know what you're going to do um and then being like k we have two options here you either continue to live this life of depression and sadness and because you can have your moment. You can cry, you know, drink a bottle of wine. You can be on your mom's couch. But it's like, okay, now how do we get past that? Right. So I can relate to that because I obviously I was not divorced and he didn't cheat on me with a 19 year old. So I can't even imagine that level of pain and then to fall in love again and then have that happen again. Like all of those things that are just like your worst nightmare all being true right in front of your own eyes. And at the age of 28, you think, like, where do I go from here?

Like, yeah. I mean, I was, I was totally in my field like, oh, my God, who's going to want me now? I'm 28. I'm divorced. First of all, that's so young for all the people that are listening to this. Like, if I would have waited to my 30s to get married, I might not be divorced. But, yeah, it was absolutely devastating. And unfortunately, the guy after who in the book, his name is Javier, broke my heart like my ex-husband never could have done.

Like, that man destroyed my soul. So it was just like one blow after the other, and it was really brutal. How long ago was this, first of all, because I feel like I want to be sensitive to the subject, but I know you're so open about it and I have so many questions, but how long ago was it? Totally. Thank you for that. No, we've done a lot of healing so we can dig into any parts that you want. So I found out about the affair and filed for divorce in 2017.

And then you found the next guy shortly after you said. So I left the house and this other guy came. into my life. And when I say came into my life, I mean, slid into my DM, probably two and a half weeks later. But keep in mind, I was in this marriage that we were, I had been miserable for like six months in my marriage. We were going to therapy. I was working my ass off to try and like make this work. But I had been mentally checked out for quite a while. So yes, it was a fast, you know, rebound in a sense. But I had really felt oddly okay when I left my, my, my marriage. I was like, this is a blessing in disguise. I felt like I had dodged an army of

snipers. It was like, this is my new beginning and I'm going to, I'm going to take it. So I was oddly okay after. No, that makes sense. So was the six months of doing therapy and kind of checked after the affair or then you found out about the affair? Yeah. So we were in therapy, like, you know, obviously paying a good amount of money for our therapist and getting techniques to do. And I was doing everything that our therapist was recommending. He was like, I want more sex. We were having more sex. I want you to do this more.

I was like jumping through hoops to make this man happy all the while while he was having this full-on relationship with the 19-year-old. Since the book has come out, there's been other women that have contacted me to apologize. So it wasn't just her, but it was going on the full time. It was such a waste of money and time for six months. Like, you could have just left. Yeah. I mean, especially on his part. But I feel like was it a waste of money in time for you? Did you learn so much about yourself in that therapy? Or was that all for the relationship? Well, it was all for the relationship, but I wouldn't change anything. Like the way that my story and my life has come to be, like if you look back on it, it's like a freaking blueprint. It's like, of course she had to go through the divorce and meet this guy so she could go on the trip and find out how to love herself and write the book. Like it all makes sense. and I would do it 10 times over to end up where I am now.

I always think that way, like, and that's the beauty of hindsight. But did you know who the 19-year-old was? I didn't. So it's detailed in the book, like how I find out about everything and the digging that I do. I missed my calling as a private detective, that's for sure. But I did not. I didn't know who she was. And I remember the first time I found her on Instagram and this 19-year-old

very naked, popped up, and I was like, oh, okay, this is what we're doing. This is what's going on. And she happened to be in the same place that my ex-husband was out of town. So it kind of all started clicking at that point. How did you handle that? Because, you know, some people react with logic and some people react with emotion. And I would have lost my marbles. And like, I would have just been a complete nightmare for him? Yeah. What did you, how did you handle it? You know, it was very strange. I had one big, like, painful cry where I called my mom and was like, he's cheating on me, mom. Like, I found all the proof. And I remember feeling like a flood of emotions, but it wasn't to the point where I was like, I'm going to call him and ruin his life. Like, I knew that I wanted to be strategic about

it. I knew that I was going to file for divorce. I did not. want him to catch wind of that. So I really played it kind of cool until he got home, even knowing that he was on this trip with her, which was so wild. And, you know, I really knew in my gut that this was going to be like a do-over for me. Yeah. Yeah. And since writing the book, has he contacted you? Oh, girl. So I put up on, because I knew I was going to have to. like spill some tea that I've never said publicly. So I put up on my Instagram for my readers to be like, what should I share on Off the Vine? And so many of them, his name in the book is Daniel were like, tell us like updates on Daniel what's been going on. I've shared a little bit

of it when the book blew up on TikTok and really like there was press articles like in Australia and like the UK and everywhere. He saw those videos and he didn't like them that much. Right. Mind you, everything in the book is true and he knows this. Yeah. Like I was very careful to not write anything that he could come after me for. Right. And so in retaliation, because he didn't have a leg to stand on legally, he shut down my Instagram accounts, not my personal one because it was verified, but at the time, my book page and my podcast page weren't verified. How? So he He used a hacker and paid them money to shut the account down. Girl, that's the tip of the iceberg.

