Off The Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe - Grape Therapy: Bachelor Newsflash & The Meaning of Life with Robyn Schall

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

Comedian and part-time newscaster Robyn Schall is back with Kaitlyn to talk about some of life’s most important topics including prank ideas, foot fetishes, breaking news from Bachelor Nation, and the entire meaning of our existence. Robyn catches Kaitlyn up on what life has looked like since they last spoke, which has mostly involved wearing more Kardashian-inspired looks around the city and dating multiple suitors because… why not? Then, Robyn and Kaitlyn discuss riveting news from the Bachelor world, give their lukewarm takes on this most recent season, and reveal both their sexual and non-sexual crushes of the moment. You won’t want to miss this hot duo live in action!  HYUNDAI - Learn more at HyundaiUSA.com.   APARTMENTS.COM - The place to find a place. PROGRESSIVE - Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. This week's grape therapy is sponsored by Apartments.com, the place to find a place and Progressive. Quote at Progressive.com to join the over 27 million drivers who trust Progressive. This week's pod is brought to you by Hyundai and the 2022 Tucson and Santa Fe plug-in hybrid EV. Learn more about the widest range of electrified vehicles at Hyundai.usa.com. It's time for Off the Vine, Grape Therapy. Welcome to your weekly session. Caitlin and friends are here to share unfiltered advice, lots of laughs, and some major breakthroughs.

So put your feet up, pop a cork, and get ready for some grape therapy. Hi. Caitlin, I miss you. I'm so sad. I didn't get to see you in person. I'm such a dingling. I know. I was so looking for.

I was like, oh, my God, because out of the, what has it been over a year? No, yeah, way over a year. We've yet to record in person. We've done like seven podcasts together. Yeah. And, well, we've done it in person for a live, but not for like a sit-down recording. But I don't even know if we aired that one. I think that was just for a live show.

No, I think you aired. Actually, I don't even know, to be honest. I don't really know. How was your New York trip? Oh, my gosh. I did everything I would never do if I was in New York, but I did it as like a tourist for my family. Yeah. And had so much fun.

Like I hate Times Square, but I was looking at it through the eyes of like my niece and nephew. And they were just like mesmerized. And I would have never gone to like the M&M store and the Lego store. And I was having the best time. And we just like did everything, ate everything. everything, went to a Mets game, and it was so fun. We had the best time. You know, I, because of, like, Instagram, I do so many New York things now to show people. And I'm like, this is so fun. How have I lived here my whole life and never did any of this? And now I'm doing it to show people,

and it's, like, so fun. It is so fun. I love being a tourist in Nashville as well. Like, everyone always makes fun of people for going on the stupid pedal taverns that, like, go around town. And, like, they have a vehicle for everything in Nashville. Like, They have like a swimming pool truck that drives around and like a tractor that you can sit on or the pedal tavern that you pedal around on and you stop at different bars. There's like a million different trucks that drive around for parties in Nashville. And everyone's always like, that's so stupid. And I'm like, I love it. I love hitting the paddle tavern.

I'm going to Nashville for the first time ever this weekend. Oh, yes, this weekend. Yeah. Wait, I am so excited for you. So you're performing at Zanis. Yes, Sunday night. July 17th, but this is my first, which I'm so excited for. If you haven't gotten tickets, get tickets.

But more than this show, I've never been to Nashville. So I'm just so excited. Can I take you somewhere? Please. I want to do something touristy. Okay, let's do it. I'll plan something touristy. When do you get here?

When do you leave? Okay, so I leave Saturday and Sunday have to like focus on the shows. But I'm staying till Thursday morning. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Really Tuesday and Wednesday. I have stuff Monday, but Tuesday and Wednesday. Let's do something. Okay.

I would love to. I'd love to do something with you. I'll show you somewhere touristy in Nashville. I'll take you to a honky talk central. Yeah, everyone keeps saying that. What's a honky talk? A honky talk is like a bar. There's a bunch of honky tonks on Broadway where you, there's just like live music on every different floor. And there's usually three floors. And it's just basically a big party. It's actually my personal hell, but I would do it for you. No, I want you to have fun, though. What's something that you were like, that's something not, what about the bike thing? well that would be hilarious actually if we did the bike thing my opener is like one of my really good friends who's a big fan of yours maybe we should do it while she's here because then we could like and she's she's a drinker so yes yes oh my gosh we are hitting the pedal taverns oh my gosh we're doing this I know I know somebody that like runs the bikes and so I'll just reach out and be like I'm so excited oh so you didn't need to see each other in New York we got no we are going to make up for lost time in Nashville I'm so excited Okay, tell me about Zanis. Where can people get tickets? Okay, so if you go to either my Instagram,

Robin Shull Comic, it's in the bio, or just go to Zanis Nashville Comedy Club. You can get tickets there. I would say get it sooner than later because there's not lots of tickets left. Yes. But, yeah, I'm so excited. It's my stand-up.

It's very Robinesque where I go in out of stand-up and talk to people and bring them up. It's an event. Yeah. Oh, I'm so excited for you. And, okay, so that's on the 17th. What time? 7 p.m. Sunday night.

