Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Ask Nick (& Kaitlyn and Lo) Relationship Hotline

Episode Date: June 16, 2022

You just heard KB on Nick’s pod and now he’s back for round two, this time to answer all your burning relationship questions in a very special edition of Ask Nick… and Kaitlyn… and Lo (who is joining as co-host). But first, the three talk about their desire (or lack thereof) to go on Bachelor in Paradise, their relationships (or lack thereof) with their exes, and why, despite the TikTok narrative, everyone out there is not a gaslighting narcissist. Then, they get into Vino voicemails all about relationships with topics ranging from spicing things up in the bedroom and dealing with the dating apps to telling your partner they stink (literally) and moving on from an ex. Last but definitely not least, Kaitlyn and Nick both make prank calls, one of which involves a loyalty test and the other to Nick’s biggest fan. Plus, the three give tips that you’re going to want to make note of if you’re looking to find your next relationship or looking to get out of the dreaded first date scene.  LIVING PROOF - Go to livingproof.com/vine and use code VINE to get 10% off your first purchase. APARTMENTS.COM - The place to find a place. PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. STARBUCKS - STARBUCKS BAYA Energy drink is available online, at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starbucks Bia Energy Drink is available online at grocery stores, convenience stores, and gas stations nationwide. Wine, lots of good. It's time for off the vine, grape therapy. Welcome to your weekly session. Caitlin and friends are here to share unfiltered advice, lots of laughs. and some major breakthroughs. So put your feet up, pop a cork, and get ready for some great therapy. Did you ever, like, go out to clubs and like that scene?

Or have you always been? Ever in my life? Yeah. Sure. Oh, okay. I don't know why I just picture you not being a club guy. Never getting into it. Well, I never described myself as a club guy.

Yeah. But I've certainly been to. Well, I was reading some of the guys' bios for the season coming up and there's twins on this season. I don't know if you saw that. but there's twins, and they are, like, the bro-iest bros. They're like, we like going out to clubs in New York, and I was like, oh, no. I've never purchased a bottle.

Never. Bottle service? I've pitched in, like, for, like, a bachelor party, but I've never been, like, getting a bottle tonight. I've never had my table. I've been given a bottle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you've never been like, I'm going to the club tonight and I'm going to buy a bottle. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't, I actually have. But I certainly have. But I've certainly been to clubs. Yeah. Okay. I don't know why. And you lived in Chicago, maybe.

For sure. Yeah. Chicago's so fun. Do you miss it? At times, yeah. I feel like I, I, I, Chicago's one of my favorite cities. Jason, like, thrives there.

He loves it. Yeah. He wants to move there, but I, I just can't leave Nashville. You're going to end up in Chicago. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. No, I'm going to end up in L.A. Nope.

Saskatchewan. No. Saskatchewan. Oh my gosh. I want to know if I did, like, a Canadian quiz, would you guys know anything? I would through B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- Anything? Sure. I know what I would know. I definitely would know something. Okay. What province am I from? Alberta. I don't. Right? I got that right, right. I might have gotten that. I might have not. I don't know. Okay. What province did I live in for 11 years? British Columbia. Yes. Okay. You redemption. Redemption. Anyways, how are you doing today? Swell. How are you? I'm swell as well. Swell is a good word. We were just recording on your podcast the other day.

out now it's out now I think people I don't know I don't really look and see how people I was going to say I assume people are in I assume What are you what's your problem love? Oh I just want to I can't hear Oh well we can't have that

Yeah you're actually not in this episode So if you can stop talking about together I'm just kidding But I did get an update on the girl that we talk to The girl who asked for a FaceTime date. Yeah. He responded. But that's the update, right?

Like, that's it. He was like, I'm free Wednesday or Thursday. He gave her specific options, which was great. And then they planned a trip. I think he really likes her. Do you like the sound of your own voice? I've gotten used to it. Okay.

But do you enjoy it? A lot of people don't like the sound of their own voice. I've gotten used to it is the best way to describe it. Because at first, you know, I think everyone kind of hates it at first. Not me. I love the sound like. soothing voice. But I feel like I've, through podcasting, I've developed a podcast voice that I didn't try to, but it just... Really? You started doing a podcast voice? I think so. Yeah.

I think I kind of do it on voice. It's more of a throaty kind of... Oh, like a little raspy throaty vibe. I've, I've, uh, yeah, I think so. But not on purpose. I think it just, I don't know. Just kind of you sit there and... Yeah. I'd like to record without. the headphones sometimes so I don't get in my head and hear my voice. I do better when I hear my voice. Oh, okay. You want to be very cognizant of everything. But I'm also

like a low energy guy often. Like my resting state is more of a chill vibe. Yeah. Which is how I podcast probably and I think I'm okay with that sound of that voice. Yeah, because it's not like an on. It's not like you're doing a radio bit. No. You're just like

I don't well as out. You don't well. Yeah, Wells Adams has the, like, most classic radio voice when he really does it. But he also was literally in radio. Yeah. Yeah, he is. He's there. He's filming right now, isn't he? Paradise.

I believe so, yeah. You, okay, you asked me on your podcast if I was sad I never got to go to Paradise. I said, no. I've really been thinking about it since. You have. You're going to show up. Yeah. You're going to ask for a Paradise Hall Pass.

Yeah. I just want to see what it's like. Hey, Jay, never got to experience this. Yeah. He didn't either. Maybe he can have a turn. We'll run at it. There you go.

