Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Girls Gotta Eat: with Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine

Episode Date: October 23, 2018

This week Kaitlyn sits down with Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg of Girls Gotta Eat Podcast to talk all about love/hate relationships with air conditioning, add flipping a table to their bucket lists, and reality vs social media. Lightbox Jewelry - Check them out at LightboxJewelry.com/VINE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm your host, Caitlin Bristow. And in the studio today, we have two awesome, hilarious guests, no pressure. You guys are like really funny. You should set the bar lower. Tell us a joke. You guys are like not that funny. We have comedian, writer, and creator of the hilarious Instagram account at BrosBeen Basic and at Fashion Dad.

Yeah. Ashley Heseltine. Yes, you pronounced it right. Yeah, well, I practiced. I practiced. Also, photographer, writer, food, and travel influencer. Do you like that word? I don't know.

I feel like I've just leaned into it. Yeah. You know what? You know what it means? It means I don't work and people still pay me money to do things. Yeah, embrace it. Embrace it. I'm leaning in.

Raina Greenberg is in the house. And together they have the podcast called Girls Got to Eat. Welcome to my podcast. We're so happy to be here. I'm happy that you like the sound of the room. you like my vibes that I like candles and try and get you drunk at noon. In the morning. Yeah.

Well, it's very turned on. Should we live here? We love Nashville so much. Is this your first time here? No, I've been here. It's Raina's first time here. I've been here a bunch, but I love it more every time I come back. Yeah, that's because it keeps blown up and getting better.

Yeah. But everything's just on point. Every restaurant I've gone to, every bar. Yeah. It's so great. The food scene here is magical. It's what dreams are made of. I like the people.

I'm really into the men here. Guys. Really? Yes. I feel like the length of facial hair in Nashville on a man. It's on point. Really on point. Wow.

It's not like short facial hair like Brooklyn. Like it's a little more grown in. A little scruffy. You like the scruff. I don't know if I told you this lately, but I'm into a beard now. Okay. Now? This is a new thing for you.

It's a new thing. I haven't told her much about it. Well, I'm more into oral sex, so the beards kind of. That throws you off. It really think they don't go together. Then I have such a perfect question for you later in the podcast from a listener, but I'm really I'm really glad you said that. Just to clarify oral sex, like, on me.

On me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When the beard gets in the way. Oh, you don't like. Yeah, I was going to say that. He wouldn't like it. Yeah, I was going to say it adds another element. Like an element of like danger.

Like what's going to happen? Surprise. And like a little like what's going on. I don't know, but I kind of like it. And it's hitting areas that no world's hits. Right. Yeah. All right.

That's fair. Yeah. You get like a little in the tape. It's fine. Okay. So Nashville is the place. Nashville's great. Yeah.

Nashville is the place to get a world suck. I was going to say for you. I think it's we come from a place in New York City where it's just there's like 10 beautiful girls for every decent guy. I feel like you walk down the street. You're like she's a model. And then Nashville it feels a little more balanced. Like we feel a little more like tens here.

You know what I mean? And then the guys are like they have tattoos and facial hair and they just seem kind of rugged. Now I always hear that this is an ideal girl for guys. on a look scale you're an eight because tens don't exist true nines are too full of themselves okay and eights are like good and on a crazy scale of one to ten you're a three because you're like you're not like I don't give a shit you care a little bit there's a little fire there the crazy hot matrix the hot the crazy hot scale yeah you know that oh is that a thing yeah and they intersect

like it's a whole thing but I don't think an eight I was just trying to drop knowledge on you guys and you're like let me tell you a thing okay what what you don't think I don't think it eight on the hot scale can correlate to a three on the crazy scale like I'm not sure about that I'm like a seven but I'm like a two crazy I'm not crazy at all crazy I don't think I am I but I'm not that hot that's the trade off I feel like I'm like um well okay crazy being like you could be wanted for murder or just like you're a little overly jealous you might like not murder but like maybe just like stab them with the end of a knife that's 10 by accident right yeah that's that Stabbing skyrockets your crazy rating.

Yeah. At least to a four. What? I would say I'm a four. I would say I'm a four. Okay. That's a great place to be. Yeah, I'm happy with it.

It's my home. And I think that you never want people to get too comfortable with you in a relationship. So, like, you want to always be. Right. Like they might stab me, but probably she won't, but maybe. Yeah. Guys love that. They don't want to admit it, but they like a little fear.

No, they do. Like they'd want to be, they get bored otherwise. They like some crazy. I am convinced. Well, if they didn't, there's a reason why they always come back. They like it. You know what I mean? Love being stabbed.

That's why I'm single. A little bit. I'm not stabbing people enough. That's why you're poking. Right. Are you poking? No. Like, I'm Jewish, so I just nag.

Oh. You even said nag like not. Like a Jew. Yeah. Am I allowed to say that? Yes. Am I allowed to say you said nag like a Jew? Yes.

I like to like rip you down. It says Jew in it. That's true. That's true. Are you friends with the fat Jew? You know, that's how we had his ex-wife on our show recently. He has an ex-wife. We're not fan.

Yes. To be honest. I'm not not a fan. I think he's funny. Oh. He's like a, build a career on joke stealing. I'm not a fan. That's true.

Yeah. Joke-stealer, but I do that too. I'm a bit of a joke stealer. You are? Yeah. Yeah, but you didn't build an entire Instagram around it, monetize it, turn into millions of followers. Just a podcast.

Dropping handles out. Yeah. Yeah. I have no, I don't have a lot of feelings about him, but I have, I don't have a lot of feelings about him. But I don't know. I think the content's funny as long as he credits it. And we had his ex-wife on our show and she was great. Really? She's the best for her turn. What is her deal? What'd she do? Her name is Katie Sterino. She has an Instagram called The Skinny Atheist. The Exact opposite. That's actually my band name.

Go on. I interrupted. It's called the 12-ish style. I don't know. I don't think she really loves to talk about it. I mean, you can look it up though and see it was ex-wife is, but she's incredible. She's engaged as someone else, which she's amazing. We met him. She did our live show in New York. She's just hysterical. She's like an Insta famous dog. Oh, I love Insta famous dogs. You know Toast Meets World? Yeah. That was her dog. That was the first dog I ever followed on Instagram. Wow. Yeah. Kind of wedding on the Real Housewives of New York, like the dog. Or a Marquesa gown. Wow. I don't know what that means. I don't know brand names. It's a fancy thing. It's a thing I can't afford.

I feel like we had a real missed opportunity with our dog and Instagram because... Wait, you have a big dog. Yeah. Tucker Doodle, he's 100 pounds, Golden Retriever, and he has like 58,000 followers on Instagram, but we just didn't monetize. And we, like, really could have, but it was a misopportunity. And we, like, barely post on his page. And he's just so cute. He's so...

Okay, you're, but, like, you're 100 pounds or less. Like, you guys are the same size. We weigh the exact same amount. We are actually Like the exact same weight Okay well I think that you should lean into this And like it's never too late to monetize something Like I'll monetize anything in all time

Get on a barque box 60,000? 60,000's a lot No, it's a lot And start doing like who fits in it better So you can wear the same outfits Or like You are a genius

I'm only good at skills that don't matter But yeah That's what you can do know They do matter because I'm about to blow his shit up Oh yeah You can do away luggage ads and you could both get into the luggage, like, who fits in it better? Okay, wow.

Are you looking for a job? I'll take 10%. Okay. Oh, I keep bumping this and almost spilling my wine, and I'm really nervous about it. That is such a great idea. Thank you. You can use the, when you knock your wine onto your computer, you can use the profits from the dog thing to buy you a computer. Yeah.

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Can You Not? Yeah. And so we'll pick a topic. See, it's like airports. And it'll be like, can you not, like, line up before. I have so many feelings about airports. If you want to do airports, tell me your airport, can you not? But you have to say it like, kind of wrong. I mean, there's so many. Okay. I have so many. Can I just start? Yes. Can you not wear four inch high stilettos to board a plane? What are you doing? That's my mom. What? My mom thinks, I think it's like an old school thing to dress up for flights. I get it like the younger generation doing it. I'm like, what are you doing? You've never seen

a more homeless chic person than me in an airport. Like I am like, I will wear my pajamas, no makeup, greasiest hair. Like it's like almost like it's question. My hygiene is questionable. Same us too. And we get, we get recognized all the time. I'm sure you get recognized. And, like, when somebody is like, oh, I saw them, I'm like, oh, my God, I cannot believe somebody saw me like this. Oh, see, and I like it because I feel like people don't recognize them. They're like, we see you on Instagram. I'm all dolled up. I'll mix in a couple real Instagrams.

But, like, I'm usually, like, looking my best self. We saw this weird little girl that looked like Caitlin Bristow in the airport. Yeah, she had bird tattoos and it's like, what the hell? Or they'll use my least favorite word that they could ever use to describe you. Approachable. She looked so approachable. Relatable and approachable. I'm like, are you calling me fat?

