Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Gianmarco Soresi | Hilarious Comedian Riffs on Stand-Up, Broadway & Micro Weens!

Episode Date: December 18, 2025

#903. Comedian, actor, theater kid, chaos enthusiast — Gianmarco Soresi joins Kaitlyn for a laugh-out-loud, no-notes-needed episode recorded in New York City.Gianmarco opens up about starting out as a musical theater kid with Broadway dreams, how singing still sneaks its way into his comedy, his time on movie sets (yes, one involved J.Lo), and why he genuinely enjoys being bullied at SoulCycle.They riff on reality TV, producers, hecklers, triggering April Fools jokes, long-term relationships, creative highs, embarrassing on-stage moments, and a very questionable TV show idea involving… small weens.It’s silly, honest, and the kind of conversation that only happens when two people are fully cracking each other up — basically, the perfect episode to throw on when you want to laugh and feel like you’re hanging out with friends. Enjoy 🙂If you’re LOVING this podcast, please follow and leave a rating and review below! PLUS, FOLLOW OUR PODCAST INSTAGRAM HERE!Thank you to our Sponsors! Check out these deals!Better Help: Off the vine listeners get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/VINE.Aura Frames: For a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com/vine and get $35 off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frames - named #1 by Wirecutter - by using promo code VINE at checkout.Microperfumes: Find your scent soulmate today and get up to 60% off at MicroPerfumes.com/VINE.Nutrafol: Right now, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription plus free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and use promo code VINE. Real Real: Get $25 off your first purchase when you go to TheRealReal.com/vineWayfair: Get last-minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for WAY less. Head to WAYFAIR.com. Wayfair. Every style. Every home.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS: (2:30) — SoulCycle bullying, shirt anxiety, and why Gianmarco loves being yelled at.(19:00) — A joke turns into an unhinged pitch for a show about micro penises.(31:00) — From musical theater kid to stand-up comic (yes, Broadway was the dream).(45:20) — “I had a line in Hustlers… and rejected J.Lo.”See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of Off the Vine is brought to you by BetterHelp. Off the Vine listeners, get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash Vine. Ora Frames. For a limited time, visitoraFraimbs.com slash vine and get $35 off orra's best-selling Carver, Matt Frames. Name number one by wirecutter by using promo code Vine at checkout. Microperfumes, find your scent soulmate today and get up to 60% off at microperfumes.com slash vine.

Nutraful. Right now, Nutraful is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription. plus free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and use promo code Vine. Real Real, get $25 off your first purchase when you go to the realreel.com slash vine. And Wayfair, get last minute hosting essentials gifts for all your loved ones and decor to help celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair. Every style, every home.

You're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. Hey, Vinos, real quick, if you are listening right now, which obviously you are, you wouldn't be hearing this, can you hit the subscribe or follow button on whatever platform you're on? Please, that one simple thing helps more than you even realize it allows me to keep growing on this podcast and making these episodes the best they can possibly be obviously for you. That's the only favorite I'm going to ever ask, okay? It truly means the world to me. Thank you.

Now let's get into it. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Off the Vine podcast. What camera am I looking at? there we go. Hi guys, sorry about that. Welcome to the podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And today I had a comedian on the podcast who, if you recall, he pranked me for April Fools and got me and we don't even talk about it because I don't want to, I don't want to talk about it. I hate that I got got. Anyways, his name is John Marco Sarasi. He is so funny. I just giggled

like the whole podcast and I don't think I looked at my notes once. And it was just the full New York experience. We had people drilling upstairs. We had sirens going off. And we just kind of got to know him a little bit more, and I think you're going to laugh. I think you're going to giggle for the whole hour. Twitter is your guilty pleasure? Yeah, I don't even feel guilt about it. I feel good. Why are you trying to wean yourself off to threads?

No, because it's so, well, it is toxic. It's brutal, but TikTok still has a little bit of teeth. Like, someone can really get dragged on TikTok. So there's like, it's a bit of a blood sport. And people are really mean on TikTok. I mean, on Twitter. They are really mean on TikTok. On Twitter.

On Twitter is like, I can't even go on Twitter anymore because it's so mean. Oh yeah. TikTok there's mean but it it fades in the distance. Twitter like you can one tweet just everyone dogpiling and there's a thrill to that. Oh. It's evil though. I mean it's it's interesting that that's your guilty pleasure and you go to SoulCycle. Is that how you like release? Yeah, I'm sure if I said in SoulCycle like who else he is on Twitter they'd be like no. No one. We're very positive. Yeah. I can't the positive language I have to kind of just block it out. It's a lot of positive talk. The toxic positivity of SoulCycle really. stresses me out. Yeah. It's and I know because I got my certificate to teach. Oh, really? So what kind

of teacher are you? What's your like? Well, I never got around to doing it because I was like, I can't do the toxic positivity. I would have been like, this is really hard. Should we just take a break? Oh, really? That's what you, you go. I couldn't do it. Uphill guys. God damn it. Yeah, this is the worst. I don't blame anyone for stopping right now. That's, I'm not a motivating teacher because I don't like when people yell at me in workouts you don't like yelling i see i want more yelling i i i want them to be like come on you loser i want them to be cursing you want them to bully you yeah and they don't do that in twitter guy they yeah exactly they don't do that in soul cycle so what do you like about soul cycle why do you go i think the music's like the music's pretty good okay and it's it's just it's tough

45 minutes it is perfect i get really frustrated they you're not allowed to take off your shirt and this is like they have a at least what i've been told it's not a no shirt you it's a no nipple policy so what i do and i came prepared that's not very accepting of them i agree i agree but what i do and i'm i mean i'm true i have prepared today where i just i take like my tank top and i make a little i do a pony because it's gross it's really sweaty it's really sweaty what is that so this like goes like this and then you can like tuck what yeah you need one wait so why do you have what is yours you're doing soul cycle later today too i like to crop everything

and so you can crop that sweater with this. So you put it on the outside? You put it on the inside. And then you pull it, sorry, you like put it here and then you pull out so that it like crops it. See? Oh. And you can do it with jackets. You could do it with sweaters.