Okay. I'm so excited. And then my friend Megan is a hilarious comic, so she's opening for me. And I think it's her first time in Nashville, too. So we are so excited. Little Nashville rookies. Well, I'm going to show you the ropes with the pedal tavern and that's it. But there's so much to do.

Am I going to sweat? No, it's actually like, well, yes, you will because it's a frigging 100 degrees here. But it's not like a lot of work. There's like a main guy pedaling. And then if you get a bunch of people on it, it's, there's only like a couple hills and it's funny. Oh, God. I'm so, oh, God. I'm so much fun. Yeah. I'm actually really excited. We also haven't talked on the podcast since you mother pranked me with that guy, your friend. Oh, John Marco. John Marco, who is actually so funny to follow on Instagram too. How did you get him to fool me? Like,

were you like, hey, could you take an hour of your time to prank Caitlin? Yeah. And he was like, sure. Oh, my gosh. I was so good. He's so funny. Like, I performed with him a bunch doing stand-up. And I wanted someone who wasn't, like, over the top. Like, I needed someone who could be real. And I trusted, like, he's an actor also.

I needed an actor comic who would know how to be funny. Also, someone who, like, knows the line not to, like, push it too far where it's like, we'll all get canceled. Do you know what I mean? Right. There was, like, a line, you know. Yes. And he was the perfect balance of all of that.

And so, yeah. I just messed him. I was like, hey, my friends are doing an April Fool's prank. Do you want in on it? He said, yes. And then I told them who you were. Like, he was in on it. He was so convincing and so good.

And, like, I want him to do big things because I was like, too chaser. That was, yeah. I have an idea, but we, I don't know if Jason's going to listen. So we'll just talk later. He probably won't. Okay, I have an idea for you. Okay.

He doesn't have time. Do you want me to say it? I feel like you have so many listeners. There may be a terrible human who will ruin it. Well, if they, if somebody ruins it, I will personally go out of my way to make their life hell. Okay. It's, okay. This is going to be a laugh.

It's the vinos. We're the family. We're the secret. Really quiet. Tree with the nest. Okay. Okay. So I think you should plan this months in advance.

Okay. And have his manager or whoever. Okay. at a private event but have them book it like in now this is the there's two important key things before I tell you the prank one you have to tell him that you so he won't think anything of it you know uh-huh uh-huh then you and yes that is brilliant and I would go to that extreme measure to make it happen yeah I would even pay him his fee just to get him to do the event.

That's so funny because I feel like like I'm such a one-upper and I mean, what better time with April Fool since I started it. It was so good. It was like, how do we top this? He somehow got me back. And then it's going to be like to the next level of extreme pranking to the point where like TV shows will come knocking and saying you're the new after Coucher of whatever that.

yeah actually his of the bachelor yes I'm so down I got to start planning now because wait what is the date no you're like you have like a year yeah yeah but if I like like okay fine I have some time a few months a few months but I'm so that's why I was like thinking I was like oh Kaylin needs to think 10 steps ahead this time around yeah I do oh god okay that's amazing on to our next conversation which is the one and only Kardashian, Miss Kim. I need an update on your Kardashian journey because you're always putting together the best looks inspired by the fam. I saw you rocking the Balenciaga in the streets of New York, Kim Kaye style. Like, do you just, do you just like commit to these things and be like, I hope she

sees this? Or are you like, I just, this is hilarious. Well, I mean, like, she's the gift that keeps giving. She is. Like, when she wore the caution tape, I mean, I, I, woke up. I saw that and it was like a no-brainer. I was like, I need to make this costume or outfit. Yeah. That's sadly not a costume that is. Nope, no, no. They have very expensive outfit. So I bought caution tape. I wrapped myself up and I went out and yeah, she reposted. Like, she's such a good sense of humor about it. She does. No matter what you think about the Kardashians, fine. Everyone has like their opinion, but they have a great sense of humor. You can make fun of them. they share it they repost it she'll be like this is so funny rob like she's like

supporter of comedy so she does i mean clearly she likes comedy she likes pete davidson but do you see the newest pictures she posted with the feet on his chest yes this family's all about feet because Courtney and Travis post a lot of feet pictures don't think because didn't Courtney comment on it and be like do you have a foot fetish too Chloe did yes Chloe I don't know I thought it was Courtney because her and Travis, okay, I don't know, I get all the K's mixed up. Yeah, so Chloe was like, do you have a foot fetish too? Like, meaning

because Courtney does. Yes. No, Travis does about Courtney. And then Kim wrote, nope. Nope, just a simple nope. And it was so cute when she was like, hey, babe, do you want to shower with me quickly? He just throws his phone behind him and goes. That was so cute.

I'm like obsessed with them. But I feel like I can't like get too hopeful. yet, but I feel like I have high hopes for them. I feel like they're going to get married. Oh, well, of course there. It's Kim Kardashian. Yes.

I love it. And I love that. She's like, I'm a relationship gal. Like, I'm like, you go. Marry as many people as you want. Who cares? Nothing matters anymore. Like, if you want to get married, get married.