What? That's what it means. 20 pounds overweight. Stop. Somebody called me pretty in person after our show the other day. Oh, I get that one all the time. It is a compliment. But I get that all the time.

I always get people say to me, you're way prettier in person and you're way smaller than I thought you were, which I don't take as a compliment because I'm like, you already think I'm so small on Instagram. Everybody comments on it all the time. Today, a guy at the gas station said to me, um, Do you need help pumping your gas? Your arms look like they can't really handle it because they're very small. I was wearing like a tank top and I was like shaking because my arms were sore for the workout.

Okay, I, you have very thin arms. Mine are fine, whatever, they're proportionate. But I have so minimal upper body strength that's insane. Like the door to my bikini waxing salon, I like can't open it sometimes. Like I'm like throwing my whole body into it. No upper body strength. It's an issue. See, I'm tiny, but I'm mighty.

Oh, you are strong. I'm not strong. You look athletic. Yeah, oh my gosh, nobody has ever said that to me before. You look like you're, you don't look unhealthy. Like you work out. Yeah, you look great. I get on Instagram all the time that I look sick.

Ew. You're like, I'm sorry you're so jealous of me. Yeah, I'm like, can you not? Can you not? Go on with your airport. Can you not? That was a good one. Okay.

Can you not line up at the gate. Yeah. An hour before it boards because you have an assigned seat. Yeah. What are you waiting for? I understand. I mean, people are such go-getters at the airport. I mean, people don't want to get their bag on the plane.

I am the last person to board it every night. Can you not bring a tuna sandwich on the plane? Who does that? Why do you have this food that smells bad on an airplane? That's crazy to me. That's a great point because somebody actually, one of their bosses, Can You Not was can you not open up a bag of broccoli in the middle of our meeting. Okay, I did that in our studio once.

It smells like farts. It was crazy. They had to air the studio out. Raina brought Broccoli Rob into the studio. you. It wasn't just sad. Alongside some bodega salmon. I'm like, what is happy? You're that person. You probably bring the... You haven't done on the air. You have not for a bro. I would never do it on the airplane. You probably bring tuna sandwiches on the airplane. No, okay, listen, I am pretty self-involved, but like I'm not self-involved enough that I need to bring a tuna sandwich on it. Like I... It is so offensive. I just can't... I can't wrap my head around it. No, I am totally with you on that. Or a woman on the plane the other day painted her nails. Like the fumes from her nail polish. I'm like, what are you thinking?

That's crazy. I have a good one. Okay. Can you not bring a baby on the airplane? It is so not okay. They need their own airline. I'm sick of this. That's actually such a funny idea.

It's like a whole new airplane for like babies. That's so funny because I'm so different. I actually love a good crying baby on a plane. I'm like put them in my arms. I will rock them to sleep. I love babies. What? Yeah.

No, I'm here. A whole new airline, I'm going to call it Jet Pooh for babies. Oh, wow. Jet Pooh. Hilarious. Yeah, I've been just like saving this one up in case Caitlin ever mentioned babies on airplanes. You're like, oh my God, it's happening. This is my time.

I finally get to drop the joke. Jet poo. I wrote this out of my moleskin like three years ago. You really put it out into the universe and it came back to you. She's just been sitting here waiting the whole time. Like, how can I turn this conversation to my great business idea? You were like, wait, can you not? airplanes let's go that's what you did oh right you knew i'm very manipulative yeah that was good

yeah but like in a very business savvy way you never see me call stay that was good yeah i love babies it's weird i love babies i love them actually every time actually sees a dog she's like can i pat your dog i'm like every time i see a baby i'm like can i hold your infant yeah i'm the same way but actually we also have very different opinions on air conditioning oh my god i hate air conditioning what look at your feet i am not Oh, okay. I like, we've had a whole situation in last 24th. Oh, my God.

I love air conditioning so much. Like, we live in America. It's a luxury we get to have. It is a luxury. But I can't understand. Okay, what do you hate about it? First of all, have you ever been in Germany? Yes.

They don't believe in air conditioning over there because it actually, they're, Europeans are very healthy. Right. It's bad for you. It's bad for you. I can't live without it. Anytime I have air conditioning on, I'll wake up sick. Oh, like a sore throat.

I got that too. Sorethroat. I'm congested. My face looks like I'm sick. I'm swollen. I'm like, it's just not good. I hate being cold. Yeah, I like it.

I hate being hot. I can't be hot. I start to rain. I mean, she seems to me have so many meltdowns at this point, but like we checked into our house yesterday and immediately I can feel that the AC's not working. And it was like not okay. It was not okay. But can you sleep in the heat?

Yes. I like being toasty. I think we're just different. Yeah, we are. That's okay. That's okay. But what if the air conditioning is in another, I can't sleep if there's any noise or light. I'm very sensitive to it.

I can't hear it. And it's in another. other room, that's fine. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to feel it blowing on me directly. I don't want to hear it. I like the sound. I love the sound. I love the sound. The white noise puts me to sleep. Same. The blowing in the face, no. Can't do it. I hate it. Yeah, I don't want it on my face. Yeah, it's not great for your skin. I just, I can't, like, be in a place, like a bar or a restaurant in the summer with no AC. Like, I start to, I get mad. I get angry. And I get angry when I'm freezing cold. I get it. It's like a hangary feeling. Like you're irritable.

Yeah. Yeah, I get it. No, I understand. Listen, I never evolved past being four. Like, you know, being an adult is being able to, like, when you have urges, you just don't, like, act upon them and throw a tantrum. Like, if I am really cold or I have to poop or I'm hungry or I'm thirsty. Yeah. Like a baby, I'll lose my mind.

I get it. That's how Ashley is about air conditioning. I totally get that. Lose her mind. But you, so I just, I lived in Atlanta for 10 years and, like, it just kind of towards the end, Atlanta, I mean, clearly the climate's changing. Yeah. Towards the end, like, these summers just, like, broke me. I was like, they're so hot.

I mean, you have to have air conditioning on at some point in the south. Oh, yeah. And again, down there, it's everywhere, essentially, see. But, like, in New York, it's touch and go. And, like, these bars in New York, they're like, it's May. Just open the windows. And you're just, like, sweating buckets. Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, you're very passionate about this topic. And I appreciate that. I'm really passionate about it. It's a healthy disagreement. Agree to disagree. I'll take that. I had something come true the other day that I was really excited about.

I hope you tell us. Yes. Go on. We did a panel discussion for, I don't know, 120 females, this, like, female, like, women's group, and it was so great. And this one guy came on a date with this girl. And I was like, I loved, like a third date. Like a, on their third date.

Okay. And we had, like, a big, like, you know, sit around and drink before the panel. And I started talking to them. And I thought I, like, kind of had a vibe with this guy. And I was like, oh, he's kind of cute. I don't know. This doesn't work out. Whatever.

And I was like, can I talk about you guys during the. panel, do you mind? And they said no. And so during the panel, I was like, I want to like shout out this guy on like a third date. Like, congratulations to you for like working this hard for a blowjob. Yeah. It's crazy. Like you came to my event. Right. And stayed at a little event. I just, I don't know. I thought we had a vibe. The girl was like, I'm not really into him. I don't know. I don't think I'm going to see him again. Yeah. And he slid into my DM yesterday and asked me out. Oh my gosh. I'm so happy for you. It's incredible. It was very honest. He was like, hey, you know, I was on a date with that girl. It didn't

work out. I liked her. She was very nice. Never heard from her again. He was like, but I loved your show. Thought you were really smart. Well, that's because he knows he'd get a, he's going to get a blow job. Oh, right, because you said blow job. The second you said blow job, it was on. Yeah, that's why you felt the vibe. Oh, you're so intuitive. You felt the vibe. No, you told me that it was good that he that he's working for a blow job. Listen, I'm just out here blowing them until they commit. That's, that's my strategy. That's our Instagram bio. Are you single? It's crazy that I am, right? My strategy is flawless.

I'm like the opposite of that. I'm like, don't touch me. Like when I, in back of my dating days, I like, I loved being a prude. Well,

that's why you were in a relationship and I'm not. Oh, yeah. Right. You're the one in the relationship. Oh, right. It worked out. But I mean,

let me know how that goes. I will. I'll text you and let you know. I'm excited. Is, is he going to be in Nashville? No, he's in New York.

Okay. Oh, so he's where you live. Even better. Even better. Okay. This is great. Much more convenient for a blow job. This is so great.

You know, like, that's the thing. Like, we're always like, oh, God, what's going to happen if they hear the podcast of the guys that we want to date? He's like, already heard it. Yeah. It's great. He's already been through the, like, you know, the training. He's like, you already set the bar for what it is. You're like, this is me.