What is it called? Oh, good question. I don't know. I've never, this is a game changer. Because the problem with this is I make a tail and then the tail starts whipping me. Yeah, I used to do the tail. It's very 90s. Yeah.

I did. I did once do a full Britney Spears. Yeah. What would happen if a nip showed? Would they kick you out of class? I don't know. I don't. Well, then I'll sue them.

I'll say, oh, I got big ariolas, so I can't do the British. Why are they nip shaming? It's, I really don't like it. Yeah, that's unfortunate. And, and, and I don't know. It's, it's, my, my, my girlfriend said, oh, it's a policy so the women feel safe. I mean, I'm all four women feeling safe. I will preach that until the cows come home.

But that, to me, feels like. I agree. I agree. In some places, so what happened is I did take it off one class. Oh. Because I didn't know the rules. Did you learn the hard way? The teacher on the mic.

Hey, guys, quick reminder. You have to leave your shirts on for the entirety of the class. I'm the only one. I got to put it on. It's soaking wet now. And no one would make eye contact with me. It's like sticking to you and you're like trying. Oh, I'm sorry.

I say, turn to your neighbor. Say, good job. Don't even look at me. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, nothing. Yeah, it's very, it feels oriented towards women. Okay. And I like classes.

So I'm usually. I'm usually fewer men, I'm there. Sure. And I'm going like, this doesn't feel inclusive. Right. Doesn't feel inclusive to me. I'm very surprised by all this. And I'm not ignoring you.

I'm trying to find the thing that, to know what this is called. I figured this would be incredible if you were just fully, like, on your podcast Twitter. Just drag me, boring podcast. Crop tuck. That's what it's called. A crop tuck. A crop tuck. A crop tucker.

Yeah. A crop tucker. I mean, truly I will get this. Yeah, it comes with two. Yeah, it should be 10. cents. It looks like someone took a part of hoodie and took out a piece. It's $13. Okay. Yeah. It's genius. I wear it under everything. So there you go. Is this newish? Am I behind the times? No, you're not. I saw it on like TikTok shop or something and I was like, wow.

And you tuck it under. So the point is that the overflow covers it. Yes. Okay. Exactly. I'm so into this. It's you are going to be the crop top guy in Soul Cycle class and you'll be known for it and it'll be a thing. When I go out, I used to feel very self-conscious about it. Like I would undo it like before I left the dark room. Yeah. I try to fight it. I try to go, no. Own it. This is who I am. Yeah. It's your truth. Yeah. You are the Thai guy. I'm the Thai guy. That's so funny. I love like, um, I, what are loud sirens. Yeah, every New York podcast. You can tell podcast is in New York. That's a good point. Cirens. Yeah. I guess I should just run with it. It's, it's kind of like, it feels authentic. It does feel authentic. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's, yeah, it's, but it's

distracting me. That's fine. We could talk about. What do you think happened? Oh. Someone stub their toe. It's not a big deal. Yeah. Just really bad. I can't go dark. Guys, you got to stop calling. Yeah. That's. I dated a firefighter once. And I didn't realize that I thought they just were hot firefighters that put out fires. Like, they're the first to every, like, tragic scene. So they see some shit.

Just because people. So when they call 911, a fire truck actually gets a first response call. No matter what it is. So a fire truck, then the ambulance. Yeah, yes. Oh, my God. I know. And so they see, and I didn't know. And I was like, wow, this guy has some dark stories. It was very depressing. Was it, so was it, I mean, was it sexy? There's a fireman. Like, was, I mean, that's, there's an appeal to that, right? Yeah, but he was also training for the calendar. So he, like, wouldn't eat a carb. Yeah, but he was, he was, he was going to be in the calendar. So he, like, couldn't eat a carb. Are they all sexy? Because not every cop is sexy by God. They're not all sexy. Do they, do they have to be able to, slide down the pole?

Yeah. They do. Yeah. I slid down at once. It was very fun. That does that sound like a good time? Yeah, it was. It seems a little much.

You can go down the stairs pretty fast. What are you shaving off a second? You're building a whole hole for a second? And then you have to wait for the guy to get down to the bottom of the pole for the next to go. Interesting. Yeah, it does feel, it feels a little bit old. Yeah, I feel like that's like straight out of the movies, but it's real. Yeah.

Interesting. So would you, would you ever, were you over there like during like an emergency? Yeah. And they move. Yeah. I brought everybody cupcakes. Is that when you used the pole? They were like,

and the girlfriend wants to try the poll, guys. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. They like think it's cool. I actually don't know, but I do know that they use it. But I was bringing them cupcakes because a lot of times they're just sitting there bored and they got a call and they move.

Yeah. Yeah. Even if you're in the middle of a sleep, which they're just heroes, you know? So why'd you break up? Because he wouldn't need a carb. I got the egg. No, you know why we broke up because I went on The Bachelor. I was like, I got to know.

No offense, pretty great reason too. Hey, I really like this. But I'd like to take my shots on TV. You know what I really appreciate about him is he will still check in once in a while being like, how's it going? He goes, I just can't tell you how much, like, you made the right move. Because he's like so happy, married with two kids. I was like clearly meant to go do what I did.

And he's like so happy for me. Wait, that's just so rude to write when I get married. I write all my exes be like, hey, thank you. You know what? If I had wound up with you, who knows? how miserable I'd be right now. That's a bit of a jab, isn't it? That's passive-aggressive. Absolutely.