But I thought. I thought about it and everyone talks about how much fun they have on Paradise, but I just think I'm not cute when I'm sweaty. And you've seen me. I turn into a little drowned rat. I like your little drowned rat look. Your beautiful skin. I'm sure. I've never heard a woman say, you know, when I look cute is when I'm sweaty. And when my melasma is popping. Full of sand. Flaring up. Yeah. You know. Got the shits from all the Mexican food. Yeah. That's not when I feel my sexiest. So that's why I didn't. Coffee from the humidity. Yeah. That's just not my whole. vibe. But have you looked at the contestants? I know I was saying about the twins earlier. Did you look at the contestants for the season of The Bachelorette? Did you browse? I browsed a couple, like a month ago right after the finale because it's, you know, off season. So we briefly went over basically the photographs of the guys, but we haven't done like the bio, which I was going to do with you, but decided that's. I tried to do it with a guest yesterday and it was like two hours later. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot of guys.

to go through and we were trying to break down all of their bios because they're so ridiculous as they always are. And then I was trying to remember, did you even get a bio when you came on my season? It's not your season, no. What was your bio like on Andy's season? What was like... Probably terrible. I'm going to look it up. I want to look

this up because I was like... I remember being so tired and so like annoyed with all the tests we had to do. By the time we got to that, I did not think it would be public information. Oh. You know, oh, so you just found True. I didn't know mine was going to be either. Yeah.

I just like, I don't know. Well, because they didn't do a whole thing like they do now on the bios and like share it and tease it. And now it's a whole. I definitely did not know what I was getting. I would think that the producers would write it for you now? No. No. Mine was like, if you could be any fictional character, who'd you be in why?

And I said April O'Neill because I'd want to hang out with the Ninja Turtles. That's cute. I mean, great. Would you say? No, it's cute. It's cute. A little nerdy moment. I like that.

That's sweet. Yours doesn't really come up. Damn it. And it also said, what would an ex-boyfriend say about you? And I said that I bite my nails and leave hair extensions lying around. And again, I didn't know this was going to be public information. I was just writing shit down. What would an ex-girlfriend say about you?

I mean, I could tell you, but. No, no, I want to know what you think an ex would say about you. Like something good or something bad? I don't know. would she have good things to say? Would she only have bad things to say? Who's your ex-girlfriend that nobody knows of? I mean, I have them.

Yeah. Who's the last recent one before Andy? You can make up a name. Okay. April. April, yes. What would April say about you if I called her up right now? Tell me, how would you describe Nick?

Hmm. Depends on how it ended with April too. That's what, well, that's the point. Then I would find out some information here. I think ultimately she would say nice things. That's nice. Yeah. Okay.

Do you talk to most of your exes? I don't talk to any of my exes. Oh, okay. But I've taught, I mean, it's been so long. Why do you talk to your exes? No, it's scorched earth. Once you've been inside me or vice versa, it's done. I mean, the last one, I've met her husband and we have still have mutual friends.

So, but there's no reason to keep in. Like the friendship. It's not, it's just more like a, how you doing once in a while? Well, you do a lot of. You know, like, if you ask me about my ex-girlfriends, I would say nice things. If you said, well, tell me something bad, I could come up or something. I mean, you know, because every relationship that ended, certainly you have your frustrations, right? But, like, I have nothing but nice, lasting memories of all my girlfriend.

Well, that's sweet. I also, you, we're talking about this again on your podcast, but you give good relationship advice. And we're going to get into that today because we have, I do take it or leave it advice because a lot of my, advice, people should probably not take. They should probably leave it. People usually take your advice. Eventually. You do get great advice. I listen to an Ask Nick. It was sent to me by a friend. Really? And I enjoyed it. Yeah. Great advice. Yeah, you do. It's very off the cuff, speaks from the heart. Sounds like a therapist, and I love it. Yeah. Well, I appreciate that. I definitely not a therapist, which I say on every episode. Yeah. You have full disclosure. I am not a therapist.

Not therapist. I'm good at not saying what I don't know. Wait, say that sentence again. I'm good at not saying what I don't know. Yeah. You've noticed like on TikTok, everyone's an expert on narcissism these days. Yes. Yeah. Or attachment styles. Like you watch one TikTok and next thing you know. I don't talk about any of that stuff. It's, it's out there for people to want to read and get into. But it's not my certainly feel of. expertise and a relationship advice I give, like, has nothing really do with that. I also find some of those things to be people, they have a fascination with it, but it doesn't necessarily help them. You know, like, a lot of people call it, like, so I read about my attachment style,

and I'm an anxious attachment. It's like, great. I don't know how that helps you in this current situation. People want to understand themselves, I think, which I get. And it's, It's information, but it doesn't really, sometimes I think those things are people we use as an excuse to justify the choices they've made rather than help them make different choices. Like what I do with my horoscope. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm a Gemini. It's like, oh, I can't help it.

I can't help. I can't help it. That's why I'm hanging out of them because I'm an anxious establishment style. Okay. Well, now you know. It is a good excuse, though. I do that shit all the time with like Mercury and Retrograde and like where the moon. is. I don't even know when it's happening, but I'll say, like, of course, I'm pissed today.

Mercury and retrograde. It's turning into a brand deal, too. Like, now people are, like, who have, uh, what was it, Vizzie, Hard Seltzer. They do like this whole, yeah, they do a whole mercury in retrograde package where they give you a drink and a candle and a crystal. Vive check. Yeah. That's so funny. My only advice when it comes to narcissism is if you think you could be dating one, break up. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I don't know because, like, they might not be. Maybe they are, but if you think they are.

But people love saying that they are to. It's a badge of honor. Yeah. It's a trend. It is a trend. What, to say you're a narcissist? No, to say you've dated a narcissist, you've stayed with a narcissist. And like using it as a topic of conversation.

Like, narcissism is such a hot topic these days. Yeah. And they've diagnosed it because they've watched a couple TikToks or their friend told them the laws. And I, listen, narcissism is a thing as a society. We're all more narcissistic and self-centered. I was going to say, don't you think everybody has a little narcissism in them? Sure.

Yeah. Well, that's the thing. There's a difference between, like, being narcissistic or being selfish and being, like, a malignant narcissist. Right. But it's like gaslighting, you know. Oh, that's another. Yeah. Gaslighting and narcissism.

My gosh. Apparently, if you have a disagreement in a fight and you say things like, well, I didn't say that, apparently you're gaslighting. Narcissists. Yeah. Not seeing eye-to-eye is apparently gaslighting now. So true. Okay, let's take a little hum, a little pause in the podcast, both in the pod and your hair care routine right now. Okay, pause.