If you never want to get married, don't ever get married. Like, okay, nothing matters. If you want to get married five times, who cares? Who cares? Who cares? This week's episode of grape therapy is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Now, most of you listening right now are probably, probably multitasking. It's just what we do. While you're listening to me, you might be driving, cleaning, exercising, maybe grocery shopping, who knows. But if you're not in some kind of moving

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Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates National Annual Average Insurance Savings by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2020 and May 2021. Potential savings will vary discounts not available in all states and situations. Do you see the picture of all the stars? Like the new pictures from the telescope? No. Okay.

So NASA or somewhere. Just released. Some smart people. something yeah just released these like high tech new pictures from space and now we're learning there's like that of like thousands and thousands of galaxies that we didn't know of what yeah and now like you it really points out like how small and insignificant all we really are yeah like none of this matters except for this podcast and my show on Sunday yeah those two things matter but nothing else wait and sparrow keep going

and do edit. Oh, should I do a placement, like a product placement? Yes. What is that doing beside you and not behind you? I need to see the label. Label forward. Cheers. Wait, I need to talk to you about something really important.

Wait, can I just, can I ask you one thing before we move on? If we're just so insignificant and we don't matter, what matters? Like, what should we be doing that matters in life? I got you. Okay. Whatever is going to make you happy. Got it. That's it. Because like, we're only here for a small amount of time. Yeah. And then more people are made. Nothing matters. So try to live your happiest life. So if spending time with your family truly makes you happy, spend time with your family. If going on vacation makes you happy, do what you can so that you're taking at least a vacation a year. Because eventually nothing matters. So do what you can for while you're here for you and like your loved ones to be happy.

So do you think, like, other galaxies have other, like, living things? Have other Caitlin's on their planets? Totally. Like, another Caitlin and Robin are having this conversation. Like, we are, like, how many dimensions? This is deep. Yeah, this is really deep. Oh, my God.

Okay, tell me what the important thing you were going to tell me is. I had a little PTSD watching The Bachelorette. You did, huh? Yeah, because, you know, I, for those who don't know, I've been following Caitlin since Crystal's season. Yep. Clown my field, Bristow. Yeah. And I was actually fine until they showed the previews coming up.

And they were like when Rachel, Rachel, said her name, yeah. Yeah. Rachel and Gabby. Yeah. When like Rachel was giving flowers, no, roses. Carnations. What is that flower again? And they were like, sorry, we like Gabby.

Sorry, we like Gabby. And then this is like how I remember feeling. I remember I was always rooting for you. But I didn't, I felt so bad for, what was her name? It was on your, right. Yeah. I'm like, why are we doing that? Like, okay, this first episode wasn't bad.

They weren't really pinned against each other. And I liked that. Right. I saw yuckiness is coming and I don't like it. Well, that's what I was going to say. I was going to say hot take slash Luke Warren. take is that I didn't I thought the episode was boring but then I was telling Clayton and Susie I was like but if it was drama filled and all this like like a shit show I would have felt sad for people so it's like what do

I want I don't know but what I do know is that two bachelorettes is just not a great idea I love the two girls I think they're both incredible if they can like stay on the same page and communicate and not feel insignificant or insecure and like be you know women empowerment but I just don't see that happening in a show like The Bachelorette because this show is about creating drama and having feelings hurt and broken hearts and tears and fights. And if they are going to do that for ratings, then they have to make them fall either in love of the same guy or have one of the girls feel less than the other. And that just breaks my heart.

And that's why I'm like, can we just not with the two bacheloretts? It did not go over well when it was me and another girl. And to have to the full season is, I don't like it. No. And like, they could have just, like, easily gone with you. Do you know what I mean? They didn't need to do that. Just like, they could have easily gone with either of these girls.

Yeah. Both are so great. It didn't matter who they picked. Yeah. They didn't need to do both. I know. I'm, like, sad for, like, I mean, I see them now and, you know, the season has filmed. So whatever has happened has happened.

Also, I know no spoilers. So no one worry. I do nothing. I don't either. I have every season. I try and watch spoiler-free, even when I, like, I saw Gabby at the airport and I was like, don't tell me anything, but like, are you okay? But like, for them to now, still, they're doing all the press together. So it seems that, you know, it didn't break them or their friendship. But I mean,

it still can't feel good. And I was saying, I did a People magazine interview earlier about two bachelorets. And I was like, you know, where's the line? Because everyone's like, oh, these two girls dating all these guys, like, how hard on them. But I'm like, but then that. that's the bachelorette. Like these two girls already were dating the same guy. Yeah. In the first place, that's how they got here.