Well, people ask us all the time, like my parents and are like exes of mine and people have asked us, like, what would you do if you dated somebody that didn't like, didn't want to be talked about on the podcast? And we're both just sort of like that person probably wouldn't date us. Yeah, don't date them. They're not for me then. Yeah. Yeah, they got to be able to hang. They got to be able to hang. So you guys know that I like to talk a lot about my beauty on the podcast, whether that's hair, makeup, skin

routine. I recently had my, well, I call her my skin girl, my girlfriend Elizabeth on. And I'm always trying to get my guest to dish about their routines. I don't know. I find it interesting. Apparently this stuff matters to me. And it's more than just looking good. It's about feeling good.

I just feel like when you feel good, it helps your confidence. Sometimes you like to get glammed up. sometimes you like to feel like you're expressing yourself and it makes you feel like you can take on the world. I just like having structure. I feel like I'm all over the map all the time. So having a little routine in my day makes me feel a little more confident as well, whether that's just waking up in the morning, washing my face with some products, putting on a little makeup, doing my hair. And I know I've talked about this before, but after The Bachelor and, you know, social media trolls, they'll get you. I remember after my time on the show, I started.

started developing some insecurities from just watching myself on TV. I already learned so much about myself through that process by that point, but obviously growing is never really done. I would also like to note that I did always feel beautiful. It just affected the way I was feeling about myself. And that's why it's so important to just take ownership of your beauty, whatever that means to you, and recognize that the most beautiful thing about ourselves are the possibilities. Actually, I have an idea.

How about this? Let's take it to the gram. I'll post a selfie or whatever works best. to my Off the Vine podcast page and you can comment a time when you went for it with a bold new look maybe you had a big date

maybe you were going to a festival maybe you had a class reunion like I know some people gave me a hard time about tattooing freckles on my face but to me I was like I think freckles are so beautiful and I like to express myself in that way and it made me feel good

or how about my first trip to the CMAs after the bachelor when I was a rookie I styled myself and got on the worst dress list yet again nothing wrong with that but i didn't take the opportunity to show off and you know what why not i just feel like it's really fun to get glammed up for events so when i'm ready to go try out a new look or style i love to go to alta beauty i just feel like alta beauty really celebrates the possibilities in all of us when you walk in they help you feel like you can be whatever and whoever you want to be hopefully that's yourself it doesn't hurt that they have over 20,000

of the best products across makeup, fragrance, hair care, skin care, and more. It's like Disneyland for me when I walk in there. It's just the total beauty experience. They'll help you select the perfect beauty products. They also offer hair, skin, and brow services. Oh, and don't forget that Alta Beauty is America's largest beauty retail with locations all around the country. I actually remember one time that my friend and I were getting ready.

She was going on her first date. It may have been Tinder. and we did a bold look for her and we went to Alta Beauty to get all of our supplies. It was so easy. We got mascara, got foundation, we got blush, we got it all, everything we needed. So when you're ready to run the town, rock a certain look, or tell your story, Alta Beauty is here to make it happen. Alta Beauty, the possibilities are beautiful.

So you guys are here for the live show tonight, and then you have an upcoming show. Where? Are you on like a little tour? We kind of, we just did Atlanta. Yeah. And our next show will be in Chicago in early November, but sorry, it sold out. And then we have a holiday show in New York on December 18th. Oh, fun.

Week before Christmas. Best city in the world for Christmas time. It's the best. Raina is a Jew. All I ever want is growing up. Happy Hanukkah. Are we just going to call this episode Raina is a Jew? Yes.

Yeah. But we're so excited. We're like have all these holiday things planned. Oh, that's so fun. And then next we already have some two. 2019 dates booked. Cool. Where can people buy the tickets?

All of our stuff is Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. Okay, cool. And that'll be shows, merch, everything. What made you came up, English, Caitlin? What made you come up with the name Girls Got to Eat? Because I used to say that all the time when people shit on me for doing, like, ads on Instagram. Yeah, you have a little thing on your Instagram, right? Yeah.

I always say Girls Got to Eat, yeah. I, well, I came up with it. I tweaked it a little bit because I think the term is actually like Girls Got to Eat. like girl apostrophe like a girl's got to eat so I was like we'll make it plural and I thought of Raina with the food angle and I was like you know you have the food Instagram and I have the comedy Instagram and obviously we're going to be talking about sex and dating in a relationship so we were just like tossing around ideas and I said girls got to eat and then we kind of thought like oh like GGE is a cool way to abbreviate it we can do a lot with this yeah we even thought ahead to like

merch and all that kind of stuff so it's cool yeah it's been very like tongue and cheek it's a funny saying to say people buy it. It's not like wearing like a brand's name. Yeah. It's still a saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's cute. Raina would say you guys really leaned into that. I really leaned in. I was glad she went for it. I was like, what do you think about girls got to eat? Like, cross my fingers. And she was like, love it. I just, it's fun being in a partnership, like, when you tell the other person you're really excited about. And they're like, I love this. Yeah. Absolutely. I'll design the merchandise. And like, I love when she loves what I design and things like that. This is why I work solo, because I'm like, if people don't

like my ideas, I'm just like, you. Well, it's, I know. It would be really hard. Luckily, we agree on everything. So you're good at compromise. Yeah, really good compromiser. Is that a word? Yeah. I say words in our words all the time. That sounded weird.

Compromiser. Compromiser. I'm good at compromising. Whatever. People get what I mean. They get it. God, it's early and the wine's hitting. The coffee hasn't hit.

But so since you guys talk about like dating and relationships and all that on your podcast, what does your love life look like right now? Well, you got the date coming up. So, TBD. We both date your semester and, like. serious relationships. I think we're both sort of in a place in our life. We're like really happy with what we're doing. We got a lot going on. If like love and dating falls into that, that's great. Actually, I won't speak for you. That's where I'm at. I feel like if I find somebody,

that's really exciting. I'm going to a wedding this weekend. I'm going to see an ex. I'm excited to sleep with him. Oh my gosh. Really? Yes. Okay. Wait. I read this in your bio. You like to recycle ex-boyfriends. I'm a recycler. Oh. Less work. That's like such a danger zone. Okay. Not the X and X. Okay. That's very different. And it's just for sex. It's just it's somebody I dated like four years ago. It ended perfect. Oh, that's great. But I'm not going to be with this person. So we're at a wedding together and we're both looking nice and we're drunk. Yeah. Girls like, why not? Girls got to eat. I love that. See, that's a very good end for like like how it works or anything. Where are you at? I mean, I date a lot like I'm always going on first

States. I haven't felt, I mean, I've had serious relationships here and there. I am very open to it. Again, like, our life is full. We travel all the time now. Everything's going really great. Like, I don't feel like anything's missing. But, you know, I would eventually like to find somebody. I was joking on the first episode of the podcast, which we launched in February of this past year. I was like, I'm going to get engaged this year. I was like, it's my New Year's resolution. I can feel it. What happened is that my ex got engaged. Oh, that's what you were feeling. You were sending so much. That's an engagement. That was the wrong engagement. I mean, you were close. I was close, but so far. No, but I mean, I don't know. I feel, I don't know.

I have pretty decent luck dating in New York. I don't go on terrible days. I meet nice guys. I just don't. I've heard horror stories about guys in New York. I think I have a good sense of a good person, you know, and I don't like to use the word picky. I just, I need to connect with somebody.

So I go on a lot of days where I'm like, it's just not, the thing's not there. Yeah. And it's, you know, I need a funny guy. I do comedy. and so I think it's the challenge is just like finding that connection. And not somebody who's funnier than you. Yeah, that's fine.

Oh, as long as we have the same sense of humor. Yeah, it says a lot about your confidence. Yeah, I don't need to be like, I mean, I haven't found one. I mean, good luck trying, but. Yeah, kudos to you if you can be. We had a comedian on our show who was like, guys like to be the funny one. And I was like, is that why I'm single? Oh, yeah.

My boobs are too big and I'm too funny. Yeah. Too many blow jobs. I'm too big. Too many blow jobs. too funny. My cooking skills are too amazing. People are like, you know, I was so intimidated by you. I can't ever measure up. I get it. I get it. But I don't think I, I think that her and I are both very rational people. Like, I know

that dating in New York and any major city can be such a horrible nightmare. But I don't think we put ourselves in situations as much as possible that are going to be a nightmare. That's what I was going to ask you next was with dating in 2018. I like where you guys heads at because you're like, we're modern women. We're working. We're like killing it right now. If that fits into our life, like, bring it on. But you're not like acting. like, give me a guy, which I love. But what are your thoughts on dating in 2018 with social media? Like, I feel like there's this sense of like a fantasy almost when, you know how like when

you meet somebody back in the day? Like you kind of just like meet them and you get to know them. And now there's this foundation of like it's like a fantasy world I feel like with connecting on social media because you can create these like unrealistic expectations of yourself and be like, look at me. This is who I am. and of whoever you're meeting like you're like are they actually that good looking in person are they that funny you they have time to like think out their captions and to like they could

hate hiking but they're like looks cool on instagram for a good hiking photo like everything's so misleading what are your thoughts on dating in 2018 how would you like to ideally meet a guy so i think that like today everybody is like their own PR agents essentially everybody has like this i don't know this persona they put out i think in relationships people do too and everybody to an extent i mean And her and I are not going to put photos on Instagram of ourselves, not having fun in an airport. Like the stuff we put forward is all the good fun stuff also. I think it adds a layer of difficulty to dating because, yes, everybody's, like, out there. Like, nobody makes a dating profile that's like, you know what?