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So we do take it or leave it advice. We're going to get you to help because you are good advice. And I suggest everyone takes it. So this is kind of an ask Nick, Caitlin, and Lowe situation, roundtable. Yeah. Yeah, it is a nice little roundtable. And I feel like between the three of us, we're going to change some lives today. Yeah.

Try our best. We're going to try our best. Well, there was this one time. And so I guess my question is, I don't know if I want to share my name, have a really good confession for you. We were literally trying to remove my dog's tip of those. I just called to say I loved you. So let's go to the first voicemail.

Are we all offering advice? Yep, all of us. Okay. Yeah. Collaborations are often good. Yeah. We'll build off of our ideas. Mm-hmm. All right.

Yeah. You go first. Oh, shit. Lay the ground work. Okay, we can play it. Hey, Caitlin and Nick. I'm just calling in to see if you have any tips on pricing things up in the bedroom with my husband. We've been together for almost 13 years, and things have definitely been a little flow in that department lately.

Not really for lack of effort on my part, and, you know, not believing cheating is definitely not. not even a question. I know that for sure. But, yeah, any advice on how to sort of revive our sex life would be super helpful. Thanks. Hey, you just started with a tough one. Spice up your sex life. Like sex toys, bring out a dildo, a strap on, something fun. Give it some people aren't into that. Okay. Well, I was just... Why did I just shut down your advice? I just try to... No, you're right. You're right.

Sex toys, boom. But also, if you're wanting your sex life to be spiced up, what's the root of why? That's what I was going to say. Where's the spice? Where has it gone? Like, are you working too much? Well, yeah, but, like, I feel like there's some origin there of, like, what's going on where you don't want to have any sex. Yeah.

Or maybe they are having sex, but they just want to be more fun. Maybe. Maybe it's just, like, missionary boring shit. And she's like, I want to get spicy. And maybe she doesn't have the confidence. to do that. No, she's the one who's saying she's trying, but it doesn't sound like she's like not by lack of trying. So she's trying to like have a little sex and she's being turned down by her husband. It sounds like. Okay. From your perspective, why would he be turning her down? Who knows? It could be a ton of different reasons. From a guy's point of view, I think in a lot of long-term relationships, listen, I think sometimes we get comfortable with the people we love the most and we can criticize and nitpick and belittle. And I think that affects men more than it's talked about. That's a good point.

And when I think men are in relationships and heterosexual relationships, often you don't want to have sex with the person who's breaking you down and nitpicking you. And I'm not suggesting this caller is. Right. But sometimes we don't even notice it. I mean, one thing I started, Natalie and I started doing in our relationship, which I have. haven't done in previous relationships. And that's partly, I think we just kind of both started doing it, but we really hold, we hold each other accountable for how we speak to each other. And generally, it's always fine. But every once in a while, one of us might be in a bad mood or reactive and we

might slightly raise our voice or just sound a little sassy. And both of us will be like, don't, no, don't, please don't talk to me that way. And we calmly say it. And it's, and it's, And then the other person is like, yeah, right, I'm sorry. And we do that. We don't, because in the past, I think what a lot of guys do, you kind of put up with it. And you put up with it because you think I can, I can because I'm a guy. It's a little bit of toxic masculinity, but that's more of a societal thing where I think we're supposed to, and we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, and then, but eventually over time, you're just like, you're just, all you do is negative. me or break me down or whatever. So if this caller is listening, I would be think about that.

Complements go a long way for men. So I would compliment the shit about them, make them feel good about himself. The same way women like to be complimented, I think men do too, whether they admit it or not. Let's start there. And then maybe, you know, I'm guessing she's asked him. I think that's a good point, though, that I didn't think about that the little compliments that just like build him up that he's probably going to want to try against him. Call him sexy, make him feel like, you know, even when she was like not by lack of trying, even like when she said that, it was just a little, you know, jab. She's exhausted.

Yeah. I've had girlfriends where, you know, if we were going through a rough patch and I thought they were being hypercritical, I don't want anything to do with them. Yeah. see then i always go well men just are they just look at me as a whole there's just a hole if they get so i didn't know when you're 19 guys will you know have sex with kind of anything just you know jason like no kately i mean i'm sure so unfortunately some parents are probably walked into their 17 year old son doing the drywall oh yeah um for sure

but did you ever get caught masturbating not like in the actual act no like i I knew they were coming, so I stopped. And, yeah, but no, my mom never caught me. But, yeah, I just think that start there. I don't know if that's helpful, but just maybe just focus on only saying nice things about your partner around you. And unless you really need to say it, like those passive aggressive under the breath things, just they really add up over time. I am the worst. I feel like I do a lot of passive aggressive under the breath things.

I think we all do. I mean, you spend every moment. with your partner you get to know them and that's true jason does it too we both do yeah i just think they add up yeah they do add up you're right they really add up and uh that's something you know granted nali and i you know we haven't been dating for that long but it's something that i guess i started doing and she started doing back to me in a good way where we just just like no no we don't even let it start you know my emotions are stronger than me i'm like if i didn't let it stop But I wish I could be like, no, I'm going to stop it before it starts.

That is healthy. That's what therapists tell you to do. Just have to be mindful of it. But I did just something that I never did in relationships and always added up. And then finally, I was just like, yeah, no, I'm not, no, you can't talk to me that way. Okay. Well, I think that's actually great advice. I think compliment, calm, sexy and see what happens.

I'm still holding on to dildos and sex stories. Yeah, because I feel, I mean, sure. I mean, try, try, you know, get the, you know, there's always the lingerie plan a trip on or no date night, but if she's trying hard and he's turning her down. Yeah, it's a deeper

issue. There's a deeper more he doesn't feel sexy kind of in a way, in a way a man would want to feel sexy. I agree. The next one is someone's having trouble getting over their ex. So let's hear about that.