But they deserve their own season to feel special and unique and independent. And like these people are here for them and no one else. Right. And more than that, yes, everyone deserves to be special and no one deserves to be knocked down. And when I saw that clip in the preview of her asking guy after guy and they all say, no,

I want Gabby, no, I want Gabby. Yeah. That killed me. I remember when I was like, I don't know, 10. I went to camp and then this kid

10 year old came up to me and was like I want to date your friend Jocelyn and my friend Jocelyn didn't want to date him so I was like she doesn't want to date you but I'll date you and then he was like okay and then 30 seconds later he was like actually nah I like Jocelyn just ruthless and I'm just like okay and I remember I asked my friend Stephen out in eighth grade this is true and he was like no I like Jill more so that

happened that has happened to me a few times where guys are like, no, I like your friend more. So when I saw that, I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. I don't like that. I think we've all had that happen. I remember in the sixth grade, we would make a list. And, like, it would be like, who's in your top five list? And it would be, like, in order.

And it would always be this girl, Kelsey, above me. It was always Kelsey and Karen and then Caitlin. And I was always like, oh, and then it makes you feel like, what do they have that I don't? And yes, it's probably different at the age of 13 to the age of however old these ladies. are, but it still, it's still hurts. And I hate that they either, either one of them have to feel that at any point. Like, I hate that for them because it's, it makes you insecure. And this season they were, you know, six weeks ago, it's like, it's going to be this empowering. They're on this journey together. Like, they're in it together and they're making it like they're holding hands and they're all great. But then all the teasers are like, well, one of them is going to feel like shit at some point. And one of the guys is going to flip flop. And, And, like, it's going to be just sad. Why are we doing this to them? Yeah.

It just either they had to find a way where they completely did not compete against each other or just pick one. Yeah. I mean, you can't. They're like, we're going to have the most men any girl has ever dated on the show. It's like two more than we had on my season. And there's two girls. You should have double the amount of guys. There should be 60 dudes for them to choose from.

Can you imagine? Well, some of them. could be naked. Like the guy that came in on a horse was half naked. But like, yeah, I'm just like, oh, this is so, I don't know. I'm glad that you had the same feelings as me. I bet you a lot of girls. I'm so curious of other women, especially that preview watched it and got like a yucky feeling. It's icky. It totally gave me a yucky feeling because I was like, I mean, you're not setting these women up for success here. And even though I'm sure by the end, it'll all work out. And it'll be whatever but still like the messiness that they're going to have to go through and I just

see all the tears and I'm just like oh yeah it used to be so funny to watch and now I'm sad yeah and they would like the drama would come from like the night one it'd be a drunk person then you'd have just one you know evil edit from one person that would cause some drama there's never this like heavy destroying of humans even them just going after Clayton last night. They were, like, destroying his character. He's over. Like, move on.

Let's leave this guy alone. He's with the woman he loves. I know. I know. And, like, they do it every season, like, maybe one or two jokes about the past, like, contest or the past lead. But it's like, getting children to sing a song just completely, like, bullying the shit out of him. I was like, drop it. Like, too far.

I'm all about, like, crossing a line. I get it. But, like, that was nasty. It was so mean. And they actually didn't start doing this till Becca's season. Because that's when they really started, like, making fun of Ari. And that's when they, because before then, they always painted the Bachelor and Bachelorette and really, like, during your season, they never made fun of Chris. And then during Ben's, they never made fun of you.

Yeah. It really started during Bacca's where they then bashed the previous lead. And Ari was, like, kind of easy to do that because of what he did to Becca. But still, it hasn't stopped since that. and it feels like a little bit too much like I don't I don't know I know at the end of the day it's a freaking TV show but like still real people yeah I know and also because we actually I know I follow a lot of these people so it's like I like I like I don't want I don't want my like the bachelors one of my favorite shows I want one of my favorite shows bashing the people that I follow and like

I know and they should know where their audiences especially after Clayton you know has been like so open about how he's really struggled through all of this and now he's like speaking on mental health. And this was like a big part of his journey of like how mean people were to him and how sensitive he was to it. And then they're like getting a children's choir to sing Clayton sucks. Like come on. Just so ruthless. Also they let that song go on a little too long. Like that went on for like five minutes. Yeah. It was it was like already uncomfortable after five seconds. And then it kept going. And I was like, uh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. The first episode is never my favorite episode. I always find the first episode a little boring just because if you don't

know the people yet. So you're like, oh, okay, I'm not attached to anyone. I don't know anything. I always get, I start getting excited like five episodes in. That's true. It's like the first episode, you're always like, who are these freaking clowns? And then they keep going. And then you're like, okay, I can see something between them. And then the drama happens. And then the real connections happen. And you're like, okay, I'm here for the love stories. Yeah. I think they forget that. We actually are there for the love stories. we like actually this is probably why we like Bachelor in Paradise so much is because so many love stories so many love stories yeah oh my gosh that I can't wait for that I can't wait for that I actually saw a poll somewhere someone posted like what's your favorite bachelor bachelor at or bachelor and Paradise kicked both of them out of the water totally I and I agree with it I used to not be able to stand Bachelor in Paradise and now I'm like why didn't I like that like I love it now it's big brother and Bachelor in Paradise are like my two summer shows.

Me too. Me too, but I haven't started Big Brother yet. I'm like, oh, you have to. I know. They have two episodes in? Yeah, too. We do watch the live streams. I haven't yet, but I usually do.