So on the third episode of the podcast, I kind of go into it the third and fourth. But like, it's so deep what's ended up happening with him. Like, there's now articles coming out about him doing this to other people. It's been a whole shit show. But anytime I have a video that goes really. viral and people start, like, seeing it, he, he puts some type of social media attack on either me or my inner circle. Oh, so he's still trying.

Oh, my gosh. Doesn't, I always wonder, like, I guess I have such a guilty conscience where if I did something to hurt someone that bad and I was in the wrong, like, my belief in karma is so strong that I would be like, okay, I need to like now make up for a lost time with being a complete loser. Like, so I would just let you have that moment and be like, I fuck this up. And I don't know, but that's me. I mean, obviously, if somebody can go and cheat on their wife with a 19 year old, they don't have the guilty conscience or, you know, so it doesn't surprise me that he would be a complete monster about it. You would think. And you know what? Like,

it was even before the book happened. Like, right when we split, he started sending out text messages to try and save face to let, I don't know if I've ever talked about this before. I guess we're just going there this whole episode. He would, he would, um, set, he sent out text messages to, like, my close, uh, friends that he had become friends with through me. Some of my family members, the woman who babysat me from the time I was like, fucking four till, you know, whatever I didn't need a babysitter. Um, basically saying, like, I'm sure you guys have heard what's going on and blaming me

for not having enough sex with him. And that's why he had to do this. And he would have left the relationship a long time ago, but he felt bad. for me because I lost my father and I had daddy issues. Like, it was unbelievable the response that, like, came from that. So obviously you say his name is Daniel in the book. That's not his real name. It's not his real name, but it was the name that he had booked all of his, like, hotels under.

He had a second phone that he, like, had the name Daniel listed. He even, and again, I don't think I've talked about this either, he even. He even, and I found this out like through the grapevine of people that still knew him and the 19 year old, he lied to her and told her that his name was Daniel. And she didn't find out until they were on a family vacation with her parents. And he passed out drunk on a boat and she opened his wallet and found his ID with the name that was not Daniel. This was like months into them being together. Wow. So she didn't even know he was married.

I don't know I think that she knew he was married but I'm sure he had said you know we're sleeping in separate rooms we're in the middle of a divorce like I'm sure he framed it in a way but I do know that like

she was very careful about what she would post on social media before while we were together and then the second I handed him divorce papers it was like hey this is my man we're on Instagram oh my gosh and now obviously

they're not still together. They are. Look, it's not my relationship and not my place. I, from the information I've been told from people from their inner circle, from people who used to know them and were kicked out of their inner circle, they are technically together, but that doesn't mean that he's not, you know, everything that walks, including her friends. And I feel really bad for her that she's, she must be like trapped in a really abusive situation

to allow someone to disrespect her in that way. No, no kidding. Oh, wow. Well, I mean, teas and peas, thoughts and purses to her. Yeah. This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by the one and only, Primal Kitchen. I think by now all of you listening are familiar with just how much I do love all of Primal Kitchen's products. Truly everything from the avocado oil to their salad dressings to their buffalo sauce, all of their stuff is just that good.

And that's because Primal Kitchen was created to give. you more, more flavor, higher quality ingredients, more easy meals with everyone in your life, and it has made my time in the kitchen just that much better. And I'm pretty sure everyone I cook for, especially Jay, is thankful that I found Primal Kitchen. And it's still beautiful out there, which means it's still grilling season, and I couldn't be happier about that. My pantry is always stocked with Primal Kitchen necessities for the most ideal cookout, mayo made with avocado oil, ketchup. Oh, their ketchup is so good. Sources and condiments made with high quality delicious ingredients no matter the season. And with Primal Kitchen, it's so easy to create a meal

made with simple ingredients and more importantly, delicious flavor. I really am just unstoppable with this buffalo sauce lately. You're like, get over the buffalo sauce, Caitlin. No, I won't. And you should join me. Find Primal Kitchen in your local grocery store or visitprimalcitchen.com slash off the vine to get 20% off your order. All right, everybody, I have to say. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I woke up early, had a meeting, and a big part of that is how I slept last night. Honestly, the way I sleep can really make or break that next day for me. And I am very fortunate to have my Helix mattress so that I'm pretty much always getting the good zees.

Obviously, everybody's unique. And that means that there's not just one mattress that's perfect for everyone. And Helix knows that. So they have several different mattress models to choose from. They have soft, medium, and firm mattresses. The mattress is great for cooling you down. If you sleep hot, mattress is great for spinal alignment to prevent morning aches and pains, and even a Helix Plus mattress for plus sized sleepers.

There have been over one billion hours slept on Helix mattresses, and I'm only like half of that. So you know people are loving their helix mattresses. They have over 12,000 five-star reviews, and they're awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2021. So basically, you don't need to take my word for it. All the peeps are obsessed, and you will be too. So just go to helixsleep.com slash vine. Take their two-minute sleep quiz. They'll match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life.

Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for my listeners at helixsleep.com slash vine. Moving on to the next guy who, what are we calling him? His name in the book is Javier. Javier. What made you come up with that name? name for him. Okay, so he's, he's an actor, a pretty well-known actor in L.A., and he's Latin, like very Latin. So I needed something that was going to convey, like, the passion and the love affair that this man, like, brings into your world when he enters it. Okay. Now, is there any,

like, I know you can't say it because you have chosen not to, but, like, is it Googlable? Yeah, I mean, I think if people, if people know how to investigate properly, I know people have found out who both the men in the book are. That's kind of like what happens when, you know, before I wrote the book, like I was acting and directing. Like, so there's, you know, photos of me on red carpets and there's articles written about me. That's kind of like the price you pay of being in the public eye. But a lot of people who I guess just don't know how to be investigative because all. A lot of people don't know who he is. She's like, excuse me while I go Google.

I'm definitely going to after this. But did he give you a reason for breaking up with you 48 hours before this trip? Like, what was his reason? He did. And this is where it gets kind of complicated. So he, a year and a half before we met, he lost his brother to suicide. And we had talked really openly about it. He had been like, look, like, I've been dealing.

with this, but I finally feel like I'm on the other side. He had gone to Canada to shoot a show for six months and came back and really had felt like he had kind of moved through that grief. I myself have dealt with grief in my life. I lost my father pretty traumatically. When I was six years old, I walked in and found him dead on the floor from a heart attack. I then lost my high school. Thank you. I then lost my high school sweetheart in a car accident when I was 18. I've done the grief. You know, I've been on the grief train for quite some time. So I was really sympathetic to that and really understanding of where he was coming from. And I can recognize when people aren't healed in that brief. And I didn't get that from him when we started seeing each other and like went from zero to 100. He seemed really okay to me. And about a week before we were leaving on this trip, he started acting different.

And he kept telling me he felt. like he had all of these emotions coming up surrounding his brother. So I was like trying to walk him through it and like he was going to therapy. I was talking to his family about it. Like we had gotten so close that all of his friends, all of his family were like, Gabrielle, you don't understand he's never been like this. We've never seen him like this. You're so special to him.

Like he's just got some shit going on. Yeah. And that week just didn't feel right to me. And then 48 hours before I called him and I'm like, it just like something in my chest doesn't feel right and he was like I just don't feel anything I don't feel anything for you I don't feel anything for my family like I don't know what's wrong with me so it was this on one side it was so fucked up because I had just come out of this like blindsiding divorce this guy had like totally made me fall in love with him and like convinced

me to go on this Europe trip with him I had like booked my ticket and now he was just like just kidding. I'm going to go by myself. And on the other hand, it was like I so sympathized with him and I know grief so well that I wanted to like protect him and defend him from all of my circle being like, this guy's a fucking asshole. Right. So it had a lot of complicated emotions. Holy that. So now, did you, I mean, if I was going on a trip to Europe with him and then he was still going alone and I was still going on alone, I would be worried about running into him. Obviously, you didn't, right? Well, we flew on the plane together.

No! Yes, all 11 hours, for those of you that don't know the time distance from L.A. to Europe, all 11 hours. And then he went on the connecting flight that we were supposed to do that started in Rome and I stayed in London to start my trip there. And everybody, when I tell them, that is always so shocked. But I don't know how to describe it. Like, it was almost like nothing, like the connection we had didn't change. we just weren't like holding hands and making out I was heartbroken but as a like for the friendship element that was still there it was like weirdly okay so how did you eventually over time like

cut that off because if you go from like so hot and heavy to then okay I feel nothing now you're both on the plane you felt this friendship and it was weirdly okay what was it after the trip like obviously we'll get to during the trip but what like what was that relationship like when it was windling off it was really difficult i had never been in such an intense relationship before i had never had those feelings before even with my ex-husband and at the time uh i didn't know the phrase love bombing are you are you familiar with that but you tell everyone they're listening and don't know because, yes, I do. Yeah.

So basically love bombing can happen one of two ways in my experience. Either it's with a narcissist who like sees you as an empath and they're like, okay, I'm going to really get this person in my grasp and shower them with love and make them feel like they're the only person in the world so they don't want to leave me and really like sink my claws into them. I don't think that's what happened. The other type of love bombing can be when someone has a sadness or a void within themselves and they feel they meet someone and they're like oh they're making that ouch spot in me

start to feel better so i want more of them and i'm going to like let's go to europe let's meet my family like this is my girlfriend let's like talk about our future and then eventually they'll get to a place where they're like oh shit this person isn't helping that void that's in here because no one can fill that void except the individual themselves and they're like oh you're not fixing me anymore, okay, I got to go. And then you're cut off at like the height of the honeymoon stage, which is so confusing and so much harder to recover from as opposed to like, oh, you know, our relationship ran its course and it's been X amount of years. Yeah. Yeah. Because that honeymoon phase at the height of it is like, what are they called? The most like euphoric phase of life.