I'm really grumpy when there's no air conditioning. I've kind of said that. That was on my hinge. It said, where can I, where do you find you at the party? I was like, buy the AC unit. Like, yeah. Well, this is why she's the dating expert, okay? Other people don't do that.

You do just put it out there. I like that. I respect that. Yeah. I mean, I do also think, I think Rayne and I both, and this is why we connect so well, and I think people like our chemistry and our podcast, I think we both have a sense of someone that's full of shit, like immediately. And so I think whatever, if someone wants to have a profile or whatever it is on their dating

or their Instagram that just isn't authentic to who they are, I think you pick up on that immediately. That's true. Within an hour, you know, like we have such, we've had a few guests even on our podcast that like even our listeners picked up on like a lack of authenticity, not a ton, like two. Yeah. And I think we pick up on that in real life. Like, I can, you know, that's the thing.

Like, if someone has captions and everything's so funny and then I meet him, I'm like, this isn't who you are. Like, I'll take, you'll know, have these drinks that you buy for me and then I'm out here. Yeah. And then peace. But I think. And then you flip a table. Flip the table. God, I hope this happens.

I'm ready to flip the table. But I think we present ourselves pretty how we are, how we look. I could see that. Yeah. I don't think there's anybody that meets me and Ashley. People ask all the time, like, how authentic are you in real life versus the podcast. There's nobody that. that isn't like you're exactly all the time, the same person.

But I understand the need and the want to, like, do the Instagram filters and the funniest and draw people in. You're like, this is the best part of me. Like, this is me at my best. Right. But this is why, like, I really encourage people to, like, meet in the wild. We've an episode about it. And it's one of our best episodes.

Really? About, like, just how to meet a man in a bar. Yeah. And I think that so many people don't know how to do that. I'm not always great at it either. I don't, like, just see. I usually just, like, see somebody hot, put them on my Instagram story. Yeah.

And then hopefully somebody knows them. Nine times out of ten, it happens. She'll put someone on Instagram stories. She's in the subway or in a restaurant nine and a half times out of ten. Really? It's he comes forward or a friend. That's so funny. That's my cousin.

That's my brother. Here's his phone number. It's shocking. It never fails. That's actually such a good system. Yeah. Yeah. So all you used to do is have 350,000 Instagram followers.

And then you two could be your own dating. Matchmaker. Yeah. And I just think just to piggyback off that, like when it comes to, Instagram. I just use Instagram because that's the main thing now. It's what we use the most. I think you get to a point whatever it is, age, maturity, where you're like, what a people post doesn't mean anything. You see couples post the most beautiful couple picks and they break up the next week. We all, you have to be aware of that. Like, everybody's posting their highlight

reel. I do think we're, I think people are starting to be more aware of that and realize that because the longer Instagram is a thing, the more people realize that. Because I do, like, I talk about it a lot. And I think it's just having those conversations. too of like that it is the highlight reel and that it is like what you see is not what you get but it's the best of the best and sometimes it's nice to like mix in like a real photo or be like oh it's not like super photoshopped and like but like it's I don't know I just feel like people are starting to be more aware of the fact that social media is not real life because everybody's talking about it I like Instagram stories a lot I like what you do on yours you're always like talking in your car yeah and I think that like that's a little more realistic I mean of course you want to post your highlight real but like Ashley told you this really good story on one of our episodes. We did this like reality versus, what do we call it? Instagram versus reality. Is that we call it? Like hashtag relationship goals or something? We had a guy from Jerry come on to do the show. But we talked about couples that like put out this persona and you just know it's like such bullshit. Ashley told this like story about like how she'd gotten in a fight with

her boyfriend at a concert. But they posted this photo. You can tell the story. I thought it was very funny. We went to this festival and he left me there. It was horrible. It was a horrible day. But before he did that. We got a cute picture. And so I had to, like, wait out the fight. And I was like, it took two days. We made up. He brought me some food, obviously. And then I was like, time to post a cute pick. And we posted the picture and everybody was like, perfect couple alert. And we really loved each other a lot. We were at one point in time, a very great aspirational couple. But it was funny to me. I was like, I'm doing this. But this day was horrible. Right. But we snagged one cute pick. Now it's on Instagram. And now everyone's like,

did you see them at that festival? They were so cute. And it's like, he left me there. That's funny. It would be actually really funny if people started posting these, like, perfect photos. But then the caption was like, what really happened that day? I'm going to go back. You know what? I'm going to go back.

This is 2015. I'm scrolling back. Yeah. Like, FYI, he left me here. This is a new viral Instagram account idea. I think that we should take photos of couples at, like, all these festivals and write captions about what actually happened. Yeah, what really happened that day.

Like 30 seconds later, he had a psychotic meltdown because this was the 75th photo that she made him take. Yes. That's, you know what? You're so right. Before this Arizona Tuesday, we're going to find an account that hasn't been taken. We're going to name it like what really happened that day. I love this.

And we're going to do this. Call your bluff. Yeah. There was one way back in the day called You Did Not Eat That. Yeah. And it was all the models pretending to eat in and out or whatever it was. Did they do it? Do they really pretend to eat?

I think so. Yeah. It was like all these like really gorgeous celebrities. There's like a piece of their lips. Oh, but they were like, yeah, Spencer Pratt always makes fun of, like, people in gossip magazines because he's like, you called the paparazzi and you knew the paparazzi were there and you're like pretending to take a selfie because you know you see all those photos of like people always look so good in these gossip magazines and they're like, how did the paparazzi get that close and you just didn't notice and you're like perfectly eating a slice of pizza or like taking a selfie like he calls people out for that all the time. Should we do that? We should do that. I would actually happen.

Yeah. I'll start it off. Yeah, you're good at this. Yeah, we're making this a thing. People are going to hold us to it, too. They'll be like, where's the Instagram account? Oh, my God. We've so many business ideas in this room.

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The Hollywood Girl Posse has tackled the biggest names and stories in Hollywood, and now they're taking over your TV. Check out the funniest ladies on the planet as Kelty, Becca, and Jack, prepare for their upcoming premiere this Sunday, October 28th on E. Congrats, ladies. Check out Lady Gang podcast every Tuesday and Thursday on Podcasts 1 or wherever you get your favorite podcasts. Now back to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. I should make a segment on my podcast and read my notes. from my phone because sometimes I'm like like sometimes I'll write down like funny chirps like ways to make ways to make like passive aggressive like jabs at people I'll like put it in my notes we should see our podcast notes mine'll be like fast comer can't stay on top like stop please please please please please pull up your notes right now and tell me what's in there we do a segment called is this weird yeah and well one day you'll have to come on our podcast we'll play it with you yes please but it's people write in this stuff that happens and they're dating sex life and is this weird and shit's weird.

Shit is weird. I mean, the things that people send us, not even the sex stuff is funny, but even like the aside from the sex stuff, just the weird life stuff that people do, it blows our mind. Well, what a great way to go into confessions. I'm taking notes? Oh my God. I hope you guys are taking notes. I left my moleskin somewhere. I was like every week trying to come up with confession.

Sometimes I take it to Twitter or Instagram to really rely on the listeners to confess to me because they do. That's when you're talking about your segment about is it weird and you're like, shit gets weird. My DMs get so weird when I ask for people to confess. And so many of them say, please don't say my name. And I'm like, yes, those are the ones. Those are the ones I want. The deep dark secret? The really deep dark ones.

Do you ask for a certain type of confessions? So today I did. Okay. Usually it's just like whatever you want to confess to me. Oh, you did tell me everything. Are they serious or are they always funny? Hilarious. Okay.

So funny. And today I did relationship confessions. So let me read you a couple. I'm not going to read their names because they've asked me not to. Right. Relationship confession. One, I shaved my significant others butt hole the other day and it was the best bonding experience we've ever had.

You must try it. Oh, my God. That is really intimate. I don't know. Sometimes you can't reach. I get it, but like a bonding experience? The whole. Yeah.

Just the cheese. Yeah, like, and how did you do it? Now, now I'm picturing this and I'm like, did you, was he on his all four? Maybe he was laying down and he like, he like, he like, sat his chest. Can't dry shave a butt hole. Yeah, but is he like in the tub and he just like brings his butt up and like she's outside of the tub because she needs to get like good she could have been he probably spread his cheeks you know what I mean and then she kind of got in there what's the lighting situation is it

like today where I have candles lit was it romantic I would like I would like candles to do I would like candles for sure this is an evening activity this is not a before work activity no no no evening we've had some whiskey especially if it and butthole shaving try it everybody try it and get back to me on that one also these people don't live in New York because nobody has a shower a tub big enough to shave a bottle oh maybe I think I could I could shave a butthole in my tub. In your tub? I have a tub.