Yeah, me too. Yeah. I'm like, like, I will wake up with the house guests and like have my coffee with them and like hang out. But I heard there's like already like bullying and drama going on. My gosh. Well, now I'm really going to tune in because I want to see because I want to, I have some people who I love. And if they're ones taking part of bullying, I don't like them anymore. And last season, there was no bullying for like, like, finally.

I know. And I guess they're like, all right, we had a season off. Let's get back to. Yeah, trashy people are. Like, see, we can do it. But let's get back to the ratings. Wait, weren't you trying to be on Big Brother, Celebrity Big Brother? Um, no, I've never really tried because I, I don't know if I could do it because I'm too scared of being filmed 24-7.

Like that just, that's scary stuff right there. Because you and I talk to like, we're like blah, blah, blah, blah. We don't need everything we say to be out there. No. And I just feel like it's so, like, I, although I am like an oversharer and can like not get embarrassed easily or I could like, I don't care if I'm plucking my chin hair on national TV, I don't care. But it's more like can I have, I want some sort of privacy, like some level of privacy while living in a house for that long, even though it's not as long. But like celebrity one is three weeks and the real one is like freaking a hundred days or something. Yeah, I couldn't, I couldn't do 100 days.

Also, I think you're like me in this. I pick up on other people's energies. So if other people are like just mean or anxious or da-da, then all of a sudden I like pick that up and then I don't start, I start being in a bad mood if they're all in a bad mood. So I feel like I wouldn't do well, like in this type of thing. But I kind of want to do because I feel like it would be so fun. I would die to see you on that show. Oh my gosh.

Maybe you can be on the celebrity one. All right. I mean, I need Xanax. The whole time I've just passed out of my bed. You just can't compete in any of the competitions. You're having a personal day. I'm just taking like four Xanax. I'm like, guys, this is the great.

Let me tell you everyone's secrets. I'm working with him. She's working with her. Hey, see, that's why it would be entertaining because they don't have. Well, I, okay, really quickly about these alliances. When they come in day one, they're always like, you and me, till the end. final two. And I'm like, you don't even know this person yet and you're making deals. How do you get away with like forming these alliances and nobody knowing the whole time?

I don't get it. I think because you get scared that if you don't make, get in an alliance, then you're not in the alliance. I guess so. Anyways, I'm excited for this whole season. Okay, a lot of us are doing that thing now. We've all been in our places a lot recently. So we're doing that thing where you look around and you imagine what you really want your home to be, like having a balcony to have your own outdoor space or, maybe an extra closet, or you might want a room for an actual home office. Now, the cool thing is that there's a thing for that. It's Apartments.com.

They've already helped millions of renters find their perfect place to live with powerful search tools and 3D virtual tours to narrow down exactly what you want. Apartments.com is just the thing to get you into the space you keep imagining. Visit Apartments.com, the place to find a place. I have a question for you. Yeah. Do you have any little love interests? Because that made me think of that while we were talking about.

I have so much. Because Gabby and Rachel kind of like called dibs on their guys and they were like, oh, that's my type. That's my type. I'm like, was there anyone that is Robin's type or what is Robin's type or what is going on in your love life? Oh, like from last night. I didn't know them. I can tell you who's my type again when we get down to like 10, the top 10. Fair.

Just because you don't know them off of one. sentence. I know. That's true. And like physically I really don't have a type. All my exes looks so completely different. Yeah. So I can't go for that. But yeah, I'm dating. No one like specifically, but like no one. Just a bunch. Yeah, I'm on some dating sites and I'm just going out on dates and having fun. And there's just one guy. I would think I'm like on dating. I'm like on six or seven with them. I don't even know. Oh, my God, fun. Yeah, but we're not exclusive. Like, I've made it really, like, I don't want to be in a relationship again unless the person's going to make my life more happy than I am happy on my own. Yeah, that's, and that is the perfect way to

approach any dating situation. I was talking to my sister because she goes on dates and she hasn't dated in a while. And we were at this hibachi table in New York and the girl beside us was like, yeah, I don't do dates. And we looked at her and she was gorgeous. And we're like, what do you mean? She was like, I'm, I forget how old she said, like 34 or something. She's never been on a date ever in her whole life. So how does she meet people, like, guys or girls or whatever she's like.

She's like met somebody at a party and they like hung out and like talked and stuff and then like started being boyfriend or girlfriend, but she's never like gone on a date. So many people hate dates. I love dates. I think they're so fun. I think they would be fun too. I don't know what that feels like anymore, but like I feel like that would be fun because you can always take something away from it. I was saying this to Amanda Clute. So I'm like even if you're like discouraged going into the dating world or feel like there's no one out there for you, you still can have a great time and take something away from the conversation or the date or like learn something from somebody.

Like it still can be fun and not have to go anywhere. Yeah. Like every time I go on a date, it's not about like, oh, will this be my husband one day? I just felt, oh, I hope I have fun tonight. It goes back to what we were saying before. I'm really just trying to be happy, you know, bring as much happiness in my life as possible. So when I'm out on a date, I just try to have a good time.