Oh, I've been, this whole time, I've been like, he's so sweet. He was making a jab. I thought he was genuinely happy for me. You think his wife doesn't he send in those texts? Yeah. Really? Yeah. You know what I bet?

I bet she's sending him. Maybe it's her. She's sending him. Like, hey, thank you so much. Because then he, yeah, you're right. Maybe it's her this whole time. Oops. Well, anyways, it was so funny because he, this is what I respect about him.

I knew, I like, had a crush on him. We were dating, and he was very much in love. love with me. Classic. And I was like, I don't think I'm that into this because I want to go on the Bachelor. If I thought you were my person, I wouldn't want to go. And so that's why I broke up with him. And then there was photos that came out when I got off the Bachelorette. I went to a photo shoot. I came back into the car and there's like a Us Weekly magazine in the car of the driver that I had. I think the Bachelor people planted there. They wanted me to see this. So I'm going through the magazine. And it's a full article on Caitlin Bristow's the phoniest

bachelor's they've ever had. And it was a photo of me and him and my niece and nephew. Oh my God. The article exposing my niece and nephew. And they found this photo. From before. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, God forbid I went on a few dates before I went on the bachelor. That was such a like no-no. I think what they should have done is like right as you're getting to the final two, you know, they set the house on fire. Oh. And then he comes. And then comes in. Trevor Partlow. He's holding you.

Wow. Just got a fiery episode of The Bachelor tonight. Things are about to get heated at the Bachelor house. I know very little about the show. You should be a producer. I would love to be a producer. I'd be evil as fuck. Well, you have to be to be a producer.

Oh, yeah. I mean, the way your brain just went there and made that. That's genius. That's producer of brain right there. Yeah, I could do it. They did try calling him to see like, oh, are you and Caitlin still? like, what was the story? And he was like, I want nothing to do with this. He even got paparazzied, like, on Vancouver Island. And he was like, I literally want nothing to do with this.

Because if he goes on TV, he can't eat any carbs for a while. He's going to be freaky. He's like, God, I just want a bagel. He did have his shirt off in the paparazzi photo, too. He looked great. Did he? Yeah. I was like, wow, he's still going strong on that train. What's, are you, are you dating now? Are you single? Yeah. I don't talk about it. Sure, sure, sure. Oh, sure, sure. Big swings talking about filming it. everything and in complete isolation. Because it's PTSD.

Now I don't want to expose any relationships I have because I'm like, that is so scary to me because I've done it too many times and that doesn't work. And I think you're so public when you break up. And you have to do a statement. I do, yeah, you got to do a statement. Yeah. And now the social media is so fractured. I'd have to do the Snapchat statement.

I have to do the Instagram, thread statement. Yeah, you'd have to link them all to Twitter. I'd be like, she's a bitch. I'd be like, she was wonderful. You got to pick a mood for each platform. Interesting. Instagram? What is Instagram mood? Instagram? It's me looking sad. It's got to be

image-based. Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah. Sometimes there's times I'll post pictures of me and my girlfriend on vacation. And I'm like, if you knew how much we were fighting behind this really lovely picture I'm putting up. Yeah. You'd be shocked. What do you think the solution is there? Do you think everyone should just continue to be performative and fake online?

Or do you think people should be more like exposing their trash? My solution, I think, is that... They're dirty laundry. Have you ever seen pictures from like turn of the century where everyone looks like... like everyone in the photo like black and white photos just everyone looks like okay yeah the reason they look like that is because to take pictures back then you had to hold the same pose for like 30 minutes and and i think that that the problem with the quick picture you go say cheese you smile you're lying to everyone yeah i think we should go back in technology and go every photo should take 30

minutes because i think if you have to hold a post for 30 minutes you're going to see the face of of how someone's really doing that's a good point that's my solution i liked i liked the real in theory. Remember that one? Yes. It would be like take a picture right now. Yes. And that's it is to really make it feel more real. Yeah.

Show the fight. I like that. I am so mixed because I love authenticity on social media, but at the same time I'm like, does that even exist? Yeah. Even I do like a comedic version of authenticity, but I'm not, I'm not showing like a bad fight. Right.

I'm going like, blah. Yeah, Ma. I'll send you the moon. That's it. That's the version. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, the holidays are obviously a special time, but they can also be hectic. I was talking about this with my Pilates instructor the other day. It's just like overwhelming and even a little lonely at times.

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exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast like really fast so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays and support the show by mentioning us at checkout please that's nice it'd be really nice terms and conditions apply You know what's so funny, talking about like triggering things, your face. Oh my God, what a start. It's so triggering to me from your April Fool's joke. But also because you remind me of this guy, Michael. The fireman.

Yes, him too. But this guy, Michael, so I hosted a show called Are You My First, where it was a bunch of virgins on an island dating. And there's this one guy, Michael, who is also a comedian who kind of looks like you. What's name, Michael? Yeah. Michael what? I'm forgetting his last name right now. Richards, Kramer?

Michael F. You see it, right? Yeah. Show him. He also was a version. There's no way he's like, he's like super hot. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't know, like not in a million years.

That's just a white guy. With glasses though, and curly hair. No, that's so, that's really like, if it was, if I was not white and that was the relative comparison, I go, that was racist. a hundred percent like there's no way he has a mustache at least in that one photo did he sleep with someone on the show so here's the thing and this is why it's triggering because he was a liar and he wasn't a virgin he did it to get on TV and pursue his

comedian career yeah yeah yeah yeah I can't really be mad at that because like why did I go on The Bachelor how they find out he was a liar though like he was like really good the first time he ended up he was like damn yeah no he ended up telling the girl that he ended up with the next day he was like I gotta tell you something and they didn't sleep together so there's that he didn't that would be monster behavior how did that show go was it good was it was great the numbers actually did better than bachelor in paradise but I don't know if there's going to be a season two

did they or the cameras in the in the bedroom are they doing the thing where they go like yes they do subtitles it's like pump pump pump yeah it was so um they start off they all meet on the beach and then they end up having connections and then the final couples who make it like you send people home it was called the um virgin sacrifice and they would send other virgins home and to keep their connections and then the three couples at the end had to go um live with each other for a few days and sleep in the same bed and they were like making pillow forts and like it was like so awkward. Were they all super religious or were they? I mean these were hot virgins. Hot. These were hot virgins. Hot virgins. Okay. Because there's a version of the show where it's like oh. Yeah.