Yeah. Everything is just feels so good. Yeah. And then it's like psych, just kidding. and out at the knees. Yeah, it was brutal. So now looking back on it, knowing what I know now and, you know, the stuff I talk about on my podcast and how many of my readers and listeners, like, have been through this, I think it was definitely a love bombing situation, but in the sense of he was trying to fill that void that was left. Yeah.

And has he said anything or had any reaction about the book? Yeah. So I'm going to, I'll answer this without giving to. much away because there's the first book which is eat pray fml which goes from really like me finding out about the affair to coming home from that europe trip so like you go all over europe with me like the the stuff we've talked about is the first three chapters um and then there's a sequel called the ridiculous misadventures of a single girl and that's me coming home from europe and then the next two years of my life so he was

very supportive of the first book. He was like championing it and was like, I think this is amazing. Kind of like you said, how my ex-husband should have been like, I first girl up, like give her a bone and just let her go do her thing. He was really, really supportive to the point where he, his sister and his mother all signed release forms for me to include text messages between us in the book. Like they were very, very supportive. Okay. The sequel is a different story. And I think people to get the real answer of like what happened with the two of us, because unfortunately he is a, I would call him a supporting character in the sequel,

like would have to read that whole journey to really understand where he and I are at now. Wow. Okay. Well, look, you've got me. I'm like, and I will read it tonight. I love it. Absolutely my plans. I'm going to Backstreet Boys tonight.

not anymore. I'm Googling and reading your books. Okay, so let's talk about being in Europe alone, grieving a breakup. Yeah. Did you flip it around to have a good time while you were there? Or did you have yourself a pity party, a self, like a very deserving pity party, jug a wine, like pounds of pizza in Italy? What did that healing process look like for you? Kind of like D, all of the above.

Yeah, yeah. This is interesting because we were. talking about cutting off of social media. So when I got to the airport for that flight, I had not publicly said anything about my divorce or the cheating. I had only told my like inner circle what had happened. And I was like, you know what? If I'm going on this life changing solo trip, like I have to start with a clean slate and I don't want to have to deal with talking about this when I get back. So I posted a picture that Javier took of me and like my massive backpack in the middle of LAX and posted this long thing about. And I'm a lot of,

like the divorce getting cheated on like this is what's happening now I'm going on a trip by myself and I was planning on posting that and then kind of like deleting Instagram off of my phone for the trip yeah the two hours between when I posted it and got on the plane I got hundreds and hundreds of messages from people and comments being like this changed my day this gave me so much hope I resonate so much with this please keep sharing your journey so I decided to do that but I committed to doing it in a very authentic way. So still, people that read the book now will scroll all the way back to those Europe photos on my Instagram because it's like a picture book that you can like follow along with. And there's pictures on there where you can tell

I'm partying and I'm out having the time of my life meeting new friends and like, you know, getting into trouble. And there's pictures where you're like, oh, she's really going through the shit and like trying to heal. Like there were days where I would stay at home and write and cry for five hours because I wrote three-fourths of the book on this trip while I was going through it. Have you always been a good writer? I could always like bullshit the hell out of an essay, but like I wasn't a writer. Okay, because I think about, I was kind of going through a breakup from my relationship with Sean from the show. And I went to Italy on a trip with my girlfriend. And it was very much that I would party and then I would cry. But in times where I feel really dark and

sad. I can't write. I just need to like lay in bed and cry where like it would probably be so beneficial to just sit and write out your feelings, especially if you're writing a book, obviously for four to five hours or like making that a trip just like, you know, part of what's now your story and people are obviously supporting you and buying the book and reading it and relating to it. But like do you look back on that time and just feel so proud of yourself? I do. I mean, of course, There's everything that happened on that trip is in that book, except for the tea that I'm going to tell you at the end of the episode. Every, like literally everything, like things that I'm not proud of, things that I'm so proud

of. It's all in there. And it's very raw and real. And it really feels like you're sitting down having a glass of wine with me hearing about my crazy shit show adventure around Europe. But I will always look back on that trip and know that it was like a defining moment of my life. Like that trip and the things that happened. right before it, that whole three-month period of my life, changed the direction of my career.

It changed me as a human. It allowed me to heal wounds that I had had since my dad died. Like, it fully changed me as a person in like all of the best ways. So you would highly recommend. I mean, no, maybe you tell me what you would recommend for people that either are grieving, like a breakup or a death or even a job, but you can grieve a job. what is your advice to them i mean my advice is always like drop everything book a plane ticket and leave but not everybody has you know the means to do that and i totally understand but i am a huge advocate of solo travel even if you're like going camping or go to the beach by yourself like go somewhere alone that you can really process and get into touch with your feelings that has always