A lot of the guys suck. I mean, I've gone out with some real losers. Yeah, some real twos. I went out with this guy. I met him on the dating site. And then he wanted to FaceTime to make sure, like, I'm not a catfish, because I guess he had been catfish. Okay.

Catfish, we talked for two hours on FaceTime. because he was out during those two hours he did not ask me once what I did or like anything about me you're kidding me how did you deal with that I don't know he was really hot you're just staring the whole time like I was like this is really hot but yeah never asked know what I did and so then I was on the date I want to see how long it takes him to ask me what I do right so we were like on drink two or three and he still hadn't asked me what I did come on Did you call him out? Well, so then he was like, so do you like to travel?

And I was like, yeah, he's like, where have you been? And because of standup, I've been to like 20s countries, you know? Yeah. And so I'm like naming all these countries. He's like, oh, my goodness. He's like, you like travel. I was like, oh, I travel out for work. Because I'm like, you know.

And did he say, what do you do? Not like out like that. What the hell? He gets a few more things. And then I was like, oh, and then I said, I'm a comedian. So it's why I get to go to all these places or something like that. I don't remember. But no, he never asked.

I didn't. And that's a two hours of FaceTime and then at least an hour on the date. Holy. Holy. I don't like that. Yeah, no. And I was just like, he just doesn't care. No, he cares, but about himself.

Yeah. Yeah. So, anyway. But he's hot. He was so good looking. Well, at least you got to just have like. Yeah, it was like fun. I love that.

You take that away from it. You're like, yeah, but he was hot. So I just got to stare at him and listen to it. doc it's great it was a it was a great time you should just like when guys start like talking to themselves you should just pull like a north and just like pull up a sign that says stop i love her i love her she doesn't give two sheds she's like such a vibe such a vibe do you think she's more like kanya yeah i think i think she's like she clearly has like insane style and like this attitude but like she seems so sure of herself for her age and she's like probably doesn't like

everybody staring at her all the time even though she knows she's in the spotlight. I think she's in a place in her life where she like knows she's in the spotlight, but she and she likes doing what she gets to do, but she hates everybody staring and taking pictures. So the fact that she had just a stop sign, I am, I'm going to carry one of those with me. I don't even get stared at the way she does. Yeah, when we were walking down the street and the paparazzi, so that was like the greatest day in my life. That was actually pretty cool.

And then you pretended to trip and we didn't even get a good job. Yeah, you didn't get that one. I was like, damn it. Okay, I have some, like, headlines for you. Oh, my gosh, newsflash. Oh, but this is all pop culture. Okay, pop culture newsflash. Here we go.

Yeah. Oh, you already have the sign. Yeah, I miss it. Wait, do you want, I have some bachelor. I have some non-batchel and then bachelor. Give us the bachelor stuff. Because I'm actually curious on your opinion. Okay.

Tell me what's happening. So Michelle and Nate. Yes. They both like all pictures erased from their Instagrams. Oh, they did? Did you do that when you broke up? I didn't do that when I broke up. I mean, I didn't have that many pictures, but.

My take on that, well, all relationships are, of course, different. But I didn't want to delete any of that because all those moments and pictures and memories were still real for me. like even though it didn't work out and I could have had like many negative feelings towards him or like feel angry, those are still like really happy memories in my life, like a big part of my life. And I don't want to just delete them out of anger. And I'm still happy they're there now because it's just part of your journey of like where you're getting to now. And it's like a photo album of your life. And so to be able to look back on them and be like, okay, I don't I don't have hate towards this person. Like we did have real times and time has moved on now. And time has moved on now. and it led us to where we are now. And so I didn't know they did that, Michelle and Nate. I know they're probably in the bitter phase of the ending of the relationship. So interesting. Do you have an insider scoop on what happened?

Well, okay, I don't want to speak for Michelle because it's her story and it's his story and whatever. But I've obviously talked to her and like, I'm there for her, of course. I was there for her through her whole experience. So I know that she was definitely blindsided, but she's said that. she was confused because I think it was like after her birthday and she was like, wait, what? I don't know what happened. I don't know this for a fact. It's just in my opinion.

I'm like, did he just like the attention or did he find someone else? Because it did feel abrupt. Right. It didn't and it didn't. I watched the finale with my dad. He was like sleeping over. He had something in the morning. He never watched an episode in his entire life.

Michelle's finale was the only episode he's ever watched. And the whole time he was yelling at the screen, the pick Brandon. Because like, she was like, listen to your parents. They know what they're talking about, you know. Do you think if she picked Brandon, they'd still be together? Well, I don't think she loved him. Let's say she loved him. Then yes.

But like my dad and her parents were like, I don't think Nate is ready. Yeah. And my dad only watched the finale. Well, you could, it's, yeah. I mean, that just goes to show how obvious it was that he really didn't seem ready. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, that's why it doesn't seem the craziest that, like, he liked the spotlight.

He wanted to prove everyone wrong, probably. He probably did love Michelle. Michelle's beautiful, smart, and, and, like, you can't not. I do think he did love her. Totally. But not, you know, he's not ready. So. Yeah.