Yeah, I know. I don't take baths in it, but it's there. But it's there. I mean, I'd shave a butthole or do in there, but I would. Sure. Definitely big enough for that. When I found the place, I was like, hey, so to the realtor, I'm like, do what do you think about two people doing a butthole shaving in this tub? Okay, but can one person be in all fours and I could stand?

You made the guy, like, mime it out with you before you said. I'm picturing her crouching down. I'm picturing it, like, if you were doing a blowjob in the shower, like, same position. And then you're like, oh, let me help you out here. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think it's that crazy. I'm for it.

If somebody wants to shave my – I love, like, a nice clean butthole or butt, like, strip. Wow. Okay. So if somebody wanted to do that for me, that's fine. Good for you. Thank you. Good for you.

Yeah. She wrote three, by the way. Two, my partner and I talk in baby voices and think it's sexy. I got – I'd have to hear them. Like, right. Because I had an exit. Like, it wasn't baby talk, but it was like we had some cute pet names. And like, yeah, I wouldn't want anybody to hear.

hear it but it but when it was you guys it was like intimate but it wasn't like real baby talk like little little oh no I'm just envisioning like him being like like when you talk to an infant right do you little baby oh yeah yeah yeah I want that's true you'd have to hear oh yeah gross oh yeah I actually I feel you experience with this Yeah, that just came out so naturally for you. Yeah. And you were not defensive. You were defending the baby talk.

No, I think there's a line. Yeah. So there's a hardcore line. Yeah. We always say, like, when we play, it's this weird, like, as long as you don't feel personally violated or frightened, nothing is weird. Yeah. Like, if this gets them going, then, like, I don't know. What could be weird for me might not be weird for you.

For sure. It's all, yeah, okay. Three, we drink from the same coffee cup every morning because we both can. drink a full cup. I think that is, first of all, crazy that you can't drink a full cup of coffee. This person is canceled. That's insane. What's the point? And two, I actually think that's so romantic. Yeah, super cute. I think it's so cute. They share a coffee in the morning. I have a third hypothesis. Maybe they just can't afford a second cup. Oh, my God. So they just drink out of the same cup. And that's, they just have the one coffee cup in the apartment. Maybe. Maybe he just doesn't

have any of their cups. He's like, honey, you know, let's send him one of our cup. One of the girls got to eat mugs? We'll send him a girl's got to get our murder address. We'll send them one. Okay. Well, you know who you are out there. DM me again, because we're going to send you a mug. And then you can like...

You can each have your own little mug. And... But the thing is, then just pour the coffee in two different mugs, you know? I think they like the bonding. The bonding, sure. If they're shaving each other's buttholes, I think they like the bonding thing of sharing a coffee cup, you know? This couple is very close. They are a couple goals.

They're made to be together. They really are. Oh, that's cute. God, actually, I really want to look into her profile now because she said, love the podcast. And when my partner works out of town, I listen to your podcast in the car so I don't feel alone. Oh. Doesn't that just make you, like, cheer up that you could ever make somebody feel like that? Do you, are you a crier?

Oh, am I a cry all the time. Actually, I just started like, because I started to suffer from really bad anxiety in the last year. And so I've been seeing a doctor about it. And I tried Zoloft. Okay. It did not work for me. Oh, no. Why am I choking every two seconds?

I think it's, like, so important to talk about, like, mental health all the time. I love that you do it, and I love that you did it on the episode we listened to today. I think it's amazing. It is. It's so important. And I love being open with people. And I'm like, I've talked to a doctor so many times. And I tried Zoloft.

It made me have more anxiety. And I was so terrified to try anything else because I was like, what if it makes me have these intrusive thoughts again? Like, I'm scared. I tried a different thing, and it is so working for me. Oh, great. But I miss crying all the time. Oh, I know. I'm so cathartic to cry.

It is. I feel like a new woman after I cry. I feel like I've, like, cleansed my soul. I'm like in a better mood. I love having a good cry. But you can happy cry. Yes. Right.

Happy cry now. I happy cry all the time. Okay. Yeah. We happy cry. We don't have sad cry. I still sad cry once a while. Like, I watched This is us last night.

Oh. And I froze my eggs. And so on this last episode, Kate does the egg retrieval. And it reminded me of like my time of doing the surgery. And I was like, I was sobbing. I've cried. I've watched every episode except last night. So no spoilers.

But I've cried every week. I mean, I cry every week. This is us cuts to the cord. Have you seen the previews for next week? No, because I don't even say it, girl. No, it's when you guys are listening to this podcast, it's on tonight. The episode that's going to really, really get you. We just cry.

Our listeners, like, make us cry. like the emails that we get and like I just never we never thought that like we are we hoped I guess but we just never truly anticipated like you changed my life you helped me through this dark time yes and it's just so it's so moving it's like this is what we were meant to do it feels really good no it is and and just like it's what makes you want to go do your job too because anything becomes a job to a certain point like I was saying like even podcasting it's like my dream job but it becomes difficult at some point and so when you read stuff like that Or you read, like, Instagram when you get all the trolls, but then you get, like, the people that are saying you change their lives. You're like, this is why I do it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not something we ever sought out to do. Like, I thought it would be a fun, a fun great show.

But I never thought that we would get an email every day that says I feel less alone. Like to do that, to give that, like, gift to somebody is so crazy. It really is. That's, I went to a panel for broadcasting. And people were talking about, like, why is radio so important and why is, like, broadcast. podcast like why is it such a thing and I was like because you're in a moment you're present in the podcast you're even when you're listening you feel like you're hanging out with somebody even since I was little like listening to the radio I'm like everybody just like is having a good time

because they're having conversation and they're just interacting with people having genuine conversation and being present and I just you always feel like you're hanging out with friends and you choose what you want to listen to right so your people want to listen to you to and they continue to listen because they feel like you're friends at this point. And you build this community where when there's a sense of community, like there's something powerful about it. Oh, absolutely. And so I think that's like podcasting is just such a powerful space to be in if you can have a

good voice and use it for good, but use it for laughter and like kind of just like for what you guys are doing. Like I love to listening to your podcast. I was like, and I don't listen to podcasts. That's a confession on its own. You're a pretty busy girl. And I think it's pretty natural for all three of us to be open and honest about. we're going through. I mean, you were on reality television, we all have these podcasts, but

I think that I didn't realize that it wasn't so normal for other people to talk about these things openly. And, like, I was listening to you talk about mental health and the different kinds of, like, drugs that you were trying and, like, what it did for your boyfriend and your relationship and how hard that was. And I think that, like, so many people must have listened to that and been like, oh, my God, me too. And I've never heard another person say that before. Right. Same thing with even just talking about hormones. Like, women feel like, I was talking my doctor about this other day with hormones. She's like, do you get PMS? I'm like, I used to. And it would really affect me. And she's like, and I bet you just thought like, oh, this is normal. I have to just

accept this. She's like, it's not normal. And you can talk about it. And we should talk about our hormones and what it does to us because we all just make excuses or we just like think, oh, something's wrong with us this week or whatever. But like nobody talks about what like hormones do to you or how much it affects you or relationships or like your day. And same with mental health. Like if you just talk about it, I think we're in a time right now where people are just becoming more and more open about it and how many people have come out saying, me too. Oh, I suffer from that too. Oh, it's so nice to know that like I'm not alone. Or even like I'm, I feel like I'm overall pretty happy person and pretty positive. But that doesn't mean that I can't struggle from certain things like that as well. Yeah. A girl, a girlfriend of mine, she's like great on Instagram. She was huge on bind. She's beautiful like influencer type. And she I noticed she kind of went silent for a little bit. And I'm like, what's going on? She doesn't post a lot. She's so. funny. She's so beautiful and, like, did this long post of, like, the next blonde or some weird birth control. And, like, she gained 15 pounds. She was depressed. She was wondering if her marriage was going to, like, her whole life was f***. And I went through her other comments and, like,

just seeing girls be like, oh, my God, this is what's happening with me. I think she probably changed people's life with that. And then documented the whole thing. It's something that's in your underneath, like, you have to get surgially removed. Yeah. So she, like, went in and got it out. she's like lost the weight and she's so happy saw her the other night and I was like I never she wasn't the type to do that she never like aired her I don't want to say dirty laundry no but like what she's going through if it's not like really powerful yeah no it really is you it's crazy that's social media can be such a like I would say it's like such a blessing and a curse because sometimes it's like awful things are said on there and you feel like crap when you read

like mean comments but also it has so much power to like reach so many people and change lives and change people's days and especially having like some sort of platform where like a lot of people can listen like you it's really moving to know that you can have that kind of power on somebody.