Yeah. There's they're definitely good looking. They're all cute. Different reasons like one girl has vaginismus. What's that? Which is, I also have vaginismus. I always feel like I need to brag because it means you have a tight vagina. But it's basically like your muscles tense up when anything tries to enter.

So she's like traumatized from it. Yeah. And so she hasn't found. So she's like, her whole thing was like size really does matter because she wants a micropine. Sure. Because that wouldn't hurt her. But now that's the show that I would pitch is basically the bachelorette.

That's when it's a woman's the one. Yes. And every guy has a micropinus. Every guy has a micro penis And they're all hot And they're all like hot But they all have micropinuses Because the competitiveness

Of that show Will be brutal And be like Tonight's episode has some real Small Dick energy And she's like I truly I truly want this Yeah

And that's the slogan Size does matter I like it small Do you want to produce it with me? I would absolutely Because she would do it I would so love to host The Everyone has a Micropinus show

Just to boost my own self-confidence Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. And she is hot. Like, guys would definitely be in love with her. Like, she's so sweet, too. Yeah. Okay.

Please, 100%. We're doing this. The micropinus, Bachelorette. Wow. Except we have to come up with, like, a good name for it because it can't be Bachelorette, they'll sue me. It has to be, like, something like. I mean, I think the cheesy one is, like, small dick energy. I mean, like, it's playing off the big dick energy trope.

What if it's like, this one's for the micropines? This one's for the micropines? Yeah. Sure. No, you didn't land. It sounds like something I'd say at a bar. This one's are the micropines. Cheers.

tiny dick, shrimp-y, shrimps, a little, yeah, I mean, like, if we did it in Australia, it'd be like shrimp on the Barbie, and her name's Barbie or something. And she looks like Barbie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put a shrimp in the Barbie. Shrimp in the Barbie. Shrimp in the Barbie. We're doing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if it's just for a funny YouTube special. Oh, I mean, it's, I really, because it'd be very body positive in a different way. Yeah, and the men need that moment. The men truly, I think the, what would be funny, though, is if no.

men actually apply to do it because they don't want to admit that they have a microphone. But on the other hand, it's like, we'd have to pay them. We'd have to pay them. Sure. Yeah. But they, but also if she's, if she's looking for that, I really think they would, they would be, they would beg and plead. Yeah. Did she end up having sex? People end up having sex on the show? She's still a virgin. Nobody had sex. Nobody had sex. Nobody had sex. Well, that's a huge bust. I know. That's probably why there's no season two. But then we want to get for, I was like, what about for season two? We just find the like really slutty ones who really want to. They just haven't found the guy yet.

Yeah. You were going to find slutty virgins? That's an oxymoron. No, you need to just throw in one, one slut man or woman. Yeah. And they... By the way, I love sluts. I'm not slut shaming.

I love a slut. I was a slut. It's great. Yeah. It's great. No... Okay, so she had... What is it called?

Vagenism. Vaginism. Yeah. And then what did the guys have? Mormonism. Mormonism. Yeah. They were Mormons.

And no one slept with them. no sadly that's crazy three people found love so there was that but none of them are still together but that's every dating show yeah yeah yeah it was unfortunate that because we had a whole love shack set up for the people who were wanting to it's it doesn't work with americans have you ever seen like i see it on on twitter yeah but it's like uh it's maybe it's brazil or it's like it's like a real one of the reality shows in brazil uh what's the one with the house they all live in the same house what real life real world real world real world something like that but they're all fucking i mean and they're all fucking all the time on camera and you

go that's the culture for reality show well that's why they can't do a gay bachelor or a gay bachelor because everyone would just be hooking up in the house oh my god i would love i would love it if they made a gay bachelor they would they would ban gay marriage so quickly america would would not be ready america for the bachelor fire island it would be it would be insane people's lines would be blown America still can't handle that I had sex in the fantasy suite and I'm like what do you think happens in there you guys yeah yeah yeah and if there was yeah could you imagine a gay bachelor it's such a fine line where they want the sex but then they shame yeah you know but they want it if there's nothing that's so the internet yeah yeah that's just that's just culture

that's women and they want to build you up and then take you down and then they want they want all the power because they don't have what you have and they want it that's why i truly everyone needs to go to fire island I mean I don't want to flood fire island Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it really is just like... The freest place on Earth. I think it's more just like you see like, oh, you see how things can function without like a very, the definition that we've been fed, a very heteronormative definition of what like sex and whatever is. Yeah.

And you go there and you're just like, oh, wow, this is just, it's certain parts of Fire Island. Yeah. But at least the pool parties I went to us like, oh, it's just different. It's just different. And it's functioning. It's functioning well. That's the other part of it. Nobody is in a bad mood there.

Yeah. I mean, if you do, you just take a bump. I did my first bump. of K. Really? Yeah. What did it do to you? I've never done it.

I wouldn't necessarily pick it over any of my go-to drugs. It was just kind of like, it hits really fast. It lasts for like 30 minutes to an hour. It kind of like a sort of a mix of a drunk and a high and very much in the head. And I was still able to talk pretty normally, but my head was just like jazzing around. Oh, like it was nice. Yeah, it was nice. I was just getting nervous with the powders, you know, fentany or whatever.