Hi, Caitlin, and hi, Nick. I'm major fans of you both. I've been listening to both of your podcasts, literally since the beginning. I'm a Vino, and I think it's VIFI, is that the official? I don't think we ever decided the name of the podcast fans, Nick, but huge fans. But anyways, I'm kind of going through a little bit of a struggle and life transition. I broke up with my boyfriend about a month and a half ago, and I've just been really, you know, going back and forth and questioning the decision and we're still in

communication. And I know, like, long-term, we need to end things. And that's the, you know, logical, quote-unquote decision just because of a lot of reasons. But emotionally, I still love him. I still, you know, I miss him. So just wondering kind of how to navigate, you know, when your emotional and logical sides are kind of competing. If you have any advice, would appreciate it.

Thank you. Love you both. Bye. This is why I'm take it or leave it advice. I got nothing. I'm like, that sucks. That's hard. And I feel like you should just, that's, in my opinion, I'm like, it's only been a month

and a half. Of course you're still missing him. You're trying to get, I would like to know how long they were together. But of course you're trying to get over somebody and you're still attached. And they're still communicating. It took me five years to get over one guy. Five years. So that's not very.

not giving anybody hope there. Sorry. That was so great. You know, it's been five years, Nick. You narcissists. I don't know. I don't know. I think, yeah, I think, well, when it comes to even talking to your ex, I like, I, I like to take the scorched earth method. And I almost have a funeral for the person in my head.

I almost wish they did die. And the thing is, okay, but it's how I feel in the sense of, I think sometimes even coping with a death, for example, is a bit easier than with an ex because at least there's closure with a funeral, but this person's still- Your ego's not activated. Yeah. Yeah, they died and I can show it looking all cute to their funeral. Yeah, they're gone. You know, but if they're still alive and it's difficult. And so I have a funeral for them in my head. And I kind of go through the grieving process, which is tough, but like that's just something that's,

help me and in trying to navigate getting past a really serious relationship. Yeah. That's good. Hold a funeral from. Yeah. A funeral. A hypothetical funeral for them in my head. Poor one out for the homie.

Yeah. Really, though. And I stopped communicating and then I'm able to just kind of get through it. And I miss them and I get upset and I'm angry and then I kind of want to go back. And you go through all of that. It's natural for every relationship. But when the dust settles and then you start to really just sit with yourself for a minute, well, then you can actually give yourself a fighting chance to move.

on in a forward direction, as opposed to lingering, and there's a reason why the relationship ended. And so focus on that for, like, of course you need to really focus on that and then put all the attention to yourself. I had to do this in therapy. I think I've talked about it on the podcast before, where I had to sit in a chair and pretend he was sitting in the other chair and have a conversation with him about why it ended, why we weren't meant for each other. And I had to, like, switch seats and then go sit in the other and pretend to be him and have a whole honest conversation between us. And something shifted in my brain after that. So my advice is therapy because that's literally what helped me through all of it.

Great answers. Yeah. Yeah, therapy for sure. Love what you said. I just, you know, especially with her breaking up with him, I would just remind her kind of like what you said. They broke up for a reason. It's tough because when you decide to leave a. relationship or someone decides to leave the relationship with you. I mean, I know your ego

doesn't want to hear this, but like you either decided for yourself or they decided for themselves that they think there's something better for them out there. Yeah. And that's hard to hear or hard to face. And for her, she's decided for herself to something better out there for her. But that's something better never comes when we want it to. So like you said, it's only been a month and a half and it's almost always common you know she goes back out there because especially if it's like a relationship where you maybe were dreading the breakup you've been dating for a while and you maybe kind of knew you're going to break up with um four or five months before you actually got the courage to do it so by the time you did it you're you probably weren't even sad you might

have been kind of relieved and then you go back out there you're thinking I'm single and you get in the apps and then you realize this is a fucking man. mess out here. And I think it's pretty easy to get discouraged pretty fast. And then you start going back and negotiating with yourself about like, well, was it as bad as like, I. Yeah, it's so true. You know, like, I don't know. Like, it wasn't that bad. Yeah. They're funny. Yeah. There's that one time you brought me flowers or whatever. I mean. You make excuses for them. So I think kind of to your point, you just hash remember that you, you chose, you knew your gut told you that there was something better out there for you and you just have to have the patience to fight through the discomfort of

starting over starting new going on some bad dates you're going to meet a bunch of you know frogs before you meet your prince charming so to speak and stay the course but all those feelings of it was she calls her head in her heart it's not really her head or her heart it's it's more of her ego not thinking she should be alone or just the comfort of what she had and my ego always says i don't want that person to be with another person. Sure. Yeah. But, oh, that's another thing, too. Like, you break up with them, they move on. Yeah. You know, eventually. And you're just like, what? Because you haven't found something better for yourself, but maybe they didn't. Keep in mind, when you tell yourself, I want something better for me, you're not better than them.

You're saying we both deserve better. And so, even if they pick up the pieces and move on, and you should be happy for them. You know, it's hard. Your ego's activated. But, But it has nothing to do with you. You've chosen to move on. You've decided there's something better out there for you and you're just going to have to be a little more patient than you expected. I mean, it's and that's how it goes.

I think that's like initially what I was saying is like it's only been a month and a half. So of course you're going to feel this way. And I think patience is a good word to use when grieving this relationship as just having the patience because time does help. A lot of time you get excited when you are finally on the market. And then kind of like, this is right. And that advice of like the best way to get over someone is to get under someone and just start fucking your brains out, you know?

I tried that when I left a really serious relationship and I felt like shit. Yeah. It didn't help me. And so I know that's very common advice. Just get yourself back out there. Get all cute. Go fuck someone. No.