been the best way for me to really work through the shit um and there's some healing techniques in the book. It's kind of a self-help book without ever, you won't ever realize it is, but you're watching me go through all of these things and use different techniques that I use to kind of like break down my thought patterns and figure out like why I'm feeling a certain way. And I think that's why people resonate with the book so much is because they can then heal alongside me while they're reading it. Right. Oh, I love that. And then what happened for you in the, because I know something happened with the publishing process of the book. Yeah. So you go through, you know, this divorce where I don't, what would be the overall feeling when, when your husband chose

to do you with a 19 year old and do that? Like, do you have a word that you were feeling like, well, I would feel would be like, I'm not worthy of love and I'm not, you know, like, and then you go into another relationship and then you're like, wow, am I not worthy of love? And now you're going to go through something of a process with publishing that you're like, well, now is my story not even worthy when this is all I've been through. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. So with my ex-husband, I, like I said before, had fallen very much out of love. I think when I found everything out, it was more of like betrayal and rage against someone that had like disrespected my body and like promised to keep me safe and did the exact opposite. But I do know a lot of women

who read the book and listen to my podcast definitely have been cheated on and feel that worthy feeling that you're talking about. And I think that's totally normal and valid for people to feel. I always like to remind people that when people cheat, it has nothing to do with the person they're in a relationship with. They're trying to fill a void within themselves or an insecurity within themselves. It has nothing to do with you. Jay Lowe's been cheated on. Like that's the prime example. It's like it has nothing to do with like someone who's younger or hotter or anything. Like that didn't that didn't mess. with my self-worth as much as the relationship after did, which, you know, was a whole theory

with my emotions. But the publishing journey was interesting because I came back from this, like, crazy trip. I had written this book in like two months, which is wildly fast, I can say from writing the sequel that took a lot longer. And I was like. For people listening, it usually takes people two years to write a book. I mean, it varies. But yeah, like the sequel took me a solid year and a half. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. This like flowed out of me. The heartbreak was just like, we have to get out. And so I came home and I was like, this has to be with one of the top five publishers. Like, this is going to change my life and it's going to affect so many people that read it that are going through grief, heartbreak healing.

Like, that's universal. Yeah. Men, women, whatever. And every one of the top five publishers, either it was too much or two in your face or too many F bombs or it was too long or they didn't know. if it had a white enough audience, which I always was like, like every woman everywhere. What? Yeah. Yeah. And so after that, I, you know, the stars kind of aligned. I was introduced to who became my mentor. Her name's K.L. Randis. She's an incredible author, wrote the bestselling book, Spilled Milk. She self-published. And she was like, have you ever thought of self-publishing? And I kind of brushed it off and was

like, no, like this deserves to be like really out there. I can't tell you. what a blessing in disguise that was. Like, now knowing what I know about publishing versus self-publishing and how much more you can make when you self-publish and don't have to pay such a large royalty, like my audiobook I did with a company and the amount I make from the audio book versus what I make from my second audiobook that I published myself, it's sickening when you look at the numbers. Really? Yeah.

It's insane. And like really in today's world, and not knocking publishing at all, but like what they're going to do is they're going to pay for the production and then they'll put it on shelves. But unless you're someone that already has an established name, they're not going to put publicity behind it. They're not going to put money behind it to get it out there. So you're still responsible for kind of doing the grassroots marketing. And I was like, well, if I'm going to do all that work myself, like I'm not going to pay someone like a percentage to just put it in stores. Right. So I self-published. I put it on, on eight. Amazon and it from the get go. And I had like 12,000 followers on Instagram when I published the book. Like I didn't have a following. And it did consistently well. It sold, you know, like maybe 20 to 30 copies a week. And then I went viral on TikTok and everything changed. Is that what it was? I was going to ask if it was TikTok. I thought it was. So yeah. So people saw your story on TikTok and that you had a book and then it all just blew out from there. Yeah. And the way that I did. the market, I guess the marketing of it on TikTok, because I was like, I'm not getting on another

social media app. All these kids are just dancing. This is stupid. And then when I finally got on, of course, that's been like the best marketing and moneymaker for my business. But I did the videos to be very like, this is what happened. I was cheated on with a 19 year old. I fell in love. I like got heartbroken and went on this crazy trip. Oh yeah, I wrote a book about it. So it was very like, you know, allow people to get invested. with the story because a very large percentage of my readers are people that are like, I never read. I hate reading.

I don't read. And they're like, I read this book in two days because it doesn't feel, like it feels like you're just hanging out watching like a crazy Netflix story. Right, right. Yeah, those are the kind of books I like, too. Okay, people are always saying it's about the journey, not the destination. Also, they're always saying that on The Bachelor, Love Me a Good Journey. And they're right. Getting to your destination effortlessly is what base, luggage, and bags were made for.

Base is there for your journey wherever your next stop may be. So base was created by actress Shay Mitchell to make sleek, affordable bags, luggage, and accessories designed to help you travel effortlessly while looking fashionable and chic. And they really have thought of everything you could ever want in a piece of luggage. I'm obsessed. 360 degree gliding wheels, a cushion handle. I don't even want to pass by that. I'm not just going to brush by the cushion handle. It is a game changer.