But then she also. This is what I thought was so classy of her. I'm a big Michelle fan. Yeah, she's amazing. She, like, messaged one of the Bachelor Nation fan accounts and was like, look, I, when people unfollow, people think it's because they don't like the person or don't like the count. I love your account, but I need a break from Bachelor Nation.

So just know I'm unfollowing, so I don't have to see anything. But I will follow again. I am a fan of you. Oh, that's nice. Because you don't know who runs these accounts. It's probably just someone who's a fan and, you know, and you look at her if, oh, you know, who unfollowed me, but she unfollowed everyone. Who? Mariska, um, from Law & Order.

She, she unfollowed everybody? Yeah. She had like, she'd like a thousand followers and now she has zero. Interesting. So I didn't take it too personally, but I was like, hmm. Yeah, I always took it personally because Amy Schumer was like my friend after the. season and she like follows Brit and not me and I'm like what what what I'm shocked by that I know she was like on my season and on my date and then we like kept in touch like we used to FaceTime and she used to be

like yeah if you're ever in New York like come stay at my place this was a long time ago and then I was located she follows Brit not me I was like I'm so confused um yeah but now you're friends with me so you have a new New York comedian yeah yeah I'm yeah I'm bigger better things bigger and better yeah okay so that was that all right Tia Booth is having a boy. So exciting. So exciting. Have you met her? But is she in Nashville? Yeah. Yeah. I've met him a few times. He is lovely. Yeah. What does he do? Um, he's in like some sort of the, I'm blanking on it, but it's a good job. Okay. I forget what it is. Yeah. He's got a good job. And he's very handsome and sweet and loves her. And I really liked what he posted not too long ago about how they have like

their struggles and hard times because I'm like, oh, thank you because I just love when people talk about relationships, not being perfect. But yeah, he's lovely. Yeah, people don't do that, especially in Bachelor world. It's like you think everything's perfect and then they break up and you're like, the fans get heartbroken because people don't share. I know. I know. Everybody thinks like, well, because the Bachelor Nation gets so invested in these relationships because that's like how they know us. And then that's how they fall in love with the other people. pick them and then we go off to like live our lives together and we're supposed to get married and have babies like Sean and Catherine and then some of us don't and then it's like yeah yeah but you know I mean it's so great you guys are the fans have more time to develop your relationship than you guys actually do because we're watching it every week and we're learning about the guys or the girls for what two months you guys have a couple of dates with these people so totally we have more of a relationship with the couple then the actual couple has with each other.

Does that make sense? Yes, it does. It makes complete sense, and I totally get what you're saying. All right. More. Flash and boots. I'll be wearing glasses, too. Damn, I really dropped the bolts about it.

Yeah, what happened to you? Rebecca Martinez is engaged. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, she's engaged. So her and gray, I think his name was. Yeah, gray. Her and gray had, you know, got together right after. Ari season.

They had two babies, but they never got engaged or married. So this week, they just got engaged. Oh, that's exciting. Congrats. Yeah. And it's so funny because on her season, everyone gave her such a hard time that she was too young. And then literally like a month after she got pregnant, it's been with the guy ever since

and has two kids. She's like, I'll show you. Yeah. That whole season was a shocker. I mean, Ari and Lauren are still together. She has two kids. Yeah, she has three kids. She has twins and another one.

Wait, Becca does? Oh, sorry. No, I thought you got Lauren. Oh, yeah, yeah. I followed their journey. I followed their journey. Wait, I saw some sort of drama happening between Nick and Blake again. Oh, Nick and Blake.

I thought you were going to say Nick and Katie. Oh, yeah, Nick and Katie. And then Blake got involved, Blake Horsman. Because remember back when Blake Horsman released text messages from Kaelin? Yes. And because he was like, I'm sick of not standing up for myself. And I actually, like, gave him that advice. I'm like, share the text messages then.

Like, show the receipts. Yeah. And then everyone was like shit on him and Nick shit on him the most and talked about how awful that was. And then Katie and Nick had been texting or something. And Katie doesn't like Nick. And Katie's like, I've blocked him from my phone. And then Nick goes on his podcast and reads the text between him and Katie. And Blake was like, hello.

You ripped me a new one for doing that. Now here you are. This is all such good drama. See, this is the show. This is the show. We don't need to pin two girls against each other. Just follow Bachelor nation. Yes.

Yes. There's a lot happening. But yeah. So Katie did like a Q&A and went live and spelled like so much tea. But I thought the most interesting thing was the blocking Nick. That she blocked him. Yeah. But where does their hatred like stem from?

Well, Nick is, I feel like Nick is so controversial all the time. Like, I feel like he's okay with that. So he'll get himself in hot water, even if it means, like, that he gets, you know, people to listen to his podcast. I don't think he really cares if people love him or hate him. He's just always been this polarizing guy from the show that people either love or hate. And he knows that. And so I think he, like, you know, doesn't take size. He doesn't protect the leads.