Yeah, it's crazy. I just, I remember a few years ago, we talked about a lot on the show but I was engaged to somebody who like left me the day after our engagement party. And I remember,

yeah, it was crazy. And I remember at the time I was so humiliated. It was like the depths of humiliation because I'd never heard of such a thing in my entire life. Like who gets left after an engagement party? Like I, there wasn't.

as much social, Instagram wasn't like huge at that point, it was a few years ago. I had no platform to go to, to be like, has this ever happened to somebody before? I was so humiliated. And you felt alone, probably. I felt so alone. And I guess a couple years later, I started to meet more people that, like, I was 28 years old. Of course, this has happened to people. And of course, people make these horrible decisions and, like, their life gets better and it's fine. But I'd never heard somebody say, like, this has happened to me before and this is going to be fine. And that really made it so much more embarrassing and so much worse. Yeah, of course. Of course. That's, I mean, even growing up in our times, like, if it, in our times, I act like, we're sold.

But, like, if there was, there's always magazines of, like, what girls' bodies should look like and Barbie dolls and all these things. And if there was just some sort of influencer or celebrity that was, like, out there talking about, like, their body and what they actually look like and, like, you know, if there's somebody out there that was doing that, we're not, now I do feel like there's more of those people coming out and having more, like, confidence and, and this platform to talk about those kinds of things. So it's just such a weird time to be alive. Yeah, it is. I mean, it's it's it's the most like the most positive and across to be the most psychic space. So, you know, we haven't really gotten a lot of like hate and trolls yet. We're really lucky.

Because people want to listen. Like if, you know, also like how do you, who's going to like hate troll you? That's. Oh, I get it so bad. Ugh. I mean, I just think it's, I don't take anything personally. For sure. It's not.

It's jealousy and it's people to have their own shit going on and they're taking it out on the internet we got to think a stranger that attacks a person attacks a total stranger on social media for something so and not like that you look too skinny or something like they've got something going on right and i i think a big part of being on the other end of it is like the level of self-love you have like i've worked so hard on myself to have self-love and like confidence and just really love who i am down to my core and i think i'm like yeah that just says a lot about you oh my gosh i almost i feel a little i feel sorry for those people i mean i think that the more you mature you like turns a little bit. You see those people and you just feel a little bit of pity.

And that's, I mean, they can really piss me off. I'll get fired up. I'll be wrong. I'll be like, I'll be like, go look at Susan and be like, are you serious Susan? And I'll get fired up, but I'm not like taking it personally. I'm not like, am I do I look sick? Like telling a sick telling a healthy person they look sick is like really messed up to me. But I know I'm healthy. Right. So it's just like it's also the level of self-love that you have and just doing. You know what I mean? Like she's trolling. She's working at Walgreens. the cashier, like her life sucks. She's mad. She's mad.

Hurt people, hurt people. They see me trolling, the hay in. Ashley's always rapping with our guests. Oh, me too. I love a good rap. Let's go. Rap battle. Don't get me started.

I will take you down and flip a table at the end. And then you'll never. Looking around from which table we're going to flip. A table flip is the new mic drop. I'm out. Wham! Just so much damage and like you get like bills at the end of it's like you're going to pay for that. I'm going to go in your studio.

I'm going to flip like the table with all the equipment on it. I'm going to break everything. They're going to bill me. Yeah, we got a bill. You're going to have to pay for that, Caitlin. Hey guys, here are some useful car tips that you might not be aware of. A coffee filter and a little bit of olive oil can clean your interior. Removing excess weight from your car will improve your gas mileage.

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So when you're ready to buy a new or used car, check out true car and enjoy a more confident car buying experience. Who doesn't want that, really? Some features not available in all states. Hey, you guys haven't confessed. Okay, we talked about what they were going to be. Okay, I'm ready. They're not dating related.

I don't care. I don't care. Okay, cool. Oh, it can be anything. Is it poop related? Yeah, I mean, it's got to be poo. The thing is we're both, like, super open and honest. And so, like, I don't get embarrassed by that many things.

And I think that, like, it's usually, like, period stuff, like, I bled in a guy or, like, I threw up on a guy. Like, I don't know, all those things have happened to me, and I don't care. I'm bled on a guy, threw up on a guy, pooped on a guy, whatever. And he threw up on a guy? What did you tell him out? I just, I had a little, a gag reflexed a little bit up one way. Oh, I see. Oh, happens to me.

Who hasn't puked on a dick? Me. We both raised our hands. We're like, who has? Not single. I think one of my most embarrassing moments, thank God I was alone, but I've shared it with our podcast, so only like several million people know about it now. But I was at a restaurant.

I'm a food blogger, so I go to restaurants, take photos. I went to this restaurant, had like a pretty decent meal. I just started to not feel very good during the meal, and I was like, I just got to go home. And normally I'll take a cab, but it was kind of early, so I decided to like save money. I'll take the train. I'm on the train, and I'm like, oh, my God, something is not right. and I start like sweating and I can feel like the

like a pressure building up in my stomach and you feel it like dropping into your butt brewing right and you're like I'm sweating and I'm like trying to talk myself through this and like I'm like three more stops you're going to be okay like you're breathing deep and like you're seeing things I get off the train I make it all the way

up the steps down the street up the steps to my apartment steps are not hard steps are hard when you think you're going to take your best because you can't totally clench your butt hole when you're trying to go straight yeah you got to release a little each step right and I'm breathing heavy each step I'm like okay you can do this one more step and I got to my front door and I put my key in the into the door and my butt just gave up yeah I was like we're doing this here

yeah you're like you know what we made it home at least there's that right and it's sensed that my toilet was near and I just shit my pants in the hallway of my apartment building and was anybody there no thank God but it was also it was stretch pants it was like leather leather stretch pants so it kind of held it in there was no give oh no but that's good no you want like some it was just really if there was give it might be leit yeah i'm a little sick right now but i mean i feel a little nauseous but it's okay thank you for sharing thank you for sharing your truth i will now wash away your sense of my wine i can get through it listen celebrities we're just like regular people who hasn't shit their pants everyone has it's who's willing to

be honest to talk about it me well i'm out here giving the gift to everybody people were like she went there yeah she's not afraid to talk about it yeah people love when you go there People love it. Caitlin's out here talking about, like, medical health issues and, like, Zoloft. And I'm like, I'm not afraid to shit my pants to talk about it. Don't get me wrong. I love a good poop story. I confess all the time my disgusting things.

Oh, great. Yeah. Your turn. This is the perfect segue into other bodily things. Okay. I'm trying to think how to set this up. Okay. A couple things.

I was 19. I used to drink and drive a lot. I don't anymore. I super, you know, I got caught. Yeah. So I just obviously don't. Like don't endorse it. Obviously, drink and responsibly, don't drink and drive.

But I did. So I was 19. This was the last summer I lived at home after the – this was in college. After a freshman year of college, every year after that, I would live at the beach and waitress. So this was the last summer I was living at home. And my dad owns a business, like small business. Maybe I had like five employees. And one of the guys that worked for him that summer was super hot.

And like I would always go in there and I would see him. And my dad's like, don't even think about it. You know, like we would flirt a little, and then he started coming in to see me at mother restaurant where I waitress, and it was this whole secret thing. And, like, my dad was like, do not, this cannot happen. You know, he could pick up on a vibe. It was not okay. So that's a little bit of that background. So I was like, I'm not going to, I really respect my dad.

I was like, I'm not going to fuck with this guy. But we can flirt and he can come see me hit Lone Star Steak House when I'm waitressing. And so I, one night, I just got super wasted. And I was driving. that's why I was driving so I again not good I'm driving I was almost home I think I was on the highway though and I just like had to pee and I just peed myself in my car oh yeah I'm like wait the peeing your pants is your confession not the drunk driving like the pain and the drunk driving like come on I've had a couple of you I so uh separate confession so I pee my pants in my car not good yeah

not ideal not ideal I go home and I'm like oh man well What else am I going to do tonight? You know, so I, like, threw my pants jeans in the corner, put on a fresh pair. Yeah. No shower involved. Nice. And then Booty called this guy that worked for my dad. Here's the convention.

It's a two-parter. It's a two-partner. Okay. I was waiting for that. So I call this guy and he, you know, answers. I'm like, I'm coming over. Just so, so drunk. So I just, you know, got back in my piss car.

I don't know. And it's clearly. I heard you sat. You brought, put clean pants on. And then made new. Well, I don't, guys, I don't know. I don't think I, like, totally soaked the car, but my pants had to be changed. So, you know, it's like, what else can I do to ruin a life today, you know?

So I went to his place, we hooked up. It was, like, we had sex. It was, like, really crazy all over the place. It had been building up for so long. You know what I mean? And then I drove home. And it's just, I was like, I feel kind of badly about this. And the next day, I'm kind of having, like, regrets and guilties.