Built in weight indicator, washable bags for your dirty clothes, and all of the interior pockets you need to keep organized. I love the interior pockets for shorter trips. The Weekender bag, which I have, super functional and even has a place to store your shoes separately on the bottom, which is actually such a game changer. So whether you're packing for a quick trip or looking to breeze through the security line,

base has your personal items covered. Right now, Base is off. my listeners, 15% off your first purchase by visiting basestravel.com slash vine. Just go to base travel.com slash vine for 15% off your first purchase and let me spell it out for you because it's spelled B-E-I-S travel.com slash vine. This week's episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Now most of you listening right now, you know what you're doing. You're multitasking. While you're listening to Me Talk, you're probably driving, cleaning, exercising, maybe grocery shopping, but if you are not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something

else you can be doing right now, and that's getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance. It's easy and you could save money by doing it right from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to Progressive save over $700 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts, discounts for having multiple vehicles on your policy, being a homeowner, and more. So just like your favorite podcast, Progressive will be with you. 24-7, 365 days a year, so you are protected no matter what. So multitask right now, quote your car insurance at progressive.com to join the over 27 million

drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, National Annual Average Insurance Savings by new customer surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2020 and May 2021, potential savings will vary and discounts not available in all states and situations. And besides writing to get through all this, what work have you done to get yourself to the point that you are now? Because I know you've now found a relationship again. And like that must be the journey there. Did you do therapy, meditation, manifest, all the above?

All of the above. But I'm a huge advocate of therapy. I think it is life changing and people should go. even when there's like nothing wrong. My specific therapist that I worked with after my Eat PrefML journey is clinical, but also has like a very like versed repertoire of spiritual techniques. So we did a lot of like cord cutting and like letting people go, some past life regression, which I was like very key to me understanding why I couldn't get over this heartbreak and like

healing from it. So lots of therapy. And really what I, it's what I call the self-love cocktail. I write about it in the epilogue of the book because I didn't really put it together until I came home. But when I came home from that trip, I was in a really deep depression, like, dark where I just wanted to like sit in it. Because it was like everything had been happening and I had been like traveling around Europe and like meeting people and writing the book. And then I got home and everything stopped. It was like I got off the carousel and was back at my mom's house at 28.

And I remember being like, okay, I have to get myself out of this depression somehow. And what I ended up doing is I sat down and I wrote a list of things that I could give my soul that made me feel happy that I didn't need anyone else for. So that for me was like eating well, going to the gym, meditating, creating, writing, dancing, like going salsa dancing. And I put that list on my mirror and I was like, okay, I have to give myself at least one of these things every single day. and then you've earned getting back in bed and, like, eating chips and watching a Netflix show. And then after a while of being consistent with that, I would do two things a day or three things a day. And before I realized it, I was feeling so much better. And it was because I was loving myself.

And when people can realize that loving yourself is as simple as giving your soul the things it loves, it was a total eye-opener and game changer for me. Wow. That's really beautiful. I love that. When you said that, like, you go back and. to this dark depression and you're back on your mom's couch. That's how I kind of felt after like The Bachelor.

I bet everything like I quit my job and I'm going to do this crazy thing and I had gotten out of a relationship before that that I was not healed from and then I'd go on the Bachelor and I get all this like it's it's just a whirlwind of romance and drama and ups and downs and rights and then you get home and I get to my mom's couch it was like 10 a.m. And I was like, mom, can you pour me a glass of wine? And she was like, oh boy. You're like that's where we're at. Yeah. So, yeah, that hit home with me. But so, no, didn't you have like a self-loved journal or something?

Yeah. After, so I wrote both the books and then people, you know, who would DM me after reading, it would be like, I went on this crazy healing journey with you and I used so many of the techniques that you used in the book. But I really want like a step by step way to be able to sit down and know that I'm going to like get an end result and heal from some shit that I'm going through. So I did the self-love journal. It's called F-off I'm Healing. And it really is a step-by-step guide with prompts. There's like music paired to each section. And it's really like me sitting down and being like, okay, we're going to get through some shit. And it's not just heartbreak. It's grief. It's grief. It's abandonment. It's people that have wronged you in the past. It's like healing old

wounds. Like it's every facet of healing in one little book. Can people buy it? Yeah. Yeah. It's on Amazon or on my on my website and I'll sign it for you. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. Okay, that's amazing. I love how you really like empower people to love themselves. It made me think of that Paul Rudd show living with yourself on Netflix. Have you heard of it? I haven't seen it, but I love Paul Rudd. So I'm surprised I haven't heard of it. Me too. He's my he's my whole pass. Oh my God, dead. I love him. He's been, he's been my celebrity crush for a long time. But basically Paul Rudd is cloned and the clone looks exactly like him. obviously, but also has all of his memories. And it's to see, like, if you could live with