But it was like we were staying at my friend, Jay Jurdon. And his friend was like an older, older, a gay guy with money where I was like, this is a nice bag. Oh, yeah, it's a nice bump. Then there's another drug that I guess popper right now called G. Oh. And that seems to be more sex related, but also dangerous. Oh, is that the one that like, it's like a popper? They call it poppers.

No, it's not a pauper. This one makes you hard, though. Popper's more loose. Yeah. I've never, have you done poppers? No, I've never, I've done, I did cocaine twice in my life. Yeah. I was 18 when I first tried it.

Yeah. And then I think I was like 25 the second time. I hated it both times. I hated it both times. I did it too. Yeah, I hated it. But I want to give it another go. You do.

No, I'm too scared of the fentanyl. Well, yes. I'm too scared. We have them take the first bump. But I don't need it. I'm like already like I, like going to Vegas is so funny because I'm like I just do alcohol. Yeah. And I can do alcohol till five in the morning.

That's great. But I do the intermittent fasting. And sometimes I can't, you know, I can't drink. And so I'm like, I need some K. So Kay's got no calories. Interesting. Kay's got no calories. I hope my niece doesn't listen to this one.

Wasn't that what they say with like, I'm pretty sure I've known people who do ballet and it's like vodka is the drink of choice because it's like the least. I was just talking about this on the last podcast because ballet dancers used to eat cotton balls to feel full and not get calories. Oh my God, are you serious? Yes. But they'd eat cotton balls? Yeah. Is it fun texture?

I don't know. I guess it makes you feel full. But I'd rather do celery than cotton balls. Right? Oh, that's awful. Yeah, that's, I just picture like Will Ferrell in his elf costume, eating the cotton balls out of the doctor's office. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's just what I picture. I never got, I never dabbled with the cotton balls. That sounds brutal. Yeah, it really, it's a thing, but yeah, it's, yeah, yeah. But that's interesting that you could, if you're fasting, you could do K. Mm-hmm. Why do you fast? I like, I like to be, I like to feel svel.

And, and I travel, I travel so much. Do you? I mean, I tour, I tour basically every weekend. So it's just like my life's chaotic. And I think I like, I like big meals. I mean, now everything shifted because I basically have two big meals every day. Okay. And they're like big.

And I like, I used to for so long, I ate all the time. I grazed. But I never had dessert. I was like healthy, but I would eat a lot. And now I kind of like have my desserts and drink whatever. And it just, I don't know, it just adds a little bit of control in my otherwise chaotic life. enough. Okay, have you ever dropped like $150 on a bottle of perfume only to realize it's not the same as what you smelled at the store and it smells different on you and it's just terrible and you

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Code Vine for $10 off. I'm flying to Tokyo. I think it's to be 14 hours. Wait, are you doing a show in Tokyo? I am. That's huge. I'm doing a full Asia tour. Congratulations.

Thank you very much. That's really big. Yeah, we'll see. I think it's going to be like it's going to be really different everywhere I go. Like I've been to Europe, but I think like Tokyo, Hong Kong, Singapore, Bangkok, Bangkok, Jakarta, India. Could you scout for our new show? Oh, for the Virgin show?

Yeah. Yeah, we'll have a great time in Mumbai. It'll be a lot cheaper in Mumbai, I'll tell you that. Yeah. Wow, that's actually really, so you have quite the spread of audience if you're. YouTube. Is that what it is? Yeah, I think like, there was a time, I mean, you know, if you're Chris Rock or Seinfeld, you

tour, but now there's more like a mid-level where you can still tour, and it's because of YouTube. That's cool. So you started off as a theater kid Very much went to college for musical theater That was the dream So your dream was to be on Broadway And singing and dancing in theater Yeah

I was never a good dancer I wish I like long I long to dance Oh I see it I go oh What could be more

What could be truer to art Than like your whole body is Moving I feel that about singing I'm a dancer Really And I grew up dancing And I feel that way about singing

I can kind of sing, like, I've actually put music out. But, like, if I could sing theater style, I feel like that would be the dream. Yeah, I mean, listen, I could sing a little bit, but I stopped because I didn't have, like, the supernatural talent. You know, when you're going to New York, you're dealing with the best of the best, the best. And now I'm getting back into it. You are? Yeah, I have, like, a new show that kind of like, it's comedy, but then I sing at the end. Tell me more.

It's called theater adult. Okay. And so I just, I had all these theater kid fans over the years, and I would sometimes write, that were so niche. They were so specific to you had to be a theater kid. So we made the show where like I, first we warm up the crowd. We do like a Marie's Crisis sing-along thing. And I come out, I do some theater jokes, but they do crowdwork with like, who was a theater

kid? What was the show you did that was really offensive in retrospect? What's the role you didn't get? And then I'll try to get someone up to sing, you know, in the senior year of high school, they were Audrey and Little Shop of Horrors. And I'm like, let's sing it right now. I got a pianist. We'll duets.

And then I bring on like a, like someone who's, you know, professional either in theater or maybe they did comedy, but used to be a theater kid. And we kind of talk about the theater kid days and then they sing their old songs and at the end would do a duet. Wow. So yeah, but singing is like, you know, I'm hitting those walls sometimes again and you're like realizing why you stopped. And I get OCD and I get anxious about. I used to all the time I go, to see if my voice was still there. Really? So, I mean, and like, like nuts, like every, hmm, hmm, hmm, just testing it.

That was like harmonizing with you, whatever that was. So yeah, I'm getting back into it. But when I, when I taste it, when it goes well, I start longing. I go, oh, I want to do this. This is the New York-Othessian experience. Wow. I'm telling you, you just, you just lean in. Wow, it really is.