It didn't work for me. And I actually think you might end up hurting yourself in the long run. If you hold out a bit and focus on you. I think you're going to do yourself a big favor in the long run. That's what I was about to say. Just, you know, every relationship, relationships take a ton of work, and we all have a habit of forgetting to take care of ourselves in relationships, especially towards the end of them because, you know, they're not going well. Maybe they're toxic, so they're energy suckers, and maybe use this newfound free time to investing yourself, whatever that is. Maybe it's something you've always wanted to do, never did.

maybe you try to get them to take a trip they didn't want to take go on go with a friend go by your fucking self i don't know um but those are just ways to preoccupy your time and yes not try to replace them with someone new is a good way to make you miss something that wasn't good for you it was right it was i feel like did you get that from paler swift i feel like that was in a song okay vinos so you've probably heard me talk about the new starbucks buy a energy drink and now if you're not already excited to try it, well, you should be. I don't know about you, but lately I've definitely needed an extra little boosty boost, maybe something weird going on with the planets or something. Or maybe we're just trying to live insanely busy lives. Yeah, that's me. Well, that's where this new

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Okay, next one. This one's interesting. Let's play it. This is a question for your upcoming podcast with Nick Byall and relationships. I'm married, and lately my husband is, becoming complacent and not showering. I have tried to bring it up as sensitively as I could, but it's not making a difference,

and it is definitely a huge turnoff. Yeah. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I don't know what else to do. That's so nice with her. I would be like... Any suggestions would be great. I'm sorry.

I would... You just feel like you... Be like, you were disgusting. Like, shower, you stink bomb. Well, don't take that advice. Just the page out of the Milakounis Ashton Kutcher book because I know they had a lot of controversy because I think Mila. Yeah, they did like shower their children every day. Yeah, but you know what?

I mean, I shower every day. I shower in the morning. Sometimes I shower at night as well. But I know. You don't? No, I don't. No, I don't. I have to.

foul. Well, I mean, I wouldn't, like two days. Okay, yeah, if you work out. Okay, yeah. If I work out, I'm going to, because I get sweaty, betty, I would definitely shower. Yeah. But maybe not. Really?

But I feel like it. She said complacent. Yes, I noticed that, too. So, like, is there like a general, like, laziness? I think so. When she said complacent, I went, okay, it's not just showering. Like, to me, he sounds depressed. And she sounded.

Well, it could be that. And she sounded really nervous to talk about it, which broke my heart. Yeah, she's nervous about it. Because you're right. I mean, I feel like deciding not to take a shower and smelling is not the same as like erectile dysfunction. Right. You know, and like the sensitivity around a man and like feeling emasculated when his, you know, girlfriend or wife is like, why doesn't your dick work? Yeah, yeah.

But she's approaching it in a way. Like it's a rectile in a similar way. Yeah. Yeah. so you know like you know therapy i mean uh couples therapy is not the same as individual therapy so if people have a hard time which that could be a start you know hopefully maybe your your couple therapists will recommend individual therapy but i agree with you i don't think there's anything wrong if if it if she doesn't think he's depressed and she just it's just

just really like he just decided not to shower and there's this like new age thing like I hung out with maybe Dean too long from The Bachelor or something. He's going all granola. He watched a TikTok about like showering. I think you just ask him. If she's worried that he might be suffering from some sort of depression, then definitely suggests therapy for sure. Otherwise, I think you can just tell him. But yeah, I think you smell is okay.

Because I feel like if your tip. Or compliment. Don't say it like you smell or oh my God. No, see. You can smell. Or if you, okay, if you want to take a different approach. I might be like, Nellie, you smell a little fresh today. I don't know.

I think a little ripe there, Caitlin. Or I think if you want to come from the approach of like, oh, I love the way you smell after a nice shower. But that's passive aggressive. I don't think it's just because the way she's talking about this sounds very, like it's a very sensitive topic. It does seem like a sensitive subject. Coming at him and just being like, you stank.

Oh, my God, that dick reeks. Yeah, you definitely, like, I think in relationships, going back to what we said about that first caller, I think there's such a fine line between, like, how do you, how do we, we don't, you know how in relationships you're like, I want to date someone who makes me a better person. Yeah. How do you want your partner to make you a better person? But sometimes in relationships, we were like, oh, I'm supposed to make my partner a better person. And we do that by picking on them or, you know, joking. And so it's a, I think people, we've got to try, how do you help your partner without making him feel bad or shamed?

Yeah. You know, so you always, you know, so if it's this like, like I want my girlfriend to tell me if I have something, like my flies down, something in my tooth. Do I smell? Yeah. I need her to let me know. So I'm not embarrassing myself. Yeah, that's, I would want to know.

And it's kind of a, hey, babe, you know, just do this. Like, again, it's one of those things. Those things add up. And I don't know what's going on with this collar, but it's kind of one of those things where you just, it's always, I think it's really important and not to make your partner feel shamed and judged for every little thing that you might notice on them. Yeah. So, but yeah, just tell her, tell me things. I think bottom line is just you just got to tell them. I have some nice soaps, a nice body wash and a lufa, be like, ooh, but I got a little treat for you.

Or let's shower together. I don't think that's passive aggrat. There's nothing aggressive about it. Who knows? I mean, yeah. I just think she sounded really nervous to talk about it and bad. She felt really bad. And to me, I just felt like.

Do you think it's more she's embarrassed to say that her husband doesn't shower? Maybe. I've thought through that phase, though, where I was like, oh, I'm not showering as much. Oh. I was also very depressed, though. See, but that's what I'm saying. I feel like she needs to maybe ask if he's okay. Okay.

Yeah. That's a mental health check in. Yeah. Should we move on to the next one? Okay. Next. Hey, Caitlin. It's Caitlin. And I just had a quick question. I am, well, I say recently single, but I've been single for a messy year. And I came out of a five-and-a-half-year messy relationship.

And I really tried to get on the dating apps, and I just can't do it. I just cringe every time. and I really am honestly enjoying being alone, but I don't know if I should still try and get out there. What's your advice on how I should start dating again because it's exhausting and honestly awful? But I'm ready to find adjacent. You know what I mean?