He doesn't, like, stand up for people. He really says how he's feeling. And I don't know if he was, like, Team Katie. very much and so I think he's always made her feel like crap and she's like go fuck yourself you know how this is and so I think that's where it started interesting we going back to the sharing of the text messages yeah going to now bachelor news yes I know exactly where you're going with um uh dojo cat yeah and the stranger things god noah from stranger things yeah so what happened he posted her DMs. She slid into Noah's DMs and was like, oh, you're, I think I wrote down his name,

Joseph Quinn, who's like someone on the cast, is really hot, like is he single or something like that? Yeah. He then posted that text exchange online. Why? I don't know. What is, this is like, the, okay, I, all right, I have a lot of feelings. I, I know Blake was trying to clear his when he did that. Yeah. And I know sometimes you're backed into a corner. And that's actually one time when I'm like, right, he was backed in a corner. Yeah.

I still get very like, if two people are talking, why do you have to put it on social media? Again, when you're backed in a corner, I think it's different. His was like people were accusing him of like, she was accusing him of some really hardcore stuff. So I understand, but I'm always, like I, when I'm texting with someone, even if it's like, a friend my my thought is if this goes public is it okay especially with the guys i'm dating on the dating sites oh man i'm like okay if they post this am i okay right that's that's a good way to think because you could i mean as we can see it can get you in a lot of trouble but i don't understand

why he's posting it like is did he think it was cool like look doja cat was slid into my dms look what she said or was he like i don't know or he's also a child isn't he i think he's 16 yeah so he just doesn't know any better did he apologize he's either 16 or 40 did he did he apologize for this i don't know i didn't i didn't follow up i just don't that first happened oh that's so but then she like went live or something and was like it's okay he's a kid now i hope that they get together maybe they'll go on a date yeah i'll say i'm available he is cute he's a little british actor right oh i don't know i i i I was going to say, have you ever dated one of the public guy for Jason?

I think you've only dated public guy the last 10 years. Yeah, pretty much. I want to wrap this up on a high note about my crush, my big celebrity crush, Paul Rudd. That was so hard. I didn't see that. I swear, this was going. You didn't see that coming? Do you know my obsession with Paul Rudd?

No. Oh. Oh, yeah. I have a really, like, he's my celebrity number. one crush. I love him. Interesting. Yeah. And he has been for a long time, like 10 years. I could see that. That's like not surprising.

Yeah. What made you bring it up? He's an angel on earth and he sent an ant man helmet and note to a boy who couldn't get kids to sign his yearbook. Like this little boy couldn't get kids to sign his yearbook. So he like sent a helmet and a note to this kid. Why a helmet? Let me just pull up this article because I guess that does need some context. Oh, this makes me want to cry.

So this little boy arrived from home from school with a nearly empty yearbook only managing to acquire the signatures of two teachers and two classmates. And he decided to sign his own yearbook with a note to himself. I hope you make some more friends he wrote in his own. And like, you have to see this kid. He's so cute. And so his mom had reached her breaking point, and she told NPR Friday over the phone. Her son's message to himself was a reflection of months worth of bullying that her son experienced at school in a Denver suburb. She was talking about how parents need to teach their children kindness and open up a dialogue.

And if you see her child being mean to somebody else, talk to them, blah, blah, blah. And his hurt and pain inspired her to share a message with the parents' Facebook group for the school. So she wrote this on Facebook. And after sharing the post with the school community, this girl Cassander posted to her personal Facebook, wanting to keep her friends updated on what was happening. And then support started exploding from celebrities and companies and parents and kids all reached out to the real-life kid to support him.

And so Paul Rudd, he's playing Ant-Man in the hit films, Ant-Man and Avengers. So he sent him an Ant-Man helmet. Gotcha. And a note that said, Dear Brody, it was great talking to you the other day. It was important to remember that even when life is tough that things get better, there are so many people that love you and think you're the coolest kid there is,

me being one of them. I can't wait to see all the amazing things that you're going to do and accomplish. Your pal. Oh, so sweet. God, I'm obsessed. I love nice people. I know. I'm so much more amused by nice people than I am by.

I know. The drama. I really am. I know, because it's like so rare. And you're like, wow, that guy, like, it's so funny the world that we live in when somebody just goes out of their way to be nice. We're like, oh, my God, what? This is incredible. Like, that's really that if I took five minutes, we had told his assistant, hey, let's do this, sign.

Okay, send it out. Send it out. We all could do better. I know. Oh, that's so sweet. I have a crush on Hugh Jackman, but not a sexual one. Just want to like, I get that. Just want to watch some TV with him.

Yeah, I get that. Yeah, yeah, greatest showman. I get that. I have, I could, I could have a crush on him, but in a non-sexual way as well. Yeah, not sexual. Like, I don't want to, you know, do any. Jump his bones. No, just so maybe cuddle.

Yeah, I don't know. I cuddle, like on the couch watching movie. Like, maybe our feet. I would cuddle Hugh Jackman, but nothing further. Yeah. Nothing further, Jack. Yeah, but Paul Rudd on the other hand, I would. I would.

I would. I'm just kidding. Please take that out. Do it. Do it. Do not take that out. Oh, my God. I freaking love you.

All right. I love you. Thank you so much. All right. Bye. Hey, bye. I'm Caitlin Bristow. Your session is now ending.

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