There's nowhere. the self tapes that I've had get ruined like from something happening outside oh that would suck because you could be like right in the middle of like a very dramatic something

I had one that was like it was like I swear to guys the best acting I'm 10 of my life and it's unusable and there's nowhere in New York you can avoid it no there's no place in New York City

that you can avoid something why on this floor would they be drilling now but they do because they got a fix whatever's going on yeah they can't hold for us. I know. But it's Sunday. It doesn't matter. They go Sunday is the perfect day because

people aren't working on Sunday. Wait, this is a me problem. I shouldn't be podcasting on a Sunday. I once, I was in Harlem and it was like four in the morning. And I'm in like the biggest street paver you've ever seen. I go out on my bathroom. And I'm like, guys, what are you doing? And they're like, sorry, we can. And there's nothing you can do. Yeah, there is nothing you can do. I, okay, I need to go back to being a theater. I always thought I was a theater kid, but I think I'm a fake theater kid. What does that mean? It's a very inclusive environment. We need strength in numbers.

Because asked me a question that only a theater kid would know. What's your favorite musical? Fiddler on the roof. That's not a bad answer at all. Really? That's not a bad answer at all. I was the fiddler on the roof when I was 17 years old. I had to dress up like a boy, and the orchestra played the fiddle, and I faked it.

I also was in West Side Story. These are great musicals. Who are you in that? I was one of her. You were also a fiddler on the roof. I was a fiddler. I was trying to like take my old role and make it a new one and make it about me again. I was one of Anita's friends.

That's great. So you did the, I like to live in America. Yes. And I feel pretty. I was in that. That's wonderful. Yep. I got to harmonize in that part.

That's a real theater kid. That's more than enough. And then I was also in, okay, wait, there's three. Fiddler on the roof, West Side Story, and bye, bye, by, Bertie. So if I were at this show and I were to bring you on stage and I said, we can sing anything you want. What song are you singing? Probably I feel pretty. done okay who wrote the lyrics I feel pretty no idea who heard the music huh

Leonard Bernstein okay wrote the music and then Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim one of the great composers all time yeah that's okay that's okay so you're telling me I'm not a fake theater kid I'm a real theater kid no I think there's there's credations that I'm not gonna judge I went to college one it's fine I did it in high school but honestly Fiddler has an answer like lowest answer the ones where I'm like, okay, I need to know more. It's like the answer is Hamilton, or it's like a Disney, or it's Phantom or Cats or Les Mis. That doesn't mean you're not a theater kid.

Okay. Some of the worst theater kids, the most intense, love that shit. But Fiddler feels a little bit more elevated. Okay. Yeah. Okay, I feel good about that then. But I do love Phantom of the Opera. I saw it three times in theaters, too, like when it came out as a movie.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. There's an interactive experience now. There is? Oh, yeah, it's been revived. I haven't seen, but there's multiple phantoms and you walk through and. Oh, that's what? Do you like doing that stuff? Do you like going to, like, Broadway now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. It's, it feels, it's, uh, it's, uh, by the way, I have a Nate, right now I've been singing. I've moved. Okay. And I, I, I've, I sing. I'm not, I'm not the worst neighbor. I'm not playing music late at night. Okay. But I'm singing middle of the day. And if it happens to be then, it's going to be a lot. See, that sounds like a New York experience. If your neighbor's singing Broadway tunes. Yeah, but this, this someone dumped on your door.

Not in my door. I don't know. And that's the other thing about New York. You do not know which direction the noise is coming in. It could be a building next door. It could be up down to the side. But someone is like, and I don't know how to deal with it. Today I was mean.

I said relax. Because I wasn't singing that long. You're singing. It's not like you're going to Poundown with your girlfriend. Well, maybe do that too. But like it's not like you're doing an offensive thing. you're singing a Broadway song. No, I tell my girlfriend, I say,

we got to be quiet because I'm singing today. We can't. Our lovemaking needs to be really quiet. We can't be making noise everywhere. Yeah. And we're picking singing in this household. That's hilarious. So what are you going to do about it?

Keep singing? I am. Yeah. But it definitely bothers me. Then I start singing more softly and I'm like, I got to practice sometime. Yeah. And so it's picking the right times of the day.

Like I travel a lot and I know, after traveling for so long, if I sing around 11 or noon, that's when checkout is, and that is the good time. That's when just some people are cleaning. Yeah. Do you know that there is a device that you can buy that you sing into? Yeah, I just feel like it's going to be tough to like do the right technique when you're going like this. Okay, that's true.

That's true. But maybe. That sounded great. Thank you. That's, yeah, I only know this because I took singing lessons for like five years. and I would do it over Zoom sometimes if I was traveling with my voice teacher and she told me to get one of those.

That's nice. Yeah, I didn't do it, but... Would you ever do Dancing with the Stars? Sir, I won. You won? Oh, my God. I am dying to do that show. You should.

How good of a dancer are you still? I'm pretty, I'm okay. Because I watched recently because it's one of those things I'm like, oh, this could. Did you watch this season? I just watched here and there, but I watched the first episode.

Oh, my God. I danced with Andy Richter on this season because there was a segment that they did where they brought back six Mirball winners and we had to dance with the final six celebrities and the pros choreographed the routine for us and I had to do a Viennese waltz with Andy Richter. Oh, my God. Yeah. How was it? It was amazing. I've never met him, but he seems very pleasant and fun. Yeah.

And was it because when I look at Andy, I go like, I can dance a little. Certainly, I see Robert Irwin and I go, well, how could I, how could anyone possibly beat this guy? He's a professional dancer. He literally is a professional dancer. So with, with you and Annie, because I know Annie was more like, he's more of like a mover, but he, like, he knew how to, like, play into it. Yes. So was it like complicated or did he stand and you did all the things? So it was complicated because doing a waltz, if you're not a ballroom dancer, is hard no matter what.

Like, it's hard for me. And I won the show. Like, it's very hard. And so he's obviously. Like, it's very important to have a proper frame and to, like, lean back. It's very challenging. It was a whole thing. But he, I was very impressed with how he got it by the end.