Anyways, can't wait to sit some space and spares later. Bye. Your voice was very calming. I love her. Yeah. She's happy being a lot. That's the first she loves you. She loves you.

she's supporting the brand and yeah sipping spades sparrows and wants to jason and i'd love that she's okay being alone she's like i'm cool being that's already for once you're okay that's the first big step is like you're cool in your own skin yeah you want someone to just compliment your life not become your life so she's already two steps ahead of the game yeah good job queen good job queen what did she say about dating apps did she doesn't want to be on them doesn't want to be on the dating apps I think she should. She's going to find her love on dating apps. Dating, like, people, it's, it's just a way to meet someone.

It's definitely a way that a lot of people are utilizing. Yeah. The problem with dating apps is that we don't have self-control. So first, I mean, it almost sounds like she hates the idea of dating apps. So I would just suggest try getting over it. Yeah. Because everyone's on them. Yeah.

And I know it's relatively recent because, if she, she said she just got to have a five-year, messy relationship. Well, five years ago, dating apps were in his mainstream. So if you were single five years ago, it's like, you know, a dirty secret to be like, I met him on a dating app. But now five years later, no, it's not a dirty secret anymore. So if she's just embarrassed to be on dating apps, then no, everyone's using them. Yeah. And when you start using them, like, set some boundaries for yourself because you have access to everyone. Oh my gosh. I feel like I'd go ham on a dating them. I would have a field day. Yeah, that gets exhausting, you know, and you start having the same

conversations over and over. You get fatigued, you know, so, but. And then you probably don't put your best self out there because you're so, like, when you have five bad dates in a row, how are you not going to feel defeated and just like, this shit's never going to work? And that's very common. Yeah, and you're so drained emotionally after them. I keep telling people, and usually the reaction I get is like some sort of like you're nuts, but. I think the pandemic taught us the value of a Zoom meeting and dating apps can be exhausting. And, like, I think the Zoom date or the FaceTime date is, like, the perfect first date for someone you know nothing about that you don't know if you want to, like, get ready for. And if you're a guy, you don't know if you want to drop $150 for if, you know, we're still, you know, because let's be honest, in a progressive society, we're still, like, expecting men to pay for the first date.

Right. And there's a lot of anxiousness and frustrations on both sides. So, like, just try to make it easy on yourself. Yeah. You can literally have a Zoom date in your sweatpants with a spade and sparrows. Yeah. And you get to learn about their voice and see if you have a rapport and see if you have the same humor on a 20-minute Zoom date. Plus, you could be, like, secretly taking notes and he would never know.

Yeah. And you can feel less fatigue, too. Yeah. You know? So instead of, like, four dates in person where you had to get ready. and you have that nervous awkwardness and if any date goes bad internet click you know

whatever except you could literally create a Gmail account that's only for a Zoom date so all you're giving out is some bullshit email address that no one else has that the only information they have is some email address for a Zoom account you know if you can give me your phone number did you do this

yeah that's not I feel I do I do you done that and the beginning of the pandemic when I was dating you know before Natalie and I were in a relationship I FaceTime or Zoom, but I suggest it, you know, for sure. I feel like that's a great idea. Do you, are you on dating apps? I am.

You are. Do you like it? No, I don't. I don't think anyone's like, taking apps or so. My girlfriend loved it. My girlfriend loved being on Ryan. What I do like, we say loved, is she now in a relationship? Yeah.

Yeah. So like, she was, she was the exception of the rule where she went on for period of time, probably had some fun dates, met a couple famous dudes, and then, like, found the one. And so it was like, I like seeing how many people are out there. That's cool. Yeah. Because, I mean, the options are limitless. Yeah.

But I will say, I had one girlfriend of mine and she was in the same boat where she didn't feel comfortable on dating apps. She kind of felt like she missed the boat in that and just because she had been divorced. And so she was like not familiar with them at all. Yeah. And so her and I were talking and I was just trying to figure out how to help this queen out because she's beautiful. She's kind.

And so anyway, what I ended up telling her to do or advising her to do, and she actually found a guy. It worked. So that's cool is she didn't want to go on the dating app. She ended up getting it, went on a few dates. They weren't great. It put a bad taste in her mouth. So then I was like, well, why don't she's like very environmentally conscious and

something like that? So I said, why don't you volunteer to do like a beach cleanup? And so she did that. And she met like a bunch of people, found a whole new group of friends. and then she's obsessed with dogs. So she started helping at the dog shelter. And she met a really sweet guy at the dog shelter. And then she started getting, she was putting herself out there.

I was like, just put yourself out there in a way, which I've done too. And then people will want to set you up with people. If you put it out into the universe, it will come back to you. You'll attract it. And so she was saying like, oh, if you know someone, like I'd love to meet him and just throwing it out there with these new friends. And yeah, she found a guy. That's great. They're six months out.

making friends. Yeah, that's, that's, you got to take it as the same advice that you would give yourself if you moved to a new city. Like, go do something that you love to do and you're probably going to meet some great people that have the same passions as you. And during the pandemic, obviously, like, that's not going to happen, you know. Because I just haven't really dated. I've just always, like, been like, serious relationship to serious relationship to serious

relationship. Some of these questions are relationship focused. Yeah. And you dated those people before you. I guess so. Yeah, I think you're great. You've given me great advice. You're always like, block him.

Cut him out of your life, love. That is. And the good news is, like, she's not, she's comfortable with being alone. So all these activities that she might try won't be with this added pressure of, I hope I meet someone, because a lot of people will do that. They're like, like, okay, yeah, I'm going to expand my zone. And I'm going to go to this dog park. And they're just like looking for their husband.

Or I have guy friends who do that too, you know, go out and, you know, go out. And they walk into a bar and they look around and be like, is my wife here? Yeah. Nope, let's the next bar. Yeah, man. Just like, so true. Let it come to you. Yeah.

So. Yeah, you don't need to hunt. Easier said than done. It is easier. Every, all advice is easier said than done. Okay, we're going to move on. I do prank calls on the pod. And there's this one that I really want you to do because this girl has a massive crush on you.