yourself, basically. So I wanted to ask, because it made me think, I'm like, do you think you would be friends with a clone of yourself? Oh, that's an interesting question. Yes, but I feel like the Alpha Scorpio in two of me might clash at some point. But, like, yeah, I think I'm pretty I'd like to be friends with me. I was trying to think I'm like, I'm a lot sometimes, but I also am like, I feel like I would trust me more than any other world because I'm like, oh, I know my loyalty and I know I'm trustworthy and I know my heart. And so I'd be like, and then I don't, I was, I got way deep in like the think train on

this one, but I was like, I was like, could I talk to her about like healing childhood wounds? Yeah. No, because then my girlfriend was talking to her about this, she goes, I think you're going a little too deep. You're like, okay, we're thinking more like sipping the wine and like having dance parties. Yeah, but I was just, I just think that's a wild concept to like, well, I saw another show that they're doing with Kate Bosworth and her husband.

I don't think it's a real show. I think it's a fake show, but it's like where they have to be in a house. Just the two of them, there's a bathroom and a bed. Oh, I did see this. Yes. is it a show or a film but I do remember seeing it and it's like a challenge and if they can do it for a certain amount of days they get five million dollars yeah I'm going to have to look into what that is it's scripted it's not a reality show it's okay it's scripted I thought because when I saw Kate Bosworth I was like clearly she like she wouldn't do this reality show for five million dollars I don't think but I never I would but um yeah I don't know I just but I want to watch that Paul Rudd show now because I just looked into it and I feel like it's looks. Yeah, I have to check that out. I love Paul Rudd. Yeah. Well, I love him too, but, you know, we have other people in our lives. So what, tell us about your new. Or is it new? How long have you been with him?

Yeah. Okay. So the relationship that I'm in now, your people will read about in the sequel, which is partly why people who follow me are so invested in that relationship because they now feel like they know him the way that they know me because like the whole thing is written about. And it was a fucking saga y'all like if you think it's just like oh yeah happy ending like no it was a journey to get there yeah but we've been together for a little over three years now and we actually just got engaged in italy um in june and it was very full circle to get engaged at the place where the eat pray fml trip was supposed to originally take place um and it felt for me and for like all of the people that have been on this journey with me like just very full circle and he's

is a really incredible human. I'm very lucky. Wow. Yeah, that's that's amazing. I feel like, I don't even know the answer to this. Like, what would you say to someone who wants to love again, but has like the hardest time with trust? Like if anyone's going to have a hard time with trust or losing someone even like, I bet that losing your high school sweetheart just started the, you know, fear of loss of a loved one. So what advice would you have to someone who is scared of that? Totally. Okay. I want to say two things about this. First, you're right. My, big thing my entire life that I've been trying to heal is fear of abandonment. Like the second my dad died, even though it wasn't like his fault, fear of abandonment.

Like when I love someone, they die. That was then reinstated when I lost my high school sweetheart, fear of abandonment. When I loved someone they die, it was like the first two men that were in my life. And then I attracted my ex-husband who abandoned me in like one of the most heinous ways possible. And the universe was like, are we ready to heal this, Gabrielle? can we, could we rectify this? I was like, no, no, no, no, we're good, we're good. And then Javier walked into my life, who quite literally abandoned me two days before we were getting on a fucking

plane. And the universe was like, okay, could we go heal this now? And I was like, yeah, okay. And if you look at it, like, the one thing I needed to heal this whole time was fear of abandonment. And then the universe put me in this situation where I was going to go across the entire world to try and heal that by myself, which was like the scariest thing for abandonment wound people. It was so meant to be and it was so like you have to be able to look at what the trauma in your life has left behind and know what you need to fix to attract different things in the future. Because I have to take responsibility for that. I was attracting the men who were going to abandon me over and over again until I decided to heal that and fix it.

And then I could attract someone different into my life. So that's the first part of that answer. The second part is, yeah, if there was ever a time for me to put my wall up, it would have been after I found out my husband was having an affair and screwing around with all these other women. I didn't. I felt headfirst in love with Javier, and thank God I did. If I would have had my wall up and wouldn't have jumped into that relationship and allowed myself to experience it and fall, I learned so much from that relationship and the place that

it sent me on, it changed my life. So my advice to people who are scared to get into another relationship after being hurt is one of two things is going to happen. You're either going to be wildly happy and in love and it's going to be fucking great, or you're going to get your heart broken, but it is going to change you as a person and teach you really valuable lessons. So either way the outcome is worth it, don't put walls up. I mean, don't like walk into like a red flag carnival and be like hey like this is a great idea but like allow yourself to fall yeah i think that's good it's so hard to do but i think that's such good advice i do the same like i've always had walls up or like wanted to just love but i honestly think things affected me more than i ever

thought they did like my parents divorce i didn't think that really affected me for a long time because i was like i was old enough like i was 18 and they you know i was like encouraging them at the end to just be friends and go their separate way and it was a healthy divorce like from most divorces like perspective and then losing my best friend when I was 18 and just scary of a loss or knowing you could lose someone like that again because I still like it's it was 19 years the other day and I still feel like heavy grief sometimes just like out of nowhere and so it's scary to allow yourself to just fall and have your walls down and do it but I mean it's also scary to not do that and hold on to trauma and yeah absolutely do you have i have this