And I thought we did a really great job. I truly, I really want to do the show. I'm nervous. I will be so bad. It will, it will, I posted a video of me at a pole dancing class once. Amazing. And someone wrote, this is the first time I've ever believed he's straight. And that's my.

fear that it's going to be so bad it's going to take a little bit of like an aura away from me oh i don't think that i would work so hard yeah i would work like the same amount a regular dancer does for that portion of time well they make you it's like eight hours a day sometimes it's a big commitment you should do it i really do i really Nikki glazer did it like yes you know you know early mortified though she hated her experience did she hate it yeah she hated it because she went home early, and I think she went home like week one. Oh. Yeah.

If I went home week one, I would not be a good sport about it. Well, me either, but the paycheck is nice, no matter what. Well, because I just had Cody Rigsby did, and he was third. He did my podcast, and he was third, and he said he made it to the last episode. He said it gets paid per episode. Yes. And I was like, why are we talking about money? We're talking about dance.

Yeah. Yeah. I thought this was about the love of the art. I do it for free. I would actually do it for free again. If they asked me to do an all-star season, I'd be like, you don't have to pay me. Okay, you guys know that feeling when you just know someone on your list is impossible to shop for? I feel like everyone in the world has that person.

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20 different outfits. She introduced herself. It takes her good. I think it's more stressful where it's like she's flirting with me and it's her and two other women. Yeah. And so it's more like Jay Leno. Jay Leno.

That's why I was thinking of. It's a tough comparison. I was like if I'm going to be believing I got to be thinking of Jay Leno. But Jay Lo, it's more like she's, you know, we're close. Yeah. So she's like pushing her leg against my leg because she's acting. And it's just this thing of like I don't feel comfortable like pushing like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just like I don't want to give any indication. that I'm taking advantage of the situation in any way, shape, or form. And it fit the character, luckily. I was neurotic in it. Okay. So I just leaned into that. Oh, that's so fun. I think it would be really stressful if there was, if there was a kiss, my God, I'd be so

scared that she'd be like, he, he bit. Or he did, oh, he did lower lip. And I'd be like, ah, I swear, I was just trying to act. I don't know what to do. I'd be like, what, tell me. Have you ever had an awkward role that you've had to do? There was one, like, series that was romantic, but we ended up, we hooked. We hooked up pretty early.

Like, it was the, it was day one. It was like, it was a very rare, I haven't had that many acting roles, but it was one where I was like, I was the lead. And then the other lead and I, we met that day and we hooked up that day. And I was like, it's just the life. And it was a web series. Oh my gosh. Wait, also, didn't you win some Amazon award comics?

I don't know. Some fucking reality show that someone self-produced. What does anything mean anymore? Everything. You want, dancing with the stars. To me, that's, that's real. It's the coolest thing I've ever done for sure. That's real.

Oscars. Someone campaigned for that. It's all bullshit. Dancing with the stars? That's legit. Let's see Merrill Streep get in the top ten, top five. Well, people would definitely vote for her. For sure.

If Andy Richter, I was at the marathon in New York. To be clear, I love Andy. Andy's great. I'm obsessed with Andy. But he was known for not being a great dancer because he was the heart of the show. Everyone still loved him and wanted to root for him because he was getting better and he was finding purpose and it was so magical. And I saw someone at the New York City Marathon that had a sign that said if Andy Richter can make it

this far and dance with stars you can do the marathon. That's so funny. It was amazing. It was everything. It was very funny. And I was like, yes. But I don't know.

I just think it's cool that you won that Amazon. No, I appreciate it. I just like, you know what it is? I think whether it's reviews or other things. I feel like the system, everything's breaking down in terms of like quality control.

And I've been disillusioned. I'll see things that I think are terrible, get good reviews or or. That's like putting content out on the internet. Like you think it's going to go well and it flops. And then you think it's, think one thing's stupid and it goes viral. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That, like, I feel I'm trying to detach myself from all these things. Yeah. If I get a good review from a reviewer, I'm like, remember, that reviewer thought a pile of dog shit was good. So do not take this. It lets other people know like, hey, well, you did a thing. You did good. And I'm like, yeah. But you know that feeling where like when you have a success or something goes well?

Yeah. And that's when everyone in your life like says, hey, congrats. And you're like, this is not the time I needed you. Yeah, yes. This is the time that I'm full and fine. And like, I don't give a shit. It's a burden that I have to write you back. Like you need to be writing people when they lose.

That's when people need to hear from you. That's a good point. It's a weird thing of when things are going well, that's when everyone reaches out. And you just go like wrong timing. Yeah, and it really exposes who their character is. I want a text like, hey, I notice you haven't won anything for a couple years. You do it okay? Yeah. Are you doing okay?

Congrats on the thing. I always believed in you. Well, I wish you'd told me when no one did. I'm assuming you're okay right now. Yeah, I'm good. You've been in a long relationship, no? Long, yeah. How long? Five, five, over five years.

Wow. Does she inspire any of your comedy? A lot. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like the normal relationship stuff that happens. Yeah, but she lets me, I don't think I could ever be with anyone that wouldn't let me talk about it. But I think she, in retrospect, we're able to look at challenging times in a comedic life. Totally.

And she's very funny. She could have been a comedian. Really? Yeah, but she grew up very religious. She would have been a theater kid for sure. Yeah. But it just wasn't part of the culture. So now she's a manager and gives me a lot of inspiration.

I call her my muse. I think it's a fitting title. Yeah. I would love to be someone's muse. I think that's very, that's like the most flattering thing. It can be, but then all the jokes are about like, just horrible. They're very humbling. I'm sure she would prefer to be a sculptor's muse.