Oh, cute. Do you know this person? No. The, people submit, like, pranks. and prank ideas in, and then I'll do a prank call and call these random people. A listener will write in and say, like, can you prank my dad or something? Like, give me somebody else to call. Okay.

And it's, I get, like, hot and sweaty and, like, nervous. I'm already nervous. It's so nervous. I'll go first. I'll do one first. I'm going to call Jackie. She wants us to call her husband about being a contestant. Like, I'm a casting director from The Bachelor and somebody sent me his photo.

And that we're interested in him being on the Bachelor. But he's married. But he's married. Yeah. Have you ever, like, caught someone being unfaithful? No. What if the guy's like, yeah, I'll get right back to you. Well, what was the one, what one did I do?

That's on TikTok where it's like that, what is it called? Like, I think it's like women will do the like a loyalty test where girls will say, you know, reach out to my boyfriend and like hit them up. That's true. I hate that. I hate that. It just gives me anxiety. I'm like, oh, God, if you're having to test the person in a relationship. get out of that.

If you're having to put that. I mean, I guess if you're doing it for the clout, like for... My first girlfriend, freshman year of college, tried to do a loyalty test of me with AOL and some messenger. Passed flying colors. Did you? When I'm in, I'm in. And then did you get mad at her for doing that to you? Because to me, I'd be like, fuck you.

Yeah. I don't remember getting mad. No. Just disappointed. Yeah. Disappointed. Okay, here we go. Hi, is Randy there?

Oh, hi, Randy. This is Lacey calling from ABC. I'm a casting director here at The Bachelorette, and your, I don't know who it was a friend, maybe, has nominated you to go through for the first rounds of casting. Okay. Okay. So I was just wondering what your availability look like in this. next week to jump on a Zoom with a few casting directors? I appreciate the offer, but I'm not sure which one of my friends would recommend

me. I am married. I have been for about three years. Well, you just passed the loyalty test, my friend. This is Caitlin Bristow calling on Off the Vine podcast. Your wife just wanted to pull a prank on you. Oh, my God. Of course she did. I was wondering, when you

said okay at first, I was like, you motherfuck No, no, no, no, no. I'm like... That was a confused, okay. I wasn't confused, okay. Yeah, no, that was 100% confused because I'm like, I know she watches the bachelor because she has me watch the bathroom with it. So I'm like, I don't know who the hell would refer me to this.

Were you a little flattered, though, for a second? For a second, but it sounds like one of those things where you like know that it's not going to? Oh, well, thanks for being a good sport. Tell Jackie, we say hello. Thank you. I appreciate it. Okay, bye. You sounded so nervous. I love Randy Jackson.

Yeah, I love Randy Jackson. She's been busy after American Idol. So now he's... That's a yes for me, dog. That's a yes for me, though. Okay, are you ready to do yours? So what am I doing? Okay, so her name is Victoria.

She has a huge crush on Nick. Maybe you call and... Oh, she wants to adopt a dog. So you're going to say that you have a dog. Wait, I'm not going to be like, just kidding. No dog. And I'm, but I have a girlfriend. I also have a girlfriend.

Why? What shit. Fine. Okay. Maybe you call her and you say, you have such an obvious voice too. Do I? Yeah. Wait, there's a voicemail.

There's a voicemail. Let's listen to it because she has the idea for the prank. Maybe she'll make it sound better than. Is this for her friend? Yeah. Okay. It sounds like herself. No.

I love Nick to prank me. No. Okay. Hi, Caitlin. So my friend has a huge crush on Nick. And I thought it could be really funny if he prank called her. And I told her that one of my friends was interested in going to college where she went to college and she might be getting a random call tomorrow. But what I really thought Nick could do is, you know, whatever he wants to say, honestly.

but she's been really interested lately in adopting a dog. So I thought it could be good if he said that he was calling from, you know, a dog adoption agency. And he wanted to ask her some questions before he could decide if she was a good owner. Background check. You know, would he drink? I don't know. Does she drink? Yeah.

Have you abused dogs in your past? Her phone number is. So what's the name of our agency? Yeah, agency. Dogs are us. Come on. Let's see you better than that. What?

Wait, I'm Googling 500 catchy animal shelter names. Okay. Independent dog shelter. Okay. Okay. Oh, citizen canine. Clippendales. Oh, my God.

Dog you divine. That's fine. Citizen canine. Okay. Citizen canine sounds legit. Yeah. Citizen. All right.

So what are our five background questions? How much alcohol do you consume? How many drinks do you consume in a week and a day? The last one is like, can you juggle? Can you juggle? Yes. Yeah. Okay.

Do you, here, let's write these down for you. Yeah, you have notes. I'm just going to do it for you. Okay. Citizen canine. How many beverages do you consume a week? Alcoholic. How many steps do you take a day?

Like, how many? We need a couple Legit questions first Like how many hours Have you owned a pet before? Do you have any pets right now? Yes. Are you employed?

Are you? Do you work from home? Employed. Do you work from home is a good one? Because dog shelters always want to know that. We're really getting. How many hours a day do you spend on Instagram? Do you like to party?

Do you like to party and can you juggle? What is your party trick? You into cocaine? Can you juggle. What's your rising signs? Oh, that's great. What's your moon in rising? Yeah, what's your moon rising?

Moon and sun. Are you an Enneagram three? If so, then no doubt for you. I'm an enneagram three and four. I'm four with three wing. Four wing three? Yeah. So much, I think.

You four with a three? I think so. I can be wrong. I feel like that's a good one. I'm an eight wing four. Really? Really? We both need too much sunshine.

Yeah, we do. We really do. It's the last call of the day. This is going to be a good one. I hope she picks out. I hope she's like, Nick? Oh, wow. Well, her friend kind of gave it away.

No, she said that it's going to be for like a college, a student calling. Yeah. Yeah. She said that be by your phone because I'm going to have someone call you for Citizen K9. Citizen K9. I'm excited. Jeff from Citizen K9. Jeff, yeah.