And obviously, I'm super hungover in my Sunday scaries. I left something. his house, like a wallet or something important. He brought it to me. We met up, like, we met up halfway. Is this a three-parter? So, and that my dad- There's a lot of shame. My dad comes home. My dad comes home from work that day. And he's like, had to fire. His name's Matt. Whatever. Who cares? There's a ton of. There's a lot of mats out there. Had to fire Matt today. And I was like, why is that? He was like, he called out of work. And then we saw him driving around. And I was like, he called out of work because I was fucking him until 5 a.m.

And he was driving around Because he had to bring me my wallet And he got fired And now I lost his job And my car smells like pissed And he's like a f*** old pee pants Last night And I lost my job

Oh my god And I never I can't afford to get it cleaned There is so many levels To the story I feel bad for Matt Sorry Matt Miss you every day

The one that got away. The one that got away. And you know when you're like, you're 19, you just like don't want, you're just so irresponsible and like you don't give a shit about anything. So I didn't even like apologize. I was like, never talk to me again. Bye. This is awkward. Yeah.

You're like, peace out. Sorry. You're jobless and your house smells like this. I don't know. Not my bad. Or is it. I just couldn't believe it. I heard my dad say like, he called out of work.

And I know, I know why. You know, like I feel. I feel terrible. He still doesn't know to this day. Yeah. That's a weird thing to share with your dad. That's a weird confession. Of course, that's why it's a, no one's, I don't think anyone really knows this story.

No, great point. That's why you're confessing now. So my dad, he'll never listen to this. But Matt, if you're out there, I'm so sorry. If you ever want to hook up again, though, like, now there's no conflict with my dad. I don't pee my pants anymore. I haven't peed my pants in years. I'm more experienced now.

I've got this. I pee outside of the car. Then I get in the car. When Ashley first told me the story, I was sitting on the sink, and I fell into the sink. I was laughing so hard. This is an hour ago. We were trying to decide what to say. I was like, I had this one kind of random story to use in the confessional, and I start telling Raina, and she's like, what the? Well, last night, I was like, I'm going to tell a poop story. I'm like, you don't have

any story to, like, pee or poop. She's like, no, nothing comes up for me. Today. This isn't the crazy, like, if this isn't the craziest thing that's ever happened to you, you are a very dynamic person. I thought that she was just sitting in a parking lot. I thought that she was just like sitting there and she was like, well, I'm here and I have to pee. So she just like, the car was not in motion. Well, I was like, right? I was on the highway. I didn't just get in my car to take a piss. Like, I wasn't like, I got to go. Why don't I just hop in my car? Right. Yeah. No, I get it. I think I was on the highway because I mean, you know, usually just jump out and go wherever, but I think it was like not, yeah. You were like,

that's my only option. Yeah. What kind of car? Neesonic Stera. Okay. What, is there like an appropriate kind of car to pee in? Yeah, like a Pontiac Sunfire. Actually, I'm sorry. I I lied. I got that car later. Nissan Ultima. Big Nissan. Everybody. Everybody had that car. Sorry, it was my Ultima. Yeah. That's funny. Those are good. You know what? Cheers. They're a good P-car. Cheers to those confessions. No, don't do that. That's bad luck.

What? I can't cheers with water. No. No, you psycho. I'm drinking. Sorry, you're such an online. I was all right. We have a show tonight. I'm sorry. You're so unprofessional. No, you're not. Ashley shows up all drunk to our show. I'm unprofessional. That's great content. I can't deny whispering angel. Isn't it the best, rosé?

Oh, can I try it? No, you have to. Actually, it's my inspiration. I'm coming out with a rosé in a Pino noir, and I'm like, Whisperine Angel is the only rosé of, no, I love Rosey, but it's the only one that I keep going back to that. I'm like, oh, my God, it's so good. So, can I tell you a quick Whisperin Angel story?

Of course. So I love it so much, and an ex of mine, we always had to, like, watch football on the weekends and stuff. So my deal was like, okay, I'll watch football with you, you know, pick me up my favorite Rose snacks, whatever. That's kind of the trade-off. And he came home one time, and he was like, they didn't have Whispering Angel. And I was like, I know he didn't go to the liquor store. I know he just went to the grocery store. They didn't have it at Kroger. And he was like, did you go to Greens? That's a liquor store. And he was like, I went to Greens. They didn't have it. And I was like, I called Greens. Licker store. I was like, do you have a whispered? They're like, I called Green's Laker store. I was like, do you have a huge? They're like an encabre. You know what I mean? Like, you can't miss it. And I'm like, you lied to me.

They're like, we're actually, we've brought someone in today to do samples of what's for an angel. We're selling them for half price. Right when you walk in the door, the samples there. It's a setup. Your boyfriend gets home Sherlock Heseltine is just like sitting there ready to like rip him to shreds. There's like charts and graphs and you know exactly how many bottles are there.

Who is assigned to the tasting today? Actually's like, example number one, the recording from the guy at the store. Exhibit number two, they sent me their delivery orders for the afternoon and their P&L sheets from the Wistpring Angel. The relationship was all downhill from there. That first lie. Oh, yeah. He can't come back from that. He can't come back from that.

No, good try. What was his name? Right. Matt 2.0. That was also Matt. Oh, my God. Shit, that is really funny. Well, lesson learned.

You won't do that to a girl again. You know your work words. I love it. I love what I say things. It does not land with either one of us. We're like, what? Is it profit and loss? Yeah.

I love you guys around here negging me because I used to have a job like six years ago one time. Yeah, we're like, what a weirdo. Are you using work terms? Supply and demand. You worked in Amazon with a lamb company. We did an episode about should you fuck your coworkers? And Ashley was like, I've never had a job. And I was like, I've never had a job where I haven't.

co-worker. So I'll carry this episode. This is my episode. That's so funny. Okay. I'm like so sad that we're like literally out of time, but people wanted to ask you guys questions. So we're going to do it rapid fire style. Awesome. So we can just ask you and you can give us a little like first thing it comes to your mind, even though they're kind of deep. Maggie C wants to know, describe your dream guy. Let's do three words. Funny, honest, taller than me. Oh, okay. I'm in my 30s. So like, has a job three words three words

has a job nailed it has a penis that's it has a is not poor penis he can breathe

that's it perfect oh my gosh you have so many options I know this is great those three words are bar is low that's all

that's all we need to know that was my favorite when when Prince Harry and Megan Markle got married and somebody did like a meme like the bar is so low that Prince Harry told Megan she looked beautiful on the wedding day and people are like

he's such a prince it was like he like put out her veil and he was like he looked beautiful and people like girls were like oh my God he's perfect so it's like that's how low the bar is for guys these days. Okay this is my favorite handle Savannah O'nana I love it

good right? Love it. Savannah on Nana. I want to know your thoughts on open relationships we are dying to do an episode about this we have a couple that are going to come on Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we found a couple.

We've been on the hunt since we started our podcast. Oh, amazing. I am very fascinated by monogamy. I just think to like monogamy. It's so crazy because we all want it. I want it. Like, I demand it. Yeah, me too.

But it's such a construct. Like, it's like, well, why do you have to be monogamous? And why should one person have to be everything to always forever? Like, that's not fair. And sex gets really boring with one person. But like, I need monogamy. I have the thought of my partner being with somebody else. It kills me.

Yeah, I couldn't do it. I went on a date with a date with a guy. really, really vibed with him, really liked him a first date. And he mentioned that that was kind of what he was into. Wow. I was like really bummed. Total deal breaker for me. Yeah. And yeah, it wasn't. It's just, I just don't think it's for me. Yeah, it's definitely not for me. I'm like, I wouldn't say I'm crazy jealous, but I'm like healthy jealous where I'm like, that's not okay with me. Yeah. And like, also like zero judgment. And we had a, we wish I could make it work. Totally. No, I'm like, I'm like, respect to you if you can because you make.

probably you're so happy and, like, secure. And you get all your needs fulfilled and you still get to be with this partner. And if I could emotionally make it work for myself, then I would love that. I just, I can't imagine a partner that I could make that work with. Yeah. No, it's to each their own. And I cut you off. What were you going to say?

No, is it? I'm going. I mean, we had a great guest. He was, he's gay and him and his partner have an open relationship. And it really seems to work for them, you know. But I guess my fear ultimately is that. that it becomes more than sex with, I don't need that at all. But if my boyfriend needed it, husband, fiance, whatever, my fear would just be like

that he likes somebody more than me. Yeah, I'd be like, what are you not getting with me that you're getting with them? Well, where's the line, right? Like, what, are you allowed to, like, stay after sex and, like, talk to the person? Do you, like, lay in bed together and talk to you, like, laugh, your jokes? I can't even, I can't. That would be sick. Oh, yeah.

I thought of my partner, like, laughing with another person, that would kill me. No, I can't. Not for us. No, not for me, but hey, have mad respect. This is one of my favorite, my favorite sayings is good for you, not for me. Oh, love that. Yeah, because it's like that who's to say that what's right or wrong if it's what makes you happy, you know? I'm not going to read this girl's name in case her husband's sister is listening.