thing where if my partner doesn't text me when he gets home like i immediately think he's dead yes i i immediately either think they're dead or they're cheating right it's it's so odd like my brain should go to the cheating but i go to the he's dead he's in a ditch somewhere he's dead and to the point where like i will start playing out scenarios of how i will get through the fact that he's it's really fucked up and it's such an it's so indicative of a trauma brain yeah no i i do stuff like that too and and then i get mad at myself because i'm such a believer in like what you put out is going to happen so then i go i'm moving right this out there and then i like i just have the most intrusive thoughts like especially middle of the night oh yeah same yeah that's that's when

the darkest monsters come out from under the bed right there with you it's the worst um okay before we wrap up, obviously, I wanted to get to confessions because people love to hear those, especially your FML army. So I feel like I've already spilled so much shit on this podcast, but it's fine. So I put up, I put up an Instagram poll for them. And I was like, okay, do you want me to give a film or TV that Javier was in? or do you want me to give you a, like, embarrassing, ridiculous sex moment that was left out of the book? And it was pretty, like, evenly split.

She's like, both, everything. It was pretty evenly split. So do you want to pick, which one? I want to pick the movie that he's in. God damn it. The other one's so much, like, funnier. Okay. He did tell boat.

Okay, okay, okay. So the, I'm going to go with a show because, I feel like movies are too, like, easy to go on and figure out who's who. He appeared in the show Bones. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was a pretty big one. Okay. And for the embarrassing story, I'm so sorry, Mom, I hope you're never listening to this.

So, in Eat, Pray, FML, I write about having a one-night stand, and, like, it's just a ridiculous scenario. Still probably one of my favorite chapters, even though it makes me cringe. funny. I like laugh out loud at myself when I read it. And what I left out from this, it's like really bad. So I hope it's funny to everybody that's listening. I got there to his house and was on the tail end of my period. Yeah. So I was like, I have to pee. And he like showed me where his bathroom was in this like, you know, dorm style apartment with like three other guys living in it. Super classy. And so I go into the bathroom and I like pulled out my tampon. And I like pulled out

my tampon and legit, like, washed my vaj in his sink before I went upstairs to have really bad sex. Wait, that's the confession. I've done that multiple times. I was like, look, I told my fiancee about it yesterday, and he's like, oh, tell that. That's funny. But also, like, we're not having sex tonight now. That's gross.

And I was like, dude, every woman, every woman on the planet has done that at one point or another. Every single person. If you haven't, you're lying. Exactly. I was just going to say that exact same thing. If you haven't, you're lying. I bet every single person that is listening to this has done something similar to that. Like even I've done that with like going to get laser hair removal or like a wax. I'll even do that. You're like, I just need a little sponge bath real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a little, a little something, something on. I don't want to be offensive to whoever's going down there. Yeah, dude. I'm on that same page as you, girl. Amazing. Well, tell everybody where they can find you on Instagram. And I'm sure your book is linked to your Instagram and everything. But where can everyone find you in your podcast? Yeah. So I'm at Gabrielle Stone on Instagram at Gabrielle underscore Stone on TikTok. The podcast is FML talk. It airs every Wednesday. It's like girl talk therapy with me more or less. And the book is exclusively on Amazon. It's eat prey FML. And the sequel is the ridiculous misadventures of a single girl. You can all.

also find those available with my signature and a note to you on my website, eat prey fml.com, where we have like all the website merch and all that jazz. That's awesome. Well, you are one badass and you've been through so much and you're like what people would obviously look up to as an inspiration for going to hardship and get through it and coming out on the other side, which we all are going to go through at some point in our lives. Oh, thanks, girl. And thank you for not disappointing me being my favorite Bachelorette. I was a little nervous coming on here. I was like, maybe she's not going to be that cool. She seems cool. Oh, my God. I'm so glad I didn't disappoint you. No pressure, no pressure.

Yeah, I'm glad you didn't tell me at the beginning. I'd be like, oh, God. No, you're lovely. Thank you so much. I'm literally going to go do so much digging on you now. Oh, my God. Feel free to slide into my DMs and let me know what you find. I'm going to. I'm going to before you to give me your number and I'll text you about it. I love it. I love it. Thank you so much and have a good rest of your day. Thanks, girl. Have a good one.

I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Off the Vine. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on your favorite podcast platform. And we'll see you next Tuesday. Settle up and get ready for Westerns Weeks on Pluto TV. All for free. coming in blazing with favorites like true grit and once upon a time in Mexico or immerse

yourself in bingeworthy series like Yellowstone and Walker, Texas Ranger. Plus, Pluto TV has hundreds of channels with thousands more movies, TV shows, and more. The best part, it's free. No credit card, no sign up, no fees. Download the Pluto TV app on all your favorite devices and start streaming now.