I'm always Amanda. For some reason, Amanda is my go-to. I did Lacey. because that's who was my casting director Miguel. Miguel? That's your go-to? Yeah. Javier. I don't know.

The name came up on my podcast yesterday the day now. It's in my head. And how did I get her information? Her friend. We got your application. What if she didn't send an application? Well, we got home from him. This is the problem.

They don't ask this many questions. They get so nervous that they just want to answer. They don't really ask all the, because Jason's the same way as you. He wants to know, like, and I'm like, just wing it. And they don't ask a lot of questions. And when they do, you just, Writh, bruff

Off the guff, off the fan Wing it, brug, wing it like my liner Okay Oh, God Are you nervous? We got your information from a cereal box Yeah He's going to regret this for the rest of her life

If she doesn't answer Hello? Hi, is Victoria there? Hi, Victoria, this is Jeff from Canine Citizen R Us. Hi. Hi. We are a company that lets people rescue dogs.

And we were wondering if you're interested in restoring dogs. Oh, my God. Yeah. Great. If you don't mind, we just like to do a quick background check on some of our people just to make sure our dogs are safe. Yeah. Great. Have you ever owned a pet?

Yes. What was its name? We want to make sure that dogs get a good name. Basel. Baisal. Cute. Yeah. Okay.

I mean, that's okay. Do you own one right now? I don't, but I'm looking. Okay. Great. Are you currently employed? Yes. How many days do you spend at work?

Like, are you able to take care of the dog? Well, actually, so long story short, but my company is based in Vancouver, and I'm from the East Coast. I'm actually heading back home. So I was looking for a dog here, but I think it might be best to get one when I land back home, which is in Ottawa. Wonderful. And in that case, I'll be working full-time from home. Do you have a preference on the type of canine that you would get? No.

I mean, like, ideally bigger than, like, 10 pounds and not a massive dog. Okay. So, like, right in the middle. Right in the middle would be great. Great. And also, I'm looking for, like, ideally between, like, one and three years old. okay great just a few more questions um do you like to party um no no okay so we'll get you more of a chill dog yeah okay uh what is your uh rising sign oh my god Jesus um is it good thing if I don't know

it or if I do know it it really well I guess it really just more depends on the dog Some of our dogs are, like, kind of into that stuff. Oh, okay. Yeah. I couldn't tell you. Okay. Some of our dogs, like, tricks. Do you like to juggle?

I'm just for you, Victoria. This is Nick Vile. Oh, my God. Are you still there? Oh, I'm here. Great. You're on the phone with Caitlin Bristow as well. This is so mean. I'm so excited. That's what I was thinking. What's her friend's name?

I don't know. I forget the friend's name. Who is the friend who told you to be by your phone today? Yeah, that's where it was. And I said, well, we're going to get her excited about this dog. Really good. Yeah. That's amazing. I'm sorry.

That was good. That's okay. Wait, did you not laugh when you heard him say? What is that at first? Citizen K-9-R-R-S. That was amazing. How are you otherwise? Oh, I'm great.

Thank you. Thank you, Nick. I'm sorry. I'm sorry we couldn't get you a dog. That's okay. It's a pleasure speaking to you. I'm sure you'll get one, though. Yeah, it's in your car.

In Ottawa. And Bezle's a good name for a dog. Yeah. I was just teasing you. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God.

I'm being filmed right now I'm really embarrassed You're what? I'm being filmed right now As your friend with you? Well, that's why I realized because someone was sitting outside of the office filming me with their phone

Oh, okay, the giveaway So I had you going Yeah, you did I was really into it I was really into it My favorite is when you asked the sign And she goes, oh, Jesus That was amazing

I was so confused Well, thanks for being a good sport I thought you had a fun, like fun startup maybe who was asking fun quirky questions I wish. Fun startup. That's amazing. All right. Well, good luck finding a dog. I'm sure you will get one. Thank you so much.

All right. Take care. Too sweet. That was amazing. Wait, your questions. What did you do at first? After K9 or us, I was dead. I was like burying my face. I panicked and I pulled it together. I pulled it together. And then you didn't know how to describe the company. You're like, we get dogs rescued. Oh, that's freaking fun. Ah, you did it. You did it. Lo, you're next.

What? It felt a little cruel. Sorry, Victoria. I love that you kind of gave her shit for Basil, the dog's name. You're like, yeah, it's okay. But here's the thing is I used to just hang up and let them believe that. And my listeners were like, that actually is kind of like bullying. And I was like, oh, so now I always make sure I tell them at the end.

But anyways, thanks for being here today. Thanks for having me. That was nice. That was fun. Yeah. Always good to see you. And always good to see you. And thank you, Nick.

It's always good to see you. Everybody listen to, obviously, our podcast, but where can people find your podcast? Everywhere you listen to a podcast. I feel like watching that sort of thing. We're on YouTube as well. Oh, nice. Is that new? That you have it on YouTube? You've always done it on YouTube. You guys have a good setup over there, too. Looks good on. Most people listen to it rather than watch it. But you like to give it. It's good to have the options. Visual representation. Sure. In case that someone's into that sort of thing. Yeah. I'm into that sort of thing. Okay. All right. All right. Well, have a good rest of your day. Lo, you're still stuck with me for two more podcasts. Bye. Oh, Tootles. Bye. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending.

Thanks for joining us for this week's Great Therapy. Don't forget to rate, review, and follow on your favorite podcast platform. And tune in Thursday for your next session. Do you want to thrive outside the nine to five? the mom's exit interview podcast is for you. In each episode, you'll hear from inspirational everyday moms taking control. Entrepreneurs, stay-at-home moms, side hustles, consultants, and more. Plus, experts with actionable tips like Rebecca Minkoff and Gretchen Rubin. I'm Kim Ritberg, former Us Weekly and Netflix executive and mom of two. I've got the best boss now, me, and I've

never been happier. Whether you're in transition or already made a change, let's create a more flexible and fulfilling life together. Listen to and follow Mom's Exit interview on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.