But a listener says she's been having problems with her husband's sister and that she never includes her. And they're married. They've been married for 18 years. And this guy's sister never includes her. They'll go on trips together, like, and he only invites this, um, her brother and says, ah, she wouldn't be interested and like totally cuts her out of everything. And she said, oh, she just wants advice on like, what did she say? She wants advice.

It's, Rana can speak to it because she's at a little summer situation. I can't think my, I have a brother. I can't. I couldn't handle that. It's crazy to me that's been happening for 18 years. I know. I can't believe the sister hasn't chilled out. I know.

How have they had this stress for 18 years, right? I think after 18 years, you should feel empowered to live. look at the person and be like, let's just level with each other. Right. You do this and I don't like it. Let's go to drinks. Right.

And I'm really lucky that my brother married somebody that I'm like so crazy about. I've never had any sisters. And so she is very much a sister to me and I love her. And one time I invited him to go on a trip to New Orleans with me because we've never taken a trip in our adult life, just the two of us. And I invited him to this trip to New Orleans. And she called me like 20 minutes later. And she was like, so I'm going to invite myself.

I think it'd be really fun. But she knows that that doesn't bother me. Right. Right, right, right. She's fun. I don't feel like a third wheel. But like she's done things, I don't know, nothing like really comes to mind. Well, I'm starting you had a situation with a guy you dated that had a weird sister.

I dated somebody who had a sister that refused to spend time with us. Yeah. She really, it made me uncomfortable. But I never, I didn't marry him. We weren't together. If there was a situation where I was going to marry this person, I would feel totally empowered to be like, what is your, let's just get a drink and talk about what your problem is. When I read that, I'm like, I have questions. I have so many questions.

I'm like, has she, have you brought this up to? the sister? Have you sat down and had an honest conversation about it? And how does the husband do? Like he should, how does he deal with it? How does he react? Does he know it's weird? Yeah. That's where I think with family, if my partner has something weird and the family, something very off. That's clearly not cool. But he doesn't recognize it. That would be very hard for me. It's one thing if he's like, I know my sister's crazy or I know my mom's blah da da da. As long as we're on the same team and the same page, it's easier for me to deal with. But if he's like, what, I don't know. He just wants to vacation.

And then he goes on this street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it would be hard to deal with. I don't know. I want my partner to always facilitate good relationships between me and their family and their friends because I'm somebody that tries to walk in every situation to be nice. I'm not one of those, like, nightmare people that you're just like, oh, my, like, partners, siblings is such a bitch. Right. But I would want my partner to facilitate it.

But if they can't, I guess, you know, you just. I mean, they've been married for 18 years. They're doing something, right? I mean, that's a long time. Exactly. That's why I have so many questions. So many questions. She can also, like, she wants to email.

us we'll talk about it in more depth email them person what's the email she can email hello at girls got eatpodcast dot com okay perfect we want more info then we can yeah we got to get into like the depth of this so does she reach out to the sister ever and just try to hang out with her because it might just be

that the sister perceives that she doesn't want to spend time with her and she's like well I'm not going to invite you you don't invite me to anything right yeah we got to get to the bottom of this please keep me posted um Jessica Cameron wants to know our blow job's still a thing this is the one I was like When you talked about oral sex, I was like, I got a question for you. Are blowjobs still a thing?

The older I get, the more I feel like it's gross and immature. What? I love a blow job. Yeah. They're definitely still a thing for men. They have not gone out of style. All the men listening are like, yes, yes, they are. Don't even put that out there.

Don't even say it. The three guys listening to this. My thing is, I'm down for blow jobs. I kind of always say blow jobs are for boyfriends. So I'm really down to pleasure my partner in that way. if he's showered kind of soon before, you know, like, I'm not like, come home from work in a full day and let me suck that day, you know, but like I'm down, I'm down. I just, I don't just go down on, like, I don't do that with a new guy. Oh, absolutely not need to, not need. No girl needs to do anything, but I, if you really like, if you really love your partner, I do think almost every man enjoys that. Yeah. So try to find a way to know that that's pleasure in your partner. And like, and make sure it's reciprocated.

too. Absolutely. Right now you love blowjobs. I love blowjobs. I mean, I agree with Ashley. Like, I'm not out here just like lining up for blow jobs. Right. Um, you know, I think it's a relationship thing. I would definitely, I would always, I would have sex with somebody before I gave a blowjob to somebody. Um, I don't want somebody's like, you have body parts in my mouth that I'm not in a relationship with. So you don't love a blow job. No, when I'm in a relationship, love it. Love it. Or like, I don't know, like the first, like, you're dating somebody for a little while. That's like a full blown. I just, I love it. I love partnering with. I love partnering with. pleasure, my, my, my, my, pleasureing my partner. It gives me pleasure. Like, I just, I really like

it. You're such a giver. I do get a little, I get grossed out easily, I think. So I'm like, here's the deal, boyfriend. You want a blowjob? Take a shower. You know what I mean? Like, one of the guys that you date doing all day long, they like work up a sweat on their penis. That's like a main area to break out of sweat. Bartenders. Any, any job with any physical. If they're moving, their balls are sweating. I'm just saying about guys are so gross. Like, I'm just like, I will like suck your dick all day, but just can it be clean? That's unsolicited dick picks.

What do we feel about that? Oh, geez. What the stuff? Don't want them, absolutely. Those are out of style. Those are so out. Those are out. Stop.

We have, I have the theory that guys only send them because they want you to reciprocate. Oh. But you're like, yeah, but women's bodies are beautiful. Penises are gross. Right. That is so true. Every guy we've had on our show agrees with that. Yes, every guy does deep down agree, but they're like, that is actually a great

point they probably just want one back so they're like if I do like it's a Hail Mary yeah it's a Hail Mary we love a dick outline pick well just we love a dick outline in in person like a gray sweatpants rain a like oh at the bulge I love a pick and the bulge the gray sweatpants bulge on like a Sunday yeah or any day oh any day just Sunday for me it's your new things share I was on the subway the other day this guy had like a beautiful dick outline and his sweatpants but I was on the trains so it was like shaking back and forth a little bit oh yeah it'll vibrate it's really nice. She acted like it was a nice glass of wine.

It was really nice. It paired well with my train ride. But for photos, I find mesh shorts to be the best avenue for a dick outline. You're taking. Raina is a photographer. You think she shoots food. You're passionate about like air conditioning. Raina's passionate about a dick outline.

In the right pair of pants. Or mesh shorts. Messed amazing. She's going to like basketball practice. at the gym Lots of mesh shorts She's got her long lens The gym is definitely your home

Like that's where you need to live Not to exercise just to see Mesh dig outlines I love it Oh my gosh We have a good DL lines DL we're abbreviating This is my

I love this podcast I don't want it to end I love it Can we be friends now Yes let's do like way Okay well we are friends Like it or not We're friends

I'm a good like pusher of Like I will push myself on you If I like you as a person Perfect I like that quality. Thanks. And I don't do that to many people. I will do it to you.

I would love to come on your podcast. You have to. And also where can people find you on all of the things? So you can find the podcast anywhere that you listen to podcasts. So iTunes, Google Play, our website, which is Girls Gotta Eat Podcast.com. Spotify as well. Our Instagram is Girls Got to Eat Podcast as well. Twitter is Girls Got to Eat underscore podcast?

I was looking for that today. Girls, I should know this. I do the Twitter. I think it's girls underscore got to eat or girls got out. Just Google. Girls Got to Eat podcast Twitter. It should come up. Yeah, it should come up. Yeah, but like our website,

girls got to eat podcast.com for the live shows, for the merch. We have a cute store. We have some fun designs. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, the mug. We're going to send the mug to that one. Yes. We're going to share anymore.

But yeah, that's really what we have going on. But listening iTunes and Spotify mainly. Okay. But you can find it anywhere. Well, I loved having you guys here. I have one more question for you. Okay. What do you call a man with no nose and no body?

A chair? I don't know. You don't know? No nose. And wait. Okay. Do you know what it is? Hold on.

No nose and no body. Are we supposed to know or is this a joke? It's a joke. Okay. So I have no idea. Tell us. It's like a jelly bean. That's what I'm patient.

Why are you guessing? It's a joke. No. Nobody knows. Oh, my God. Jeez. I'm Caitlin Bristow. I'll see you next Tuesday.

Thanks for listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Brisco. Get new episodes every Tuesday exclusively on podcast.1.com, the Podcast One app, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Who's not with OTV? Sponsors for this week's Off the Vine are My Bite Vitamins. It's the vitamin you've been waiting for. All to beauty. The possibilities are beautiful. Lightbox jewelry, check them out at lightbox jewelry.com slash vine. and True Car. Visit True Car for a more confident car buying experience.