Okay, yeah, that's fair enough. Okay, but, okay, let me ask you this. What are you most excited about creatively right now? I just love stand-up, and it's just like, I think I'm at my most fulfilled when I'm just trying out a new bit, and it works. Yeah, I can't imagine. And I'm trying to be more concentrated in like, the internet can make it so you just release, release, release, and you never focus on one thing.

So I'm trying to create like different pockets to be, you have a special. You do once every year or two years, and that's an hour, and it's more like figuring out things in between that. Okay, let me, I did. I headlined of a furry convention. And it's like, you know, furries? No. With, like, they wear the animal costumes.

No. Like, you've never heard of a furry? No. They dress in, like, animal, like, what you would see, a mascot wear. But, like, some of them, they have, like, an an, a persona was what they call it. And it's just, it's a culture. They call themselves the fandom. And so it's like, I'm like, okay, I'm going to headline this.

You know what? Let me, let me write some specific jokes for this. I'll even hire a writer. Like, I was, like, I was hosting an award show. Yeah. And then I'll film it really good. and we'll edit it and like as opposed to just another crowdwork video like let's put it out as a 25 minute and it's like a thing yeah I'm elevating those moments crowdwork must be so hard because

I feel like people are now trying to like say shit to be on the internet it never works when someone wants it every once in a while people write me and they say make please ask me about my day something crazy happen and once in a while you're like yeah and you do it never ever ever works. And I think that's what's hard when people try to do like Matt Rife did another crowdwork special for Netflix. And there's a degree where it's like when you try to do it as one overall thing. But again, it's sort of new figuring out, okay, how do you package this? So like I'm trying to put something together where I did 10 shows. And over the 10 of those shows, we got a little bit of crowdwork in each that it felt like it just came about. And we'll

see if all 10, maybe that is a thing. But it's always like, how do you take the social media medium and expand it and it's not it's not as simple as just longer you got to figure out how does it work yeah so yeah that's what i'm trying to figure out like i did a live podcast in florida not long ago and i wanted to end it with like it was a very big crowd and i was like i always make people give confessions on my podcast like something embarrassing so i was like does somebody have and they all want to give their confession but each one and i love you guys whoever you were, but some people would be like, I gave a guy a blowjob in the back of my mom's car. And I was like, and they're like, and now he's my husband. I'm like, that's cool. That's not

embarrassing. That's cool. Yeah. And then one girl, she really nailed it. I finally, I ended it with, because I had a few of those and I was like, okay, one more. And this one girl, she slept with a guy. She got, what's the STD? Chlamydia? Climidia. Yeah. And then she got it treated and she broke up with him and then she kept getting chlamydia and she wasn't having sex with anyone and she realized she had transferred it to her dildo and was giving it to herself and I was like now that is a good confession that's so good because that's embarrassing and to share that with the whole class yeah yeah yeah like I was like oh I even know you could do that I didn't know you could either so that was that's great that was a good that was a good one to end on

but I know what you mean like where people just because I think that with social media all the time with hecklers. I'm like, they're just trying to get a moment. Yeah, you want to let the comedian be the... Yeah, let's end it with a confession. Of, like, an embarrassing thing. Yeah. The most embarrassing thing I have is, is cracking on stage.

Like, that, I honestly think I had, like, a really bad, like, a, like, ugh. And it was, it was, like, a big, it was like a big show. It was like a big show, it was a Rochester Hammerstein review. And I was singing soliloquy from a musical called Carousel. Wow. And at the end, it's a long song, which is why I was, like, losing it towards the end. And he's singing about his baby girl. He's going to have a baby.

He's like, maybe it's a girl. I'll take care of her. And he goes, he goes, I'll go out and make it or steal it. And then I went, or take it or die. And there's nowhere to hide. You can't, like, riff and go a different way. No, you can't. You got it.

And it was just that feeling. I'm getting secondhand embarrassment for you. I mean, I really think it may be. Imagine someone just starts stomping on the roof. Yeah, the people have been drilling. The police come back. They're arresting me. So for me, that's the most embarrassing.

Dang. Yeah. Yeah, that'll do it. That's pretty good. Especially if it's like, I mean, it helps that you're a comedian, so it, like, makes it funny. Well, I think that's why I became a comedian. I said the only way, the only way out of this is through, embrace it. But can I tell you,

that when you were singing just there, I got goosebumps. Well, thank you. Yeah, that was really good. And I could have hit those notes. I was purposely cracking. I could do it. Oh, I know. But, like, you could tell that you're a good singer.

Thank you. Yeah. Well, where can everybody find tour dates and your YouTube and social media? Listen to my podcast, The Downside. Podcast, yes. Let me know next to. We'd love to have you when you're in New York. Let me know.

And then I'm touring all over the world. Just look me up. I'm online everywhere at your Marcus Sarasi. And I have a free comedy special on YouTube called Thief of Joy. We hit 3 million views. Wow. I produced to myself. It's my best hour.

And check it out. Wait, isn't that so cool when you say, tour in the world? Like, what? It's cool. Yeah. Well, if they saw some of the venues, they go, oh, God,

you must have lost money on this one. I could never sell one ticket in Japan. I don't know. Nope. You open with I feel pretty. Okay. They'll love it. Draw to the world, Pluto TV is free with all the best movies.

The lamnobes are brutal. So we're feeling to go. Screen Pluto TV, stream Pluto TV, streaming Pluto TV for free. Stream blockbuster hits like 21 Jump Street, Ted, the expendables, and so much more on Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never. Hi, I'm Lauren and I'm Chandler. And we're the host of Pop Apologist podcast, a weekly podcast devoted to celebrity gossip, Hollywood deep dives, real housewives drama, and anything and everything Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies for our love of pop culture and the fact that A-Listers might mean more to us than each other. Join us on your favorite podcast app every Wednesday for Pop Apologists. Pop Apologists, your new favorite sister and celebrity podcast. Thank you.